Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #768 - Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

Ryan Sickler, a stand up comedian and the host of "The HoneyDew" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Stamps.com -  Use code JOEY for a 4 week trial which includes postage and a digital scale. Go to Stamps.com, click on the Radio Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in church.   ForHims- Go to ForHims.com/joey to get a free online visit.      

Greetings from podcast village Wednesday March 9th. Oh, whatever the fuck March 11th. Listen. I know it's Wednesday You don't feel good. Oh my god, the corona virus. I don't know what I'm gonna do But let's start off with a little bong hit And you'll be fucking tip top my goo you understand me The church is brought to you by stamps.com. Listen time is money, baby Stop wasting time Going to the post office when you can use stamps.com no more waiting online like in the post office Like a momo with stamps.com you can do everything that the mailman does anyway or the postman

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A four-week trial plus postage and digital scale Nobody's worried man No long-term commitments or contracts. All right, it's easy you go to stamps.com Click the microphone at the top of the home page and press in church at stamps.com Pressing church never go to the post office again. That's fucking creepy The church is also brought to you by listen listen guys, I'm 57 Sometimes my little fucking helmet needs a little help standing up and saluting the flag You know I'm saying and you're not alone 40% of guys over 40 have a fucking dick problem

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So that you don't need that go to for hymns.com slash church Tackle fucking this dick problem like a doctor my guest today is my main man And the best interviewer I know mr. Ryan sickler man, thank you the flying Jew is also in house. Hello What's up, dog? Thank you for having that man. That's that's high praise right there the best interviewer, you know That's you know, I don't open up to nobody like I open up to you. You've wept on my show a few times You have been moved quite a bit. I'm very impressed by it as always. So thank you for having me back It's really fun when you people think I love when people call you up and go

Hey, I just want to be in your pocket. You know what? I don't even fucking know you If you look at the podcast you have high numbers with It's people you have a feeling with that's right you share mutual love with and because the love gets picked up on the airwaves and People call their friends and say y'all isn't this podcast kind of special It's not special. They've already they are you eat they've already heard the stories It's the electricity between two people speaking, which is what I like the most about podcasts. That's why I don't like Fucking 18 people in a room when I do a podcast. I don't like I like the intimacy. I'm one conversation

Yeah, you know once you have six mics going eight mics going you have nine different energies and that it's that one-on-one love and People feel that when I'm with your podcast the girls podcast Tripoli Eddie Bravo the numbers are always good Because the love is there Rogan in the millions. Yeah red band in the millions because the love is there and People don't seem to get that Us as podcast is the last eight nine years. You know, yes, I got hit up by some retard I Want to start a podcast where we hot and spicy chicken nuggets

Oh, yeah, the whole lineup was Yeah, like nobody's done that but Eating a hot and spicy chicken Fucking line like I you know I'm saying like I'm only hot and spicy chicken online. I really did hot wings It's a it's on true TV now. I got a feather in my cap. Yeah, that's it No, I'm gonna eat highs and spicy chicken. Well, yeah, you fucking retarded the host is to kiss a debt and the two other guy What are you gonna do for me get the show started and get back to me What if you do three episodes and somebody dies from that fucking Chinese chicken yourself?

Gotta be a part of that in the coke Yeah, I'm in the fucking in the in the fucking, you know, people just don't get it That there's a limit that I disappear once it comes to podcast When you call me with like a fucking game show type podcast, you're in no danger. Oh, yes, you did that whatever I'll put you, you know, if you're gonna be that stupid I got a call from a dear friend of mine that wanted me to do a podcast on a Sunday in a fucking like a sauna With no clothes on and I'm like, yeah, first of all Sunday is the Lord's Day

Number two on Sundays. I don't really know what I want to do day I'm just flying back from the show the night before 50% of the time. I really don't know what I want to do Sunday mornings Are my favorite in the world because my wife and baby leave the church at nine Not to my type of church some other religion, whatever the fucking Christianity There's no chickens involved. There's no chickens involved There's no rape and there's no crackers. You know I'm saying my daughter brought home one of those Catholic chocolates the other day It tastes like be a priest penis

She's like look daddy. I go what flavor is it and in my head. I said priest peanuts And I couldn't tell how that I ended up eating the chocolate later on She's like daddy Somebody ate my chocolate I said the priests So oh My god, so that's what well, we're gonna get your full life story. We're doing it I mean, I I don't you cut this is probably gonna come out the same week or or your episode

Oh with which we've already recorded will come out. No, this is you're gonna come out two weeks after If I'm saying your episode for mine We already recorded you another episode with you on the honey do yes And that's probably gonna come out in the same about a week or two, right? And I think we're only I mean, what are we where I called them to Denver days We just got into Denver so you're early 20s I think and then we're gonna do your we're gonna do your whole life story until we get to current You know cross every day. I put away an hour

To write something And I've been pretty successful with it lately. It's been working well and You your memory isn't your memory doesn't really open up until you start opening it up and reading it back I've been catching The coffee shop where I go on the afternoon one hour a day lately Just one after one hour and 15 minutes. I Park I got a green tea

And I just write out and I was started on drugs and It's hilarious Like there's nights I sit here with Lee and I torture Lee believe all knows I love him Leo call me next day and say I got so fucked up on them. They'll go I don't know how you did it until this day people cannot realize the Even I feel it like when people give me a pill that says kill them

Like this Yeah, I did it. I did a fucking I did two pills about a year and a half ago I went to do a podcast and the people were junkies and they had a bag of pills And they gave me like a pill in the half and I am like I'm sitting in line Yeah, I got fucked up But that's the day your oral marrow came right and I had to do a podcast with your well Then we had to go eat chicken Cuban food and I was surprised on how well I kept it together

It was a purpose set and a viking mind and something else I was high for eight hours straight. Yeah, but I from my experiences as a young man I kept it together And I started writing this thing for March 25th at the comedy store about addictions, you know my addiction Throughout all this story. I haven't mentioned to you guys what at 14 of you would have come up to me and said Joey Do you are you ever gonna be interested in doing coke or whatever? I'd probably beat the fuck out of you

But at 14 at third I probably started smoking by the 12 and a half. Let's just be safe Let's just be safe. Yeah, why do each other? 12 and a half 13 very subtly once a month It went from once a month and is this floating through the bar or is this through school? This is like kids in a neighborhood. This is the neighborhood downtown. All right We had that thing called the woods and we would roll

three joints and smoke them in a glass pipe that you Like a carburetor You suck down and then you let the thing go in all the airway. Yeah, we were making with toilet paper rows Oh, the same thing with toilet paper like gravity hits aluminum foil. Yeah, so we were doing all that in Those days. It was very hush-hush. It was me and Three other kids and same age kids. Yeah, we had the vizine the binocca The kit yeah, yeah, and then we got we walked to this diner on

Tunnely Avenue that did not exist it. It was a real redneck trucker diner And they had like the music on the wall, you know, like when you spin it. Yeah play songs and we'd go in there listen to Margaritaville and just fucking another waitress would come and she'd be like 40 and ugly She smoked like a thousand cigarettes and she's was three And fucking we'd laugh at her We just start laughing at she'd give us the menus and say I'll come back when you grow up Wait shit like that. It started like a fun thing and then we start by the eighth grade with doing it In between classes sometimes

Like three of us would get together and smoke a joint go back to class lit up and Start making noises in class and giggle and the whole thing and then it was just a slow process I knew that I just like marijuana. Mm-hmm. I knew the dangers of cocaine and the dangers of heroin But then a friend of mine came to me one day and he goes let's do it acid. I was the Rolling Stones in the eighth grade My eighth grade graduation. That was his present for me He goes I'm taking you to see the stones. We got to take a hit of windowpane acid. I'm like, oh, here we go I go how bad could it be? It was bad

But I went to the concert. I you know, and then I Then I kind of like to ask that like where it took me I like that I could go home and listen to music and I would pop acid again once a month for a while Then it became twice a month And then it became a thing that we would do three nights a week damn We're tripping three nights for how long how many years this one up this for a year this year So crazy me Half the week is on acid. This is

Year about November We were doing hits acid three a week three a week and is it just one hit a night or you're doubling up on those? No, no, okay one all right one would take you you did it six You'd be cooking till three and I mean cooking like you to go home by yourself Somebody told me a story one time Acid Shrooms opium things like that didn't come through our way until the grateful dead came to town We would all go to the parking lot. We'd party at the capital center back in the day where they did heavy metal parking lot

That's the capital center. We're there for the grateful dead and I didn't smoke or anything But everybody I hung out with did and I never minded that they did I kind of enjoyed like seeing what happened I'm like, okay. Well, I'm not gonna do cocaine. Well, I'm not gonna do fucking right. I'm not But one of our friends Somebody told me this I I Hope this is fucking true But I guess he had bought a sheet of acid put it in his pocket to take back with us later that night and it rained and The rain washed the fucking acid into his skin into his can and he was they said he was they had to take to the hospital

Come on, that's you can see but I guess it could right? It's just I know that I was clean and sober I Was clean and sober? Okay, I was clean and sober they threatened me with fucking going back to prison and finishing my sentence and One day I get a call like that's the positive for cocaine and I go I Don't I don't snort the cocaine I just sell it and I told that to a friend of mine He goes are you retarded? He goes every time he touched those rocks that stuff goes through your skin

She's gonna test pop one time I test the positive. I wasn't even doing it. It was from touching it So yes, I do believe the story Especially back then the acid was thicker. I Never fucked it. Look you gave me shrooms You just gave me shrooms at comedy store at the last okay, was it they were good? Yeah, I had them that I had some that night and then I still have what you gave me to take home with me I got a bag at the house But I want to I'll tell you this so when I first moved out here

Because I've only done shrooms like five times and at one point I enjoyed it But also I'm the same. I'm the guy that's like alright. It's been five hours get the fuck out of here You know, I'm like that with company, you know, I mean get the alright It's you know, we had a good time get the fuck out of you don't need I don't need still be here in my music Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa after five fucking hours, you know You know, I get it but back when I first lived here. This was This was in the 1900s man. This was 97 bro late 1900s 1997. I first moved here to go to college And that was the whole Northridge quake

I was coming here to go to Northridge when the quake hit and destroyed the school. So I ended up Going anyway, but I was I found an apartment for a month that moved in and in February and Pink Floyd is coming out to the Rose Bowl and I Love Pink Floyd and I want to go see Pink Floyd and I want to see him at the fucking Rose Bowl So my buddy and I get tickets and he tells me a married couple of he knows I was gonna meet us there and sit with us as well. I was like great So the four of us are hanging out. We're all smoking weed and three of them Decide to do shrooms and I'm like, I'm good. I'm just gonna smoke weed and drink

Get into the show the show is fucking banana. I don't know if you've ever seen pink I got to see him here in in DC at RFK when that was still there same summer and The pigs are fucking bouncing, you know, they're all tripping over there on there. Oh, sorry on their shrooms and shit And I look to my left You've been in the Rose Bowl. You're packed in there, you know, and I look back to my right and my friend Kevin He's he's gone. He's gone and I and people start yelling and shit I look back this motherfucker passed out. Okay, and it's those bleacher seats

So when he went back his feet got hooked under the back of the front one and he bent in half and people instead of catching Them they got scared and they jumped out of the way his head hits the bleachers behind him He goes into a full-on seizure. Okay. He's going crazy. His eyes and they're like, is he up? Oh, is he epileptic? I'm like, I don't fucking know. I have no idea the chip. Were you tripping? No, I only smoked weed and drank but the three of them. They're all to my right It's him and then the married couple she sees it and I think guilt got to her everything because she's the one that gave him the shrooms She starts throwing up in her like $50 concert shirt

She hurts either all have it now. They're all having a bad trip because he's having a full-on fucking seizure I've never seen this off mushrooms. Okay, and I don't know if it's the shrooms or the fact that he hit his head So God damn hard on this thing But I don't know what to do and I look up at her and she's you know, she's see like oh my god It's coming for me next, you know that mindset We're all and I just start smacking them as hard as I can in the fucking face I'm smacking the shit out of them pink Floyd the pigs are fucking going. I just lost my headphones. Sorry and They're banging and banging and banging and he's having a seizure and then finally he snaps out of it

Everybody's like holy shit. I'm like dude. Are you are he's like did I just pass out? I'm like, yeah Yeah, I go. How long do you think you were out? He's like, I don't know. I felt like three three minutes He's like yeah, I was like you're out for about 15 seconds. I was like dude, but you had a fucking seizure You're bleeding. He's like, I'm not bleeding. I'm like, are you alright? He's like, yeah look over her. They're out They're gone. We never saw them again. We go back to fucking pink Floyd and he's fine the rest of the night We meet these weak people I went to a million concerts with everything but heroin balls and nobody ever fucking If that happened in my name, but you have to move the next day

Like you have to pick up a move like dog. I took fucking Lead to a concert. I gave him a couple mushrooms I used to fucking take straight up ass and go to those garden concerts How did you do that? I took acid to the stones. I took acid to Ted Nugent and AC DC I took acid. I didn't take acid to black Sabbath. I was too young But I took acid to all those you ever You ever smoke weed dipped in PCP sure what a shirm or no, well, this is what I was getting to okay that I alright, so I'm

16 the a I'm laughing at the age 16 yeah, I'm going to that transition and I'm doing microdot acid That's what it was called. It wasn't really that was as little like one hit tabs I mean tiny you would lose it You had you had a rapid aluminum foil to see them and you had to take it out of the aluminum foil And if it's on the floor you would done Sometimes it was purple sometimes it was pink sometimes it was brown, but it was a size of a milliscule. That was the most popular

Acid it was 50 50 was basically rat poison. You did it. It was strict nine You'd be grinding your teeth Tremendous, but you went for fucking eight to twelve hours. That's a law. That's a commitment Hard huh? Yeah, you know now you like who thank God that's done I have anxiety here said I give you another bonnet do another bonnet wake it up and then you said the sunset and You're like, oh, thank God. I could go home now and you go home and you Drink milk and you go up to your room. You lay down. Awesome. The posters start moving again It was that type of shit like it just did not go away

and then This is not a sales point Just great the one I did to the to the stones honestly That was the first time I had done that drug And I wrote about this. It was like a three-day recovery Electronic shots one through my spine like and I was just a young kid No, I think I got to stop this shit

Like I really do like I had only done it once but then it was just too much fun It was the drug of the era it was the drug of the like how many I want to tell you You know the carlin bit where he talks about acid, right? It's like self-regulating at some point. It'll say stop You know just like no word. Uh, no, so But how many hits would you say you've had? So then let's just say that At Let's just do it by freshman year. Jesus. Freshman year was when we really Started cooking with gas with the ass as three a week

We would we were three a week and then something new came along People were saying you gotta snort this shit now. I had always made a promise to myself that I would never snort nothing But they were like it's just thc stems It's stems and people boil them And they shut the thing off and the white powder that sticks on the side They scrape that off and that's what you snort It's harmless And there was I had like this I had 18 friends

But there was always four that were like kind of smart And they were the ones I got want to do it. I'm like, you know So after weeks of trying I said let me do a line that thc crystal The keyf like that keyf that's on the the crystals on the weed. It was white And your snore. I've never heard this one. This is brand new to me right now. It's not it's not it's not And we would do it first. I did it and then I gave it a break. I went back to acid But what kind of high is it like what do you feel like fucking gumby? Like you're about like everything is just fucking flashing at you

Is it a different high than an acid trip? It is eventually I kept doing it and doing it. So I got to the point where My mother would go to the track on sunday. So I knew she was gonna be on all day I mean this kid Carlos Perez by a $10 package of it And we each got a six pack of loam brow I remember loam brow to lion Is that like a lion? Yeah, tonight is kind of special That's kind of special to people

Must say something more, but how Tonight let it be loam brow Sponsor the church loam brow loam brow so fucking we would get loam brows and get fucked up and then go on journeys We just walk And talk shit when I get old I want to be a doctor. I might And we'd just be like cars would almost hit us Like beep what the fuck That type of shit like we would be fucked up

And then I found out it was actually angel dust So that's angel dust Biscuits And they turn them into a powder and you fucking snort them Eight out and then I found that it was eight hours like I try and I didn't want to know And I didn't want to fucking know So we used to play either or We used to play again either or either we do acid

Or we do t.h.c. Wait, I want to see crystals to call it So that's what it was called until one day somebody said stupid wake up. You're snorting the animal tranquilizes How long had you been doing it? Would you say before you actually found out what it really was about three and a half months? And I remember sitting there going You get fucked up. You know what? So can you explain this? You're like, all right. I'm suckered for it. I've been over here I would have been over here snorting with you. I'd have been like He's a t.h.c. because they said who said the drug dealer said that. I mean it was it was I remember one time I smoked it with a pregnant chick

In 1983 They would they would sell it in Harlem and you could smoke it And it was called the tray. It was three dollars. It was a tray And it was basically enough powder to sprinkle a joint with And you could smoke it that was that was It'd be december january february of 84 no no of 83 maybe december of 82 it was cold out And uh, I remember getting high with her a baby 10 30 in the morning

and taking being on a bus at nine o'clock on Kennedy Boulevard Dropping me off on the corner and crossing the street to the bar going wow Thank god. I'm fine. I finally got it to get like I walked in and I was still a little gumby dust Because then it was just called gumby dust. It was like animal tranquilizer. Yeah, so I wanted to tear that shit Me and my buddies were tearing that stuff up. That's why today like I said before I don't know what day I'm gonna go on stage shitting my hand And take it out and throw it at the audience because one of these days one of these cylinders are gonna snap

Yeah, and the real joey d is gonna come out the men's is definitely in my future Especially if we did these this shit at the age of 13. Yeah, that's early. That's hard stuff early too early I party so hard My freshman going into sophomore year Like I put in the hospital at september Because I had a lung infection And they threw me out on september 28 1979 And I got out of hospital 11 o'clock at eight o'clock that night. I was smoking dope and doing acid Jesus Christ

It was like Muhammad Ali for some but I still remember what corner i'm on my brother's ex-wife's House is on that corner and I know what house We sat on the steps like and I And I kept doing that powder and I kept Snorting that shit and then one day I walked into the basement

And my mom had these friends that she would hold shit for downstairs But it was always weed bales of weed like the coffee beans and bales And I would take a little off the top and I would spray it with water To maintain the way they put like the hose in Well bounces of water in the middle so it would stay heavy. So when they put on the scale I was a fucking genius Oh, that's great. And I fucking but one time I went down and it wasn't We it was coke couple bales of coke

So it opened up the bales and fucking take a gram. I wouldn't do I would give it to a buddy of mine That was a real cool dude And he would say they went you got that shit. Oh my god. I saw Chinese people You know, it was it was real cocaine this shit And I every once in a while I'd scrape a little take it and give it to him this one on For about a month or two then the guy became a cop. So now I owned Yeah You know, I knew he was gonna do something with his life

And he became a cop boom now I owned him. But that's not the point of the story I held on to that one one dad took it And I would surprise him Like in 1979 when somebody would surprise you with cocaine You pretty much sucked this day In 1979 walking into a room with cocaine Those two chicks were gonna suck your dick. They knew forget Harvey Weinstein You'd make Harvey Weinstein look like a fucking gay guy

That's how strong the power of cocaine was Guys like me could get laid Women were doing disgusting things. It was a different level of disgust Because it meant you had power. It was like this social If you came out of a bathroom and you went The whole bar would look at you and come over and rub your shoulders How is it? it's

semi-intense, you know That's what was going on in studio 54 This cocaine freedom makes me, you know, so that shit sold it made white people go crazy But at the same time I hadn't done it I held on to that little package Then the night before some cats called me up and they're like, we'll play and look at it tomorrow So I said fuck let me bring the package and see if one but these guys are too straight There was like eight of us

But one of the other dudes was a genius And him and I used to do fucking that angel dust shit at school from time to time And one day I gave him a line He thought it was coke. I gave him a line and that shit and he had a wrestling match A high school wrestling match. Oh my god, and he was on the bottom and he made a move when he bit the guy I got disqualified Some people were like, why would you bite the guy fucking cocoa gave me fucking thc crystal thc crystal

Keep me up and shit. That's what we all called it To avoid the pain of what it really right. Yeah, you know, my brother, uh, he and a buddy I actually told this whole story on my album, but he you know And uh, a cousin brought some shit home one time and they called it sherm It was a and and they were called paul chuck paul. That's what they call pcp paul chuck paul and they would um They it was popular for a little while to dip this shit in pcp these joints And I I thought it was a myth at first

I was like, I don't have because you hear shit on like oprah people doing it dipping their cigarettes and cooking their babies and shit like insane stuff that these suffocating kids and freezers like And um, they decided to smoke it in front of me and you know, I tell that story But the the thing was I thought it was a one and done thing for them. You know what I mean? Like I knew they had done it, but It's like the summer 94. I'm fresh off the pink floyd concert I go back to maryland for the summer before for between college And i'm seeing this girl at the time

And we're going to lala palooza now originally nirvana was gonna headline I'm almost positive it's 94 and then cobane died Um, so they brought the smashing pumpkins in to fill that space and it was a great was like tribe call quest I think the beastie boys were there Fucking p funk was there uh the smashing pumpkins. Like it was it was a good one um and um They're smoking a joint

And I don't think anything up. I just think it's a joint and the girl i'm seeing at the time goes over to take a hit You know, she smokes weed And uh, she comes back. She's like that tasted really weird and I was like you motherfucker and I went over to my brother I'm like, is that fucking weed or is that that shit you were smoking? They know it's the fuck I go What do you fucking you got you can't just let some you got to tell somebody that Well, we thought she knew I'm like, why would anyone assume that you're smoking pcp laced weed over here? Why would anyone why would that be your immediate? It probably should be the way you treat life But why would anyone assume that anyway and this poor girl?

I mean she tripped out of her fucking mind for hour. I mean she missed the she missed the whole fucking show She she finally collapsed and slept for hours But when she woke up and she was she was in shape fit, you know slender This fucking girl was she was starving like a fucking hostage and I told them, you know what your penalty's gonna be You're gonna fucking feed her whatever she wants at these goddamn festival prices and this chick I mean she ate for a family. I'd never seen anything like it and she's like I can't believe i'm still hungry She's just going I was like eat it up girl. Eat it all make these motherfuckers buy they spent $300 or so in food Just for her to starve

I mean I never seen anything and then I went to dinner with her when I went back to maryland Just not not too long ago and we're sitting at dinner and I don't say anything. She goes Um, she goes remember that time, um, your brother had me smoke pcp And I was like, yeah, I was wondering if you're gonna bring that shit up or not She's like I've never eaten so much of my life. She's a mom and shit. I was like, yeah, I'm so sorry about that PCP was a complete Like all that shit was just So

I don't know what to call it not ill advised. I don't know. Oh It was kind of ill advised because I would just always seem dirty to me. You know what? I mean like like Literally dirty like just a physical dirty drug like cocaine seemed. I don't know why I know it's cutting everything But like you're talking about pure weeds Pretty much untouched shrooms are untouched. It's once people put their real fucking hands on it They are grown in shit. Yeah, I don't like how they taste. Yeah, I'll try the capsules you have Wait, you have shroom capsules. Oh, yeah Process right now uncle geo uncle joey's

High-tech shroom capsules for the mind Soul and spirit. Are you working on selling that? Yes. Oh, you need to dude. Yes. It's gonna go It's going legal in some states. I believe in micro double. It's colorado right now I believe in putting in the capsules on way in the mountain I believe that you should get a little spirit of life every day, especially if you're going through depression It's proven No one knows anything. Nobody knows anything. That's right. Good for you for trying some cocaine Opiates all that shit is destroying our nation. Yes. Those are the gay nature of this pills

Nobody gets in trouble for reef except that black guy in new york got beat the fuck out of Which is again take those eight offices and fucking get rid of them Listen, if you're a cop and you know, I have the utmost respect for you police officers across the country You have the toughest job In the world But do me a favor You're not fucking the rookies And this is not 1960

If somebody's smoking pot, who gives a fuck? There are more important things to worry about in this world right now Then some guy on the corner smoking fucking pot. If you watch that video, it's very Embarrassing it is like who raised you guys serious You pulled your gun out and put it in the stomach and now new york will answer back That he was a rapist who got out of jail with some fake fucking bullshit. That doesn't cover what Happened you didn't know that going into that situation. Yeah, that's called hindsight 20 There's 92 states where they're legal now

If you're a cop as a police officer Save yourself the aggravation as a human and the embarrassment. It's let it live Listen, somebody's kicking an old lady. I pulled the fuck over. Somebody's kicking a homeless guy. I'm pulling the fuck over Dude, it's so funny you say that homeless guy. I stop over here on kawing every time right? What is that kawing and uh, riverside There's a left one. I have to go to cry. Oh, I gotta go weed. I gotta make a right on that corner There's a fucking homeless in camp and now every time I stopped I go and I throw the guy a dollar You know, at least you'll get yourself some coffee a little dignity $2 I gave the guy had a handful of chains. I gotta hide from the fucking power wash

Between the fuck and them and the valets Every time I give him my car my cord is a gun I go for fucking quarters and now remember if you steal a dollar from every car You make an extra 50 a night. That's how I learned not to keep weed in my car Every time while I left the joint in the car and his motherfuckers will take You take your change and you put in the bagging you put in the glove compartment You close the glove compartment and then when you leave you take the baggy out That's the only way you trick these fucking idiots because that's I say, you know, you live in hollywood

You live in north hollywood studio city. You're fucking. There's always a fucking meter You know, so and then you don't have any change and those meters you don't get much for your mileage Ladies and gentlemen, you put a quarter on a meter ventura. You got like three minutes Yeah, you put you need to meet somebody for an hour. You're fucked. You guys will put your ATM machine And give you your election results to the russian For a fucking parking spot for a fucking parking spot. I gotta put an ATM machine in There's gonna be three fucking dollars and dimes and nickels I'm the same way about if you see an old person. Yeah, this is just happening the other day

We were walking I was with my daughter's mother my daughter. We're walking in the target in culver city, right? And I see this this is little caddy parked in the handicap spot right up front There's another excuse me when you say mother and mother's daughter's because you're not married to the woman That's right. Yeah, we were we ring. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for not saying baby's mama Like some third world nation fucking cannibal People think it's fucking classy to say baby's mama even she says babe. She says it sometimes she goes Why don't you say that I said because I have I were in a grown man. That's what I said And I said I I say baby's mama give her more respect. That's exactly what I said. I said you're more than that's right

I can't stand the dirty bitch You know, I'll make sure she listens to send me that time stamp late Nobody likes to ask why that's why hey you got to go with your ice cream and I always say my daughter's mother in front of your door They're like, yeah, hi. How are you? That's what she is right now. You know, she's not my fiance. She's not my wife She's my daughter's mother and yeah, I don't give her a stab No, no, no, no, but we're we're doing much better and we get along very well And that's what I always say to I you're more I said look, you know We had a real coming to this year where I was like, you know

Everybody's got their hand in my pocket for a percentage of this or that no matter what I do Whatever we all do and I said the person who actually helps me the most is you when we have split custody But when I'm on the road you you either watch our daughter or you make sure she has child care You make sure she's fed safe whatever I can walk on stage Confident confident and free of any worries and I said, you know what you're the fucking shit So I started doing nice things for her. I was like, why is everybody else? But you know, so we have this understanding and an agreement now, but uh, we're walking into target And there's this old lady sitting in the passenger seat of this caddy up front in the parking space

And there's an older man Standing over and he's like, I fucking hate you mom and I was like, whoa And he looks like he's probably in his 60s and she looks like she's in her 80s And he was heated and she was just sitting there like this and I told her I said, hold on a second Let's let's wait right here is this guy this guy looks like he might actually hit this lady And he's just screaming at her and screaming at her And then I look at Don and I'm like, you know, I don't know he might be right Who knows I don't know the story over there

But I'm going to make sure this old lady's not in harm's way and then I don't know He shut the door and that was the end of it But I'm the same way I'll pull over for that shit everything else like leave people fuck alone You don't understand sometimes When I say pull over You know somebody's kicking somebody you pull over but there's some situations you mind your business Yes, because that guy might take a gun out and shoot you for being nosy rosy I'm old school new york. I don't make eye contact when I keep walking. I didn't know nothing. I didn't hear nothing

Excuse me sir. Did you witness that? I don't know nothing You know, I blow I first moved into this I first moved into this apartment in Baltimore with my brother and um I come home from ups at night shout out to ups palmer hub primary one joe avenue I work the graveyard shift I get home like 3 30 in the morning And I'm not in the place 15. There's cops everywhere and I'm like, oh man And I knew that we had just had a party because we were just moved in everybody's smoking and drinking

And I'm like fuck these assholes. We're gonna get a victor. It's gotta be them whatever And they're all the cops are all on that and the way it was this apartment complex You'd enter these glass doors and then you could go upstairs or downstairs and it's you know That's like new yorker in a way where his apartment here here here here here here is like six of them right there you know and a little corridor and um The cops are like you can go ahead and where do you live? I'm like right here in 12. They're like go ahead So I go in our place. I shut the fucking door. I'm trying to wake my brother up. He's asleep drunk

I look out the blinds cops have their guns drawn. I'm like the fuck is going on here They and now I'm looking out the people. It's my first or second night in this place. Okay Here come the cops with the batter and ram down the fucking stairs. I'm like, oh, that's what I wanted I'm like, holy shit. What the fuck that's going on But it could and then I'm like they wouldn't let me come in if it was for my place, you know And then right across I mean the door across my people right there and it's not That much farther than that wall right there where I am and I'm standing Straight up and these cops got the batter ram. They're yo open the fucking door

We're open the fucking door and the guy nothing and they just boom they bang it open They start yet. They are all running in with their guns and they're like, we know the guns in here and I'm like, what? I I dove because I thought bullets were just going to come flying throughout dove over here by the couch I'm crawling back down the hallway. I'm like get on the floor motherfucker get on the floor They brought this black dude out I'll tell you what his girl was a fucking g because she didn't give him up She didn't give him up. She didn't give the gun up. She didn't give anything They drug his ass out and they put them they had his hands behind his back

And they put them on the stairs, you know how steps go like this They put his head Up on this part of the step and his shoulder down on this part of the step And they put their knees on this motherfucker's neck in the gap where it is Let me tell you something that shit bent 90 degree They were fucking going on him and he was screaming. He wouldn't give it up They were fucking him up on those steps They take him out

Then they go in and they start yelling at her and she doesn't give anything up. She's like not in here I don't know what you're talking about. It's not and she they were screaming. She was not intimidated at fucking all They bounce out of there. I'm like, holy shit. This is like night one night two And then they come knocking on everybody's door and they're like, you know, did you see anything? Did you hear anything? I was like, mm-hmm. I didn't I didn't see or hear anything. I just gone in the back I was in the shower My brother's sleeping. We didn't hear anything Door shut lock and nobody ever fucked with us after that

This is a neighborhood that we had found out the hard way too. We ordered pizza And they're like, yeah, we don't deliver to you at night. I was like, what? There were so many people that would just order a pizza And then Rob the the delivery driver of his money and the food that after dark you had to go pick it up Papa John's would not deliver to our fucking neighborhood after dark That's where we live for a year He just reminded me of mugging a delivery boy one time. You mugged the delivery boy We were kids 88 street park had two houses across from it

So we would run to Kurt D. Lorenzo's house And call the chinese delivery guy to meet us at that house But we'd be 10 of us on 88 street park And as soon as he pulled up listen one night One of the kids got in And stole the car and actually started making delivery He's doing his runs and he kept the dough and fucking left the car We were crazy

One night we held the guy like at night point and took his money for coke at like 11 30 that was the cops came we had to run The whole fucking deal but the night that the kid and I can't remember his name And I have a friend of mine that I grew up with a drives a truck Timmy H. He listens to podcasts. He'll remember him in two days. I'll call him and he'll go You're talking about that guy that that story was huge in my hometown This kid was that crazy. He got in a dude's car Made a delivery made three deliveries pulled over just walked home and he took an order home with him

Whatever was in there was in order number four was the number four was in there He took it home. He was a legend Oh, that's great, man. That's great It's uh, just yeah, we got a uh This is really interesting when I was writing it out. I was like, oh, I can't wait to get on sickler and talk about PC that's it and it got to the point where it was like we either did thc Why so how'd you stop the pcp would just same way it finally was a cocaine

That's what I'm getting to so you try so you oh, so wait you snored a pcp before you ever did cocaine Oh, yeah, cocaine was never on my radar. Also because you also thought it was thc Harrowing was never on my radar. I'm allergic to pills. I throw up I did not want to do anything that you had to put in your nose You know the first time I did that thc crystal for like a week. I felt guilty But I go it's thc eight. I knew from the age of six marijuana was harmless that people were wasting their time with marijuana. I had a godfather that smoked it And he would he would giggle and I was like, oh, this is what happens. I want to do it

I see all these people arguing all the time and getting mad and my godfather giggles at stupid shit We would sing songs by by miss american pie in the car and you know, it was just the best times together Whenever he got high someone told me you're gonna yell at me for tanya. I went to the weed cafe But I went to that weed cafe with josh wolf But let me tell you something I'll tell you what I really liked about it No, no people yelling at each other no arguments No one with their face in their phone every single person laughing having a good time actually engaged In conversation like outside all the bullshit in the novelty and all that crap

It really it was it was like if you put a commercial for a weed bar and an alcohol bar Sorry, but it's it's before and it's night and day. It's so different. Everyone engaged having a good time not sloppy You know, there's nobody throwing up over in the fucking corner You know the drunk girl tripping over shit the guy that's being loud and asshole all that none of it None of it smoking and having a good time Eating and talking and really engaging and enjoying conversation. It was actually refreshing to see Food was good. It was pretty good. Look. Here's the thing other people like all you say because you're high The truth is it was good

I've been three times and the only reason I was okay going back because the food was decent enough It's you could smoke anywhere out here. Why am I going to go eat at denny's if just because I can smoke weed there I don't give a fuck. I can smoke weed out in front of them I had I tried a bunch of stuff wings street corn burger pizza There's a lot. I mean their menus tacos Um

Everybody got a bunch of different stuff when we all shared. I'm trying to remember everything but everything was damn good ribs I think there was like short ribs not ribs ribs, but they were everything was good I hear you I hear you but also I don't I'm not a kid. I'm not over there renting fucking You know gravity bongs and all that shit. I get my you I think you're allowed to bring it in I think you are Um, but you can buy it there and they say you can't take it home But the whole thing is you can totally take it home. It's like give me a packet at the go or whatever and I'll bring it to you but You know, I just buy like an individual one

I'll tell you what I did have there that I didn't even know I liked it and I got it by accident But it was it was a it was a like a It was almost a cigar Wrapped in a cannabis leaf and you have you had it. I think so. Yeah looks like a cigar It's fat and that the mouthpiece is a little glass piece in there And it's I don't know if Gina has these big fat ones like that, but it was so good. I don't like Like I've never been a blunt fan only because I really like the taste of marijuana and I feel like that cigar wrapper

Dominates the flavor. I'm tasting that more than I'm tasting the weed like putting olives on the pizza I'm tasting the fucking I want to eat the pizza But I really like this because it wasn't it was marijuana flavored the the the leaf, you know And fat and it was such a had a little bit of key sprinkle on it It was fucking amazing wonderful and you could put it out and you know pick that one back up and keep going That was a good one I just sit there and smoke and and it's this right here at a cafe eating and there's an outside and inside It was very well done

But also when I was 16, I played soccer for the u.s on a under 17 team and I went to Amsterdam at 16. This is 73 83 89 I'm in Amsterdam and the bulldog and every fucking place over there in the red light district had it We're talking 30 years later. We're just getting our first fucking cannabis play. It's it's ridiculous what they've done With marijuana weed while you're there. Yep. Absolutely. You walk right in they got the one dude had a little stand So nickel and dime bags right at the door if you just wanted some weed or any of the food

You can get marijuana in you can get it with or without you know, your egg Or they could ever use it or use it. Yep So that was 30 years ago. How long was the wait online? It was and josh knew somebody got us in and then once I'd gone in and they knew I'd been there They let me in right away and you can make a reservation online too But if you wait online, you're sitting, you know down the sidewalk and shit But if you make a reservation or if you just have a connection, you'll get right in We waited no more than five minutes to sit at a table and we got a nice table

Service but you know one person is only allowed to do food They can't do weed one person has to just do weed But I do think when you when you take that weed to go It's all three times they waited so long to bring that pack to the table that I was like I'll bet you they bank when everybody getting high and already cashing their bill out forgetting That they ordered that fucking pack and out they bounce But I waited. I don't forget Can I get another one? Yeah, get to I don't give a fuck

It's an old fridge I don't I don't uh, I don't know You know, man, what you guys forget What everybody forgets is that I'm 57 and I look 57 one Nothing bothered me more When I was 22

And old old guys would try to act young I don't mind trying to be young But trying to like show off like you ever go to a party and there's that old guy with long hair looking like Jesus made a comeback Yeah, I know I know that okay grandpa. You know what I am like. I feel like grandpa But you're a lot of places you walk into I just feel But if you sat in a bar if you sat in a bar, you wouldn't feel that way Yeah, you don't see me in bars

But I'm saying you wouldn't be looked at that way or feel that way I'll tell you what you're on to something because I always thought I wouldn't smoke weed with my kids I thought maybe when they're parents, I'll smoke weed with the kids whatever I don't want to be the parent Because I always in my mind it would been at like a cookout or some shit, you know what I mean? Or a vacation or a orange or whatever it would have been a special thing But when I saw josh brought his son He was you know jake is 22

It's legal and I never considered in my mind that there would be the possibility of smoking weed with my children At a place where it was legal to sit and everyone's doing it I never even thought that thought didn't cross my mind, you know And once I saw that I was like, oh well at 21 she'll be able to do it anyway I would have a drink with my kid at 21. Why wouldn't I smoke weed with my kid in this sort of setting so it changed my mind on it and I hear you feeling like the old guy trying to be cool, but that of all the places I've been including any Fucking cast I've seen in Hollywood that preaches diversity diversity diversity that restaurant

Was so fucking diverse In culture in age and sex in race everything It was Old white ladies kicking it over in the corner smoking and laughing. It was you know young Black Asian white latino everybody. It was a melting pot. It was it was just a nice little thing But you would have you wouldn't have been an outside. No, I don't want to go there Number two, that's another thing I wouldn't want it was history is get high with my kids

I don't get high in front of my kids. I don't want my daughter to know I get high I don't uh Once you're fucking once You see your hero doing something You're gonna fucking do it. Yeah, I know because in the environment that I grew up You know I don't like that little niche of

A relationship with a kid. I don't know. I'm with you. I always felt that way to you You know what but you're to when your daughter's 25 23 you wouldn't have a glass of wine at christmas dinner or something with her You know Let's make it her being Amen to that brother. Amen to that brother I don't see it. There's no alcohol in my house I don't want her to see

Her and you know, I love when parents are like, oh, I dropped my kid off and We're so hungover today. That's not for me. I don't ever want to hear that coming from My parents fucking mouth because your kid. He is that word hungover And now it's acceptable. They're seeing their heroes doing What society I'm saying. Yeah, he's all that. It's just a little too creepy for me I like my kids to be a little bit more cut off at the umbilical cord at that age I see too many too many Kids young age connected to the umbilical cord to their parents. You gotta cut that cord

He has a lot of helicopter parents, you know. Yeah, it's uh I don't know. I have weird Vibes on them. I was raised in the house where alcohol was accepted You're raising a bar. Yeah I saw the effects. That's why that makes total sense. I was never I was never going to do cocaine Because I remember being at the bar late night and shooting pool by myself And looking at people what they had become Any hour that I was shooting pool they were snorting coke

And now they were at the bar and they were chatty. They were creepy They would all give me an extra ten dollars if I came over and bothered them But You know what I learned? My mom did cocaine And I knew when she'd do it and it's fucking tore me up inside when she'd do it Especially when I had to tell her to clean her nose Yeah, so it always bothered me so for me to fucking

Ever do coke was never gonna happen And heroin I got another horrible story about heroin so that was never gonna happen But One day I went downstairs and there was coke in the thing And like I said for a couple months I was giving it to a friend of mine to impress him And then one day I took a little piece and saved it in my desk I didn't know why the night before the kids called me and they go we're gonna play hooky And that day we went and we as we were going to Hudson County Park

As we were walking there up the corner was a beer truck I'll never forget them. That's when we were robbed beer trucks You robbed beer more than one? Oh my god If you saw a beer truck and you you went to eat breakfast All right, so I would always sign up for first class first period at 7 30 class That's what time period one is a lot of my friends were lazy. They came in for fourth period All room was 9 40. What the fuck wants to go to school at 9 40? Yeah, I want to go at 7 30 and get it over with So I would take first period second period then third period was study hall. That means breakfast

You're not allowed to leave the building good. Tell us go tell to the marines We were going to hash ways and get a fucking a ham and egg on a fucking on a fucking uh Well, nice poppy seed roll when they were tight A soda maybe a bag of wise potato chips. Yeah, yo ho the old out ring thing and shit And strolling and I remember that had monitor this up like you're not allowed to leave. Okay One day suspension Good good for you. Keep believing that we either went there the 5th avenue deli. They had the best meatball hero

in the country at that Next to it wasn't abandon the rise. I was really cold So you could stand there eat your hero and then spark up. Okay. It was tremendous. Why we either went there But what we talking about breakfast or whatever so we we were walking the hatchways to have breakfast And next to ash was at the time was liquor store And that's when there were one guy It used to be just one guy and he would get out of his truck Open up the thing with the belt now. Is that the old side rolls up? Yeah. Yeah, the garage door. Yeah empty his

He would get the wheel the Dolly, yeah, dolly the handcart He would put the five cases on there Doorbells he would put 20 cases and take them in five a piece We'd time it just perfectly But as soon as he turned around you shot across the street and took that type case And everybody got one and we tried so

it'd be like two like Going in one shot of that We're like the Colombians. We took three because we're gonna lose one One the guy chase Because we always threw that the truck driver The truck driver had two options. Oh, yeah, the truck driver had two options. A Chase you abandon this truck and then we really robbed the shit out of you. Oh god. B take the loss

Say fuck you I just There was a safeway in front of Hudson county park And that dummy decided to run from the truck one day and chase the kid that you weren't gonna catch unless you had a missile He was like a Puerto Rican his father He steals second like a mother Yeah, that motherfucker steals second and third And this guy went on an embarkment to chase this little Puerto Rican and love the

Come on That was we that's when we like took bags. We were like Remember when they saw the television going on and out of the bar That's what it was. It was like I was picking up a case because once you went into the park you lost us We you we wanted to find this we could even hide from the cops You would see the cops flying around with lights looking for us and we'd be in the fucking weeds Getting fucking what's that shit you get from the grass that he makes you itchy Poison ivy poison. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we would hide and get poison. We didn't give a fuck. We're a man jack

Little poison ivy never killed nobody put a little fucking preparation H on it preparation I used to get this shit so we used to get see bring it up man poison ivy. We had poison oak We had sumac we had all these things and I would get it so fucking bad I used to I got ringworm from the woods ringworm How'd you get ringworm from the woods because dirty shit he said because Because I was a dirty fucking kid I was telling my wife that when I was a five-year-old kid I stopped wiping my ass right like I wouldn't wipe my ass. I would just you would just shit

Put underwear on no and go to school And my mom would say to me oh What's with these fucking shitty underwear? And I didn't feel like oh my ass she goes listen the next time you give me a shitty underwear It's over and I would have little kids come over at the house One day I gave her an underwear that was plastic like two inches and shit My mother took it and hung it up on the door out of my bedroom And she's like so when your friends come over now they can see oh my I don't have a friend come over for a year

Not only did I wipe my ass I put a hose in my ass after I was a filthy little fucking spec dog and I sit here and I'm like I was insecure at that age I had no friends yet because I smelled like shit. Yeah Now looking back. Can you imagine how bad I smelled this little fucking kid? I mean with that's no one guy got hit in the head with a lunchbox No one of those kids attacked me at fucking central park I smelled like shit as a fucking kid, but my mom turned them around and hung them up with like thumbtacks And she's like

Until you learn how to clean your ass your friends are gonna see yonder. Well, don't worry about that because my friends ain't coming I'll be in the home. I'm good. I'm baby. I baby wipe mine everything. Oh now I stick my finger up there Oh, man, I got like a little loofa a loofa. Oh, I got a little loofa. No Yeah, you wait. It's a home this hold on. This is a homemade thing. Yeah, what are you? I've had this loofa for years and whenever it gets warmed down. I cut another piece I wrapped it around my finger While the puddles hitting it from the fucking yeah, well that's splash it Bro, you get that you rub and you look at the loofa you get a little what's that thing that they see

Colonoscopy bags. Yeah, you know those little hemorrhoids that are an inch up and your ass that locks up If you take a shit, it's dented Next time it's dented on the side It's like when you shoot a bullet off the gun is made a certain way. So it has things on it marks Sightings or whatever they call it. You know what gun they came from every asshole is the same That's why you can never identify a piece of shit. If you see a piece of shit on this Hold on This is lee sciat's asshole

Go arrest lee sciat on the pretentious because there's no way to match it I have seen yours enough time that I might be able to pick it out. Which one? You know your shit's all thin and weird They're thin and weird. Yeah, like they're all thin. They're long. Oh, yeah, they're real long Especially after like a three-day trip, but anyway, uh, what we talking about not shit. We're talking about the Rims around or whatever the fuck you were loo for your ass. I loo for my ass. Yeah You have to

At this age you have I remember when I first I was a girl She was a girl from argentina that I dated two in my 20s and she's like I gotta use baby wipes. She's like, yeah, I'll just top myself off here and there or whatever after I go to the bathroom I use I was like, oh, that's why you always like smells so good and so nice and then I started using baby wipes Because of her and that's when I realized oh My ass is definitely not clean. It's not dry toilet paper does not clean an ass It does not clean an ass isn't amazing. I know they have baby wipes, but it's amazing to me that there hasn't been some sort of Wet toilet paper that's been created yet

You know, whenever I go in the public restroom, I go right to the paper towels I'll wet a bunch of paper towels and I use wet paper towels That toilet paper they put in those public restroom Your finger goes right through that ain't doing anything. I was 21 22 I dated a girl for a while And one day we broke up and I bumped into a month later when we were talking And she pulled me aside and she goes, I don't mean to hurt your feelings But you really do have a stinky asshole. I could smell it when I suck your dick and that put me over the top

Like I was like, it's true when you wipe your ass it doesn't do nothing No, so ever since that time when I took a shit I always white wash the toilet paper and I get in there, you know I'll take an extra two minutes if I'm traveling or something to always wipe fucking toilet paper If I have to go to a public bathroom Sometimes I take toilet paper Wash it and take it into the private bath. Yeah I'm that I got baby wipes in the car. I got baby, but I always baby wipe

About a half inch into the asshole And take away the mildew and the malook And if you bump into somebody they suck your dick your ass smells like glue got that cleanest ass in the bin Yeah, you don't want to fucking stink like that. I had a friend of mine She told me a story one time about a guy. She knew it was a friend of hers This made me laugh so hard so fucked up, but uh, he he went out one night on a bender got really fucked up Brought this girl back with him. She's equally as fucked up And

They have a one night stand they pass out. He wakes up in the morning. He realizes he is shit Everywhere all over himself to bed her But she's still fucking passed out wasted so he gets up He gets in the shower real quick. He rinses off. He gets dressed He leaves his own place, but before he does he leaves a note downstairs. It says you disgusting bitch You did this you need to get the fuck out of my place when I get back in a couple hours. You better be gone So who took this shit? He did he did but he He literally took it. She said he packed it on her a little bit rubbed it on her and that made her think she did it

And he got the fuck out of the goddamn house to this day that poor girl's probably traumatized things It's probably telling it's like their worst or like this one time I went home and I shit myself all the guy's house. He might even be in rehab That dude fucking blamed that shit on her because he couldn't got out of there Oh my god, that's disgusting That's disgusting. You got some fucked up friends. I don't know that guy was a friend pulls over Falls at a concert on mushrooms. What type of people you hang out?

I'm telling a story about smoking PCP with a pregnant lady. Yeah, you know It's crazy how if I take a like if I take Lee to a concert I'll be dead. He takes three other bulls and he passes out Lee knows I'll leave Like while the band you leave me there without me being passed out while the show He told me I'm gonna get a beer when the show ends. I'll pick him up and I'll go leave me passed out and look at me like What do you mean? Like, well you passed out nothing back. Come on. Let's get out of here. I'll walk you walk out of there and people go

That's the dude that was passed out That's who you are. That's exactly what happens I was the type of dude that you came with me to a show And you passed out or something. I left you right there. I didn't know nothing People stepping on your shit. Fuck it. I'm not gonna get the middle of this The band's doing that best material the middle of it. You know what I'm saying? It's the encore. I'm gonna bend over now to fucking pick you up and let you know it's okay You do the consequences

You ain't think you're real a biscuit. I'm dealing with it When the concert has the lights come on, I pick you up. I take this the vomit off your shirt As much as we can And we help you out of the building. How long can I pass? How far? A long time. Don't worry about nothing And now you're walking the streets of new york and every 20 feet. Hey, that's the guy that was passed out Hey, that's the guy that was passed out You'll never go to a fucking concert again. And every time I took somebody to a concert Whether they went with me or friends, you know

My hometown went to so many concerts at the garden That by the time you get there, you're like, I didn't know you were coming sickly. Yeah We got tickets four weeks ago or you see everybody those are the days that we had you have to mail it in Oh, yeah You had a mail in a money order and there was a raffle and then you got chosen So either you got your check back or you got four tickets So you never really knew till a week before the show if you had one I mean, we just we slept out on the sidewalk. That's the way it's shifted to do you had to be first in line

How crazy remember that and then ticketmaster comes along and you might be first in line going to get a good Say you're already in the second section because ticketmaster already bought up all the fucking my way How can you see what year ticketmaster came to business? I just want to check We were just talking about how the fuck it is amazing how you can't scalp But ticketmaster can sell the fuck out of that shit called a convenience fee So we're living very the government ain't getting there cuz that's all We're living in very weird times 76. Huh 76 76 I saw pink floyd the wall

in february of 80 at that time You would drive to an office that was ticketmaster So plj would say which was the radio station in new york that would go Tickets are going on sale tomorrow 10 a.m. But pink floyd you had to go to those offices There was certain you there was no going online and right You had to call ticketmaster and see what was the nearest

Hub to you. That's right. We were they had macy's macy's That's exactly right. Yeah, but I remember for you for pink floyd exclusively. I remember that we went to Paramus, I think and then we met a u-turn and went to st. Peter's prep There was a ticketmaster there and that's st. Peter's prep that nice kid's illness in the pink floyd When we walked in you would ask Lin let me get the best tickets you got Right right around going to a file You know and then get like a little ticket and say these are the best I got And then she'd show you on the map where you would see up

And tell you, you know, these are gonna be, you know, nothing was I written down 1850 1850. Yeah, that's right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Let's do it. Ozzy 1850. Okay, you know, like that was it, you know, none of it. I don't know what ticketmaster Who did pro jam go to war ticketmaster? Yeah ticketmaster. That's where they went to war with they did You know, listen people really don't The consumer it's very interesting. What's about to happen two days ago or last week They announced

Netflix and all those companies pulled out of south by southwest I didn't know that they told their employees they weren't allowed to go just like All these other companies are going we can't be liable for you To go to these festivals now this happened Two weeks ago the week of the fifth of march fifth All agents got grounded Because they can't they could travel on their own dime

But they can't travel and the company's done because they could sue the company Because of this coronavirus Yeah, you got me thinking I want to fly to phoenix and then in the next week Uh, no, I got you. I mean drive drive. Get ready for a six-hour drive. Yeah, that's not a bad drive a little edible with you You can hear those pink Floyd compilation And do 90 and I'll listen to the delicate sound stop every three hours fill up get some to eat And that's it Monday morning, whatever

No, god damn it On sunday no show sunday. I'm just thursday to saturday saturday night right after the show Yeah, it doesn't be back three in the morning. Yeah, you get back to three in the morning Before yeah, yeah Because you don't want to leave it You want to leave it sadly at 10 10 30, right? So it's six hours Yeah

Yeah, right the time I did it. I hooked up with a girl and had a lever in the hotel room And drive and I hit traffic I'm I'm 30 minutes away and bumper to bumper traffic. Oh, it's not that's when I hit, you know Yeah, so if you get like that monday morning traffic or any morning traffic because you got to go through somewhere the 15 That's all connects to 10 I mean the 10 to 5 and the 101 are all right there all right there. So it's kind of it's kind of a rough drive But you know what? Until we know what's going on with this corona virus

I mean, I'm pretty much done Like I went to the economy store two twos days ago and I could smell it in there. You said that I could smell it in there It's uh It's uh, it's out there. I smelled it last night at a fucking restaurant My wife went to a restaurant the other day. She said there was four fucking tables Because you know how many times I've gone there and the place is overpacked

And last night there was only four tables taken She was blown the fuck away Yeah, these people are telling me that smart and final like hand sanitizer is gone Everything's gone and california declared the state of emergency which new york city will too Well, san francisco did in san diego did but la hadn't and i'm like if it's in san francisco in san diego It's fucking here. Yeah, it's here for a while. Yeah first case was january 21st and and Seattle washington I traveled to 25th and again, I saw a higher than normal

amount of asians traveling It was like a bomb had been thrown off into the country and they're just getting out and they're just getting out of it I don't blame them. I'm not mad nobody. I'm not blaming this on me I'm still gonna believe dr. Drew what he says that this is here and if you're older If you have an immune disorder if you're an infant obviously you're you could be in trouble, but The flu kills what he's 80,000 people a year and we don't you know, ain't nobody freaking out about that. So I think we're uh I think we'll be all right. Listen, man. It goes back to one thing Taking care of yourself wash your motherfucking wash your motherfucking hands getting your sleep

Let me ask you when you taking care of yourself when you meet and greet. Do you shake hands? I gotta start punk. I gotta start fist pump Meeting weeks are going away. Yeah, they're gonna have to I guess you won't have this pump, but I can't take a picture with you I can't take a picture with you How can we take pictures now in this climate? You want to take a picture of me after getting on a plane? You got to be crazy You come you watch me and you fucking run out of there and get some real oxygen I know it's gonna be very interesting what the touring climate might be If people on a Coachella and shit like that that's gonna scare

Our business suffers. Yeah, you know, our business is coming into the slow season. Anyway, yeah It's the summer months people might say fuck it Why go in there until we know what the fuck's going on with people? I mean, listen, I went out A couple nights ago And people are acting like there's nothing going on people still want to give you pumps People still put not their hands people still want to hug you I'm at an age where everything I'm the perfect candidate. Don't fucking hug me Don't fucking breathe on me. You know

Like they just don't you know, so, uh This is part of taking care of yourself I've always been washing my hands. I can't believe they let a statistic out Fucking 61% of men don't wash their hands after they go to the bathroom Every time I take a handshake with a guy after a comedy show I know I just touched his hand every man. I know master ball Yes, and I hope they masturbate with both hands. So this writing gig. I just fucking had

Um, I would be in there taking a shit and these guys would come in they would shit They would piss and they wouldn't wash their hands at all and I'm like, yo, what the fuck are you don't shit? And wall back out in there like that get the fuck out of here No, it's sick. It's pretty it's pretty wild how people aren't I don't know. I'm not a scientist I'm not a fucking whatever But I will tell you that Am I scared? No, it's not like Godzilla's running down the street. I'm a japanese guy running from my life. No

But I do have concerns Do you see that older guy had uh around? Drinking a little soup. Oh, I did see that The dude went into the grocery store the self-serve soups, you know, you lift the lid up the dude took the ladle He sit taste tested it and then put it fucking back Put it right back in there. Yeah. Yeah, listen, you need to be all you need to be take him out back To the back of the head those days are old If you go to a salad place and you take salad and make your own salad

You're gonna die. Yeah, just assume all that stuff The breathing or sumo that stuff if you go for a supermarket, you're not going to macy's of gimbal and trying shit on Milk sugar and steak and get the fuck out You don't walk in the house anymore. Like, oh my god. Let me shite comparison Pay what you got to pay and get the fuck out of there. You don't want to lurk in there You know, which one of the fucking neighbors where people travel from poor Mars. Jabrania He's having the hardest time because I guess a lot of Iranians go to his show and they travel in So he's got to switch it up or something. You know, this is just gonna fucking

If you're an intelligent individual You got to ask yourself, you know what I don't know You can't believe People said they came in and nobody even talked to For a month. They came in from Italy and nobody even said nothing to me What about that moron that the attorney from new york that went skiing in Italy? And everybody everything's fucking every not 18 people have it because they have 18 people, how would you feel because you wanted to be that special?

I want to go to Italy. Those are the motherfuckers Like oh, we're not working jimmy schubert went to korea Yeah, he did we jimmy schubert's in korea shooting a tv show Are you fucking crazy? How long it will be until you talk to jimmy You got to go get fucking decontaminated now. I don't give a fuck what they tell you The we had a four-month I heard from a trusted friend that the cdc dropped a ball on this one

They had a four-month warning and they dropped the ball and now we're gonna get bitten the ass So i'm not here to instill danger or harm people. I'm gonna tell you the real reality of it I don't know much about it So i ain't gonna fuck with it Remember what was that drug people were doing years ago and turning into lizards? That was the bath salts the bath salts. Yeah, okay You just saw three people turn into lizards, right? Why would you want to do that you want to give it a try?

Yeah You see what it does you see what it already does and now you want to give it a fucking try you want to give it a spin So that's what pisses me to fuck off, you know Whatever i'm gonna try to do this date But i have a nyac. I hope it all works out And i got i got dates i'm worried about are you i mean i am and i'm not you know What i mean every time i fly i'm always worried about getting some someone's fucking bullshit in my lungs So i feel like i get sick a lot when i fly especially during the winter when you're just in a tube sucking everyone else's shit

You see these videos putting their feet up on the fucking shit. They're filthy. You gotta assume at all levels That's right. They're filthy fucking animals pigs just assume You know, and i know they tell you you shouldn't assume the mason that you and me Assume you got all i've been telling me we got clean asses Since the second day i met li i go lead on all the delivery food no more why Because your generation believes that shit. You're too stupid. They don't believe that the delivery people open up for you Come on spit it off your pizza He kept doing it. He kept doing it. What do we meet 10 people that told you what they did it?

And then you found like kids like him grow up thinking that it's on the up enough Guys nothing's on the up enough That's three sets of hands touching your fucking food Yeah The fucking guy who cooked it cooked the packet the person in packages leave me alone You're gonna fucking die and then to top it off some greasy guy that makes $3 per delivery or whatever You don't think he opens up your pizza and takes a piece of little cheese or pepperoni. You're gonna miss it You're too hungry. You're watching the fucking

The the raider game, you know, you're too hungry. You didn't count the wings. They told you six Yeah, i'll give you five and you won't know it You know, so do not Avoid all that. I don't get food delivered Pick it up Go pick it up You go to the green apple you go pick it up Green apple is a good spot. That's my chinese spot. I know

I love that you still have a chinese spot after all Oh, well, I haven't gone there You don't see me going over there doing open mics singing I haven't been there in weeks. I miss chinese food. You know what I'm saying? You gotta give it a little breather right now. They might have brought in a chef from oh hand Not had told us and I'm eating the fucking I'm eating a fucking fucked up dumpling. You know what I'm saying? Yeah corona dumpling. Yeah corona dumpling right now

You got it. I'm not saying be racist. That's not gonna work But chinese food's been the last thing on my mind lately. Let's just say you know what I'm saying Without signling I could go for some garlic fried rice I think I'm fucking pork dumplings And nice fucking french style filet mignon I can't even eat that. It's it's fucking whatever

It's lint. So I'm right on the meat. They're a lint. You know what I'm saying? I love other people give it up. You just go light on it I don't need it on friday. You still you stick with that. Yeah, that's yeah What see that was always pizza for us on friday. You know what I mean growing up is pizza friday. Yeah Pizza and shrimp or crab nice mussels red mussels with that red sauce And you eat that mussel and then you take a slice of pizza Oh my god. Yeah, I got high a couple times as we can destroy The other fucking went to joes. I bumped into gino from speed. We by the way is sponsoring

The 420 uncle joey's 420 show Eight o'clock comedy store You got the netflix festival You got the montreal comedy festival and you got the joey dears motherfucking festival 420 at the fucking comedy store Bring edibles because we're going deep into the murky waters. But what was I saying? You saw gino with joes. You know what I saw gino and he gave me one of those joints And I smoked it behind the comedy store by myself

And I fucking was driving home. I'm like, you know what I gotta stop at fucking joes Pizza and I had like 18 points left I had points left and I had boxed that day. So I was okay. I burned like 16 I burnt like 30 minutes of boxing. I don't put the whole hour. I put 30 minutes Because you how much do you really move? And uh, so I had points to burn. I wanted to fucking Joe's pizza the night stone to the hills 1115 I double parked my car. I put my hazards on I walked right in there. I go, let me get two grandma's pizzas

The ones with the mozzarella and it's loose Oh my god, I ate two of them and I got in the car with a diet snapple And as I was going to make the left turn I go, let me take two more just for the I did the same thing. I went back in there. I went back in two. I did two more. I go, maybe I'll give one to leek As I hit the one I want to go fuck leek I Go get his whole fucking pizza Oh, that's the spot man. What's going on with your podcast brother?

Uh, all good things right now. You got an episode coming out the honeydew podcast you can follow it on uh, social media honeydewpodcast.com Uh, I got some dates. Can I tell my dates? What's your next move for this fucking comic? For stand-up, I'm gonna do a special for But I also love to produce I like you know, I've had I've been able to work on some shows that help I help sell and Um, we got some shows coming up that I really want to work on josh wolf and I are starting a new one coming up here I'm starting one with Simone too Um, yeah, thank you that whatever you just did brought it back brother. Um

I don't I want to stay in the digital space tv's dying. It's dead These people are these people are either getting fired laid off let go or they're getting promoted new people don't want There's so many things that That that could happen to derail anything outside of you having talent or a great idea or anything And if you just put it all on digital it lives there and the people can go there and watch it There's nobody it's killing your you know digital channel unless you're doing some crazy crazy shit, but I don't do that So yeah, I want to create more content some digital shows. It'll be really exciting stuff coming up I can't really talk about yet, but you'll be you'll be a part of it. You'll be seeing it. Oh, I'm excited already. Yeah

And that's that energy I need right there Look at me. I'm so excited Um, and I'm doing the road. I'm doing I got some uh, some some dates around the country this year that I'm excited to go Where's your website at it's ryancycler.com go there go subscribe to my youtube That's where I'm gonna start putting a lot more stand up. I'm gonna start putting some more Exclusive content there and really build that channel up I'm out in phoenix in a Here I'll tell you

March 21st or March 20th, you know my dates better than me I got uh, let's see here March 19th. I think I'm the are you yeah, when you go You fly out when I fly out. Yeah march 19th to the 21st. I'm in phoenix. I'm at the lohoya comedy store march 26th I'm at the rec room in huntington beach. You ever done that? Yes, dude. I love that spot. I love it Uh, and then I'm up in vancouver, uh, april 23rd through the 25th No dates in there. Oh april. I think you meant august and no no no people come in october 8th Yeah, they're gonna remember and then uh 18 joints. They got their feet up

That's all they need and there's no now vancouver phoenix lohoya huntington beach Simone and I'll be doing another monthly at the store in april if you'd like to come on you're always welcome Good for you, man. You're putting it together. I'm keeping it going and all of this is just staying busy That's all it is until the next fastball comes down the fucking way. That's all it really is You got to stay in the game. People just can't understand that it's it's well, listen. It's eight spots a week You got to do this. You got to do that. You got to do your two podcasts and Sometimes it seems boring get ready. It gets even worse, but If you put in this work, eventually a fastball comes down the pipe

Somebody sees you on the stage. They want to use you for this. They got to make the year for this You know Good ideas. You got to pay people a little money. You got to get involved. You know go get fina and do something Of course, some chinese people don't mean nothing I'm making videos you know i'm saying send me five thousand and you're in the yin yin corporation sponsors Lisa at dancing with a ball in his head. Don't matter as long as they're paying the freight and you're at home shooting videos It's all you know Who knows where we're gonna go with this disease?

And these strange times me. I hope this thing just dies and we move on. Yeah, well, americans. Yeah, that's it But uh, it's too we're too surrounded with it and that's that me I'm gonna keep taking a shower. It's lifting my little weights drinking my tart cherry juice Two ounces of luffa in your asshole luffa in my asshole sleeping my eight, you know, I take care of my sleep That's a big but that's the other thing right there. That's especially his comedians. Yeah, we don't get people have no idea that That's the master one. That's the sleep is the one going Eventually, oh, you gotta do sit in front of they say you can never catch up on it You know what? I mean like once you've missed it. It's not like I'll sleep 10 tomorrow

No, it's you've already done the damage and once your body misses it you catch up and you sleep deep I don't even wake up in the middle of night to pee no more. I got this new thc drink by kikomo That's what they call. Yeah homo teas It's called sleep It does what it says, but it's only three milligrams of thc The rest is cb and melatonin and stuff like that. That's all natural. Help me I don't even wake up and I got the tablets for the road Sleep right through that corona man. I hate them in vegas. I experimented with them in vegas

When I woke up, I couldn't even fucking set the car for machine. For real. I had a courtroom service I was still fucked up the next morning This crop machine just ain't ain't doing You gotta set up a pile of coffee for Four cups and a lot of sweet The blue package is always a pleasure. Thank you, bro. Excuse me for that. Thank you for always having that's a burp That smells like a vitamin. That's all I've had today. There's a protein shake. Can you believe that? No me being a fat fuck That's all protein shaking an apple

Who the fuck lives off that but I'm gonna go home and blast it with protein Do some jumping up and down and that's it always a pleasure to have. I love you. I'm always pleasure to have you All I got going on Is march 27th and santa barbara at their arlington theater Tickets are still available and for 20 at the motherfucking comedy store for 17 and

at the Reno and for 18 and Portland somewhere. I don't know. I'll let you know next week And now for a word from our sponsors. The church is brought to you by Stamps.com. Listen. All you need is a computer to print posters 24 seven Any letter or any size package going anywhere in the world You could do it right from your couch. You're like, how joey? Stamps.com because time is money, baby Stop wasting time going to the post office when you could use stamps.com no more waiting in line at the post office

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Anyway, I love you motherfucker. Let's have a great weekend Stay safe Don't let people breathe on you. Don't go somewhere where they eat bat milk or whatever the fuck I don't give a well the restaurant. It's so great. It's a fusion. Listen mind your business all those fusion places or creepy people They like to travel they were they were in Singapore earlier this year and they brought it back with them They're fucking carriers white take the chance in this case. You're not columbus mind your business stay at home Jerk off. You don't know nothing. Listen to podcast. Have a great week a great weekend And we'll come back next week and have a good time all over again. I love you cocksuckers. Thank you

Kick this fucking meal, Lee