Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #739 - Joey Diaz: Struggle is Part of the Journey

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

Joey Diaz talks about how his struggle was an important part of his journey, why a conversation about the movie, "The Joker" upset him so much, and his 10 year wedding anniversary.  This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your portable bidet.  

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This is it, baby. Uncle Joey's here with you Old school the flying Jew who needs a guest today before Thanksgiving Oh, oh, yeah We're coming up here we'll come and get up get up let everybody know what's going on let them know Let them know you're making a comeback, bitch. You're back Nance game the tushy Get ready to suck Thanksgiving

What do you think you're dealing with Joey bananas uncle Joey here just giving you a little pep talk before the holidays That's it. It's over. Thanks. Givens here. You were sitting there scratching your head Halloween I'm gonna be the wolf man the gay wolf man this year that shit went and passed. It's next given Tomorrow you'll be sitting there with a bunch of people looking at him. Some of yous go to those hobo Thanksgiving's when you don't know nobody and you get there nobody's got teeth There's one guy that's half nude and he's offering you stuff and you need that in your life You know I'm saying I'm gonna have a little shingding tomorrow. He's coming all the cake Wrigley's coming over the essentials

Family what it's all about on Thanksgiving Uh sunday night. I was at the comedy store. I got into a conversation. I was really funny It was funny at first But then I went home and I thought about what had had transpired and what it said And I felt sad I felt so sad. I called Dean Delray one in the morning really and we talked for about an hour because It was a conversation about the movie the Joker. Okay, and

Uh, it was Eddie if a couple guys in the back And Eddie if was saying how he didn't enjoy the film because It had some type of it let the public know that it's okay to shoot people or something And then Alonzo Bowden was sitting there. You know guy was like he fixed airplanes for a liberty worth of Boeing And he's he made an interesting point when it was on stage. He goes I enjoyed the movie But it also let me know how that's every comic, you know That that could happen to every comic, you know Because of the highs and the lows

And I went on stage and you know, I got off and I talked to Whitney and I talked to this guy He said a little about and then you really forget And I as I was driving up low canyon a fact came into my mind that not a lot of people know, but I'll tell you 1995 To 2000 I was pretty much homeless guys It was every day was a different story It's where I ended up when I left bold June of 85 95. I'm sorry

I left with a car filled with stuff the essentials you know and I uh Packed them some stuff and storage and I thought I wasn't gonna come back but in my heart. I knew I wasn't coming back There was no way to lie to nobody. You were going to Seattle. I was going to Seattle, but I was gonna go do this comedy thing I was gonna go see what it was really about. I had had a touch of the road already. I knew what the road was about I had I had featured at a club already, but not really. It was like a c-club I was going to the comedy underground, you know a well-known club and I didn't know anybody or whatever

and uh I went up there and I lived with uh With the stripper, you know my dear friend and You know, my name wasn't on the lease She threw me out every two months. I ended up at the school's house Was somebody's house and then We lived in a trailer. It was her trailer

And then I came down here and we broke up like a 97 And pretty much from 97 and a half to 2000 I was pretty much homeless like that would Make somebody go, you know, how much do I really love comedy? I don't think I would do it. It's time to get a job and really assess my life and I just had no other choices. I had no other options. I tried everything already Did any part of you think about going back to selling drugs or oh, yeah, the the plan was the failure and to go back To new jersey and just sling and sling until I died

Whatever that means, whatever that means how far Like what what did failure mean to you if being homeless wasn't there yet? Failing was Spinning my wheels, which I felt deep down inside. I wasn't and actually my instincts were correct Spinning my wheels at least I was getting spots at the store I would go to the store at 9 0 5 and take a shower or some days And I would go about my day and then I'd go back in there about 7 15 Quarter to 7 6 30 before the bartender's got there and I go in the main room and take another shower

and I'd be ready for the night, you know and Just thinking about all those things got me so depressed I called dean up because as of two or three years ago You know when dean started on the podcast dean would go to new york And would be basically homeless He would start every day at 12 and go to a coffee shop and write jokes And then hit all these open mics and hit Some paid gigs to put some change in his pocket

And then he would walk around and go on that hotel app hotel tonight. Yeah hotel tonight and he'd wait till 10 o'clock To get a room and I gotta be honest with you and you guys know me There was a lot of nights that I sat there going Should I just send them $300? Like why is he doing this? And right before I was about to pick up the phone and send them the money It dawned on me that this is what you have to do This is to sacrifice. This is the

This proves to you that what you're doing. This makes you committed Into what you're doing, you know, I had tons of highs and lows when I got here Couple of them were suicidal as fuck That most people would ice themselves or most people would quit You know one came up in particular with Dean where You know, when you start auditioning you get lucky at first, you know, knowledge is not power sometimes Going in there not knowing what's going on is way better sometimes Sometimes you hit the jackpot not not even knowing and then when you get smart you don't book dick right for years

Once you know what you're doing, you won't book nothing and you go wait a second Maybe I should go back to what I was doing So you don't really know but for a year I had a manager that was a real manager His job was to get you out every day and get you on a tv show and Lee went at it with all his heart on a daily basis This guy would fight he was a fighter jewish guy one of those desert jews Short and You know yarmulke wearing but man when he went to work in the morning, he went to work

There was nights he would call me at 12 30 at night with an audition You know like I'd be like who's texting me like who's paging me and it would be him And I'd go like what what's going on. He's like I just emailed you a script Go home read it. You got to be in there by 10 o'clock tomorrow. You're like that type of stuff So for a year, I took a beat and Lee just going to auditions walking out and saying I got this role and then I wouldn't even hear back from them, right, you know after they were like, be like, thank you for coming in It was so nice meeting you we're gonna come to the store and watch you one night I would just go in to eat a bag of dicks pretty much

And this went on from 98 To about 2001 Think of going into things Big things like I was going to I remember going into for men men black Damn, like I remember going in for the first one and going like rona crest That's her cast that's a casting agent rona crest was huge then Like if you got in to see rona crest people going, who do you have his representation?

There was three or four people that you could not get in with in those days Like the lady who cast by the man too She cast pretty women and a bunch of other things damn she wouldn't see you. I don't even know how I got in there The guy that casts He cast the water hill movies and all of blade and all those movies rubin I forget what his name is black dude gentleman of a dude. That's when you used to have to pre-readly That's when you used to have to go and read for an assistant And if the assistant thought you were good enough then you go home and get a call and go back the next day and read for a casting director

Jesus and then if he liked you he called you back again This is when budgets when they were allowing budgets to cast people like real now If you don't anything about casting they cast right from the the sheet Like they just go down the sheet and call they just put offers out like I had an audition when I when I first busted up my my uh My leg and I was like, I don't know if I should go in on And I called them and I go listen. I'm not gonna make it because of my leg Can I put it on tape?

The audition was at four at four 45. They called me back. I'm like, oh, no They already made an offer to somebody So they were gonna make me drive all the way to Wilshire and read even though they had made an offer to somebody Right. That's the type of world we live in today Back then they would they wouldn't lie to you like and that Walter Hill that Walter Hill audition there was a movie with ving rames and rubin and uh It was ving rames and the guy who went to jail for taxes for blade. Oh, yeah, okay. It was him and I'll never forget that

I swear to god, I must have gone in seven times To read for that for the Travolta movie seven or eight times same lines or they'd give you different lines same lines sometimes they expand the script Sometimes they give you all your scenes from the movie so they make sure you can read all the scenes from the movie and you can handle it It was just buck wild, you know, I remember reading for the Sopranos and the paper shaking. But my point is the You do it's tough not to snap It's tough not to snap as a comic and I that night I didn't sleep much that night And because that that's how much it affected me like what I went through

To get here like the mud that I went through To get here, you know, I used to be really hot this time of the year Right now is my time of the year like commercials. Oh I would burn them right now because this is so Super Bowl time And it's also we have to shoot this pilot time And I'll never forget Like every year during the holidays I had made I couldn't enjoy the holidays They ruined my holidays better yet. I let them ruin my holidays because of my weak mind

You know when I walk into an audition now and I do an audition I walk out and I get in my car and it's done It's done Lee It's done and people look at me and go, how do you do that? It's 20 years Right. There's no use of taking this home with me But there was a time when you're slipping on somebody's couch That you need this. This is not a joke. You need this. You need this worse than ever And there was one particular time that I came all the way home Because when I read the script I go, I can't see anybody doing this

It was a show for a fox or mbc It was mbc You know the crazy roommate the straight two white guys I forget who the lead was But I came all the way off the road Had a sleep on a couch like I think Ralph he was out of town. He took the keys so nobody could go in there So I killed me So I had a sleep on a couch. I didn't have a car that my apartment got towed then

That's when my apartment got towed So I sleep on this guy's couch and from December like Six the torture started Like December 6th started come on. We want to read joe dears went down there red Came back two days later. We want to read you again went down there read again Don't want to read you again. They read with four guys So how to read with the four guys they were looking at and see how we look together in the room Went back down there read with each guy individually and the weekend hit went back down there a week later

And read new lines and revisions And then went down there. They made me go to uh stage And we had to do the scene on stage Well, okay with the paper in your hand like a little play for a scene They taped that That went on till December 19th. So two weeks to that. Oh my god. So for two weeks My whole life was embroidered in that. Yeah, there were other auditions and other stuff and then

boom The holidays hit I didn't hear nothing. I mean, I was passed On December 19th. I was furious staring at your phone. I was staring. I would sleep with the pager I needed this job This wasn't a job. I needed this Whatever the pilot paid 15 grand and then whatever the episodes were after that I could kill. That's what they were This was in my world the end of my dilemma. You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, I saw it as a means to an end So when you see things as a means to an end

They hurt more They hurt a lot lot more And I never forget that I had to wait it out from the like 19th like the 4th to 5th of January And that first morning I called them and I go man Tell me what's going on. He goes this has been the the worst holiday season because they called me on the 24th And I go what they tell you and he goes they went with a black guy

So two weeks of driving to orange county I got none against black guys. I got none against black people, but It takes your heart and it just rings it It just rings it, you know and you're getting 10 of those and 10 of those at a shot like I still remember Steve run as easy coming up to me Like what tears in his eyes when I'm Bobby Lee All those guys we all went through a patch where

You really start to test your sanity. You tried to not test it, but you start to question it Like What am I doing? What am I doing? and then you go home pick up the pieces and There you are the next day And you know you hurt

When you hear you didn't get the role you heard and then you know what the crazy thing is That all that pain that you went through and all that anguish The show gets made it gets picked up you curse it You're cursing it the whole time. Fuck you. I hope you fail And sure enough There's six episodes and the show gets canceled right and you feel so much better now You're like, you know, like so I've learned over the years that the roles I didn't get Like they didn't matter like once

You know, I didn't really matter once they were done But it's easier looking at it 20 years later because like I've thought about this like about the Joker I mean, obviously we're in this comedy and stand up and acting But something that I've come to realize as I've gotten older Like I used to look at like remember when Martin Lawrence ran down the street crazy. I was like, oh wow. He's great. He had a The older I get I'm like, I can see how just you can have be having like a bad couple weeks And one guy like cuts you off on the freeway and you just look like I could see that happening A lot more clearly now

Like when people I remember applying to jobs and that's the same thing you don't hear back from them they they they they have you come interview and You you drive all the way down there and the interview takes three minutes So the person doesn't show up for an hour. It's That's like I used to think crazy people were just crazy and some of them are but I think there's just some things that

You just snap I think it's easier than and then it's I could be I could lie to you people tell you that I know there were about three times I was gonna snap And I know about times that I did snap because of a situation And I went off on somebody else about something else because of that initial situation which a lot of us do We're so angry that we got towed

Our brother calls us and says are you coming over Thanksgiving? You're like, oh, how the hell Exactly and you're like now you got a beef because you went out of line. You were out of line I could see myself You know, I haven't watched the joker yet. I am gonna watch it. I just didn't want to go to the movies and stuff And I didn't have time that week and the whole thing and I'm gonna watch when it comes on a plane or something I could watch a movie and that was uh, it was just It's really hard to swallow

What Mind feels I walked through the get here like that night it made me realize and again, I go back to a conversation That I've discussed on the podcast before You know, my only conversation ever with slash was at the Riviera and And he was like, are you happy in your life now? And I'm like, I'm happy, you know And he goes are you broke? I'm real broke He goes this is gonna be the best time of your life because When you get the big checks, you're gonna look at this time and you're gonna understand why you got those checks

When you start, you know, selling out like a club or something like that And you don't have to doubt yourself a lot of people start doubting themselves. They really do They try to uh, uh, what's that word not camouflage. They try to You know, like bombard their own success. They stand in a cell sabotage They self sabotage themselves because they don't think they should be They deserve what they're doing But that night really made me go. Oh, okay Like that like I really lost sleep over it. I I couldn't wait to do the podcast to talk about this

And like I said, I had to call dean and dean was like, I don't think people know that Dean did three years he did I think he said 900 gigs on a motorcycle He goes I drove to san diego And he goes I drove as far as portland or again on a motorcycle to do a spot

And he goes, I could tell you right now. I wouldn't do it again But he goes, I don't know what I was thinking at the time but that's The process, you know, that's the I don't like a dog. There were plenty of times when I went home and said, this is it. I'm not doing this well, I mean you and dean Have somebody and I till this A small extent me because I started 29 which is old but not super old but dean started at 50

I can't imagine being 50 in an open mic with 21 year olds You were he was 46 of 46 and you were 30 something I think I was 28 Okay, so I was 1993 would make me 30. So 1991. I was 28 first time I got on stage. I was almost It's uh

I had I can imagine starting 46. I had had life experiences. I didn't have the heart to talk about them on stage I avoided them like a plague I didn't start talking about prison till the podcast Really, or maybe joe rogan's podcast. Yeah, fuck. I wouldn't talk about it I had a comedy show at all. It's got nothing to do with what's the price of eggs. How wrong was I? It's got everything to do with the price of eggs, but It's really real what Alonzo said that night how There's so many highs

And there's so many lows. I mean You could be opening up for tom segura on saturday night And come home on a plane on a private plane or and then The following friday You're getting in a car and driving to san jose For feature money and driving back

Sunday night, which is six hours And you're in the car going last week. I was in a private plane Some of the most is a tom segura And this week i'm driving to san jose in my car Which belly's not going to make it Like i've gotten in cars that I knew wasn't going to make it Like did you ever do that like if it makes it? It's going to be a miracle or not

The feature act is behind me or the mc and he'll pick me up. I'll just abandon ship on the road Jesus I had a shitty car, but I didn't take long trips like that. Oh, yeah We don't this is part of the you changed to your all you changed that all filter And You put that thing in the radiator so it won't blow and the old school cars You would put these little plugs aluminum plugs. Oh, yeah, and like that the out your thing wouldn't leak And it's just the the price you pay I I sit I sit here now and I go, you know

I did things that were completely out of my realm That I would not even consider doing but I have a hard time going to 7 11 11 o'clock to get a compuch a juice Like seriously like if i'm at home i'm like 11 o'clock That's scary out there Maybe maybe i'll go to the one by the open mic over there like that one and uh I'll go in there and i'm like nah because I don't want to see those people And if you go to the one over here

You got homeless johnny you got the chicken with no legs The one that we put the light beams in her eyeballs that night. She was giving us the finger You know, i'm scared to death. Yeah, i'm scared to death You know, there was a time when I lived to do comedy because they would feed me Like I was in great shape. Oh, are you a cinnamon boulder? Yeah Because I had I was really what was that diet you're on? Oh, which one the keto? No the other one The low carb. No the other one the occasional starvation. Oh intermittent fasting. Yeah, I was intermittent faster than 95

I was intermittent fasting from 95 till i'm a carola stripper You know until she started feeding me, you know turkey burgers and stuff like that My life was all a mild intermittent fasting I would look at the piece I would eat a sandwich wrap up the wrapper and look at the wrapper and go I don't want to see one of these again But we'll figure it out You know jumping over a counter for a pack of cigarettes at denver international airport and going into the bathroom and smoke them Because you don't have any money for cigarettes

I'm they got a thousand of these stories You know taking that bus I lived on a graham bus on the east coast lived up and down Buffalo Syracuse You know rockchester toronto back to south carolina myrtle beach back to new york, you know philadelphia dc It was just crazy Standing on the bus stop for three hours from 3 30 in the morning to 7 till your bus comes With three dolls in your pocket

See there's different levels to me like that's that to me sounds like kind of exciting I mean obviously for years at a time I could see where I would not be cool to me now that sounds kind of exciting But the whole Like I I guess it just doesn't make sense in my head. I'm like to to Not have money to eat It's pretty fucking but you're gonna pick up money that night

After you do what you really really really want to do. Okay. Okay. So you know you had something Yeah, I got three dollars, but I'm on my way to a weekend gig got it then I'm gonna pick up three hundred dollars It's not I'm still not gonna be old judge a millionaire Don't get me wrong. So by the time I get paid I'm gonna take 130 in drawers for a bag of weed a little bit of taste I was gonna say because usually you get paid at the end. So you'd go up to the be like listen I don't have anything. Oh, no, you just tell them the truth. You know what on the way up here My standard line was I lost my atm card

Okay, everywhere I went I lost my check. You're not gonna believe I lost my atm card Everywhere I went As soon as I got to the club if they said go to the hotel I go to the hotel. That's where the war would start Do you have a credit card? No, I don't I lost on the plane So how are we gonna check it? I don't know. Let's call the club. I don't have to call the club the club I don't have to come and we'll give him the credit card number over the phone

And then he would call me and I'd tell him the store. I don't have a credit card. I haven't eaten this is in the morning Okay Put get dinner at the hotel and put it on my tab It'd be the worst dinner in the world. But what would I care? It would be and then I'm lying to you. It wouldn't be those type of hotels They would be like motel sixes right with potato chips in the hallway and then down the corner It'd be like a really bad hamburger spot, you know like stuff like that And I would have to he would come and bring me cash and drop me off and I would have to walk back

Like a half a mile to my room and then wait and it was just a abuse cycle. It was just a cycle of abuse But I was working And that's all that mattered that I was working every weekend. I was picking up Tuesdays picking up Thursdays Is that I mean is that part of it because Like I was thinking when I went with Simone I made and the guy gave me a bonus But because I drove but I was supposed to make 375. I think they gave me 475 something like that For like four days of work but

It really is so much fun Like today like especially when you're on like you're you're there for the weekend You do now you hang out with your buddies You're working a couple hours at night making people laugh like is that why you go through so much Shit because it's not like you're at a job like oh i'm at the cubicle It's like one day it comes to you that Society doesn't work for you Society doesn't fit for you

Boba lingus sits at a desk all day Boba lingus is a sweetheart. I know he makes good money and account it. Yeah, but ask bob if He'd like to get out of that job, you know And then have fun and goof around but Everybody has their priorities. Everybody has a family, you know your father pushes you into a direction You know your father's like I want you to be a lawyer like me And then you realize you're miserable one day when you When you first discover comedy, all right, you discover it. Okay, you watch it

But then you get involved with it But then you take it that extra level like I was involved with it for two years And it was fun like, you know, my eyes were wide open. I didn't say much And by the three-year mark I started understanding what was going on around me I was getting used to the rejection, you know, the lies people. I'm in a book. You call that number All the number, you know, you start Realizing that comedy is a lot like life There's no big differences. There's there's people who are pieces of garbage

And there's people who are great people who will open their hearts and their hands to you and and you know Give you whatever the hell you need while you're there. It's really weird, you know, and I've said it before that Commitment and confidence in the universe As long as you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you'll see it. I see it. I still see it I still see it in little bits and pieces As long as you know, you're doing the job, you know, last night I was home It was monday night. So whatever it was. Yeah, monday night and my wife wasn't feeling well. She went to bed at eight o'clock I had an option. I could sit there and watch tv. I know you called about 11

But I was knee-deep in Vietnam stuff. I was getting playing tickets. I was sending it in a rarity. I wasn't sure what that meant for them I was you know, uh, it's it's it's just so weird that I the work ethic I'm very proud of my work ethic. I'm I'm it's a shame my mother died and it's a shame that it's been 40 years like miss her and her anniversary was the eighth But I was soft. I was very very soft

And the events that happened Made me step up Like made me step up. It made me do things that I never thought I would do and I never thought I'd want to do Back to your question You know the third and fourth year of comedy It really is a party It really is fun once you've established That a this is what you're gonna do b

You got yourself a little telemarketing job in the daytime just covering your bills g Just covering your bills. You know why? Because that's all you want to do That's you got five hours a day for something else Those other 19 hours you're dedicated to comedy you eat sleep and dream comedy Before you go to bed you're circling clubs. You want to play You're writing your goals, you know when you want to like like I still remember the The confusion I lived in when I was in boulder in 95 from january in 95 to june of 95

When I knew I was fighting an uphill battle I knew I was fighting an uphill battle, but then number two I realized that I was going to lose the battle At one point you do realize you lose the battle And I lost a battle. I made a decision. I did the try to do the best I can and listen, you know what By trying to do the best I can I made out on top on that deal I lost the daughter, but I made out on top on that deal. Okay, let's Once the fourth and third year of comedy comes You're getting rejected, but it's falling off your shoulders

Because you can get rejected now for two or three years now now you know how it feels The thing is you're going out you're picking up 25 bucks and you're getting two Two drink cup drink tickets and you're going to give the bartender a 10 and drink for free the rest of the night And you got your three buddies and your two little comedy girlfriends that and they're married But they're out, you know, this is and in a year you'll see him We got separated. He didn't like me hanging out at night, but guess what? People will get divorced for comedy. Yeah They will get divorced for comedy

Once you get that bug You'll lose people along the way constantly because they can't handle what you do or how you do it Your lifestyle your lifestyle becomes different. You ever see major league? Yeah, okay. I'll never forget this When the opening one of the opening scenes of major leagues when they're calling around looking for players, right? And they call tom barringer And he drops down he picks up the phone and he's like, oh, there's two naked chicks next to him I saw that movie Before I started doing triple runs and in my head I equated that to a triple run

Like I'm like like that's what I'm gonna be doing. That's not what I was doing There was not one night that I picked up two girls to go back to a room But I equated that because I had done my research. I had spoken to other comics And the comics I had spoken to you know Rogan made a point one day to me. It was like, you know, how many doctors and lawyers are there? And how many comedians are there? You know, you have to think about how crazy you have to be To get into comedy, okay

How crazy you have to be I would love for them to publish Like charts, but they can't do it. It's like it's like the census like You know when they go looking for homeless people and they take to see how many people live in the bushes and stuff To get the exact population you'll never get the exact population of comics because Comedies a lot like you get to you get people do it for three months You get people do it for nine months to get people do it for a year If you rent it for a year, you're gonna stay in it for five or six years

Five or six years when you go I met a girl I never really liked the road anyway I met a thousand comics who looked at me and said I loved comedy Until I had to take a plane to drive. See that seems like the most fun part. That's the most fun part. So that's you know The traveling I'm working towards that's what you're working towards. So there's a lot of people have come to me and said this is not I'm gonna do it, but I'm not gonna go on the road. I'm going to Do it locally get a day job get married and have a kids and have a family

That's the beauty about doing comedy. You can pick the shoes The way of comedy you want to do. Yeah, it could be a hobby or could be a career Some people who this is not you know, and again, I've said it again This was not my original plan And my original plan was not ever even to come to life because I thought I wouldn't be good enough You know me having felonies and all the other things It just wouldn't be good enough. But anyway, I just wanted to reiterate to you people that finally after

Years I've convinced myself thanks to you people and thanks to the feedback and The emails and whatnot. I really have But I really did Go through a minefield to become a comic. It really really really was a minefield, you know And like I told dean the other I go dean honestly, there was nights when I talked to you like Seven o'clock and you tell me that You headed to the east side comedy club, then you headed to two spots at the cellar And hopefully by that time you'll find out if you got a hotel room

And I would go out and go Why don't I just send them money? You know, I'm a good guy and I would go No This is part of the plan. This is part of the fun This is how you know, what happens if you do go to a comedy cell and you meet a girl And she's like come back to my place, you know, you could stay there for a week You know, that's the adventure that you're looking to get

But if you don't go out there and look for it, it's never gonna come to you It's not the bluebird. The happiness does not knock on your door. You know, it's so weird now I had a couple weird things happen the last two days Monday was my 10 year anniversary with my wife And today was my last doctor's appointment with this doctor after 21 years Which one Dr. Waxler my all these retiring or something my family doctor of 21 years the guy that reintroduced me to the needle Because I would not take a needle He convinced me to draw blood

He convinced me to do physicals. He put the finger up my ass I'm surprised you're not making him not retire just for you like listen, you can retire but he did his job He was a very very very good doctor to me and I want to applaud him He told me to stay friends with him on facebook. I gave him a hug. I brought him a gift, you know He reminded me of the time I gave him a cookie and forgot to mention that it was a thc cookie No, you didn't yes, I did and he put it in his freezer and then he ate it like a day later And he started getting all these little emotions of love and all this stuff and uh

It was just uh, really interesting to go down and give my hug and You know, he left a note for my next doctor. Don't bother him with needles. He's not gonna do it I've been trying to talk to him about a tetanus shot for four years. He won't do it I love to get him on the podcast only get him To give blood in the mornings He needs a window in there. I gave blood this afternoon. You know, I did a podcast with mercy This my daughter's in studio today. She's got earphones on them Yeah

She's got earphones on I did a I did a podcast with her today about science And I'm sitting we yeah, we do one every day. I just want to hear you say yeah We do one every Tuesday. It's called uh science with mercy and uh You know this morning while I was taping her podcast I was actually preparing to give blood and she stopped her podcast to ask me Daddy, what are you doing? And I'm like, I gotta go for a physical And I gotta give I know I'm gonna have to give him blood

So I might as well practice. What do you mean practice? I put my arm out and I make believe I'm getting raped I try to think it's just getting raped. They'll be climbing on top of me and raping me and I can't push with my other hand Because when I give blood, that's exactly what I feel like. I have to let myself feel restless If not, I won't give the blood but I have to put my arm out and go take me. I'm yours. You know what I'm saying? If not, it's not gonna work. I'd love to just like just live an hour in your brain and just You have no idea what I've got for doing what? Listen my fear of needles ran rampant Rampant for years. It really really me too. It was

No, I beat you out because you you go I mean, I was a guy that didn't refuse to go to a doctor from the age of 19 Jesus Lee, I didn't go to a doctor for at least 10 years Didn't go to a dentist for 15 years because I was scared of needles You know, if anybody said anything about a needle, I just instantly froze up I met waxler It took me a little time

I started giving him one blood thing a year and I would faint then they figured out they put me in a room at windows They put ice on my head and tip it over and they said bring music And bro, I worked myself up From going in there. I would have to bring a sandwich and a can of soda. What all guys come on. You know, I'm scared of all that stuff I was the biggest fag in the world. I would go there with a Ham and swiss sandwich I would take a suck can of Coca-Cola or me to replenish the sugar God forbid I didn't need sugar in me

And I'd bring them like a donut And I thought they took blood that was my That was my that was my present and then I drive in the car and go to Lulu's and have breakfast After the sandwich and the donut. Oh, yeah, you know me 400 pounds anything you get there because you only eat one meal This is how great, you know, because when you go give blood you can't eat before you go give blood Right. Are you crazy that killed me? I can't leave the house without eating. I get dizzy when I'm driving I would have to drive to have my wife drive me down there. I'd be crying the whole way around

You have no idea what I suffered those first five years I'll never forget what the sleep happening. Like I had to call him and get his word That had nothing to do with the needle sleep happening He's like, don't worry about you know, I get no needles So I went down there I did this stuff when I was like someone I was like six. Yeah. No, you were six. I was a grown adult I was a 30 year old adult close to hitting 40 I was when I was no needles

When you figure when I first went into waxed or how to be I had to be 30 something years old. Oh my god First time I went to why I didn't even know I had wax are available to me I went to the emergency room for my tooth because I had that you know, I used to take my teeth out with jack dangles in a wrench So I pulled all my mold is out But one mold was broke and it stayed in here and I had an abscess And it would swell up and I would push it and pus would come out And if I was at the comedy store around people I didn't like

I would push the back of my tooth and the pus would shoot out and hit him on the neck on that jacket Only josh wolf and joe rogan knew and they love when I did it to people Joe rogan would always go, please go get that tooth fixed. It's creeping me out. I go now I love it to my pus shooter. I used to just shoot pus and people with this tooth It was like a little fang hanging out of there. I finally Steve Simone's brother's a dentist Yeah, he took it out and put fake teeth there and Oh my god, that's so funny that you went to Steve Simone's brother Steve Simone's brother was my dog I go in there with a phony insurance claim. We type up whatever

They had a bunch of allegedly had a bunch of Filipinos That'd be trying to sell me on stuff and he'd be in the back. Don't do it. Oh my god Yes Steve Simone's brother was my dentist for years. I didn't know that down in Santa Monica They had left me and I was pissed at Steve for like a year Because he left me that 1500 left on my tooth plan On the insurance. I was gonna go down there. But when I went down there, he wasn't there

Almost I lost the 1500 on my fucking teeth. I was pissed at Steve for like six months. I said Steve Where's your fucking brother? He goes out and down here. He moved back to Philadelphia. Nobody told me What type of dentist is he doesn't even send you a postcard? To let you know he's retiring. I'm surprised you didn't go to Philly and get him to Oh, I was furious at him. I just recently started talking to Steve about his brother How the dentist is doing because this tooth has worked. It stayed there solid's been that piece has been there solid It's got a lifetime guarantee. But anyway, you people don't care about lifetime guarantees

As far as the anniversary was concerned monday I Knew that it was our anniversary. It was our 10 year anniversary and I went somewhere in the morning and when I got home my phone started ringing people like I happy anniversary And then I went on facebook And my wife had posted a picture with a thing, you know, I married this guy 10 years ago, you know And I started crying

Not that I have forgotten that it was our anniversary. I just started crying because I accomplished something like even today with dr. Waxler If you know anything about me, I was the type of guy would quit a doctor You know, I would quit things like nothing I hung out with dr. Waxler for 21 years and I've been approached by a thousand doctors. They come over here come on Waxler was just my dog. He's a chicago dog Every time he goes to chicago, he brings back meat and the buns and he freezes them And he says that he wakes up in the middle nights and nights and puts them and cooks them and

He steams the bread. He would tell me how he'd steamed the bread perfectly with a paper towel and stuff He's just a great doctor and a great guy. So I just wanted to thank him but What a lot of people don't know is you know, like I was telling you yesterday when I was a kid There was a barbecue joint on 148th street And they had a Guy we went in there and bought barbecue beef. I don't know anything about You know brisket, I didn't know anything about ribs that enough. I know about chinese ribs, you know My mom always got spare ribs, but I didn't know what barbecue really was

I must have been five or six and I would go in there every day and whenever I went to my godmother's house on 148th This barbecue joint was just a small little place and their specialty was barbecue beef sandwiches and two pieces of wonder bread And it was just delicious like, you know an inch of meat between And god knows what I was eating catfing in the house. Well, no, you know, it was the 70s It wasn't the health department. They just gave you the best of what they got, you know But the guy was an african-american guy and I took a like him to him In fact, he used to let us help him work, you know, which was nice He would like I told you yesterday those street when you're in new york

And you see those things that go down Underneath the business he would let him you know, he would let us carry stuff and trade for them for food and stuff But he used to always say an expression And I never knew what he was saying. It was called To the wheels fall off like I'll be here to the wheels fall off I see tomorrow mr. Smith and I don't know if that was his name or not He'd go out. I'll be here to the wheels fall off And one day I asked him, you know, like, what does that mean?

He's like when the wheels fall off is that it means you're all in, baby, you know, you're all in You're all in there. He goes, you see the way you guys hang out together You guys were gonna hang out until the wheels fall off So it became like a state of mind for me To the wheels fall off means that I got you I got you bro. You know, I'm saying like this is it. We're friends for life I got you 20 Puerto Ricans show up. I gotta fight them with you back to back And you have to do the same for me

Don't think that this is a one-way fucking street and sometimes it is and then you Stop, you know living with those people like that, but it's Really weird that that's what's in in grave inside our wedding bands To the wheels fall off to You know, when good or in health, whatever that, you know To the wheels fall off is something that we live by and it's so weird that It's already Thanksgiving guys. Listen, it's already Thanksgiving and something else is happening. The year is coming to an end It's officially over like if you think that something yeah, you might hit the lottery

That's the only thing that could happen. You might hit the lottery Maybe if all the angels are lying but besides that, you know, you might pluck a job But right now everything dies people after the after december 7th or 8th Everybody's talking about jingle bells and jingle balls and christmases on where they're going I'm already thinking about 2020 I'm already thinking about goals. I'm already thinking about what I want to do with my life What things I have to perk up. I really got to get this book You know as much as I read I got to get this book off the shelf

If not, it's it's going to be you know, I have to do so many things Tally Lee and I talked about the podcast about maybe taking music off so you could put it on Spotify You know, it's november and I'm already looking at 2020 and I advise you to do the same Listen this year is over with Whatever happened happened whether it was a good year or bad year. You lived through it. You made it. You're here Now you have to see how we're going to get better for 2020, you know I'm going to get better in 2020 and Lee's going to be a little bit better than what he is now in 2020 My daughter's going to be a little bit better than what she is

And I'm counting on the church family to all strive to be better in 2020 and well joe, it's easy for you to say no It's easy. I don't want you to go from Hero to zero or zero to hero. I just want you to take two baby steps It's one foot at a time to get to your goal Whatever your goal might be you want to be a dj You want to be a fighter you want to switch your career, you know, we talk a lot about Switching careers here. It's not called switching careers. It's going for what you love

It'll make your life a lot easier going for what you love Makes your life a lot easier, you know, we all 60 percent of people have a job. We don't like what the fuck we're doing it's very It's very seldom That people really enjoy their job and they don't look at what they're making a year Like I don't I don't I don't even care what I'm making a year. I really enjoy what the hell I'm doing if I was doing it if I was looking for real money. I would have just joined narcos If you're looking for that type of money

Just go to Mexico. I go hang out with those Mormons and bring back coke. I don't know what to tell you That's real money What you're looking for is just to be content Be proud of what you're doing, you know I'll tell you man for years. I lived In disgust of myself frustration Disgust wasn't hope Maybe we'll add mercy that I started seeing the light because

Now I had to act a certain way, you know and uh This July I'll be with my wife for 20 years. We celebrated a 10 year wedding anniversary monday And I gotta tell you something man. I never thought I could accomplish that after I failed as a husband the first time Marriage was the last thing on my mind And for me to be married for 10 years, you know, and I'd like to tell you guys I found the right woman That's excuse. We all give ourselves. Ah, we found the right woman. No We decided to fight for what we believed for The first woman I was married for was a very sweet girl

But she went through four or five six years of hell with me, you know and you know what when I was with her Even towards the end there was no future This is how This is how much of a change I've made. There was no future. I had no future I was just gonna be a working stiff and god knows what I was gonna do every three months. I was gonna change Because I wasn't content what I was doing forget all that. Listen, man. I got into comedy And it's till the wheels fall off And that's it. That's all I got to tell you guys. This is gonna be a short Thanksgiving podcast

mercy Diaz Can I talk to you on do you want to sit with us for five minutes? You don't want to say hello to the people And tell them about your science of mercy Okay, she's good ladies and gentlemen there you have it There you have it. She didn't want to tell them but at least I brought it. I brought it to the office She wanted to see what I did. She does her own podcast. So I told her that This is what we need to do and this is how we do it. She's been doing

She's up to podcast number eight already for her and She's only taken the week of the 30th off like we are She tried to take her birthday week off ask her. She's like, I don't want to do it the week before my that you do We do it every week This is called consistency. There's no days off. You want something to happen. You got to be consistent That's bad planning simple. You want something to happen. You got to be consistent every day Look at this guy coming home home. He wants a war. He keeps sending out missiles Trump's over there scratching this wig going on. No, we're at peace. We're friends again

This guy's still shooting all fireworks. I guess it's the fourth of july over there king young moon, you know Whatever's god damn famous I'm not good with politics. Yeah Yeah, you know, I'm not going with that stuff. Imagine if you were president just tweeting out the stuff you tweet They'd be begging for trump to be back. Oh, please Forget about it. I'm a savage. I can give it to you how it is. But anyway, I want you to If you're traveling be safe this weekend remember Thanksgiving this is a

A hallmark card tomorrow. Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Please enjoy your families and all that stuff. But one thing Thanksgiving is every day because when you're pissing in the morning when you wake up If you're not saying god, thank you for giving me another day later to get ahead a little bit You're fucking missing the boat. I give that I'm one of the most grateful people There is I'm grateful for my shoelaces. I'm grateful for the weed. I smoke. I'm grateful for everything because I knew there was a time When I was homeless as hell and I had nothing or five years without a residence late I wanted people I don't think I could do it and then before that like I had You know in 84 I was homeless and stuff like that but that was because of drugs because I was uh

a nuisance to society This was I was in love with something and I still ended up homeless, you know what I'm saying and I And I was three quarters together. I was doing a couple criminal things but Uh, the homelessness was due to me wanting to do comedy What it meant to me and yeah, there's highs and lows and anything you do in this life, man But hey, who gives a shit? It's Thanksgiving, man. Enjoy your families real quick I'm in Miami this weekend. It's sold out. I don't know what to tell you. I can't help you out I put the tickets up a sale a while ago. I'm sorry. I will come back to Miami in 2020

Uh, whatever we'll figure out a bigger venue or whatever New york, there's a singular tickets left and they raised all the prices on them So do not feel bad. I'm done, you know, they I don't expect I don't want you to pay over 35 hours so move on We got the 21st Christmas with uncle joey at the ice house And then we got the 27th at kalusa casino and the 28th in san francisco palace of performing arts And you got you got the uh belly room, too

And we got the belly room sold out. Oh, it's all right. Damn. All right, never mind That's the workout for the one man show. Listen. The podcast is brought to you by manscape Manscape over the years. I've had a thousand sponsors. I really enjoy manscape. I really enjoy what manscape does I like the bag. I like all the the everything they got they used to have A manscape loan more cold at 1.0 and they upgraded their trimmer with a skin safe technology For you momos in the back that means it won't nick or a snag your nutsack Plus it's perfect to travel for I take it with me and it's easy to charge you put it right against the wall You can manscape wherever you go. I do it one-handed while i'm on the phone with lee talking about life

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The near and the dear one The old and the young A very great christmas And a happy new year Let's hope it's number one One Without anything So this is christmas

For we can fall stronger The rich and the poor ones The world is so long And it's a happy christmas For black and for white For yellow and red ones Let's stop all the madness Every night christmas

And a happy new year Let's hope it's number one Without anything So this is christmas And a happy new year And a happy new year And a happy new year And a happy new year

And a happy new year Let's hope it's number one The near and the dear one The old and the young A very great christmas And a happy new year Let's hope it's number one Without anything

For it's over If you want it For it's over It's over