Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #793 - Gay Pride with Eric Rocha

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

Pride may have been canceled in LA, but it will never be canceled on the Church of What's Happening Now! To celebrate Pride, Joey asked Eric Rocha, a gay man and comedian to break down what its really like to be gay. Eric doesn't disappoint, wait until you find out what boy butter is for. This podcast is brought to you by:   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.    Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.

That's a fucking day. It's been started. We were recording the whole time. Greetings from podcastville. It's June 8th, Monday, you bad motherfuckers. Grab your motherfucking balls, it's over. If you got time to protest, you got time to go back to work, motherfuckers.

It's over, you don't give a fuck. You're going back to work now, that's it. Nail salons, Philippi, everybody's going back to work. It's all over. The church is brought to you by Honit. Listen, new mood has kept me together over this fucking couple of weeks. And we're back, bitches.

Honit is the way to go. Whether you're thinking of starting a routine, thinking of getting healthy, why I think I've been running on all cylinders the last couple of weeks. I did a fucking alpha brain cycle. I had to, I was fucking mush. And listen to me, I'm a different man.

I feel better, I look better. It brought me back and gave me more clarity. That's what alpha brain does. That's what Honit does. Their products fucking work. Whether it's the new mood, the hemp, the fucking shroom tech sport or the shroom tech immune. You cannot fucking lose.

So do me a favor right now. That's it, it's over. You had time to protest, you were sitting at home. You went through all the fucking changes you can. It's over. Now let's do this. Let's start from scratch again. Go to honit.com to get started.

Look at the supplements. Look at the club bells. Look at the fucking, whatever you got. All I can help you with is with the supplements. So right now today, go to honit.com. Check out shroom tech. Check, listen. They're the only comp, listen.

If you don't like alpha brain, if it don't work for you, they don't even want the product back. They'll send you your money back. It's 100% money back guaranteed. That's a company I stand behind. So go to honit.com right now. At the end of where you're checking out, pressing the church bam and get 10% off your order.

Deliver it right to your motherfucking crib. And since we're taking care of ourselves, another great product that I fucking, listen. I give it to people, like I give them to people and people come back to me and go, Joy, what's in that shit? CBD line, whether it's the fucking gummy bears, you know, strawberry, raspberry, orange,

whether it's the fucking tinctures, whether it's the cream, the bath balls, they're coming out with a new tape. Listen, CBD line has not stopped. Go to their website right now. Look at the third party lab results and come back to me. This ain't no fucking schmuck. Selling fucking fake yin yin juice at some liquor store.

This is fucking science. You know, this is CBD to look for it. If you go to the website, don't even tell you what CBD to cure your ailment. So who the fuck do you think you're going with? Do me a favor, go to CBD line right now and pressing church to get 20% off your first order. Deliver it right to your house.

Who could do, who takes care of you like that on a Monday? Nobody, kick this fucking muley. Oh shit, they don't fuck fucking tell you the facts. No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking marines, you understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Uncle Joe, we're here on a Monday morning

smoking the same weed, Chris Cuomo smoked when he got rid of the fucking COVID-19. This is the weed he smoked. They just don't tell you that shit on CNN because they cock suckers. Anyway, we're back bitches. We're not going to talk about Bruce Lee today. We're going to talk about Bruce Lee on Wednesday.

I'm not going to spoil it. You got two fucking days to watch it, okay? If you didn't watch it, don't fucking listen on Wednesday. We're covering Bruce Lee, so I'm letting you know right now what time it is. Number one, how are you cock suckers? It was a great weekend. I want some money.

I want some fucking money. Hey, listen, I know it's been a rough week. I've been bored to death. I was telling Lee how it went down. Lee was the one that told me it was a card. I didn't even know it was a fucking card. I didn't get any points on the money. No, because you're the kiss of death.

You're fucking living mush. So I'm out of a ride. Lee goes, he's watching the fights with his father. I go, how nice. I didn't even know it was a fucking fight. It's a man in the noon. I forgot. That's how it went in my mind.

With this fucking child, this fucking home school. Now there's no camp, fucking June 15th. So it goes my fucking until July. So we got to find a different fucking camp. I don't give a fuck. I'll put her in Crenshaw at this point. I don't give a fuck. Speaking of Crenshaw, so let me tell you what happened.

I see this fucking fight, right? I go on the car, Lee tells me, and then my other buddy calls me from Jersey to tell me there's a parade at Hudson County Park and he can't walk his dog. So I told him, I go, you know what you have to see tonight. Why are you walking your dog for? Fuck him, put him in the yard.

I'm at home, so I read him off the card and I see that Alex Cesare is fighting the nice white kid, the 20-year-old. And I'm looking at this and something made me just go to lines and look. Like I went to my bookie at like 330 and I saw that he was an underdog. And I went and I did something with Mercy.

I did something with my wife and I'm thinking about this whole thing. How can he be an underdog? He's 31 years old. This white kid is a second fight. I looked at that and then during the prelims, I said that somebody had bet a million dollars on Amanda Nunez.

So I said, there's no fucking future in betting the main card. That's gonna be a some fucking salami switch there. Something's gonna happen. They're gonna try to fuck you up to something. So I said, let me stay away from that. I feel like gambling. So I said, let me take the underdog.

Alex Cesare is number one. If you're black and you're an underdog, I'm betting you this week. I just fucking do. There's no way. If you're a white dude and you're fighting a black dude this week, just go in the angle, listen to him.

Because rights are connecting. You saw it last night. They're throwing heavy fucking rights and they're connecting. You don't wanna fight an African-American in the next two weeks. Give him a breather. Just go down. Let him tepe and just go down.

Because they're angry and I don't blame you. So right away, I said, this guy's gonna beat up this little white kid. And sure enough, he fucked him up. He won a unanimous decision. I want some money. I didn't even watch the card. You know what I ended up watching last night?

By the way, my guest tonight is the beautiful Mr. Eric Roche, which we'll get to later. He's a young comedian because everybody on the podcast always says, well, you need names. What fucking names? We're just trying to make it funny and entertaining

for you people. You don't need no names. Names are gonna come in here and be fake. I want real. Eric Roche is real. So let me tell you how he saved me, but we'll get to that fucking story later. So I call my buddy,

I go back on the fucking computer, and every night my computer goes kaputz from 5.30 to 7. Because everybody's on it. Oh, the internet, okay. So I can't get on my bookie. Motherfucker. So I'm dying to get on my bookie.

I can't get on my bookie. My wife is helping me. Something with the ro-ro-ro-ro-ro-ro. Router? Router. She goes, something with the router. I'm like, fuck, I can't fucking bet this caturay. This fucking Bruce Lee Fooey, whatever.

What's his name? Alex Casero. Yeah, but what's his, what do they call him? Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee Roy from The Last Dragon. So I'm sitting there and I go, you know what? Let me call my buddy, because I know he can't,

I call him up and go, hey, do you take UFC action? And he goes, nah, but I got a friend who does. He goes, can you vouch on me without me having to run across the town and give him cash? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you back.

He calls me back. He goes, what do you want to bet? I want to bet a prelim fight. He goes, which one? I go, Alex Casaris against the kid. He goes, all right, yeah. So I just chewed a mount on it. And I knew he was an underdog.

Always take, like, I love underdogs. Nate, Nick Diaz, fucking, San Francisco 49ers against the Dallas Cowboys 83. I love an underdog, because I'm an underdog. So I always cheer for underdogs. So I said, fuck it, I blasted that. And then he told me, listen, if you win, you're going to win some good money.

So I watched the fight and then I fucking won some money. And I said, why am I going to watch the fucking main cut? I'm going to save 75 dollars. You know what I'm saying? Let me take my money and go home. That's what you do. You take your money, there's no more dicking around, no hanging out, no doing nothing.

Well, I had a nice night, but I didn't watch the fights. What I did was to prepare for Bruce Lee on Sunday night, I watched a movie I taped this week. And I want everybody's your homework assignment for next week. I want you to learn something. I watched the movie called The Getaway, with Steve McQueen and Ally McGraw.

She's one of the beautiful women you've ever seen in your life. As far as acting, she ain't no fucking Natalie Portman, but she's so fucking good looking that she's phenomenal. And when you look at Steve McQueen and The Getaway, it's, listen to this, it's directed by Sam Pecklenpaw and written by Walter Hill, the guy who wrote Warriors and all that.

This is just insane. And 48 hours, right? So last night, first of all, when I switched from fucking, before I even went to Saturday night, before I even went to Steve McQueen, I watched Trading Places from the beginning. Nice. Oh my God, oh my God.

Oh, and I watched the whole fucking thing. And I realized that Eddie Murphy was a fucking savage back in the day. You know, he did one movie a year, that was the second big fucking release in 83, like I'm told by 83 or something. Just fucking, they don't even make movies like that. That's a good movie for black people.

That movie had so many different fucking levels in it. That movie had so many, the dude was falling in love with the hooker. Don Amici, everybody. Everybody, when he's falling in love, I go, Terry, they don't even make movies like that no more. Fuck, but from there, I went to fucking The Getaway. And I'm watching McQueen.

And after, I watched it to the part that he beats his wife on the whatever. He really beat the fuck out of him. You know, if you watch it on YouTube, he beats it. And it's just a scene, a movie, but he was like a fucking real actor. And he was a tough guy. He was one of Bruce Lee's disciples.

He fucking carried Bruce Lee's casket when they buried him and a bunch of hot, but Steve McQueen was just intense. I read about him for years. My mother took me to see The Getaway. Like I was crying last night because I was remembering my mother taking, that's because she was a Steve McQueen.

Cubans love Steve McQueen. That motherfucker was bitch slapping people. Bullet, Cubans love Steve McQueen. Cadillacs, Cubans love all that shit. They love Steve McQueen. My mother took me to the matinee. We went to Tad's Steakhouse, got a steak with garlic bread,

and then we went to fucking 42nd Street. The whole time she wouldn't shut the fuck up about fucking Steve McQueen. How beautiful he was. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Let the white man do his work and shoot people. You know what I'm saying? It was such an all-star cast.

So I'm happy I watched The Getaway before Bruce Lee because now I'm prepared for what I'm gonna get. But I told you, Wednesday's Bruce Lee. Anyway, Eric Roach is a very nice young man. I met him a year ago, two years ago, when I was in a dark spot before my Netflix special and he really made me laugh. And I've always loved him.

He's a young comic. Have you heard him? I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care. He's been on the podcast. I mean, I know he's been on the podcast. I'm bringing him into your living room. How are you, Eric? I'm doing good, guys.

Last week, you put a MMA out that killed me. Now I'm gonna explain something to you. I'm a fucking savage. But I never knew nothing sexually, nothing. Like when I was 32, I found out what a sugar daddy was. I never knew Todd was 32. I should be ashamed of myself. That's how, on whatever.

I did coke and fuck, messed around. That surprises me that you don't, yeah. Well, I'm not about nothing. Well, as time went on, I dated a girl who took me to a different level. She wanted to be smacked. I dated two girls back to back. One wanted to come on a face so she could come.

I never heard of that before. How did you even get to this conclusion? Would you have guys shoot loads on your tits? After I stopped dating, I had a checkup. That's the first time I ever had a checkup. Because how do you get to that? It's like, who invented the mushrooms? So you went around picking up shit, eating stuff.

Who picked up the first mushroom and said, this is fucking delicious. So how do you know? That means guys came all over you. You find out that somebody, and she was young. We were both young. So she put me over the top a little bit freakies-wise. And then I dated another girl who was out there.

Dildos, smacked me in the face, choked me. I was not into that shit at all. And I ended up starting to choke her. And then she would say, smack me. And I had a smack, or she called me a pussy. And then she started smacking me. And then our relationship went into a weird place. It was a horrible relationship that lasted four years.

But she was a sexual demon. And she would do all that shit, take a dodo and put in a pussy. But last week, while she was sucking your dick, I would tie her up. This is the girl that used to make me tie her up and then go to the corner and call her from the payphone. And she was on the answering machine and say dirty things to her.

I never discovered things like this. I never knew nothing about this shit. I was just a straight guy, fucking through the regular, doggy style. I never wanted to come on your back. The first time I fucked a girl in the ass, I was dirty. And I didn't like it. I didn't like it.

It was like a power play. Like, for years, I wanted to fuck somebody in the ass. Finally, somebody let me. And I was like, I don't like this. She was squiggly. She kept moving. She wasn't focused. I don't like that.

I want you to be focused. They don't like it. They don't like it. What does squiggly mean? You know, she didn't shit still. So I never really fucked nobody in the ass. I don't know nothing about that world. So I moved on.

You always want to fuck somebody in the ass. Then once you do, you're like, you know what? This ain't for me. It's too much suffering. I got a little bit. But I can't put it back in the mouth. You know, I want that one. If I put it in your ass, I want to be able to pop it in your mouth

afterward and hit you on the head like a fucking, like Death Leopard's drummer with one arm. So last week, you see, I'm telling you, it's going to be a good Monday. It's a good week, motherfuckers. Strap on a pair. We're having a good time today. Enough with the COVID, enough with the riots,

not with this bullshit. It's back to fucking comedy time, motherfuckers. Uncensored fucking comedy. So on fucking Twitter, you got Jenna putting pictures. She sells farts. She sells her farts, so I retweet her pictures. Anybody who sells their farts has my support, you understand? If you're going to buy a fart, you're a fucking moron.

But fuck it. I would sell you $10 for my farts. I'm putting them in a jar, whatever. She does videos of her like rubbing a pussy and farting at the same time. So I retweet him for, and then we got the little, the nice girl from Boston who I love. Jamie Lynn.

Jamie Lynn Chubby. She got pissed at me because I called it Chubby. She's not really, you know, she speaks for real. Like, I would like to fix her up when you leave, but she's too much for you. Like when she moves her hips like this, have you seen her do that? No.

Like gyrate dog, you just forget it. You just, you'll start to fuck. It's like the fucking, it's like the zip line adventure. You're just going to shock. So, I love all those women. I support those women. If you can Holly Housewife, if you're going to fucking put videos of yourself

on the internet, suckin' dick. Have you seen Holly Housewife's content? No, actually. She sucks dicks in glory holes. She's fucking all types of people. She just goes to a bar and has a gang bang. It's disgusting, but it's good for some people. So I retweet it from time to time.

I know people are lonely, it's the coronavirus, you know? So I'm thinking about the other day, how, you know, when I get on the computer and I see that there's a picture that you posted of you fucking some guy from behind, choking them with a cock and like, you know, like, and I sat there and then you put Lee in the corner, like whatever, like saying hello, it was tremendous.

You know that that made my day. That's like a personal fucking message to me. Go in here, this is for you, Doug. You know, it's like an homage. That was fun waking up to, by the way, you look three of them too. So I'm like, look at this motherfucker posting gay content on this thing that nobody does.

Nobody posts gay content, I don't see it. Very seldom do I see gays interacting on there. Maybe I'm on a different spectrum, I love it. So I saw that dick around the neck and I was blown away. I'm like, I never thought of that. Like that would have been tremendous. Like that's gotta be a 16-inch dick. You just take their neck, instead of pulling their hair

and pulling back like you did to the Arab, the terrorist when you pulled his hair back, because that was a tremendous story. I'll never forget that. That's, I love gay people because they're the only ones left that's still having a good time. White America, you got your fucking fingers stuck up with your fucking ass.

Gay people are just meeting each other online. The trust that you have to have. The trust, like, hey, how you doing? Good, what do you want to shoot? Cool, no, I want to fucking the ass. Okay, where are you? I'm on 1313, Mockingbird Lane. You go over there, you fuck, and you go home.

That's the monster's ass dress, anyway. One time we went to go do the comedy store open mic, neither of us got up, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna go do another open mic. He's like, I'll see you later. I'm gonna go get laid, got laid in between mics. That's amazing. So my thing is, we've been talking a lot about changing.

And let's go from comedy here to just one minute of real. I watch your thing, and you know, I love you to death. I've always been fascinated by the girl, gay, LGBT community. I've always, you know, since Tranny's fucked my world up, you know, they always did, because you look at them, you're like, what the fuck is going on here? But then you're like, you know what, give them love. What gives the fuck?

I'll tell you, honestly, the last time I was here, I had so many gay people come up to me. A bunch of gay people, transgender people, they fucking love you. I loved them. They don't listen to me. And that's no bullshit. I got, what the fuck, if somebody says something about you,

you have to look at where they're coming from. You know, the guys that lived down the corner from me, they were transgenders, they weren't the cats. So they had me. Here I am talking to a guy with a wig and a mustache on every day. Well, he didn't shave. Like, I catch him out there early, the wig was twisted.

The wig was twisted and shit. Did I give a fuck? No, that's what people wanna do. You and Jim Norton, those are the two they brought up, especially after I did the first show here. Even at the shows, when we would do the shows, it was cool because in the fucking craziest places too, people would line up and they'd be like,

hey, I'd like to introduce you to some chick. I'd like to introduce my wife or my cousin's gay and we brought him here and he thought you were fucking hilarious. And that's what it is, though. That's all we wanted about it. That's what we talked about. I fucking loved it.

So, yeah. I wanna ask you a question. Because everybody's making changes. The other day I was on the fucking Cassius Morris show and I told him that I was even, I went online looking at courses to become a fucking paralegal. Everybody wants to make a change.

Everybody's looked into a business. Everybody's had a time to change. Everybody's had a time to look at their life and re-examine where the fuck they're from, that this is never gonna happen to me again. I lost a lot of money. I had to move back with my mother. I'm in a shelter.

People went through a lot there. But I was also thinking about something. I'm thinking about all the men and women that realized during this break that maybe they were gay. Think about that. How many guys are at home going, you know what?

I'm looking at my wife and I don't really fucking like her anymore. But for some reason, after watching that Lance Armstrong look there, I'm thinking of getting a bike. I like the fucker guy in the ass like Lance Armstrong. Or a woman saying, you know what, man, I'm sick and tired of being around men.

I think I wanna switch government or whatever. It's a lot of time by yourself. It's a lot of time by yourself. What do you recommend? Like I don't know how to come out, but we joke, everybody makes jokes. How does somebody, I've always thought about this. Like I've always wanted to ask people,

how did you come out? It's gotta be painful and exhilarating at the same fucking time. It's, oh fuck, that's a tough one too. I knew, like you know when you're a kid, you know, because there's something different. Everybody starts talking about pussy. Everybody starts talking about,

oh, you know, I finger bang so-and-so, I finger bang so-and-so. And for me, I remember it was like, I'm not fucking interested in that. And the shitty thing was, it was like you start looking at other people and you're like, I'm actually more fucking attracted to that. And immediately you're like, okay, there's something up.

Like remember we were talking about the whole fucking Catholic thing. So you've got that at odds with yourself and you're like, fuck, okay, I can't act on this shit. But meanwhile they're having orgies in the basement after fucking 7 a.m. mass with three little retarded kids, you know. We gotta feel guilty.

But meanwhile, in between sessions of church, they're downstairs with Capes on, throwing holy water, little kids with ADD and shit. I don't think that's an orgy, I think that's an assault. It's an orgy. Somebody dropped them off, they don't know nothing. You know, but can you, I went through that guilt too. And one day I was like, these motherfuckers

put me through hell for years for cursing. When I was like 11, when I found out there were fucking little kids, like when I left the Catholic, I found out when I was like 15, I heard murmurs about Catholicism. And then when I was like 19, I heard murmurs about the Boy Scouts.

I heard a kid about like that had been like molested and they put it under the table. When I was 1918, I heard about a 12 year old kid in our area, not in North Bergen, that had been, because I was part of a Boy Scout troop and they were kind of weird. The first day I went in there, like the first, they went right to nuts.

Like the second day they went right to nuts. I'm like, something right here, these motherfuckers. I'm gonna tell you why else I called you in here today. You know what I ordered this week? You know what I pre-ordered? Rob Halford's new book. He's got a new book, The Singer from Judas Priest. Because that was my first experience.

Like when I went to see Judas Priest, I was like, ooh, Rob Halford could be a flamer. Oh boy, we have a problem here. And I remember going home and going, so what? He's gay. Cause they had this motorcycle. He came out with a motorcycle and leather chaps. And when I first saw him on Hellbent Flat,

that motherfucker brought a whip out. In October, November 29th, of 79, I saw them. And that motherfucker brought a whip out at the Palladium in New York City. So you better fucking check yourself. So when he first came out then, when I first went to see them, he didn't even, he didn't come out till years later.

But that made me think about you. Like Halle, like even Rob Halford, that was one of the world's greatest heavy metal bands. There's this guy walking around who's really gay. And when you went to see it, if you were cool, you knew it. If you had experience with a gay man, which I did, I grew up around Martin the Fag, my damn buddy, cool. So, you know, and there was a bunch of gay men in my bar.

My mother had gay guys around there. You know, they did drugs. I used to have gay guys around me at the bar. So like, what do you think? Like right now, after this period, how many people do you think will say, you know what? I always want to be fucking gay. I'm cool.

It makes a point because a lot of time by yourself, you do, you just, you start, and then especially like too, with fucking divorces and shit like that too, because you're starting to be around your spouse and you just wonder, I fucking hate this bitch. What am I doing here? I tell you, man, I heard about this in the beginning of the pandemic.

I heard about that. Be careful, mental health. You know, you're gonna be around. And I'm not gonna tell you that me and my wife had a few disagreements. We had a few times where you're at Witsend. And I said some or she'd say something, you know, if Corona's on and you're watching TV

and you're fucking scared, and all of a sudden she would say, Pastor remote, what do you fuck, right? And you catch yourself. But I caught myself early, like March, like 20 around there. I said, I have to get to come together with my wife. I can't separate.

I gotta come together. And I tell you, man, it's been, I'm blessed. You know, we're gonna go on 20 years, July 1st. I go, this can't happen now. This cannot happen now. We gotta at least make 20 years. If she wants to dump me on the second, I'm good with it. But let me make it to the first one.

We already think we're fucking days away from 20 years of meeting. So I really, really was constant about it. I avoided her at times. I gave her a space. There was nights, you know, little by little, like the first one Lee told me that he wasn't going to eat out.

That's it. I was like, Lee's not gonna eat out. I'm standing in solidarity with him. Cause this motherfucker, you know. I eat out every day. How do you really go if they give it to him? So the lizard talker. What do you think?

What was the first thing you did? Did you tell your parents? Did you go to your priest? Did you a friend? Did you just bang a guy? Yeah, that's the sense. You know what it was was it was, I had met the guy and I still do jokes to this day.

I'll call my ex. It was my first ex-boyfriend. And we lived together and all that shit. And I remember he, we met in college and you know, he was flirting with me. And for the first time ever, you pursue it. First time ever. Cause I was in New York, I was away from home.

Nobody fucking knew what I was doing. That's usually why like when you look at where behavior like that comes from, they fucking go like, remember the rambles was famous in New York in Central Park because gay guys would go there at night and they would fuck around with other guys. Jesus Christ. I just forgot all about the rambles.

There you go. See, that's where that guy got mad at that girl recently. Right? I know. Bird watching the dog. Okay, never mind. It doesn't matter. So, but the thing of it though is,

is whatever leads your limitations and says, you know what, try it, try it. Cause yeah, it is exhilarating. Like when you first come out, you fucking tell everybody. You're like, I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. And everyone's like, okay.

It's like, who gives a shit? But when you first start coming out, I think you do it in small steps cause you come out to your friends, people that you're really, really, really fucking close to. And honestly what I find a lot of people say is, oh, I knew. Oh, I knew.

I talked to a high school teacher and he's like, hey, I heard you've been doing all this shit. That's good stuff. By the way, I knew you were gay in high school. I was like, how the fuck did you know? How did you, I hid that shit really fucking well. Apparently I didn't. Cause a shit ton of people were like, oh, we knew.

And it's like, God damn. So it's, I don't even know how you would go about it because it's such a personal thing that you can't rush it. Cause you'll, you'll fuck somebody up if you out them. Like they'll, you've seen the golf kids, they get fucking weird. Let's fuck them. Sorry.

It's not exactly the same. But all I can think about is like, Joe, you went through a period where you didn't tell people your criminal stories. And then like you slowly started telling people. Maybe, maybe that's it. Because I will tell you, it is, it's terrifying. Like in, I remember I was fucking around with somebody

in high school and somebody had seen and I was ready to kill that motherfucker. Had they ever spoken up. But it was like that scary where it's just like, okay, nobody can find out about this shit. Nobody. And then over time, it's, it's honestly, it's people like, like you, like, like I said,

Jim Norton, you talk about other people. All these, all these things, you start seeing gay people on TV. And my problem was, was the gays that I saw on TV weren't like me. And that bothered me because it's like, well, I'm not fucking like that. Well, here, not to interrupt you,

but I've noticed one thing. Because see, I've noticed it with everything. Listen, what a lot of people don't know about me is I paid an investigator a lot of money to find my daughter, find a few friends that I had apologized to. And the one person that I paid this investigator to look for was, and whenever I need his name, I forget.

It was an African-American kid who was my first friend. You know, he was one of my first friends in New York City, took me to his house. His family took me in, you know, it was like- Jasper? Jasper Williams, it was like two years of just, and then they made it, you know, his father got a better job and went away.

You know, they moved up to Brooklyn and we lost contact, whatever. I was exposed to gay people at the same age. I didn't know what to think about it. And then as I went to my mother's bar, men would say, that's what people might call me. And I would go, what the fuck is a mighty Kong? And they wouldn't tell me, you know,

cause my mom would go, knock it off, he's fucking six. You know, knock it off. What are you telling them the guy's a fag for? He ain't even gonna understand it. But by the time I was like seven or eight, I got it. I got it, I got, I got the behavior. I didn't understand the, see, so I lived in a house that was very santeria bound.

Santeria is fucking glittered with gay men. Really? Yes. But in Cuba, there was a form of religion and those guys, the Abacoas, they're not allowed in a room if there's a gay man in that room. The funny thing Romero told me when he was on Joe's with me, I asked him if Abacoas still exists.

He goes, he was a brotherhood of men, but now there's some gay guys in there. They finally opened up in that gay man in Cuba. This was like a religion of, if you fuck with me, I'll slice your ass, you know, that's why they slice your ass because the hatred they had for gay men. You know, Cuba, don't ever think of Cuba.

Like people say, oh my God, Havana was booming. Yeah, in a neighborhood, in a neighborhood. Once you went out of that neighborhood, they didn't like gay people and they really didn't like black people. If you think the United States is racist, I would, bro, I'm dying. My uncle's just too fucking old to get him up here.

Me and my uncle talk at night and he, for the last week, he's been telling me racist stories from Cuba. Every night, how they fucking, they go, Hardcore shit though. Cause he's dark skinned, they made a kid make his dog pissed on his back. And he didn't even know it.

He was sitting watching a baseball game and some kid came over and made a dog piss on his back. And he goes, that's the best thing that happened to me. My life changed after that. He goes, you don't know ever since that dog pissed on my back how my luck changed. He goes, I'm where I am today cause that dog pissed on my back.

He goes, so even though they thought I was fucking black cause he's, we're all, him and my mother are brothers. But he's darker skinned with the little hair, whatever. But anyway, they get away from that stuff. It was really weird. Like I never had a chance to really have an opinion about, I knew in my world, I had, they were cool. Now, when I got to be 14, 13, you're out in New Jersey.

And now I can't, I'm trying to fit in. I'm the fucking spic on the neighborhood. I'm trying to fit in. And these guys are using faggot, like, you know, and in the seventies, when people found out you're faggot they would hunt you down. Gay people have not had it easy in this country. They would, they would have hunted you down.

And what are you doing faggot? They'd be up and you know, pull your hand and do all that shit. So it wasn't easy. Me meeting Martin made my life a lot easier. And then when my friends found out, and let me tell you how weird life is, that my friends all had a problem with mutting the fag,

but the Coke he sold, that gay Coke, that'll fucking make you fucking give you twitches in your neck and shit, that gay Coke. In 1980, that guy was selling this Coke that was fucking heavy duty boy. So when I told him, you know, that gay guy you don't like, that's who gave me this Coke. They would go, wow, he ain't that bad.

Oh, he ain't that bad now. He got good Coke. It's like, you know, it's the same thing with Ray. It was basketball. We hate black people, but we love Kobe Bryant. Oh, okay. So it's a, you love Kobe because the way he plays, but it's the same thing.

So, and I did the same thing because I was caught up in it. So in front of my friends, I had a gay people, but in my heart, I had no hatred for gay people. But then when they found out the Coke was electrifying, they were like, call the fag though, call him up. And then I had another gay guy who sold me Coke later on, and they loved him. His name was Moondi, and his Coke was so good.

You bought an eight ball from him on Friday. You didn't get home till Moondi. That was his slogan. His Coke was so good. You bought an eight ball on Friday. You don't get home till Moondi. Oh my God. I didn't know drug dealers had slogans.

He did. He did give us so fucking good. I don't know. Do you know any older gay people, Eric? Like, do you think it's a generational thing? Cause maybe back then, Joe, your question was- I'm telling you that gay people in the seventies listen now we have, I fell in love with Eric

because Eric was in flaunting and sexuality. I feel, look at the guy from the county store, a dear friend of mine, Jeff, the piano player. Right. I could tell Jeff is gay since day one that I met him. You know what I love about Jeff? He doesn't flaunt it to me. He doesn't sell it to me.

He doesn't act creepy around me. There's some gay men in West Hollywood. I remember one time I was eating at the Brazilian place across from, it's not there no more. The last factory used to have a Brazilian place, the Gaucho Grill or something like that. Oh, fucking delicious. And I was sitting on a table and there was a guy behind me.

I've said this, I was like, nobody could beat his gay. Like he was over the top. Like, and I could tell the guy was just lonely. He moved to Hollywood. He went to an audition, 20 auditions. He didn't book nothing and somebody told him, you want to book stuff, you gotta be gay. One night he went home and practiced his walk

and he got tied to T-shirts and he started doing sit-ups to get the abs. And you could probably, in this town, tell me those guys don't exist. Look at the chick that was dating fucking in Donnie Brasco. Remember she was all gay, she'd get it out of him. Now she got kids and whatever. She don't shoot no more movies, what do you think?

Because once she stopped eating pussy, there was no more movies. That was done. But when she was gay, when she came out and said she was gay, she was working all the fucking time. So I know for a fact that in my heart, and I don't know, people will listen to me going, Joey, how can you think to be that cynical?

I'm telling you, when it comes to Hollywood, anything is possible. People will do anything. They will sell their souls. So if it is being gay, they're being gay. I just saw a show, Mom? Is it Mom? And it was an AA group and the guy was gay.

I know that dude because he was a producer on the Mezos. I did a gangster movie where I play a gay guy. Me and my brother were gay and fucking, it was like grass by the gay community. And the two got Michael Orpino is his name. I wonder where he is today. If anybody knows Michael Orpino, last time he worked, he was working on Ikea as a director for this,

you wish you had this job. Nine to five directing videos on how to put shit together. He had hit the jackpot. Six fingers. Yeah, cause there's eight minutes. Nine to five, nine to five, clock in. That's a different type of directing. No weekends, no 12 hour days.

He was like, fuck this shit. But because of him, I met a lot of, we got into the gay film festival and all that stuff. And I went to the fucking movie. I'm talking about, this is 2001 guys. But like, it was a great experience to me, whatever, but in Hollywood, people, that's why I think I fell in love with you.

Because I could just read you, you didn't flaunt it. You didn't. Then I saw you on stage, told a joke about the fucking Arab. The punchline to that joke is what was really brilliant about you, that you said, you went to lunch with your gay friends a day later. And they were like, you know,

you're opposing urban outfitter. Did you see them get fucking looted last week? I was taking a bunch of jokes. I was thinking about how many gay men were home crying. Oh my God, urban outfitters, now I'm gonna have to go online. So. Did you see them looting urban outfitters?

It was gay guys looting urban outfitters. No, they were not. Those were, if you'd asked Sam Tripp or those of CIA operatives, dressed up as fucking. Those are CIA operatives. Don't get me started. But that's the brilliance of that joke that they said to you, you should boycott

whatever outfit is or whatever. And you said boycott. You think I'm worried about a boycott? I broke racial barriers, religious barriers. I'm a Catholic and I fucked the fucking ISIS. And what the fuck has ISIS been in the middle of all this? If you're gonna bomb the United States, this is the time. This is the time.

We welcome it at this point. I mean, at this time, if somebody said to you that ISIS went into the fucking DC and blew themselves up, you're like, this is perfect ending to the story. Just see a bunch of white people running down the street cause ISIS little, some guy with a pin, just Abdullah, pull the pin out. I've been waiting for that all fucking week.

One fucking ISIS. Now is, I wanna know who the fuck's running ISIS. Cause they're slipping. If you're gonna hit, this is the time now. Who's running ISIS? Why are they gonna blow them up? I would be blowing up the whole fucking country right now if I was ISIS.

We're doing that by ourselves. I'll be fucking spreading hummus, dropping hummus bombs from planes, dropping them everywhere, all over Texas. You know how people are finding rocks? I'd be finding hummus everywhere. They'd be canisters of hummus on every block on the corner. People with all these hummus is coming from.

Who the fuck is running ISIS? You failed. This is the time. You're slipping. Well, you're slipping. Unbelievable. I've been thinking about this all week. What a fucking ISIS and all this.

ISIS is scared of COVID. You know when the COVID came out? ISIS told them, listen, if you're out there and you got COVID, don't come back. You're on your own. So ISIS lost strength. They were scared of COVID. They're done.

If you're a gangster, you can't be scared of COVID. How interesting is that? This is very interesting. This is a fact I found out from a dear friend of mine, a cop, by the way. The last week, they looted the... Urban outfits. No, not the Urban outfits.

They looted. They said they were looting the higher area. Higher income marriages? I heard that down. The reason why they didn't go to Compton and all those neighborhoods in East LA is because those motherfuckers said, listen, we went through this in 92.

We're not fucking around. You come into our neighborhoods, we will blast fucking protesters. That's what I heard, bro. I heard anybody come into our neighborhood. I heard the Mexican business owner. So next time you hear the media telling you that these protesters didn't want to protest low end

or whatever, no. It's that the low end people. The cops told me this. The cop, a friend of mine told me that. They didn't go down there because the Mexicans and all the black people down there said, African-Americans said, don't even think of coming down. I love that.

I fucking love that. We will shoot your fucking brains out. I love that. So that's what really happened. So see how everything is kind of different. But anyway, back to something I'm gonna ask you. Since, since, since. So how do you recommend somebody come out?

Do you go see a psychiatrist at all? No, I don't, I don't. No, I'm not saying about you. No. Have you had gay friends that they come out, they went and spoke to a psychiatrist? Yeah, and especially now I think that that's a good way for people to do that.

I think another thing is you've gotta, you've gotta seek it out in a way. The nice thing about today is it's, it's not like the 1970s where, I mean, I have older gay friends and those people of anybody in the Pride community, those guys have my respect more than any motherfucker today because those guys went through some shit.

Now, here's the difference. Like shit. Those motherfuckers stayed in during the COVID thing. But the 84, 85 gay guys, the ones that battled AIDS in the beginning, they were out still. Oh, fuck yeah. They were like, fuck, we fucked AIDS up.

COVID ain't doing shit to me. I'll spit in COVID's face. I was fucking men up the aisle when him was going around like fucking joints are rifa. You think I'm scared of COVID when I wear a mask? We're not doing nothing. What's up with dick? So this whole thing is over.

Sperm cures the fucking COVID. You shoot some sperm down your throat and it kills COVID, it's proven. See, I'm gonna gay men got COVID over this. Zero, zero HIV men didn't attract us. HIV men were like 2%. Look up the fucking stats. I swear to God, COVID is scared of fucking gay men.

They were like, gay men don't give a fuck about COVID. There's not coming in your mouth. And that sperm just kills like COVID right in the windpipe. It just staggles it. You know what about this Joe? Did I ever tell you he called me? He called me one day, it was late. And I look, I had a message, it was from Joey

and I go, what the fuck? And I play it. And it's late at night, I just hear Joey go, dog, Liberace was a bad motherfucker. He was. He didn't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck. He just kept saying.

I love Liberace, you're all my life. And once I watched that movie and I seen how he was creeping up on young boys and shit and make him do plastic surgery to look like him. Shit. I started looking into it. I wicked pitted that motherfucker. I went down to Liberace Fox Hall one night.

Oh my God. He did that to 100 dudes. He was just busting ass holes. Do you remember when? He made him a driver. He made him do plastic surgery. That's mental abuse. Clean the pool.

All that shit. That's mental abuse. He had Giorgio, the hot guy. How much plastic surgery? Like he made him like, do you remember? He couldn't fucking shut his eyes. Yeah, he couldn't shut his eyes. He's snoring and he's fucking.

And his eyes open with all the plastic surgery. Liberace should have been thrown behind bars next to Harvey Weinstein in the gay community. If he was alive, they'd charge him with crimes against him badly. Oh, he fucking. Trust me. So many people.

He fucked people up. He was catching those young boys in the 70s. They were coming out here to go to Holly. I want to be on Melrose. Come here, I got to show you something. Next thing you know, you're fucking at his house, rubbing his toes, thinking to yourself, where the fuck is my life gone?

Putting his wig on a fucking doll. And he had a fucking wig. He had a wig. I can't imagine a guy with a wig fucking me in the ass. That's one of my biggest fucking fears. What do you think he's going to do with the wig? I would have to turn around and bitch laugh him. Now, if I fucked the guy with a wig, I would come on his wig.

I would pick up, I would pick up his wig, come on his bald head, and put the wig back. I'd smooch that cum on that wig. If you know me, I got those big balls. It'd be like an Oreo cookie with extra fucking white juice. That motherfucker. You double-stopping him. That motherfucker.

That wig wouldn't move for years. It'd be hurricane-tested. More his wigs. Wigs don't come off. Even underwater. Even underwater. Yeah, Joe, his wigs don't come off even underwater. Oh, my God.

This is what we need, ladies and gentlemen. America enough with the fucking, who cares what Donnie Warburg did 36 years ago? You need laughter in your life, and how was he until then? Because I'm dying inside for the last month. Everybody's scared. That's it, it's all over.

Now, let me ask you a question. Can I tell you who my favorite fucking gay 70s guy was? Do you remember Paul Lind? Yes. Do you know who Paul Lind is, Lee? Oh, my God, he was on Three's Company? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, Paul Lind was a claim.

Yes. Do you remember Charlotte's web? He was the little gay rat that was like, hey, hey, Charlotte, you got any guard? Well, here's the thing about it, that my agent before the longest yard was a badass gay guy. I mean, I loved the death, I haven't seen him.

He went to Germany, he was really weird, he had the agency, and then he went to Germany, and he got sick. Okay. And he went to Germany, then he came back, and I bumped into him, and Marie T one day at the coffee shop, and we hugged, you know, I mean, maybe he was a little mad at me

because I left him, because I had like six agents before I got the longest yard. Whoever called me back for the first offer, got it. Everybody else got hung up on it. Hey, you owe me 10%, fuck you, click. You ain't getting nothing, I told you to work early. I told you to get to work at 10, I had like three agents. So they all went on Variety and saw the write-up.

So they started calling me, hey, you got the longest yard, how do I get my commission, I go, you got dick, you didn't close, I told you every fucking day, I'm the one that sent the tape, and he was one of those guys. He got really upset with me, so I told him, you gotta go fuck yourself, that's why I told you to be at that office at 10. You didn't go to your office at 10, they called,

they ended up, it was the weirdest thing. The people who submitted me for the longest yard, like they submitted me, and then they heard back. And then the longest yard called a distant friend of mine, that's a public relations chick, and said, do you know how we get out of Joey Diaz? Like, after my agency call. Are you serious?

That means nobody really got to that. Nobody fucking did. Nobody got to the band that had fallen her, and then I went in. And I booked the part, yeah, and then I gave JKA the commission. But that commission could've gone to a guy named Fred, or this gay guy.

People were still calling you about commissions, even though they didn't. Because Fred told me, Fred told me that they wanted a star. So you didn't fight for me, you didn't go around the back way and go, this guy's a comic, so I had to figure out, that yeah, I'm not a star,

but I'm going up against two guys that aren't comedians, and Adam Sandler's a comedian. So let me give, I don't give a fuck what they wanna see, let me go submit it myself. But anyway, back to that gay dude, doesn't fuck a mad about the longest shirt, how the fuck can we get on that? That's why I hate doing reefer.

You get old. Yeah, it seems like you hate it. That's why I hate smoking putt. Paul Lynn, you need to look up who Paul Lynn does. He is fucking hilarious. He would say that gay is shit, like, and he, no, but like, he wasn't out, right? He wasn't, I don't think so.

I think if you knew that world, you knew who's gay. But if you didn't know that world. Yeah, just like regular fucking housewife, he would answer like, oh, Hollywood Squares, he would say, oh, God, what am I gonna tell him now? And you just, yeah, like a weird laugh and shit.

He was creepy. You could tell he was slinging dick up here. In 1970, he wanna come back to my place. You could just hear it in his voice. Oh, God, it was so warm in here. He was here everything for a while. They put him in everything, but I didn't think that,

I don't think that in the 70s, they even looked at that like, no, you hit it, you really hit it. Even Little Richard, like, that was my favorite fucking gay guy when you look back of people that like, now he pissed me off cause he renounced that he was ever gay.

And it's like, okay, motherfucker, whatever. Like, if that's really how you feel, then that's fine. It's, you know, to each their own. But he would, the shit that Richard would do was fucking brilliant. Just even the, oh, I know that I'm good, honey. Shut up.

And everybody just fucking looked at him, yeah. In 1960, for you to say you were gay and black, Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's how you saying you got COVID and the Hiv. You know what I'm saying? Like, I got the Hiv and COVID. Let me, let me give you an elbow.

You're going your way. I won't see you again, you know what I'm saying? You're like, you're like Paulie in fucking the Godfather. You're not going to see him no more. You're not going to see him no more. You know, it's like being gay and black at the same time in 1960. You know, watch the Green Book.

Yeah. When they caught him in the fucking thing. Oh, why have got it? It's so degrading. You remember they didn't want to undo the cuffs. They just wanted to leave him there. That killed me, yeah. Like public shaming.

That was, it must have been rough. See, that's why, that's why I loved little Richard though is because he was fucking flamboyant. And people stole his shit all the time. They always used to say that rock and roll stole from those guys from Chuck Berry, from little Richard, all that shit. That's why it disappointed me, but I understood it.

Like I get, you know, the guys in the. So in his autobiography at the end, he renounced. Well, towards the end, he just said that, you know, I renounced that lifestyle. And, you know, he found his way back to church and he was older and I get it. But, you know, it doesn't make a little gay kid or a little lesbian girl say, oh, okay, that's,

that's my champion. But, you know, that's the problem is these questions are so complex. Everybody wants a solid answer. And it's just like, no, like listen, you know, my, my, my family, my great grandma probably wouldn't have been okay with me being gay. You know, and that's, that's the,

but she was amazing to my mother. Does that mean that I renounced her completely? And it's like, no, if you really want to have a fucking conversation, you've got to have that conversation. People got to understand all aspects of it. How many friends I have, I have gay sons. See, how many friends I have from Jersey that have gay sons.

I got two friends I grew up with that have gay sons and they've told me right out and they've told me like a lunch and I'm ready to laugh. And I'm like, because I grew up with this guy and I remember them being 13 saying, fuck gay people. And now, you know, we all pay for our sins. And now you're putting up your son's gay.

And so we, how I see the pictures of him with his son and he loves his son and, you know, but I have two dear friends that they have a gay son. We've had great conversations and never, you know, they told me about that and it's weird when they're talking to me about their sons. And I appreciate it that they're not, they're proud. At one point, listen, you want to be proud.

And that's what it is. And that's why it's such a complex thing. But should your gay, should your friends be tried for a shit that they said before they had the gay kid? That's why I'm saying is, you know what? It was a different time period. 30 years ago. I watched, exactly.

I watched Delirious and I still fucking laugh at Eddie Murphy's Mr. T. That is fucking hilarious. And again, though, you know what? I came out of fucking Blazing Saddles when they showed it at, it was at an arc light, right? I came out and I still love that fucking movie. And they were like, this is, it's terrible.

It's terrible. It is so blatantly racist. And I was like, did you pay attention to that movie though? Because every white person in Blazing Saddles is just about a fucking idiot. Every single one, you remember Johnson? Howard Johnson is right about Fred Johnson. They're all related because they're all fucking each other.

Everybody in that town, Bill Johnson is right about Howard Johnson, about Ted Johnson. And then you realize, and then the cattle stampede is right through all of them. We've had women stampeded and cattle raped. You know, it's just. I love that shit. I think that, you know, it's like when they,

it's like when they made Vito gay on Mr. Prano's. You know, and here's his gangster that you see him at a bar now. And trust me, he wasn't the first gay gangster. Oh fuck, yeah. Trust me, he wasn't the first gay one. They've had like five of them that's, that well-known, I take Greg.

I grew up on a guy that was a trans, a cross-dresser. And everybody knew it. It was nobody's business, whatever he did during the week at night. That's fucking crazy, yeah. You know, we hung out till six. Everything was fine. You just see him.

Then I said, Doug, no, we made a point not to see it. We overlooked it with love. We overlooked it with love. I had so much love for the dude that, you know what? At this point, if you want to be a cross-dresser, and I just heard about it, I ain't gonna be mad at you. You know what I'm saying? Don't be coming over to my house when I got six gorillas

expecting any love, because I can't save you. I got six gorillas on my couch. You're walking over with a twisted wig. I can't help you. Yeah, and yo, I'll try. I got a ball peeing on him. I'll try to help you. It's 1970, you know.

I got a ball peeing on him. Have you ever seen Crooklyn? Oh, fuck yeah. Crooklyn, that's what I grew up in. That's cool. Really? Crooklyn, when you walked into the bodega, and there's that Puerto Rican transvestite,

and he's fucking telling the kid, like he gave him the kids, like, what the fuck is going on? That was the, like, in every Latino neighborhood in the 70s, there was one cross-dresser, you know? And sometimes he caught a beating. Sometimes he was somebody's brother, so they gave him, like, a pass. Just don't stand on this neighborhood, brother.

Go over there. You know, like, just don't stand on this corner. Exactly. It's so weird with the things I saw and my reaction, and what's, like, people's experience. Like, I want you to tell me something today. I want you to tell me 10 dirty secrets that straight men don't know about gay guys.

Okay. Well, I got to say this, though, because in terms of helping, because I do want to say this. First off, I want to just say something. I don't want people listening going, look at Joey recruiting. Fucking trying, was he getting 10%?

Maybe. I don't know yet. I haven't decided what deal with Wes Holly, what I'm gonna do. But I don't want them to go to Wes Holly. I want them to be valet gay men. I want them to have a little different dignity. Like, we need more valet gays.

A little bit more dignity, a little less industry, a little less amazing. Suck that fucking pipe, Harry, you got it, buddy. You know what I'm saying? Who you got tonight? The L.A. fucking king? Fuck no, I got the assholes, you know what I'm saying? That's a lot.

That's a difference though. That's a difference. You have never ever, and this is the good thing though. And you know, if you're coming up and you are gay, you've got to understand this too. Comedy breaks so many fucking barriers. It really does. It really does.

Like, one thing I always loved about you, and I will say this too, you, Lee, the Verzi Tripits, and Luke Allen, my comic friends, like my family, never been afraid to make a gay joke. When I, like if I'm dancing, either one of my comic buddies, like I just mentioned, they'll say, check out fucking Vito and the Sopranos,

and I'll stop dancing. But it's always given shit though. It's always given shit. And we just, fuck, fuck white Vito. So you have a fucking dude straight? But that's the thing though. No, no. I never have a dude that just was like dabbling.

Like he wasn't sure. Like he's like, you know what, okay. I did it one time, and you were like, I'm gonna take a Viagra, fuck this motherfucker. I'm gonna take 300 milligrams. I'm going, it's either this, what's that? What's this? It's either Reno or Buster.

I want this guy to tap out and go home and say, you know what, I tried that gay thing and it wasn't for gay dog. I ended up in the hospital. You know? The hospital. Cause you're fucking them sideways. And you gotta hit the kid and he like,

I tell you the other day, you fuck them towards the right. You hit the liver. It's like a liver kick. It's like John Jones kicking in the liver. You gotta fuck them. You ever fuck somebody? You hit them like, you banging them from both directions. Like a woman, you never do that, Lee.

You hang over. I never got hit them in the liver. Yeah, you gotta bang them, boy. You fuck them in the pussy. You can't reach the liver. But if you fucking a man in the ass and you got a 12 inch cock, eventually, like a magician, that warren's gonna hit the liver.

I broke it down. I'm talking about fucking a dude up the ass. He's like, my liver hurts. Ah! Ah! I can't stand up. You ever see me when somebody gets kicked in the liver? They just go down.

He's held up by your dick. Your dick's got him. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's the shit I want to hear. Like you fuck somebody that they called you up like a week later and said, listen, I'm changing my number.

Cause that was a horrible experience. My intestines hurt. I'm still squirming. Every time I shit, a little bit of blood comes out. A little bit. Wait till they get you. A lot of blood's gonna come out. No one's gonna near me.

You're gonna be like a hemophiliac. And I'm sorry. I ate like three garlic pills. I wanted to fart in here to put some gay incense in here but the garlic pills backfired with it. I thought compucha and garlic pills would set this room on fire but it actually failed on a Monday.

I'm sorry. I totally, I'm gonna eat four garlic pills tonight. A protein powder and a bottle of compucha. And then this morning I ate three garlic pills with scrambled eggs and I fucking, I totally, I go, I'm gonna fart so much. I'm gonna drive Eric crazy with that smell of raw asshole and I'm just gonna walk out and have him

just rape you to death. You just jump on top of rape and leave me here. Come back on Monday. He's hanging here from the thing. The Roberto Clemente pictures down. The door is open. Leigh's crying in the corner. What happened?

You're not gonna believe what happened. I can't tell you. He's handcuffed like that guy in Green Book. See, he's already thought about fucking it. You see what I'm saying? It's predetermined. How much have you thought about it? It's like murder three with that,

do it up and fucking on many apples. I got gifts for you guys. I gotta show you this. Oh, don't you man. This is your, okay. Joey, this is your Pride fan. Thank you, brother. So if it's ever hot.

Oh my God, I'm keeping this right here. Okay, now. This is my shit. Leigh, this is your Pride fan. It's a little different. Thank you. All right, check out Leigh's. Oh my God.

You know, I've been thinking about you a lot. But the other night I really thought, you know, I've watched some great movies, just great. I'm gonna tell you a movie. It was better than me. Look at me. I look like a Chinese guy. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

What are you gonna do? Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Honey. Stop firing me. Sick on me. I wish I was gay. I would work this fantasy. Shit!

You know how they work those little knives, those little Chinese people. I would work this fan like a motherfucker. Chinese! A shout out to the LGBT community, brother. We love you, motherfucker. Because I love what you're doing. Dawg, the thing that hurt me the most

outside this whole corona is that they cancel gay pride. There's only people, they fucked up gay pride. Fuck those dirty people down in the, what's those dirty people that get together? Walking man and spread COVID and burning man. That's HIV man. That's what they should call them guys. We need to get down there.

HIV COVID and foot fungus. That's all you get down there. I can't breathe. Oh fuck. See this is what it's about. It's a Monday podcast ladies and gentlemen. We're trying to fuck and break them out here. We said some things that were off color,

but who gives a fuck? What would you rather sit there worried about dying or you know, or laughing a little bit. This is what it's all about on a Monday fucking morning. And we provided it today. You know what I'm saying? Eric man, give me one thing that white guys don't know or any men know that they would make them interest.

Like I always like that shit about choking a motherfucker with a dick was tremendous. I never put a ball in the girl's mouth. That would be tremendous. The one thing that might freak you the fuck out. Fisting is making a comeback. Oh my God. This is it.

This is, read that. What's that say? I gotta put my glasses out. Okay. Lee, what's it say? Bought white butter. Oh my God. You sound like the one that news like you put on your hands.

Well, you wear a glove. You wear a glove? Yeah. You're the pussy. What are you fucking hon from fucking into the dragon? You show up with one of them. What if you're like one of those dudes like we're like a little retarded and he's

Oh, that was guys against some action. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is too much. This is eight weeks of repression. I haven't got all we've been here talking about the subjects. I just want to do a podcast that was fun on a Monday.

Whether you agree or not, whether we're recruiting young gay men fucking. Everybody was recruiting Scientology, gay community. What the fuck is the leader of ISIS? I want to get. I got to call him collect. You got to bomb somebody. You're fucking up.

Rhode Island. Somebody got a buffalo. Go get those. You got to bomb somebody. ISIS. I mean, they're wide open. And like people like, he did this for the podcast.

Eric and I drove to San Diego once and he was just quiet for a second. I look over. He's watching gay porn on his phone. Just like in the middle of the drive. He was trying to fucking. He was trying to make you look. See, that's how they get you.

Gay porn first. It's like Spanish people with black beans and rice. He goes, look at this ass. I forget for a minute that he's gay. Like he's just show me girls ass and the gay dude fucking this other guy. He's on the phone with his mom and I'm sure I go, what do you think?

What do you think of this? Oh my God. Oh yeah. So when you fist the guy in the ass though, what is he doing? Is he dying inside? Honestly, I'll be, I've never went full fist. No, it's easy.

Jesus fuck. I wouldn't even want to go full fist. This is what I've done. I put my hand in their asshole and don't like these things. You just open up your hand with like three fingers in their ass a little bit. Like they're puppet?

It's called the Wee Wow. Yeah. Wee Wow. You pull like three little fingers in their ass and just stretch out their asshole. That's tremendous. I can't imagine fisting somebody in the ass. That's just, they gotta press charges.

They gotta come back on you. Somewhere along the line, they gotta come back on you. You can't stick a fist up my ass. That's not right. That's inhumane. That's Roman Empire type shit. That's Galiator. What's his name?

Gladiator. Galiator. What the fuck is a Galiator? The fuck is wrong with you? I think it makes between Galiator and Galiator. I love you guys for having a sense of humor. Eric, thank you very much for that tweet. I love you, man.

Thank you for always being me, always being my friend. Thank you for sending me personal messages. Thank you for putting Lee in your tweets. It's good to just fucking get some laughs. I love the shit out of both of you guys. Just to see you again, seriously. No, it was great to see you too. I was thinking, you know, people are like,

oh, you need names on the, bro, you just need to have fun on your podcast. If we don't have fun, what's the point of this whole fucking thing? I want you motherfuckers to know they rescheduled my Bray dates to the 25th to the 27th. Guys, it's pretty, since it's only 200 a show, it's pretty much already sold out.

They gotta move people from Saturday to Thursday and Friday night. So I don't know what the ticket situation is. You have to call your Bray improv and find out. But that's all I got for you right now. It's just Bray on June 25th to the 27th. And then I'm gonna start doing it out there. I think the third Tuesday of every month or something.

I'll keep you guys posted on dates, but this is it. Just because all this shit will back to work, don't take nothing for granted, brother. We don't know nothing yet. Keep putting on that mask, keep social distancing, you know, keep your activities long. So we find out for sure, with all the shit that's been going on,

that it could be a mass immunity, whatever the fuck, you know, all you smart people know, but just keep yourself on the watchful arm. Eric, I wanna thank you again, brother, for being my friend. Always making me, how much do we laugh on the phone? I didn't say, this is what it is though. We have a great fucking time.

And this is why I said, you know what? I'm sick and tired of interviews. I'm sick and tired of talking to people. I'm sick and tired of tiptoeing around things the last two weeks, you know. I didn't wanna come on here and repeat what the news is saying. I just wanna have a good time with you people.

So, Wednesday, we'll be back for fucking Bruce Lee, but real quick, before we wrap it up, don't forget what I told you, man. I went through a roller coaster with you guys. On this one, you guys are emailing me, thanking me and Lee for being here during this time. I wanna thank you guys for being on that end, because if you guys listen to my podcast in the 15th,

you listen to my podcast today, you'll listen to the differences in my voice. You can hear the fear in my voice. You guys sued that. So, I owe you what you owe me, okay? So, thank you very much for supporting us during this difficult time, and we always got you back. But as usual, I gotta tell you, man,

on it really fucking helped me. I went back on the alpha brain. I went back on the shroom tech. Well, I've always been on the shroom tech, especially when I fly, and I went on new mood, and it has, you guys, it's looking in front of your eyes. I witnessed it. I got a haircut, so my little Puerto Rican haircut,

my hair with the prison dude is gone. But honor has been there for me since day one, and I'm there for them, and they proved it. Their products are fantastic. Listen, you're a little confused without the alpha brain, or take it right back. Like I said to you, you know, Joe, I think, does them every day.

I do them in cycles, because I wanted to, I get bored with shit. Like, you know, like, I buy an eighth of weed. I can't buy a pound of weed. After four joints, I won't get high no more. So, my immune, whatever, builds to it. But with honor, it has been great. Whether it's the alpha brain, the shroom tech sport,

the shroom tech immune, they got protein powder, they got club bells, I can only help you with supplements. So do me a favor, go to honor.com right now. Click up on the top before you check out. President Church. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H. And get 10% off honor delivery to your house, okay? That's how good they are.

If you don't like the alpha brain, it's 100% money back guarantee, and they don't want the product back. Who else does that? Nobody. Go to honor.com right now, if you want to change your fucking life. Number two, my CBD company, I love them to death.

They've been there for me since day one, whether it's the cream, whether it's the gummy bears, whether it's the bath balls, whether it's the tincture, whether it's the e-cigarettes with no vitamin E or acetylene, whatever the fuck it is, that shit that was giving people COVID early on, they didn't know they had it. Remember they blamed it on e-cigarettes?

It was early COVID, nobody knew they had it. Two little white kids in fucking Jersey or some shit. Nobody knew nothing. But anyway, CBD line is the best. I mean, go to their lab results. Look at that third party lab results. This ain't none that you buy the liquor store on the way out on fucking Hollywood Boulevard.

This is real. And you order it online, and they're phenomenal. Whether it's the three flavors of gummy bears, I think they've added the tropical, the bath salts are fucking tremendous. You put them in your hot bath, and you just sit there and you come out of there, you feel like a million bucks.

And trust me, with this bicycle ride, my knee's been hurting lately. And I rub a little cream on it after showers, and I'm fucking brand new, man. CBD line does not fuck around. I love them to death, and I'm gonna be with them till the end of the fucking time, because it's quality CBD.

Now I'm waiting on this 10-inch tape, they gotta send CBD fucking tape. I'll keep you guys posted. I also have a big surprise from Manscape, we're coming out with on Wednesday. So do me a favor, before we do anything, go to CBDline.com, read the third-party lab results, and look at the chart they made for you.

They have a chart with ailments. They'll tell you what CBD to get to cure that ailment, from anxiety, to insomnia, to fucking hip pain, to joint pain, to arthritis, CBD line is there for you. Go to CBDline.com right now, grab something, give them a shot, take a chance Columbus did. First time orders, 20% off, deliver it to your house. Pressing code.

Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. I wanna thank Eric Rochin, the crazy gay world that Eric Rochin. I wanna thank the fucking Christ killer, Lisa Yat, but most importantly, I wanna thank you guys for being family. I love you motherfuckers.

Wave the gay fucking, look at, oh my God, if I was Gabby, I'd be slinging dick with you. This would be like gang signs for me, you know what I'm saying? This means fisting, this means half moon, this means fucking half an ass. I got fucking hang signals for you, I'll see you out in the corner. My mouth is on fire, my ass hole is on fire.

I love you guys, Wednesday morning, 6 a.m., I'll see you then. Thank you again Eric Rochin. Kick this fucking mule, Lisa Yat.