Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #772 - Joel McHale

Episode Date: March 25, 2020

Joel McHale, a stand up comedian, actor, and writer known from "Community and "The Soup," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo Church to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.  Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a 10% discount on your first order.  

Greetings from podcastville. It's Wednesday the 25th of March the church is brought to you by My book you listen. You're sitting there with a thumb up your ass. You ready to stab your wife You ready to light the kids on fire. I feel you. You understand me ten fucking days in the house. No fucking sports Yeah, you're fucking lost this corona virus. Fuck this corona virus and fuck Wu Han and anybody's walking around with that I'm sick and tired of this shit. You want to make the best out of this quarantine head over to my bookie dot ag Slash Joey and make some bets. You like Joey. What the fuck am I gonna bet on for starters? They got odds on presidential election and the primaries and on top of that They got a fully fleshed out online casino. What is that Joey ready? You can play blackjack with a live

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Nobody the church is also brought to you by on it. Listen Most important thing is getting your fucking immune system built up. I'm not telling you on it's gonna do that bit They will if you do kettle bells if you lift if you eat right if you sleep Your immune system builds you know I'm saying if you threw mud in your face as a fucking kid Your immune systems tip top Magoo if you ate a rock as a kid, you're all right You're not gonna get the corona virus if you're swam in the anyway My point is you got to build up your immune system and on it is the place to do it, okay? They got supplements. They got alpha brain

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Anything alpha brain Shroom tech immune shroom tech sport. These will all help you in these trying times new mood Listen go right now get started today go to honor calm and Before you check out press in church boom and get ten percent off your order Deliver it right the house. We doing sitting there like a fucking bump in the log. You're worried. Take care of yourself Go to honor calm right now kick this motherfucker mule Lee All right, Joe McHale in the house. Thank you for having me. It's a totally normal day. Thank you for coming. How are you buddy? I'm you know All things considered. I'm very well. It was great to see at the store a few weeks ago. Very good to see you

You were out doing your thing. I was happy. I love seeing Different comics out during the week. I'm just glad they let me on yeah Yeah, you had a great set. You had a good time. You were loose time that whole Crack that was a murderer's row back there. Oh my god comics. I really is very intimidated So now you started comedy down here. I I did a lot of comedy well as people like Joey and I were in Seattle at the same time apparently But I was on a TV show in Seattle called almost live that so I And I was newly married and I had not ever died did a ton of improv at no stand-up

So I didn't really start stand-up until after like a year after the soup which everyone goes Oh, that's why you suck so hard during that time When you're trying stand-up, but but I didn't start that after because an agent said to me You're gonna make a lot of money if you just go on the road with your friends and you can introduce them And then they can go do their thing and you can try little jokes in between so But so technically yeah, I guess I started comedy in Seattle. I gotta be honest with you. I enjoyed your quirkiness On talk soon. Oh honest to God. I loved it. I loved that people would yell things and stuff like that I really enjoyed that and I think somebody polished wouldn't have had a good time doing that show

Yeah, well, you know I'm saying that's why that's what made you So good for that show. It was good time. Yeah, well, I was loose. You were quirky. I still been watching episodes at night and laughing Chris McGuire's girlfriend wrote Yes, yes, test. I always followed, you know, because she was on there if it was on I'd I watch it You know, we're in comics, you know, you're busy. The worst is when people say you watch my show and you're like Your show comes on at 9 30, you know, I'm fucking Especially at that time. I'm out. I'm out, you know, yeah But if you go on the road

Like when you're on the road Thursday Friday Saturday usually tend to watch shit usually wouldn't watch or you don't have time to watch Like oh now I'm home. I could watch the fucking news or whatever. How long did talk soup gone for? I did it for 12 years. Jesus. Yeah, it was a while. Yeah, it's got me Yeah, I bought some stuff. Yes, you did. But yeah, no, I believe me. I couldn't I didn't I believe me I was surprised as anybody it went that long But you say the whole like polish part, but I'm super dyslexic So I could I could not read a teleprompter when it started. So there was so I fucked up so much that it would take me I remember the first few episodes. It took me four hours to get through 20 minutes a copy 22 minutes a copy

What would you think to yourself? They're gonna fucking fire me. I just kept thinking I cannot believe Well, I because at that point I was undiagnosed and I was just like these I'm an idiot But I'm just gonna keep when they finally edited together. They were like we we salvaged your performance and then as The anxiety of having being forced to read jokes on camera as that went down Then I got a lot and then I began to not care At all if I screwed up. So then a guy I got then I got good when you're having such a good time when you don't care

That's when that's right. That's good. Yeah, when you just let loose You know, I learned a lot when I shot specials. I wasn't good at shooting specials Because I cared too much right I focused on the words like an actor You're not supposed to focus on the words like an actor. You're a stand-up. Yeah, go out there and just go You know go and let pieces fall with how long did it take you to figure that out two specials And I was like, I'm done. I just can't do this. But then the third one you went. Oh, no You're not gonna do it. No No, I'll tape CDs from now on and what if someone secretly taped you and then it was said

If it was a good set. Yeah, then I'll put it out there. I Just don't like all the fucking shit that comes there I don't want to see a boom going over me when I'm doing stand-up None of that shit, you know I think that we went away from the traditional way of shooting stand-ups and now we're trying to get back But it's too late. Like I still remember seeing Lenny Bruce and just a thing. Yeah, oh No audience slapping their hands. No big theater to impress you. You know, just it was just a wall With bricks on it and maybe 200 people in the room and he went off. That's why they call this nightclub comics

You know, we did nightclubs, right, you know, that's it, you know Yeah, Ken Jeong taped his at the ice house. Yes, which he could he could have taped it at you know an arena If you'd wanted to but it's so intimate and he shows how close I mean, obviously, you know how close it is for those of you who are just tuning in it's very close and And And it's magical. I like it When I shot the special my first special I shot at a comedy club in Chicago. I really liked that club I like the reaction. It was outside the city, right? So they were more blue collar

So when I work in Zany's in the city, I just go there to eat a bag of this Like it's just flying somewhere to suck dick for five days five shows So I try to work one night there They're too intense for me downtown. They're too politically correct You go 45 minutes outside of Chicago things are loose. Yeah, I don't count points They don't give a fuck. They say the word midget They don't you really should call your next special eating a bag of dicks. Yeah eating a bag of dicks. That's it It's just it's such a heart when you I

Don't like anything organized Like that was why I ended up doing this fucking racket anyway, right? Because if you thought I was gonna get up at 8 in the morning and be a good job at 8 every morning I just don't know that seems so insane to do I could I could probably make it Monday for sure After that, I'll do like 8 39. There'll be one 12 o'clock. Yeah, cuz you know one night you go to the commie store You twist one up. It's all over. Yeah a couple red Vino's you should have lived grew up in London

Or England cuz you know by the time like cuz what I hear is like the first day they work second day They go to the pub for lunch. It's kind of a and just a Wednesday long lunch Thursday They're going to half day because they're already in the bag and then Friday I just don't even count on any communication at all and yet they were an empire for so long No, I don't I didn't like do you still stay out really late now? No, you don't you go right back home We got a kid. Yeah, and the house wakes up at 6 15 whether you want to or not Yeah, you know saying it's not even up to you know more sometimes. I Don't mind getting up early like I don't mind it. I'll work my like if I got a spot at the store

It's gotta be early Get me out of there by 11 so I could go to bed by 12 30, right? I could live on six For a day or two and then get a good 10 or a nine or an eight and I'm back You can sleep for 10 hours straight. I did the other day for the first time in 10 years Glorious, I could not but I had I need I had help though, right? Yes, like air and edibles I like uh, you're waking up every 20 minutes. There's this thing called quick Z's They sell at urban trees. It's just a little two ounce drink

It tastes like Kool-Aid You drink that okay, it's got like extra melatonin Anything that puts you to sleep Naturally, it's got it's in there, but heavy, but there's with a hundred milligrams of THC, right? To really knock your fucking head. How long does it last? How don't get up and pee in the middle of night no more you just whizz all over yourself main thing for me is Not getting up to pee going to bed drinking water Yeah, and being able to hold it in and like if I could get from midnight to seven

With without a pee like if I can get up at seven and pee I'm good I'll get another hour out of it till eight because of what's been going on the last right three weeks with the school and stuff The week before they got let out to go to school. I Was supposed to go back to New York that shoot added scenes for the soprano prequel and I was losing it Joe because yeah, I was losing it bones a call time. No, no, no, I had to go to New York I did not want to go to New York in the middle of this pandemic, right? And I could see it coming every day. I'm like, it's not gonna when then they started shooting on Wednesday I'm like

Obviously these motherfuckers aren't paying attention to the news then new Rochelle got Smothered and that's right next to all the places. I'm gonna be shooting and then Thursday It's spread worse, you know, Trump. He doesn't know what to do and I'm calling them going guys Are you sure you want us to fly back east? Because I don't think we're gonna at first my fear was not getting back and that week I had to do extreme measures to fall asleep Like there was two night. There was one night. I I stayed up a little while I had a little stress over taking the flight and then the next night it was the night

I drank the whole tube with a bunch of edibles and usually All right, so I play on the computer this way like everybody at home does right like straight up So if I fall asleep, I'll just fall asleep like this And I'll put my head up and look at the computer to see what time it is. Are you playing a game on the computer now? I'm watching YouTube. Okay. I'm listening to YouTube on my computer, but I'm typing on the iPad You are I'm listening to the computer. I'm listening to YouTube on the big Apple, but I'm I have the iPad and I'm typing in, you know jokes, whatever. Yeah trying to clean up shit That's not gonna work and then I didn't even feel myself get to position B, right? This is position B

That's a good position to wake up. That's not too bad. If you just lay your head on this on the thing Are you drooling all over the place? No, not at all now. There's position B Position C is when you're away from the computer and you just So last week two weeks ago Actually woke up in position D, which is right from here with a chair And there's a heater and that's how I woke up the heater was burning all my back pubic hair Does your daughter walk in and go dad's dead? No, no, no, she's embedded fucking nine o'clock, right? This is going on at 11 1130

She never comes out of that room in the middle. Did you read that thing by Steve Martin when he took Ambien? Because some people sleepwalk on Ambien where he when you could online gamble for money when you could do that a few years ago No, he Like was gambling and he went to bed took an Ambien and then the next day he went to go play Poker again, and he noticed there was more money in his account And so he went and looked back in his history and he had gotten up for two hours and played Poker up from like four to six a.m. It had no idea he had played and he won during that time

so If I were him, I would have just taken an Ambien and sat down. I don't know. I don't like the ambience Yeah, that's a while ago, and I just didn't like it one time. It just wasn't for me Oh, I it's like when I fly out of New York Especially those early flights at the overnight flights. Yeah taking an Ambien nose annex for you I've never taken a Xanax in my life. You'd rather go with the Ambien someone said that Xanax Actually this guy who worked for the company that sold it He's like stick with the Ambien because Xanax is very habit-forming and I was like this is coming from the guy who sells it

Very habit-forming and he goes you don't want to he goes you don't want to mess with it too much And I was like, okay, good to know. I will just have more wine. I'll have another glass of wine, please But how do you take Xanax? I'll take the Xanax. I'll take the point two fives. Would you take that with the sleep thing? Oh Yeah No, no, no like an hour or an hour and a half during the night. No wonder you're not if I take if I take an edible and I go out into a public place like guns and roses or Something like that I'm gonna need a Xanax at some point of the night

So I'll bring two of those footballs with me. There's little footballs. They're point two fives. I don't know them They're nothing they I do them before comedy and does it take the edge off takes the edge off Like if I have to go to the comedy store nine out of ten times my wife watches them. I Don't even take them. I forget to take them So sometimes I'll go to the store and I'll have a little anxiety on the drive and I'll just Power through it and then once I get down to the anxiety goes away. Sometimes it comes back and I'm covered So wait, what did you say your wife did your wife? She you said she are you did you say I maybe I'm sorry, but you said she washes it or what was your I leave him in my

Jean oh she washes I forget to take him right because I try not to take him so you don't get hooked on right right right So there's a benzo addiction. So what I do is I'll put two in my jeans and then I'm not after remember to take them out And put them back on its end There's nights. I'm leaving for the store and I'm starting to get anxiety. Go. Let me bring them with me Just in case I have a full blown attack. So you still get nervous on stage. Oh, no before really before And it's just no fun No, so there's got like the last real big anxiety attack

I got was June 2nd March 2nd at the store because after I went to Vegas on the 29th They said Vegas was at 50% The coronavirus was already starting people were paying attention, right, but we weren't And also I'm like, how can Vegas be at 50% in February? Yeah, what's happening? They said that and I went to the airport. I was the third guy in the TSA line Okay, things are changing things are changing something's not right. I Landed and I told my wife I went online. I did a little research, you know

and then I went to the store Tuesday night and I went into the main room Listen to me and I walked around that edge and when I opened the green room to the main room There was 18 people in there talking and no windows that sets me off. Huh? Why do you think that door is open? Well, I'm gonna be the first to be shot because my back's the door No, no, no because I don't want to getting all this shit is putting anxiety on me. Huh? It puts like a silent anxiety. Yeah, do you know when the door closes on a plane?

Do you not at all doesn't bother you not not yet? I know I've told people for years. I don't even understand how I get on the plane My love for comedy and for doing what I do Over over whatever rides to fear you think it's because you got a job to do and you have to go to have a job And that's the thing this is the thing that gets me there. Yeah, you got to take me an hour before the car is coming So let's say my flight to 630 come to my house at 3 and see what I look like. I'm not happy Wow, I'm not happy. I'm so interesting. I put my sleep app in your machine away. I'm not happy once I get in the uber I'm happy. What do you like them second you walk off a walk off stage?

I'm fucking happy. I was there. This is tremendous. Thank God. I'm not a pussy Listen to myself and cancel the weekend or if you do two shows in a night is did you have anxiety between the shows? No, because once you get one done once I get one done. I'm good. It's that first one That it's just hard and sometimes it isn't Sometimes it is it's a 5050 torso. I'm never gonna know how to react. I do always get anxiety Before I go on stage. Hmm. What level it is? That's what I can control So if I walk into that green room at the store and I see you and there's a few other people there And you haven't gone on yet. Are you in a mild state of anxiety?

I'm in a mid-state of anxiety. You're talking to me about your kids and your life and I love you to death But I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Right. I'm just yes, and you know that really you just like great I'm listening to the audience and I'm Listening to my anxiety building. I can hear people talking in there, but it's like Chinese, right? Like Charlie Brown music don't talk. It's so interesting once I go on stage to Charlie Brown music disappears Then I run out of there and I go to the kitchen. I Decompressed a little bit now. I'm ready for fucking Satan, right now. I don't give a fuck bring them on

I already got I already jumped in the fucking Hudson River If you do multiple sets in a night not shows but if you go like I'm gonna go here and I'm gonna go Do you after the first one do you have any anxiety? No, if you're headed to the Improvers, it's the first one. Yeah that first one But throughout the years I've had to cut down more than anxieties because it was always something with me It was always something. There's too many people with white hair in the audience There's too many women in the audience So that's why I too many women in the audience do and what is too?

I don't know. It's your mind playing tricks on you when you're a comic It's called what what the great of the art of war not Sun Tzu the other guy that wrote the book about writing He calls resistance. It's our own body Telling us, you know the chicken out to be a coward It's like you have a thousand stories that you want to write right you write three pages and yeah You move on You know, you don't think there's a plot that there's a plot there You wouldn't have wrote it that your intention

But now your mind throws a thousand reasons at you why you shouldn't do it. Mm-hmm. So it's weird like I'll tell you the first time I Because you're from up there. I Cut my teeth in Seattle. What do you mean by cut my teeth? I did like four years of comedy But where I started performing for real audiences was Seattle and that's where my anxiety started So I took the Wow fairy the Bremerton. Yeah Bremerton used to have a room up there for the Navy. Isn't the Navy? Yeah, really stocked up. Absolutely. That's where they keep their submarines. Yep, because it's the deepest point But they keep a lot they also keep them on would be island, right would be I see you could shoot straight down to fucking the universe down

Yeah, so I still remember doing that room. He was a great guy the guy that ran Bremerton But he always had an older clientele. I Was dirty too When I'm talking old, I'm talking like 44. So I'm going up there talking about pussy and Eating assholes and whatever the fuck I'm talking about. I would look at the audience to like the little fucking curtain And I would go I'm gonna bomb That was I always had a reason for why I was gonna bomb There was too many old people. There was too many women. There was too many young people. They look like Christians

You know now now I can tell how that what a Christian looks like. I'm a fucking swami all of a sudden, right? You know, I would make so I would add anxiety on to me over the years You say fuck the people that are old Fuck the young people. You fuck them if they're not Audience right, you know, there's times people come back and go, uh, Joe, please be a little Considerate in your acting. There's a table of 18 gay men and it's the owner. He's scared to me Welcome to my world. There's the first ones. I'm going after. Yeah, you know I'm saying or it could be Joe be careful what you're saying. There's a table of 18 nuns out there or

18 rabbis, right? How are you gonna act? You know I'm saying like how are you what are you gonna say? Are you gonna play to them? You use them to your advantage? Walk them, you know in my world. I would 18 rabbis. That's it. I'm going to jet, you know, man I would I would give myself all these excuses most of the time you were successful. I mean 50% at that point. Okay, you were I was improvising. I was fucking around So if you did if it didn't go well, would you go? Yep, that's exactly what I thought would happen I knew I was gonna bomb that table of white-haired people fucked me up all that. Oh, I was part of that for a while You're like, yep, that's exactly how I thought it would blame the audience

And would it then wouldn't would it go when it would go? Well, would you have the would you still beat yourself up? No, like well, that was a fluke or would you be like exactly? I would kill them I would go. Yeah, that was a fluke. Oh my god. I made the lesbians laugh They didn't realize that people going to the lab no matter what they are they're not going I was I was going on stage Thinking I was gonna get attacked Every time I went on stage, you know, you just learn it's just yeah It's just you imagine if you're a jet fighter pilot and every time they like well, I can't believe it I actually blew up another jet and I meant to shoot that thing down

I didn't think it was gonna happen thought I was just gonna crash this thing if they have the same attitude the comics had It's fucking crazy. Where but Orbo was acting to get nervous them Fuck yeah, yeah Fuck yeah You walk out and fucking Shake the Nero's hand. Hey, do you want to rehearse? No, not really. Yeah. Yeah, one of us Yeah, and you go through your lines and he don't know his lines, you know his assistant gives him his lines I get nervous at every level, but then after you do the first one of the first

Ten takes I remember I was shooting analyze that It was just be by myself with Anthony Lampogliet. It must have taken an hour To say one line for you because I was focused on my set later on that night. Oh That's why if I have shooting a movie no more nothing Comedy gets canceled Don't well on the side of hate you don't have to care Wouldn't it help if you had that distraction like later that night and be like, oh I got I got this acting thing because I got this other thing or was it a that's taking up all my

Brain space and I'm not focusing enough. It sounds like it was a second. Well, it was six o'clock and my show started at eight I'm shooting in Carnegie, New Jersey And the fucking comedy club is in whatever I forget where it was It was like 40 minutes away, right That's we were just and we kept doing this scene and we did it so much with so many different angles But I started forgetting the lines Why did they shoot it so much because it was fucking the narrow and how Ramis how Ramis, right? They shot the shit out of everything, you know, there's some directors that shoot the shit out of everything

They shoot it so much that you actually start fucking up the scenes. I Yeah, I know what you mean They fucking shoot them so much that now, you know, I got you start to break down going guys really Well now we're gonna switch it to this view. He's gonna get on top of a helicopter. Go fuck yourself Clint Eastwood does three takes. Okay. Yeah, and he's been doing this for a hundred fucking years three takes One for you one for him and one for the fucking camera. That's it move on Let's switch the fucking angle, but there's some people who drive you fucking crazy Yeah, I mean, there's some people that learn the scene on the day while they're shooting it and it takes them

15 takes before they're good You're like, oh, they just learned these lines. They don't know them now They know them now the scenes cook and you know what I mean? I always since day one Because I come from the stand-up world I've always been prepared to go. That's okay. That's more than half. Okay. I'll even when I was a fucking junkie I Was prepared to go You know, I got there. I already knew my lines from the night before I knew where the scene was going

If I wanted to improvise I could improvise Something I learned after like 2007 was The more famous the person was the less prepared he was and it really pissed me off Like I was in shock that I raised my hand. I can never say nothing to a famous actor But I realized that some of these guys They just go from movie to movie. Yeah They just go from movie to movie. It's not like it was 20 years ago 30 when Eddie Murphy did 48 hours in 82

Trading places in 83 right and something else in 84 now. They got you going from one project to the other I don't want to drop names here or whatever. I could tell you five guys I've been with that They didn't look at the script To the first day of the shoot No, yeah, they accepted this movie Without even looking at the script They had like an assistant read it or something. No, it's great. It's a pretty good script

I like the scenes where you and the rock are great or whatever and they don't even read I'm telling you Yeah, oh, no, I you know, I just I just did this movie and they were telling me a story about Ali Baldwin and That kid Calla Bowe, what's his name? Shia Shia LaBeau. Yeah, they were doing a plan Did you hear about this now doing a play in New York and some theater and The first day fucking Ali Baldwin shows up and they rehearsing these he's got a script

And Shia LaBeau goes cut. What's going on with the script? Because I'm like You gotta be off book man When you come in the first day I hadn't heard this you gotta be off Alec Baldwin so was like, oh the fuck is this guy to talk to me like that? No, I'm gonna talk to you this way, bro You're a fucking lead You gotta be off book when was this this is like a year ago two years ago

And then it just continued like he came in the next day this motherfucker was off book again He said something to him again Then that's I like Baldwin teaches at an NYU masterclass on Mondays Guess who Shia LaBeau did showed up to the class showed up in a classroom And then raised his hand and said what do you call an act that comes unprepared to the set? I Didn't not know and then a couple days later. He showed up at his house and When Alec Baldwin pull up in front of his building Shia LaBeau was there with a script and said make sure you know it tomorrow So do you understand me that's the mentality I came out and it's how like you and you know

His life I like how to go to what was it? What are you gonna say to Shia LaBeau stab you 18 times? He's a guy that slashes himself. Yeah movie role. Where's the bag on his what do you think he's gonna do to you? You know I so I mean and I'm not mad at Shia LaBeau for that because that's a norm Yeah, I've seen a thousand of those guys walking on the set and go. What am I in the first day? You're like Are you fucking kidding me? There was a motherfucker that I got one a thing was I would love to throw him under the bus But I can't this guy's a well-known star. I Met him at wardrobe. I was a gentleman to him. He was a gentleman to me. He was very nice the first day

The third or fourth day I went to shoot with him when I got to my trailer. They changed the lines. I Went up to him in wardrobe. I didn't go up to him. He was next to me in the chair. He said good morning I said good morning. I don't say dick to nobody And after about ten minutes he goes You see they did a scene change. I go. Yeah, if you want After this makeup, we could go outside and run the lines dog. He looked at me Like I called him a racial slur He looked at me

And then turned his head and kept getting worked out. I said, okay, maybe he's know something I don't know. Maybe he's Stanislavski That whole morning He fucked up his lines. Oh Food was coming out of his mouth He was eating off camera and then try to do the scene and food was spitting out of his mouth And then we started torturing to his face Like people started making little remarks. I had to make a remark as you looked at me like I was fucking Muhammad Gandhi you fuck

So Wait, so then you went after so everyone's going after him while he's going after everybody's making a little remarks Hearing any of this stuff. I guess so you have to have to fucking eight hours on the same scene. Yeah, I Remember what do you mean? He's eating while he like in the scene. He has no no No, he's just like hold on sec. I got a no, no He would do the scene but in between the scene there was food on the table for us to make believe we're eating Oh, I take little pieces and either like that and they would have to cut put the piece of cheese back And then cheese would come out of his mouth in between the takes I can't wait to hear this is after this is it was just fucking hilarious

It was just so I've been used to it. Yeah, the last couple movies. I've done with big names. Oh My god, since they get there. They don't even look they just opened up the script then and they're like But then you've obviously dealt with some people that when they showed up it was it was on oh, yeah Somebody knows are the greatest people to work with When they come looking for you like when I'm a fucking shithead comic You knock on my door and go you want to rehearse the scenes my dick gets hard Yeah, when I did spider-man 2 that motherfucker knocked on my door Like three or four times just to go over one line

It's pretty good Alfred Molina Alfred Molina Alfred Molina So this day's got all my respect that guy was there's just some motherfuckers that teach you how to act you like oh Yeah, that's when you can feel yeah, yeah, yeah, that's when the air changes in the room That's when the weather. Yeah, that's when you go. Oh, this motherfucker's throwing down. We got a new yeah Well, Joe, you've been on like sets for months and months at a time. What is it as someone who hasn't acted What's it like when someone comes in and doesn't remember their lines or does it like cuz I I hear stories from Joey of 14 16 hour days if you're doing that for three months at a time and someone's just dragging it on it must Get it. Ah, it's I was on community for

nine months out of the year for Six well nine months. Wow Well, was it I guess was more eight and a half We have me just when you added it all up It was so much time, but and that our scenes we were shooting movies for every episode. So it was It wasn't like a lot of these Documentaries like Parks and Rec or the office, which is a wonderful style But ours was movie like it was we they shot it

Yeah, and we had a lot of lines and there were you know, I'm sure you've heard some stories about a cast member who doesn't like He doesn't know their lines and it just slow, you know, it just changes the whole day and they had to shoot him out and It it's he didn't really want me. I'm talking about Chevy Who was so funny when it worked and then but a lot of the times he didn't He had a really hard time learning them but because there was there was a lot of lines no doubt but but so they would kind of shoot him out and that would kind of change the day and

It just was a system. We kind of got used to and Yeah, I'm sure he'll hear this and love it, but but because he always thought he kind of knew him but he didn't really and So it was it would be it would be like it would be definitely tough I mean, I'm being you can see how politically I'm being but it was tough If you watch some of the scenes, it's him just a single shot of him but he could be so funny and That was that that's what sucked is that he could be very funny and communities come back

It's just got sold to Netflix. I saw yeah, congratulations. Well, they're selling it apparently everywhere Okay, it's on Hulu and now it's on Netflix. Well, you're not gonna start reshooting anymore. They have people have Circulated rumors around we're shooting more episodes, but I was like I'll wait for that call. I haven't gotten the call yet But yeah, it would be crazy if we could get Donald to do it. That would be even crazier I think he's the busiest man in Hollywood or it was the busiest man in Hollywood and tell everything stopped But yeah, I think he was supposed to be shooting Atlanta for the next four months, but Yeah, I mean I do it You should come on. I love to be great. Good show. So I don't know. I don't know

I it's one of those things where you hear rumors and like oh, they're gonna do a movie I was like I look forward to the call where where they tell me I'm doing this movie But so far I haven't gotten that call, you know, when I got into this I got into this For the lazy part of being a stand-up, you know, I wanted to check out I had a failed marriage What year was that? This is 90 I had gone to prison. I really had no future. I had they wouldn't let me back at the University of Colorado, you know So when I got into stand, I mean I had a job and stuff and I was a functioning member of society not really but Part time I was a roofing estimator and stuff. I had a good job

You know, I bought a condo stuff like that, but it just wasn't my life wasn't something was missing, you know You're like 20 something at this point. I got into comedy. I stepped on stage when I was 20 years old first time and I knew I Knew right then like everything just clicked like I knew I had read a Ladies and gentlemen Lenny Bruce when I was locked up and everything made sense when I got off stage, you know Then you move out here and they tell you well, you know If you want to do this you have to act I went to acting classes. I was a really good student I went to cold reading workshops. I mean trust me. I put everything

I just just didn't walk on the set and right now. I love doing what I was doing. I Like the freedom of Stand-up I come I go I got on the plane. I get to eat something new for the weekend, you know all that shit Yeah, acting over the years has become I Don't know it wasn't what I felt about it and it It Stand the passing shitty people in it, you know everything that we do has good and bad people. Yeah, you know I Couldn't overcome the acting thing after a while

I got a little sick and tired of the director that showed up with the hat with the feather and The Chinese assistant and the tattoo of the bird and everybody had to see it I got I got a little sick of all that face shit like I just it just got on my nerves after a while and then the breaking point was 2009 to me while I was shooting a Commercial the director was just obnoxious man and he was saying he was calling the crew people stupid Oh, like one of those guys I know have you ever run into one of those days where the guy thinks he's John Claude Grandin? Yeah, he's smoking a cigarette. He's just yelling. Oh, yeah, and asking people are you did you do you know how to read?

Like he was one of those guys I'm like, oh, it's gonna be a heavy night and we were in Long Beach and there was a commercial for the food chain not the Calls, Jr. Okay, and the calls, Jr. Has a cousin don't they hearties. So it was wow Hardies on the hell did you know that? I have a lot closer. He has a lot of calls, Jr. So he's got stocking calls I Had to go to Long Beach. I want with a great attitude, you know What the fuck doesn't have a great attitude. You're about to shoot a national commercial Yeah, you're gonna make a bunch of money. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I was whistling Dixie

And as soon as I get that see this guy and I could tell I go if he's the director weren't for a long night Sure, I know he was a director, you know And I just saw how he was talking to people. He was abusing his own Assistant which really pisses me off. Yeah off the bat. Yeah, you're gonna hire an assistant You're probably underpaying her. You're telling her this is gonna she's gonna meet worldly people You know the line they give those assistants. Oh, yeah, and now you're treating me like shit in front of people Holy shit. So I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna say nothing I went out there and shook his hand like a man the other guy and that's when the drama started

We had a pull-up with an SUV Onto a car and the guy was dead Like he was eating a chicken parmesan sandwich When we went up he just played like he was dead because he had the sauce all over his shirt Okay, that was it. I pull up and we get out we look but they had the car lit inside So somewhere another they disconnected the fucking brakes No, that'll do it. So we got a car and the fucking RV is going down Long Beach down the fucking pier and the guy's like doesn't anybody know how to put on a brake?

I go I put the brake on and just Second time it happened again, and he made a remark The third time he made it in the fourth time. He's like, what are you fucking stupid? And I go, hey you motherfucker, and I just went off on him I go the tech guy even tried it the brakes are off. Who the fuck are you to call me stupid? You dumb motherfucker and he fucking ran into his trailer and locked himself in his trailer and said I was fired Bitch, it's three thirty in the morning Yeah, who are you gonna call nobody's second choice?

Yeah, and and everybody was just staying around for like ten minutes Like we don't know what to do. You really heard his feelings. I'm like fuck him and after staff was like That guy's a fucking dick like this was the last of the three commercials like that shot like three nighttime commercials The staff was sick of this guy already. Yeah And I went up a little Japanese girl was outside shaking she was all scared like he doesn't want to see you right now And I just banged on the door. I go listen you got a hundred people out here waiting for you to work Do you want to keep being a pussy all your life? You're gonna keep being a fucking man. This is very easy We could shoot this and you could be a man. All right

And he came out and he's like nobody's ever spoken like that. Well you watch how you speak to people You called me stupid motherfucker. You got the wrong fucking guy. I don't need this job. Let's finish the commercial He was a little bitch. He shot me out and they sent me home. That was it. I never took shit from nobody again I was like, that's it That's it. I'm not was it. Who was it? I don't know what his name was. I Don't know what his name is another dick at CBS Another old guy that thinks he's Johnny fucking director. He's just living on reputation Last time I worked for him I had mentioned something to him too

An old guy, I don't know what his name is. I know what I get they even honored him on CBS And I said something to him. There's something in my trailer trying to rest and I'm listen I'm here and born in the USA Fucking loud and fuck. I go out there. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Don't like the director is good friends of Bruce Springsteen. What do I give a fuck? What do I give a fuck was good friends at lower this shit? I'm from the good side of Jersey Not the spring scene inside of Jersey and fucking the director heard it He said something to me later on show got canceled. Anyway, what was the show? This gal our brothers wanted it was a CBS. Oh, yeah

Yeah, this gal our brothers one. It was like a show, but I was I played a guy at the DMV Julie whatever brought me in to read and yeah, Julie. I forget what her name is She has all the comedy shows on CBS. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Absolutely, so she brings me in I book them from time to time, but that's what got to me I didn't like the attitude of the directors. I didn't like their attitudes, you know I don't like when people have that sad warfare. I went to USC fucking attitude. Listen stupid Queen Latifah walked out of the jungle. She's acting. All right. Relax. You ain't that special Relax with Stanislavski and the method you ain't that special ice cube walked out of fucking the jungle over here

Crenshaw hasn't even a nice gun Lo and all the SVU for three years. You don't see him doing Shakespeare at the park. So relax. All right It's not that much that we need all this fucking drama to act. You know when you get a good director It's it's phenomenal. It's magic. Their attitude permeates everything. It's magic with like the lead actor. Yeah, it's magic Yeah, I we were very lucky on community, but I remember this one guy. I Want he wasn't a director. He was in charge. He was a He was like a fill-in guy and I had to I've rarely done this but I pulled him into my trailer and

I was just like, what are you doing? What's happening? Explain to me why you're being like this and he was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I mean, I was like just don't do it again and Treat people well and then there won't be a problem and he's like, you're not firing me. I'm like, no, I will next time but Let's just be cool. All right. Really? Yeah, and I was like smiling at him What was he doing that was do you seem like a nice? Well, we had this guest director who was Brilliant who's very good director, but he was he's British and it's not Tristram Shapiro Tristram It's listening to this

But the guy he was in charge. He wasn't maybe he was the he was like a guest second AD So he was no it could second it Maybe he was I can't he was high up on the list of People work and I can't remember what his position was but every time The British director would make some suggestion. I hear the guy go And just seeing like roll his eyes and then I could see other people noticing that and then I was just like, okay Come into the trailer. Let's talk about it. But I didn't scream at him. I just was like, hey No, I

Treated like do you have a problem? This is a cat. This is I try to treat it like it's a counseling session We're gonna be like you got something going on to your dad. Just did he touch you and Whatever it is and then back gets them to kind of go. Oh, I'm so sorry And then I was like just don't ever I didn't go like don't ever do it again I'm just like, all right, so we're good and I was like just not gonna do it again So we're good. And then hopefully that then he was great He was fine for the rest of the shoot, but oh You'd like to work with mr. Steven Soderbergh who I got very lucky to because he only does two takes

Really and he operates the camera. There's no video village You'd love it. Really? You walk into a room. You're like, oh, there's four of us. There's mr. Soderbergh. That was my first ever my first movie like that and I was like, oh, so there's no there's no camp. There's no group of people all watching 20 different monitors No, that's me. I'll tell you what else was different and I don't mean to sound like a Like a douchebag of nothing, you know where I had I had one shooting experience. It was very good where New York Have you ever shot in New York once what did well for the summer?

It was called Deliverers from Evil with Eric Banna Directed by Scott Derrickson. And what do you think how long we there for three months? Oh pretty much Well, I guess when you add it all up It was probably a month and a half, but I was like there and back and forth back there was Do you notice the shoots to be a little different like there wasn't that much smoke being blown up your ass? Like there is here like I think here. That's what else bothers me. That's why I really I'll tell you doing TV, but I'd rather do a drama if I do TV. I don't like that fucking fake laugh shit Yeah, and I like live audiences. I love taping in front of live audiences

I've shot pilots where they were done in front of live audiences. I like I love that. Yes. I love that stuff That is great. You know, I was with all this Stuff going on right now. I really wanted to do like at first I said, maybe we'll do a pay-per-view and put some comics together and stream it You know what man? I was watching Tonight with John whatever on HBO Yeah, he didn't have an audience and the show was horrible. Oh, I kind of liked it the other night Yeah, not the audience. I was like, oh my god. It feels kind of we I didn't watch it this week

I don't think it was on this. I think it was it was on it Wait, so you didn't like it without the audience the one last week. Yeah, it was a different. It was very strange It was very strange. It was very strange. So that's why I was I always like that one joke He told about how he was funny as fuck. Yeah, he was funny as fucked up John Oliver cracks me the fuck up He's I watched that show every really I'm surprised. Oh John Oliver cracks me up John. I'll when he bumps rap shit. I lose Fuck in mind When he starts it's like the idea was watching office space

Just the beginning of office space and the one dudes driving and they flashed to the other dude motherfucker But then there's a black homeless guy and he closes the window I love all that shit like that type of stuff He was talking something about the week before bumping to park or something I love John Oliver, but I noticed how weird it was without the audience. It was it was definitely it was weird He was funny as fuck. I always left my ass off that joke about how to distance yourself from people Just pretend you're a British parent was so oh my god. I forgot about that. He's like just pretend His throwaway shit

Is what kills me. Yeah, not the straight up shit Like the straight the first joke of his gets me a little bit I'm waiting for his tags and his last tag is always a bad motherfucker Oh, it's like his last tag is always like whoa Like you that's it case is closed and he starts all over again and he lullabies you But you don't expect the guy that looks like that to talk that way Like I know I expect him to be geeky and to talk to me about I try glycerines and shit He's out there fucking throw it now and so that's why I enjoy it, but that's why I didn't want to do

Stand up just to a fucking camera. I Rather talk to come in here and talk to a camera and go guys keep your lives together You know go out and mug somebody go get a gallon of milk. I don't fucking know You're originally from Seattle. How are they doing pretty much? I lived in New Jersey for two years guys Did you really has a child growing up? Yeah, I we bounced around a little bit, but we ended up but I loved it hadn't field New Jersey outside of Cherry Hill Oh, that's nice. That's white people civilized I'm from up north with those animals up there weekends and Dominicans, you know, I got cubans

They're fucking animals kid. It was like why does people say New Jersey is awful. That's nice lovely. That's nice down there No, but I see Alice where I grew up and I didn't know how great it was growing up. I was like now I look back. I was like, oh, we had it was a Paradise you were there for all the grunge stuff all that I graduated from high school in 91 Oh my nevermind came out. It was and you do you loved it all you I loved it all I went to it all Mother love bone all the hope you went to that shit, too I never saw mother love bone. I would love I was like who'd you see up there? I saw I saw Nirvana's last show in Seattle. No, you did that was pretty good

I used to watch Jane's addiction get booed off stage not Jane's excuse me Alison chains get booed off stage Because this band called the Young Fresh Fellows was more popular at the time And I remember Layne Staley we're trying screaming at the audience going this is fucking great music We want the young fresh fellows and then the young fresh fellows they were the band in Seattle until grunge really came in and like the posies and Well, of course Nirvana Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, right still sanitizing you got to sanitize always But no, it was you were there for part of it. I got there in 95

Yeah, so and it was just fucking brutal. It was just amazing. Just you know One time the singer from Pearl Jam went to Alchi to eat. Yeah a little diner there because on the tail end of Alchi, this is 95 so there's a bike replaced and on Wednesday night was taco night Fucking the best tacos in the world tons of people and Alchi You just walk down the boardwalk or you could walk on the side right so and towards the end all the way Where I lived like a block away was little diner and I got up that morning when I went to get in the car I looked and there was like To not exaggerate there was maybe 50 people

Standing outside cuz Eddie Veta was eating breakfast in the corner table could you imagine that is fucking crazy I got to meet Chris Cornell's old wife. Oh, cuz she used to hang out at the comedy underground sue silver She was just hang out. Yes. She was she had a friend somebody she knew Upstairs with the old underground was do you know what that was? I think it's all gone now. Yes. It's all gone by the stadium Yeah, so many of the square and then there was an earthquake in 2001 Yeah, that wrecked a lot of yes, that's right That's didn't knock them down But they were all old and they were got condemned and that was that I still remember being at the underground

Doing comedy and there was a club down the corner. It was very well kept no windows. Nobody really knew about it heart was performing huh heart would rehearse that and Now that's why I always hear like heart and Chris Cornell. I'm like, how does heart and oh fuck That's right hardest from Seattle. Yeah, they started bad animals. They started bad animals or something up there So when's the last time you win? When the judge asked me to leave. Oh, no January of 97 you've got to get that. Why haven't you done comedy up there because I Got a warrant up there. Oh, you're not allowed to know it all started with a jaywalking ticket in the U district

You got a jaywalking ticket in the U district Four of them came up to me on bicycles and skidded out like I've committed a crime You would have thought I killed somebody Wow with bicycles pulled up next to me. There used to be a movie theater in the U district So now the U district is this way Bruce Lee school was over here and all this shit Yeah, if you went that way like there was uh a movie theater You mean the Neptune the big old one There's an old one where I went to see Neptune was old. Yeah old

I went to see things to do and then when you're dead there and a couple other movies Then there was a bigger one. That's why I went to see the bodyguard and I wonder what was it like that wasn't the grand illusion. I was a tiny one. Oh my god I was it was so you walked across the street these cops started with a jaywalking ticket And it just escalated after that just escalated Then the jaywalking ticket I didn't go to court because I figured who gives a fuck about a jaywalk ticket They came and got me They've knocked on your door

And said you have a three dollar warrant They handcuffed me with pajamas on Took me down there and then I got in trouble with a girl We got into an argument. So they said it was harassment That we were yelling at each other over a parking spot. Oh my gosh, then I got accused of having a stolen car I was selling cars at a dealership And they gave me a car to drive over the weekend. I got pulled over It registered stolen. It wasn't stolen the bank had so I was held in the weekend. I just had the worst

Two years of my life up there. So if you go up there now you get arrested for What failing to go to anger management class in 1997 If anyone in seattle is listening if there's a judge up there, I know you guys are very busy right now But please allow joey back to see the place. Can you fucking believe that that is crazy? So I could go to portland. It's a non-extraditional warrant I could basically go to portland and Idaho I can't go to seattle

And it was this was I got into a fist fight at the comedy at the underground Which really wasn't my fault at all, but it violated the probation For the fucking harassment thing So this is what fucked me up even more I got arrested at anger management class Because I got into a fist fight. They had nothing to do with me So other than the assault the harassment and the grand theft auto

What the grand theft auto dropped because it was the car without the stolen. Yeah They pulled me over the fray and I I just left work I'm like, why'd you pull me over? They said your plates come up stolen I go they can't they're a deal of play He goes with that car the vin whatever and they figured out the plate wasn't stolen the car And they let me out monday cost me a weekend of my life. That's not on my record Oh Geez

You got to get up there. You would not believe it and the the attorney that fucking got me out of my mess ran the scam What was the scam? She got me out She noticed that seattle hadn't done a background check on me and they didn't know about my felony in colorado So she got the felony pushed through In seattle or mr. Meena. She did like some kinky shit She goes they're not gonna catch it. Don't worry about if they do it's on me They never caught it. So the funny thing was I get an article 10 years later from ron reid

She got this barred from being an attorney. So she was fucking an inmate One of her clients was an inmate and she was she was up and thinking now she was a piece of ass. They slipped Why isn't this a tv show? I have no idea. I got so many tv shows in my head that You wouldn't even believe this like community plus. What was the felony in in colorado? What the fuck was the felony for in colorado? The assault charge at the comedy underground and then they reduced it to like mr. Meena Something but they were supposed to be you still have to go into prison. No, no, no, no, no. I just stayed in county jail for Six days. Well the fuck they locked me up one time made bail

Yeah, seattle was a bad luck place to me from day one I just had bad luck, but the comedy scene Was so fucking amazing The comedy at that time was i'm here today Because of that three-year stint. I didn't see how good it was every night from winachi You know the tri cities Fucking we drove all over the place everywhere for those listening the tri cities is not a Suburb of seattle. No, that's a four-hour drive. Yeah without traffic. I spoke hand

I knew I had a car that the exhaust was broken So it would blow the exhaust in the car So I had to pull over every hour write a suicide note because it made me dizzy and shit from breathing in the exhaust I did my time Joe McKell just like you you did your time. I did it. Well, I did a improv show I remember in walla walla washington walla walla. Oh my god. Yeah, isn't there a prison there? Oh, yeah That's the rough prison. That's the rough prison. There's minnows state prison, which is like the good one That's the one you want to go to and then there's walla walla I did improv. I improvised at minnows state prison as an outreach to the inmates

For the good inmates they brought in uh improv troop and we did shows for them What in trump what improv troop? It was uh, it was called unexpected productions part of theater sports, which was a kind of national Franchised version of a improv thing which was team. It was a team Teams of improviser were kind of they tried to create it like a like a feel like a sporting event Which it worked very well, and I learned tons I really talk about getting on stage every single night and cutting my teeth, but Yeah, we went to a prison And it was the greatest

They were the most well-behaved greatest audience members we had ever I had a pretty because I did some like corporate gigs where you Like for a law firm or something and you'd be like what uh, can you give me a profession gynecologist? Pussy and and we're like got it got it and then with the inmates they were so well-behaved because they were so happy that There was outsiders there and then you'd meet like some nice old man And you'd be like well, what's he in for he seems like the nicest man It's like oh, he stabbed his wife 58 times in front of his dog. I remember that is like he did what?

Yeah, you'll meet those guys in there. They're kind of nice Yeah, they're like old they just kind of lose it and then all the young guys were there It was always well I got high with some friends and someone wound up dead and I didn't I didn't snitch And I'm and I'm like so what happened they're like, I don't really know But somebody died and I'm not gonna tell on anybody like okay But it was the first time like people who had been there for 30 years They'd be like tell me about what cars are like now

and then you go like Well, they're like cars always were they're like, yeah, but like the stereo and like you've explained and I was like Oh, right. You don't have any of this stuff So strange to explain. Yeah, they were sweet guys Uh, and they were all they were all in the program to do very like to get out But I remember that one woman she was like, oh, yeah, that guy just got in he uh He just uh, it was like he killed three people in a drive-by And he's like he's in for life. I was like, oh my gosh

I was like, how old was he like he was tried on as adult. He's 17. I mean, okay Yeah, crazy times What do you got coming up, man? You're looking at it Everything is postponed Really, isn't everything you're doing postponed I had nothing I had a couple. What are you talking about a couple weekends?

No, I had a couple weekends But that's it. I mean every I was supposed to do I was I was gonna have two movies at uh The Tribeca Film Festival, which I was excited about and uh, yeah, I mean these are not I mean When you look at obviously I always kind of magic We're like, right there are ER doctors right now being infected because they're working their asses off, right?

My brother's an electrician who he's like trying to build Help build Structures to house people that are quarantined in as fast as they possibly can and and then my other brother's A priest so he's constantly reading people like their last rights. So, uh, So I'm like, yeah, my my movies at the Tribeca Film Festival got pushed So I was kind of mad but said that was gonna do that I was gonna shoot the game show card sharks on abc this summer maybe And that we were supposed to be shooting that literally right now right now

Is that an older game show? It started in the early 70s. I remember. Okay. Wow. It is the simple I like it so much because there's a simplest game In history But you can win the shit. So it's like it literally is just yeah, okay You have a two. Do you think the next car we're gonna pull is higher or lower higher? All right There's a queen next card higher or lower, but every Card that gets turned it's another 50 grand and then people I've watched people like shape like I watched this one woman when she won about three in her grand and she was like

I was I was I was it was like a great acting moment. I was like, oh, this is what happens When you win the lottery people go now. Anyway, so all the stand-ups have pushed. I had a bunch of corporate stuff It's all been pushed. It's all like spring break cancelled all that Again, there are people that have to work every day through this thing. So I'm you know, we're all I'm very grateful all the first responders people that are out there. Yeah, they're what the supermarkets I got nothing to complain about. I really don't there's nothing you could do It's funny. See people two hours you get a call from somebody upset and you talk them off a ledge Yeah, and a lot of you get put on the ledge for an hour and you talk yourself off a ledge

And that's it. It's been just adjusting Working out riding a little bit spending time and we're lucky that we get to do that Yeah, I mean I have so many friends in the restaurant business that oh my god, forget it. It's it's good There's no way they're gonna only there's only gonna be chains after this because I don't know how you if you have a decent restaurant and you own it and you don't have any income for A week it's gonna go down. So let alone a month. It's gonna be very sad. I hope that I can't I Can I could you imagine what it'd be like walking down the streets in New York right now?

I would I mean, there's obviously a very cure. I would love to walk through see the Spanish steps empty in Rome is so Bananas and you can't you can't leave the house in New York, right? Like I'm pretty because I have some buddies there and and they're like they can't even go to the grocery store They're getting every delivery. Isn't it? It's the only delivery That's what I mean. That's what that one guy said. Well, I think you can do essential you can go shop Okay, this is like essential things you gotta go to your office You gotta work you gotta do little things if not, you know, if not, I don't I don't go out They don't want you to fucking go out, right?

So when they say go out, let's go out the fucking know where you're not supposed to be Which every place is closed, right even at the park down the corner. They put cones up now Wow to distance people because they didn't know how to fuck the distance themselves Well, people are going to the beaches they're still people. Yeah, they locked them But I will say get take out food if you're if you hear this go to your local don't go to a chain They're gonna be fine But go to locally owned Small businesses and get your take out food or get it delivered somehow

Because they're all gonna go out your favorite restaurant is unless it's I don't know Unless it's the cheesecake factory, but every other restaurant's going out of business. That's not a chain So yeah, go go support them. Just give them some money. You got it I do Imagine how much money Jeff Bezos is going to make in the next month Because you look at because everyone goes like In times like these, right all business goes down, but somebody's making money Yeah, and if you're making a hand sanitizer

or toilet paper Or if you're Jeff Bezos, you're doing or you're a meal delivery All the money It's fucking crazy to live in straight time. It's joe. Thank you for taking thank you But I always say isn't it weird that your daughter's gonna look back at this. Oh my god the same way They're gonna be like, oh, I remember when we couldn't leave. I remember mom and dad watching the TV and being all freaked out and seeing the numbers all they was like they're gonna look back and go that's

She can't wrap her head around it. She knows something's off. I don't put the TV on the daytime Nobody puts the TV right the house in the daytime We can put it on at five, you know And if five show watch a cartoon I watch world news tonight I turn it off because you can't get you know what's going on. Yeah, you know what's going on Why are you killing yourself with the tv and the internet's the same thing? Yeah, if you want to go on the internet and get a heart attack be my fucking guess In the meantime my 12 my 12 year olds like I got the uh 99 russia wilson on madden. So well, I'm gonna be very happy

Fuck yeah We got a guy from the church that sends me books. I lined them up and I've been on the fucking reading spree So i'm catching up from the church. Yeah a guy that are you a mormon? No, no The church or what's happened now? Oh, he listens and he sends me books So now is a great time to fucking read if you have you know, I read on planes and on the road That's where I do my best reading when I'm on a plane. Yeah, because I know I'm gonna be unbothered for fucking three hours What will be reading right now? Right now. I'm finishing up the man who led zeppelin. It's about peter grant. Huh led zeppelin's manager

I'm reading that to finish it because I started it like three quarters. I'm finishing it Up next I have a couple of Interesting books. I want to read there's one on robber plan There's one on van halen that a buddy of mine gave me that's supposed to be good Every morning I read the art of war just to get me through this just not the sun zoo one But the other one. Okay one Even the war of art Just to get me through me. Yeah, it's got a lot of great points in there

They have workshops in there little things you could do I gotta look this at least it keeps your mind sharp, man. Have you read that andre agacy book open? Not yet Oh, yeah, is it a good one? Okay. I know I I love tennis But a friend who doesn't like tennis doesn't care about tennis recommended it And I read it now. I like biographies and you'll I love all that. It is hair racing I love all that shit. I love reading nothing better for me. I like getting stoned and music is number one But number two is getting stoned. Oh one that so when you take the little drink the little the sleepy sleep time Yeah, do you

Do you feel groggy in the morning? No, no you wake up like ready to rock That's why I tell people who are on opiate state You're killing yourself to live right if I take 300 milligrams four Of thc. I'll wake up a little groggy But nothing that uh A coffee and a Cuban coffee Because once you take a shit the thc leaves your body pretty much. Huh? It goes on the next cargo

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if they examine the so it goes on the next cargo. So That's what I don't like like from time to time I go on the road and somebody'll give me a Perk of sand or whatever the fuck or something. Right. I don't like how I feel next day When I go to the dentist and they give you norcos I don't like how you feel the next day. Yeah My dad got a hip replacement. Yeah, and they gave him opiates and he I was like, oh, that's not my dad right now No, and uh, he's the he's the only guy that's had a hip and knee replacement that uh, he got off them

Almost the day he like the next day because it's like I want to drink wine. I don't I'm tired of I hate these opiates Yeah, you have to when you get that stuff you do it the first two Just to tell your friends you did them and then throw them away, you know make some yogurt Because if not they fuck up your stomach. They do they're so bad for you all those opiates. So did you ever see john oliver's thing on it? No, oh, yeah, go got a good one. Oh, it's so great It's really great today. They show uh, he shows this video of people talking about how great oxy is Like it was part of their promotion and then he went john went back and found everybody in that video And every it's incredible because every one of them's like my life is old my life ended that yeah, and it's great crazy

Yeah, I I all right. I prolonged your uh, no, I don't give a fuck You can sit here till six o'clock at night. What's the longest one? three hours How long have we done an hour? Oh Yeah, that's it. I keep them light for people people don't want a three hour podcast You should get chappell on here and do eight. Well, no, no That's all right. Leave chappell at home wherever the fuck he is in west virginia wherever he lives in ohio Yeah, he's in ohio

tight He's thankful that he could take a break netflix checks just yeah falling from this guy For him fine. He's very all those guys are fine. So if netflix came to you and said we want to do a special Would you do it? I don't know All right, i'm here as a representative netflix and I would like to offer you a million dollars for your special Would you would you like to do that? Let me think about it two million? Let me think about it Okay, four and a half million. Let me think about it. Damn

Let me think about it helicopter rides I just want to be happy. Yeah, I gotta figure out What good is that two million if I can't figure out how to make it happy? Sure, if you wanted to give me two million you wanted to do a lot of things So I got a way that i'm making a one million and you do me a favor. All right, give me the million get the fuck lost Leave me alone. Leave me. I don't want to hear you stupid. I will take this message back to ted sarando Yeah, I don't want to hear none of your bullshit. Don't put your reps around me. Leave me the fuck alone I picked the destination

Just send the cameraman and maybe some other guy and that's it. I don't want another bullshit that comes to that I want to talk to your publicity department. I don't want to talk to none of those fucking people What if you like what if you got to the point where you're like, okay, they're gonna pay me 10 million dollars unreal And you figured out you've got this Killer hour like you're like, oh, I know exactly the hour I'm very excited and then they go cool. We have to shoot in in seattle Then we'll figure it out. All right, then we'll fucking figure it out because I'm not going up there I'm not doing the three days. They're gonna arrest you on the stage

But they want me to turn myself in and go through the process I want I we should take a road trip to seattle. I'm gonna smuggle you up there so you can see what it looks like now Listen, man. Well, I have bad luck. I don't go back to It just that's why that's that's why I love that You know what? You know what? I'm so happy about about this corona virus. I'm sad that people are gonna die I'm really sad that People are gonna get hit financially, but there's some perks to this I don't even have to take a picture with nobody again. Yeah, okay

That to me makes me as happy as I could be right there ever again I don't ever have to take a picture with anybody ever again from now on. I'm always gonna have the corona virus Be like I'm sick. I'm sick as a motherfucker. You don't want to get near. You know why because we have to live off memory again Yeah, okay. What the fuck does the picture do to you? You know, there was so many things we just got out of hand with what the fuck is the picture gonna do for you You know, it's gonna change your fucking life. I know it's gonna remember it And now nobody gives a fuck This will make you go back into your fucking memory and think about things, you know, and

I don't even know what the point was but here's what's well. I'll set my lap for the virus All the stuff the the only thing that really has scared me every time I get on the road. I go Well, where's everybody? And I'm going 80 down i5 through the transit. I'm like, I cannot believe the traffic This is this should be more disturbing to any every I mean, it's glorious but It's the fact that you can just draw. I I Just have my gps popped up I was deep in Los Feliz and it said it was going to take me eight minutes to get to the valley and I was like

What's happening? This is this should be terrible. That'd be that was like of all the things Yeah, and now Now here we are door open fucking beautiful day to be alive. Joe mccal Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. You're the nicest man in comedy. You're a fucking sweetheart And your producer knows way too much about carls jr. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, please He knows the stock options at mcdonald's right now. He pulled the stock out I love you motherfuckers. I want to thank joe mccal again. I want to thank all you motherfuckers for checking in today I love you motherfuckers. You know i'm saying joe mccal's the savage

You motherfuckers the savage listen like I told you monday Tough times don't last tough people do I know you're getting put into weird positions right now You know, you got to have a little faith and trust what i'm telling you we'll pass through this either together as a family We'll make it work. You know, uh They're trying to help people The most important thing is to keep your fucking sense of humor. All right laugh at shit. You wouldn't laugh at before laugh Keep laughing exercise. You know throw punches up at the fucking wall anything To make this trying time a little less easier. Thank you for letting us come into your fucking living room once a week

I love you motherfuckers. You know what? I got no dates. What I do have for you Is this okay? You don't have to sit there after the podcast is over. Listen to me Go right over to my bookie dot ag put in joey Stop playing some fucking blackjack. All right with a live dealer not some fucking computer and Other real people. Okay, you don't have to fucking stress how people breathing on you Or you getting fucking honan or corona breath or whatever the fucking is and it doesn't end there either with the fucking blackjack They got backerocked. They got poker. They got fucking roulette. They got slot games. Listen They got everything you want to bet on the presidential primaries. They got it and they got a my bookie death match up

Right now charlie sheen's going up against magic johnson And charlie sheen is a minus two fucking hundred. Who's better than you go to my bookie dot ag slash joey right now And i'll tell you what i'm gonna do That means if you deposit what you're gonna do is this we're gonna give you 50 of your initial deposit In bonus funds. That means if you deposit a g-note We're gonna give you an extra nickel. If you deposit a nickel, we'll give you an extra 250 things like that More money in your pocket to play with more opportunity to win. That's what i'm talking about open up your browser Punch in my bookie dot ag slash joey and get ready to make some money. All right. Who's better than you? Nobody cocksucker

Number two. I want to thank honan for always being there the supplement of supplements The supplement of supplements. That's all I could say about them. I love them to death every day I take my alpha brain. I go on cycles six week cycles. I take my shroom tech immune I take my shroom tech sport before I work out even though the last two weeks I've been taking it And i'm out of shape because i'm starting with kettlebells all over and i've been lifting weights Anyway, that's not what i'm saying. Take care of yourself build your immune system up Your immune system's not miraculously just gonna get there help it be a good friend to yourself in these times

Go to honan.com right now Before you check out look at the supplements before you check out go to the top and press in church Boom ch u r ch and get 10 percent off your order delivered right to the house. I can't make it any more simpler I want to thank you guys, but most importantly stay in mind your business avoid people Listen, man. There's nothing wrong with telling somebody to stay away You're just protecting yourself and your family, you know, uh, you can only be so nice in this life This thing fucking kills whether it's going to kill you or me who the fuck knows But fuck it

They could all suck our dick with the church or what's happening now bitches I'm with you you're with me and they want to be with us. Have a great week All right, take care of yourselves and i'll see you monday tip top magoo ready to go to tackle another week Of this fucking quarantine All right, kick this fucking mule lee. Have a great weekend You