Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #741 - Alonzo Bodden

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

Alonzo Bodden, comedian, winner of "Last Comic Standing" season 3, and the host of the "Who's Paying Attention?" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   Hellotushy.com - Go to Hellotushy.com/church for 10% off of your order of portable devices that spray your butt with water.   Athletic Greens - Get 20 free travel packs worth $79 when you go to www.athleticgreens.com/church   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.

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and get 10% off your order kick this motherfucking mule lead one child grows up to be somebody they just love to learn and another child grows up to be somebody you just love to burn you see it's in the blood it's a family affair that's real that is real fucking real this song drives me fucking nuts Alonzo Bowden what's the story what's up Joey showed up with you clever shit long you know I'm gonna represent in church you know I'm gonna represent in church I yelled at him last week that was the best cuz it really pisses me off Alonzo

when you came on the first time you showed me I forgot what it was to be a fan again I really did bro yeah what it was to go to a baseball game with a glove right actually think you were gonna catch a ball yeah I used to go to a neck game with a basketball like why would you take a basketball to that's how I started gambling on sports yeah and you look at sports is something different now so now that you don't gamble you don't watch sports and you lose that you lose that you know like when you watch college basketball when you see the kids paint their face you know you're sitting at home go look at that

fucking asshole fuck you no my kids having the best day of his fucking life that kids yeah especially best day of his life especially college ball the thing I love about college ball every game counts and they're not pros yet like they still make mistakes but like you said they're playing their ass off they their heart is in the game and and they really do believe it you know it it's a business now right college ball is a billion dollar business with the tournament and all of that but to the kids playing there's still some level where they're playing for Seton Hall they're playing for Carolina they're

playing for whatever school you know what I mean like that yeah they leave it all on the floor I love college ball I love the the effort the effort because that's what it is all out effort and yeah I started watching sports again little by little drips and drabs you know little baseball I watched the finals you know with Kwame fucking I love that style of basketball he plays so I watched that I watched the World Series football this year is just fucking atrocious except for three teams yeah I could watch the NFL needs to do something that's the I think well I don't know the NHL enough to speak on it but

for basketball baseball football the NFL needs to like I don't know what they need to do I need to clean up the act they need to make the game something you know like football is better on TV than live like like the whole thing is designed to be a TV spectacle right and and if you're playing defense for for a few years now you couldn't touch a quarterback now the defensive backs like well what's pass interference like what do I do I got to let him catch I can't touch him but then when he catches a ball I still can't hit him because he's defenseless imagine telling Ronnie lot that he couldn't hit a defenseless

receiver Ronnie lot used to let him catch the ball just so right just so he could kill him he was like yeah you'll catch one and then for the rest of the day you're just hearing my footsteps right remember that we used to talk about that footsteps and yeah we got we know about the concussions now the molester and this and that yeah last of the molester last of the molester used to get your ass used to spray stick them all over yeah remember that they had that low stance off the line and shit so oh my god I don't know what they're gonna do with football I know they're trying to make it an offensive game I'd given up

on football for a while now I'm starting to watch it again but it's I don't have a team I don't have a team near do I I mean I like watching the you know because it's perfect football I like watching New England cuz it's perfect football I grew up watching Belichick Lawrence Taylor so New England's an extension of that yeah like watching Danny and his channel teach kung fu he's teaching Bruce Lee kung fu but I think about the NFL in the next 20 years how hard it's gonna be shit's gonna change because of football because not everybody's putting their kid in football no more kid parents aren't letting their kids play

football even in my hometown they which was built on football yeah no no listen I know a lot of mothers who are like no my kid ain't playing football playing in simple like my kid is not gonna get hit you know they got a deuce it's a line it is a violent game but they got to figure out how to keep the game exciting but still protect the players you know protect their heads right the best thing I heard but it's crazy it sounds the best idea I heard it was a doctor's neurologist she said go back to leather helmets he said because if you're wearing a leather helmet you won't use your head for a weapon which you

know made sense right because because part of the reason they they started using that the helmet is because the helmet is so strong so I don't know they they got to they got to do something with the game because right now it's so heavily weighed on the offense that the defense I think they're like well what do we what do we do right what do we do we can't hit the quarterback we can't hit the receivers what do we do but but part of the game and and I'm not saying taking people out like like you know we're not talking 1978 Raiders but the game is somewhere between that and and where we're headed now it won't go away

for you know why football won't go away because it's the number one you talked about gamblers number one gambling sport in the country right more money's bet on the Super Bowl than any event we have so it's not gonna go away because that money ain't going away what's gonna happen is though it's gonna change the college more African-American Latino kids people I watched the report I think I'm real sports is what's going on right now that they're the ones that are picking up the slack couple Jews in you know if you've got no money to go to college this is your answer to go to college yeah it's a way in so they don't

give a fuck they're like this is your way in we'll figure it out I sit here at times and think that this just come from the fucking sky all these concussions and all this PTSD I want to know that about those guys that were playing with leather helmets what was their percentage see I you know I started watching football in the 70s with Pittsburgh Steelers that that was the team you watched if you were a violent person yeah crazy and fearsome for some yeah and all that yeah I love that shit I love the Raiders and I loved it and that's you know you're Cuban there's no baseball you're angry you might as well

get see somebody get fucking hit from behind you know we all saw Lawrence Taylor break what's his name's leg yeah anyway no the hits used to be part of football and it used to be the highlights what happened right those guys I know that well the longtime center from the Pittsburgh Webster out himself Webster blew his head off his head off junior say I'll kill himself that was a big deal that was a big deal but but this is the thing and this is the different time we're living it so those players from the 70s you know why we don't know what happened to because we didn't have social media we didn't have 24-7 access so

like once you retired from football if you weren't an announcer you just went away right so we have no idea what I know a lot of those guys did die young a lot of football players died in their 40s and 50s and they said because of the collisions like they said if you're a lineman right offensive defensive lineman it's like being in a car crash because they just bang into each other's bodies and their internal organs would get messed up and but but again nobody cared because nobody knew right so we're only finding this out now because we have we have the information now we know what happens to a player 10 years 15

years after his career but I'm sure if you went back and looked I bet a lot of those players from the 70s you know were whacked out in the 80s even like boxers like I watched you know a couple weeks ago it was an interesting fight Mazda Valle against Diaz and I got stopped because of a cut that people argued they thought to a last in two days later I was online and I saw Roberto Doran versus Davey Moore I clicked on the fight it's one of my all-time favorite fights I haven't watched in about four years Roberto Doran is a 32 year old on his way out fighting a 26 year old beast who's 16 and now and Roberto Doran

unleashes a beating on this man that it's just horrifying it's horrifying to watch as a spectator even if you like boxing yeah there's a couple times where the announcers are going stop this fucking fight this poor guy is knocked out standing up Roberto was not hitting them knocking them up and hitting them and waking them up and and I said look how different boxing was in the 70s look at the garden if you would have stopped that fight in the garden that night they would have killed you yeah they would have thrown chairs because I remember the garden they used to throw chairs they used to love to throw those fucking

chairs and you look at the 30 40-year difference how they stopped it over a cut under the eye and I wasn't there it looked like a serious cut it was a cut that had been opened from previously from the fight before blah blah blah but still it was like we didn't give a fuck in the 70s no well that's I mean but that's good for the athletes right because they did they were warriors and the other thing about boxing back then 15 rounds right that's a long fight think about that 15 round fight that last three rounds like you know how beat up they were by then you know what I mean it's it's every sports different now every

sports different now but but the physical the violent sport even hockey right they didn't wear helmets magic and hit with a hockey puck you know what I'm saying like it's only recently hockey had helmets right and then they called them pussies for wearing helmets you would get checked what no I never played I never played that dog I tried that street hockey I want the Tom McCann I bought my little NHL sneakers and shit remember Tom McCann used to have yeah yeah so you would have to have the NHL sneakers I bought my little NHL sneakers I went over that though they slammed me against a Cadillac that was

it oh my god that was it then I saw some kids had go through a glass and this ain't hockey and these kids were serious like block against block look up a guy Ryan Reeves it's my boy he plays for he plays for Vegas he plays for the Golden Knights look up his highlights greatest hits that's he's that guy he's you know in hockey they got that guy who's just the enforcer right before they call them right Rivo this guy knocks the shit out of people like that that's basically his job you know but uh yeah I never played but man they and because they're coming at you fast like on ice they got speed on ice skates yeah

I can't even fucking walk and that's all and that's all and and it's just part of the game that's the crazy part it's just part of the game yeah that they're bad acid that that's a that's you know it's a tough way to make a living you know even I as Adam being a kid once a week there was a nice little misunderstanding in the MGA you've shown videos I hear of them getting punched in the face oh a nice little understanding when the ABA I think I think it's like the ABA was just wild the ABA was just wild they had this guy Marvin bad news bonds yes Roy you know I don't know how many times he took a pistol out the rest of the

pistol at the garden they called the foul on him one time they threw him out of the game because I'll be right back I'll be right back I gotta go to lock our own Willis Reed beat up everybody at your time like what's right is Willis Reed yeah that body that's like that's like him the Charles Barkley's cousin yeah Willis Reed could be Charles Barkley's cousin he could be Darryl Dawkins remember Willis Reed played like he couldn't walk my god he couldn't walk but he played I went to his basketball camp I loved yeah I loved Willis Reed I loved him I was basketball camp I talked to him like maybe two times like I

don't kid Darryl Dawkins chocolate thunder you know Willis Reed was only six foot yeah what what do you mean only six foot yeah six nine maybe something he would listen he would have picked up Shaq and slam dunked him that's how crazy Willis Reed was I think Moses would have killed Shaq and in their prime it's a tough one not blicks now come on Moses was going 20 Moses was going 20 for 20 a night yeah Moses was getting 20 and 20 absolutely but Shaq when Shaq was playing I'm talking about there was a bunch of Bambi's when I'm talking about when Shaq was in no but Shaq made him look like that no and I'll

tell you the one because I saw this okay he played they played Portland remember Kevin Duckworth oh he was terrible but he was huge he was huge Shaq moved him with one arm like Shaq cleared this guy had to be what 610 he claimed 270 so he was probably three you was he casino you know when Joe Pesci hit that guy in the head with the phone that was him that big white one of a guy pushed him to the side he moved him he moved them with one arm like he cleared out he was you know so I am mad at you as a coverage fan I'm surprised you're you're going for Shaq no I listen no watch Shaq was a physical specimen like there was

nothing like it was like when will hit the league like when will Chamberlain hit the NBA there had never been anyone like they were like you can't be that big and that strong and that fast you know what I mean and and there was nothing they could do and I think Shaq would have been the same way now it would have been tougher if Shaq had to play late 70s early 80s would have been a tougher gig would have been a tougher it would have been a tougher gig because he because every night you were going up against a body you were going up against somebody you know and he's and like you said Joey these guys came from

street ball with it was there wasn't that many six foot nine white guy there wasn't that many rules not gonna push it there wasn't that many rules you know Cowan was tough for a while they were tough man they were tough the game dude up in Boston Center hey stop let me tell you something he played with Freckles Charles Oakley Charles Oakley is what 50 now yeah still scary you still wouldn't want to get on the court Dolan threw him out of the garden and everyone booed Dolan they asked him to leave yeah yeah because he was behind Dolan talking shit but oak I mean like you talk about someone's name fitting

them oak yeah he was a tree and when he was in the paint you knew it you know this is the big difference in NBA now right like so now you have all these shooters and scorers but you don't have you can't play physical defense you know we've talked about this before in a show when you went up against the Knicks they wanted to hold you to 60 points right Oakley Mason and Ewing like like ask Reggie Miller what it was like playing against the Knicks you got hit every time you know you did not come in the paint without getting murdered the other night Detroit against Chicago when they just went after Jordan oh yeah

and they just oh yeah I'm up them up the weight Chinese food no more yes that fuck it it made him better made him better made him better they were teams that when you went in there you paid you paid yeah there was a couple guys that got you know but before I forget worst three fucking sentence okay like like these are guys that were like like off-color okay and that's who you played against when when most of Malone play he played against artist artist Gilmore he played against Bob Lanier yeah he played against there was centers bro yeah those were Senate the center was a different position back different

position back then and I thought I think that and I know a lot of people hate on me for this they I think Shaq had it easy I think Shaq easy I think Shaq had Bambi down in San Antonio he was Bambi dog oh you're talking about the Admiral yeah he was a nice guy he was a nice guy no but but again but you see you could you could make the same argument with Jordan right because the thing and make no mistake I'm not saying Jordan I think we're not king cover Jordan but here's but he had a competition Jordan didn't have a direct competitor right so you had magic and bird if either one of them didn't have to go against the other

they would have won six championships who out they had to go against each other every you know what I'm saying every year and then you had LeBron who never had the team around him if LeBron had a Scotty Pippin and you know what I mean if he had the team Chicago had then LeBron would have won six you know and if this isn't the Jordan people say this is a knock I'm not knocking Jordan but what I'm saying is sometimes you get right place right time and he always had a great team around talking college he had a great me black team around he was a freshman he had a fucking team around worthy college worthy I forget the rest

I just remember Jimmy black him was it Jimmy black yeah but it was worth these team that's what people forget it was worthy steam and I did a charity thing with worthy right and and it was great so he's got his wife this is his second wife she didn't know when he played and I said oh you never said she said no I said you should have seen his first step she said everyone says that everyone mentions his yeah where these first step he was gone it was the quickest it was like where'd he go but worthy had to go up against Walter Davis yeah and his cocaine snort man well they had to and they had to play against Ewing they

hadn't played against David Thompson David Thompson David Thompson could leap out of the gym like before it was a thing eight inches before it was a thing David Thompson was what he was he North Carolina state in the 70s or something like that was it I want to say he was at NC State and said but he could Walter Davis Walter Davis Davis was Carolina Carolina Davis went to Carolina but David Thompson could leap and even you know and you talk about the 70s Dr. J with that ABA ball let me tell you Joey you cut that fro because the fro was not aerodynamic the fro the fro was aerodynamic if you cut the fro and may

demand aerodynamic dockwood I mean and again it there's a great book you love this book matter of fact I should get this for you for Christmas called Loose Balls the story of the ABA and it's all the old ABA players talking about when they were in the ABA you know Doug Moe and Rick Barry and Dr. J you know George Gervin right the ice before the eye when yeah I was keen and it was crazy that do from Detroit I mentioned great of him bad news bonds great book like sixth grade teacher John Barone yeah the guy you met play for the Miami Floridians you know but yeah Dr. J man when Doc took off John Williamson when he took off from the

free throw line and did that windmill with that red white and blue ball in his hand people do not understand that was it and that was that was he was when he was with the Kentucky kernels you know I didn't know him then that was what nobody knew Billy Polts nobody knew Billy Polts and yeah I think Keenan was his teammate and the Kentucky Colonel and the Kentucky Colonel Larry Keenan was one of the Rick Barry was the only guy who went from the NBA to the ABA he went he went backwards but he wanted with Golden State yeah he wanted with Golden State then he went to the ABA and it had to do with coaches and old friends or something

I know we were we were talking about like racism before and all that stuff was there because I was just thinking I know that there was a Negro League for baseball was there any sort of league like that for basketball no no basketball the ABA that's what it was at the ABA was the young young gun hip hop league no you know when basketball changed when well it's at Texas Western University beat Kentucky it's a famous college game so Kentucky's got this coach Adolf Rupp old-school racist I'll never have a black player on my team and an all-black team lit them up beat them for the championship and that was when that was

when the color line dropped I was like oh you know these Negroes are kind of good look at that boy right making that 20 footer yeah that was that change that that's when but I the NBA the NBA didn't have it wasn't as because the lead came along later and you had you had Bill Russell right Bill Russell you know 10 championships so they the NBA knew like we're gonna let we're gonna get these black guys playing we want to win well the NBA was having a hard time there it was it was a slower pace and the ABA was you know Julia serving the ABA was was street ball run coming home and having the red white and blue ball

and I still remember when he fucking when they collapsed and he signed with the Sixes I still remember that night like it was yesterday and he was went from number 32 to number six because they paid them six million yeah that was a lot of money that raised that money right now pissed pissed he could have got 890 million dollars now but all of them that's that's true for all the ball play but it was when Julia serving was running things he changed my life I went to two of his you had to buy a pair of Converse limousines for the feet and you had to have a ticket a golden lottery ticket and I had a store a sneaker store

and he would take the tickets out for me I give him a little Cuban dude Converse he saw Coach Kahn's what you weren't allowed to wear you got him you got a beating there was 799 and then the Chuck whatever Chuck Taylor's with 999 but you didn't show up with the coach Kahn's that was a beating his shit so then they went to limousine of the feet yeah and then he had his first this is all paid for by Converse yeah you would show up on a Saturday at 8 in the morning the first one was at Fordham University Julia serving pulled up with his Mercedes we were all standing online like little faggots that we were waiting to see Julia

serving he got out with his son and he came into the auditorium he brought us in he did a seminar on shooting then he made us all clap and he ran from one side he jumped from the fucking far line that was the end of the seminar yeah and then I went to see him at CCNY he did two of them that year fucking tremendous man that was my childhood I love you got Julie serving all over my house I got to bring a picture in here I got two great pictures of one order basketball player in the thing over there I don't know if we can see him or not no no I got Julius at the house Lee gave me my friend Timmy Holloway gave me the

statue of Julius and it's on my fucking whatever but now to a lighter note because I had to actually come and do a pipe cast about what you said to me that night we were doing what's his name show and Eddie if was talking about the Joker break the Joker kind of ballroom or whatever you know I haven't seen the movie yet so and then you chimed in he goes you know he goes you know when you watch the Joker as a comic you could really see this happening with a comic yeah because of all the highs and lows that we go through you know like I mean right now what a ravaging like we're losing one comic a year one comic every

year through to suicide which is yeah bad others we've lost to suicide only disguised as something out right drugs or whatever whatever but well the reason I said that is because and you know the life right so we got the highs and lows right like I like I joked about it and this is absolutely true I was on a TV show Monday and that Friday I was at the VFW in Riverside California you know what I mean but but then the other thing is and this was even more what happened to the Joker you watch people around you get it and you don't they're moving up as you're either sitting or moving down or falling off or

any of that and you you got to have you know that's why I think beyond anything in this business you got to love doing this because if you're in it like if you just say well I got to make the money or I got to have the the followers that you know the million followers on YouTube or Twitter or or or a gram or something like that if fame is your only incentive the odds are get stacked against you tremendously and emotionally I mean let's be honest man we're all caught up in this shit on different levels emotionally you know what I mean like I I had a therapist say to me one time she saw me do this benefit and she

said if I could get you to be that guy on stage all the time you'd be fun right because when I'm on stage I'm bulletproof like that night dude it was what was it two Sundays ago or whatever and and you know here's the thing with following Joey and and you got to work I got a but the beautiful thing about you on stage is you are completely raw you are completely raw there's no there's no I'm gonna be nice about this or I'm a clean this up or I'm not gonna say this right you say wherever you are in the moment what you know whatever you're talking about it's you right it's raw well we all do that on stage to different

extents right so when somebody doesn't like you on stage that's a very personal thing when you put yourself out there now in the movie the Joker he got he got really deep into who he was and it was really bad you know what I mean so so they you know what I mean it'd be like like somebody bombing on a most personal note but just watching it and watching the deterioration I was like yeah this could be any comic like if a comic was a serial killer right nobody would be like oh yeah he was a quiet guy oh no we saw this shit coming right I mean that that's not all of us to to to that extreme but what I'm saying is if you

watch the movie and you watch the deterioration and if you're a comic you can see that happening because this this says so much it is that you got to be careful not to believe right you got to you got to be careful not to to believe all it you know you can't believe Hollywood come on Joe you've been in this you know longer than me right I've I've always told people like I never got a job from someone who loved me oh man we love you we love big fan blah blah blah yeah exactly you don't get the work from that love don't do nothing you don't you know you get the work from somebody who somebody who wants to work with you they

make you an offer they don't tell you they love you they make you an offer they call your agent they put you on a veils when you said the highs and the lows that night I was driving home and I thought about the lows of this career and times that I didn't you know I didn't see but for me it was always a day yeah for me it was always that day it like I tell comics all the time if you really do what you're supposed to be doing the universe will give you a sign every 90 days to stay in this yeah the universe I can I can remember those I remember those if you really really really get in there get the shovel put

your head back and go this is what I'm going for every 90 days the universe should be throwing you something to give you an incentive to stay in this game well there's so many lows the first five years you got to get on stage see that's what destroys you because you have that bad set right you bomb now if you're if you're new and you're hustling and you're getting on stage three four times a week anywhere anywhere you know you're bowling alley bar back of a coffee shop or something then you can bounce back if you're only working once a week once every two weeks when you bomb that's in your head for that long

you know and that's the that's that's why people give up that's why people give up right because if you're if you just have that in your head and you don't get another chance you know like in like in a joker right he screws up as a clown and he gets fired well now you never get to redeem yourself from that so now you got to live with that you fail but what like we fail I failed at this ten thousand times yeah but you succeeded ten thousand times too how do you figure you've had good sets like what would happen in the jokers he didn't have any good he had nothing good yeah he didn't you you had good sets following

bad sets you had those those moments of success he in my car right I fucking you know borrowed money from people I I did triple you know you look at all the great yeah I was in the movie with fucking Adam Sandler and Clint Eastwood whatever his fucking name is Bert Reynolds and yeah I got to do something for Netflix and you look at all these bright spots but that night when you said that to me it made me tap in to the dark side you know like sometimes at night I take a ride and I on the way back from the store I go on Lancashire and I hook a left on Magnolia and I look at that bus station that bus station is closed but

there's still two people standing there they're waiting for a bus it's coming in six in the morning now if these people had 20 bucks they go to the diner it's down the block they don't have 20 bucks they'd have to sit there till six in the morning and think about how bad their life is and I still remember being you know taking a bus from Miami to Buffalo and you know stopping in between stops and taking two hits off a joint but not good and put switching batteries on my Walkman or whatever the fuck it was my iPod I don't know what the fuck it was you know you think of all those sleeping on couches but you know what Joey even

when we were doing that what gave us the love cuz we love going to all that cuz it for me I've always loved doing it I've always told people that the comedy is not to work right like you talk about triple runs and stuff like that right where I was a middle act okay so on a good night you make 50 bucks right and you literally drive from like Tuesday is comedy night at the holiday in and Mesquite Nevada and then Wednesday is comedy night at the Radisson and you know Ames Iowa or whatever the hell right and then Thursday night is is comedy night at the at the Dubuque Holiday Inn right and

you wish remember think about this remember when you wished you could work on a weekend remember that used to wish you could work on the weekend now when do you have a weekend off unless you schedule it you won't have a week you could you could work every weekend and every weekend but there was a time when our work week was Monday to Wednesday and you might get the Thursday Sunday through Thursday Sunday right Sunday through Thursday that's a good over Mike's on Sunday but Friday Saturday you know I guess that's if you were lucky we look but but you love to me I'll speak for me I love doing it so I didn't think

about being at the rest stop sleeping or literally or just like you said being broke or borrowing money or hustling it was a hustle it was a hug your daytime my daytime was a hustle for my comedy now I was fortunate that I had a few good jobs like I was a driver for the kids show Power Rangers right so yeah so that was a good job because on a driving day you make a couple of hundred bucks but I also painted addresses on curves for five bucks a house and they didn't have to pay you like you painted it and then you went to the door and see you get five bucks for doing it you know I did that here in that way yeah yeah I did that I

hung televisions in in 7-elevens for the fucking lotto game right 40 bucks a set no you climb up inside the roof of a 7-eleven and you mount the TV yeah right but that was that was the hustle man that's what you did so and I did it because I love con because I never had any doubt that comedy was what I was gonna do it's crazy I never had any I saw cigars on the phone right when cigars how do you sell cigars on the phone how you doing my name is Joey Diaz you're what's your name Mohammed okay let me answer something Mohammed I meet people going there looking for a cigar every day I don't want to talk

right now you have to call it back tomorrow and ask what Mohammed do okay they got a call tomorrow is Mohammed do that no Mohammed 3 you have to be looking for Mohammed 3 you have to call it back tomorrow and then you finally get Mohammed and you sell him a fucking humidor that's worth you tell him I'll throw $200 worth of cigars not throwing a humidor and that was it when cigars were hot in 1998 that's how you made living in this town when Joey came told me what you what you guys were talking about to me it made me realize how close people could be to that but what I think the difference is at least

this is my opinion is you guys had something positive and the Joker and I think people there's a lot of people like that we're just it's negative upon negative that piles on I know people in this town that can't catch a fucking break that's what I was gonna and I feel fucking terrible for them I know 20 people in this town right now that cannot get arrested that I check in on I check in on from time to time I talked to a chick that was fucking homeless 3 weeks ago doing comedy homeless homeless asked me if she could take a shower here and I told them even to have a shower you only had a toilet I'm

sorry I can't help you you know and she had to wait till nine o'clock at night to sleep at a friend's house but she told me she goes I'll go to the fucking park I gotta catch a spot up in Kenoga somewhere so right there I knew the chick was on the up and up well when your heart and soul right it doesn't matter when your heart and soul is in something and you don't get it see that's the thing when whenever you put everything in and like you said this it's true for whatever reason some people can't catch a break can't get it and and they put in just as much work they just put they put their heart and soul and and some of

them unfortunately there are some people who don't have the talent right you don't have the talent and I'm not just talking comedy I'm talking whatever you want to do whether it be music or acting or whatever thing but you put everything into it that can easily destroy it that's that's how you you know like you said the sad thing is the suicide the alcoholism the drugs that is that the slow suicide that's the worst that's the worst the slow suicide drink yourself to death over x number of years or whatever the hell you know and the road gives you all the opportunities to do that that road gives you the road

doesn't even have responsibility anymore none well they treat what we got 20 radio stations left yeah in the country so used to be used to have yet up and do radio whose day this fucking Friday I still am flying into a town and doing radio Wednesday Thursday and Friday right you know they didn't give a fuck who you are they had a lineup for you on Thursday you gotta go do the driving at five and you're like what the fuck they take it to a bar to do a live remote how embarrassing is that yeah you know the local opening of the grocery see yeah have you been on the team you know I have oh great and they

walk away from you and shit you know it's it's a fucking horror show but you said it you said the ups and the downs and I went home that night and I thought about you know 93 93 to 96 would like it was like Vietnam it really really was because it just wasn't the comedy see sometimes you when you know nobody drives an open mic in a testarosa right you know I'm saying nobody shows up an open mic with a butler this is letting me out I'll be back in ten minutes you know saying so but I had no they show up to dope Mike they are the butler yeah I had I had a divorce going on I had a messy child thing going on you know the

drugs didn't help and then I was trying to do a comedy I was pretty much at war myself I was like a Palestinian I was I was at war with everybody you know I'm saying like I was just that war like I was just so I think of those times like you know not being able to pay for a rent like who can't pay for yeah me couldn't pay it I used to always make it the last month like the last week the last three days of the month right I made rent I'd have to steal a long wall from Kmart returning a long month you know there was always something you know and you know yeah you started like I got totally my fourth year in comedy I made

like $8,000 I knew one thing from the beginning a lot of zone that's what a lot of people don't know and they refuse to swallow the pill there ain't no money no and they'll tell you they'll tell you to your face I know there's no money for ten years and then they'll tell you about money a week later you know who told me no money you know who does no money gave me that lesson the of a doubt remember yeah when I started Theo said remember you go to college for four years she said so any money you make in your first four years it's a bonus because anyone else would be paying to go to school for that education then you

get your first job so it was like oh okay you know it was yeah that's real that's how it is yeah you know I got I got lucky and it was definitely what you said about getting the breaks that let you know you're on the right track right because I got new faces in Montreal back when you used to get money at a new faces and that was my first big paycheck and that was when I could give up the day job I admired guys and I knew guys who were bombing all the time and they kept showing me too and I admired that because I would get laughs and when you got laughs it made it easier to keep showing up and I knew people literally

who were bombing all the time but they kept showing and then they figured it out you know and then like you said years later ten years in now they're there they're getting some I think I need to I'm some of a whole new up some of them you know that I think for a whole year in 92 I blew up yeah like I know I didn't blow up I bombed every set pretty much in 92 I was a host of a weekly show and I had to have five new minutes of material every week it was a homework assignment and I tried my hardest I really really went at it it was the same people was $15 for a steak and a baked potato and shrimp and it was the same

books and at that point I had made it a goal to my job was just to make them look up yeah you know I'm saying it wasn't even to make them laugh if I could make them look up from doing this you know cutting the steak and putting them out I want yeah that's how I looked at in those days because they weren't even laughing at the feature see I was lucky and and it was absolute luck right place right time whatever I got an education from the best because I did the open mic at the lab factory it's my first year in so you started out here I started I tell him I started in LA because I didn't know I wasn't supposed to

right and Jamie hired me to be a doormat right and he said you know if someone doesn't show up you can do a spot right so I'm at the lab factory every night in like 93 94 and I'm watching Damon I'm watching George Wallace I'm watching George Lopez I'm watching Dom Herrera because this was the you know this was back when they were at their their every night so I'm getting the master class in how to do this shit right George Wallace is showing up with a pad every night working on new stuff you know you know Lopez the Wayans would roll in deep they'd be too carful the Wayans you know and they'd all just come

in working on stuff so for me right I'm a new comic I'm a year or two in I'm watching these guys every night and I'm learning just like oh you got to keep writing you got to do this you got to do that you know what I mean and and it was great and then when phrase hired me Frazier Smith hired me to do the warm-up for his radio show so every Friday I had to do a new five minutes so I had to write all the time I had to pay attention to shit like I because you had to what are you gonna talk about I don't know what happened this week was there a new new car in the showroom is there some chick to the TV show like

what you know what I mean but it was it was such a great like it was just learning and it was just learning and and like I say sitting and you know George Lopez I still remember this like this is 25 years ago Lopez told me this he said listen man never give it up for who up went up for you said like if I go up before you they know who I am so you make your let them know who you are if you got five minutes there's no sense spending one minute telling them they just saw George Lopez you know what a lesson that was you know what I mean that that was like oh okay because it in that moment you're on the same stage as

George Lopez as you know doc they used to call him Dr. Wallace right because that's what he was he was a doctor you know we you know so yeah I was lucky in those days but not everyone's that lucky right at the same time I was a door man at Colorado with scent yeah like a D-room and what it gave me was watching acts they weren't the best acts and I knew that they weren't what the comedy works was getting right but I was asking a lot of questions these were older school road comics and you know it took me 18 months to get on stage I got out of prison February of fucking 89 I didn't get on stage till July of 91 that's

how much of a pussy I was you know I mean I kept saying I'm gonna get up then I saw dice in my head almost yeah I'm like this motherfuckers doing my material is the shit I've been writing I've been telling motherfuckers I'm gonna get on stage I've been writing my shit and this is what I've been fucking writing and I saw dice and once I saw dice that he pissed me off I'm gonna hunt this motherfucker down and fuck him up he's doing my material and shit I didn't have no material but that's what I thought in my head when I would walk down the street I would what he was saying so now I had to get pushed into it you know and

thank God Wendy put me up it's fucking crazy but when we when I got home that night I didn't write them down I just thought about all the lows all the nights that I came home they used to be a comedy newspaper called just for laughs yeah do you remember that yeah I was at the stand when you walked into any comedy club and it was a monthly publication put out of San Francisco but if you went to the back section it had all the comedy clubs in alphabetical state alphabetical artists who started with Alaska Alabama and I remember you know having 20 minutes Alonzo it being 1994 I'm doing comedy three years and it's all

I thought about like it was that and cocaine like you know I'm saying like I'll get up in the morning while I was pissing where am I gonna do a spot tonight and while I was showering it was where am I gonna get the money to do coke tonight and sometimes it would mix it be a magical mix because the Mexican was gonna give me 40 to do 20 minutes and then I get a free dinner at El Torrito yeah El Torrito in those days because I developed in Colorado but I think about those times I thought about that night I'll tell you what I came close to crying by myself that I put myself through all those nights like you

know on a greyhound bus I was a regular at the store and I was still greyhound yeah because you because we had to for 600 a week 500 a week no hotel right greyhound bus we'll worry about it when we get there where you gonna stay worry about when we get there and sure enough you get there you're holding out you do your little feature spot and shit no like where you gonna stay I don't know and there's usually one motherfucker it was all about stage time you know it was all about your life was I didn't know nothing else I didn't know you know when I tell people I didn't watch TV from 1995 to 2002 they die like I knew

nothing like people told me about Seinfeld and friends I knew nothing yeah I didn't watch TV till I moved out here and I got an audition for NYPD blue and I remember it used to come on Tuesdays right day nights yeah and how can I miss the fucking black show at the comedy store yeah if I'm watching NYPD blue because Guy Tory would put right up up there early so I remember sitting there watching NYPD blue Jimmy Smith is dying that's the episode yeah put me on when he was dying of cancer and shit and I'm like I'm missing fucking stage time for this shit I had a spot at the store but in those days it was following Paul Mooney

oh man 1245 became a night so that's not a spot that's a torture chamber but we were talking about this that night I remember doing a spot at 1.15 in the morning they used to remember the LA cabaret and Encino little when I got here it lasted six months after okay I did a spot it's like 1.15 for two people I mean there's two people left like yeah do your spot and you did it right because what else were you gonna do you had to do a spot so that was a spot you got yeah it was but again I think the passion that keeps you going can also be the passion that destroys you you know if it doesn't work and the other thing was the

other comics right you could you you because we were all doing it right so we were all like I came up with like Johnny Sanchez and Willie Barsena and Shang and Ollie and we were all doing this shit you know who Shang was the king Shang had one-nighters he had like a notebook full of one-nighters everywhere across the country be like Shang where I need it you know I mean I'm in Houston because you couldn't work in Houston there was nothing for you in Houston but he had some shit in Midland Odessa because because Houston was headliner territory you know what I mean but but the fact that we went through

that and I hung out with a lot of the Latino comics Jeff Garcia and it's an I remember when Fluffy bounced on stage and when Fluffy used to book the bicycle room yeah the bicycle casino and you had to pay it on Friday that's right that fucking dive and you would look that and you were like who is this fat kidney shorts but because he even then he had something that people just loved him right they they loved him and you would just see it you know and and but anyway you know we'd hang out right late at night whatever after you do your spots whatever you talk shit and you trade notes and and I remember they

used to be what was it called moose McGillicuddies in Marina del Rey and they had a comedy contest and you win it was either 50 or a hundred bucks it was something like that and we would take turns doing it because we because like if if Willie Bersena went Willie was gonna win and if I went I was gonna so what we would do is we're not going up against you to all right you win it this week and then I'll go next week you know what I mean because but but we had that and that was part of what kept us from from giving up that because there was always hope cuz someone got a job right someone got a gig and I know I'm

funnier than that motherfucker I it's hard to explain but that was the that was the life and that was how we came up in it I was out seven nights a week absolutely I don't know what absolutely what do you what are you gonna sit at home I was out seven nights a week with money no money didn't matter I found spots another thing I had this this was another thing I was lucky I think that I had pros I had pros tell me I was good and I think that helped a lot oh it means the world yeah I mean I'm two years in one and if a feature tells me I do a good job it's it's amazing yeah and do you guys ever like cuz to me it always

blows my mind when I see someone at your level doing a set and then they're like working on new stuff I like the comedy store love the laugh at like to to think about working on something at such a huge club it like I can't even think about it like what do you still have like the open mic mindset or do you like what do you guys think about well I I my favorite joke I don't know about you Joey my favorite joke is always my newest it's always my newest because that's the fun to work on but what we have that you don't have yet is we got the confidence because we know shit works so we know we can get them so

you know what it's what you do after you know you can make them laugh that's when you really get into the shit but first such a journey first yet you know let's listen an artist journey a musician a comedian it's a fucking journey man and the journey is to toughen your skin yep for later because if you can't take those first five or six years you don't want to deal with what comes in later you know there's times you know and then what would they call them they call them uptown problems yeah yeah you know it's it's it's but you got quality problem but you got prepared because you toughen your skin early on you you

know 20 years ago when I walked into an audition I couldn't sleep when I walked out of there now I walk into an audition and people ask me two days later how did you do and I don't believe talking about yeah if I get it I get it if I don't know exactly I leave it there was there was tough skin there was skin developed what he is the other thing the difference with comics is we got a practice in front of people you know see I got a lot of friends who are musicians and it's like yeah we we don't really have studio time right as a comic that's the difference we had to be bad in front of people if you play the guitar you

get to practice the guitar in your basement in your room and yet and then you come out when you're good at playing the guitar as a comic it's like now you got to be bad in front of people and then get good in front of people I'm really happy you said that along so because it it made everything in my life taste a little better it made me remember what I did go through like I almost got myself to tears on the drive home going really I did all that shit I really slept on park benches you know I slept on a couch just for the name of calmly you know I drove 16 hours to do a for 14 hours to do a guest set to try

to get work from knuckleheads and I got the work then they went out of business you know they gave me six weeks of work and they went out of business you know I mean I thought I think about all that those listen man I can tell you and you how many times are we happy to drive two hours for 25 bucks because you was getting paid and to taco you was getting paid and you got food and you were getting paid and people you know like it's funny to me like people will mention a town in California there's nowhere I haven't been it like oh Hemet or this is like yeah well you're kidding I came up in LA I've done

every town Eureka, Hemet, whatever, Visalia, you know all of these places yeah of course because what you had to right you had to drive and do you every night you were on the five south yeah all I know is going to five there was a time between Rudy Jeff oh man Rudy Jeff the other kid there was like six or seven Mexicans and these motherfuckers put your ass to work on a daily week I told I just did I thank them fucking every day I thank them I just did toys for tots for Rudy Sunday night and I was telling a friend you are not an LA comic if you haven't done a Rudy Moreno gig yeah you know nothing if you haven't

done one of Rudy's remember Rudy used to have all those rooms in the bray bull what the fuck you think you're dealing with $20 a show Friday and Saturday oh man I was there the night Marilyn got into the riot there was a riot yeah yeah you remember that he called me Joey what happened Rudy I don't know Rudy was man Rudy's and you know and and you know these are the guys right so people they don't know him they don't know who he is but he's an icon amongst comics icon I love Rudy I just break his balls he's always fucking fucking shit on Facebook so he drives me crazy hadn't solved them a few weeks ago because he

kept sending me a fly yeah like no words just a fly why you sending me this fucking fly for Rudy do you think I'll ever have you to come down one night not really Rudy a fucking flyer but you know I think of all those nights like being broke and going to the commerce casino Rudy giving you a hundred bucks for the commerce casino Thursday night running the back get Chinese food Thursday night really good Chinese yeah but I still remember going to commerce casino you know he would put altos yeah on the table and I would take two altos I wouldn't even put him in my pocket I just keep taking the altos from him and then in

between sets when he was up on stage I go Rudy Rudy Rudy and I just keep saying Rudy Rudy I used to love I'm trying to think where was I oh I did this bar gig that's called the federal bar it's in Long Beach and it was cool I did a few weeks ago there was a big motorcycle show so it's doing this show after the motorcycle show and a bunch of bike friends came down but anyway they were like you got to be offstage at 9 30 because dancing starts at 10 and I was like oh shit I ain't done one of these in a long time remember remember that you had to be offstage because the DJ the people would be lined up for the DJ and

you had to have you I used to have to follow a line dancing class and Denver on Sunday nights that turned into a pretty good room yeah but you had to wait for the line dancers to get out so I remember 92 that was a key break yeah hell yeah everybody was doing a key break a line dancing classes on a Sunday fucking night a hundred fat country woman with boots on and one black chick 99 white one black chick that's how I'm coming and yeah no thank you for enlightening me last listen the early part of your comedy career right it's annoying people yeah right you're doing comedy to the noise people you're going

to their local bar doing a comedy night that they don't know about right you're in the back of a bookstore that people want peace and quiet I did a bike shop two weeks ago if you're your gig is where can I go annoy people with this comedy Ahmed Ahmed used to have a gig in a I think it was at a Cuban restaurant in the in West L it was a restaurant you know and you'd you'd literally like these poor people came to eat dinner but we're gonna bug you for the next 45 they do that in the valley yeah there's a restaurant up here that does this people eating dinner and you're going up these people even know

it's common that's right that's your job your job they came to talk and you're asking them fucking questions if you're out of town your job it's we used to do this woman Victoria Dushoff she'd always get gigs in these hotels who is Victor Victoria well heard I think it was her dad her dad was a big-time club guy he died and something yeah she died of cancer father what was the name of it what was it the Latin casino the Latin casino right right and and she was great she but we would do a way to cancer yeah we would do Wednesday night at the Holiday Inn by the airport by LAX and every Wednesday there was like a German

tour group that stayed at the hotel so half the people at the bar did not speak English they were German and we were there every Wednesday night Shang used to I think I met Shang at that gig but but you know that's that's the work right so so this is what I was talking about and at the time I didn't know anything was wrong with that because I got on stage you know but there were times man where I took hits and and for me I'll tell you the hardest part for me was Def Jam crowds the hardcore black crowds because I'm a black comic but I'm not that black comic right I'm I come from a different place and those crowds used to I would

get destroyed I would get destroyed booed I did a place called my brother's favorite story in my career Manhattan proper in Queens where I grew up they didn't just boo me off the stage they booed me out to the building on to Lyndon Boulevard but the moment that the one I remember was it was at the Normandy Casino in LA right and and I was getting booed and heckled and this guy was hitting me with prison heckles that I didn't even know what the fuck he was talking about right and speedy I don't know if you knew speedy he what happened there I don't know but speedy came up to me he said yo man don't worry about this

shit he said you working in Hollywood already he said these motherfuckers would chill to get to Hollywood he said don't worry about them you ain't gonna gain nothing by getting them they're following you and and Cedric the entertainer said was another one who back in that day he was like you know you do you don't worry about this shit you do you and and this is getting back to what we were talking about when a pro says that to you this I'm two years in three years in right and and my own people you know I mean I'm like the fuck am I doing yeah and but but they were the ones who were like do you do you man you just don't

worry about it just keep working keep working and don't don't try to be something you're not don't try to be you know something this you know I grew up in I grew up in Queens I grew up in St. Omen's Queens working-class black neighborhood or whatever it's it's their own try to come from the hood because you ain't from the hood right you that's not you so so don't try to be that and and it worked and then and my heroes were guys like Franklin and Jai yeah right people don't even remember Franklin and Jai I should met him at the commie store like a mug and Franklin and Jai was was alleged Franklin and Jai was and he was

remember when I saw him in car wash yeah yeah that's what everyone remembers but his stand-up you know was he was brilliant and so so that that helped me a lot but those were the down times man I remember doing a set after I went to the black expo and I went up somewhere in LA I don't remember where black club and I was trying to make fun of the black expo and they wouldn't have in it they wouldn't have in that shit for a minute and those were the days that like I said if if it wasn't for the fact that I got up again you know the next day or two days later those that those that's how you build a joker what do you

remember more your crushes or your bombings bombing oh I fucking love them yeah I'm a little close to my heart well now you now I don't know about you I laugh when I bomb I laugh too because I'm like I got out of the way I'm like you know my thing is it's like how could I be that wrong yeah I thought this shit was funny how could I be doing this shit for 20 60 how could I have missed by that much I still remember getting the car and crying oh going this is my last spot your life your life is worthless this is the last time I'll go to spot the college store I'm gonna bomb it in front of Mitchy just walking

right to my car going well it looks like I'm going back to stealing I dated this chick and she had been married to a comic and she literally said to me she said you know I could fall in love with you she said but I can't do it again she said I can't do another comic it's too hard with you guys your fucking life it's just takes a special woman but but but what part of it would you trade me right now yeah what part of the road to be Joey Coco Diaz today you know I'm saying what part of the past 20 25 whatever would you trade right you can't because this time I'm on stage now and I can actually feel myself getting

laughter and I could see my mind going back to 94 and going the reason why I'm getting this laughter is because that night that bar ate that bag of dick man right when I'm on stage this is happening to me and I'm still cracking jokes but my mind is taking me there going the reason why I'm doing so well tonight is because of that particular night 97 Bremerton Washington right thank God I'm still in this well you talked about it earlier when you're doing the interview right you can talk to the interview now because you were on K K J. A. Y. in Ames Iowa it's Tuesday morning on the laughing clown and we got

Joey Coco Diaz and you did that art of that interview so when you sit on the couch at the tonight show you're like I got this right everything we did the lesson came up later every every shitty one night every time the microphone didn't work and now you got a problem they had a problem I've worked without a mic before lights went out all right get a candle let's go right cuz we cuz you've done you know we've done that shit right you or or you know you need time to I got to get my head right well now man cuz the greyhounds stopped at 7 and the show stopped at 7 15 I literally hit this stage on a dead run I still

remember changing in a cab from Dulles Airport on the phone with the host and I'm changing in the fucking cab from Dulles to Tyson's corner Virginia the guy had a hotel room on Fridays and Saturdays it was the Friday after Thanksgiving I get to the airport who's at the airport delayed and lit already my boy George Lopez I see him at the airport he's got to come over have a drink we start drinking a little George I gotta leave no you're delayed too so I was delayed with George I think I said we got to the airport at 7 I think I finally took off at like fuck my 11 I got to DC at like 848

then guess what Stevie Wonder was on the fucking plane so that I let him off first they got to get him up he's got to walk two steps you got to get the dog and eight other blind guys because he brings like three blind guys with him so that's another half hour and I'm running late to Tyson's corner and Stevie Wonder got to be on this motherfucking flight ain't that a bitch so all those things yeah like without even thinking there was that night there was no looking at your notes right it was 45 minutes are going up there and I hope I remember whatever the fuck out there on the plane yet you're focused on landing

you're not focused you're focused on landing I'm happy you stopped by what what are we gonna do with the clip is this man up to me what are the clip is gonna do this year okay this is my thing I'm a clipper fan I'm Joey I want the second round cuz we ain't been to the second round that's all you want I will this year I want the second round where about the finals next year this year I want the second round I got no problem with load management on Kawai he knows what he's doing if he says he ain't playing the night I don't care because come April and May he's MVP Paul George is even better than I thought so I see

the clippers going deep my only problem is fucking LeBron who's on a mission and I knew LeBron was gonna be great this season because he had the whole summer off I didn't know he was gonna be the best point guard and BA right LeBron's going crazy so we'll see but uh you know I'm there man you know I'm there and I'm gonna keep calling you I can't I hit you up for games I know you got shit to do I follow you make me laugh you're the only motherfucker that gets delayed every week by an airline every week I say man American Airlines Monday you're at war with American Airlines has my American Airlines has downgraded me

twice see to look on your face see you didn't see people don't even know that you can get downgraded yes Joey downgraded as in I paid for business and they're like look you want to go back to coach twice I've been downgraded Joey they give you your money back what yeah they give you a $300 voucher the fuck is that yes downgraded always working you always doing radio you're hustling and you're one of the true fucking I still love it man no that's still love it I had such a good time with you that night because I watched you up there after me talking and I'm like that's a problem man he didn't say shit he went

up there he's having a good fucking time okay on the web to who you text me and I was like see this is what I'm talking about this is what I'm talking about the love and this is what I was talking about about comics right about how we thought you and me might see each other five times a year but it's always good no it's always always good and sometimes just some shit happens and I'm like oh I got a text Joey about this Joey's gonna love this or vice versa clip is one again I was signed him when they signed him he gave me a shout out he said lots of been there day one this is what I'm talking about this guy was dead the

universe took care of it even happens as a fucking fan man I was so happy for you like thank you man and then I bumped into Eric Griffin yeah he got rid of his ticket so he bought him back he bought him back yeah we got that TV money you know yeah he bought he bought and he bought him back and he dates you want to promote why I got this weekend coming up La Jolla comedy store and then the weekend of the 21st I'm at Grand Rapids Dr. Grins beautiful yeah one of my favorites yeah Dr. Grins right yeah yeah up on the fucking people up on the third floor they good is a good fucking dude third floor I I'm in New York this week

tickets are gone Boston's gone right now I got available for you motherfuckers December 21st triple Christmas with Uncle Joey nice the Saturday before nice early show 730 you go to your cousin's house at 930 and snort coke or whatever the fuck you do uncle and that's it and that's that Alonzo I want to thank you man I love you coming by thank you so good to be back in the church giving us some love real quick the holidays are coming you want to look at some gifts for people I got an amazing unconventional gift for you give anybody in your life you ever look at your mom and go I wonder what my mom's asthma smell like

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for go do me a favor right now go to athletic greens right now press in church I'm gonna get your special offer 20 travel packs valid at $79 with your first purchase jump over to athletic greens comm slash church and get your travel packs today athletic greens are tremendous again the holidays are coming everybody wants to get that dick sucked but your dick smells like a billy go why because you got a fucking you got like like Julius Irving afro around your fucking dick and it's fucking sweats so it's over you're looking for a gift manscape you like Joey what's manscape it's the only tool you need to shave your

balls and the area around your fucking love pole it's called a low mower 2.0 for a reason they threw away the 1.0 and upgraded that tremor with a skin safe technology for you momos in the back that means it won't nick or snag your sack plus it's perfect for travel easy to charge and you can manscape with one fucking hand and if this is the first time you could sit in manscaping they got a deal for you ready Alonzo they have the perfect motherfucking package comes with a low mower and a safety razor plus a crop preserve especially formulated deodorant so your balls don't stink I'm wearing it right now and the

revival spritz that tones and refreshes your junk to keep you cool let's say you're an old man you got wrinkles on your nutsack you spray the revival on there forget about it it looks like fucking a shaved head looks like Lee's head nice and smooth with the perfect package your pouch will be powdered and your pole will be perfected what are you waiting for do me a favor right now today the church gets 20% off your first order when you use promo code church at manscape.com excuse me and if you order the perfect package they also throw in a free travel bag when you use the code church CHURCH that's manscape.com use

promo code CHURCH and get 20% off your order manscape precision tools for the family jewels I want to thank manscape I want to thank hello tushy.com and I want to thank athletic greens we're putting this podcast together but I want to thank Alonzo Bowden for being the star of it today my brother you always welcome on here I love you Joey thank you what you're doing you too man you too it's great to reminisce great to move forward whatever listen I just want you to let these young comics know that they're running a fucking charity out here you're gonna have to give you know when you burn the fire they take

ass from your skin they put on your face the same thing it's the grind baby it's a lot of grind fuckers love the grind it's all about the grind if you ain't gonna grind try tennis don't take your over there I love you motherfucker stay black I'll see you in New York and in Boston Saturday night kick this motherfucking mule Lee you baby baby baby I'm gonna leave you I said baby

you know I'm gonna leave you I'm leave you in the summer chair leave you in the summer comes rolling leave you in the summer comes baby baby baby baby baby baby I want to leave you I ain't joking woman I've got to ramble oh yeah baby baby I've got to ramble I can hear it calling me the way it used to do Oh I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I

oh baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, oh Oh, woman, woman, I know, I know Feels good to have you back again And I know that one day baby It's gonna really grow We gonna go Walking through the park Every day

Every day Every day Oh Every day Every day I'm gonna leave you Oh Feels good to have you back

And I know that one day baby It's gonna really grow You may be happy ever second day But now I've got to go away That's when it's calling me I said that's when it's calling me back home Oh Oh

Oh