Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #777 - Eleanor Kerrigan

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

Eleanor Kerrigan, a stand up comedian and the cohost of "The Comedy Store Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. This podcast is brought to you by: Stamps.com -  Use code JOEY for a 4 week trial which includes postage and a digital scale. Go to Stamps.com, click on the Radio Microphone at the top of the homepage and type in church.   MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000. 

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That stamps.com, press in church. Stay safe, my friends. Take this motherfucking Mule League. Oh, shit. It'll fuck fucking today, right? No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking marines, you understand me?

Welcome to church, motherfucker. Oh, shit. It's Monday morning. East to Stuck Sticks. But today's Monday, you bad motherfuckers. A beautiful day to be alive. I got my beautiful cousin, sister, my goomba fucking, I don't know how to come in. Yeah, a couple of minutes.

We don't have to do no fucking zoom, boom, or room. That's what I need is fucking zoom in my life. If I was going to risk anything for anybody, it'd be you, Joe Diaz. What the fuck? You've been in quarantine, you've been home. I've been in quarantine. I've been hiding out. It locked me in. And you live by yourself, right?

Yeah, all by myself. It's exciting. When was the last time you did stand up? I did in my mirror a couple of days ago. I bombed hard. So I was like, you know, when all this started, remember all of us like, oh, there's nothing. We're going to all go to fucking IG, stand up live and do comedy.

And one night you get up and you're like, this ain't going to work. You didn't try it. No, no. I was like, I was ready to try it. John Oliver did great on his show for considering first week. It was so bad. And I'm like, if John Oliver bombed, I'm going to die a slow death. Yeah.

So I'm not even going to try this shit. I didn't do it. Fuck it. I'm not doing it. People keep texting me or not texting, but hit me up on like the social media platforms. They're like, well, you do stand up in your living room. I'm like, Rich, I don't have a living room. I live in a studio. You want me to stand by my bed?

I don't want to do nothing. Am I couch? I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to know nothing. Sick. Nobody's podcast. I don't want to do nothing. I don't mind podcast. I like that.

I got enough problem doing my own podcast and homeschooling. You know, all of a sudden, I'm vice principal in fucking school now all of a sudden. Well, imagine Joe Diaz as your teacher. And you imagine this shit out of here. And I got to go in there and make sure everything's all right. Hunky doodle, you know, I showed how to play dice. I do the whole fucking thing. Oh, you're good.

Yeah. No, I do the math. I try to make the math different. There's a different approach to math. There's math fucking idiots. The math they teach you. Yeah. Oh, they have a whole new. How many times have you how many times have you used calculus since you graduated high school?

You had calculus. What about that fucking thing that you put the needle in and spin it around? I'm a protractor and the protractor. That's it. Fuck, you see my brain go blind? Yeah. I was like, yeah, so we don't need that. I use it to pull the ballsack.

That's all you need to know. How to count, eat this and count, eat this on a move. Listen, give me fucking five times on the jets, five times on the next and a five time parlay. You got to have that figured out all in your fucking top. You had right off the bat. Five hours to win, six dollars to lose. Fuck yeah, time parlay.

What is it? Thirty five to lose, 70 to win. That's it. That's all you know, you got to work like that. Yeah, it works quickly. So I'm trying to get her to do the math and that's it. Just wait. Not the storm.

I'm not as depressed as most people. Oh, yeah, I go up and down. I go up and down. I have my nights. I have like three good nights and then one night I sit down. I go, what the fuck? I'm in communist Cuba. What are they doing?

Communist Cuba, they probably have better music. Well, you can go out, you go to a park. You know, this is I understand the ramifications of this and I get it. I get all this shit. So. Are you still going out and going to parks? They close most of them, right? Like you can't.

Yeah, it doesn't take a genius. The first time I went walking, I walked like for two days and then I realized that I got motherfuckers behind me and I got people in front of me. Yeah, you're like and you're sucking in their exhaust. It doesn't take a genius to know that. And when there's 40 people there, I work off percentages. Percentages is what I work off. Yeah, the more people, the higher density you have.

If you go fucking again, what do they say, six feet? Yeah, I'm usually a 12 foot type of motherfucker. And it's really twenty seven because if I sneeze, that's how long it's clear. That's how you clear room. Oh, here we go. The spray. Oh, my God. All right, that's a lot.

That's a lot. My eyes are going to bleed. That's that's got fucking whatever in it. So it kills everything. The sanitizer. OK. Yeah. And then we got to make. I need that for the grocery store. And then we got to Lysos.

If you go to the grocery store, these these are tremendous. What is that? Mace, mace, mace for fucking social distancing. Mace social distancing. People come over, Joey, how I die right in your eyeball? That's it. Don't tell the housework. You tweeted something or puts up about people coming over to talk to your dog and shit. No, people come over

and they bring that stupid ugly dog. And they think they're interesting like that you want to hear about their stupid dog. Exactly. And I get. We have, you know, you're not supposed to pet a dog right now. You're not supposed to do shit. It's a human being. Yeah. OK, I'm not mad at anybody.

Nobody should take this wrong. I understand the needs from the psychological, the needs of the human being. When he contact, when he touch, when he love, when he water, we need a lot of things. Yeah. OK, so. When you're at a park, when you're at a supermarket, you know, I'm not worried about a little more. I'm not worried about me. You're worried about the other people. Yeah.

The guy behind me, that hasn't taken a shower. He does have a fucking cough. And he is coughing into his hand. He's touching shit. He's looking at calories and sodium because those are the jerk offs that do that. Yeah, yeah. All those people that do that. Susan next door to me told me third, fourth day of this,

she went to 65 and over shopping. She goes, she never saw anything like that in her life at Gelsons. If you go at six in the morning, yeah, it's for people over 65. Right. She said at six in the morning, she saw a lady tasting a soup. She had a mask on. She pulled up a mask. I can't put it back into the soup and closed it like a salad dip

that was on. Oh, man. So that's why that, you know, that's going to disappear from the world. Menchies, all that stuff. Oh, it has to. All that stuff, that's all gone. Because people are disgusting in the new world. This is all moving on. That's it. You're not going to go to Menchies no more.

That's what I meant. I love Menchies. I think in New York, New York, those things on the outside, but as human needs, if they put both of us on an island and tell us, don't talk to them. We had a war with them 2000 years ago, whatever. But we have to walk outside the compound. Me from going to prison, I learned that. I learned that even people who were enemies,

once there's a circle and people start walking, you get closer to each other. It's what what we do. Yeah, it's just that migrating towards it hasn't set into people. I was already all in it, March 2nd. Well, I stopped going to the store on March 2nd. I didn't know that. That was the last time I went into the store

because I could still see the hugs and people. Let me take a picture. I'm like, did you not see the same news I saw today? Yeah. So right down there, last time I went, I was March 7th and after this and, you know, then you see what it attacks. It attacks this, this, this, this, this, this. So I'm high fucking risk.

So it's over. Yeah, you're smart. See you later, bye. It's over. I was out there till they said you can't go out no more. Fourteenth. Yeah, fourteenth. And then I did the Laugh Factory was the only place open.

The store closed because they were doing this is itching my nose. They were doing just the original room, which is smaller, obviously. And, you know, because you can only have a certain amount of people out. And then Peter, who owns the store, he he was like, no, this is bad. We're going to we don't want the liability, which is kind of smart. I know for a fact, if his mother was still running it,

she would still be fighting everyone to keep it open right now. That's just how she was. And but he was smart to do that because they are making money. And legally, if somebody gets sick there, they could get sued, God forbid. But the Laugh Factory, they're just that one room. And he was stayed open. He stayed open till I think I did three extra shows for Jamie. He's doing right now live streaming comedy.

Yeah, I've seen it during the day. So I did it one day. It it felt good as a comic, like to get that out. But like, they clean everything. There's no more. It's the same as this, except for we were further apart. And it was me, Alonzo Bowden and Bill Dawes. And I felt good.

You could see people writing in like, you know, asking questions, but I couldn't read it. It was too small. So I was just like, I'm just going to keep telling what my quarantine is like. And I wound up doing like 35 minutes. Wow. But I got it out and I like that Jamie's doing it. Tiffany Haddish did it the other day.

Like, it's just it's different than standing in your living room and like, you know, holding a microphone and being like, you're at a comedy club, you're on a stage. And it just you're just telling what your shit is like, basically. It's keeping the Laugh Factory alive, I guess. Because they're small. They're not going to it's going to be a tough survival. I'm not ready for that yet.

I'm not ready psychologically. I'm not ready at all. I'm ready to get up on a stage. I really miss stand up. I miss the stage and like I've been I don't watch new shit. My whole world is still Hicks and more lines. I love that. Brother, I've watched a bunch of old death comedy jams.

I found the one that I was looking for with Dio Hughley hosting and getting a standing ovation. OK, that's the one that's a little later. Oh, my God. He's great. Oh, my God. I watched that one and I fucking my head blew up because I want to go out. I want to go out.

Yeah, that's the problem with watching stand up. You're a kid. Well, as a kid, I would watch a basketball game from one to four and you want to do it because I was going to learn the moves. And I was going to go to quarter four and do the moves that they did. So here you are. That's what I used to do. Watch those old tapes.

Yeah. I watched an old Hicks special from HBL the other night that wasn't the best in the world, you know, looking at it now. Hicks was wild. He was prolific. He was. Yeah, no, no, no. But it wasn't necessarily like your right. He didn't rock the soccer. Yeah.

He wanted to get something out and get it out a certain way. I watched that he was really saying something. Oh, I always I watched Andrew from Philly. Oh, that's what made him famous. That's what made him famous. I watched that again. I've been watching. I watched Joan Rivers a lot.

I wanted to watch the stuff that made me fall in love with comedy. Like falling in love with comedy gradual again. That little romance where we're on the phone when I fucking yeah. We're on the phone for like 20 hours, your mom yelling at you. Yeah, like that's what I'm going through right now. I'm going through that romance. You know, it's a different romance. I know I got another.

It'll be another two. They say May 15. I say June 1st. So we're talking. I can't even think about talking about another six weeks before we could really even if they do for. I'm still going to give it a week or two. I'm I'm giving it that night.

You got kids, you got something to live for. I'm good. I don't know what I want to do. I want to let people go out first. OK, and do that thing, you know, and really let them and then see how the store pans out, who comes back. Yeah, who didn't move to Chicago. Yeah, I'm a clean person, man. These people are crumbs.

The crumbs got to go. You got to remember that this is as devastating nationwide as a earthquake. Of course, people got to rethink. Look at what we're doing. We're doing a podcast with mask on, you know, where this is. People are going to rethink their lives. They're going to rethink. Is this what is it worth going out?

Is it worth? I asked a friend of mine about another friend of mine from here that was having a hard time. And I asked him, he goes, he's gone. He went back home. Yeah. Thank God, because he wouldn't last at these two months here. This is two months of help. Yeah, a lot of people.

Yeah, I know a lot of people that left. A lot of people are not in town. A lot of people picked up and said, we'll come back when the party resumes. Yeah, if the party resumes. Hey, I'm close, man. The party's going to resume. Yeah, but it's going to resume a different way. Yeah, that we've ever and nobody knows how.

So don't worry about it. Enjoy this time off. I know that a lot of people are struggling right now financially. I told you, motherfucker, three weeks ago, not the way for a check. Yeah, I told you three weeks ago, not the way for a check to get a mask, go to Ralph's Pathmark shop, right? It's shocking, fresh. Lord, those bakery, all those places.

I love that you say pathmark. Yeah, all those places need help right now at night. All those places need help right now at night. Yeah, but Johnny's doing it. He's a bartender and he's doing it in Philadelphia. I told a friend of mine, he was, but don't be playing a lot. Eleven and nine. Well, it's more than the government's going to give you.

This is the time you get that check. You're absolutely right. Go to work. I'm telling you, I'm telling you from experience, go to work. I might do it myself. Don't wait for fucking this. I know for you, I know, I know a comic right now, a dear friend comic that has a night job.

And that's fine. I'm not going to do this. I'm not. He goes, I can't sit there at night thinking about this shit. It go crazy. I got myself a little night job. He goes, I'm not going to make a lot of money, but I'm doing it just. He goes, I keep the mind busy.

The only thing I won't do is Uber. Like I'll do Uber eats. I don't mind dropping shit off to you, but I can't do pick up people. Well, I didn't even get in an Uber now. I wouldn't get in an Uber now. I don't know. But those are the ones dying first. And that's something for like another, all younger kids who listen to this.

And we've talked about how like college is weird and stuff. But it's also like you have to pick. You have to pick your career is different. I think a lot of careers are going to change. Well, like, yeah, my brother's a bartender. Yeah. We work with live performance. So you we need audience.

We need customers, if you will. So if I was a kid, I might be like, you know, maybe I'll get into apps. I can do that from home. If you get into what building apps or just just anything you can do from home now is I don't know how to do that. Build an app. No, we can't do what I'm saying. Kids kids going to college kids too late for us.

I thought you meant us. I was like, build an app. I can't even do a zoom podcast. I'm an idiot. It's what it's going to change. We don't know what it's going to do. I have no, you know, my dates were scattered. Anyway, I didn't really have a semester.

I had a lot right now. I was going to surprise our movie. Yeah, pushback. Or it doesn't take a genius. Well, how are they going to do it? How are you going to put it on a movie September 25th? Everything's backed up already. Unless you nothing's really been released the last three weeks, right?

There were these trolls. I watched trolls the other night with Mercy. They put Ozark out a little earlier. Yeah, but no, no, I'm talking about movies. Movies, movies that were supposed to come out the next couple of weeks. They're not coming out. I think the name C closed. Is there the time about it?

Yeah, yeah, why can't they do it like streaming like on TV? Well, that's what they're trying to figure out now. I mean, all these things they cannot know. Everybody's sitting there. It's like a hotel room in theaters now. Ready to go, ready to go, right? Ready to go. I saw something that was very smart.

The place on Sun's on Ventura Boulevard. They switch their restaurant around quickly. So you get sushi at the window like like the fuck. Yeah, a lot of people are doing that thing. So that's smart right now. If you're a restaurant owner, you really want to make money? Switch to a window, put a glass on it with little holds just like they do in New York. Yep, quick.

We can stick the hand in boom, boom. The only thing that goes in is your pad for your thing. There's outside. There's a wiper with thing for your glove to wipe the pad after you do it and start selling fucking burritos and tacos. That'll go for quick. But what'll happen is you get the congregation of people. That's waiting in line.

Yeah, I've seen the lines. Get the fuck out, you know, get the fuck out. Yeah, that's the problem you have that today. Supposedly all the parks are closed. Yeah, like today, except for that one. Yeah, which one down here? There was a gaggle of I think they were homeless. Yeah, I think they were homeless.

I got to be honest, because they were just like all together. And I was like, are they having a meeting? Like, where should we go or where is everybody? Because I live right behind a really busy restaurant and a beauty supply. And I'm telling you, L.A. is such a strange city to go through something like this with every day, including today, a woman pulled up in a Porsche, went right up to the restaurant, pulling the door like, really? One, it's Easter.

Oh, two, we're in a pandemic. You think these people are open? This is the best restaurant in Los Angeles or whatever. Like a very what are you doing? So you test your mask to see if it's good. Give it. I thought you were going to set yourself on fire. Yeah, I didn't know what was happening either.

This is great. I was thinking about it. I'm excited. You got to remember, we live in a look. L.A. is a strange place. Strange. They're still pulling up to the beauty supply store, going, are you serious? And I'm like, yeah, fucking idiot John Oliver last week. I adore him for doing that.

He killed the Italian parliament when they started yelling at people or the what they were saying to people was not. Oh, yeah, yeah. An Italian. It was great scumbags. They were not talking to the public the way ours. No, that's what we need. We need real shit.

This dude was like, I hear about the people coming over to mobile mobile haircut. What are you getting the haircut for? The casket? Are you going to look in the casket? That's what you get the haircut for. People getting mobile haircut. That's good fear.

Yeah, one guy went out and just rammed. Exercises. He just destroyed it. He's going to stay home. He's faster. Everybody want to run. Oh, yeah, I gained a good 10 pounds. You know, I'm fine with it.

I'm out of weight and I didn't gain as much as I did. I gained like two pounds. I don't have a scale. You have a scale scale that was scary. I don't have one. I got one. I'm not your average chick. I got one.

I was scared. I was like, that's not bad. That's not bad. But I haven't gone crazy either. I have. I am not going crazy. How have you coped with the last three? So you've been home three weeks?

Well, I've been home since March 14th, March 15th. OK, no states. No stage time. Yeah, so that's making it a little nutty. So you've been home from the same place. Yeah, so I'm thinking like, OK, I'll bake. I like to bake. I was going to go back to Philly and then I was worried

because I was supposed to be in Philly that week with Dice. I had a bunch of dates and they all got canceled. Portland, Reno, we were in Philadelphia, Chicago, Michigan. All got canceled. So which is fine, whatever. I get it. We got to figure this out. But I was like, what am I going to do?

If I go to Philly, my mom's 82. I don't want to be another person added to God forbid because I got to fly there. So then I got to go and quarantine for another 14 days. I can't be near anyway. You know what I mean? So I was just like, I'm just going to stay here. I'll bake.

I'll keep myself busy. I'll do podcasts. I started I started playing with my YouTube channel. I'm like, I'll do rants. What a dick. And so now then I started baking and I made like a seven up cake and cheesecake cupcakes, cinnamon cupcakes, all kinds of shit. And I'm just eating them like, OK.

And then I'm like, why do I feel so sick? And now I feel like a beached whale just stuck in the apartment. What are your emotions for you? A little crazy. Like some days I'll I'll just start crying for no reason. I'm like, is this menopause or the pandemic? Like you have to figure it's hard to figure out which is which. So I because I'm close.

I'm on I think this is menopause age. I don't know. But you know, I like your when you start getting emotional like that. I get a little freaked out. I'm like, what do I do? I was like, all right, I'll finish my script. I have no focus, focus, not nobody. I need I need to be out of all how crazy is that?

You sit down, you go to write. I've written. I haven't written a bit, but I have written funny snippets. Same. And I have all over my apartment. I've put myself saying funny stone snippets make me and Lee Giggle. Yeah, yeah. I have written them down as something, a starting process.

But as far as writing, I did write something I was impressed with. But I I know I was high when I was right. And how do you write? Do you type it? Do you handwrite? I go from a notebook first. Get a couple sentences going on a notebook and I concrete it. Type it out in the computer and I never do the second part. And I since I have two hours that you always work on,

you add where it needs to be added. So what I've been doing for the last two years, the iPad has been a game changer for me. It has. It has helped me more than I don't have no writing. If you ask me, is there an app? No, it's just called whatever. Notes. It's got a feather on it. Yeah. And you press it and it has different chapters. No, I'm with you. I'm with you saying I'm not going to want me to sit there.

And I came up with the next. What the narrative should be for my next special. Oh, OK. So that's good. That's a big deal. If I'm looking at a time frame, I'm really looking at twenty twenty one to start doing comedy again. I got a week in June and Braya, which might work or might not work. Well, that's right here. Yeah. Open.

And they'll allow 40 people to show. Yeah. Hopefully this is the good thing about this is something I was thinking about the other day is that for me right now, it's my turn to shine if when comedy comes back, because most people like you sell out theaters and stuff. So you're not going to want to perform in front of 20 people. I've been doing that for years. I'm fine with it. I'm not. They could sit six, six feet apart.

You got to remember one thing that I am very excited about a lot of things right now. I am more excited than depressed. I am more excited about the future. I've already mourned the past. Yeah, I've mourned it. I understand that 40 percent of my audience has evaporated due to financial financial health, all of it, financial problems. This is just the way it is.

If you were selling 3,000 tickets a month, you're now selling 1,600. Yeah. Don't question it. It's not that you didn't get funny. It's that you're charging money and this is where we're at. And right now, people just don't have it. So you have to assume all these things up front. My ticket prices are going right back to 25. Yeah, you know, Thursday night, 20, I'm here with you.

I'm in this battle with you. Yeah, I'm trying. I'll play the numbers. If it's 200 a week, and it's 20 a week until I get a vaccine. Yeah, I didn't see myself going. Five hours on a plane. The plane is the hardest part, I think, for us. I could tell you right now.

This is why I'm asking you about your anxiety levels at your house during the daytime. How are you? Have you tried to exercise? Oh, I do so many exercise. That's the that's why I'm not a thousand pounds overweight. But I I'll just put YouTube on. I'll do a class with somebody. My friend, Stacia, does a class every day at noon. Rocco's doing yoga. Rocco's still at noon.

You know, Ari Shafir is doing yoga. If you want, like if you want it for funny or not or whatever, everybody's trying to help each other and it's all free. So you can do classes with people like when I did my friend Stacia's, she's built amazing. And so she had like 30 people on there and we were just killing it, doing all kinds of exercise and you feel way better if you exercise. But then there's days when I get up and I'm like, I'm not I'm not doing it today.

I'm not exercising. I'm just going to lay here like a lump, you know, I'm that it gets. It'll take over. I've been doing something six days a week just so I stay active. I'm not doing my complete workout. Yeah, I'm doing some kettlebells, a lot more. I have kettlebells. I hit the hold the midst of a mercy and make myself walk around.

I had a bounce challenge with her. I have a nine pound ball and a 16 pound ball and we try to slam them, you know, and Kita sent to the workout for a slamming. I go, who doesn't know their workouts? She's like, daddy, that's the same thing we did. I go, yeah, but you know, the jump to it. So it's even better. I had her out there yesterday.

Nice. I think the exercise has helped me a lot. The exercise truly, it's always helped me, but now it's helping me even more. It's so weird how much this really puts a stress on you. And you guys at home know what I'm talking about, because when I for me to warm up, I just throw, I just hit the box and a bunch of bag. Do you have a bag at your house? I have a bag at the house. Oh, thank God.

I would kill for that bag. That bag be broken right now if I had it. That bag saved my wife's life. People on the street's life are doing stupid shit. Still with no. Oh, yeah. I had chased a guy out of my carport the other night, breaking windows. Yeah, it's weird. So I hit the bag as a warm up.

And I, you know, I can hit that bag for eight minutes before I start helping him. Now, two minutes. It is different because the breathing and the stress is so high. So I got to really push to five minutes. I put a timer on on my iPhone and I really push it to five minutes. And then after I do the first five minutes, that's OK. And then I do another five and then I'm a little better. And then I get the 16 pound bowl and slam it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do it for a third five. Now I'm really good. I'm like, OK, now I see why I'm doing this. I like that sweat to come out of me and it smells like drugs. Oh, oh, my God, the smell that comes out of me. You know, my wife goes when I smell it, when I open up, she gets high. The dryer with your sweatshirts in it. It smells like pure marijuana.

Oh, my God, it's like in there for good. It's in my system. I'm lucky to be able to sweat and do all that shit in the backyard. Yeah, the yard is a big deal. I'm doing it in front of my TV in the studio, which is kind of annoying. I mean, I could go like the alley is empty. So I could go out there and jump rope and stuff pretty much. But then you got to deal with the vagrants.

The vagrants just walk by and they're paying the answer. A couple of them have set up, you know, the tents and stuff, which could just be people from my building that can't afford rent that moved. Who knows? You know what I mean? So I don't I don't mess with them unless they do stupid shit. Then I yell. I'm like, hey, man, get out. Like I'll just scare them.

And then they usually if as soon as they hear something, they run away. You know, they're like, here comes a crazy lady. Why is she carrying a baseball bat? That's uncomfortable. I got like a forty five pound kettlebell, two thirty fives. I have a 15er and then I got two fifties. Both of them are different. OK, you got a lot of Kettlebells.

I only have one. I have to do a farmer walks. Well, Kettlebells, you hold. I'm a farmer, a farmer carry. Oh, fireman carry. Just walk with it. Yeah, I do five minutes and I'm fucking done the next day. I do that with jugs of water.

You got to listen, if you don't do that, the stress will build. Definitely have to move around. I don't want to. Right now I know I'm my limited. Like I already in my mind that I have a timetable. It's so weird that they did a poll and they said that 70 percent of people will not go to an event without a vaccination right now. Yeah, I'm thinking, wow, if that poll either they say most polls are 10 percent off.

Oh, shit. Oh, which was shot. Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. We lost 40 percent of our audience. Yeah. So what you try to tell me is we're going to open and the first three months we're going to be limited schedule to September and then they might run 500 people and then we'll start back up on that.

I do not see the NFL on that timetable. I know my nephew got called back to baseball in May. Okay. Yeah, they're going to go back because but they're going back with no hot dog vendors and no popcorn. I hate hot dogs. They'll take a chunk this year, but next year, if they got to do this again, they're coming back with a Dodger package.

Three ninety four for the whole season. Well, what are you? Oh, you're a Red Sox fan. Well, we'll give you the Red Sox and the Dodgers. Yeah, yeah, three eighty four. All the games, just their games. No more watching. I have that.

Let me play that. What are you guys thinking about? Because I'm new. So I feel like I'm basically starting over. Well, you guys are talking about like getting audience to the show. But like, how are you guys going to be at stand up with that after a two month break? I'm starting all over the same. I think we're all starting all over.

It's a clean slate. Yeah, this is why I'm saying I'm excited. It's fun. Right. I am excited. Oh, that makes me so scared. I'm starting with 15 minute sets. Yes.

At the Comedy Store, the bomb. Yes. I'm not taking a week nowhere. Nobody wants to see me and I'm not bought from nobody. If I haven't been on stage for two months right now, you're going to need to get I am socially cleansed. Yeah, I am starting from scratch. There is nothing to come watch.

Why do you think I told these people two months ago to take your money back? I told them already. Take your money back, people. What are you doing? What are you doing? You're going to sit there and wait. I ain't coming nowhere. I ain't coming.

I'm 57 now. This is dead. I don't feel so good myself. I'm done. I'm not going nowhere. Same, man. Once they give me a pill, because I'm holding up for the pill. Do you think you're going to shoot me?

How long you think before a vaccine? I don't have a fucking fortune teller, but I will tell you what's going to happen from Joey. They're going to open up the city. They're going to open up one of these comedy clubs. I'm going to call them for three spots for two spots a week. The first two weeks. I'm calling every night to get my immune system up to talk to people.

OK, how are you? That's just to test people. Hey, do you want to take a picture? Oh, fuck you, you know, just pictures are out. All that shit is done with no pictures. No handshake. Don't even elbow me. Yeah, because I'm like this sweatshirt on fire.

I'm ordering a bunch of disposable, flammable sweatshirts that just go on flames for minutes. OK, I already got a plan. I'm taking sweatshirts or like you're I'm buying new jeans, new everything, and I'm taking COVID clothes. OK, all in my Kobe closet. And when I come in, then I got to go to the garage and take my COVID outfit off. And I got my own personal bathroom shower in the back behind the office.

Fucking the best shower in the house. Nobody use the best. You can lay down and whack off. I can lay down on my back like a fucking like I'm doing the last pose in yoga. I'm gonna stay. What's that? I don't I don't do your boss and I believe you just lay back like a fucking moron and think of all the bad things in your life.

I could somebody could sleep in my fucking shower. That's oh my god. That's great. And the last night I went to the comedy store. I turned that shower on high hot. The only problem it's got a dozen flood as quick as the water comes in. So you got to be careful in that. Oh, is it clogged or you just it just doesn't all of a sudden?

My brain woke up. I was like, oh, you got to put baking soda and vinegar next thing. You know, so yeah, I did everything. You could take like an eight minute shower in there, but you can't bang one out, which is the whole thing is to let that water hit you. Yeah, I'm going out. You get that little tricky like moving, you know, you get the little right ankle moving and you're banging that jerk off.

It's a little shake in the stomach. Yeah, the cum you let go into the toilet into the my usually goes right over to the drain and the high arc the other day. So some poor bastard over here by the fire department. The whole no, they were washing the firetrucks and the homeless guy, black dude, dressed like Clint Eastwood. I hate a punch on with a fucking with like a little rope. Good to have the ugly Clint Eastwood.

I just make the right on fucking I just make the left on Magnolia. OK, I'm headed towards the fire department. I'm doing the speed limit. I'm in no rush. There's nobody on the street. I think I'm doing like 15. I'm just killing time. Yeah, I'm driving like I'm in prison.

I'm no rush to get back. You know what I'm saying? Your ankle braces got a couple more minutes. No rush to get back. Yeah, I see this homeless dude come out from like the corner. And he's like, man, it's a beautiful lady will be alive. And also he saw the fire truck get washed. He goes, what?

No, he laid down. I hate him on the floor on the corner. And he did this head into the stream that was coming from the fire department. And he was just drinking like a water drink, like a cat drinks water from a toilet just like that. I pulled up next to him. I was like, the world has come to it.

And I just kept driving. And then, thank God, I saw my homeless dude, the gorilla. Yeah, six foot six to 80, the black dude. I just give him 20 bucks every time I see him. I just put it on the car hood and he gives me one of these. Nice. And then that night I see him by my house patrol in the area because he knows where I live.

Sure, he wants that 20. Bro, every time I see him, I do come at 20. Everybody else is desperate. They're not desperate. They've always been in the desperate, the homeless. So, you know, we're we feel crazy, but they're not. They've always been this. I've been trying to help them more than.

Yeah, me too. Like I didn't eat those cupcakes. I took a bunch of shit from the house. I have so much shit. You know, I wonder that little one over there by by Riverside under the bridge, there's a Starbucks coffee. It's for Riverside meets the hunger. The hunger.

I dropped them some books the other day and they were very thankful. Yeah, and I don't do it. I don't throw it out the window. I pulled over. There was a red light. Sure. And I brought the box and I go, here you go guys. There's some boxes.

I gave him some more coke. I had and I had some hamburger buns. I gave him that in the water. The shit we take for granted. I took all those black t-shirts that people sent me. All my fat man's sweat clothes and all that. I brought it up to the. They opened up a shelter for all day in North Hollywood.

I saw it on the news. So I think Tuesday my wife dropped it off. Let me know because I got things of whatever. I put a couple of things, a spaghetti sauce in there. OK. You know, whatever, because I said I had extra stuff at the house. Yeah. That I could pass up.

It's not it's a ragu. Right. And I hear that I'm always ready for an earthquake. I want to help, but I don't have money money. Right. You don't need money. I have little things. Yeah, you have little things.

So a lot of videos help. I told people how Aaron. You know, I took I took a bunch of I went to the to the best pizza place and whatever. What's the place I go to? Pizza, the pizza, where I go to Brooklyn. I want to get that today. Oh, my God.

Is it open? It's open. Call them up or the rest is silly. And Steve Simone told me about that. If you pull up in front of the place. I want to go. Is Illinois already? Yes, there's nobody in there.

The doors are wide open. You don't have to. I don't go to Ventura, right? Right on Ventura. I'm going. I don't go nowhere where the door is open. I'm feeling you're going to open up a door. You already that your percentage is just one up to get COVID.

It's got to be. I will fresco. What are they called? You ever go to a restaurant? I'll fresco. I'm looking for a table. Do you want inside or fresco? What are you talking about?

No, I'm with you. I will fresco. You go when you leave here right now. I'm calling them and you tell them I'll be there. Joey, Uncle Joey sent me and Steve Simone. They'll take care of you. He's been telling me for months. You go up there.

The pizza will be ready. We were going to do a podcast there. But the thing hit. He loves it. You give him a tip to the guy. Whatever he wants. Yesterday, I brought them to show what happened now. Water bottles.

So I had my wife bring them water bottles. When I went up there, I brought them water bottles. I had my wife bring the water bottles to the shelter. OK, she was going over there. She was going to the woman's place and the homeless. We just cleaned out everything. Yeah, because like a case of water is not a lot. I get t-shirts from everywhere, man.

Yeah. And I just had to send them out. I sent out a few Jiu Jitsu geese in case the homeless motherfucker wants to turn to Jiu Jitsu. Now is the time. If you if you saw a homeless guy walking around with your outfit, would you just I would pull over, take a picture and give him a 20.

All of a sudden, you take a picture. You should get your homeless guy a G. That'd be badass. That's a big guy. Yeah, you know, I don't want him to know nothing. Yeah, yeah, that's got a weapon on him. He'll have a he'll have a smell. Yeah, I know what Joey smells like now.

I already instructed him. I already instructed him what he's got to do. How much have you been calling your friends that are on house arrest? Like, hey, man, now I understand. I don't have anybody's house arrest, but I you what? I don't have any friends on house arrest. Oh, I've been I've been to prison.

So you I have one that's been on and off for years. You understand the four walls. Yeah, you've been in prison. I tell people all the time. But does that fuck with your anxiety from that? I've been very good because I learned how to move from room to room. OK, I learned how to there's all these things you could do. Yeah, save yourself a lot of time.

You broke your you just heard. Let me explain something to you. Three weeks ago, two weeks ago, I was in the Rogan podcast. As we know, Rogan works for the USC and has multiple jobs. Sure. Rogan is well off. I asked him if he had been writing comedy. And he said no, because he's been focused either. Can't focus. Nobody's focusing, guys.

So if you're having a hard time there, don't get in line, don't stress on it. Everybody's having a hard time focusing, but you know, I don't have a hard time with that's really been helping me reading. I think that's my brother, Bob LaLingus. That's great. It takes a few pages. OK. You've got to force yourself to those three. Those three pages you read, you'll have to come back to them and read them.

Yeah, that's what I've been doing. But I've read I finished the book and I read another book. And I got to finish this book. Jimmy Page book, he got me. And there's a Jimmy Page book that's going to hold me over for the rest of this. You know, it's a great one wired. You ever rewired by the SNL book? Yes. Yes, that's a great one.

That's there's a listen to this. A thousand great books that you know about. And there's a million that you don't. Yeah. So I have the alchemist. I have all kinds of weird, odd books. I have a lot of books that are old and I've read like I really wanted to read. Like, you know what I want to go through to right now? I was telling my wife last night, my wife and I were sitting.

My wife came to because I want anything I go out with. Like this sweatshirt is freshly out of the laundry. OK. But since I had contact with you and Lee, and I'm probably going to go for a ride after this. I went to the weed store this morning. I watched this again. Sure. These are the outside clothes. These are my. This all goes in the last I got home.

I went outside to smoke a number. I hadn't smoked all day. I hadn't smoked in like three days. I was really good on the reef. I've been doing one bondage like that. But no. And yes, I was like, I could really go for smoking a joint. And I want I smoke the joint. I came in and I want to get on the floor and stretch.

So when my wife came in to hang the stuff. She tried and she said, oh, you scared the fuck out of me. And she asked me, are you OK? And I go, yeah, I'm OK. And I asked how she was doing. I could tell my wife was having a frustrating day yesterday because Mercy was getting frustrated. Yeah. And it kind of hurts your feelings because you can't fix it.

You can't fix it. So I told her, oh, you're not sad. Yeah, you can't understand the language. What the language? Yeah. And then her friends started calling the back in the house. Everybody called and I told my wife something that was really weird that just started coming out and it was the truth. Like, I got to be honest with you.

The last four years, I haven't really been myself. I haven't been the happiest I could be. I've been happy because things are going well. Right. But it wasn't to the level where I wanted them to be gone. Not that I want to be Cat Williams. I'm not talking about that. I love that you picked Cat Willie. You know, I love Cat Willie. I watch Cat, too.

I watch Cat. Cat's amazing. The first specials. I'm tremendous. Well, you don't like. No, I love it. Oh, OK. I was like, tremendous. Yeah, Cat's great.

I watched Cat Williams. I go into the one with Cat Williams. Because he's so big. I never wanted to be Cat Williams or Kevin Arden. I'm happy who I am. Yeah. But you know what I missed? I missed not having.

Listen, when somebody pays 25 bucks, 30 bucks, 30, 250 to come see me. I know they went to a restaurant. I'm like, well, we eat. Yeah, yeah. For a guy like me, there's a little bit of pressure, but there's not. But I got a reality. There is a little bit of pressure. Yeah. It means I won't take as many gambles as I would. Exactly.

I want you to go home and tell your friends you had a really good fucking time. All right. When I go to the store on a Tuesday night, I'm that Joe Diaz. Yeah. I take gambles. I don't care if you get up and walk the fuck out to be honest with you. Really? The store is the store. The store is the store.

The store is the store. You've got to know what it is. I really don't care. If you get out and walk out and write a letter. Oh, I love it when you write a letter. I love it when you when I used to go in there. You know that we used to have a cabinet of cutters? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Paul Mooney letters.

How many different jokes? No, not as much for Joey, but Paul Mooney, we literally had a file cabinet filled. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I would watch them get up and run out. That's a podcast, right? Tourists from white to white tourists would stay in a hotel next door and he'd go up there and fucking scare them till they'd run out.

Oh, go ahead, Holby. Run off. So right now, what I want to do is I want I want this to get back. Yeah. I want people to recover financially. I'm not looking for you to go anywhere. I'm saying for what I want to do. My plan is because remember a man without a plan is not a man. I know you're broke. I know you're having a hard time.

But at the same time, you should be planning. What are your plans going to be with or without money? What are you going to do? You're not going to have the money you want. That's more business loan. They've changed that four times in one week. Oh, my God, really? So don't worry about nothing.

Nobody's getting nothing. Remember that? Remember that expression? The best line in to live and die in LA. Yeah, I promise not to come in your mouth. And I promise that the checks in the mail. There you go. I just said to my mom, I go, I don't want to die in LA. I will drive back to Philadelphia.

I'll die in Vegas. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. If I over. Yeah, like, we're going to get me out of here. I'm dying a mountain in Colorado. But I don't want to die in LA. And they put you up there next to Michael Jackson. Oh, if people break in there at night and jerk off

on your grave and shit, they think they jerk it off on Michael Jackson. Next thing I'm getting droplets in my eyebrows. Motherfucker. Oh, fuck. They're out of caskets. So that means they got to make like a what kind of casket they got to put me in.

What are you going to put me in? I'm not doing a casket. Are you doing a casket? I want to get eaten by worms. They deserve to eat. Oh, fuck that. Somebody deserves to eat what's in my stomach. I want to be set on fire, burn this up.

I want to see, like, I want them to find 11 worms with different DNA from drugs. You're like, hi worms. Like, right where I was, right where I was buried, like 2,000 years from now. They found these worms that had rearwards. Do you know how fucking funny that would be? They're all just high.

They just stopped. They're on their backs, just chilling out. Excuse me, I don't know. Fly report, fly report. I found my THC fly. He was living a lot in the closet. This fly, I fucking did like science with this fly. Were you still in a jar?

I took this fucking jar. Oh no. I took this jar, put little holes in the weed, and I went, when the possum died in the sky, in the sky, in the wall, we had flies. So I went after all of them and killed them, but I took a couple of them, I took their wings off, and I put them in this little jar,

one with a wing, one without a wing. Shut up. One that I just knocked out. It's like a handicapped zone for flies. I put like three or four flies in this fucking jar, and I would feed them weed. Once a week, I would take a little piece of my shit on a little stick and put it in there, let it drop in there,

and they'd go crazy. And I'd give them like protein powder, shit, and fucking, I'd give them like lobster shit if I ate like steak. And then one day something happened, the fly got out. They got out. And then one night, I'm sitting there in my fucking computer about a month ago, and this superb fly lands. And he's like making noises and shit.

He's fucking huge, like a satellite. And I even hit him and he disappeared. And then I found him like two days later, living in my jacket, I'm like, what the fuck? He's got a hump, you're like. Oh yeah, this fly is fucked up. This is one of your flies. So this is one of these mutants.

So I lost him for like two weeks. Flying around like Marty Feldman with the big eyes. Don't you gotta see this fly, he's fucking huge. Shut up. I did the THC and my shit and the protein powder from G.A. You gotta film him. I think Joey created a new species of fly. He's gonna have Jeff Goldblum come out of that fucking thing.

I think I created a new fucking fly dog. Oh my God. Joey DS fly. Ha ha ha ha ha. What about you? How funny, that's great. I hate flies, I've always hated flies. I'm with you.

And when they lurk, when they get retarded, they like your glass. Yeah. When they get on a glass and the sun hits them, something happens to them. That's when you get them and you just fuck with them. You take one wing off, then they walk around wounded without the one wing and you're like,

how's it feel now, motherfucker? Then maybe you take the other wing off and they really get pissed off. My mom had a neighbor that did that. When I was a kid, I would put them on toothpicks and let them on fire. You ever hear them, they're like. No, no, I never do that.

Oh yeah. They're coming back for revenge now, Joey. Oh, that's what it did. I fucked a Havera. This fly's gonna get fucking jacked up like a kangaroo or some shit on your weird THC and shit you feed them. And he's gonna get you.

Who gives a fuck? Get you. But that's. He's gonna hug you in the middle of that. With all the bad shit that's going on. That's funny though. Just start planning your fucking. Yeah, you're right.

Planning is important. You're fucking tripped now. You're what the next mission is gonna be. Once this thing gets going, it's gonna be slow. So this is the time where you start what you wanna do. Listen, if they're not gonna pay you the fucking suck dick but you always wanted to be a ballerina, now's the time. Yeah.

I'm gonna be a webcam girl. Start from the zero. Oh. And whatever. Yeah. What are you doing a webcam? I was thinking people pay to see my feet but I got some ugly ass feet, boy.

Oh yeah, they're 50 year old Irish feet. Those things. Come on, man. I got size 10. They're big. Oh yeah, nobody wants to see it. You can jizz all over them. They're like this big.

Six and a half. Oh, you're gonna get messages after this. I was at dinner with my niece one night. She's a fucking med student. And she's very quiet, very lovely. The sister's the opposite. 20 boyfriends, pictures of her with bikinis. And this niece, the one that's in med school.

She's the hotter one. Without even saying boo. Wow. Without even saying boo. So what were you talking about? Oh, so she told me. She told me. So what do you do to make money in med school?

And she goes, I'm a tutor of this. And she goes, my roommate. She's trying to talk me into selling pictures of my feet. I go, feet. People are crazy with this shit. I didn't even know it was a thing. And her mother was with me. My sister was with us basically.

And she goes, have you seen Mia's feet? They're beautiful. Mia's like, yeah, uncle Joey, six and a half. Guys go crazy over them. So I'm like, really? You could, but there's a girl online. I gotta send mine out. I gotta give my heart out to her right now.

She's got big feet? No, this girl has got a tremendous ass. And Lee would love her. I've been doing so many squats in my apartment and eating. So I got the Kardashian ass right now. You can make money. Just don't look at my stomach. Squatting with a bikini on.

Shut the fuck up. I started my Patreon. My Patreon is different though. I'm gonna put up stand up that I never, like that I use. Jamie Lee. Look up a girl named Jamie Lee. Is she hot? Her comedian host of the hot mess.

Didn't she write on the pee home show? Didn't she write on that pee home show? No way. This girl is fucking funny. I know she's getting paid, blow up like the world trade. This motherfucker put what she made last week. Feminism is out the window with COVID.

It died with Corona. Well, listen, if you got a fucking... Oh yeah, that's the cute girl from... No, no. You got somebody else. About Jamie Lee? Go to Twitter, Jamie Lee. Twitter, Jamie Lee.

That's Jamie Lee comedian. Maybe it's just Jamie Lee. This chick has an open mic, Jamie Lee. Yeah, cause I don't think Jamie Lee would stoop to that yet. We're almost there. But she's not there yet. Maybe the Jamie Lee Fitch. Did I spell Jamie differently?

You had it on your phone. But you know what I watched? Marvelous Ms. Maisel, have you watched that? I watched parts of it. It's good. But then I got sucked into a whole Joan Rivers. I went crazy. And that's when I started getting like inspired

to do standup again. And then when I had a low moment, I was like, I'm just gonna sell pictures of my feet. I can't, I can't, I'm not technically good. So technology good, but I could do my squats for people if they're paying. I didn't know they're paying for this, this one. No, that is a different girl, I think.

Maybe she's private. Oh, Joey, are you on her fans only page? I don't know. Yeah, I'm searching for a movie. Are you paying for her? No, no, not at all. That's so fucking funny. She used to sell ads.

Okay. And we were talking about ads about a month ago, Facebook ads. I guess she was right there with the Playboy Bunny with the two fingers. Oh, there you go. That makes more sense. We spoke about, oh damn, she's got big titties.

We spoke about ads and she was very sweet and I was gonna do some Facebook ads with her. Okay. And all of a sudden, the whole fucking thing hit. And she. Oh, TikTok, I'm obsessed with TikTok. That's not her. She put up.

No, that's somebody else. She put up some stuff and I laughed my ass off. This is her? This is her. Wow. And she's Lee's type. Oh yeah? Lee, that's all you right there.

Click on the picture, baby boy. Look at it, that chick will break your back. That's milkshake right there. She's beautiful. She's got red hair. She's a funny, she'll do three minutes. She's for love, she was? She'll do three minutes of stand-up topless.

I'm hoping that I gain weight and my titties look like that by the end of this. Keep going, keep going. You're gonna love this. Oh shit. Keep going, keep going. There's your nutsack. Here you go, Lee.

This is what you gotta make out. She's cute, Lee. We're gonna get together with Lee. And she's from Boston, Lee. Send her some geetas, Lee. Go socks. Keep going. Keep going.

She dyed her own hair. She's my girl. Wait till you see my girl. Oh shit. Put that thing on, Lee. Look at it. Oh yeah. Look at that hummus.

Oh yeah. Look at that, Lee. Are you fucking nuts? And guess what, guys? I think my mom would be upset. She's not doing anything upsetting. She's not doing anything X-rated. And she's getting paid and I'm fucking proud of her.

She's on the one top percent of all creators. I just found that. Patreon are fans only. Only fans, yeah. Only fans, is it? Somebody was like, you need to start an only fan page. Yeah, what happens in quarantine stays in quarantine.

I'm feeling you, girl. We went back and forth the other day. I'm not gonna tell you what she made. It's nobody's business, but she's fucking doing a thing. Get it, girl. I'm mad at her. She won't show her pussy.

Okay. She'll do topless stand up for you. With a bikini. She'll dance for you. She'll send you pictures of your feet. And that, my friend, is how you make a living. It's America. So you're saying I'm fucked.

I can't make a living. You can make a living. Everybody can make a living. Listen, I can put a wig on. Put a bikini on and make more of a living than this girl. I'll shake my ass. They won't even know. Don't just think he's just a fat.

She's just fat. What are you gonna do about your nut sack? I'll tape it. Oh, okay. Okay. I'll tape it. Otherwise you're gonna look like that girl. No, I'll tape my nut sack in a way that looks like a pussy.

And I'll really, like, I'll spread them. Do you watch TikTok? Do you go on that shit? No. Oh, it's hysterical. What am I, 10? No, Dice put us on TikTok. Right.

He put a video up. Him and I fighting, right? And on the video, I'm in the hallway. It's in New York. You can see the maid's cart. We're at a hotel. He said something online. I got mad.

I'm banging on his door. He comes to the door, of course, filming. And he's like, what? What? Because he knew what he did. We were arguing on the phone. So he goes, wow, what is it? And I start yelling at him.

Then I punched the door and I went to, like, push him. And they took it off TikTok. Reddit put it up as, this is the flip side to me, too. Women abuse men. She threw him, this is Dice's girlfriend. She threw him out of, we were on TikTok for an hour. I got written up as an abusive girlfriend on Reddit. And they said, I was like, wait, how do I throw him out?

I'm in the hallway, you idiot, hysterical. I don't know what Reddit is, but they said I'm an abuser. I don't know what TikTok is. I don't know what Reddit is. I don't know what Reddit is. You know what Reddit is? No, I'm not in my business. TikTok's weird.

TikTok, it's either a girl doing that, like shaking her ass, and then the song playing over it. Or kids in the house, my parents are abusive, my stepdad is abusive, and they film them, threatening them and threatening them to get thrown. I'm like, oh, fucking police, what are you doing? Yeah, I wanna see that. Oh, it's awful.

Or they're crying. She said I'm fat, I should kill myself for the person who said I'm fat. Maybe that's why I'm not depressed. Now, why are you watching all these terrible, depressing things? Oh, I stopped, I had a ween off it. It was like Coke, you know, yeah, a ween off it.

It's like I started up too late with this habit. No good. Listen, right now, a lot of people are home. And they think- Don't watch TikTok. Anything you see now, anything you see now, like you have to write it off to somebody who's been home for two and a half weeks.

Yeah. By themselves, their parents are in a nursing home. They're running down out of money. They're running out of food. People are going crazy. There's some crazy shit on there. So, I like that you listen to the podcast. I like you support podcasts.

It's a minimum time that you should be on the internet right now. I agree. Right now, this is gonna be, listen, you've already done- That's why I started watching The Maisel and all that. You've already done the toughest month of your life. Okay?

You're starting to get used to it. Get over yourself. Yeah. You're starting to get used to it. Get the fuck off Netflix. You already exhausted Netflix. Yeah, but at least that's something you can learn or watch, take your mind off of.

You know what? I don't try to put the TV is not allowed and not asked to five o'clock. I do the same thing. No TV to five. That'll kill you. That'll put you, that's the quickest way of ending up with a fucking hole.

Emotionally, physically, you gotta do something. Am I saying that I want you to go to the park and walk around in circles behind somebody else with germs? No, but there's something you gotta be doing. You know what? I cleaned half to your office and I gave half that shit away. Smart.

I gave my shit. Yep. I gave away a robe, 22 hooded sweatshirts. Yeah, I'm cleaning that out now. Things that people gave me on the road that don't fit. They were too small to start off with. I gave away pounds of that. There's all these shelters opening up.

Donate to that shit. That's what Dice did last week. Go to the other one, the one on across from five guys. Across from where we used to have the office. The burger place. Oh, I'll go look. Yeah. What's the name of that?

What's the name? Oh. In and out. Oh, in and out. In and out on Lancashire. If you go behind there, it's the whatever. The will? The good will.

So I go, I go on between. I'm not big on good will, but I get it. I go on between both of them. I go on between both of them. And that's it. That's all you can do. Yeah. Wait for it.

You know, breed, wait for whatever information they have. And make a plan. I think you're right about make a plan. The plan is, listen, this is the only plan I see. The plan is stay calm. This is the plan I see. I see us opening up. If you open up a football stadium and put 60,000 people

in there, we're going to have another widespread epidemic. Isn't there a test? That's going to come back in 15 minutes. Literally, yes. I'm going by Eddie Griffin on this one. But you're going to take the test and go into the game. You can't go in until you pass. Right.

But for right now, I don't even think they're going to go that far. Okay. I want the games to happen. How can we get the games to play? Let's start that. Let's take with the fifth systematic test, test the empires, test them afterward.

Yeah. And that's what determines who plays tomorrow. Set up these series. Just like everybody else, the problem is, you can't have people in the stands for right now, especially for baseball. Yeah. Let's start with baseball.

By August, let's start with 300 people per game. I get it. You don't even need to make money. Then you have another problem. What are we going to do with college football and pro football? Yeah. That's still, those stadiums get packed.

Big. Especially college. Especially college. So right now, I don't know what NT double A's going to do. All I got to do is this. I can't see a life, a year of my life in college football that doesn't exist. This will be the first.

Pro football, you want to come back? You got to do the same as. You have to play helmets, kill each other, nobody in the fucking audience. Yeah. And you're still violating rules because you got 50 guys on each team. That's over a hundred people on the field

with the reps, the camera guys, the photographers, the reporters, you know, these are all the things that are going to come from this, you know? And then the biggest one, the economic comeback. How fast are people going to pay $120 to go to see a jet game? The lake is going to open up. Everybody's starting over, I think. And those ticket prices are going down, I think.

I think they're going down. I think everybody has to make a sacrifice here. Yeah. So I can't see. I worry about the airlines. I feel like they're going to hurt us after. They're really going to hurt us. But what are you going to do?

First off, I can't get on a plane till I know there's a vaccine. Yeah. Where's the flu? Is there ever going to be a vaccine? I don't know. But I'm not worried about the flu. I'm worried about coronavirus.

But there's a flu shot that people get that prevents. That I'm high risk for. I have underlying pressure, got high blood pressure. And do I really want to go to Vegas if they're only going to have 400 seats available for me to see? Yeah. These are all decisions I'm going to make.

I'm not starting off with five-hour flights. I'm starting off to build my immune system again. I've been flying for 20 years. My immune system is already complete. It's strong, but it's also weak because of the amount of marijuana I've smoked in 40 years. I know who the fuck I am. What do you think is going to happen in Vegas?

I don't know. I'm supposed to be in Vegas May the first, the second week of May. Yeah, I'm supposed to be in Vegas July 31st again. Yeah, July, though. The same thing that are going to happen everywhere else. Do you think they're going to cancel May? No, they're going to.

May, yes. That's Mother's Day. It's that week. They haven't canceled yet. You're close to May 15th. So whatever you had till May 15th is done with. They couldn't open if they wanted to. So unless they open up until the following weekend,

how many people are going to be mentally, physically, psychologically, and economically prepared for $35 to drink minimum? Right. So now we're coming into the summer months. Anybody who's done comedy on an early stage and level knows that when they call the booker, the booker always says to you,

at least I don't, sure, I'll fuckin' hire you. I got two weeks, three. But by the way, you do know it's summer pay. Ugh. These bits don't pay in the winter. Could you imagine what you're gonna get in the summer? Yeah. So on top of California.

Well, that's what I'm saying, but I already don't make that much money. On top of California. I'm the summer pay, if you will. On top of California. You have states like Minneapolis, Buffalo, Seattle, Portland. There's a handful of states, if anybody remembers.

Please tweet me that you can get Minneapolis, Minneapolis, Milwaukee. Okay. There's a handful of states that business drops as soon as June comes. Oh, I see. Because they're so family oriented. Yeah, yeah.

And families do so many things on the weekends and they do so many things together outside. They go away, yeah. Already the numbers go away. Buffalo, New York. Yeah. If Jesus was playing the drums in the building, you ain't getting people in there July 31st.

He's gotta be outdoor. They wanna be outdoor. Buffalo's been in the house for nine months. They've been in the house for nine months. They've stepped out to smoke cigarettes to get away from grandma while she's wheezing. These North Dakota, South Dakota, these are all states in the summer.

People run Seattle. People run, you know. So we're going into that for recovery. Yeah. That's our economic recovery. So now we're waiting on people getting checks. We're waiting on this. Well, let me ask you this.

Boom. And I know because normally comedy outside isn't great. What do you think that might get a little bit more popular this year so you can like stand outside. Comedy outside? Yeah. You're still gonna have a fucking a numbers amount. Whether it's inside or outside,

there's still gonna be the same amount of numbers that you could have under that tent. Now, number two, let's switch this. Let's switch this. Eleanor, I fucking love you. I don't know if you know this. I've had a crush on you for 30 years. I dumped Harry.

This is so hot. And I've got three fucking two VIP tickets to take you to go see Dave Chappelle in Atlanta. Yeah. August 12th, outdoor at the Outdoorathon. Okay, you're gonna look at me and say, okay. Okay. And then you're gonna be walking to work one day

and you're gonna see me and Lee walking down the street with two sweat puddles under our arms and the humidity. A Friday before that show and you go, hmm, so this new hot guy, Joey, wants to take me on a date to Atlanta. What if I end up sitting next to those two fat fucks with sweat under their arms in Humansville, in Georgia, which is getting hit hard with the Corona?

Yeah. So we have, now you have to tell me what you think. What are you gonna do? Are you really gonna run to that Dodger game? Are you really gonna run to that Philadelphia? And now we got football. Oh, the Eagles. Now football I love.

I can't see a world without football. Yeah. The same way I can't see a world without basketball or baseball. Football I love. There's a little bit bigger with the audience, more people selling sweatshirts, t-shirts. You take the Eagles fans.

If you take that away from them, you thought they were angry before? Before. Okay. But this is what's gonna happen. They'll be setting everybody on fire. Do open it to capacity. These cities are gonna incite again,

going into the holidays. I think. So as tough as it is, what do you think every man now is telling you? This is gonna be the toughest week we've endured. That's what you said two weeks ago. Yeah, this is just. Every state, and as long as every state is going through it,

then they're gonna start to mandate it and go state by state to see what's really going on with numbers. Oh, but if you fly, listen, if you fly into Dallas right now, what if you gotta fly into Dallas, August 8th to do three shows with Andrew? You gotta get there July 16th

because you got a quarantine for two weeks. Yeah. That's the problem with the flying. So right now, nobody knows none. So what you, Illinois is gonna do is, Illinois is gonna hunker down. Sell pictures of my feet. She might have to, she might have to cancel Hulu.

She might have to cancel her water. Yeah. Thank God the gym is closing. So that saves you 89 a month. You know, things are also gonna close and go away, which are gonna save you a little bit of money. And then you're gonna do spots at the store. You're gonna do your podcast again.

You're gonna jump on shows. And when you're ready psychologically, then you get back on your plane to do whatever, go back to the lifestyle you were living. Yeah. It takes a minute. It's gonna take a minute, guys. It just, the first, we stopped doing

the Comedy Star podcast because Rick had to have a surgery, then his daughter got sick, and it's a scary time. Like, then I was like, all right, I'll figure out the technical part of it, and then you just take care of your family. You know, cause I don't have kids or anything. So, and then my computer, I got like a weird virus. And I was like, oh, everybody has a virus.

That's the whole thing. So then I just freaked out. And I was like, I can't even buy a new computer. To, you know what I mean? I mean, I guess I can order it online, but I can't. I'd have to have somebody come set it. I gotta start sleeping with Lee so I can get it to go right.

You know what I mean? Like, it's not, are we allowed to do that? Oh, yes. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, look at Lee, all of a sudden he's in no, no fear. No, it's gonna be great. He's got no problem sleeping with me to fix my computer. No, he, he just asked for it.

He just gotta ask for it. Everybody's got a price. Everybody's got a price. You gotta wear your mask, though, Lee. You gotta wear your mask. I'm not fucking doing this. Listen. I need a ski mask and this.

Always remember one thing. There's a comic and there's a... But I do miss doing the podcasts is what I'm saying. Oh, I miss, I couldn't imagine not doing this twice a week. Yeah. This has to be done twice a week for me and for them. Yeah. They know.

So it's so much fun, yeah. They know. They know exactly. This is great to get out. And who's that doing with my daughter? I love that. I come here and do the science one with that little tech. And last week, what was it?

Television. So we covered the Golden Age of television, how it became when it busted into cable and the networks. Direct TV is pretty interesting. No. Last week was the piano. I'm sorry. Oh.

And she brought an electric piano and then played songs. Okay. Because the school sent her a computer that's got a program that you could play songs and it tells you the keys. Nice. So she's over and I'm over here fucking singing with her and she's like...

Oh, that's great. Yankee dude who went to town and I go, hey, I should go daddy, there's no yay there. Don't worry about it. It was happy. Every song she sings got a yay. That's an ad loop. And she loses her mind.

It's not there. And then I'll show it to her. It says yay right there, but they took it out cause it's in Spanish. I just told him that. Are you teaching her Spanish? Yes. Good, good, good job.

Talk to her a lot in Spanish. I talk to her a lot in Spanish. She's not gonna talk back to me. And it's absorbing. And then the other day I asked her a question in Spanish and she said, yes. So I know that she's getting it. I'm learning it, but only by watching.

It's gonna come to her. What season are you really watching? I'm done. Yeah. Tell me the truth. Did you really watch it? It's one of the best series I've ever seen. I finished the last one already.

What did you think of this last series? I thought it was great. Did you like it more in the first season? Did you like it more in the first season? I love the Pablo. You mean that way or Narcos Mexico? Narcos Mexico. Okay.

The first season of Narcos Mexico was excellent. Excellent, excellent. I love every character, I love. But this, the women more this season, I love like hardcore bitches just stepping up to the play. That bitch is beautiful. Right? The big-titted one.

Yeah. Yeah. You should be fucked her over, boy. She's single. What? She's single. She has like a fucking mob master. Dude, I'm watching this with my pants at half mass

for both people, the women and the men. The women watched the other night, I watched. But I got to read the whole thing, you know. You have to pay attention. Yeah. And the sad thing is that I've read what they say, half of it is completely different. Well, because I have to translate it.

That's what I might do, Lee. What's that? That's my idea. That's where your idea comes in. Thank you very much. What? Okay, I don't know what it was. I'll twitch Narcos and tell people what they're really saying.

See, the only problem is if you sit and talk to somebody because I wanted to do something like that, it's just a copyright. Well, Tony... You mean when they put it in English? Leigh Simone said that Netflix is adding a feature. You can type. You can type with me, you can just can't hear him.

That's the bad part. What do you mean? I thought we could have like a narcos part. Maybe we can't just do it until you can take it down. Like a real spick telling you what he really said. Instead of what? Because that's what happened. When he brought him the tiger, oh, please.

I was so excited. Bro, I'll tell you, what about episode one of that shit? Yeah. Episode, even Cali. So this week I watched a couple episodes of Cali, but I watched the one at the end when the two gay guys came and they hit him in the head with a bottle. Then he ripped him apart with a motorcycle.

First of all, I had the biggest crush on him and I was like, oh, he's gay. Yeah, he's gay. You're so hot. I was like, fuck. Listen, I go crazy from that. I watched the fucking first four episodes of narcos. And last night I watched the one,

because episode three with Pablo is after he tells him he wants to be a candidate. Oh, okay. And then his wife goes home, he goes home, she's puking. And she's like, I don't want you close to him again. Yeah. And he's like, don't worry, this is just business. I don't want nothing to do with that.

And then they show him, him fucking it, fucking the chicken, the pussy. And she's like, this is the way you fuck your wife standing up and he fucking grabs about a fucking throat. And he goes, you have to say something about my wife, I'll fucking kill you. And she's like, you understand me, I'll fucking kill you dirty bitch.

It's so hot. He puts it down. I hope you do it like that, Lee. I hope you're listening. Lee doesn't have the balls to grab by the throat. Wear the gloves too. I don't want to grab you by the throat. It's against my, I'll get the fuck out of here.

He grabs about a throat and then he lets it down. And she goes, I'm sorry Pablo, is there something I can do for you? And there's a slight pause and she goes, how about you fuck me in the ass? And she turns over and he just, he could just hear going, ha, and that's it. So now episode four opens up with Pablo

when she's tied up, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. She opens up, tied up with lingerie on. I'm going to rewatch it all because I look like Kate Quigley on a hit of fucking Rufi. Like Kate took a hit of Rufi, the guy told her, don't worry, I'm going to get you a job. Just have this drink.

And next you know, Kate wakes up with fucking, she's waking up on all five floors and Pablo's got a gun. He's got a gun in the newspaper. And he's like, a lot bison, a lot of hoods. He throws the newspaper at it. And he's like, this is what you're telling people. She's got a fucking mask on and shit.

And she continued to fuck him out of the bag. Oh yeah, he puts the gun to her throat. That was the game they played. Yeah. It was part of their game. So hot. He put the gun to her throat and told her, is this what you want?

And then you could see him just take the gun and put it all the way down in between her legs and he put them between her pussy. And he actually starts fucking ramming it a little bit. It's tremendous shit. It's so good. It's tremendous. That's episode five or four of a brand new show.

Nobody takes chances like that. Like that. I feel bad because, and I'll say it for you, America. I even like the- You tried to watch Narcos, but the fucking subtitles are brutal. I love it. And you're not in the mood for it.

And I'm not even a fast reader. And you're not in the mood for no meet and meet the motherfuckers. Like, man, I like Narcos, but I don't know them Mexicans talk way fast. The fuckers. I get it. It's tough.

So maybe I'll do something where- You can just say press play now. I'll handle it and watch it with you. The Burt Reynolds DEA guy. He looks like a hot Burt Reynolds. The American. Well, he's in Mexico. The first season.

Yeah. Not the white, the gringo, but he's Spanish, but he works with America. The gringo's the first guy that Liberace fucks. When he cheats on Matt Damon with the dude in the movie. That's who the dude from Narcos is. That's what he'll always be remembered for. There's something in the room that's going to say,

you were great at Narcos. He's like, oh, you're going to pop up. You were even better. And me, I'm going to go into the guy in Liberace. They got fucked in the ass. Won't you leave me alone? When are you going to do this? I can't wait.

I want to be a part of it. Or watch it, this you narrating, basically. I believe you pick me up with Twitch and I go on there one night with four episodes. You got to smoke a joint before you do a re-episode, something just to fuck around. Yeah. Well, listen, how long?

Do we have to live? We don't know. Yes. With me, I am very insecure. I get all fired up. I go, fuck it. Let me go online and do a periscope. And I go, nah, you know why?

Because at 8 o'clock, I see people playing violins on there. I see people playing drums on there. I see so many people trying to get their art out there. Same. I'm like, how am I going to go out there and smoke a joint and call people a cocksucker when there's people with actually the artist that are really trying to do shit for the community?

I'm out there breaking their balls. I'm not doing it. That's the reason why I don't do it, because I feel bad every night. No, you should do it. That's not insecure. That you being like, sensitive. I see these people.

I get insecure. I don't finish setting something up. I'm like, I did two videos for YouTube, and I still didn't put them up. I see these people, you know, they don't give the audience a break. Give them a break. It's always a question.

They send you this. They do this. The best of these celebrities, I'm going to tell you something. Celebrities are really full and bad. If the New York Times on Nautical Day and Night, the celebrities are not going to fare well from this. You know, these guys are due the, first off, after these motherfuckers on steroids.

I love the ones that are on steroids, and tell you, they're at the gym at six lifting weights. You make $80 million a half a year. You've got 82 people working for you, you know? That's my favorite. You've got shoot, half the, if the American public, the fan base of all these suckers, because that's what they are.

I love these guys that walk around. Oh, I eat a clean diet. And meantime, they go up to, I know exactly where they go. And the guy shoots them twice a week. They go on through the back door, or they got enough money. The guy just comes to their house and he poses as a chiropractor and they go on the back.

He's going to stretch me out. And nobody knows nothing. It gives you two magic shots. You give them a check from a different account and nobody knows nothing. And these are the guys I see the most doing all the exercise things that's like, guys get over here. And then I see the remarks from people in America,

like, oh, thank you, you know, stand up, you're working with a fucking cheater. Yeah. These people fucking cheat. They all cheat. They all cheat. And you know what? They're not essential, these doctors, whatever.

So they're going to go away. And in a couple of months, you're going to see what these people really are, what they really look like, how they really, because there's no more cheating. You can't cheat. Now these doctors are going to go out of business. You don't think?

It's going to be an interesting new world. Yeah. It really is. It's our time to shine the real people. One thing I'm excited about is getting on that stage. I got a 90 day trial. I got a 90 day to get my 30. Oh, you're giving yourself 90.

I got it. 90 days at the store. You're treating it like insurance. Nothing matters when it comes out of my mouth. I got a date, September 5th and 6th in Utah. I'll drive. I got so many dates. I got San Diego, August 1st.

I got Vegas, July 31st. That's all that's officially in the books right now. Wow. Brea, June 4th and the 6th. It's four shows. How many people can I possibly put in that? First off, if I'm doing any improv night clubs, I'm removing the first three rows.

Really? I spit when I talk. I've been spitting when I talk since I was a kid. Yeah, we can't go on with a thing on our face. For years, people told me, give me the news, not the weather. For years, since I was a kid, people told me that. Bro, when you're on stage, no matter what, you get excited.

Yeah, you get excited. So yeah, I'm removing the first three rows. What if we just put the big glass, like the supermarkets do? That's nuts. Well, the Blues Brothers, because we want to change things. That's nuts, man.

That's communism. We still have to have some energy flow with the fuckin' audience. It'd just be a whole, the easy to windshield wiper. It's gonna have to be organic. I don't wanna do anything to freak the audience out any more than they are.

I want them to come to this experience relaxed, and I'm gonna put that in my riders and everything. You're gonna have to get your own microphone. I don't want my audience to sit there, like. Am I stand? Am I gonna, now we have two different things. Am I gonna get shot? Or am I gonna get COVID?

There's an asshole come in here and say, G-hard kills, and shoots me with a fuckin' water pistol? Or does this fuckin' swami from Salami coughin' behind me, tellin' people it's his allergies gonna get me COVID? We have so many things now that I have to compete with. It's just, I don't know if you're on it.

Can I ask you, this is kind of a weird thing to ask, but I was thinking about if I wanted to write jokes about what's going on. I was like, no, people don't wanna hear that, but I was also thinking like, it's gonna be seen, this is genius, to just go out there doing the jokes

I was doing before this. But it's your point of view. What do you guys think? Are you gonna write about what happened? You're gonna write about what's going on in your world. In your world, yeah, it's your point of view. It's your world, you can't go up there with those jokes. Those old jokes are gone.

It's a new you. You just been, they just took away part of how the way you live. Are you gonna go up there with an old joke? All right, that's what I was thinking. That was an old state of mind. Yeah. These jokes are coming from the new state of mind.

Is there fucking COVID gonna be mentioned? Yeah, it's gonna be. Is there gonna be hack jokes about it? Yeah, of course, but there's your spin on it. When I was in, blah, blah, blah, you know. I almost gonna go up there and say, you know what, I don't give a fuck what I be, you motherfucker said.

It really scared me. And you're gonna go up there with your physicality and say, COVID could have sucked my dick. I was walking into McDonald's day COVID busted. Look at me, I'm still alive. It pays to be a chubby guy. I'm gonna say, fuck you guys for not paying for my feet. That's what I'm gonna say.

Well, okay. So everybody has a different thing here. Whatever you wanna do, as long as you have a plan for what's coming, it'll make what's going on right now less sickening, less sickening. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody has a plan, you have one. If you don't have a plan,

you better sit down and like punch his pilot. Right now, punches pilot is sweating. Jesus, they went to check on him and he busted out of the grave. That's so funny. Lock up, send the Puerto Rican brothers, send the McNeelys, send everybody. Jesus on the loose and he ain't playing.

You know what I'm saying? Right now, you're like punches pilot. Jesus, you're calling ADP. You got lights going up, you got ring. This motherfucker busted out of a cave and left the news and left like a note, my father's coming. Some shit like that. Come up everybody, Rick.

I'm coming for everybody. What the fuck? My father will come down here and straighten out everybody. Listen, I'm happy you took the time. Thank you so much for having me. I hope the church family really appreciates it. I love the church.

And they remember this forever that you came out in this time with this talk. We all ready. Now I go home, I jump in the fucking shower, I wash and we munch and we eat and I get stuck. Take like a silkwood scrub down? Yep. I'm watching the Worst Kids TV.

Oh yeah. Listen, whatever problems I had, like I thought if Jesus was gonna put me in purgatory, I earned my stripes the last three weeks. I've been watching such bad cartoons. These kids don't even buy Popeye. I put Popeye on for her. She turned her off.

She almost had a heart attack. Really? Why is he beating up the big guy? They can't handle that shit. We came from a society where people were fucked up. The dude was chasing the rabbit. We tried to blow him up. Beep beep, whatever this fucking name was.

Gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. These kids today got half a bag of cartoons. They break into dance until the beginning. Everybody's equal. Everybody's dancing. You know, yeah, you're really gonna hang out with a Hindu kid. Three white kids, they're really gonna have a Hindu kid

who's over there eating eggs in the corner. It's a realistic Disney, you know what I'm saying? Not in this new world? What? What are the new worlds? Not in this new world. That ain't gonna happen. You're a sick fuck.

I love it. I love you motherfuckers. And I love for you for always supporting us and having our back Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Tuesday, just like Apollonia before she got blown up. Oh my God. You guys don't give a fuck, Jack. Let me see what I got here,

because my fucking glasses got all fogged up with this fucking mask. Don't you hate that? Yeah, these masks, they just fog up your glasses. I'm trying to figure out what I could write on the mask so I could sell them for a dollar a piece. Like suck on a dick or stay away. Cock sucker.

Cock sucker. Science. Or keep your libido away from me. The church, yeah, okay, shit. Something, something I could send these motherfuckers. Boom, that's the wrong one. This is what you're looking for. Yeah, I don't know.

It meant the world to me when you said, because I would have done when you would zoom. I would have zoomed and then kept it on and I would have zoomed deep into your asshole when you didn't know. I would have figured, I will figure out zoom to get you on the comedy store pocket. Fuck yeah.

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Everybody's trying to pick up a dime. Everybody's trying to pick up a nickel, I get you. But right now you got some fucking shitty watch. You've been staring at, you got it. Got some girlfriend, go fucking. Take it down to the polling shop. They're giving you an extra 20 right now. Nice.

Take that money, you go to my bookie. Why, why? Cause you're gonna spend another week at home. Everything's been canceled. They can't even build the fucking fight island and fast enough. Danny's got 18 Mexicans out there working double time. Really?

Yeah, good, right. I'll buy that when I see it. But there's one place when you can still get into the action. Head over to my bookie.ag slash joey and make some bets. You'll be supporting the church. We're also getting in on some only action available right now.

I miss basketball. So do you. Well, I got good news. They started this week, the horse challenge, which starts like Chris Paul from Oklahoma and Trey Young from motherfucking Atlanta. The championship is this Thursday. Check it out on ESPN

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done, whatever. Nicaragua, that could be a fucking nuclear Holocaust. Those motherfuckers are out there kicking soccer balls to ride Stuart Music. If you're playing casino games, that's more than, we got card games over at my bookie.net. My bookie.ag. They got card games with a live human dealer

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They got everything. You don't have to wait till fucking Wu-Han freezes over to get your bet on sports again. You following me? I was like, I'll say something. Every time I think of Wu-Han, I think of bats. I don't know what's wrong with me. Anyway, head over to my bookie.

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I wanna thank mybookie.ag-slash-Joey. I love yous to death. I wanna thank Eleanor Martinez putting it all together in this motherfucker. I wanna thank the Flying Jew for being here. But most importantly, I wanna thank you guys in the bottom of my heart. Without you guys, we'd have nothing.

I hope that these podcasts are helping you during this tough time. We're just in here talking shit. True. Because this is what it's all about, just taking your mind off of what's going on and keep it off. Go get a notebook.

Go start your own podcast. Go make candles. Go learn how to make biscuits. Go do something, you know what I'm saying? It's better than sitting there feeling sorry for yourself waiting for the bluebird of happiness. That motherfucker hasn't showed in years, okay? He ain't gonna show up.

You gotta assume he ain't gonna show up. You wanna be happy, you gotta get yourself there on your own. I got anxiety out the ass. I'm over there hitting the bag. I can feel the fucking stroke going up my neck. But I keep punching, you know why? Because we're gonna be fine and we're gonna get this,

we're gonna get through this together. Like the church family will always do. Send them love out to Bob LaLingis, send them love out to Hubs, to Scott Cunningham, to Chad Rita, all you motherfuckers. I know you are. I've been watching you and Michael Kern, whatever your fucking name is,

Scott Sucker, Kern Michael. I know you're good people, you're all good people. Thank you for keep writing stuff on the pages. A lot of babies being born, I keep saying congratulations to a lot of you guys. So I know you're doing the right thing. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you very much for being part of the church

and fuck them all. You did go to church today. There you go, they're gonna all suck your dick. Kick this motherfucker, me or Lee. This is the end of the video. Thank you for watching. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll see you in the next video.

Bye.