Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #775 - Dean Delray

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Dean Delray, comedian, actor, and the host of the "Let There Be Talk" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt via Zoom. This podcast is brought to you by:    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.   

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start Monday on a fucking tremendous note it's a beautiful day to be alive thank you very much for fucking tuning into the church we're still here I got the mask on per fucking orders cuz you know you can't leave the house how to make a call one of my soldiers fucking I was gonna say where did you get this mask I'm gonna look everywhere for the hijacked them don't worry about nothing you don't ask no questions you don't ask no questions they just give them to you that's it I've been very fortunate I also wear a bandana but you got to be careful but that's it with the fear of this shit what's up with you bad motherfuckers

I hope you're hanging in there I've been posting movies for you every day I've been posting music you know I'm trying my hardest here guys I'm not gonna make a video every day and jump up and down I don't need the tension that much my whole thing is to make sure you guys a tip top Magoo before I even fucking start with you and before we tag into Dean Delray this is my week had a rough night Wednesday night watching the fucking mechanic I might know my own business the original mechanic was on from the fucking beginning I'm like okay this seems like this is gonna work let me watch it for a little while it was great did we

talk about this last week we talked about with Dean for a second oh we talked about with Dean I watched the fucking mechanic and damn at the end I realized fuck Jam Michael Vincent wasn't too fucking good in this movie I've been car news look you ever see actors who are really good at throwing punches but then they run and you lose all the faith in him he had a run one time I'm like this guy runs like a fucking like a queen with a dick up his ass and you just noticed it now all these years later couple guys do that you know Jack's teller I love him to death sons of anarchy don't make him run don't make

him run Steven Segal was great until he started running once those people like that got a run you see how they run they're like what happened who taught that don't they did they in Russia they teach how to run you ever see the Agostino's wife she runs perfectly she she's so beautiful she's even prettier when she runs she fucking holds her head up high and her back they teach you how to run in fucking Russia they don't teach how to run here no let's you get chased by the cops you don't learn nobody teaches how to run correctly unless you join the school track team or some shit like that that's a you know you've

seen those things a lot of times like they're right yeah so I got a little upset about that and then I don't know what happened I do know what happened but I don't know what happened I I hadn't eaten edible in about a week I had been drinking those fucking juices just to switch it up a little bit because your body builds a tolerance and I ate two of those ABX tablets and I was just writing and I wasn't thinking about my future I dug into my past and I thought about certain things I had done and you know toppled what's going on today and everything around me and not having the ability to fucking go do your fucking

job anymore to go do comedy I know I just went into a dark fucking place and I just saw myself as a child doing the stupid shit I was doing up to the age before I got pregnant guilt I was overrun by guilt and once you get guilt and fucking anxiety and everything mixed up you create a fucking grenade so grenade went off in my mind thank God it didn't show up at the house naked and shoot your whole family thank God I always tell you I'm scared I'm one day I'm just gonna shit in my hand and throw that somebody and they're gonna realize that the 20 years of drug use was fucking terrible but I thought about

something while I was sitting there going through this fucking mental breakdown that my wife was in the other room and two rooms or room next to her my daughter was in that room and I go why have I been sitting in here hiding from my fucking wife I need her now more than ever you know I went out there and I sat with her we probably talked to like fucking 11 30 at night just about what was going on in my head what was going on in her head and I gotta taste them the house has been a hundred and fifty percent better you know yeah do I still get shitty moments we're all gonna have shitty days you know and this is

just half we're halfway there we're at the three three week mark we're complaining we're at three weeks we still have three and we don't even know what they're gonna add two more those three so all you could do is write you know but Joey I don't have a punching bag I know you got two arms fucking what we call that when you fucking shadow box you know that it's it's you got to fulfill fucking 16 hours of your day you know now so you have a little work to do from the office some of yous aren't working but the most important thing you gotta I mean it's so hard now because not only do you have to take care of your

immune system but you have to watch your mental right now this is gonna really fuck with people's mental right now so please if you're feeling about who bought so whatever the fuck you're feeling right now you know pick up the phone call your relatives call some people it's not you this is not you you're not going crazy the world fucking took a shit and this is what's going on right now because of it has nothing to do with you so you see yourself starting to get fucking whatever I don't want you to call I don't want you to go to a psychiatrist I don't want you to go to a bullshit just call a friend talk to a friend you

know what send me a message type type while you're typing your breathing and whatever's in your heart will come out all right guys it's rough for everybody but we're all gonna make it through this is the fucking church we're the fucking United States of America we're gonna make it through we don't fucking play games here now without further ado I'm gonna have Dean come on I'm gonna talk for a little while and then I'll come back on we'll wrap it up and I'll put you out there in your way so when you get out there today nothing it's not gonna be different you're gonna be a better person you're gonna be a little kind of the people you're gonna show humanity listen nobody's got

no what do you think you're special you're the only one that's going through this everybody's going through something right now imagine having a loved one in a nursing home or anything anything good anything can be possible right now so keep your eyes open keep your head open keep your head clear don't let any bad thoughts go into it like I did the other day and uh it nearly fucking short circuited me well I mean how before we go I mean I know you see you talk to your wife but how did you talk yourself down from them that ledge like I've talked myself off with 200 other ledges you know I'm not everybody thinks that they're special they're the only ones who have problems everybody's got mental issues and these mental issues uh expand they get a little bigger

with all this shit going on this is too much for most people to handle this is more than a lot of people have handled their whole life not having a job not being able to go to work throw a funeral for a loved one in you know this is too much for us to handle this is too much for our circuitry to handle at one time you know okay so there's a virus okay now I lost my job okay now I can't get an employment on the phone okay right now cousin Mildee died okay you know there's too many things and all I'm I'm just I'm I'm just trying to fucking smoothen out the humps and the bumps when you get to that part where you feel that you're spinning out you got to open up you got to go in front of your house find your own safe place maybe do a little breathing

a lot of breathing this is a lot of breathing guys a lot of breathing exercises here this is uh you could feel the stress in your neck you could feel at times I could feel it and I'm not applying for unemployment you know I applied for a small loan whatever uh small business loan because you have to but besides that I didn't it's not like I gotta fucking I gotta have pay this on the 15th or my lights are gonna be shut down you know like I told you two weeks ago when I'm reinforcing it today I spoke to four people that the landlords told them to go fuck themselves didn't give a fuck what the mayor got said he's saying so like I told you I told you guys in the beginning I've been in these situations before and you know in these situations it doesn't get better by them

making it better it gets better by you making it better and one thing about you is don't be a sucker tomorrow the movie of the day Monday today Monday the 6th of April the movie of the day is to live and die in LA and there's a line in that movie that I'll never forget and it's John Terturo telling the fucking guy when he visits him in jail they visit John in jail I forget the name of the lead actor he also played the temptation of Christ the foe William Defoe goes to meet John Terturo in the jail and he goes don't worry about nothing I'm gonna get you an attorney and I'll get you out of here in a couple of days and John Terturo looks at him he goes yeah right and I promise that the check in is in the mail and and I promise not to come in your mouth okay I told you guys

in the beginning this ain't gonna be what they're telling you the check is not gonna miraculously appear like the blue bird of happiness you know nobody gives a fuck about you you have to assume nobody gives a fuck about you so before you sit there and say I didn't know I told you motherfucker three weeks ago that this government these checks ain't coming in for a while you gotta assume they don't come in they're like uh they're like uh it's like when you go to Derry Queen and you got a sunday on top you gotta keep doing what you're doing because if not this the fucking wall is gonna shut down on you this check is gonna come sometime whatever you don't have no problem no control over that all you could do is survive today how am I gonna make it happen today do I

gotta go unload a truck today do I gotta go to burn a building today a lot of people looking for arsonists arsonists is big right now everybody's looking for arsonists right now to burn down the business anyway let's go on to Dean Delray and do this little podcast for you I hope you enjoy it it's our first zoom Dean where are you coming to you live from the truck from the cab of the truck what is up my brother hey you look good last night on tv cocksucker oh man it's it's a pandemic to get on tv these girls can you believe that all your life you go to acting classes and nothing now they need john tv how are you mad i'm good how about you got your mask on i gotta have the mask on it's the law you gotta fucking obey the law when our teenager's

no more dean delray see i heard that i heard that what have you been doing with this whole fucking uh sorry to come at you with this zoom shit but i guess this is the future for now i never believed in this i like live podcasts and motherfuckers so i could see your eyes but we gotta bring dean delray to the masses you know what i'm saying oh i'm i'm happy anytime i do your show i don't care if it's audio video or just shoot this shit in the hallway i'm i'm in with joey dears what have you been up to these last couple weeks oh man going crazy you know going crazy i'm i'm i'm locked in the hut i got no internet my internet's down oh no and i don't want the guy to come over you know because i don't i don't know where he's been you know what i mean

it's like it's like std's who are you with performing you know it's uh it's a different time because you really don't know who's coming over i know and you don't want you i don't want to even take the fucking chance you know saying but thank god we got music dean because i'll tell you it is fucking kept me alive these last couple weeks oh it's it's it's it's on 24 seven brother at the house 24 that i never had tv before so to me and i'm an only child so i'm not going too crazy but uh i miss the gym you know like i got that diabetes like three years ago four years ago coming up there i go to the gym every day and now i'm just like wow i made my house like i might grab that dude on taxi uh denier on taxi i'm just in there getting ready after the fucking mad

taxi workout you know when i lived up the corner the kid downstairs went into the navy and he was a personal trainer so he said listen she's gonna sell that shit because they broke up and she goes if there's something you want just take it i took a couple 15 pound dumbbells i took one of those weighted balls and he had uh not a swinging punch bag but the other ones and as soon as as soon as this thing started i started hitting that bag because i know that when you read up about you know and benefits of boxing benefits of muay thai they always say that striking gets the stress out so that at least i have that to keep me alive thank god for on it i got a couple kettlebells i got some club bells and i'm just trying to stay active that way

you know i don't want to go to a park and walk behind somebody who's you know everybody's walking the same way at the park so i'm just behind 20 people sucking 20 people's germs so it doesn't make sense as you can see i got the mask but i got i'm vitamin d bound i'm out there all day in the sun yeah the vitamin d fucking you need it big for this corona you know i like i want to walk around with these people it's just like when i'm in new york city they're in the craziest city going and they're texting not even watching these guys are just walking around walking right into the virus you know yeah no this is looking at their screen i uh i've taken this seriously again because of our age you got to take this seriously and one thing i've noticed that first off as a as a state

when number four right now yeah this is working us not going out and doing dumb shit is definitely fucking working you know i read that i read that um i'm gonna keep doing it i don't give a fuck you know i've been to prison i know how to fucking make the best you know and and jerking off that ain't gonna do nothing for you you can't jerk off you want to bang one out in the shower that's fine but you can't like when you're in prison you jerk off every eight hours every three hours because it's gonna kill eight minutes every minute is fucking valuable this time you know i got a certain distance i travel around i don't eat out you know when lee told me he wasn't eating out i'm like that's it the world's got to be going to because if my boy won't go for a fucking taco or

something if he said i haven't had a cheeseburger in three weeks if he hasn't had a cheeseburger three weeks he's losing it but i just saw this i got an email this morning and i'll tell you who's got a fucking pretty decent deal ruth chris is selling meat it's mark they're selling 10 ounce hamburgers pre-made four bucks yeah you know that's not a bad deal you know a couple of those i trust ruth chris you know my brother my niece's fiance works for them and she told me what they're doing and how they're doing it they're using three cooks two managers they're staying open i still haven't tried it but once i got this email for food they're selling uh and they even called my wife said they called about a week ago please come in no because we had a ton of points left

oh yeah i had a bunch of points people gave me cards and shit and they were like they're gonna expire so we're like we'll be there this week you can't sit there and eat but you can take it i'm craving sushi like a motherfucker oh i can go for a piece of albacore right now i would kill that happy hour over at sushi dance they're lucky they're not open he's not gonna get the i know he's not getting the virus because he was eating that boat sushi uh no they don't i don't trust anything he was he was buying direct from a fisherman and who had i probably had the corona virus to be honest i think it was one of the first i think a lot of people had the virus already and i haven't known it a girl told me she thinks she got it in january but who gives a fuck about the virus or something

what have you been spending what have you discovered that has blown your mind with music oh man i've been okay i think i'm wearing the shirt right now let's see here king buffalo some friends in mind i had him on the uh show about a year ago three guys three piece band they just put out a new record last friday and this fucking thing is devastating man if you're into like tool and pious and desert rock this thing is unreal man they took it to another level so that thing was on for a week straight up my house and the neighbors are probably going crazy man and i know you will listen to the new pro jam which is good thank you for the recommendation yeah that thing's great eddy veta did it again so i've been listening to that uh it's funny man

i've been listening to uh to a lot of old albums like i come in here some nights i came in here the other night with my wife and we fucking scrubbed the carpets and then her and the baby left and i stayed here and uh i just listened to a couple albums and it's so weird that music is the soundtrack of our lives you know uh i've had some ups and downs over the last couple of weeks the hardest night i had was probably wednesday night last week where everything was accepted you know the the coronavirus the fall of stand-up my past my sins you know everything came to whatever i had a little mini nervous breakdown but i made it out all right thank god for edibles and thank god for edibles but uh music has really kept it together for me and i

and i thank you a lot because you've returned me on to a lot of those albums i've been going full boat you know i've been putting out the album of the day that's the album i listened to that day you know today i had to go with master reality today it was too cloudy it was just a master reality type of day plus i drew a rocket ship for my daughter me and her yeah me and her draw every day and i drew the rocket ship and as i was drawing the rocket ship i was singing the lyrics of uh into the void and she's like that what are you saying and i just kept doing the lyrics like like i had like a spirit come over to me you know i'm saying rocket engine burning fuel so fast up until the night sky they last all that shit burning metal through the atmosphere

she was losing it she thought i was speaking in fucking tongues but hey that's what it you know all these little things what it's been good for me it's made my family a little tighter first two weeks i wanted to kill them now we're gonna make it there was one night there i thought i was gonna get arrested for domestic violence because uh you know it just it was hard for everybody at first but uh you know me and my wife are fucking definitely cooler since this so it's uh it's there's been pros and cons dean delray you know well we you know the as you start to go crazy then you go well you know what man we're we're alive so i'm gonna enjoy some of the uh the things in life i love i've been reading books man it's 19 me too i'm almost finished with the led zeppelin

book yeah i'm deep on the books man and and you know what i'm i'm sitting there going like hey i'm digging this every night around eight i get on the couch and i rip out the book right now i'm reading bill christman the tremor for grateful beds book called deal and i'm i'm taking the ride man he's describing all the acid trips and you know san francisco and the early days in the bank i'm just going this is amazing man i i'd you know like i'm lazy on the brits after the last 30 years the internet came out i was like see a books and now i'm loving it man i'm i'm like i'm gonna burn through this one and then next i'm gonna get uh i'm gonna get on to uh william s burrows junky which i i partially read when i was a team i'm almost finished with led zeppelin and i'm going

right which one uh the man who led zeppelin the which one man who led zeppelin no i read the man who led zeppelin i finished that one the week before this is the really thick led zeppelin book the three-parter i forgot the gods no no i read hammer the gods years ago this is a new one that came out that it's sort of like hammer the gods just some more details stuff like that when i'm done with this one i'm moving on to your man bond scott oh and then from there i'm going to david lee rott's book and then from there you know i already have him lay it out you know we got three more weeks so i got three more but yeah we got to the 28th people whether you like it or not you got the lapel 28th and that's conservative so you might as well start reading now i even started

taking some of my uh some high school like my daughter goes on this thing and it goes all the way up to high school like online like online when i went to my senior year i went to like shit that you go over in 12th grade you know like reviews and uh math and calculus and all that shit i was like jesus christ i was a dumb fuck at 18 but uh i'm trying to do everything i can to stay busy uh number one is the happiness what's that joey goes back that's a new tv show joey goes back to high school oh my god fucking tremendous i can't even figure out shit you know i know my time i know all that shit the history stuff i'm weekend yeah but uh this this is just the time for listen i feel bad because people are going through some hardships uh and i'm not talking

about just staying in like staying in should be bad enough of a punishment then there's the hardship of no money you know people running out of money living off credit cards nobody's working you got people who are natural hustlers that for a guy like me this cut my legs off for two weeks i didn't know what to do with myself you know um the nervous breakdown i had wednesday night was about stand up i realized that stand up was my religion same and uh it took me as a man it took me as a boy i was a kid and i turned me into a man it really did because to become a comedian there's aspect you get to become a man you really got to look in the mirror and say this is what needs to be done that's it and i was thinking about how it's one thing to say hey i'm not going down to

the comedy store no more but it's another thing for them to tell you can't come down to comedy store no more that it's fucking closed man so i had to deal with that i had that fear uh a few years ago where i was thinking what if what if the comedy store ever went away i mean it's totally my my life i love that place and the people so that's why i started going to new york because i was thinking if this place is gone i don't know what i would do you know so i was like i got to start getting out in the world and doing comedy to where if anything goes away i'm still relevant i'm not just this one club guy in my life there and it really helped me you know i went out there got pasted seller and stuff and and and got all kinds of new new york friends at the stand and

all that and uh men to not do comedy is just blowing my mind right now you know it's been 20 i guess 24 days since i've been on stage and i just uh i can't even believe it it's all i do all day wait to go on you know yeah it's been uh a month now officially since i have been on stage are the emotions similar for you too because i mean joey and and everyone's still hustling and working but joey you're a little bit more established and dean has been putting in work for i think you just hit your 10 year anniversary right dean right so like you've been putting in a lot of work and you're finally starting to see results and then they take it away is it scary for you dean or like how are you feeling about that because you you literally

just switched everything put 10 years of hard work and are finally taken off and then it's gone you know when emily at the store hit me up to just do that little 30 second little thing for the comedians give back i was like it it just fucking as cheesy as this says it filled my heart man i was just like oh god they they remember me after you know 24 days i'm still i'm still part of the family and that that really that and talking to joey and ian edwards every day and mary and emily you know i was just like oh yeah i'm i'm still i'm still alive in the game and and this is believe it or not as horrible as this is it's kind of a forced rest that i probably needed and would have never taken you know of such a workaholic so i am uh feeling way rejuvenized as far as like all right

let's get out there you know you know it's uh it's weird that i reach out to certain people every day they're the ones i'm concerned about the most you know uh we're not just going to suffer financially and a lot of us are going to struggle with mental health during this period you know yeah and uh like i said when i went through my thing Wednesday night the mechanic was on i was having a great night charles bronson was on you know i was having a great night and uh right after the mechanic i went in i got a notebook and i just started writing living things down and um somewhere i went into a dark place i started thinking about hitting people with pipes and shit i had done with as a child and yeah and it just didn't feel good it didn't feel good all night and i'm like what the

fuck is this and i was sitting in the office and i said why am i hiding from my wife i need her now more than ever so i put on my big boy pants and i sat down next to her and i told her exactly what i had been going through the last three weeks how it came to a head and i'll tell you ever since that night i feel a hundred percent better that's awesome my whole outlook has changed there's nothing we could do about it what do you see for the future is stand up man that's it that's an interesting question joe somebody asked me that yesterday and it's you know the whole goal of you and i and the comedians that are really down at the store it's always about truth and what's going on

in life but then you're kind of like well how do we just step back into that machine and not just be the virus the virus the virus the virus so i started writing down stuff that was more what was going through my head during the virus so i don't have to talk about the virus i talked more about like being a 54 year old man this shit in my house that i've owned since i was 13 years old that kind of dumb shit or or living in an apartment you know and and just just being in east hollywood no kids nothing you know just trying to find some kind of stuff that's going to make sense when i get back on stage and i really don't know what it's what it's going to be like and i think it's a lot like the first couple weeks of me doing

comedy back when i started it's going to be like open mic style because you don't know what the audience is going to be an audience are they're going to be what you know restriction we don't really know we don't we don't and i went on the i went on the day before the comedy store closed that was the last time i went on and i remember thinking god this crowd's way too easy right now because people were so bummed and i was so happy i was making them laugh but you know when you got that audience where they're so easy i was like wow i just said hello and they're laughing something's not right yeah something's not right man people were rattled and uh i felt for me i got off i got lonely i was like man those people are scared and and i am too but uh

it's like when i got ran over in the motorcycle man at least i've been doing what i absolutely love the last 10 years man and that's all that fucking matters i think i think it's gonna come back slow at first uh my heart goes out to a lot of comics you know a lot of young comics lee a lot of guys who started out uh they're not gonna have a lot of the opportunities we had as younger comics they're gonna have to deal with a lot of more technology you know let's see how technology plays to it if there'll be a lot more pay per views nobody fucking knows and to be honest for you right now i'm like you i don't really give a fucking away i just want the guys around me to keep it together and like everything else in life this will pass whether this is a prison sentence

that we will be fucking let out of eventually and hopefully we'll all get out of this thing healthy and we could also say what the fuck was that two years ago you know yeah yeah i mean people at home people are trapped uh some people do better than others quarantine you know yeah some people you know this could be a disaster some people are getting forced to be a husband some people are getting forced to be parents you know some people are living learning to live without their parents you know i feel for those people how would you like to live in the neighborhood but your parents and you got a bang on the glass once a week and like a fucking gorilla in a zoo i got to treat my grandfather now yeah like a fucking animal passing peanuts to hold the

fucking fence you know i mean that's just uh this is the future how we're gonna deal with but uh any albums you want to drop on these guys for the week yeah man uh today was the day Wayne Staley passed away and you fucking believe how long ago well Wayne Staley was 2002 and Cobain was 94 same day so i think and i still cannot believe it and i talk about this record all the time but i'll shout it out forever Wayne Staley did that solo record with Mike McCready from Pearl Jam called a Bev good album and uh that album is fucking insane man insane and i listened to it today it's all gloomy out perfect seattle vibe and threw that thing on man you know you got you you just got to top the bottom insane man i love it i love it

mark lannigan sings on that from the screaming trees and queens of the standings he's one of my favorites i've had him on the podcast twice and it's just a masterpiece record man it's crazy are you using uh zoom for your podcast now well i got very lucky joey i had bent 11 episodes before this happened it just i was just you know grinding and grinding recording guests over and over and over and then this happened so i've got 11 in the can and uh and i'm just releasing them once a week and then my patreon i do a solo bonus one once a week on the patreon and that's been uh rocking a lot of people i mean way more than i had before i've stepped up during this uh during this time for my patreon channel which is incredible you know like people people

are hurting like me and they're donating it's it's it's just unreal man well i'll tell you what's going to win in this whole thing the winner in this whole thing is humanity you know for years we uh respected our soldiers and everything now we're going to come out of this respecting a lot more people soldiers police nurses doctors you're going to feel a different way about those people you know i know for a fact and if any of you motherfuckers are listening to me run go get a job at one of the supermarkets because once this blows over those that supermarket union is going to sit down and they're going to be getting paid thirty thousand dollars a day if this happens again they deserve it they deserve it and they deserve every fucking penny um yeah

you know and those bus drivers man the bus drivers all these guys all these guys have stepped up these nurses crying in rooms that breaks my heart because i'm sorry to tell you you did sign up for that but you didn't sign up for wearing the same fucking mask every day right and for people running in drooling fucking sperm and with an eyeball out yelling viva corona whatever the fuck they're yelling you know from my heart goes out to nurses and doctors and uh any movies you've been watching any series oh well i uh i've been just a youtube king man you know me too it makes me so happy i was watching today i was watching that uh main staley they recorded that concert at the more theater so i watched that and then of course to the right corner if you like this maybe you'll like sound

right yeah you know and a lot of a lot of youtube man just so much of it just to kind of i can't watch any kind of grim stuff it just uh it'll make me freak out my apartment you know i forced myself to work out in the afternoons yeah instead of doing it in the mornings and getting it over with my testosterone levels are higher i've been forcing myself to do it at four instead of watching the news so i could how's that it's fucking great because that might the world where i have the punching bag i don't have a big yard it's just a little corner but the sun beats on that corner after four o'clock it becomes like a steam bath in the corner so i'll set the time of the five minutes and i'll beat the bag up and after the first 10 minutes i could feel the sweat beads

coming out of me i could taste the marijuana and the fucking edibles and the the salt and you know and then i fucking do another two rounds and i'm fucking sweaty and then i try to do my kettle bells but i try to get the sweat out you know i really want to get that sodium out and all those malukya juices and all that shit so i got the day covered you know i could always walk around the neighbor with the kid no parks because you know everybody with corona goes to the fucking park so you can't go to the fucking park you got to cover yourself and that's pv fucking to be the name of the new all parks are going to be called covid fucking parks everybody's walking behind one another so i got to do alternate planning i got to take on walks where nobody's going to be

if you go shopping you got to go early because there's more the last part of the day more people have been in there more germs so you got to catch everything at eight oh one from eight to nine before that greasy cocksuck at five picks up that gas handle to fill up his gas tank i'm gonna hit it first i bring my own shit i bring handy wipes we made Puerto Rican fucking lice all wipes with alcohol oh yeah and gasoline i'm killing shit and burning shit on a fucking daily but listen man it's always a fucking pleasure to see you it's always a pleasure to talk to you every day uh thank you for checking in i check in with you we're a real comedy store family we are dude we are man and i can't imagine if i didn't do comedy and i was still like

selling motorcycles i'm just sitting in my box right now with no family like you guys i'd be like oh fuck this you know we have hope everybody should have a little hope uh this is gonna pass it may not be three weeks you know don't get too excited about football i don't know why that was brought up yesterday for the day before to make these idiots fucking think about football now you know now is not the time to think about football anything else it's a time of your future your family and what your next move is you know more fucking entrepreneurs are gonna come out of this than anything people gonna go i can't do this i want you might as well invent the fucking bell you want it to right now this is the chance to do everything everything you've

ever wanted this is the chance you know also i i i really hope that it makes people realize hey fuck sitting on this couch all my life i'm getting the hell outside i'm gonna go live a life man yeah you know that's what else is gonna tell a lot of people i know people who've lived in quarantine for two fucking years already absolutely and now they're seeing that they have to be in quarantine it's like us would stand up listen i'm not going to the store for a few weeks that's a big difference and you can't go to the store for a few weeks oh i'm bad so maybe i'll go to the improv no they're fucking closed too you know i'm saying everybody's closed you wanna for the other day somebody put online where's the best open mic i said the hospital

the hospital got the best open mic right now you know i'm saying they got full fucking rooms tons of audience tons of audience i love you cocksucker i'm happy you had the chance to come in and check in with me brother oh god yeah this is cool though man yeah this was cool yeah and you know the quality sounds good and uh and you look fantastic so do you see me but i miss lee i love you i love you okay we're on the six month we're on the six line rule yeah yeah here's me on the 10 foot plan yeah it's it's it's it's really 27 feet if you snort a cocaine because when you sneeze it travels 27 fucking feet so it's really 30 feet in the corner yeah i got him in the corner he's in the corner like Boris you know what i'm saying i got him in the corner he's over at that denny's

on langur ship yeah they've been closed i was thinking about them i know shit they have been closed and i and i'm personal friends with like three of the waiters waitresses in there there's one guy jesse he just loves the lakers and my heart is breaking because they took the lakers and the fucking his job so that poor bastard so and i'm trying to tell you funny story i'll tell you funny story before we split in 89 when the earthquake hit san francisco it fucking you know wrapped everything and denny's had to close well they're out in 24 seven so they never had front door locks because they were never gonna be closed so they had to go out and buy a padlock and chains to close the place oh my god they built them they built it with no locks that's crazy especially in san

francisco well they'll they'll steal your fucking wig with you in it still you could be walking out the street in san francisco and all of a sudden your wig disappears remember when we were up there they said don't leave nothing in the fucking car remember they have signs everywhere they'll break into your car there not even 50 not even a fucking 50 we couldn't we had to walk with the luggage to get lunch yeah fuck because you gotta take you you gotta take everything in there i love you buddy have a great day and check in with us some time to time talk sucker candles lit buddy candles lit love you say it fucking dean he does it again my man dino i love dean delrizio i've been checking in with him steve samon ceo whitney rogan trippley tiffany haddish we've all had a little

you know so i've been checking in with all my people you know all my fucking family uh i've tried some of the other guys they don't want to call back so they can all suck my dick you don't call back go fuck yourself then i don't give a fuck i don't need you either you greasy stupid motherfucker's looking for attention all the time it doesn't end it doesn't end anyway i want to thank you guys for listening today and i hope you got something good out of this it's monday we're still ticking you're gonna take a fucking bomb to stop me the church is brought to you by my bookie listen i'm really sorry casinos are closed sports are done but you don't have to fucking sit there and wait the fucking you know i know you've been waiting there after the flatten

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gonna fucking die next first from kovid will kovid destroy charlie sheen against fucking what's his name martin fucker what's a he's playing against the fucking coach magic johnson oh jesus i think he's got the lead he's favored to die first and get the kovid so even for you they got shit for sick fucks too do me a favor head over to my bookie they're giving you 50% of the initial deposit in bonus funds that means if you deposit a thousand they'll give you an extra 500 just like that more money in your pocket to play with more opportunity to win open up your browser right now do me a favor punch in my bookie dot ag slash joey to get ready to make some fucking geetus who's better than you nobody head to the casino my bookie dot com dot ag slash joey for 50 bonus all right you're

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goes away once god cleans this fucking air you know me we'll be back on point like always before i don't fuck around with you cocksuckers i love you to death i'm just hitting you up to tell you you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna make it through this this is just temporary this ain't gonna be around forever i ain't going fucking nowhere i was scared for a couple days fuck these bitches i'm from jersey bitch i swam in these fucking corrosive waters years ago i'm tough i stepped on a syringe i'm prepared i'm prepared i love you mother fuckers have a great day i want to thank my bookie dot ag and i want to thank cbd lion dot com have a great day kick this motherfucking mule