Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #788 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

Duncan Trussell, a comedian and the host of the "Duncan Trussell Family Hour" podcast, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE via Zoom. Duncan is the creator and stars of the new Netflix show, "The Midnight Gospel." This podcast is brought to you by:   MeUndies - Go to Meundies.com/JOEY and get 15% off of your first purchase and FREE shipping.    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    

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No, and they don't stop with cream. It's just not the CBD lion cream. It's the fucking bath balls It's the fucking tincture. It's the gummy bears, which are delicious. I mean, they don't stop The the vapor pen they don't put the acetate in it. This is a real CBD This isn't some fucking dude with one eye selling your CBD at some fucking store This is the real deal go to CBD line right now go to their web page Look at that third-party test lab results and get back to me. All right. I'm no fucking scientist, but I'm telling you I know what I'm doing. I'm riding the bicycle. I'm fucking jumping up and down. I get pains and sores CBD lion fuck and the the bath ball you throw it in a nice hot bath

You're brand new the purple one. You should have seen me. I did like a fucking edible. I was in there I thought I was purple man. It was tremendous CBD lion calm right now and get a bath ball start with that cock suckers kick this fucking meal Lee He's covered church Called word church. That's right It's that fucking day it's Wednesday the stimulus checks to hasn't got me I told you who gives a fuck. There's no debt is prison. You're slinging dick. You're alive. You're breathing You got an apple. It could be worse

It could be worse. I saw the fucking cops tearing up the little homeless hut under the hunger. Did you see them? No, I've seen the cops to beat up on two little skinny homeless dudes with no mask on and they won the white COVID She's like motherfuckers you talk to a homeless guy. You better have the whole suit on it's like you go into the moon You see those people live under the tunnel you go talk to them like I bring up a sandwich I throw it out of and run like I can't I can't they got COVID they got everything they got shit that hasn't even hit yet I do I give him food that dog. I'm the nicest. I picked listen. I picked certain homeless people and I There's a little Mexican guy in Lancashire me walks around like he's lost Every time I see him I bang him out with a 20 the black dude up by In-N-Out burger

He's not a bad guy. I'm gonna bang him out and then I got my personal bodyguard fucking Rambo to the black guy The return of the black guy You know I'm saying fear the black planet. He's six for six. What do you want to do? He finally got a haircut I don't know who cut it. He got haircut. He got I don't know how he cut it He cut it himself. It looks fun. His head is he's you know, he's black dude nice looking dude But his afro square like he just took like a fucking thing to it His head looks like fucking a kid in play like one of those But he's looking good. I always duke him a 20 when I see him

You got take care of your local homeless people forget these local little businesses fuck them They want to sell antique chairs. They wonder why they're going out of business. Why why are you torturing me? You're in no danger If you're selling antique chairs, you better get a fucking career and they go in there and start filing nails or something You're in no danger. Every time I see a fire now. I think I think of Jewish lightning Oh, no, I can downtown the other day. That's all I can think about people are burning shit up That's a bad fire downtown. That was that was a hash where they yeah, sure Actually hurt some of the fireman my heart goes out to some of those guys

And fight like fireman got blown off the ladder Yeah, that was a very bad fire the other night. So my heart goes out to you motherfuckers Still the toughest people the front line, you know through all this shit. Yeah, look what we find. I'm in the duck stand. Oh After 9-11 duck stand a little bad one of the funniest fucking jokes going and the joke went like this that it was tough being like You know for years of you and the Marine you got your dick sucked But after 9-11, it wasn't cool to be a Marine or a fucking soldier It was cool to be a fucking New York City cop. No, it was cool to be a fireman Yeah, so firemen were getting a dick sucked left and right now

It's cool to be a nurse like if you're a nurse you're getting your asshole eating People are spanking you and he asked it's cool to be a fucking nurse now like it's amazing Who rises from the fucking ashes after a disaster like now there the fucking front runners now We we never thought how hard nurses work and doctors work bro. I hate fucking emergency rooms I think that's the worst job to ever sign up for why because There's too much uncertainty. I don't have the heart to work in an emergency room Like I remember as a kid going to emergency rooms and it's just being a bad situation Like I haven't been since I was a kid

Knock on wood. I don't even want to talk about it no more. Sorry. I even brought it up Fuck it. I'll tell you let's talk about what I've been looking at in Lancasham lately And now I see him in the fucking date. It's amazing. What happens when people go start When people need money. I'm not not not laughing at no money. I know people are fucking living hard It's hard for people But it's really hard when I first met Lee I Used to hang out I used to go to a cafe was it's not Lancasham. I wasn't going to the store yet

and I'm I'm not a fucking dummy But there's things I'm not hip to like we all are like I could see a drug deal happening a mile away Yeah, I saw one the other day Yeah, I was just because I take weird rides You know like I take weird rides and I could spot a drug deal at CVS. They met at CVS Oh, sure. So as I was walking in like they were meeting Like he just got out of the car and they met at CVS to do the drug deal which I had something I would do

CVS is a good spot. There's a lot of traffic there but You notice different things, you know like you you There's things I'm not looking for So I don't know you like I don't really notice it, right? When I first moved to the valley I will go Lancasham at night And it'd be like after 9 30, which nothing is going on in Lancasham now. It's coming to life

they're building a whole foods and they've got like a Massage place flexorama like one of those chains massage aroma. Yeah, they got Jimmy John's and something else Firewood pizza and across the street. They got like a Protein thing and like a weird restaurant like if you're on keto They're starting to put a life over there, but it's nine years ago. It was just a hard night To three blocks. Yeah, and then there was Starbucks on Magnolia And then there was the train which is another block and a half and the only thing on that corner is the federal and If you don't know what I'm talking about if there's an episode when

When the black guy gets arrested and sons of anarchy and they're bringing around around the side as a movie theater It's the airport towel theater that went down there But that's the only thing that's on Lancasham guys was a ha ha and the federal and I would sit there at night I would call the Agostino the guy who was on the podcast three weeks ago This got to be ten years ago and I go dig a steamer Can I come down he go? Yeah come down to the last spot and I would go there and I didn't want to sit inside So I would sit outside that tables. That's how we met. Yeah, and I would sit outside and go Like every 15 minutes a check would walk by by yourself a black one a

white one a Black one Another black one. I never thought about they weren't bad looking, but you know, I'm on down. I'm talking to the Agostino I'm talking to Adam Hunter, you know, I'm talking to the comics at the time that I'm hanging out there and One night I'm like, you know what man? This is too fucking crazy These chicks are hookers Wow, yeah hookers and then

You and I met a girl one day. Yeah, she asked you to go to skinnies I said Lee you're single go with her and the next day you're like she wanted 50 bucks or whatever Oh, yeah, yeah, she wanted to No, she had a bandage on her head and he didn't even he didn't left Listen, I'm not here to cock block nobody I'm walling either she's getting out or she just got hit in the head with something something's going on I don't want to know nothing, but you know, whatever that so For years they cleaned up like a shim to have a movie theater like Lemley's there. Mm-hmm. So they really cleaned it up. I

Don't see nobody You don't see fucking nobody you come out here at night Six months ago. You don't see nobody the movie theater has people going in and out The Japanese people burnt down the sushi place They Jewish life and then got caught they burnt out to block down. He's going to he's going to jail Oh, yeah, it was in the paper like two weeks ago. He's going to jail. Oh, they cut a deal something's going on He's going to jail when that happens Yeah, then Joe from the coffee shop tried to beat him up with the cops got there because he burnt down the coffee shop

The Jewish lightning went south Yeah, listen, that's why Jews are good. They predict the wind Japs don't know what the wind that's for Indians and fucking Jewish people leave it to us Do you know the downwind and shit? He lit the fire like upwind and it went up the corner They've burnt the library a gym and Joe's coffee Yeah, he went the other way to fire so My point is Listen, if you know a lot of fire just calling you they know or they know somebody they got a relative

Who knows somebody had a light up or none? These are just jokes here. My point is that so now we hit the crisis right and Things are bad again So I take my little rides because my daughter homeschools from 10 to 12 So I don't want to be a nuisance and have her know that she's in the office So I leave them alone. I take a ride. I come here I take out my notebooks and I make my calls or the who I got a torture I go to the weed store early and get that away before all the germy people go there

I try to do different fucking things at different times, right? and One night I went for a fucking ride like I was like, you know what it's I need to go for a ride So I took one of my fucking joints with me and I went to go to the YMCA. It was the night before they opened everything Right, but I talk about that. I went in there and they were doing exercises and I couldn't go in there That's why parked in front of Brett's g2 place. Yeah, and the hooker She she made eye contact. Yeah, she made eye contact. But here's what gets better. Like I just thought that was one night. Oh No, it don't stop there. Guess what I saw today. What a hooker at gelsons at gelsons blocker than the night

I think they get dropped off a gross cuz when I used to live on Sepulveda telling you right down the corner from your fucking house Oh shit. She was right there 1130 and the 511 48 Wow, me and my wife could not fucking believe it Was he was he like searching for it? It was you know, she was there looking at the stars. Yes He was looking for dick. Yeah, she was looking for dick on the way out of the supermarket That's not the first time I've seen a black chick at gelsons looking for dick and broad daylight Well, we had remember we had that one that was like the walker like around like the coffee shop like years ago

She was like the only one that survived. I'm in my shoulder to Josh Wolf one time We couldn't believe how hot she was and she would wear blonde wigs red wigs and she would make eye contact me But they cleaned her up. She disappeared But now that they're back if you go to in and out burger now If you drive up towards in and out burger. Yeah across the street those city hotels They're outside They're standing outside like and they don't stand in clusters like they used to Like want to go out there for a little while you could see it

They've all hookers have always intrigued me just that a woman would stand on a corner and Take a chance with a guy in a car. That's the ballsy is fucking thing I've ever heard of in my life anybody could shake the tits on the internet big fucking deal You know saying let me see you get down to the fucking corner. Yeah and work a corner and be known to be on that corner Like to be known to be on that corner like people know that you're there at midnight when they get out for work That's pretty wild. If you're not there, you'll be there in 30 minutes And I wonder how I mean Obviously you hear horror stories, but people do it for years

So it can't go better all the time. Well, I don't know like I don't even like I think Vegas is legal and process in Vegas prostitution is legal in Nevada I Never really saw it in my face Until the last time Joe took me to a UFC and I left on a Friday night. I didn't wait for the fight I took that 6 a.m. Flight. You got to be at the airport at 5. Mm-hmm And they were fucking hookers everywhere downstairs as I was checking out. It was mind-boggling to me I didn't want but if I see a hooker working in Vegas like even at the South Point when I used to work the South Point Right. The South Point is really good. They clean up

But one would slip in there from time to time. Oh, yeah And while we were eating at the seafood clan bar in the corner there, I would watch them when we have a table I would see how they work how them, you know, what their operandi is how they see the guy Then they sit to from the guy and then they make an excuse to sit next to the guy You know I'm saying and then she gets up and then he gets up two minutes later. They walk out separate exits It's interesting. They use that you're so interested by it because I know you you are Like a self-admitted prude almost like it's weird that like you're it's not that I'm a hooker guy But the art of it as always

It's not that I respect it. Listen, whatever a woman wants to do with her body is their own fucking business I applaud those girls a couple weeks ago. I applauded that girl Jamie, right on my podcast because she's broke She's not showing her pussy. She's dancing with the titties or whatever That takes a certain type of balls You know, there's no waitressing. It's not like you get a waitressing job right now It's not like you get an office job right now. You can't get a job as a secretary Again, you can't get a job as a chef right now. I'm not saying women should be certain things But it's even you know for a woman right now. What are you gonna do? There's no waitressing job and I'm like this

So I have nothing against you when I retweet a girl that's selling videos or something like that First of all, I'm laughing Because that's what Twitter has become Yeah, for some women they're selling videos on there the hot one mom from Texas The one that has always sells the gangbangs. I show my wife and we how My wife can't believe that they allow that on Twitter I'll be sitting there and I go honey. Look at his tape and she's just getting dicked from eight different directions You sure that actual tape? It's on Twitter

And so we'll be watching TV at night I'll check my messages and I'll go to Twitter to see what's on Twitter Just to see if anybody messaged me or somebody, you know wrote something right and when I open up home page She's always on there Getting fucked. It's the same old video and she'll say I just sold three more videos on Hot bar to go to hot bar triple X or something like that, right? Well, it's live. She's sucking a dick There's one video she made well her fucking playing with a pussy in front of the electrician Damn, oh, it's fucking craziness and then I'll take it. I don't understand

There's a friend of mine that I know who does porno and That's what she told me. She goes. It's really weird and this was she doesn't even do porno anymore This was five years ago. She goes if I would put a clip up they would take it off, but if Red bands old girlfriend, right would put a clip on They would leave it on It's really weird the selection if I think if they get Certified or because the dog listen, there's another girl there that I became friends with online Do you remember the girl that I retweeted and then she got pissed off at me because I retweeted

She thought I was goofing on her and then she said that she was getting threats But then she hit me back and she goes I saw like two on a video Thank you. It's really weird if I see a girl shaking her ass on Twitter I might give her a retweet Just there's one. That's really annoying. I don't even know her name is she's got to go How can you be annoying taking your to so? Oh? She's just because she's like a washed up porno stuff She's washed up, but like everything she's lost everything like Tabitha Stevens is still beautiful. Yeah

She's not washed up. She's still fucking beautiful Tabitha Stevens, you know, I retweeted on the other day She thank I saw that. Yeah, she looked fucking beautiful fucking She was throwing heat. She doesn't give a fuck, but there's some of them that it's time for them to go Like they didn't get the memo yet like it's time to go nobody wants and she's the worst one because she makes a pussy squirt So like you'll be fucking going on your homepage on Twitter And all of a sudden you see and she's got the ugliest pussy it squirts like crooked No, it looks like my dick like it's got like a turtleneck So like when I piss I have to pull the skin back and not the pissable everywhere like a flap like if it's a 5050

That's why I always pick up the toilet. I'm always Because if I leave the skin down I can just pee on my pants. I get it everywhere. Why do you need the skin down then? No, I never do. Oh, okay. I gotta pull the skin back. Okay. Oh my I did that image of your hand flapping around Sorry, I know you're Jewish. We shouldn't be talking about it. No idea. Oh my god Anyway, it's great to be here on a fucking Wednesday. You're still alive. Who's better than you cocksuckers? Nobody Eight weeks. We've been under fucking acquisition. What do you call it? Killing people fake numbers. I don't even know no more who to believe all I know is we got a great guest for you to listen guys I love it when I do a podcast with somebody and you guys enjoy it and you guys feel a certain chemistry

Because the better friends you are with somebody the better the podcast because the better the stories The longevity they've got The friendship they've got and they want they have a lot of people want me to do that podcast. I don't know them It's just an interview sometimes I hate interviewing people. It's just a conversation This guest that I have on today is one of my favorite people in Los Angeles. I Gotta tell you he's one of my best best best best friends. He's fucking down as fuck for me. He was There with my daughter was born with a camera. He showed up. I mean we went out to breakfast We've been on the road together

We've been friends for 20 years and I love him to death and I'm proud of him That what he's done with this show Midnight Gospel because it really is the mind of Duncan Trussell and He fucking put me in his show. Like, you know when the guys like him and Greg Garcia Call you up. You feel like on it. So Duncan Trussell ladies and gentlemen kick this fucking mule Lee I There he is

Fucking universe My little brother look at them Which you fucking clouds behind you. I like it. I like it. I gotta get that effect. You know, I'm saying oh, yeah Man, it's all about the green screen these days Joey. That's where we're at right now. How are you brother? I'm great Man, what about you good? How's your child? Oh, man Beautiful just beautiful happy, you know, my wife is just killing it, you know, she's I'm just so in love with her man watching her be with a baby

It's the most psychedelic beautiful thing that ever happened to me and he's just great, you know, he's He's start. He's like fine. He's done. He did his first Joke, you know at me, which is you know, he's obviously he's learned the word boo boo and My feet are so fucked up that his thing is to like point at my feet and go boo boo 16 months how fun It's the best fun. How much fun, you know, you wish they'll go to sleep at night You're like, oh, what's that now? Let him hang out like at night. Yeah, your wife's like, all right. It's bedtime. You're like mind your business I know they go I know there's times where you want to go wake him up. Yeah, I do

I do I go in there in the middle of the night sometimes I got one and put my head on his stomach and rub her arm You're in no danger waking that little bitch up Cosby. Oh really? Oh my daughter she sleeps like a Cosby victim You understand me. She goes deep into the murky waters The underworld I've even told I go you ever get up at night Come in the living room. Maybe we'll do some snacks. Maybe we'll watch a movie and she looked at me like really yeah Wow, that's he's nowhere near that age man He's still at age where if I if he if his sleep cycle gets fucked up, you know, he's grumpy the next day You know, he's still at that age where like and he's in a crib still, you know, so I'm gonna hit the crib in that

Yeah, what time is he gonna bed? What time you put seven six thirty or seven and he sleeps the whole night straight Yeah, you know most of the time That's nightmare. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me. What is your kid? What do you expect? He's got You don't think there's some leftover sperms leftover acid and fucking the loose of the genetics and that one nut when you got a pregnant You know, there's got to be something go when my daughter was born. She just looked around for a little while. I'm like, oh, no She caught 20 milligrams of an edible one day No, they do they catch that shit they can and then you'll see him eat one day and all of a sudden you'll see him going to

That's a that's a little flashback from the womb. You know saying No, I know Not to disrespect your mother or my mother, but those bitches smoke cigarettes They drank Clorox in the 60s and 70s. Moms didn't give a fuck. They drank alcohol It was still alright for them to drink alcohol on the fetus. They were out there when jumping jacks I didn't give a fuck now. They're out running and jogging and 70s bitches in the 60s used to smoke cigarettes nine months pregnant My my okay, my brother. This is one of the stories. My dad liked to tell my so apparently my mom and my dad they were

Using like an 80 year old pediatrician Right, like he was this old Southern pediatrician and so he died And they took my brother when he's a little little baby to a new pediatrician You know, you're just going through all the stuff that you give to the baby and the new pediatrician is like What the what are you doing that the old pediatrician had been giving my brother? Lot of them lot of them, which is Opium so like which is an old-school like Just like an old-school medicine that they would give kids when they were crying

So like when my you know brother was a little baby He was getting like hard-core Opium like the kind you would drink back in the opium dens in the 1800s. Where's this doctor today? We should look that cock suck up and throw him an envelope I know I want to fucking lot of them. I'd love that Can you imagine a couple fucking smokes opium on a Friday night? You just sit there? Oh, you got like a Chinese chick to play the violin for you. You have no idea Those are the good old days. Those are the good old days now. We got to live legit now

Not only do we have to live legit. You have to live in the spotlight. You have come out with one of the most mind-boggling Animated, I don't even know what to call it. It's it's a hybrid Animated, you know Ten years from now people are gonna gonna be be watching this in midnight movie theaters 16 year olds are gonna get high Because the first I watched two episodes. I'm like this shit is out. It's too crazy I know what this needs this needs mushroom. Maybe a fucking shot of heroin

You need to do drugs before you do midnight gospel, right before you even get into it What you did was totally a Mind explosion. I know you had a partner on it. Yeah, but I saw a lot of the mind of Duncan Trussell The thing at the end with moms, you know, you just Hit it out of the fucking park. Thank you. I mean, it's But you hit it out of the park and you did a Roberto Clemente It was so beautiful. So it landed perfectly It just hit at the right time when America needed it. I

Netflix is never gonna tell you the numbers but it exceeded Millions Because people at home it came out and knew in a great fucking time and I know You hooked me up. You gave me a couple fucking voices. That was tremendous. Yeah, first episode. I'm yelling weed I watched it with my daughter the first time For about three minutes and you started saying fuck if you just looked at me. I go it's time for you to abandon ship I think this is an adult entertainment. It's not a kid show. It's a great show, but not if you're

Not if you you know, if she was nine, I'm trying to create a savage. Yeah, why not? Yeah, but I'm not trying to create a savage and Duncan. I gotta tell you something during this whole Thing it's just great to see you great to see you Joey. I miss you man. I miss you, too, brother This is fucked up. I mean, it's fucked up. It's I want I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you first of all, thanks for watching the show man And I didn't hook you up. You hooked me up by being on the show. Thank you for being on the show You killed it. You know, what's really cool about you man is that you're not just a A great comic one of the great comics you're also you work your ass off to be an actor

And so when you know, you see you working in For the first time getting to see different people the way they work in a VO booth You know and in seeing people who are trained everyone did a great job but like seeing people like you and Phil Hendry who are trained actors and Watching, you know, all those years and years and years of work come out in the room and Not just that but the way you're like connecting with everyone in the room You're like doing this thing which is really really really cool to watch. That's I love watching. I don't care what it is man I love watching

People who are experts at stuff, you know what I mean, whatever it is You have to go into the room and connect with everybody in that room If you want this project to go well, I Have to let my ego go and let the four guys who know what they're doing Guide me you tell me, you know, I'm directable. You tell me what you tell me bang my head on the wall That's a job. I accepted it. I'll bang my head off the wall to get the visual that you need, you know Yeah, so working with you guys was also a fucking pleasure because it seemed like

Just going in do what you need to do do it this way do it that way do it this way We have forgotten how to create anymore The reason why I wanted to talk to you today is because you created something Everything is so put together go watch it like a movie. That's three years old. That was big three years ago You watch it now and you're like That was put together This is this is this is acting Casting not with your show. I felt it. I felt the characters. I felt the richness

The stabbing the guy in the ass to you know, just you took so much From the your world and put it into this and I'm just Listen, man, I cheer for everybody, but for this one I went nuts. I applauded. Thanks, man I turned my nieces on to it Because my one niece is a real nearing and when I hit her with it She goes I've seen the trail. I can't wait for it to come out of where you're fucking Uncle Joey's in it Go for it. I send her a picture of black guy putting the firecracker in his eye and blowing it up You're like I want to get stoned with this guy

How fun is he just doing a couple lines of coke and say like every ten minutes instead of having a Chinese guy and boogie nights Just having him listen put a firecracker in your eye I give you an extra grandma blown driving to the hospital. No worries By the time I get through with that poor guy, there'll be no eyes left in the state What else you've been Joey? What do you think's gonna matter? This is the thing that has been dawning on me because I guess I'm slow as fuck but You know, I've been thinking like what's gonna happen to stand up comedy like what like, you know the other day I was

Talking to my booking agent, you know, like just getting the lowdown on what's happening out there and the whole industry is paralyzed right now and You know, I just was wondering what's your take on it, man? You know, you've been hitting the road for so long like what what what what are you get? What is out there? What signal are you getting out there? my situation is as follows and this is You know Everybody's situation and is different than this. You have a wife. You have a child you

Like creating you're very comfortable Creating different things. You've always done great. This isn't your first time at the rodeo You have other shows that you've sold. Yeah And finally you found the one, you know, you got a kiss a couple frogs before you meet a prince You know I'm saying sure so for a guy like you right now. You're safer than fuck I'm just waiting for Netflix to put in the second order for the second season. I'm not jinxing you But they'd be crazy if they wouldn't so you've got another year covered Okay, that's you

Myself I do videos for you know different corporate events and The podcast we're not getting rich, but we're afloat. Okay. Yeah as far as the road is concerned Uh, you know, hey, I don't know who this fucking Fauci guy is And I don't know who half these people are that are telling us what's going on I know that I've had friends That have had it And I had a kid that I went to high school with Died from it. I want to give him a Dave Phillips

Rest in peace. I had to beat him up one day Because I thought he robbed my house We were like 15 somebody robbed my house and they put him on me and I caught him in a bowling alley hallway He couldn't get out. I caught him in the fucking hallway And I apologize to him later when I found out who robbed my house Yeah, over the years we connected and we were dear on Facebook Here's one of those sad stories that went to the hospital and they sent them home and Then went back and died in the hospital. God damn

So I don't know what's going on with conspiracies. I don't know if you should wear a mask. I Don't know if you should put Clorox in your veins. I don't know if you should I Know I'll tell you what's gonna work for Joe Diaz I just told you what's gonna work for Duncan and I'm gonna tell you what's gonna work for Joe Diaz. Joe Diaz is probably gonna do some type of Residency at the brand proud Two Tuesdays a month, maybe maybe one Wednesday a month up a knock up an Oxnard And I'm gonna continue to wear a mask. I'm gonna continue social distancing times 10

No headshots. No nothing. No, nothing Basically, no, nothing. I mean, I Gotta know who you are what your background is. I have a system for comedy You know how you've been in a comedy club when you get there You're not in the door two minutes and there's ten knocks on your door With ten people who want to know what song you want to go on what you want to eat They want to introduce themselves as a girl here named Melissa. Do you want? No? Yeah, I'm cutting that down to one person every club is gonna have a covert advocate, right mask gloves pick us up

Clean car. I want to smell the Lysol and that's I'm just gonna fill out feel Out the waters If it's too crazy, I pull the plug I've been doing this for 30 years. I got nothing to be embarrassed about I rather it's better to quit ahead than quitting It's a big fucking difference. Yeah And what about the I mean just from financially if they're gonna do like half if they're gonna Fill the room with half as many people. I mean that affects everything that that affects the clubs over at that You know everybody listen

It's called the COVID-19, but what it should be really called is pay cut Yeah, this is remember Paul Mooney. You and I grew up on Paul Mooney. Yeah, and every once in a while He'd look at us and say Man, you got your nigga wake up call. Everybody gets that nigga wake up call no matter what color you are I'm not being racist. I'm just telling you the truth. We just got our nigga wake up call You know the flights People are not traveling hotels, you know You want to do it? You want to do an interesting or you want to write a new series of midnight gospel?

All you got to do is go to the Siena get make a left on to Melrose and drive down Melrose That's a new season of midnight gospel So I don't know I don't have a fortune Ball in front of me number one. I don't want none of my friends to get hurt and the number two I don't want anybody who comes to my show To get that shit, right? So how guilty would I feel for 25 bucks? You came to see some fat fucking fellow and crack jokes and you got COVID-19 right for four days

You know, I love these people that they reel them out of the hospital rooms and they're clapping They're like he's been here for 40 days. Wait till that motherfucker gets to the bill Wait till he gets to bill Especially in New York wait till he gets the bill. So there's a lot of Tumbling that's gonna happen that we haven't even seen yet. You know, we stay close to July 15th We're not gonna have that much comedy Left to do here in Los Angeles, you know, they might be up in the rural areas Whatever, but for the most part listen, you got your health

Yeah, you've got your child. You've got your little show. That's a fucking tremendous show it's the mind of Duncan Trussell and That's all we need to worry about right now. Nobody I I can't call you up and say Duncan I don't know if I can make your birthday December 9th this year. How bad is that? We live in a society right now that I don't know what November 8th is gonna be like, right? I don't know if I could fly home to see You Thanksgiving. I don't know if I kid. I don't know how are you gonna feel when you step on a plane and reality hits And all of a sudden United told you the plane is 40% full

But you got like like a guy like me sweating sitting in the middle seat Fucking grinds on your shoulder. How are you gonna feel? So yeah, this is gonna take a time to heal Where are you at right now? It's process of healing Let's talk about it because this is like morning. What happened was we said goodbye to our old life You've already mourned your dad. You've mourned your mom, which you haven't even started to yet within right? But now we have a third morning, which is this our old lives life What life used to be like when I could see Duncan give you a hug and pick you up Now I gotta fucking do a straw a line or something give it to you with light on fire. We can't even use the same line, you know

What how do you feel right now post? your old life You know, man, you know how that shit is it's I'm it's hitting me in waves It's like what where it really started hitting me is when I realized, you know, oh, yeah, the comedy soar is you know, I was thinking like what are the reasons I stay in LA and You know, one of the one of the big reasons with the comedy store I only went up there Fridays and Saturdays, but that was everything. I mean that was I loved that, you know Or even just knowing I could go up there or knowing if I wanted to on any night

I could drive there and see friends and hang out and just you know absorb the energy at the place And so that is what's hitting me the hardest man is I keep thinking of mitzi And I keep thinking of all those names on the wall and I keep thinking of all those years that You know Different people work to keep that place afloat and all the times that it was gonna shut down and I Just keep thinking of how expensive it is to have a place on Sunset Boulevard and I just keep thinking like damn I mean, let's say they do open up, but you can only do half capacity and You know, I just keep you know from me

I just wonder what's gonna happen to that place and then from there, you know, I don't know if you've been reading about this But all these like, you know Staple clubs in LA are really probably gonna shut down man. They can't stay open They've got no they got a pay rent and they can't they've got no money coming in So I keep thinking of like all these places for me. It's the comedy store There's many other places like that that are communities that are Based around a structure that you know is not gonna put, you know It's how long can that sustain itself? So for me, I keep thinking of that

Then I keep thinking of like fuck is LA gonna turn into Detroit is the same thing that happened in Detroit gonna happen to LA Which is you know, what's gonna probably happen in San Francisco any place where people begin to realize that The incredible price of living there, which was worth it for all the great shit that you could do Now, what do you got? You you're paying all this money to live in the fucking place the business taxier is insane And you can't go do stand-up. What if the if the comedy store shuts down man? If and I haven't heard anything about that. I have no idea. Hope it doesn't but if the comedy store shuts down, I You know, and I can't see you and in the flesh

I don't Understand why I'm gonna stay in LA because you know, if we do get so lucky that we get to do a second season We're definitely gonna be telecommuting for that. You know, like it's not like you're gonna bring Animators in to potentially risk getting sick when they can all work from home anyway So then you know, that would be the other reason to stay here in LA. What are people gonna go on commercial auditions now? Fuck no, it's all gonna be telecommuting for auditions anyway So I just keep thinking the city itself is going to you know, it's I don't I don't think people really quite realize How fucked it is here, man. I don't know. I haven't heard much on it

But like there's people paying $15,000 a month for 400 500 square foot studio apartment because they wanted to break into comedy or whatever, right now You can't do stand-up. You know, these are the people who are driving goobers and shit. Well, what are they doing? What are what about all the other people are working here? What about all the people laid off 3500 people? 350 people. Yeah Lift has nothing so What I can tell you is this I'm gonna drop some pounds

I'm still gonna be high risk because of my age and blood pressure. Yeah, which I haven't pretty much under control Excuse me for that little protein shake bark Went for a little bike ride this morning You know for me, I gotta be honest with you. I'm high risk Not as high risk as a lot of other people have some muscular to me I Work out. I still get a hard on, you know, I'm still halfway there. I Want them to open up the businesses, but right now Just a couple of them little by little to see how people my whole thing is the reaction of the people

Yeah, the reaction of the people will social distance thing work. I will tell you as Observing guy, I'm always looking for cops and drug deals. You know me. I'm a fucking whack-a-doo that just it's Unnatural for us to social distance our own being attracts us to other people by mistake Yeah, every time I see you I got to take the fucking ruler out You know, yeah, six feet whatever the ten feet Just all that shit that

That's not gonna work the mask Wearing a mask cut your chances down by 18% or whatever I Just we're coming up last if we open up with sporting events You know baseball games. That's when comedy comes back now. There's two trains authority at Duncan You and I both know that the economy store opens in August And they open it on a 70% capacity in the main room. How long is that gonna last? Yeah, you know

I mean Peter's a businessman, but That's it. I don't think a lot of comedy clubs are gonna last this are gonna If this goes to August or whatever even if they open up next week You're opening up a week before Labor Day. You've been home since March 15th Nobody wants to hear see some fucking guy at night sitting indoors Right a lot of people low financially The thing I think about all the time is the financial war in this country Yeah, we don't see it because we hang out with people who make 100 grand a year 90 grand a year

Yeah, but I talk to people on the phone every day who make 60 grand a year and They're not gonna be going to concerts for a long time Right, you know a lot of people aren't gonna be doing a lot of things for a long time. So I'm just really focusing on my health right now Yeah, focusing on writing not that I even say comedy writing focusing on writing I'm not even writing comedy. Why am I wasting that energy for? Right, the whatever material we were working on throw it away Because you're gonna have a new mindset after that. This is gonna change you this is gonna change all of us

Because it's gonna make us think for the first time how we haven't thought about in years We have a lot of free time to think right now and Some of it is good and some of it is bad but soon enough it all become good and It'll clear the way for what's coming up in the next couple months Right, but I just don't want you or any of my friends or anybody who listens to this podcast Tonight is month May 15th, correct? Tonight they can open up places. I hope that you're not going to a club tonight

Right, I hope that if you buy a grandma blow you stay home and do it with one of your friends and try them out first You know, you got to build your immune system. You know I'm saying Yeah, you're not gonna go to fucking club fresh Go to a gay club with three of them, you know three gay guys start talking to them Take your grandma blow lower your fucking resistance and see where you're at, you know, right? I don't see the end. I'm gonna be honest to the church family and with you Duncan because I always am the other night I usually go to the weed store in the morning to keep the percentages of germs down. I Do all my errands early how to go to war greens this morning. I was there they don't want

All right, so there because they spray that mist that night. Yeah So I go in the morning to avoid that stuff. What was I going with this story? Going out you were at places early Well, I went to the weed store the Friday night. I was bored and they've got these new pills all but urban trees called ultra These pills will fuck you up. I Like any of them, but I was I was I was actually fucking when I drooling What's the other word? When you slurring the first night I took them. I ate the whole can even my wife was like, what are you doing with your life?

I was fucking slurring So I've been eating these pro tabs, you know, I drink a fucking quickies because I gave up the edibles because the edibles were backfiring on me They were taking me to a dark place Once I got away from the dark place now I'm back with the edibles, you know, it's fucking Wednesday We got to get the party started. I already did business Monday and Tuesday. Yeah with my brother Duncan and But going back to your question, I expect I don't want to do stand-up on the road for at least nine months I will set up a residency here work on a whole new hour I'm gonna see what people's reaction are people still gonna want to come shake your hand and

Touch it and hey, excuse me. Can we do a selfie? Right now listen right now closely people if you listen to this and this comes directly from me Duncan and I'm sure I could speak for Ari Shafia when I say this Take that selfie stick and that cal selfie Thought and shove it up your mother's ass. There ain't no more selfies in comedy All right, you want to take send a selfie do or what everybody else does Send me a 20. I'll send you a side shot of one of the nut sacks and I'll autograph it for you How's that give that the grandma for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I got you man. That's cool. Yeah, I think you know what one thing I think that is gonna happen is That and which I think is gonna be Spectacular because you know, it's easy to get on the dark side of this shit But you know, it's like when I would I interviewed on one of my favorite interviews was with this guy Who? Worked at this place called Singularity University up in San Francisco. It's Ray Kurzweil Peter Diamandes the Google people just basically the techno Illuminati or you know have this place I don't know if it's still there up in San Francisco where they're

sort of trying to figure out what the fuck's gonna happen when computers, you know wake up and They so and it's it's not just like a philosophical exploration It's for it's a business exploration because if you're running a business You need to understand what the technological landscape is gonna look like next year two years from now three years from now So you can begin to plan for that and start actually inventing shit based on technology that doesn't exist yet, but that is going to exist and so Otherwise you're way behind behind the curve and you're fucked and so when I went in there, man This was years ago

They had just done a seminar and they had all these grease boards up that had shit written on them I wish I'd taken pictures of it man because they fucking it was like a map of the next Goddamn ten years it all these predictions They all came true and I remember looking at them in those days and thinking that's pretty weird for example They were writing like what are the dangers Of this that what do we have to worry about in the next, you know five years and one of the things they wrote down was What happens in a society where everyone's being surveilled Where everyone's being recorded where everyone's being digitally tracked whether they know it or not if in you know

five years a law changes and people broke the law Five years before the law became a law, but they're on video breaking the fucking law right now that was loosely Loosely they were predicting me too, which is that suddenly Uh, you know what I mean? They were predicting they were talking about what happens if social changes happen very quickly And people have you know records of doing shit that becomes socially Completely impermissible What's gonna happen and you're looking at you what we saw it we saw what happened is all these fucks Who are like operating as like complete scum and who were

Depending on people not being able to connect and talk about it They all got fucked completely from that and that that wasn't the only thing that they were talking about the other thing they were talking about there was really spooky joey is that um as technology becomes more amplified The ability for radicals to cause damage in society is going to exponentially increase meaning that uh

genome editing for example was going to become Increasingly less expensive to get the equipment you need to do genome editing So you could start doing like crisper shit DNA shit in your fucking You know Warehouse that you're renting for a thousand dollars a month You could get all the equipment you needed for maybe a hundred thousand dollars As opposed to millions and millions and millions of dollars essentially what we're doing with podcasting right now We've all become our own tv stations. We've all become our own networks

We've all and to do that, you know 20 years ago would have cost you countless millions of dollars so anyway, man, it was like a Really creepy thing because he's like eventually it's going to be the any individual On the planet is going to get to the point where they might be able to launch their own satellite or shoot down satellites You know so this was like a thing they were talking about but that the the main thing he said is The reason we any of this shit is happening is because of market pressure You know people want faster phones and because you want faster phones It's putting all this money into studying like artificial intelligence, you know

Like you look on instagram and you can do that dumbass thing or you get the dog ears It just tracks it to your head Dude 10 years ago that would have taken all day long if you wanted to try to do that tracking right now It does it instantaneously, right? It's insane. We just take it for granted. That's an ai that's doing that by the way So what I think the silver lining of this is is that there is now an intense market pressure To recreate the performance stage in virtual reality I'm not saying the sad way that people are trying to do it now And you know my hat my hat's off to flappers or whoever the fuck's trying to do stand-up comedy shows on zoom

It's just not going to work. I don't think that's going to necessarily work But I think that we're going to see the emergence of some kind of technology That isn't shit that is going to let people perform. I don't know if it's vr I don't know what it is without having to worry about getting Covid and also if they if we do get that Holy shit, man That's like the best thing that ever happened to stand-up comedy Like if you could recreate the original room

digitally and actually do it even come close to it The reverb in the room all that stuff can already be recorded man. I use Software that can duplicate famous sound stages like places where the Beatles recorded and shit They go in there and look at the geometry Look at the acoustic quality and they can digitally replicate that so you can get the reverb In the same place that you know, the white album was recorded or whatever right? This is what I'm thinking What's that? I'm thinking this is what I was thinking. I'm thinking when it comes to comedy. This is what This is an option not for guys like you and I

But for option for the chappels the rogans the burrs I'm in contact with a well-known manager To a music band or the best bands in the world. We met by mistake And we talked three days a week And you know live nation because of the money and everything They were talking of doing the tour but virtual The whole tour would be virtual

So you sit in your fucking house And you watch this fucking Concert whatever I like it, but I don't like it because I like energy from people Yeah stand up is 62% energy from people. Yeah, you know, I want to see a waitress slip And a glass break You know, so yeah, this is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking A guy like me in a year and a half

Could do an improv and sell out the weekend But the reason why I can't do the theater is because they're gonna go so backed up With the heavier duty comics. Yeah, so I'm also prepared this guy from this band They're gonna use this service And the service is basically What can you put in the room Duncan 300 people put the 300 in Put the service in and allow it to the whole state for that night Yeah, so they have an eight o'clock show and a ten o'clock show

They could either pay 1250 to watch it live Or You know, I don't know 1250 the next day If they missed it, you know, yeah, that might be an option. I mean they're talking about a thousand things But the problem is we're going into the unknown not knowing Yeah, that's the biggest problem we have right now If I could look you in the face and say guess what?

This thing is going to be over in october Then you and I could talk you and I we know we could jerk off to october 15th And then we got to start making projects for this fucking note october 1st. Yeah, they're not telling you that No, that's selling you It's going to come back strong with the flu different Mutations and we're still talking about maybe just missling china the debt You know, which is an option also that people Have no idea could be because not everybody's happy with china right now

Right, you know, I'm saying well, I all it needs is three motherfuckers. I'm not happy with the me How about you dunking? They got to go. That's it We'll call our other three friends and also this fucking the year of the fucking firecracker So we don't know what we're going into your child is 16 months my child is seven. She's going back to school august 18th But it's already proposed that she's not going to see a classroom till january Right 2022 guys

That's right. I do not feel comfortable with that What so ever I've gone from being a comedian our rated comedian with a gd To an assistant principal gym teacher Slash entertainment arts director. Yeah. Yeah You know interesting. I love what I'm doing But the child needs more

Yeah, right the child needs that intercommunication. Yeah, she fucking skips with her buddies and she face times with her kids, but You need to get thrown to the floor. You need for the fields like to fall off a tree You know, so I'm worried about a lot of things. I'm worried about those things more than I don't give a fuck about stand-up and when it comes back Right, we'll come back when it's ready. You know what Elton John's making a comeback Yoko talked to frankenstein's uncle They're bringing them back in 2002

You know, this is just what people time For me this brought his time Just bought his time to get Naturally brain healthy again Yeah, the last 10 years have been dead heavy for people You've got married. You moved to new york. You lived in pasadena You got married. You had a kid. You sold the show Almost the last time you sat and thought for for a minute when you were in high school

That's something before you left Yeah, you're gonna look call me one day and go. Hey, man We got picked up but I could do this in oregon and save 62,000 a year in taxes. I love you to death. I got a house or an extra bedroom. You're always welcome at mercy You know, yeah, let's right now. You got to look at percentages. You're looking at Lee's dense populations. Yeah, me and you right now Duncan We should get money get lee and just invest in fucking buying people out in new york for dirt Because they want to get out of the buildings we can become slum lords

and wait five years for those buildings to come up and COVID to be forgotten about by that time Arabs will be fucking you in the ass with how much is lube anyway What are you worried about COVID for you know what I'm saying? So I mean, there's a lot of things we could be doing but well, I mean I would like to hear like You talked about at the beginning Duncan about things changing, but you Duncan just did a show

Where's a lot of it based on your podcast joey you 10 years ago? Didn't have a cell phone and now you have a podcast you're doing videos like things change like I think this is scary because it's happening all at once, but don't you think like Like yeah, like we don't need to be in LA to shoot TV shows anymore No, we don't even talking about like we can do like you could the shows are so bad We can live without them Right and you could compare there's three shows that you're gonna watch out of a hundred that are made The studios should just shoot themselves

And put the podcast is on all day leave days of my lives on General hospital for old people No, it's great. But the programming. What how do you think the filming scene Is gonna go back you being an intelligent guy What if tomorrow somebody you offered Duncan trustful? just like they did the guys from What's that movie I did baseball What's the

Tray and Matt what what the park of What are they the south park guys? What if somebody tomorrow comes to you and says Duncan just Your your network. I want you to do a movie And I wanted to start shooting November 5th for a june release How do you how do you look at this movie now? How do you look at extras? How do you look at? Serving food and wardrobe and

The people on the set, you know Is he really necessary? Or is this union bullshit? right, you know testing before I'm hearing things that if Duncan shoots a movie in Atlanta And it's an eight week show and I shoot week three

And week eight. I can't go home in between weeks. I have to stay in Atlanta at your cost Because they don't want me to go back to my family and come back and bring it to you They're talking about a lot of crazy stuff So I think animation Is really going to be high Until they figure all this stuff out for sure man. I mean absolutely. Yeah, that's that that's no question about it Animation is the future for a while and I love that because I think I love it. I love it So it's gonna free up a lot of stuff

You should love it man because you're really good at doing voices Yeah, no, I want to try. I don't know how to do voices. I know how to do my voice And how to use it to mug people on tv You can like okay like with phil hindry what was so crazy working with him is you know Because he's been doing vio forever forever is forever and the way he could dial in What you want it so you would start in this broad way kind of telling him sort of what your the character was And then techno technically he's technically A genius he could just dial it in you know until finally you like zoom in on exactly the voice

You were hoping for and then it's like he can stay he stays on that voice And it's like in his head is a menu Of hundreds of different voices and you just find the one that like works for the character And then he can dial that in perfectly, you know There isn't a lot of like fumbling or searching for it or getting off track with that voice It's incredible man. And and but with you what you were doing with the same thing Energetically, you know and what was cool, you know, that's the thing mitzi always said about comics versus actors His comics play themselves actors play other people and so like you

And poly when I was writing I was able to write for your voice, you know Like I already knew your voice and it was is easy to write write for you Which is another cool thing about animation man. It's awesome, but I'm not talking about Movies or tv or anything like that. I'm talking about something even crazier than that Which is like this is where I'm like I love what's happening, dude I'm talking about a global consciousness Happening right now. I'm talking about an economy that's no longer based on living near where you work Man, I why aren't people fucking talking about this man? That's what's gonna happen

We're talking it's no longer gonna be You have to move your body to some fucking overcrowded super expensive fucking place So you can total your body into some fucking office And sit there next to people in a cubicle and only see them when you're going to take a shit or get coffee You know what I mean? That's not gonna happen So now that means that businesses are gonna exist Not based on some like city They're gonna exist as these weird global conglomerates where workers from all over the planet have equal access to getting that job

They don't have to move to the place anymore And this is where the shit gets weird man, which is like all these fucking cities That were essentially had like chained people to the city because of the archaic idea that you've got to be in a building With people to make shit that you're making with your mind these cities are fucked joey It's not like you're gonna be able to like buy property somewhere Why be in a city? Why be a lot of people live like in the outskirts of la and every morning they wake up And they drive to you know, wherever the fuck studio city wherever to work They drive two hours there two hours back because they had to get their body into the place to have these fucking meetings with people

That everybody knows could have happened remotely But they had to do it because it was a superstitious idea That work was better if people get their bodies together smell each other's fucking farts Dude, it was the weirdest when I was working on Uh midnight gospel, which I love man. I love being in the office. I could tell when I went there both all four times That you were really happy. They were happy that it was a different vibe Yeah, I mean tip mouth is badass before you say something else. It really surprised me that you had

gotten involved with midnight gospel because years ago You and I had a pretty intense conversation about The project before or the project that you had worked on before that Yeah, if I'm throwing you under the bus. I'm sorry and now you're not you said that it was uh A year of your life It sucked you dry like a vampire and when you did the math

That you ended up making you know 682 an hour or something like that So I was very surprised. What drew you to this project? Well, man, that was you know the reason that that thing didn't This is why I think you know fail. You this is a cheesy thing You say it's on the back of every cereal box, but you got to fail You have to fail and you you have to like, you know fail In collaboration like when I look back at any

project I work on work down with people where like My ego is getting involved too much or where my ego wasn't getting involved enough Where there was like power struggles and shit that can happen in back collaborations or where the idea itself is too Foggy and fuzzy and you're just like being instinctual and stuff like that, man You know, I think that like That conversation you had with was was with a way more bitter version of me, man And I was frustrated. No, you weren't bitter. You were honest You were not bitter at all. You were very honest and you said, you know at the end of the week

I did the math and I ended up making like Yeah, eight bucks an hour and it was just a yeah, you go. I got to change something up Which by the way, man, and this sounds cheesy But if you're working on something that you love That's fine as long as you can eat. Yeah, but if if like you're looking at like what's coming out and realizing it's not that good That's depressing, man Now you're like just trying to make a thing and this is why having made midnight gospel It's like anytime i'm watching in the old days, you know, you watch a movie that sucks

For me, I'd watch a movie that sucks and I'd be like what a piece of shit, man. Why would they even now? I feel some compassion, you know, like take cats, right? I haven't even seen it But cats they dropped all this money into cats and it bombed and all those actors They were excited about being in cats and the CGI didn't work. You know what I mean? There's like they just they if they didn't show the cats buttholes, which is weird somebody actually Redid pieces of cats where they put their buttholes back in But anyway, because it was too hyper realistic joey It was like you can't do realistic cats and then blur their butt

It's like that's part of a cat is it flashes his ass at you sometimes and it's just Anyway, the point is all those people nobody Nobody redid cats for the screen And wanted it to suck like everyone had good intentions There was a lot of people working on it and somewhere in there just shit started backfiring They weren't paying the somebody wasn't getting paid enough somebody was getting paid too much They were in too much of a hurry and at the end of it you get just a rancid embarrassment and I feel bad for those people, man But uh with men I gospel, you know

Working with pin I just it was like finding somebody I could collaborate with he really understood me And I understood him to some degree. I respected him as the better way to put it and I really trusted his creative impulse and uh his his intuition and so suddenly what formerly had been a kind of scary Not very satisfying experience just became like magic like I literally felt like I was in Hogwarts or something like you know, I felt like I was in some kind of magical temple I I came to describe it in the other way man. I would walk into tent mouse so

Fucking hi, man. Just you know tripping and like walk in there and see all these animators bringing our thoughts Into real life and feeling that energy in there and feeling like everyone getting excited because they all knew What they were making was something weird and new and like it was every day was joy, man It was like walking into a church or something for me And I love that and I'm gonna miss it if we do get to do a second season and we work remotely But that being said You know joey, I think that the future is gonna look really weird in the sense that it's not gonna You're not gonna people aren't gonna be living in cities

Because they have to be there to work I'm gonna be living in georgia. You're gonna be living in organ Rogan's gonna be in fucking wyoma You know what? I mean people are gonna be scattered to the winds and we're all gonna be gathering together like this except Right now the way we're gathering together. It's still Technologically not that great. You know what? I mean we haven't the technology isn't there yet But it's gonna be man and it's gonna be like we're hanging out in real life That's gonna that's gonna come. I couldn't wait to get to bed last night so I could wake up

Just to see you You know, yeah, man same. Uh, there's not too many people in LA I'll stab a motherfucker for you know likewise and I think you me and Ari had a little click Early on at the store You know things happen over the year over the years, but Not between you and I I think you and Ari whatever banged heads for a while, but at the end we're all brothers. I mean, yeah

and here we are 20 fucking years later Yeah, man. That was 20 years ago when we were hanging out in the store and then Fuck oh quit And you became the talent coordinator and it was the most you could see how uncomfortable you were Being the talent coordinator, but you did it You got to spend time with the queen of mean

The queen of comedy mitzsche sure. I mean this has just been Listen, even if this coronavirus Doesn't let us do comedy for the last two years. I'm full like I experienced things I never thought would be possible I had gotten ducted into the

Comedy store That's the gambino of crime families I wasn't an associate for a year I went in there three times and she passed me And after that I did what the fuck I wanted. I became the comic who I am today Yeah, what are your thoughts on this that? 20 years we were fucking around you were a kid Well, I almost killed that fucker been toilet wister yours

Because the cocaine would tell me that he was going to come and get me in the middle of the night Well, you know man, this is there's no such thing as time This is what I love about the ramdas community that I'm part of is they just They have these really great hippie ideas, which I really like to think about which is that there's something called What they call it soul pods like the way dolphins swimming pods Like souls do the same thing except instead of we swim together through incarnations like Our bodies are the ocean that our souls swim through and we've been doing this forever So whenever we're like whenever like we die or whenever like, you know

There's we always come back and find each other and we find each other in all these different ways You know in this case it was like through comedy, but we've been doing this way longer than that man Sometimes we're probably fishermen Sometimes we're probably in the military. Who knows man. Sometimes we're doctors. Sometimes who knows we're a bums Sometimes we're like crazy people. Sometimes we're in mental asylums. Sometimes we're like birds. We're like flocks of birds But we always come back, which is why You know, you always know too because there's certain people you meet and they're cool or whatever But what you know that you you're never going to see them again

If you talk to him, you'll talk to me in there But there's certain people you meet and it just is an instant you just You just start up like you know knew them forever even though you just met him that day You know, this is I love that idea. That's how I feel about you and arie and joe That's how I feel about our group, you know red band All my all my friends like that and the same thing happens in the ramdas community too You just meet people and it's like it's a state like, you know, man, there's people like arie I won't talk to him for a year sometimes. Unfortunately six months, but the moment we start talking it's over

We yeah, it's like we never stop talking. There isn't like a it doesn't feel like a year went by It's like, oh, yeah, we're just exactly back here So that's I really do think that that's what is what happens with us is we just keep Sort of finding each other through lifetime after lifetime after lifetime And each time we probably hopefully are learning a little bit more getting a little bit more You know kinder to ourselves a little bit more a little less fucking crazy And I think over the last 20 years we all We watched that happen over the last 20 years. I can't think of one of us

I still weren't you were living with joe for a while I think about all the time 1998 or something like that. Yeah, 99 you were living with joe and I mean, I still remember you and red bang getting into an argument in san josea breakfast So embarrassing he threw the hat at you. I can't believe he didn't wait for me. You're like, fuck you You were laughing so hard joe. I'll never forget your power because this is I love this shit Somebody getting into an argument at breakfast. It's just we've seen each other grow And what about the guy in houston that would show up at the jars filled with vikings

Oh god, that was bad joey. You remember that Yes, would you tell these people how big those jars were that he it was like, you know a construction truck They have like hammers and light bulbs He would pull the curtain up and it was just jars of Like Mason jars. Yeah, like it wasn't viking. It was per cassette Well, he had everything You know what he came to my last show in houston Did he still have jars he didn't give me a thing. He shook my hand

Right, and he goes, thank you for talking about me on a podcast. I felt special He goes I was the guy that was giving him to you and it was him. He gained like 10 pounds He says he's clean now. He still sells weed but I still think of uh Just our comedy growth You know all that time we put in with mitzi The road work You could tell

In midnight gospel Uh, thank you man. You know man, I'm sick and tired of people thinking They could just ride into this town with no knowledge of nothing and Create a masterpiece and it destroys me If you come to town and one year you're a light guy Then one year you do comedy then for two years you write

Then for three years you You're somebody some directors assistant one day you come to me What an idea I'll listen to you Because I know that you're a smart guy and you've taken different pieces of everything That's what you did and that's why Midnight gospel is such a hit And you're a hit and uh, thanks man

I'm just happy to fucking see you. I want to be right now I want to cry because I'm so proud of you. I saw you as a little guy I remember still torturing people at the store when you were the Casting whatever the town coordinator Huh The town coordinator the town coordinator used to tell people how to give you a vig If they wanted to perform don't mention the name

We had him going one night. You want us to do spots? You gotta give me money Nobody talks to dunking direct You talk to me and I bring dunking the money, okay? Nobody breaks the chain and I still remember dunking coming down Like I didn't know dunking was dead 10 o'clock at night. I got the guy in the corner. I'm reading them the rules. Listen They give you 15. I went all 15 of it. He's like, how am I gonna live? That's your problem That's your problem Five of that goes to me the other 10 goes to dunking

You and dunking don't need to he's like well, I'll talk to dunking you and dunking don't need to talk about anything I'll smack in the face I'll never forget that you came out And I go dunking I'm talking to this guy. I'm straighten them out I just walked up to you and he was just left there and I told you do you remember who the person was? No, no, no, and I remember you walked away and you're like what's going on I'm like I got this kid believing He's got to give us his $15

To get on stage and we were just dying about it and we then we did it was for one You don't realize and you can't maybe you do but like you're terrifying man Like if you're new at the comedy store and you don't I don't know you, you know, you're like joey Diaz You you know, you have series clout you're fucking hilarious and also there's like, you know There the the artistic hierarchy. There's a meritocracy at the comedy store, which I always loved about it It was always that it was like great if you have A show or something like that But what really mattered is how if you're funny or not and I love that about that place in general

A structure forms around that which I always liked I like that You know, I I came up with a heart Krishna's and that was they were really into this concept of what's called the disciplic succession Which is that this idea that like it's it's you know, a kind of light gets passed down through the generations that from one from a teacher to a student and and You know, it's a very sweet thing If you're lucky enough to get that transmission and then you have it inside of you It's not like something in your head. It's in your heart And so like you know the comedy store had that quality to it

Which is like people like you had that light, you know, and then like people like me Could sense that and wanted it to some degree, you know, and then there was a lot of respect involved in there Not like ass kissing respect, but just a lot of respecting just what you're saying Which is like you don't just walk into the fucking comedy store and it works out for you Like I don't give a fuck who you were when I first got there, man I literally thought I was one of the funniest people Like I can remember like me like Jeff Richards sitting in a car with him and he's just making me laugh But for me, I'd never encountered

Someone who'd trained themselves and the ability to make people laugh I don't always been accidental, you know, and so I just remember like Suddenly realizing like holy shit, man This you're you are a tiny fish in a very very big pond here, man Just because you're making people laugh on the fucking school bus doesn't mean anything You know and and I had to deal with all that pride I had stupid hubris too, man because I had you know, like I'd use making people laugh as a tool I assumed it was like I would must have been at the top of my game

I did prank calls in college. Surely I've got to be one of the funniest people ever Then you run into someone like you You know what I mean who's on stage like killing, but you don't even you realize stand-up comedy wasn't even what you thought It was anyway You realize that even the idea you had of what comedy was was wrong and then suddenly you're Seeing whatever the fuck the thing is, which I still don't think they call it killing now. I think that's the wrong word for it I don't know what it is. There's there's probably better words out there But you know what I'm talking about man when someone's on stage a word is

Communicating at a high level yeah, yeah, that's a good word for it because I'm making you forget about everything that's going on And I'm making you hold on to your stomach, but most importantly I'm making you laugh against something you believe in because I believe I told Lee to become a really good comic sometimes You have to talk about shit that

It's truly against you. That's what even makes it funnier That you don't believe in it like you know, you have to believe in it. I'm confusing myself That joint was pretty strong, but yeah when I'm on stage. I gotta make the guy I gotta make him laugh make him forget about his problems And make him forget whether they politically correct or not

Let them catch themselves laughing and going on this motherfucker got me I better stop playing that politically incorrect game. It's like when you play the south The bible belt states For me 10 years ago 15 years ago I would come out of the box strong But after eight I would make them remember themselves that they were christians And my show went south Now I go up there. I don't give a fuck if you're christian

Right, we're gonna talk about how to fuck from behind And eat that ass deep with the fucking cross around your neck And now you got them laughing at what they you know, it's just It's just a weird gift and I'm always grateful especially when I look across from you knowing that part of midnight gospel a little little little little bit A little little little bit of it came from All those nights being in the original room and going up there with fucking momo

And playing I wish you were here and that's how that Mine started. I never forgot being a back of the original room on a sunday night I'm hosting and I bring you up and you got fucking momo And wish you were here when he's talking to you and this is a complete different mind You believed that you were committed to this character and that's what made it fucking kill on sunday nights Yeah, and then you and I went on the road with rogan And we would go to san francisco in san jose and you would do A little momo and I would tell you you better hide that cocksucker

Because i'm gonna break into your room and kill them in the middle of the night and shit Hey, but joey, here's the other thing that I got from the store, man That it helped me with is the animation industry is like the comedy store and tipmouse is like the comedy store It's homegrown animators there It's and like in the same way that comics are like or outsiders, you know, you run into a real comic It's always an outsider. It's somebody who is just completely unique Animators are like that too like some of our storyboard artists like one of them who I love his name's lord spew Lord spew one of he is you know

So fucking funny, but like I was able Being around them to recognize That I was really lucky to be working with him because pendleton Took me under his wing and like he's like, you know, really respected in that industry But I wouldn't have known that I wouldn't have had the humility To like let myself be in that place, but having been at the comedy store and recognizing. Oh, shit This is like the comedy store and even though these people aren't comics They have developed this craft of writing through and making people laugh through storyboards in the same fucking way

Comics have learned how to make people laugh telling jokes and that you know, and I remember this kid Uh, we got an argument and there was a thing I didn't think was funny that he did And I remember like, you know, and you get in these arguments in front of lots of people man Like you can't there's no way to do it in a vacuum Right and it's uncomfortable because like I'm sitting there and my ego wants shit to go one way And I am thinking like dammit. I've been in the comedy store. I know when shit's funny I don't think this is gonna work and then I start realizing that's my ego Like I don't think I'm right. I think I'm totally fucking wrong here

Which is the other thing you learn at the comedy store You learn to know when your joke ain't working you learn to know when you're it isn't and how to adjust And I remember like that's when me and that guy became friends is because I you know, I listened to him I thought about it. I'm like, all right, let's try it. Then we saw it It was a tiny little moment in it, but it was funny as fuck He was completely right and so then in front of this whole room of people who saw us getting this argument They see this joke work that I said wouldn't work and I had to say you were totally right, man I'm sorry. I got an arm wrestling match with you over that and then me and me and him became friends

And it was it wasn't just like being on stage at the comedy store It was working for fucking mitzi and having to eat my fucking ass, man It was like bobby lee coming up to my office and pissing in a goddamn cup And leaving it on my desk and walking out meaning like I'd have to take that cup of piss You know what I mean and like what am I what are you gonna do? You're gonna you either leave a cup of piss on your desk Or you have to pick up bobby lee's piss and try to walk it to a bathroom and pour it pour it out without it getting on your hand You know what? I mean you you and I'm not advocating that kind of like fucking fraternity bullshit hazing shit

But let me tell you you learn how to eat your pride there a little bit, man Yes, you do And that and if you and in the right way that can really help you collaborate with people that can really help you like Other people have a voice And because you're not gonna be right all the time you can't be man. And so you know that that that guy He did my podcast recently And I brought that up at the beginning of the podcast that moment and he told me he's like man I really thought you're gonna fire me like because you know when you're working with producers and shit

Sometimes their ego gets in the way and they can your fucking ass, you know But I but thank god for the comedy store because I just recognized him is for what he was which is a brilliantly funny Outsider so anyway, man. I think that's the other thing it gives us the comedy store Is like it teaches us how to work with now because you're by yourself on stage But the comedy store it's more than just being on stage, man It's like off stage talking with people getting inspired by comics, you know letting your soul fill up with that energy And and you know what? I mean, that's I think that's another thing it gave me relating to midnight gospel Yeah, I don't know what'll happen. I don't know how we're gonna make it the next three months

You have your family. I got mine. We got our health Yeah, we got a pen and plenty of paper. We got a night pad and Like I said, I'm gonna pick up something low locally That I could work on every other week no pressure I think even the pressure of the store was getting to me. You know what man? I'm a I'm a lot like you

I'll tell you what night. I'll come down that morning I don't know if I wanted to stand up on a Tuesday morning But I was forcing myself so this break for me had a silver lining Because it's let me think about what I really really wanted to do I really want to be that part of that little girl's life Yeah, I really want to get healthy. So in 18 months when the soprano movie comes out I could travel the tour, you know Get a couple dates out of it. See some people. I missed doing stand-up 29 fucking years

29 years I've been going out at night Now at night, I got a fucking hood and sweatshirt on A pair of fucking shorts. I'm counting the minutes till I eat an edible to make that hour less boring. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, they've cut my legs off. It's worse than communism for a guy like me I could I control. I'm joe the captain of my own body If I say to myself, I'm not going to the store for a month To take a breather. I do it but Somebody else is telling me now

And that bothers me a little but I'm not mad. I'm not mad at anybody. It's a disease and people are dying Yeah, so that's been a little rough on me but doing these things with you Talking to you on the phone talking to Ari Let's just know that we're still here. You know, sometimes Pain is good because it lets you know you're alive Right. So I don't see you going through any pain. I'm not going through any pain I just wanted to get together with you to help some people That are having some hard times and want to entertain them and open their eyes to the best show on Netflix right now

Thank you, joey fucking midnight gospel just and I have friends that have watched it Because I've recommended it to them that I recommended it to them because they're so uptight They're assholes. You can't even put a thermometer in there if it was the 70s And they've returned and said I like that I watched it with my daughter So trust me. Netflix got a lot of views you did great and I just want to let people know they got to see the mind of dunk and trussle

Thank you, joey. And that's without the drugs We got next season is your mind with drugs. You know what I'm saying? Hopefully by season three They'll have a machine that you could do high doses of mushrooms Fucking ketamine and fucking what they That chinese shit And then they put senses on you and whatever you see you could turn into a movie And that's what I'm hoping for me you and leek and sit together

Do some heavy-duty number two from the chinese Mixed right there. Wu Han Yeah, get those fresh thoughts That Wu Han heroin is a motherfucker always get it I love you. Love you, joey spotify itunes youtube. Yeah. Have a great day. Thank you for doing this I'll give you a call later. I love you, brother Call me later, joey. I love you man. Thanks for having me on your show always What you think of that cocksuck is I loved it. I love talking to that dude

Always an interesting time. It's uh Better to have him in studio because crazy as shit happens when he's in studio But uh, we got him anyway. He's great if you haven't seen Midnight, what the fuck is it? That joint was good midnight gospel. It's time you watched all episodes I'm in a couple episodes. Like I said, he hooked me up and that's it and that's that As dates are concerned they ain't none. So don't ask. I hope you got your money back And once this whole thing clears up, we'll be back. I'm happy

I could come on the air today and uh You know take your mind off a shit for a fucking hour. I wish I could solve this. I wish I could make this go away, but I can't All we could do is gig a little bit tell a couple fucked up jokes And that's fucking it. You know what I'm saying? I went uh Yesterday, I went against myself the other day I take a ride every day, you know And every day you go a different direction

Some days you go deep that way and some days you go that way The other day went that way and Steve Simone Our dear friend has become a fucking chef And the other day he dropped something off at the house. What the fuck did he drop off me ball? No, he always dropped something off And the other day he said he went to this I'm not gonna say the name of the place this italian place that sells like italian supplies Uh

Here in in burbank And they got like olive oil. He told me what he was he bought. He bought olive oil That you put on the pizza He bought a special type of olive olive oil Oh, he said he bought raviolis The same one that his mother buys So I'm driving towards that way

And it's 1130, which is my cut off time after 1130 if you're out Listen, I got new rules during the quarantine. Okay. Here's the rules. All right If you know how I buy 12 go fuck your mother By 12 you should be blasted. You understand me like blast. I don't care what you do I don't mean I don't care what you do to get you there Because if not, you're gonna get too good

And I'm not talking about ending up in a fucking rehab. Don't say that I ended up in a rehab because joey told joey told me to get blasted. No, no, no If you do heroin just do a little skin pop something Just having to straighten out the leg you know what I'm saying She doesn't have to sit there and watch tv like a moron If you eat like eight vicarins a day cut it down to two But pop like a half like at nine in the morning just to get the wing going, you know what I'm saying Pop with your breakfast and if you're smoking dope

You know, listen, I wake up I wake up like a normal human being I wake up. I whatever I help my wife with the cats I drink my coffee. I try to write a journal as hard as it is to focus right now And at some point, I know it's reefer time I go in the back. I don't know how long it takes like today. I got up at six I got so high today. I didn't even tweet. That's how fucking high I got today Because I had to go to that fucking MRI So I was so fucking nervous

Before the MRI because I don't like being around people no more. That's it. Like I gotta I gotta I'm working myself up to like four or five people You know, I'm like anything else and that's gonna be tops and that's tops for right now I'm serious Yeah, like once I see five or six people gathered like I get nervous So against my best work. Oh, you know what? Let me help my wife out because raviolis Or you gotta basically do is boil water. Yeah, and my wife makes the fucking sauce quick McRue No meat a lot of garlic, you know Whatever the fuck she puts in it the whole the whole tomatoes. I love it. I fucking love that shit. So

And it just eases the burden off my wife, you know, she could just throw that in there, you know, these It's fucking 21 meals. My wife is responsible for I fucking hate cooking So I do I used to love to cook but then I hate looking at raw meat. It makes me sick to my Really don't like my meat. No, I don't like looking at raw meat and cutting shit and seeing blood Chickens forget about when I was a kid and my mother would have to do santeria rituals And then you gotta eat the chicken. It's like choking yourself. It's like, you know So like I don't like cooking. I just don't like it and when you see a fat dude Like look when I see a chef, he better be a fat fuck

I've always said that show me a skinny chef that he talks about kettlebells. I don't want to do business with you You shouldn't be talking about kettlebells. You should be talking about calories And how to put flavor and food butter, you know shit like that That's why skinny chefs. I stay away from I see a chef on a pack A six pack. I don't want to do business with you So rule number one during the quarantine. You got to be high by 12 And rule number two is do your shopping by 11 11 15 Before all the fucking morons come out the earlier the better because there's no less germs in the store

at night they spray that fucking Wuhan juice into the air that kills the bugs and all the fucking air So you don't want to go in there at six o'clock because there's been 200 people in the supermarket So you want to pick a small market and go in there early And night that you beat the fucking Wuhan Germans before they fucking spread But I said fucking I'm all the way over here. Let me go into this place at 5 30 5 30 it was no fucking 5 30 it was like 11 30 And I forgot it's a fucking lunchtime crowd. So

I went to the freezer. I called Steve Simone. I go, what's the brand the ravioli Steve Simone drops the brand on me I grab a lobster ravioli a beef ravioli And a cheese ravioli just to help my wife out I got a loaf of bread, you know, Italian bread just to try it out It was shit Yeah, it was pure shit. They can't make Italian bread out here. Just to try it out. Yeah I took the bit, you know how you get the

On the drive home You can't you can't hold yourself back. So you take the tip off Yeah, of course like I took the tip off and hey, it tastes like a fucking community waffle Like I thought I'd gone to church like what the fuck. Oh had no flavor to it. It's terrible So I go in there and I get the bread like a retard that I am because I'm high And I get bread And I get to the car and I go I should have helped her out and got her some cold cuts

Let me go back in there get some cold cuts So I go back in unless somebody goes you got to take a number So as I walk to take a number a fucking This fucking afritada woman is right there and me trying to be a gentleman see it pays to be a fucking animal It used to pay to be a gentleman no more because you give people breaks and they shit all over you Yeah, this lady takes the fucking number. I say go ahead. She takes it She gets in front of me And after ordering like a thousand things and sampling shit

At the last minute she throws in a fucking gift card So they got to stop like Bruno the only Italian in there because everybody's Mexican nobody knows how to fucking Fill out a gift card. I would love you to see your face at that moment. Oh my god Oh my god, listen to me I was 57 and the lady next to me was 58 She was standing only six feet from me and I'm 57 And when she asked for the gift card The lady said no, she didn't

And I looked at it. I go you from New York. She goes worse New Jersey I go where she goes clip slide park. I go you ever go to Rudy. She goes, please I grew up in that fucking joint So we started talking and I go, can you believe the balls in this fucking lady? And she goes these white people out here fucking retarded Who would get a come at 5 30 and get a fucking gift card? You know come here 12 and stop the whole fucking process The fucking guy Julio whatever Bruno you should have seen him cutting. He was he was getting paid by the fucking century

He would slice him like, you know, his arm and I tried it. It's like get through it Fuck inside, you know, I grew up in a fucking deli slice that fucking meat and everybody else is walking around like in 3d2 They're like three Mexicans. Nobody I blow like they sent the a b team home And they got the b team to replace see what's going on is they gave these Mexicans a thousand dollars a week For unemployment. So they were getting six legit. So now they're like, fuck it. We're not going back Mexico we're taking our 11 weeks Fuck going back. Hell, yeah, we're not cooking with the hiv So that's sending the b team and then I don't know what they're not even mexican

I don't know what they were they were like fucking they were like lost in there They were like lost in there. So damn it on me For going against my own rules. Don't go against your rules. That's my I I love Especially when we're out on like at a show and someone asks you to do something like Would you please do a video for me or just anything that I know you don't want to do I just love watching your face And why like because you say you you crack people you crack sometimes too. It's pretty funny like When you can't handle but you're trying to be nice and polite

Lee I gotta be honest. I crack every day Every day I find especially the last Two weeks I crack every day at some point From natural stupidity or something But I keep it control. I'm okay. Yeah, you're under control. I'm good I'm healthy, you know knock on wood They called up to switch my physical. I can't wait to get the finger in the ass

That's that because now I'm gonna get the finger in the ass And then you're gonna drive me again to put the camera with my ass all I'm doing. That's like six years ago Can I do it? No, you can't do it. Why what do you mean put the camera in my ass? Yeah, man, I have the finger. No, no, no Are you a little professional? What's wrong with you? You're a retard You put in the wrong hole. You didn't even fuck Paul in the ass. You know, let's take a finger up my ass You probably faint if you look how many holes you have down there

Just the main one like everybody else you fucking mobile Just one plus the one in my p.o. What the fuck is wrong with you? How many holes you got that one of my a transvestite or something like that? I know you said I put in the wrong hole. No, you did you would you fucking retarded You know, I love you. See what I'm saying is here. I gotta deal with people. You think it's an easy day You're gonna just smoke a joint and go home. I gotta deal with this Duncan trust. It was great So watch midnight gospel. I had a great time on it And uh, I'll tell you what and it's the truth

I thought the first fucking five minutes. I'm like, you got to get high to watch this. Oh, yeah You got to do a hit of something. You got to eat a mushroom wing. You got to do a metal end to do Something I called josh wolf and got the fucking josh wolf. I don't know where he gets these mushrooms from That's why he's so skinny. He eats these fucking mushrooms And he goes to different planets him and I already get the fucking best mushrooms Of all time. I'm not a mushroom guy. He gives me diarrhea But for midnight gospel, I had experiment and I take the chance Columbus did And it was okay. I enjoyed myself. I had a good time. So uh,

If you get a chance watch it follow his podcast and that's it and that's that I don't know nothing about dates I don't want no dates I want everybody to be healthy Everybody to get financially settled and then we'll talk about fucking dates. All right Everybody's taking a fucking pay cut. So fuck you, you know, I'm saying everybody's taking a pay cut Everybody's hurting everybody's going through the same thing And I'm fucking sympathizing with all you cocksucker. So thank you for listening But before we let you go, let me talk to you about something seriously

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