Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #742 - Andrew 'Dice' Clay - Dice's Holiday Podcast

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

Andrew 'Dice' Clay, an iconic stand up comedian and actor, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. We also have a surprise visit from a very special guest!   This podcast is brought to you by:   Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order and a travel bag if you purchase “The Perfect Package” at www.manscaped.com and use the code CHURCH   Behind The Irishman podcast - Go behind the scenes with host Sebastian Maniscalco and learn about Martin Scorsese's new Netflix movie "The Irishman." http://smarturl.it/behindtheirishman

greetings from podcast village Monday the 9th of December the church is brought to you by Manscape the best and below the belt grooming Christmas is coming if you're here to unwrap your present you got to trim that tree dog get Manscape they created the only tool you need to shave your ballsack it's called a long mower 2.0 for a reason they threw away to 1.0 why because they shake compared to the 2.0 and they upgraded the trimmer with a skin safe technology for you momos in the back it means it won't nick or snag your nutsack now the church family can get 20 percent off your first order when you

use code church at Manscape this makes a perfect Christmas present all of the perfect package which I'll talk about at the end of the show with code church and they'll throw in a free travel bag when you use promo code church chur ch that's manscape.com use promo code church for 20% off your first order the church is also brought to you by Netflix new podcast behind the Irishman you've heard about Martin Scorsese's epic movie the Irishman starring De Niro, Pacino, Joe Pesci and my brother from a different mother Sebastian Maniscalco's crazy Joe Gallo if you haven't seen the Irishman yet go watch it listen to me it's a

tremendous movie I don't care what anybody tells you now do me a favor the first two episodes out and the final episode is coming out next Monday the 16th spoiler alert watch the Irishman on Netflix before you listen to the podcast trust me search for behind the Irishman on Apple products Spotify Stitcher, Pocket Cast or wherever else you listen to podcasts watch the movie then go behind the Irishman kick this meal Lee it's a beautiful day to be alive Andrew what's going on brother are you how are you great to see you it's been a minute you know that's why I'm drinking the

coffee trying to wake up to you I love it I love the car you pulled up in it's the second one of those I've had you like it yeah I love it take this off yeah you do I like hearing the music through it yeah the other one I kept for like 10 years you know and I just got another one because it's just you know how in Hollywood you know God forbid you know if you're anybody if you don't have the Mercedes or the Acura or the bullshit and I got nothing the Mercedes is the I gotta say it's it's a machine it's the greatest car on earth but the Challenger is just fucking cola and that's why I got it what

year is that one it's basically um is it a 19 that night no no I'm just saying I think it's a 19 2019 yeah it's only like a before yeah the other one I bought like 10 years ago you know and they don't change a much you know it's just like the perfect car just for you and your chick like there's a backseat but nobody's ever back there you know what I mean and it's and I never went for little sports cars it's a big car that's what I like about it I drive I don't give a fuck about BMWs convertibles nothing I drive a Subaru yeah I've driven one since 87 why stop now no you know what it's what you like that's

what I'm saying you know I've actually had I like a Cadillac you know I like the new STS Cadillac you know that's a good car but I don't want to drive 800 a month you know but I like the Escalade the shorter Escalade is like muscly you know I mean big I can't see well but yes I can't see everything's falling off and see I could never I had a truck for years in Colorado and the right side always had that I had more dense on the right side yeah I don't know what it is about the fucking eye well I drove that I drove that the truck for years but I just I'm into this car you know I mean it just feels good like

I'm not like a one-minute up guy like even though I got the car like a year ago you know it doesn't get old to me in 30 seconds where you treat it like garbage and you don't wash it and you don't I'm into it like the whole time I had that other one I was into it not that this means anything I just you know really appreciate the things I have you know I don't it just doesn't get up what what why are you looking at me like that I'm just happier here what kind of car you drive I drive a jet I wish I had your car you know no but I'm just saying but you love your car not as much as you do I just had just a car no I really do

I like the sides that I was screaming at the fucking salesman because I thought I'd maybe get a charger so I went to the same place it I didn't even realize in Vegas as a dodge dealership like three blocks from me so I go all the way on the east side where I got the first challenger and the guy and I go I'm thinking maybe I'll get the charger you know and um but you know I have to say and I'm thinking that because it's four doors so if I want to go out with my sons you know they sit in the back obviously so um so I go to get in the back I hit my head you know cuz now what they do they make that lower and they

bring the glass the back of the window like half over your head so I said her salesman I go why would they do that so if it's sunny out you're just burning the top of your head like why wouldn't they fit he goes well you know I just sell I go no but you're the fucking salesman you know and you have no answer for me you know then I sit in the front and I go is the seat smaller than the challenger and he goes well I don't know I go did you ever sit in a challenger and he goes yeah I go you ever sit in a charger you know and he's going yeah I go and you can't feel the difference you're gonna stand here and just fucking

lie to me now you know you don't know why the glass is the way it is you don't know why the fucking seat is the way it is you don't even have a color I'm looking for but yet you're telling me we'll give you a good deal on what on something I don't want is that what you're gonna tell me now and he's like well you know we could talk to the bike or talk to the boss about what I go there's not a car here that I want he goes well we could get you any color that you want and I'm going there's no if do you understand I go a car is an impulse buy I drove in here I got in a certain mood I go all right it's time to

trade this one out I'll get a new one maybe to charge you which makes fucking little baby seats they go because it's a sports car and I go and what the fuck is the challenger and I'm really yelling at the guy I go with the challenger beacon if we were in a fucking quarter law with the challenger be considered a sports car and he goes yeah I suppose no not suppose you know this is what the I go it either is or it isn't and he goes yeah it's a sports car I go so you answered the question so you know I'm not buying the charger because it's made out of shit it's just a glass car as far as I'm concerned it's gonna burn

people's heads off in the middle of the fucking desert I go and you don't have a challenger if you got all shit colors no fucking skyroof where I could open up the the skyroof is that what it's called some sunroof this one I'm a sunroof this one that you're driving now yes okay why wouldn't it if that's what I was looking for you know so then I'm told by a friend of mine in Vegas they go there's a dodge dealership two blocks from you for the most part and you're going a half hour the other way so I go to the other place and there it is one of a kind with the shake at a whole fucking thing and I go that's the car

just give it to me you know and take this and that's the story of the challenger because I know you like stories but I really get mad at salesmen when they try to bullshit me because even years ago a Cadillac I don't know if they did this course of me but I went to buy an Escalade EXT at the time you know the squareback so I'm looking at the back seat once again the salesmen they make like they know everything till you got a question you know how the front has the captain seats right nice high you know protection so the back doesn't have that right and I go where's the highest seat even in the regular one the not the

EXT I go where's the high you know backs on the seats well now it's got the little thing I go the little thing for what when you stop short kids can just break their necks that the head is above that shit I go so Cadillac is just gonna fuck you the adults count but the kids fuck them right fuck anybody in the back if you happen to have a fucking fender bender and your neck breaks off you know I go is that what you're telling me you know for the three cents more it'll take to build the fucking car for the 90 or 100 grand that you want for the car you don't get to support your neck I gotta worry who's in the back fucking

seat if somebody bashes into me because you said I fuck them fuck grandma and grandpa right fuck them you know I just fucking hate people because as I go on with life just I realize how everybody's full of shit like like did you see me walk in here with any friends no do you know why why cuz there are no fucking friends you know my mother taught me that when I was very young you know and of course you got to read between the lines you know in life you go oh this is a friend right you know sort of you know you know till they asked me to buy them a car and then they're not a friend anymore you know then I just

eliminate them from my fucking life because I don't know anybody any fucking thing you know whatever I got I fucking took in my life you know and you know people even say to me like yeah I gotta do this where am I performing oh tomorrow I'll be at the stand okay which is I just got to say it on the 10th and then also next week the 17th and 18th at the stand and I'm supposed to say that you know they asked me would you say that I'm happy then no I'm glad to see you yeah like you know even when I say well you know I could do you know Joe Diaz he's a buddy of mine you are a friend you know what I mean but you're not a friend I'm

with every day so it's like a pleasure to see you you don't call me up and go give me money I did call you know two days ago no no I'm saying you know to give you you know what I mean you know and I'm not you know this is mine I took the time to buy this in Baker that's a good choice you know with no cuz I got a brand new girlfriend for the last like four months now right which I'll tell you but Eleanor got her for me right that's and um and so on the way back from Vegas I stopped at Baker you know and that was like these sandstorms like she couldn't believe you know what are we doing here and I got no you don't

understand the candy they have at this particular place and she goes what candy what is with you with the candy and I look at I go what's with you you know just cuz I'm over 20 I'm not allowed candy anymore there's a cutoff date they got the big Tootsie rolls they got the they got the hot tamales in the box see what hot tamale try to do was put it in little bags like M&M bags you know so I stopped fucking buying them like you belong in a box you know like good and plenty good and plenty don't come in a fucking bag comes in a box the way it should like Mike and Ike right with the multi flavors right hot tamales you

think they didn't go back to the box cuz they saw I wasn't buying them so I got the Tootsie Rolls she goes I can't believe what you're walking at the five year olds coming in this gas station and not walking out with this much candy and then I showed her in the car how to line everything up with the Mentos and you know like cuz she got the Mentos then the Tootsie Roll then a Mentos then a Tootsie Roll you see there's an order you know then then the the bubble gum goes on the bottom part and then the boxes go on the top shelf okay you know like the hot tamales the good and plenty the Mike and Ike's and she's going you're a

man I go why can't a man like candy you understand it's what I like she goes well you know I know you told me a sugar level yet like I had diabetes for half a minute like everybody's getting you know I have like that's the hot like God forbid you don't have diabetes you're not part of the in-crout that's why I stayed a fuck out of Florida they're all just the walking fucking oh my god yeah you know I mean I gotta go there too this week but I you know that's that's alright you know yeah I don't even know the name of the place I'm just going and doing it and I'm getting the fuck out of there because I got the fucking

relatives calling from eight months ago okay eight months ago they're calling you know are we gonna hang out are you gonna come over why so you could bring the neighbor over five minutes after I'm there I'm never going over you know eight months and I tried to explain with the texting I go I can't talk about a one-night gig I'm doing eight months from now I don't like to think about when I got to travel I'm sure you the same way I don't want to think about it I'm what's in front of me all you care is it that's right and then once you're on stage your home wherever you are drives me crazier than a friend of

mine calling me going hey I see you're gonna be in Jersey like today no call me and go hey I see you're gonna be in Jersey in August would definitely come in it all is me the fuck off I called a friend of mine last week I have I have a certain thing when I go on the road that whatever I have bad luck I don't know what I do that I have bad luck but every time I go to town to some to my hometown somebody's mother dies I've never seen anything like this so I get these people who call me and they'll go we're coming I bought 20 tickets we're going to dinner at Spargos whatever they they give you the whole lineup of

what they're doing then the day of at 2 o'clock I'm gonna come on my computer so I'll get the text messages I'll get a text my mother has dementia and she left the house and got on a bicycle and fell off the bicycle what are you talking about the last time I was in Atlantic City this guy tortured me for a fucking no stress factory I was just the October 24th tortured me for a year I'm coming I bought 20 tickets the day of my father the bag broke so you can't piss every time I go home who gives a fuck they call you a year before these relatives are just people that be a friend I love them to death but I don't you try to you

want to let them know like listen I don't really give a fuck about next August like I'm not even thinking about yeah fuck I'm thinking and don't they have a job don't they have a job they don't want to get up lives careers they have everything but they think like what you do is just a joke not like it's work up there right you know what I mean they don't understand like you're burning out your brain you know now what they get it now you know they get it now my family my my relatives they never got it they never got it like when it went you know cuz after they they don't get the response from me they get to my

sister okay and my sister tells them like this is for the last like two and a half years I was like single so my sister would say if he hangs out with you but a time he's done all the good he wants to meet girls he wants to have a good time he doesn't want to sit there and go so what's new who gives a fuck what's no I don't care what's no as long as they're all healthy and happy God bless stay the fuck away from me who's left in Florida you know I got I got plenty there yeah yeah cousins and it's just like don't bar and now I got a new girlfriend so when I come there you know I want to be with her you know I don't

need them staring and looking and judging get the fuck out of here you know put me on the list what list it's a shithouse you understand it's a little fucking shithouse that I'm having fun I'm enjoying finally after like I made it like in 88 so that's like 32 years ago like normally a guy when they make it like at that point they're done by 94 you know it would just be over you know but I'm like which Joey knows my career I'm like one of those animals that just keep building it so I'm finally at a point where I could enjoy my shows you know what I mean like I love like I'm mentioning the stand and governors and you

know all these little clubs that I'll stay on for an hour an hour and a half because I'm enjoying the craft of being a stand-up you know you know and then you know you get like an asshole that wants to go well how come you're not at the garden this week you know like that's not what I'm doing like even when I did the Roseanne shows and it and that was giant that I would look at that as giant when you're in over 2,000 seats you know it was like 4,000 people that night and we didn't even put 4,000 seats on sale we put two on sale but we did four out of you know they ask you can we add can we yeah okay great and when I was up there

it wasn't fun for me it was work you know plus they want to get people back in the casino and instead of like drawing out the bits you know and adding to them and making it great you're just banging them over the head and getting rid of them and I like doing that you know I like these smaller places and it's you really like now I'm bringing I bring people on stage I take pictures with them like do the show if I happen to like them because you tell them don't take out your fucking camera don't yell anything out don't feel you're gonna get thrown out like I had a thing at the lair factory a few weeks ago where I

left the stage mentally like on this one guy that was just drinking and yelling and I said I go this is now a personal thing to me I go I go I'm not in the show right now I don't fucking like you and you're gonna ruin the whole vibe I said I will come there I'll grab you by your throat and I'll throw you to fuck out of this room I said say one more fucking thing and see what happened like I just lose it because I don't want the 300 people that are there to not have a great time because the one guy that can't hold this fucking liquor it's not like heckling 30 years ago where it was fun and you bounce back and they're just

drunk they want to yell something in the middle of a bit that makes no fucking sense and I just destroy him or have them thrown out I enjoy getting rid of fans you understand I I know fame is basically new to you the last couple years is where your star has risen you know so it's new so you might actually like to meet people like I tell them on stage I go I'll give you everything just don't come over to me if you see me in the casino I don't want to meet you you know I don't want to take a picture with you that you're gonna tell me you're gonna grab my shirt and go it's blurry do another one I don't want to sign

anything I don't want to hear some bullshit story that you made up or a friend of mine that's not even a friend that's been telling you for 30 years he's a friend I don't want to hear it you know I don't want to fucking know you I don't want you to follow me I don't need you on Instagram to me is like a goof like I do it for fun because it's just there to do and I had I get Eleanor like at her worst moments and I film her and it nothing makes me happier than to see her get angry at me you know I mean it's just an enjoyable part of my day when I could aggravate her you know and because she's great at being aggravated

you know she hates her whole fucking life so if I see her mad at me I just hit the camera and I get whatever I could get out of her and so that's enjoyable to me but to meet somebody and hit you know remember when you came out with the poems yeah no when you first said and they start doing one I go I don't need you to tell him I cut him off like I don't let him go through with the poem I said I don't want to hit my poem I know my poem no but when you said no but I don't want to hear it from you you don't know how to do it you're an asshole guy you're 60 walk the fuck away I'm not a people person I'd love to be on stage

but I don't want to meet anybody because I know how most people are no fucking good and I know it because I see them in their cars and I see how these motherfuckers no good in their fucking hearts don't even bother to use the blinker the closest thing that's right there that tortures me on people right there why this is me off and it it's a lure and there is a fine you understand and they could cause a lot of problems you know people could get killed over this shit like it's right there why not why didn't you use it why didn't you use your blinker why why do you think making a u-turn anywhere was acceptable why do you think the

guy pulling out of his spot wants to choke you to dice or a guy make one of those illegal use and hit a car pulling out from the other side of Ventura Boulevard bashed in the guy's fucking door you know I wanted to see that guy get out of the car and kill him I really wanted to see it and the guy they'd hit him had no fucking shoes forget about the flip-flops had no fucking shoes I wanted the guy that guy'd hit to take a pipe and just beat him to death and I would have watched it like a TV show you know because and I don't see any cops stopping anybody doing this shit you know what I mean just

wherever you are I'll make a u-turn here fuck everybody the rules that are out nobody's paying a tent the simplest thing a blinker you know it upsets me to I hate when people get in an accident they just stop right in the middle of the freeway how about on the train what happens on the train you know where they where you know they sit down they put their bag in the middle oh yeah yeah and nobody wants to move their fucking bag cock suckers as you would say no fucking good and then when you ask him you mind if I sit there and they make the face like you're doing the wrong thing I paid for a ticket fuck face

you know fucking good piece of shit and that's why audiences need to be treated as I treat them look I'm not begging them to come see me I don't care if anybody comes to see me I don't even want them to you know but if they're gonna pay me money to be somewhere and people want to pay to come I can't stop them you know I'll entertain I'd be happier with ten people a show you know what I mean I could stay up even longer no pressure but they they they keep showing up and it keeps getting bigger and bigger now I got this another I was never gonna go back to Australia you know so they keep upping the money you

know like you motherfuckers I hate them do you understand like you know and everybody go oh you'll have a good time it wasn't I didn't have fun the first fucking time yeah alright I held the koala bear for 30 seconds I could have lived my whole life out without ever holding one you know what I mean because it's the whole Ford fairling thing you know that I had a koala bear so everybody so I went to a koala park and I held one and it was very cute but believe me if I was 90 years old now and they go do you feel bad you never held the koala bear no no I don't like my dog what the fuck do I care about a koala bear what am I

to people no pressure comedy the pressure comedy yeah pressure comedy because I lived a lot of it is you know when I did these bigger-than-life places and you know I was never into the drugs or alcohol I did it with a straight head so when you're facing anywhere between 15 and 21,000 people a night there's a lot of pressure because number one you feel them going through you and that's what I felt in Atlantic City when I did the Roseanne show like you feel the energy of the crowd going through you like it's just too much you know and I train every day just about but even back then when I was 30 I would feel it you

know and it was just too much because I did you know so many tours it was you know it was you know hundreds of shows like that and when you're in a comedy club you know rather when you're in a comedy club and nobody's expecting you to be when you just do a pop-up somewhere that's when I feel no pressure at all you know it's just like me in a living room full of people even when I'm in a club you know it's a small environment you know you could really feel your laughs you could really stretch out your material whatever bit it might be and you come on stage like pleased with yourself of course you got better at the

bit and you added things to the bit you know rather than having to be in front of a big crowd and just bang them over the head for 50 minutes or an hour and go it's not the kind of show I want to do you know that's the one thing I realized when I did those shows with Roseanne I go I don't need this I don't need to be in these you know bigger-than-life places it's just not what I want to do you know and so I've been enjoying you know the biggest should be about it's weird how you know theaters have like rather than 2,000 down 1900 seats you know so they could steal the other hundred seats that they're not

telling you about right it's really 2,000 but they you know you got to let people steal their money you know it's just how the business works you know I remember having an argument with a guy that had a theater talking about well where's my you know percent well you didn't make percentage you know we gave a you know 90 tickets comp tickets you know you know and I'm going what does that have to do with me they're not 90 people for me I don't even I'm not friendly with 90 people you know who am I giving the tickets to you know it's going well you didn't make the percent I go no but I did because you gave those

away you know it's on you but I don't get mad it's like that's just part of the business you know that you get ripped off you know you're still walking away with a bundle you know so I can't complain about that but yeah I like being in a smaller environment like you know when I'm at the Trap in Vegas to me that's like a home away from home in the lair factory you know so that's why I do I do that like once every month one that every other month and it's just enjoyable to me so you're interested in shooting another special if I did another special would be a the only thing I got in my mind is almost like a documentary slash

special and and I'm not talking about stage show clip stage show anybody doing that and I'm telling you if you do like a an hour don't ever leave the stage meaning don't go to you know Joey on the bus coming to town and then back to stage I don't like that it doesn't work it's like watching the stand-up special with commercial you know I'll tell you the truth I'll never forget when Paulie short did his first special years ago and he goes can I throw a concept that year because I was already dice and doing whatever I was doing and you go so I'm gonna do a special my first special and what I want to do you know and he

explained like being on the bus and then cutting to the stage and you know then showing them with the fans and you know all kinds of back to the state I go I wouldn't do it that way you know I go once you get I don't care if there's a lead-up to the stage I think that's good you know but once you were on the stage you don't cut away it's like when you watch Comedy Central specials you get into the guy or the girl and then they're gonna commercial that's what I'm saying well that's when I you know got a jerk my dick off and I'm not coming back I'm just not coming back you know once they get once it's gone it's gone like

oh let me rev up to laugh again you know I mean it doesn't work that way you know you got once you're on and he's going no well I want to do it this way you know I'll never forget like after I give me advice I wanted to I go so what the fuck you even asking me for and he did it that way and it was an awful special you know not that Paulie's awful but it was an awful way to do things you know it's like it just doesn't work so if I do like the kind of project I want to do it would be like because I got hundreds of tapes of all that time and it's like my son Max always says he goes you're never gonna be explained the right way till

you explain it because you know your story and you know how how bumpy it's been and how rough it's been that every move every move I've ever made is not come without the aggravation it's just how the career and life is gone and I don't mind that you know it's just how it is though so but I would know how to tell the story you know nobody's you know who explains me but you're Joe you know Rogan and I love when he does this when he has a comic on because they don't want to hear about anything other than themselves and for whatever reason Joe gets into talking about me to a lot of these guys and they don't want to

hear it they they calm about it but they don't want to fucking and the calmer they are the longer he talks about it it's the greatest because people are calling you go you got to see this clip from Rogan because like he'll like he talks about you know how comics are doing arenas today but he goes but dice when he did it you know it was different it was it was an explosion in the country you know but but he's got no he's not like you know I love Howard Stern but even Stern never laid it out the way Rogan does you know because it was happening when I was doing Stern Stern was coming up you know he wasn't

the Howard Stern of today he was going city to city and fighting all those guys and building his career so I was the biggest thing in the fucking country and I had more confidence than anybody I ever met in my life so even he would never really give it up like that you know but Rogan will go hey look when dice hit it was like a bomb going off you know and it's never happening again don't lose that thought I gotta go peak you definitely all right it's I'm gonna tell you well Ari has some great stories about him opening for you and when you were talking about the audience he has he told a story on his podcast

about someone asked to take a picture with you yeah and he made an eye contact with you and he just didn't get you in the picture in the frame yeah because that was the right thing to do well one of the that was in the days where there were cameras that you didn't have the instant let me look at it and see if I need more which I can't fucking take and um so the comics at the store knew when they take a picture I'm not in it for the most part like you might get a shoulder right yeah you might get an ear but what was fun is when like um the person getting the picture goes are you pointing the camera it looks like the

camera's a little too high because you might get like the top of their heads right yeah you know like I'd love to see those pictures you know because there's thousands of them out there which is hysterical oh I'm sure there are yeah and we used to just crack up because it was like it's just you know I mean if it was somebody that was really nice and pleasant I would I would say it like this ago if it was Ari I'd go take a good picture like a nice picture yeah you know but if it was some hard on some drunken fucking asshole did I got to say get your hands off me you know what I mean because they get very touchy you

know you know they get you know I just look at them like you know like I look up at the sky or something and that's what the picture would be you know like the moon you know and it's just like a game you play just a little game with the other comics that's so funny you know I love all that stuff and that's also when I started filming you know everything you know with with the comics and I'd call it the show and I'd come to the store with my fucking camera and everybody had a pot like Ari was the antagonist he's the one who ever you know this was a whole new group of clients when you started well you might

have been there a couple years before before 97 okay so you know but it was Ari and rena CZ and Maz Maz Gibrani was the foreign comic you know um Mike Marino forever for whatever reason we called the Russian you know which is hysterical um Steve Simone was misery you know always in a bed but like you'd see like um Ari talking to like James Painter let's say and go what are you what are you talking to dice for you know you know he goes you know dice is you know I want to open for him he's no way he's done you know like Ari was always that guy but he's also that guy in reality you know how he is he bad

miles everybody you know like there's a scene I got where Ari's talking to Sebastian and uh and Sebastian's going what's dice doing with the camera you know around the car and Ari's like you know he's just he's looking for something to do you know what I mean you know and what I'm gonna do I'm gonna put the whole fucking thing up on my youtube channel and did he direct this or did you just yeah no I directed it okay you know oh the first scene with with Maz Gibrani is hysterical because he's like walking in the back parking lot you know and I'm in my leather whatever I'm smoking you know and I go hey you

you know he's going can I help you and I go yeah uh I hear you're like from the the middle of something and he goes the middle east and I go yeah well I'm from Brooklyn and he goes I might be coming there and I'm like oh yeah and I'll be waiting and that's like his first scene into the series that never aired on anything it was the unknown series it's hysterical but everybody waited to film every night that's that's why I became friendly with Rogan because he would ask me like what what are you doing you know you're kicking waitresses out of the kitchen I go they're in my shot you know he goes what shot what show is this I go it's just the show you

know and he's like did you change all those lights I go yeah I had to give it a mood I go it was very stark lighting you know because the whole kitchen's red you know I go red and green those are good colors for filming you know or blue you know yeah I changed all the fucking bulbs this is during comedy store I come up behind the guy in the original room it was perfect because I didn't know he's this fucking ugly and Dave Taylor's on stage and I come in I got the camera so I'm seeing Taylor in the back of this guy's head and I'm going hey asshole face I'm whispering you know and there's no reason I go asshole face because I just wanted to call that to somebody you know and this ugly motherfucker ugly never wins in this world I gotta tell you the one of the ugliest

guys I ever fucking saw it was perfect because when he turned around I'm like he really does have a face like a fucking asshole and I go you want to come with me a minute you know and I take him outside and I get him on film okaying I go this is for my tv show you know so you gotta say your name and that it's okay to use the footage because you're part of the show now he's an audience member the guy paid to come into the comedy store and I'm treating the whole comedy store like it's my set you know and it went on for months and months uh my son Dylan who was nine tells off Ari while they're playing that stupid game up in the office the what is that game foosball foosball whatever the fuck that people waste their life on so you know Ari's playing with Dylan Dylan's nine years old

you know and uh and Ari's like you know I don't think your dad's funny you know he's playing the game and Dylan's like what was that you know and he goes I said I don't think your dad is funny you know and Dylan just goes do you ever play the forum you know like just asking him questions did you ever do the uh Mecca in Milwaukee you know and Ari's like what he goes have you ever you know done multiple nights like Dylan knew a bunch of fucking shit and he's burying this man you know and Ari's looking at him going you know I work you know and Dylan just throws like giant fucking things I did and then the next scene is I grab Ari by his throat in the kitchen because he took a piece of pizza that I went out to get Eleanor after she screamed at me that I

couldn't find her a chicken sandwich because I was going with her at the time you know you know and while she's screaming at me a whole lot of love is on in the background and you see different comics walk in and stopping like Sebastian you know bewildered comes walking into the kitchen like what the fuck is going rent a CZ puts down boxes to see that I'm getting late and then it cuts to Mike Marino you know going he's on the phone he goes I gotta go because he's the Russian and and that's the end of the scene so by the time I got the pizza you know I was just done so when Ari took a piece I just grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall go put the fucking pizza down it's not your pizza because he's a pizza thief you know so 32 years

ago 1988 did you think you'd still be here 32 years later doing standout I didn't you were doing those arenas what the fuck was but you're like when is this gonna end when is this madness gonna end does it ever end well I did I remember being like we were doing um I think it was the uh I called it to the max when max was born you know and it was a tour like I had to come up with all these names to and I go I'm good for this till about 40 that's how I looked at it like to do those kinds of things then I didn't know what I wanted to do you know and I was only like 32 at the time something like that you know it was just a lot you know and I'm going like this kind of energy like to just keep blowing this kind of energy out but you know I knew I would do the stand-up

I I didn't know how I'd feel about it but I would be interviewed like that people would go where do you see yourself five years from now 10 years ago 10 years from now and I would talk about probably more movies you know that was more of the going to be the stepping stone of what I wanted to do but you know I went through a lot of black uh blackballing because of the controversy advice all the stuff that the comics are dealing with today I went through alone you know I was the only guy getting attacked for my language and my subject matter you know and the only one that you know ever stood up for me was Eddie Murphy you know every comics I knew that's why I say there's no fucking friends I'd see them on morning shows badmouthing me I'm buddies with this motherfucker

you know it was unbelievable to see all that go on but it wasn't going on to the country it was going on to me it was an attack on me and I would just get angrier and then I would get nastier on stage you know like like my gay material back then was just funny jokes but as the media kept attacking I'm like well I'll just give them what they want now you know and that's where I came up with um you know uh you know like the the jokes were funny because I would talk about um I don't even do it anymore like uh uh what was the gay jokes well the trans like I talk about the transgender thing today I go but years ago I called them trans testicles you know you meet the girl I said I would talk about the gays and the buys and oh bisexual you either suck dick or you don't suck

dick what do you do wake up in the morning flip a coin heads I want hair by tails balls across the nose and then you got these other things I go these uh trans testicles you know what's this you meet the girl your dreams your wine a diner take her home you put your hand up a skirt you're holding a tree trunk you know so back then the the half chick wasn't popular you know like nobody even knew what the fuck it was so I would get so people would come after me for that you know so now I do a whole bit with you know of course the Caitlyn and that whole thing and I go but when I discussed this years ago you know I was just looked at like what the fuck is this you know but I saw it all coming you know and I was just under constant attack so then I added on I go and then you know

when they get the AIDS thing you know they can't figure out where it came from because now I'm angry at the press now I'm going to do nasty stuff because the trans the trans testicle the bisexual it's all fun bullshit jokes but now I go so then they get the AIDS oh I can't figure out how I got to what do you mean you can't figure it out you're walking around with shit on your dick you're bound to pick something up you know and that's when the media would go fucking berserk on me because AIDS was just happening and you know and I'm like hey you're gonna fucking come after me like this I'm not gonna show you any side of Andrew it's all dice now fuck is all when how did Eddie stick up with you oh Eddie came out on our scenario and said I don't care what anybody says about him

he's the funniest guy there is I'm going to see him at the forum you know he it was it was pretty amazing because he also pulled Eddie used to come over to me see I'm glad what's happening for him now you know because he is the greatest you know from movie star to comic just the greatest I'm driving down Laurel over Laurel Canyon like going towards Melrose and uh Trini's with me and she goes that's Eddie Murphy yelling he was in a little Mercedes sports car convertible and I'm in a 1970 Cadillac convertible which you would love you know and he's going pull over pull over and I pull on a side street and there's a million cars coming you know it was great like that would have made a great picture you know yeah and she's sitting in the car and Eddie gets out going don't

you let them fuck with you don't you let them fuck because he used to come over to me at the comedy store he'd come there with 20 guys when he was you know working on uh his stuff you know and he'd walk away from his entourage he just dug me you know and what I do and then when I took off it baffled him you know like he even said to me he goes how do you draw 20,000 people a night because it just wasn't something comics did and he's about as big as it would get he did like if he did the garden he did like his concert in the uh it was called the paramount at the time it's it's 6,000 seats carlin did a concert there did a special there I did the god I did the sports arena I didn't do the the small room which was amazing to do that room but comics weren't thinking

I'll go into the big room you know I'll go into the basketball arena so he goes how do you sell 20,000 seats a night I go what do your movies make you know 400 million dollars I'll switch I'll switch any day you want you know because he was amazing to me you know and still is like I love what I would call his resurgence now because we all know Eddie Murphy doesn't need money but if you're in this business you like to be relevant you know and like to me that was even the thing when I took rosanna out with me it's like she never has to work again as far as money goes but what they did to uh I felt was just wrong what the network did and she just wants to feel relevant so that's why I started doing some shows with that that was about you watch dolemite

yeah I watched half of it and I and I love it I love it I love it it was just you know my house is like an after hours club my sons are up like all night and we started watching the dolemite at 2 30 in the morning so you know at about 3 30 I'm tired so I want to you know go up you know and get stoned out and whatever you know do you think Eddie will make a comeback it's done it's not even you know why if I think he's one of the greats of all time I can't see I mean he won't do that special till it's ready you know but it's something I'm looking forward to I think but Andrew how are you gonna get ready if you don't go out how are you gonna get ready you can't do stand up in front of the mirror I could get Andrew Chris Rock uh Louis C. K. and fucking

nick the polo and give yous each 200 grand and give me 15 minutes of material if I don't get up on stage and work that material it's not gonna work oh you're talking about Eddie yeah he's gotta work out he's gotta work I don't care what riders you get yeah doesn't he's training where the gym I don't know what he's got in this house no no I'm talking about stand up oh the stand up part getting in front of oh how do you know where what he's doing because I would be at the store if I was him he's I don't know where he is I don't know if the minute Eddie Murphy pops on the stage it's gonna be on the front cover yahoo with Eddie and a microphone you're whether it's a comedy store the laugh factory the improv Bubba's comedy house the black comedy club by the airport okay

if if if all these great riders got together and rode him an hour you gotta practice you gotta work did he say he's not gonna practice I I haven't seen him oh okay so I'm saying to myself listen I'm Eddie I'm here because of him and you I think I'm here because of him and you I don't think you could just I wouldn't I wouldn't if you gave me 70 million dollars for a special I gotta fucking give you the best I well I I talked about it I think that um you know just knowing who he is I I'd want like you could take the money and run type of thing but I don't think that's what it's about I think it's about what I was talking about the relevance the relevance absolutely you know because you know I've talked to him about like even when he

does like a rant in a movie like how fast he would like deliver his dialogue everything from 48 hours to you know even when he put you know the movie he did with Owen Wilson where he plays the fighter like his monologues I I would ask him like how do you do that you know is it written is it ad lib shit and he goes you know you're an actor you do I go no but it's your tempo like you lay out like 10 pages in a minute you know it's different than knowing like a paragraph and then someone it's different when it's these monologue he's he's one of the greats he's just one of the greats but I think he'll deliver no matter where he gets it ready I think he'll do oh no no I think he'll deliver but he's got to get ready I think when I asked you about no pressure and pressure

comedy is this I shot two specials and I hated the journey on both of them yeah well that's gonna happen I hated looking back at it now I fucking hated the whole thing when I did the Netflix thing when I got off that stage I said something's gotta change I don't like this and I came home and I made a point I'm 55 years old you can't take nothing away from me now I'm going for it I don't want to shoot a Netflix special I don't want to shoot an HBO special I don't do nothing I just want to fucking do stand up people get mad at me why don't you add shows why don't you sell t-shirts because it's a law diminishing returns I don't want to worry about a fucking extra large nothing bothers me more when I ask Andrew how is your weekend in Connecticut

and you look at me and go make sure you go up there you're gonna sell a lot of merch so wait a second you did five fucking shows and you're gonna talk to me about merch I want you to talk to me about your stand-up experience so I found too many comics were worried about merch always and it fucking pisses me the fuck off you want to know something when I go into a city I don't want to do your podcast I'm telling you right now you're not gonna get me to do your podcast because when I get on a plane I get on a plane to do stand to do stand up exact that I have a great fucking time doing stand up well I will tell you like even the gigs I'm going to do I don't bring t-shirts I mean I know the stand is making up shirts to sell whatever and that's okay because I'll wear it on stage

you know but I'm not I don't I never really cared with the merch you know what I mean it doesn't my wife sells it she sends it online that's great I'm not bringing merch on me there was so much I hate the word merch I don't like any of it when the comic comes number one I gotta meet the people yeah that goes back to meeting the people and it's I don't if I did sell merch here if I sell merch look at this when you hit 88 it was a different system no I had a day that was it was all just a deal but no no but you hit on word of fucking mouth you and I had this discussion that when you read for crime story he called you when you were at West Orange at Rascals that you had read and you did it backwards and he called you 10 months later and you hit

all this shit it was fucking tremendous and that's why from then when I started going into auditions I knew they had the camera on and you told me just let the camera go and do shit so that's how I started booking stuff because you told me to start booking shit but what I'm saying because everybody's gonna read the same lines you gotta give them something a little that a director goes oh I could direct this guy you know what I mean so they watched Young Crime Story they saw the special you tape from Philly there was no internet there was no nothing today this starts with a tweet Facebook Instagram a podcast the completion of the circle is them coming to see you and then buying a shirt you shaking that yeah that's the completion of the circle I love to do that

circle I love to do that other than the t-shirt except I don't want to sell t-shirts I don't mind going out when I'm done with a show I like to sit because I'm burnt you know I'm burnt that's what I'm trying to tell you just want to fall on the couch you know the agents want to call you they're at a show you know what that second show they're not going to get well you know what I did it I won't do two shows anymore a night I do even in a club but I did add a second one you know I'm very close with the the owner of Governor's James so you know I just got a text that you know it's gone all the tickets are gone it's only like what can it be close to 600 tickets you know so I said you want to know because he asked would I do another one the next night

I just don't want to decide said you know I just stayed at the saturday night I'll do it but other than that it's all one show a night we have them going I want them to get the most the best of me exact and that's one show but that's one show I'm not 34 no more I can't do any shows in the fucking week and give you I can't do it how many did I ask you to do although I asked me to add like the last weekend they wanted me to add one in Boston and I told Blumenreich no I just I told I did two I did two at Town Hall and I'm doing one at fucking Chevalier so you know what I don't like doing two and two I'm going to be tired it's a three hour fucking train ride it's a three hour train ride on Saturday plus

I got my family in New York I got to talk to my nieces my nephews they're all coming so when I get into Boston it's four in the afternoon my show's at seven yeah those 930 people will get shit I don't want to give them shit so I didn't have a show yeah I didn't have a show I'm an econ major I'm a law diminishing returns yeah you could just put so much in you know next year I'm not gonna do Thursdays I'm leaving at five at night get into your town at 11 12 eat something smoke some dope get up and do four shows and get the fuck out yes even four sounds like a lot to me two and two or maybe one and one yeah I like the one and I three nights is pretty I like I don't like one show a night I like Thursday night off so I could eat I could go see the town sometimes you know it's a

good schedule sometimes you do a Wednesday take Thursday off and do Friday sadly just one show a night yeah but that's four nights without my daughter can't do it no more oh I see what you're saying I see so you do three in a row yeah so I like Thursday Friday I'm doing Tempe Thursday Friday Saturday but everything else is just Friday have you been there yet I'm going there in uh Tempe Arizona yeah I'm going there I think in January the improv at one of Joel's room yeah yeah I love okay Tempe is one of my favorite okay 20 years they try to switch me to Phoenix I don't want to go to Phoenix I've made me a fucking Tempe you know the new one it's the new one the new one is Phoenix I don't know where that stand up live that's 600 seats yeah I like it it's a great

room it's a little bit too big for my taste you follow yeah it's a little bit too big uh me and Ari sold it out I could sell it out that's not the problem I like the Tempe improv it's already three something okay yeah that's a great size a little smaller you know the agents always want money everybody's looking for money I want them to have a good experience the money will the money will come if I keep giving them good experiences the money always be there yeah it's supposed to run the career that you want to have you know that's why when you ask like what I want to do you know I'm going yeah I would do a doc slash concert but in a club you know and anybody that comes to me that's what I tell them I go I go it's part of the doc the last half hour is is part of a club

set you know I go that's how I would do it I go that's the only thing like I'd want to do if I shoot anything I'm doing a 25 minutes set in the main room on YouTube see that's it I love I have become you know I was Mitzi's host for all those years and I used to listen to her she used to say little things to me 60% of the shit was fucking out of this world's craziness you know put on a Fidel beer the handcuff oh yes you know she loved that shit you just had to avoid it but she'd tell you something once a month and after she died and after what happened in Vegas with Netflix I just decided I just go to the store now but what happened to Netflix I just didn't do what I was wanted to do I was working out the wrong places I should have been at the store because metal

sharpens metal uh I didn't want people to see the material I you know I got into my head I watched John Mulaney special all of a sudden I'm thinking I should be John Mulaney and be clean I want to get real you went through this I went through this whole thing for no reason and I got on that plane from Vegas and I changed everything around and you ask I don't know at the store now whatever comes out of my mouth comes out of my mouth I could care less so did Netflix give you pressure to clean it up was that no no not at all Netflix did Netflix was great all the way through it was me it was a faulty wiring you can't be anything but you that's what it's supposed to be what I didn't do and now what I I don't even I've never watched that full special I watched like

the first eight minutes when it came out on Netflix I shut it off and I swore that that person would never come back again when I go up there now I'm a bolt of fucking lightning I don't give a fuck what comes out of me and I like the original room you like the man I don't know I love the original that's my room like but there's so much action now in the main room that I've gotten good in the main room yeah I just to me that's like doing a concert yeah the main room was like it's big you gotta be big nope but I'd rather be but it's training it also trained me for theaters you know I'm doing a lot better in theaters I'm doing a lot I'm the original room guy yeah I'll live and die when I when I get my wake is at the original room all right okay there's no

venerary funeral why don't we gotta go to the more bitch though because it's the truth I want to be buried under the fucking stage at the original room all right like you know I'm saying wait a minute I think we got a guest we got a guest we got the podcast to come in who did she want to meet look who's this cute little girl this is my daughter and you put put that thing away oh yeah no because I got her something okay I got her something that's right look what he got I never I never share my candy because I love candy what's your name mercy mercy how old are you six and a half six and a half look at you you look like you just get what kind of class were you just uh here come closer so yeah yeah so you can tell the people

so I um my class was just movie tie um Mike and it's called team bully busters it's like like we don't really earn belt steer because it's not really dare sink but they did you like to keep bullies away right yeah show show with mom mom will put the target that's a kick in the arm kick in the other kick with the right foot there you go macro six years old and you could do that I'm practicing for one year I so I wouldn't mess with you I might hire you to be a bodyguard though all right that's it doesn't make you jealous that she's not out of breath it's amazing not even well for that little display you win the award of a giant tootsie roll does that sound good yeah there you go that's for you say thank you uncle Andrew

now where do you know uncle Andrew from a star is born is he your favorite in the star is born I can't believe that there's one of the songs that I know called stallow in there I remember that song you like that song you like Lady Gaga and Bradley and but he was your favorite right uh-huh that's that's funny to me what made you my the favorite why am I the favorite like because when my my parents just said that you actually um were my uncle and I just it is made me like like was my favorite character wow that well it's so it's so great to me I'm glad you came over here yeah no problem is that what you just said that's hysterical you know and how you doing I haven't seen you forever I know amazing you look great by the way

yeah I know your parents for a long time long time like we you know I was like I think nine years old when I met your dad no I wasn't that young I wasn't that young but for a long time 30 years around that you know what I mean yeah when my hair was black but like for real okay before I remember what I showed you his stand-up yeah he did the the nursery right the nursery right I can't believe he let you watch that thank you no but no but you know what I I you know you know what agent saw because of your dad and everything so my agent when I met his son he was only five years old and he had all of those memorized like and my agent was going go ahead do another one

you know do another one and and what was funny is that at at his bar mitzvah this kid's jarred offers his name I made a tape where I'm wearing the dice rules jacket and I thank jarred for the bit that put me over the top and then you see him in my kitchen because I'd film everything doing the poems at five years old like almost like he's teaching me the poems you know and now he's 35 years old yeah and there's your jacket because she does a podcast on Tuesdays Andrew it's called science with mercy and this week we did very smart girl I could say pretty yeah you gotta know all that bully stuff keep all the guys away for you know want to grow up first just keep learning that you're really good with that stuff

thanks no the kicks everything you got to protect your father you know what I mean so like I started with some other class and but it was on Tuesdays and Thursdays when they're my swim class and you know I always had to wear my swim suit um out there something like that so you do a lot of different classes yeah so there's swimming there's the jujitsu what else what else you like to do I do violin class violin and you want to play how long you've been playing violin kind of garden wow wow

so cute so cute she's the cutest thing this is what happens I can't I can't even believe it we'll have to you know we'll have to take a picture so you'll have a picture you know you let your mom you got your phone to let's take we'll take some yeah we got it with the microphone the whole show biz thing okay right get come on in come on ladies and gentlemen this is a podcast history but she's so amazing she's been dying to do this you have no idea oh she knows you need to meet up

yeah so so you're at the stand tomorrow night I'm at the stand tomorrow I'm at the stand on uh the 17th and 18 tickets are on sale uh we added a show at governors on the 14th uh we're also only gonna play over there you're in Florida vinnies okay you know what about Florida you're all you're in you're in there why do you keep bringing I'm sorry why I'm Jewish I have to bring them for all right well that's just you know Florida happened okay I'm sorry yeah right you don't know what you're doing I'm my mistake we shouldn't let mercy talk again yeah and we're gonna play I also wasn't to play called awesome wonderland awesome wonderland did you see them

the movie is on um on Disney plus well I think it's also on HBO now I saw it last night just watch the new one with uh yeah like the newest version of right when the mad hunter spins his head with the likes of this and also the queen of hearts with the big head she's so great Johnny depth did the one we watched that one the other night and also you like Johnny depth I know him you know that I know him if I see him I'll tell him you're a fan of his you like that I do who else do you like I'll tell you if I know them um I'll say the first and I'll play the queen heart who's that yeah she's got to change her name and lady gaga lady gaga right

I know my favorite band actually was in a Disney movie too and it's and they're the Jonas brothers oh okay and they're playing next week at the forum you're taking a she asked but I can't take it to the forum they're animals down there I'll do it I'll do it I'll do it when I'm a teenager she's ready to go yeah yeah yeah she's just she's full of personality to say you're amazing really yeah you know all right you got good parents they're teaching you to write things you know my my parents only taught me to wear the fingerless gloves you know they said and live you got to live in warm weather if you're going to wear fingerless gloves but that was something you said that again I took your lead you know what hand shaking no no you were

talking about how you took a breather because you wanted to raise your your kids and I think that yeah I have two sons a lot of people in Hollywood and we've known a lot of them have kids as comedians and you see the kids 20 years later the kids are jacked up they're messed up you know what's going on I didn't want that to happen if you don't bring your kids up or teach them you know what you're doing life that's how I really look at that no that's what I do that's to this day to this day you know you got you the parenting never ends never ends you know I just get someone for that and you to be home with her yeah you see that you got a good daddy you really do she's so cute he told me everything when he was a young boy

yeah come to come closer get so you can talk to the people um so he told me ever he told me everything about his life so when he was playing ball in the house and his mom always told him not to do it but he keeps doing it and he had to take his toy to a person that was a boy a young boy that was actually homeless and instead of keeping it funny and um I remember that he actually um loves Allison Jones Allison change they're great I have that on my phone do you like them uh yep I like them I like down in the hole whoa oh yeah she likes down the hole it's my girl I have them on my phone you do who else who else do you like um I also like crazy train crazy train yeah how's he eyes born uh huh and of course scorpions yes um I would say scorpions

yeah wow well next time his boys have a rehearsal maybe we'll take you I'm also jungle welcome to the jungle remember that's right guns and roses my boys are a rock band my my sons wow yeah so maybe you go see him rehearse and they're called no one cares so you tell your father get some of that music for you you'll like it okay yeah well this was a very family fun yeah this was the christmas podcast is the christmas dice the first part of this podcast like how nutty being on a tv or something like that the ones I just do it on my dog's phone you see that hey stand in me so hit that you see it say wave to your fans you see is that good I hope my friends are watching this please nakita please watch this nakita is one of our friends in the second all right sit down honey

let me wrap this up my little angel of love this was great I'm glad I'm glad we were able to get together thank you the holiday the holiday podcast this is it the holiday this is our day podcast I love you okay so Tuesday tomorrow night you're at the stand tomorrow night next week you're at the stand next week again uh I keep looking at the day 17th and 18th you know and then the rest is like gone you know everything's gone you know well I hope you come on in six months thank you for always thank you for always being thank you for always being a great mentor thank you I have followed your footsteps and uh and you're doing amazing and I'm just happy that you're still around I love you to all my heart thank you tomorrow night to stand next week to stand I'm at the

ice house the 21st for Christmas with Uncle Joey and then Calusa the 27th and uh San Francisco performing arts center I think on the 28th go on the website but without that I'll see you savages Wednesday I want to thank the legend the heavyweight king of undisputed king of comedy Andrew dice clay I want to thank mercy Diaz I want to thank the christ killer but most importantly I want to thank you guys for supporting and the whole thing I'll see you guys Wednesday stay black and now for a word from our sponsors all right I want to thank dice I want to thank my daughter mercy for crashing the show my wife and I want to thank you guys but before that I want to talk to you about a few things I don't know if you've heard about Martin Scorsese's new epic movie the

Irishman starring Robert De Niro Apocino and Joe Pesci and my brother Sebastian Maniscalco is crazy Joe Gallo if you haven't seen the Irishman yet go watch it okay you'll hear from Charlie Brent the author of I Heard You Pain Houses find out how he uncovered Frank Sheeran's story learn why De Niro fell in love with the book and how they got Joe Pesci out of retirement get inside the look of the tricks they used to Diaz the cast behind the Irishman is hosted by a member of the church family and my brother and one of the stars of the movie Sebastian Maniscalco so do me a favor the first two episodes are out and the final episode is coming out next Monday spoiler alert spoiler alert spoiler alert watch the Irishman first on Netflix before you listen to the podcast

13 million people can't be wrong the movie's tremendous search for behind the Irishman on apple products apple podcasts spotify stitcher pocket cash or wherever else you listen to podcast watch the movie then go behind the Irishman the church is also brought to you by listen this is the best christmas present you give a man all right you ladies are sitting there what am i gonna give my boyfriend what am i gonna give my husband this is it manscape you're gonna give him the lone mower 2.0 it's called the lone mower 2.0 for a reason they threw away the 1.0 the 1.0 and they upgraded the trimmer with skin safe technology for you momos in the back that means your most snick or snag your nuts act you want them to lick your nuts you got to shave that

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who will swear to be true as you used to do with me who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company wait and see me i mean i want to be around to see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits let's see if the puzzle fits so far that's when i'll discover that revenge is sweet as i sit there applauding from a front row seat when somebody breaks your heart like you