Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #757 - Joey Diaz on Failure

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

Joey Diaz talks about how his failures made him stronger, and how important failing is in life. Failing isn't bad, quitting is what Joey regrets.  This podcast is brought to you by:   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

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You guys keep stopping the gas stations and there's a CBD store. Fuck all that shit Who's been here with you for seven fucking years? banging out Smoke and eating edibles taking sick uncle Joey has and I'm telling you how to reach out to them that product was so good So go to CBD lion calm right now at the code church and get 20% off your first order Deliver to your house. You don't have to go to some fucking liquor store and deal with some toothless guys I just saw you CBD if you care to buy your health, you'd have a tooth. You know I'm saying the fuck out of my face Kick this motherfucker Mule Lee. There ain't no Mule to kick. How you guys doing? It's February the 4th

It's a beautiful day to be alive No guests today. We're on a solo tip. It's the first podcast of a month and I want to talk to you people about something, you know Well, sometimes I look at the fucking calendar and I remember things like sometimes like today is my best friend Loubs is birthday I called him already in an answer. Fuck but Today's also my daughter's birthday. She turns 30 fucking years old today and it was weird that yesterday I was doing paperwork or whatever and I noticed it was February 2nd And I'll never forget that date

Because that's a day they got a halfway house, but that's a day that That's the first time I really lived life with Responsibility, you know, I got a lot of emails from you guys every week and you're going through whatever you're going through I want you to I want you to know something man the 20s a fucking throw away is At the end of the game that don't even count. I sit here at 57 in two weeks I'm telling you that your 20s don't even fucking matter. You're gonna fuck up. You're gonna lose job You're gonna get fired. You're gonna switch careers You're gonna get engaged, you know

You know, everybody falls in love Just you know, we do just fucking dummy things that could define who you are for the rest of your life or Yeah, because that's what you're gonna do. You're gonna make a mistake or Do something good that's going to define your life with my my situation. I got a felony. It didn't define who I became I also got I had a baby That defined the way I became because I failed as a father the first time around but let's get to the February 2nd February 2nd 1990

I had been putting that I had been released from the halfway house and Put back two times on probation violations because I couldn't keep it together. I just could not keep it together I made already language like a fucking post a child The difference between me and already at the time was that There was more ways to scam the system now. They got you they got young computer with bracelets That they don't even have to piss test you they take a hair out of your fucking hair and they check your follicle Yeah, you know, they swab the fucking taking your mouth like you can't beat half the shit I was doing but I was just like when I when I was watching already going through his thing

First of all, he came up on a year anniversary the other day and I was so fucking happy for him Because he went through the hardest year of his fucking life once you got a beat the first year Trust me the percentages go down and down and down and down and hopefully, you know He'll see the other side of the fence and you go for life the same way I did, you know Once you see the side of the fence, it's tough. Listen, I'm wrong people do coke If you don't think I'm around people do coke. You're out of your fucking mind I've been on the road with people who are doing co-op. It doesn't affect me. It doesn't make me want it You know, it's like my Joey karate videos once I was done with them. I was fucking done with them

I don't go backwards and I'm you know, it doesn't affect me at all, but back to the second of February 1990 I remember my wife At the time picking me up. She was nine months pregnant. She was due any day There wasn't like a due date. They think the due date was like the 10th to some shit And I remember her picking me up when I got in the car and slammed that door. I Remember saying like a couple things to myself. This is the last time I'm coming back to this halfway house And I'm about to have a kid which means life is gonna get fucking real

And I know two people who are going through a lot right now. They church family not that I go into anything I mean they're going through fatherhood for the first time, you know Scott Cunningham and and Michael Klein, you know one by one podcast great guy, you know, you're not I called I I still don't know calling Mike at two in the fucking morning and him answering, you know Yeah, I called him in an answer and right away. He hit me on Twitter He goes I couldn't answer I was putting the baby to sleep, you know things happen. Do you think? Michael really wanted to put the baby to sleep that night. You know I'm saying I mean so when I

Got out of the halfway house. I knew right away that day I had to change my whole fucking life and I was like this is just not gonna work and you know guys I'm the biggest procrastinator is like I'm the type of guy that I'll tell you for a year I'm doing something like I got I put myself in worse positions than you guys could ever even dreamed of because I Don't know if it's I'm a nice guy or sometimes I'm a pussy But sometimes you tell somebody you're gonna do something and as the date gets gets closer You really realize you don't want to do it

That's okay if you go into a concert That's okay. If you don't want to go on a trip But it's not okay if you're gonna have a baby It's not okay if you want to get married. It's not okay. If you quit your job high-ranking fucking job To take a low-ranking job and and it's not what you ended up thinking, you know Once you make career decisions like I'm one of those guys like I got married and I realized on the fucking plane on the honeymoon But I didn't want to be married too fucking late now, you know, it's too fucking late, Joey When I got when I got a fucking halfway house and she picked me up like I was seeing her every day

But when I looked at her at lunch that day and we were back and she took a shirt off. I'm like this chick is big I'm about to be a fucking father, and I don't know if I'm into all this shit And also the next morning that night we went to Lucille's that place that I told you about Boulder that has occasion food It's fucking delicious, and I had like the black and red fish with this bayonets and this fucking This spicy Louisiana sausage and my wife ate the same and we went back and I couldn't get high. I don't like I'll refi So I it was snowing and I fucking passed out And I fucked when we're so tired I was so stressed about life We must have passed out of tune on the afternoon and just slept all day

Like we both just fucking slept All I remember is her waking me up telling me her water broke And it's You know when you have the stink of prison on you Guys, you can't not discredit right now because of the internet you get to watch people unwind You get to see something somebody says or does and then two weeks later They do some mouths and two weeks later. They do some mouths Then they get thrown off Twitter then they get thrown off voice book

Facebook then they get thrown off Instagram, and you just see it You know you see what Alex John you see it with rum rush Limbaugh with our boy with the edible You just see it with different people You know like they start the fucking deteriorate little by little I don't even know what we're talking about the but that's you were talking about how you won't you she woke you up And you had the stink of prison on you. Yeah, like I just had the stink of prison on you Once you have the stink of prison on you that means you're gonna have police contact No matter what you do really like I had police contact. Let me put it this way. I

I had police contact January 29th 1988 1983 that was the first real time I got pinched for possession of of Burgary tools like stolen property and then after that I had police contact. I didn't get arrested Like I would have police contact from time to time, but I wouldn't get arrested And I got pinched in New York with a bag of weed like a year later Again, I would have police contact, but I wouldn't get pinched. What's police contact this guy said you robbed his house

This guy said, you know Police contact is a motherfucker. Once you get the stink of police contact on you. You can't get it off you so let me give an example my my what my wife's water breaks Now we had a condo we bought a condo We rented a condo in that Complex first and then I Swindled a condo out of one of the fucking counselors at the halfway house

I caught him one of the other counselors and I tormented him and when he quit his job I swindled them like fucking some 500 down 200 a month type condo deal then the lady who owned the condo called and it was too late Like it was fucked up. So I moved into this condo Without knowing that the guy downstairs from me Was fucking crazy Like he was stay up all night I would hear music at four in the morning

You know, I would get up to get something to drink because it's dry in Colorado And I would hear music and all this shit. He would talk to himself and I found out that he was like a meth head Somebody told me like one of the neighbors said that guy stays up every night people bring him back and just He just walks around and shit and he would always throw away boxes of puzzles See me down there fucking doing puzzles. I don't know how fucking long on the map. I don't know I don't I didn't know the guy all I know is that my wife must have made a noise That made this guy called 9-1-1 like I was beaten So I had to go, you know, I come outside. It's snowed fucking eight inches of snow

so I got to go outside now and clean off the car and While I'm cleaning off the car. I see two two cop cars coming down The street it wasn't really a street. It was like a parking lot. Did you know they were for you? Not an idea. Okay. I'm like what the fuck must have happened And all of a sudden the cops like they get out and they're like put your hands on the car And I'm like, okay, and I put my hands in the car and I go what's going on there like turn around

They came up to me. They frisked me and they handcuffed me and Then they ran into the house because the front door was kind of open and they knocked me go. Hello. Hello My wife's like hello and and they're like are you okay? And my wife was in the bedroom on the bed waiting for me to come pick her up and they're like are you injured? And she's like, what are you talking about? And he got the The cop goes we just had domestic violence call From here and she goes no my water broke and I was telling my husband to hurry up He's outside getting the car ready, but that fucking method called the cops on me

So the cops helped me carry her out to the fucking car We put her in the front seat one cop car got in front of me I got behind the one cop car cop car got behind me and we fucking sped off to the fucking To the hospital took us like eight minutes. That wasn't cool. Cool as shit Here I am a convicted felon getting a police escort to the fucking hospital. I get there. We go through the whole fucking thing She has the baby like that morning like at 12 or something to and finally at six I went home And even though I was in the halfway house, I had a celebrate So sure enough. I got an eight ball. I called my brother law her brother

And we did a fucking eight ball and thank God my number didn't come up that fucking Monday And I'd have to pee in a bottle or they would have put me right back on the fucking halfway house I mean, you know, you know me dog. I told you I made already laying with like a fucking quiet boy So do you have any anxiety like while you're doing it or you're just like fuck it fuck it like they're not gonna piss me I'll beat the test, you know, you're your addiction just convinces you there You're you're this super human guy and then when you come down and You got your pressure like what am I gonna do now? And I got to pray for Monday that my color doesn't come up when I say color is on Mondays

From one to five and 12 to five you had to call a number And I think my number was my color was no room Okay, and they'll tell you the colors for the day are black white purple You have four hours to report. Please leave a message. So you had a leak You had a call every Monday Wednesday and Friday leave a message

To let them know that you called if you didn't call it was a probation violation if you didn't leave a message And were you close to going back to prison for another violation? Oh, yeah Probation violation is 90 days But in the halfway house it could be in county jail. It could be in jail. It could be at the halfway house Yeah, I always had a so-called important job My attorney always oh, you know Mr. Diaz and once I started wearing a suit That's why I started selling cars in their mind like this guy's wearing a fucking suit. Okay, he must do something That's important. Even when I wasn't selling cars. I was throwing putting the suit on to leave

They thought I was selling cars. I really wasn't selling cars You know, but it's so weak so that Monday you're supposed to call so for people don't know what I'm talking about That's what it was then which is 30 years ago. I don't know what it is now now They just must knock on your house and pull your fucking hair out of your head and tell you test the positive for everyone I don't know what it was then but now But this is what it was then and you know, and I kept going I kept going and going and going Until yeah, until finally 18 months later. She's smartened up and said this marriage isn't gonna work but the funny thing was that

And I don't know how to say this to you guys like I was not happy in my situation Like when we and I don't want you to think that I'm saying I didn't love the baby Or anything like that. I just didn't take to the situation How I thought I would and looking back at it now I felt very bad about it for years and I see my treatment of mercy now and I know that The reason why I was acting the way I was before was because of my addiction Like now that I'm sober with mercy. I see where the shortcomings. I didn't fail as a father I was just on fucking drugs

How much of it do you think is the drugs versus like that because you started this off saying like your 20s are crazy like How was it a mix of everything or was it like all I wasn't ready? Yeah, some people not ready yet. You're not mature enough I'm sorry. I wasn't mature enough at 20 fucking seven to have a child. I just wasn't mature enough I'm sorry to say that that's just the way life is Some people mature, you know, I know people had kids at 18 and made it work for themselves and got jobs and you know Did whatever I just wasn't mature enough. I didn't know What I had on my hands. I didn't really know the responsibility of what you have on your hands I didn't know that the decisions that I made affect everybody in my fucking family had no idea

You don't know these things 20 fucking seven, you know, nobody tells you these things You learn these things as you fucking go along with it, you know but it's it's I Loved her I took care of her every Saturday, you know, I took care of my chains of diapers. There was no drama there It wasn't the happiness that I have today my mind was always somewhere else even though I loved it and then we got separated and You know, again, that's where that statement comes and you don't know what you got to you lose it And then I really wanted to be close to her

But it was too late. She didn't want me to have a relationship with her. I knew this since day one, you know, like this is I Don't know what you people know the story. This is the last One hour one man show I did was about that time period from 93 to 95 And it took me a long time to write like I have a month in between one man shows to write a section and This one I wrote every fucking day and I had a hard time writing it every fucking day Because I didn't know I could how I could explain myself of my actions at this time but to start the thing off I had to remember

Something that she had said to me like We broke up in October 15th of 1991 we separated By February of 92 I knew I wasn't gonna be that kid's father for much longer Like I didn't need to have a crystal ball she did something that People never understood why I got so angry. I'm a very old-fashioned type of guy Lee and in life things happen and

For the people at home things happen in life and things are gonna happen to you and Things are gonna happen that you're gonna have to say to somebody something happened Things just happen in life You know you you you you get married You have a child you go to work You meet a co-worker you and her hit it off I'm not saying that you're cheating or whatever, but

Sometimes in life love comes at a weird time things happen in life, you know you you realize the person you're with It's not who you want to be with you want to be with this person eventually you cheat and It's not about the sex You really enjoy being with that person or whatever, you know, whatever the fuck happens things happen You're not gonna fall in love forever You know things happen in life that people have to accept that there comes a day that sometimes But one day my wife might come home and tell me she's not in love with me no more

And you have to accept these things you could throw a couple mirrors and yeah, you're gonna go back You're gonna go out and have a couple beers and you're gonna go out to your friend's house and talk to them But the quicker you accept it the quicker you can move on to your next chapter Well, it was interesting when you were talking about how like your 20s is a throwaway And then you said how you realize you didn't want to be married on the flight And what I was thinking is and it's something that I struggle struggle with is like you you said oh, it's too late now But in reality you could have just been like hey We both know this is like you could go to the moment like sometimes like

That's what I've learned recently is you sometimes you can just make the decision and it's not gonna be as bad as you think It's gonna be I knew that June that June of 91. I knew our relationship was over. Okay. I knew something wasn't right. I Was working too much. I Was working on purpose I'm the laziest man I was working five days a week for my brother-in-law Rufa. I was working Six nights a week as a doorman DJ bar back and I was working two days a week on my own Private little roofing jobs. I

Did not want to be home Okay, that's a problem when you have a child and you don't want to be home when I was home I was happy to see the child and I was the child I bathed there when I did everything I was Called upon to do on Saturdays if I didn't work like sometimes on Saturdays I would go my wife would cut hair and I would have the baby on Saturday and I enjoyed it I had no problem with that. I liked everything about it. I just wasn't prepared to do it full fucking time like I just You know, I had addiction on my mind that partying on my mind. I didn't cheat on my mind That wasn't on my mind at all, you know

When when I came home that October 15th, and she said to me She didn't want to be with me already I had caught in the bug of comedy I Was trying to get out of all this as it was I was like how am I gonna get to do fucking comedy? With everything I have going on a child three jobs a fucking wife Well, okay, I don't even have a wife the only glue in this house was that child You know that was the only thing that was keeping us fucking together On the weekends, I do a little bit of coke like on Friday nights And I wasn't getting caught and eventually I got I got signed off

Community corrections and you know things worked out the way they did but she did something that really aggravated me Was that if she would have came to me? Listen man, I Learned over the last 20 years how to talk to people. I Really have I didn't know how to talk to people. I was always very scared of Talking to people and then one day one a couple weeks ago. I had to make a very hard decision Something had been bothering me for six months And I had to make a hard decision and I knew and I told her how to do it

And I woke up January 21st and did it That's how long it took me to make the fucking decision. That's how long of a procrastinator. I am but when I did it I did it. I'm not looking back. You know, I'm not looking back With my wife. I was too young. I was like, I guess this is what happens when you get married You get married. You hate the person but just stay together because the kid what what a fucking miserable fucking existence You know the jobs I had I loved doing them. I was good at estimating. I was good as a laborer I was good as a fucking door guy. I was good as a sound guy I was good as a bar back when I was working at that comedy club

But there was none of those jobs. I really wanted to do as a living I Wanted to give comedy a fucking try You know, I really really wanted to give it a fucking try and even though the first two years It was like I was just getting to find who the fuck I was when I look back at it now. It was fine That was fine. It was that was exactly I was supposed to be doing that looking for a voice meeting people Getting different advice from bad comics and good comics, you know, because you're getting advice from bad comics You get advice from good comics you get advice from mediocre comics You get advice from corporate comics you get advice from clean comics you get advice from dirty comics

You getting all this advice you getting all this shit thrown at you and you have to figure out where you're picking You know, there's a lot of guys that say well, I'll do this But I'll work on this and then I'll have a tonight show set not do no I knew at one point I had to make a decision what direction I was going and Once I made that direction two and a half years I went with it and then it was the experimenting remember I told you I wore a suit for a year and I bombed every time You know, I wore a suit for a year to try to look nice. I've combed my hair

I put a collar shirt on I put a tie on I loosen the tie. I try to close the tie I bomb I open the collar I bomb You know as long as I had a fucking suit on I thought I was a bombing machine Soon as I took the fucking suit off and put jeans on the t-shirt. I started getting them fucking I started throwing the suits away. It was a process. It was really a fucking process That never ended, you know But you were in charge of like do you feel more control of it? Every day that I fell in love with it every failure that I had

Made me fall in love with it. Remember you can't move forward without having failures It's just impossible It's impossible. I heard yesterday During the Super Bowl that one of those guys That made one of those great plays and now he's on the Kansas City. Oh, San Francisco. I don't know They said that he had been cut by seven teams. Yeah, I forget what guy that was here Okay, he had been cut by seven teams if you get cut by four teams. Where's your ego at? Seven teams he got cut by

Seven fucking times somebody told him that what he had to offer wasn't good enough for their team What do you think that guy felt like and now he's in a fucking Super Bowl and He made a tremendous play and they talked about him getting cut seven fucking times. What does that tell you? That's a certain that takes a certain guy After four times. I'm like fuck. I'm getting a job in a warehouse This isn't working out for me But do you think that's genetic or or is it learned like there are like you're I think you're one of those people who has And it's not even work ethic, but it's it's it's it's like the you're strong enough mentally to push through it

Because I like there's some things that I'm not Like there's some failures that just take you like ah, fuck it like what like that I'm always impressed with people who can bounce back My basketball failure me quitting back. Listen, I quit everything that I I ever tried I'm a fucking quitter. I quit everything I quit the electrician union I quit being longshoremen

I quit being a fucking hottie I quit being a fucking painter The one that killed me the most was basketball The high school the high school one that killed me the most You know when I was dragging the dirt over my mom's dad My father's debt And all that shit part of the debt I was carrying Was the death of me walking away from basketball

I didn't know how much it devastated me until about 20 years ago That devastated me That made me become a different person that made me I Wasn't angry I'm not gonna lie to you. I was I was angry at the coach That fucked my freshman year. Right. I until this day people will tell me that he fucked you. He fucked down purpose

He was waiting to fuck you You know, but he he fucked me In a way that it really affected me For 20 years, I wanted to stab him I thought about you know going I knew a bar young out in north bergen I knew 20 people that didn't like the guy He would have been an easy bottle over the head to break and the cops would have came or whatever but

The last 15 years I loved them for what he did Because he put a thorn in my side And that thorn stayed in there for a long fucking time It stayed in there till I was 33 years old From the time I was 14 So what was the thorn the quitting or the fact that he didn't like on or the thorn in my side was that I let him beat me And I was not raised

To let somebody beat me especially mentally If somebody's six for four two eighty twenty two years old they're gonna beat me up I'm 57 years old even when I was 21 If you were six or four two eighty you were gonna beat me up. Yeah But I let him Beat me mentally I met I let him beat me to the point that I quit There was a movie that came out in 1977

It was on a couple weeks ago. It's called one on one with robbie benson It's about a college kid a high school star that goes to a big-time college And He just starts to fall through the cracks The style of basketball that he was designed to play That's not what was in the curriculum at the school So the coach came to him one day and said I want you to renounce

your scholarship And he told him I'm not doing it I don't care what you put me through and the coach put him through fucking hell The coach would have him fouled He would have tough guys. They broke his nose They took away his fucking scholarship money. They took away his booster money They took away everything from this fucking kid But they didn't take his fucking balls away

So he got two jobs And he practiced basketball all fucking night You know, he played basketball on them one day He was on the team two guards got hurt and they put them in And he ended up winning the game And then they his name was steel and at the end of the fucking The movie the the coach calls him into the office And the coach goes i'm very proud of you

He goes you didn't listen to what I told you to do but we ended up winning the fucking game And he goes i'm very proud of you and he goes I just want you to know you can have your scholarship back And he tells him what the guy told him he goes up your ass with a red hot poker I could play anywhere the fuck I want now, bitch Fuck you and he walks out of the guy's office. Oh, sure. You know, he didn't let that guy beat him mentally He let the guy beat him take away his job. You can do everything you want to me But you're not gonna beat me mentally. I let that guy

Get inside my head and made me quit something I love doing Until this day I love doing I don't have the capabilities to do it anymore I can't shoot over my shoulders But if my shoulders are fine, I'd probably be playing an over 50 league right now Even if it was three on three half court basketball I was that good as a basketball player and my friends will tell you when you see them I was that good as a basketball player. I mean When I got to my sophomore year, I realized I was five for 10

I looked at my mother. She was five for four And I looked at my father. He was six for four And I looked at the rest of my family and they were all on the five feet You know, what was I gonna do? What was I I had good legs? I could jump I could grab the rim when I was in the eighth grade, but that wasn't enough To get me a scholarship. At least I didn't think so But that wasn't it. I just quit because he cracked me I let him fucking crack me

So looking back, well, do you wish you had gone back sophomore year and tried again or I wish I wouldn't have quit school And I should have played even if I sat the bench Even if I sat the bench My problem was I realized too soon. I did the biggest mistake I realized too soon. I wasn't gonna get nowhere. So I did what Most people do they quit That's I'm never gonna get to that point So I'm gonna quit. You know what?

I was good enough To play all four years like I wouldn't have started varsity my senior year I would have sat the bench. I would have been like number 12 But I was still been on varsity Right, I'm saying like I wasn't that good to start. I didn't have the body to start No, it's uh, it's tough. It's tough to jump. I could rebound And I could do all you have had a place on the team Huh, you would have had a place. I would have had a place on the team

I wouldn't have been the start. I wouldn't have been all state. I wouldn't have been I wouldn't have gotten a scholarship to basketball. I would have just called what people call lettered And for me, I didn't want a letter. So I said fucking I'm quit. That's the easiest fucking solution so when I got You know, I tell people this all the time I didn't get I got into comedy to become a man I didn't get into comedy to become a comic. I came into comedy to become a man because

At some point you have to become a man when you do this You have to be responsible. You have to Go above and beyond You know, I'm doing comedy 28 years Fucking sadly. I went to kickboxing I had to go to two parties with my daughter. I did not want to do that 930 spot at the store Didn't want to do it guys Didn't want to do it

I had no choice I had no fucking choice. I had to go down there follow Eliza She fucking destroyed the room I had to go follow her Had a great time seeing that I was home by 1030. That's at the point. I didn't want to go 28 years It's that time what when your mind tells you Not to do something. It's what we went back to January fucking third when we did the podcast resistance

This is what steven tells you about Resistance resistance comes in every way whether you Going to build the house Like he said a diet plan a career change anything that Requires us that anything that what what's going to make us better

That's the shit that was that's when resistance Fucking really turns it up You know that's from resistance Really fucking turns up the heat on you when you want to do something that's going to better your fucking life so You know I do things now Listen, the last thing I want to do is lift weights Okay, I'm gonna take it. You know even enjoy it. I'm an old man. I enjoy it, but I'm an old fucking man

You know like I'm an old fucking man Mondays at 10 o'clock. I lift weights And when and thursdays at 10 o'clock. I lift weights. Why? Because I have to do it. It's part of the gig It's part of this gig For me to go on the road. I have to stay healthy And for me to stay healthy you have to stay strong for me to be strong You got to lift fucking weights

You know That's it. I have to so I forced myself To do all these things because I know it's going to make me that much better I'm not better than anybody else. I just failed more than anybody else That's it. That's that's the basic truth And one day you just tell yourself. I'm not going to fail anymore Or better yet. I'm not going to fail at this

I'm going to fail a ton of things But this I'm going to work at Like a fucking surgeon And when you want something, you know, my niece is in medical school She fucking studies You know, she goes to classes five hours a day And then she studies 12 hours a day You know, that's 17 hours, you know, she studies then she works like

One hour two hours at some fucking lab in jersey or something like that She's 20 I was 20. I didn't sleep You got all that energy, you know Well, I mean is there also a way to look at it Because like you what you said earlier like a failure is not Like failure happens. So when you say you're not going to fail Is it also like

Coming back from the failure like not letting it Be over because like in a way isn't bombing failing But you come back you could you that day, right? That day that moment You failed for that moment Now when you really fail is if you go home and quit and never come back on that stage That's where you fail when I fell off a horse. I didn't get back on the horse I failed as a cowboy, but I wasn't looking to be a cowboy either

So it didn't really matter to me But when you fail at a business when you fail at a venture When your idea fails It doesn't mean you're a fucking failure It means that you didn't think it out. Good enough. You didn't see this You weren't prepared for it. I failed as a father the first time For years. I was like, I'm a fucking failure as a father I would listen to fathers. I would see guys like josh wolf

I saw him as a father just It was fucking inspiring My utmost respect for josh wolf Goes from what I see them go through for 10 years as a father By himself a single dad I will be indebted to that man To give me a lesson in character till the end. I die. What whatever you might think of josh

Oh, I don't like comedy chaos. I don't give a fuck what you like is I'm telling you That that guy's got the character of a fucking a gentleman for what he did For what he did with those kids, especially when they weren't his kids Okay, they were his kids by marriage They weren't they didn't come out of his dick. One of those kids came out of his dick He took all three of them When I saw josh wolf that did that I would snuck coke every night Because I was a failure as a father

He had josh is doing it and doing comedy and doing everything around it I couldn't even fucking be a father But I said to myself I took care of his kids, you know, I always say I'm different podcast like the canvas kids and I was tight with trevor who I really love You know, he's in the army now. He's old enough now But I was really tight with the girl because I had a girl I had a daughter. So I went out of my way

To be extra special to that girl So somebody could be extra special to my daughter Do you know what I am like was like that? And that's where I am towards most kids until I had my own daughter You know, I I I failed But I knew I wasn't a failure as a dad You follow me. So this guy

He figured he just Didn't fit in the cracks of the Giants And then when he went to the Jets, maybe they had too many of those guys in the same position, you know Just because you failed it doesn't mean you're a failure It just didn't work out that time Now I could understand your ill feelings about not going back and wanting to do it. I get it. I did the same thing I'm with you But something inside you has to push you to go back

That that basketball thing stayed with me for a fucking long time Me quitting and then I quit karate When I was 16 another thing That was just Unnecessary quit Unnecessary quit, you know unnecessary You know, so now they In the back of my mind that had made it all right for me to quit things

So I don't want to work in a warehouse I don't want to cook I don't want to bartend. I can't tell you how much I wanted to bartend Couldn't tell you when I was 19 I had this big Fucking plan of a bartending. I was in the Revolutionized bartending. I had learned from my mother

I had learned from a school, you know, I was a people person. Yeah, I did great things as a bartender Before all the bad fucking reasons If I would have stuck it out at one restaurant and said I'm gonna be a bartender With the intention of taking over the bar staff Taking over the bar management and eventually being the gm I could have done it and ran a great restaurant And had good advertising and I know how to get people to a bar You know, it's funny. I was having a conversation with my uncle years ago

And I go you want to run a bar You got to have three hookers out of there You got to go and get three hookers yourself and go can I talk to you for a second? I got this bar Listen, I don't want a piece of your action. I'll I'll let you drink there for free Just come in there every night looking like you are If some guy comes up to me is looking for action I'll tell him you want this and we'll cut the deal right there in there That's the first thing I got. I got three broads in there the second deck

Just in case why not And I got a half a lesbian too that he's asked to in case you're visiting from out of town for the small 50 You got to have a drug dealer in there. Whether you do drugs or not Whether you do drugs or not to get people to go to your bar from monday through thursday There better be a drug dealer food court of like debauchery. Yeah, I'm not saying it's a food court. I went to a bar I went to a friend of mine's bar in jersey two years ago And I sat there and this guy's on the up and up The guy's bar I went to

I'm known him for 40 years This guy's never touched a drug never done nothing I drove all the way out to you know welcome the bar and stuff I'm sitting there watching him talking to him and my brother george. He drove me out there And while we're talking I'm seeing that this is like every other bar in the country. He's telling me how well he's doing I'm watching the three chicks behind the bar with their fucking fake tits I'm watching the sports on the tv. You know, I'm watching that he runs a happy hour

For certain beers. Um, I see that he has food. He's doing all the right things But I also so I saw one guy going out of the bathroom 25 times with other guys That means there was somebody selling coke on the fucking site That's a bar Yeah, I guess so well at now. I know this dude 40 years. I know he don't have the guy there I know that's not his guy I know that he's worried about his liquor license. Everybody is nobody wants

Coke sold at your bar. You have a liquor license If they even suspect you though, you ain't your liquor license so but I know that a bar can't exist without a code deal I Know for you to have that Tuesday through fucking Thursday action in there Friday and Saturday people go out to dates

But I know Thursday through fucking Tuesday through fucking Thursday You gotta have somebody in there slinging something Otherwise you go to the comedy store, for example, I go to the comedy store. I don't do cocaine I don't do it and I don't want to do it. I go in there. I take a drink of water I sit in the back. I watched the two comics before me. I go on stage I go out and take a few pictures I shake a few hands. I sneak through the kitchen. I get the fuck out of there If you asked me a year ago

Are people doing coke at the comedy store? I look in the face because I'm so naive and tell you no I heard that after I leave at about 11 30 that place becomes fucking narcos Fucking mexicans dropping off helicopters and shit You know, this is what I heard. I don't know how true it is Well, I'm gonna say, you know when I was there buying coke the dog guy saw coke when I was there He's long been gone. Right. But do you think it's Do you notice it because you you know what to look for or for me a guy who's never bought a coke in my life? Oh, I know I might never see it, but I'm not looking for it

Right. I don't want to think you're looking for but you reckon you at least recognize it Oh, if I see somebody lit. Yeah, I know it they're lit Right. I know it they're lit, but I don't see anybody lit because it's 9 30 when I'm down. Okay. It's 10 15. It's 10 30 Narcos, you know I get in the car. It's 10 30 Nobody's fucking lit yet Is there a reason for that? Do you leave early on purpose? No, no, no, I just leave early because I gotta get up at 6 15 in the morning and wake up wake up with a kid

That's the only reason why I leave early. I don't I don't I don't listen I wouldn't care if somebody did drugs around me or not I did so many drugs. How hypocritical will I be if somebody around me do drugs? I tell my comedian friends That they're doing coke and they're stuck at a plateau That they should consider Not doing coke no more just look at what happened to me after I stopped on coke My whole everything changed I look from within I started telling more stories You know, I became a little bit more active up on stage

Little things. I know that the cocaine holds you back. I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you I know if you bring Richard prior back from the grave today as much as he liked coke as much as I did he'll tell you There's a big difference on stage when you're doing coke and you're not doing coke You know, I had Madison got clean for a while before he died I already was fucking great It was two different fucking people you connect more with your material your heart's not blocked To drugs block your heart The drugs block your heart certain drugs block your heart

My one doesn't block my heart from my stand-up But when I would do cocaine it would take away the humanity from my stand-up. It was like a computer saying material That's the big difference. I feel that's the difference. I feel Since I haven't done drugs and do comedy Obviously, I don't think you're gonna say like people need to do Drugs to be a good comic, but do you think like the the mixture of failures or just getting over something? Makes you a better Worker or person or I don't know good. Like do you think life's too easy? You're not gonna access these parts of you

Listen man, you gotta learn how to dig deep In your life Things are gonna happen in your life parents dying You know animal dies a lover a wife a good friend You know You decide when you don't want to fail anymore You wake up one morning and go, you know what? Life's gonna give me flat dies, right? Yeah, batteries are gonna die, right?

People are gonna cut you off. Yeah, right. It's gonna rain Powers are gonna go out Hurricanes are gonna happen Earthquakes these are all things I cannot control I can't control this shit. I go in the car right now and I go to switch the car and go I can't control that. That's not my fault. I can't control that I could control a few things That and which is me and my actions

I can't control what you're doing. I wish I could I wish I could Tell people but you can't you can't control people People got nobody when I was being fucking crazy Who was gonna control me people spoke to me? I took their words to heart. I'm not gonna lie to you And the older I got I took better advice You know the older you get you take better advice because you see you're failing I am failing and he's not lying This guy's not lying to me. This chick is not lying to me. I'm not doing the job

You know, you know any jobs I had that People came up to me like you're not doing a good job like and I quit whatever was something I wasn't into when I installed gutters not gutters I had installed pipe For a while. I think I quit after three days like, you know sprinkler pipe. Okay. Yeah, like That shit I had you had to dig like Five and three quarter inches exactly. I'm like, what's it do between five and three quarters and six right inches The guy couldn't even give me an answer

And the him and his wife would break my balls every day. I remember like it was yesterday 1983 the summer they broke I'm out there sweating my ass up and they're like, ah, this is five and three eights Does it matter? Just put the fucking thing in Then the inspector came one day. That's when it really pissed me off. He goes it wouldn't It wouldn't hurt to be six inches And the guy's like, yeah, but

And I'm like, you know what you are You're a sack of shit is what you are. Right. I'm on my hands and knees taking little patches of dirt Putting it in the whole thing Like if I'm building a fucking lego track here, like I'm I'm on that fucking show building legos that is an adult I don't go fuck myself up the floor fucking days You got me in here on my hands and knees Because what's six inches that the fucking blade is six inches, right? So I would measure it from the fucking blade exactly

He would come and it doesn't have anything to do with this What I'm telling you is I had everything, you know, like I had all those fucking jobs I failed that, you know Failing makes you fucking tough Failing at different nobody's gonna fucking hit it big. I wish they do I wish anybody who sang a song on youtube hit it big. I wish it was that easy But it's not that's why I love people go. I'm gonna make this Video go viral. That's why right now at living here 23 years

I love when people tell me I got a new agent. What's that gonna do for you? Right What's that gonna do for you in today's world a new agent ain't gonna do nothing for you Because you're not going after it You have to go after you have to get breakdowns You have to sit there and look through the breakdown And that's at eight in the morning They come out like the night before and then they keep coming out every couple hours

So you have to sit there as an actor on the computer. You're not supposed to get those. Those are illegal But people sell them to you You know, you go to a fucking agents assistant and say dog I need the breakdowns. I give you 200 a month. What? Boom, you have to break downs every fucking morning As soon as they get to the office And it's something that we've talked about before but it's just I was talking with steve tomorrow about last night Because you you said that a failure makes you stronger and it does but it can also break you down

and and I think one of the hardest things is that it When you're growing up, it feels like okay, you do something and then this happens and it's over Now as an adult, you just keep doing it. You just have to keep forever And there's no retirement like you have to work out forever. You have to look at the breakdowns forever forever It's a it's a it drags. What what if you got an office job tomorrow? You have to do it forever What if you became a cop? You got to do it forever. That's why I stress here

Don't go for money Go for what you love doing because you're gonna have to do it forever So I Every day in a certain fucking way You know a certain way I have a friend that's been at ups since 1981 That was the only job he's ever had in his whole life his ups started as a loader You know the more failures you have The tougher you become

The tougher you become you fall down you get up you fall down you get up You try that joke. It doesn't work. You write another one. That one doesn't work. You write another one That one doesn't work. You write another one. You know, you build the house the house falls. Fuck it We build another one This one is held but the roof was fucking shaky You know, you don't build the perfect house the first time You know, that's why you use somebody experience And then the more houses you build you lose those people pretty soon you're building houses

And then the big thing is not to have a big enough ego Not to take advice from people That's the problem that you have that some people rather do something wrong Then ask for advice and do it right Why do it wrong? Do it right the first time Even though it's it's You know, what a listen man

I'm doing calmly. I see what birch doing And tom segura and sebastian are doing And bill burr is doing and i'm like maybe i'm doing something wrong I know for a fact i'm doing wrong but i guarantee Segura is on the other hand saying to himself Maybe i'm doing something wrong We all have a self doubt You have self doubt, but it's also interesting because you guys

It seems like at that level you guys have are all doing the same thing But you do it a little bit differently for whatever works for you. It has to work for you This life has to work for you. You're playing this life on home field. It's your home field For years, you're playing away one day. You finally get to play at home field Now you got to figure out how to play at home every week And stack it so it still works for you. That's it It has to work for you. It has to make you happy. It has to work out for your family What you do affects every little piece

Of everything that happens, you know, it has to work for you If i was 29 right now Not married no mercy no podcast And i was selling comedy clubs out Never mind theaters. You wouldn't see me in this town He's been on the road all the time. I'd be on the road every thursday friday saturday Leave wednesday night

I would not take the eight o'clock flight back on sunday morning I would take The six o'clock flight back Get here at midnight Sleep all day monday And do it all over again I would probably take december and january off

And i would work those other fucking whatever weeks Because that's what i'm allowed to do. I don't have a responsibility. I don't not have to be here Everybody has different things. Guess what bird has two daughters Bird likes going out heavy on big heavy tours You know, it's a party for bird that works for bird You know tom does little tours. He was in this weekend. Christine is out for a few weeks You know, they switch So you have to make it work for you

But i'm not even talking about comedy. I'm talking about even life You know I work in this fucking warehouse joey You know, I don't do nothing at night. Well, then work nights and have your day. You'd rather be open the daytime You'd rather be out in the 80 degree fucking weather work fucking nights, then You can work from home now. There's a lot of jobs. You can work from home There's so many different options that you have but that's what we're talking about It's right now. You're always playing on the away

One day you play on your field. It takes time to get life to be on your playing field Once you get it on your playing field now you have to keep it there That's the secret knowing what to do once you get there. I can't wait to be a headliner I can't wait to be a master electrician. I can't wait to own my own bar and then you get there and you fail Because you weren't prepared for that. You were just focused on getting there You didn't think about what you were gonna do when you got there Or you didn't even he thought you knew It's time. I'm just gonna buy a fucking bar and have a fucking great time. No

No, you got to fucking measure the shots No, you got to see what your profit to fucking be a ratio is you got to see what your busy times are This isn't just a fucking party And that's what a lot, you know, I always bring houston up houston comedy number one in the country Fucking best open mics best everything for years The problem was it was too much of a party and when

Comics went down there the top comics They would lose their mind for six days Like burt does he loses his fucking mind like I would do for six days I wouldn't go to sleep like her birds out You know, my goal was to go get kalachi's of eight Snortcoats I go get kalachi's of eight. I didn't have no responsibilities You know that you could only do that for so fucking long and then things start happening And then you start getting sick. So you have to make these little adjustments in your life no matter what it is

You know how hard it is for A guy was trying to raise a family that all of a sudden he gets sick and he has to tell his job He can't work that many hours a week You know, I know for me right now at my age If you're paying to come see me on the week, I'm gonna tell you something Whether it's the late show or the second show, I'm gonna give you a fucking everything I got I'm gonna give you everything I fucking got I can't do that if I do that Wednesday through Saturday

But the time you see me Friday night, I'm gonna be dog shit. I'm gonna be honest with you If you see I'm coming to your town and I work that Wednesday, don't even bother paying the money to come see me I'm telling you at least I'm honest with you I'm gonna be dog shit because I'm 57. This doesn't work for me no more You know what two shows on a Friday and two shows on a Saturday work for me. Just great They great when I go to tempi Valentine's day I do that Thursday. I'll be fine because I want to do radio I get up. I stay up late. I probably work out. I have a friend to work out with

My buddy owns fucking 10 planet phoenix, you know, whatever down there. So I got different options But The Wednesday through sunday shit sunday. You really want to come see me sunday? You're gonna see pure dog shit You're gonna see somebody going through the fucking motions. Why because I'm not touring. I know more. But guess what? I know this So an agent's calling me and say hey do this No Because I won't be able to cover the spread for those people on this

I'm doing a tricky week in may and people are worried like what why are you doing this? You never do this because I know I could do it because I have nothing else before that And nothing else after that for a long fucking time it's kind of so it's like Like now you see It's not that you don't or can't fail But you notice where failures failures are and you avoid it So if I was going to work at sunday, that's that's a failure

When I took All those pre economic classes I learned a lot. I finally got to Take those economic classes and figure them out into life It's the same thing in life You know with with employees You know How when you look at an employee when you have a tire shop, okay?

And your tire shop is open six to six. That's a 12 hour fucking day yeah We're young we could do that shit six days a week. In fact, I did it six days a week I could work that shit six days a week. I could work at seven fucking days a week But then in time you're going to see that as you get older that's and but you're still going to do it because your family needs the money Your family needs the money. You never put away money. Your family needs the money or whatever How good is an employee like you have to decide on like our friend, bobble lingus. He's an accountant. Okay Church family

I don't want him working 11 hour days Because after eight hours, he's going to be giving away my fucking money is my right He's gonna be paying bills that aren't even fucking do he's seen so many fucking numbers. So everybody had Everybody has a different Thing that they could do some people have six hours, you know, if you have a computer firm today And I don't and I hire you least I had to be a data entry guy Are you really going to be putting data entry in eight hours a day?

Not really. Oh, yeah, you listen to Tom Segura. You listen to Joey Diaz You listen to bill burr. You listen to mpr You're watching fucking Schultz videos, right? Matt Schultz videos. Andrew Schultz videos You're looking at an old patrice o'neill video You're looking at a fucking mitch headberg video bottom line. I really got you for five fucking hours Yeah, at best. Yeah, so why am I gonna be following me? So now I learned that you know what I'm gonna hire these guys for six hours They're gonna work five days a week. They're gonna work 30 hours and not gonna qualify to get insurance

Because they're still gonna be part-time, you know, there's no overtime there because I'm gonna bring another shift in that fucking 12 To work till eight. I want my guys fresh You always want your guys fresh, you know when you have these fires You have these firemen that go into like two days without sleeping God bless their hearts. But the longer that they're tired The the more shit could happen The more little mistakes could happen. They could fall off a cliff They could fall onto a roof that's not secured

So with me with comedy now, I know exactly What I can do, you know, next week I'm gonna temp me Guess what? I'm doing two shows at the store this sunday night. I'm not going out next tuesday Really, okay. Yeah, because I'll be Thursday night. I want to be ready for So I already have it planned out already. I look at my month And I can tell you what I'm gonna be doing March I had to move my bray dates to june because I'm shooting Some movies so I had to move that one date from march whatever to june 4th through the 7th

So my march is gonna be really fucking easy. So my april could be a little heavier But this year if you look at my schedule, it's gonna be light all the way till about august Then august december we're going off I'm going off big time, you know And I'll rest and I'll take all the january off And but it's just it's it's nice hearing it from someone Because yeah, like especially now for me and I have to but I'm in the mode where I take every gig I get offered because I want I want a choice

But but at a certain point I will at a certain point I'll be hopefully in a similar position to you headlining 10 years, but You have to turn off like you have to adjust and be like, okay, you don't take everything now I met I met my wife at the 20 years ago That means I was doing stand-up seven years when I met her I got her involved in my stand-up I let her get involved before that I would argue with her and bang heads with her I let her get involved in like 208

And everything changed Okay, I let her get involved in 208 and everything changed because she stopped me from being a whore I was talking about comic friend of mine the other day and I said to him It's time for you to start listening to your wife more Because we're whores Once you become a comic you become a whore like the man said if ices started a streaming service You would call your agent tomorrow. Yeah If I told you right now, trust me. I know people do it. I know

people tape for people If ices started a streaming service That's the whores we are living in LA as comics actors writers were fucking whores That's why you have to get somebody opposite you That's not a whore That'll say to you that deal ain't worth it That's not worth it That's not worth it

But by 2008 I already had five movies under my belt I had 10 tv shows under my belt You know, I already had a cd I didn't have to do the shit I was doing I could turn stuff down You're in no position to turn Anything down like a roller skating rink That they're russian and they're not gonna understand you you still go there

Whether they're paying you or not. It's a set And right now all you're looking for is sets You know, I I've done plenty of movies. I don't agree with it I don't agree with it I don't agree with Me doing a 12 hour movie and your apprenticeship is you're working for free That's not my game at all. I'm never gonna agree to that for anybody in my world I don't want anybody working for free in my world never

But It's good to do once in a while It's good to do from time for stand up. It's just an hour It's just 10 minutes you're doing for free. It's something you're doing 24 hours a hey, whatever then we gotta pay But in the beginning You know, I always knew there was no money I wanted to fall in love with it first

There's an intimate detail. I want to talk about about somebody but I can't when I dated this girl In the beginning because of everything I had done before I didn't have that much sex when I was my wife. That's why our relationship lasted Because I didn't make it about sex. I made it about us having a bond at first I didn't make it about us having great sex. Everybody gets married after they have great sex And they realize they don't have a fucking bond Right. Yeah, you can have great sex with a fucking donkey

You know, if that pussy's tight enough and she warms up her lips You don't know what your dick will feel like. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm not saying that I want to have fucking sex with donkey I'm just saying that we sell our we judge our fucking love by how good the pussy is But she's a failure as a fucking woman. She sleeps all day. She don't get up She won't get a job. She don't clean you got fruit flies Your kids go to school dirty But she sucks your dick for a half hour when she puts a lighter under your nut sack and that freaks you out

So that's why you stay with it. Right. We makes it, you know, men make Men and women make bad Whatever decisions because of the sex and guess who made a bunch of those Me You know a girl would suck your balls. I'm marrying that bitch. Thank god and maria But yeah, I was like that. I was shallow like that. Yeah, I was very shallow mindset. Yeah, it's a mindset When I met my wife, I made sure that our relationship Wasn't based on sex at first

I would take it for coffee and then drop her off and she would look at me like you're not coming up. Not really Keep that away from me. Yeah, because I want and she even asked me And I told but I got the eight month mark. I explained to her why we're doing this And she was like, oh, okay And then you know after that erupted and we started having sex and everybody was happy But I really wanted to fall in love with somebody. Yeah, something that we don't do naturally We've forgotten because everything about is about the instant fuck the hook up That is to that. Wouldn't it just be nice to talk to somebody?

It'd be great Go to coffee and really have fun with somebody When was the last time you were with somebody really genuine that you really really really enjoyed him Because what good is the blow job? If once you start talking, I'm waiting to put a gun in my mouth Yeah, that's I did that that girl I you watch whatever her name was you want to stick a gun in your mouth her milkshake and it's uh That that describes. I mean, obviously I need to lose weight But I'm not even there's this I could date right now, but that's

That is exactly why I don't is the idea The idea of going through like And having not not that they're bad people, but just they're not for me Like we're not for each other and I'm sure girls have been on dates with me like jesus christ. What is he talking about? like that whole process is awful awful Just like I don't want to want to put myself through it awful. It's an awful process, but

Since you were saying it, you know, we have to just talk about it. That's what uh This podcast today just made me realize that I had to really go for it at the age of 27 when I got out of that halfway house and I want to wish my daughter a happy 30th Even though she doesn't want to speak to me anymore. What are you gonna do? I have accepted it. I've moved on it was uh you know, she's judging me by the boy that I used to be not the man I became so

So Fuck everybody. You know I'm saying I do this to make my friends happy I want my the people around me to be happy and most importantly. I want to be happy And that's it. I hope this podcast uh Helps you out in one way or another. We always start the first of the month With just us just to fucking get out some bullshit Some people like it. Some people don't go fuck yourself. I'm the captain kirk of this motherfucker enterprise or understand me Don't forget

February 13th through the 15th Tempe improv next weekend And then February 28th. I'm at treasure motherfucking island with dean del Rizzi for one night only it's a friday night It's the 28 or the 29th. I don't know go look at the fucking calendar and choose for yourself That's all I got in February. Like I said, I keep it slow because I want to give you the best show. Is that like the store? I could get a spot at the store every night Okay I played safe

You're coming from fucking england to see me. I don't want to eat a bag of dicks in front of you Right, you know I'm saying I'm gonna eat a bag of dicks from time to time. I think I did last tuesday one of those nights Yeah, you're saying you had two rough sets. Yeah, I had two rough sets and that's happens But if I went to the store every night, I guarantee bomb three nights Bomb three times because you're doing seven sets You're gonna go 50 60 percent. I'm just playing percentages guys. I just play percentages You know, I think out of all the places I did Last year I bombed in like three. I know I bombed in New Orleans

I know I bombed in one of the shows in san franc, you know It just doesn't go your way But you do the more shows you do the more you bomb But the better you'll get You see them saying right so a setback, you know is also You know when I was a roofer, I can't tell you how many roofs I lived on fire When we were doing hot tar roofs. Oh my god. He was on fire by mistake. I don't know what I'm doing That's why I didn't like fucking hot tar roofs. I like ballasted roofs with rocks and shit

Once I had to do that hot tar shit. That was not for me That shit was not for me those things would blow up Flight, you don't know how many Mexicans I see burned From that hot tar and shit like that because they always always Mexicans get burned every time because they buy them fucking machine The thing blows up. Yeah, I don't you know, I'm all right, man. I'm I'm just trying to put the pieces together I'm just trying I'm just trying to fucking stay alive here Oh, I just have this image of a roof on fire. Oh, please because you gotta put that hot tar on it and then I can't tell you how many of those machines went on fire when I was on a roof

And I'd walk away sometimes One time I just flew down the ladder like what are you doing? There's a fire up there. Go up there with a fire extinguisher I look like a fucking guy with a fucking dog with spots. I ain't no fucking fire, man. I'm not going up there What am I gonna do? I don't know nothing about fires listen I'm gonna tell you once I'm gonna tell you a thousand times right now The big thing in this country is the fucking The ripoff of cbd. I saw it with that yin yang juice 20 years ago

Remember that juice they used to sell the chinese thing when they started selling out liquor stores and you would drink it And it would taste like shit. I saw it then and i'm seeing it with cbd now Don't buy none unless you know what the fuck you're buying. I don't give a fuck what the guy tells you to store CBD lion calm that's the way to go Go to their website and look at their third party test results They're gonna make your mind spin read up about what cbd really is What it's got in I mean a cbd line is so good Is that they have a cbd for your ailment?

Whether it's pain it's anxiety whether it you can't sleep at night if you go on cbd lion calm Look at their third party lab test results. You're fucking that's gonna spin This is not no mumbo jumbo fucking we sell cbd sign on the quarter These people are real deal from vapor pens which do not use the acetate vitamin eon So you're not gonna see nobody's dying no more. You notice that That's it. That was a two week thing That the dad that I ran war now i'm getting bombed with chinese people with surgical masks Every two weeks or something fucking different

But they don't use the vitamin e acetate. That's what was giving you a little lung infection They got the shatter. They got the tincture. They got the gummies strawberry raspberry Orange fucking delicious They got this new cbd like a nighttime cbd They got bad salts that you put in your bath and you're laying When it comes to cbd cbd lion is the fucking king. Don't don't believe the motherfucking hype Go to cbd lion calm impressing Church and get 20 off your first order delivery house now

Just because the superbowl happened yesterday Oh, Joey, what am I gonna bet on what are you gonna bet on? What are you fucking kidding me? What you do is you got college basketball, but the good thing about college basketball is yeah You got your nebraska's and you got your fucking UCLA's and your arkansas's and you know the dames, but you also got these little fucking Schools that nobody knows about that's where the money's at. That's where my bookie comes in. Why? Because they're the home they got the biggest lineup of prop bets of any sports book in the business period Even though the big game is over and listen that doesn't mean you're not gonna make any more money

There's tons of money out there. You got the mba. You got hockey, but you got college basketball But don't go betting all those fucking teams. You see on ESPN. You got to look deep Deep kinesius Shit like that as a state, you know one of those fucking schools Where you barely get into you got to be a half a mook to get in there Those are the ones you bet you understand your uncle Joey knows what i'm talking about and my bookie offers you The most up-to-date odds that are out there and if you deposit right now, they're gonna match your deposit halfway Joey, what's that mean? That means that that's basically free cash

For you to throw down on your best bet if you've been sitting on your fucking hands off season Listen, uncle Joey, don't wait anymore. Take advantage of my bookie dot ag Right now today sign up today. I know ESPN got a college game on tia tonight. I know for a fact All week long plus you got the mba You got a thousand for look at all those people that bet fucking The lake is the first night that they they played after Kobe brian rest his piece died Fucking portland went and beat him everybody and their mother bet the fucking lake is that night

Everybody had the lake is at home Listen, this is a crazy business. I'm here to help you out My bookie dot ag And like I said, if you deposit right now like a thousand bucks Don't match your deposit halfway with 500 Free cash for you to gamble take advantage my bookie dot ag Pressing code church chur ch when you make your deposit. That's called church To give you a bankroll to jump to give you a bankroll a motherfucking jump start my bookie dot com

You play you win You get paid And that's it. I'm happy you guys listen today. I want to wish my daughter a happy birthday Jackie Diaz. She calls herself something else now What are you gonna do with the name is Jackie Diaz? I wish her happy birthday And I hope you guys got something out of my story today. I didn't have much to tell you But whatever it is keep hanging in there. Don't give up Don't quit

It's not worth the aggravation unless it's where I've quit a lot of things that's worth quitting But the most important thing I wasn't gonna quit. I didn't quit and I'm very proud of that today Again, I'll see you in tempe next weekend and two weeks from then I'll see you at beautiful treasure island in las vegas. I love you guys. Have a great day We'll be back thursday morning tip top motherfucking magoo stay black. Have a good day. I love you