Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #749 - Joey Diaz: Going Out of My Comfort Zone to be Better in 2020

Episode Date: January 6, 2020

Joey talks about his plans for the new year, his recent reread of one of his favorite books, "The War of Art," and what he's doing this year to take him out of his comfort zone.  This podcast is brought to you by: Athletic Greens - Get 20 free travel packs worth $79 when you go to www.athleticgreens.com/church MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.  

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Go to athletic greens dot com right now slash church and let's get this party started league kick this meal Monday it's a whole new year It's a whole new set of rules Whole new set of prerogatives If you were doing it last year, it didn't work out for you. Why are you gonna keep doing it again? It's a second chance a second chance for you Just a second chance for me But right now it's monday better

Let's get this party started We're back And after you're telling your people listen, I don't know who that fuck was last year. I'm back I'm back That's all you need to say. I'm back. That's really good. I'm back Say that to yourself 109 and get the party started monday I'm looking for july july july july crazy awesome Who bar keeps giving you dick? That's when you call my night

Ah, it's a whole new year people. Thank you for being here. This is like our 70th year doing this and it's uh We always go back to basics on the first episode because that's what it's all about First off a happy new year to you and your families and help uh Your holidays went smooth. I put posted that bro the episode up and I said what I said because You know, a lot of you guys thanked me. I feel what you feel guys. I cut when I bleed too What do you think just because I'm up here in hollywood? Hanging out with these mook the laws the things changed

You know holidays never change. Some people are really good around the holidays Some people are really bad. Don't beat yourself up. Uh ever since my mom died. I've been terrible around the holidays and That's just the way it is. My little daughter helps me a little bit, but uh, not as much as you guys. I had a rough Last couple months. But anyway, who cares about that? Let's talk more about you I had a great time in san francisco in calusa casino If you came out to the shows, thank you very much in the bottom of my heart. I had a great time The second show I had the arary heckler who had to put in this place. Don't talk bad in front of my friends That's my resolution for 2000. Listen 2020 is my butchie no more

year If you ever seen the sopranos season 6a There's an episode Where philia tardo is at the end He's 60 something years old And he comes clean to himself and he tells his little underling Butchie no more and he goes on a murders rampage at the end. He gets his head run over by a truck I'm not talking about that. I don't want that to happen to me

What i'm saying is no more butchie no more whatever's been going on in your life that's been plaguing you or whatever. No more butchie It's over. Thank god to my man. Eric rocha for bringing that episode up That's one of his favorite episodes of soprano one of our friends And he always says that no more butchie no more and it's true When do you end? When do you say no more? You never know. But anyway, I had a great uh new years had a good time to think Uh, I didn't work. I didn't want to work new years. I did my work san francisco and calusa I wanted to spend the week with my family. I didn't get on stage When I got back saturday was so weird

I looked at the comedy store schedule and I was ready to call the guy and get on stage and I go no I'm sticking to my promise And i'm not getting on stage all week till tuesday just to clean out that and uh start from scratch I was sick of that material And I've been making little notes every day and i'm getting somewhere. Is it funny? Who the hell knows? You just gotta keep swinging people every day you keep swinging. But one thing I did do do A lot of people gonna say what'd you do for new years? It's it's weird I got calls the next day and my friends hit me up

For new years pretty much everybody in my hotel room was in bed at 9 30 My daughter tried to stay up at one eye to wait for the Jonas brothers, but they lied to us We thought we were gonna get the new york feed But we got the california feed so forget it. We tapped out at nine We drank some apple cider as a family We clung juice glasses We gave each other kisses and the two girls went to bed and I decided to read a book That we've discussed on here. It's been years

But I read it. I try to read it right around holidays every year just to Keep me put me back in perspective and every time you read the book you go wow Have I been slipping and it's the war of art by steven pressville I read the book again in the book You know a lot of people gonna go oh joey. Well, no, it's a breakthrough That block it's a breakthrough that the blocks And when you're in there creative battles, this is nothing to do with comedy

Or writing or whatever I look at this is a manifesto to life because you're always thinking about your next step, right? You're always thinking about your next move and that's got you know If you come to me and say well joey I want to open up a pizza restaurant Well, two blocks down there's a pizza restaurant and two blocks the other way there's a pizza restaurant So what you're telling me is you want to put your life savings and go to war for the rest of your life And then keep with dominos and peperos and papas junior and little seas. That's what you want to do So by reading this type of stuff And maybe it hits a chord with you and lets you know what you really want to do

Maybe you don't want to open a pizza place. Maybe you you want to start a sauce or something that You're it improves your playing field. You're playing on your playing field And it's so weird. I was reading Something that I want to read to you guys That was sometimes we're not conscious of our own resistance. We'll pick up Uh, he talks a lot about resistance and what resistance is and basically Is uh, when we don't do what we're supposed to do You know, it has a chapter on resistance is an unhappiness and this is

Months ago. We spoke about frustration This is the book I read when I'm frustrated really really frustrated So I want to read this to you. Most of us have two lives All right, the life we live and the unlived life within us between the two stands resistance So one day we're at lunch and you said to me joey. I really want to be one of those irish kettle dances I want to put a a keg on my head and a skirt and dance, but I I have two kids and I have to make a living. That's the same thing. Okay

What's stopping you is resistance if you really wanted to find if you really really wanted to do this You find the way to do it Have you ever bought a home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet a course of yoga a meditation practice Have you ever bailed out on a call To embark upon a spiritual practice dedicate yourself to mandatory and calling Commit your life to the service of others. Have you ever wanted to be a mother a doctor? An advocate for the weak and the helpless to run for office crusade for the planet

Campaign for world peace or to preserve the environment Late at night you experience a vision of a person you might become The work you could accomplish to realize The realized being you were meant to be are you a writer who doesn't? Write a painter who doesn't paint an entrepreneur who never starts a venue Then you know what resistance is okay This is what I want to cover this podcast because

This is what eats away at all My biggest I count them You know I count them and if I go on my facebook messenger twitter The three biggest questions I get are in disorder How do I get off drugs? How do I stop being depressed and how do I get into stand-up comedy? and all three of them Have the same answer and it's an action on your part

It's an action on your part. Listen What it took me 14 years? I struggled for like Maybe 10 years to get off the powder It didn't happen overnight I had to work at it and I got myself into deeper deeper holds, but I was consciously Thinking about getting off that powder, you know, we all have the life that we live

But we all have the life that we want to live, you know, you think about what's the life? I really wanted to live And I got to tell you something, you know, like I I told you guys the biggest regret I ever had Was that I'm a loser like you there's a disease right that a friend of mine had in high school where She would look at herself in the mirror and she would see herself fat So she stopped she would starve herself She would starve herself so much that it it was like impossible what she looked like at the end She had to get psychological help and stuff

With me guys you guys see some guy on stage at the theater I see a loser who went to prison And I got lucky, you know, I got a little lucky. How did I get lucky? By knowing that I did not want to be that guy with the ponytail with the led Zeppelin shirt at subway I knew that that was and that's where I was gonna end up my god. I had all the excuses I had everything I could to to to not get me to the next level it's weird uh

A guy hit me up on facebook last week and says he can't get a job because he's on probation Once you say that to yourself, you're never gonna get ahead When I got out of now when I got out of the joint, it was a complete difference. That's what's going on now We weren't as computer savvy So you couldn't but I always worked myself around it. You know how you work yourself around it become the best employee the guy has Joey, how do I do that? The guy won't give me a job Just tell him that you want to work a week for free That you'll mop the floor with everybody else in that place and you're going in you give it your own

I guarantee you even when you fell in the even if you raped your cat Even if you molested well if you molest somebody nobody's gonna give you into work. I don't even want you around But if you did something that was a mistake, listen, man It's a mistake a drug thing is a mistake an addiction is a mistake. There were all of the mistakes that we made Yeah, when I kidnapped a dude, that wasn't no mistake But I did a thousand other things that were mistakes that that along the way I just had to act it impulsively or whatnot You know It ends it ends people always ask me how you know, how do how do I stop depression? How do you stop depression?

Well number one getting the show Getting the show Getting the show this day as I wake up And I could tell something's coming over me And immediately I get in the shower I get in the shower. I start my day put on clothes Go outside see the sunlight take a look at the sun Tell the sun. Thank you for giving you another day. I don't give you run back inside And sit there till you ask those roots. That's got that's some of my business. You got to pay your own bills

I don't really care. What do you do? But that's how you conquer depression These are all things that require action. How do I get on stage? Joey, I really want to be a comic. What do I do? Well, what do you think? Well, you click your heels and you call Dorothy? No No, you get on stage Well, Joey, I don't know what states to get to okay But a half a mile from here. There's a wing place, right? What's the name of it big wings big wings go over there go over there and

In between the game try to get everybody's attention to say how you doing my name is such and such I want to do stand-up comedy and break your cherry Get humiliated get a wing thrown at you. Who cares who cares you accomplish your goal Who cares they're gonna throw a wing at you. You better have cheese on it. You know what I'm saying? Nothing nothing worse than getting hit with a spicy wing when a chunk of blue cheese ain't on your face But i'm not gonna be mad at you if you come to me and go Joey I went to To the wing place. I almost started to ride. I went up on stage until a racist joke and there wasn't no stage I'm not gonna be mad at you. I'm gonna be proud of you. That's how you become a comic

You know, how do you get off drugs? slowly Slowly you make a plan You know, i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that with me. It was completely different I'm not gonna lie to you, but I will tell you one thing. It was a slow process Because I was working towards it. It just took one trigger For me to drop to my hands and knees and say i'm not doing this stuff no more I gotta give myself a better chance. This is the life, you know, like we're talking about in this thing

We all have two lives the life that we're living and the life that we really want to live This is the year that we're gonna cross that bridge Even if it's one thing You know, I know tons of people who are like, well, i'm an aspiring singer But I don't have connections and I still have a day job Sit down make the plan And go sing Always remember

Nobody is gonna turn down free entertainment unless you just got off Unless you just got off all the owners gonna come over pull you aside Give you like a free dinner table. Listen. Don't come down here no more. You scram my customers, you know, I'm scaring like I thought you sang pop songs. You're over here singing black sad, but These all christians and all that stuff, you know, you can't, you know, we used to do comedy at a bar That was a nuns would hang out at Oh, yeah, like and they'd be having dinner. Yeah, they would be having Just a bar it was like a restaurant

And like the the middle of the suburbs and the guy came up to me It's one then he goes you guys can't do the comedy here no more That's because there's a bunch of nuns that come in here and they got to hear that stuff. It's not gonna work Nobody is gonna turn down free entertainment. So don't come to me with your stories that joey. I can't get on stage I can't find the place You go to jerry's deli and tell him you need a corner. You bring your own microphone You go over to the guitar center and they'll send you one of those little Speakers and if you really want to do comedy you go do comedy when that show was on that that show

On showtime that I did twice About the comedy story i'm dying up here. There was a guy up there in that show That actually waited tables and did comedy at the same time He wanted to do comedy so bad that he got a job waiting tables. You know the restaurant was right up here and no It's that place that sells the good sandwiches Oh, okay All right, it was that they used that place if you go in there now you could tell that they changed it around because It was a different set. He sold it was supposed to be like a like more of a jewish deli type place

And then he put a setting in the back and when everybody had their food he would run up on stage and do comedy That was his love for comedy. Can I get mad at a guy like that if I go eat at a restaurant? Listen when you go eat at a restaurant the last thing you wanted some guy telling nasty jokes Like at that one place you take me to up in north hollywood on wednesday nights That people are eating and you got to go up there and be an idiot. That's not going to work either Right, you know, but If you really want something go for it, but do me a favor read this book I don't care if you gotta go online and buy it used

I read this book once a year and I try to read it Right around the holidays This year I didn't read it around the holidays because we had this super bad thing and a lot of things going on but I grabbed it on the way down to the My little retreat with my family and I read it in two nights and I made notes again and and I saw so many things That I hadn't even been doing so I'm refreshed from it. Like I'm ready to kill a guy from it Well, we talked about it a few years ago and I haven't read it since and I'll have to reread it But what I what I remember about it what I remember taking away from it was

How like The stuff he was describing Was stuff that I absolutely did and like it just shows you like how everyone does this is what listen, man When you take a look at yourself and you're honest with yourself You know The pain of other people it's called empathy. Some people have it. Some people don't you understand the pain I understand the pain of the holidays. I understand the pain of being alone. I understand the pain of being homeless I understand the pain of being addicted and want to be clean. I understand the pain of wanting

Something that Seemed so far away But it isn't But I think they're just going to give it to me Everything is at your fingertips if you really want it This is his first thing that he writes in there that This is it. This tells you

Everything you need to know In a show I love these type of books. I've always been an autobiographical type of guy All right, this is what he does. This is a page called what I do I get up take a shower have breakfast. I read the paper brush my teeth If I have phone calls to make I make them I get my coffee I put on my lucky work boots and I stitch up the lucky laces that my niece Meredith gave me I head back to my office crank up the computer. My lucky hooded sweatshirt is dripped over the chair with the lucky charm I got from

a gypsy and Santos de Mara mer for only eight bucks in francis in francis And my lucky lago name tag that came from a dream I had I put it on on my thesaurus Is my lucky cannon that my friend bob brisundi gave me from the moral castle cuba I pointed toward my chair so it can fire inspiration into me I say my prayer which is an innovation of the muse from homers odyssey translation By tbt larence of arabia Which my dear mate paul rink gave me and which sits near my shelf

With the cuff links that belong to my father and my lucky acorn from a battlefield Of thermo play now think of all that goes into sitting down for this guy It's about 10 30 now. All right He I sit down I plunge in when I start making typos. I know I'm getting tired That's four hours or so. I've hit the point of diminishing returns something we speak about a lot on this podcast The point of diminishing returns What you could give the p I could go out on the road from tuesday to saturday But if you pay 35 bucks to see me on a saturday, I'm gonna be dog. Shit. Why would I do that to you people?

That's why I only go out on fridays and saturday. So I'm always fresh All right When I start making typos, I know I'm getting tired. That's four hours in And I hit the point of diminishing returns I wrap up for the day copy whatever I've done to a disc and stashed a disc in the glove compartment in my trunk In case there's a fire and I have to run for it I power down its 330 the office is closed. How many pages have I produced? I don't care. Are they any good? I don't even think about it

All that matters is that I put in my time And hit it with all I got All that counts is that for this day For the session I have overcome resistance And that's What i'm talking about and I go through the same thing And I tell you guys every day. I tell the young comics every day This is not about being special. This is not about being lucky

This is not about social media This is about who could do the same thing over and over every day You were you were just going to have to talk about the way he like his sitting down process Like because on the outside and obviously it works for him But on the outside all that stuff seems like resistance like all like his sweatshirt and the cannon and but maybe it works It's an outline To an outline of his day

It's what he needs to do to be efficient He sat there for four hours. Have you ever sat down for four hours and wrote? No. No, it's very tough If you read steven king's book on writing He sits I mean facing the east with the door open With this and this and that and this I mean he's got a thousand things also but What the process is telling you is to sit if you read

this and steven king on writing A two different books, but two similar books They inspire you and it's two great writers that open up their world to you for what makes it work You know when we had tj english on I asked I asked him a bunch of questions And he was telling me that his main thing is outline the outline is everything for him Now a lot of you guys at home are listening to this called joy. What does this have to do with me?

It's the same thing. You're outlining what you want to happen 2020 what do I want to happen? I want this to happen. I want to Do 300 spots. I want to lose weight. I want I mean, even if you write down you want to fall in love. There's nothing wrong with saying that you want to fall in love Just tell me the processes that you're going to do to do it this time How is this time going to be different when the chick moved down it, you know, with a tomato tree Do you know what I'm saying? Is this going to end with a restraining order again? Is it going to end with you throwing her out?

You know, everybody got out of a relationship and now they're scared to get into another one If you do get into another one, what things are you going to do differently? Write them out and stick to them stick to them stick to them That's the most important thing is That's why I love this time of the year Because it gives me a chance to look and go. Yes. I got the soprano movie. I did some great shows this year We had some great guests on the podcast But how can that be better than 2020?

I've been thinking about that since mid november since I slipped and hurt my hamstring. I was sitting there all alone You know, and you have two options when you're in pain To add more pain to your pain or to take your pain and do something with it And that's what I did. I did the one man shows at the store with a bad leg The last two I've written have been way better than the first two. So even that's coming along I got four more this year. I got january february 19th, which is my birthday I got march and april and then we'll decide what we're gonna do if we're gonna move it into a theater into hollywood Our small 99 sit theater, you know, uh, we got this soprano movie coming out

I got an announcement to make some dates. I'm doing some dates with joe rogan this year and some big venues So i'm excited about all these things. But what can I do? Uh, we got Uh, we're gonna do a audiobook deal. So you guys should be getting an audiobook sooner or later Why because by the time I write it, I have to write it from my grave. It's too. It's too much I'm not a real writer and it was taking me too long. Thank god my uh, My agent understood and we're going that direction. But these are the things I want to do this year I don't want to be the best comic working. I don't want to help make kevin heart money I don't even care about money. I just want to give you guys the best shows I can

Uh, I'm taking a week off because I started writing another hour. You know, I'm gonna write a new hour From what I'm going through right now Maybe if I'm lucky I'll put the old hour on cd There's no specials in my future. Ain't nobody gonna give me no more specials. I ain't See, so there's no more You know Netflix those days are over. I'd rather stay underground anyway with you people I want you people when you listen to me to think that uh You're listening to a criminal or something like that, you know, so

Do you ever look back? I mean, obviously like the whole name of the game for this podcast and everything is improving But like like you said, you had some good things happen last year. Do you ever do you ever look at me? Like, okay, I got the Sopranos movie. How did I do that? Like was I focused on this or or or do you not focus on that stuff at all? What do you mean focus? Like do you do look at do you look at what you did well and try to recreate it or be like, okay I was doing well first of all if you can't recreate because I don't know what's gonna happen If you know anything about this town, this is a day to day town like I spoke a couple weeks ago

I'm not sure where my acting career stands right now. I know that I enjoy podcasting I'm really really getting into the nuts and bolts of stand up again You know, I'm really digging it again. Like I was digging it Like my fourth year in the business Like I'm really digging the writing process I'm really pushing the boundaries because I really don't care what people think. There's no more safety net in my stand up I'm gonna be 57 next month. And what are you gonna do to me now? You're gonna take what from me?

What what I'm just talking on stage. I'm just talking what I feel in my heart It's not like I'm I'm R. Kelly and a bunch of young girls and peanut and stuff So I got I could sleep at night. I could sleep tight at night. I'm sleeping my eight hours at night So I'm I'm good. I want to get better as a stand up. I want to be more consistent I had a few bad shows this year a few live bad shows I think the second show in san francisco wasn't as good as the first one, but that just Me being over critical, you know, I think I had a rough set in new all-eens I had a rough set in a couple towns, but you know what?

I'm gonna keep going to the store on tuesdays thursdays and saturdays when I'm not in town I've uh, I've left my schedule kind of wide open January, february, march, and april because I do have a couple commitments I have to fulfill and then May, june, july go out a little bit more and then definitely after the soprano movie really really attack providence new jersey from The northern tip

I think i'm hitting statin island and go see my goomba brothers. I'm hitting philadelphia. I'm hitting baltimore. I'm hitting Connecticut well even this okay, so like do you think you're more and this is a word I always you describe you But do you think you're more calculated now than maybe you were after like the longest yard? Oh, absolutely There was no calculation because there was drugs involved when there's drugs involved. There's no calculation There was always a strategy I cannot lie to you and tell you that there was always a strategy But something has to happen

For you to bang the strategy out You know what i'm saying? So my strategy is to keep getting on stage and keep making adjustments to your material every night, right? And then eventually somebody fumbles the ball Now I get a chance to score on the 30 yard line. I got four shots you know That's what you're always so something happens Something else happens. They're gonna come out back to back now. You have to change what you were working on

You might have to change if you're working on so every day I live on a different audible You know People don't understand that every day the rules change in my life not the rules But the days change I could wake up tomorrow. It could be something completely different I could wake up tuesday and get a call from a show on cbs. This is hey. Are you available wednesday? We had a recurring character that fell out. We'd love to have you And I already had plans to go to aruba with you and two other morons Do you understand me? So

I always keep my schedule open. I have enough on my plate with my daughter the podcast Trying to write a book a one-man show and material I got enough on my plate. I have I have taken the stress off the special off my life If I do anything, it'll be like a 40 minute A spot from the store With some combination type stuff. I haven't figured out and they're not sketches. None. I'm a sketch guy I'm not gonna dress up like a moron Just to show you the 24 seven effect of what we got going on right now

And that's basically all I want to do, you know, I was telling you guys At the beginning of the show that I struggled a lot this the second half November and december I think ever since I went back to shoot the sopranos I realized that I had a lot of dead time on my hands And the reason why I have a lot of dead time is my on my hands is because

I have a rule in my house if From nine to five monday through friday, I could pretty much do whatever I want Whatever I want My daughter's in school. I take her to to Muay Thai on mondays and wednesdays And I like to be a part of her life. She needs to see me there. Okay Me and my wife don't need to be there, but I want to be there. Okay. I want to be there. I have my own personal reasons

Um, I think my nights are getting a little bored. I thought of two things I thought about getting like uh like what Dante's doing Somewhere in recita at night somewhere Maybe uh, what's the town over Sherman oaks? Right? get like some you know two-car garage that

Has rats in it fumigated painted restructured Maybe do a room where 15 comics could sit in And uh 15 people maybe have like a little podcast studio keep this But have that more as a comedy workshop for young comics I'm sick and tired of comics getting ripped off in this town the young comics. I really am The open mic process should be an organic process. I have to keep the lights on So I have to charge you a little something, but I want you to get something I want you to be treated like a comic

I want when you touch the doorknobs the doorknobs are clean I want a camera there so you could tape your sets not for 50 dollars You know give whoever would work in the machine five dollars And you get your tape. So if you come in every night, you get a tape If you pay the five dollars to perform you get something out of it and uh start creating little groups Of these comics, you know where Eric runs a group and you run a group And you look at each other's tapes And you say where you need to help

Constructively that's how comics build Comics don't do this by themselves. I love to sit here and tell you I did all this by myself, but I can't I got a lot of help from Rick Duke and me and Rod Long and Josh Wolfe and Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope and this is to help that I see open mics need Open micers go on their own tangent and they build these things in their minds that Because they listen to other open micers And it just sucks. I don't like what's being done that way

So I thought about doing that I wanted to be involved in some in my life, but I just don't have the time to do something like that I would only probably be able to help comics out two nights a week and that defeats the purpose of what i'm trying to do You know, I have my own podcast. I have to do my own spots Uh again, I hate feeling like a bully on stage That's why I don't go to a lot of the smaller comedy clubs because There's a bunch of open micers going up and those guys got dreams They've been working on a joke and I go up there my dirty material blow up the room because

Their energy levels are you know, I'm a professional I'm a professional is what I've been doing. I know how to take apart these rooms And now they brought four friends and they got to follow me. That's not fair That's not fair to anybody, you know, unless you're at the comedy store Where you know what you're getting yourself into when I walk into the comedy store And I got to follow Rick Ingram or Delia one of those guys. I know I'm getting myself into That pen better be good today. This is not about the feather They're saying I got my superstitious things too, you know, we all have superstitious things

Before we're gonna do something You know, I don't listen to the radio. I'll go down to the store There's no music when I before I go do comedy And I take my mind somewhere where it's hasn't been in weeks somewhere dark To a story of something bad that happened to me Because I want to feel that pain I don't mind driving with people to gigs you and I have driven to a couple ice cows gigs And it's a different experience and I still do the job

But when I go to the comedy store, I don't really like nobody to call I like to think of something a girl a girl telling me no You know, the simplest things the simplest things that made you feel embarrassed That now you're gonna prove to that bitch. She made a mistake Even though it was in the sixth grade, you know what I'm saying? Like you asked her out in the sixth grade. She told you no Right and now you're gonna go down to the store and do a set to win her back Too bad. She's probably dead and buried. That wasn't the sixth grade. She probably got hit by a train and Amtrak or something like that

so You know, we all have our different things. I'm not mad at Stephen Pressville because he does all those things It's a ritual. It's a ritual You know There's nothing worse than You having to sit down you get an idea and you got to go to the bathroom And you got to take a long poop Well, drink your coffee

Make your emails what I tell you to do in the morning 901 That phone starts ringing. In fact, I already sent emails out to agents I already said it's monday morning. I sent emails out Saturday night When I got back at 11 just few men ages after you left the house that we watched the new England game, right? How high were we pretty high? I was sending emails emails You know emails ahoy. Everybody's getting an email. Welcome to the new year. Do they make sense? Oh, yeah, that's I always worry about that one. Oh, yeah, it makes sense. They make as long as I don't put my plane tickets I'm all right. I had a little incident there for a couple months

What happened to my plane tickets? Oh, I buy them for like next year I got to wake up the next morning and look and call the people now and say I'm sorry. I bought this for 2021 You know, you get four or five edibles in year the night and a couple bang hits. You're buying I'm buying plane tickets to a rhubarb You know, I ordered a bar of soap, you know that soap I will use for my feet people don't laugh at me This is how stupid, you know, I never want you people to think that you know

Joey D is uh Is a genius of sorts by any man. You know, I'm very proud to let you know that Before christmas. I ran out of an antifungal soap. Okay, you know for jujitsu and for uh For defense soap. Yeah defense soap I didn't want to bother my wife, you know What I want some I just click it I click the link and I send it to my wife And she's got the amazon. I figured you know what my wife is going through enough Let me order two bars here. It was a four pack league. I swear to god. It was a four pack

Let me bars and soap. I got in the mail 44 I got 44 bars and soap in a box I'm gonna give them away to some of my friends because Now do I call them back and get angry? No, I won't look at the order. Guess what I ordered 44 Why because it was 12 45 at night and I shouldn't be ordering anything. You just keep putting ads at cart ads at cart Oh, you should have seen me. Something must have happened. I added 82 people to cart I looked at the the account. I thought the account was light by 150. Oh my god I didn't know what was what and

That's what happened. So now I got 44 bars Avanti fungal soap. It looks like I'm doing uh boxing and jujitsu till I'm 100 Because that's the only way I'm gonna be able to use them all So I got problems too. Don't worry about it. I got tons of problems That's why as long as I don't order as long as I stick to tweeting evil things And facebook and evil things. I'm okay. That's it. I'm okay. I don't have to order plane tickets I don't have to order anything. You know It's funny. I was having a rough time with my time. So I didn't know what to do. So

I started talking to my wife about it. They got serious guys I got really serious because what I usually what we usually do is We get home at five five fifteen from activities Mercy does homework I answer emails and make some calls and get everything prepared for the next day Then we eat dinner as a family and then I watch the world news tonight Which just makes me sick to my stomach to watch. How do you know I watch it? It's 15 minutes of garbage and 10 minutes of the same stories that they've been telling you for the three days

The girl got stabbed in new york. That was two weeks ago. Why is it still on? Oh, she bit the black little kid's finger I don't know what she did. I don't enough enough. It's the same goddamn stories every day. So I told then I sit there And then at about eight after mercy goes in the shower and the tub is when I start writing and I prepare for my night Even though I've written the daytime. I'm just talking about my night activity So if my spot's not till 10 It takes me 10 minutes to get to the economy store. I do 90 or the Laurel Canyon So I can leave my house at 20 to 10. So that means I'm sitting there. You know, my wife goes to bed at 9 15

So what I decided the other night was The first night I came over here. I know you noticed I was here one night I came over here and I brought a notebook and that was okay Then I came over another night last week and just listened to music And that was okay. And then one night I said to myself Uh, I went for a physical in june this year And I got x-rays of my lungs and the doctor came back and said there's a little fluid on your heart I want to send you for an

Angiogram or whatever and they did a bunch of tests to my heart And they didn't have to put a stenton or anything. My heart was good because your heart's just a little Swell, I didn't want to tell you guys and I want to worry you, you know, uncle joy dog 27 years of blow There's got to be something going on but Lately I've been working on I've been taking my garlic tablets and Doing a little cardio and I lift weights and I've gotten all my fly-to-fight response But ever since like uh, june

I've only been to jujitsu like maybe three times Just because of that thing they said to my heart I I found jujitsu to to really stress me out It was stressing me out. I wasn't getting nowhere. I wasn't making any progress and I talked to Uh, my instructor Breton. I just told him I'm gonna take some time off From time to time I go in there and do a private with Vinny And roll around with Vinny a little bit and I still go to my Muay Thai boxing classes there And I still do my lifting But I just needed something at night but guys when you get to be

Over 50 your body's only like this testosterone thing You know, I just need to go down to the store some nights I told you I drank four expressos I gotta drink four Cuban expressos like I'm not tired like I'm not physically tired, you know So I got in the car one night. I couldn't have come back here And I think last monday night I went to 7 30 jujitsu class. I just went and sat there and watched And everybody came over and gave me a hug and everybody asked when I was coming back and And I said, you know, man

This is what I need. I need to go to jujitsu at night I thought about it for a few days And then I went I made plans to go one night and I said no I'm just gonna go watch and I went and I watched the advanced class and Talked to Vinny talked to my professor brett talked to a couple of the guys It was just great to see him and I saw that they got a couple new older guys So I went home and this is what I did This was one of my problems that I had when I was going to jujitsu

I started at valley v. Mac and it's a great school John bud Paolo All the teachers they had were good, but they didn't have a daytime program The daytime program wasn't excelled and they had to cancel it and I was starting out, you know, mercy came and I was going consistently I was doing okay And then everything switched. I started going back to the comedy store I started, uh, you know doing podcasts at night

I started, uh, you know, just life changed. So I got on a writing assistant job in wilshire And I said what the hell I'll go to He and Valley I was in valley for three or four months and they gave me a stripe. I did well I love higgin machado, you know higgins is like the master guy But higgins like a great guy. I went to higgins for like three classes and one day A guy didn't get me an arm bar and the clock went off and higgins goes all very good today and he gave me two stripes Did I deserve those two stripes?

In my heart, I didn't think I did but i'm not going to argue with the great higgins machado, you know what i'm saying And then when the writing job ended I said, let me switch because I can't go into hollywood every day The jujitsu in fact, alberto has jujitsu monday through sunday And I could pick my day as he gives you seven different options to go to So I started so I started going all about those and I went pretty consistently I love alberto crane by the way. I love joey alvarado. You know, I have him on the show I loved all the people that trained there. Josiah wakefield and his girlfriend They were just a a great bunch of guys, but it was moving fast for me

And I kept going I kept getting beat up and I kept getting beat up one day alberto gave me a blue belt That I deserved the blue belt guys. I've tapped two people in my life I got one guy on a komora and one time I got a guy in a colichoke Uh from the closed guard that that's that's it in five years And jujitsu that that's been my claim to fame Sometimes I pass your guard and I get scared. I can't breathe It was just a bunch of excuses. I was making to myself. It was called resistance So I took the stripes off my belt. I took it down to one stripe

The belt that I really really really really am a white belt. Yeah And I walked into jujitsu yesterday morning I went to the 12 o'clock open mat. I had scheduled to private with Vinny, but when I got there, there was a lot of guys there There was just one irish guy big guy. I didn't know he was irish. There was just one big guy there with one stripe And I said, hey man, I don't know what your name is. My name is joey Uh, do you mind? Are you leaving? And he goes, no, no, no. In fact, I want to practice some of the stuff Vinny told me So it was five to 12 And me and him got on the mat. We just did a slow motion jujitsu, you know

Sweeps escaping the mounts You know real slow, but I told him I don't want to stop I want to keep this pace up. So basically Mount the position on me get your submission I'll sweep you and we'll keep moving just so I could sweat. Oh my god I had the best sweat of my life. I had the best time of my life. So now At the end he choked me as usual because that's my best Thing I got is getting choked

And I said that's it. I was pretty happy. It was 12 35 I had rolled with him for about, you know, 20 minutes of movement and we went over a couple drills And I sat by the side And I asked him how many times a week does he go there? What days does he go? And he told me he was an oil rig guy And then he goes on an oil rig for four days and he's back. He'd be back Friday So I shook his hand. I said, I'll see you here Friday, you know, and uh, or saturday, you know And it was really weird. I go, what made you? Is this the first school you've ever been to? And he goes, yeah

I just he goes, I went to a boxing gym first to get me ready for this So I went over there for about six months and now I'm here And I go, what made you come in and he goes he looked at me And he goes listening to the podcast You talk about how much it changed your life And you also said to just keep showing up He threw the words I had thrown at you guys right back in my face I don't know if you guys noticed

This year for new years. I sent you guys all a little on twitter. I said happy new year and love to your family Thank you for making me a better person I don't know if you guys caught that or understood what I was saying to you guys That because I sit in this chair with lee once a week and I talk to you guys Now I have pressure to perform You guys are my silent pressure. It's not like you guys hit me up on twitter and go, hey joey You better be good. We're coming on friday night. You hit me up and you go joey We're coming friday night. We're smoking 18 joints. We love you. What I do is for you guys you guys have become my

Silent life coach. It's like we're both helping each other out. So that was a pretty When he said that to me you said it yourself man. Just gotta keep showing up It reduced me to fuck like I just I was just embarrassed Because this is what I've been saying all along and I stopped doing it So now I'm gonna start going on jujitsu Tuesdays and Thursday nights At 5 30 well, I'm gonna give it a try and my goal is to hit two jujitsu at nights To get out of my comfort zone So

For you guys, thank you for helping me always. You see I'm saying you guys think like I do this and no no no I get more out of you guys than what you guys get more out of me Because I tell you my almost Intimist thing and I learned from you guys all the emails I get a little quote Listen, there's always a jerk offer too That doesn't understand what trying to do here. But we're the church motherfucking family. Okay To me, this is a lot more in a podcast when I started this podcast with lee It wasn't to be cute or to be funny or to be the next big thing

Or to sell tickets. It was to let you people know That you could do it Don't believe anybody you could do it. Don't believe your mother. Don't believe your father if you think you could do it Do it prove it to yourself Why mess around? I never thought I would be to the levels that I've been here I did this to become a man along the way comedy came in and

My manhood and comedy worked together and they got me to where this is Which is here So, uh, yesterday that was my lesson from the day From now, I can't talk shit no more. I gotta back it. Some guy called me out of my shit. So, uh Because of him, I'm gonna start going to jujitsu at night twice a week and that's it. That's uh, The podcast I wanted to talk to you people about What it's like and that's it It's but it was a great year 2019, but I promise you that 2020

Is going to be that much better today when we finish this podcast Order the war of art or There's a war of art for writers. There's so many. Stephen Pressville has a couple great books out. He's got turning pro But my bible for right now is the war of art and there is the art of war by sun zoo That's if you plan on being john wick part time I don't think none of you is a john wick so knock it off But that gives you some interesting points also on the psychological of it But for today, I just want to talk about the war of art

I wanted to talk about resistance and I want to talk to the two lives you live that are inside of you Do you want to be 54 one day and realize that? This is me 56. I quit when I I quit jujitsu Am I trying to be joe black belt? No I'm just in the business of not quitting because I know if I don't quit that My comedy will get that much stronger And I suggest you people do the same Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for being with me on a monday. Hey

This ain't the podcast. I'm jumping up and down. We got that one for you the next two or three podcasts Today was just to kick off the new year tell you where the church is doing this year What the church needs to do this year? We need to go out of our comfort zone and if I'm going to do it at 57 You guys are going to do that your 20s 30s and 40s. It's that simple Thank you for listening and have a great day before I end this Real quick. Don't forget on it is uh, they've been with us since day one and listen, I usually don't like a lot of uh

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I know the vikings beat New Orleans I know Tennessee beat the patriots. I know the ravens are waiting. I know Kansas City is waiting in the in the wings You know, I know a lot of things are going on But guess what the playoffs are here and who's gonna make it to the super bowl. You know who you It's time to get your last bets in it's time to get this party started You let did you think that you were probably sitting there yesterday going? You know what? I gotta feel knowing who's gonna lose but did you bet it? No, you didn't no you didn't so what good are you?

It's time to get your last bets in build up your bankroll Ready for the cowboy seroni fight against the irishman ready for the super bowl Whatever it is now is the time to trust your gut on this one. Let me let you in a little something if you like winning money Do what I do and go to my bookie dot ag It's not just football. They also got College football. They got the ufc. They got basketball college basketball pro hockey My bookie dot ag has lines and all that and more. They even got prop bets on the super bowl halftime show is uh Who's doing it this year? What's the name?

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Dot ag and don't forget to use promo code church ch u r ch when creating your account to claim your bonus Remember with my bookie dot ag you play you win you get paid Like a mofo So don't forget. Listen. It's january 6. I love you guys with all my heart Uh, I got nothing. I got uh, I think friday The 17th i'm in bakersfield at the fox theater and the 18th I'm at

The tower theater in fresno fresno. I'm coming. It's been a long long time And then on the 25th of january, they added the second show Atlanta at the tabernacle theater tickets are still on sale You got what you need beside that. I'll see you guys wednesday morning tip top magoo Ready to go ready powerhouse through the month. It's a new year. You got to own it, baby. Thanks again to steven pressfield Thanks again to the flying juba most importantly for you guys For having our back to support this again the church family wishes you a happy new year 2020 kick this mule I want to be around

To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Some somebody twice as smart as I I For somebody who Will swear to be true as you used to do with me Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company Wait and see

I mean I want to be around To see how he does it when he breaks your heart to bits Let's see if the puzzle fits so far Oh That's when I'll discover that revenge is sweet As I sit there applauding from a front row seat When somebody breaks your heart like you Like you

Oh