Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #736 - George Perez

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

George Perez, a stand up comedian seen on Showtime, an actor, and the host of the, "George Perez Stories" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Upstart.com - The revolutionary new lending platform that knows you're more than just a credit score. Go to www.upstart.com/church to see how low your rate is. Checking your rate doesn't affect your credit score.     Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH     Onnit.com - Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  

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Oh The church what's happening now it's monday the 18th of november, right? 33 30 Here we go We're back motherfuckers. It's monday. Let them know We're kicking in that fucking door Are you fucking nuts or what I'm

Greetings you bad motherfuckers. It's monday morning. I'm sorry about last week. I felt If you watch you could tell I can't even get fucking comfortable. I tore something in the leg I'm doing an MRI on uh, Tuesday or wednesday to see what the fuck it is. I just Took a fall down greeting me today at the church With me today at the church is my main motherfucking george perez A soldier. What's up my boy? My main man the motherfucking christ killer Dropping on these bitches I'm in a lot of pain. So you got to work with me today. Let me get one of those pills. Maybe that'll

Help me get fucking. Oh There's another one over there. Oh, I feel a little better It's hoaxing hurt. It's pinching the fucking nerve. That's some shit. That's what's going on. It's pinching the nerve when I sit down They're gonna fucking impossible But fuck it. We'll do the podcast. I want I'm like collin cappernica You see that motherfucker jumping up and down now. He don't go and talk about black people no more The rent is due all that shit backfire cocksucker

You see him out there yesterday running jumping. Yeah fucking fuck black people. He had his shirt Fuck night. I'm not never taking a knee again. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck was it for? What'd you get nothing? You got yourself in trouble now. No, but now you got to come begging like a dog I tell you you go walk out on your feet or crawl out on your knees. You follow me They gave you a second chance take it and cut the shit with the fucking black power You're not even black. You're something else And your parents are adopted. They're milled you and joe from fucking Nebraska

And all of a sudden you want to be public enemy. Give me a fucking break. All right You're back all that shitty talk All that kneeling for what to come back and you see him yesterday smiling you Fuck these black motherfuckers. They deserve to be getting shot and shit. He was talking tons of shit Right or wrong. He had to eat his fucking words Fucking everybody hung up on him yesterday. Obama everybody hung up on him. He's calling people. I gotta try out. Fuck you What happened to the knee? Yeah, fucking mook the law like he just tried out for atlanta. I heard a lot of other everybody

All those teams need a fucking quarter back. Hey, he had an afro too. Oh, you had an afro But who cut it where's the huge he has the rolls? Well, wait till wait till he give him a paycheck and they tell him Listen, knock it off. This ain't good times This is the white league. Okay, knock it off You tried that shit already. You tried being mon loopy king. I got you no way Yo, then your sister's couch in the basement You and ricky williams from miami. Remember you want to be everybody wants to be a spokesman Yeah, just shut your mouth and throw the fucking football till they break you back

Then you quit you got a pension from the NFL and you start hearing voices and Hopefully if you're lucky you just shoot yourself and that's it. You know what the fuck is the big deal for? Yeah, everybody wants to oh, well, they did listen. Stop being a political activist. Go do your fucking job. All right At the end. What did you do? Did you quit football? Did you start another company? No now you're back like a fucking like a chick without a line of coke You know when they come back I don't I don't like you, but do you have a line? Sure. We have to suck my dick. We'll talk about it I told you I'd get it to suck my dick again. It's the same thing

Not there's a stripper like that. She uh, all strippers are like that No, she got fired three times and she tried to get me fired. Yeah for my job She was like she would get all the black girls against me and be like george is racist Like he only puts us on stage when there's white customers because And there she was just weird I used to call her molly luther king because her name is molly dog Dog she's everything was racist. She got the bouncer fired But then he started pimping her out and now they're together And she's back and he's smooth. He just drops her off takes the car picks her up

Like she hates me but her boyfriend comes to my comedy shows dog And if she just take everything racially everything is racial To everybody your dad had a conversation with a guy on tour and that wasn't trying to be an asshole You know Disney gets launched Disney plus gets launched They got enough problems 20 million idiots were there waiting by the fucking button to sign up The thin crashes right

People upset I get it, you know, nine million people signed up in two fucking minutes. Yeah But then like the fucking first day the next day Oh Disney plus two is racist. Listen. Get the fuck out of here. Let me move on Even if they were what is it because they have a black bird. What was the whole yeah the black crow and one of them dumbo That's one of my jokes too, you know, it's like you better check Walt Disney Walt Disney was checking from you and shit in the future. He's Checking your joke Walt Disney has hated Jews openly. Yeah, so yeah, I don't know what the surprise is. They associate the black

Crow with black people is that what it is? Yeah, I mean it's not even that far of a reach But like they knew it was gonna happen But like the thing with Disney is like some of this stuff is from like 1950 like the jungle book is from 1964 I think like did you hear they they stopped playing some national anthem Because the lady not only sang the national anthem, but she sang a bunch of like black people songs She had like remember that there's a stadium that plays her music and they stopped boycotted her music because

In 1930 she was singing like a song that you know burned all the darkies Dog you ever hear this music? It was fucking horrible like black people are fucking You know slaves like just it was the most racist shit you ever heard Why people don't fuck around but they stopped playing her music that she like god bless america one of those In the star spangled banner. So she wrote one of the Yankee stadium star spangled banner. You're gonna die Yeah, she sang one of those so a couple stadiums stopped playing that version of

Wow, so like the news starts to bangle bear you think? Yeah, so press Yankee star spangled banner incident See if it's the Yankees. I think it's the Yankees Capital others. There you go. There's the boy four years of college Hey, you think if johnny cockner was alive cappernick would have never got he would have got him on the team fast I don't know what yeah, k smith. Hold on right. So what did she say? So from a 1939 recording of god bless america. Hold on. Let me see here. No, but what was the name of the songs that she sang You're gonna die. You're gonna die. It's fucking horrible Well, they were saying the guy who wrote the star spangled banner own slaves. So that's wonderful

Wow um She did so she sang either her or there was another one They sang something now Listen, I don't think it says the names in this article Yeah, you have to hear the names of the songs she sang like they were just you gotta join the website But what kills me is that this happened Close to fucking

70 yeah That's why the darkies were born Wow, that's the name of her music god what else that's the only that's the only name they list. That's why the darkies were born damn Darkie was uh, oh like a messed up word back there messed up word. Oh, it says it's a satire I don't know. That's a bad title Yeah, but this is what gets me. You know what it's from 19 fucking 25 So really there's an african-american at home right now Who's on welfare who's having a hard time if the husband came out of fucking prison. There's some economic something

You're telling me that those people are worried about what katesmith sang in 1922 now So I think people are just out there picking scabs when they shouldn't Yeah, I mean the internet has done to us has given this ability to pick scabs like you know what you just can't All right, so the the show with the bird is racist to you if you're african-american and I get it. I'm sorry change it my feet are going twitter and facebook and You don't call 20 other one of your friends. I think disney's racist What are you talking about and people don't give a fuck if you don't think people gonna get if you call Call a thousand black motherfuckers go disney's racist. I'll say fuck you. I'm still gonna keep

I'm watching something out here. That's worth the fucking 999 Disney's the shit. You know, I haven't seen it hurt. It's tremendous disney too sons of anarchy on there They do have the simpsons, but uh, do they really have some sort of anarchy on there? They have to because they they don't Oh, you know, you're right. They on effects. They probably is on there everything they owns on there Everything that's why they saw that's why they took the sons of anarchy off of that. I heard that nephrix has no star wars Or none of that shit. No, this is gonna be very interesting. I've heard, you know For people don't know disney owns a bc who owns fox Couple like a month ago disney was threatening to take off a bc

effects and fox from your television And just dog we had assigned petitions. Wow direct tv fucking They was like, yo, should we pay extra lou? What do we do a bc was like fuck it? We're gonna call me one You mother fucker. I know for a fact that they fired some people over at comedy central Two weekends ago. Yeah, the top brass at comedy central. Yeah, and everybody's a group, you know This streaming ads are complete different fucking all yeah to the game Hey disney is like an old school gangster Like what's that american gangster when when that fool got the heroine straight from china disney has heroine dog

They got the uncut they got the best shit There's no bad movies on the fucking disney And that's what people are saying. Oh, there's not a ton to watch They have decades Like I called you just to make sure you knew about it because it's not it's not a four thirty year olds It's mostly for kids like now you have I remember growing up. I was talking with my dad about it We had every vhs for disney and it took up. He's a rich mother bookcase. Oh I'm jewish. I'm sorry. Yeah, we had a still from cousins and shit. No, we had we had my dad like disney

my dad proposed to my mom at disney with the whole thing but Now it's on every phone every roku. It's fucking on for six bucks a month I don't got it. I I uh I always let strippers come to my house and like show off and you don't have this and they'll just log in Their customer's account and shit. Oh shit. Yeah, you don't have to pay for it Like when my house when you log out of something you're like, who the fuck's claire yang But hey man, who's print? I'm like, oh, those are the fools that Pay the give the strippers that they hook it up, you know, it's crazy. So everybody I read this thing the other day online

Somebody posted this a friend of ours and he's like old cable 129 a month and they put netflix 1099 a month hulu 1099 a month disney plus Internet for the house something else something else 209 dollars and all this rearranging we fucked ourselves We didn't have it good enough with the cable now we're paying 1199, you know They even want to reach out to my wife the other night to get showtime and cinemax For four dollars a month and my wife is like, I don't want nothing on there. We're close We're getting very close to cancel the tv. Yeah, I don't have my tv. It's it's it's been

This last five nights I had to stay home and I write and I go back to the tv and I'll Take sons of hanuki at 11 and oh, I have the honeymoon is I watched something Sitting at your house late o'clock has really become difficult For a lot of fuck. Yeah, there is really nothing There's not I've got 600 channels and I sit there. You've seen the low on orders I don't want to watch the stupid shit on fx. I don't want to watch 600 pound life I don't want to watch Another story about drugs on that you know, you know, it's just it's really gotten like

I think that's there's so much Shit to watch that you like I'm giving up. Yeah, I used to watch cops all the time now. I'm like I've seen every arrest I've seen them shoot every race like they've done everything They've been doing that live now live pd. Um, yeah, I It's fucking sucks, but does it suck? I've never watched No, it's like It sucks because they have like They got good-looking cops and shit, you know saying dawg like

They got the cops that ain't gonna do nothing bad or anything They show you putting their head in the car and saying good evening and watch your step They don't show you the real thing like drop that fucking soda you piece of shit Yeah, you look at me when I talk to you you black, but what about the thing that with the kid that robbed the toy by mistake And they sued the city of phoenix a couple weeks ago. What happened this summer a black family came out of a wall Oh, yeah, they drew heat on they drew heat on them Because a little girl took a little ball or something like that and they fucking kicked the skinny kid They just got fucking the black kid was like, I didn't do nothing. I'm just trying to be drake

They fucking kicked him in the leg so fucking hard It's crazy, bro. And you know dawg it's it's listen. I ain't mad at the partner kick for fucking Taking a knee because there are some injustices they're doing No, it's happened to me. They're doing injustices to fucking everybody in a white black latino Look at that girl here. They didn't have money to pay for a lunch In school and they fucking took a center ass home, huh? That's crazy. There was that go eat come back if you want to learn That's crazy, you know Tuesday if anybody spoke to me on wednesday. I was a little off

Wednesday and thursday, you know this to wake up And go on your computer. There's a fucking school shooting. I know how often where you live And you know, oh, wow, you see these things When you sit and watch news with your family at night, you're like, ah, look at this guy He ran off for cliff in oklahoma. Look at this tornado. Look at this earthquake in japan You know, this is never gonna happen to us. Well, guess what man? We've had two shootings with an owl for me in the last year the thousand oaks country bar And that fucking school the other day

You know, this is becoming more real And real the dick had died yesterday, by the way. I hope he's in fucking hell Oh Getting my 200 millions. Yeah, motherfucking whipping them You know, like I told my wife. I'm very concerned with this. This is something that's starting to get under my crawl Yeah, because the schools have to do something The schools two things are gonna happen either the schools are gonna have to hire somebody I'm not talking about some fat dude. They got thrown out of basic

You know, I want yeah, you need rambo for real For reals though. You need some israeli dudes pay them their fucking money because I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. Somebody's gonna get shot and one of these parents are gonna go And they're gonna sue la dsu whatever So they can't pay the teachers no more because they want them They've warned them. We have warned me and my wife have gone in there to listen. Something's gotta be done here Your people are always asking for fucking donations. How about we donate for a guard out here with a fucking sniper rifle? In case one of these little retards shows up. We clean this head right off his fucking shoulders. Yeah, you know

Hey, do you think they're gonna put metal detectors in rich s areas now because it's mostly happened in the rich area They have to they have to come to the reality of it and here we brought it up at the meeting once and they're like, ah You know what man? Let me tell you what at the airport my daughter gets a scratch on it I just want you la ds motherfuckers to know. Oh, I'm taking I'm flying in three fucking Jews from Israel Two from new york, and I'm going deep. Yeah, and I'm gonna sue you for every fucking dime you work I'm gonna shut the fucking school down and what if three or four of these lawsuits happen? Listen in the long run just hire the fucking guards. Yeah You can it's called a police detail where cops get

$40 an hour on a day off now a detail We got them because we were bringing gun to school. So that's why they put them at our school The thing is no one's bringing guns to school. So now it's happening. Do you know what I'm saying? And you gotta also put beside a guidance counselor a counselor Okay, somebody to watch schools and moderate at the school somebody to watch the students and moderate The social networking like how big are your daughter's classes? Because I've heard they have like 40 kids like 2018 19 I'm not sure yet. Yeah, it doesn't really matter, but

This is what needs to be done a guard needs to be put in there at every fucking school across the country You know alex jones as crazy as that motherfuckers set it in 10 years. We're gonna have TSA at parks. Yeah, you know, it's getting fucking crazy to that point where parents are gonna go That's it or somebody's gonna go. That's it. I ain't fucking. I ain't doing this no more I'm not doing this no more. You gotta go you go to a concert lately I mean, yeah, you went to a concert and you were jumping up and down with danie and having a good time Yeah, whatever suicidal tendency. Yeah, we went to a suicide. I had one minute of the concert You go to yourself some fucking idiot could just pull a gun out. Oh, homie. I was yeah

You know now when you go out as an american You get comfortable you start to have a good time and something happens like a tire screeches at a restaurant You look out the window and you're like Fuck if I get shot, I gotta run them all the way to that door now That's why when you walk when I leave the house now, I got everything planned every exit I walk into a movie theater. I know exactly where I'm sitting. I don't give a fuck where you want me to sit I walk into a restaurant. I know exactly where I'm sitting. I don't give a fuck what table you got What bus boy and they don't have a waiter for that area. Good. I'll walk it over the fucking thing

I'll go get it out of the kitchen myself I said it's certain. But yeah, bro. No, I you're like, uh, De Niro and Ronan You have to fucking prepare for everything in today's world You gotta be able to walk get a plan to walk out wherever you walk in and the people that you love Knock it off with the phone Put the fucking phone in your pocket when you're out pay attention. It's a different world out there You know, you you're a more successful dog. Like you don't

You don't live where you used to live where you used to live in jersey No one's gonna shoot up the fucking school. They'll shoot you You know, you're in another area now And like my daughter goes to junior high And like I live on the border of kind of a ghetto side of town And she was just like, yo dad They jumped somebody today in pe and I was just like look If it doesn't involve you

You don't do shit. You don't pull your phone out record if if Someone's getting beat up bad. You gotta a man stop homie not around me, but like She was like, what happens if they come up to me? I was just like, well, you just started swinging until somebody comes What are you gonna do sit because now a dog kids make videos of this shit and they go hard Of what like they make videos of them jumping other people Like to them it's like The world I even told my daughter don't ever let me catch you making a video of jumping somebody It's it's crazy out there right now

Well, it's the dumbest thing. It's like the reason why I never stole a car. You're in it Yeah, you're in the fucking car. You got no excuse. Well, it's a friend's car. I left it over here. You're in the car You know, when you make a video you're in the video There's no they taped it So, you know anything we do now we're on video whether we go to the bathroom When we walk into the dentist's office You know You used to be the one that when the doctor comes in they take your vitals

And they put your finger in the thing to see what your heart pressure is and he walks out You could pick your nose and scratch your balls Stick your finger in your ass. You can't do it no more because there's a camera somewhere in that room And I catch myself sometimes I scritching my balls and sniffing them Right now some just perception is just saw me sniffing my fucking balls getting away for this fresh monkey that What's going on George Perez always the fucking eternal hustler. Oh just you know grinding fucking

You know working on that movie and shit and just trying to take the next step dog, you know More of the podcast a lot I learned that from you like a lot more of the podcast more structure like I do it every Monday now because they expect it Some fans believe in death threats. Hey dog. It's Wednesday. What the fuck you're in their rotation. Yeah I felt bad about not putting one up last Wednesday and Thursday. Oh homie. You went down Friday I can't put them up because it's a waste of your time You're not gonna be around now if you listen to podcasts on a Friday. I don't want to do business with you You should be out getting your dick sucked jumping on some people

You know if you listen to a podcast on a Saturday while you're baiting the house Or while you're fucking sweeping the garage. That's one thing But if you're into a podcast on a Saturday afternoon Instead of being out there getting some sun and slinging dick. What do I need you for get the fuck out? I need you out fucking Russ hustling hustling. You know what I'm saying? Hey, you want to hear some crazy shit though I know I always talk about strippers, but I work with them all the time My old boss the crazy chick the one that had lupus But she had a tumor and she's still fucking people

She's back at my job dogs. They but they hired her again She's fucking people with the lupus No dog like she has so many customers and so many strippers like there was Five girls at monday at my job on a monday and she controls them all in the day. Oh, she's like super madame Okay, so they hide as madame. Yeah, no, she's she's the manager, but she runs it like that like She'll come out and chill on a customer that she knows and like so who do you want today? Like just grabbing them dog here here here like like magic johnson in 88 just dishing them off dog How crazy is this sex industry? Oh homie. It's you know, it's crazy. She got so comfortable. I get sexy harassed every day

I gotta be like, hey, it's chill like I have to walk around and mark dances and like I'll walk around and show like being like in a little like mood And so like you ever have that like crazy uncle that always be like Grabbing your aunt's ass in front of you and shit. She'd be like That's what this bitch does to me to the strippers like I'll walk by. She'll be like, hey I'll be like, what are you doing? She's like What's the longest stripper that works over there? What do you mean?

Like that you've been how long have you been there for I've been there for eight years Has anybody been there the whole eight years with any women? She's the assistant manager now And then there's a another chick. She's crazy dog. And how have they changed? I mean, do you see a change in sex workers? I mean, that's Oh, you know, these are different. These are like if I'm gonna compare a stripper to a journeyman of construction I like hey dog These strippers get up every day. They make their breakfast They pack their outfits. What are they gonna wear? What songs are gonna play their lunch?

They don't leave work. They come with the lunch take their half hour lunch. Boom They got a schedule of all right at 12 o'clock tom's coming At one o'clock. Fuck these and like some customers fight each other. That's my girlfriend. I told you Hey and Like sometimes the girl will fuck up. That's what I like about the strip club. I'm at is the girl. I have too many customers And she'll be like damn a homegirl. I need your help and she'll send like hey go get that money go get this money And the two managers I got right now. They're the strongest most structured strippers fucking sex workers. I've ever seen dog

To this day old men will still come give money just to say hi because they can't give lap dances no more now that they're managers and They fired everybody but me Because they knew me and it was just they they came back dog You know, it was crazy. You know, it's funny when you become friends with uh a stripper and your friends were like like I dated one

and I didn't fucking like it when you're dating one You just turn your head. Yeah, I don't like the shit that you hear but You know, I used to talk to her a lot And they taught me a lot about men's psychology like she would they know us dog Yeah, there's some guys like us that were disgusting animals. We want to go on anything a year And stick a tongue up your ass and get the most we could get for me for $200. That's true But that's what they do. There's some guys that really go in there just to talk to somebody

Just for companionship and they it's like that. It's like what was that movie they made players Play as club. Oh, yeah, ice cube ice cube and That she had a stalker you know And I thought that You know, she was really in fucking love with him in his mind She was in love with him, but She had a boyfriend and she had a whole relationship. She had a whole different fucking life

You know It's so weird how a lot of people don't go in there Because they're creepy and want a finger or something. They actually go in there For companionship. They actually believe if a stripper is gangster, she's doing her job She'll string you along. She'll tell you a story how she's married. She's gonna go through a divorce She's leaving him soon. She needs money to leave him though for an attorney It would be nice if you could help her and then when you say no, what about sex you'll go I'll have dinner with you, but I'm catholic

And while I'm catholic it would really be against my law I have sex with you And you gain the supper would say you're right. You're a decent girl You only take your clothes off and suck dick in the VIP room because You have a four-year-old. They really become something. Listen, when I kidnap When I kidnap Kent veller the guy I kidnap Kent with his name was steven tidwell He was just a strip club moron He was a moron like I talked to him every day at the body shop

And every day he talked to me about oh last night I dropped 300 but broken my partners because he called everybody his partner Nothing bothers me more. The guy drove a fucking Ford fiesta with a busted window My partner, you know, I got these partners that uh could help you out He would always tell me about like, you know way he would go and stuff But if anybody knows this the reason why my partner helped me kidnap veller Was because he was in love. I mean dog This chick was a 15

23 24 ripe Spanish brown little toes that you would suck on for hours. You know those little immigrant toes That trump don't want but you would suck on those ones that like they cross without sound. Oh my god. They were brown But perfect. She was like from nicarago They're hot. They're hot. She was a hot all daily She had pretty hair and then she was just a knockout And I had better a few times because I used to buy weed from him

And she would be over there. So I assumed he was fucking them and then one night he's like, oh, no She's uh my friend. She's uh She's a Catholic girl. I'm like She damn like I didn't say this to him because I know he was retarded break his heart She was at a place where you bring b y o b. Well, they show you the inside of their pussy I went in there one night and went crazy for a Korean girl When I was in the halfway house like two weeks before I got married. I had my own best of our party by myself I took an eight ball and I went to some one of those strip clubs where she used to work

I didn't know she worked at that. Uh-huh. The bitches in there were banging. That was b y o b b y o booze Okay, and you know, I took this Korean chick with fake tits and I just told this is what I got you ain't leaving And there was like a personal table and I just emptied out the half ounce of coke And she kept saying no, no, no, no finally I had a snorting coke. I'm eating her ass. I'm eating a pussy I still remember getting in the car jerking off on the drive down to 70 Like just jerking off because she didn't let me fuck everything else. I was eating a pussy a snatch Her asshole, I mean it was a fucking odd and I had to walk into the halfway house. That's when my curfew was midnight

Damn, I was level four. So my curfew was midnight Your curfew was like nine 10 11 had midnight curfew. Oh plus because you had a job probably had a great job But it was funny how he met her there And her claim to fame was that she was leaving her husband She needed money for an attorney And that once she filed the divorce she would hook up with Steve. Let me tell you how much of a pussy he was He slept on the couch And she gave her the bedroom

And his own house and his own house until the divorce went through and then they were gonna get together Wow, have you ever fallen in love with the stripper? I fell in love with a stripper that I met at the comedy club You know I'm saying then, you know, we fell in love as a couple But as far as the stripper, I think we've all waited for that one chick at Denny's So 315 man, she told me she was coming. I'm telling you. She liked me. She likes me Okay, that sounds like suspiciously like my voice. Yeah, it would be you. You're the only momo that would say that He would wait at Denny's. Yeah. Oh, he'd be at Denny's till six in the morning. Here's the so here's my thing

I went once and the girls were just so hot that like I I literally got a headache just because you couldn't you can't do shit. You can't jerk off like I Like that's the thing. How did you ask? Like did you be like? No, I didn't I didn't ask that's the problem But I'm also too cheap when they wanted like a hundred bucks for 15 minutes. I'm like, that's I don't know man. Well, I mean that will leave listen when the chick says she wants a hundred bucks 15 minutes You put three in the hand and go about 30 minutes. Let me suck you pussy

That's it. That's it. What's the point of sucking someone's pussy? That's it to pay for that's it Who gives a fuck? What are you doing now? Nothing. Yeah, when you were taking the fucking means that I'll bled down the fucking The the sushi with the fucking belt If you were paying 180 dollars and you were getting nothing. So what's the difference? Lee for a hundred bucks Yeah, you're probably gonna get fucked or jacked off and you've never been with the girl at this Oh, no, I would pay to have sex And let him take a yeah come to my club dog some nice little mexican chick that needs to stay in the country

You will fuck so much. You'll zip line from the club to the car. I'm telling you. I'll just live there You're gonna have to pay somewhere. Just go You're gonna have to pay me now pay me later No chicks don't let you take them off for a hot dog and take you home No, you had to hire wasca chick she abandoned ship You never want to bring it to your house. You know, you just gotta lift a rock somewhere Nobody's gonna give you nothing for nothing. Look at your dick. Look at you. Would you suck your dick for free? No, they gotta get something. I'm a good person. I think who gives a fuck

I want a good person. I'll join the church. There's a lot of good people at the church You're a good person What's that got you women like to get their head spit on Women like when you when they say you don't come in my pussy and you come in that pussy Women like when you say when they say you don't come in my mouth and you blow that load in that mouth and half it on their face That's why I don't that's why I don't get it. That's why you're a celibate, dude I'm not a celibate. You're celibate. You're gonna be celibate. I'm an incelibate volunteer. You're gonna have to sell to get a bit You're gonna have to just go to one of those chicks at the fourth one. I'll say look if you come down here

You got nothing going on. I got a nice bed. I got food. I got the keto diet. I got a juicer Come over. Let me give you a nickel. Come on nickel Yeah, nobody's gonna give it to you. I'm not but I'm gonna jerk off eight eight times and spend $500 on a blowjob You're gonna jerk off to your 90 Yeah, spend 500 on a blowjob. It's not a blowjob. You're never gonna have a blowjob. Tell her. Yeah, you want a three That's why I said to you the girl said she wanted 115. Yeah, you're gonna give a three for 30 Which you're like joey should be three for 45. No That other that yardstick is for me to

Eat your pussy and come on your titties when I whack off right in the boots And if you can't live with that, that's how you negotiate dog. Yeah, you tell them that right from the start. There's no 15 to dance We're not even going back there unless I see that monkey. Well, I don't do that Too bad. Get me somebody who will because there's somebody in this filthy fucking. Yeah That'll suck your dick and lick your ass And the cops aren't in there waiting it. No Look, you go into the club and these you're gonna rest. No, it's not going to the club. All right. All right notice the girl That keeps walking around

And asking people for dances and they keep telling no No No No No That's the one okay that you go. Hey come here She's gonna be shocked because all the girls seen her. Oh, fuck. She finally got somebody Because all the girls they fucking make fun of each other. This bitch can't get dances. Uh

Okay, tell her hey Uh, it's 15 minutes for a hundred bucks, right? Okay, because last time like She let me put a condom on and like I got something and then the girl would be right the look you put that condom on You're not gonna be back there for 15 minutes. They're gonna make you nut like in seven eight minutes. That's fine Okay, right now. They'll make it in a minute I got stamina. You don't see in eight months For real, uh, yeah, I feel like three or four. No, hey When are you gonna do my podcast or whatever you want? Okay after the podcast? We're going straight to the club

Okay me inside dick in here. I gotta say because I've seen clips from your podcast I don't want to get whipped naked. No, you're not gonna go everything I don't give a fuck do it on a thursday. So you don't have to be back till sunday. Okay. That's your best back. Keep them down They're putting like that. I got you. Make some chick physically abuse them and smack them Give him ideas. I make them wear out. Yeah American history x shirt put a mask on with a ball in his mouth Do the whole fucking thing tell him it's the keto diet. Yeah. I can't mind it Yeah

Hey, you ever been whipped dog? No, I got whipped. They ain't fucked me up. It's okay. I'm not dead zel in fucking How can what's okay for me to get whipped then because you need all the action you're carrying your life Anything you could get you could get because from the fourth wall from the fucking Dante is inferno to your house is all you see and then you sit there at 10 o'clock and let the four walls close on you So at this point in my life anything that good that if you fall down the stairs, it's good because at least something happened I don't know how I agree with that. But you know what I'm saying at least you've had to protect yourself You need I got whipped and it kind of lifted a lot off you need to get whipped spit on So I checked the core of your filthy Jew that she hates Jews and she sucks your dicks while you're coming spits in your face

You need that type of shit. You need so you need to fuck a jew hater That'll get on top of you and just work those hips until your fucking back breaks And she starts spitting your face telling you your mother's a cunt that type of shit That's what you need. You need some chicks just to get on top of you and choke you Leader out there. It's just fucking I don't want to live in a world with that That's crazy. Tell you say goodbye to your mother because I'm gonna kill you you fuck And you're like stop it. Stop it. I have a podcast at four Oh

I have a new sponsor You need all the action you could get If I was to arrange that would you do it? He has no choice. Do we go without those they're getting beat up part? No, I mean not beat it. It's gonna be a beat up you like Yeah, you know like they're gonna like punching the stomach Or your punk ass bitch and then whip you and then sit on your face It feels good we bleed from your mouth while you're sucking pussy a little bit and then the blood mixes with that pussy juice Yeah, and you got like a light hiv effect, but it's going to be all right. You're listerine afterward

And you go home and you don't breathe on nobody, you know what I'm saying? You don't breathe on nobody your pets will know Yeah, but that's what you like that's okay at the beginning, but then you like the slight hiv effect You need to build up you need to go to that one massage place on Lancashire They got an ugly chinese chick that works over there, but she'll suck your dick with cellophane on it I'm telling you I got friends that go over there. They put cellophane on your dick. What the fuck is cellophane plastic wrap Like you put on a microwave. Oh, they put a scotch tape like not scotch tape a rubber band No, because they can't get caught where condoms over there. My friend goes over there. He's a filthy animal

They can't work on like 60. He's like I go over there all the time. That's great I want you to know and stay fucked. That's another reason why I don't want to do it because I imagine the guys that are fucking these girls Come on everyone. They're worse than the girls. I think no well not for none. You know Craig Robbins That's the problem. You know what I'm saying? So just get down at least I'm clean Well, because you haven't fucked nobody. That's yeah, you got to fuck some dirty people I got like the hiv to build up your resistance Oh my god took my wife out to eat the other night It was a gay waiter and he brought over the dish and I go is this two orders or one he goes

It's two it's two orders. I go the plate look like it's got the hiv dog. He went pale Like he's never heard that expression like yeah, it looks like it's got the hiv because the plate looked light They should have been more fucking clowns on it The plate's got the hiv. He's like It's probably it's still in rehab or therapy over that. That's fucking funny. Yeah, I would love to Now I just I'm always been I've always been A couple weeks ago. I was talking to this girl I met her on Facebook. She said she does some stuff. I took her breakfast one day

And we were talking about youtube and a bunch of stuff and she was telling me You know how broke she was I'm believing there and I can't say it to somebody, you know, this girl was 36 maybe Good-looking girl. No beauty queen for a good-looking girl She's living in her car You know She's living in her car

She doesn't have a job. She's fucking struggling for every dollar you know She was telling me the positions that she puts herself in for work And what people try to do to her, you know And I got my calling on the way home, you know, and I thought about when I was 21 When I was 21, I lived in Aspen and snowmass village

And I was watching all these younger guys, you know, older guys And I'd see these young girls Unless you're a fucking idiot That's not that girls. That's not that guy's girlfriend. Yeah, you know And I would look at them and there was this bar at the time called not the paragon It was called Patty Bugatti's And I would go to Patty Bugatti's all the time and I would see, you know, after a while I started seeing the same girls with different older guys

It's it's the game and I remember that I asked the bartender once It was a sheet and I said, well these girls I was 2018-19 whatever I was. I wasn't naive. I didn't know that game You know what I'm saying? I didn't know the hooker game and how it worked My friends had taken me over to the 1040 club, but that's a disgusting place It's where you go and buy a ticket and then you fuck a chick in the back. What the fuck oh new york city Yeah, 1040 club $10 and 40 cents $9.99 plus tax 1040. No way. You just put your dick in a hole and there's a chick on the other side

I'll give you a sticker like a ticket and you go in You can order a drink and just wait down to the chick that you want. There's 100 guys with Kelowna These are all the guys that tell you bro go to that club in Orange County. There's tons of pussy there Meanwhile, they were the fucking thing getting pussy. They're painful. You know what I'm saying? But I went there one time and it was just an uncomfortable experience to I felt dirty. I felt cheap. You know what I'm saying? But She was also a scoundrel. I mean when the chick took off it dressed It was one of the ugliest things I ever saw in my life. It was like she had stockings on when she took the stockings off

I saw the rashes and the All the other shit that went well, then many was they hide a lot talk. They hide a lot with those stockings Yeah And I just remembered it wasn't for me, but I remember talking to that girl one night I'm going to you, you know, are you friends with him and she goes, you know, I'm friends with a couple I have their numbers in case somebody comes in here asking He goes, don't get me wrong and I was 18 19 maybe 20 it was 1983. So I was 20

And she was telling me that these girls would get anywhere from 500 to a thousand a date at the time And that's if they didn't spend the weekend Like a lot of guys in texas will come up and go fuck it. Just stay Wednesday through sunday That's a $20,000 weekend. Wow Like if you got it, you got it If I yeah, I guess and I remember sitting there and going, you know, I was raised a certain way I like girls to be a certain way. I didn't have a daughter then But, you know, if I was 21

And I had a tremendous body and a beautiful face and I came out here And I ran into these fucking animals that just lied to you and at the end they just want to fuck it I would flip it I would really flip it I would uh Get a good dear friend of mine telling the truth telling them to cut you in And I want you to drive me and I would put my price in way. It's that good a pussy. It's 24 It's that good. I get checked up every week and that's what she was telling me. She goes these girls aren't dirty

They go to the doctor every week They get their pussies checked. They get kind of selling shots They're saying they do the king professionals That you know, when you deal in the pussy, you know, like the hit squad if you're a model, you can't go eat white casting You got to take good care of yourself and eat lettuce. It's the same fucking thing, you know So I didn't know that about how much maintenance went into being A professional call girl, you know, but looking back at it like at that time when I was 20 I'm like if I was a young woman and I didn't go to college

And I had nothing else going on I would make a short list I would go My goals are from december 1st to march 15th up and asked me My goal was to pull down a hundred thousand Straight up. There's there's so many like what you're saying. This is what you do Your goal is on a thousand a season until i'm 25 and I quit I move somewhere. I redo my pussy

And I fucking I get vaginal rejuvenation All right, you get the memory phone back in and nobody knows what and I'm I got a house I got a call. I got credit. I don't have to deal with all this stuff now a lot of women can't do that No, a lot of men can't do that. I mean, I couldn't just fuck somebody but I'm just saying You know Think about it. I could I would fuck chicks for 10 grand a week You could off if I I would right now 30 whatever give a fuck a woman that's 70 that's got tons of money Okay, look if you're 70 you just can't like

Yeah, I'll do it dog But like she has to be like she can't be like on a breather and shit like she has to be able to walk Like functioning you can't just like bring a chicken like ain't all my aunt Wanted a bono cholo before she died like now. I'm not boning girls on hospice like like You know what I mean? Like if you can walk your standards, I will fuck Nancy Pelosi you fuck. Oh fuck all day. Give us some dick too. Hold on Most of us find out the hard way that getting into debt is easy now getting out of debt is hard Especially if your credit score isn't great

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You know, how many guys have you fucked that are worthless in all those years? You know, I mean really the dishwasher the bus boy He's cheating on you. You might as well get where your pussies work And I'm not talk. I got a daughter for me to be saying something like this is very difficult because I would push her But I see a lot of women that are just spinning your fucking wheels And listen, I know there's guys I wouldn't fuck me either I wouldn't fuck me for $10,000. I wouldn't suck my dick. I smell my dick. I know this smells like it's horrible But

There's young guys out there that are shy. That'll give you 300 once a month to come over leeward Hell, yeah If lee found the chick that was cute that totally i'm coming over on the first you give me 300 you're gonna fuck me That's 3600 a year that You're just putting away in the bank. Anyway, you're not going to debt is you're not doing anything with your money Anyway, you're playing for a family plan. You might as well get the chick to come in and fucking suck your horn For 360 that's getting away cheap from the school you came from So

You know and that's the truth. Yeah, she has to fuck lee once a month for 300 hours That 300 that makes her car payment as a comic. Yeah, you know what I'm saying and lee's a sweetheart of a guy He won't spit on her or do nothing. He's not gonna do nothing for you. He'll probably feed her afterwards I'm an animal. Yeah, I'm gonna have a little spread. Yeah, but I don't I don't I've never understood like I should look like putting it like it. Let's say you were a girl And all that stuff happened like your mom passed away. You didn't have places to live Do you think you would have Reverted to something like that if I was fucking hot

And I knew exactly how to do it and yeah I knew how to get myself. I know the clientele I'm going for Yeah, you know, it's all clientele. It's all clientele. It's all clientele. Where you put yourself You know, if you go to a fucking kids bar, you're gonna pick up dirty kids if you go to adult bar and you act like an adult And I know a girl right now that charges 10,000 a night and what? Wow, I'll show you a picture. I can't tell you. Yeah, you're fucking die. Yeah, she's worth every fucking penny 10 g's a night She finally came through to me. I saw her online and she came to a comedy show I saw that her shoes had to be 800 her purse had to be 800

A outfit was 800 and the guy she was standing with was a mooc. Yeah He was a fucking mooc. Yeah, and after talking to her on facebook It took like a year and she finally asked me one day She goes, do you know anybody who would be interested? I don't know if you know this. She's got their actress I went on imdb. The chick don't even have a fucking A picture picture, you know, you think people don't think they know, you know, and I guarantee she's banging some old guy Pays her rent She lives down in sunset that boss still does this shit. She told me when she was 12 years old

That her and her cousin Used to fuck she took her mattress from the backyard and they put it in an abandoned house And they would just tell like the the boys hey 50 bucks Fuck that's some crazy shit like she loved it because she loved she did it for the drugs You know, and there's women that do it because of Problems at home. Yeah fathers mothers shit like that But there's women who Do it as a business

I mean straight up. It's a fucking business and they have an end game They have an agenda They take care of themselves. They're fucking cool. They don't do drugs. Yeah, some don't you know, they don't do drugs There's something like when you go to you were flying to fucking lax on sunday from vegas Look at the chicks you're flying with on sunday from vegas When you go into lax on john Wayne airport, you're flying with the cream of the crop from orange county Yeah, you're flying in with blondes that'll make your head spin. Yeah, they're probably going to pepperdine They're probably going to u.s.c. True. They're like, we're not fucking getting no job at prop papa

Yeah, they go to vegas they go to that rhino whatever the fuck on thursday friday saturday They walk out of there, you know, i'm dear friends with onyx muse I talk to her the other day. I retweet her stuff all the time. She tells me what she makes It's yeah, she's not fucking around and she's not fucking nobody. She's stripping and she's canon Yeah, it's it's different levels. It's all different levels. I know that I I tweeted an article the other day by like A girl making 15 000 canon a month That's it

Just by canon You know two hours a night It's either that or you can drive an uber and get raped You know I'd rather show my pussy for two hours without my face. She has different did you read the article every day? Yeah, I saw that very interesting And now she's got a tv deal Damn, she wrote like a play and shit, you know, she showed a pussy. She financed what she wanted

I ain't mad at her. No, i'm not mad at her. She didn't sleep with nobody. She got cans. How are your cams? That's that's that's doing what we're doing Yeah, she took control of her life. She's pussy. Cassie said, you know what? I'm not gonna host any of these fucking comedy clubs for the small 200 I want to go show my pussy build up my thing and that's exactly what she did You show the numbers where she went to and where she took it from You know, that's the freedom we have today and all artists in all levels that you don't have to wait for a studio You don't have to wait for nothing your studio is right there. It's called the fucking internet

You know, that's the good fucking thing And like I've watched documentaries. I think they I think the only difference in From what you're saying is some of them do it for like 12 hours a day like they have like Sets and they they have games that they play and yeah fucking kidding. No, fuck it. It's it's the same thing as twitch But it's just for sex. I've never been on none of this shit. Like I've been blessed. I'm the guy that works there. They give me money To play music for them Like I've always been the guy that like They're like, I I see all the guys that are getting played and they come in and they're like, hey, george house comedy

I'm like, gosh, they're bringing the chick flowers. Oh, dog You're buying me lunch today pretty much and then this like when that guy leaves the strippers are like, oh my god His breath was so bad. Yeah Now there's this one guy that we got he's been coming there for like six years dog He gets a new chick every month. He doesn't care. He rotates them and like He convinced three of the girls to live with him What yeah, because some of these chicks flying from cleveland Uh anywhere the east coast because there's more money out here

And then they're like rents expensive and then this fool's like you could stay at my house free rent And they're like, yeah And like he's just waiting and he doesn't harass them. He's just waiting for them to be like, hey, can I stay another month? Want to move You want to move up to the master bedroom then that's crazy you Like any work for the strip club forever. Yeah any problem. I used to go on there with jones. It was crazy It was in san anna, right? No, no right by the airport Oh, he was that mr. J's right by the airport. They shot movies there. You know how many times I've seen a movie and I've gotten

That's what Eddie's doing. I've heard that about I heard adi brava was there for a long time It's so funny how you're there now And it's like your little sense of humor like whenever I call you there. I could tell you having a good time bitches I've been like hold on real quick. All right guys coming up next where you're ready or never eight. So what's that? It's fucking tremendous. You you're working a lot man. I'm proud of you. Thank you brother together I think this thursday you're in san jose. Yeah this thursday. I'm at the san jose emperor. Oh shit. Yeah You know try a brother. It's thank you dog. Everything you said is coming at full circle, you know

I stopped pouring myself out all the time Going back to clubs once a year more on the podcast more on the writing. Thanks my boy. It's a system brother and it's just It's not quitting. It's repetitive. Yes. How repetitive is it you like I can't believe I'm doing this again You're gonna keep and guess what once you get to that level you're gonna still keep doing it again Oh, yeah, it doesn't end the grind don't fucking end the grind ends in people's minds. That's what the problem is People get the way they're going and they go. What do I do now? Now is when I needed your grind Yeah, it's not it's not getting there is knowing once you do once you fucking get there It's a fucking nightmare, but I I see what you're doing, man

I see that you're putting it together. But like I said to you guys, I'm really sorry about last week my uh I just slipped at the store and uh, now I don't know if I have a tear in my hamstring. I mean, it's all Black and blue. So everything's up in the air right now, but Miami's still good to go Even if I gotta take a fucking even if I gotta take a scooter down there and December 6th at uh The fucking town hall 1030. There's still tons of tickets available for you guys Everything else is sold out fucking Boston Miami's but new york

New york december 6th town hall. There's still some ticket stuff for the early show, but then $900 I wouldn't pay $900 to see me. Don't let go fuck themselves for real the dime over 35 Yeah, they have no scalpers and shit that buy don't do that shit I'll be back there plenty next year. You come don't ever spend over 30 Fucking people are fucking thieves and shit like that. They drive me fucking bananas. Anyway Real quick here. Let me talk to you about upstart You're thinking that you're in debt and it's the end of the world. No, it's not because getting into debt is easy Getting out is the hard thing

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Your little manscape 2.0 lone mower. So that's landscape Manscape.com use promo code church and get 20 off your first order clean that fucking asshole Wash that pole shave it and salute the flag mother fuckers. It's monday get manscaped. I want to thank manscape I want to thank upstate upstart And I also want to thank audit for always being our sponsors and having our back I also want to thank my man George Perez and the christ killer, but I want to thank you mother fuckers for always having me again I'm sorry about last week. I was injured, but this week. We'll make it up here. We got some great podcasts coming your way I'll see you december 6th at town hall new york city kick this fucking meal league

I Want to be around To pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I Somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company

See Wait and see I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits Let's see if the puzzle fits So far Oh And that's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet

As I sit there a plod from a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you Like you profile