Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #794 - Joey Diaz Discusses Bruce Lee

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Joey Diaz talks about real vs fake friendship in response to some messages he received this week. Joey also goes into detail about how he fell in love with Bruce Lee, what Bruce meant to him, and what his thoughts about the new 30 for 30, "Be Water" are.  This podcast is brought to you by:     Manscaped - Get 20% off your first order free shipping at www.manscaped.com/ when you use code NosePubes. Check out Manscaped's new nose hair trimer, "The Weed Whacker.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.

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Take that old fucking wax out wash your balls clean your asshole. It's fucking Wednesday cocksuckers Manscape calm Code nose pubes the church is also brought to you by like I told you Monday on it They brought me back there in this. I'm a fucking savage alpha brain. Thank you. Listen. What are the company? Gives you a presales your product and if you're not happy with it gives you 100% money guarantee and you keep the product Nobody on it does that on it does that with fucking alpha brain new tropics your brain clarity I'm clear. I'm back I'm not fucking around. I know what I want now get your party started go on it calm right now

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I'm blame. It's all over. Thank you very much for joining us this morning. Let me tell you something about Monday morning, I get up whatever six. I Fuck and open up my computer and drink some coffee. I talked to my wife for a couple minutes and The first I go to Facebook and Here's here's just to let you know about life guys. This is why sometimes I'm sorry. I'm a little cynical, but it's all bullshit I open up the first fucking message. I have six messages that morning. Wow. I'm a popular guy I go to the better fucking I go to better fucking midnight. I wake up at fucking six I got an hour a message an hour. I open up the fucking message and so help me God

It's a fucking thing that says I'll never listen to your show again before putting a fucking fag on your show Go fuck yourself. Now. This is what I woke up to. This is Monday morning when you're supposed to be the best you could be Some guy somewhere decided to wake up Monday morning listen to the podcast or not listen to it and Say fuck you because I had a gay man on it's 2012 2020 you do know that and people are marching outside for equality and here this fucko Sends me back this message now if this was two years ago I would have said fuck you you motherfucker. Hope your mother gets hit by a train. I didn't do that and Just block them

But that just goes to let you know with all the marches and all the equality and everything people looking for let's not input Eric Rocha on here to be clueless most people The least type of people where we live They fucking live here because and they live here under the controller. Everybody's beautiful. We love believe we love this one We love that. You don't like nobody You don't like nobody, okay? I love you people who contact me to be on your podcast and I never fucking you never fucking I don't know who you are and I say to you yet

Get ring back around or whatever listen to me and listen to me good You know why we laugh so hard on Monday on this podcast Because I love that kid with all my heart when I go on the Rogan podcast you people love it Why because our connection you can feel the love in the air that podcast is so good the other day Because I feel love for Eric He's not a friend of mine because I want to tell the world I have a gay friend Like most people do with African Americans or gay people they pick one and he's my best friend They let everybody know they invite them to their parties. They always have one black guy

Well, it's just gonna get called out from now on this shit. So if you invite one you better have 20 there Okay, it's over. Stop it. You're bullshitting Equal rights you Martin Luther King. You don't know dick about dick. Like I said to you with everything going on in the world That's what I woke up to on a fucking Monday morning was hate So that's why I don't believe that. All right, like I said on my tweet Thursday or Wednesday Everything that changes from here on in has to start from behind closed doors. I love Eric I didn't put Eric on because he's fucking gay or I'm not friends with every place my token gay friend I love all gay men. I don't give a fuck what you're on. Yeah, we talk about trannies. We goof

We have a good time But hey, I got respect for them and that's just the way it goes and we don't like gay people. It's 2020 get over yourself man. Get the fuck over yourself. I don't know what else to tell you Anyway, we said today, we're gonna review The fucking Bruce Lee thing but before we brew Bruce Lee thing we got to review something else first But before we do that Fucking number respect this Wednesday morning. It's a hundred fucking degrees. I'm headed to the beach today. You know, I'm saying Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it. Why why are we fucking around? It's beach weather

Fish and chips put a blanket down go in the ocean get some fucking water corona There's gotta be some top form of corona in the fucking water Yeah, why not bro? What are the kids got no fucking school? What am I gonna do? There's no camp. You're gonna sit around here I don't like watching myself. I Do not watch like this is lead up to Bruce Lee. I don't not like watching myself on tape but a couple weeks ago when We were gonna go back to I thought I was gonna work last week June 4th and 5th without even thinking about it. I one night got high and

Started looking at out of everything. What I feel is the best work. I've ever done which is Ari's show This is not happening. It's not happening. You know, I started watching the clips from there I'd never seen the latest one. I did or wore a wood. I never even watch it No, I'd never watch that one It's and and how I when I clicked on so that I realized there's a bunch of people reviewing those So I started watching some of the reviews and I was like, wow, I didn't think that was powerful enough I I didn't think that would throw somebody off like it did and blah blah blah blah, but I watched my tapes and the one I really paid attention to the one that really fucked with me the most was me beating up the nun

the the thing about me beating up the nun dog. It was such a Fucked-up experience. It was like many of my experiences that I forgot all about for years I had carried that thought I never even thought about and that I don't know I mean, it's something that you do that you're not proud of and you just move on with your life and When all this process started of writing a book eight years ago and shit I Asked myself why didn't why when I was in Boulder in 89 and I was confused after prison. Why did I? Have to make my confidence. I was like I got confirmed

When I was 29 years old or 30 years old, why did I do that? I was like, why did I get confirmed when I was a young kid? And I kept thinking about I'm like, oh my god. That's right. I was supposed to make My confirmation that sacred art but before the fifth grade that's what after the fifth grade I think you make your confirmation in the sixth grade. I got thrown out in the fifth grade So all that shit went down the tubes So it's like your bar mitzvah so Tremendous, I don't know what I'm smoking. They gave me something over a fucking now urban trees that

This shit curls your fucking eyebrow hair. Anyway, so I'm watching the one about I Told that story the first time I want to open up a Joe Rogan in New York. I just came out a la fresco with it And told us I wrapped the material around it and told the story to the best of my ability And it related because most of the audience it was probably 64 catholic And they've heard these stories from their parents So I didn't really think nothing of it. I just thought it was a joke And after I did like the first two This is not happening. I already pulled me aside when they liked the man that he is and he goes

Hey, can I talk to you about something? I want you to put some adventure into your stories Not that I didn't like your last two stories, but I want you to really change it around a little bit He goes in fact, I really want you to do the nun story so I sat down and I you know wrote it out to the best of my knowledge and Like everything in my life, you know, when you write you seek You know, when you write something down two or three sentences down Just by exercising that pen another idea coming to your mind something else will come into your mind And you think that you're gonna

Get all those things, you know, so I write the story out I cut out the fat and then I figure out on On some points And then I do the best I can when I go up there Trust me one of those points. I'm gonna forget One of those sentences I'm gonna forget. It's just natural. You just forget when you're 30 I don't care if you're 30 20 or 50. You're gonna forget one of those lines In a crucial situation, then you'll see it later and you know, but

So I forget all about this. I get up on stage that night And I got to be honest with you when I watched that this is not happening A few weeks ago. I realized a couple things from that Performance that were not on the paper at all. One thing was When I talked about the Puerto Rican, you know, thank the Italians. Thank god for Italians Thank god for Puerto Ricans when I called the Roberto Clemente looking motherfuckers That was off the top of my fucking head because I was on a roll, you know So

One of the things that happens with that performance if you click on this is not happening the story of the nun Wait till you get to the part about my rage When you watch the part about my rage You see that my eyes swell up with tears in them because I'm telling the story about Pain something dog and even with all the writing you do at home Something comes out on stage that if you watch it, you'll see my eyes well up Because I meant it from the bottom of my heart You know, I go when when I attacked that fucking nun, it was

I was you know, I was living in this fucking I'm living at this fucking Catholic school They're beating on me. I'm fucking going home on the weekends You know, I'm staying up till three in the morning with my parents. I'm living this fucking cowboy life You know, I I Bruce Lee had died Roberto Clemente had died January 1st 1973 that knocked my winter When Bruce Lee died July 20th or whatever the fuck he died My fucking I didn't listen to what there was no internet guys

So whoever tells you you found out that night on the news is full of shit It took us like three fucking days to find out four days And then there was not, you know, there was no internet. You had to go to a psychopedia He died in Hong Kong. It's just I had to get over here. I had to get over here. Interesting It wasn't like it is now that you get the news breaking news on twitter. There was nothing like that so When the green hornet was on I used to watch the green horn, I remember one night throwing a fit Because they didn't get me home in time to watch at the beginning. I still remember this shit You know, I can't tell you what episodes I didn't look it up. I can't tell you how many episodes

They shot it wasn't on for a long time I saw the intro but that's a crazy thing for me is the tv shows I loved as a kid I thought they were on for years and then like it was on for like one season That was either on for one season or two seasons. I didn't even look I didn't want to do any research I wanted to talk from the heart today. I didn't look I didn't do any fucking research nothing I just wanted to talk to you people from what I had my memories So when Bruce left on that Bruce Lee died it hit me hard

And you know, I mean here's a kid that I watched the green hornet And then one day this guy disappears And I remember the El Chino Because that's what I would call him at Chinito, you know in Spanish and Chinito means a little Chinese guy So I would tell my mom I gotta go home and watch the green hornet. My mom spoke Spanish You don't know what the fuck a green hornet is She's like at easy

And I would say, you know the show go at Chinito And that was a half hour that my mom had a break I would sit there and do the same moves he did And then I got hit in the head with the fucking lunchbox And my mother gave me an opportunity to join karate and I was like this is what that fucking Chinito used to do And I couldn't think of his name, but then My godfather used to take me to movie theaters on 42nd street But from time to time he would take me to Chinatown And there was a movie down there in Chinatown New York City not a Chinese theater. It was a white theater

But since it was in Chinatown it played kung fu movies So what if you want me to give you a name of the first kung fu movie I saw I don't know. I just enjoyed it because I was at karate With uh, you know doing fucking kicks and I had the fist on my gi and I didn't even if you want me to tell you I remembered Bruce Lee or whatever. I I didn't I I just called him at Chinito And I knew I was doing that and here I am in a martial arts Movie theater and I don't know what the fuck is going on and then somewhere around 1969 1970 when I was about seven six or seven

The martial art movie business fucking exploded And I remember being at sacred heart school for boys And running home and telling web of my godfather my stepfather I got to go see five fingers at that five fingers at that Was the first movie that put us over the top about a student that Trains and his master they're gonna kill him and he develops the palm of strength I forget what it's called the palm of debt And that's where you get these fucking rocks that are heated and you got to put your hands on them

Trust me. Uncle Joey did it and you got to get a bag Like a bean bag and put a bag over it and you got to wipe this fucking juice on your hands And fucking pound your hands like this to get them hard you do this all day nothing happened to my hands My hands I still got pussy hands still today. There's soft as shit But you know you could go through the process. I did the whole thing And then in the fourth grade one night we had just come out of the shower That had to be maybe 12 to 16 of us in the dormitory. I was in the fourth grade I was in sister Alice's or sister Anna's

Was the fucking leader of the fourth grade dormitory And we were watching the show by the name of happy days with the fonts and itchy Richie, whatever Richie Cunningham and all that And the next thing, you know in between one of those commercial breaks They showed the trailer to motherfucking the the chinese connection Aka fista fury it got released over there is fista fury But it got released here is the chinese connection if you get a minute youtube that Fuckly, I forgot to tell you something. I want you to look for the little rascals cake

It's very important that you find little rascals cake. Okay, so Please so What were where were they just on the commercial for The commercial for enter the dragon came on now. We're a bunch of fucking fourth graders I don't know if you guys got kids or whatever Fourth graders who wants the fonts they give us snacks Class of fucking milk me. I drank like water or kool-aid or whatever the fuck is that a drink milk? We're all sitting around there watching this fucking fonts and all of a sudden, you know, like

It's a bunch of rowdy fourth graders and we're like in three-man packs and we're telling stories during the tv show But when bruce league chinese connection came on and they showed that fucking That fucking That circle scene the chinese connection That's the scene you saw on the trailer guys I gotta be honest with you The fucking The the uh

I gotta be honest with you that the fucking room came to a halt even the fucking none It was like you could just you could drop a pen in there and the kid did not fucking move None of us moved. We were frozen. Our jaws had dropped. We had been overcome Fuck shitty shitty bang bang. Fuck the love bug. Fuck the world's greatest athlete. Fuck disney movies Fuck charlie brown. This room was filled with kids from the five fucking barrows in staten island These were little fucking animals Fuck mickey miles. Fuck donald duck. Fuck snoopy. We had just fucking got our world rock This chinese guy just kicked the fuck out of 50 people on fucking tv at eight o'clock on national tv

On a tuesday fucking night for two days. I could not wait when my stepfather pulled up to get me that friday Fuck that thursday night. I remember saying to him he was like, what do you want to do this weekend? I go I just need one favor from you We need to find out whether chinese connection is playing and we went And we went to clifton new jersey to the root three driving If anybody's parents ever talk about that fucking place hit me back I went to see a bunch of movies there five fingers at that Fucking but chinese connection comes out of my fucking veins there

When I left that fucking driving theater, I was hooked. Okay. I was learning Karate but I had to get to the bottom of this kung fu shit somewhere along the line This shit was just too much. He was doing for I don't even know how I found that I don't know if you had to buy black belt magazine in those days to find out everything about bruce lee And when bruce lee came over that's all you found in black belt magazine was bruce lee articles bruce lee articles bruce lee articles Who he was training blah blah blah blah blah and you know what I was right there with him now for me I watch all these people say what He meant to them and what he didn't mean to them

To me man. He fucking meant I don't know at the time. I couldn't fucking tell you All I know is that me and every one of my friends was bruce lee crazy What's bruce lee crazy? We used to go to china town We used to buy the outfits You know, there's these envelopes that used to come out in china town every friday And it was 10 5 5 assorted pictures of bruce lee from all his different movies

And there was like only 10 pictures, but they would give you nine of them And one of them they made it really hard to get It was like one with him with new chucks or something. So you had to keep buying the envelope. Oh, it was like trading cards Yeah, you keep buying them until you get that one and then once you collected them I wonder what that collection is worth now No, I what the what those envelopes are worth now if anybody ever kept those envelopes from fucking china town Here, you know, if you got all the grandparents that grew up and used to go to china town in 73 Find that they got those envelopes or any of those they used to be like black

Like whoever did them was a thought leave that up. I am whoever did that was a fucking scam because They were just printing him and putting them in there. But on the say on the serious side bruce Like it just took off guys it Took off like medical marijuana. It took off like crack It took off like the inter it took off like cell phones bruce lee took off like nothing You ever saw before

And america kept sitting back waiting for his fucking movies He released where the dragon Now, I don't know if where the dragon came out before after Enter the dragon. I don't remember The whole fucking thing but I do remember Enter the dragon coming out and me knowing he was dead And me sitting there crying like a pussy at the union city cinema in union city, new jersey and

so It was The big boss fist of fury The way of the dragon and then game of death Where's last four and then he was shooting game of death and they fucking redid it with some fucking little chinese guy making noises And by that time it was off the boat chinese people fucking manipulated us for years

With older bruce lee footage everybody was threatening that they had other bruce lee footage So every movie that came out they would say bruce lee bruce lee bruce lee and it was a lie It was like a picture of bruce lee in it or like a fucking chinese people were ruthless They were getting like there's another guy's body and putting bruce lee's face on it They were ruthless and then sonny chi became And that took away the bruce lee thing for a while and but in people's hearts like mine That stung bruce lee's death stung and when you watch This is not happening

You'll you'll see it in my face that it's coming up again after fucking 30 fucking years That poor bass has been dead for 47 fucking years until this day when I tap into it It's still fucking and I don't tap into it a lot. I tapped into it that night Obviously when I was on fucking stage It came back to fucking haunt me those fucking skeletons Because I was ready to cry up on that fucking stage. I had to control myself Because my father's death Hurt as much

Or bruce lee's death hurt as much as my father's death And it hurt as much as reberto clemente's death and there was a bunch of people dying in those days Morrison died fucking hendrix had died. So america was just getting used to you know, john f kennedy had died People were just fucking dying from the time I could fuck them. I mean john f kennedy died in 66 But we were just on a fucking trend, you know every year somebody was dying fucking The brother died then marluta king died I mean it was just like we were used to fucking people dying But now it was people in our feet like it was people you didn't give a fuck but now it's people you did give a fuck

But I could tell you man that I probably need it. I probably today looking back at it I probably need uh Therapy therapy from bruce lee's death Well, and then when my mother died that brought back all those fucking feelings And I don't know why bruce lee's death affected me so much. So now we're gonna look at The other part of my life I made a quote

You know, I always love the beetles. I love the beetles because they fucked with you a little bit The the united states let the beetles fuck with them and Or that's what you thought They just did sometimes life imitates art. Okay You ready for this guys I said I said on that tape On the friendship tape

I talk about how All you need is three friends and you could take over the world A couple weeks ago I wanted to put some friends on which i'm gonna i'm gonna go back again But i'm gonna put it in chunks of threes I put him in a chunk of threes to let you know the first batch of three friends I had That let me know I could take over the world steve of willow

Georgie and collangelo Okay, everything i've said on those fucking things I've lived up to Now You ready for this one? I get in fucking trouble I moved to boulder

Within six weeks i'm back in trouble and i gotta get on the plane Psychologically, where do I go? I go to san francisco And as soon as I get to san francisco When I wasn't stealing or doing drugs or spending time with my girlfriend Was trying to find out where brestly used to hang out That's where he was born and nobody had a fucking answer for me like you know what i'm saying like where what hospital was he born at You know, where was he whatever at? I mean it was fucking weird how I went to san francisco And between us I could let you know between us is is what we do here

I could tell you the truth that I fucking I went to san francisco in the back In search of brestly like I didn't know I wanted to learn more about them I went up there. I saw the chinese community. Oh my god They used to have some good chinese food up down bad ass It was quite forget with the name of the restaurant north star Chinese restaurant or something on bad ass in san francisco Was the best seshwam beef I ever had every time I went in there. I felt like brestly like this is where brestly ain't in my stupid

cocaine mind, but okay, let's get back to I get into comedy And basically guys When I fucking in 1994 95 I was lost But I was found because yes, my life was lost But I was focused on comedy like I was really really really really into comedy So I was really lost but I was really found

And I had enough When I had to leave boulder, I didn't know I was leaving boulder I just knew that what was going on in boulder wasn't working and all the obvious signs Were popping up that I eventually would have had to leave when I didn't know but eventually Something wasn't going to be right Sure enough I get thrown out of the comedy works And I'm having problems at home with my ex-wife and the thing and I go, you know what?

I fucking go to michigan By this time it's may I know I gotta I gotta figure something out in my life. I can't I'm driving to baltimore from denver two times a month In a fucking car. I'm driving to michigan from boulder in a fucking car And this is what my life was. I knew I had to find the base of operations Could I move to michigan? I knew a couple guys in michigan

Could I move to baltimore? I'm from jersey. It's just to drive down to baltimore But I wasn't ready to be on so what I did was I go to michigan to do a weekend and I meet a girl Now I'm looking for a change in my life. I'm looking for a home new base of comedy This girl's plan was to pack up When we left each other on sunday her plan was to pack up in a few days Spend a few days with her mother and show up in boulder And she was going to move to seattle

She was going to come see me before she moved to seattle So I liked the girl Boulder wasn't working and all of a sudden I thought about seattle. I'm like fuck That's where bruce lee started this whole fucking journey You know, I had been lost And when you're lost, I always say just go home go home and you'll find the answer Go back to your mother's bed sleep downstairs in the basement

Go walk to your grammar school walk to your park that you play that It'll all come back to you after a few days what you were meant to be who you are And why you're doing what you're doing I'll come back to you because when you'll walk those fucking steps that you did as a kid It'll all come back to you. I said, you know what? This chick's going to seattle. I got nothing going on here There was a comedy newspaper I went on there and they had all these fucking comedy clubs that were in seattle at the time

Washington Fucking had, you know, all these volcano room fucking underground Giggles, you know, here. I'm working in denver with two club, you know, and I said, you know what? In my heart, I want to go up there for do comedy and to be with this girl But in my soul, I really want to go up there to walk the streets bruce lee did So from the time I got there, I had a window A one I was going to leave that year But I think the second day

I went right up to Capitol Hill wherever it's called. I didn't look it up again I'm just telling you from memory just because I wanted to dig deep in this podcast The second day I told the girl I was with I go, we got to do something today. She's like, I got there on a friday night Saturday we went to the club downtown and went to a show there that night And then that sunday she goes, you know, we just you know when you get to a town you want to go sightseeing She's like, well, we could go to the fucking farm this market. No, that's like, oh listen, let's put a halt to that I go, let's go see bruce lee's grave and she's like, what are you fucking talking about?

I don't want to go to bruce lee's grave. I fucking all we got to do is ask people on the street So I like asked somebody I said, where do you go to bruce lee's grave and he goes you got to go up that thing Capitol Hill, you know those days there was no fucking bruce lee's grave 4.3 miles make a left, you know, that was not that shit So you didn't know, you know what I'm saying? It wasn't like that. There was probably like a map at that time You know the star map like a star map. I don't know guys. I don't know so They said up it's up in Capitol Hill or something like that some hill

We drove up there and I swear to god We drew it. We drew we drove we drove onto a garage gas station And I I didn't even get out of the car Before I could say to the guy Where's bruce lee's cemetery? He told me Oh before you ask Go up to the corner make a right make a left. He goes. Don't try to close park

Close park close to the cemetery. You won't get in It's uh, it's you won't get in right it's private It's private so One thing led to another we parked we walked like a half a mile Now there was a problem because for people who don't know this I don't know anybody from the washington area. Listen to the podcast Please correct me on this. Let me know what the truth is here I don't know if they buried jimmy hendrix and bruce lee in the same cemetery

There's a story to that why they couldn't because then you have Kurt Cobain So you had to separate them right you had to separate somebody had broken into Hendricks grave And stole his fingers. I don't fucking know. I don't know how real it is These are just rumors you hear when you're in seattle, right? So they had to separate them Because they got too much attention too many people visit you know

Jimi Hendrix and too many people visit Cobain care Cobain, but this is before Cobain. No, Cobain was dead already when I was up there. This is 96 This is 95. So Cobain was already dead. He had just died. He was fresh in the hole The maggots even haven't gotten on them yet. So I get up I get up there And guys, I'm not supposed to walk into fucking cemeteries. I avoid cemeteries like the fucking Like I just avoid I avoid cemeteries Period

I don't like them. I feel uncomfortable in them when I go to my mother's cemetery I do it just to see her out of respect I clean up when I gotta clean up and I get the fuck out of there. I've never liked cemeteries except when I was a fucking Piece of shit crazy man after my mother died. I cut through that cemetery in north bergen I took a couple shits in there, but at that time I didn't care. I didn't give a fuck about anything But it's sort of a real day. I fucking hate cemeteries, okay? And I hate them more in the daytime than I do at night. It's not a spooky thing I just don't like fucking cemeteries and against my own fucking beliefs

I walked into that cemetery And man, if you've never gone to bruce lee's grave You have to go and i'm gonna tell you why Because you're gonna understand That was the completion of the circle for me Of my life after that. I was rested like, you know, I was good after that Like I had put that ghost to sleep in my life. I don't know why I went to the cemetery I was crazy about it

And I walked in there and as you walk up, you know, you're hitting something special You start seeing flowers on the floor And pieces of paper written in notes And then you walk up and it's just a beautiful thing He's very he was buried there with his son already him and brandon had been buried there Bruce's pictures on the thing and for maybe I don't know Without exaggeration 10 feet in circumference of the circle of that cemetery of his plot

It's all bruce lee related It's people who come from all over the world and bring notes and they're open So you're supposed to read them Wow It's amazing. How many years has it been 50 years now? No 60 years dead for 47 years. He died in 73 Those movies came out when I was a child and they stuck with me so much And it's like he said he's stuck up for the underdog. I love the underdog. I've been an underdog since day one

How could I not not love the underdog? I bet an underdog saturday night, you know, I love under I love an underdog story I love somebody who you know and I listen guys and all that shit was going on You want me to sit here and I knew that they fucked them out of kung fu I know that I boycotted kung fu personally at that time at the age of fucking nine I boycotted kung fu like I wasn't gonna watch the stuff I heard in rumors that that was bruce lee's show We were all excited about fucking kung fu and they gave it to derrick caradine and people like me got pissed off

We boycotted kung fu boycott that fucking shit We are by that time I was studying karate But I would work out in union city on top of the bottom of the barrel this place called fujapai kung fu It's still fucking there and I would go in there one of one of my friends That was a landlord in my friend's building Studied there. We would all practice together and I would go to fujapai kung fu. It was next door carved up So trust me. I didn't go there because I wanted to I went there because I knew if that flew in the air for an hour I was having a milkshake downstairs afterwards. You know I'm saying I didn't go there because I wanted to

Yeah at first it was yeah bruce lee in circles and flying through the air But after that it was about the chocolate shake afterward You know I'm saying you gotta earn your keep cock suckers Even then I was I was already in my keep, but it's just so weird how I ended up moving to seattle And guys it didn't stop like after the cemetery. I fucking investigated. I tried to find that where his first school was So I found that somebody told me where it was so I actually went to where his first school was I I forget what it is today And I stood in front of it and I tried to breathe the same air he breathed. I wanted the same life

I wanted I didn't know what I was even doing now. I was doing this Psychologically, but unpsychologically. I was doing this I just wanted to breathe the same air he had breathed I want to walk on the same streets. He walked I want and I don't even feel that like You know, yeah, I got a dream of playing fucking that one theater in new york Even though it's no moneymaker and now it's never gonna happen because of plenty bruce. You know what I'm saying I always

No, no, it's never gonna happen. It's gonna take two years By that time who wants to see a wrinkled up joe dears. Nobody wants to come see me now You know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm losing friends by the day now Though every time I got a wrinkle, I lose a friend. That's the shape of it. Oh, so You know, I fucking walked it. I did everything he could and guys it's been 25 years So I forget what are the goofy shit I did out of respect for bruce lee So now sunday night came and like I told you guys monday. I didn't even have the strength to watch it sunday night I watched fucking

Steve mcqueen and the getaway But I gotta tell you something monday was a fucking boring day And I went my I went against my own rule And I fucking watched Be water And I watched it and I don't know if it was because what was going on around me and that It was like, ah, it didn't tell me what I really wanted to hear It told me about the shit I already knew, you know

Um, I wanted to hear about how his father Used to dress off like a girl when he was a kid Because he felt the spirit was looking for him and if he could confuse the spirit He could save bruce lee Uh, you know, I wanted to hear all about that shit his dad's little fucking but they didn't have any of that But it didn't really matter Tuesday uh monday night. I think uh one of the church guys matt homer out on the walkie great guy He sent me a message and he goes, what did you think of it? And I go

You know It was okay But then I did what I I go, you know what before I go spread and what the fuck I think I should Let me fucking watch it again and Last night I watched it again And last night at the end I cried and I understood why I loved him. It was because Of the underdog thing. He was a fucking like he was a tiny guy. Listen. If you think I bought into the fuck

even at the age of Once I seen one Shoot a fucking guy once I saw my stepdad shoot a guy in the leg. I figured out that movies were fake Okay, did you ever come to a fucking point where you you like the daylight you just go I ain't watching wrestling no more like do you ever have that day that day happens one day when you're 11 You know every as you get all you know remember remember the first time you stopped believing in santa claus You know, it's the same thing remember when you found out he wasn't real. It was the same fucking way You know, I don't even please don't get me started on the wrestling. I love wrestlers. No disrespect

One day you're just watching it and you're like, this is fake as fuck. I ain't watching this no more I want to see him get hit with a head, but I want to see his head blow up, you know I don't want to fucking just see a little blood the fake shit You know, so that's how your life is you watch something until you see behind the curtain Then you move the fuck on you know saying so It's just weird how I watched it again And I caught things I didn't catch the first time You know, I caught

And I wasn't happy when bruce lee died if you know anything about me guys I was a little bible beaten faggot when bruce lee died So I didn't like the fact that he had been this is guys This is how much of a prude your uncle joey was I didn't like the fact that they found him at a woman's house that wasn't his wife Yeah, I didn't like it even if they're even in the fucking fifth grade It always didn't seem right to me his death Never made sense to me

Was the conspiracy guys when we ain't got enough time. We got real problems to deal with in the world You know saying this baseball coming back Can a midget suck my dick again in vegas, you know, you know, you know, you got a you got a lot of other things on your mind Okay, that's your number two question. What's that the midget one? Well, because people can't do shit no more because of covid things have changed six for different So everybody's for yeah six for difference. I gotta suck your dick through a wind tunnel Unless you got a six for dick here and no fuck. What are you gonna do for the dick extension on what are you gonna do? They gotta be six feet away. So, you know, that's why I don't see how strip clubs operate

But I'm not here to talk about covid you guys already took three months of covid You want to talk about covid like you want to talk about hemorrhoids. I get it. That's what I'm trying to tell you What I'm trying to tell you is that I watched it again and You know, it just it's just one of those things of my childhood that was then It was when my mother was alive. It was that life You know, uh, I tried to call my friend being la pretia there saw his name on facebook

You know, if he wasn't as a shy little fuck as he was I'd put him on zoom, but he's already told me I'll never do your podcast. I don't ask I won't call in. You know, he was there at my hospital when my mother I honor his friendship Because I knew all those guys bc before coco's mother died So bruce lee to me was Something that was a part of my life when my mother was alive And will always be it's a part of that life It was the first chapter, you know, like I'm doing this fucking book right now

And I'm trying to figure out how to break it out, you know, because I've had like six fucking lives I had the fucking catholic boy life where I'm telling you that I was pistol I still remember going to see the godfather and cover my eyes Well, I covered my eyes with the one lie open when attendees came out during the godfather apollonia You know, I was that much of a fucking catholic little nerd And then there's that fucking evil period You know the other day people are fucking banging out marky warburg

Because of hate crimes or whatever the fuck he did in boston. Well, guess what guys, you know what man when you have hate in your heart That's the kind of stupid shit you do. You know what else did that uncle joey? I would sit there at night in the fucking Hudson county park and these broken men would come and I'd lie to them and tell them I was gonna suck their dick and then me and three guys would jump them and beat them up That's not fucking normal But that was who I was then if you want to judge me by that now 30 years later be my fucking guess Because that's not who I am today How do I know because today I fucking sit there at four o'clock and we got coloring for an hour me and my daughter

And I got to subtract numbers to figure out the pencil So number two is red number three is pink number four is green and all through here I got three plus one nine plus eight and I got to figure out all the math and after I do that for an hour I got to sit with a kid and read three books. She reads them to me. So I know I'm not the same person So I don't give a fuck about that you know That type of shit and then you have the life uh

The cocaine life that fucking cocaine fueled life that's fucking almost killed me, but it turned me into a comedy fucking Savage because even though I had that cocaine in my system. I still had Coke comedy was the light at the end of the tunnel Comedy was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I knew once I reached my comedy thing I would shed that cocaine skin and thank god 13 years ago. I fucking did So there was always something and now I have a then from 90 fucking from 2007 To 2010 I was a different motherfucker I don't know who the fuck I was I was just finding out who the fuck I was

And then from 2010 to now I meant Lee I had a kid You know, I moved on to theaters as a comic. I mean, you know I've had so much to fuck go on That I don't even know what a fuck I am anymore But that's how fast your life. So I've had fucking five lives So if you want to judge me on something, but anyway going back to

Bruce Lee to me at the end of it when I watched the espn thing At the end it was just Who I was at one time So I cherish that That I think he was a tough guy. Could he beat up mama Lee? Guys, it was the fucking movies but I also remember people's behavior after Bruce Lee came

especially my own You know, it gave me the will to to stand up for myself You know, his first movie is the big boss released here is fister fury And if you know anything about that movie The first hour of that movie is horrible. You know why? Because Bruce Lee don't fight It was like Buffy the vampire slam. Remember Buffy the vampire slam Yeah, you had to wait the whole show for Buffy to start throwing fucking sidekicks

And you can really see that pussy remember that when you really when she coming with the boots and that tight little ass But you had to wait We had to put up with 22 minutes of bad acting the fucking twins the other ugly redhead girl For me to see Buffy bitch slap somebody That came from the old school batman formula Where you had to put up with 20 minutes of batman till batman gave somebody an ear beat No, bitch slapped him him and robbing and that came from the same old school as green haunted You had to fucking wait 20 minutes to watch green haunted throw 20 kicks. That's how they would hold you

Right because you're ready for fucking this chinese guy to start smacking white people or a black dude No disrespect african-american And next thing, you know That you would have to wait 22 minutes. That's the same thing they did to you in the big boss aka fister fury But you know why because he had made a promise That he wasn't gonna fight and he didn't throw a punch so there was a riot And somebody ripped his chain and broke the promise. Wow so

You know that right there Was showing you as a young adult what as a character what character was That's the first time I learned about character that before that scene he was going to throw a punch And they held him back and they reminded him you made a promise to your mother or your uncle I don't know you got to watch the movie and spend a long time ago So that was little pieces of character He showed you you know in that scene when when he faced the boss What happened when in the big boss when they fucking

When they fucking took him out to dinner and they made him the boss How he treated the employees and then he realized he had made a mistake and he became Bruce Lee and what he was And he went down to the fucking guy's house Fucking killed a bunch of motherfuckers That's the scene where he's eating the potato chips and he kicks the guys in the balls two kicks Oh my god, and they both go down then he jumps the fence and he kills the fucking son and the fucking father But so yeah, it was about killing or whatever, but it was about a promise Then in fucking he comes back in another movie called fista fury got released in china

But in the united states it got released the chinese fucking connection And he released a chinese connection and that movie it's about him coming home and his teacher dying But his teacher was in great shape. How the fucking he died. Who would do this? So everybody else's telling them everybody was sucking wind like we do today Walking around with your finger up your ass looking at your fucking iphone to see what idiot texture You're not seeing what's in front of you. He's like dog Something is not right here and one night he found two japanese guys That applauded to kill the fucking teacher and he goes off

And then at the end he has to turn himself in so that the japanese people don't destroy the school And as he goes outside They're about to shoot him And instead of running in he runs at them And i remember us leaving there everybody in that movie theater was crying crying dog when we left When we left because after we played at the at the you know, you had to go see it first with a parent And after that you went you had to go see the movie first and you could go talk shit in your neighborhood

And tell your friends about you went to see bruce lee in the movie's bag go home ask your father 50 cents See if we catch the four o'clock matinee over at a small They're playing on 148th street and i remember taking my friends to go see that movie. I saw a chinese connection in the movie theater Without exaggeration i probably paid 25 times to see the chinese connection in the movie theater There was a movie theater that used to let me go there My he used to drink at my mother's bar. It was called seen at donnie Unlike 14th street was a cuban movie theater the owner had a wig Tony yeah

He would come into the bar and do a couple bumps So there was like a rule like he could come in and drink But i could go into his movie theater whenever i wanted right what eight gorillas and just go in the background watch movies I can't tell you how many times i saw that movie there At night like i would have nothing to do and i would go mom i'm bored And she'd go take the cab go down and see that Tony and watch the 11 o'clock movie come back at two we'll close at three Damn take cab by yourself Oh, yeah, because you know we you didn't see it was a small town

Oh that studio city you're not gonna get lost no reason to kidnap you it wasn't like that then there was a lot more trust on the streets right I i didn't have the history that you had with with uh bruce lee But i thought that i thought it was great last night like because it's you're talking about his Being a good person and standing up for people and he did he He had that come through in his movies But he had to come through at least in the documentary they were talking about

He had he purposely had that stuff come through in the movies because that's who he was as a person and like So the stuff that stood out to me was how many times he like Came back like i was saying i was just relating it to myself. I was like I don't know if i would keep going after so many people telling you know Like that like can i do time after time? This is what life is about listen clenny's wood did spaghetti westerns bruce lee came here, you know one of the things that I liked that they highlighted was the time he had grown up and what he learned from who he learned from You know the stories that they were very mad at him for teaching non

Chinese the art of kung fu and then there's a plot i mean there's so many different myths And stories and lies and there's so much Great information out there What were we talking about? That never giving up never giving up, you know When you come to this town look i know Okay, i'll give you an example. I know a certain mexican comic Well, you used to always come up to me and go i will never take a role

Or they degrade a mexican Well, that dude's ready to suck dick today Okay, he's ready to shoot himself today He could because he had 20 of those roles. He could have had 20 of those roles or whatever It's up to whatever you want to do I mean you never want to portray yourself as a jewish man in orschwitz You know because of your family and stuff like that. There's certain things You wouldn't want to portray portray yourself as but also at the end of the day, it's just a job

Right to get yourself acquainted with what's going on What the biggest thing they did to him Was steal kung fu from him. Yeah, that was crazy. That was heartbreaking because We all thought as little kids it was his and every kid I hung out with banked boy got it Like fuck kung fu Fuck that shit like you weren't allowed in my neighborhood to even talk about fucking kung fu Who is the guy who played genghis kong the white guy? Oh, john white? It was so

It was horrible You know and you talk about all these bad people And shit like this and all these pain like I said in the beginning listen There's a lot of fucking fakers out there People who stand, you know behind closed doors is what fucking matters Look at marlon brando did in 73 when he sent the fucking indian woman To receive his academy award because they should portray Indians as indians. This has always been a problem in hollywood, right?

You know, this has always been a problem in hollywood and and You know yesterday michael b. Jackson on monday was talking about You know hiring more black people in hollywood, you know now they're coming up with that in 18 years of Not the contender the chick that's needs a boyfriend on abc the 18 season 40 episodes They only had one black girl Oh the bachelor bachelor, you know, we're looking at all these things now you see these the stuff from The brucelly documentary, you know about racism in 69 and 68 and 70

And you're looking at the things that are going on with today and you're like, uh, what has changed What has fucking changed, you know, we're still trying to change people's mind But again until you change your mind Behind closed doors and have a pure heart nothing nothing good is gonna happen When you say if you when you look at your fucking friends and go is he really my friend? Or is he a token friend? We live in hollywood guys where you have token fucking friends They're token friends. You know what that means they contact you when Uh, it it's good for them. Okay

10 things could happen earthquakes could happen They don't call you but one day out of the blue they were just thinking about you and you know what I got you on the phone I got this project coming up and you're like really? You know, we're all token fucking friends. Guess what? I'm not a token to fucking nobody you know, uh You know when you see two comedians hanging out or whatever I could tell you 20 000 situations Why they're hanging out? It's either they're hanging out because they live and die for each other or they're hanging out because one wants one from the other

When you hear me on rogan I could be on rogan every fucking day guys I could call joe right now. I want to be on next monday and he would say absolutely I don't do that. I don't abuse our friendship and I want the show to be very organic I want me to come on there twice a year, you know during the holidays And maybe during the fourth of july and go fucking off I like to do the first guests of the year every year To start the year off on the right foot, but I don't abuse that friendship. I don't want nothing from joe. I want his friendship Here in hollywood that that that's not the fucking case, right? So we live in a fucking polluted place. So when

loosely was he was so hurt He was probably hurt the way I was after the longest show You know while I was shooting the longest show and I didn't call anybody on that movie. They'd pick up the phone The day the fucking movie ended I went to call the next day by the check or something and I had to leave messages and nobody called you back These are the realities of fucking hollywood You know when you're on a tv show everybody wants to be your friend when you got no tv show you know these are realities of hollywood did did

Did brucelly really like you know brucelly and steve mcqueen were great fucking friends? I've heard 200 stories about them Were they dear friends that they call each other every day or were they hollywood friends? I think you know I heard that They both wanted what the other guy had Steve mcqueen didn't want to be a successful hollywood actor. He wanted just a bit slap people And bruce lee didn't want to bit slap people. He wanted to be the world's Greatest actor, you know like very popular. He wanted to bring chinese culture into the limelight

He wanted to promote all these things so you know in that case. Yes And I'll be like obviously can't change who somebody's and bruce was an incredibly hard worker But the thing that I can't get out of my mind from that documentary was they were talking to his wife And they were talking about I think it was right after the green hornet and they were saying how It was tough times. They didn't have a lot of money But it was probably the happiest time of her life because all the kids were together bruce was there And they had time for each other And I like

What's going on right now exactly and I'm like should should you not try that like nothing you shouldn't try that hard but Should you have different goals try that hard for what? Like we're looking back who knows what killed bruce, but should bruce have been like, you know what? I'm gonna be the number one stuntman. I'll have some movies And I'll get to play with my kids at night like like just Rather than focus so intently on on being the star like Like just that line she was talking about was so once he got you know once he got

That to that point and that's the truth Look at us now. Look at what we're learning now. Look at what this fucking Corona virus has taught us that for some people who are single. It's thought you had to live Without nobody coming over, you know, you're by yourself and I you know, I got your guys back I always call you steve Whoever I contact all you guys dean del re I talked to the earlier day, you know, because I know what it is. I know how I go crazy at night You think I like watching tv from fucking five to nine or ten at night. I've never done that

This is the first time for me for all this shit. I've never fucking done this So this is very hard for me right now. I just go along with it At first I needed the edibles to do it, you know, I went overboard and now I've accepted my fate I know exactly what I'm doing And I know exactly how I want to do it once pruce went to china And you heard him at the end of the first movie. He didn't know what direction it was going to go Right and now so now what happens so now what what else did you learn from at the end of it at the end of it You learn about a word called hypocrisy

And I want all young actors and comics if this is what you feel then or is anything you do To learn about what happened at the end at the end He had to go somewhere else And make 91 million dollars 521 million dollars by today's standards And what happened automatically America sent one of brothers over there Would it check to partner up with them?

Raymond chow was unknown to the american fucking public Raymond chow cut such a good deal that look who the How many movies ram and chow went on to produce that were american really? Oh, yeah, they gave him everything they had to give him everything after that Because he gave up a great, you know You know his death at some levels could have been because he switched governments He wasn't going to make money for some certain chinese People anymore. I mean there's a bunch of mysteries surrounding this in my world right now 47 years later

It was god. That's it one day you wake up and you're done Jim Morrison went my friend anthony balzano went my friend daren rago went but i'm still here at 57 But how could and i'm i don't want to get into a religious argument with you But can you imagine dying a week before your dream comes true? A week right now i'm scared to death I think i'm gonna die march fucking first because the prana movie comes out march 12 So how the hell do you think i feel as soon as i saw that i'm like i'm gonna die march second You know i'm saying because it's a prana movie it's coming out not that you know

Not that i'm bruce lee i'm just saying you know, it's it's it's it's hard. It's a story that It's a story about love It's a story about balls. Listen my favorite song is sinatra. He did it his way When you come out to this california There's a system And then it becomes your system that is your art That is what you have to offer Right now i do an art

You know people get it wrong my dear friend joe rogan says i'm the funniest guy. Listen I'm the funniest guy when you open up a window and let me go and attack through it As far as a stand-up a stand-up requires certain levels of stand-up The best stand-up in the game right now is bill burr after his last special because of the levels Till this day. I love the levels a lot of comics aren't doing that That's the way I was learned to do comedy by levels bill hicks worked on levels Everybody like that worked on levels even prior in a way worked on levels not really not carlin worked on levels That's a brilliant way of doing comedy

I'm a funny guy when you give me an opening and I could go through that fucking window I'm a funny guy when you pull it out of me and I could go through that fucking window I don't even know how we got to this story but Bruce Lee just taught me That When I got here Listen, I'm never really worried about racism racism

I don't know why like It's never really affected me that have I felt it my wife asked me last night Have I ever felt it and I got to be honest with you. Yes. Yes. I I always lie to people and say no When I first moved to north bergen I felt it a little bit and then throughout the years it got a lot easier But at the end I knew I had to get out of north bergen because no matter what I would be achieved At the end of the day, I'd always be a specter

And now that doesn't matter to me. I am fucking spec. I don't give a fuck. What you know what you're thinking maybe I'm spanish What do you want me to do if if you're black if you're african-american if you're chinese whenever somebody but Where are we going with this i don't even know if you ever experienced racism Yeah, if you ever experienced racism, you know, Bruce Lee experienced it. He felt that he was very hurt by it He got fucked in the ass. They took a show from him He went to china He made his point and then they had to go get him And that describes the word hypocrisy

Now, who else did that happen to that, you know? Anybody else, you know that happened to You're looking at him. You're listening to him I was here since 1997 And I've been rocking guys guys. I'm looking at at the eye. I'm looking at the microphone at the eye I've been killing them since 2004 Seriously, that was 13 years in once I started following mooney and I put the longest yard together I was a 50-50 comic but when I fucking ripped your fucking heart out

I'd rip your heart out. You've heard the stories about the fucking comedy store. Nobody talked to me guys I would beg agents. I would drop off packages every day I would argue with agents I would make and I just could not figure it out I never blamed it on racism. I never been blamed on my felony. I didn't know what to blame it on I didn't know what to blame it on and then something happened In 2013 that changed all that Because it wasn't even about the talent Guess what happened in 2013 that changed all that

I sold the ticket So it didn't matter how funny I was in 2006 even after the longest yard guys Even after seeing the longest yard, you guys know I'm in that movie and I'm standing right there with Tracy Morgan All those motherfuckers if I'm a good agent I'm like, I'm gonna sign that kid because he ain't shit today But if I could work with him right or put him on the right path, I could do something with him Nobody talked to me. They still they treated me like I had more fucking hiv than before It was like they shot an extra shot of hiv to me now

Yeah So nobody wanted to talk to me. It wasn't till 2013 Till I sold sals I sold out sals on 13 tickets And then I sold out san francisco Or I got like 380 on a thursday night With felicia And all of a sudden guys You should have seen all the people that said bad things about me over the years

That said I wouldn't amount to nothing That wouldn't return my calls for years all of a sudden that changed Now you got two things to do with that. You're gonna be cocky Or you could just ride it off to business I think 20% of it with some people I was cocky the other 80 I rode off to business and I still do business with those people Because it was all a part of business You have to realize unless you're a fucking

And once money you could be the funniest guy in the world You could be the best painter in the fucking world You could draw the best sketches of lee You could draw a sketch of the titanic But unless you put a value on that and you figure out how to put a value on that You're done You're done nobody decides until you decide You know what that flag of the united states of america I drew I want $10,000 for that

And if you look at somebody's eyes and you explain to them why you want the 10g For that flag and talk to them with the right passion. They're gonna buy that fucking flag Because it's what value you put on yourself at the end of the fucking day So it was really weird when 2013 came so nobody talked to me For years rogan's been telling people people been club owners been telling I've been telling people dog watch this Nobody paid attention to me sending people tapes. You know how much money I spend on sending people tapes How many tapes I dropped off? You know

And then the comic the agents made fools of me. They would go well. You have to sell the whole department How many guys you got 13? All right, let me go down and sell 13 motherfuckers So I would drop off 13 tapes while we voted against you. You know how many of those I got guys For years people voted against me, but I sold one ticket And now everybody's my friend The phone's ringing So if you learn anything about that bruce lee thing all at the end was This was a beautiful story

But at the end they had to go suck his dick And come back and fucking light his cigarettes and tell him how much they love chinese people and fucking get massages and do kung fu And jump up and down and that's at the end. He won He proved this point. He won You know, I admired so many things about bruce lee if you notice something else about me I got a white wife Who else got a white wife? bruce lee you think that was by fucking

I knew I was going with a plain white chick when I got into this game I didn't want no fucking Statuous fake titted woman. I wanted a woman who was going to calm me down I run I once wrote a I read a thing about bruce lee that lynda could uh To got the last when he did enter the dragon. He was very agitated and the Still wet whatever his name was a director or the producer

Said that lynda could calm him down My wife is the only person who could talk to me like my wife could talk to me You know, the other night I was watching episode of sopranos when he's going off in the house and they're having a barbecue And he finds janice's real Janice took the real estate sign off the property and put it in the back and he comes in and just starts tormenting carmela And he starts yelling at carmela like God knows she came back for a fucking house and for a 400-dollar car that fucking bitch And she's like look at yourself. Tony. You have to get back to therapy

And he's like fuck that. I don't even want to fucking talk about that house And all of a sudden she goes over to the door opens it up. This is a mob boss Who's killed people who tells people to shut the fuck up. She slams the door and she goes get out Go out there and enjoy yourself get out there with your friends and she gets behind them And she pushes it up the fuck out and she slams the door and she goes She's a fucking rice and tony walks out pissed off and he sees pussy stand there with a beer And he goes what the fuck are you laughing about then they twist it around you know many times my wife twists me around I'm guessing at least I fucking quit doing blow because I didn't want my wife to find me on the floor

I didn't want that poor solo woman to find me on the floor But it's in the coincidence right there. I want what a white white for Bruce Lee got a white wife. I'm not stupid He got to those heights because he had a woman who calmed them down He didn't have a wife that was fucking a piece of you know, you want to marry on piece go ahead 10 years from now. She doesn't want to fuck a trainer. All right. You want that rmp? Whatever I married a woman who suited my fucking needs somebody who I felt

You know what man? My wife doesn't run the house, but she keeps me in check And that's what Linda did for Bruce. Bruce was a fucking wild man What would it say? When he had his daughter she had him wrapped around her finger. Yeah, what the fuck? What do you think I'm doing after this afternoon? You think I want to go to the beach and get I'm 17 percent again this Bit by a shark. I'm cuban 18 if you you know Fucking talk about the fun guy toenail that attracts sharks like a motherfucker. They love fun guy feet

I'm telling you I go to the beach. I dream about coming home with one leg every time I go to the beach Well, I'm coming home with one leg. Well, I leave the house to go to the beach and I get in the car I'm like, I'm gonna enjoy pushing this break because I ain't gonna be pushing this break Every time I go to the beach, I'm gonna come home. They're gonna call me Joey one leg Joey stumps. Joey fucking something. Yeah, Joey Oh Oh guys Thank you very much for listening to our little bruce lee thing today

I'm sorry the fucking comedy didn't match up to monday's but that's what's great about the church They're all different Sometimes they're silly Sometimes you got serious to talk about a joke still come out from time to time And sometimes these podcasts about love we change every fucking week. Okay, so Strap a pair on and that's it and that's that it was a beautiful wednesday if you haven't watched the documentary yet I'm fucking sorry. I'm sorry if I we just gave you the topical stuff You could still watch it. Don't hit me up later and say looking joey you fucking spoiler alert

Spoiler alert was when they don't tell you they're coming. You know what I'm saying? That's who a spoiler alert is when they don't tell you they're coming when they don't tap you on the shoulder You know get ready for that fucking jizz milk. I'm gonna hit you with I had the covid six months ago. You know what I'm saying? It's that's spoiler alert We telling you about some movie that's fucking nothing. All right Spoiler alerts right before you come your mother knocks on the door. Don't forget. You gotta go to church That's spoiler alert right there. You're banging the chicken off on your grandmother walk Don't forget. You gotta go get me pills and all and see what happens to your dick

You're a fucking your girlfriend you look up and there's a picture your grandmother across on the wall How down does your dick get you see a yarmulke? Right you think about Hitler. You're like, well, how can I fuck somebody I got Hitler in my heart Oh These are the brakes burn them up burn them up burn them up break them All right That was another fun episode of the church always happened now. I lucky I have you guys in my heart You have helped me as much as I had helped you

Throughout this whole ordeal. I hope I helped some of you motherfuckers You sent me messages. You say I I've helped you throughout this but you guys have helped me more you got me out of the house and uh You taught me a lot of things you taught me that you're paying attention real quick Let's talk about a few things here. Listen like I told you before I hate dirty balls I hate when my ass is dirty I hate when I scratch my nut sack and I get that little cream

We go between your legs You get that little thick sweat layer of sweat there's sweat and there's like little ball sweat I hate ear wax with all my heart. You understand me I stick fucking everything in my ear to get everything open now that I got the hearing aids I get more ear wax than ever And if there's something I hate more than ever when you talk to somebody you can see a A piece of hair come out of their fucking nose that bothers me So when I got the fucking email about this, I almost died

That manscape had a new product announcement The scientists over there have released their first nose hair trimmer. It's called you ready for this one the weed wacker Now everybody's doing video calls right now and I gotta tell you The only thing that camera's picking up here are the spider legs that are sticking out of my fucking nose But not really because I cleaned them off with the fucking weed wacker before I did the podcast I want to try it out. Who the fuck you thinking dealing with joy fucking bananas where the fuck wrote this? You know, I'm tip-top magoo. I even do my fucking eyebrows I do everything because I got these spider webs coming out a little fucking antennas

So listen, you know, I'm up manscaping. I've already told you about how they keep your balls safe When you're trimming your fucking ball sack and your muffler now you can get the same job done in your nose Listen, I took a hair out that that usually holds on to a snot Up here. I had like a little hair that I got to let it grow from time to time And the snot juice comes out of there. I fucking put that weed wacker in there I heard that fucking head died today. He just went out. I just shoved it in there When you weed whack your nose Everything must fucking go everything everything. I had a little pimple that was bleeding

That motherfucker took it down to the fucking root And when if you got a big fucking nose, the weed wacker will work for you too You it's got it's got a contour design to fit all fucking nose. You ever look at somebody's nose and go I'll never invite that guy to a coke party that fucking listen This fucking thing will work for you the weed wacker. You might think joey. Isn't this an old man's problem? No How are you gonna eat pussy if you can't fucking breathe through your nose? This is everybody's problem You gotta fucking trim your nose is when they come sticking out. It's fucking disgusting

Now get your face looking good as your balls with the weed wacker for manscape. Okay? So now you got the manscape 3.0 And you got the fucking weed wacker whatever the lawnmower 3.0. I'm sorry and you got the weed wacker, all right It's one thing you'll put up your nose. It's good for you. This is the fucking thing right here Try the fucking weed wacker from fucking manscape Right now if you check my instagram on monday I'll have another video for you up of the fucking weed wacker because I love you motherfuckers

But do me a favor right now Let's get the church family back in tip top shape Shaving their nutsack and trimming their fucking nose hairs Get 20 off plus Free shipping when you press in the special code. You ready write this down Nose pubes at manscape.com with a capital n and a capital b That's nose pubes at manscape.com. You'll never get a deal like this on nose candy anywhere I'm giving you 20 off and free shipping at manscape

Dot com with code nose pubes capital n Capital b as my daughter says uppercase. I don't know what the fuck that me or p p What b what no, it's not boobs. It's pubes. Okay, you're fucked nose pubes What are you waiting for go whack your weeds right now manscape dot com Code nose pubes Also, I want to thank and encourage you to use The same shit I use to put me back on this fucking planet and that's alpha brain. Okay Right now alpha brain is made by honor

Why do I believe in honor because I've been messing with them for 10 fucking years? That's why and whatever and I don't do the alpha brain constantly I do it in six week cycles So I could take a breather go back to it a couple weeks ago I figured it was time for alpha brain in new mood. I went back and what's the result? It's a new fucking me. So I'm telling you right now go to honor.com. Just go to honor.com Look at the products. They have read about on it do some research They got fucking alpha brain now in a powder. It's like a pink lemonade. You put in a fucking powder if you don't like capsules

This is quick to go. You can put it in your little fucking water bottle like a fag that you are where you're a little strong I'm drinking an alpha brain. Whatever Try it. They got that they got shroom tech sport and shroom tech immune, which I've loved since fucking day one Okay, you know, you got fucking the new hemp pills You mix those with the alpha brain and wait, listen guys I've been the first uh couple weeks of this I work out According to points on weight watches and I totally the truth I was doing between 33 and 35 38 points

And that's if I walked and shit like that. My goal every week is seven at 61. That's the number I gotta hit. Guess what? Ever since I've been back on fucking alpha brain. I've been raking that 61 like 65. No 75 78 74 why because the hemp in the alpha brain will hand you fucking workouts Like they never enhance the workout before and I'm like, I'm not johnny workout, bro. I'm looking for 30 40 minutes I'm fucking 57 years old. I'm not looking to get the heart pumping keep the dick hard and keep my ankle skinny That's all I'm looking for. So do me a favor If you're looking then wait make it way back right now from this fucking three month rest Start off with alpha brain right now go to honor.com

Look at the list of what they have look at the different supplements they have And I'll tell you what go to honor.com right now Take a look get out for brain. It's 30 percent money Money back guarantee Even if you don't like the product, they don't want it back When somebody does that you're sending me a clear message that you believe in your product that much Right now go to honor get some alpha brain on the way out. There's a little window pressing code church ch u r ch

And get 10 percent off your initial order delivered right the house. That's it Listen, we're getting the second window here. I want you to fucking be healthy for the second window I want you to pay attention But I want you to be sharp our heads have been somewhere else for the last couple months For the honor.com get some alpha brain. It didn't fucking want this for me He'll do wonders for you. I was fucking stagnant. I want to thank manscape.com Slash nose pubes and I want to thank honor.com slash church. So most importantly I want to thank you guys for following us and having our backs every fucking week. All right

I love you guys. Listen january 25th to the 27th at the brayer improv june june 25th to the 27th at the brayer improv You got a call because saturday night. I really had a lot of tickets sold So I think they're only letting 200 people in there So if you want to move your tickets from saturday to either friday or thursday night, you'll be helping us out Listen if you come on thursday night It's going to be my first time on stage unless something opens up miraculously before that Please if you come on thursday night to the improv, that's my first time on stage

I'm just going to go up there and talk some shit and put some shit together If you want to come come if you don't I fucking get it. I'm doing a Resident residency there starting in july every two weeks. So I'll be performing there all the way to this I'm not traveling guys. Let's see what goes on with this fucking thing. Let's see if we're going to go to war. Let's see if fucking African-american lives matter. Let's see what's going to happen Before I start getting on the plane and and I found out something else. Everything is connecting now You get on the plane. You're gonna have to connect to go. There's few direct fucking flights. So get ready guys But anyway, I'll see you and fuck at the brayer improv june 25th to the 27th

If not, I'm doing a residency there all summer and I'm giving you 20 dollar tickets No, I'm not looking to fucking none. No, no, no just 20 dollar entertainment tuesday night. I'm gonna give you a great show I'm gonna work out my new hour which I don't have so we're gonna work it out together So it's even a better time. All right. I love you guys. Have a great weekend. I want to thank the christ killer I want to thank you guys and I want to thank your families And I want to wish you all a blessing. Have a great fucking weekend Stay black and do your motherfucking thing. So church. What's happened now? Kick this fucking mule You