Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #753 - Rosebud Baker

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Rosebud Baker, a comedian and actor seen on Amazon's "Inside Jokes" and Comedy Central's "Bill Burr Presents: The Ringer," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

It's Monday, January 20th. You filthy fucking savages. Uncle Joey's back. No, there's no music today But the song of the day is megalomania off the fucking sabotage album You put that on this morning. You'll make you want to jump out of the window The church is brought to you by listen listen listen Christmas is gone and got coming gone But the Super Bowl is quickly approaching We just seem the tip of the iceberg did you see what happened last night with McGregor you could have won money Do me a favor head over to my bookie dot a g to make your predictions are reality We're sitting there throwing all McGregor's gonna kill him. Did you bet? No, then shut the fuck up. All right now

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Church to activate your offer once again promo code church to get your extra cash From my bookie you bet you win you get paid the church is also brought to you by my motherfucking favorite CBD lion last night. I Got in the car and Fresno. I drove three fucking hours. I got home at like 130. I had a piece of lasagna I cleaned up all my shit. I hooked up my sleep apnea machine I slept five hours the baby jumped on my face at like nine in the morning kiss me and since he was head of the church My point is I got up. I had a little coffee had a couple fucking bumps CBD lion was right there. I popped a little CBD gummy. Boom. Here we are fucking tip top

Nobody's fucking nod. Nobody's doing nothing. We're all feeling good CBD line is the way to go No more liquor store CBD's no more buying liquor star CBD at a fucking supermarket Go fuck yourself for the CBD line calm right now Look at the website and then get back to me, right bitches kick this motherfucking mule Lee. There ain't no song What's happening you fucking savage? I'm good. Thanks for having me good to have you to me you too. I'm a fan. So I'm a fan of yours, man I watched some of your stuff and You're very interesting

before the podcast we're talking about drinking that we basically yeah, we both quit you're Drinking in 12 years ago. Yeah, and I quit snorting coke 12 years ago Yeah, and you snorted dry. No no alcohol like a psychopath Like a fucking serial killer And get one of the big gallons of water yeah cousin my fat cocaine Addicted mine. Mm-hmm. It was okay to do coke Yeah, you got to stay hydrated that's the secret. Yeah

All these other people those are the only reason why they're getting fucked up. I'm not fucked up Yeah, I just got bugs in my face. They pick them right. I'm not homeless if I have a briefcase I'm drinking water with coke. Yeah, which in my sick mind looking back at it. I was I'm not getting you guys Yeah, it was like Yeah, what do you want from me? I just drank three gallons of water. Yeah, who else drank three gallons of water today? Nobody I used to do shit like that to where I'd make up rules in my head Yeah, and then if I eat sushi the next morning, I was healed. You're good. Yeah If I had like a piece of Albuquerque, right Albuquerque has like some cocaine. Yeah fighting germs

I'm done. I'm dead serious with you people. Yeah. I tell you this. These are not jokes I totally make it make sense to me really did I would go on you go all you can eat sushi Mm-hmm, and I would drink a bottle of that fucking red juice, right when it was a pomegranate pomegranate, right? I would drink a gown with it, which is like eating a fucking sugar cane. Yeah. Yeah, and I swear to God It was like God heal me. Yeah, I go out get smashed and then go home and if I drank a whole Pedialyte You know the baby the infant thing with electrolytes. I'd be like I'm fine Like if I because I'd wake up without a hangover. So if you wake up without a hangover, whatever you did the night before doesn't count Right, that's like how I in my brain. I thought that was fine. No the the attic the mine works

How do you feel now that you have you don't smoke though? I don't I don't smoke ever smoked up I did I used to smoke weed, but that I think I quit smoking weed Just cuz like I wasn't getting as much done as I wanted to okay, and that was like Quitting smoking weed was so fucking easy. It's like the withdrawal is just bored them And that's it. So if you can deal with being bored. Yeah, you're fine, you know, you're from DC originally Mm-hmm. You went to Emerson College. You're a you only a fucking goombas alumni. Yep We sat here and you two young kids broke my heart By saying that you thought it was a waste to go to fucking college. It is a waste, you know

If you're in entertainment, it's a fucking waste. Yeah, especially art school. Yeah. Yeah now look at it from a guy like my perspective Like I came from Cuba You know what it would be like to go to an American college like that was like my parents my mother's dream Like yeah for me to go like a load of dame and shit and rah-rah and paint your face and and then you go when you go through this hole Because when you look at it in hindsight, it's like this brainwashing, right? Cuz I think you guys get it when your third your third year of college. Yeah, like what the fuck am I doing? Yeah? Yeah, now that you've picked your major. Yeah, I think it you start double-checking yourself. Mm-hmm And that fucks with you. Yeah, fucks with you because your friend Susie

Who's a dumb fuck? Well father beater with a whip they hit her in the head with a brick She had a quit school cuz she got pregnant. She was 18, right? She's working at the stock market Driving a Mercedes Benz. Yeah, she hasn't sucked the cock in eight months You know, I mean so you start I don't know in your mind as a college This is why it's just this whole thing kills me about college and I've been obsessed Such a scam Lee was the one who really I go Lee. Let me ask you a question when you go to these interviews Do people even bring up emison?

Like like if you walked into like if I was a Hollywood mogul Me being me Joey Diaz somebody who started like As an assistant to somebody. Yeah, and I scammed myself into VP of operations, right? And then I became like if I interviewed you for a job, I'd be like mesmerized like So you went to emison college? Oh my god, like to me it was so prestigious. Yeah, you know I heard of emison cam, you know, but emison for entertainment. Yeah, right The only don't for me the only time I ever got asked was probably like the first job Like the first job out of college when you're gonna intern right and they're like did you go to college?

Right and you're like, yes check everything else after that all they care about is your experience. Yeah, and college Like for me, I should have if I was smart I would have gone to like even University of Colorado and done Computer stuff then I'd like that something worthwhile. Yeah going to art school and I was lucky Like I was sure I knew I want what I wanted to do. I had people Who graduated from Emerson and then went and had to do like another year somewhere because they decided Oh, I want to go to law school instead. Yeah, and they just spent a hundred grand to get a Film degree that they'll never ever even think I have a friend from Emerson that was in costume design

And it took her six years and then she realized she wanted to be a physical trainer And then she had to go to fucking a whole other thing and it was like Jesus Christ You know like and it's and now she's just I think she just bought a house Finally, but it's like you can't do anything with it I mean and even for me, I would just go I was going on auditions and shit So they didn't even care that I went to college. They were like, oh, you have no experience whatsoever Like in the real world, it doesn't count like your play that you did in college doesn't count You it I should have just fucking moved to LA

Do you understand that I was 27 okay, so you were not were you thinking stand up and Emerson? No, not at all. I was the farthest thing I didn't even want to do stand up when I started it like I was just kind of I just had a bad year and I and I was Lost and I was like, maybe I'm gonna be a dog trainer or I'll be like a Social worker and my friend was like you would suck at both of those things. You're not a warm person You you don't have the personality for that So just go and do like try doing jokes because you're always sending them to me

Just go try to do stand up and I tried it and I'm an addict So I got a laugh and then I kept going I kept going every night I'd just gotten out of this relationship with a guy that was pretty physically abusive like it was a Domestic abuse situation and I was just like he was an actor and I was like I want nothing to do with the acting world I don't want to fucking even look at a headshot ever again and Stand up just became kind of a way to talk about the shit that was happening. Did you act in high school? Yeah Yeah, another thing I didn't do

Because I didn't get along with mr. Pullman. Trust me. I was on Facebook Just a friend of the town to suck my dick It was 15 credits and it was stage-handing yeah, and all you built was two stages of fucking here, right? So his name was Bob Pullman in high school speaking of allegations. He used to sell wheat to us Yeah, he used to get weed shipped in from Hawaii. Yeah, it's not really an allegation $35 for a fucking eighth of Thai stick. It was like a stick with wheat tied around it Yeah, and he didn't like me so he never let me but then my freshman year I took intro to performing arts was some stupid fucking thing like that like it was a quarter of doing each

Yeah, and I'll never forget I had a lesbian teacher who I really liked She was chubby the whole lesbian outfit. It was a truck was tough being lesbian in the 70s wasn't easy. Yeah, and She said something to me one day. She goes. I want you to do it was improv. Yeah, and she goes. I want you to do Lip-synch a song What she goes, I want you to lip-synch a song And I go, you know what it was the weirdest thing like a sheet somebody had You ever talked in the sixth grade the teacher told me if I behave on Fridays, he let me sing in front of the class Yeah, so I was very embarrassed about it. But on Fridays, I would go up there put Frankie Valley on yeah every Friday at one o'clock

We would break up into groups. We have Kool-Aid and shit. We all get sugared up and stuff We'd fuck and I'd sing turn on the old tunes. Yeah, I'd sing Frankie Valley songs. His name was mr. Lovito So when you actually sing them or do you lip-sync them? What lip-sync them and sing them at the same time I could sing I was in a band then my voice changed and everything turned that out How did it change this much? Oh, this is Bad ass smoking weed Cigarettes swallow the chainsaw. Oh, yeah So it was just weird because I wanted that memory to go away

Yeah, so that was seventh grade like I left back on the seventh grade by the eighth grade Nobody really remembered so for freshman year to somebody just to drop it on me like hmm We're pulling it back. I was like god damn it the word got out. Yeah, now people gonna make me karaoke That was probably the beginning of karaoke So I'll never forget I went up there and did I Got on stage and I did shattered By the rolling stone that I brought the fucking place. Yeah Like the whole class. Yeah going crazy and the word got out

That's a certified nobody made nobody made me do it again or anything like that. That's not the point But she was like somewhere along the line. I see entertainment for you. That was like Are you fucking retarded? Like this is where it says like you're just stupid that was just a joke. Yeah, yeah So did you want to be a comic? No, but I was a fan of Richard Pryor, right? Like all in on those three out. Yeah, you know, uh, was it something I said by Centennial? I was all in. Yeah So that's not how it was for me, but you were acting already at Emerson Yeah, but I was always a fan of comedy like I used to watch insomniac every night every fucking night

How good was that show? God, it was a great show. That was the original Anthony Bordain show. Yeah, really think about it now It was insomniac was the blueprint. Yeah, you know, but fucking Dave had to stop drinking the fuck I suck and shame my name Fucking quitter The thing like for me though was like, I don't know about you guys, but at 18 Like I was sure what I wanted to do. Mm-hmm. Like I was sure of it and And and looking now looking back at 18 yet like now looking at 18 year olds. I'm like, I can't believe we trust them. Yeah Like I felt so adult at 18 and now now I feel honestly now I feel less like an adult

Yeah, like it's weird. I don't know. I look at an 18 year old and I'm like Yeah, you you got it. It's all on you. Like it's I feel like they're fine I don't know. They seem like adults to me, but maybe that's just because I I don't know. Yeah, I'm just like no, listen. I'm not saying they have fully developed brains or anything But they're not an adult's problem. I'm not putting an 18 year old down But I'm thinking about me being 18 Like I'm thinking about when I the things I did at 18. I didn't make I think a good decision

No, no, they're not going everything was bad. Everything was bad because I thought I knew everything. Yeah, but they're not Old they're not like young enough to where their mistakes are an adult's problem anymore You know, like if an 18 year old fucks up, that's their fuck up. They can deal with it. That's what I mean Yeah, but an 18 a coked up. Joe Diaz was looking in the eye and saying I'm gonna be an astronaut You know what I'm saying like that type of shit. I didn't know how to become an astronaut I had no idea how to do any of those things at that age. Thank god you figured it out I got you know, you

Dumbled I went to I owed money. I left. I went to colorado and they had yeah, I always was not against Like even now I'm like, maybe I should go take three credits a semester Yeah, go to valley. I've been I've been fighting with this with myself for years But with the baby and come I just really don't have a night. I looked up the schedule. You got to go like three nights a week Yeah, I can't go to college three nights a fucking week and doing online That's that's not for uncle joey. Yeah. I want to be in the setting. I want to learn with other people I want people to ask questions that I didn't fucking ask and go. Why didn't I come up with that question? Right. It's a class setting if there was one night a week. It's like acting class. Yeah, I'd love to go to an acting class

Yeah, but guess what rose, but I love you to death. I don't want to have to fucking meet you on a tuesday or four Yeah, the rehearse. I love lucy. I'm not a fucking move. Right. I'm not the fucking move That's not gonna happen. You know that shit used to kill me. Yeah And once I started working like once I started working going acting class. Yeah, and come on. This is Oh, yeah, there's we're just doing a fucking scene right from we're gonna have to fuck This isn't actually gone with the wind. We don't actually have to be acting like this all the time I that's the thing I feel like that's why I wanted to get away from that world is like those people Actors, they don't know that the real nobody talks like them. Nobody. It's not always a scene not everything is so like

But it's our baby, you know, like the way that they talk is It's like it's written You know what I'm saying You know this whole thing with the Oscars you really got to think about those How strong those words are that Ricky Gervais said about oh my god. Yeah, that was great. It was a joke to us But America, but he really did Yeah Say what he wanted to say and he goes get your little things and get the fuck off the stage. Yeah, no disrespect to anybody

I've worked with I've done a bunch of movies. I'm happy. I got in them I'm very fortunate Yeah, but the actor is a different animal. Yeah in the stand-up comic. Yeah And was so different but so Far apart like I feel the actor I did a movie where an actor pushed the envelope on everything He was one of the main actors. Yeah, but every time I shot with him

This was years ago. Yeah, it was so weird thinking about him now. I'm fucking much of a dick. He was. Yeah And it was like He did things to piss people off Little things, but then he came off as the Ha ha ha guy like a sweetheart type of guy. Yeah, and he irritated the fuck out of me Yeah, the main thing that bothered me about him is that he did something I can't you're gonna dig into it. You're gonna He was just a fucking he had done something

And if anybody knows anything about that he when you talk to him you felt like he had done it for 30 years And he was a superstar. He did it four times and he got cut And that was the end of his career. Yeah, and then he became an actor and It was just So weird that We're stand-ups. We live out that I live that out by going on stage and saying what the fuck I want to say. Yeah I'm not waiting for your fucking lines on a piece of paper and I got to act them out

It's like when an actor becomes a boxer That's yeah, that's when your mind, you know crosses reality fucking We're really because I threw two punches that I got in a movie Now I'm gonna start training and I used to go to Justin Fortune's gym In hollywood. He used to throw actors out. Yeah all the time and it was hilarious. Yeah, and the best was and they would go You know what put me in the ring You know, I'll train you for a week. Yeah, and he would put you in the ring and get some killer Yeah, you'd come out of it and just be like I'm gonna transition

Times with the jail for killing this baby's mama and he's out on parole. So now he's got him at the gym That that guy Justin would put him up against guys like that like oh, yeah, yeah, you're a tough guy on csi Oh, that's beautiful. It was particularly csi. He was an actor a new york csi Used to go there every morning complete dick Yeah, park this fucking car where he didn't have to park it Always went in had to have his own space, you know had the expensive gear on just a beach bag And me and this guy would be in the corner and I was like 400 pounds. I'd just be in the back That's why I first started working out. Yeah, and he would come in there and hit mitts

And the trainer he had had him fucking like we just lying to him because that's how that those trainers get paid, right? We should do a special sparring thing. It's only I only charge you 400 an hour on that. I used to hear him This guy's paying like 800 hours of fucking sessions, right those guys grind you Once they know you're an actor and they tap into that you want to be oh you want to be a tough guy, right? Let's see. Yeah, I'll have you stabbing fucking mickey rork and stalone, right? And every actor believes you have no idea Like that guys, this is why this is a complete different world than what the fuck you were illusion It's so completely weird. I saw one guy in particularly

CSI New York I think he was one of those guys that checked blood on the show. Yeah, it wasn't the star of the show I saw him go in there every day jump rope Yeah, you know any yellow people we had oh, he would have a personal assistant with him Who would like rub him down with towels? Water and shit You know these and these guys aren't making that a drop of blood on him. Yeah, not a drop of blood Doesn't even need a towel

I saw Justin personally. I saw three actors get beat up so bad. They picked up the bag and never came It's beautiful. Did any of them come in and say oh i'm researching a role? I just imagine that of course Yeah, right? They had to no no no no no these are guys that at one part in their tv career or movie They had to be a tough guy and they go, well, let me back it up now something Like it's kind of yeah, they thought they were you see them when you listen I know who's working out It's like when you see a girl at a gym. Yeah, you know who's there for dick You know who's there to get in shape right? Yeah, and it's you know what i'm saying like there's the girl that has full makeup on

Right earphones. Yeah, it's her out. Yeah, she's wearing a push up Yeah push up on a treadmill the fucking yoga pants with the monkey on a fire It's coming through the pants And I did like the bike Yeah, look at that phone and you want to go up to them and go listen either suck a dick or get the fuck off the bike You're wasting some there's a fat fuck somewhere Yeah, yeah You're gonna give a guy on the treadmill an actual heart attack. Just looking at you on the bank

So back to acting in emerson. So Once you and this guy broke up you said fuck acting Yeah, and this isn't like listen. I still talk to this guy This was a relationship where it was like, you know, it was when it was over It was like two boxers that were too exhausted to keep fighting. You know what I mean? So And you know, he's not I don't know how he's doing now. We haven't talked in a long time, but he's He's like, uh, he's a sad person. I don't my heart goes on to him, you know, but like I When it was over

I was just like I gotta I gotta get out of this world like I don't like these people I don't like and he was a fucking actor who was a boxer and like, yeah, just complete like delusional and I uh I just decided like fuck this. I can't do this anymore. I started doing comedy I was like, this is the kind of watch the jury gonna stay in new york. I started in new york and I um I loved it like I loved the whole world of it. I liked I didn't even know how miserable I should have been Because that's how much I liked it because I was out there. I remember it was like the polar vortex And I was out there barking every night to do shows at um at the lantern

And then went from the lantern to lol, which is basically the ha and the ha If you don't know is like it was like a real shitty scam For people in time square like people would be walking by and other people would be like, hey Chris rocks on stage and then they'd go up to this room And they'd get charged eight bucks for like tap water and then I'd come out, you know so like the audiences hated me and I and the Relationship was antagonistic from the beginning

So now as a comic I I kind of that's like how I came up So that's sort of my relationship to the audience a little bit is like i'm ready for Like when somebody throws something or somebody flips out on stage my heart sores like it's like that's my favorite thing is when shit goes off the rails and uh There was something about that that felt like live theater because It was so but it was more raw than that because it was a real thing that was happening and we were all In it together, you know, like the audience is as much a part of the show as the comic and it's a relationship, you know So there were things from acting that I could

Incorporate in to stand up But it was all my words. It was what I wanted to talk about I could get up whenever I wanted nobody had to give me permission. I could just fucking Go and do it. So I just did it every night for Two years. I think I went on stage every single night um And I just and here I am it's like it's been six years so

and then So you also did a lot of theater in college. Yeah, I did. Do you miss do you miss it? Yeah, I do a little bit. You ever think like maybe I'll do an off off off Broadway play I wouldn't do it. No, I would do an I would do a Broadway play But I wouldn't do a fucking you know, it's like I look at it now and I go I I would Love to do that again. If it was if I was given Like a script that was by one of my favorite fucking writers, you know

like uh Edward Albee or David Mamet or so, you know, like if there was a play of theirs on stage I would absolutely do that shit but um The problem with acting is there's just not that there's not that much out there that's really good and uh That was my problem I was like I I want to make something myself

And I don't know that any of my shit is going to be better than this But I know that it'll be mine. So if I'm if I'm tanking it's my fault, you know Again, something I'm really jealous of is Theater like that's another thing that I always want to have a tentacle. Yeah That was another one of my little pet peeves and yeah I got into a play here. I finally something came up and the pieces fell together Yeah, and some guy approached me at the store and we did a couple rehearsals and We did a table read them. They didn't get to find it and saying so I kind of broke my heart

Yeah, it was a dumb fucking play anyway And then I did a play that was pretty decent. I got I auditioned for it and booked it They wanted to rehearse every fucking day Yeah And once we started doing performances performances were Wednesday With a sunday sunday. Yeah with a sunday matinee Which I can't fucking even think of doing because Who the fuck

Going to a dark theater on a sunday at two right in LA. I could see new york in the winter When it's fucking gloomy Gus outside. Yeah, but here and when it's say 80 degrees Oh, you're not gonna believe what we're doing today Especially when you can make that money the money that you'd make in a week of rehearsals for a show You'd make in one night on the road Like the money what I found out the work that went into a play. I was like no Yeah, that's never gonna happen. Then they actually approached me With a play from Lincoln Center, right the guy saw me in the movie and he was your perfect

Yeah from one of the passengers. Let me connect you to my assistant. This went on I was headed to new york, but it was kind of a musical Yeah, I was 300 pounds that it's not good. I could move. Yeah, I wouldn't have to dance a lot It was like one or two scenes I had. Yeah, but they told me to rehearse the schedule Yeah, and I was like and it was the dead of the winter Like I was gonna be doing all this in february in new york. I know New York in february It's a fucking brutal. Fuck you wasteland and now I see it. I like I I loved like I right now as we speak I'm working on a one-man show. I've always loved that. Yeah, I've always that's great. That's what I always

Where are you gonna do it? Do you know Right now I'm just working at the store right three more fucking workouts left before I even Put two hours together. Yeah, it had to be two hours or less, right? And then my hope would be to put it somewhere in town Somewhere cute nice Maybe a 99 cedar. Yeah, like Sweet sweet three week run. Yeah, you know, yeah cut it and then Take it to off off Broadway off off off Broadway. Yeah

Take it to off Broadway off Broadway again. Yeah, do a three or four week run Add some final adjustments find a good director, right? I would I would fucking give me this shot. Hell. Yeah. Yeah I already know what I would scenes I want with settings. I want to sell. Yeah I want a thing with a microphone. Yeah, and I just want like a street corner Yeah, those are the three settings and I would just shine the light Yeah, each area that could go back and forth in between settings. Yeah, because you got it. I mean, it's about your life I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah, it's about just the fucking hustle the life. Yeah, what how I even, you know Look at how you how the fuck did you how the fuck do we stumble upon this crazy art, right?

How the fuck do we stumble? I always feel like there's there has to be a lot of You know, not that I regret anything I've ever done, but there's got to be a lot of mistakes To get you into comedy you have to make a lot of A lot of fucked up shit that has to happen something Something is off, you know with with comics that I've noticed in a in a beautiful way like I I I trust a comic if I meet somebody across, you know, if I'm Overseas and I meet somebody in there a comic there's something automatically that I just I can

There's an ease I can communicate shit to them that I wouldn't say to anybody else it's like It's like meeting another drug addict or like another alcoholic or something, you know, there's something there like we've been through it together Even if I've never met them before I feel the same way sometimes It's uh I've always known one thing listen When a person wants to

Think of what we do like you This whole thing started with me when somebody brought up the Joker Yeah, that all started with that whole joke. That's another joker. Yeah I thought about fucking the early years of comedy your career. Like, yeah, they're not fun No, it's an abusive relationship. That's the one way relationship. Yeah, it's just abusive and What what, you know, you were involved in an abusive relationship. What does it take to say that's it?

Yeah, you know for this four or five years three years for some people Who they stumble along They just stumble along and then when they they get it they catch on And you progress, you know what for some people it takes 11 months And for some people it takes five or six years. Yeah for me, it took three and a half years to Finally go oh This is what needs to be done. Right. This is how it needs to be and how old were you when you started? When I first got on stage I was 28 years old. Yeah, so you were older too. I was old

I was 28 when I first got on stage. It took me a good honest 14 months of procrastination. Yeah 14 months of procrastination. Yeah before you got on again horrible. No Like to go I'm gonna become a stand-up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'd set up an open mic Yeah, and I'd cancel that night at six o'clock. Yeah Yeah

I mean this just went on. Yeah, there was just this fucking, you know Yeah, I cried the first time before I went and did my first mic I cried outside and was like called up a friend who was a stand-up and I was like, I can't do it But he was like, all right, don't do it And I was like, but then I'll never do it I almost wanted him to talk me into it and then I realized he wasn't going to and I was like Oh, I just want to do this. I'll just shut up and go inside But like, yeah, it's hard the that first

The realizations. Yeah, you know and for me now like with this one-man show what the final message is that I'm trying to bring is that I didn't become a comic Comedy made me a man It really made me a man. It really Made me a fucking man. It made me See a lot of things, you know It let me see Vulnerabilities and people. Yeah

Vulnerabilities and women in comedy what we do in the beginning that we think back that I shouldn't have fucking slept with her Right all those things. Yeah This thing has been a journey for me. Yeah, and I want to explain the journey to people I just bested like but I ain't got enough time. Yeah, this journey has been tremendous. Yeah 28 years has been tremendous You know, I told uh, we listened we were driving back last night from Fresno And miss you came out from the Rolling Stones. Mm-hmm. And I told George Perez who I was working with This came out the 7th when I was in the 8th grade. Yeah, this was the song of the summer of the 8th grade In 1978 what I think that in 2020. Yeah, I'd be driving home from a theater

In Fresno, I was standing up. Yeah, this song. Yeah, also human league came on. Don't you want me, baby? And I was like crying This song is gonna it's 38 years old Yeah, if I would have known that summer of 82 that I'd be in a fucking doing stand. I had no idea Yeah, this is why this is shocking to me and obviously near the jew. Yeah, and obviously in no way neither did league Like we just we started out. We wanted to be a fucking editor. We went to school He's gonna be an editor you went to major in theater. Yeah, what were your plans really from there to move to new york and do

To do theater in theater. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah I moved to I moved to new york. I was like, I'm gonna be a theater actor. That's what I want And like I did an off-broadway. I did a couple off-broad yeah off-broadway plays a bunch of off off-broadway plays uh, I did some independent films and I just Like I look back at it now. I'm like that shit was ridiculous I was like for the birds. I mean Once I did comedy I've never been obsessed with anything like this in my life. Did you fall in love with it? Yeah

Was it like a heroine for you a hundred percent? I hit it from my family. How many years did you do comedy before you quit drinking? Um, I know I quit drinking before I started comedy. Thank god. Yeah knock on wood man Yeah, thank god. Okay, so nobody's because I wouldn't have been able to fucking quit if I was doing comedy I don't think I genuinely don't think how do you you go to meetings and stuff. Yeah, do you? Yeah, I go to the meetings. Yeah, so when you walk into a bar any problem when you see a fucking It's been so long now. It's like when I go to meetings. It's really more for uh, just so I don't act like an asshole Like I don't when I see a drink. I don't like I don't want to drink I don't I forget other people are drinking. I don't like it's not like a part of my radar, you know

um So it doesn't bother me at all I just like It's just not part of my life anymore So you did all these you've done six years of comedy in new york And now you're out here. They'll put you on his show ringers and what else? I'm starting a podcast

the teaser drops tomorrow february or sorry january 20th and It's called devil's advocate with rosebud baker and it's basically um like interviews with other comics about What's funny about like the worst things that happen to us because I always find my humor is a little dark Or people say it's dark. I don't see it that way but people say it's dark and uh But I think the dark things are funny and I think they're part of what make us funny So it's really kind of answering that question, you know and And then at the end of every episode we give a bunch of bad advice to listeners bad advice bad advice Because what I one thing that annoys me about the internet now is everyone's a fucking pro

Everyone's a life coach, you know, and it's like who the fuck wanted what you've got like who who said they want what you have It's crazy. You know or prove you have what you say you have. Yeah, like I just I look at these people I'm like if you think that you're like in a position to tell other people what to do you're you're fucking delusional check I follow just for that. Yeah follow probably 20 people Just because you hate them. No, they're just delusional. Yeah. I want to I want to they make you laugh They make me laugh plus. I don't want to do what they're doing. Yeah, I know whatever the fuck that doing is completely wrong So I don't want to thank you for being an example to me Thank you for being exactly the wrong things. You really do it with the wrong things. Yeah, why would I fucking?

the Well, do you run into that Joey? What's that? Because you're you're very positive online And I Like I don't put you in that category, but there are people who are like, oh you got a hustle today and It kind of like it just rubs me the wrong way you for for whatever reason You found a way to do it without rubbing people like the wrong way Because I explained to be first of all when I write those things in the morning That's exactly what I'm thinking

Yeah, it feels like you're almost talking to yourself. I am a fucking You know, and I knew and I knew Just for number one. I'm very lazy By nature if it was up to me too, I would stay on that couch all day. Yeah, it's my dream job My if I could stay on the couch and not get fat. Yeah and eat like everything Tom and Jerry's new york superflex chunc We poke a colon and watch like old honeymooners. Yeah, and I would just go through a series

Like i'm the type of guy that would just go from the soprano son's anarchy. Oh my god. Yeah, the sopranos I've watched the sopranos five fucking times. I'm one of those assholes. Yeah goes around and around and around Yeah, I have things that if I if you would train these food every day Yeah, I'm a certain restaurant in new york. I could do that. I do mozzarella sticks like a mother Yeah, I'm one of those people I could do the same shit Over and over and over again a control setting Yeah, and be very happy if I don't have to spread myself. Right My mother died at a young age

At 16. So oh, wow I threw a pity party like everybody else does. Yeah when we lose a relative and then you add drugs to that Yeah, if you add drugs to that pity party that pity party Last forever and it can really take you down. Yeah, it's a really bad dude. My sister died when I was 17 Very sad. So it was like, yeah, you start to it's a pity party. Yeah, it's a fucking pity party and then we create our own pity party and it's actually like It gets to the point where like a lee. How you doing rosebud? Although if you know rosebud lost his sister at 17

You start working it like a bad. Yeah. Yeah, and I saw myself doing that. You know what? Here it is plain and simple. So your fucking mother died. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. She died The world is sorry, but at the same time, right? This was not gonna work. This is not acceptable Yeah, you know, you sit there and because this is what I'll do in my mind. I'll sit there and cry. I'm a cryer Yeah, I won't tear up. I'll watch tv when I was when I was 18 and 19 and 27 Then I got locked up and I came on I was 30 There was things nobody wants to do right when you're none. Yeah, I don't do none. Yeah, I don't do nothing I don't want to do it. But then

You have to force yourself to do it. Yeah, you learn how to I feel like Uh, when you go through death at a young age, there's something about it that makes you it teaches you how to parent yourself because you uh You grow So much so fast like within a day Like you got the day before your sister's there your mom's there The next day they're gone. You're 10 years older. Like right away. Well, let you appreciate the day more

It makes you be a better person to people because you don't know if that's the last time you ever So see them again, right? Well, I see some money. I can't say that I'm a better person to people but I try to be You know, it it gave me all those insecurities of uh, but it also I'm sick and tired of hearing excuses jack. Yeah, and I'm the type of guy before your excuse comes out I'll tell you why you're wrong. Yeah, and what you know, I want I want you to understand how fucking Fortunate you are, right? You know, it's like that comic that says to you fuck I got no addition tomorrow 11 30

But I gotta go to a water clock spot at the comedy. What's the hot club in new york? The cellar the cellar. Yeah, you want to smack that comic, right? I got an additional 11. It's like, oh, is your crown too heavy? And guess who said that to themselves a bunch of times. Yeah. Yeah, same I got a water clock at the fucking store, which means 130 and then I gotta get up at 11 and be prepared for an audition What the fuck? Yeah Joey, what the fuck you're doing spots at the world world famous comedy store. Okay There are people that'll cut a finger off right comics that'll cut a pinky off

There are women that would suck your dick to do a spot at the comedy store one in the morning Yeah, what are you crying about and I think that we that was just the store. I'm just talking for comedy Right from my life. I would have to like beat myself up in the morning Like when I was 21, I had a job at a hardware store delivering Plumbing supplies. Yeah At 7 30 in the morning the things I would have to tell myself in the shower Right would be frightening for me to get motivated. Yeah, wasn't nothing nice No, it's like you just hate yourself into action in a way yourself into fucking

Like, you know what ain't nobody gonna give you a fuck, right? Your mother's dead. You got dick You got dick in the ass now get up right do something about it. Go take that dick out of your ass I had oh, that's how I have to that's how you have to talk. Yeah I thought about it. I was like I remember I was in therapy and I was like bitching about my childhood and my therapist said to me he's like, hey, you know Childhood was a game and you lost That's it. You don't get to play again. You're an adult now That's it. Just go on and I remember

Hearing him say that fucking changed my life Like I think about that all the time when I hear adults talk about and like it's funny Like if we look at the reasons why we do things now and like how they correlate to our childhood as long as we're not blaming our childhood, you know, because I think You gotta you gotta kind of understand why those experiences shaped you but you can't use them as an excuse Absolutely, like it's not You're a fucking adult. This is a new game. You got you got to start over You didn't beat the boss, but you were given a new level anyway. So just fucking take it

Like see what you're gonna do with this one. You know, I think that when we become comics we you have to realize When you become a real comic You to do what we do I assume the wiring isn't right somewhere Not that we're gonna kill somebody or strap a bomb on ourselves. You know somewhere along the line, you know, like Comics have told me there's two million doctors. There's 150,000 comedians. Right You know, nobody drives up to an open mic and a Bentley. Yeah Right

It's something that somewhere along the line you just And I see the drop off rate, but you see the you know, I can't I've been here 22 years 23 february 19 I can't tell you how many stars I've seen coming down. Yeah stars. There was comedy stars, right? Come they're selling real estate that they moved back. This is not a Yeah, and they're happier. Yeah I'm happy with what I'm doing because it was either this is slinging coke in new york. Yeah Yeah, it wasn't my two options. I wasn't gonna have a day job, right? I was never gonna happen. Yeah, I may have a little night job I didn't want to work in a bar. I didn't want to get out. I wasn't no tough guy

I didn't want to be a door guy and get beat up. That's a yeah, you know being a door guys like being A woman that marches and gets you nowhere, right? Get you nowhere. You can watch to your 80s You get a hat out of it, right? Yeah Right. Yeah We're back Yeah That's what I haven't heard before

We're black. We're back. We're strong. Yeah, whatever. It's always something Yeah, so you've been doing comedy six years now. Yeah And when did things start popping for you? Uh about a year and a half ago things started making things pop on your own. Uh, well, I started I I did this documentary uh The amazon prime or am yeah amazon video produced It was called inside jokes and it was about comics trying to get into jfl

So there were like six of us. We were all auditioning and it went from callbacks to The auditions to all of it to the festival And um, there were some that didn't get picked. There were some that did And I was one of the ones that was fortunate to go to montreal and to do new faces and then when that uh, when that dropped it was I guess november of 2018 and

I While I was at new faces. I got my manager at levity And ever since then things have kind of like slowly started picking up. I got the comedy central digital thing I got bill burp, uh bill burrs the ringers and then I got a thing Coming out later this year that will smith produced so And you know my podcast now my own podcast. It's like things are just starting to like do a podcast to somebody else before Uh-huh karin fischer. Okay. Um, she has the guys we fucked podcast and then we had our our podcast was called too less lonely girls

It was about celebrity stalking. We stalked justin beaver and uh, we found him and we like We found his girlfriend's house and we like Interviewed people standing outside of his girlfriend's house It was about like celebrity worship and pop culture and had this kind of like dark twist to it So, um, and we just put that on hiatus. We might go back to it. I'm not really sure Is there a case pending or something? No, no you have to talk to justin beaver Uh, yeah, I did I got to talk to him. Yeah, it's all on my instagram Like the whole like me hearing where he was and then going to chase him down and then I followed him for like three miles and like

He was this was before he got married to hailey And uh, what year was this? Uh, it was 2000 I guess it was 2017 When was he around here? He lives here. Okay, because that was in canada. There was a time when He was always at the lat factory. Yeah Sharing somebody on chris. Delia chris. Delia. It's delia. Yeah, that's his favorite comic, right? Yeah, and then I saw him one time

Maybe As as I was getting to the economy store there's an explosion on sunset It's one of his fucking bad cars. Yeah, because he just can't have like a boat dude. His cars are constantly breaking down He loves cars. He doesn't know anything about them He's he gets the most expensive cars and then they're breaking down somewhere. This thing went like all the time Yeah, this thing made like a like a like a fucking like uh, what do you call that when the muffler shoots back? Oh bad backfire It's like a fucking backfire

Yeah, and then he took off like he missed a gear Yeah, and somebody goes that was just in bb. You just missed justin b but i'm like, I never seen that motherfucker I know where everybody's seen him. I that was it. I just heard about him driving around. Yeah, that's it Yeah, he's not a great driver, but he loves fucking he loves his cars He just doesn't know about them and he says that he's like, I don't know about them But I just I really like he just walks into a he just walks into a place and buys a fucking Yeah, he's a fucking billionaire. How crazy is that? It's nuts. It's nuts I but I really like him. I don't know what I I truly am like a fan of his there's something about him

Is the music good? Yeah, like his music. I mean He had purpose came out like two three years ago. I don't I don't know how many years ago, but um Purpose came out that was a fucking great album But it annoyed me because that was when people started being like wow, he's really good and I was like, no, he's been good He's been good since he was a fucking Eight-year-old, you know, like so he's been singing since he was eight Yeah, he started in canada on youtube. I found him. Yeah, he was on fucking youtube

Usher found him and scooter brawn and then he uh, he like just fucking catapulted to fame He was just a kid that was playing guitar on like the sidebox. I don't know nothing Like I don't know nothing. I know Justin Bieber. I know chicks run after him Yeah, I know he was on the 101 that they do drugs and go off the deep end for a few weeks. Yeah, right Yeah, him and Demi Lovato with fucking yeah exchange the text and shit for sure You know in this world, they have the same manager now is that what? So was that your the whole podcast just busting Justin Bieber. Um, it was Justin Bieber center center Let's do the next one has to be just let's let's just bust fucking how like Baldwin's balls

Yeah, like that that's a podcast. I would very much be interested in doing. Yeah, just torturing Baldwin Just torturing Baldwin like fucking Yeah every day Something he fucking takes it well though. He's no no not this shit. We're gonna do that Not this shit. We're gonna do them. I mean, we're gonna get deep deep deep into his psychological mind Into his anger. Oh, like you have no fucking idea Greg Alec Baldwin like I he seems like a nice guy. I don't know this but

I feel like you could like if you like I just imagine you add his coffee shop every day for a year like just bugging him like Yeah, like how you and then and then he leaves them something like you're in like his like dry cleaners You gotta let me come when you do it because I I fucking wrote for that roast and I have a ton of alec Baldwin jokes That didn't get picked There's a story that Alec Baldwin they told me down here before alec Baldwin got a Play in new york opposite. Shia LaBeau. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember that the controversy and everything

Yeah, I forget. Oh, what happened. They got into some sort of right because Yeah, Shia LaBeau was a professional and Alec Baldwin wouldn't be off book Right the first fucking day, right? Alec Baldwin shows up. He's got a script and now Shia LaBeau's like time out What's with the fucking script? Yeah, and he goes well, we're just getting started. No, no, you gotta be off book, bro Yeah, and the can you imagine like And alec Baldwin was like, who the fuck are you? Yeah, it was out like, you know the fucking mind, you know From now on just make sure you're on for a fucking book. Yeah, you're a professional here

So like the next day he wasn't on book and He was passed. Yeah, Shia LaBeau started I guess that monday he taught a master acting class at NYU and Shia LaBeau showed up And he put up his hand and he asked the question He goes, what do you tell an actor who's not prepared? Do you like that type of shit? Wow He took trolling to a new fucking level. He showed up the guy to call the producer say, what do I do with this kid?

We're gonna have to get smacked then the next night he took it deeper Alec Baldwin gets out of his house Out of his car and he goes up to his building and there's Shia LaBeau with a script. Don't forget Tomorrow you better be prepared Yeah, that's it. Like we'll do shit to you like I'm into but that's like um, that's like That's like a mentally ill level of fucking trolling like to show up mental warfare To show up at somebody's house and be like You got to do this. Don't worry. It's almost like he was fucking poking him

Until he was poking the bear. There's only one. He was definitely poking the bear. There's only one show Well, that's what it means to some people. Yeah, like you eat like i'm a new yorker If you put ketchup on your hotdog, I will get up and walk away from here Right, and then I'll pay a Puerto Rican to go in there and stab you for 20 hours. Yeah Like you're in new york, you want to eat fucking ketchup on a hotdog doing an ire one, right? Don't do it in new york. Yeah. Yeah. I'm old school. Yeah, like I'm old school like that I let shit slide. I just don't talk to people. They don't even put it on burgers People know you're not even allowed to have ranch at my table. Yeah, like I only want if you eat ranch

Like listen sit over there with your friends Up and down Like it's a children's birthday party. I am dead serious. Yeah Hummus you bring hummus to my house. You see what happened Show up at my house with hummus. Let me go to your house and let those be hummus and chips and that falafel bread I'll fucking turn your face into hummus What happened to the fucking onion dip? Well, I'm into the onion dip old the miracle. Let's go chop chop. Yeah, you know, yeah the onion. I'm old school

So I get it Like I'm old school when I see a light I get off out of respect. I don't run the fucking way Right, so I expect the same respect from you So if I come to watch you and I'm following you two nights in a row After four nights are running the life of 15 minutes I gotta say something to you. Yeah, and then I'm gonna get on top of you Right, and then we're gonna have to do get the fuck on right and then I'm gonna go up there and bust you in the head with the microphone Because there's some people who just but that's a show

That's the only show I would consider doing I would have to get independent investors Just do it Torture love no I wouldn't go after alex. I would do what I was doing in colorado in 83 I'd pick a guy And I'd fucking make his life hell

Wait, there was a guy when I worked at the tower restaurant. Yeah, I'm like give me the story behind this Well, I this is the first time anybody's only had a story because I was I just did last wednesday I did the one-man show and it was covering That time of my life, right and I remember starting the right and this I'm going I don't even have time. Yeah, this is a two-hour story The guy I got hired at the tower restaurant as a fucking Dishwasher. Yeah, tuesdays. I knew a guy from new york

And he goes dog. I always see you lifting weights and hitting the bag You want some protein? He goes, I need a dishwasher on tuesdays. It's prime rib night And I'll give you all the mistakes. All right. I said, okay. There was like a 50 and I don't know what it was it didn't really matter And there was uh, he was always really cool to me. He would give me shrimp and Whatever I only worked tuesdays and maybe fridays. I had the job like maybe tuesdays and sundays was like a part. I was 19 Yeah, and there was a chef that was justice come back. Yeah, like he'd wear the fucking hat And the whole thing and he would yell at the waitstaff and call wages his conscience. Yeah

But he was also a part-time code dealer Uh-huh So many fucking chefs. So we would some nights. I didn't like the guy. He was from somewhere He was from like california. Yeah, but he was very white privileged. Yeah, he was very High and mighty and for some reason because the coke era Everybody kissed his ass at that time in my life. I was playing a kid that didn't do coke Because I was taking down drug dealers Mm-hmm. So I would want to I smoked pot

Yeah, but I didn't do coke and it was well known in the parties when I would go people go. He doesn't snort Yeah, and I I'd have an eight ball in my pocket, but they I swear to god I I lived that double life. Yeah for nine months. Yeah, because that was my intention to rob these guys Right, but this guy took a special interest in because he was just a scumbag Right and because I worked you're like i'm gonna enjoy this one. I'm gonna enjoy this I kicked it up. I would I started working like tuesdays thursdays and saturdays. Yeah, just so I could watch him more And hear his schedule. Yeah

Just I would just chasing him that I would just destroy him. This is a way before the ring Anybody ever thought about putting cameras. Yeah, I fucking got a tool and I busted into his house And I wouldn't steal all the coke I would take some of it just to cause a rift between him and his roommate. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's just enough to see him walk into work a little fucking ruffled. Yeah, just enough and then this went on for Four months. Yeah, because he was a skier. How could it be a if you're a co-dealer you can't ski you got to be watching your stats I don't know especially with uncle joey's in the neighborhood

They they laid me off from the nutrition company for the holidays So I collect unemployment, but the building needed a snow shoveler in snow mass village paid $15 an hour cash Three or four hours of snow shoveling. I'd go home. I told his name was joe coffee. I gotta go. Where you going? I gotta go. That's it I would just do it the case out the drug dealers to see what time the drug dealers would leave because they all Live in the same complex. Yeah from like d to h right and I fucking but this guy was a special case I wanted to fuck with him like I would steal one ski pole He just starts thinking he has Alzheimer's. Oh my god. I was fucking with him. Yeah

I would take an ounce of coke that he had he was fresh I would cut it. Yeah, and then take I would take half out And put in the spot completely different than where he had put it You were like the chinese water torture of fucking fest and then I would go back to his house with him afterward with 10 other people and I would watch him Looking around like where they put that coke right and I knew where like I it was amazing Yeah, it was my hatred for him. Yeah, he was such a prick to the waitresses and the bus boys He didn't fuck with me. I think he fucked with me one day

And I mouthed off to him and that was the end of it. He knew I was from a different planet Yeah, he's like, I'm gonna leave this guy alone. I did something else to him. Like I did little things I would steal his skis Then I would bring him back. Yeah, so do you still want to fuck with drug dealers on this show or no? Just be regular people. No regular people. Okay, you could just do it to regular people that's sitting at the house And now it could be great because you take any voices. Yeah That's why I come in. Yeah, that's why we can have like people set their friends up Like we're you know, I'm like morning radio or like if you want to Joey's voice came into my house

All of a sudden no, but it wouldn't be my voice because then you'd fucking know So like for me my mother died. Yeah, so I'd be sitting in my living room and all of a sudden like I Some lady going oh And you're looking around, you know, but Like it would be torturing people in their own home Yes, like they were all for their pillow and it's missing. Yeah, and then put them back Steal me glasses Taking their car. You'd have a lot of women just wondering if they were pregnant

They'd just be like, I can't fucking remember anything. I would take his car Yeah, and move it to a different building And put the keys back into the fucking ring. I was driving this guy mental I was going and I stole his chefbook Oh, he had a book of recipes. I stole it and threw it away Like this was never ending. It was like a three month Torture chamber. Yeah, this guy. Yeah, and I knew that he would come out at night We would all be playing darts and he'd always look at his bag of coke and go

What the fuck? I knew that him and his roommate would get into arguments. I remember still being In there with three or four drug dealers were like, we got to figure out who's robbing us and I'd be sitting there going man It's fucked up. Isn't that like I'm surprised you didn't move in with him. There was one kid. I can't remember what his name was He was a nice kid. I kind of liked him. He was from Mankato, Minnesota. He was really from minneapolis He was a good-looking kid, but nobody liked him. He was a kind of part-time coke fiend Yeah, so one day somebody actually said we think it's him and I was like it could be Oh my god

Fuck it was uh That's the show I want to do if I ever get back if they would let me torture one person But I would it would be like torture that you've never seen. Yeah, you'd have to get like the background info For why they deserve it. You know, no like oh, I got three people in mind already. I would oh you should get Like your own enemy. This is like the opposite of queer. I this is like somebody reaches out to you One of their loved ones is like, hey, my husband's a piece of shit or like, you know, my wife's being of being a real cunt She's like she's my wife. He's cheating on me. Yeah. She's cheating whatever like Anything and then you get that and they bring Joey in to fuck with them

And change their fucking lives, you know, you know, like if you're cheating on your wife I'll go to the hotel room and knock on the door right away. Yeah Leave a note on the door. I'm watching you. Yeah, shit like that. Yeah, I think the funniest thing I ever did It's about six months ago fucking Rogan was at war with what's his name? Uh, the guys months ago. Yeah by six months ago a year ago. He Alex Jones is talking about Joe Rogan Oh, so I took like a fortune cookie piece of paper. Yeah, and I wrote

I'm watching and I put it in Joe Rogan, but I'm a windshield wiper at the store Like I'm one of those dudes That's fucking great. So I'll play with your paranoia. Yeah, like I'll play that's fucking dark Could you do it if they knew it was coming? Like I'm trying to think how we get around this legally You're gonna send people to therapy. I was like, what if it's like a Like one of those tv court shows, right? And like they can agree like you could owe them 10 grand or Joey's gonna torture you for over a month My job is to put you

Either to make you go to the police And tell somebody's following you. Yeah To make you go to an insane asylum. Yeah or tell them that you're hearing voices. Yeah, like that's the main thing That's beautiful. I keep hearing Chinese music Yeah Like in the middle of the night just put Chinese music in the house You know, we have our own little personal speaker that we've already gone in there right? Yeah Or like old timey radio. That would freak me the fuck out food shopping. I know you love orange juice

All right, let me go food shopping and steal the orange. Yeah You know what happened to my orange juice? Oh, no, you do have to suddenly for a fucking a year They really start to doubt themselves. Yeah, like season one is a year. That's the fabric of their reality. No Season one would you just be misplacing things around his house? Taking his car. Yeah parking on the next block over Just see what happens as they're fucking psyche starts from amazon You could send people boxes from amazon. Yeah and do the transaction So they think they actually did it at what time from the computer

So they call customer service customer service is like wait a second. Mr. Syat We just spoke to you about an hour ago. You said you wanted to chat with you said you wanted to wake I didn't want no way What if you could really actually get into their phone so when they call customer service, it's you or Or not you but it's me with you in my ear. Yeah, it's you with like it's like someone like an actor years ago There was a guy that I worked with that was losing his mind because he was going bald, right? I had grown up with a guy That really went through today. I think about that guy and I think how much he suffered at the age of 19

He went through hell. He went I mean spray painting his head. Yeah, he went through the whole thing I think he finally did the shave the hair from my back and crazy glue it on your head thing. Yeah Whatever the fuck yeah, he looked terrible. He looked terrible. Yeah But in 87 89 when I got released from prison. I got a job selling Mitsubishi's With this the widest most uptight dude you ever met in your life Like you could tell this guy had never fucked a woman from behind like right doggy style He always fucked military position. Right. He looked straight. You know what I'm saying? Yeah He didn't talk during sex. You like you like it, babe, and he was

He was one of those assholes. Yeah, but one day he told us in a meeting like he goes, you know Uh, it's hard for me to really be a good salesman because I feel insecurity because of my male pattern baldness That was he was a good salesman too. Yeah, like in life. He was a good salesman. So I was always banging that with him Yeah, so I knew that I had the upper hand the only upper hand I'd have Was psychologically him tortured him above his head. Yeah, so I would put hats on his desk I would I would I was fucking I would go on the yellow pages And I would call like a mens wig replacement whatever. Yeah

Go hold on one second my phone That's the best though. Can you call me back at this number? And they would I would give them the number Yeah, and he would be outside with me and also in the phone with ring. He'd walk in there He picked up the phone And I can then I could see him through the glass No, I didn't call you. No, I don't need no wig and he just slammed the phone down and he'd walk outside me What was that nothing throw his sails off. Oh my god, I would send them brochures Wigs for less. That's the best

I my boyfriend has a tremor like his hand fucking shakes And I'll just shakes all day. So I'll just record him trying to eat soup And then just send it to him in the middle of the day for no reason He's so close. It's like my favorite thing to do. Why is he on tremors? Are you off the boat? I don't know. He's got a hereditary tremor. He's like, yeah, my dad has it. I have it I was like, oh, I'm gonna have so much fun with this. I asked him. I was like, hey, when you jerk off Do you finish too quick? Because you got that a little tremor gives a little steak and shake to the helmet

You should try that He's the only guy who finishes too quick when he's jerking off Tambourine at the same time So what do people call you rosebud? They call me rosebud. Are they when you sent me this? I thought it was like a put-on. Like I'm like, this is some I know hippie chick. I know it's when I saw you wearing a hippie chick. I'm like, what the fuck is she rosebud for? I know they can name me the butter rose And let's get the party started. What's with the rosebud? Let's go. Come on

Let's do this. They call me rosebud. They call me rosy. Those are the two I call you rosy from now. Yeah, I like it when new yorkers say it Rosie when a midwesterner says it just Doesn't sound the same makes me sound like a different person But when new yorkers say rosy it feel like that name matches my personality, you know Where's your family at? All over the place my mom lives in main my dad lives in dc One sister in boston one sister in new york one sister in chicago and you've been in new york six years

I've been in new york for 13 years 13 years. Yeah, yeah, so you're just in new york right this point. Yeah You want to try it out here? I want to try it. Yeah, I don't know if I can like I've been out here for the month so far And it's like I love la it's relaxing. It's nice to get away from new york but I I really just like You you live in new york long enough and it's like a it's like Shawshank, you know what I mean? You get out and you don't know how to live. It's It's a lifestyle there that

I don't know you have skills that you don't need outside of new york That nobody values outside of new york, but that you spent a lot of time cultivating because you lived there, you know Like just shit that I learned in new york. Like I know how to walk around the rat Yeah, I know exactly if a rat, you know, not to yell. I've had a rat touch my barefoot. All right That was a real thing that happened to me in new york. Nobody fucking helped You know, what was this? This was in I was on well. Were you a barefoot 96th in broadway? I was wearing sandals They weren't flip-flops. They were sandals and I remember a fucking rat ran over my foot

I I I was I was like, do I cut it off? I didn't know what the fuck to do. I was like, I can't believe this just fucking happened I just got like rat aids. I'm done and nobody helped No, I everyone saw it. No one helped. They just it's just an everyday account. Yeah, did he ever wear sandals again? No, never in my life. I haven't worn sandals since then In a city. Fuck you. Yeah. Now you know, you have to have listen. My wife is talking about You know, it's it's it's

We're alone out here. We have a seven-year-old. I'm not getting any younger. Mm-hmm. You know, uh, you sit around fucking christmas This place blows around christmas. Well, let me ask you something this place blows. Why would you want to move? to new york Because I wouldn't move to new york. Oh, okay. The start is I would move back to jersey. All right, you know, that's fair all those guys quarantine and Folks they do great. Yeah, they live out They pick up three nights a week. They come into the city. Yeah

And the other four they stay the fuck home and the seller fucking pays. Yeah, there's a straight train rotation Yeah, you know, she's looking at like or Adele. I could take a bus and but I say these things to you very Loosely because in my heart, I don't think I can do it. I mean, I don't like driving no more. Yeah, this ruined me Out living out here really ruined. Yeah, what I enjoyed doing Really this week in the baker's field was fun Fresno. Yeah, well, there's no traffic. It's fun. It's a it's a great You know, we got to see them. You know, california is such a great state We're just living here and this is really yeah Once you go north and you drive

You know, like I was worried all week that I was going to get snowed out of a gig In california on friday and saturday because it was supposed to get Thursday night, it was raining here. Yeah, we were supposed to get a heavy snow up in the mountains. Yeah, and they closed the grapevine So if they closed the grapevine, then you're fucked. How would I get up there? So I was already like panicking like if it does snow up there, do we leave at 11 in the morning? So it's just a three hour difference, right? Where I was last week It's snowed in calabasas. Yeah

We had to bring winter gear, you know, california is a very interesting weird. Yeah If I like I told my wife and we if we move to jersey, it's work Yeah, we got to get that car and pick mercy up at the fucking Catholic school and bring it back and Karate and piano and this and this or before we make the move You better fucking think about it. Yeah, I can't make a move with 60 and one right, you know So I don't know what I want to do. Yeah, right now Somewhere along the line, you know, you think of all these places to retire to yeah, you know Because there's a low-state tax or whatever, but do you really want to live there? You're gonna be happy there?

Yeah, or you know, that's what it comes down to. That's what it comes down to the everyday shit I've always loved visiting la but once i'm here for a long period of time. I start feeling trapped real quick I start feeling really trapped like like everything I don't know at least in new york like I can get out of my house. I can just go I can go to my spots. I can walk to the cellar from my apartment. I can walk to new york comedy club I'm right around the corner from there. I'm I can walk to the stand. It feels like I I can cheat, you know Because being able to walk anywhere in new york

Especially all of your places of work. It feels like you're cheating like I don't have to get on a train you know, so There's something about that life that even though it's harder. It's easier Because it's just what would be the transition for you. What is the bonus for you moving on? You're being closer to your manager. Um manager reps are all out here, you know, what else? I mean I'd like to I'd like to get back into acting at some point, but it's not Stand-up is like my love. Okay. That's

Really all like are you doing spots right now? Yeah in town. Yeah The improv gives you love. Um, yeah the improv Ice house just reached out to me. I'm trying to I'm trying to kind of like Get into the store a little bit. Just like I'm hanging out there putting in the you know, yeah And uh doing those produce shows. I love the store like I love clubs. I those are the places I'm most comfortable um, there's a lot of places in la to do comedy that aren't clubs, but I'm I'm more of a club comic so

That's uh, you know, that's kind of it like I I love new york because I can there's so many clubs And I can just do the clubs every night and they fucking pay like The seller has paid my rent. I'm So grateful to them. They're like, I mean esti's been good to me Since I got passed there about Seven months ago. So so much so that I feel guilty being out here, you know Stay there

Stay there. It's it's great. You know, it's funny One of my dearest dearest dearest friends is aria shuffia. Yeah, and I was one of the guys who said New york is the place for you. Yeah, because every night he was out till six. Yeah This is a play if you're out till six here, you'll never go home in new york, right, you know, I can't I think that would I mean, like I said, my time is You know to be 40 in new york now and be a stand up and Yeah, this seller will stop for a slice of pizza on the way home. Yeah Bullshit at the pizza parties

Splitter strumboli. Yeah, you know, I couldn't even imagine how great that is For me now one in the morning is like fucking five in the morning. Like I'm already wiped out. Yeah But that's the thing is like I'm starting to get to that age where it's like I'm I'm thinking about getting married having kids I want to like, you know, I it's like I'm so torn. Do you want to stand up or you want to get married? Are you going because that's what happens? You can't let your your skin get in the way now I know now you're on deck. You've worked six years. Yeah to get to this place the kids That's gotta that's gotta take Yeah, Tom to use his ratty hand for a couple more minutes

That you ain't gonna fuck and just There ain't no kids here Right, listen man. It adds a complete dimension. Yeah, it adds a complete different dimension to your comedy life Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't even if I had a kid right now, I wouldn't give a shit about comedy. That's what would happen That's my my brain would completely change. I've become a father. I've seen how to do the balance. Yeah, I've become the balance You know, there's no way I'm going out for six weeks. I'm not saying my kid right that ship sails. Sorry, charlie Yeah, I gotta come home every sunday because I gotta be there for finally dinner at six right nice and easy tonight We like a family. Yeah, that's what it's all about. You know, you need that structure as a stand-up or not. You just

You're just You know, so but it then it helps you like in a way like to have a stand-up I had to stand up to live like Lenny Bruce. Yeah, you know what that means. Whatever comes comes you got pills drop them Right, you got heroin. Let's do it. Yeah, you got you're on the period. Let's see your asshole You know, you know what I'm saying like I got into can't I got into stand-up not to have rules. Yeah In my world rules were not gonna buy it Yeah, I did not want to get up and me you and him

Have to fight for the bathroom at eight in the morning after he's taken a shit man I took a shit in there and now you got to get ready for work. I didn't want that rush Right. I my mother didn't have a day job. My mother on the bar. Yeah, so she opened it in the daytime But then she went back home and did what she did till eight o'clock, right? Then she took it over at night I liked that. I saw that as a child how it worked for her. I I enjoyed you she could go to mech games Right, you being a nick fan. She was a med bitch So she would go to every fucking med home game. Yeah So as a young young man that was screwed into my

Psych that day job wasn't gonna work, right? I wanted to really do it. I really wanted to yeah Be part of a team and all that shit. Yeah for the business meeting not a joiner. Fuck you, right? And once you make that decision then there's limited you could work on the way house at night. Yeah a bar So my options Yeah, you know people you ended up with stand-up you you had options. Yeah theater acting They were for you both Yeah, I mean, I've never wanted any kind of structure I don't like structure, but I do I do know that it's good for me like my brain chemistry

Responds well to it But everything else in me is just like no like I I've never bought a plane ticket more than a week in advance ever Like I don't do it You know, I don't people who like plan trips and stuff like my boyfriend now He like loves to plan shit and I'm like, I can't do it. I don't know what's good. I don't know I could get hit by a bus. Yeah. Why are we talking about April? Right? It's fucking January 20th That we still go home for Christmas. That is like my biggest I start getting questions about Christmas and Thanksgiving in august. I'm like, I cannot

I I don't even I might not even know you guys by then. I don't know what's gonna happen the same way While nothing irritates me more in life Then I I do for the road. I get my plane tickets way at a time Yeah, like if it's I know if I see I want to go to right if I'm fine jet blue mint. I want that single out Sorry, I'll book it now for december. Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah, I'm going in that solo cabins Right. Yeah, but there's been a southwest you could book, you know, who gives a fuck a weekend before there's all those little trips Yeah, here's the thing with stand-up I don't have structure in my life

But I do Yeah, because at some you have some place to be at every time every night. Yeah, and I I did that once, you know For me it was 95. I knew that a I had to be out every night. Mm-hmm every night. Yeah, uh, your friend's party. Sorry Yeah, your mom's graduation. Sorry. Yeah, that's the mine spill. Yeah, your leg hurts You got to go out right your pussy hurts. You got to go out or something's leaking out of your toe. Sorry You got to go out. Yeah, you know, you had a right And you had to be part of a clique. There was just things I knew

That we're like I didn't watch tv. Mm-hmm. You know, you ever see sign film? I know really. Yeah No, I'm literally I'm trying to do stand-up every night sports. I didn't know fucking sports. Yeah, I didn't watch television from 1991 Yeah, 2003 when I had auditioned for NYPD blue. Yeah, that was the first time I didn't even know what NYPD fucking blue was. I didn't know nothing. Yeah It's amazing when you become a stand-up and you dedicate yourself to becoming a stand-up If you become for me, it was the weight game For me, I ballooned up to 418 pounds because I didn't I was that much into stand-up Yeah, like, you know what?

Fuck the fucking gym from now on. Yeah So I could see that's the love that you got for it now. I could see it in your eyes Yeah, when you thought you're at that six-year level forget it. Yeah, you know Somebody wants to eat your pussy not right now. No, I gotta do a spot. I got a spot I can't tell you how many times I've fucking It's so hard to because I spent the better part of this year single for the first time as a comic That is a fucking nightmare as as a female comic Dating like

A civilian isn't it's impossible. It's not even It's not even in the cards like it's because they either want they either love what you do So much that it they feel like a fan Or they think they can do it better And they don't know how to deal with you being funnier than them Or like the fact that you can they say something to you and you're like you can hit them right back like So much harder than they were expecting, you know That it it was a dynamic that I just immediately it'll dry you right up like

Being out to dinner with a guy in a suit who has a regular life I tried to like it and I couldn't I was just like yeah, it's the only thing that works It's it for now for now for now. Yeah, yeah, but 10 years you might feel a little different You like I don't want to come over and talk about fucking comedy You know, yeah You gotta you go ahead. It's nice because I don't He's he's good like we're both sober. There's like more than just comedy that we have So it's and it doesn't feel like we only talk about comedy which is nice. I feel like we kind of rarely do

but Because I've dated comics. I know the drill and I'm like, I don't want to talk about comedy With our clothes off don't ever fucking bring up A club name while we're in bed, you know what I mean? Like, you know gross You know Rosebud, you always got a place here. Oh, thanks on the podcast. Where's the website? It's uh rosebud baker.com and um, all I Announce a lot of show dates and podcast updates and shit on instagram

So follow me on instagram at rosebud baker and twitter at rosebud baker You're fucking great. I like I like how you adjusted to the city and I Oh, thanks. I have a lot of respect for comics. I know the I know the grind. Yeah, but you know the grind. Yeah, somebody's going through You know, how serious they are about something how much it's it's uh Very entertaining. You entertained me. I went in and watched some of your stuff and I

saw back to when I was I'm not a bitter old man by no means about comedy. I'm very grateful and thankful I'm here But it it reminded me of a time in my life when This was still fun Before I had a deal with agents and managers and you know, cbs wants you to do this. So you can't say that joke anymore You know, when it was just a free time, right? It's like some of the best times of your life You know when you're going through them right now and I just want to Congratulate you and thank you episode air

It aired. Yes. Yes. So now where could you because you came in and uh I admire came in so I've had a couple of ringers. Yeah. Yeah, so that's good. Yeah, Eleanor. Isn't that is this what? Eleanor. Yeah. Yeah, so why have Eleanor on so this is good that bill's doing this and yeah Come on. You said how many minutes they give you? Uh, they gave me about eight. That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was good. Yeah, huh? They beep you you kept no they had to cut one joke that I do It's a joke about the word retarded But yeah, you know what I was in the middle of doing it

Yeah, and I turned to the cameras while I was on stage and said Please don't put that on tv So like It was in the middle of the taping and I just had a panic attack and turned and was like guys don't And then went on with my set but this so they cut that out. But um, yeah, the rest of it. I was pretty happy with Yeah, I'm happy That things are going in your favor. Thank you. Hello at the store. I will you know, it's a process like anything else

But I think you got it so good in new york Just come on here for your little Yeah, what they call those people that leave the fucking east coast to go to florida in the snowbird. Oh, yeah Be a snowbird. Yeah, I mean, I'd love to tell you come back for pilot season, but there's no pilot season no more Let's get put out all year long. Yeah And uh, but yeah, you're always welcome on the show any dates you want to promote now Uh, yeah, february 4th. I'm gonna be a dynasty typewriter here in la at 8 o'clock. So I'll be doing an hour Oh, yeah, that'll be fun. And then oh shit my podcast drops march 3rd, uh, but you can subscribe to it

Uh on monday tomorrow at It's devil's advocate at rosebud or with rosebud baker and it's on all things comedy. Sorry. I can't fucking plug shit Anyway, don't forget this saturday night. There's still a couple tickets left second show tabernacle theater at lanta And then fucking well, so I got something else here. I know I got so oh shit first off narcos february 13th Oh, shit. I knew I had something special to tell you motherfucker your hands started shaking, but oh shit

But I'll also be at the tempi improv the 13th valentine's day And the 15 listen guys, you really want to turn your wife on Come see me on valentine's night down in phoenix. I have a fucking licking your nutsack and drinking juju juice Fuck the chocolate. You're going in deep. Anyway Christmas has gone and gone But the super bowl is quickly approaching We've seen just what our teams are capable of this season And now it's time to get your last bets in before the bowl. Did you see what happened with connor McGregor and cowboy?

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I want to thank cbd lion. I want to thank Rosebud baker, but most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers for working on this the closing song is I want to be around by tony beddett played on your own. All right We can't do this shit no more. They're gonna throw us under the fucking jail. What do you want from me? So right now put on fucking tony beddett. It's monday and we'll see you motherfuckers bright derrily the wednesday or thursday morning We haven't decided yet. Have a great day. Stay black. Thank you very much. We're on spotify. Thank you rosebud