Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #760 - Gabriel Iglesias

Episode Date: February 12, 2020

Gabriel Iglesias, a stand up comedian with multiple Netflix and Comedy Central specials, actor seen in "Magic Mike" and on his own Netflix show, "Mr. Iglesias,"  joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:   Butcher Box - Go to www.ButcherBox.com/church You get $20 off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 states. PLUS: when you use code: church you get free chicken wings for the life of your subscription.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.         

Oh shit Greetings from podcastville. It's Wednesday the 12th of Motherfucking February uncle Joey here the church is brought to you by but your box Let me tell you something. What's the best night of the week? Steak night. That's what night it is. I got a box. I got two boxes from butcher box. Okay salmon The beef my wife made a beef stroganoff that'll make you fucking little asshole fucking jump up and down That's how good it was with butcher box. You get the best quality steaks delivered right to your door

But your box is a Subscription service that sends you nine to eleven pounds of high quality humanely raised meat every month That's enough to cover you for 24 meals and butcher box is affordable Each meal breaks down to about $6. You can't do better than that unless you're eating lizard meat with the fucking With the German Jewish tank over here They ship it frozen and vacuum seal so it arrives at your door Fresh as a fucking daisy. Do me a favor right now But your box has a special offer free wings for the life of your description. Let's do what I'm saying to you

The free wings for the life of your subscription That's three pounds of wings in every box forever Plus you get 20 bucks off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 Just go to butcher box comm slash church CH or CH or use promo code church at checkout That's butcher box. Listen, you will not be sorry the meat was fucking superb sue Perb I was blown the fuck away but your box comm slash church Use promo code church and checkout but your box the way meat should be the podcast is also brought to you by CBD lion calm listen to me stop going to the gates the gas station

Stop going to the fucking liquor store and asking some fucking guy that just got here eight months ago about CBD They can't even know the national anthem and you want to ask about fucking CBD fucking fluids and stuff like that Get your life together. Listen when it comes to CBD I think of one company and one company only and that CBD lion calm why go to their website Check out that third-party test results. You got an ailment. They'll tell you what CBD to use That's how good and that's how much they care about their clients Whether it's the gummy bears the raspberry the strawberry the orange the tinctures The the the vapor pen which has no vitamin E and no isolate whatever the fuck was given these kids fucking headaches and shit like that

I Like everything that they have you understand me go to CBD lion calm right now and Press in church and get 20% off your order Delivered right to your house The church wants to welcome Gabriel places. What's happening Gabriel? What's up? Bye? Bye? Thank you for the tacos. Thank you for coming I had to clear my throat and it's a lot of cheese and goodness in that taco. No, that was like six points Six-way watch your points So you were talking in the car on the way up here

That I was telling you I was just starting to tell you that one night I go on Twitter And I'm mining my own business and I see that fluffy the nicest guy in the world puts up Hi guys got the weekend off You know gonna chill with my dog I just went to Chick-fil-A to stock up for Sunday or something and I and I looked at that tweet Michael Cuz somebody had come up to me like a week earlier and sick as they said to me You know Burbank has a new Chick-fil-A and in the same sentence they go, but it's not cool to eat there Really, and I was like I didn't know wasn't cool. Yeah, I did not I did not know okay

But I heard it wasn't him to eat there like hipsters don't eat there a couple white people boycotted it But there's lines out though out though doesn't matter. That's why people that's why they do that Okay, when you boycott something you're just giving it more fucking business. Okay, remember when they boy you're too young when they boycott a dice No, he went from he went from Madison Square Garden to a reading you bet you banned him from MTV and exactly He's selling out and so not everything so it's a weird psychology to it You know when the guy from the Celtics snorted the coke and he died The next day everybody had cocaine that kill Lenny bias everybody wanted the cocaine that kill Lenny bias They just killed the motherfucker

But you are the nicest sweetest guy in the world G-rated comedy you do like a fucking 5 at 30 in the afternoon for Grandmothers Innocent to eat in the world and I included a photo of my dog I basically said I was gonna go get my I was gonna go get my little nuggets some nuggets And yes, I without knowing I had posted a you know at Chick-fil-A Because here's my thing is anytime I'm eating somewhere. I'm doing something. It's organic. I love to to Put the the the handle so in case the company does see if they know that I'm a legit

Fan of their product or whatever it is and I'm not asking for anything but hey should they send some free gift cards I'm not gonna say no to it I you know I've gotten some amazing sponsorship by just being You know real with something if I'm a fan of something I let people know And so yeah, I posted a picture of my little chihuahua and I'm gonna get the little nuggets some nuggets from Chick-fil-A And next thing you know, I even saw motherfucker that said I'm not following you no more Oh my god, you see these away Really? Oh my god, and and and also sir. I had no I why would I intentionally try to

Destroy myself by putting something up. I I did not know I honestly I tell people I'm more hungry than woke Okay, I am more hungry than woke. I'm sorry. I'm not as hip to everything and I did not know I know now you got static for about three days. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad I'm like, oh my god. I wrote a tweet about sucking the ink kind of miss Obama's pussy And nobody said nothing like people just froze. I was waiting for Twitter just to shut me down And nobody said nothing, you know like and it's just so weird what you could say and what you can't say anymore and so I just I couldn't I could not believe it messed me up so bad because I'm thinking to myself really is

Is it that bad? Is it bad? You know and I watch someone like like chappelle who I think is a comedy genius And then he'll go up there and some of the things he talks about are very controversial and clearly rub people the wrong way But yet still selling out He just want to grab me before that he won some other peabody. I forget what award. Yes So really he can get away with you know pushing the envelope to the next level But I put an innocent tweet where I'm he's a fat dude talking about chicken nuggets

I think you know where my mind was at And and I I got so much for you that what was the word? Oh, I was getting people saying yeah, we're gonna boycott your show people saying How could you we thought more of you than this now? Do you know the reason behind all I know now what is what did you know that uh, I guess chick filet was Paying they were they were donating money to organizations that were against you know gay the gay community It was you know that they were uh

supporting Wow, what is it to try to keep them try to straighten up the way that they think You know supposedly I don't know they were they were donating money to something that was against the gay community I don't want to claim to know that I know exactly why but I know it wasn't good. I know it wasn't good But do you think that that it's on social media because I think like social media they just they're not really angry But they're just there and they because when chappelle does it on stage They have to like actually get onto twitter But if they're already on twitter do they think it's just fake anger they're not really mad at you

Like if they saw you at chick filet, they'd probably be happy to see you I you know what I've never been at a chick filet and had somebody be upset with me If anything they'd offered to buy my my meal, which I think is cool um It's it's one of those things where I did not know and like I said I wasn't trying to stir anything up But I think a lot of times sometimes you know people want attention and I think going after someone is probably the easiest way I went to my wife

My wife is white. So I said to let me answer a question What's the deal with chick filet and she knows everything You know what I'm saying like my wife knows everything white And she's like well number one You know Their insurance doesn't cover women abortions And the number two they don't like gay people So I wrote a whole bit about it, but the funny thing about the oh my god

Oh, I was gonna tell you something I forgot. See that's why you don't smoke pot of these tacos before my test I thought I walk in I'm like, what's so tall of food and I never say that You know This is nice to have you here. It's good to see you I feel like I haven't seen my brother from cuba and you came back after three years I almost didn't survive our last uh our last podcast. What happened you left? I heard you guys went like turkey What do you mean? What first of all you you introduced me to this cookie

I think you were you were you were sponsored or you were doing something with this company at the time Some chiba chua. I think was it chiba chua. And then there was some cookie and you're like Gabriel. Look at this is cookie Right. It's delicious. You should try some and I took the cookie and you know, you know I don't just pinch The cookie and eat a piece of the cookie if you had me a cookie the whole cookie is going down And I guess for whatever reason it had a certain level of whatever in it I ate the whole cookie, right? I was fine when I left and when I got on the five man

I've never been more grateful for traffic In my life because I I drove about eight miles an hour of the whole way home It hit me on the five. I thought you guys stopped and got something to eat man. No, no No, that cookie that cookie Oh That's like, you know, Joe Joe these podcast I ain't eating no more cookies No, no, and I got people to drive now And that's why I said I said I know more cookies because I know you were scared for a long time

I was so scared. I was like, I'm not gonna go over there to get tortured I'm not gonna go over that. I don't blame you man that cookie though. Wow Sounds like the so kind cookies we were eating to that frosting on top of it. I don't remember I just remember I ate a whole cookie Because because you guys were looking at me like that look when like Like he wasn't supposed to eat the whole cookie Because you like you knew what the future held for me Remember we did something and I ate the

We did Chicago And we flew back And I took my shirt off On the flight Is it wrong that I remember you taking off your shirt a few times? Yeah, this was this was like This was You were sweating. You were sweating up a storm. Yes. Yes. We were on a southwest flight

Yes, and we were sitting opposite each other. Yeah, and I'm like wow between two old white women That was like 65 you were sweating up a storm. I had to be 380 And I was I what happened was it was those gummy bear. It was those Uh, the the tongue things Oh, like the like the listerine ones the listerine ones But nobody knows that in those days knew the dosage of them There was no dosage. You just showed them black market. They could dip them in gasoline and then what happened was When you put them in your wallet, they got stuck together. You didn't really know how many you were eating

So we we did kj riddles me you martin Uh You know who was ever booking the fucking festival of death with rick It had to be like seven of us riddles Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes across the street from stake and shake and white castle

Wait, we had like it's just a fast all the best choices that too all the best choices It was staking shake next door White castle across the street and the hotel had like a direct line. There was an old hindu who had porn on Think i'm fucking kidding you when you went to check in there was like some chick getting fucked against the wall And then you had a you went to the whole tower room and they would fuck with you If you wanted porn, it was like I like it's been four bucks But if not it was like porn slanted so you can still hear the chick come on That's like like all spice right so what you do is you have like moving a little bit

You gotta put the TV on its side So on the way back from kj riddles We all took the early flight And I go, look, what do I got here? Some breath and I put them on them, but those days in the middle We sat opposite each other. Yeah a southwest airlines had those uh, They're a little lounge seats where they'd have the seats that face one another in the front and in the back They'd have those two those two sections

So we took it over And all of a sudden I started sweating profusiously The plane started bouncing at some shit He was he was it was scary. They brought him some towels. How how early into the flight do you take your shirt off? About an hour and a half And there were two women who were sitting next to me And I still remember the look on their face. He's tortured these women never fuck doggies stop These two women have never fucked doggies stop

Like if they were with three guys total between the two of them, you could tell that one was reading a bible Like they never did it doggie style. She never sniffed his nutsack They just did it through a sheet with a hole And I sat in the middle and took my shirt off. I'll never forget at one time Just like drying off with a towel Like this was the beginning of edibles. I'm drying off with a towel and I could feel The moisture on my nipple I'll fuck it. He was shiny

He was shiny and you weren't and you don't really drink or do that much camber. So you were completely sober. You gotta figure at that time No, I wasn't there was nothing. I didn't start drinking until like I was what 24 25 Wow So what is it like being on the road with someone like that? Well at the time, I you know, I didn't know what he was going I had no idea You know, he sweats, you know, I'm a big guy. I sweat. I'm just like He's just been doing it longer and this is You know, maybe his air vent doesn't work. I don't know. I mean, we were up. Well, I know I don't for a fact

I was up Like I remember getting to the airport that day and like and at the time I must have been about The ears were my ears were still ringing from the cocaine Wow, like my ears were still ringing. I'm like, man And I was trying to keep it together in front of you guys Like if anybody else would have looked at me that didn't know me they would have gone out. He's just tired But my balls were on fire. I knew that people knew I was I was on the tail end of the juice Yeah, if it's not if it would have happened today, they'd be like, no, that's corona virus

Yeah, they would have been like with some going on here. I was I was fucked up So at the airport to bounce things off. I found these And I ate them and I got fucked up on the plane Between the x's, you know, I found shirts of mine from my cocaine days When I moved from Hollywood to the valley I found a bunch of long sleeve white shirts Because I was so big I had to wear long sleeve

Long like so I would get like a three xl t t extra long I would only buy clothes in texas because in l.a. They don't have clothes with fat people You gotta go all the way up to thonga canyon and one of our chances are going to thonga, you know what I'm saying? Or the fat man's store on wilshire where they charge you 84 dollars for a handkerchief And you know that that was during the time when uh, I want to say you you were trying to put me in touch with that Big daddy company because you were getting all your clothes for free from big ralfi. Yeah Ralfi was a big daddy run big daddy run You know and I was I was on a big cocaine run

So big daddy big daddy wasn't I just stopped buying clothes I just stopped wearing clay gave you were always wearing jumpsuits always you always had those big they look so cool Because in those days it was so soprano. I went to so many mafia auditions For commercials and videos and promos That all I wore was sweatsuits I had a black suit that I bought That josh wolf bought me. Oh, wow three suits for 200 dollars with two pair of shoes Right on hollywood boulevard. They're still there up the block from joe's hollywood suit outlet

You get three suits three shirts three ties belts belts socks And a pair of shoes for two hundred and ninety nine dollars Just make sure nobody lights a match Because your suit will go up in flames like a fucking China been with the carnivorous virus You never went in there

Going there is a cool. That's the video you should make going into hollywood suit suit outlet right dollywood suit outlet. Just go go Go to the hollywood suit outlet. I got two hundred and ninety nine dollars. What can you do for me? I got two hundred and nine Okay Oh So did you ever figure out the uh The amount that you were supposed to actually eat A what of those listerine things like one little one? I think I ain't like there was three in there clearly

There was three or four in that dog one time Telling you that was me on that five freeway coming back. I just Scribbin the steering This had to be about seven years ago Mainly had just started doing the podcast And I had one of the last weeks at the miami coconut grove in brah It was one of the last weeks

And I don't know what the fuck I had a delta flight Terminal six with the tropical birds and shit on the wall When you go into miami or south america, it's the most racist fucking terminal in lax You go in there you Like like a little like a little cuba. Yeah, you're getting red. No, it's not even cuba They treat you like you're a fucking What's those people that that sell the guns the sandanistas? They treat you like you're a sandanista in there the fucking it's horrible

Like you walk through the white part of the fucking delta thing But then they have the south american wing and all sudden the walls turn yellow And they got like palm trees and the fucking and you're like this is racist as fuck Do they have everybody talking spanish and they got salsa music playing? These are people that had it to a savador nicaragua All those third world nations and shit like that. So miami's in that terminal So I flew out of that terminal on a red eye And I had a I upgraded the first class i'm delt that they upgraded me to one

On the inside So I was in row one on the inside window in the window and I start bopping fucking edibles before In the car right down there. I start popping edibles like I get on the flight and it's the nicest gay guy in the world That's next to me. He's like, oh my god, you're going to miami. It's gonna be so much fun And i'm like, I know blah blah blah. He passes out all of a sudden I had uh

certs cinnamon certs You're not supposed to eat the whole row Of cinnamon I ate the whole thing like I just started eating them and the cinnamon triggered the thc And I had jeans on and I just started sweating I started sweating to the point that I took off my shirt And he the little gay guy thank god he had little leopard things on his eyeballs And i'm sweating up a storm gate and I got the blanket around my fat stomach

Like i'm no shirt on And all the all the whole cabin's sleeping But there was like one little light that shined Right on like my fucking center of my chest And every time the students would walk by she'd look at me. She wouldn't look. I'm sorry. I'm lying to you She wouldn't even look at me guys She just hand me Thought I was sweating so much when I got my luggage

I went to pull up my pants and the rim around my jeans Would drench with sweat That's how much I sweat on that fucking fly from t.h.c I've been I can't imagine taking like as a big guy like that's the last thing I want to do is take my shirt off in public Oh, yeah, I can't imagine being You have to be to take the shirt off you have to be tentaculars and well, okay No, no drunk versus high. It's totally different. You know no matter how high I was y'all wasn't getting naked No matter what but drunk that's different. I got I got so drunk in Puerto Rico. I wound up on a mechanical bull

You can find that photo online by the way I let people know I was like 19 medias medias the the Puerto Rican beer Good times What else is going on in your world? Well, uh, let's see We just finished wrapping the show we finished wrapping the show last season season two Thank you. You're happy doing it. You know what? Let me tell you something the people The people is what i'm gonna miss. Uh, i'm not gonna miss the hours

I'm not gonna miss the three hours a day in traffic. I'm not gonna miss the you know A little bit of sleep that I was getting It's it's a lot of work a lot of work doing that show a tv show TV show is a lot of work It takes up all your time and energy and I love the finished product and like I said, I love the people if the people were were horrible It had been a different thing. I'd have been like i'm out. You got a nice little cast everyone. You know that cuban kid I grew up with him

with uh Oscar Nunez. Yeah, yeah, do you ever say that to you? No, we were talking about you the other night Now, I guess the same school or something. He's he's from a town called union city. You see the irish man Yeah, but tony pro is from but tony pro's office is what he's from union city I hung with his brother I was you know the older kids in the neighborhood who you idolize I idolize his brother his brother's name was nunsio And up the corner from my mother's body was a hot dog stand

The best saber hot dogs just right out of new york city been in new jersey And I would go up there every day and get two or three of them and nunsio would take numbers And hang out with the guy all day So why you got a hot dog nunsio? Give me 204 or 206 whatever. Yeah, it was either nunsio or the guy was doing book there But I knew nunsio but me and him were kids together So he went to like emison high school and I went to north bergham, which is to complete the diff districts But since I was cuban my mother had a bar in that neighborhood

So I knew all those kids. So that's how long we go back. Wow. And then I bumped into him In an audition in 98 Didn't know him we were up in telamundo in glendale And we were reading for some cuban show And that's when we started talking I met him in 98 on the fly And he goes, maybe you know my older brother nunsio. I thought jesus fucking christ. Wow. Yeah, it's no nunsio And that job I got hired

They paid me a thousand bucks to shoot three days They hired me and my call time was at eight I went to lunch at 12 and at 12 30 they called me and they fired me They just I killed it in the audition, but I really wasn't what they were looking for And when as soon as I spoke spanish the cubans fucking freaked They got scared of me because they were like from the nice part of cuba I speak that gags to spanish

And they speak that spain spanish. They was really so intimidated But one of those guys ended up being on george lopez's first abc show. He was the sidekick and Years later, I was living here. I moved here And I would walk my wife to work and then I would walk around north hutch hollywood park And one day I saw him and I walked past him And he goes, hey, hey Excuse me. Do you remember me?

And I made believe like I did I go no, I don't I know you're on george lopez And he goes, yeah, but before do you remember me? And I go no and he goes I was on that show That time with talamundo. He told me the name of the show He goes and I just want to tell you like a man That it was not me who got you fired You scared like four or five of the cuban people Because he's mexican. He's really mexican

oscars No, this oh that uh, yeah, yeah, yeah Talamundo kid that he ended up on george's first show Not this other little mexican guy. He ended up he was like a father or an uncle Or something like that. He was a regular on the show I saw him in north hollywood park and he came up to me man. That was 15th. I forgot all about it I wasn't even scared that they fired me because it paid for my after After was 800 that

So you had to pay sag right 50 and after was 800 So whatever it was a week later. I got an aftercard in the mail So it didn't really matter. I broke him. I got taken care of. Yeah Wow I didn't yeah when I remember when you were shooting the abc show And you called me and there was a role there was a role that you Was thinking but and I kept saying I don't want to go in Because when I read it I read it black

This was a role for a black guy and I know that that was the beginning of diversity for television And I know that the pilot didn't work out of abc And I go if I know anything about gabriel, he's fucking jumping up and down because It's so weird the excitement you have When you're selling a show and they say yes and you get pumped up for it You get very excited and you feel that yeah And after three weeks you cannot fucking take it no more

between the questions To what you could say what you can't say what the budget of the show is Who could be on the show who can't be on the show and then you think I can't wait to be back on the fucking road Well, it's my show From a to z and you start comparing it Like years ago if you called me for anything I would cancel a comedy show Today I'm not canceling a comedy show for an acting gig anymore It's too much fucking work

And you know, I love to act you see and we've discussed mutual films. Oh, yeah discussed I remember you I think you called me and said I loved you and grudge match whatever I enjoyed grudge match even though I broke even How can you fucking break even a denaro movie? How the fuck do what did I have to do two comedy shows just to put money in my pocket? I take a loss. I take a lot every time And people do not understand this that When we came up, you know, we the bicycle club. Yeah, what did we Thursday night at the bicycle club?

What do we talk about we one day we we can't wait till one day We're making 28,000 a week on a tv show as a fucking co-star We missed all that like everybody else. Oh my god You missed it. It was 60,000 the co-star for two episodes. What are you fucking talking about? I'm getting 12 50 an episode the co-star to be a hot dog man And to be a security guard and shit and it was like now I love the freedom to stand up so much that Gabriel if you come up to me and go excuse me the word is uh

Like that scripty lady. Like I've just grown to hate them It's question the tv ones The ones that you you haven't been on a bad tv show And they come up to you like eight times to correct you and finally you go come in for that every every week and uh Her name on my show. Her name is sorrell and she's she's wonderful. She's awesome She's put up with me in my moods because yeah, you know My whole thing is if if i'm conveying the correct message and i'm in the line that i'm delivering Allows the actor i'm working with to understand that it's his or her turn

I I don't see the problem, but of course then they hit you with the word, you know It's got to have continuity It's got to match up with the last scene in case I got to cut this scene to this scene to this scene to that scene And and I understand but yeah when they nitpick and and it's and it's one word and it's like really Are you supposed to say this word first? Then it's this word, but you're saying both you're still getting it right But you're just mixing it up But it's still the same message Yeah, I get annoyed they still don't see you on your own show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just because i'm the star of the show

I don't know no And i'm an ep on my show. So sometimes I'll just put my foot down. You know what just for that line's gone I'm taking the line out. I'm giving i'm giving that line to somebody else and i'm just gonna sit here and watch I've I've done that a couple times where I've I've been annoyed by line, but for the most part though Working with netflix worse versus working with abc Night and day abc I did go through all that that you just mentioned the you know They question everything you give them an idea and then they hire someone else to change your idea You know, you said oh, I'd like it to be like this and they've got no it would work better like that

And you never want to argue Or or stand up for what your Project project is because you don't know if if you're if you're stepping on toes like me I was always like I just want to make sure that I don't you know I'll raise my hand when I really want to raise it, but I figured if I did it early on I'd be shooting myself in the foot So I allowed someone else to control and run the way that it went And abc would you know, I I picked certain people that I wanted to work with and they're like well They're okay, but we think that this person would fit better this person would fit better

And one of the one of the people that I chose that I wanted to be a sidekick on on my show on abc Um, he killed the reed. He was amazing. He was so funny and charismatic and just he delivered And they did not like him for whatever reason and they gave me Someone who was much taller looked way different. He looked more of like a leading man versus being a sidekick and He wasn't as good. Did you think at times when you worked in that work? That it was like Remember you remember we first started Gabriel on saturday. He went into the office

And the guy said we had a good week Here's your 300 hours And while you were sitting there waiting for him to cast a check and sign it over to you You look around the office and you saw you saw 10 million tapes with dust on And you're like look at these poor bastards Like remember people used to say you send me a tape. Yeah, people didn't see that's why uh Comics today, I don't want to sound like that old guy. Yeah, they don't know what we went through in our time

Like yeah, I remember sitting in the freaking Bart Reed sitting there and there's a pile of of VHS tapes in the corner Or being in Columbus, Ohio and and seeing of just a room that was dedicated to tapes and I was happy that I got in more so through word of mouth Because I don't remember sending out a lot of tapes But I did have a lot of comics that were vouch for me Hey, you go in he can em see he can he can do this he can do that And I would always work for whatever because I wasn't I was more I want the experience. I want to go out there because I love it, you know and and yeah

I was I was using my real job to support my comment my comedy habit because at the time I wasn't making any real money I fucking hate it when people ask me for a tape Especially after I became a regular at the store I wouldn't send you a tape and fax you a copy of the schedule with Paul Mooney in front of me and go What the what were we doing talking about here? What else do I gotta prove to you?

And the guy who busted my balls the most Was freddy soto kept coming up to me in 97 going. Hey man That guy in Houston really wants to hide but you but he needs a tape And he was talking about mark babbitt. So one day I said, you know, you know what I'm gonna do this one on for nine months Well, I would go by but just give me a fucking week. Joey. I'm telling you I need a tape I gotta run it by the owner. You're such a scumbag You're such a fucking scumbag. I'm not that hot. All right And then he would call me again. Joey. I never got your tape in the mail

Joey, what's going on? So finally one day I just got a blank tape And I put resume and a headshot man sent it to houston and a week later He was like, what are you doing September 23rd or 25th? You sent him a blank blank tape and he told me he loved it And that's when I realized I fucking hate these fucking bookers That's when I realized I'm not I'm not playing by the rules. Oh my god. This was 1997 He told me he loved it blank as fuck

And that became my signature. I would send you blank tapes and people. Oh, we loved it. It was great. Well, it was great Yeah, we'll give you and that's when I realized it was a power thing I'll never forget people calling me in LA and going. How you doing when they're gonna put together a show Can you send us a tape? Let me give you an address and you're like 114 Canon drive. What are you talking about tape? Yeah, what are you doing? We need a tape you're doing stand up grab a pen Thursday night 10 30 the improv Friday 11 45 the comedy store saturday 10 40. What what tape do you need?

That would really piss me off if they were local And they wanted a tape I would force them to come out of now that wouldn't do business with I don't want to fucking being your stupid. Sure. Yeah, you're five minutes away. But baby, I sent the blank tape to Fuck yeah, dog mark babbit He was a club owner, but he wasn't a club owner I I had my own little run with him too and he he still owes me about eight grand You know Gabriel, but it's what you said You fell in love with it

And you took the ball and ran with it You really did thinking back now like don't get me wrong. We were all running with the ball You ran behind the right fucking like It was just a path and I saw it And then a couple tv appearances You know fucking it just it just kept the momentum And I think I went out with you somewhere and I saw the likeability After the show that the people talking to you and you just

You just uh took off like a while and and nobody deserved it more than you You sacrificed your life for this day I'm here to tell you that gabry laces Sacrifices life for this day We could go into hours of detail. We won't go there. I'm sure the therapist talking about that already But we sacrificed, you know people understand What sacrifice in your life is When your cousin gets married and you send the check

You don't live your life. We just send checks We don't go to weddings We don't go to nephews birthdays We don't do anything At the end of the day you have to ask yourself What am I willing to give up? Because it is a sacrifice, you know, people say they want they want to be there. They want to be on top They want to be the the guy or the girl or whatever

What are you willing to give up that should be the question And I can honestly say I've sacrificed everything I've sacrificed family friendships Moments that uh, I'll never get back You know to do what I do I I I I love the stage more than I love myself I've given up health The night my mom passed away. I was on a stage

The day she was buried I was doing a show That's that's that's how much I gave up Because I I needed to be on stage to function to to not break down You know people people ask me all the time. Oh, well, you know, uh, what what should I do? How can I What are you willing to give up? And and a lot of times people, you know, they oh I've offered to take comics out on the road. Oh, you know, I got the thing with my kid. It's happening. Okay. Well, and you know what? And then hey, then that's that's what that's what you need to do

But what are you willing to give up not to be fresh you to go to the funeral? I did not attend my mom's funeral for the simple fact that my family Does did not see Me How can I put this? Me going to my mom's funeral probably would have would have ended landed me in jail because My siblings and I did not see eye to eye because they didn't understand what it is that I do

they didn't understand What I was willing to give up in order to be in a certain place And uh, I still haven't spoken to my brother since but When when it all went down If I could take it back, honestly, I realized that it was more so me versus my siblings and I should have I should have thought about the bigger picture But unfortunately, I was in such a rage in such an ugly place where I would have made

A big mistake by being there because any little thing would have set me off I remember uh that night that my brother called me up And the conversation that we had it just I I couldn't see anything but red I couldn't see anything but red and no matter what he tried to say to me. It just wasn't clicking and uh I'd gotten a text message from a friend of mine armando coceo And he was he was there And I remember getting that message and I just I like what was I thinking like because I could have I could have been there

and when people asked me about regrets and things that I wish I could do differently. That's that's definitely one of them I'm I'm I'm an adult now where I can look back on it and go, you know what? I should have checked my pride. I should have I should have checked Everything because it wasn't about me. It wasn't about my brother. It wasn't about my siblings It was about my mom and even though we weren't on the best of terms at that time We were in the process of trying to resolve things and she had gotten sick before I got a chance to uh

To make that make that the case and I remember I was I was in so much pain and I just the only thing that could Get me out of that was to be on stage And I remember I was in Ontario. I went and did a show in Ontario at the improv And at the end I asked for a shot and I says you guys have no idea the the day that I'm having right now and And someone goes what happened? I go you don't want to hear it and they're like come on I was like, let me just tell you what happened and the whole crowd got quiet

And I'm like, yeah, that's that's what I'm dealing with as of right now and uh, I I I drink a lot that night and uh, it was one of those things where you know, it's What are you willing to give up and at that that at that time? That's that's why I gave up And uh, I miss my mom dearly and I'm I'm sad that I I wasn't there at the end When I had an opportunity to be there. I just don't think that I was in the right mindset So, you know, you you you work hard. You want to you want to be a certain person you want to um excel what is it you're willing to give up and um

I I gave up my family. I can say that night And um, I I don't have a relationship with my brother now. Uh, I barely talked to my sisters and uh, you know, when I visit my mom's grave, it's it's it's I can't say I'm sorry enough You know, but there's moments where you know, you you you think you're doing the right thing and uh That for me is my biggest regret Because my mom would have done anything for me You embusting your ass

Christmas you did how many shows did she do and that's another thing too give up christmases I would work christmases because I couldn't be around my family joy. It was that bad It's like then they wouldn't look at me and talk to me like a person. I was I was now a thing I was now this This personality. I was this this this this thing that just is on tv It's and they all saw it as something that was easy Like my brother insulted the hell out of me one night when he's like, uh, he's he told somebody in the house I'm funnier than him

Really And I'm like they they didn't understand and the more I tried to explain things it just you know It became a thing where yes, I became the guy that sign checks I became the guy that you know, can you loan me money? I got tired of loaning money because nobody would ever pay it back So I just learned to just give it You know It's it's hard when people stop looking at you like a person and they just look at you like this that thing You know at the end of the day. I'm still flesh and blood. I still feel pain. I still make good decisions bad decisions

I'm I'm a human You know as as a I'm a person but when people cannot separate the fact that you know, you're just that How did your mom feel about you because I remember the special where your mom was in the In the audience taping my mom was a big supporter. She would never laugh at my joke She was more so like, you know, he's doing what he wants to do Um, I remember one day I brought home a flyer. I showed my mom a flyer of me on the flyer She was so happy about a freaking flyer and I go mom. I've been on tv This fly really the flyer. She goes no mijo porque I can take it to bingo and show this cabronas. Mira mijo

It's on a flyer. I'm like that was when flyers were the social media of the time but uh No, she was a huge supporter just that it came to a point where even she was having issues with what I was doing And the amount of time I was gone and um, and then she wasn't a big fan of my girlfriend either So that became a thing, you know, and it was it was hard. It was hard You know, man, I've been saying this for the last couple years that We went in the search of becoming a comedian, but what we ended up becoming were men Like I grew up in this shit

This made me be a man this whole fucking game. It taught me a lot. I learned a lot from this game We saw people blow up And shoot themselves in the foot We saw Tiffany had his blow up We saw people come and go, you know, I still remember taking a ride with you from Burbank airport to to uh Tucson

on wednesday night To a club called bugsy is the guy would pick you up the guy must be like 800. Yeah Tell them this tell me the size of the bolt behind his neck There was a The guy who put everything together and he was a he was a sweetheart of a guy I don't even know if he's still around but Because I know he had lost a bunch of weight by the time he came to the commissary. He lost some weight. Yeah, it was a It would call him big alex not just alex. It was big alex

He was he was huge. I remember every time I'd see him he was getting out of a suburban He was always in the front seat of suburban and it'd take him a minute to get out of the car It was just big and tall. It's like six five huge And uh, sweetheart of a guy and we would work at a bugsy's On the corner of roger and oracle in tucson, arizona, and I know this uh, because I still have the poster I still have the poster from when I performed there And I had done shows with you there you and debbie gutier as I did one show there I did another show with rudy and gilbert

um And uh, joey medina was the booker He was the one that set me up to go down there, but yeah one those shows The show paid 150 but the plane ticket I didn't get 150 I got 50 because they had taken my money to split it between rudy and gilbert So I got 50 and a plane ticket I didn't care at the time because I was that was the first time I went on the road

That's why I saved the poster because it was my first road gig He would pick you up take us from mexican food take you to eat That was one thing big alex would take you to eat make you feel special Take you to the hotel we go check in at the cliff manor in And i'm like wow the cliff manor is next to a golf course this place. It was disgusting It's disgusting now. No, no, no, no, they cleaned it up now At the time I still remember staying there with darin codder and that black girl And the black girl fucking called me in the middle of the night

She's like you got to figure something out people trying to break into my door And it was a hotel and then you crossed the street and there was like a mexican restaurant. Yes, same one restaurant. Yeah That was a cracky fucking, you know, but if you don't know what a cracky hotel And if you ever stayed at a hotel when we were doing comedy that was atage mom That's a thing too. That was one night in a hotel Like we you you would get to the room at four And you had three hours to pick you up You have no idea you would get naked and just lay on the bed

You know, they tell you to take the sheet off the people have come on it, right? You don't even give a fuck You lay on top of that thing you put hbo on You pick your feet You got three hours in the hotel room. You've been fucking performing at West Covina and all these fucking places the last two months. Now you're in toosan, Arizona. Oh, shit I'm on fire. I never saw that place as a as a rat hole or something. No, me neither It was the greatest thing it was the greatest thing in my world a on a fucking wednesday night to pick up 150 bucks I remember hearing my name on the radio for the first time

I was in my room and I had the The radio on and I heard performing to you know this weekend The you know bugsies and I heard my name for the first time and I screamed so loud when I heard it I was like, oh my god I was like that scene from uh that thing you do when the kids are running and their song is playing and I was just like Oh my god, I open the door. I'm screaming I was so happy. How long in the standard for you? Ah, you gotta figure I started april 10th of 1997 and I was on the road

July what was it 12th? So me june june, yeah three months. Oh, shit. Well, I was doing comedy three months and I was on the road Performing in toosan, Arizona and I'm at this hotel which for me. I'd never been on a flight I'd never been on a hotel. Whoa. So for me, I all kinds of cherries got popped in toosan. Uh, yeah, that happened there, too um I remember the first time I went there I was with with gilbert and with rudy And they knew that that was my first time on a plane And so rudy tells me a listen man. Look you're on the road

I I remember rudy and gilbert from uh that show comedy compilates back in the day and so I was like, oh my god, you know New world. Yeah, it was and I'm like, I'm hanging out with these two guys. Are you kidding me? So I just wanted it I was I was so green and and rudy tells me listen when the flight attendant comes by and she offers you soda Don't make me look bad. Make sure you you know, you give her a good tip Make sure you give her a good tip and uh, if they try to you know, give it back you insist that they take it Okay, we got to make sure that that you know Don't make me look stupid and I'm like no, sir. And I was I was I was I was that kid. No, sir. Absolutely not It was 20 21. No, I wasn't even 21 yet. I turned 21 a few days later

I was 20 years old and uh, sure enough here comes a flight attendant She brings me my coke and uh with the ice and everything in the napkin and I tried to give her five bucks She goes, no, no, sir. It's okay. Oh, no, no, no, I insist And she's like, no, sir. I'm not supposed to take the money. It's okay It's and I'm trying to put the money on her And rudy and gilbert are just they're dying. I'm like, what's so fun? And then I realized there were ribbing me and I'm like, ah, here we go Here we go. How many nights did you do at the brave bolt? Oh, man, I lost count of how many times I worked the brave bull or worked

Worked the brave bull or worked commerce or worked the ice house on the uh, I don't know how many, uh, last grand finale, uh Shows that we're gonna be at the uh ice house. I don't know how many the lot, you know, because rudy's always having it's the last one It's the last one. It's the farewell to the east side comedy. It's over. It's done. We've had an incredible run It's over. We're finished the last one this wednesday. It's over It's done. That's it We're done and I remember he'd always get me. Hey, man, this is the last one you know

Don't forget those the flights and Tucson and all those other shows that I booked you for come on Just it's the last one. I'm there rudy and I don't I'd go when I do the last show and Before I knew it. That was you know, it's the second. It's the second annual last show The third annual last show. It's it was always the last show So, uh, yeah, but the brave I had so many great memories of the brave bull and and all those other venues little times I would go to brave bull even go to me joey tonight, you know

The vp of the bank is here. Can you clean it up a little bit? And I would go up there and you go extra dirty and I go extra fucking dirty and they would go crazy But I think the best night I had at the brave bull the brave bull was a bar in And I want to say it was san gabriel san gabriel. Yeah, and it was fridays and saturdays they had Not to exaggerate how many rooms did they have did you do comedy there? Well, they had like the the main room or or it was like a I'd say about a 600 cedar where they'd have you know bands playing stuff like that

And then they had the smaller rooms like little annexes in there a banquet hall the little bar room It was awesome. It would have been a comedy club It would have there would have been like the the store the main room the belly room, you know You never knew what room you were going to be there when he booked you Like when he would call you and go you're available friday night you go Yeah, yeah, and some nights you were in the little room some nights you were in the room that had the horns On the wall like there were different horns from different bulls and oh my god sheep and shit Then there was a banquet room in the back

That's the first place I showcased from I kept going Bro, I I could say his phone number. I still know it by heart. How many times I called him and tortured him back Yeah We just spoke because he had a heart attack. What was it like for real for real. Yeah, well, you know I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I I question it now just because you know, I've I've I've drank in the kool-aid once too many times I've I've helped with the Like no, man Oh

Of him with uh And really, you know, I love you at all my heart. You're the funniest man on facebook. He had a picture of him with uh our cheeseburger And a soda and it said two days before I had the heart attack And he was having like a double cheeseburger So he contacted me and he goes root joey Promise me you'll take care of yourself and we went back and forth and told me what happened

And blah blah blah blah blah blah. I haven't heard about a benefit yet But if I know anything about rooty I'm friends with the one facebook news benefit. It's coming. You know what I mean? Like I I see the big benefit Elport tile feeder That type of shit, you know what I'm saying? so but regardless it was so weird because He gave us 300 spots You know in those days we were doing

45 spots a month game Yeah, and they weren't they weren't comedy clubs There were there were rooms not one of them. Yeah, sorry to interrupt. How did you get the bicycle club then? So you were doing comedy three months because I remember You had the bicycle club and there were some weeks that you weren't there because you were on the road I had uh, how did you get the bicycle club? I made friends with the food and beverage manager who had seen me perform somewhere Guys named Javier Sanchez still owe him $200 by the way

He owes you or you know, I owe him because I was there was a month where I couldn't pay my rent And I reached out to him and and he hooked he was come by the the bike and he gave me 200 bucks So I could pay my rent And it was one of those things where just I kept struggling to Like I'll pay as soon as I got the money I'll pay And it was just one of those things where I it took a while for me to catch up and eventually I lost the room and lost contact with him but uh He was the one that offered me the room

Because you think you can set up this room and I remember I just got a computer and a printer and I printed out my own tickets And I was giving out tickets and inviting people and that's when I met uh My first fan her name's Monica Sanchez. I just saw her a couple nights ago her and her husband Tony They were always coming to the room and they would bring every week They'd come back to see me do those same 15 minutes And they would bring people and then those people would bring people and then it just became one of those things where you know, it was They would they would they grew my audience in that area

And I would do shows for Monica in her garage One of the first new year shows that I did I was in her garage performing Uh But that's how I got the bike. I mean, I got the you know The Javier Sanchez saw me perform somewhere and then he goes. Hey, man. What do you think? And a little by little comics would come out and do the show and he gave me a small budget To work with but hey, you got a free meal

You got made a couple bucks and you know free free drinks and you had to go back on friday and get paid You had to drive back on friday and get paid And I'll never forget going into traffic like at 4 30 going let me go to the bicycle club. Oh my god I didn't get home till eight o'clock at night on the friday night to go pick up 35 fucking dollars If I would have known I would have left it there for the fucking 35 hours. I couldn't borrow 35 hours I was furious to go down there Were you clean back then? Uh, you know what? I was when I first started doing stand-up in 97 Um, I was I was cussing a lot. It was it was a nervous cuss

I was just throwing f-bombs just to throw them just to fill fill space I felt like You know four seconds without a laugh was was too long So I needed to fill it, you know, I was in a you know f this f this f again Whatever and of all people joy medina was the one that pulled me aside and he goes. Hey, listen, man You're you're really funny. You're you're likable. You don't need to cuss And it's crazy coming from joy because joy joy cusses a lot in his act He goes you don't need to cuss if you work clean now

You'll never have to edit your set when you get an opportunity like a tonight show or something You'll just be ready and you don't have to edit you'll be ready And that's probably the greatest advice I ever got from a comic was telling me to work clean um I'll cuss in my show now, but I don't I don't it's not a lot. It's a little bit here and there, uh, but Definitely that helped out so much in the beginning because I was able to go anywhere I was able to perform it You know at noon that went for a kid show or I could go and do two shows at night

You know, I could go perform at a church. I could go perform a corporate function I was doing a lot of college work because of that So for me, that's that's what helped to to grow everything was like hey, he's he's safe I avoided, you know, people tell me like, okay. Well, what uh, what do you think is a, you know Big contributing factor to why you're where you're at. This is not always what you say It's what you don't I say I don't talk politics. I don't talk religion and I don't talk sports because all three of those things will ruffle feathers And then you divide your audience

And so some people say well, you're not as edgy. You're not as this. You're not as that. I go. Yeah, but the place is full Yeah, you know, um So yeah, I tell people I have an opinion That's why I don't I don't do I don't I can't do a podcast because I don't have a strong enough opinion to put out there You know, I keep my my show safe for a reason. I want people to enjoy themselves and not have to think I don't want to make people think I'd rather just entertain. That's what I chose to do just to entertain If I have an opinion you buy me a drink You you might hear me say some shit, but yeah, I don't I keep it away from the stage

You know when I was coming up. I opened up for a lot of guys And there was two people who stood out that I opened up for in those days One was rich jenny Watching people leave his show Because there's a feature act. That's what I would watch The people leaving the show their reaction Rich jenny got the best reaction because he was just a pure comic stand-up and the second best reaction. This is

97 to 2001 or two The second best reaction was pop those people He didn't curse he made noises. He jumped up and down He Bong Bong One man He did let me tell you something. I was living in seattle I did not think I was to shit

I was a regular comic. I was dirty I knew the limitations. I was starting to find Who the fuck I was. I had to get angry I was living in an office And one night I went down there frustrated And I realized what I had and I go I got to work off that angle You know I'm saying like you gotta just uh I forgot what I was going with this

Pablo And I worked off an angle and I started opening for people when I watched I remember opening up for stand-up Not oh no, we're not opening up for stand-up watching stand-up. I hadn't met him I opened up for him Early in boulder when I was the house emcee, but later on after he won san francisco I remember going to see him to a full house and by the time he got on stage 75 people had walked out

The people who stayed were on the fucking floor crying and laughing the people who left there Ran the fuck out of there In my mind I never saw the benefit of that Even though I'm a dirty comic like I remember when I got the longest yard I had a little bit of heat. I went on the road I remember going out and walking through the hallway and people would see me in their reaction tours And they thought I was when I had them silence friends

I was going to jump up and down and fucking play the fucking fiddle Whatever the fuck And I'm up there talking about snorting coke with my cat and shit And at the end they would walk out in Gabriel. They wouldn't even touch me like I would see them walk out like You know and I got to see the reactions of people Then I opened for you somewhere And I saw the same thing

That you had beaten out Pablo now It was you and rich Jenny That when people left your shows it was like they just left disneyland You know what I'm saying like they had that look on their face When people leave my shows guys look happy Yeah, let's go home and eat your monkey and the chicks like Jesus fucking Christ I ended up with a fucking retard that likes a fat fucking retard You know, this is the truth

And that's the thing I always admired about you that It was Richard Jane and Pablo And then you just moved into that slot And it didn't matter whether you were latin black asian, you know what I'm saying? I'm talking as a comedian watching people leave a show as a feature act You know like in miami, you know people would run out of paul mooney's show Oh, yeah, and black people would walk out and even you know fucking and word them to death as they were walking up Yeah to some people that's cool. I know people that love walking rooms

When I was coming up in seattle, there was two comedians that they live for that shit Gabriel To go out there with the worst joke they can say to make people get up and go fuck you and stare that up I never liked that when I go on stage I think people see my heart and they let me get away with what I get away with You're following me, but they know it's not really who the fuck I am They know how to I can't go home and spit out my wife's back She wouldn't go for that shit. You know what I'm saying? but

When people go see a gabry glaciers show When you see them on the way out they they I saw footage And it was like remember when Pablo went back to the village To pick up a fucking suitcase and narcos he went back to the village And he came on all the fucking columbians surrounding me now. It's top Pablo. That was you They surrounded you you had all these spanish people around you know what scene i'm talking about right? Yeah when he told the kid

What was his name the guy who had the taxi cab the limon limon when he was limon He just started giving out fucking hundreds. Me that it's pablo. Hi, dieu sevendiga pablo God bless you pablo that this was you without handing out the hundred dollar bills It was that scene like I don't know where I saw the footage. Maybe it was one of your specials something I saw them reacting to you afterward and it was like He's like fucking pablo iscaba Without the coke think about that

Pablo had to show up with coke and a box of hundred dollar bills for people to treat him like that They come they treat you like you know It's unbelievable and you handle it and then I see you on twitter and I see how People you know when you get on twitter you're like i'm gonna be on twitter for the next 45 minutes Ask me whatever the fuck you want You know, what are you gonna eat for breakfast? You tell me two tacos when I get to houston You know, you got your favorite taco spot It's just a really neat thing, you know

Over the fucking holidays. I'm looking at twitter and I see these pictures You sold out like staples anaheim They canceled the duck game because you showed up Fuck There's probably more people on this show than the duck game anyway Fuckin you They just cancel us and gave you a once before tonight the ducks are canceled. Don't worry about nothing Fuckin they cancel the duck game anaheim

And then christmas day you went into each improv You know, it's just it's just remarkable what you do and i'm happy that You're right. You're right. I mean we're talking about 20 years ago getting 50 bucks Going to to sound arizona and with you Like me the love is still there for it. I still fucking love it I still fucking love it. Yeah, all for this whole season to like, uh, you know, what are you gonna What are you gonna do when the when the show's over? I'm gonna go

We'll go back to do do my batch and do what I love to do I'm excited. I get to go back on the road this week How many weeks did you take did you shoot the show season two? Let's see what the hiatus isn't everything was probably 15 weeks 15 weeks of time that I was not out like I'd still do dates on the weekends if I could pop in somewhere Go do a casino or go do you know? Yeah, in between that I still I did that staples honda run But I had booked that way before the show was set. So those those dates were already set in stone

So I made sure that they but just to go from that mindset to that mindset That to me would crush me. I don't like doing it no more I got to go to new york and shoot march I would love, you know It's new york I'm going in for to new york. I got to be there for eight days. I got to shoot three I don't know what days i'm gonna shoot. I love to work But I know somewhere along the line. They're gonna go

We need you that day now. I got to call levity laniak And say you gotta get somebody so I know better, you know what I'm saying? But between you and I I really don't want to do comedy If i'm doing this movie I'm doing this movie You got to be you got to do one project and then you can do yeah, you know what if I got two nights walking around I'll go to danger fields

On the upper what on the upper east side. There's eight people in the audience And I'll just work out the back of the notebook There's shit that wouldn't leave me fuck around and he tapes me and I take it back That's shit that I have one line that I use I go to danger fields. I don't book no dates. I don't like getting confused Never mind the club you go from a set to the staple center. I'd have a heart attack I'd have a fucking panic attack And you know what for me, I I get more nervous on the set than I do

And you know doing a show and you tape live too, right? No, we don't tape live. We don't tape live All those pictures I saw were like a little audience kids coming through this. Oh, no, no We tape in front of a live studio audience. Yes. Yes. Yes. I thought you meant live like the conners They did that episode where I was live. No, no, I'll never do any nothing nothing live to tape Nothing like that anyways But yeah, we would shoot the show live in front of an audience on thursday and then wednesdays were pre shoots And then of course rehearsals rehearsals and stuff during the week And then friday was a table read

There's another i'm a two-year comic and there's a lot of young comics. I know that listen to this What is it like going from 50 people at the bicycle casino to 20 000 people Well, what does it feel the same you see it feels the same or it's a it's a different feeling altogether because it's like Performing in front of those 50 people at the bicycle club I think honestly, I think I tried harder I tried harder to perform Then then I I do now I go in with a different mindset because it's like I think I had a different energy

Uh, I was so afraid of having any dead space any any dead air for me. Like, you know, well, they're not laughing I gotta I gotta hurry up and move quick So my speed is is very different in front of staples It's you go you you got to slow it down You got to let them laugh and then take it in and then you you hear it come back to you And then you can go if you try to perform at the same speed you're going to step all over your laughs And that kind of uh in that size environment That's great. Um, I love clubs. I mean I did the I did the

the two big shows Honda staples and then I booked myself at at Irvine and on and at braya that sunday because I wanted to I wanted to join myself. I enjoy the clubs more I can I can I don't there's no pressure there. I get to have fun and just I can see the whole audience and and I can Do q&a. I can take pictures. I can't do that at the bigger ones Do you remember when we started comedy there were guys that Did stand up got kind of good? They got a tv show and then they stopped doing comedy

And then they did five years on a tv show and now you never hear from them again It used to be a comic so it was always television was a means to the to the end Not anymore the new breed that came in after that was like fuck you We'll stand ups to the end. You know, I admire bobby lee You know bobby lee's been on what 22 fucking shows And he still has that what 945 slot at the comedy store every night He's got the number three slot every night bobby lee bobby lee's been on 22 How many years of mad how many years of mad tv that bobby lee do he's always working

He's always working, you know, he's the voice of this the voice of that I mean, uh, it's It's fucking ridiculous And then because of the times too because of the times too, I mean people can become stars without Without hollywood. You don't need to sit calm anymore. You don't need a hit movie anymore You know, you just you you got to go viral. I remember passing out flyers I remember having to talk to people and hey, if you come out I'll buy a plate of rice at the bicycle club and and I'll introduce you to such and such a person

Just bring a couple people with you like I used to negotiate with people to come out and see me perform And there was no social there was no twitter no instagram no facebook Uh, that's what I give a lot of credit to to dane Dane cook is the one that opened my eyes to that whole social media thing and when I saw that I mean people could hate all they want but man He he took something and he ran with it And and made millions and performed in arenas all across the country and it was just like it was inspiring to watch somebody grab

Lightning in a bottle because that's what he did and I said I got to get in on this somehow and and by the time I I jumped on the myspace wagon and got my followers there He was had already moved on to facebook and built another five million following right there and I'm like, oh, I'm too late I got I was always trying to play catch up And uh, finally once I got into the mix and then got into youtube Um, that's that's when things started taking off when I was able to work outside of the us Was when youtube and and facebook took me there I remember having a conversation with you that somebody saw you

on facebook in india or something On some country and they brought you out and then you talked about performing out there in india Yeah, somebody fucking saw you on youtube and when they picked you up the guy was a struggling comedian too That they had started watching Comedy comedy because of watching you and All that shit and fucking indian you performed or something. What was the story? What the fuck happened? Well? um When when facebook start or i'm sorry when youtube started happening people weren't sure exactly what to do with it

You know like okay, so I can post my own videos like well, how does it work? You know nobody knew what the fucking algorithm was what you know Subscribe it's like well, what is this is am I do I gotta pay for this? Is it you know, how how does it work? and uh I was lucky that I was just Too lazy to call people out that would take my video content and post it as their own So I would have I would have people that would take these you know Clips that I did on comedy central

And they would post them and you know usually to say oh no you you'd click a button to try to report them for For posting your content. I I never did that. I actually started doing the opposite because I figured They're promoting me I would tell people post all the videos you can all the links you want I was doing the opposite of what everybody else was doing everybody thought that all they're taking from me And I'm like I looked at it like marketing. I'm paying for marketing. So Let them promote me let them push me Instead of fighting it like when uh

Metallica was fighting napster and all them because all they're the posting are posting our stuff up there and they had good reason It's freaking metallica, but for a regular gel that didn't have a Following that was the best way to build it and uh YouTube uh had many YouTube stars that were just it was like 10 10 people that ran youtube that were like the the youtubers of the time and I was introduced to a uh YouTube star named ray william johnson

By one of my guys at the time named lance patrick you put me in contact contact with him And uh, he had this show called equals three and every week he post all these funny videos It was it was the tosh.0 of youtube and actually tosh.0 came out after that so I mentioned to say that that was the you know that that show came from that show and uh Ray William johnson had something like 10 million subscribers on youtube and he allowed me to guest host A half dozen times and every time I'd guest host I would have another hundred thousand followers from one appearance

I was getting more heat from doing youtube shows than I did from doing a tonight show from doing a letterman from doing a Late late show from being having a half hour special So I think I I was able to capitalize by embracing that And uh once I started posting my own content and doing everything That's when I started having followers. I get messages from yugo slavia from ramania You know like i'm a big fan of yours. How come you don't come out here? And that's what built up my following because comedy central doesn't play outside of the states I never did a deal with hbo

And then once netflix happened Oh You know you was one of those things where I ran with it And because I follow you on social media you I because I know you have a whole big production And you tape your shows now. Do you ever put that out or is that just for the screens at the show? Well, what do you mean tape it because I I see you behind like they have a whole you have a whole production room with like Different cameras I can see or maybe I'm wrong at the studio. Oh, no, no, no when you're out when you're doing shows

We're doing live shows like the reason we have cameras at the shows is because we have the giant screens Right, and we have to have cameras in there so that they can post the the images on so you don't put that stuff out No, no unless it's a special You know I'll record I'll audio record the shows just so I can go back if I said something that I thought was funny I can go back and remember how I said it so I can you know do it the next night or or work on my material that way Okay But yeah social media is just it allowed people to not have to have a sitcom like I said to work on on a show It's a it's a loss

financially, but I know that it's it's gonna You do it now so that you can stay in the mix so you can be Relevant so you can have a reason to get an interview on a ktla in the morning. That's because he's got a show I want I want people to respect comedy the same way they respect You know actors and rock stars because I think the numbers are there I think the numbers are there you know kevin hart is a big influence

I don't strive to be as as big as kevin hart because I know he has to schedule breathing He's got a schedule going to the bathroom and I I need some freedom But he's an he's an animal That's when it takes some time, you know, listen the guy's in the gym at four o'clock in the morning I'm just going to bed at 4 a.m. Yeah. No, it's a different. He goes to bed at 10, don't he? Well, no, like I said, he's in the gym at four So I don't know what time he goes to sleep. I just saw like marky warbur's routine. Oh, yeah

That's that's insane when he's when he's home. He goes to bed at nine 10. Yeah nine 10 o'clock at night, you know listen when you When you have to look that good, this is what needs to be done When you get if you want to make seven million dollars a fucking movie That's what needs to be done to make 30 discipline Sacrifice to be done You have to change if you're really fucking serious. You know, there's a guy coming behind you That guy's breathing down your neck. You know what I'm saying?

That young guy, you know, like brad pit still got it But there's a young brad pit right around the fucking corner Yeah, brad brad pit's just waiting to convert into cloney No, he's gonna convert into robert redford. Oh Okay, remember he was always robert redford He was always dead to replace robert redford Robert redford fucking was right there to the stinging shit robert redford was slinging dick When I was a kid every woman wanted to suck robert redford's dick

But then fucking robert redford got a little old his hands started shaking and shit And then showed up brad pit with the long hand with that one movie and it was all old but the shout It's fucking craziness But no the way I see your growth It was a constant growth gabriel And it was one thing that went into the other that went into the other Because of the work you were doing It just I didn't say no people say well, okay. I didn't I started saying no recently

But I mean anytime an opportunity was presented. I'm like I'm all over it. Okay. I'm in I'm down when let's go I was doing 47 weeks out of the year 47 I was working my ass off Whatever gig it was I was down What is your status right now? Are you a dick sling there? Have a relationship Uh, I've been single now for uh, you know, let's see. Hmm a couple years now How old is your son my son is 22 you're still full contact with him. Yeah, actually he's uh, he he was I got him a job working

as a Working stage crew. He was he was a you know working at a theater behind the scenes It was a stage and he did that for about a year and uh, you know nice now. I got him a job on the road So he's he's happy and and we have such a great relationship. We it's not just us passing each other in the living room now It's like we go out of our way to spend time together and he's he's been awesome Brother, I've seen you grow up. How fucking crazy is that? Yeah when we did hey Joe you hey look you You knew me when I had hair. Look at this shit Oh, it was have a flat top now. It's just you know

I still remember going to bugsies with you and you had the car And we drove we landed in burbank And you dropped me off Maybe six blocks from here On the other side of that fucking park you dropped me off And I don't know what type of car it was whose car it was. I don't know if it was Ivan I don't know who the fuck it was. I didn't know I was getting home Like you didn't know when you were getting home. You got 150 dollars. It was 50 for the coke

So that puts you at 100 right there You had to tip the bartender 20 You ate breakfast that was 10 Now you're down to 60 fucking dollars You're coming home with 60 fucking dollars You went all the way to Tucson, Arizona. You had a burrito You're fucking wet at one time. I went with larry oma And this is the funniest thing I ever saw comic that

If there was because the place would get 90 people, right? Bugsies, uh, man, you know what back then I just I remember being 75 To me it looked like a thousand people were in there because like those days compared to the bicycle club But after the show they would put them like a dj would come out Yeah, and there was dancing and there was dancing and I remember him going up to like eight women in a row And like him getting shot down in flames like eight times in a row And finally like this little ugly timid one was like, I don't know And she's and I was sitting there watching this whole thing. I saw the creepiest things go down at that place

But here we are brother 20 years later and uh, I'm happy you Took the time that came up and say hello, you know, I miss you And it's great to see all your success and I always break your balls on twitter or whatever. Yeah, I know There's not a lot of people that I could say I go back with that. I still have a good relationship with Yeah, no because with with with time and with growth and change some people don't handle it. Well Some people don't handle change. Well, some people don't handle growth. Well, some people can only grow and and when I say grow, I don't You know There's a way

Whether it's work ethics or whether it's, you know, you said earlier about becoming a man like You know, what did it take? I mean, I there was a lot of pain Want to get to a certain place and and some people will stay that way and and not learn from it And there's some people that they can grow past it And I feel like I've I've gone through so much over the years and I appreciate the fact that you've always been you've always been you And if there was anything if I had ever did anything that uh That required calling out you you were the first to do it and there was always a respect that you know Hey, uncle uncle joey said and you know like martin would call me up a man could joe has some question

Oh, shit. Here we go. And I get nervous because I'm like, I saw you very much like a Uh parental figure where it was like Ah, man, what what did I do? I got asked martin. It's like, I don't know man, but he wants to know. Oh, shit. All right. Here we go So that there's always been that respect and that love there for you And I'll never forget that one night we were at the comedy store and it was uh, it was it was maryland's, you know, uh Like funeral and then jeff al des went up there and I'm like, oh my god, and I witnessed uh, yeah I saw I saw the the side of joey that I never wanted to be in front of I saw I saw those flames directed at someone and it wasn't me and I was I was never more happy that

That I was never on your bad side Because uh gave I'm trying to write a joke right now I'm comparing a wake to hollywood Like I saw my mother get buried and I went to this wake and cuban wakes are five days four days fucking long You know the arm has to pop up before they bury it. They they swear to god Something's gotta move before they bury it. So I saw these people come into this wake and everybody Told me if I ever needed anything to call

And a month later when I call him the phone was disconnected You know, so I've always had a big problem with wakes Like I just don't fucking like him So I walk in there that day. See there's a backstory to the jeff al des Think you know that he tortured me in maryland for years And that thing that he did to me with the latino laugh festival I never ever forgot that

Because he made me showcase Like a donkey five times clean And then he said you didn't make it to the festival But then he did a midnight blue show And he didn't ask me to do the dirty show And I saw him after he came to the store on purpose that monday night Like to rub it in my face

And I was like that's a declaration of war But I'll save that for later down the road. That's how crazy I am So this is 98 And I say there's a declaration of war That showed back up In 2007 Like I always knew I was gonna stab him one way or another. I'm looking at you in the face And I'm telling you that that whole thing

Wow To describe to comedians what it felt like it was a time in my life where I couldn't find an agent I was booking shit. I booked a cbs pilot. I booked baseball And I had booked something else Everybody was had agents. Everybody was going to montreal Everybody was getting something here. I am stuck at the store following paul mooney every night And I didn't really see it for what it was. Do you know what I'm saying, dawg?

So here I am Living my life. I never bothered the latin community In 2000 in 1996 They called me in seattle and flew me down And put me in a hotel and bullshit And took me to the live factory made me go up number six Behind greg geraldo and fucking wow. This is when paul was a fucking pure This is when paul was doing seinfeld in spanish

And once I saw that my insides broke. I'm like, I don't deserve to be down here So I went up. They put me up like number fucking two I'm a cuban guy in an old mexican room. I get fucking buried I get off stage. There was one person who came up to me and gave me a Marilyn Martinez Came up to me. She goes. That's the funniest thing I ever saw in my life These steps just don't fucking get it. They don't know Fuck them. They have a broom up there fucking pussies

You know, like she would just go off into like this thing. That's how I met Marilyn Martinez Was after bombing my first time ever in la and getting off the stage And her going off and taking me outside And telling me to move here But I should be on the next plane down here that they're looking for guys like me And I remember taking her number And I went back to seattle kept in touch with Marilyn and then I got the deal from cbs

And when I came back I called Marilyn And she told me come to the store I went to do she's a mitzi the whole fucking thing. I mean, it was just mind boggling how nice of a lady she was She had the black husband david david always had those mints in his pocket. Yeah I I could always depend on david to have it hand me a mint. It was just a weird I don't know what she was to you and me. She was like She went off on you. She went off on me

You know, it was like oh, she was like an angel. She would go off on me for bad relationship choices because I would always tell her What was going on? You're stupid You know, she would tell me some nasty things I should be doing instead of trying to be romantic Oh, David give him a mint Like oh my god It's funny. I don't I have a picture of her on my uh On my clipboard. It's like I have a clipboard on the wall and I just look at it whenever I see it I just think her say she would call the house dog

And if I didn't pick up remember the old answer answer machine pick up pick up pick up. Hello. I know you're there She would say cocksucker And my girlfriend would go what kind of people do you hang out with? That's when I first started dating Terry And my only recall the house we leave the store at two You went to the Santa Monica. You got a chicken burrito You just talked there till about quarter to three And then you went home and a half hour later your phone's ringing. It's melvin

And all since you got I gotta go there's a guy calling me for phone sex And then she would go get a phone sex guy And I'd be sitting there snotting blow and also my phone would ring. What's up? Fuck him. He wanted me to stick a broom stick up my pussy Like she would say all this shit to you and you and I'd be coked up Gabriel I'd be five in the morning coked up and you've talked about melvin before that you know The people know that she's she used to be a a phone sex operator back in the day those 976 days in the Now you got a month round. It was five or four

Three seventy eight But she had one of those Head look like you got hit with a safe like somebody dropped a safe from the 11th floor God rest us all. I'm not saying nothing bad about it. I miss her dearly I couldn't even imagine her around today Like oh, wow I couldn't even imagine her around tipping the scales at 400 Eating on a podcast talking dirty shit

About people because by this time she would have been fucking gone. She would have still been talking shit about poetry God rest us all. Yeah, she was not for the sensitive. Yeah I heard But you know, it was weird that she was a phone sex operator And she told me that she remember her character was Miko Miko. I'm a japanese. Yeah, she's japanese. She was mexican She would play Miko And something else And then she was she'd grab her cheek and she sounds so wet and she'd do the little

Oh my god, this is how she paid the bills. Yes. Yes. Oh my god And I remember going on the road with them and going to the hotel when I had a cooler filled licorice Candies they were like walking diabetes. It was it was tremendous It was tremendous. It was like having a mom But not really she was a comedy fucking shit, man She was awesome. She's been dead for 12 years now. Oh, wow because that's how long I've been clean

She died the week I decided to get clean. So that's what I'm trying to say to you Jeff Valdez caught a beating Eight years later, I waited in the bushes Like like what's his name in the beginning? What's his name in the beginning of apocalypse now? Remember when he takes the head of acid he's naked in his room Charlie sheen's father Martin oh, i'm like martin sheen remember he says right now. I'm in this room getting weaker

While charlie's in the bush getting stronger I was just charlie in the bush getting stronger And I always knew I was in a light valdez up for that night He broke me like it didn't matter what else was going on in my life Like it didn't matter. I was poor It didn't matter that I didn't have a fucking theatrical age It didn't matter that nobody wanted to sign me that none of that shit mattered You couldn't give me a spot in a dirty show at the festival

I never forgave him for that and how he switched it up that week After he humiliated me like four or five times the following year he sent us down there and he paid us with a check I remember you and maryland me maryland and then Just because he sent me down there didn't mean I forgave I always kept that in the back of my mind and it was always going to be a smack to the face at least I knew it was going to be a smack to the face So I let it whatever I picked up the longest yard they called me and they tried to run a scam by me First they called with a number and I said go fuck yourself

Then they called back with the number I asked for like that easy Like all of a sudden I was fucking Bill Cosby. I'm the hottest act Like just they they just weren't right something wasn't right And then they did that last festival where everybody bowed out of And they did the theater Jeff Valdez did the theater on hollywood boulevard I was still living in hollywood. He kept calling me going come on Come on over and do the theater. It doesn't pay anything

But he's charging 55 hours at the door. He's not paying anything and I and I was over it already I was over the whole latin scene that that ship had fucking sailed and went Like the whole whole whole thing had gone. It was broken and all of a sudden The thing I fucking hate the most happened A friend of mine dies So at the time I know he was given her work Remember they were doing that tv show about her working with kids

Yeah, this uh, was it a show like ctv? the Yes He was paying like 500 bucks. I'm not mad at him for that I was mad at him for what he put us through because not only was I heartbroken But malin cried Malin cried to me saying that the reason why she didn't get it was because she wasn't pretty and shit And I just never forgot that night

And I just knew he was gonna get it and all of a sudden god forbid Eight years later, malin martinis is dead. I get off the plane from new york. I haven't done coke all weekend So I was four days into wrestling with the no coke thing. I get back Uh, there's gonna be a wake My cat dies and make a fucking promise that i'm not gonna snore coke if the other cat lives And all of a sudden we have to go to church From malin martinis And I parked the car

I was maybe three ninety at the time And I was taking kung fu In silver lake with some fucking joy karate. That was how joy karate became. Okay And I'll never forget parking the car Going in and seeing jeff out there by the church and my blood pressure Went up from 100 to 190 And I said hello, I was called you and there was drama going on who was gonna pay for the funeral malin's husband couldn't afford the funeral Some people said they were gonna pay for the funeral

But if certain people showed up they weren't gonna pay for the funeral So david was all stressed out. I was living in a fucking apartment. I could barely make 700 dollars a month rent I couldn't help out. I felt horrible. So I knew all this bad energy was going on So You know me, you know i'm not headed and at that time I had the drugs going on So I could I could hit you with a dish I threw a bottle at some guy at the comedy store I used you know, I was doing shit that junkies do you know what i'm saying? I was doing junky shit

So I bowed out of that thing at the comedy store that church thing was at 10 o'clock a.m I saw jeff there like 11 and my blood pressure started going up I went home and I said i'm gonna stay home and mind my business I even took a sleeping pill I took a sleeping pill so I wouldn't do coke. It would have been like the seventh day That I would have been clean from coke And I was already burning the fuck up and now my best friend dies Somebody who calls me every night and calls me cocksucker and all this shit

And I go fuck this My friend a friend of mine was not my friend no more because she started drinking and it was still fucking mine Call me up and she goes listen. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life She was your friend if you don't go it's gonna look bad And I go you know what you're absolutely right And I fucking went there, but I stopped I got 60 the house out of the atm and sunset And I went to the dealer's house and I bought a gram of coke and I put it in my drunk pocket And I go i'm gonna go down there and i'm gonna fucking

Do whatever they were having like that Now you were there at the store at the store when we had a talk You were there. Okay, so I walked in doesn't I little vika got naked too Right little vika showed up. No by that time they had sent me home I was banned from the building and shit like that. And by the way, I didn't get banned for that Mitchie sure called me. I told her the truth and she goes fuck him I didn't like him. Anyway. He's a greasy motherfucker or something. So I was like, whew I risked that bullet. I when I go in there and make the turn now

I'm clean off coke for seven days. I'm pissed off about that I'm pissed off because they offered me a movie And the people said to me, excuse me before you accept the movie won't you to think about it? Because you know, we know you have a drug habit I was pissed about that I was pissed about Marilyn I was pissed about everything in my fucking life wasn't going the right way And I walk into the commie store main room and there's a buffet

for Marilyn's death There was a line of food in the back That Corey Cuomo had put together Freddie Soto's wife. God rest his soul And who was eating the free food? But Jeff Valdez That was the ultimate insult where I come from. I knew I had a stab in the fucking neck I went in I didn't even have time to to snort the coke. I swear to god I went in and I got uh

Like a do is on the rocks And I drank it And I walked and my blood pressure my heart was pounding. I didn't know if I was gonna hit them And all of a sudden they stopped me and they go hey, we're gonna we're gonna start this thing I Don't care if you're three or 75 We still got it You know what

And that one sounded wet I'm 57 that went down that road I went home one day if I swear to god about a month thing I just went to white man's and found a little piece of shit I didn't question maybe I made a mistake. I didn't know how I got there About a week later again My ass was a little burning like I go back to this like a little fucking what do you call like a milk dud?

Oh, wow. So yeah, I got like little milk duds. Like I'm losing like people pretty soon. I gotta wear a diaper I'm like two months away from wearing a diaper So I might as well have some fun now Ship my pants You gotta see your pants pull over and then you drive a little bit and throw them out the window You can't even do that now because now you're not wearing no the cops will bring it in check the 23 of me And all of a sudden there you are at home jerking off watching tv and the cops come with your baggy with your When you're fucking me undies on and they're like listen, we found your fucking sperm in here. Oh, by the way, you're not mexican

Gabriel glaciers thank you for anything you want to tell us what season date anything. Uh, they haven't given me any information What's the name of this tour? Uh, the name of the tour is beyond the fluffy Fuck it Fuck it. God bless you. It's been an honor to know you fucking 20 years. I've seen you grow up in front of me I'm an old man. I'm 57 next wednesday Wow, happy birthday Wow

Happy birthday. Nice present for myself Fucking uh, gary. Let's check them drawers No, you'll need to check those drawers now. We need those fucking potato tacos That and they fucking joe malach probably ate them all Even the other kids who couldn't wait to get their hands on thank you very much for coming on guys Love you joey. Love you brother All right, don't forget you dirty motherfuckers They added an extra show in tempi on thursday night 10 15 and on the 27th to 28th of february

I'll be a treasure island in las vegas. Check the fucking schedule. I think the 28th before we leave Like I said, this is brought to you by butcher box. I am in love with this That what's the best night of the week? State night followed by mama letting you get a little sniff a little whiff. Listen to me This meat is fucking tremendous. Like I said, they vacuum seal it They deliver it right to your door It's fresh whether you get the salmon the the the the steaks I mean they sent ground beef everything was fucking first class with butcher box

You get the best quality steaks delivered right to your door But your box is subscription service that sends you 9 to 11 pounds of high quality You mainly raise meat every month. That's enough to cover you for 24 meals And butcher box is affordable. Each meal breaks down to about six dollars They ship it froze them and the vacuum sealed and it arrives at your door fresh as a fucking little monkey in the morning Oh, you choose what you get you can customize every order with healthy high quality meats like grass-fed beef free range chicken heritage pork and wild caught salmon the salmon was fucking to die for Or pick one of the curated collections and let butcher box do all the work for you

Right now butcher box is special off. What we're going to do is this We're going to give you free wings for the life of your subscription Did you hear what i'm saying to you? Not those little fucking hiv wings I'm talking about fucking wings that's three pounds of wings in every box forever Plus you get 20 bucks or 20 bucks off your first box and free shipping in the lower 48 Do me a favor check this out. You're not gonna believe it. Go to butcher box.com slash church Use promo code church at checkout That's butcher box.com slash church or use promo code church at checkout butcher box

The way meat should be the church is also brought to you by like I told you in the beginning cbdline.com When it comes to cbds, I just go with cbdline. I live off them They have a little tincture put under my tongue at night 5 000 milligrams. You know me though I'm lifting weights. I'm going to kick box. I'm getting beat up by young kids cbdline even makes my arthritis and my knee go away. That's how good they are I I didn't they didn't reach out to me. I reached out to them. They were so good Stop buying your fucking cbd lotions at a liquor store Or some fucking guy who don't know dick about dick. Listen taking from uncle joey cbdline is the way to go

Start with the gummies or the raspberry. You'll fucking die. You'll hit you'll tweet me and go joey What the fuck did you put me on the tincture? It's fantastic Everything about it is fantastic. So go to cbdline.com right now. I'm pressing church again. I want to thank Butcher box. I want to thank cbdline.com I don't want to thank my man. Gabriel gracious for coming down I don't want to thank the flying jude Or aka the christ killer, but most importantly, I want to thank you motherfuckers For supporting me. I'll see you guys at tempi. If not, I'll see you next fucking tuesday morning ready to go tip top magoo

Stay black. Have a good week and a great weekend. I love you motherfuckers. Kick this fucking mule b