Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #762 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

Dean Delray, comedian, actor, and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a 10% discount on your first order.  

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Along with the Christ killer. What is it there Johnny? No sugar Oh, man. I before we even start the show Well, we started the show, but I want to say happy birthday to you. Thank you my fucking brother right there Thank you, my brother 57 born on the same day bond Scott died So you just took the reins and rolled and I still remember that winter fucking Day when he died. I did a hit acid. It was a great day Oh, and then we ended the day we're finding out poor bond Scott. It died That's not you were born on the day bond Scott died

I was born on the day buddy Holly big bopper and Richie Valance died So we're just a couple of guys just carrying the bad luck. Yeah, we're carrying the torch still man Now, you know, I don't go to Vegas Happy birthday, dude. Thank you fucking great man. It feels fucking surreal I remember the first time I heard that that was your birthday. We were like on the road or something I'm like, wait a minute. That's that's the day bond died. Yeah, I'll never forget your birthday Fucking crazy. God. It's crazy. How I don't even know I got here. Yeah, I'm living 57

57 I'm living the life of that guy in that talking-eds Commercial, you know that that that song Like get here like that every day. Yeah, every day I drive around I'm like, how do I end up in California? Like sometimes you take California for granted, you know light And you see a fucking palm tree. Oh, you like what a fucking am I? Yeah, like what the fuck happened? We're just in a fucking jail in Colorado. You know, I was just getting processed I thought my life was over him surrounded will fucking palm trees. So great

Love it man. Life is a fucking journey and a half man. Yeah, and it's so weird how you have to give it a chance And just have a little bit of hope and you're fucking there. I mean, that's basically it I mean as much as they say it sounds corny. It's not a sprint. It's it's a marathon It's so real because each year you keep going You know, so I remember one time somebody said something to me that I said nothing's happening They said, oh, it was Ian Edwards and he said, well, did you do Conan last year? I go now. He goes, did you do did we pass to the comedy solo last year? I don't know and he goes, well then it's happening

It's you know, you just forget because you're just in it every day and then you go, you're right man I'm just each year getting a little further and still in it. Which is awesome. How old do you feel? Like if you had to guess, oh, if you like if you woke up, do you think you'd be 18? Yeah How do I feel Lee honestly? I Feel about 44. Yeah. Yeah, I feel about 44 45 You know, I Tomorrow I'm gonna make a date for the physical

My knee hurts, you know, I will tendinitis in my right shoulder. I Still have good energy. Yeah I do feel the 50s Surge of testosterone I read about you have two surges a day as a man And you have to ride them, you know, that's why I know I have to work out early If I don't do my shit early, I'm not gonna do it, right? I lie to myself every night and I sat here and lied to you guys two weeks ago I have gone to jujitsu. Just cannot go at night. Yeah, there's no I've even tried to hit the bag at night

Like said to myself at eight o'clock. I'm gonna go on the backyard for years That was my favorite thing Was to get high at night Put some music on and fucking punch the shit out of a bag Yeah, I'm an Asian to take it you do 30 minutes on a bag every night The fat falls right off you it falls right off you you see it within two weeks Just the first two weeks of punching. Yeah, you'll be you burn a bunch of baby fat off your arms And you'll increase the speed in your punches for years. That was my thing

Was going at a garage in Boulder at a backyard in Aspen Yeah, and this thought we had a backyard and it was connected to a tree and at night that eight o'clock low when people are watching TV I get super fucking high Always figured out. I always had a ghetto blaster. Yeah or something. I wrap my hands There were some nights for years. I didn't have a bunch of bad clubs I just wrapped my hands with the wrap two wraps. Yeah, and I just hit the bag and that's how I stayed in shape There's nights. I'm like, I'm gonna go out there tonight eight o'clock and get the bag fucking I open up the door I'm so scared

I'm not going out there, you know, so That how do I feel If I would have taken care of myself in my 30s the way I'm taking care of myself now with a different game For all you guys listen take care yourselves in your 30s. That's a crucial crucial point of your life It's very crucial. It sets you up You know, a lot of these get people get cancer at 38 42. That's crazy. I don't fuck around Take you see I lost control of my life at 36. I lost control of my life at 16 Yeah, but the real loss of control was when I moved here

Because of my love and passion for comedy, you know, I wasn't gonna live the Joe Rogan lifestyle I want to live the money Bruce lifestyle. Yeah, right, right? Richard prior. I mean he's not taking care of yourself eating whatever Eating whatever, you know, and I wish I would have done it different. You asked me I wish I would have joined the army, you know, I wish I would have done a lot of things Yeah, you could join the army and come out when you're 38 still get into comedy Yeah, and at 48 be a fucking star with a pension. You know, I mean so who the fuck fucked up here Right now I could have had a pension not your insurance people saluting me at the fucking doctor's office. You know, I'm saying

Fucking I fucked up. Yeah, but you know some somebody today at boxing was saying that their friend Fucking watch the stand-up special He goes it's just on the way out. He goes can I ask you a question a Personal question I go. Yeah, he goes. I I know you're a stand-up. He goes A friend of a friend of a friends We were to we went to a party Sunday, and we've seen her Quit her job at 45 to get into stand-up And I just loaded my bag up and he goes, what do you think of that? I go

Happens all the time And he goes, but why would somebody wait I go because they didn't know what they really want a lot of this fucking life Yeah, one day they clocked in and said Just it's like a bunch to the head so I get knocked out like what am I doing here? I Just want to be in a car With zero responsibilities, you know, my cards are paid for I have nothing to lose. I got 50,000 in credit I'm going for it. Yeah, you know, and she's like that's how much that's her plan That's it a finance tough whole comedy career and she hopes she makes and I go those are the people that make it

Yeah, you roll the dice man. People like go fuck it. We got to take care of your fucking gamble on yourself You do from time to time you got to take a fucking chance Columbus. It makes life more interesting Yeah, you know, I was talking to my neighbor. Yeah, I got off the fucking plane and I got dropped off from Burbank and I Saw my neighbor outside. He goes where you coming from? He goes Tempe He goes, how long have you been doing this for because he always sees me coming home on Sundays? Yeah, and we usually just say hello He goes, where'd you go this weekend? This time he came over this guy's fucking have you ever seen my neighbor? No, I've only heard stories the old man

No, a couple different neighbors, but this guy's the old man. I met the woman the one that knows the Rockers. That's her husband That's okay. Yeah His husband's got to be 78. Well, wait till you guys see him Beside his white hair. You don't know he's 78. Oh Jacqueline in shape why right cuz he's always moving. Oh, yeah You know me times I wake up in the morning to take trash out and he's digging a trench This motherfucker's taking a trench and I'm on a computer tweet and go fuck your mother Anyway enough of that should listen I want to congratulate you on your podcast

No, you've really kicked it up to the next level even though nobody's noticing. I'm fucking noticed I know you call me out. We feel so good Dive Kirk Hammett, Kirk Hammett, you know people wrote articles about it. I mean, I was Actually pissed you can hear it in my voice that day. Yeah, it's that You are there you're up there with Eddie trunking these guys. You're really there and serious isn't reaching out Volumes and reaching out now these people reaching out, but there's two sides like coin Yeah, that could be a blessing in disguise. Yeah, or you could use it as a whatever, you know, I

Mean you're getting guests there that most radio people don't get on and and it's not even that people There's a podcast out of New York great guys great guys great podcast and And they were reaching out to one guy constantly and I said don't define your podcast by a guest Yeah, don't ever define your podcast by a guest But if you do get him make the best of him and always have those guests lined up You know, I hate these people that contact you and they go do my podcast and all sudden you want to do that podcast But you look at the numbers they're getting and you go

All I'm gonna do is spike their numbers for a week and then it's gonna go down again You have to have a plan if you call me and so listen I'm getting you on them behind you. I'm getting a guy from this band and behind you I'm getting this actor at least you get a chance of spiking it Yeah, but if you're gonna spike your podcast for no reason yes for one guess It's not worth the aggravation of you chasing that one guess line up 20 of them and then attack You know I'm saying fucking reach out to publicist do it up this morning. I was reached out to a fucking publicist Yeah, you know, that's what you'd got to do some time and they don't hit you back

Yeah, they don't hit you back But you're opening up the universe for somebody else to you know hey My friend is a fan of these show could you mind if he's on you like? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I see what you're doing. I just really want to congratulate you Thank you just had fucking fuck old from Meryl Smith on yeah, he's just aren't regular fucking guess He's a superstar. These are fucking legends that you're getting on. Yeah, I wish that your numbers are really growing your fan base is growing You know, I mean when it comes to music, I tell everybody you're the best No, thanks when it comes to music because I dropped off. Yeah, you kept on I dropped off

I got caught up in comedy and cocaine The voices and jail cells yeah, yeah, yeah, and you still remain loyal to the you still got a rock see you still go You know you go to the edge of hell to see your shows toe I think you know, that's what kept me kept me young. You know, it's just like Constantly searching for the new the new band the new great film the new great car or whatever How do you feel right now? You know my mind? I feel like I'm constantly about 35 but I Don't know in the last couple years. I feel like 90 also at the same time

Just I'm pretty tired a lot and then my neck my neck was fucked up still still rehab in it and the crash Those three things really kind of took me out and also I think I just work so much I'm not resting properly, you know, like seven days a week. So I'm always tired, but other than that my mind and my My enthusiasm is definitely like 35. Listen when you go to med school. Yeah, my niece is in med school I talked to a mother all the time All the time me and Lisa talk all the time These kids spend hours a day study. Yeah, you know, they get crammed like over You get so much material thrown at you or whatever

They're in their 20s. I know for a fact she was telling me that my niece goes to bed like 11 and Gets up at four to get two extra hours of study and then or something like that It's the same thing with comedy guy. Yeah It's the same thing with anything that you want to make work It's not eight hours. No Not at all. What are you talking about? It's let's do whatever you need to you know, it's so weird how The best two hours of work I get in now tonight From 9 30 to 11 I'll get in more work than most people doing two days. Yep. I'll send out 20 emails

You know this morning yesterday yesterday. I did shit. I had to go lift the 10 I think I got up at seven between seven and ten. I did more than most people doing a week. Yeah Well, I left the house. I had already sent out emails flyers fucking Shortages, you know Instagram and it's like people have no idea, you know, do you prepare the night before? But before I go to bed have a little notebook and everything's checked off totally what music I'm putting up the next day Yeah, yeah, you know what I heard that brought me back. I mean everything's a fucking written down Because it's a plan of attack. It's like a fucking I'm laying out my groundwork for the fucking day who I have to call

You know, I read they have a thing I have to do something for myself So I look at that. What am I gonna do for me tomorrow tomorrow? I'm gonna write an hour I always have an hour of a goal to write right, but I always end up writing three hours Yeah, yeah, come he's still how many times you go to comedy over nine o'clock spot. You getting in your car 1230 Oh, you know every time every fucking time every time Tripoli I saw him today. He's like I put you on a late show go trips. No late shows Yeah, because I'm walking out of that 1230 and I'm not in bed till two Yeah, and I'm walking around the next morning at seven kissing some kid getting a lunch ready. I can't fucking do it

Can't do it no more, you know, it's amazing I cannot do it no more if you if you want me to do your second show you're gonna have a problem You got to put me up either first second or third I gotta be out of there by 1130 and even then it takes you 15 minutes to get to your car Oh, yeah Yeah You don't know who the fuck you're gonna see. Yeah, all some Bob Saget wants to talk you haven't seen him in 20 years Yeah, damn it. Yeah, and now you're not mad cuz you have to talk to him

But now you're stuck there now while you get in there You were just about ready to leave but now three cars pulled up Dave Chappelle. Yeah So now when you got to go pull out now, they gotta go get Dave and his fucking keys to his rockin ship The cousin and the brother. It's a fucking nightmare. People have no idea I love when he comes because I know we're gonna talk motorcycles. We'll talk a little music, you know It's like he'll I'll see him and he'll be like a Dean man. What you ride, you know, like he loves motorcycles So I know I'm not getting out of there for a while. You know, I never see him. Oh man never see him Oh, whenever I see him and they'll tell me he's upstairs. Yeah

Yeah, he's not up. He's not ready to go upstairs. He just announced to show two hours ago Yeah, it's sold out already. I'm like what I love him man. He's like my favorite How does he announce shows on Twitter? No, he doesn't have to he doesn't have Twitter He doesn't have a website the venues the venues do so I guess they just call and say we want to go on tomorrow night And then the venue will just drop it like an hour before he just did that at the chapel I'm doing the chapel next Tuesday in San Fran. It's like a church. I'm doing it Wednesday and He was in San Fran. He's like, yeah, just let's do some comedy tonight did like four shows or something

Why was there just over the weekend all sold out instantly people jumping out of their cars running to the venue I gotta get tickets That's how I was when I bought a ticket for him at the store when he first got back from Africa I just saw they were putting the name up on the marquee Dave and I saw CH. I pulled over. Hey, what's going on? I wasn't doing comedy. I think oh, yeah Chappelle tonight. You can get a ticket right now. I just ran over there bought a ticket couldn't believe it I love when you I see that on Twitter, but it's like from three hours ago. I'm like, oh, let's sold out. Yeah He's he is I got the dream to make dream career

He's I call him recently like the zeppelin of comedy. Yes, because he's got crazy mystique and He doesn't have any social media. He doesn't do any TV Appearances like clips. Yeah, he's not going on doing, you know tonight show or any of that It just it's just ninja gorilla comedy and then it's people just go crazy for I love it. That's the dream That's a dream gig right there And he's funny every fucking time every time that he has no social media. I love that And look at you know, if you look at the big guys in comedy Excuse and Rogan

But Sebastian social media isn't big. No and neither is Gabriel for the tickets Right, you know Gabriel sells out fucking huge amounts of man and Didn't he just do like the Staples like yeah multiple nights of the game his own parking spot. Yeah, I love that I'm so proud of you had a month last week, and it was fucking great. Amazing. It really was just nice to see you know, you know the thing about Comedy clubs and comics is sometimes you see each other the ones that you really like

Yeah, you just want to and passing at the store and you feel guilty that I'm away home They didn't ask about his family was you didn't congratulate them on a film that you might have seen him on right commercially you might have seen a man or So that's what pisses me off about just seeing comics. I thought at the store Sometimes it's nice to do a podcast with them Get them away from a comedy club and just talk to me even like us. Yeah, you know, unless we go on the road I don't really fucking see you live on the other side of town. Yeah, see at the store for how long yeah I'm the way in ten minutes three minutes

Yeah, and you're like I think you're up next and so and I run inside and then I may see you Yeah, you're going then you're on then I while you're on I'm on in the other room. Yeah, it's just crazy. Yeah But no, I just want to really applaud you on the job You're doing with your podcast and that thank you You stuck it out where a lot of people would have given up and I could see Big things happening for the podcast. It's just it's just obvious. Yeah obvious. Yeah, I gotta move that thing to Like serious accent, you know, I've been meeting with them for like three years It's just on and off the same thing over and over. Let's have a meeting

We have a meeting we eat and then I'm like what happened there What what were we talking about? I mean these guests are huge. You got 516 episodes of back log that you can put on your show. They're not Promotion things there. They're actual long-term Long-form conversations so you can use those. It's it's it's hours and hours of Material it's crazy when you I Was thinking about a person the other day Kid I knew since he was a doorman at the store. Yeah, I still remember I'm losing a ton of weight

He Well a specific diet, but I really admired him. He would bring his own food wrapped me told me he was weighing the Portions and I really got into him. Nice white kid. You could tell he was raised right. He went to a great college And he became a regular since he passed him and He wasn't the type of guy that go and this is why I tell people comedy is such a weird journey But this is a weird story to tell you this isn't and I don't mean this in an Unappreciative way I've known this guy for 20 fucking years

You know those people that take you to lunch and nothing happens For people who are not in this industry or whatever don't understand you're gonna I don't know plumbers just take each other out. Yeah, yeah blow smoke in their ass electricians Cops take each other out the blow smoke in their ass in this business You'll get this guy and he'll call you up and he'll go. Hi. I'm hearing great things about you and We have some projects coming up and we'd like to use you can I buy you lunch and I'd meet them Like fucking places where you don't need you know a downless Yannicka. Yeah, when it gets towards the Wilshire

Oh, he would make me meet him then deep and I was 400 pounds I gotta walk a half mile from the free parking garage Yeah, cuz I didn't have the money to pay for the real parking like regular people Yeah, I've got those three percent of Monica parking places. Yeah, I don't know how many fucking times I met him and For years he just moved from company to company and it was always we have exciting things I would go on the web page and two days later. I'd see a picture of Lee on there. I just had lunch with you Yeah, yeah, why do you have Lee up there? I just had lunch with you. Yeah, what happened to my video? It's just it's just 20 fucking years every three years. I got a call from him

And and it's always a new company and my name came up in the meeting And I got a free lunch out of the deal. Yeah, at first. That's kind of cool. You're like, ah, man I'm gonna eat the fucking flaming you on. I'm getting two sides You know, yeah, and it just got old and about six years ago. I said That's it. I'm going with this guy. Yeah, you know, and I saw him one night Yeah, you don't he goes need to do lunch. I'm a new company. I go. That's great. You know, here we go again Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know finally last Friday. Oh, I get an email from him He'd like listen

We want you to tell the story. We usually pay people this but we're gonna pay you this if you really try we could pay you this and Like it was like, you know, I don't want to say it was no money basically. Yeah Me 22 fucking years for six dollars for 600 hours He's like it pays 200 but I can get you for but you could probably ask him for six And I'm sitting there going. It took me 22 years. Yeah, we Eight hours of lunches eight hours of fucking lunches 2000 and gas like people have no idea like Finally, I mean this guy's been everywhere. Yeah, what's uh, what's the other guy that got, you know, the roller-skating guy He was a sad night live. He had a movie. They ate a bag of shit last weekend with Rose

What's the movie they ate a bag of shit with Julia Dreyfus last week? I don't know Oh, oh, he was in charge of content over there. Oh, yeah When I was Joey karate. Yeah, you fucking took me out to lunch. They were smoking my cigarettes They were like, we're gonna fucking you know, to be the biggest thing on do or die. What's never funny or die a fucking We're gonna put all your videos. Yeah, I mean the back would fucking black people would fuck Oh People protesting a nuclear waste. Oh, I'm like, what the fuck. Yeah, I thought you were my body He was I thought he was gonna feature me. Yeah every morning I get up at five and my feature

They'd be fat fucking dude playing bongos. Oh, I'm on the ninth page. I was a dog. I was ready to choke Oh, I was ready to choke. Yeah. Yeah, and he went somewhere else and he played me again with the Joey karate videos Oh, listen, leave Joey karate alone. I remember I hung up on them Because you're just gonna aggravate me, you know, yeah, nine years to get him to 600 fucking dollars. Oh Well, you know, I don't I I love it. It's part of the game and everything but I also I always wonder what they're doing. Are they Do they are they telling their bosses? Yeah, what do you got going? You're not really doing anything. Well, I've got a meeting with Dean Delray on Thursday

And we're gonna talk about this and then that I don't know if they're just doing it to show their boss or they're waiting He might get giant. Let's keep keep them in the mix You know, let's meet with him once every four or five months in case he gets giant and you know, they'll do the old We've always loved you Slide you over but you know, but like people are always asking me Why do you want to be on XM radio so bad your podcast is doing good? And it's it's I Like I love XM radio and I'm thinking well I did want wanted also for health care, but now I got health care. Thanks to you

You're giving me the tip of hey go down to the sag and talk to them But I there's something about it. Just you know, one day I feel like somebody's got to take Howard Stern's place You know, there's if he retires these got this army of people and they should start grooming people Do talk or do you want to do? Ray, I mean music. I like to do Talk like I'm doing on the podcast now Interviews so you also get to see the comedic side of me some funny stuff and that kind of thing You know, I'm not interested in being a DJ or anything like that. I want to be like a guy like a stern

But also be able to do comedy every night I want to try to get to a theater level comic not I don't want arenas or I want to be able to be on a bus Do theaters and that during the day be doing this radio show? That's what I wanted five days a week. Yeah, sure man If it's like, you know something like a stern format a couple hours five days a week like the LA serious I wanted to be I wanted to do the three to five You know or the noon to three one of those two spots So I could be out all night doing comedy and then I get up get ready go interview some people

I can't Steve, you know, Jonesy his jukebox man. What a great great format He has a couple interviews play some great music and you're out of there. I think he's noon to two What a dream I Do you think and I know it's hard to deal with this while you're waiting to blow up but To me it seems like there's a lot of room for music to blow up and podcasting like how it comedians really took it over These musicians have so many stories. I'm so proud most surprised it isn't bigger for musicians. Well, they're starting to I mean Tom Morello just got a show on serious. It's great. We're just talking about kagans got a show Yeah, there's a few of them. No, they're starting but now they're starting to go out more

Yeah, and they'll listen all today today at some point. I think it's Ozzie Duff Somebody else doing an interview on Ozzie's new ordinary man song. Yeah, you gotta cancel the tour So, yeah, if you listen like I go on serious a lot in the car Yeah, the same here. It's amazing El John's got a station really Joe's got a state Pearl Jam Pro Jam got a station Bruce Bruce has a station and they probably do it from their house and send it in Yeah, I'm not sure if they're in the studio. I don't know don't quote me. Yeah, but more people are doing it I mean, I want to do something If I did something on serious

Dean I've always liked that little late night dude. Oh, yeah that nine to twelve dude. Yeah Nine to twelve dude has to have a certain voice. Oh, yeah, Jim lad. Remember him. Yeah, Jim lad It has to have a certain coolness to him. Yeah, a certain feel when I was a kid We had a guy in a black radio station and he was a voice was very This next jam really get into your heart and soul Don Cornelia style don Cornelia style and then he would go all right. It was WBLS He used to go I got to take two steps to the rear and get out Yeah, yeah, I'm in the wind later. Yeah. Yeah, all of a sudden now Reverend Ike used to come on

You could be what you want to be. Yeah, do what you want to do or say what you want to say Just send Reverend Ike three dollars a month and I'll send you some black holy water. That'll change your life Not at 10 o'clock the guy came on Reverend Ike the switch over the switch over but that's what I like to do something like that But anyway, all fucking golds aside. Yeah, the real reason I wanted to talk to you was something that happened that Was weird for you and I because we both grew up with these bands and it was the fucking Hall of Fame snubbers this year, which I usually never cared about. Yep

And this year for the first time I got involved a little bit. I go, let me just see what's going on Pat Benetal was in the running. Oh big time Judas Priest was in the running. Yep, Biggie Smalls was in the running You know Whitney Houston Depeche mode nine-inch nails. I'm like man sound garden. That's sound garden I go, that's a fucking hell of a fucking cast there. Yeah, you know, I Know Dave Matthews was there. Well, I personally hate with all my heart was fucking Best step in this. Yeah, yeah fucking voice cut I know how it works in sports. We're like you have to be retired for five years and then get like how do they choose? Who's considered for the Hall of Fame? I think you got to be in the business for 20 or 30 years one of those two

But you can still be playing but you have to be eligible You have to be playing for like I think it's 20 or 30 years one of those two 20 that might be 20 because Some of that would be if they have any requirement. Yeah double check Yeah, to see what are the requirements to be considered for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yeah eligibility See if it's a mother music gold albums. I think it's time Yeah, it's time because that's how bands get introduced like every few years They'll say such and such is eligible now and then I it's definitely time I just don't know what it is. It's like 25 or 30 years

What makes a band eligible for the Rockwell Hall of Fame? All right? It's funny too because I Bet a lot of people don't know what it is I mean, I'm just guessing but I think that's what it is because I talked to Robbie Krieger about it last week And he said, oh, yeah They started with the 50s bands because it was a certain amount of time before they were eligible. So, you know, buddy Holly James Brown Elvis all those people were eligible first because of the amount of time

So what do you think of this shit? Yes, it says 25 years. There it is. I knew it had to be wow Yeah, 25 years 25 And then they they says they the criteria is an influence significance of the artist's contributions, right? And but yeah, just 25 years that part makes me furious because it's it's they're bringing in bands now That are Let's say a radio head which I love and they deserve to be in right away, but you wouldn't bring in So nine-inch nails went in this year and and Trent even said this himself Divo and craft work are not in and

nine-inch nails is influenced heavily by craft work Divo and an early industrial type of stuff that those guys were doing and He's like, look, I shouldn't be in before Gary Newman Gary Newman is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you know And it's it's in craft work and all those things that he listened to So that's where they're making the mistake Because they're going for as Steve Jones explained it to me on my podcast They're going for ticket sales the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Get butts into the the the actual museum and it's really weird because you're thinking like well You know Divo not too many people Uh, you know, they're not a marquee thing, but they are they're absolutely huge and they influence the shit out of You know everybody everybody like the cars and all that new wave stuff Divo was like the the groundbreakers in the 70s in Ohio playing that shit Getting bottles thrown at them get out of here. You queer, you know, like they said it was radical They'd be playing these redneck bars, you know, and they're like, I got no in their underwear and shit Satisfaction and people are like play some Boston or skinner. You know, they just throw something at them. It's it's wild

So I think that's the mistake they make big time that they don't get the The influencers in first and then of course these other bands should be in Nine It's Nails, of course they should be in but not before craft work Or Divo or you know, Gary Newman or any of those guys, you know Well, I wonder how they even get brought up I mean how they even get brought up. I mean somebody's got to bring them up somebody's got to bring up craft work Yeah, somebody has to bring up Divo. Somebody has to bring up these type of bands that just because maybe like

I know that if you hear stories All that whole grunt scene was started by mother love bone, right mother love bone was the band that everybody Fought to be and they spawned pro jam and right whatever to it, but then the singer died Yeah, Andrew would Andrew would that was Cornell's roommate first Cornell's roommate died and everything changed and blah blah blah blah blah You know should should somebody like that band be inducted Who I don't know maybe had a few albums had minimal success right compared to sound garden And pearl jam see that's the trick that you have if I sit any better down right now He's going to mention

Mother love bone. Yeah, remember going to see mother love bone and meeting Somebody there, you know and cornell Rest his soul if he was alive I guarantee or even kim's eye out if you asked any of those guys You know, what do you think they'll tell you? 20 nights that they went to see mother love bone. Yeah and to figure out what their identity was going to be, you know So I get what you're saying there, you know, yeah, yeah, I guarantee your cornell was still alive But I said hold on

Let's put mother love bone in there first. Yeah, because if it wasn't for them There wouldn't have been us, you know, you look at those bands also they You know, definitely sabbath was their uh, their blueprint also Um, but yeah, it's I don't know. It's it's a tough thing. You know people are like well priest isn't in And it's it's you know, if you look at the history of metal There's no real metal bands A lot of metal bands in the rock and roll hall theme Which is kind of trips me out because they're basically kind of stepping over a whole era

Of music that was bigger than anything Say from like 78 To like 90 Metal was just ruling the world priest Uh You know, if you look at it, it's like priest maiden Saxon metallica, you know metallica is in there But maidens not

Which is like what? You know, like I was made not in the rock and roll hall of fame And i'm not one of those guys that are like, well, you know, how did they get uh, you know, biggie smalls? Why is he it's like well that to me Hip hop became the new metal Once nwa and biggie smalls and and snoop and all that hit that was like that was heavy heavy Shit, man. That was like radical stuff at the time. How did you feel when that came out? I mean see the thing I love The why you and I connected musically is because

You don't give a fuck now you understand the value of public enemy Oh, like when I listen to tom morello shone. He plays old public enemy It slices drew me like a sword Because it was that influential to me listen to it. It blew my fucking mind big time and it blew his mind Yeah, and they transformed that into rage against the machine. Yep. So it's just so weird I'm open to anything same here. I had friends were like fuck that black shit. Fuck it I'm like, you have no fucking that's lunacy What you're saying you have no idea. I remember somebody telling me something bad about marvin gay one time. I'm like

Just listen to this particular out. You know, what's that one james brown out? the prince of harlem the Whatever something of Harlem the godfather of Harlem or he's got one album. That's got a weird name to it Listen to that fucking out the black Something My mind's starting to slip that alpha brain. They gotta go back on the cycle I get off I go on and get out. So, you know, yeah

Fucking you know turn me on like I knew about this album. Yeah, but you know who reminded me about this album Jerry Rocha Remind me about this james brown out. What year do you think it was? In the studio. Yeah black julius. Oh, yeah black Caesar black Caesar. Yeah something like that That's just a roar. Yeah when you hear that You hear public enemy. Oh, you hear uh, wu tang. Yeah. Oh, yeah You see all the influences That that album had on them. It's prince. There's black Caesar black Caesar black Caesar. You hear prince prince

You hear so, you know, this is why we could go on this forever this trans forever I mean, I was very surprised nine inch nails Got nominated. I mean, I came out of nowhere Uh, I'm glad they got in me too the pesh mode. Yeah, love the pesh. I love the pesh mode See we I know you're gonna call me a fag. Whatever. I don't know But this year all the nominees I liked I was down. Oh, you know, I was down for pat bannettar I was down for pat bannettar the ones I didn't get and and I gotta be honest. I got them more. I didn't get t rex Oh, yeah, well, there's so uh, I'm not a t rex guy

Right, but they they influenced the shit out of everybody if they're glam rock, you know, and then you have thin lizzie Who I'm gonna tell you something Yeah, every time I hear that fucking song. I want to crash my car Oh, I can't take boys in the back in town. Can't take it. I want to take the car and go into a fucking building Yeah, and I want the car to just blow up into flames. That's you know, doing the movies all the time You can't believe how fast my arm is it is ninja speed when that comes on the radio. It's like but Some love that man. Some kids said something to me on facebook years ago He's like, what do you think you looked in lizzie and because of that song

And at the time he caught me. I was so high. Yeah, I said, I can't I just you know I gave him like the most honest answer and he goes that proves to me. You don't know what you're talking about Go put on this out. Yeah, go fuck you. You know, yeah Yeah, like an hour later. I'm like Talk I forgot all about that album. I love thin lizzie. I had a friend that used to put that out My one of we used to go steal sneakers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was older than I was Go steal sneakers and that was his warm about Way before then they have like a live double album. Yeah. Oh, yeah, man

They both come out with guitars and look out for something that that record is so great Now jailbreak. Yeah, I like the guitar on The fucking bass to hope there's parts. I don't like that gets faggy when they all get into it It's gonna be a jailbreak Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak The way it opens up I let me tell you something. I love thin lizzie so much That it makes me furious when the dj's play that song

It makes me furious. Now, you know how I feel when I hear have a drink on me I'm gonna take the car Yeah, pull over and call the dj and hope his mother dies of fucking terminal lung cancer Because why are you putting on have a drink on me? They play the same songs from these bands. It makes me crazy You shook me all night long. I fucking want to shoot myself. Yeah, the boys are back in town uh Skinnered uh free bird like these bands have living after midnight Which gets me fired up. Yeah. Yeah in the car. I think about my old days getting dressed as shit

Eight o'clock putting on living after that was my thing living after midnight, baby Take my advice. You gotta start doing but these bands have i mean dude thin lizzie has a record I love the john sykes era, which is the last era. They have a uh record called uh renegade and it's uh It's got this song on an angel of death. Oh, man. It is so good And and and that live it's called Live life are still I forget what it's called live life. It's insane this thin lizzie record, man I used to listen that was when the weed first was coming around to the strong weed Indica and my buddy bob dyke. He used to wear glasses. We called them dykticles

He had this El Camaro Monte Carlo with the jensen traxels and the super power amp You know in the glove box and he put this record on it's called life. Yeah life There's a song on their angel of death, man. He put it on and I was just like this is Incredible I love thin lizzie all of it, but boys are back in town You know and it's a hit song And then you know when I first heard it, I loved it. It's like we're talking about I don't need to hear walk this way ever again But uh earl smith has so many insane great deep tracks. It's unbelievable how many great songs they have

Scythe for sorrows last child SOS too bad Nobody's fault. Nobody's fault. My favorite fault And king queen king and queen no more no more. I could go on and on like I like the first album And the second I like the first three albums more than Yeah, like they're up there in my top 10 of my life the first three arrangement albums crush who I am dirty Yeah, not perfect Yeah, the first album is very raw

Which I like the way they taped it the second album is a little bit more polished But I think for rocks they went in between Yeah, they took the best of both of those elements, which really Nobody's fault is dirty. The bass line is dirty. Yeah. It's really dirty. I like all that toys in the attic. I could live with Yeah Draw the line draw the line I could live with that's kings and queens Yeah Night in the ruts night in the ruts. I could live with yeah, I could put them all into the whole album

But fucking those first three My bread and butter till the end of time. I can't believe how uh, I saw him last week I was telling you and I've been listening to To earl smith like seven days since now just non-stop Over and over and I'm just like I can't believe this band actually They're all alive There's only two bands with original members easy top and aro smith And they're all alive and they sound better than ever. I want you watched them

Yeah to Quote my friend my dear friend steve of willow from the past masters That I grew up with he's in a band the band called the past masters He put it best to me. He goes if you see aro smith all it is is All guns and roses is guns and roses on steroids. Yeah guns and roses is aro smith on steroids Yeah, because if you look at guns and roses, it's like the layout

If you look at aro smith, it's the same Yeah What do you call that the blueprint? Oh, yeah for guns and roses. Yeah, you got joe perry. That's slash It's just them. Yeah on steroids. Yeah, brad whitford would be the izzy straddle and over there keeping a quiet But he's the killer songwriter riff player. Then you've got the The frontman steven tyler axel and then the bass player duff mckagan tom hamilton, you know, it's it definitely isn't Both of them at all. Yeah built the same. Yep lanky. Yeah, you know, it's fucking crazy that there was a blueprint for it Yeah, they even covered momma ken on the first dp guns and roses. They were all about it

And I talked to brad whitford about it I told him as I watched last child which he wrote I was watching him play it and it was the first time it hit me last monday. I was like Oh, fuck He had slash he he took joe perry's Vibe, but he took brad whitford's plan And and brad said, you know, it's funny as slash will tell you that straight up He'll tell you that's what he did. He took the combo and put him together man

He took the plane of brad and the vibe of joe And it hit me last week because brad plays Slash plays like brad, you know, it's that kind of that kind of sound And then the song writing they they they're like they're looking at aerosmith like you and I are looking at like say prior Each time you're writing a joke, you're like this ain't good enough. This ain't good enough And that's how they got that appetite for destruction just throwing out songs that weren't good enough and coming at you with 10 crushers They knew, you know good song writing

if this is too, uh Like I'm like newsy then we don't have to tell you can I'll cut it out But isn't it aerosmith? Is that the one that's going on having that issue with the drummer right now? Yeah What's going on? That just seems crazy. Like I don't I don't know any of the story behind it. Well, you had a uh a surgery So he hadn't he hadn't uh played with them at least the original drummer Yeah, yeah, joey kramer and the night I went last monday was his first night back. Oh, they let him play okay Yeah, he's back in now, but he had a surgery. That's the physical. Yeah, I didn't do the thing because it's a grueling schedule Yeah, man, you know you're paying 65

250 300 You can't sound like shit. You got to respect their I respected it. I was like fuck. Okay. This is what aerosmith's all about and then get to become over the fuck they are Yeah, because they want charity and I want a background drummer in the back playing They want joey kramer. I understand. I know people always, you know, they were hitting me like hey, why don't you ask Brad why they locked out the drummer and shit is like they don't just do that They're just not like one day like hey, fuck joey. Let's just lock the door That's obviously a reason, you know

And they're not going to come out with personal stuff like well He had this and that and this and you know, they're not going to do that. It's it's a lot like that Sabbath thing I I truly believe that bill ward He couldn't do that whole tour. You got to get insurance to you know, ensure these tours There's millions and millions of dollars involved and you got to pass physicals and stuff and if you can't do it Nobody's going to ensure the tour. You got a heavy Yeah, he got really heavy and you know His blood pressure was out of whack a bunch of shit was out of whack and

I remember I did the longest yard dog. They were petrified every day. Yeah You know My blood pressure walking in there was 180 140. Whoa, the doctor would have to lie Yeah Sit there for 10 minutes before I go on the playing field They were really fucking worried about me. You know, yeah, insurance is involved Oh, it's crazy. They don't fuck around. It's got liability insurance. Why they go on the road Just in case I just got it whoever's with me. They're insured. They fall down the stairs. Yeah, you know, I'm saying everything's

Covered because you need all that shit. Yeah, man. People don't know you need all that It's big business man and these bands have been It's not like a a band that's five years in where you're like these are brothers, man You cut your brother out. It's like by then it's like, well, this is a company This band you don't want to look at it that way, but it's a company. It's a business It's a full enterprise There's other people involved and you're you know carting this thing around america Somebody gets sick die

Because they weren't you know what the best part about comedy is the first 10 years. So well, it's not a business Yeah, exactly if you leave it like that, you'll be fine. Yeah, if you tell yourself, this is not a business This is just me striving to be the funniest person in the world It's a different mindset and that's a mindset you should have totally your first 10 years Don't think of it as a business. It's an investment It's your investment instead of taking dollars into your pocket And invest them in coca-cola and wishing the stock stays up You're investing in yourself

That you're gonna be healthy the stock is gonna stay up and you'll you know that at the end of the year You're gonna be that much better. Yeah Nobody wants to hire you right now. Yeah, you don't have 15 minutes right now But in a year watch my smoke and that year goes by and again like you said You don't think something happens or something always does Because maybe it's that third year where that's that year that you did snaps and all of a sudden now you're featuring Yeah, so the first 10 years it's not a business Then it became a business like the eagles right take the eagles for example

They were the fucking number one band for all those years They played that last show right here in Long Beach. They drew guitars on each other. They hate each other Yeah, they took a hiatus They said they asked them for years. Would you get back together hell has to freeze over Somebody showed up with an envelope and said hell froze over. Yeah, we're gonna fucking pay you this amount of money Fucking there were the first band that said fuck it. We're gonna have to charge $250 a ticket Yeah, and guess what they get together in a studio Everybody pulls up in their Bentley's the Mercedes Benz

And then comes Don whatever Don Hanley. No the other Don look at the great one of the greatest guitar players of our day Feldman. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah With a z28 with a t-shirt on that says, you know, che Guevara All of them got hundred dollar Gucci shirts on Designer pants and he shows up a long hair tea tops sniffling still and they're like, oh We just got 250 million dollars to do a tour You really gotta go get a haircut. Yeah and get a suit

This became a business. Yeah, and he couldn't accept it. No and eventually whatever happened went back And he's not in the band anymore. He couldn't be all where we became employees or whatever It became a business. Yeah When you got a 250 dollar ticket Yeah, it's a business. Yeah, you gotta look your best. You gotta be your best. Yeah We can't have you up there looking like a fucking tootsie roots. Yeah, you know, if it's if If I had it my way, I'd have six openers with me on the road. Yeah I got a great heart. I would have six or five openers with me on the road

And have a great time go eat and write together and stuff like that But I know that I would piss the audience off. Yeah, too long The audience doesn't want to see six fucking open. Yeah You know, I would love to I love bringing you on the road with me. I wish lee gets dirty so I could But guess what? My audience likes a woman in front of me better Yeah, because a lot of girls buy their boyfriend's tickets and then the girls are like What the fuck it's been an hour a dick

Two hours a dick like for me. Yeah, it's a business. Yeah, it's not personal. This is a business Absolutely. Herbie's gonna be tip-top magoo and this even went for me Yeah, this even had went for me, you know, you have to dress up a little bit. You have to look presentable When I used to open up for rogan, I wouldn't shave Yeah, you know, you could see the bags on the mines. I had scabs on my face From picking my face all night doing blow. Oh, man. We know you can't sell a $10,000 car with a $10 presentation Yeah, you know, so this is what happens in all these things it becomes a business And with joey kramer

There's been plenty of bands That you got to look at the person go This guy's not gonna fucking make it. I know people are never honest about it. It's bizarre to me. It's not gonna happen Yeah, he's not gonna make it. He's got a drug problem. He's had for 20 years. We're going on 20 years He's worse than ever. Yeah, and now you want to pull him out for another fucking 40 city tour Why are you doing this? It's a lord diminishing returns You better have rudy sarge on speed though. Yeah, and hope he's not busy because this guy's not going to make the fucking thought Yeah, you could tell, you know, it's like when you why would you if I fucking I wake up on thursday morning

And I got 103 fever and I got a sold out weekend in columbus. I have to think like a businessman Okay, there's two options. I have a I get my pussy fucking ass up I take fucking two towels and a fucking whatever I get on a plane Risk getting more germs to an already down immune system Go to columbus go up on stage cough and sneeze Yeah, the show is a 65 percent because you're coughing and sneezing like i'm a muck Now you come back now. Guess what? You got bronchitis and then heightened to a light pneumonia Because you got open to all those fucking germs, but you got your check

But guess what that pneumonia now prevents you from going on the road for four weeks Yeah, because you can't do you follow me? Yeah, you grabbed one to miss four You grabbed one to miss four crazy same thing happens now like I wake up on a thursday morning something ain't right But we can't do it hasn't happened knocked on wood Yeah, but i'm telling you the truth because I don't want to be in your town sniffling on stage With a cold and then the worst thing you could do Is open yourself up on a plane Those planes are filthy. Listen to me those planes are filthy. Oh shit storm. There's a carnivore fucking

Whatever going on around. Yeah, I flew the last two weeks I flown People come right off that plane and you board it Yo, yeah, they ain't cleaning that shit. Don't even spray lice or they ain't spraying nothing Listen, they're in business to spread that shit. Yeah any fucking day now any fucking day now It's gonna start out with some airport So knock on wood, but that's the thing with going back to joey kramer. Yeah going back to what we do There's a day you decide when this becomes a business. Yep. Yeah, you have the right to call this a business It's it also you have to earn that right

To call this a fucking business. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the CEO of what I do What do you do? I get on stage Eight times a week eight nights a week. Yeah, but there's only seven. I get on stage eight of them. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking You know, yeah, and that's the Fuck we're talking. Well, I know it's like people are just complainers Yeah, you know what I mean, they just like to sit around and complain like god, no joey kramer or Oh, g and r with no no, you know, Steven Adler didn't make a difference. Yeah, didn't make a difference. Yeah, couldn't even tell they weren't that

I've seen the greatest singers and people missing from bands of all time She sat right there where you were a month ago and I told her that Aujben did something nobody could do and that was fill fucking Ozzy Osbourne shoes That was very fucking hard to do. Yeah, it was uh, you know when deo I don't know deo joining sabbath Was a bit more shocking than hager replacing Yeah, yeah, this was the end of the fucking era. This was nine albums

People knew who black sabbath was. Oh, yeah, when deo took that stage in philadelphia. I'll never forget going this guy He might get shot. Yeah. Yeah, you know, they might send seeran seeran's brother the guy who shot Yeah, little kennedy. Yeah. Yeah his cousin they might send him here just to shoot the I thought deo was not gonna make the tour I really thought somebody was gonna bazooka him. Yeah, you know and this guy went out there amongst the fucking signs Bring back Ozzy when I went to see him in philly. There was 20. Fuck you signs. Yeah, bring back Ozzy Yeah, he went out there with his little malukya fingers And won them over Won them over and banged it out and banged them on then left and started his band with vivian camp

Oh, yeah, and you got to respect that I told I go, you don't know how many times I don't want to get up on stage and I think back Him going up on stage like the second night of the tour in philly Yeah, he felt like you're replacing ozzy fucking Osbourne. Yeah, you know, sammy. Hey guys replacing fucking Roth Roth, you know, these are band moves that Some bands don't even look at when fucking what's his name when they replaced the chubby dudes from motley crew Oh, yeah with john karabi. Yeah, that shouldn't work at all. Yeah, it didn't work at all. No, not at all Like not even they weren't even going for it

Like at least my generation gave you a chance My generation of the 70s we gave you a chance. Yeah, we'll go one time You know, that's how yes started. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, like the first band of two people left And all some people are we're not going to see yes. Yeah, all of a sudden heat of the moment was born. Yeah Six months later. What's the name of that band? Fuck it. No. Oh, what are they called? Oh fucking what are they two members from? Yeah two members from some other. Yeah, what are they called? I know him man. Oh, I fucking hate that they're called uh

John Welton. No, no No What are they called shit asia asia asia. There it is. Yeah asia man I know two guys left two guys. That's what I don't know. A lot of people get pissed off at that. Listen Look at Leonard skin it. How many people do you think were originally left from Leonard skin it? Oh, yeah, what what do you think is in there? Fucking eight of them died Two of them were alive and they tore it for 20 years with a bunch of people that were toothless

And they got the grandson in there the son The nephew, you know people do it. It works man. Yeah, that was one band I refused to ever go see Without without Ronnie. I was like I can't and you know, that's what I tell people if you don't if you are complaining Just don't buy the ticket. It's really that easy. You can sit home watch youtube of old footage of uh Skinnered and enjoy life like look at this skinner that one we love day in the green And just enjoy it, but these people are going this is bullshit. It's like just don't buy a ticket I don't see how you get that worked up. It's crazy. Go see a new band. Go see a new band

You know go see Marcus king go see rival sons go see a new band and go. This is my band now Fuck that other stuff. They don't got original dudes. I'm seeing this band. Go see that That's what I tell people all the time. You live in in a dream. You're uh, I call them the hair metal tumbleweeds They're blowing around sunset. What happened? Fucking man used to be good. It's like it's still good when I first moved to LA in 98 There was still guys on sunset with tight black pants. Oh And leopard shirts walking around with guitar cases. Yeah. Yeah, rouse rock and roll rouse. Yeah, get in the top ramen

I'm totally fucking lost. Yeah, and you're like, oh my god I love I love music. Uh, I love the 80s. I love 2020 Uh, I love the 90s, but you know, I love the 70s. I'm not a guy that's just like This is it and it was good for two years Those are people that just use music as a memory of when they didn't have bills or divorce or anything It's just a time machine that takes them back to like this is good music. It's like, no, that's just when you didn't have student loans You know, that's all that is a couple weeks ago. We had josh atomize on he's got the show on spotify We're talking about the sam cook. Yeah

Now the boardwalk put the other jam And I told him that two different people sang and then we came to that conclusion And I said to him, have you ever heard the platters? Oh, yeah, he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I played the platters and that night I went home And started playing the platters and I was like blown the fuck away. Yeah, like crying You know, you got the magic touch Ah, uh, when the twilight is gone You come into my heart. Yeah, yeah, and here in my heart, you will stay

Why Pray tremendous. Yeah, my prayer. This is 1950s. These are poor black kids in the fucking 50s killing it Just and their voices were pure Listen to the tapings. They knew how to fucking record in those days. Oh, man They knew how to fucking record you listen. You're like, oh my god. It's fucking crystal clear Oh, Motown recording hits hitsville Well, but I went to that studio all that shit. It was like it was like the size of this room You know, they're in there recording all those hundreds of hits

That just sound incredible that those 50s recordings just Temptations when you hear that my god, it just comes on. It's clean. It's super warm clean. Yeah Yeah, I don't know how the fuck they taped all that stuff. Yeah, I love music man I did too. I could talk music for fucking hours. It's It's amazing how much music I listen to in the days Oh, and when my wife tells me she's gonna leave for an hour. Yeah, I could really crank it. Oh my god. I fucking crank it Oh, yeah, and I know they're gone like universal for three hours. Yeah, it's fucking loud some air guitar

You got some joey air guitar. Yeah, yeah, yeah That's almost shit I air guitar in my mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's funny. You said I told you when I first moved to bolder I moved to the apartment, you know a four bedroom apartment Somebody else rented each room college students. Yeah, there was a Japanese kid You kept telling me I worked under the sun for that money. No fuck yourself Next time mind your business there's a job. It was a job But the white guy was a guy that went to air guitar contest. Yeah, this is 1985 air guitar contest

And those two idiots would sit in that friday nights They would sit in every night and that guy would do air guitar concerts in the living room Whoa, I thought I had to kill all three of my own. Oh my god I'm out there fucking a girl downstairs to kill two doors down The chubby girl next door that would buy weed. I fucked her in the alley a couple times And these three idiots are in their living room Air guitar tool. We're sitting there splitting the six pack. Oh watching the idiot Do air guitar shit. Oh, that's a fucking killer. Those are some freaks. No, I wanted to kill those are some freaks

And eventually after I hired the Japanese kid to cook for me The Japanese kid could cook so I'd give him like a small 40. Yeah Go to our falfers get some steak for me and you and he would cook every night. I was helping him out Yeah, yeah starving his parents didn't want to send the money. He didn't know what to do He came to me crying when I don't know what to do my parents. They don't money I can't pimp him out. I didn't know anybody if it was new york. I would have had him out there sucking dick It's no Puerto Rican's a ticket to the Bronx. Nobody knows nothing But I didn't know anybody in colorado. So I just said you cook

And he did cook Wow, I could cook Man, I would make them make little beef dishes. We've got our falfers together That's the whole foods of boulder at the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah We've got our falfers the meat was a little bit more expensive, but it was fucking good But uh, it's just weird you remind me of air guitar. I know I haven't had guitar since I was I think in the eighth grade. I used to air guitar Ted Nugent free for all cover to cover

And then put on double live gonzo and air guitar that cover to cover and then put on the eagles a hotel california And I could fucking air guitar victim of love like nobody could The fuck you think you're dealing with Oh Are you fucking nuts? We might have to have you air guitar at the bond scott tribute I may do it just out there angus in it. I may do it. Thank you. We another edible together's going on Tuesday You're not even high. Yeah. Sure. What the fuck that'd be so great

It's my birthday tomorrow 57 I yelled at him before I go on 57 years old I'm 57 your dad's 60 This fucking cock sucker should have two broads here eating each other out right now for his father and me His eyes are closed. He didn't even think about that. He didn't think of not even a little gift for his uncle joey I was Lightness put I don't want you to buy a gift. I want you to be creative

I want you to call how you watch good. I wanted to come here You to tell me your dad to wait downstairs. You had a surprise And we come up here and I wasp be playing with a monkey while you had your pipe in the mouth Just to show you me and your dad who the boss is I do you're gonna impress me today, but So I'll kill my dad and then you'll have a video I do you're gonna impress me today You're gonna have a threesome waiting for us here through chicks licking your ass. Oh today's young and you tell me

It is I was waiting to get here and for dean down where they go Please not let me in the office today. Please not let him that Threesome lee the gate would open your father's here. Where's lee? He told me to come down And we knock and you'd say go fuck yourselves all three years. I'm getting my dick sucked Fuck the church. It's my birthday I'd probably knock and go. You know what? Yeah god Who gives a fuck?

Let him roll Look at lee lee things like i'm joker clothes You're the young one here. You should be setting all this up. I remember when you find three horrors, but you know where you know where You know exactly where the fun Yeah, if anybody knows you know you know everything you know everything you know apps lee dog Fucking yeah, but everyone who buys a horrid an app gets to go to jail because there's a text You kept the code from the world when eskibar gave you up there and oh they closed that site You see how krigus. Oh, no, they closed that side. No, that's right. It's not happening. He knows

He knows He knows he just don't want to fuck. Oh, I know how to do but it doesn't pay for how to do it Paper trail. What are you fucking? What do you text him? What are you texting? What are you talking about texting that you want to meet him to talk to the math How much for an hour of math you're talking code How come it's four hundred dollars? Then you tell us that's four roses. Remember that one that's math tutor. I had was 300 And she walked out the back door. That means she doesn't fuck you in the end

Come on. You gotta learn how to say this. All right. I hear you're paying houses. Yeah And I do dry work also. That means I fucking bury the bodies too I'm saying to you. You gotta fucking end up too well for him. Huh? Things didn't end up too well for him Things didn't end up too well for him. That's that's my lead dog. There's another minute. Yeah We leave the apartment We'll get some crabs on your bed. What are you cake? We'll get some excitement When's the last time you found the crab anywhere close to your body?

Oh, you found one and you Why do I want to have sex crabs jumping out of my eyeballs because I think you have something on your resume Your resume is blank right now. No chlamydia. Get your comedy. Good. Yeah It's your comedy. Get another doctor and get a shot in your dick once a month Your buddy goes to doesn't he have a different disease once a month not every month, but yeah, he's had a couple All right, then then you gotta fucking do what he does I can't believe I'm 57 guys. I said 57, dude. I still remember turning 18 and them having a party for me and fucking They had tampons and shit. They were blowing the fucking

I hammered my friend Louis Hernandez was pissing in the toilet. He was puking in the toilet I'll never forget. I was this fucked up I just opened up the bathroom and my friend Louis head was in the toilet and I go Louis, excuse me I pulled his head back. He just said like this. Oh, and I peed right in front of him with his head back Oh, my god, I go what happened to you was like, man I could have made him suck my dick he Yeah, I could have put it on his nose. He would have never know he could have gave him the old flash Mustache his head was just in the toilet. I just tipped it back. I'm so disappointed

I could have done it. I want you know, you're young. Yeah for comedy. He's my brother. I can never it's a jokely But it was just so funny that that's all I did He was passed out with his head Oh, man in the toilet seat first you did the side I know so many people had pissed in that bathroom And I just went pulled his head back. It just rested I put my dick as close as I could out of disrespect. I didn't want him to go here with no fuck no splash No splash no pee splash

And I fucking let loose in there and then I put his head right back like nobody knew And he stayed there till we left the party. Oh, man out of there fucking body first Oh What are you gonna do for your birthday? You're going out. I'm doing the store tonight. Yeah, you know Uh, no We got to get some steaks. I'm looking at a haircut. You want to get some steaks this week? I got to get in shape. I got to do something marcher. I look good at points

Oh, wait the last couple weeks steaks that was clean Steaks aren't clean. I know I need to look sharp by march 8th. Oh Tip top would go I gotta do some shit. I gotta look good for the camera. Yeah I'm trying I'm trying to lose like five for the uh, acdc concert. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I just want to just want to uh Because that's a that's like an hour and a half of singing I just want to be like i'm hitting the treadmill like hard You know bike treadmill cardio

Because you know when I did it when I was 50 I realized that's when I had diabetes the first like I didn't know I had it at the time But I remember after I did the show I sang the show For like an hour and they got my car. I was driving home. I was like, whoa, something's wrong with me Yeah, I was really the first time you realized. Yeah. Well, I knew something was up. I couldn't sleep or whatever You know, I was laying in bed like ice. Cool. I thought I was just exhausted from uh, You know putting that show together But when I look back on it now, I'm like that was the first night

Because I just I remember my buddies were in the car in the back seat. They were talking and I was just like shut up In my head, you know, because I was like something was wrong It was wild So I like to be in total shape for that thing man. It's an hour and a half of singing when you don't sing Every day that's that's a gruer You're using different muscles on your body and now I'm gonna have to sing it kind of still Because of the neck I can't be up there rocking I'm like I'm like the old rocker now with the neck surgery like tom oriah from slayer

He had to go get some neck surgery. He never got the head bang again Crazy But he said he sang better than ever He goes, yeah, I'm not all winded from head banging now. I'm just up there killing it, you know Oh So crazy your musical enthusiasm is so contagious. Oh, man talk music. It's fucking contagious. I fucking love it, my brother I love you dad. Oh, no, man next friday. We're in fucking viva las Vegas. Oh, it's gonna be great Treasure island one show. Oh, man

And then I was hoping that you could hook us up with tickets or something sadly, but there's nothing going on What a bummer. I wish aerosmith was playing the next night. We would be in heaven Nothing. I looked to see if there was a comedian. Maybe I want to see how watch Yeah, there's nothing. Listen. I'm coming home on Saturday morning With treasure island like I'm excited. I got a couple of workouts at the store before I go, you know, yeah I like what I'm doing now. I got no pressure comedy Whatever comes out and I'm doing better sets than I've ever had When I really really want to try new stuff

I tried out order at the store and I bombed. Yeah, and it really doesn't matter. You know, it's my fucking backyard It really doesn't matter anymore. You know, I'm gonna give you the best show I got. I'm writing. So Yeah, I'm uh, I'm really kind. I haven't felt this confident In a long time and I'm like fuck Takes 29 years to get confidence Jesus christ All right, I only got 19 more years to go Like it takes 29 years to fucking fully get confident that you could fall back on stuff

Yeah, like I could fall back on a story or something. It's not going my way Like now all that stuff all those little avenues Fall into fucking place, you know, so this is The fucking journey of life is beautiful. I uh I love it fucking 1985. I had dinner by myself For my birthday. Yeah like just uh

The enchanted lily chinese restaurant. Oh, man, what we knew jersey and I was uh 23 years old And I can't describe to you the feeling that I had that night I had enough money for the chinese dinner A bag of reefer and a carvel milkshake. Oh fuck That said 85 1985 living in a hotel down the corner at one of those fucking crack hotels I was robbing gas stations pretty much, you know, like uh, I was in between

Yeah, doing stupid shit. And that's what I keep thinking about the last two days. That's why I was how lonely I felt In that chinese restaurant that night of eight o'clock eating On your birthday myself 1985 The night that jimmy conway died from goodfellas. He died on february 19 1985 If you watch goodfellas at the end, yeah, and I go to myself. Holy shit He died on the loneliest birthday I ever had in my life His was his day was worse. Yeah. Oh man. It was just fucking horrible, but to think that Guys, I thought I was gonna be dead at 37 now, man, you know, yeah, I thought that

At this age, I'd be living in somebody's backyard Somebody who had pity on me would charge me like 400 bucks for rent. Yeah, I didn't think I'd have a daughter. I think I'd be Dude, he just sold out the fucking chicago theater It's it's not even that it's just Tortorica being alive being functional Yeah, and not being wanted by the cops or not having somebody look for me I never thought that I would have that peace of mind. I think how I live for years that Was that uncut gem lifestyle and I think of now and it's like two different fucking worlds, you know, I never thought that so

Whatever you're going through in your life Believe in yourself that Greener pastors come you're gonna suffer. Yeah, not just gonna hand it to you You're gonna have to put in the fucking work and get dirty and you know You might even get the carnivore disease on the way But it doesn't matter once you get to that place where you thought about You know, and it's nothing And you know what the best thing is this is not about

Selling out the chicago theater or having money in the bank nothing This is but just about genuinely being happy. Absolutely genuinely loving my wife loving the fucking The house, you know, I like staying home the peace of mind just Success is what you want if you want a boat with two chicks on it That's your success go for it. Yeah That success I wanted the beginning that never got me anywhere when I just went to for being happy Then everything else fell into place. That's truth right there. I see your happiness I see the pictures last week of you and Orlando with the gay ghost. Yeah

Well, you know You even took a picture there was a gay ghost behind you. Oh, man My mom came to the gig now where's your mom live? She lives at about an hour outside of Orlando So she finally got to see me do comedy. It's in my instagram. She showed up. She reviewed the show and you know It's funny to think, you know My mom probably when she heard I was starting comedy at like 44. She was probably going like, oh, no, you know

What's going on with my son? Is it going crazy? And there it is 10 years later. I'm in Orlando with maren at this theater and she's there and I had a great set. Thank god maren's like a lot of people bomb in front of their parents Yeah, you killed it. Thank god, you know, because then they're like, oh, yeah good shows honey But it was great. It was great to see her, you know and seen her in a while And she never seen me do comedy because when I started she was out here. She came out But I was doing spots You know open mics

It was like I don't want to bring her to the open mics Or I'm doing like 1am spots and she's in bed by then so she didn't see me do comedy She saw conan when I did conan But to come to a theater with her friend and see like Smoking set, you know, it was a great set. That was awesome My brother's always a pleasure to see you. No, I love you, dude. Happy birthday. Yeah I thought about who I could have on today and make me happy So great. You or steve somone or both of you. Yeah, steve somone's making pork on friday

So who you coming over to house? We're gonna order some Sicilian pizzas from your favorite place Oh Stop poking me No, did you resistance, you know, there's highs yesterday. I'm watching you. All right. What the fuck? No, it's my birthday. You're gonna refuse a man. Let's do it. I'm fucking 30 years older than you See, I look at this one here running. I said, yes. Do you still say no? You guys you guys went light today too compared to like usually it's a couple hits of acid Like yeah, I know I know I didn't want to know dealing one of them barbiturates

Tommy's got a oh, I got a ooba barbiturates But I got a girl that hooked us up. Oh, she's coming in here and she's got ketamine. Yeah When they put it in your ivy, it's a new form of therapy. Whoa So we're gonna get hooked up. We're gonna get ivy right in the arm, put our feet up Got a lot a lot of land for a couple days I'm sure everything you're doing is tested and approved and Felt off the back of a truck somewhere. You know, these are all clinics. They're all set up in real Yeah, what happened? How did they get from the clinic to here?

Express you know I'm telling you we might take a flight Oh The Portland we've laid out at the hospital. They give us a ketamine drip and we'll take Duncan with us Yeah, we have a good day for three days for you motherfuckers. We don't know now, you know friday the 28th I think it is it doesn't matter because the month's got 29 days. Yeah, figure it out It's a chinese. You knew you the year the rat. Watch that pussy. Anyway next friday night bitches treasure fucking island 8 p.m

Dean del Rizzy uncle joey fucking Going fucking bananas next week. I'm excited about vegas. I can't wait. They got a good open turkey sandwich over there Treasure island. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I got reefer heavy duty showing up We got everything so if you're not doing anything then the next day that I have is march 27th In santa barba california at the arlington motherfucking theater I got to do some things in march. So if you need to see me the next two months That's the only places you'll see me real quick. I want to give a shout out The church is brought to you by as usual

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Don't know that I haven't had an egg roll in 11 days. I'm boy cotton I'm done. It's all over. I haven't gone for a massage. You're doing your own quarantine. I told my acupuncturist to suck my dick It's all I'm running with the juicic again I can't risk one of those fucking carnivore needles in me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know, I'm turning purple I'm doing karate moves. I don't need that shit and near do you go to on it.com right now Take a look at the shroom tech immune Take 18 of them and if you're around anybody Anybody that's kind of fucking that eats lizards or whatever

Boom those motherfuckers were eating bats. Who eats a fucking bat? Why do you do this to me? Why do you make me fucking sick to my stomach and eat a bat? Anyway Shroom tech immune. Don't worry about nothing. Take four of them. You can fucking have a china guy breathe on the 18 times Still don't eat it bad If you're on a cruise He'll be fine and if you go on a cruise you deserve to die you dumb fuck Fuck you cocksuck. Anyway, go to honor.com right now and press it church and get 10% off your order delivered right to the crib Who's better than uncle joey? Nobody. I want to thank them though. Rizzy. I want to thank the christ killer

But most importantly, I want to thank you motherfucking savages for always having our back And for loving us. Don't forget next friday Treasure island bitches Stay black. Have a great week See you monday ready to go tip top motherfucking the goo Saluting the flag like you fucking hold it. Stay black. Be safe. Love you uncle joey