Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #763 - Sam Morril

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

Sam Morril, a comedian, actor seen in "The Joker," and co host of the "Pod Don't Lie" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by:    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.  MeUndies - Go to Meundies.com/JOEY and get 15% off of your first purchase and FREE shipping. 

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Guarantee, all right, who's better than them? Nobody go to me on these today's guests is my main man The fucking ultimate New Yorker Mr. Sam Morel great to have you on the show me on man. What's up my brother? This is great I use I use one of those CBD bath bombs the other night man fucking them I don't take baths, but I get back all the you do the road all the time you get back problems and shit, you know It's really weird but I lift on Mondays and Thursdays and both those women fucking break my back and

I'll go home and do some downward dogs or whatever. I'm good. Yeah If I go to that coffee shop, and I sit there and I try to write. Yeah a couple of days That's the worst my back gets real. Yeah, me too My back me to my back. I could go lift a fucking house For an hour in the next day. Yeah, I got a little back pain because your muscles are sore Yeah, but it's not when I sit there. It just kills and I put a timer on yeah, you got an hour and 15 I got one of those half balls. I sit on his half balls. So it forces you to kind of sit up How's that working? I don't know. I'm still a week, Jew

I still have like the weak frame of just like the I I'm not it's I don't think it's I think it's It's just another thing that makes you feel better, but it's not really helping. You've been on fire lately You've been doing really well. Thank you, man. You're proud of yourself. No I can't feel it. It's you know, I mean you're in a fucking great movie Joker. Thank you You're on some show time show. So you oh, yeah making little moves Yeah, little things and I hate when comics really and I do the same. Yeah, when we really don't grasp what we're doing We're laying down little things. It's hard to feel it. It's hard to feel the good How was the reaction to you being in the Joker?

It's probably the most messages I've ever gotten in my life because for some reason Todd Phillips just kept my real name in the movie So after I get off stage that the host goes one more time for Sam Merrell So everyone's like wait what so I like shouted friends be like you weren't the fucking Joker I didn't tell anyone I was in it because I was I was just doing stand-up So like why would they keep me in you know, I was shooting it all day and it's a real crowd So I'm doing a different set every take because I didn't want I don't want to have to have them fake laughs So I was like, let me do real a new joke every take so they're Actually laughing and and then Chris Redd is hosting the other comic Chris Redd

So he's hosting so he's getting so annoyed with me because he I get to do new bits every take and he just he's just like One more time for Sam Merrell. That's his only line is just to say my name and then he introduces the Joker on stage who bombs so It was I to me I was like well Yeah, I get the dude material, but you're gonna make the movie and I'm not so I didn't tell anyone I was in it because I just assumed they were gonna cut me and Boom, there you are. They didn't yeah, they don't you don't really see my face You just hear me tell a joke, but it's I was like fit that that's my joke. That's cool

Did you go to premiere in the whole thing? No, no, I didn't get invited from here The crew no, I'm such a minor part. It doesn't matter. That's crazy. Yeah How did you cast apart Todd Phillips called me the director and he just said like you stand up because you're not like He said something like oh, you're not cutesy on stage. You feel like very you you're just like I think you're just you on stage And I appreciate that you send her the tape or anything. No, I didn't I think called John the fucking blue Yeah, that's a knockout. I think my I think my I think they asked for an agency for a bunch of tapes And he came across mine. He's a guy. I like this guy good for you So it was me and Gary Goldman that he liked Gary was in it Mark Moran was in yeah, Brian Cowan was in it

Brian Cowan. Yeah, Greer Barnes a lot of a lot of comics pretty cool that Todd Phillips does it It's weird how the business has changed if you're in a like you could have been a fucking You would let's say You would have had a half hour on comedy central Yeah, you pop a fucking movie role. Yeah, 30 years ago. You start selling out every weekend Yeah, I did a half hour. No one can find it because it's on comedy central I did an hour nobody can find it because it's on comedy central and then you know now this one They they put on YouTube so people can find it, you know, it's so weird a year ago

I bumped into some guy and he goes, I'm not doing a podcast anymore And I go why not he goes on cuz I tried it for two years and I Didn't sell any more tickets. I go so you did the podcast with tickets in mind Right, you weren't just doing it to add to your, you know, your arsenal of things Right, he goes, yeah, I just wanted to give it a shot. If so weird I felt about it because I feel that everything you do adds to your arsenal That little part 10 years from now might become something completely weird and 30 years from now when you're broke and they're doing Joker conventions

And you're showing up and you're going you're Sam Morell $10 a picture and that you know, it always comes back like It's so weird how we look at minor things You know, I have a million Things out there TV shows. Yeah, I brought in a box of mail. I delivered something Somebody signed, you know But now looking back at it. I was just getting stronger. Yeah and stronger and stronger. There's a million things That's a great attitude and then I got two lines and then for a year

I did I would book movies and they were always one day. What the fuck? Yeah, I'm one day Joe That's it and they would either be the first scene with the credits rolling through it Yeah, well the last scene where the credits rolling through it. I did like a year of those Yeah, then I started booking to two days on a film. All right. We're getting some way. You know saying yeah Then I booked like 11 on one. I was like, okay Now but it's like every one counts towards something Yeah, you're all just you're also just getting better and more comfortable on your own skin I think each thing that like like I'm doing Conan on Tuesday and it's my it's my sixth time on Conan and I'm kind of

Oh, yeah, I think about each of those times and the first time I was so nervous and the second time I was like fucking I'm gonna have a couple scotches before I go on I deserve I think I'm like I think I can handle this and then each time I just kind of like I used to run them So hard every set like it meant like and they still mean a lot to me each set means something to me But but they're just like I don't really I I'm just not nervous. I'm just like well, I am I prepare I It's in my nature to prepare for the set. So I'm gonna prepare but I'm not I'm gonna do everything I can do. Don't don't go don't kill yourself

I used to kill myself over it 28 years. I just stopped killing myself. Yeah, I just figured out that You work you're right The material is there. Yeah Delivery do the best you can Know what you're gonna go up there and say know what you're gonna end with yeah, and just go with specials. I'm in my head I Analyze every word and for no reason. No, you should analyze every word But I think I know what you don't kill yourself But yeah, like I do analyze it, but with a special I over analyze it. That's fair and that's not right

You know the other night I was watching Creed 2. Yeah, you know, it's on TV Friday night, my daughter's running around whatever and there was just Everyone with those two vessels to loan movies They're not Academy Award winners, but he always says one thing in those movies that you go, huh? And the kid was saying something the black kid Michael B. Jordan Michael Jordan tremendous. He's awesome and He goes, you know what you're thinking too much. Just say what's cut in your heart and that's what stand out You know what you were talking about? Well, Frasier earlier before the podcast and I you know the

Legendary Nick and he always says when players are shooting badly He always goes he's aiming his shot and that applies to stand-up You're you aiming your shot means you're thinking, you know, you got to trust the muscle memory Did you practice if you practice? You don't you don't have to think you just you just do it You know the same with stand-up you practice as much as you practice But then you got to like free yourself a little and be you like you were the you're funny That's why you're there, you know what I mean? So if you write the jokes and you focus on the jokes be free don't be it's almost like you're too tight sometimes like for specials

I was depending Too much on what was on the paper, right and I wouldn't break away from that. That's not who I am Right. That's not who I am. I think you need to do like you need to do like yeah shows you need to do like a full weekend with a camera crew. I enjoy Doing a joke and then somewhere sometimes taking it somewhere else Yeah, and taking it to a story and then coming back to that joke and then going somewhere else Yeah, with specials. I felt was too scripted. It was a TV show. I couldn't have a dull moment in my head I appreciate dull moments. That's nothing like digging yourself out of a hole

There's nothing like banging them out and then somewhere at the 12 minute mark dying for a minute or two and Then digging your way out and closing it out with a fucking bubble, you know I like an uncomfortable moment in this show. So do I I like I'm gonna come to my moment and every time I do Yeah, I take every spot seriously, and I'm really good with the economy of words Yeah, I understand the economy of words. I understand When I go home and listen till I got fucking recording and I Shouldn't have said that word dad that word belongs here. I like all that stuff you you're a phenomenal writer

Thank you. I'm not a writer like you you but you are a writer your story teller But you told a story on Ari's show once that was so moving and funny, you know, it was about I think it was I'm trying to remember the exact story, but it was about an older woman in your life. Yeah It was incredible my mom's friend. Yeah, it was incredible and it was so I mean you have the ability to connect that is It was such a it was heavy. I love a story. That's funny, but also is like fuck that like that kind of affected me a little I think that Sometimes comedy comes in a heavy dose and and you don't see it. I like Breaking down comedy in a heavy dose. I want to talk at your strings. We're talking about so vest is the law

Yeah, he talks in your heart every movie that he does I didn't see the second creep at the first one the whole cancer plot He I was like that was a fucking beautifully hugs at your heart every movie He does I just watched the last Rambo. I was bored one Friday There's a great movie deal up here in North Hollywood there like eight dollar tickets and I'm watching them And I'm like everything he does like he always leaves you with something Right, you know, it's hard. I know he's fucking 64 and even he knows he's 70 and that movie He's not doing an anti-ancommon. He's not trying to be John Wick

He you know, he did different things to fuck him up and he out with them But whatever, I don't know how the fuck we got to talk on so vest is the law You're a great writer. Thanks. That means you sit down every day I try to I try to sit down every day and I I've been bad lately, but I usually have like a routine I'll try to just you know, go to the coffee shop. I'll take a walk. I'll do I'll do whatever I can do I listen to sets like he was just saying I I hear Sometimes I'll hear a word. I'm like, oh that that could like go in this direction. I can kind of come back You know to the bit. So yeah, I think you need it's funny

He brought up so long because he really I heard I don't know this I think that it's true that with Rocky. They told him not to be Rocky, right? And they're like, we'll give you way more money if you're just out of the movie and we cast a movie star And it's like who the fuck else could you picture is Rocky now? The if you even knew the choices that they were looking who are they looking at Bert Reynolds Dustin Hoffman. No, it was Bert Reynolds somebody else But the main guy they were looking at was who the guy that was married to Farrah was it Wow Ryan O'Neill that would have been a fucking shame

It was like yeah, it was like isn't that weird Robert Redford But that first choice was far from who and then what people don't know is and Rocky got shot Like a Rocky was one of those movies that they called you when they said you're in it But something happened along the way with the money and Then they called back and said shooting starts next week and people were like Already booked a job. Yeah, it's like Apollo Creed Mickey and Paulie were booked to Friday before the Monday. Oh my god, like something fucking outrageous

Something just and you don't know that phone call changes the course of your career. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, like it was supposed to be Ken Norton up to that weekend and something happened to Ken Norton Wow So that guy had a play Creed. I don't know who the original Mickey was I don't really know just little stories like that and did I like like that scene he does when he goes and sees the shorts He goes through the right before he she moves in Adrian goes to the your spectrum And he tells the dude a My shorts, I don't remember this. It's not the fucking color My shorts are red with a blue poster

These are blue with a red shirt right guy takes a puff of the cigar and he goes it really doesn't matter son does it and That's just tapped into his fucking South Philly side And he goes back and he wakes her up and he tells her I can't fucking do that They had to do that in one take as they were out of film. Wow. So next time you see Sylvester Stallone You want to make your little fucking? Stupid remarks that most people make think about somebody telling you we got one shot left. Yeah, it's gotta be perfect I'm a fan. I'm I think you hear the Rocky music. It's like here in the Star Wars music That's like when I said when they we made Creen. I just heard the music. I was like fuck

There's like a there's like an American mythology that you're like taps in your heart a little bit Make it you can't you're made of stone. You're an asshole if you feel nothing It's cuz it's the best music It it changed America I remember going to that movie theater the whole movie theater that was one of those movies I saw in New Jersey and At a movie theater called the cinema. I'll cinema was like human neighborhood and fucking Don't know places on their feet

Don't place. Yeah, there were two movies. I seen in there The whole place were on their feet at the end Rocky and and birth of a nation The longest yard. Oh nice. Yeah, they were on the edge of their feet. Yeah, 200 kids yelling Me machine main machine, you know the element that the ushers had to come out pop core was getting thrown We're going fucking nuts, but that was a different era. You know, I saw Rambo do in Washington Heights down at seven like 180th on the corner Nice, there's like a it's like a big cross street and they used to be a black movie theater there I think I went to a vegan restaurant there recently. How fucking fun is that fucking crazy? Yeah, it's changed

But there was a movie theater there and there was two of them on that block Yeah, there was one on the corner that showed modern movies and if you walk down a little bit There was one that was two movies for five bucks. Smelt like sperm People just wanted in the afternoon to keep warm and jerk off the floors were sticky There's a carvel And you never let you go in there with your little carvel shake and wants to move and if you step in it You just I just fucking hope our valve. Yeah, you would sit there. Yeah feet would just stick in You know, I'm not it was like a porn place but in the daytime. It was like

You know thief of hearts and like office and the gentleman for five bucks I like an old movie theater, man There's something cool about like About seeing like Casa Blanca or something like real old in a movie theater You see a black and white film on a big screen. You're like fuck. This is how you got to see it Something about watching at home. You just don't you you connect so much harder in a theater, man. I really enjoy going to See all these films of my daughter. I want to see that one yesterday And I basically

Sat down caught one upcoming Trailer and I fell asleep. I Sat by myself My wife and there was only one movie the one with Harrison Ford and the dog The wild one whatever the fuck that is, you know, they play like 30 minutes of trailers at AMC now Oh, yeah, it's the greediest shit. I've ever seen those commercials and then those 30 minutes of trailers You're like, dude, I I didn't expect to be this is an hour and a half movie I'm gonna be here close to you know, two and a half hours now. It's crazy

It's really crazy how the whole theater experience is changed. Yeah You know Compat when I was a kid. Yeah, you had your you didn't have the chains. You had your big movie theater Hmm, but then you also had the community movie theater Where the movie wasn't hot anymore. This was the fourth week If you were good, if you wanted to pay the fuck four bucks to see you already paid it now, it's down to like two bucks Smaller places, you know, I like those I grew up in those. I think the neatest movie theater I ever went to with San Francisco in 85 I went to see mask and

This movie theater had couches Like and sticky floors. No, no skittish. Yeah, the place is spotless. Yeah And the kitchen was spotless and they made Chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Yeah, right out of the oven. Oh, oh, no. No, this was just tremendous And they made popcorn And you would see the lady putting a stick of butter in the heater. Yeah and melt in real butter I mean, this was legit You know what I like in a movie theater a movie theater that sells like cashews because you know, you're gonna get like a

Documentary or a good foreign film. Yeah, you see you see nuts for sale. You're guys. These people take their shit seriously I like it. I like I still I don't want the movie experience to grow Like I went to a movie theater in Toronto one time and they had a wait staff Yeah, and you and they were serving alcohol and that's cool. You sit there and go that's cool, but that's movement It is I don't like that and it's not forward progress. It's just movement. It doesn't add to the movie experience I don't need to get drunk to watch a movie, you know, you look at the fucking you go online and the movie sister starts at 140 You know, you do 20,000 things you wash your pussy. You gotta take that shit Everything that could go wrong could go wrong the cat pukes on the way out

You get there 140 and then you basically do sit there For a half a fucking hour. Yeah watching these reviews, you know Over and over these things and the movie you don't even know what the fuck is going on Like it's six trailers or something. They show I hate it You can watch and I think like three or four trailers max three trailers. Yeah to excite me Yeah, that's it. I also don't like different genre trailers Like if you're in a comedy and they just show you like horror trailers, you're like, that's not I'm not a horror guy, man It's just not my genre, but I don't I also don't like I mean as you said taking a shit in a fucking in a movie theater

I I'm very lactose intolerant. I beat it. I feel like I beat the the disorder I don't really have it as much anymore, but I had it bad. I would just so I would I was so mad I had as a kid that I would eat like cheeseburger mozzarella sticks milkshake I'm like everything to like and every once in a while I would be in like Horrible pain. I was in one of those time square movie theaters. Just horrible stomach ache Just liquid coming out of me the worst and I just hear a dad and son outside the stall laughing at me And I hear the dad go that boy's got this shit That's fucking nice. It made me it was like one of those moments where you're in so much pain. You're like

All right, but that was pretty good. That was a pretty good line You go to college. I did I went to I went to Tulane for a year and a half in New Orleans and then um It was right when Katrina hit so I ended up leaving but uh, I ended up finishing in New York City at NYU And what do you think would you would you major in I majored in a made-up major that was like a writing major But I kind of made it so I was already doing stand-up. So I kind of made it I was doing like barking at nights and hand out flyers at nights and doing stage at night So I kind of manipulated it to be about comedy But why you were at NYU? Yeah, but it ended up I had to do make it academic. So it was ancient greek comedy

So it was like 400 bc, but I'll tell you man. Those old plays dick joke far joke Fucking sex joke like every every joke like it's this comedy is not changed Which is kind of a it's kind of cool. There's that famous greek play lissastrada where you just can You're going the men are at war and the women won't fuck the men Until the war is over. That's how they stand and you're like, that's from 400 bc That's that's kind of cool. I think I don't know. So I'd have to make it academic to please them, but uh I just love I knew I love comedy. I love doing stand-up so much. So like I may as well while I'm here Do this stuff, you know, I'll be the first to be on stage 19. You said I was 18 the first time

But I was it was like probably like two months before I turned 19 I was at the I did the class of the comic strip in new york city df swedeler taught a class there And one of my best friends still joe macky just happened to be in the class So I met usually it's like those people were just like bored But like we both really love stand-up and I could I could sense he loved it and uh he uh It was good for me because df was like I was so dirty in the class every joke was I was a kid So every joke was like drinking sex and he was he said just try to write a few clean jokes too

Because it's harder to go from from dirty to clean than clean to dirty So just have that tool I he said he asked who I liked and I said I love david tell and I gave him all these comics I liked and he said well tell can write clean I tell us done late night sets So he was he's actually a lot of those early Teachers are like, you know, we'll get you on letterman in six weeks. Trust me But he didn't make any promises. He was like, I'll just make you a little more Uh organized what year was this?

2005 wow Yeah, I took a class at new york comedy club. No shit 1993 who taught it? I forget the guy's name, but I just been bumped into him. Maybe Three years ago in burbank. Wow. Didn't even know it was him. We were talking like are you remember teaching your class? It goes absolutely And his main thing was stand-up How your world collides with the rest of the world? Yeah, and I remember him ask me one day like who

Next week bringing who your favorite comic is and some assholes brought in the galaga tons of jerk-offs brought in cosby as usual And when I laid bill hex on them, he was like, I'm gonna pay attention to you. Yeah, you're really into this shit And we be you know, I forgot who but that was if I got anything I I forget what it was A hundred bucks for eight weeks or something. Yeah I took one in bolder, which got me on stage In boulder in boulder. That's why I got on stage the first time with boulder. Yeah, it was Denver Denver comedy works

Oh, sure. Okay, 1991. Wow I went to new york to develop in 93 It was too heavy for me man It was too heavy of a fucking jungle and I couldn't I didn't see myself going anywhere and after eight months of that It was too clicky It is the open mics in new york when I started what was really really clicky at that time. Yeah tons of them can't complain Uh people at them, but it's hard to get noticed in any way. Yeah, I was just trying to open mics

So if someone guy would say do my bar show I was trying to get real shows and and those mics man Uh, especially because my jokes were so like the punchline was so obvious I was doing a lot of one-liners that if they were bomb I would bomb I would feel those bombs hard and then And I didn't even mind bombing but the amount of mentally ill people you'd have to encounter at these mics, man Where I'd be like fuck talking about at the basement level Is I used to go to a place on 15th An eighth avenue. I used to be good fellas pizza. Yeah, right down the corner from Manhattan Honda Manhattan Honda was like 23rd street. Yeah, this bar you made like a right on 15th street

You walk like 30 yards. That's an open mic. I don't know what night it was They're open mic started then It was just a dive. I remember being in there with a pimp Yeah in there with three holes And then working the hose yo, yo Yo play it. Come here. You want to get your dick sucked and you're on stage And you're on fucking stage, you know, and you're like no and then afterwards like, you know, he's not even talking to you He doesn't care like I still specifically

Remember just feeling like yeah, I'm not gonna say suicidal in New York. I wasn't suicidal I just felt like it wasn't going anywhere. I had started in Denver And the difference between Denver and New York at that time was a you don't have to bring five people A lot of comics had their own rooms so comics went into bars and asked for Three or two one dollar budget and everybody got 50 bucks and You know four people got to go on stage. Yeah

I didn't see that that I went to New York And so our heart I was working to get on stage, you know I remember going on open mic. They used to start at 11 Yeah, old triple and 11 o'clock went to four You know how many times I was dead a quarter the fucking 11 and I was already number 67 Yeah, like you you you serious like it's 10 30 The lineup opens up at 10 30 and I'm already 67. It's brutal. I mean dude. Yeah So Joe Mackey and I used to do what was called late night at the comic strip

So there's the regular show starts at eight and then at like 10 30 or so maybe 10 45 They start late night and then so that's like already, you know, it's already two hours 45 minutes of crowd sitting through the show So they let you go on do five minutes instead of 15 and Mackey and I would get there like 7 40 to be the first to sign up and then it didn't matter if we were the first They had this other side of late night that got to just cut us So these were like guys that didn't work the club but have been around for like 20 years So they're guys who just didn't work on their acts They were just guys some of them would just go up and do street jokes

And they just get that they'd show up at like 10 30 and we'd be there three hours They just get to cut us So then we'd go on sometimes like 11 45. There's like three people left four people, but you know To us it was like well, we're hanging and we're bouncing bits and we're like talking comedy So that was good for us and then even just saying the jokes to three people I felt like it was something, you know some nights the crowd was good, but Uh, it it made us. I remember Mike Di Stefano. It was a really funny guy who worked at Just he passed away. Yeah a very funny guy and very funny guy and very like kind of

There was like an honesty to him on stage. He was like he was a really kind guy. He was really funny. There was Yeah, he just was great. I remember he saw it Mackie and I 190 said I like you too because you you stay in the corner You shut the fuck up and you just bounce jokes. He's like and that's what young comics should do He's like you don't bother anybody. He's like you don't bother the pros and we're like, all right I guess I guess what us being in the corner is good, you know, it's just Gotta keep showing up and he kind of that was like I think his way of encouraging us and other other comics would Say they give us like a hint that we were doing the right thing a little bit And I I thought the comic strip was pretty good for developing jokes

It's crazy that you did that at the comic strip And when I moved here in 97 Josh Wolf and I talked to Aaron Montempo Into letting us do a show at 11 At the improv. She's like, I don't know people gonna come But you know, I don't know how many times the host would say guys We have another show if you want to stick around and

Again six people would hang Yeah, you know, and it was josh me And then fucking the word got out You know, and then it would go to eight people Then 10 Then 12 and we're doing okay with it and then Damon Wayne started bumping us He would come in at 10 30 And just stay up there till fucking one damn Wednesday

Brutal it breaks your fucking heart. It does a young comic, you know, and I had another complaint about I was getting spots at the store But it was nice that you're at least in the improv farm league Exactly, you know now you could do it now. They have like the room next to it the lab and You know at this time it was just the improv That's it on hollywood and once the show ended the show wasn't like the comedy store runs still too The improv would end like an 11 then Yeah, but even like there was a guy rick dukeman who was in groundhog day really funny guy

He told me when he got into comedy and la that The improv was told him if you want to hire if you want to pay somebody To go back there and put the lights on Because we have to cut our guy at 10 30 Damn pay somebody by the hour We'll let you do whatever you want and he said fucking it was worth for me To pay somebody by the hour I would get a couple comics to chip in

We made flyers And it goes we at least we performed to real people instead of An open mic, you know that meant everything to me is the mics just As you said, they're so clicky I'd I'd go I'd be working on bits and there would be comics going up They're doing inside jokes with other comics in the crowd and I said man, I'm trying to build an act I'm trying to like figure out jokes. It's very tough and you figure out your path It's like water we water always

Finds a path The more we get on stage we find the path Yeah, like we you find the path out of that lunacy There's that bottom ground lunacy where some of them are homeless Some of them is mental health, you know, Joaquin Phoenix You know, you know, son and then you graduate. Yeah, bigger and better things But that as time goes on and also

When you decide you're not going back there You know, and it also depends on when the comic says I'm not doing this shit no more Yeah, it feels good to not they can sense the desperation and they know who's gonna come back and they and they just knew what they could I mean The comic strip was our first club So they kind of never gave us respect as stand-ups because they just always saw us as just nothing How's the comic strip today? I think Jerry Seinfeld and Adam Sandler doing specials in there kind of gave it a second win

But it's they make a lot of mistakes. You know, they it's a great room. The room is beautiful. It's just like there's something about it as a comedy room that's like kind of perfect, but I mean they really They could be booking They could be booking a lot of really good comics that they don't book and I think it's kind of always been that way And I think that's always been the the thing on the comic strip The comics they don't book them or the comics don't call to be booked I think both I think I think I'm sure the first part feeds the second part

You know, I think they just know that they don't like I've given them names of people I said You should book this person. They're really good and they're and they're gonna kill your room And they're always like we'll take they'll give them like one spot and then never again What about stand-up new york? What's that like now? It's falling off a little bit too. It's yeah, there's uh Bad ownership They just kind of once they once they start panicking They just do too many produce shows and you kind of lose a good rotation a comic that there should be there So I'd say in the city the best clubs

Uh your comedy seller got them Uh, the stand is good new york comedy club has two locations that are new ownership really good. So those are those are the good rooms Those are your favorites, right? Yeah, definitely and the comic strip danger feels all those danger feels is pretty rough They actually shot the scene for the joker danger fields, you know, and I think the thing was it's a rundown club I heard a story about danger fields at one time chris rock walked in there and they said whoa Whoa, 20 bucks and he said i'm chris rock and uh and the ticket guy just looked at the bartender and he goes All right, let him in like not like sorry you're chris rock. We might want you to go on stage like all right fine Which is like that's just tells you everything, you know

When I went back this last summer I did spots of danger fields. I'm just like eight people and I enjoyed it Yeah, it reminded me a lot of the comedy store. It had the comedy store feel yeah I have to go to new york in a few weeks and i'm gonna have a few nights. I don't know what i'm gonna do with my nights I know that I have like two nights. I have nothing I could probably book a A night, but i'm shooting so I don't really want to get I heard congratulations. Yeah, i'm getting too involved in this Yeah, I hate when you think you're not gonna do something. I gotta call levity live and go I'm shooting. You know, right? I just keep it light and go back and see what the schedule takes me in

I'm sure any of those clubs will be very happy to have you. Yeah. No, I like all those clubs I like I enjoy all those motherfucking clubs. So yeah, I never go down the economy. So I think it's too It's too political for me. Oh really type of guy that I am. Yeah in what way? I Can't sit at the table you could Shit like that. You absolutely. I don't want to go through that. Yeah, but everyone would be happy to see that I remember i'm a new yorker I'm the last of the real new yorkers. I ain't able to fucking table

So before anything happens, why even go there? I'm not some guy that moved here from fucking indianapolis I'm the last of the real motherfuckers from the west side. Yeah, like my summer camp was 148 street between Burk, uh, but Broadway Riverside Drive down there. That's why I saw my first body It's not you know, it's not joey. It's not gonna get to it. This is in your head No, no, yeah, no one's like no one's like the fuck is this guy? I want to go. Hey, man. What's that? It's not it's not like that It's bad. I feel I get what you mean. I feel the same way the comedy store Yeah, you have you walk in and somebody's gonna go. What the fuck are you doing here? Yeah, we did I did a show on it

I did my show my hour in the comedy store on friday And of course the guy stopped me the door like whoa, whoa, whoa, and I'm like god damn it. All right here Yeah, it's kind of weird that because it's new york It's how I how I conduct myself on the streets of los angeles Will be completely different than how I conduct myself on the streets of new york It's really weird. Do you know what I'm saying because I know

How you have to conduct yourself in new york? If not, you're gonna fucking get caught if you have to beat someone up take it out of my friend joe mackie You can take it. No. No. No. No. I'm fucking around. I just know that Listen man comics Say weird shit sometimes. No one's gonna say anything to you though. That's all in your head. You're assuming the worst No, sometimes I listen dog. I I've heard shit even here. Yeah, I hear shit here. So That's why I go to the commie store. I keep them at arms distance also. I love it's my home Yeah, it's like I go on there seven nights a week. Sure because the younger comics like what the fuck bro. You're an old man go home and

Fucking uh, go go make a sweater. You know what I'm saying? You're here taking the spots We're gonna be on conan next week. What the fuck? Yeah, the only conan you on was bc You know, so shit like that's over my mind. Yeah, you're probably right but I just uh I just like to perform with no drop. I'm the same way man. Yeah I like writing jokes and telling jokes. I don't want to deal with it The hang the hang stresses me out here and also dude that the fact that the the shows are so spaced out I'm like shit. That was I did two spots like five and a half hours here. You know It's a lot last week

No, it's like it takes forever because like some of some of the shows the the store usually but some shows don't give you a Spot time so you're just hanging out and you're like, that's cool that you at least get a love at the store Uh, yeah, that's real. I'm not past to this store, but I'll get like sam tripple. He's been awesome They'll throw me up and you know, so you're doing tuesday with tripple. Yeah. Yeah way there early. I did the last one Oh, the last one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did a late. I'd be he's had me on a few times He's he's great and uh, I did one last night in the main room brine monarch monarch show Hot show. I mean, yeah, it's it's such a great It's a great room man. The store is awesome, but I don't feel comfortable there. It's not you know

I'm a new york. I'm a seller guy. So now when did you Do When you first got into comedy you were at NYU. What are your parents saying? My parents are pretty supportive at the time. I think my my parents are pretty concerned It was an excuse for me to just get shitfaced all the time which they probably weren't far off, you know When you're young, you're like, ah free alcohol. This is cool. Uh, but Uh, you know, my mom is an artist. She's very creative. My dad is a is a lawyer So I think he's more practical

My mom was a little bit more like as long as you're not getting fucked up We support this and I was getting fucked up. So they weren't supporting that And then uh, and then and then they started, you know what the the night they kind of I think got it Is I opened for jim jeffrey's in the best buy theater in uh in time square And it must have been like 2000 people a show or so and And it went well and they were like wow this guy jim jeffrey's is so good And he asked sam to open so I think they they were kind of like maybe this isn't bullshit You know, maybe this is because they'd seen me in clubs and stuff, but they hadn't seen that so

I wanted to take it and get started to go from Open mic to fucking You know, we were talking about competitions and I hated the comedy competition so much, dude Some of them were but that's what made me work. That's what gave me that's what was got me paid on stage is is My jokes were very short. They were even they're short now. They're even shorter than so I would um I would do comedy competitions and It would they did one called march madness, which is like bracket style It starts like one minute versus one minute

Then it's like three minutes versus three minutes and five so you're going one on one With a comic as they're sitting there. I I would open by going this is like eight mile for jews That was my opener and then I would have to like just go into material, you know, it was like fuck. This is intense And you just sit there while the other person's killing. It's fucking I hated it It was my least favorite thing, but I also was like this is also Getting me work. So I uh What really put me over the top was this festival called the laughing skull in Atlanta when like 2010 or 11 I did um I did it and I won the festival and the prize was you got some money

But the prize I was excited about was guaranteed It was like six months to a year of road work So that got me just on the road and that was all I wanted. It's like I want to be a road comic. So It's crazy how the contest um I did Seattle Yeah, it was fucking great In 95. That's a long one. Isn't that like three weeks?

Jesus christ Oh, that's a long brutal and you starve, you know, but it's that camaraderie. Yeah, that Thing that lets you know that it just really opened up my eyes that I'm really thankful for that one San Francisco, I quit on Saturday. I did the San Francisco one when I moved up here. Yeah Somebody suggested I should do San Francisco And at that time in 97 it was a scam Yeah, just by that time it was just a scam Comics were fucking judging. Yeah, it's like me going up. Sam. What up? Nothing great time at your mother's party

Really, how's Lee gonna fucking win that happened to me? Yeah, I'm gonna win if I know sam personally sam. Isn't that fucked up that was it destroyed my inside It's like I worked hard at the store. I got the limits the set limits, you know at six minutes You got to wrap it up at seven. You got to get off stage if you go over seven They deduct the point I don't think I ever want to judge a comedy competition. No, I think it's awful And and you know what when I first passed the comic strip They made me do five minutes

And I remember so they just didn't want to pass me for they would like and I give them some respect for this They really were still in a hazing which I think you know what is a little a little uh A little hazing never makes you a worse stand-up, but it did hurt at the time because I Just like they would fuck with me a little bit nothing like cruel just like they could they kind of fuck with me were like, uh An example as they said, you know, I was doing really well He saw me do really well on late night ones and he goes all right Maybe you're ready for an audition and I said I'm ready to work the lineup

I felt that Joe Mackey and I were ready to work the lineup for a while And he said, all right, we'll put you on they put me on at the end of the late So they do a late night audition, but it's at the end of late night So it's like the first time our audition it starts with 80 people in the crowd Maybe you know and some guy before me had a fucking meltdown on stage He walked everyone but 12 people and I'm waiting all night. I'm waiting three hours I watch this guy just have a fucking meltdown and I was and I was just like begging him like please don't walk that last 12 I need this, you know

So I went up and it and it went well for those 12 people. I was very calm I kind of rift on what just happened obviously and I said, you know, I need this so thanks for staying and did the act So I got another shot And then he put me on it was a full crowd this time and three comics with the judges and I fucking I killed it went Real well charade small was hosting it and charade was like this dude deserves to work here He said that before and he said they're making him go through He's having an audition like there's like a second time auditioning For the main lineup after he's already been doing the the late night for a few years

so I think he should be here and Second time in like a month and then I went on went real well Uh, Keith Robinson is one of the judges. I love Keith and uh, he was real nice career Barnes Who I love was real nice and then another comic. I won't even say his name because well, I do it But he he said I think you're kind of hacky And I I don't respect this guy's act So to me and I didn't then either and I said well, I said

Well, uh, you know, what are you gonna do? That's that's your opinion, you know, and then the guy who booked the club said Yeah, I've seen that five minutes before and I said Well, it's an audition man So marina franklin who was already cool to me then too. He was a great comic She came in the room and she was she was a little drunk and she said Fuck you to the booker in front of the whole crowd. The whole crowd's booing him and and uh, They were recording this it's I'm sure there's footage of it somewhere which is fucking humiliating And she just said, you know, fuck you like it's an audition. He should be allowed to do

Whatever five minutes he wants, you know So then he said, all right, how about you come back and do it again next week? This is the third time now. So I said, all right, fuck you. I said new five and he said, all right So the whole thing goes down again. It couldn't have gone better again And you know Thank god, you know this finally he's like, all right fine. You can work here and then but it's not like I got spots I was past but it's not like you're working. So Me I got a I got a different outtake on this whole thing. I love

My background was being a criminal And You know, I had fun growing up and the whole thing and Uh people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Yeah, I'll deal with anything. You want to call me a speck? Whatever you want. I don't Not even like that, but no, I know one thing that really always agitated me Till this day when I hear about it Like there's certain people I won't work for

Because I know they're shitty to young comics. Yeah And I don't understand, you know You and me were cool, but when the comic is young, I don't like when people treat young comic shitty Because I got treated So shitty. Yeah, my first three years in the business Except for my house and see job Outside of that Like I was always that guy that was told to be that a 30

But when I got there, I found that I had to follow the headliner And the headliner was going to blow his asshole on fire You know, I was always that guy that sat there for three hours. I'm not holding a pity party I'm not holding a pity party. No, definitely not. I know what it felt like going to sign up at 10 30 Reading Judy Carter's book. I read Judy Carter's book Doing the fucking exercises to the G Staying up till four, you know Really watching stand up studying it on in those days. I didn't have the internet guys

I had to go to blockbuster But you knew Hicks and that's but the fact that you say I think Hicks is kind of I know some people think he's overrated. I think he's still kind of underrated because He put out five fucking great hours and he died at 33. It's insane. It's insane. It's insane. How good he was And his shit holds up hard. I got shit is bad and there was some stuff that was very out there Yeah, for some people that's even out there for me But the more I did comedy the more I understood Yeah, what he was doing and why he was doing it and he was like an alt comic with club chops, you know, he he uh

The only time I didn't love him was when he got like a little self-righteous But like when he was just telling hard jokes, I'm like fuck this guy's incredible his Rodney Special is still one of my favorite unreal pieces of work in comedy of all time It's like a perfect late night. It's it's it's in here. I had a follow dice That lineup did Robert Schimmel. Yeah, the room on fire. Damarera every comic was so funny print of comedy When I got into comedy, I rented that so much that the people at the video places don't even worry about no more Just just just just you're the only one who rents this there was two

There was that one with him and there was the other one with Roseanne and and kinesin kinesin I remember Schimmel's opener. It's like one of the funniest openers. I've ever heard of my life on that set I still remember where he goes. I read that a guy got arrested for animal necrophilia. What do you say to the judge? I'm sorry, your honor. I thought the cat was alive while I was fucking it That's a great joke. He had that bitty head on there was tremendous Schimmel was so funny. He had something on there about His mother using a vibrator Yes, and for years he thought it was his parents making margaritas In the bedroom with some shit all those things are my blueprints

Of comedy. It's so weird that till this day There's people I talked to I go out of my way to talk to because Those first three or four years of comedy. They were gentlemen to me. Yeah, but there's still people Who I see on facebook that would digs to me That now I want to like throw a fucking dart at them because They fucked with your dream Right

Listen, if you sell coke and I hit you in the head and take you around you deserve everything that you got You're dealing in poisons. What do you think's gonna happen? But in this thing we're dealing in dreams Yeah, we're dealing in something that not You know, there's a big difference again. I'm not taking away from nothing nobody. There's a big difference Than me being an electrician and me being a comic. There's still but there's still similarities. Yeah, you still have the apprenticeship Whatever and I guarantee when you're an apprentice electrician they break your balls They make you go up to the roof to pick up that wiring. They all laugh at you. It's the same thing

It's the same thing. I get it. But there was some people to me in comedy That was just over the top Yeah, I want to make you feel like shit. Well, dude think think about how many comics there are like shit If this were easy think about how many more comics it would be, you know, like I guess they have to they have to Weave them out somehow. Yeah But you know, yeah, those nights I'll always remember like there were a lot of nights like that, obviously For any comic when you start out. So yeah, I remember those and um Yeah, it was it was the the strip kind of formed me with the type of comic I am a lot because you know

He had had to kill quickly and you had to You remember wait around so I mean nights you go down the strip now when you're not not much Oh, you don't go down. No, I'm more of a seller guy now because I just nights a week. That's assy assy Yeah, I'll do. Um, she give you if I'm in town usually every night. She's been she's been I mean, it's been it's been a while there You know, I was I've been there for a while now. So she's been always really good. And that's your to-go place Yeah, because you also hit the stand. I don't work there at a time, but I like the club I I'm usually at the cellar or a new york comedy club of the two ones. They go the most I think But I love I think the stands are great club. I don't know what new york comedy club. I did but it was great

Yeah, there's two there's one on yeah fourth and there's one on 24th the one on fourth It's great. That was you should you should pop in you should pop in all them when you're in town. That was good It's good. That was downstairs. Yeah down little stoop downstairs. Yeah, like the little bar up front. Yeah, that was dying It's amazing. That was dynamite and I heard she's got another place Yeah, because she's right for Amy books it and Emilio runs it and uh, it's it's great man Yeah, she's got a room where you have to do 50 minutes What 50 right arie does it? Maybe I don't know different room or 20 or 24th street. How big is 24th street?

150 maybe they're not both not huge. They're just you know, they're just good rooms Yeah, I remember that. You know who I met at new york comedy club in 93 Mike whatever Di Stefano? No the kid who does the podcast would already like Oh, Mike Bischetti. Mike Bischetti. Such a nice guy. Used to have a joke. I'm from Staten Island I work on a bakery. I'm in charge of the tarts That me and my friends fucking lost it when he said that Right if we fucking lost like this. That's how far back I go. Mike Bischetti. Yeah, and that club, believe it or not

They were good to me Lucius said some horrible things to me from the comic strip. Yeah before he died. Fuck him run hell the guy at 73rd street Comedy we just talked about it right on the west side there. Oh, uh, stand up new york stand up new york that guy was a prick Yeah, the guy who used to own it was going around town telling people had a multi-million dollar developmental deal Him and his wife and they were gonna give comics deals It was just a fucking nightmare

Yeah, man, I remember one that I got into with him Because I went down there with Joe Rogan And I didn't know where this guy came up to Joe and he goes you want to go on next Or tonight and Joe goes, yeah, and he looked right at me. He goes You don't even ask and I didn't even know him. Wow And I go, did I ask you stupid motherfucker? Damn, and I remember him looking at Joe and Joe looking at me and Joe going Joe we became no fuck this bitch And I remember still Jeff Suspin walking me outside like that's how

Weird it was like damn me for a while. So I was like, you know what? I won't fuck with a lot of these people because I'll just triangle, you know a lot of the clubs you get different a lot of the clubs you walk in You work on the way up or the ones you kind of never go back to and it's not because you don't like have loyalty It's like a lot of those clubs just don't do it. Well, they don't treat you well And they don't treat anyone well So you're kind of like I mean I used to work this club Broadway comedy club all the time And I you know I'd work the door there and stuff and like me working the door with this frame

Who the fuck am I gonna throw out? Come on, you know So it's like the shit would go down and I remember comics would be like this is the fucking security and I'd be like, yeah Sorry, this is what they this is who they have me. So I'd have to deal with people and it's like I'm not dealing with any I remember I got someone spat on me on stage there once because you know, I'd work the door since let me go on stage and uh yeah, I just I I became close with the With the wait staff because they were just all really cool and nice and and I think they felt like all right

He's one of us because he's working the door and stuff. So uh I remember being on stage once just going at it with a guy and he He just goes I I kind of put him down But he gets up and I just I hear his girlfriend go not not again And I'm like what the what what not again and I just hear him go Fuck Spits right right in my chest. So I was like they kind of blocked him from getting any closer to me

But I was like, yeah, how do I how do I turn this set around? I think this one's done, you know So he kind of waits out. He's like, I'm gonna wait outside for you. I'm like, fuck. All right It's been quite a journey. It's fun But you know what those shows now are pretty funny to look back on you know because You feel like there's no you don't you know, there's never a moment where you're more humiliated than bombing with someone else's spit on your chest It's just like fuck it. That's like your that's got to be one of the rock bottom moments, you know, but it's also kind of It's also kind of great in a weird way because I remember that night this comic Chris Murphy was like I'm gonna walk you out because I want to make sure that if he jumps you I'm there with you and I was like

That's a fucking good guy You know So you kind of make these weird bonds in those moments too, right? Wow You just remind me of a lot of shit I also I did a lot of great things happen, but the bad stuff's more interesting to reminisce on, you know I I mean god damn. I'm the seller's been amazing to me. Gary Goldman recommended me at the club in 2011 and it was like changed my life, you know, Gary Goldman's such a fucking great dude

And I featured from once on the road and I got off stage and he goes You're gonna be the first guy to wreck at the comedy cell. I've never wrecked the guy. You're gonna be the first I didn't even know him it meant so much to me. So some people have been so kind in those moments too So, you know, the bad stuff's interesting, but the good stuff is the good stuff is tremendous The good stuff and the good stuff is really good So I'm grave and the seller's been fucking amazing to me So, you know, I when you when you have a job if you go to work for me at my freight company Yeah, every 18 months by union rules

I have to give you a 1.8% raise And you feel kind of good about it every 18 months you got to raise big fucking deal, you know With comedy, it's not a raise It's like a moral victory. Yes You get moral victories It's not money. It's not even about money. If you're looking for money, you're barking down the wrong tree

It's moral victories, you know The most I'll fuck with a comic the same come here How many minutes you got man? I could do 14 and that's if I talk about the next Up 10 to 12 and then I won't put the light on Yeah, that's the best that I could do for a copy. Yeah, it's a torture chamber But finally at an hour you're gonna go I thought it was 12 minutes, but you're gonna learn the lesson of your life You know, I think me telling you sam give me a ride to this gig and I'll give you 25 bucks

And you're an open micro and there's 2000 people there And also they go sam go do for eight minutes and you're like I thought I was just driving you. That's My dream breaker the people. Yeah, I love doing that to people Putting them in bad positions as a comic that's they have to survive. Yeah That's how you become a comic. You don't become a comic by you know You become a comic by getting put into bad positions Come here

How much time you got? and you're like 21 and that's if I talk about new york city and The headline is running late. You know what I'm saying? Isn't it funny when people give you an exact like I knew it got gary veter as well. Oh, I would give you I would tell you the truth. He told he said I told you the truth. I always told you the truth. Yeah, I didn't want no problems Yeah, I was raised by if you're going for a job And the guy says to you, do you know what computer technology is?

No, I don't but I'm willing to learn. Yeah, that means more and the guy that comes in and says, yeah, I know everything about computer Well, guess what now? I have to retrain you and that might be hard because you already established bad habits. Yeah So you follow I'm saying to with me I rather get you and you form them when they're young, you know them boom boom boom That's the torture I inflict on a cop That would be the torture like leave do eight. Yeah, and just walk out of the room. Yeah and go back in at 29 Yeah, he doesn't know what the fuck hit him But he might pull shit out of his ass

Yeah, that he's gonna leave them not sleep that night because that's what usually happens on those and that makes you right when you're like Fuck I need to have more time Fear will make fear is a good motivator man. They really are out of your jokes Listen, I want you to be out of your jokes I live everything that you've ever written in a notebook and you're starting to use Cosby's first album That's when I come and give you the light All right, at least at least you he's not using the jokes anymore. He ain't using them And I'll give you two lights. I'll never tell nobody you stole the Cosby joke

I put you in a bad position But it's a bad, you know, it's it's it's That's how you get good at comedy. Yeah, man. And but then so much good stuff happens I mean you think about this stuff and everyone has those every comic has those stories and that's what's cool It's like I remember like seeing guys I used to like hand out the flyers on the street with and you're like, oh, that's like a dude I care about, you know, like it's almost like we had some weird like it was really cold It was New York City I was drinking out of a flask to stay warm, you know, and then we were splitting the flask and hand out flyers and shit

I mean, it it definitely is it definitely is pretty cool And you ever do that where you hand out the flyers to people at the show and then they come in the show You're like, it's a hot show tonight We got all this person this person and then they walk in and they're like two or four people in there And then I'm the next comic on stage and like you motherfucker. You lied to me See when I got to New York and then you threw the wind markers Yeah, we would have to sell tickets. Oh, yeah, same same thing. No, no, no, no, no They would give you a book of tickets. Oh, yeah

And you had a leak they would give them to you for three dollars And you sold them for 10 And you got to give the club the three Wow And I was into it. I did it one summer. I was really into it. Yeah, and I made money doing it And then one that one week and I sold like eight hundred dollars when I go fuck Lucian This money's mine And I went back to like where's the 30 buck shows?

I mailed it to you. Isn't it amazing that you carry that shit against Lucian still because I feel the same way Like you never really get over because it's still it's still kind of like a like the injustice. I'm not mad at Lucian But there but there is I say Lucian because he was there. Yeah, there's people. I'm not mad at because I wasn't even ready to be in their presence. Yeah, do you know what I'm saying? Sure I can't be mad at them. There were people who said things That shouldn't have said it. Yeah But one of the biggest listen because we can get better too. That's what it forgets like dude I'm gonna get better. We're gonna come back and eat your ass. We're gonna come back and eat you fucking up

And then you're gonna sit there in Vegas You know like oh like there was a lady in seattle She didn't like me. I got into a beef one day Uh giggles No, her name was laura croc. God rest her soul All these people are mysteriously dead joey. She's dead. She died. She died. She's dead My father's dead. I don't know Like don't even want to

She was josh wolf's manager. Okay for a while. She managed in seattle and she booked rooms And it was well known that I got into a beef with somebody and She took that person's side and yeah pretty much banned from booking me. Wow, but I said fuck it I'm a good comic. I got a good 25 minutes I'm not like anybody else in seattle. There's no new york is in seattle So I would call her every monday to annoy her And go wednesday night sam morrell

Is headlining chi chi's and because she had like eight rooms during the week Isn't that the worst when they have fucking actual a little bit of power really like good rooms So I would call her up and say listen, I wouldn't tell her that was snorting coke with sam morrell for eight in the morning I would just say sam said I could do 10 minutes in front of him and she'd go fine And then I would go down into to 10 minutes and the club the guy who owned the bar will come up to mingo Why don't you ever work here? And I would say laura doesn't like me personally Um, and that's the reason why yeah, but today when I'm at the comedy store and I'm rocking I'm rolling I think a laura crocker

Because her hatred towards me Made me work harder to prove her wrong. Yeah Even if she's dead today, she doesn't matter. You know god rest her soul the whole thing I still proved her wrong. She didn't like me over something That had nothing to do with her. Yeah, nothing to do with her. She just said I don't like joey dears. This is the way it's going to be and I had to live with it and I had to accept it but uh

There were just people who were just fucking cruel fucks I still want to light the houses on fire, but who gives a fuck at this point They haven't moved forward at all in their life. They were so busy criticizing young comics and criticizing their tapes and making them feel bad That today they haven't moved forward. Yeah, some of them are dicks, but they're dicks in like a funny way And so I look back and I'm kind of like that was kind of funny, you know, like I mean there was this club I I played forever in tampa and I you know I started featuring there and it's it's a really good club. It's called sidesplitters

Yeah, great club, but I remember the other bobby jule. Oh my god When I he booked me as a feature out of the gate as a young comic So they took forever, of course to headline me, but I remember he would just get fucking loaded like Hairpiece pinky ring Pissed drunk picking me up in his Mercedes like just a character, you know, and uh, he still have the club No, he's out. He's out now, but uh Man, he would get in my face and be like you fucking pussy I I leave pieces of shit like you in the dirt and I'm like you can now drink me at 58. Yeah, congratulations

You can fucking leave me in the dirt. He would fucking get loaded He'd walk in the bar just fucking ripped his own bar like they would tell me like, yeah, we're losing like 40 grand a year In liquor sales from from bobby He just get fucking ripped and he would walk in And just start he would make a fucking he'd make a fucked up joke And then someone would look at him He'd be like the fuck are you looking at in his own fucking club to me I was like, I mean, I guess I'm not the only one getting it. So it's kind of funny

But uh, he would he would he'd be kind of a dick, but also it's like I don't know man. Like when you see those dudes, you're like, well, there's none of you left So let me just enjoy it. You know what I mean? Like how many clubs am I gonna go to? No, there's none of those guys left anymore So it's kind you do kind of appreciate it. He would just get in my fucking face every time like you fucking pussy I hear I hear little whispers here and there of people You know, there's certain clubs. I don't like how they treat their feature acts. Yeah, you know, I don't want to Listen, you got to be good to the people on the way up because you're gonna see the same people on the way totally I'm not here to start wars with clubs. No, no, no

But I know I hear about a lot of clubs that don't Listen, you hire a feature Put them in a motel six or three nights, right, you know You're gonna pay the feature a hundred a set, which is fucking ridiculous. Yes. Well, that's 1958 money It's the same it's you know, I can see a 15 minute set locally or something Yeah Once you make somebody get up leave their house again on a plane or a train or a fucking club a fucking internship

You should pay him a little extra the feature mc money Has not changed and fucking 20 and then some headliners don't let the features sell fucking merch I'm like, dude, the guy's getting 500 for the weekend. Let him sell merch to the feature in my headliner I'm working we could sell merch. Yeah, totally. I don't want to sell much. I don't ever want to sell merch I don't want to look at people. I don't want to look at shirt sizes. I don't want to get cornered by a drunk That's the main I used to sell shirts because I was a feature I had to when I snorted blow when I was in need I couldn't sell something. Can you imagine me now?

Like now I don't want to fucking sell anything. I'm too embarrassed. I'm happy that you came to the show How's that for you? Yeah, I'm just a static that you paid the 20 to come to the show. Yeah, never mind another 32 50 and cd boxes and Fucking forks and spoons and spaghetti sauce. You want to buy that shit? Buy it at home at your own time But I ain't selling it to you. I'm not footlocker What I gotta put on my striped shirt on and go out there now and fucking what size are you? Oh

Like I'm mediums in the trunk. Hold on get the fuck out of here. There's nothing worse than having to check an extra bag of just Oh, and then you leave the shirts at the club. Yeah, you count 48 And when you get them back home, there's 20 that means every way to stole fucking two shirts I was selling so the money I didn't make I didn't fuck that fuck you I used to sell shirts as a feature because it's like 500 bucks You gotta so that's what I totally get it. But I remember I was Meddling for Burt krisher like many years ago and uh, I opened my merch bag of t-shirts and he put a gay porno in there Did you yeah, he just and he peeked behind just so we could see me do it and I turned around and you started laughing

I was like, that's pretty funny I would if if I was a feature act In today's market, I'd sell coke after the fucking show if they let me yeah, because that's just brutal Yeah, it's just really hard And I get part of it I I used to fucking I still remember featuring for 350 a week There's some clubs still pay that hotel

Some clubs are 350 without a hotel now Okay, 350 without some probably. Yeah, I'm sure I used to get there was some there was a chain I'm not gonna say who they are nice people. They're nice people that's still around Helped a lot of comedy because if you it depends how you look at it. Yeah It depends how you look at it. If you're looking at it. Well All those years they ripped me off. No, they didn't They gave you an opportunity. Yeah to become the comic you are today. How you treated that was up to you You know, you can't get mad those people playing you know what a lot of young comics do though

I see and I was one of them is like you're getting paid ship You can drink for free so you get fucking ripped you're like fuck you I'll make my money back with alcohol biggest mistake I made How are you now you're still drinking? I I'm way better I don't I chilled out significantly because I had to man all the morning flights all the press all the travel It's like my back fucking hurts already. I got it. I got it. I don't want to feel like shit every day When the special get released it came out uh, february 10th It's been out for a while. It's been out for yeah, it's been out for almost two weeks. Good. How's it doing? It's uh, you know last I checked it's pushing 800 000 views on youtube and uh, I'm pretty happy with that

I hope it keeps moving forward and uh, you know, I did this one this way just because You know the last ones just didn't get views the way I hope they would and it's you put so much work into these specials and then for them It almost feels like sometimes you get a certain amount of money and it's like a bribe so they'll never be seen You know and and I need It's and it's so fucked up. You're like, are you well you'll get paid but uh It's gonna be buried on some fucking weird website And no one's gonna see it like comedy centers last one an ad every three minutes like who can sit through that

I can't sit through that. You know so This one was like the one rule was like no ads. I need people to watch this. I'm proud of this I worked hard on it. I shot this myself because no one wanted to make it. So let me Let me uh, let me make sure it at least gets seen You know and family central border from you. They did uh for youtube only So for youtube they they put it up. So I figured they have a big subscription base They push it like it was an hour special and post about it and stuff and and I think that definitely helped so uh

I'm grateful that they they helped and bought it and uh, and they did it the way I want to do it What's going on with your nicks? My nicks It up playing badly. They traded my favorite player to the clippers marcus morris. I love mooc It's so crazy. I am so Out of the loop and i'm ashamed You don't be because it's been tough. This is the time to be at come back in a few years I'll let you know when to come back. It's so funny when I see rapper port

I follow rapper port on twitter. Yeah, and he bitches about the nicks constantly and I don't know I Bitching about the nicks to me is like bitching about the president united states You're not supposed to bitch about the president united states Only now do people get to open their mouths every fucking day When I was growing up in new york city, you didn't bitch about the nicks You went home. You shut your fucking mouth and you bet them again and you and like you said you prayed to god That they didn't fulfill jackson in the fourth quarter

Because that's when I would just hang up the phone and rip up my little gambling ticket And those actually got a little like an office in united city and bet like Three of us would bet 25 bucks Yeah, and I don't even you know like I still remember uh glengandrezek Yeah, do you remember glengandrezek glengandrezek was a nick He was a white guy. He went to unlv. Yeah

He was great at unlv. He uh Look at see what he is glengandrezek played just uh, what it was like the 70s 80s or what college Huh? pro or college Pro he played for the nicks what years he played for the nicks Glengandrezek was a white dude. Yeah for the nicks great Great play like just your basic white guy

What what do you expect from a six for four white guy stroke it just pop 20s Yeah And get the ball across the fucking thing and give it to the power of the team And glenn played for years He played at unlv against One of my favorite players of all time a guy named michael corin He played for north carolina. He's from jersey city And they went on to be a net for years and god knows what else

but uh What does it say there Did he grew up in colorado? Yeah, he grew up in bolder, colorado. No shit. Every all your cities man. Yeah, he grew up in bolder But then when I got the boulder Then you get the bigger picture The ganja's ex was like a fucking family of decked and bolder everybody knew who they were Damn, they had a younger brother

The younger brother was better than glenn but he ended up going to phoenix With walter davis and they uncovered like this big cocaine ring in phoenix walter He had a he had a the whatever Walter davis was tremendous a tremendous basketball player didn't play any d Always an all-star Gondra's ex-brother was down there and they got caught up in a coke stack Jesus and then that career the ganja's act when that played for the nix

Was very good only two years 77 and 79. Yeah, what are the average like like eight points if i was lucky But he was one of those white dudes That just was perfect for new york He could own like dollar bill bradley. Yeah, it was perfect for new york dollar bill man I read about something about dollar bill bradley In a practice i think kazzie russell who was you know the sixth man on the nix He got pulled over just like driving while being black in michigan and it was like a whole thing in in practice and

You know, he just started shit with like, you know Dollar bill maybe some of the other white players in the team and willis reid was like you fucking hit him again You're gonna have to go through me like kind of his way being like he ain't the problem You know, I mean, he's your guy we're a team, you know, like willis reid just fucking led He was just a leader man such a badass. Yeah, I wonder what happened because he had a good he had a good career Oh, uh glenn. Oh, he uh, he averaged 14 points uh Three uh 386 three point percentage. Oh nice. Yeah, it should

That was a weird time for the nix. So that was when they were kind of like we know What years were they 77 to 79 and then like 85 he retired We got you in in 83. He retired nothing a nickel somebody ever And then he fucking Tried to shoot himself with a 22 and he missed his heart Oh, the big joke in town was you can make a 20 footer But you missed a fucking hard shot with a 22 fucking. Oh my god. So he's alive. Yeah, he's alive. He's a realtor or something They all went to school together him

The big-time victoria secret model The one that married harry connor jr. Jill goodacre She owns half a boulder because when everybody else was snorting coke She was buying real estate her and her father But just every time she showed her fucking little body in a bikini Boom, she bought another house another park Another parking structure And now jill good acres probably got tons more money than harry connor jr.

Damn, but yeah, gling a lot of gling ganja sick was a neck. I used to go to all those games michael ray richardson. Yeah He's dead, huh? He passed away who glenn. Yeah, when did he pass away? 2009? Yeah, the nicks in the 80s man. I mean that's They were kind of just and then they got ewing in 86 and they kind of started to get and they'd like fucking I mean, this is like I was born 86 So I didn't my first real team was ewing oakley mason starks derrick harper. Oh my fucking beautiful team That's a beautiful team. Just as tough as nails. We never won, but like I don't mind losing like that We were just fucking. I mean, of course as a kid it

I I was like, well, surely we'll win at some point. We're this close every year. It's the last time they won 72 73 That's that's it. Well frazier calls the games. He's the last time man. He I met him a few times at games I even interviewed him once I used to have a sports show on msg the nicks network and and I interviewed him He was such a good dude. He was like the nicest guy And really did not expect me to know anything about him in detail because of course they edited it for every question to be like So what's it? What's it like broadcasting? But I'm like, no, I'm asking all player questions

Like the guy used to share a fucking room with phil jackson on the road. They'd share hotel rooms They fucking brought the city together when it's like like a mixed race team winning championships. It's kind of beautiful, man and uh They really just kind of made it a boring interview when we had I thought pretty amazing conversation What's the most amazing mickey ever met? I mean, I fucking love john stark's I really did as a kid Every he was every kid's favorite because he was unpredictable and he was a gun slinger

stark's was pretty cool, man, uh But you know, I shot a commercial with oakley once and he was so fucking like intimidating oakley was like everything I loved about basketball. He's just like the fucking he'd fucking take a bullet for anyone on his team I loved it. I was more of benard king. I met him. I interviewed him for my show great guy Great guy. I was a benard king type of guy But I remember as a kid playing basketball And going to the games and watching Yeah, you know, unless you're really into basketball and you're into defenses

the science of it When you watched Walt frazier and harrow the pearl. Yeah, there was something about those two And they worked together. They know how to steal the ball from me They would trap you at different situations. You didn't know when you were gonna trap This is when you could hold shorts Walt frazier know how to hold your short They hand checking was a lot. Yeah, so they would put their hand on you but one finger one inside your shorts

And you made but you made sure that guy didn't pull away from you because then the ref would see the elastic It was a complete different art Damn people will never understand. It was hand checking The art of hand checking. Yeah, he wants to go right. You're gonna make him go left with your hand Yeah, if you watch old julius erving footage Today julius erving when it got called with 20 offensive files Julius erving strict was a hook. Yeah, he would hook your waist And he would get that first step on you and then push you off the hook and your knee would kind of crumble

That's not allowed today. That was a different game and walt frazier and earl They would keep you at that arms distance force you into the middle They would force you to spin And earl would be that a fucking picking a pocket or the advice versus Would be that a picking a pocket of all's voice backcourt, man. It was just something that You know, it was an honor To grow up in new york in those days like I consider my tenure in new york like I tell people I'm from north bergony jersey

Well, when you see me walk and talk You've seen new york in there. I felt that the second I walked in man. I went to the macy's parades And beat the hot dog we catch up on and then threw it away You know, I fucking played three card monday I was with a friend of mine who got his neck stuck in the fucking perp show a rat runs up to you You don't really flinch. You're like, all right, it's his city to the club. Yeah rats We got beat up a central park by the river The little water pond like people have no idea how much I knew that

City with my hand inside now and when I was fortunate enough to get a job they had 21 and 52nd and 7th I would get let out into the city at 1 a.m From tuesday to saturday At 1 a.m. You have no idea What that city was like in 1984 Now that I had one o'clock It was a constant part and if the nix had won. Oh jesus You caught the tail end of the fucking parties. I mean it was just uh

Just different bernard king partied I heard. I mean he drank He drank and slaughtered coke. They caught him in jerseys with cocaine all over his shirt Then they traded them Golden state and he got it together. He became the comeback player of the year and he went back to new york and There was one week where he scored 62 times that yeah 60 once against bird. I think once he went off he went off and uh Yeah, man. He was a badass and he was also fucking cool. Like he was just nice man

Like those he he wrote a book about having like an addiction problem and like how shitty he got huby brown was just a fucking asshole to him As a young player. It's like I think about that like that dude was abusive and like You know, he just he was a badass if it weren't for injuries like there was no stopping him Was a different city back then my friend. Yeah, it's still a great city. I gotta go back in two weeks I gotta tell you I'm kind of excited. It's gonna be great going home. It's just a week But it'll work but listen anytime you want to stop it. That means a lot. What's the name of the special on you? It's cold. I got this and I got this bitches. Yeah That's what everyone says to you when you self-produce especially say you got this, but they don't mean it

They're just being nice They're trying to be encouraging because they know that you might be making a dumb decision But it seems to be working. All right. Where are you living now in new york? I'm up a west side right now 66th street. What do you think? I love it man. It's quiet. It's you know, it's uh I mean, it's great. It's just like uh, it's I my only thing for this place I was before that I was on 108th and I love that too. I just wanted to be a little closer Anytime I'd be a little closer to the comedy show until I choose where I live So, uh, I like the area of 108th a little better. It was a little more like neighbor hoodie and I kind of I like the vibe a little better

But uh, I mean, I love it. It's I I miss a 24-hour grocery place. I like the I like the grocery shop at 3am That's my move. No one's in there. It's quiet. It's nice Peaceful you throwing you throwing some tunes you you walk around you grab an avocado you get some cookies. It's nice Listen, man. It's uh, great to have you in studio. It was great to be here. Thank you, man You're doing your thing and you're on your way up. Thank you, man I wish you nothing but fucking success, you know, you too, man. Keep killing it. Hopefully the mix will turn it around I think I think in a couple years, you know, I think you got to have a healthy level of delusion to be a sports fan So I got a I got a lot of them, man. I'm fucking you know, if you look at through the years

I still remember New England Patriots sucked Yes, when I grew up the Patriots sucked, you know, andre tipp it was all they fucking had Then they had then they got that quarterback drew Yeah, so for a couple of years and they said and then tom brady showed up let so killed himself And that was the end of that fuck, you know people 20 years ago when I came here The laugh factory was the hottest club in the fucking strip Yeah, the laugh factory now. You can't have a decent bingo game in there

The comedy store, you know, what's the fucking armpit? 20 years ago. So we shipped Things shipped, you know, always 20 years ago 30 years ago. They showed you two weeks ago The Niners were the kings 30 years ago. Joe Montana was the king Something happened it takes a while it takes a while to rebuild and get your legs back and Then you're there again. Sometimes we don't see him coming Kansas City It's not like they were fucking the last eight years. They've been in the play all straight We didn't see him coming. So

That's a good thing about watching sports and even with comedy. Yeah, you know with comedy like I said, it's it's not the It's the little moral victories that add up And once you have 20 moral victories, that's when you're ready to attack. Yeah Little thing Sinatra fell off for a while. Sure. You're let you let the fall off. Yeah, and then you come back That makes you stronger. Yeah, that makes you fucking stronger. You got any dates you want to promote brother? Yeah I'm gonna be at the west palm impove February 29th. I'll be at the Royal Oak Comedy Castle March 5th through 7th. Gotham in New York City March 19th through 21st and the following weekend. I'll be in the Charlotte Comedy Zone

You're a bad motherfucker. I will be at Treasure Island Friday night Viva motherfucking Las Vegas With my boy Dean Del Rizzy Tickets are still available knock yourself out Friday night Treasure Island And I don't have a date again till March 27th at the Arlington theater up in Santa Barbara real quick The church is brought to you by me undies. Listen Unless if you've been living under a rock

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Pressing church and get 20% off your order. I want to thank my man sam morrell. Thank you, man I want to thank the christ killer coming in heavy today And I want to thank you mother fuckers One other thing joey, I forgot to say I actually have a basketball podcast called pod don't lie Which is uh, it's on itunes and it's uh, it's only basketball. So if you like basketball, you're gonna all mba college all mba Pod don't lie with my buddy stavros. Uh, it's it's a ton of fun. It's no college We only do mba, but it's it's fun as hell man. And uh, no, this is fun It's a lot of fun talking to you guys today. Fuck it. I'm happy you came on a real new york

I'm surprised you didn't come on with a butter roll or something like that Treasure island friday night. I'll see you guys wednesday morning tip top magoo Ready to go. I love you conch sucker. Stay black Have a great weekend. Have a great week. What the fuck am I saying?