Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #761 - Cory n Chad The Smash Brothers

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

Cory n Chad, are identical twin brothers and stand up comedians known as The Smash Brothers. They have made appearances on Showtime and Fox. Today they join Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio to celebrate Ralphie May's birthday. This podcast is brought to you by: ZipRecruiter - post your job to 200+ job sites with a single click for free at www.ziprecruiter.com/church   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

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your first order delivered on to your house no more fucking airport CBD no more liquor store some fucking Hindus trying to sell you CBD sticks to what you know fucking lottery tickets got suckered anyway today on the church is my main man Corey and Chad the fucking crash brothers why are they here honoring our brothers fallen brothers birthday how long how old we we would have been Ralph it would have been 48 40 fucking eight today yep that's a big 48 yeah that's a big 40 48 480 that's what I was gonna do with his thing you know I think he was 480 when you checked out good to see you guys good to see you check

in with you thank you for always checking in with me thank you for let me know what you're doing oh yeah we like checking in with you from the road so it's fun to get inspirational quotes from Coco when we're out on the road oh you have to it's funny how years ago I went on my I went on Ari's show and I told the story that really taught me who I was it was about my mother her dying and she had a friend and the friend made a promise I thought the thing and she stuck to it and you know there were 200 people my mom's wake and said if you ever need anything call and yeah they changed the number but this person and

you and it really taught me when somebody has a friend they're even your friend after death and in this case with all the money the Ralphie gave away and all the bullshit friends he had at least there were you two guys that I don't know who raised you this way but they did a good job because you still owned up to his little legacy I see little quotes from time to time we miss you and shit yeah we just want to you know keep Ralphie's name out there he was a good man to us and somebody that was inspirational to us that did thanks for us that not many people really did stepped up and I'm not just talking

comedy as a man as a friend and we spent many hours on that bus just talking heart to heart and laughing and talking shit and and he just means a lot you know it's his birthday today February 17th he would have been 48 and fuck who knows what he'd be talking about in his comedy right now with all this censorship and all this people with salty pussies all you know no imagine what he'd be eating right now a hotel bar yeah because he used to fuck up a hotel bar yeah I told you Caroline's one time I got there at two he checked in at 12 he was on his second bar he called room service

mini bar not like downstairs you ate the whole fucking mini thing we've sit yeah M&M's kid cats peanut brittle whatever the fuck was in there cheese crackers he called for another bastard he's like I'm done my friends were here nobody was here you're fucking cocksucker we loved it when we were on the road with them and he'd get those sweets but he'd rather stay on the bus sometimes and we'd take over his suite and we'd order room service and put on a robe and answer the door and pretend we were Ralphie and sign his name and order all kinds of shit get naked in his jacuzzi and send them pictures of us

naked in his fucking jacuzzi just talking shit to him tell him to get off his fucking bus and get his lazy ass in here and let's party and because you know the last couple years he'd hibernate on that bus he loved that bus just stay on that bus you miss him guys yeah yeah sometimes we'll hear certain songs and different things and it makes us laugh or whenever we're listening to Pandora or serious and we hear Ralphie's bits come on it always makes us laugh we always turn down and tell everyone to shut the fuck up in the car so we could listen to his bit you know and just to hear his voice it's crazy how just me being me I

haven't accepted his death yet yeah like to me he's still on the road when it hits me you guys will know and I'll be on the phone with you guys a lot sometimes it's weird I fucking scroll I open up the phone to call somebody and it opens up to Ralphie us too and my fucking heart stops and especially if it happens on a Saturday morning because that's what you guys would talk takes with the wind out of me you know and it's really weird the process of grieving like it doesn't matter whether it's Ralphie or anybody else the process of grieving is such a small one you know and I gotta tell you there's a few people who still talk to

me about Ralphie it's you guys and George yet again the car with George and we're driving around New York he'll pop out one time Ralphie took me in there we ate any 22 pounds of lobster tail yeah I believe it and it's weird how you see people that I know for a fact profited from Ralphie out here and I'll see them waiting for them to say something to me about Ralphie and they won't mention it it's like Ralphie was just a person who went through their life not to us yeah to us he meant something a lot more it's so weird how listen let's face it I'm gonna be this this last week I was in Tempe I want to thank the Tempe Improv

for having me the sold out shows and Chelsea Skidmore open for me and she did a great job she's great you know I need a girl in front of me because so many fucking couples come sure so many women buy tickets for their boyfriends they don't want to see me right they're like just want to appease the boyfriend and now they got a hero this shit yeah so I tried I always do better with a girl whenever I have a woman in front of me the fucking crowd goes crazy we feel the same way it's really weird it's it's a weird combination to have but it was great but I thought about how this week is my birthday but guess what like the

like when my mother died my birthday changed your birthday has an asterisk to us now my Christmas and Thanksgiving sure all the holidays now it has another asterisk and it's Ralphie like just as I was getting excited about it be my birthday I also dreaded Monday because it was his birthday yeah I was gonna feel you know yeah I'm happy that you guys could just drive up and just fucking bullshit tells me story oh yeah laugh and he told me when he fell asleep at the restaurant and then he woke up and his food was cold and he ordered more food yeah fucking Tony Roma's before a show he fell asleep and tucked his napkin

in that's the best part for the visual he tucked his napkin in his fucking shirt he's like for 30 fucking minutes napkin looks like a baby napkin yeah no matter how big the napkin was always I think it was like a baby napkin like this fucking like a bar nap because he was that big yeah fucking snoring at the table head snaps back he wakes up he's like why does this bitch keep bringing me cold ribs I go what the fuck are you talking about they've been sitting there for 30 minutes you let me sleep you're like an asshole for 30 minutes I go yeah we ate your cheddar biscuits too cocksucker make up make the fuck up who

the fuck sleeps at Tony Roma's or wherever the Red Lobster wherever the fuck we were I don't even know oh my god I still go back to that night with you know it's it's weird how he's been gone for two years yeah all the way or whatever the fuck I call it he's in college yeah and now sometimes you go to a comedy club and a club owner will mention him yeah and tell me a story whether it's a positive or a negative sure right and then and then you ever watch the surprise when he gets flashbacks yeah sometimes he gets flashbacks he puts back like there's an episode with pussy where he starts

getting flashbacks and he puts together how pussy actually became a snitch yeah like now I go flashbacks of conversations we had and now I see why we had that conversation yeah now I see why he said those words to me now I go back and go oh shit that's what he was talking about you know and I'm putting these pieces together and it's so weird how I always enjoyed the broke Ralphie at the end of the day broke Ralphie was 20 times happier yeah Ralphie agreed agreed it's fucking so sad that you know to tell people that all your life you work you know you strive to be this rich person like everybody wants a boat and

bitches and you know rims and to get your dick sucked but if you knew him like for me he was happier when he was in that fucking apartment headlining killing rooms killing killing rooms and people were not expecting it selling merch early on you know way before last comics yeah you know and I still remember Jay Moore coming into his life and Jay being positive for all the things Jay is Jay's a good guy yeah good them made him associate producer of a show Jay was hot yeah Jay was hot yeah and Jay fucking pulled Ralphie up you know then he created last comic with the black guy Walter yeah where the fuck is

what knows I think he's working at amp-amp yeah last time I saw a man I created that motherfucking show and shit with yep with Jeff Roy with what's his name Ralphie in the room yep yeah that that show did a lot for Ralph and yeah broke Ralph more money more problems he would say too when he was collecting these checks he's all boys enjoy these times you're making good money but more money comes more problems and staying on the road when you're out like he was staying on the road all kinds of problems happen at home you know when you're not there to check in with your family and life and calling in that's

before FaceTime and shit you know he wasn't FaceTime and anybody else he was just calling in whenever he woke up you know and that that was the one thing I took away from his comedy career listen I I studied Mitch I studied Stan oh yeah I studied Bobby Slayton I studied Wendy Liebman when you're a comic you look at these headliners when you're a feature and you study them and you get to the point of what makes them special and you try to emulate it see if it works for you for me it was like Richard Jenny and seeing Paul Mooney for a while there Rogan was fucking on fire 20 years ago I mean his material was so out there it

was so many people that I learned from Ralphie was one of those guys I'd learned more of life offstage right how I should live my life offstage you know I wish I always crack jokes I still remember Rogan calling me and going hey I'm going to the gym we're on the road and calling you like a 10 in the morning hey I'm going to the gym I'm like we're on the road yeah like what fucking gym are you talking about yeah like after a few days going down there with him these fucking doing cleans and shit I'm like I ride the bike for like 10 minutes that's all you got me for yeah you know and now I see the importance of working out

from Saturday I want to work out my fucking went down to the hotel lobby under 30 minutes on the elliptical I threw some weights around and you know from Ralphie I learned more the path of not to take off the fucking road like you know that was the thing Ralphie was so old-school that he knew what I knew that I just realized this year look at these agents and all these people once they get their hooks on you for the road that's all they're going to use you for yeah there's no films there's no TV projects anymore once and you talk to them 80 times no they'll meet with you once a month and they'll bring all the

assistants and all the agents but they're making a big commission off you than what you would be up making on TV yeah while we having this conversation so would you what would you rather make $500 or $5,000 right yeah so you know from your world you're like man I wanted to do more you know for a while they Ralphie did want TV yeah and they were saying no you're too fat which he fucking was yeah they weren't lying to him he didn't see it you know but but he decided to become a road comic and not just a road comic one of the best guys work and I mean yeah the bus the Elvis belt the fucking orange jacket you know yeah but

I didn't learn I learned little from that it was more of how to act off the fucking stage sure and the one thing I picked up from day one of his marriage that I never like fuck listen as a feature act I never liked working a fucking Sunday waking up in Dallas I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with Dallas I'm just using it as a word happened to me it was Dallas right when I woke up I got beat up all week by Rocky the port for saying curses or improvising or whatever I'm like what the fuck am I doing in this room right it's 10 in the morning I gotta sit here all fucking day for a 7 o'clock fucking

show that nobody's gonna be at it's fucking football season yeah Sundays are the worst yeah and it's a free room but it's a bunch of old people with white hair that come to the 7 o'clock show yeah you know I'm like I'm done you know and I remember just having a relationship with my girlfriend at the time and going I gotta be home for Sunday dinner just cuz we don't have kids doesn't mean when I'm involved in something yeah for sure this is the same important to go back and that's where Ralphie didn't come home he fucking stay on that bus Monday night shows Tuesday night funny bones he was and

even if he didn't pick up work that's when he'd regenerate and sleep like a fucking grizzly listen let me tell you something if I didn't have a child and my wife worked I would disappear for three weeks it doesn't make sense to come back right yeah it really doesn't sometimes it really doesn't yeah it's a three-week run you know you're gonna go to Buffalo we can go all the way back here for three days and all the way back if I didn't have a kid was married like a meaner or a girlfriend boy are you fucking kidding me yeah I would either take her with me or just say I'm leaving for three weeks fucking do Buffalo Sunday stay to

spend the night in Buffalo eat some wings yeah you know relaxing your hotel room Monday morning shoot the Newark yep spend the three days in the hotel in Newark whatever go to I don't give a fuck sleep yeah and then Thursday go to New York pay the fucking yeah five hundred a night for the whole town two blocks from Gotham yeah work do your two shows do Sunday cuz you're gonna be on the road anyway you might as well work Sunday that's what I'm saying yeah you know you get more fucking bang for your dollar and you might as well do a Thursday show and maybe just one show that Wednesday right maybe one show up

in Niac on Wednesday and then Thursday you go to DC right you know that that's a smart move on the train that's a smart move for anybody sure I can't do that move people understand that you just can't yeah it's not it's working me to come home and do the podcast and lift some fucking weights and go to boxing go to the Calvary store on Tuesday and work on the material you know for me that's what works right but for Ralph he was doing these I still remember him like I'm leaving an hour we don't I gotta go to Arizona to do press for next week yep and I didn't know what the fuck was going on I'm like something's

gotta be going on because who gives a fuck about next week it's next week but there wasn't no Twitter that right there wasn't no Facebook to let people know and really podcasting wasn't his thing no until he was a great guest he would want to do a podcast yeah he tried his shit for a while and yeah he's better guest than he was running he wouldn't do it every week you know I mean he would follow through with that shit so the last couple weeks I guess you and I all three of us have been the object of just like you know we're getting treated like three guys that watch the documentary right to learn about Ralphie

man like right now for people who don't know I think it was last Saturday I woke up to an email from a writer nice guy you know nothing he's just doing his job you know he's trying to put an article together for his ex-wife and you know I think with you he twisted your words around yeah with me I told him facts you know that things that I had seen over the years you know I had like I said I'd been there when Lana had a day job right she drove a Camry you know I've been there since day one right and now in hindsight you look at bits and pieces and go oh I caught this I caught that I still remember one and I never

told anybody that she was you know when people get married to be like a gold digger gold digger that was a lie you know she was there from when there was no money yeah so I give a lot of all those credits but I have a couple disagreements with what happened how things were handled after his death and two years prior to his death right now and all three of us know here as men that Ralphie was no saint Ralphie had demons that were coming back to haunt them but they were all awoken by this horrible relationship he had found himself in one day yeah he was trapped if you look back at what I saw what I see

yeah and you guys before the podcast started told the story where you heard her you know on the phone yeah and kill yourself yeah there was crying yeah thing I mean we're meant let's talk about yeah just let people it wasn't you know Ralphie's relationship at the end of the past couple years it wasn't happy go lucky they were going through a divorce for years years and it was back and forth and Ralphie was a mess emotionally physically you know he was losing weight but at the same time he was gaining weight drinking a 12 pack of Coca-Cola's you know people I think a lot of people think oh Ralphie's a big guy

he always must eat a lot that's not the case he was just drink Coke's and he would eat late night and he wouldn't do anything and he was lethargic and that's why he gained weight and the whole thing with Lana and you know she's out there talking disparaging shit on the three of us you know and the whole thing is is she's not innocent in this whole situation she would say horrible things to Ralphie horrible horrible things to Ralphie and sure Ralphie said horrible things to her then that's why we try to separate ourselves on tour during the divorce because we were caught in the middle and things were getting wild and

Ralphie needed time away from the road and nobody his management nobody was backing up Ralphie coming off the road you know there's probably a lot of overhead and he had to go out and get it yeah but you know whatever she's saying on these podcasts isn't really you know we didn't enable Ralphie to do anything you know Ralphie did whatever the fuck he wanted to do on the road people understand that yeah Ralphie was you know just I had a thousand conversations about them switching a schedule yeah I still remember one specific conversation where it was like one of those it's time for you to do

this yeah it's time for me to go out there with you maybe help you walk whatever yeah yeah let's do a gay-brigalaceous type thing sure four openers yeah two of them take care of you yeah he quietly turned me down you know because he didn't want me to see that other side of the road but he was doing yeah the same way I didn't want you to see what I was doing prior to 2007 which is going on the road yeah to do cocaine I think about if I was doing cocaine now I'd be on the road every weekend sure I cuz I come home get it together for four days through the podcast and Thursday night I'd fly into

a town and it better be there at midnight yeah so I could sleep it off all day Friday show Saturday and it better be there Saturday so I could sleep it off and do the one show on son I mean I would be there and I couldn't I would come home either you know this is all we all saw this southern kid with manners just become a star overnight and then we saw him even climb higher fucking golds and then something happened like one day just something switched you know and it was sad you know I heard little things here and there for anybody who believes this whether you believe this or not we never really had a conversation

about pills right as much of a junkie as I am I didn't have the heart to confront them because I knew that I would lose him mm-hmm he wasn't a confronting type right he even got his feelings hurt one time when I had a conversation with Lana after they were separated I just tried to have a conversation with her it got back to him and he was mad at me like for four or five months he didn't speak to me that's how sensitive he felt betrayed because you talked to her right something had happened I said something to Lana something and you know after Ralph he's that the month the two before three

but maybe four months before Ralph he's dead I heard I found out from different sources the things that were going on during this divorce you know accusations you know have you been accused of something you haven't done mm-hmm not a nice feeling no it's not you know and listen I've been accused of things I haven't done but I was one that put myself there I was a thief and that's it's not nice when you get accused of something you haven't done right right I'm gonna get an accused in 1995 of sexual harassment or grabbing some girl's ass I'm like if you know anything about me yeah you know she said grab a pussy

then believe it yeah yeah I'm never been a smack-roven ass right like that yeah so if I'm gonna grab so I'm gonna grab your pussy and do two years make it work I'm gonna grab it and grab it hard yeah the fuck you clip up you're gonna have damage yeah assault to you know yeah so it's always horrible to get accused of things and I saw that he was and now I know there was a situation where he couldn't see his kids without a yeah supervised by his visit yeah he didn't see his kids the last couple years he was alive now that's weird that as a man I could tell you something now that you know I lost my original daughter I have a

30 year old daughter we don't talk and I could sit here and tell you all the pros and cons and tell you how the wife but I'm gonna tell you something looking back at who the person I was then in 1994 when I was going through all that I wouldn't have given permission to my wife to see let me see the kid right I was a different human being not that I would harm the child yeah nap the child or anything like that but I was the type of person that if the drug dealer told me before I had to meet him now because he couldn't meet me at eight and I got my kid I'm going to meet the drug dealer I'm big enough of a man now to tell you

these things right I was that crazy back then like I think about myself with my daughter now in the car and who I was back then it's two different stories Ralphie did have a little bit of a problem yeah and I would be a little hesitant about letting kids go in his car also yeah I heard some stories that maybe she fabricated them but I don't think she did on these yeah she told me some she was on you know as far as some of the things she's saying are pretty accurate and then a lot is just fabricated to to make Ralphie look really really poor a lot of people have come to you about this documentary have

come to us all of us and we haven't seen it we're not gonna see it we were on the road during the filming of this it was never meant to see the light of day whatever it first it was a weight loss thing then she changed it to whatever the fuck she called it now but Ralphie never wanted that on he didn't even want that chick on the bus filming us he didn't want it he told us get rid of her and and finally he sent her home from Boston or wherever city we were in I think we did the Wilbur theater in Boston and then he sent her home and he didn't he didn't think that thing would ever come out you know and then after he

died all of a sudden now there's this fucking documentary but Ralph didn't want it we were preparing for his Netflix special that's what we were doing you know we were reviewing his jokes every night and getting him ready for his Netflix special that's what it was for so whatever it is now you know she can say whatever she wants you know what like I said my brother and I just choose not to even be involved you know what I mean because Ralphie would be upset with us if we were involved you know what I mean and we're gonna honor him for for the rest of our lives and and he's all we care about and she can say whatever

she wants but we didn't engage we didn't give him anything you know Ralphie did whatever the fuck he wanted you know you know you know yeah we Chad and I had never done pills so we never had that relationship with Ralphie either you know that was something yeah he did that in his privacy of this but I was a Palmer pothead yeah like my edibles yeah and before 2007 I did blow Ralphie didn't do blow no he wasn't even much of a drinker either so you know it wasn't I don't like the allegations that we were doing drugs with him yeah prior days to his death the only drugs I did with Ralphie were edibles chiba-choos

yeah and us to you want to throw me under the bus for that be my fucking guess yeah he's been smoking reefer way before he ever met Lana yes he had been smoking reefer that was his way of dealing with things or yeah and when they did the autopsy or whatever they there was no drugs in Ralphie system so she can say whatever you know go on these podcasts Ralphie wasn't on drugs he didn't even smoke weed couple weeks a couple weeks before he died he wasn't even smoking weed because he didn't feel good and so he was staying out in Vegas at our at a friend's house or whatever but Ralphie wasn't doing anything the

night before you know whatever TMZ's that was all bullshit too yeah he had bronchitis yeah he had bronchitis and Ralph wasn't feeling good and you know so whatever it is but I know that me and my brother did not enable him to do anything nobody enabled yeah you know we're ready but listen if anybody knows any stand-up comics stand-up comics wiring we became stand-up comics because the wiring is not there right something is short there's a short somewhere in that fucking circuitry so one of the shorts is that eight out of ten comics should have is I don't know how to say this without sounding sounding rude but

it's no respect for authority that was what got us into comedy for sure that it was that boss that broke our balls the date we wanted to be our own boss we want to control our own destiny so because of that it's a strength and a weakness that most comedians have that we're gonna do whatever the fuck it is and we're gonna do it and we're gonna do it you know yeah and that's just the way life is and then we wait for the consequences and the last two years we've seen this with comics who have pushed the barriers yeah and didn't even know they were pushing the barriers some did some didn't and the result has been

you know whatever you want to call it from society you know banishment or a slight punishment or as I call it a Louis CK timeout right right you know Lucy K selling out weekends right but there's some people at the house going he's terrible he took his dick up yeah if he did it was fucking 15 years ago yeah all right we're gonna it was 93 wasn't it yeah yeah who hasn't taken their dick out yeah I wasn't taking that day so you're still angry and Louie meanwhile Louie's in the Des Moines Iowa selling out 13 shows the funny bone in a row yep but you people in New York are fucking still pissed at him when he

walks into the county cell yeah you know it's just a fucking weird thing with Ralphie though it was like with this whole newspaper thing first of all listen the film obviously whatever people try to talk to me about the film every other day mm-hmm I still I get little Facebook messages that they got it and they feel really bad or whatever but the most message I get is that it turns into her mm-hmm like it turns into her which is what she's still doing here I never wanted anything wrong for a long I never wanted to wish her any harm yeah I see he was he was my friend okay before anything he was my friend I saw

how the last two years of his life were lived mm-hmm what do you want me to do be your friend after I saw this you know the rape allegation yeah you know the rape allegation is guys do you have any idea what a rape allegation I mean we never had it against us but we know what it yeah rape allegation it's bad do you have any idea what a rape allegation is you know how bad kidnapping was when I got arrested for kidnapping dog they were looking at me like I was a fucking Martian mm-hmm and I think right next to kidnapping it kidnapping is the cousin to rape yeah right you know it's like the cousin the dirty cousin to rape they

treat you like that right so until I lost that kidnapping I could take a breath once they started talking about second-degree burglary and accessory to a felony but I didn't realize how seriously kidnapping was they take kidnapping fucking serious and they give you time mm-hmm and you know what happens when you got a prisoner's whatever but rape I know this kid man I know this kid 22 years and guess what I got locked up and there was rapists in the thing and they do have a different smell mm-hmm when you're around a rapist they have a different smell them it's funny there was a comedian who I looked

at years ago and said I could see this guy raping somebody and I just found out two weekends ago that he did try to rape somebody I never judged them I never told nobody he was a rapey motherfuckers but look at me Gork yeah I find out now two years later he did try to rape somebody years ago on a tour you know on some fucking tour and it's not Brad Williams I'm not talking about for you people they leave poor Brad alone we're working with them next week yeah I believe poor Brad a lot leave some chick is drunk he goes and if you're fucking a midget and you don't know it shame on you yeah it's like the Dodgers

one of the trophy now go fuck yourself yeah they cheated on you you dumb white motherfuckers you're looking around for the old astros are throwing fucking strikes at you as you weren't paying attention in 2020 yeah trust nobody yeah I pet a cat I look at his eyes I don't look nowhere else I'm fucking right there you feed a pigeon you look you keep an eye on that evil dirty virus infected fucking corona page yeah oh wait is it true no it's a fucking truth so yeah you know shame on fucking you but that rape allegation yeah I can't get over that I'm done I know I'm done I've been there I've been nobody's ever accused me of

rape got to bed yeah but I've been there when somebody's accused me of something I haven't done mm-hmm but I know what his when he told me about the rape I saw the pain in his eyes oh it broke his heart and that's it for me that was it that's he died I knew I never had to say nothing to her that ever again mixed in with the child custody the years-long divorce going from being on the road tour to getting a residency in Vegas just so he could be in one spot you know so he so we can see his kids that's why he took the residency at Hera so he could be closer to his kids he wanted to see him you know and he

missed them and and we get it I'm not telling you we're not telling he was the greatest dad we're not telling you that but what we are saying is he loved him he loved his kids and he loved all his kids with all his heart and he just wanted to see him and I understand if she wanted him to get another situation which one uses divorce but we both are now is the one that had the problem with custody I and it was a battle yeah how did how bad do you feel oh and you I just got over it and it happened to me in 1995 what year is it yeah twenty five years of pain yeah it took me maybe till 2010 to get over the he walked down the

aisle with somebody you marry him and all of a sudden you have a child two kids and all of a sudden one day you decide you don't want to be with that person anymore mm-hmm and there's two options they could be the nice option way I don't want to be with you either let's work let's work through and then there's the option of going to war with somebody unless you've been through it please don't fucking judge it yeah because I treat divorced men differently I know what they've been so I even ask people how do you know we have thank God my ex-wife got a boyfriend yeah I got my girlfriend we mingle we keep the kids

you know that's always a great thing when you have a evil divorce I don't wish to have anybody yeah that's why I tell people before you get married think twice drink three times I want you to see her other side I want you to look at her and what could she what is she and what is she capable of fucking doing you know when you break up with a woman that's got a child her first defense is you're not gonna see your kid yeah or you left me for a secondary role you're not gonna see your kid right that's their number one defense and I feel bad there's some women that night I'm my percentages may be wrong my judgment

call may be wrong but for the most part there's a lot of women that that's their first thing to go for yeah and you know what that's when it becomes a fucking shame yeah yeah because you use of a fucking porn here we have a porn in between us and the kids suffer yeah the kids do something because in their little minds they can't wrap their heads around what's going on yeah there's no dads not they're not mentally prepared yeah they're not mentally prepared yeah here was a man that loved those kids but hated the thought of coming home yeah mm-hmm you take the ear beatings you know and you just home life wasn't good

for Ralph he'd rather stay on the road or we just stay in Nashville you know we he had a house in Nashville we would just stay there and then we'd go back on the road but he didn't want to come home when did she file for the one that he filed for the board so she filed first you know the first time and then and reconciled reconciled and then he did serve her you know before the 10-year anniversary they were gonna be married for 10 years he served her and she talked him out of it whatever and that was 2015 yeah and then and then he went through a two-year divorce you know he was living in Vegas they they Harris

least of my house he's living in this big seven six bedroom fucking house by himself just sad and we'd go see him and visit him but yeah the last two years of his life he was going through a hell of a fucking divorce and people don't really think about that you know she's you know oh you know poor Ralphie or whatever she's doing now but she put Ralph's life through hell the last two years of his life you know you know it we all talked to him you talked to him every Saturday he just uh his last couple years of his life man was not happy times I could tell you that and it was tough for him to perform he'd be an

emotional mess about the whole thing you know and it was tough for Ralph to perform then he got sick and he couldn't kick that sickness and ended up you know passing away that night or whatever so here we are a couple years later and and people are still talking negative about the poor big boy it's like hey let's let them rest in peace and let's let's talk about the good things and let's put a rest to let me tell you something when a club owner or a club manager say something a story tell me about Ralph they always follow it up with we really love them too oh for sure it was a shame yeah you know let's get

this straight yeah there wasn't a club owner who hated that man never that man packed the room yep that man took care of the wait staff I learned from him he would bring a pound of weed for the wait staff oh yeah and he would tip him $300 each yeah like he would line up the whole fucking staff and he'd give him a couple hundred bucks each at the whole you know I mean this was a guy that would give you the shirt off his back and you know for somebody to write an article about somebody based off a fucking book that his assistant fucking wrote yeah Ralphie did not write that book some fucking shit and now the the

words of Lana Turner who is an angry woman she got angry I mean things have not worked out in her thing I wrote her an email oh did you yeah I wrote her an email right after Ralphie died and I thought about it for three days before I answered I wanted to answer it as a Ralphie as Ralphie's brother would answer I didn't want to answer it as Joey Diaz would answer sure you know I wish the luck I told if I was her that this was not I told the truth this is not your town if you haven't figured that out yet on your own shame on you shame on you right now in the state of this town you are you know I knew when he died that

anybody any her blindness is so obvious that anybody would know that the party was over parties over let me take this house fucking dump this while the market's still high make a future for my children this is not bad advice take that house in Nashville put that on the fucking market go down to Florida close to your grandparents is that what I told and work the ships with a fucking suitcase of money in your backpack never mind Ralphie don't bring Ralphie up anymore go for Lana's identity you know look at the club schedules before you read this article and make your judgment look at any club schedule I'll send you

find ours if you could find it she's not going to club nobody's aren't except flabbers even the ice house I've heard through a confidential informer at the ice house that they weren't gonna hire her anymore because she was doing Ralph bashing songs that bothered the management it bothered the management of the fucking ice house that she was still up there two years later singing a Ralphie bash song which breaks my fucking heart what are you bashing you're in a fucking house in the Hollywood Hills because of him because of him you drive a fucking Lane Range Rover today because of him not because you on your

merit or cuz you did fucking big Mike's fucking rooms on Tuesday nights it's some fucking bar that's all from his fucking sweat that's not like Billy Goat fucking milk it was smell his neck please next smell we live though we smelled all kinds of shit on him believe me you smell Lee's neck and you'll go this is nothing compared to Ralphie's right one bug cleaner yes you do spray rate on your neck that's his color on the raid yeah it's a brute fabricate of Nixon with it don't fuck with him shit no but that's the thing that really like I said I woke up live and it's funny because it happened on

the Saturday yeah usually he called me on Saturday I woke up the last Saturday and I fucking wake up you know 830 throw a fucking email from a writer yeah telling me my fucking business yeah like telling me my business there's a lot of know about I don't know about Bill Burr's past yeah I don't know about Sebastian Mascoco's past yeah I don't know much about fucking Anthony Jesalik's past so Ali Wong's past but if there's somebody I knew for 20 fucking years it's Ralphie May I knew his moods is you know I studied him yeah I studied him don't fucking come to me with a Ralphie May story I'm putting it on the

table yeah he was no angel especially towards the last year but try living without your kids try having people accusing you of things yes some of the allegations were true yeah he must have passed out a few times with the kids around yeah we agree with that and we agree with that 100% but he was not a monster he's being created in this film no I like a voucher 150% and for some years you know my word is gold when I come to this yeah he was a man with false guess what I got false I did always got false Chad got called this fucking guy here he's Johnny false you know we're all we all have false 100%

but you have to it and he knew them Ralphie knew he had false yeah towards the end he didn't yeah he didn't see him he didn't see him I saw it that night when he felt through the fucking the doll house the doll house that he was the bags under his eyes had doubled yeah you know I was hearing conflicting reports from all over the country of him falling asleep yep on fucking stage yeah we seen it firsthand you know the chiba-chus were going strong what once they sponsored that in like 2015 or 14 and yeah but me and Lee ate 20 chiba-chus and Lee fell asleep after I left and I would fall asleep after I ate a

garbage can sure fill the food which would be two in the morning yeah I just wouldn't fall asleep here I think in the seven years we did the podcast I did fall asleep on the podcast one day yeah but there was one time yeah one day I just yeah yeah I'm sorry twice you're right Steve Simone and thank you for correcting me one night it just was I couldn't do it no more yeah I just said keep doing what you're doing and the room was spinning and then one night Steve yeah that we had to re-record the podcast fuck like I was snoring and everything like the whole fucking thing yeah like it was just but yeah just

please ladies and gentlemen if you I don't know what magazine it is I like again I'm not here to put him down yeah well to put the writer down or even put Lana down we're just here to tell you the truth that this kid was aces yeah really was aces he was we had some good times on his birthday yep one birthday we went to he came I was in El Paso I just wrapped up I did Bart Reed's room yeah we did I did Bart's and he came with Jody Ferdig and me and Noy Gonzalez I don't know who else was there we went to eat some shitty or at the crack of barrel okay fucking disgusting yeah yeah he loved he loved it yeah and Waffle

House he fucking get a hard on over a Waffle House at fucking 330 in the morning oh that place is disgusting yeah and I remember another birthday we celebrated in Jersey and he came and we gave him tubs of fucking rice pudding drove up cuz that's at that time a lot of his in-laws lived in Jersey is I'm talking about 2000 wow yeah 99 maybe 2001 late because hashways was still open and he had started a relationship with them on his own that was a big deli in my hometown right he had it so once by the time he hit last comic standing he was just calling up hashways stopping by they never give him a tray of rice

pudding and two containers of whipped cream to go and Ralph he would tell me I ate the whole fucking thing you know he did the whole fucking then bro I could eat one of those trays right now yeah for sure right now I could eat the whole fucking tray yeah but yeah I people that are listening to me we're not trying to bash on Lana I just just know that Ralph he was a good person a real good man and a hilarious comedian and we don't want his legacy to be drug on and through the mud you know what I mean like we loved Ralph and and he was a really really good guy you know so any negative shit you hear out there take it

for what it is but he was a good old boy that's what he used to say if Ralph he liked you he would say he's a good old boy and we mean my brother still say that to this day if you're a good person you were a good old boy son Ralph was a good man you know he loved you guys I really appreciate you two guys still holding him like a god yeah really means the world to me because it means that you know we live in Hollywood man and in Hollywood these are friends that are fair weathered friends they're there when the coke rocks are flying and the pussies flying they got your back once that coke rock disappears you know

they've gone there's most people like that but with comedy when you're on your way up everybody wants to be your friend I mean you know Ralph he had request Ralph used to show me shit that people would send them that would blow your mind and now I get those same people you're like what the fuck you are you crazy you were taught it yeah it was just weird to see his growth but I will tell you one thing and I told some of that he was a lot better poor yeah he was a lot happier he was so happy when he was poor he would sit in that fucking one bedroom apartment and do his gigs and he had a little you know he had that

for that was driving tipped over mm-hmm like the shot on the left side yeah I'm lying to you Lee some shocks would give them hell was like that shirt you used to wear that button that was holding on for dear life right a little button it was over here me and Lee would die a laughter this poor button would be holding on to that shirt trying to keep it together he destroyed those shock absorbers it was a forerunner a red and tan forerunner Lee you would see it come down the block and you could see that and he had a little break his balls but what's going on with the shock absorber you're tipping over the seat was fucked

up the seat you know you sit a seat and if you drop your car phone under there you can stick your hand in there yeah in his car see he had broken everything it was just a seat that was he had to drive like sit on a yellow pages that's how big he was that's how big he was yeah like we knew when you're four and you go to the dentist or the haircut they put like yellow pages down that was him towards the end he had flattened out the seat that yeah the metal just went through the metal just gave up that's you can't believe these things but it and then when you call them on it his face would get red yeah you fucked you a

thousand times that Toyota had fucked up I remember having this conversation I still remember him and John Westling picking me up on a Monday at four o'clock right coming from Miami no dough you know yeah a hundred a show yeah I snorted it I was into them for 200 for the next time I went back sure like the next time I go back I'm only getting four I had already dipped into two yeah and I'll never forget him and John picking me up and that's driving down the Siena Gavio and it bumper to bumper and me look around and go what happened you became a midget overnight like the chair yeah and he's like I

don't know what happened the metal you don't know what happened I'll tell you what happened you eight hundred pounds even no I'm not I'm 462 what do you mean you're 462 what scale even says 462 show it to me right now yeah unless you went to Rouse yeah then he would really lose his mind what do you mean round why would they weigh me around that's for cows oh we were torment them that's when he was still going to jack in the box oh yeah that was his shit that was his last meal actually we can oh yeah we could find them you can leave the store 15 minutes before Ralphie and still get the straighter before him yeah and go Ralphie

what happened oh a bomb I hit him on the street as soon as you open this car door you got a whiff you can see that how a pain you know of course the fuck whole fucking rappers not the taco the chicken sandwich and the jalapeno stuffed all the cheese oh my god he would have the cream cheese on his face telling you only three of them yeah and then you would say them come on it was like leet I'm a G three boxes all right I ate 12 you're not gonna stop at three nobody would wait on that line no fucking three fucking little stuff he loved he fucking loved those things yeah the most

disgusting things yeah I know if I work in jack in the box I put those up my ass just on principle yeah respect for the fight give me some ideas yeah there's one listener who works a jack in the box put them up his ass jack in the box or do you I don't I don't need the jalapeno poppers but I know what they're gonna join us told me to put a jalapeno popper on my asshole why not you can't hate an hour and they treat you like shit you might as well get the most bang for your buck yeah put it up your ass for respect and just serve a mountain for the public what do you think when you eat that when you eat that big mac what the fuck do you think is on that delicious Kevin I don't know

no it's a fucking some Arab guy sweating yeah on your burger dropping hummus and jerked off three times no hasn't washed his hands in a month no one no one goes to that thing thinking you're going to stout burger and like that's okay I knew Ralphie the least out of all four of us but it's like the stuff he went through at the end was bad but there's no one gets to be how big he got happy like there were some other like and I don't I don't know and I don't know if we want to talk about him or whatever but to get that big like you know you don't go he he could have had a chef make him jalapeno poppers it's not it's just there's a there's something about that food that gives you a little bit of happiness real quick it's it's it's it's it's to me it sounds like it

like at the end it was just a accumulation of everything that fucks you up a couple weeks ago we lost Kobe Bryant right and that morning I landed at 9 30 from Atlanta I saw the clouds and the fog and I got in the car with Steve Simone I was in terminal four got my American luggage I shot up and uh to make a long story short I wanted to you know do I know Kobe Bryant no do what did I have with me Kobe Bryant no was I a fan yeah was I a super fan I'm a Julia serving guy but I was a fan of Kobe Bryant that motherfucker can play some ball rest in peace let me tell you how the mind works okay I went to CVS and I just found this out of 57 guys okay so let me just tell you how the mind works I live whatever uh I think I tell people CVS but I really went

to the other one the long ride eight all right I went to ride eight that ride eight is mile and a point 1.1 miles from my house that's how I found that I looked at my wife with that right again the prescription some ride eight so I had to go to ride again a prescription when I walked and I saw the three women crying behind the counter I don't know Kobe but death when somebody dies it triggers it triggers yeah now I could I'm honest with you guys you know I get high I try to eat uh a peanut I try to eat a couple apples if I get high at night and then a couple bananas like that banana for lunch you know yeah just to help out I'm a fat fuck I don't want to die from a heart attack whatever but let me tell you how pain works Rob that's a good question you brought up

fuck that I love you you don't say much like the man in black it was like Johnny Cash did fucking $800 in your papa's they couldn't even put you on the stage at that full-sum prison you'd have to do from a jail cell but I walked into that and I saw those women crying I don't know him but pain is so deep because when I walked in they were having a sale and I told Lee this they were having a sale on two for five dollars Oreo doubles oh come on yeah you know let's be honest there's nothing like I know it's like there's some things like today this is how fat fuck I am now if you buy a packet of uh Tony the tiger yeah across the place school sports don't go out of business yeah and when I saw that commercial for two minutes the fat fuck was like maybe I'll go buy 10 boxes

and I know that they ain't gonna give a dime to kids Tony the tiger don't give two fucks about yeah he doesn't give two shits he's gonna give them five hundred dollars even though they sell five thousand bucks yeah right but in my mind the fat fuck can be but anyway getting back to that day I was gonna buy those Oreos just because of the pain it brought up right and I caught myself I go look yeah look how pain works oh my god yeah I'm hungry but I don't want a cheeseburg I don't want nothing healthy I would eat those two bags for Oreo I'm suppressing pain for sure so you're absolutely right his pain stemmed back all the way to childhood okay his pain stemmed back all the way to childhood that were made that's what made him the dangerous comedy stand-up that he was yeah there has to be

pain mixed with in that fuel yeah in that material in that fucking jumbo that we become comedians in that 45 minutes there's pain in there that's that's simple all the guys whether it's Bill Burr you see he's happier he's happy because he's making 82 million a year right but what drives Bill Burr to be that funny something he saw as a kid sure you know Bill worked hard Bill worked really hard you know Sebastian something he saw as a kid something happened some trigger Ali Wong yeah you know she saw a guy get hit with a fucking new chuck when she was four she was like we gotta stop this shit you know you know Whitney Cummings all these people are the comedians you yeah me Lee all of us saw

something triggered something you know uh but that's our natural reaction to eat a fucking box two boxes yeah if you'd let me I would have taken those home I don't even like milk I still don't I hate milk yeah more than hummus not really I hate hummus more because it brings terrorism milk you never seen a cowboy herself up for the name of Allah yeah never so fucking yeah you know what the fuck you know when I did my own reels of milk yeah I could do a box of those easy right you know many times I told myself I was just gonna do one row oh yeah you ever tell yourself yeah I'm only gonna do one row yeah a couple rows are going down fucking a couple rows are going down but that's what pain is sure pain that comes to you and it may she either do a pill

make sure you eat 16 cheeseburgers in my case it was the cocaine and then the 16 cheeseburgers I didn't get to be 418 because I was the Pied Piper I didn't see my I lost a daughter I lost a mother who I grieved right I lost friends who I grieved I was angry and frustrated about my life you know how'd I end up on fucking Selma Boulevard living a block from Hollywood 700 hour a month apartment with nine cats you know meanwhile Ralph he's making millions and I'm living I wasn't apprehensive I wasn't angry at Ralph because he could he would have gave me those millions if I would have wanted to yeah it wasn't that I was 418 pounds yeah I'm at the commie store Montreal don't want me ICM don't want you nobody wants you

Joe Rogan and Ralph we think you're funny what good does that do yeah that's it two people thought I was funny and Mitsy sure right yeah so those three people kept me alive you know I'm saying so but in that meantime Josh Wolf is getting deals this guy's doing this what am I doing I'm fucking eating I'm in pain man yeah I can't see my daughter I got three pair of pants you know I'm hooked on a fucking drug it's horrible yeah just horrible I wanted to get off I didn't know where the fuck to start I didn't I didn't have 10,000 to go to Malibu sure rehab and I didn't want to go because I knew they weren't going to help what I had going right they weren't going to take away what I had that's bullshit right a rehab is just a pit stop to check everything and then eventually you go back

to your old habits why just put one beer on we got Ralph he fresh out of rehab and that was the worst we ever seen oh when he first came out yeah we were the first weekend he came out of rehab yeah he came out like a fucking rocket we get on the bus he's all boys fresh out of rehab he's all start rolling joints like it was his first day out yeah he goes start rolling joints and there was a fucking mound of and he had a roller and all the supplies he goes start rolling we're gonna smoke till we get to Ohio and we were like in Chicago yeah we're in Schomburg or whatever yeah do you remember when they they tried doing intervention and he ran away yeah yeah that motherfucker never took more than 10 steps you know it he ran around and then I heard he got one of

those portable scooters he got one of those black guys said listen you're taking a ride playing he came like $2,000 and they were off and running they threw her up the shuttle it was just Ralphie fucking behind he snuck out of there like Arnold in commando oh he's so alive Dorfman and Lala chased him come back we were just kidding they didn't do an intervention at the airport he looked at them dog yeah he's like fuck you and said you know what you people got something he didn't even say that yeah he just ran he just started running like oj jumping through shit that motherfucker that makes like for 10 years yeah and he was high hurling fucking luggage and he had what are you fucking that's

that's like 20 vikings of my pot I'm thinking about a whole tall room right close to here yeah go to sleep for two days and they hadn't even had that Uber Eats yet oh yeah oh thank god he would have been platinum you know he would have been platinum already there would have been nobody who ordered like he did no jody arab would have delivered right to his door every fucking time yep like here's your fucking garlic naan here's your fucking naan and your chicken tendery you guys got a pod little show on wednesday night yeah we have the dirty show at the ontarian problem you know next month it'll be 14 years we've been doing that show 14 14 years the dirty show you still can't get a weekend out of them i can't get a weekend out of them thanks a lot levity

yeah still can't get sucked off 14 years yeah and can't get a weekend out of them they give you a story everybody has a story yeah we're not youtube uh superstars yeah they give them to these fucks but yeah we got the dirty show and then uh we're just and then this weekend we're with brad williams and then uh we're at oxnard at levity live i think after that okay yeah but were you with brad at uh at the spotlight casino in indio no shit yeah so we're going to go out there this weekend with him and raise little hell and uh and just have fun we haven't worked with him in a good five six months so we're we're excited to see him i know rafi's looking down right now very proud of you guys we appreciate that and i guarantee he's in shock with all the people that he helped out

you two guys are the only ones that are holding up the fucking flag we will forever we love we love them we know the fuck you know that i just want people to know that there's an article that's going to come out and you got three guys here that have no reason to lie to you yeah three people that don't profit off of him nope we don't do anything all we want to you know uh i put away a little something for his kids us too yeah at some time when they're ready i'll get it to the kids i don't want the mom involved i don't want her hands on it you know i'm sure that the kid's gonna reach out he wants to know i'm sure that we're gonna each get a call yeah i pray that someday that him and his daughter reach out yeah saying we want to know what happened that's the obvious they all reach out yeah so

that's always the obvious and again i won't say anything about the drugs yeah because at the end it doesn't really matter nah you know it doesn't really matter his contribution to comedy was huge what he did for comedians lots of them lots of them lots of them which was just a humanitarian thing any any good comic knows that you have to help the younger guys sure what am i talking about putting you on the road or whatever that's not a help guiding you yeah telling you little things from time to time throwing you a bone call that guy he's got a gig yeah it's in hell it's in hell it's seven and a half hours on roller skates yep you can't drive because the road is too thin right but it pays eight hundred and a fucking food

and it'll suck your dick yeah and the way it just got big titties and stuff and you're like fuck it i'll do it right that's what you know and that's what people get confused with that that you have to get the young guys and nobody you know i've heard like i said i've heard uh thousands of stories from club owners both negative always are the positive and sure because they loved them but at the end he went out there to make money for you yeah Ralphie took pride in making money for you he did Ralphie really wanted the waitstaff to make money i learned that from Ralphie you know it's like when people go oh we want this percentage whoa whoa whoa whoa would you do that and take that percentage no don't do that to them let them get that taste also even though i know they're robbing

me because they all rob a little bit come on you know they all rob a little on there believe me anybody who's paying cash that shit's falling off the register yeah that shit's falling off the register but you know you uh i learned a lot from that man that we did i learned a lot from that man i learned uh how to be a gentleman and that's why i can't believe out of all the things Ralphie was one thing they're forgetting this whole article is to say that he's a gentleman yeah you know you could say all the shit Lana tells you you can make all the assessments from the documentary or the memoir i'm telling you one thing straight up that he was a gentleman at the end of the day that's more important than being a millionaire that's more important than being a movie star

that's the most important thing and that's what i took from him that's why i act the way i do because he was a gentleman man and yeah he left us with that and i hope he's having a good time up there with bro he's probably cool from bro you know i bet bro let me teach you how to tie a knot yeah you know yeah he's like you should have one with a fisherman now yeah he's probably tortured Mal and you know he is but Ralph was a good guy and that's that's only thing that you know we want to make sure it's clear but he was a good he was a good good guy you know so and he wasn't that you know all tortured soul he had good and bad times but he was a good guy and that's what but there were more good times in the 20 years i know them

they were all good than bad there was 12 great years and eight ones where it was shady and that's all of us yeah if that's not the percentage of your life but he wasn't an abuser no he wasn't whatever the pain led him to the fucking pills he you know yeah let me tell you some those pills are an easy addict oh yeah listen but my fucking i gotta go starting it got approved i got hit on friday i didn't even know it i got it on my uh insurance pays like my doctor pays i gotta start going i'm not doing it next monday because they're doing the Kobe Bryant thing and you do not want to get in your car next monday oh my if you live in the la area if you go into the Kobe thing yeah i heard they don't even want people going down there which means come down don't say that yeah

don't say we don't want people to come down here because now they're gonna come down everyone's so next monday to 24th the 101 is going to be a fucking hell in the morning and the red line is going to be even fucking worse and i can't imagine the 405 so whatever plans you may have stay at home watch the tribute at home yep put your lake shirt on say in prayer because it's going to be fucking crazy next oh yeah i can't even imagine i know for a fact i read that every hotel around downtown is already a hundred percent booked wow that means people are flying in for this Kobe memorial which i don't he was a great basketball player loved to death but uh it's going to be fucking crazy next monday oh yeah this town so i don't want to do nothing but i'll see you

so after that i gotta start going for shots i gotta take three shots three mondays in a row really on my knee now you know guys uh epidural injections no they're not epidural these are uh gel gel put a coating in between the bone okay arthritis and to numb the arthritis a little bit i can't imagine the pain he was walking in oh yeah remember when you lay down in bed and you get up if you're in that bed for six fucking hours and you get up your legs you know yeah your legs are shit yeah your legs are shit you gotta walk you gotta do certain things you know and when you when you lay down and then you get up and walk when you're as heavy as we are i am oh we are too you fucking it hurts you know and we know those walk through airports there's a mother fuckers

all yesterday in phoenix it was tremendous i made the walk and there was a little black dude sitting there like this i peeled off a 20 i thought we were in the sea we were like in c19 the last one yeah yeah at the sky sky harbor fuck you i said you're busy he goes no i go with three of us i gave him a 20 right to the front there was a little old lady next to us she's like i like this madness i don't forget the tip the same dot on fucking white you know a look lift a rock old lady and they just show security cards you wouldn't want to walk this would you give him a fucking 10 the guy looked at me and he's white motherfuckers it's cheap i know i know you gotta check him at the airport they give you a ride give the guy a 10 spot you give one of those black guys a ride a

$20 i had a guy that was doing 90 one time he was running over people people white people like hey slow down fuck you honking motherfucker i'm got a 50 in my pocket my fucking nose out of roll with you well it's good to see that you're still doing your thing yeah congratulations on the 14 years thank you if i get an impulse maybe i'll drive to Ontario but the chances are slim yeah we know that's okay you've got the fuck you've done it before though so oh yeah yeah it was tremendous yeah you guys the update giving away dildos yeah women are leaving angry oh yeah and we've seen them fucking mixing their drinks up with 12 inch fucking dildos you still get sponsored by the dildos yeah yeah they give us we used to get glass ones believe it or not like the same guy that

would make pipes would make us these dildos that you could put in your fucking dishwasher but we were flying around with them through tsa and we had this special suitcase made and we would always play rock scissors paper who's going to carry the glass dildos as carry on because they would always pull you over and then put on their gloves and grab your dildos and ask you a million questions so Chad's a cheat motherfucker i would always lose and i was always getting caught through tsa with you know 25 glass dildos going through the ringer in tsa so we try to get it and film it that'd be hysterical that we quit doing it yeah we don't even bring them on the road no more because they pull us over in tsa every time so yeah that's cool and tsa now when you get pulled over into that

back room i mean you're stripping down you're getting naked you're pulling up your nutsack really yeah they've stripped us down made us uh one time we were with Ralphie and uh they go uh have you handled explosives today and i was just kidding i go just my dick and i swear to god they pulled me and Ralphie to the side and made us get into our underwear uh because i joked about having an explosive in my pants in uh Detroit airport i was talking shit i'm all you should search them they probably got drugs and all kinds of shit on them i was just talking they made us stripped down Ralphie had to lift up his titties the whole time yeah he was so mad at me oh i took him 20 minutes yeah oh he was so fucking mad at that leg yeah hold them yeah yeah help him once

you gotta hold them and shit how to help him with this belt the whole fucking thing that leg with the belt on and you know he's going oh that's what you do he was he was all strained out when he was all strained out when you had to help him but oh and he would put on one shoe and that's 20 minutes oh at least and he would go it's a two hour process and he'd be trying to get it on wiggling yeah moving his foot trying to pick his knee up then he'd come here and he'd fucking get like a school fucking hilarious but that's a major level yep i'm happy you mother fuckers how could people find you uh cori and chad on our smash brothers on any instagram cori and chad cori and chad no web page yeah yeah we got identical entertainments the yeah that's our

what's it called identical entertainment is yeah that's our yeah you guys are good fucking brothers man we appreciate it i appreciate you uh celebrate Ralphies will do a couple bongots now yeah me and that league are gonna do another edible hey i don't think he can take anymore look at it oh i'm i'm just planning a meal he's a savage yeah he's he's going to sushi oh is he he's going to sushi damn happy hour oh he's going to get 22 tuna rolls he don't give a fuck i don't win i might even give him 40 you'll eat all that sushi but he won't eat asshole yeah no he started oh he started eating ass he went to george perez's and took a cork a chick an ass cork and put it in his mouth i know k quickley's trying to talk you into eating asshole but let me tell you what happened

he sucked on the cork juice and a week later came out of his eye got a sty oh he got a sty yeah i did he got a sty from eating dirty yeah you got to put him in a jacuzzi first that's that's my move no he got the pink kind of jacuzzi oh did he yeah yeah he's sensitive to all that stuff oh he's gonna be careful because he's got to build his immune system yeah when you eat ass you gotta build your immune system listen that's just like eating a pig you know what i'm saying it's like eating a fucking pig yeah you don't know what's in that pig there's chemicals and shit yeah you don't know you eat ass on the wrong day you'll go out like val kimmer and tombstone yeah you don't want that yeah i didn't i didn't suck on it jesus i thought you put it in your mouth like a

no i didn't it was in her butt and i like i like the while it was in her butt like what she was on the stage okay can you taste any shit right there no i didn't taste any shit she was i don't think she shit this year yeah you might as well take it you might as well take your dad down i'm not i'm too hard to drive to mcdonald's right now right now not right now tomorrow take your dad down there i don't want he's gonna be 67 i don't want fuck yeah i don't want to take my dad to a stroke no for sure oh my god oh my god yeah we'll take him i got a viagra with dosa oh yeah i knew what i need we'll give him a viagra we'll give him a half a valley and two other boosts and we'll just leave me down and we'll get we'll get george peres to give him a room i'll pay for a hotel room down the

corner and you can come home like nothing happened yeah easy breezy oh that's it your dad'll be in there getting sucked i don't want anyone added to the will you no one's giving my dad a fucking blue pill whatever that's oh we'll get him one of those gas station dickpills black rhino 12 000 dick hard yeah yeah i take them hey your dick can chip concrete brian red band taught us yeah red band told me about him and then i was here what did you take uh the gas station sells dick pills they're called like the black rhino 7 000 you're fucking dicks hard for seven days no bullshit i thought cha was gonna have a heart attack like john candy this fucking guy he was i walked in on him he was fucking away lea that's a good thing about twin brother i walked in oh just some waitress at

some comedy club and i just pounded away on her and he walked in on me i was fucking doing the lord's work i mean i'm telling you dick and that's a lot closer than i would be oh we're twins that's okay no big deal same dna that's how you and your dad will be you'll be pushing on your dad's ass as he's bottoming out on some vietnamese massage bar you gotta take this is birthday it's his birthday out of respect you should we're gonna take him to denny's again you know that's where you're doing you came out of his dick you need to show some respect to that denny's take him to breakfast to shoot right down to george perez yeah yeah just drop more gp knows what to do yeah give him everything i'm gonna yeah at breakfast we'll sprinkle the viagra powder and his eggs yeah we'll

fucking we'll dose him do heavy duty yeah give him like a gallon of petiolite on the way down that way he's nice and hydrated petiolite yeah but because he's gonna come a lot oh Jesus come on take care you're dead come on yeah don't be what kind of guy are you yeah don't be a piece of shit no you can do whatever you want for his birthday why don't i have to go you don't know where to go yeah no what would you want in your 67th birthday your scarf a watch or a yarmulke yeah no you want some of your stuff you're fucking fuck your balls too what was the last time he got his dick sucked i don't know ask you yeah you gotta talk to your dad yeah be open that's your father that's your father since birth yeah it's his birthday i'm gonna get his dick suck come on yep

it's not a family no that's a family thing yeah i'm gonna go home nobody'll say a word big deal yeah you're just quiet the whole time i'm gonna be nice and quietly you know how many families celebrate by taking their old man out and getting him sucked up my father was alive and he was 67 he came i had to visit me i get his dick sucked oh we take our dad out and get our dick sucked i watched my brother and my dad get their dick sucked all the time i don't suck a 67-year-old feel like i'm in the right here and i feel like you guys are the weird ones no no you're weird you don't want your dad's dick sucked what's wrong with you yeah you're selfish yeah selfish you are selfish i'm selfish take him down give him a two for one yeah give him some chick 200

some runaway to take him over on lake or shim right over there that fucking korean bath house you're giving the 200 yeah runaway sure what do you think like we think they're the fucking harbors reps they run away yeah no big deal no she'll suck yeah that'll be happy yeah the god you'll make him help me so friday you'll get on the floor and brag about yep yeah i'd be like my son got me sucked off that's what he's gonna tell people he got me a fucking old that nut juices in his dick looking like cottage cheese shooting out of his car farm cottage cheese last night oh see you're sticking it up his his load for the asian so you get him some pineapple juice that way he's dropping good loads on him oh anyway i'm trying guys all we know anyway this podcast is

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recruiter is effective with businesses of all sizes try zip recruiter for free at exclusive ready grab a pen capital z zip recruiter dot com slash church again that's zip recruiter dot com slash church zip recruiter the smartest way to hire don't forget i'm gonna be in las vegas at treasure island on february 28th and then i got nothing till the arlington theta and santa barba on march 27th i got shit to do and people to see so if you don't see me in las vegas you're gonna have to wait and see me in santa barba or come to the fucking commie store cocksuckers i don't know what to tell you beside that i love you guys i love quarry and chat i want to tell my brother up in heaven happy birthday we're still thinking about him we haven't forgotten about him and i want to

thank christ killer for being here this fucking beaut and that's it have a great tuesday and i'll see you motherfuckers thursday tip top motherfucking magoo stay black i love you