Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #778 - Steve Simeone

Episode Date: April 15, 2020

Steve Simeone, a stand up comedian seen on "This Is Not Happening" and heard as the host of his podcast, "Good Times with: Steve Simeone," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt live in studio. Follow Steve on... Instagram @stevesimeonecomedy to see all of his cooking videos.  This podcast is brought to you by: Express VPN - Get 3 months free at www.expressvpn.com/church  .  CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings from podcastville. We ain't fucking around. It's Wednesday the 15th of April and guess what you got another month in seclusion cocksuckers So get ready anyway. Listen, you're online and I want to talk to you about something the church has brought to you by Express VPN Express VPN is great for protecting your privacy and security online Especially now since you're online Constantly, but now that you're stuck at home You could also use it to unlock foreign movies and TV shows that are only available in other countries You can binge watch dr. Who on UK Netflix or if you're into Japanese anime
Starting point is 00:00:44 You could watch spirit away from our Netflix in Japan. It's easy to use even for a dummy like me Just open the app change the location and that's it You could choose from a hundred different countries. So do me a favor right now the church family can go to express VPN comm slash church to get ready for this one. I'm gonna give you three months for free Three months for free just because I love you the fucking debt I don't want you getting tampered with on your fucking computer Next thing, you know your credit card is being used in Russia the bike a bee, but no wig So support the podcast watch what you want and protect yourself and express VPN comm again
Starting point is 00:01:32 The family gets three months free when you go to express VPN comm Slash church the church is also brought to you by CBD lion calm listen And these days you need every bit of help you could get you know stand me immune spiritually Mentally, I take my little CBD. I'm doing not doing the original workouts now. Everything is closed. So I got a box at home I'm doing a club bat workout. I'm doing kettle bells. My back is killing me CBD lion to the to the fucking rescue. That's what they do. They got tinctures. They got bath balls They got vapor pens. They got
Starting point is 00:02:15 They got shatter they got gummy bears that are my all-time fucking favorite I had to take them out of my closet and give them to my wife because I eat them every night The raspberry ones fantastic strawberry even better orange tremendous now They got a new tropical blend listen no more fucking CBD from some fucking gas station and some guy named Habib If you're gonna get CBD go to CBD lion calm right now Take a look at that third-party lab results for yourself and see if I'm messing around with you CBD lion That's the way to go kick this motherfucker mule Lee Wednesday morning cocks up
Starting point is 00:02:54 The same And stay in again, that's what you're gonna do listen to the church stay in mind your fucking business I got my main man the original Catholic mr. Steve Simone The only cat did you go to church this Sunday? Yeah, I streamed it. Then you're good for you. God bless you You know, you don't need to go down there. I got I started getting pissed off because people like what are these red necks doing there? Oh, I'm driving my car to sit outside a church. What's that gonna do for you? Yeah, you get more magical powers sit outside the strip club. Maybe you'll find a power on the floor or something like that What the fuck is wrong with people?
Starting point is 00:03:49 First of all church is something that you go to every day. It's in your heart. Mm-hmm, you know Nothing bothered me more when I was a kid in 73. They were telling you that there was two mortal sins Not going to church and murder and I'm like, how does that even on the same? So how can I not go to church? But if I murdered somebody I'm like fuck you Yeah, I started going to church and I started seeing people I started seeing people from church and how they act in real life and They think because they go to church that makes them a good Catholic Christian An orthodox or a synagogue Jew, whatever the fuck they are like anybody who goes to church. I get it
Starting point is 00:04:26 I get that it makes you feel better. It's about trying to get that sense of peace It's a part trying to get that sense of peace Well 50% of people go to church so they go for a social activity to be seen and I can tell I smell that shit right the fuck Yeah, I think one of the things that Made an impression on me and I don't know if this Take it for whatever it is and I'll paraphrase it but somebody once told me that a church isn't it's not like an art museum for Perfect people it's not you're not a perfect piece of art That's going there to be shown off, but it's more like a hospital for sick people
Starting point is 00:04:58 So when you see people showing up at church and then you see them acting like an animal seven and six and a half days a week It's not necessarily that they're phony But at least they're making that step to try to change their life and I'm of that point of view where I don't judge anybody You know, I don't I don't know what's in anybody's heart and it's not a going to church one day a week I'd rather be a gentleman seven days a week. That's it. Well, that's one thing every day Yeah, I took that from you where you make somebody's everybody today. I've seen the Mexican lawnmower down there Yeah, I sat there watching them watching them and he had a bandana around his face I said
Starting point is 00:05:35 This is what you do instead of going to church. I went in the house I got the coldest one in the refrigerator and I put a fucking a mask That's exactly I walk down the corner. I gave him the fucking water and the whatever and he put the mask on Yeah, take a picture. I didn't put it on fuck Exactly go for people to see me being but how good did you feel after that? I felt like a million bucks exactly the chick next door to me needed a couple masks He's got a little girl. Yeah, a girl plays with my little girl. Yeah, you know, this lady one day knocked on my door She's like, are you hungry?
Starting point is 00:06:08 Like I never met the lady before you hungry. Yeah, my wife said hi and they're like, oh, they know each other Okay, she turned me on to beef stroganoff. Oh, yeah from Grandville No, Grandville is on Ventura. Never want that. I know I don't even know what it is He goes do you want me struggling off? I think they gave me to my mistake I didn't have to pay for me and my wife is like sure Do you know that now we go to Grandville once a month to get the beef stroganoff? It's delicious. Wow I don't eat it there. I take it to go because they sell curry dishes So I don't go there I can't lie to you, but I get it I pick it up my wife and me pick it up
Starting point is 00:06:50 Yeah, but that's how nice the lady is, you know, so these are acts Like right now. I'm really looking for humanity to come out. I do you see what's going on. I mean so We're fucking we're fucking on the thing till May 15th and Dana White has that one I have a fight on the 16 Wow, you know It's like here's a guy that never ends. I know he's got people on top of them They're giving them back hands if you know the whole story Yeah, there's people that he has to answer to don't think that but they're making them that crazy because they want that money
Starting point is 00:07:30 You know, everybody wants that's why this fight had to happen on the 18th All right, there was a payment that was due something was going on and so now he wants to have it on the 16th You know, I see all these people doing shitty things to people now I saw a ticket master do something today. Yeah, they're not giving refunds anymore refunds. Yeah So what you're just gonna hold on to your money. Yeah, what you need to do from now and when would I? Yeah, I don't know what date you go back to you should I'll tell my client to find it when I told everybody to get that money back Please did I not yeah, right? What is this target right when I start I go do me a favor guys Go get your money back right now. Don't hesitate. Don't wait
Starting point is 00:08:12 Don't play games. Go get your money. This is not gonna be good. I told you guys Yeah, I don't want them to have your money, right Okay, I don't want them to have your money if there's no date in the air and right now There's no dates in the air. Okay, so nobody should have Your fucking money. Yeah, Miami told me they're sending it back. It's gonna take 10 to 14 days I don't know what they're gonna do in Cleveland and And Well, the other place I'm going to the other Indianapolis, you know, I got a date in Vegas. Who knows what's gonna happen now
Starting point is 00:08:46 I'm sure I'm gonna get an addendum. Yeah with saying listen. We can't put 1600 people in here All right, you're gonna make the 480. Do you mind taking a pay cut? No, you know, you guys were always good to me You know, I get it. Yeah, I understand what's going on, you know, so But let's who gives a fuck about that you Have made me so proud of the last three weeks. Oh every day I wake up to see what curinary That's how I've been keeping myself happy. I'm just making delicious. You look good You haven't gained any weight because I've been also working out. I've been doing what you said. I'm getting out in the sun I'm doing my push-ups. I'm trying to do it the intermittent fasting
Starting point is 00:09:26 I'm trying to go at least 15 hours a day without eating, but when I do eat I kill it I'm making all my favorite food from scratch and I'm glad Over the last 20 years. I couldn't find the food that I love so I had to learn how to make it myself So now I'm in lockdown. I'm loving it I'm your pork sandwich is one of the best in the business and I grew up in Edgewater, North Bergen Edgewater had a fucking pork sandwich H&B restaurant. Mm-hmm that you would kill for pork pickles and hot sauce With a piece of provolone cheese, you have no fucking idea. Yeah pork and you come in a strong second Dude is dead, you know
Starting point is 00:10:08 Dead so you're the new fucking reigning champion right there. I mean you've always enjoyed cooking This is what I told people from the beginning of this thing when it started that you can look at this two ways Yes, this is very bad. Yes, we're gonna suffer financially and yes We're not gonna have a lot of things that we want to do So start something new absolutely and you have impressed the shit out of me from the pizzas I know the first pizza you made I called you. You were very honest. I don't know. Yeah, it was tricky But you just kept making them that's it wrap them sample them if they weren't good You're brought into one of the kids who's dying
Starting point is 00:10:45 This will push you over the top The pizza I made yesterday was the best pizza I've ever had It looked fucking good like it looked like he really got it what type of oven do you have to eat home oven? See, that's what I like about the videos I put out because when I was trying to learn this stuff everybody wants to show you how to do this under perfect situation With the thousand two thousand dollar pizza oven with all the best tools I don't have all any of that, but I learned how to make it in a normal person kitchen I have my cheat codes and I encourage everybody to do it because it gives you a sense of accomplishment too
Starting point is 00:11:23 Like you feel good. You're like I made this it gives you something to do with your time was the gnocchi homemade Scratch from scratch. Is this something your mother taught you? No, gnocchi has always been like the family favorite But I went online to look how to do it. I Because my mom was like I like was her grandmother that would make them or like my mom didn't make gnocchi from scratch So I looked at a couple videos and that needs more reps. Was it good? Absolutely. Was it better than any gnocchi? I've had in LA. Yeah, the restaurants I go to. Yeah, I can't afford the best restaurants, but I want this is great But it wasn't perfect. It wasn't the best gnocchi I had the pizzas. I'll put up against anybody I use three different kinds of flour. I use four different kinds of cheese two different kinds of tomatoes and
Starting point is 00:12:11 In the fall I went to the best pizza area in the country Arguably is this place called the far of pizza in Brooklyn midwood Brooklyn I think truck fantastic the nicest people in the world and the best pizza I've ever had outside in Naples Okay, the best and I saw their techniques and they put the fresh basil on the pie after it comes out of the oven And then they give it a little shot of partana extra virgin olive oil to bring all the flavors together I did that little pecorino romano on top when it came out of the oven and everything just comes together. It's it's amazing
Starting point is 00:12:45 So good, and you make the sauce and scratch. Yep I use the Napoli tomatoes, which are a San Marzano style grown here in California Which I saw in a YouTube video this guy from Italy has a pizza shop And he says that's what he uses and then I also use mootie tomatoes that they use at the far So I brought I'm always experimenting. It's always a work in progress. It's like your stand-up set You're like this works, but how can I make it better? That's what I've been doing with the pizza How you adjust into life without stand-up better than I thought to be honest with you. I am I don't miss the travel I do not miss being on a plane. I do not miss living out of a suitcase. I miss the store. I
Starting point is 00:13:27 Miss seeing my friends. That's why I was so happy to just come down here and hang out with you guys tonight. I miss people and I do miss that Connection when you're on stage where you just want it when it's working and you know You're sharing that moment with the audience and there's like joy in the air. I miss that. It's April 14 I have not been on stage March 2nd Wow The rest
Starting point is 00:13:56 Syndrome gives me anxiety to think about a medic But I know I'm gonna have plenty to say the first 20 minutes spot eggs and you know what I think it's gonna be rage Magnitude and I'm just gonna be funny just from the yes And that audience is gonna be red that audience is gonna be like this. They're not gonna have a chip on their shoulder No, no, they're gonna be the best audience there. I'm looking forward to meet that. I'm looking forward. I was tunnel I don't know on Sunday. I'm so looking forward to starting from scratch Mm-hmm. I even been going back to the videos I watched in the beginning to get my mind Where it was that when I was watching those early guys, I watched something from dice last night. That was pretty good
Starting point is 00:14:38 I got nice and high Me and Lee drank the magic potion. I went by his house I went by urban trees at a quarter to ten. They were getting ready to lock up. They're like man I said just give me get three bottles of The fucking juice I had Lee wait for me on Laurel Canyon. I Brought him a bottle. We fucking drank it. Well, I went home and just watched but I watched just for the women Dice clay has a thing. Oh, yeah, the HBO special for ladies only or something fucking hilarious Fucking hilarious, you know, I'm so happy. I got that time to hang around with him
Starting point is 00:15:14 That was as broke as I was And as coked up as I was and as desperate as I was me you Bobby Lee and Jim Norton in Vegas Well, we walked into that room and there was all that food. Oh, we just looked at each other Holy shit. Yeah, we were starved. We didn't even like nobody said take your time They put the platter down. We started ripping the fucking things and then we went for breakfast a late breakfast And he kept sending the eggs back He would do stuff like that would make me so embarrassed, you know, the other reason why I want to have you on believe it or not This gives you a lot of time to think. Yep, and you think of good things. Yes, and you also think
Starting point is 00:16:03 Think of bad things that you did or mistakes that you made. Yeah, all this And it depending on how many edibles I eat. I react to that. Yeah, sometimes it takes me Really sad. Sometimes I go I can't believe that I should call these people right now and apologize it. Yes morning And it's a I guess who came into my thoughts and I almost called you was just too late to call you It's never too late to call me call me whatever James I rest aside I thought about what was fat James real name James Price, Jr. James Price, Jr. When did he get here?
Starting point is 00:16:41 like 2001 and where did he come from? New Hampshire and he came right here and he got a job at the lot store at the college store No, he came and he was just hanging out and he was the open mic or nobody would talk to but me and Nice kid in the beginning very nice and the reason he got his job there is there was a Eddie Griffin was on stage I was working the OR front door and Eddie Griffin was getting into it with an audience member like a drunk redneck, dude And then there came a point where the guy had enough and this dude stands up and he's like six foot six and he charges the stage
Starting point is 00:17:22 And I'm like, well, oh my god, but it was those years where you just I don't know I just jumped on the guy and I kicked them and I'm trying to wrestle this guy to the ground Now all the tables are coming and I'm like I'm in trouble It's this guy's friends then comics are jumping in and there's a melee and then I feel this force of nature And I go I can handle this guy, but whatever this is I'm done and it was fat James and I just hear I got your back brother. I got your back brother He had such a big heart. Yeah, never fuck none of the other door guys jumped in I think it was maybe Brett Ernst or somebody like that that jumped in me and then when fat James
Starting point is 00:17:59 Used off his weight and got the guy out helped me get the guy out I just walked him into the back and I said Dean you're gonna give this guy a job. He deserves it And then he became my roommate Like a couple months after that what I'm saying this from The highest this I love us. Yeah, I love hustle I love when people put to me too. It just makes my dick hard You give them a nickel. They come back with $10. Yep, and you go how the fuck did you do that? I
Starting point is 00:18:35 Don't think there was a stronger hustler That I met now I then me then fat James the truth, you know, he tried to get me. You know, I mean, who's getting your dishes I mean, he did that movie about the spelling bee a Kia and the bee with with Lawrence Fishburne I don't know. He went on the set like cuz what happened between us where we were good friends. Mm-hmm I really like James. He would give me money for coke. I didn't pay him back. Hilarious. He was always Such a big part such a big heart. Yeah, he was a funny-looking dude, but in auditions
Starting point is 00:19:12 That bitch did not fuck around When he walked into an audition bra, I would sit there and go. Oh My god, what whatever he did. He was booking it. Yep There was a thousand jobs I did with him when that mafia shit was big Yeah, and he would put his crazy head. Yeah, I think we even booked the pencil commercial together. Wow That's how we solidified Well, we put the guy in the trunk and we opened the trunk and the guys looking back at us And then we slammed the trunk and wow, it was like one day shooting and that's how I became friends with them
Starting point is 00:19:47 And then we I liked them at the store Then the longest yard came along and I still loved them everything was going then he got fired from the store Something happened. Yeah, I don't remember what happened something happened and then him and I was still tight Yep, and then when I got a Kia and the bee when I got the longest shot is I was shooting the longest yard he was the one That told me To go to this place to read for this girl. Mm-hmm, and it was December. It was getting close to the holidays Mm-hmm, you know how you're a little tapped out
Starting point is 00:20:24 It was on LeBrayer remember the old Al Capucco on La Cienega. Yes, the old Al Capucco on La Cienega it was up the corner Everybody not many money I parked in La Cienega And now Capucco parking lot and I walked to the audition and on the way back I saw Fat James is like I already set this audition up for you. You got this. Wow so He goes, I'll wait for you out here. Let me know how you did you got to be like three guys Don't worry about I'll wait for you because across the street was the Chinese place
Starting point is 00:21:02 The really good Chinese place were vetoes pizzas at yeah, so it was all in that area Guys took me to that Chinese for you those wasn't there But that place that Chinese place had the best chicken wings Is it the Jennifer Anderson place? No, no, this is on La Cienega. Yeah, like two blocks south of Santa Monica next to veto Yeah, same same parking. It's a Chinese restaurant now. It's not the same people They had wings Garlic wings nice for per order. We would just go in there to order six orders for lunch
Starting point is 00:21:37 Just eat wings big big pieces of garlic on it anyway So I go to this IKEA and the be it's a Lawrence fish burn and the check Who played I think she's in it the chick who played whose love got to do with it They were looking for like a school teacher or something as soon as I walked in I knew I wasn't right for the part. Yeah, it was like December 16th. Mm-hmm I got a couple checks left from the store Maybe I can hustle maybe I can sell a ball make Christmas happen I go to a key in the B
Starting point is 00:22:13 I eat a bag of dog shit and it's one of those places where they have five different studios. Yeah more dishing And as I walk bar by I Look that said Mars bar Mars bar and it said international shooting Three days flat fee. It's money. So I didn't say nothing. They had nothing to do with me. I can't do international Mm-hmm. I can't I'm sack. Okay. It was non-unit. That's what it was So I went to the bathroom when I came out of the bathroom the dude was like Steve Simone Come on in the guy goes Steve Simone. He looks over at me goes
Starting point is 00:22:56 Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second? He goes to do in the commercial here. I'm looking for mobsters just like you Get out of here. I swear to God and he goes It's two days to shoot three thousand dollars cash And a hotel room. I go. What are you talking about? He goes gonna stay up and Pass see me Lancaster mm-hmm, and then we're gonna wake up in the morning and drive 20 miles out into this desert And shoot this Mars bar commercial So I go how many mobsters do you need and he goes three of them? I go, how many do you got?
Starting point is 00:23:34 He goes one of I go stay right there, and I went out. I got fat James. Wow How about me and him and he goes going and read the lines? We went in together Mars bar. We both got I get him three thousand Wow thousand and the other guy we we had to go to a hotel and I had to get coaxed the whole friend Yeah, I had a good time with James these days. I really got the It's like I got to know him all of the hairdo and the fatness right and the cheese smell around his neck Cuz every once a while he get that be out to him Elbow look that I really liked his heart, and I really liked what he was doing as a comic
Starting point is 00:24:17 He was doing something that nobody else was doing if he didn't get the job He was gonna make sure you got the job. Yes, he was very loyal And I learned that from you know that's like that when people do that without you saying boom. They're an ally. That's it Very I didn't get this but go down there send the tape. Yep. So who well how are they gonna know who tell them tell them Steve Samoa? Say yeah, but I haven't talked to Steven two years who cares right so take the chance. What do you give a fuck? You know, right that's where the school of thought he came from. Yeah, so he was like me So we stayed friends. Yeah after that come after that thing We did a commercial together and then we did that thing together. We were tight
Starting point is 00:24:56 I'd see him at the store and give him a hug and the whole thing I Think I did the longest yard he kept plugging he will live with him Yeah, you know we were doing all of these other things. Oh, maybe we It was after analyze that Mm-hmm Spider-man 2 yeah, and now is about to do the longest yard The longest yard was in May But that December see because I was always very good in getting jobs. Mm-hmm in December
Starting point is 00:25:31 That's a miracle. I tell people go see a family Yeah For all these little faggots of the crying I really want to go home. Yeah Go, I've shot NFL one time. I shot an NFL promo commercial on Christmas Eve Wow, you shot from six in the morning to two in the afternoon They gave me bonus money and they gave me cash and they fed me and they gave me an NFL sweatshirt Yep, people go a lot, you know, yeah We're going in for a fucking pilot audition one day December 20th
Starting point is 00:26:00 Some of the best auditioning you'll do is in December. Yeah And I remember that He called me up one day and he goes Joey. I got the role for you. I talked to the guy already the chick They weren't you. I love James me too. I love James There's certain people. I don't give a fuck what you feel like about yeah They did something to me at one time that was more valuable than you've ever done Yep, and I know for a fact by him doing that that he's got my back So whatever you got to say around them, you could say it. Yeah, I'm not communist Cuba, right?
Starting point is 00:26:34 Just don't say it around me because you're wrong. Yeah I had his back like that. I think somebody started with him at the comedy. So there was somebody I had beef over Over fat James. I said not on my watch. Good for you. I find that you mess with that James There's gonna be a fucking problem. And this is I'm doing coke. I'm not a nice person You know, I'm dying to smack somebody at the store And one day he gets me a job The following Christmas I got a call from him and he goes, hey, I got your job. It's in fucking Jamaica
Starting point is 00:27:07 Wow, we're going to Jamaica. It was called hanging in Hito. I remember when he left for that one of the worst movies of all time That's the only problem with these masks that made for you to be a silent mute Like if you talk, you're gonna fucking die at thirst you might you feel like Jesus before he got stabbed There's no fucking liquid in your mouth when you talk with these masks. It takes all the fucking fluid out. So He gets me the audition We drive together. I pick them up because he didn't have a car, right? He did but maybe it was in the shop and it went down for a while and his dad had to send It was a couple thousand dollars. I remember so I took him to the audition and called the city
Starting point is 00:27:53 There was a fat little Italian lady Me and him went in together and they told us right out. You're gone. Wow. We love you. You leave for Jamaica December 2nd And you come back Christmas Eve in the morning And I go, oh, when do we get paid? Because we didn't get paid 10 days later. You gotta give us something plus per diem. They said, don't worry. You're gonna be hooked up That friday
Starting point is 00:28:22 I was supposed to leave that saturday and sure enough for that monday that friday said We're gonna send you the script and then the saturday script. I've done analyze that I've done a couple movies and I know for a fact that every day you get a fucking overnight package in the mail Even if it's got no lines, even if it doesn't have anything to do with you. Yeah, they still send you shit So I didn't get nothing. I got on the plane with two tickets that were bought with miles Like the first leg was with miles and the second leg was So every time I did something I didn't like it. Yeah, it was one of those planes that lands at 9 15 at night
Starting point is 00:29:01 But it doesn't take off till six the next So now I'm at the airport all night rolling joints smoking a little weed I had no money. I was smoking cigarettes at the time. I was in horrible shape And I take this plane to Jamaica. I get there. They pick us up at the airport They take it to the hotel. First of all, the hotel is a nudist Hotel everything around that was ugly The chickens had hiv. Yeah Everything just bad sign after bad bad sign. I get to the hotel like, oh, you're one of the actors
Starting point is 00:29:35 Go sign in all the ass like go sign in they give me a hotel room and they go you sharing a room. I go I'm sag I don't share that room. I like to call the sag rap And they're like, well for this job, you just don't have to sacrifice Like, okay, I'll sacrifice. I had the bell boy already. Mm-hmm on the where's the ounce of weed program So I said where's the I probably had 60 bucks on me. Maybe maybe if I'm lucky I go where's the padium because it was going to be like 12 days padium I'm looking at 100 a day. Yeah 1200 bucks
Starting point is 00:30:12 That helps that helps, especially I haven't think I don't think the movie was paying much They're like scale a day or something. So Second question I asked so already number one mistake was the script Number two was sharing the room flying on miles and number three was we don't have to deal I go, what are you talking about? I'm sagging. They go. No, no, we have to deal But we couldn't bring the money down from new york. We're just going to send you a check at the end of the day I took the key I went up to my room. I took my own cash The bellman shows up 10 minutes later. He goes in his pocket. He just went to a tree
Starting point is 00:30:54 And took a butt off the tree. It was amazing He goes, ah, you don't have the 60 just give me 40 then. So at least I got a little piece of weed I fucking rolled it. I smoked it and the fucking guy went down the stairs and told ratted on me But I smoked pot on the balcony So I went up to the producers. I'm like, hey man This ain't gonna work for uncle joey. I got Mike marino and I got my man Frankie the wop. What's his name? Fat James
Starting point is 00:31:23 And I go fat James. I got a problem. This is not the way he's supposed to get treated If you want to get treated like this But if not, we got to get the damn but we can't share no room without a man You know He fell in love with the black girl though Oh, yeah, there was like some playmate on there. There's a playmate and there was the german hemsley. Yep So the first night i'm already seeing Chubby playing with the flak there on the fat girl just playing
Starting point is 00:31:51 Yeah, so right away when I went to him his mind wasn't into me Right, he's thinking about her when I go to talk to you If you're an improv guy or you're a guy that's not from the comedy store. I don't know you I understand I understand but when we're comedy store guys And I've gotten you jobs and you've gotten me jobs. You got to stand on the line with me and go. Hey, bro Joey might be a junkie whatever the fuck he says, but he's right. Yeah, he needs up a dm every day That's an every movie. Yeah, and they were like, well, this ain't gonna be like every movie. So I said, well, then I gotta go
Starting point is 00:32:29 And they said are you quitting or I said, well, think about it. Yeah You're not paying for damn You got me another room with a guy. You didn't give me the script The script ain't getting hit though next week You've got us here for three days And they're like, you don't need money. Everything's inclusive. You should have seen how bad the food was Everything was bad like I couldn't eat anything anything. Everything was horrible everything The chicken looked bad the eggs tasted weird
Starting point is 00:32:57 And I was like, listen, I'm on it. I'm off the arm this afternoon to range your plane They called my agent my agent called me back mad at the time. I said, no, I'm not doing it. There's no predict Yeah, he goes, well, I don't want to pay for a plane ticket for you. So let me get off the phone. We had called sag And sag was like give us the producer's number. I said better. Yeah, he's 10 fees from me I walked up to him. I gave him the phone. I said sag wants to talk to And he goes, I can't mother fucking believe you bought fucking sag into this and all this shit And I go, you're not paying us. You know, you gotta pay us So what do you want to do? There's a two o'clock flight and I could be on it and here's fat james and mike marino with me
Starting point is 00:33:40 And also I go, I could be on it and the guy goes, well, you could leave that And I go, all right fat james get your shit and fat james looked at me and turned this back And then mike marino turned his back and I was like I know what time it is here. This doesn't look like it's going to work out well for uncle joey I got on my fucking uh I got on my plane. I came home. I saw my buddy pick me up in miami. I spent the night with him and I came back And then he showed up, you know for christmas. He came back and I think I saw him at the store like the 27 I just never could talk to him again. Hmm. I just got my feelings hurt that much if it was anybody else
Starting point is 00:34:29 For many other places. I wouldn't have got my feelings hurt But you're in the battle zones with me every night. I got your back at that place. You got my back at that spot I wasn't as mad as at marino as I was at fat james, right Marino was just marino. He had nothing to do with. He's just a nice guy, right fat james met more than me It was like your brother fat james like my little brother. I had mine him I knew he was all in. I know I could call Give me a director Give me a director spielberg. Yeah, I could call spielberg and send them five james. They'd be in love with him
Starting point is 00:35:05 Yeah, that james had that thing. Yeah I don't know how he did it bad james We go on the set and it's fucking energy Fat with his fucking little pompadour pompadour. He had a pump The pinky ring the pinky ring. I mean it was just awesome to see and somebody His size his weight his dimensions going to a room like he was fucking rich again. Oh
Starting point is 00:35:35 He's such confidence such confidence Do you ever hear him sing? He could really sing. He could really sing. I did see him sing somewhere I can't remember all the places now. It's vague to me. What year did he die? I don't know. I'm gonna guess oh Eight so he's been done for 12 years like marillon. I want to guess. Oh, well, it's probably two three years after marillon So maybe 11 I don't know. They all blend together. I was living it was 11. It was 2011 Not what I think back But he just got sick
Starting point is 00:36:11 um He got sick They didn't know what it was And then they diagnosed cancer And then it turned out that it was a rare bone cancer that He had for a while that nobody knew I called him at the end I want to visit him. We spoke at the end. He had an hospital Yeah, we spoke and we made our peace. I told him I loved him, but he apologized to me
Starting point is 00:36:38 And he went he was pissed too. He goes I fucking did that and the chickens suck my dick And then I let the three grand she was supposed to take me to Hughes Oh, yeah, I kept on saying it was going to go to the playboy mansion And then she she stood him up for the playboy mansion. So he goes I learned a big lesson too I said we did I go hopefully when you get out of there while I was from coffee and stuff He never got out I think we said flowers or something. We weren't really You know what I love about it was tough
Starting point is 00:37:07 I feel for him now and I feel that I hate when people don't talk about people and they're dead Like some people are just forgotten and it bothers me like if you and I had a good mutual friend That died every time I'd see you We'd go can you imagine if that James was here? We he'd want to go to wings the whole year. Yeah Well fucking McDonald's or something, you know, yeah, and that's what burns me up like even Maryland's like Maryland's forgotten Maryland's never been forgotten in my mind. Most of the people who have died in my life I've never really forgotten every day. I think of them
Starting point is 00:37:45 And on Mondays when I light my candles, I light a candle for them, you know, and I Think about them and just give them the thought never since I watched the movie coco Did you see coco? No, it's great. It's about people who die that if you don't Give them light Then they disappear. Hmm. So you have to put their picture up. You have to have like What they call it because a family altar They call like an altar for your family for you to give them life So I don't have no pictures of fat James when I just said a little prayer from the other I pray for him all the time
Starting point is 00:38:18 But I thought about you and uh, it's a really weird thing about growing up Because I had family members pass away like grandparents and all that But when friends start passing it's very different. It takes it took it out of me. Yeah It's tough I mean, you know I don't really especially now
Starting point is 00:38:42 But I acknowledge Brody's year anniversary, you know, I acknowledged it and I miss him. I've never gotten over him. I haven't processed it yet. No the same way. I haven't processed Ralphie Mayer's But in time, you know, the other day I was stretching and I'm like At least Brody's gone He has to put up with this because he couldn't deal with not doing stand-up No, Brody would have been on the corner of Playing drums with the mega drone
Starting point is 00:39:13 Doing crowd work and shit like this would have just not worked Somebody would have had to move him with Brody and really watch him. Yeah, I think it'd be funny He'd be drumming on periscope all day all day long I thought about that the other day Yeah, what are your plans Steve? Well, what are you looking at right now long right? You have to have three plans right now short Medium and long. What do you think short term is just to keep my sanity number one Uh and stay in a state of gratitude. I'm praying more than ever
Starting point is 00:39:45 Uh, and that gives me a tremendous sense of peace and I feel good to be honest and I'm grateful for that that I feel good Um, so that's the short term just keep on saying my rosary keep on reaching out the people keep on praying every day Then I'm going to see what they tell us how much longer this is. Um, because my parents are older And uh, I haven't gone longer than six weeks without checking in on them So what I may do is jump on a plane And then isolate myself if I can get enough masks and hand sanitizer and everything Or get a test if they have the tests going and I can make sure I don't have it I'm going to go take care take care of my parents. That's the short term plan
Starting point is 00:40:25 Or hopefully they'll open up the world before that Then a long term plan is I don't know I don't know what's after that. I don't know What stand-up comedy is going to be I was pitching tv shows. I got I'm working on a movie. Who knows but I don't know I have a lot of projects that are keeping me busy But if things get shut down, I'm like, what am I even doing in la if you want to know the truth I'm like, what do I want out of life? I want to be around my family. I want to be around my friends and uh
Starting point is 00:40:54 This has put everything in the perspective for me before the podcast started. You said something very interesting That this is like an earthquake in LA like after Northridge If you look up how many people left after Northridge once you experience an earthquake You stink twice like is this for me? Yeah, I just got a fucking pay cut My kid's not in school all fucking year. How much longer do I want to do this shit for? so But the problem is I don't think it's just gonna happen without like yeah, you know, they got an over 100,000 cases in New York I think there's gonna be a mass exodus from New York a mass exodus from LA because there's such expensive cities to live
Starting point is 00:41:40 Who's going to be able to afford to stay? Well, everything goes in cycles like at first This country was a bunch of farmers. Yeah, and then move to the cities when that's where the jobs were Yeah, I think this is showing us I think a lot of companies are gonna look at and be like Wait, we could have an office-based half the size. Yeah, and pay people to work from home And yeah, then I can live in Florida or yeah, Kansas and pay a third of the rent Absolutely, it's uh, I think we're gonna just spread out like that Something that you Steve you've taught me that I'm not good at still is being grateful When things are bad. Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:14 and there's a lot of this that I Once the sickness is gone. I think it's gonna be a better world. So do I everybody I think it's I think This was God telling us go to your room and think about what you've done. That's really how I feel. I know I'm gonna get criticism for that, but I think Ultimately if we take the time to reflect about our lives, we're gonna come out better people We're gonna we're gonna treat each other better. I said every day you're gonna come out a stronger person. I think so That's it and I'm excited for that. I'm legitimately excited Because we're gonna have our challenges as americans coming out of this how are we gonna repair this economy?
Starting point is 00:42:52 But I'm so confident in american people I'm so confident the guys that grew up the way we did with family with neighbors with community And we started to lose our soul. Let's be honest. Everybody wanted to drive bmw's and have expensive clothes and expensive houses Instead of sunday dinners You know how many people I never saw a kid once in los angeles in 20 years learn how to ride a bike You told me a story today Two weeks ago. I saw three kids learn two kids learning how to ride a bike another buddy of mine told me that he was riding Teaching his daughter how to ride a bike. We're spending more time together
Starting point is 00:43:28 We're celebrating the little things together more families are hanging out together. We watch movies every night and giggle She goes in the shower at 6 30 now. We skip world news tonight. Yeah, don't need to I don't need to watch the news. We'll need to watch the 5 30 Nothing We fucking six o'clock. We eat she goes in the bath early now. She comes out They make popcorn. I fucking hate popcorn. Really? I said, I don't like the smell of it. I smell the other couch After 10, you don't need to eat popcorn at a movie. You made your point Yeah, after 10, you don't need to eat popcorn. You're too big to be in popcorn anyway
Starting point is 00:44:04 Unless you got a little hat or you have frittata or you got like a mixing eye or Or a lip cup Then you need to fucking add a popcorn until then leave it alone with the popcorn I see 50 year olds with a tub of popcorn. I know that does to your asshole The fuck out of here fucking popcorn Ah, I just said then we watch, you know trolls and Onward, but how great is that that family time? This is what this country was about. Listen, I agree I finished the Led Zeppelin book
Starting point is 00:44:38 Now I'm gonna start on the jimmy page book. Okay, but there's a book in there that I saw That I really really really want to get in there. I can't fuck now on the transfer. I forgot what the What the book was about what was really important We were talking about what's really important what you're doing with your family now And this is what america was is what you were saying this is what america What you know like reading again And all that stuff the books But one of the books that I uh, I forget now. So i'm sorry
Starting point is 00:45:15 It's 10 o'clock at night the edibles are kicking But uh, I like the reading again I enjoy talking to my wife again the first two weeks was a little brutal Yeah Being locked in with somebody we we figured out our boundaries. We figured out rides We figured out workouts, you know, and uh, I'm prepared to do another four or six weeks of this I know i'm gonna be better mentally. Yeah, clearly I'm gonna let all the
Starting point is 00:45:47 All right, there's a book In my thing that's called Ladies and gentlemen lennie bruce. Okay, and i'm gonna read it again And i'm gonna read it again because that's the book that confirmed that I want to be a stand-up comic And it wasn't because it was because of what I read in that book And I think we're gonna go back to it now where Comics are gonna start hanging out with strip clubs and doing comedy the way we used to Like that might be an avenue like bring a comic in to host tonight
Starting point is 00:46:21 A popular comic whether it's bill burr or t. O'von And he does comedy, you know when you read Lennie bruce's book you think about him going back to the shelsey and four in the morning And shooting harrowing with strippers and jazz musicians and Nowhere in there they talk about cars And fancy cars and nothing like that. That wasn't what letting bruce was about, you know, right? Mitty shaw was kind of the same way. Nobody doesn't like success
Starting point is 00:46:53 But there's a success to a degree that a comic under that Should be a certain way or unless he becomes a movie star i.e. Eddie Murphy. Yeah, ii Richard Richard fire. Yeah I think that comedy got ahead of itself. I think that we were doing comedy wrong Yeah, I think the agents and everybody used influence a greed You know, why came from you got a guy a job on tv first. He did 10 episodes Then he went to the store for a few weeks. Then when the episode started airing he went on tour So every tuesday night that show is on
Starting point is 00:47:32 You know, he's that friday and saturdays and denver comedy works or he said The ontario improv and he would do that for 10 or 12 weeks Make some money come home rest and then start up on the show again. Yeah We forgot all that we didn't want our comics to do shows or anything no more We got to live comedians have to live and see rob briggle Who's never said a funny thing in his life? Sweetheart of a guy and dak shepherd who's never said a funny thing in his life Sweetheart of a guys who I don't know how many failing shows dak shepherd has been on But chris delia can't get arrested. You know I'm saying so my point is I think the agents
Starting point is 00:48:14 Started depending more on stand-up And now today they're paying for it. Yeah, because when their stand-up clients actually actually come back They have nothing to go to 200 300 400 seats see crowds If you had to pair these kids, I've been with them my agency for seven years Every agent is losing money because they're not Either putting energy or anything into podcasts. Yeah the thing that's generating comedy as a whole They're ignoring and even after this fucking strike that they're cutting down their salaries and percentages and
Starting point is 00:48:54 Demoting people they still won't get a podcast They're not getting paid right now But there's 30 000 podcasts that are making a living and not paying commission and not thinking of the paying commission Yeah, because this was something they had to sell to their agents and the agents were like, ah People have commission like if you call your agent tomorrow say I'm starting the podcast with ryan sick. That's great. Yeah Okay, I'll call you later. They don't respect it. Well, that's what I think's one of the exciting things That's one of the things I'm looking forward to is how the business is going going to evolve You know, like this whole podcast thing is that's what boomed the state. That's what boomed all the ticket sales
Starting point is 00:49:34 That's what that that's what got live comedy going was all these people hearing people on podcasts and stuff like that So to me, it's exciting. I don't know what the next step is going to be but I'm looking forward to it I'm very looking forward to putting together a new album I cannot tell you I'm like a child right now. I'm just waiting for that hook. Yeah, and I think I got the hook And I could run with it plus I got an hour old material. Yeah, then nobody's seen on tape. They've seen it, but it's not on tape. Yeah I could still run that in And really get two hours going once everything starts again
Starting point is 00:50:11 And we get 20 people. Maybe I shoot a special with 20 people small Yeah, so up to three dollars online. That's it. You know, and that's it. This is not You know, today I got a call. Well, people are gonna have to do this and this for starters Just lower your ticket prices. Yeah Everybody's gonna have to take a chunk on ticket prices because the night you're not gonna sell a ticket Yeah, listen ticket prices for comedy shows was supposed to be Agreeable with a movie ticket. Yeah, so everybody can it should be for everybody something. Yeah, you know When you went to a movie theater in the old days, it wasn't the same. There was a strip mall
Starting point is 00:50:49 There was a comedy store there a comedy club It wasn't the best comedy club in the world But the fucking Popeye is sold out. So what are you gonna do? Right? Take a home? No Take it to the comedy show Drink her up then go home and suck a twat after she lasts for an hour. All right, you know what I'm saying? That's the obvious thing. But if I go into a comedy club, I gotta pay $41 $4 ticket charge To drinks that becomes something different too expensive. That's what I hated about where the business had gone now
Starting point is 00:51:17 I was looking at ticket prices and I was like these people How can they fucking sleep at night? But but that that's just a Small person our whole culture did that everybody everybody did it everybody every business got too greedy And now they want to cry that they don't have money. That's not my problem. You were jumping up and down You know all your fucking vp's and senior vp's. Yes, they all paid themselves at homes or hundreds of millions at all Sell those homes and get your wife sucking dick. It's not my problem. We're all in this together Fucking employees, you know, your wife likes to suck dick and you're on viagra. Fuck it make a switch somewhere I mean, I don't get all that stuff. I'm like I said to you
Starting point is 00:51:57 All these businesses that are fucking with people write them down. Yeah Write them down Yeah, and the first time you're gonna do business with them. You fucked up. Yeah, if enough people go, you know what? I remember what they did during fucking Whatever. Yeah, I want to give them my 45 hours that I paid to go see molly crew Yep, I'm never gonna give them money again. They can keep the 45 fucking that we're done here And that's why I told you guys that first sunday when everything was falling apart. I go do me a favor guys Get your money back for all these shows tomorrow. I wake up the next day. I sold 50 tickets in austin
Starting point is 00:52:33 I was like, I just told you to fucking take away the shows now the show got pushed till january It's fucking april Fucking april, you know, I told you to fucking pull your money away Take it out of there. You don't want to give your money to nobody right now. Your money belongs to you Yeah, your money belongs to you if I would have bought a motley crew ticket for 350 right now I'll call them every day. I'll be sending them pizza boxes with nothing in it. Yeah until I get my money and grenade twitches and Shit like that, you know, I'm getting my fucking money, you know anything good you watch over this Uh, I watched the narcos, mexico. I thought that was great second season the second one the most recent one
Starting point is 00:53:15 I thought that was really good. I jumped on that tiger king bandwagon when it was brand new. I didn't know when I was watching I would watch it yet. It's Unbelievable. It's too. It's getting too many crazy reviews. Yeah now too many people kind of ruined it It's hard to watch like you watch an hour at a time. It's too crazy. Yeah, I couldn't believe what I was watching Um And that's it. Honestly, I've been talking it one of the blessings that's come out of this Is so many people have reached out to me people that I haven't talked to in 10 years people I haven't seen in a couple years me too and it's like all day long. It feels like
Starting point is 00:53:50 Oh, this is what we should be doing all the time if It's good. I'm spending more time with people over the phone or facetime or zoom or whatever And I got projects I have to work on. I told people in the beginning. I said listen guys before you go into this and lose your mind There's no debt is prison They don't throw you in jail for debt. I owed hundreds of thousands of dollars of drug dealers and credit cards They're not going to throw you in jail. All right. You might disconnect your phone
Starting point is 00:54:22 and get a burner phone on the girlfriend's name for a few weeks And little by little it just starts to fall off your credit bureau. Yeah little by little If you drop out You know when I got into coming I didn't get into coming to be a star. I got into coming to drop out of civilization Interesting. I had had it I had had I didn't know what you know after my mother's death and the divorce I had had it bureaucracy. I lost a kid You know, I found that that you have to pay for an attorney to do anything in this life
Starting point is 00:54:56 If you have no attorney, you end up in prison or your deals want to get lost, you know I found out so many things so comedy for me was Triple runs until I turned 60. Yeah, I could careless, you know drive meet chicks do drugs Wake live like the catcher from major league Remember when they call him in the beginning and he's got two mexican chicks and It's a chicken running through the room. Yeah, that's my that was what I wanted my life to be You know, I wanted to live like Charles Bronson I wanted to die alone. Fuck is my mind changed
Starting point is 00:55:30 Nobody wants to die alone. You know, yeah, all these things that you have that you wanted to and you changed later on, you know this Experiences made me look at things a lot different now. I love comedy 29 years. I've been doing it I don't see it for me the next five years I see it as something to do, but that's something up not something I could take on the road And tour constantly. Yeah, I don't know I'm gonna try to do I'm gonna try to add another dimension to my arsenal in the next couple months
Starting point is 00:56:07 Let me watch the smoke the clouds park. Yeah to see how it shakes out a little bit. We're attacking. I got an idea I got the idea you're involved good Lee has to show me has to show me he wants to be involved because Gotta be out of the house by nine every day Whether you took eight of the moves tonight before 22. It don't matter Coffee a shower bang went on the shower. I think that's important I think that's a good tip for anybody listening how to keep your sanity through all this Listen, my sanity is very easy. Yeah, I got up at 7 30. Whenever time I get up
Starting point is 00:56:41 I have coffee. Yeah, I talked to my wife for a couple minutes. I do whatever I have to do on social media Yep, I write my journal and as soon as the journal is finished Regardless of what time it is. I run and take a shower. Yeah, because that's the most important thing out of this whole thing Exactly. I make my coffee. I jump in the shower. Take a shower. Yep If you want to jump in the shower and put your coffee on and come out and that coffee's on fire I'm not ever going to be mad at you. That's what I I make sure it's the right temper I have my ice water You always told me years ago have that ice water in the morning get the system going as soon as you wake up
Starting point is 00:57:16 You have a glass of I turn on the shower. I get my ice water. I put the coffee in the machine I take my shower and come out my coffee's waiting for me. I'm in a good mood for the rest of the day You open up your thing you read you're making notes. You look at your emails You go over your schedule for your day You write your journal. I don't nobody's got work and nobody's got nowhere to go But let me tell you something if you sit there with your fucking pajamas And no pants on and just sit in front of the tv You're not gonna do much. It's gonna affect your brain. You're not gonna do much during this day
Starting point is 00:57:50 It's not gonna work out, right? You're gonna be in a worse position than you were when this thing started Yeah, so I advise everybody you get up in the morning. You got an hour An hour you take that shower you comb your hair like you're going to a meeting Absolutely. I don't care if you just get in the car Take a ride around the block and go get gas. Yep At least you did something to make you feel yourself like you were human Exactly. I did something last week, but I wouldn't do for anybody You know last week was no school. Yeah, so whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second
Starting point is 00:58:23 So we we don't have school for two weeks And then you're gonna take a spring break and really fuck me up in the middle of this Well, you didn't fuck me up. You fucked up my little girl's head for the fucking week The kid didn't know what to do. So sadly we did a couple things. I took her here And we were sitting there and she did something good. Oh, we were here We did a podcast. We have a podcast tomorrow or four Uh, we did a podcast and I'm sitting there and she did so well because this one was about music So she actually had to talk about music and then bring the piano in from the computer
Starting point is 00:59:00 And it tells you what to hit and we sang Yankee Doodle came to tell hey She hates when I go hey, she's like dad stop with the You know, no matter what she sings is always a hey So she did a great job and I'm sitting here looking at and I go what Can I do To put normality back into her life. Yes, and I did something. I don't wish on nobody I said I'm just gonna go take a look I'm gonna go to Burbank and go to Chick-fil-A
Starting point is 00:59:32 They go to Chick-fil-A to go. Mm-hmm. You know put in the back seat wipe it down I did something better. I took her right to McDonald's. She was so fucking happy Because I put normality back into her life She said but daddy mommy's only got mad. I don't know how I'll deal with mommy I put my glove on it was 462 I gave the guy a five. He gave me the change in the glove I put in a second cup I took the thing and I put it on the fucking floor
Starting point is 01:00:04 That made her weak. Yeah All we need is one or two days that we do something normal I mean, I don't want you to go to the gay club and suck a dick. That's not normal. Right. I don't want you to You know, well for some people I don't want you to go But you still need Something to remind you of the old you Absolutely, once you start slipping with showers like people tell me I haven't shaved in a month I have a woman told me that they haven't shaved in my legs
Starting point is 01:00:33 I had to finally shave my pussy because it was bothering me. You're a filthy animal. He's working in reverse Yeah, you know, I don't want you to get up and work out. You know why? Because there's so much stress on the body right now On the psyche wait till you work out and you start throwing punches I could throw five minutes of punches like nothing now. Yeah first three minutes. I'm winded Yeah, I'm thinking corona is coming my whole body, right? I feel spots. I got the measles That's your mind playing tricks on you. Yeah, but that's your mind is heavy Yes, your endurance is heavy. Everything's heavy. It takes me a couple rounds of hitting the bag
Starting point is 01:01:12 to warm up. I mean, I got to look up and breathe and Fucking focus and then at the end of the warm up at the end of everything The downward dogs the stretches, you know what I do? I actually meditate that's good and I try to focus on the sounds of this guy I do the whole thing. I sit like a fucking Hindu, you know the fingers like this I put my I focus on the third eye And I know some of you people who listen to the podcast in the last four weeks You can see that little by little my my tone
Starting point is 01:01:46 I'm accepting what's happening. And this is the biggest thing you can do right now It's accept what's happening and prepare Have two plans a plan a a plan b. Yeah, you know, you said the best The mass exit. This is gonna be here in new york. Yep people living near go. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa I'm paying 32 for a one bedroom. Yeah. I'm doing this and this and what do I want really one out of life This is a fucking scumbag My friend I went to college with he'd get me a job in ohio. Yeah in columbus. I get an apartment for regular
Starting point is 01:02:22 New york. Goodbye. This is exactly what to do. Where are we gonna put all these people? All right Where are we gonna put these new york and california transplants? You know people gonna be unhappy with their local State government remember you can't make everybody happy, right? So that means people are gonna be flip flopping, you know I've met two people in two weeks that are friends of my daughter from the school. Yeah, they're out of here at the end of May Wow One just bought a house online in texas. Wow
Starting point is 01:02:53 And the other one got laid off the nurse and she's going right to jersey. They're going to pump springs for a couple days They're gonna come back pack up the house And they're not going to tolerate this no more because what's the What's 50% of this shit's coming back? Yeah, and the other and we don't know so and and you have the same dilemmas in your lives guys And i'm telling you right now as your uncle joey Do not let this eat you up. You're gonna lose You're gonna lose you will lose against this You will lose this will take 10 years off your life
Starting point is 01:03:30 Not by getting the covet But the worrying yes pressure on your heart and the stress on your heart guys, whether you're 22 or 52 Take care of yourself wear a mask Stay home You want to do drugs you think i'm gonna be mad at you i'm not gonna be mad at you think i'm gonna be mad People are drinking 60% more People the weed stores can't keep the weed if you're in the weed business today
Starting point is 01:03:58 You get the longer this last you're gonna be a millionaire. Yeah people are smoking eights a day Okay, so much uncertainty. I mean that's what i I just started praying more and i'm not gonna give that up. I pray I'm not giving up. I have so much peace right now that it I find the beauty in my daughter I find the beauty in my friends. I take the balance when I talk to my jersey friends Yeah, and I see what they're going through it's tough already offered them like i've already sent a couple of them good things just Like I tell them
Starting point is 01:04:32 I can't help you But I don't want you missing any meals either none of my watch right I don't want you to go to ruth chris Right, but what if I send you a deuce and you bought eight dinners with that exactly buy a pork loan Buy a fucking yeah, and you're 56 that's for layman yon You cut that in and make tacos one night's two tacos and then make a steak the next night I mean, it's not the way we used to we're going back. First of all If you're normal, you're not eating what you used to i'm not eating by far what I used to
Starting point is 01:05:05 Not even by far. I'm cooking all the time, but i'm eating once a day once i mean I'm cooking, but i'm eating three times a day nothing from outside the house now I got away from the bacon. I'm back to oatmeal with cinnamon. So good friend a little bit of honey in the morning For lunch. It's a single thing Today I had halibut Which is zero it's delicious with wild rice for lunch portions my white portions amount And for dinner we went all out to celebrate mercy ride the bicycle
Starting point is 01:05:36 We made sloppy joes With tater tots and guess what? Oh, it's perfect. I still got three points left of my protein shake tonight That's great. You that's it And I and I burned nine points today. That's great two for boxing and seven for when you think about it What a blessed life that is you're eating better your exercise more. There's more balance to our lives But this wasn't the way it was two weeks ago two weeks ago. Oh my god march 15th. I once again they pounds that way yeah I caught myself when I started to go they're gonna have to they're gonna cut you out of your apartment if you don't stop
Starting point is 01:06:12 And that's when I just I was going all right instead of not eating for 12 hours a day I went Shoot for minimum 15 and today I think I went like 20 hours or something. I'm putting the sugar out too At least sugar I do Like there's nothing nothing nothing sugary sugar is poison last three weeks I had something one night with the girls. Oh, they brought home my wife only brings home six powdered donuts So it's two little ones apiece. Which are like three points on weight watches. So yeah, but do me a favor guys When you wake up in the morning, don't deli deli
Starting point is 01:06:50 Take a shower. Yeah, and it'll make you feel a lot better and they'll clean your head for the day And you'll make you do something you want to do things that You know when I go outside to work out I start with a swinging bat And I take it from there, how do I feel with the swinging batter? I did three minutes. Let's go hit the bag Oh, I feel pretty good. Let's do some ball bounces. Wow. Oh, let's do some more. Let's do some technical fitness exercise You know what? Let me do a fucking kettlebell today. I did those walks Like farmers walk with them. Oh Back and forth. Whoo
Starting point is 01:07:26 Then I did a couple squats and then I did high pulls at the kettlebells Old school that I did one arm pulls at the kettlebells and then I did curls. I got 215 pound Dumbbells. That's the best I got. Yeah, and I just did curls to failure. You know, I got the bats that I did Shoulder presses You know sitting down stretching pushing this way instead of up. Yeah that way and having your back, you know, I'm just The writing the journal is big when I read it. I don't know what the fuck I'm reading Yeah, it's just a bunch of thoughts that are coming through my head which shows me I'm not focused What I think that the things that are helping me the most right now is my daughter
Starting point is 01:08:10 Yeah Taking the shower was living my life. Like if I was going to work and I had a regular day Yeah, you're up dog. You're up. Mm-hmm. I know you got a rough night, but you got to get up You got to jump in the shower. Yeah breakfast after that go for a ride If you decide by the time you come back when you retire and go back to bed Right, but you already did a couple things. Yeah, you already made yourself feel good Yeah, I don't want you to walk into starbucks. I don't want you to wait online. We're not calming this fucking cube
Starting point is 01:08:43 All right, I just want you to take a ride see what people are doing. See what people doing a no-ho Sit by no-ho for five minutes And go look at these people begging for covet I wish I just had a covet gun I go in there and say open your mouth kneel down. Let me just give it to you because you're gonna get it anyway Today you can see them in the middle. There had to be and people talking What umbrellas like?
Starting point is 01:09:06 The umbrella is gonna save you from covid Fuck the fucking covid And fuck the fucking wet markets these cop suckers Do what my man Steve Simone is doing find a hobby Cook yeah, you know, uh, you even told me you brought it to some of your neighbors Yep, which shows me that he madly in you. You're a bad motherfucker. Yeah, I wish I would promote your tour dates I think I've done The cruise ship I was on sunk
Starting point is 01:09:36 Oh, I saw a picture of it. I saw a little line of the caprio with the girl waving. They're done And uh, we got no dates for you people. We got nothing but podcast And nothing but love but we're gonna keep doing them Until they make this fucking stop doing them. Well, we're in the mask. We got the door open I got the ozium here This is what lee spells Sprays between his toes Everything is beautiful as long as lee's good. You're good. Yeah, and the church family's good at home. I'm fucking happy with you guys
Starting point is 01:10:14 We're gonna keep doing this whatever the fuck we don't give a fuck We push straight ahead the message has to get out cop suckers Again as far as dates I got nothing but I'll tell you what I do got for you I got a deal of a fucking lifetime because You guys on the computer so fucking much today And I don't know if you guys been reading the report scammers are out More than anything
Starting point is 01:10:41 And they will get your shit because you're over there checking your 1850 balance In bank of america. You got to get the 20 to take it out. So You better come up with another dollar 50, but that's not my point here What you're looking to do Is privacy and security online and express vpn Is great for doing this But now that you're stuck at home and you could also use it To unlock foreign movies and tv shows that are only available in other countries
Starting point is 01:11:11 Binge on dr. Who on uk netflix Or if you're into japanese anime Use it to watch spirited away on netflix japan It's very easy to use Even a dummy like me could do it just open the app Change your location And that's it Choose from over 100 different countries
Starting point is 01:11:32 Express vpn works on any streaming service netflix amazon Hulu bbc YouTube you name it The reason my wife and I use express vpn. It's that it's fast. There's no buffering There's no lag and you could stream an hd without any issues and it works on all your devices That's the fucking mac daddy phone tablet console
Starting point is 01:12:02 small tv Express vpn is there To make everything a lot better. You can see Japanese shows But most importantly is protecting your privacy and security online. So right now The church family can get up to To go to express vpn Dot com slash church to get three months free
Starting point is 01:12:27 Three months free to get you started. Who else is doing that in today's market? Nobody your uncle joey's looking out for your cock suckers or do me a favor Go to express vpn.com slash church support the podcast Watch what the fuck you want, but most importantly protect yourself The church is also brought to you by CBD lion Dot com like a motherfucker. Like I said in the beginning of these times
Starting point is 01:12:57 You need all the help you get you never know what's working against you what's working with you Uh, besides taking supplements. I do my protein shakes But cbd is a big part of my life In fact to be honest with you. I think the cbd is helping me With the anxiety because when I was first getting everything I was forgetting to take my cbd at night And the last two weeks I've been blasting off 5 000 milligrams at night before I go to bed Under my tongue
Starting point is 01:13:27 And it's made life a little bit more manageable. It doesn't feel like I'm on an episode of twilight zone Anymore, so do me a favor Go to cbdline.com. I don't listen I reached out to them because the product was so good I used the cream. I used the gummy bears. I used the bat balls I used the fucking tincture. I used the gummy bears guys Come on. It's one stop shopping. It's real cbd 97% listen
Starting point is 01:13:57 Go to the website. Look at the third party test lab results Your fucking jaw is gonna draw no more buying fucking cbd at a chinese restaurant No, I think they lost their credibility with the bat soup Fuck if nobody's buying fucking You know nobody's buying dick All right, but cbd is the way to go. Do me a favor go to cbdline.com Take a look at the great selections of cbd. Take a look at your ailments. They've got the cbd To help your ailment. No other cbd company has put that in writing cbd line has done that
Starting point is 01:14:35 So do me a favor go to cbdline.com Press church on the way out and get 20% Delivered right to your motherfucking door. I want to thank Cbdline.com and I also want to thank express vpn Dot com slash church and go get your three months beside that. I want to thank steve simone I want to thank the christ killer, but I want to thank you motherfuckers for always having a back And being here for us. We love you and remember What's the church say?
Starting point is 01:15:11 We're using lights all is mace Come close to us for six feet You're losing a fucking eye. You understand me? That I don't never get read again. I love you today See you sunday morning monday morning. It's 4 20 I'll see you motherfuckers nice and early Ready to get the party started. All right beside that. Have a great weekend. Stay safe And I love you guys in all my heart. I'm sorry about what you're going through in the situations
Starting point is 01:15:40 But trust me this too will pass. Amen. God bless you motherfuckers league. Check this goddamn meal. Talk sucker You

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