Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #783 - Childhood Memories with Steve Avillo

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

Steve Avillo, a childhood friend of Joey's, and Joey have a Zoom call to trade childhood stories. Steve gives his point of view of some of Joey's craziest stories and even reminds Joey of some stories that he forgot.  Joey's going to be doing this type of podcast more often, to introduce you to the people who made Joey who he is today.  Follow Steve's band, The Past Masters at http://tpmrocks.com/ This podcast is brought to you by: Magic Spoon - Gluten Free, Sugar Free, Grain Free with 12 grams of protein per serving. Go to www.magicspoon.com/church and use code CHURCH to get FREE Shipping.  MyBookie.ag -  Use code promo joey to get a 50% match on your first deposit up to $1,000.       

Greetings from podcastville. It's Monday, May 4th. The church is brought to you by and welcoming magic spoon Let me ask you a question. Remember when you were a kid and you ate breakfast cereal sitting in your pajamas watching cartoons Then you drink the milk Wouldn't it be fun to be a kid again? What do you think? How fun is it to be a kid now versus then now they got nothing for you? No good cartoons. No good cereals. Well, I'll tell you what Magic spoon cereal gives you all the flavor and the crunch of a kid's cereal But it's healthy for an adult you ready for this zero grams of sugar and three net grams of carbs and eat servings and

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Nutritious and fucking yummy plus. It's gluten-free You know, I'm giving a box to Dean cuz he's diabetic I gave a box and one of mercy's friends She called back right away that she loved it. So do me a favor right now. Go to magic spoon dot-com Slash church and grab a variety pack and Pressing church and check out and get free shipping. The church is also brought to you by. Oh shit If you feel like you're living in Groundhog day where every day is the same Uncle Joey got some news for you for you fucking savages

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Slash Joey and get ready to make some Geetus. Who's better than you bet? Win get paid kick this motherfucker Muley Welcome to church mother fucker. Welcome to You gotta get a pinata beat it up in your house by yourself drinking tequila. That's it You get six fat Mexicans tomorrow. It's all over Covid starts all over again It's like what if you see if you see six Mexicans it starts all over. Yeah, so don't even get together tomorrow Leave it alone. Especially if you're a little overweight like me. You see a fat Mexican move over

Especially tomorrow could be COVID day down in Texas, you know, Texas is free Tennessee is free. No fucking live music on live entertainment and Atlanta. I'm praying for you I know George is open. I hope you're making the best of it But who gives a fuck it's Monday the 4th and you still got to do what the fuck you got to do You understand me we're gonna open up today with this join a triple X from urban trees delicious I've been getting stoned like a motherfucker again. You understand me fuck the COVID as long as I'm exercising I'm smoking reef. How's that one for you? And this week and I had a good week I discovered you guys that have no idea listen

I can do a pantry on or just videos of me riding a bicycle and you pay You have no idea what comedy is until you see me on my wife's bicycle Fucking holding on to those bicycle things like it's my world right now my triceps hurt more than anything else in my body You can hit me in the head with a bat I won't even react because of holding on to those handle bars for fucking dear life. I've been doing I started off slow I did she got the bike last week. I did like five with the lump now hold on Let me spuck this joint so I can tell you the story correctly So I don't miss a fucking line here

So you guys know the humor that I have in my life by itself. I don't need microphones I'm thinking about a lady. I just get a fucking camera with a stick like a selfie film That's all I need then you can see me full life electrocute myself with the fucking Hearing aids when I wash my face you can live it you can see all this stupidity and all that dumb shit Wait, you let's not get into it. Please don't embarrass me. I got enough problems. I gotta tell these people about so Here's for you motherfuckers little number Just to let you know I'm thinking about you and I love you motherfuckers with all my heart

And I know it's a tough time, but we're going through this motherfucker together. So strap on a pair bitch We're all gonna get stronger than shit from this. So Couple, you know, you can just do so much with your kids. So we got the bike She got the little retard helmet I put around the name, but she has a good time She learned how to ride a bike during the fucking break. So I'm very excited about that So my wife says you know what maybe I should get a bike I go you should get a bike So we weren't looking around and all the bike, you know, usually a bike place has bicycles outside not here They got them inside like everybody's gonna hide them from you. Yeah, she gotta go. I gotta go inside and buy a bike

Fuck it. I'll just make my own bike. So my wife goes I could order one online I go, yeah order a Huffy online like one of those cheap huffies and she did I get home one day There's a bicycle like a Puerto Rican. She's building the bicycle in the living room her in mercy They're putting WD 40 on the chain the whole fucking deal now when somebody tells me that building their own bicycle I don't get on that bicycle unless you're a bicycle builder Because I know there's gonna be a fucking problem so Not to mention I got a lot when it comes to bicycles and she liked I got a lot of bad karma coming to me

And I know this already. That's why I stopped riding bicycles because I just got a lot of bad karma You know for years I rode a bicycle people always getting fucking killed on them and shit I feel like I got a lump coming to me. So I got to be careful. I ordered the helmet though I did order a helmet, but let's get to that story. So I I See my wife build the bicycle and I go do me a favor double-check the pedal bars. So the pedals don't break Double-check the thing the chain cuz I worry about my wife put some Thing on the chain and make sure you screw in

The fucking handlebars, why do I say that we go back to 1978? When Valentin Ferro was going on my block in the Apollo racer and he almost killed himself on the fucking thing because the handlebars went on right so a Friend of mine calls me and he goes hey, I'm taking my kids to the park were social distancing If you'd like to go to get your daughter's Samara, I go absolutely as a matter of fact my wife got a bike I'll walk over and my wife and daughter ride the bike. They get there half hour before me You know me. I'm fucking taking my time. I'm getting vitamin D No problem, I get to the thing

My wife and daughter doing summer solstice with the other four kids around the track There's nobody at the fucking park three o'clock Fucking these are many guns come out after 430 like vampires five o'clock in my neighborhood. There's a fucking parade But before that you could rob ten houses, but you really can't because they're all in the house There's nobody out So my wife is talking to the lady. Everybody's got mask on we're very social distancing I'm looking at her bike And I figured what the fuck let me get on her bike and give her the spin

It's been a long time, you know, but bikes bike is like getting your dick suck It's like suck on a dick for a fact. It's something you'll never forget Once you suck a dick, you'll never forget it. So I Get on the bicycle guys Well, I finally got my balance I almost had a nervous breakdown I felt muscles work Adam worked in years. I just started shivering on the bicycle And I have no reason to lie to you guys after two minutes tops My whole body broke out into this sweat like that anxiety fierce wet because I really hadn't been on a bicycle

And here I am pedaling, you know, it's not a five-speed bike. It's a Puerto Rican bike It's leg power, you know, I'm saying that those are Chinese bicycles that leg power unless you're coming direct from Wuhan Your legs better be fucking strong. So I'm pedaling guys after two minutes I'm trying to keep I stopped to make believe I was answering the question But I stopped because my body had nervous fucking breakdown. Wow. So I went home that night I did my regular work and I said fucking I'm gonna do five minutes on the bike today So every day before they leave at 815 in the morning I jump out there get on the bike before I take a shower and I just ride it down the corner

So every day I just started out in five minutes So when they leave sometimes when I when we all leave together I go with them and when they get sick and tired of riding I walk while they ride and then when they get sick and tired of riding I take my wife's fucking little Nazi helmet. You got to see me. I look like Hitler quick going away watches You got to see me with this over on it's like Oh, yeah, I put a little stash on me and Jews will be parked fucking flying off co-facts. They caught is it pink or something No, it's a Hitler helmet. It's like a green Nazi helmet. Oh, wow

I mean, I didn't buy it to be a Nazi. You know me Yeah, my wife and all those helmets look like Nazi like when I was growing up those helmets looked okay Like like mercies is okay, but the one they sent Terry Nazi Nazi those people down at the fucking Capitol jumping up and down right now with weapons and shit So I put it on. I look like Hitler like a fat I look like Hitler in Argentina. He is later. You know I'm saying when he was relaxing Yeah, he's chorizo him in mongolo. Whatever his name is the other fucking Nazi. What's his name? Mangle. Yeah, whatever his fucking name is so

Every day I've been riding my bike five ten Fifteen so right now I'm up to twenty five fucking minutes But I gotta tell you something every muscle in my lower body and then that my sides hurt But I don't give a fuck. It's been an adventure. This is like I told you There's gonna be a silver lining to this quarantine. We got a lot. We got a lot of shit going It's so funny how my creativity has Responded lately for fucking four or five weeks. I couldn't get arrested now I'm outlining outlining outlining outlining. I'm trying to outline this fucking oral this

Book I'm trying to do this audio book. I see Lee Brothers flies back in I can't believe he's And they're back on them heavy Because he's sweating all that old hummus out by walking So it sits on the skin and it's like a fuck and he's like a frosted flake You know I'm saying he's like a a little sugar ball right now all these flies want to sniff his neck That's what happens when he works out That's a downfall of when Lee works out that flies become his friends again. He's at home right now with two flies Pet them singing bent him and whatever the fuck he does this joints on fire

But hey, you can't walk on one fucking leg. We're doing a little edible. It's Monday out of respect to you motherfuckers I didn't bring one Lily last time I gave one of these to Lee We're just sleeping here eight hours before the cops came in here. Oh, yeah We can't do that the end of Monday morning. You got shit to do on people to see on top of that I don't want to share it with you because I did I give you the COVID you know I'm saying who knows if I got it I just know you I think you don't want to share. I don't want to share fucking I'm going deep on a Monday morning out of respect for the church family I

Salute fuck it. You can't walk on one leg motherfuckers. That's what I'm trying to tell you now is promised Since this new COVID in this new situation, you know, we had to lose a lot of guests and move a lot of guests around I finally remodernize myself and Boom we got zoom motherfuckers and like I promised you guys I Want to do a little comeback here. I want to go back to the early days of church When it was just us and you know, we had a Certain guest pool because we weren't in the same guest pool as everybody else

So what I want to do out of respect for my church is my church for my book is the audio book is I want to interview a couple of my friends on the podcast Just so you get to meet them get the mentality get to understand what they're coming from Today, I got a kid that I've been friends with you ready for this For 43 years I've met him the sum of my eighth grade year Playing the guitar it took us two years to connect and after that we couldn't break this apart when I Call him before my mother died. You know that

BC and AC he's before my mother died So he's family he went to my mother's wake he came to her funeral and I consider him a brother his name is Steve of Willow He's got two older brothers and they considered me brothers and when my mother died Steven even asked me if I wanted a bedroom in the house. So We've reconnected over the years through comedy and his band called the past masters, which is uh, you know He's an IT guy as you see in the interview. I know him for 40 years. I don't know what the fuck he does I don't care. He's my brother. I don't need to know what he does

but We reconnect he does little videos this series on his you on his Facebook every night Steven of Willow if you follow him He does music and he's a great musician. I mean, let me tell you some this kid's been a musician since I met him his common sense and his Italianism and his whole thing, you know kept him into the family life. He's got a beautiful family I grew up with his wife. I know his two daughters Just a beautiful beautiful individual when I'm raising Mercy I think about this guy a lot and I think about his parents raised them because he's got two other brothers and himself

And all three of them a gentleman This is Steve of Willow. I hope you enjoy the interview knock yourself out kick it Lee Steve I know you're 40 years. I don't even know what you do for work. Um, I'm an I'm an IT guy So I basically do you know IT support Engineering new new, you know, you find new things and you figure out ways of how they fit Um The business and stuff like that so

It just keeps me busy and out of trouble my My kids friends think I'm in the CIA because I'm all with China and different countries and all I was in the night, so that was That's a start The people don't know I grew up with Steven back in north bergen. Uh, we met when I was about 14 and I went to one of his uh band things at the

little league field And your guitar broke you were playing with john rego out of the summer of 78 and uh Who was the bass player for you that dennis the carlo? Jesus christ, yeah, that's the first time I met you because I didn't I didn't grow up really I lived in north bergen, but I went to school in carney So I didn't really do anything much in north bergen just you in the city where my mother had the bar So that's why I didn't know you cats growing up and then

Once I got thrown out of capitol school. I was forced to hook up with you for my fucking sandwiches lucky And actually johnny rego's band by the way That was his band. That was his band. Yeah him and uh, Mike beckonback mike lee bow um denis the carlo on bass And uh, jerry schwarz the late jerry schwarz was their singer, but they let me sit in with them

So that's the funny thing when you saw us I was they were nice enough to let me sit able to let in a little punk Sit in with them. You know you were like 13 yeah because I was About 13 12 13 14 and I still remember like Not tripping. We were just smoking pot back then and me going up there and your guitar string breaking Huh? I wasn't even doing that yet

At dawn we weren't doing dick at that age. I was the fucking athlete Was high school was definitely uh, definitely when things started to change Let me actually see you know when I I've been doing the podcast for seven years And when I talk about lachberg and steve Was it it wasn't like another world we grew up in? There's another world another time Uh, I wouldn't trade it for the world. That's for sure I mean, I still remember banging on her and his door the bar

on 39th street there and kept off of kennedy and like You bang on the door. He would sleep on the pool table and you bang on his door He had the coldest beer in the world You could just wake him up like where else could that shit happen? You know, uh, I remember one of the early times I played hooky with you We would just Walk and pass wizards because we used to go to a place wizards. I get like nickel bags and stuff I don't know who the creepy guy was and wizards like now had a file song out up there and stuff like that

Like I never even went into wizards until I went to high school Like I never knew wizards existed and I remember one morning walking past wizards and the guy was being to uh To the liquor store there that later became hash ways And like the eddlers they already had a system on how to Throw the beer guy off and we would open up the back and take a case of beer and run And then they would chase this and I remember one time we brought a case into the high school And Ms. Lee

Asked me to open up my locker And I told him unless he had a warrant he couldn't open up because I have like a 12 pack The micro lobe been there is some shit because everybody took the six packs out and hit him in the lockers Yeah, that time on me. I told mr. Lee get the fuck out of my face That if he didn't have a warrant he wasn't getting him my locker and that was the end of my relationship Mr. Lee was a tough bastard He was fucking tough And then years later we made amends

And we became friends and when I lived in colorado, I would keep in touch with Then one day his son called me and told me he died. Yeah Yeah memories I can still remember were you with us? Were you with us when we it was it was so damn cold outside we went into it was a senior polls We were juniors. I don't know if you were with me. I know did he was there. You probably were there I was there. We uh, we had you know in our jackets. We had put all the beers and jackets to go in

And we finished everything went into the bathroom. We're down in the last beer and zebeluski And uh, oh, yes, I was with you. They come they come storming in And they're like all the places in north vergan for you to drink Why do you have to drink here at the school and dady turns around and goes if you've been outside tonight? It's fucking freezing And then the next day It's all go downstairs Yep and sitting in the room and mr. Dalton bailed us out. Yeah, mr. Dalton came in God bless his soul And he goes these guys are good kids

Let him go and you know, we never even got a fucking fraction nothing. I mean it was such a I still remember clipping a case of quartz That weren't cold And we had to put them in somebody's tub and put ice on them because you know how cold you don't have to walk It takes to fucking chill a fucking court of beer Like I don't know how many beer trucks we robbed but it was pretty fucking hysterical. We were kids It was a lot more when one of us started to drive Like when sharples sharples is two years old in us when tom used to drive

That was the that was the best thing because you didn't need anybody to distract You would just kind of circle the block like on broadway and stuff by embassy liquors and you'd keep an eye The beer truck would pull up you'd watch the guy Watch him load up and show you watch him go in as soon as he went in flew down the block ripped open the sign you just started passing cases A car and you take I remember some one time robbing cases of beer and they would hold the back of my pass So you could hang out the window. Yes pass the beers until the car I mean it was so because of us now they have two drivers

Yeah Yeah, that's for one and if it wasn't the beer truck, it was the Albertson's on bergen line avenue I remember taking a gallon of wine that roast rosy martini and rossy cooking wine I remember taking a gallon once running on Albertson's and going at the Hudson county park And drinking the whole fucking thing and having a hangover For a whole goddamn weekend

Like I had the worst headache. I never drank wine again from that. Yeah, well cheap wine give you a bad hangover man Fucking Albertson's had no security anymore And we would just basically walk in there Take the beers and run the fuck out. It's hard to even You know, it's hard to even our childhoods And you were a good guy like you were you were like a straight a type of guy uh I still remember

You know, you were like We explained to the people listed. We were out six nights a week Yeah We were out six nights a week our our light night was sunday night That was like we're just smoking ten joints tonight And we're drinking a six pack each that was our late Our light night was sad days But we were out we felt an excuse for anything to go out and we drank out in the cold

Yeah You drank out in the cold matter it was snow Didn't matter if it was snowing you'd be out you'd be out in the foot of snow And we had drinking gloves one glove We had drinking gloves Gloves that the tips were cut off this shit, man, you know, it's just When I look at you when you come to the shows I'm so happy because it's like my life is like jesus

It's like Before christ died and after christ died and you were one of my friends before my mom passed and one of the the best stories I tell people is You know, your brother was older than us and he he had his own clique and They would break the hang around with them. They were crazy And uh, you invited me and somebody else over to a party once This had to be september of 79. We were soft boy And your brothers made this thing and they made them garbage cans

Tell these fucking you're talking about the punch right the punch They would they would go and get like big blocks of ice from trail park They steal them from the trail park. They buy one bag of ice and steal like 12 blocks of ice sherbert Break the mix stuff like that And then they put water in from a hose And then every and any bottle that people could bring Was poured into that. I mean it was regarding there was scotch vodka gin

Moonshine anything and everything went into that punch Including insects You're a kill drone killing bees and knocking the bees into the punch and And somebody threw a shoe in there Yes There was a It was like that freaking cake from the little rascal regularly bites into it and gets the mousetrap and shoe Uh

There wasn't That night I remember I don't know what I dragged. It was like beer and the punch combined And I fell asleep on richison sulo's lawn If I walked to your house, I would have to walk past richison sulo's house And he lived like a block and a half for me to say yeah, yeah heading headed towards five corners And I'll never forget that rayon nest though woke me up the cop that used to always play basketball What is with colored socks? It used to drive me crazy

Just We had two teachers that played with us It was him he plays basketball with us uh rayon nest though and mr. Kenara Mr. K with the crew type But I I still remember I liked rayon nest though, but whenever he came to play basketball with him We throw elbows out just because Yeah He always wore colored socks and we wore an avenue

Like in those days if you went to gym class with colored socks, they would send you home Because if you stepped on glass the ink would go into your bloodstream shit You know when you played basketball on those courts too those courts were not tame. They were rough Those were some great games Fifty first street had some great games Only have you Yes, that's where I played but I'll be muted as sulo

Those were some tough games there 38 street court Yeah, the courts up The courts by hashways. Jesus. I remember playing One on one there three in the morning If you say sulo and danny calandrillo my eighth grade summer Wow That's crazy shit like no curfew. Did you have a curfew? I don't remember us having a curfew I I I did have a curfew. Um, I remember I was supposed to be home by 11

And a lot of times going home Um, I'd run into my brother's I especially my brother Mike my brother Mike would always say where you going like going home Yeah, I get in the car. I'll call mom. So he'd stop, you know, they'd be going to get more beer whatever He'd stop at a payphone. Yes, Stevens would make And I'd be out till who knows what time, you know But uh, yeah, I was I was it was like I think when I was a freshman in sophomore was like 11 junior I was allowed out to like midnight to one and then senior year. There was no

Curve like even if there was one it was not adhered to You know, you just show up You know, you just show up There's a comedian in town. His name is Brett Erkst He's from New Jersey and he does a bit that in Jersey. There's always that one kid who doesn't go home Like he just When he said the bit I was dying to laugh because Downtown I was that kid

I had nowhere to go. So I wouldn't go home and uptown. It was Mike Moore There was a kid named Mike Moore. I just bumped into him in Rudy's about three years ago But you could you could be walking home. You had already given up on the night You're like, fuck it. I'm going home. And I was like, boom, you bump into Mike Moore And the night was just the night was just fucking starting, you know Like I wouldn't go home Me and Dee Dee had no reason to go home. So we would stay with you. You had a shed. Yeah, thank god Uh that had a pair of drums in it

He still pissed at me I'm playing this fucking drums because we used to play fairies where it boops and shit at night Uh, you know, my childhood was spent uh for two years in that fucking shed, you know Yeah, yeah a lot of good times back then, you know, there's no pictures No pictures. We have no pictures. We didn't we weren't a picture society. Thank god, you couldn't take out a fucking selfie those days They break your arm Actually, somebody took a selfie that would have beat him up Yes, we would have beat him up. There was no selfies. There's really no pictures of us when we were kids. That wasn't accepted

at a party You know, I told I went down my friend created a show called this is not happening And before was created was created uh in a In the back of the improv and then called like the workspace no alcohol. No nothing And I went down there to tell a story about something And while I was down there mark maren was telling a story about going to a concert So right there had to call an audible

and tell them the experience we had at the age of 15 In 1979 what we went through to get pink Floyd tickets I want you to start from the beginning from the night before Oh my god I can still I can still remember Oh, was it folk with the with the with the joint and the joint or the ashes fell on his lap or would burn his shirt He's like putting himself out to drive in full speed down boulevard

And he's doing this not paying attention where he's going like I was going all over the freaking way but he hit a barrel We first we went out to like I think you told me the night before I was hit the pink floor and I had dark side of the moon When I met you I had dark side of the moon and then My mom passed november 8th, and if you look at it the wall came out november 29th yeah of 1979 and

Tickets went on sale closely right after that for the national coliseum Which is obviously in february, you know, and you told me the night before To get my money together. We're getting tickets blah blah blah And and we had a play hooky. There was no we cut out of school You myself and libredo, and I don't know how we ended up with joe folk I have no he was four years older than us Yeah, I don't know how we ended up with joe folk and first we went To the parameters malls to get tickets

And they didn't have them and then we went to st. Peter's prep Yeah, that's where we got the tickets for $15 and 50 cents think about that Huh think about that you think about that $15 and 50 cents and uh We got the tickets we were like It's tough for me to this You know one of our friends lost their mom last week Glent copy, you know, yeah, and I spoke with keith god bless their mom and stuff

And it was weird because I didn't even have a chance to mourn And so as soon as I was getting ready and mourn my mother you guys started playing the fucking war And it was like a 60 day countdown to the wall. Yeah, we did everything every night We put the wall on every night every party we went to the wall You know, I still remember going to parties or something at spring scene on we take spring scene off and put the fucking wall on And it was you know, christmas. We didn't care. We were just waiting For the war. It was our saving night and we got tickets for opening night Right. We got tickets for opening night

And I think in the in the process of that before the war Was the The uh evening on the island Yes, that was before it got really cold. Yeah, what was yeah because the No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that was when it was really cold because we had to wait the lake to freeze off I'm having a senior moment here No, listen to me the lake freeze froze over in january. Yes, we went to see the wall in february So that january was at hudson county park this little island in the middle and there's water around it

What do you say 30 yards of water around it about that and we would wait till it freezes up And after he's all the brothers see I mean you're all the brother would roll kegs on the ice and we'd have to walk across the island She'd go to the island of insanity party. You know the insanity party Fuck and they know white things. He's building an island. We didn't build an island We just went on it with nothing on there with kegs appeared and I remember that night I froze my ass off Like it was freezing and I had a quailude and I ended up with chirpy and Fokker ratio at wing fungs chinese restaurant

The place where we used to run out of dining dash out of all the time And folk was so hammered that he fell asleep with the pork fried rice And he was breathing he was breathing The pork fried rice into his nose and when the chinese guy woke him up He had like little drops of rice coming out of his nose And me and lubes were howling and then we ran out of there because you never pay that the wing fuck No, that was the berkshire

It used to be the last guy's got it and the last guy was always the fastest one I never ran out of the berkshire because I like that fucking cream of turkey soup too much. Yeah It always came with a hair in it or something like that That was the hash ways potato sound. That's hash ways potato sound So The macaroni salad would always have that hair around one of the macaroni's if you didn't get hair You felt like you got beat You were unloved

Like you were unloved if you didn't get a piece of hair in your sandwich you complain about a piece of air now, you know Yeah, but I still even told the story when we went to the concert and There was one point The concert on youtube, which is amazing to me Yeah, that's something you you know that right? That night that we went it's on youtube And it's so weird that at one point like we stole the concert was at eight and I think me you and lubes met like at 11 in the morning

We we got ready early and when we got there there was probably 50 kids from our neighborhood Opening night easy. We had like a whole I remember we had our trunks open at the nasol coliseum And we were out there freezing gamiel was yelling some shit about Are there any queers in the theater tonight? There's some shit just yelling. We were something like that. Yeah We were laughing our asses off, but the scene I remember vividly is in between

take one and two When the balloons come up And focaraccio was burning the balloons as they were landing and you and me were just sitting there We were kids, man. Yeah, he was like popping them with the lighter He was popping them with the lighter that we had like some girl behind us or in front of us And she's like sir sir Why do you keep burning the balloons or something? And he's like satan doesn't like balloons

And the chick just looked at us got up and never came back We never came back It was just a different time growing up. It was I don't know how many times you went to the garden That was an experience in and of itself just the whole trip down there It was like such an event right, you know, when you think about it That we used to get together early, right? We get together early Party and everything and then we'd walk up to kennedy boulevard and catch the bus And you catch the bus at say at the top of 46th street

If you came over to the shed and everything we'd walk up 46th street hill You catch the bus there and on the bus already Would be friends of ours from different parts of town. They'd be packed from up in 70s packed down by you know Like the 50s and 60s the projects We get on there'd be more people down a little bit further and then you'd head into You know Port authority once you got off the walk down 8th avenue was another trip You know, it was a whole big procession until you got there

You know, so it was just such an experience We were Steven we were 15 Yeah, so many things could have happened to us And we would walk around like we ran that fucking city. We didn't give a fuck. No, we were 15 years old I just don't want to see Ted with you with acbc Yeah August 4 79 how many of us were at that concert from Northbury?

We were the lunatics in orchestra that were throwing the chairs in the air you remember Do you remember that giant pile of chairs? that whole section of orchestra just started throwing chairs in the air during Ted's uncle I still don't want to see I used to remember going to see the new barbarians with a bunch of North African people

Yeah, I don't think I was with you that night, but I was no I was I wasn't with you. I was with Mike Denny the devil Yeah, Mike Denny was yeah, that's a good good name Mike Denny the devil he's doing time now What he is Yeah, God bless this is so but just that experience that we had and born into New York City Whenever we wanted to Yeah, our parents had no idea we could tell when we were going up the corner and we could be in the city with them

You know 10 minutes and what? Connected you and me was our love for music. We went to every fucking concert, you know How many times did you go to the Palladium as a kid? Palladium Palladium more than a capital theater because you had to drive to get to the capital theaters to yeah the Palladium a lot I didn't see a lot of people to capital theater. I only saw like missing persons later on with Ferdy at the And I went to see uh, I was telling the story about

Eaton Quay lose with Ferdy and Roger and going to see Pat Benetha and we got so high That the hush had thought we were handicapped And they put us in the handicapped section Oh god And we just sat there like fucking right with it that better take it to me we had What song are you working on tonight my brother? Ah god, I haven't even thought about it. I have a couple that I was playing around with Uh, one was harder than matter by henley

um What was the other one? What was the other one? I was I was monkeying around with I was monkeying around with um um Just song by stp They just they love song, you know Yeah, so I I have a couple of different things I've been I've been playing like I I know most of these songs So I relearn them because I I've forgotten half of them

So I relearn them and when I feel like you know, I feel like I have the time to sit down like I have this week I'll sit down and I'll record it and throw it out there and if people like it. They like it. They don't they don't it's okay I don't care It's amazing the direction that our lives took. I mean, uh Your love for music is still evident. You still have a band the past masters You play all over the tri-state area And I still sit here in shock and I ended up a comedian. I mean, I I can't believe it You know, that was funny

What's that you were always funny? I think I was More of a trickster as a kid, you know, we always had When we got on the bus, I mean we had to walk those hills Couple years ago, you had some type of surgery. I remember saying to you that you're gonna be fine Because we walk those hills. Yeah You know, I look at those hills now in a car and I get scared We have to walk up those hills backwards drinking

Talk laughing giggling like nothing it would take us three hours to walk a 46 green hill now Yeah, those hills big they're long they're steep One of them ride the bike up them Yeah, yeah, I mean we walked up that hill an average of three times a day You think about that in the morning to go to school And then at night sometimes they really want to use the bus We cut through a goddamn cemetery. Yes who cut through a cemetery? And the reason why I was scared of your area

46 was because They told me that that hill when it would rain It would wash up the cemetery and the caskets would flow down. Is that true? The car First moved into that house when he was a kid That the cemetery had washed up the bottom of the hill And then a casket they had to come down there and fucking clean the casket up That they come out. So I always was spooked by 46 green hill

There was that and then it was the one like by larry mcneil's house That was the scary one Flower hill we used to walk to that all the time at least I did the shit that one night It was freezing. I couldn't take it And they got the guy was like buried in 1891. I'm like, fuck at least got no relatives You know the guy was old, you know, it was freezing that I couldn't take it You remember, uh, you'd walked through there and you'd see like the candles and Decapitated like chicken heads and oh, yeah, they did some dirty stuff in there at night. That was that was real in there

I got chased one night by some guys wearing like black Cloaks in there one night and I just got brought in because you you came out on 51st street There was a hole in the fence. Yeah, wasn't that something like I came out of medivh avenue, right right there I remember you The villa was quite the child that we had man too bad. It's all over now You know what you got memories my friends Memories that's all I live on. That's all I live on. I mean we had each other's backs Yeah, it's a different world for that, you know, can you imagine if they were to try to tell us to stay in

in 1980 You know I had the same conversation with john irrego the other day and he says he goes he says to me goes to those He goes he goes i'll be honest with you goes. I'm he goes this thing scares me He goes and I was joking about it. He goes, but I've become the person that I've made fun of my entire life You know and it's funny. I said, you know, you're right man. I said we would have You know, we would have basically just called you pussy. It's wrong with you. It's not with you, right? Do you think we would have been in the shed?

Yes, we would have not adhered to this May have paid a price. Who knows who knows what would have happened, but yeah, we would have I I understand I understand people doing the things they do. I don't necessarily agree with it, but it's I mean my thing was I was gonna go home and shoot And go watch you play on the uh 14th on sadly and guttenberg of march And I just saw the whole framework end Like every day the news got worse after that

It was like it was quick. So And I hear now that new jersey's a hotbed, you know Governor Murphy's only gonna open up a part of the state. I'm like If they think that these libtards in california crazy when they open up the beach What are you gonna do down in seaside? Memorial Day weekend, how are you gonna keep those animals? Can you imagine them telling us in 1982 don't come down the shore? Never would have never never would have flown. No, we would have been arrested. We would have. Yeah It would have been a different fucking world. We wouldn't have kids

But we also were kids that were used to being out. Yeah I don't think it would have been as as as um Hyped up as it is today. Well the media was nowhere. We had a second meeting The news was on what twice a day. Yeah, maybe three times I guess it was on the afternoon two when we were at school like lunchtime or something and they told you dick Yeah, they didn't tell you shit You know, it's not like now that that they're reaching for news, you know, they didn't tell you dick There's three hours of news on it. They don't tell you dick at the last 10 minutes

They show you the blind boy that can play the drums like to try to you know Save the day, but it's too late. You already shit my mouth. You know saying that you want to give me a fucking lollipop It's too late No We all the school what do you want from me? You know, I got a curse from my dog Nothing will love you brother My brother it's been a real pleasure. I'm happy you took the time because I wanted to introduce the world

The friends that made me who I am today And you're one of those guys, you know, that was thinking about the other day. I was talking to James And we were talking about that year when we started eating stuff You remember people on an eating spree And and there was a party for halloween at the high school and somebody You're gonna hold your face You know what i'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about

You're gonna piss off the peter people You gotta piss off what peter people Oh I don't know who it was He took a garbage can and he tied live mice to the tails of the garbage to the mice. You didn't know who it was There was a no names All right There was a few of the jewina mouse

No, it wasn't me. It was it was I was I was still a junior or there was the senior masquerade party You're absolutely right. There were people that went as garbage and they had live mice hanging from The garbage can and they started biting the mice and people started crying Crying and vomiting and yeah But I still remember somebody biting the mouse in the tail Just sticking out of the guy's mouth while he was smiling. I think it was mike runny. I had the tail Oh my god, you know You can't write this I was trying to you can't make this stuff up

You can't I was trying to think about who lived a couple blocks up a couple doors up from ron berkel There was somebody that we hung out with from time to time Couple doors up. He was a football player Who's the guy that ate the dog shit that day that we were hanging around? Remember when we were kids we always passed the hat around for everything We would always we would always pass the hat around there. You want to get beers pass $3 in there put $2 in there And I remember one day we played hooky and we went to his house

And his father was a cop and he took the gun down and he started train rushing Oh I can't remember his name And then his mother had like a little yard And he had she had like a french poodle And the dog used to take little shit since the mom would never clean up the backyard So one day we're out there like eight of us were freezing. We're passing the joint around Hey, I don't know where he goes. How much would you give me the piece of shit?

It was like that's the hat around we passed that around Yeah, he did it. What the fuck was that kid? I can't remember. I can't remember the name, but I know who you're talking about Because we were on an eating spree like people would try to do it. You know, yeah, you were trying to outdo each other Right. Was it? Yeah, you were trying to outdo each other and it was that whole thing like if you think about it You had you had Ozzy and Zappa and you had people who were trying to gross each other out and one up each other all the time uh So, you know, we decided to do it too

Which was, you know But yeah, you know, there was mice. There was snakes. There was Oh, that's right. We go to the cemetery and knock the tombstones over And there was little slaves that live under the tombstones And I started bringing the snake the Fucking mix And that's what it snakes on the counter and he almost shit poor Nick Oh, Nick. We used to terrorizing

Nick had his own Nick. Nick was a cool dude. But yeah Nick was one of the best pizza guys we ever had. He would put his Sicilian pie by the window And all the flies would land on it. It was like a takeoff. It was like a little airport For the flies He used to call you. I had told the community to call me. I shaved my head and I I tried to grow a beard It was a scraggly Disgusting looking thing with no head. I had no head. He's like comedy And he used to call me belushi

Because like I fucked I fucked up one to this pizza parlor and I threw pepper at him And he banned me for like 30 days and he forgave me But we then I got him. I am we one night and he had to he had to close up the shop That must have been funny We came out to the car and he's like, well, you're smoking So we just gave him like a hit of weed. We came back an hour later to eat and the pizza parlor was closed We asked him the next day, Nick, what happened to you? He's like that stuff was good stuff because he had that Greek accent Good stuff

You had to go home Yeah to go home Avila, it's a pleasure to have you on my friend. Ah, it's a pleasure to be here, man I like this zoom. I'm starting to like it now. If I could see my old friends and talk with them This will work Put some of the podcast talks with shit Let them know before you guys go Can you explain more about the throwing the chairs at the concert? You kind of just glossed over

Were you throwing at the band? No, it was just you know, everybody like Ted Ted Nugent. It was an unbelievable show where we were sitting Bond Scott ran through The On his shoulders and ran right past us. We were in the front orchestra section in front right orchestra section if you're looking at the stage and um So Ted comes out plays a great show comes out again for for um

An encore You know and plays stranglehold and then go, you know, does cat scratch fever and you know, everybody's going crazy and nobody's leaving No, the lights are up. Nobody's leaving everybody's Ted Ted Ted. He comes out again. He plays a song by Chuck Berry called Carol So he starts that song off and with that somebody wasn't one of us I don't claim to start this thing somebody throws a chair in the air That's all it had to be done next thing, you know Well, the lunatics that we're with just start winging chairs and just throwing them in the air

And not an eight just throwing them up in the air. You see these chairs flying And next thing, you know, everybody's orchestra section is throwing chairs and people are getting out of the way And there's this huge pile of chairs with a sea of people around and it was just you just saw things flying in the air And there was nothing that security could do about it Not a thing if I go back to the craziest concert That had to be the one because I still remember getting on the bus And people had ghetto blasters Playing highway to hell

on the bus People would just go over there to hang out Even if they didn't get tickets because there were so many scalpers in those days You got tickets to 10 bucks eight bucks 15 bucks, you know So but I still remember like just being excited Do you remember going to see Ted out in the middle lands? Hell yeah. Yeah I walked home after aerospace

There was just terrible terrible. It was too fucking hot And I still remember walking on route three and you could get dead fucking wailing out there But it was just amazing how we were always safe Yeah in all those concerts because there was so many of us from our hometown. Yeah Like I still haven't seen acdc at the palladium And we were all in one section. There had to be 40 of us in one section We just took the section open, you know, it's hard to tell people but it was true I still remember going to see Ozzy with Deedee and him get into a fist fight

Because some guy was drunk and trying to drive up his leg and shit at some concerts and Deedee just unloaded on the guy You know, you know, we just It was a very unique childhood that we had and I want people to See how lucky we were in a way these my daughter's never gonna have After fun that we had grown up. I'm sure your daughter's Do you tell her about these things or? You know back to the table comes up, you know, I don't bring it up What what stays in a pet what's in the past stays in the past. I'll talk with you about this stuff

I get together like we were I was on a podcast the podcast I was on a zoom with Higgins and Wheeler and and Sharples the other night And we wound up talking about some of this wacky stuff that we did and um It's just it's it's I don't people who weren't there don't truly appreciate it I don't think you know, you had to it had to be there. It was it was so free. We had so much freedom you know

To do what almost whatever we wanted and and the thing was You know, you went to school. You do. You know, you did what you had to do You know, we went to school did my school work. I played sports. I was an athlete when I was on the field I was there 100 and when you were out with your friends you were there with them a hundred percent A hundred percent everything you did You did a hundred percent. It was just I don't know. It's just it was a great time You know, I wrote the story out for the I'm doing an audio book and I it's funny when I write the stories out

And then I read them and I don't believe in myself I have to call you or Dee Dee Or lubes and just get confirmation Like I have to call a divo sometimes Mike. Hey, I have to call James And I really got to get confirmation that this happened You know because sometimes it just feels like I was talking to the internet about the halloween party who went That year and we dressed up like ghosts or I don't know what the fuck we dressed up We you know what we went as yes

We're not gonna mention it. No, we're not gonna mention it There was a reason why we went because a chardy a chardy's nicknamed but uh, Paul I think if I remember but uh, yeah That was a crazy party up in up in gamio's attic Yes, garage And I think me and lubes had done some mescaline. That's what we called in those days. Yes The the micro dot mescaline and uh, the clock was moving fast But I was telling you I remember I still remember there was a hole in the middle of the ground

Yeah, there was an attic with an ladder to it and your goal was to talk to somebody and back them up So they could fall through the hole You know you look at that people fell through the hole because they weren't paying attention But then you had people like folk and john garrity And I think kevin valentine they were diving down head first for fun I still remember folk was dressed up like the devil and he dove down and he came up and his horns were bent That's right. I just still this day

I just could not You know, I still haven't been getting on a bus with you guys My job was to torment the number one bus driver Like I became a comedian on the number one bus Like that's where I learned to become a comedian Because when you got on the bus in the morning the bus came from jersey city And it was filled with heroin addicts that would get methadone. I don't a lot of people don't remember that stuff No, I don't know I used to go I used to be in the cie work study program

So my first class was at seven thirty So I would leave fucking 38th street at 7 a.m. And they would just open up that methadone clinic So I would have to ride the bus With a bunch of junkies nodding And I started waking it up my fart. That was my thing was just a fart At the blow to the air on Oh my god

Sophomore year we're coming back from brick town After playing and the bus broke down. They had a send another bus to get us We wind up playing the game and they were coming back and it's super late And we had cheerleaders on the bus with us and everything like that And it's it's it's cold out next thing, you know, people are open the windows and gasping for air. It was you You're sitting in the back laughing like a hyena everybody else is screaming trying to get the windows down. They're all stuck That's what one of the coaches said he's changing flavors Because I farted what happened was I was eating

Stake-ums and they got stuck in my system. I hadn't shit for like two weeks So one of that bus I didn't tell nobody like I had this gastric problem And I blew a fart and I still remember lorry rosa was a name one of those Rosa girls marine after the second dose of farts The cheerleader was crying And I'll never forget laughing my ass. So I'm like till this day people like who was farting and they were playing They were blaming Like immediately

I blame somebody else I remember you did. Did you blame conty? I blame blend I blame somebody or somebody else. Let's beat them up You did you did you did I think you blame blend I think you did And he started yelling at him and you're laughing. I know it's you I know it's you

And people are screaming trying to get Oh my god, it was It was classic fucking Diaz Steven bill. I love you. I love you too, brother Thank you for taking the time man, and uh, if you want to check out you have a facebook page for the past message Yeah, I don't know when touring is going to result. We're all stuck It's Our website's tpm rocks dot com and we're also on facebook. Just look for the past masters

All right, brother. I love you Love thank you for doing this for me. My pleasure. Have a great week. Give the girls a kiss you too. Do the same Do the same. You got it, brother kiss late. Take care, buddy. Thank you Steve So long guys All right, all right, all right Listen the sound of it was uh in the beginning was a little fucked up But you guys got the hint how we grew up a little bit. I mean Steve wasn't a part of my criminal past nothing like this

We were just young, uh Kids exploring like he said we went to a bunch of concerts And uh his shed really I mean I had like I had I had dark sides of the moon, but he introduced me to Animals he introduced me to wish you were here He introduced him and his family introduced me To so much fucking music It was just pathetic. I'm happy you got to hear the Ted Nugent story When we threw the chairs up in the air and I wasn't sitting with them

I was sitting on the side with this chick named Chris Morgan was a dear friend of mine And I still remember throwing like three or four chairs Uh, you know, we got stories for days and uh, I'm gonna keep bringing them to you It's so funny Well, he was saying that things get bad. He's thinking of selling his underwear Like oh, he's gonna sell you underwear the women like chubby women. He goes nah Guys I go guys. Oh my god. That's a brilliant fucking idea. Hey, they ever go to reddit.com They got tons of people doing it go reddit.com reddit.com

And you just search men's underwear like obviously women's underwear goes for a lot more Because the creepy guys like us buying it But I saw people selling it for like 35 30 to 50 bucks a pair. Let me tell you something I'll take my fucking little uncircumcised dick I'll bang out through jerk walls. I'll take the sperm wall But I'll rub it on that helmet to mix it up with the pee. It's like a sperm martini door fat I'll sell you my underwear. It's not me on these Classic tidy whiteies with a little skid mark just to take you back. I'll decorate it for you

I even fart man leave it. It'll look like a fucking got It'll got shut one of those guns from the 1400 shotguns. No the other ones the ones that spray like oh musket It looks like they got shot with a musket. I'll sell you guys on the rest with a small 2000 You know me. I got no fucking shame. Yes. I do. I can't sell men. I'll do it a man. That's torturing I'm a little young guys smelling my dick. How would I sleep at night? I'm a Catholic You know I'm saying I can't put up with that Talk about the Benjamin Fuck that. No, I can't there's a lot of shit. I can't do guys

But I just wouldn't do I just can't do Against who I am and who I belong, you know It's like cameos nice, but I can't sell you a video me yelling at you If I want to make a video me yelling at you. Trust me. I yell at you eventually if you like today Leave it a fucking that listen. I hope you enjoy these We're gonna do my friend Dennis Glange on Wednesday Next week. We're doing a two-parter With the man who knows me

Better than anybody this guy is My longest lasting He's seen me at my worst and he's seen me at my best. I'm gonna give you a couple weeks of these Just to let you know What the fuck has happened? So in the book the audio book gets released You guys are on it. You guys know that fucking These are bona fide

And I want you to see what the state of mind was but the state of mind this week, motherfucker Is gambling it's back. We ain't fucking around here in my bookie UFC 249 Ferguson gaugy tremendous fergots into the fucking killer But you know what you know me don't sleep on fucking gaugy because he's a fucking savage too And they got a bunch of other great fucking fights on that card the card don't stop Then you got two more fights white nights Wednesday the 13th you got smith against texara and then saturday the 16th

You got ovarim against harris. So i'm giving you three fucking ways to make geeters plus They still got the casino open with a live fucking dealer and fucking far and is not breathing not in your neck You're playing cards with other fucking people. Okay. That's what my bookie does to you They're gonna have side bets for you for this UFC fight. What do you think it's just gonna be They're gonna have an over and under submissions knockouts They got everything but a fucking ham sandwich bisque and if that's not enough this is what i'm gonna do for you this saturday For the church family my bookie's giving out risk-free bet

Up to 49. That's right risk-free if you're already missing out enough action as it is So my bookie wanted you to give you a little something extra To be for being a part of the show. Is that cool or not? I take care of you fucking savages So do me a favor head over to my bookie dot ag. You're gonna bet anyway Head over to my bookie dot ag slash joey and make some fucking bets. What's so hard about that? You'll be supporting the church. You'll be supporting yourself Plus you first you put a little chingaling in your fucking pocket and you're doing good work and keeping your ass at fucking home Which is what matters all right before these people start walking around with missing eyebrows

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Again, you see any of the fortune tellers opening Hollywood need more. Fuck. No If they didn't see the fucking chinese people coming with who then They're not gonna see who's gonna tell you the winner of Ferguson. So why play houdini? Find the weakest fight on the card And bet that and win money It's like making a bet and going to bed and waking up with an envelope next door to you It's like the fucking fairy tale godmother came to you understand me So

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You know, I got your back and I got the same motherfucking problems you got Look at my hair. I look like Elvis gone wild. You know what I'm saying? Look at my fucking eyebrows. I could fucking pet a fucking eyebrow and get it off. You know what I'm saying? People were trying stay in Enjoy your families. Love your families. Look at my hometown of north bergen Number two in the fucking state of new jersey and and number three is union city Number one is lakewood. They got those fucking acidic juice those bastards. No offense. So, you know, I love you But those bastards should be shot numb

They don't fucking dry clean their black suit and then they don't take showers It's like killing a skunk and taking a skunk post spelt off and putting it on top of you if you're a skunk to keep warm It's like double trouble. They're like double skunks. He's fucking a seed juice and I love them. You know I want no harm intended to fucking this city's Jews. I love them But we got to control the flow But most importantly, you got to keep on your game and keep slinging dick in your mind Let me tell you something when this started I was down you guys felt it in my voice Listen to me now. I don't give a fuck. I got a plan

I know exactly how I'm gonna execute it and we got shit going on. That's all that means Whether you're broke, whatever get a plan going. You know what? I don't know when this is gonna end But when it does end You're gonna be right there with your dick out and somebody's gonna be out on all floors with their mouth open That's just the way things work out sometimes. I love you, motherfucker I want to give a shout out to magic spoon and I want to give out a shout out to my booky Gagey Ferguson, bitch Saturday. I'll see you guys Wednesday morning Tip top magoo. Don't miss a beat same bat time

Same bat channel kick this fucking muley You