Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #798 - Russell Peters

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

Russell Peters, is a world famous stand up comedian who has multiple specials and an actor seen in the movie, "Chef," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio.  This podcast is brought to you by: CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.  

What's happening you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, June 24th. Get your shit together. Greetings from podcastville. The church is brought to you by cbdlion.com. Listen to me. The best, the cream, the tinctures, the gummy bears, the bath salts. I can't even go on and on about the benefits and what they've done for me from my hamstring to my old man knees to my fucking alligator skin around my legs. They've helped me from A to Z. Listen, anxiety, insomnia, pain, you know, listen, don't show up with a broken leg and say the CBD didn't work. Go to Dr. Kankzanka. I'm talking about inflammation. Go to cbdlion.com. Look at the third party lab results and get back to me. Press encode and get 20% off your first order delivered to your house.

The church is also brought to you by my favorite supplements in the world. On it, the best alpha brain backed by 100% money back guarantee and you don't need to give the product back. When you do that, you're proven who the fuck you are. When was the last time you went to Burger King? And they told you, if you don't like the fucking hamburger, you can get the money back. The burger sucks. You just throw it away. You know, I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna go back in there for 99 cents, fuck no. Audit takes it all the way. So if you have that much commitment in one of your products, I'm with you from day one. Go to Audit.com right now. I can't help you with the weights, but the supplements, I'll give you 10% off to live at the house. Press encode and check out and get

the party started. Listen, new mood, alpha brain, shroom tech immune. And now they got, they got, I'm going to tell you a little secret. They got these little pups coming out like cheese pups, only with 16 grams of protein in the bag. They got a pizza flavor. Let me tell you something, you're going to fucking cream in your pants. Go to Audit.com right now. Kick this motherfucking mule, Lee. Oh, shit. No fucking today, right? No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking marines, you understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker. Beautiful day to be alive, motherfuckers. It's Wednesday, the 24th. I have a guest, but first I want to talk to you. Happy Father's Day. Whenever with all this fucking stupidity,

we didn't get a chance to talk about Father's Day. I hope all the dads had a good time and the kids and the whole fucking thing. Everything is great. We're back to normal. We didn't dodge a bullet. There was no bullet to die. There was nothing there. So thank you for having my back. You loyal motherfuckers. You know, from day one, I've been talking about loyalty and you guys proved it. You guys got the message how it works that couldn't bed. You got to stick together. If not, you have nothing. You have no reason to have friends. The people that do this type of shit, they're the people that watched friends and thought the world is fucking just, you know, so haven't go fuck themselves. Besides that, I'm beautiful. I feel good. The flying fucking Jew.

We did a couple edibles yesterday. I hope you enjoyed the live stream. You know what I'm saying? We're going to do a couple more of those wanted dead or alive. I like that. I like that right off the bat. Representing. I'm smoking some fucking cherry gas from urban trees and I'm just feeling good. I had a great father's day. I got to tell you a quick story and then we'll bring in Russell, uh, my, uh, Timmy Holloway is a dear friend of mine, listener, family. He, uh, sent me a Jimmy Page model. He sent me a pistol Pete one and a Julia serving one. This was, this was his private stock and he sent them to me. So I appreciate them very much. And I was the Osborne and I had them all here in the office and little by little every time my daughter comes to the

fucking office, she takes one. Like all of a sudden she's a fan of fucking Ozzy Osborne. She liked it cause he had a bat. Little did she know that motherfucker had Wu hand. I threw that bat away. Right. So she took that one home. Then she came in another time and took the fucking Julia serving home, which I had at home anyway. She wanted to claim it, but I, I thought it stays at the fucking on this table. She was all right with it. Then a few weeks ago she comes in here and she takes the fucking Jimmy Page one. It's cause he has the double neck guitar and shit with the strap and she went home and started listening to Led Zeppelin, believe it or not. I caught her watching the soil maze the same. So now, because she's got, um, uh, Nikki, whatever his name is, poison,

like six. No, that's the guy from fucking whatever. I'm talking about the guy from poison that comes in. Uh, anyway, it doesn't matter why we dropping names here. He left his drumsticks here and, uh, as, as a souvenir and she came in and took the drumsticks. So I told her John Bonham is the best fucking drummer. So she fucking, she takes, she watches Moby Dick, the video live from the garden and she plays the drums on a bed. It's fucking classic. So anyway, forget about that. Her mother asked her what she wants to give me for Father's Day. She goes, how about a statue? Since I took Jimmy Page, how about a statue of fucking, uh, Robin plant? So they went online. They couldn't find Robin plant. Then she went to the obvious.

She went to Bruce Lee cause she sits there and looks at my books all day and there was no statues of Bruce Lee. So my wife goes, I don't know what to tell you, you know, pick one and she started looking now. Yeah. My daughter watches law and order. Yeah. You know, shit like that, but nothing dirty. The, I'm not, I had to switch something while we were watching Ray and she liked the piano playing, but as soon as he stuck the needles on me, I had to switch it. I don't, you know, she's too young for that shit right now. Yeah. I, I, I showed her the X, she was five, but that was a different situation. You got to scare a bitch from time to time. You know what I'm saying? So, uh, yeah, there's a partner Ray where he bends over and he grabs a little black boys hand, his brother,

when he was dead and she fucking jumped. So right there, I'm like, I gotta be careful. Let me switch this. So, uh, I've never watched nothing bad with her. And if something comes on the tee, like I make a go inside her room when I watch John on HBO on Saturday, Sunday nights. What's his name? John Oliver. Right. Uh, you know, cause he fucking go, he curses more than I do that fucking English, but I love him. Uh, so I try to just be clean with that, you know, whatever. I don't try to curse around her. I ask her if people say bad words around there in school, kids her age. She says sometimes, you know, same shit over and over again, but here's the clinca. So Sunday, we get back from doing a podcast, her and I, we do a podcast about science and she gives me a box. She goes,

dad, my fucking, I shouldn't, not my fucking, your, your present came, open it up. My wife looks at me. You want me to tell you what fucking statue she got me? Pardon me. I'm smoking a number here. You know what I'm saying? It's fucking Wednesday morning. You got to do what you got to do. It's hump day for some. It's slinging dick day for others. And you know who your others are. So she gave me a fucking statue of Tony Montana sitting there. There's no coconut. There's no, it's thank God because then I would have known. When she gave me the scar face thing, I'm like, I looked at my wife. She goes, she picked it. She picked it herself. She says that she liked the way he was sitting down.

So I don't know what to tell you guys. Maybe I'm doing the wrong job here. I don't know what the fuck I've never talked to about below. I've never, I wouldn't even show this movie till she's 20. She could handle it. The fucking arm getting cut off and shit. She wouldn't go for that. So now there's a fucking statue here. That's it. That's all I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you it's good to be alive. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Russell Peters came in the day out of a favor. He wanted just to get out of the house and we put a little podcast together for you. Here it is. I hope you enjoy it. What the fuck Russell is going on with the world?

I don't know. Nobody knows what the fuck is going on with the world. Nobody has a clue. It is great to see you brother. You too brother. You fucking once. Let me tell you. It's an illusion up there. Let me tell everybody. You were the only guy who checked on me consistently. Thank you. And I'm not a good friend because I didn't check on you as much as you checked on me. I checked on everybody. I know. You know man, I know morale was going to be down. And you're an empath. I'm once the comics. I knew that I was doing, I know how I'm addicted to nighttime. I know what it was to stay in three nights, five nights, two weeks. Then they kept extending it. We were limbo and then more limbo. And guess

what? It's the 23rd, the 22nd of June and we're still in the fucking limbo. The weekend, Brea, this weekend is not going to happen. So if you were coming to Brea this weekend, my deepest apologies, the Brea Emperor was going to open up after July 15th. Is that what they say? That's what they're saying. So you know Orange County got polluted again. Houston is polluted. Florida tripled. I'm going to Florida this week. Arizona tripled. So you know, what part of Florida are you going to? Miami. Oh, that's canceled. Broward County is fucked up. We'll see what happens. I hope it doesn't get canceled to be honest with you. How you been? You know, I'm fucking surviving this shit. What the fuck have you been doing to pass the time?

I used to do lives. I think everybody went through this whole phase of going live on Instagram for a while and I think it just fizzled out. I stopped doing it. How you doing that night? I would do it whenever I felt like it really. And what would you talk about on there? I don't know. I would just talk to people and then I would see like friends of mine, like rappers or DJ friends of mine that would be in the chat and I'd just add them in real quick and we'd talk. So you could just add them in until they pop up? Yeah, you'd be like, Hey, come on, let's talk. And then, you know, everybody would watch you comment. It's like a podcast at that point. That's pretty fucking cool. Yeah. I had Dom

on with me one night. I had little rel one night. You don't, you don't DJ that much anymore? Yeah, sometimes I'll DJ. The problem was that they were cracking down on DJs on Instagram. Like, but it was really hypocritical of them there because they would let like, and I don't want to, I'm not shitting on these guys by any means because these are my friends, but they would let D nice play for hours and anything you wanted. And they would let Quest Love play for hours and anything you wanted. And, you know, certain guys they would let go. And these guys are having like 8, 10,000, 20,000 D nice. I was 200,000 people on one of his lives one time. And, and, but then they started like shutting guys down. And I like, I was DJing when I

were having a great time. Everybody was fucking jamming and then I got a message. You're you've just violated Instagram's policy. I'm like, What the fuck? And then they your live will not be saved. I'm like, Fuck, I went on a rant. I posted it on my Instagram. I don't know if you saw that. I don't know if you follow me, follow me, don't you? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Cock sucker. I don't know a shit about shit. Listen, let me tell you something about the other night. Let me tell you how bad it is. I haven't had a drink since the thing, just because I'm scared of lowers your time. I don't drink anyway. Actually, I heard it's good for you. I don't know. There's no fucking nothing, nothing. You know, it's like it's like a Trump supporter and a

not Trump supporter. They can both raise an argument for either of their stances. It's the same with the COVID shit. When this fucking thing, I started to eat nettles. I was home. I was lonely. I started to eat nettles. You know, my wife was going about eight o'clock with the baby 830. And I was eating nettles at night. And in the daytime, I was eating Xanax. Oh, in the day, little baby ones, but like dog, I had them for years and I never touched them. And then actually, you know, I'm eating at 12 o'clock, eating them at three. And then I would stop because I didn't remember when Duff came on and he said that he would eat them at night and you get addicted to them. Don't eat them at night to go to sleep because

they go, yeah, they not come on. And then Rogan's guy, when he did the podcast on sleep, he said not to use things to help you go to sleep because you won't go to your full rim cycle. Oh, really? So I was like, what I'll do is in the daytime, I'll take the baby Xanax, the 2.25. It's not even the sticks. They're the circles. They don't do dick to you. They're just like a mental thing. It's like a teddy bear. I go, I would eat three of those in the daytime, like prescribed. And then after five, I would start popping nettles. And Duff, I was popping so many nettles, I was forgetting. Like I would put two out and go, and then my wife would call me and I come back and go, where's the two? I wouldn't see those.

And I popped two and then I'd go, whoa, I didn't pop the two way. And I popped two more. And then one night I was talking to a friend on the phone and they're like, Joe, you don't sound too good. That's when I started going, wait a second, I got to calm it down with N plus my world was just getting fucking. When you eat edibles in the closet and it's late at night and you start thinking about stupid shit, stupid shit, fifth grade shit. You wore a stupid shirt. The first time kids called you names because you wore fucking colored socks to gym, you know, like shit like that. I have not even nothing to do with the fucking what was going on in your life. Nothing to do with COVID, nothing to do about comedy, nothing about career.

It's bringing back shit that traumatized you. Just traumatized you thinking about, I remember the first grade I got in trouble for throwing the statues out the window on the third floor of PS 166 and they fucking told me to recall my mother. And I remember that shit. I remember everything that had not, that night came and I remember I told you guys in the podcast that this type of shit makes you think a shit that you haven't thought of in years. Yeah, it does dig deep in you. It digs deep in you. So I said, fuck it, April came along. I couldn't work out. I would hit the bag and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breath. I would feel the pressure on my neck.

I thought I was going to have a stroke. Where are you getting the pressure on your neck from? I don't know because the stress I had in me that, you know, when there's a comedy store going to reopen, what are we going to do with our comedy? Fucking people going to starve. I had all these horrible things going on in my mind. And then I just, something happened, like I got better. I said, I'm going to stop with the edibles. Let's stop with the edibles. And that really kicked it down 50%. That was 50% of my anxiety. Then I got a bicycle. The guy next door gave me a bicycle. I got one of those bikes with the motor assist on. It's fucking incredible. Oh, that shit's tremendous. That's perfect when you hit a hill. Yeah. But I got a bike and I

started riding the bike early, seven in the morning. You know, you were calling me and telling me he was up at seven. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. Get up, do a couple of notes, post messages and fucking brush your teeth. I took a shower before I went to bed. Brush my teeth, comb my hair. I wouldn't even eat breakfast. No breakfast. Maybe a little, whatever, coffee. Yeah. Cuban coffee. Two expressos. Get on the bike and go. Cuban coffee. I know how you got on a bike after a Cuban coffee. Oh, tremendous. Those pedals move. You know what I'm saying? You do three shots of Cuban coffee at seven in the morning. Man, you watch those pedals move, baby. You know, but I remember the, like the third day I went out, guys, I went out with a mask

and I remember going, today I'm doing 20 minutes and I remember at the end of the 20 minutes, like I looked at my thing and I had 19 to go. I was completely drenched in sweat. It was one of those days and it was 90 already at eight in the morning. My snots were dripping under the mask. It's the worst. When I took the mask off, I'm like, I'm not wearing this mask no more than I ride a bike. Not at seven in the morning. There's nobody out. There's nobody out. What am I going to wear? And then today, or last week Newsom said, you don't have to wear a massive exercise mask. So I was like, thank God. Thank God. That, bro, I will look in the mirror at the piss. I had fucking, not even frozen snot. It was like snot that had been freeze dried into my lip. I could taste

something salty, but I didn't know what it was. I remember I cut my lip. It was the snot just dripping. Like just, that was the third dad was on a bike. That's how I had a shape, like a stressful with, and then you got the mask, which is like fucking killing yourself to live with you. Yeah. You're fucking sucking in CO2. The mask was wet. I stopped, I started yawning like crazy when I put that goddamn mask on. That's why I don't like it. That's why I don't fucking like him. Once I started adding that, I got to be honest with you, Russell, things started slowing down. But let me tell you what, I, I, then I went online, I sag, somebody sent me something how to cope with stress during these hard times. And I went, I started reading it. I said, there's different forms of

shit you're going to see. I'm going to tell you a story. It said that short term memory. Yeah. Now, I could fucking tell you what I did in 1982, the conversation, what time I had it. I swear to you guys. The other night, me, my wife and my daughter were playing battleship. And we played till nine. My daughter went to bed. Me and my wife kept yacking at one point. I go, let me go outside. Let me go let me go outside. Let me go take a shower. I look at the sunburn. I got third degree sunburn in Ventura. So she's peeling skin off me. So I took a shower, came out, I put my shorts on. She comes in, she goes, don't put your shirt on so I can rub some aloe on. And she rubbed aloe on me. We talked for a little while. I went outside to the living room

and she said to me, do you mind if I have a beard and I had a rub? I go, you better get two. She goes, I'm going to go sit outside for a couple of minutes. I went into my office. I started going, you know, writing notes, whatever the fuck I do at night. It must have been 1045. I swear to you both. Do you know at one point I go, well, I gotta go take a shower. And something when I went to get up, I looked down and I looked at my shorts. And that's how I remember it. I took a shower. My short term marriage has been taken as shit. What was telling you a story before we went on the air and I couldn't remember the fucking, remember I had to ask you. I said, what was it? What was I saying? And I was in the middle of

telling the fucking story. Horrible. Lee, tell that fucking tell your pet to stay at home in the car. Look at him. That's a fucking, that's a Jewish bug right there. That motherfucker, he's hard to kill. It's like Steve's a gallon fucking 97 one. But that's what it affects me. In my short, like I could not remember. Yeah. If I take a shower, an hour and a half or I can't remember if I took my fucking pills in the morning. Oh, I do that shit all the time. Now, did I take it? I don't know. Did the bottom move? I can't tell if the bottle got my wife as Monday through Friday through Sunday. No, I have those, but then I have separate ones that I take in the morning. They're like first thing. And then I got the pill boxes for downstairs.

You know what I mean? I got a process. I got to open up the protein cabinet. I got to spray steroid in both nostrils. And I got to take you got to do that sideways shit right there. And then I do a pill for your thyroid. I had to one of those. Then I eat breakfast. Then I take my blood pressure medication and my multivitamin with the shit in my stomach. So it's very similar routines we have. Well, I have the same process. I have to put the dish down and go move right to the pills. If for some reason I put the dish down, and I got to take a shit, I forget to take those fucking pills. Then all day long, I'm banging my head on the wall. I take those pills. Thank God, my wife puts them in Monday through Wednesday. So I'll go back looking God and take them.

If not, I'm fucking retarded. For me, it's like stuff that I usually like to do. Just I don't feel like I'm depressed, but like everyone's watching TV. I love TV. I haven't watched. I watched. I'm watching sitcoms that I've watched 8000 times because I can't. I don't want to sit down and focus on a TV show. I don't know. Focus was gone. Yeah, I can't watch shit. I couldn't watch shit. I watched something one night. The next one. I didn't remember what I watched. Like I'm like, so I just started watching The Sopranos, Sons of Anarchy, and Narcos from the beginning. And every time I put them on, they're sleeping pills. They're sleeping pills. As soon as I put them on, I wake up 2 30 in the morning. I'm on the

fucking couch. Honestly, to get me to sleep, I put porn on this. I don't know what it is, but the sound of it, it knocks me out. You don't jerk off? No, I think I'm going to. And then I watch it and I'm like, I guess I don't need to jerk off. Do you watch porn when your wives are in the house? No, my son's mother. We were never married just for the record. No, I mean, we weren't even sleeping in the same fucking room anymore. That's always a thrill, I think. Yeah. I was up, she was down. Whatever. You don't go to bed till five in the morning anyway. No, I try to go to bed early. I try to be in bed by like 11 30 12 o'clock. Really? Yeah. I thought you were a night stalker. I used to be when I was a little younger. I can't do that shit no more. I love it. I feel it

the next day. I love to. I love to step through three. I love to know that I could stay up till four with no penalties and go on the writings. I could do that in New York. Yes, because you're going to be up anyway. I did it in New York when I New York is no problem. I step till four and I know the thing is in New York, you know, you can get breakfast at fucking four in the afternoon. So you're okay. I remember one night talking to Lee and breaking his balls. You had to be one in the morning in New York. I'm torturing about he had like a salami sandwich. Next time I was in New York and I'm I call Lee and I'm like, what's going on? He's like, I'm not an eye. I'm just eating something. Lee, you're gonna fucking die. You keep eating that shit. And I'm not. I don't

hang up with him. Two minutes. I go downstairs. I smoke a joint. I got a coffee. I'm one of those motherfuckers drinks coffee at night. Oh yeah. Not anymore. Not anymore. But for me to go to the store. I need four shots of Cuban. How many day do you drink? I drink American coffee when I wake up just to get the party started. I'll drink a regular nice dark roast night like a dark roast to the black black black black coffee to get the party started. That's the first party that pop a little nicotine gum. And that just gets the blood muscle moving. Then I get up I do a couple like Puerto Rican yoga stretches like I stretch my spine. I touch my toenails. Then I hit but two buckets. After I'm about 42

minutes, I do about two buckets when the music is starting to sound good. You know what I'm saying? And once I inhale those two buckets, I go into the kitchen, I drink like 10 ounces of cold, cold, cold water. And then I blast a four man espresso before I wash my pussy. Before I take a shower, I blast a four man espresso. And then I drink another bottle of water. And then after that, let's say I eat or how you don't meal. And then do the four cup espresso. And then you're just waiting for your guts to come out. It's just a matter. Oh yeah. No, I got my body knows it's a science. You go on the computer, you type a couple things, also you just you rip that fart. It smells like the guts of your fucking enemy. It just smells

like pure fucking ass. And you're like, Well, I'm ready. I go on the back bathroom. I got a door to the outside. So I don't kill any of the bathrooms in the house. And that's that first one that's pure fire. By this time is 745. I'm already throwing heat. It's a log. My ass holds on fire. You know, I mean, it's one of those things where you sit up, you walk when you walk back, you walk with a limp. One of those shits. You know what I'm saying? It took something out of your leg. It takes I mean, I'm serious oatmeal, a nice couple and a half oatmeal. And then the fourth shot of espresso. What do you have in the oatmeal? You have sugar or honey or cinnamon? Cinnamon, cinnamon and coconut milk.

Can't fuck with that. I like my milk regularly. I like my real I'll do regular too. But if I don't if I'm if my wife if I know like my wife's gonna get pizza, I won't put dairy. I'll put coconut because you'll have the dairy later. I have the dairy later and then that'll make me go fucking crazy. So what's going on with the rap game? You still producing the show? What's going on? We we did four seasons, you know, we won an Emmy, we won a Peabody and then they didn't want to Netflix didn't want a fifth. Like, all right, cool. But I got another doc that I'm working on. Okay, it's almost done. And you're really old. You know, I was thinking the one day I called you was because the edible. I called you now late one night, right? I called you late to tell

your story. It was about 1030 was what you didn't ask. I called you late one night because I was in the middle of an edible run. I'm making an outline for the book. And I remember the history of crack cocaine. I'm thinking about how I grew up on 148th Street in the Bronx. Oh, no, you were like Washington. I just know you're like I was on 88th Street. My mother lived on 88th Street. I went to public school on 89th Street. Oh, so you were just up 10. I was an uptown guy. Yeah, but my godmother my santeria godmother lived on 48th Street now. So she's Harlem almost. She is Harlem. And it was a great neighborhood. I learned a lot there. A couple of blocks up. You can cross over to the to the to the into the fucking Yankee Stadium over there right there. 169. Yeah. So it was

that old block. Not when I lived with my not when I was with my godmother. As I got older, 10 years later, I would go visit my godmother. I would surprise I'd bring a flower was she talked to me and then on the way out, I just crossed the street and caught Buddha Thai weed. They would sell Buddha Thai, Buddha Thai, Buddha Thai, Buddha Thai. This is 82, 81. Oh, yeah, that's where they're smoking Thai stick and Buddha Thai stick and Buddha. Yeah. And they either sold your Buddha Thai stick or they sold your sense of media. It was the beginning of narcos. And all that shit of narcos Mexico when they started sending sense of media. That was 1980. Fuck. That was a Jamaican one. Well, the Jamaican one was Lambs bread. Right.

That was what they sold in the city. That was big. That fucked you up. I remember that. Why is it called Lambs bread? Because it's some bad shit. Yeah. Oh, people don't even know about Lambs bread today. Very, very, very few people know the power of Lambs bread. You know, they used to call all that weed chocolate Thai Buddha Thai. But basically it was Lambs bread and it was Jamaican weed. And it fucked you up. And then in like around 80, 45 started smoking willow blunts. But before that was when the sense of media started coming around. And then I had a school teacher, Mr. Pullman. He used to fucking get Maui Wabi shipped to him. I remember Maui Wabi and he would sell it to you at school in a stick with hilarious $35 for three joints. Jesus,

that was more than you ever paid in your life. How much was the regular joint like a dollar joint? So you could buy a half ounce of dirt weed and get, you know, pay 25 bucks and get 32 joints so I can make $7. Like that was your thinking when you were sophomore in high school. Seven joints is 20 bucks today. So do you see what I'm saying? Like I made 20 on 25 investment. So I would buy a quarter pound for a hundred bucks and sell for 200 right off the bat. I was doing that shit in the late 80s. Well, I was a guy that that's what he sold. He would front it to me. He would drive me. He would drive me, give it to me. I go upstairs and I keep a hundred, give him a hundred. That's how quick I made a hundred dollars in those days.

That was the eighth grade freshman year. But going back to my godmother, when I went back and this saw in 82, 83, I went to Colorado in 83, came back and I never really went to see my godmother. I was on the shit list. And then finally in 85, I came up with enough guts to go see my godmother and I went down the stairs and like, perfect. I'm going to get some weed to go back to Colorado. But as I was waiting at the light to cross, I seen all these motherfuckers putting cardboard down, fucking like making believe fighting. And then they would start spinning on their backs and shit. And that was more or less that was 82 than that. Yeah. 81, 82. That was like it was everywhere now. Like I had been in such a cocaine closet. I missed the beginning of all that shit.

And I never forget going up to a guy and going, where's the reefer who's out? And the guys like, they ain't no reef on this block no more. This is straight up crackville. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, like, you know, crackville was 181st and up. Oh, yeah, it hit the Bronx hard. It hit the Bronx hard crack. I had friends, my friends in the Bronx told me crazy stories. One of them was like, yo, he said he was on. I said, when did you? How long were you on crack for? He goes right up until around 97. I go, are you fucking kidding me to 97? It goes, yeah, I had it bad. I go, it goes, you ever see those movies? And then those abandoned buildings with the fucking crack heads everywhere and fucking just strung out.

It goes, I was in those buildings, fucking raw dog in these crackhead chicks. I'm surprised. I don't have AIDS. Oh my God. Wow. Crack was fucked up, man. I could lie to you and tell you I went to a crack then. I never went to a crack then. Did you try crack? Yes, here. Oh, really? Can you believe that? Here? How was it? 2002. Wow. We've been finding it in 2002. That was a throwback crack. 2002, 2003, they sold it on Orange and Salma in Hollywood, right down the block from Man's Chinese Theater. Wow. If you cross the street. Yeah, I know. There's a building right there. And you walk down and then you hit Hollywood High School parking lot right down the corner. There'd be two guys there every night standing there.

So I'd be fucked up from the coke and drinking at the county store. So I'd drive on Salma all the way home across Highland, across La Brea. And then by the time I got to Orange, you know, every night they would stare at me and I would stare at them. And one night I go, what's all this staring about? So I pulled up and I go, what's cracking? And he goes, crack. You know, he didn't say crack. He goes, I got rock. Yeah. So I said, let me get a 20. And he fucking let me know and took a bag out and gave it to me. I'm like, all right, see you later. That's normal? Yeah, with a baggie, with a twist on it and shit. They hide it in their mouth and shit so they can swallow it. Right? So he gives me the bag and

fucking I go home and my girlfriend at the time was not my wife was sleeping and I took it home and I fucking crushed it up. This is how stupid Uncle Joey is. I crushed that fucking rock up to that. It was a mountain of coke and I fucking snorted. And I sat there for 20 minutes and my throat got a little numb, but nothing happened. The party didn't start, I didn't jerk off, nothing. And next day I told a dear friend of mine that was a fucking animal. What I did and he goes, they sold you crack, stupid. You're gonna fucking let me get a free bag of that shit. He thought it and he goes, you gotta smoke that. I got it, you smoke crack. Like, I didn't know. He goes, you gotta get a pipe and all. And I go, all right. So next night I went over it again.

Cracked and I put in a coke can. I went home, cracked up a coke can, put holes in it. And I started smoking crack and I smoked crack for about six weeks. My wife would wake up in the middle of the night and go, Joey, what's that smell? And I would go, it's a new reefer I got. Go back to bed. I would buy four rocks, six rocks. How was it? It was disgusting. It was part of my disgusting days. No, no, no. But what was the buzz like on it? It was like a cousin took a cocaine. At that time, Russell, I think it was like 2001.

It was all the same. It didn't matter what night it was. It's all one big blur now, but I was, I smoked crack for about six or seven weeks. And then I had a two week run in El Paso. He used to hire me for like two week runs. So he would hire me for like one week to open up for Russell as a feature. And he liked me so much. He'd go, why don't you do me a favor? Open for me? Like, yeah, yeah. No, for a guy like you. You know, when I was a feature, when I was a feature headliner, you know, I could headline, but I was really a strong feature. He would say, open up for Russell, stay because he had a condom. They go stay and then do a show Wednesday by

yourself. And then Russell's cousin's coming in Friday and Saturday. And then you do Sunday. You headlined Sunday. And I would do that. So when I went down there, nobody's got cracking up the hassle. They got the real thing that they walk it over here for you. They just walk it over. You know what I'm saying? You can call Mexico where you at. I'll be there in 10 minutes. I'm also in a fucking a fucking a sewer plate pops up. The Mexican comes out with a little mud on his head like Felipe on, uh, on three's company. Yeah. It's crazy. There's cocaine everywhere. So when I went down there, I looked to crack. I couldn't find it. So I went back to snorkel. That's how I got rid of crack. I remember, I remember it was must have been around 1994.

And I was driving in Toronto. I thought I was fly because I had this fucking Saturn. Oh, actually must have been 95 because I had rims on it already. I had a Saturn, but it had no, it had no AC. I didn't have power windows. Nothing said to roll down all the windows and I had a sound system that I put in the trunk and I'm driving through this crackhead part of town. And, uh, I'm at a red light, music's playing and there's a girl standing at the corner. She's cute. She looks at me and smiles. I go, what's up? I go, where are you going? She goes, I'm going that way. I go, get in. So she gets in. She goes, thanks. Can you take me? I'm going to my uncles. I go, cool. No problem. Cause do you mind if I smoke? I go, I not go ahead. She pulls out a

fucking asthma inhaler, puts a rock on it and starts lighting up in my cargo. Yo, what the fucking smoking? She goes, I know it's a bad habit. I go, no, no, no. Cigarettes are a bad habit. You're fucking smoking crack in my car. I go, why don't you smoke some weed? Do you got some? I go, actually, yeah. Cause I was selling weed at the time. I go, actually, yes, I do. So I, she goes, oh good. So I went to her uncles with her, some shady ass building. I walked in uncles there. You go, you got weed. Yeah, you got weed. Yeah. So I sold them some weed and it's got the fuck out. Cause I was like, I don't know when we'll get shot, stabbed, whatever's going to happen in here. You know, when you tell stories like this, it's like when I tell stories

like this and it's crazy because people can't fathom that. No, they don't realize how fucking weird our lives are. How weird and crazy position, you know, when you come to Hollywood as a woman, as a young man, you see things, you know, these women that complain this, that, you know, they see something and you just get sucked in by it. And I can tell you something. There was nine parts in my life. I can name nine situations in my life where at one point I said to myself, I really don't belong here. Like, oh, I just, I say that every fucking day I say that, you know, this isn't who I am at all. I didn't come here to see a guy get beat or get hit with a pipe. Well, you know, I see my stepfather shoot a guy at eight. I didn't, I

wasn't participant all that stuff. One story that I told on Ari's that I didn't tell the full creepiness of was when I sold that guy the stolen thing and he gave me 60 bucks and he gave me some heroin. That was like a horrible night for me. I made it funny. But if I really sat down with people and described what happened to me that night and how there was an old lady, the whole time we did, we did coke first and then he's like, you should try this heroin. I'm 16. Oh, wow. I'm 16. He's 29. Who the fuck knew? I don't know. He's so much older. Yeah. He looked like fucking Tony Naomi from Black Sabbath. But he was cool with all my friends. Like he was one of the older guys that we were cool with. And when I came in, he, oh, he goes, you want to blow job? I got a girl in

the bathroom that likes to suck dick while you take a shit. Oh, I'm sick of that. Right there. Just hearing that. That's traumatic to some people. I'm like, nah, I'm good. Like nah, I'm good, bro. I wasn't into disgust yet. I was still a Catholic. My mother had died. Right. And I hadn't lost my faith yet. And I was like, nah, I'm okay. I just want to pick up the 60 bucks. You know, and he's like, wow, sit down. Let's do a couple lines. And he came out and did the heroin. When I was on the heroin, he asked me 10 times, like, you sure you don't want that? Check the sucking dick. Like it was so disturbing looking at it now. I didn't make it disturbing. It was a joke. You know, it was a fucking joke. Now I look at it. It's kind of funny. But I didn't belong there

that night. You know, I didn't belong there. You know, so nobody really belongs. It's kind of weird when you have stories like that. That a chick got in your car. I was in Montana. I love to say Missoula. But it could have been Billings. I know it wasn't Billings. It was either Missoula or one of those. I get to the fucking club in Brussels. I'm a junkie. But I'm in Montana. What are my chances of copying? Unless the way the kitchen guys Mexican, like I was in South Dakota one time, I made eye contact with the bus boy. And actually, you know, I was snorting coke. You know, he was the only Puerto Rican in town. He was in the Bronx. He was in the service. And on the weekends, he watched dishes at this restaurant I did comedy at,

which it was a triple run. You know what I'm saying? So if you could cop and not the green Dakota, South Dakota, something, you could cop anywhere. But I'm in Montana. I'm not looking to cop. I'm not looking. I'm not even thinking. You're probably in your head. You're probably looking forward to a weekend of being clean. Yeah, I was like, I'm doing Montana, Portland, maybe I'll cop. And I think Saturday I was like, I know I can cop at that place. Yeah. So here I am in Montana. How you doing? Joe Diaz, the feature act. I'm the emcee. Nice to meet you. The emcee goes up on stage. Dona comes over. He goes, this is my daughter. Girl was fucking beautiful at all. And you know, tell her what you want. If you're hungry, he walks away. I'm thinking this girl

goes to like Yale. She had that Yale look to her. And the girl says, how you doing? How was your drive in? Is the hotel fine for you? You know how people ask those things? Yeah, the generics. And right on, she looks me in the eye and she goes, if there's anything you need, I mean anything. Ask me. Okay, let's start off with the basics. Because before I buy the fucking lobster can't the knees, I got to try to poke fried rice. I go, you got refill? And she goes, yeah, what do you want? Like, I don't know. Give me $60 with the refill. Yeah. She says, I'll be right back. Left came back. Boom, refill. She goes, anything else? I don't know. Let me go on stage and I'll think about it. I went on stage. I got on stage. They paid me. I pulled the recital and

you get some powder. She goes, it's not here. I got to go for a ride if you want to come. I go, I got the feed track with me. I don't really want them to know what's going on. So she goes, I just bring it to your hotel room. Okay. You know, half hour, I get a call in the hotel room. I didn't have a cell phone then. She's like, I'm on my way. I'll be there. She showed up. Very nice. Nothing sexual, nothing. She sat down. She goes, do you mind if I do a taste? I go, no, go ahead. And I had stopped to get like beers. I got a beer for her when I turned around. Probably she was taking out a rig. And I'm like, what are you doing? And she goes, I don't snort that. That's for pussies.

She goes, I shoot it. Oh, Jesus Christ. So who would expect to see somebody shoot coke? A woman who's beautiful, by the way. This was not some girl with fucked up teeth and a broken car. This girl had a dad who owned the bar. She went to college. She didn't snort coke. She was shooting. If you thought I expected to see that in whatever Montana. No, no, not at all. You know Rico. I know a few Rico with the spider on his face from Seattle. Big black guy. He's a Muslim. I went to one of those towns with him one time on the dock because there was three bookers that had rooms in Missoula or like one of those towns, like one of those college towns. I've never been to Montana. Tribble, Billings is a great comedy town. Tribble, Donna Richards, and somebody else,

another lady from Seattle booked a room. What are we talking about? You talking about Montana? Rico. And we took it. I went with Rico. Now, this is an all white town. This was before the chick. This was like two years, maybe five years before I went with and the chick hooked me up with the blow. This is I'm still living in Seattle. It's March of 96, 96. Rico's six foot six, 350 pounds, and black is beautiful. And on his face, he has a spider. He let his beard grow, but he pays a guy to shape it into a spider. And he's got friends with Doug Stanhope, Rico's coolest. He was there when the cops looked at me and had to jump in the garbage can. And then I came out and he's like, where are you? And the cops saw him and I'm like, Rico, you're six foot fucking six, 300 pounds,

and you're waving your eyes. And there's cops everywhere. I couldn't run to you. I told you to pick me up in front of the fucking hurricane lounge, not 100 yards away from the fucking hurricane lounge. So right away, the cops come, I got to jump in a garbage can. They couldn't figure out I was in the fucking garbage can, the cops. There was an old Rambo move I pulled. What the fuck are we talking about? So we do the gig, me and Rico, biggest blackest guy you see in a comic or? Yeah, he's a comic in Seattle now. He's good friends with Doug Stanhope. It was him, Doug, Mitch, Ed Berg. Every time we did Seattle was a party with those guys. We used to laugh on our ass off. Doug Stanhope used to go, hold on, ladies and gentlemen, real quick.

My friend, I want to give him a minute, guess what? He would give us one minute guest spots in those days. Me, Rico, yeah, you have one minute, go. And he would sit there and you would have one minute to do material issues. This one, Doug was like just before he walked them. Yeah, before he unleashed the last hella fury that when they were all beat up and shit. This is Doug Stanhope 96, 97. Nobody had seen that type of shit yet. He was out of his fucking mind when I mean out of his mind, Russell. I mean, when you watch this show, you're like, I don't believe this is happening type shit. He's tamed down. Anybody watch his new special? I haven't. I don't watch anybody special. You have to, he says early,

he's a fucking nut. I remember his act from back in the day. Yeah, he was out there. Oh, yeah. He was like the original fucking alternative. So we fucking went to a diner the next morning. We order breakfast. The food covers is filled with white people. Rico stands up. He's Muslim. He gets on the floor. He goes like a fucking thing that and he starts praying on the floor in a restaurant in Montana. Me, I may believe like I didn't know. You should have seen me at that moment in my life. No black lives matter. I was with them. I was like, Doug is going to shoot him and I can't do this. I just kept eating my eggs like I didn't know him and shit. When he sat back at the table, I'm like, who are you? I think I was like fucking it was

nuts. Six foot six, 300 pound Muslim in Montana. This is like way before 9 11 and shit. Well, they would have fucking killed them. Oh, I remember my friend's father was on crack back in the day in the mid 80s. And we'd go to his house and his dad would get locked off from it. You're like, William, go to the fucking store and get some chicken. I'm like, what's wrong with the dad? He's on right. He's on rock right now. And I'm like, Oh, okay. We didn't even think about it. It wasn't like, Oh my God, it wasn't like an after school special. Just like, Oh, okay. And then we just go to the store and steal some chicken. And then one night I slept over, I slept on the couch in the in their place.

Middle of the night, I got to go to the bathroom. I opened the bathroom door, his dad's in there with a dude and another chicken, they're fucking shooting up. And I'm okay. Oh, sorry. It's close the door went back to bed. You know, the world of drugs is a dirty fucking business, man. Yeah, dirty business. It's funny because I saw his dad like a couple of years ago. And I was like, Hey, you clean. I goes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go, and you were fucked up in the 80s, man. You were doing rock. I walked in on you doing heroin. I go, Yeah, yeah. Well, right in there. He was you. I forgot his name. And then there's some chicken there too. He goes, Oh, yeah, it was a good time back then. It was good times back then.

I will tell you that I do get pissed off when I watch narcos sometimes. I can't lie to you, not the Mexican ones, the other ones, the Colombian ones, because the government know. Oh, yeah, we got killed. We got killed. You know, this COVID epidemic, that was a cocaine epidemic. And people will losing themselves right in front of me, losing themselves in front of me. I remember going to school with a girl that was a sweetheart, funny, drank, party, but had her head on right, was going to a good college. Her mother was a big time in the post office, put away money for her to go to some big time college. And right before fucking going to college time, I was a dropout. I would want me and this girl were friends.

We were friends. We were dear friends. I know a mother, I know a brother, I know a father. And she would just drop out on me. Like you talked to her lately. No, I haven't talked to her in two days. Didn't want her girlfriends to call me. You see her lately? Ah, that's weird. She was supposed to call me to go do it. And then she'd come back like nothing happened. This went on for months. Months it went on. And then finally like college is starting. And I'm like, he's up in college. So the deal was she would go to school during the week and then come back on the weekends. And then we would see her Friday night, ready to go. She'd be right there with us, snorting, drinking. Who is she? She ain't around. Again, disappeared. Then I started getting

calls from the mother. I got a call from the college. She hasn't been in school in a month. Do you know where she is? You have to know. She was accusing me. You know. And I'm like, I don't fucking know. Her girlfriends are calling me. You know where she, I don't fucking know. She was around when she was running with a married dude. Oh, wow. That was a gangster, snorting tons of blow, going to Atlantic city, getting fucking the top room in there. And you know what? One night they were driving home. They kept it a secret. And they were driving fucking home from Atlantic city. They were driving on tundly avenue where chances and they fucking hit a couple, a 70 year old couple on the way to church and

killed them. When she went to county jail, she found out she was pregnant. No, from that guy? From the guy from the married dude. He was driving, all right? He was driving, but they had been on a three day bed. So he got charged with vehicular manslaughter. He went away. She and the shame of the family picked up and they moved away. She just popped up on Facebook a couple of years ago. Did she have the kid? Oh yeah, the kid is gorgeous. The kid is gorgeous. But it's just amazing how, I don't even know what made me tell you that story. Just that's how fast your life could change, you know? Well, you were saying you were at a statue with narcos because the government did it to us. The government did it

to us and they knew it like by 85. And I saw people break. I have a lot of people who died and I saw people who've had fucked up lives for the last 30 years. I'm not blaming it. I'm not saying that I wasn't going to do coke, but now to find out that our own government was shipping it in the CIA and Barry Seal and all that shit. It kind of fucking upset you a little bit that it was a pandemic, bro. I grew up with you, Lee. You've never done anything wrong. Also, when I go to a club in the city and there's Lee sweating with coke and he's like, he didn't know I became a coke dealer. What? What do you mean you became a coke dealer? You were working at the laundry when I knew you for four years. You were an A student.

I changed powders. That's how quick people had become dealers. Father teams, mother, father, son teams gave up their investments and went to Miami and they would try to become pirates. They were called. There was a name for them. In fact, Miami Vice did an episode about that, like the third episode about kids from New York that thought they were going to be kingpins and they would go to Miami with 60 Gs and fucking go up to somebody on the street. You know what? I got two kilos. I have 60,000 dollars. Well, yeah. Room 312, the Hilton. Next thing you know, six fucking south with the rainians coming in there with knives, taking your money. They were doing that shit to everybody. You couldn't just go to Miami and buy

a kilo. They would take your money right in the hotel room. They would shoot you right in the hotel room and take your money. Yeah. Miami in the 80s was crazy. It was crazy. I have friends that went down there, got set up. I can have one of them call in Danny B. Danny B got set up down there. A friend of ours called them, go down there, bring the money. They went down there. Six people popped out of a closet and cuffed them and took their money. That was a big business in the beginning. Unless you knew somebody for sure. Like I got a guy you could see down there. His name is Russell. Go to Miami. But you were just going down and they give up your fucking money. But for the sun teams, people gave up their bank accounts to make an investment in cocaine. It was

30,000 a key, 100 a gram all day long. Everybody knew it was 100. There was no discount. And when you did the math on paper and the calculator, it was the profit was amazing. And you were not going to get stuck with it. You were not going to get stuck with it. But I talked to a friend of mine two days ago. I've been seeing his post on Facebook. Not too good. So I picked up the phone. I don't know from the sixth grade. And he blatantly said it to me. He goes to 80s didn't do me no favors. He goes, I became a drug addict. I lost my kid. Now I'm fucking this age. I got this much from less than my 401k. And you know, the 80s fucked up some people. I was one of them. It was fast. I still remember in 82 selling half grams, thinking I was the sixth family and three of my friends

thinking we were the sixth family. And this kid came up to me one day. In fact, a friend of mine is listening to this right now. His name is Timmy Holloway. He's my dog. And he'll vouch for that story that we had a dude named Steve. There was a place there was a crew called the sixth family, wasn't it? No, yeah, it probably was. But there was the five families of something like that. It was all Hispanics. No, no, this is just a joke. No, there really was though. No, they probably in New York. There probably was. There's a joke. That's just a joke. We thought we were young. We were the mafia. And we were selling in Austin. This kid comes to me when he goes, hey man, this is pimple wants to meet you. I'm fucking 18 years old. And a pimple wants to meet me.

Yeah, I gave him some of your coke. It's the best shit around. He wants to buy volume from you. So right away, right away, I'm thinking he's an undercover cop. So I go, all right, I got like an eight ball. Let's go down there. It was in North Bergen. So I knew it wouldn't make the papers. I wouldn't get arrested. She liked that. I knew I could maneuver myself out of there. It's North Bergen. The paperwork would disappear. The evidence will disappear. It's my hometown. I know friends have friends of the cops. Something will happen, you know. So I drive down and this kid kept saying tremendous. We think I got the word tremendous. It was that day. That's why I got the word tremendous. Chinese restaurant in Mississauga, Canada called tremendous. I'm like, where's his kid live? He

was in a hotel in Jersey City on the border of North Bergen in Jersey City. And every time we do something. So the kid was in the backseat. I was in the front passenger seat. And the kid was driving was not the type of kid you could play with. He didn't like what was about to happen. He likes Lawton Coke. But this wasn't his world. He had a short temper, if you know what I mean. He didn't take a lot of shit. So I would tell the kid, tell us where we're going. He's like, just go straight on Telly Avenue. And then he'd go, quick, quick, quick. That left over there. And like my friend would fucking go, what the fuck is wrong with you? He'd make the left. And the guy in the back would go, that left was tremendous. And then a couple miles later again, make it right over there.

My friend's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I got to cut off three people. That right. That was tremendous. You know, let me get a blast of the Coke. That cocaine is tremendous. And finally my buddy goes, say tremendous one more time. I'm gonna beat the fuck out of you. And we started laughing hands forward. Because it's so annoying. I say tremendous. We went inside this city hotel room. Black guy, Michael Jackson hair way before the operation. Skanky black, white chicks, skanky white chicks got beat up their runaways, cigarette burns on their legs. I walk in there with my buddy and Steve tremendous. And the guy's like, man, I did your coke and it all comes back.

Like, what the fuck are you talking about? He goes, I did your coke and it all comes back. And he showed me on a free base. He goes, no, I don't do that punk ass. No, you should have free basis motherfucker. And he would fucking take it, cook it, put it through a sock, a silk sock. He would take it off his foot and put it through the like the high part of it. And the rock would say on the thing and develop and then he would shave it and you'd smoke it. And I was hooked dog. I'm like, well, because that was a big white people shit. By 82 white people were already free basis. Minorities, we were still putting Coke rocks in our nose. The people from, you know, those people were like, we don't do it. We don't want

to hurt our noses. We'd rather put baking soda and smoke it. So they were already off and running white people. White people already acting goofy. It's like they are with the, what's that shit? They smoke dabs. They couldn't. Those are the same people. Same people that smoke dabs today. The same people that were free basing in the 80s. They couldn't just smoke reefer. They couldn't just not go. Oh no, we got a free base. And these people, I went to this head shop called In-N-Out. It's still there. In-N-Out? No, I forget what the In-N-Out. That's a burger place. I went to a head shop that's still there and they had a free baked kiss, a free base kit. Can you believe that? I remember those head shops and there was a lot of them in Toronto. It's still there, that head

shop. It was a free base kit and 50 bucks. I'm like, am I fucking, this is a half a gram of coke? I could do this and I remember we went to a friend's house. We brought like 13 grams of coke in the bottle and we fucking burned it all up. We smoked it. All I remember was waking up and all the bottles were turned upside down. The pipe was there. There were bodies laying everywhere and I was like, that's the end of my free basing career. It was too much strong. We get high. It's a lot of work. I got to wait. I got to wait for it to dry. I got to forget it. Just give it to me straight. It seems like more opportunities to get caught. Yeah, you're just hanging onto it for a long time. Yeah, it's just too much. All these

accessories. It made Japan, I didn't like it. I didn't like that part. When you were in Toronto, you exposed all, oh yeah, you were in clubs. I mean, I didn't do any of it, but I was around it. You missed Toronto? Yes, of course. What time did the bar stay open to? Three, four. I had a good time in Toronto. Toronto was good. They stopped serving at two, but it's not like here where they fucking Nazi you out of your bottles at 130. At two o'clock when they stopped serving, they let you keep your drinks out till three. Then we used to go to Hollywood. What was that club up there? That the magician ran. Oh, you played there? What was the name of it? That was Toronto. That was Boris's club.

Boris. Yeah, what was the fucking club called? Comedywood. Comedywood. I've totally about the story. Yeah, I did the weed club up there with Steve. Well, Steven didn't do the weed club. That's downtown that one, though. The one who owns that, Puff Mama, it was a waitress, I think, at that club because she remember you guys. Yeah, I never played that club because I was a Yuck Yuck's guy. Okay. If you were a Yuck Yuck's guy, you weren't allowed to work anywhere else. Right. No, I remember one time going to Toronto and having a really weird, good time. Okay, you were there for, you had to go there. Because where that club was was in the middle

of fucking nowhere. Yeah, but you had to go down there for two weeks. Yeah. He would hire you as a headliner for two weeks. Wow. And so you had two weeks in Toronto, you were off Sunday and Monday. You lived on top of the club. You slept over the club in these little hallway rooms he had. And there was a shower. It was good enough for me in those days, you know. Yeah, on the way up and everything is fine. Everything is great. I would go downstairs and have no complaints about anything and be the worst fucking places you've ever stayed. You're like, that's fine. But that was one week where they had movie theaters with waitresses.

That was the one week where I lost my mind on Bloor Street at the strip club. Oh, like I really went on Yonge Street. What was it? It's Yonge and Bloor. It's like Yonge and Bloor. Brass rail. Brass rail, those are strip clubs. Those are old, old. Those are the strip clubs I grew up in. Anything goes, shoot them, whatever you want to do, just pay them. You know, I mean, I was really impressed. And I don't like strip clubs. I don't know what a fucking strip club is, so. My friend calls them wants to toots. Oh my God, they want a prostitute, but they can't commit to it. They were crazy. They were crazy. There was a place on there that sold scripts

on Bloor Street that sold like old scripts. I still got Goodfellas signed. Wow. Yeah, they still had a bunch of shit. There was a great city. And I tell you what I met up there. I met a Cuban refugee that was one of Fidel's bodyguards. Really? And he, I met him at the club and then he took me out the next day for lunch. He took me to a small Cuban neighborhood they have. It's like maybe two blocks long. He showed me some fucking interesting pictures and he told me some wild stories about being Fidel's bodyguard. You're only in the rotation for three years, then you disappear.

Oh, Jesus. And they never see you again. They told you that he went to a different division, but you, the years later, you'll talk to something. How's Lee doing? Lee, who? Lisa. Yeah. He went up to the working room. We never seen Lee again. He was saying that Fidel was shooting his bodyguards because you knew too much information about him. So he felt he was next. So he shot the United. He shot the Toronto. And that's where they took him in. And then he tried to get shot up there. So the government protected him. He had a great story. He was telling me some fucking tremendous Fidel Castro stories.

Walking into restaurants or Fidel, my Fidel would see a young woman that was attractive whether she was married or not. One of his lieutenants would come up to you and say, excuse me, Mr. Peters, may I have a word with your wife and your wife would get up and he'd go tomorrow morning, call this number, the comandante, want you to call the number and you're a communist. So you call the number and they would pick you up and take you to the doctor, give you a VD test, then ship you to Fidel's house to get fucked. Well, they would check you out and everything before they make sure you're healthy. They had no cancer. They would give you a blood test and then take you right to Fidel's whether you were married or not. He had some great stories,

bro. Fuck. I mean, if you're a dictator, that's the way to do it, I suppose. That's what it calls to me. That's what it means to be a fucking dick thing. Slinging dick and giving out fucking medical cards. Slinging dick and eating taters. What do you think, brother? What do you think of this whole thing? Talk to me. What thing? No work. How long do you think it'll last? Listen, I went back to work. I didn't, I did my quarantine. I did at least two and a half months straight clean. What kind of work you got? So you're in West, are you where this week? Miami coming up. Then after that, where you going? Then I'm not working the week after because it's 4th of July, I think. Okay. And then I'm in, I got a whole run going now. That is crazy, Russell. After that, I'm in

stand-up live in Phoenix. And then I'm in the improv and rally. Are you really going on? Yeah. And then I'm in Indianapolis at Helium. Then Virginia Beach Funny Bone. You fly in private always? St. Louis Helium. You fly private all these? Nah. Those days are over? Those days are over, buddy. Nashville's, Aneys. Nashville is no direct flight. No, I know. Irvine. I got it all. Portland coming up in September. Yeah, it's all, it's all filling up there. Sacramento punchline in October. I mean, I don't, I don't see many free weekends, to be honest with you. You're a fucking trooper, brother. I'm a road dog. What's the inspiration? The fucking

baby's mama or you really want to go on the road? You know, I love what I do. Listen, Russell, I love what I do too. I just don't. You have a nice home life. I hear what you're saying. I need to get away. I hear you. I miss my kids when I'm away, you know, but I mean, I ultimately, I'm, I'm working for them. Right. Yeah. That's the same thing with me. Yeah. But you also got the luxury of having the podcast and it being a successful podcast. Yeah, but it's not all funny. It was to me and Lee were talking about this before.

It's been rolling with the punches lately. I mean, yeah, it was going on. Now they're all coming. And when nobody paid attention to the podcast, oh, yeah, things going on. Now those other things aren't going on. Yeah. I remember doing Joe's in his house 10 years ago. Yeah. You know, you'd walk in the front door and you'd hang a right into that little last room. And he'd cut through the garage or something and you cut through the garage and the room was on the right there. And then he moved it to an ice house. And then he moved it to that other place in Woodland Hills.

Then he moved to the other place that he's in now. It just crazed the evolution of what happened with this shit. Nobody knew. No, nobody knew. Nobody see it coming. And those are the biggest movements, like this movement now at the, you never saw a fucking coming this pandemic. Well, we never saw this podcast coming. Yeah. Everybody was like, why don't you start a podcast? I go, and I feel it's disrespectful for me to do it right now because it's like everybody's got one. I don't want to be just another fucking one in the fish tank.

It's tough to start one right now. Yeah, I know. So I'm like, it doesn't make sense for me. If you were to start this right now, people would look at you like it's a real down. It's a real uphill battle. You have a huge following. So you got to hope that podcast listeners, you better hope that they will pay attention to you on that forum. You know, it's really weird. One time I had one of the biggest names of comedy on here, and it was the lowest numbers I ever had on a podcast.

Really? That's how, that's how I don't want to say. No, that's how awkward this is. That's how much I've learned. I've learned that. Yeah, it's really not who you have. It's, it's what you're talking about. I, you know, well, that they want the information. That's one thing I'm talking about when you look at again, this fucking reefer in my age. When you're looking at not even the guests or what you're talking about. I don't know what we're talking about. So it doesn't matter.

Talk about how the podcast may or may not work. I just didn't know when we started, when I started with Felicia, we were just talking about random shit. I was just trying to copy a radio show. That's it. And then one day I'm like, wait a second. This is what you hear on the radio. This is why people don't want to hear this. Yeah. People don't want to hear the voice. They want to hear you being real. People want to hear you being real.

And I still remember telling the story about mugging the hooker and like looking at her and her like this and me going, I just struck a chord. This is what I need to talk about. And sure enough, this is when it all started by me telling a story from Bert. It was telling the machine story on Rogan. It just ran like a fucking, you know. Yeah. I remember doing Bert's podcast maybe six years ago and came to my house and we did it. And it was just, it's basically an interview. That's it.

And that's why I don't like doing some guys podcast is like, so why don't you tell everybody how you got started? You're a comic. Don't ask me that. You fucking know these questions. Those are the worst things you can ask us to do. I've always tried to go against the grain. I've always even want to print out a conformist. So we don't have to worry. I don't want to hear it. Listen, if I go on the news, everybody's talking about something,

then that's the last thing I want to talk about. But this is the problem I do see. A lot of people want your specific take on them. Yeah. They want your take on the situation. Yeah. What do you think about blah, blah, blah? What do you think about blah, blah, blah? I don't think nothing about blah, blah, blah.

I'm dead and buried. What do I think about blah, blah, blah? I'm in worse shape than you are. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. What do I think about blah, blah, blah? So I can't, uh, I just wanted to, when I did this podcast, I wanted to let people know that we've been getting lied to. That they lied to you. Your guidance council lied to you. Oh, yeah.

People lied to you. You don't need to do this. This is what you need to do. I never went to college. And if I'm a felon and I could do it, and they told you you can't do nothing, like they pretty much tell you in prison, once you get out of here, you're dead. You'll never be able to get a job.

People won't lie because you're a felon. In fact, you should sign up for disability now. That's what they tell you. Sign up for disability now because... My buddy got out, he signed up for disability. Yeah. But he did 33 years. Yeah.

And what's he going to do now? Now he's dead. Did he really die? He died during this thing. Really? He died. He hadn't even been out four years and he died three and a half years out.

33 years for what? Bodies. Bodies. He had a few bodies. 14 in the hole. No shit. 14 in the hole. I got his light, I got the rights to his life story.

How'd they catch him? He was in, they did a robbery or something and he was in a car, in the getaway car. And the guy, you know, fucking, they ran over somebody crossing the street and they, you know, it was a big mess. Man. I tell you, that's one place I look at now

and I don't want to be in that. He was in every Supermax prison on the East Coast. Every, they would move him all the time. He had causing problems here. He needs to go. Oh, was he a problem closer to him? He was like a shot caller. So they'd move him.

He was like, you can move me over and fuck you on. I know, I got my people everywhere. That's crazy. 33 fucking years. 33. He died 10 days before his 63rd birthday. And I was the second person on the call sheet from the hospital.

How did you become friends? I met him about maybe two weeks after he got out. He was friends with a friend of mine who, a friend of mine who stayed in touch with him and looked out for him the entire time he was in jail. Whereas everybody fucked off on him. So when he came out, we were in New York and I'm just talking to him.

You know, I just see his Puerto Rican guys far as I knew. You know, was talking, hanging out. And then we're talking. He tells me, he just got out. I'm like, what? I said, I'm a friend. I go, yo, he just got out. He goes, yeah, how long did he do?

33, are you fucking kidding me? And at the time I was doing real well too. So, I mean, I took him to Macy's. I bought him a whole new wardrobe. He needed to look right. And then there was a Gucci in there, bought him Gucci shoes, Gucci belt, Gucci jacket, bought him a new phone, iPad, all that shit.

Just set him up right. This guy loved me after that, you know. So you went back to 1987. His first murder was when he was 11. Jesus Christ. Killed these twins and his projects who were bullying everybody. He was 11 and these twins were about 17.

And he goes down to play with one of his friends. And his friend looked all fucked up. Because what happened here? He goes, I was fucking twins. They robbed me and they beat me up. Because they can't do that. My brother's got a gun. And he goes up and gets his brother's gun.

And he finds one and he goes, pop, pop, pop, shoot some. And then he goes to the corner where the other one is, yo, something happened to your brother. He comes over, pop, pop, shoots that one too. Goes into juvie psych for four years. Comes out like 14, 15. Just running the streets then. Yeah, when you kill somebody at 11, there ain't no coming.

And his brothers were like in that life, you know. But it's weird because his family wasn't like a broken family. They weren't, they were the only family in his project building that were not on welfare. Because his dad owned a bunch of bodegas and some meat shops, some butchers and that kind of shit. Butcher shops and some bodegas. And everybody loved his family because his dad would tell you

when you came into the story. He goes, listen, you don't fucking steal from me. You don't rob from me. You don't rob me. If you need something and you don't got the money, you come and tell me and you write me an IOU and you pay me whenever you can. And everybody loves his family for that.

So it was really revered in the hood. Fork green, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's really tight. Yeah. I just, when you say the number 33, it just crinkles my asshole. I don't think a Larry Bird. I think a 33 hard, long he is.

Oh dude, 14 in the hole. Really, it was 12. It started with 12. It started with 12 because he killed a guy in the yard. For this fucking guy. He just, he killed him whatever in the long story short, he killed the guy in the yard. He got put in for 12.

While he was in the hole, you know, you can talk to each other through the walls. It was a guy in the cell next to him. You don't see each other. You just hear his voice. Guys talking shit to him for about three years. Three years this guy's talking shit. Fuck you.

You're a punk. You're a pussy. I'll fucking kill you. You ain't shit. I know who you are. You fucking pussy. And my guy's like, all right, you watch. I'm going to find you.

He gets out of the hole after 12 years. His hair is long. Beard's long. He goes, everyone's like, yo, welcome back, man. You know, I need to get a barber shop. Goes to the barber shop. Starts leaning back. And there's a guy in the chair beside him.

His eyes are closed. He's just getting his shit done. Here's the guy talking in the chair beside him. That was the guy. He got up and fucking stabbed him. I went right back in the hole for two more years. At least you made a statement. Hey, he wasn't the guy you were going to fuck.

No, there's guys that make, you know, and he's a little guy. He wasn't like a big guy and he wasn't like a diesel guy. He was like a guy like, I don't know. I think I easily could take the guy, but nope, he had a fucking streak in him. He had something we don't have, you know what I mean? The ability to do something we would never have to.

I will never be able to do. Just listen. There's murder and then there's doing 33 fucking years. Oh yeah. And doing 12 in the hole, I mean. 14. You know, I was talking to take Rogan on the phone and we were talking about this whole thing in Milwaukee, Minneapolis.

Minneapolis. And how that guy, they have to be watching him. They have to, but his, his, he knows it. He knows that his end is going to be a violent, very violent one. It's not going to be a fun end because if he gets convicted of whatever murder, yeah, they'll put them in where they put the rats. You know, when people rat out the protective custody,

but guess what? They'll kill you in protective custody, protective custody. Oh yeah. You see nothing. What's that shit that OJ's wife had, a restraining order? Yeah. One people have died of restraining orders than died with restraining.

Oh, my friend told me. He was like, yeah, you can go to PC. We got guys on it. PC, you're done. Yeah, they got guys. It's a matter of time. They got guys on their team. On their team.

That will request PC just to go in and kill you. There's tons of stories of people who have done you wrong, Lee, and have gone to prison and we could get them. Once they're in prison, we know where they are. And there's somebody who's got 80 years and their wife needs 2000 to pay the mortgage. Oh, yeah. And they'll slice them up into pieces.

There's it's fucking easy. You go give the wife 2500 to pay her mortgage and watch, watch them in the news. They take his ears. They take everything, his eyeballs. By the time the cops get there, there's nothing left to donate. Yeah. There's nothing left to donate.

They take his nose. You know, that's the ease. That's why when you see all these people getting in trouble and they get these cops that get convicted or whatever, they did wrong. But when they go in, that guy is number one on the poster. Public Enemy is going to buy the song about the cop that killed George Floyd. So what, what made me one prison where there's not one black prison guard?

Right. And there's going to be three good white cops. And they're going to go, guess who's here? Oh, yeah. He disgraced cops. So he knows he might as well hang himself now like to make it. Yeah. He's not going to make it.

He's not going to make it. He might as well kill himself. He's going to kill himself before trying. He's avoiding getting raped, stabbed. And he had a real rat face on him. Yeah. They're going to rape him. They're going to do a bunch of things to him.

He might as well tell his family just to kill him on visitation. And his wife left them right after that. Yeah. He's the kiss of debt. That's why they got him on suicide watch. But those guys do not last. I don't care how PC they go away. Remember when you have 120 year sentence, you ain't going nowhere.

And they've already exhausted your appeal. And you appeal three times. You're not going nowhere. But guess what? You got a wife and two kids at home and they need money. So it's quick. It's like a quick deal. It's like code over the phone.

They wrote you write a letter to him. He burns it and he's on a mission from Satan. You get the money is and usually you give the money when the job is done. I'll bring it to your wife right now just to give you a little bit more incentive to let you know the guy you're dealing with. And it's over. I know when I did time, I heard some horrific stories. Now guys are making a living inside.

Inside contracts. They happen all the time. Yeah. Inside's like a fuck. Inside's like a nightmare. That's a complete different business. It's a panic attack. That's why you don't.

That's why nobody does nothing. You don't worry about none. He's going to go to jail and we get him. He's going to go to Pelican Bay and we're going to make a call. Wherever he goes. Wherever he goes. We're going to make a call. They'll send him a friend.

It's got a friend. It's got a friend. PC though just sets you on fire in yourself. Yeah. It's a very scary. I did a couple fucking months and you know, I felt comfortable after a while, but I knew where I was that you don't turn the lights off. You never turn the lights off.

You know where you are and you know anything can bounce off in any fucking time. It's that quick. You're dealing with 90 people. Who have fucking tempers. 10 of them are nice people who did bad things, but there's 80 killers who. They got nothing to lose. They don't care. By the time you get to some levels, like when I went to

Ordway for a couple nights and before I went to Camp George West, that's that's there's a prison in Colorado. They call gladiator heaven. That's where they send all the steroid people to the 21 to 26. They want to fight themselves to death. That's where they send you. They call 18 to 25. They call those places gladiator heaven.

Do you want to make it? You won't make it. Those are for young kids. And then you move on and once you get older, you're peaceful, but there's always one motherfucker that he's cute. And you have to establish yourself. That's good that you took care of them, bro. I appreciate you.

You've been good. Man, that was my dude and a lot of people. I'm sorry. He passed on and shit. That's one thing you have go. You have great karma, bro. You helped a lot of people. A lot of my friends say you help them all the time.

And that means that's why I chicken on you. You know, you gotta look. I'm the same as you. We will look out for people. I look out for people or empathetic guys. And we've seen some shit in our lives. So we understand how bad it can get. You understand.

I understand the plight. I understand. I've been there. Yeah, I've covered every emotion. That people listen to this show covered. I've had a loss. I've been addicted. I've been homeless.

I've struggled. I've been there. It's every situation you want to know. I've been heartbroken. I've had a kid taken from me. I lost a kid on purpose because I was a junkie. I mean, tell me. I've been through all the emotions you go through.

Yeah. And this is what I've always stressed that's that. Just because you guys think we're living out here. We put our pants on one leg at a time. Just like regular people. We've all had fucking crazy past. I tell Lee all the time, go out there, have a story. Go get VD.

Do something. Go get crabs. You just can't sit in your house. You're 31. You don't want to die not having something. That's what it's all about. It's meeting the chick who says to you, let's go to my friend's house.

And you're like, okay. And also there's an orgy. And there's a white chick getting fucked by eight black guys in the ass. And they're all coming on her face. And you're sitting there like, hi. And you're uncomfortable. Outside of Boston.

Oh, that's right. And you're uncomfortable. You have to go somewhere where you become uncomfortable to really go home and go, wow. I never want to do that again. Like it's just being uncomfortable at places. Yeah. You need to see the bad in order to appreciate the good.

I guess. I don't mind seeing the bad. I don't really want to go to. You don't have to be a part of the bad. Yeah. The manslaughter and doing, doing cracks. There's levels. You don't have to go to that level.

Yeah. You're not the guy that they're going to be letting in anyway. No, thank God. That's why I'm proud of that. So you got all these weeks going on, brother. I'm fucking happy. Back on the road, just working. I'm happy for you, bro.

I had written an entirely new act before this whole shit happened. Did you? And I was like ready. I was, it was ready. And I was on the road working it. And I was like, all right. I'm polished. I was in the polishing stage, you know.

And it was about to all start in June. And then this should happen. And then I forgot it all. Because I don't write it down. Then I got on stage Thursday last week. Where'd you go on stage last week? American Comedy Club. You went all the way down?

I did seven shows. Seven shows. First night, couldn't remember my name. Second night, it all came back. How did you feel on stage after the first night? I felt, I was, to be honest with you, 10 minutes in, I wanted to get the fuck off stage. Why?

I saw it's uncomfortable. I was like, I can't remember anything. I don't even know what I'm doing. My head wasn't in it. Yeah, they're all sold out. But I mean, it's 100 capacity, you know what I mean? So, but now it's all good now. And what nights did you do?

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. One Thursday, two Friday, two Saturday, two Sunday. Yeah, I need to start with just one show. I think the first show is going to be enough, Uncle Joe. The first show, yeah, you're going to feel at the first show. But I won't. You will. First show, you'll be like, oh, fuck it.

There's little things you may, you forget. And then, like what? I don't know, like little details about something. I mean, oh, you're active. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't have an act now. Yeah. There's no act.

That's why part of me is happy that they canceled Brea. Yeah, give you a break, give you a break. Because no, I'm going back to do a residential. What are the fuck? Oh, yeah, once a month. Twice a month in Brea and once in Oxnard. Because I'll tell you afterward, it's just a lot better for me. It'll give you an hour to work.

I can have an hour to work instead of a piece of 15 minutes. Right. And I think at this stage right now, what I'm looking to do, that's the best thing I could do. Yeah. I'm looking to go out next year. Once the subprime movie comes out. Is it done?

It's done. But they had to push everything back. You're in it. No, my friend's in it. Yeah, I'm fucking in it. The prequel. Unless they fucking cut Mike in it. Is that why they were on Joe's thing?

Mike and Steve? No, no, no, no. They're doing a really good podcast called the soprano podcast. I know. I don't know the name of it. It's something. And you know, Michael had the script or the screenplay to Omerta. And he never made it.

This was like 20, no, not even 20. It was like, maybe 17, 18 years ago, he told me this. He had, he was working on that. Mike on Pariano. Yeah, yeah. He's a good writer. He's a great guy, though. Is he great?

He lives up here, close to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is he by me? I lost touch with him. I lost touch with him. But we used to hang out when he was shooting. We did a movie together in Toronto years ago. When we were hanging out.

Real actor, too. He's a real, real serious fucking actor. He's a good actor, Jesus. You could see him on Rogue and he was a little like, he was out of his realm. He's an introverted guy. Well, Sharifa used to be the booker for the Riviera, right? Very, very reserved.

He's, he's great at what he does. He directed a few episodes, he wrote a few episodes of the Sopranos. So he really has it together. He's a together young kid. You gotta, he's not just Spider who got shot. No, Spider, Spider, you're fucking bullshit of you. You're fucking bullshit of you. We were at a bar in Toronto in like, it must have been 2002.

And we're having some drinks. And this Indian dude comes up and he's like, oh shit, Russell Peters. He goes, oh man, he points to Michael. And he's like, that's amazing. Yo, do all the Indian actors and comedians know each other? And I'm like, huh? And he goes to Michael.

Well, probably India you're from. And Michael goes, Calcutta. Fucking hilarious. No, he was good, that was a good podcast. That was a good podcast. Listen to Sopranos Man is a great show that not a lot of people watched. Did you hear what they were saying? That it's number two on HBO, but on Westwood right now.

Yeah. And it hasn't been on the air for 13 years, I don't know how long. You know, the wire was apparently like a flop for the first three years. But it's one of the best shows ever made. I'm thinking about putting it on again. Oh, that's a great series. I love the wire. How many seasons was it?

Four, I think. No, it was more than that. I think it was six. Really? Wow. There's two shows I'm dying to put back on again. The wire and the prison one from HBO. Oz.

Oz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that one's intense. I haven't seen that yet. I had. I used to love Oz too. I used to love Oz. I say Oz was like Sex in the City for guys.

Yeah, Oz was good. I don't know. And I just about a month ago I go. And power I like. Power. That's the guy that went there. That was 50 cents show. Oh, no, I didn't watch.

It was on stars. It was a fucking. I loved it a lot. I love that. And they say that Harlem show is good. The King of Harlem. Yeah, I got to watch that. That's one with Forrest Whitaker.

Is it Forrest Whitaker? The other black dude. No, the other black. Godfather of Harlem. The Godfather of Harlem. It's the other black. It's not Forrest Whitaker. No, it's a guy from Eight Mile.

The big black guy from Eight Mile that's big. He is also on. Oh, you're talking about Omar Benson Miller. Ontorized for football. What's on? Yeah, Omar. Yeah, the ballers. Ballers.

He's Omar Benson Miller. He plays the Miami Dolphins guy. Yeah, no, I think it's. Yeah, I think that's who it is. No, no, no, it's Forrest Whitaker. And it's funny because everybody thinks Omar is Forrest Whitaker's kid. Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

I can't see without my glasses. I've seen the fucking billboard. And that's all I know. What's it called? Godfather of Harlem. It's fucking suntan. It's still burning you. Bro, I ripped off.

My wife says she's been sweeping my skin for the last four days. It hurts. Doesn't hurt anymore. Stop hurting after five days. It's just a burn. We're so fucking deep. I burned two.

Yeah, it's Forrest Whitaker. Forrest Whitaker. I heard that's a great show, too. Yeah, I'm going to see that. I can't believe you love all that stuff. I love you for that. You love music. You're still spending that night.

Still spend when I got time. Downstairs. The kids dance while you spin. Oh, no. My house, it's in a whole other wing. You won't even hear it. Really? Yeah.

So the spinning is somewhere else? It's in the man cave, so. But you ever play for your kids, I mean? My kid, the problem is when the kids see it, they're like, they want to go, I want to DJ and then they want to just hit buttons and it bothers me. I'm like, listen, do you respect the art

or don't fucking push the buttons? You're scratching stuff. Yeah, I used to battle. No shit. Yeah. Russell, you're an interesting motherfucker, man. It never ends with you. You, Joseph, how dare you.

Every week is a new fucking adventure. So Miami is ready for you. You should have not got to close that city by the time you get there. You know, I hope not. I'm looking forward to it, you know? And you trust everything? I had a chick do blow off my dick there once.

Did you? In Miami? If somebody's going to do blow off your dick, it's going to be in Miami. Oh, yeah. It was a small hole. That's where they do the weirdest fucking things in the world.

I had a chick who told me in Miami one night if I could do a headstand, I could fuck. And you should have seen me try to do a headstand, coked up. I tried like two times. She got up and left. No. You think I'm fucking kidding you?

So it's anything is possible in Miami. Kill them next week. I love you to death. What's your website? Anything? RussellPeters.com. That's it. At RussellPeters on Instagram.

You got a full schedule in North Carolina. Raleigh. Raleigh. Indianapolis. Helium. You going everywhere? I'm going. I just got to go, man.

Well, I wish you luck. All right. Thank you for coming on the show on a Monday. Thanks for having me. You know, we've been talking about it for months. Yeah, man. You were good, man. We were going to zoom it. We were going to face mask.

And I like, Joey, I don't give a fuck. Let's just do it in person. Fuck into it. The door is open. I want to see you. I want to see you. The door is open. I got fucking lights off.

Clorox. I spray some of him. Everybody gets to fucking hit the lights off just so they take that bugs back home with them. I love you, motherfuckers. Hold on one second. Let me read some ads to you. We're back like COVID.

No big fucking deal. You didn't know COVID was making a comeback. Get it together. A bunch of fucking mooks walking around, jumping up and down, hugging each other. What do you expect? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the Russell Peters fucking little interview.

I love Russell. He's a good man, solid. We did a nighttime one just to, you know, we're comics, man. And I came to the solution that we were going to, we used to do the show at night. And all of a sudden we became pussies. And we started doing it at nine in the morning,

like little fucking pussies that we are. And we got to go back to nights because we got to fill our nights. We just sit there and every time Jepley comes on, I want to put a fucking knife on my throat. So thank you, Russell, again for coming. Listen, I got some dates for you protestors and want to come out with sticks and shit.

Come on down. The more use that come down, the more fucking tickets I sell. So keep it up, cock-suckers. Anyway, I got July 30th to August 1st at the Brea Improv. We should be open. I know a lot of you guys bought tickets. You know, I never wanted to fuck none of you guys

and fucking whatever. So we're coming. Plus on top of that, I'm going to be doing a house residency there two Tuesdays a month and one Tuesday a month up in Oxnard. I'll keep you guys posted. Again, thank you very much for having me. But before we go,

we got to talk about what we got to talk about. And you know what that is? On it. Let me spark another number. You know what I'm saying? I'm in the mood. You ever just been in the mood to smoke to go two fist in the morning?

Fuck it. I got a couple of things to do. Nothing serious. There's no fucking... My wife is taking on a bully, whatever, today. So I'm good. So I got the afternoon to kick up and relax. I got to talk some shit with some people.

What were we talking about? You're talking about on it and... Oh, shit. That's right. Listen. I was going through some shit in March and I said, fuck it. I got a strength in my mind.

So what did I do? I went back to fucking basics. I went on Alfa Brain. And after about fucking eight days, a couple strange dreams. One dream that I was a captain of a fucking ship and started sinking. And I started kicking Puerto Ricans off.

Fuck it. You know, some shit like that. I don't know why I was kicking off. And then, you know, you have some weird dreams. But after that, your mind just gets sharper. I started focusing a little more. Am I writing comedy? I'm writing some things in,

but I saw the difference that Alfa Brain did to me. For me. You know, I can sit here and tell you what's in it or whatever. I'd be blowing smoke up your ass. I know it's got something to do with new tropics. Look it up. Read it.

I tell you, it changed my fucking outlook. It changed the thing. I mixed it up with a little hemp. And it helped me with my workouts. A lot of people say I'm looking a little thinner. I'm still weighing close to it. But my body composition is changing because I'm a fat fuck.

It's moving from my ass to my ankle. Who the fuck knows? Anyway, what I'm trying to say to you is honor this for real. Whether it's the Alfa Brain, the Shroom Tech, the Shroom Tech immune, which you need desperately right now. You know, plus your workouts, plus sleeping, plus putting a mask on, plus staying away from these creepy people

with dirty fingernails. You know, you got to avoid so many fucking things today. Listen, start from the inside. Work yourself out on it.com right now. I can't help you with the club bats or the fucking kettlebells. But as far as supplements, I rock the motherfucking house. I'm getting you 10% off to live it to your house. Pressing code, judge C-H-U-R-C-H, like a motherfucker.

You understand me? The church has also brought to you by my favorite company to work with. I went after them because the product was so good. CBDlion.com, creams, bad salts, tinctures, fucking gummy bears, you know, pens, vapor pens. I mean, listen, go to CBDlion.com for starters. I don't want you to buy nothing.

Just go look, go read, go read, go get educated on CBD. As far as information, as far as pain, as far as insomnia, CBDlion has you covered. They're going to give you the fucking result for your fucking ailment. Whatever ailment you got, they got an answer for. That's how helpful they are. This is not no swami from salami at the liquor store

that barely speaks English. And you want to buy CBD from them. How stupid are you? Uncle Joey's telling you, go to CBDlion.com right now. Take a look at what they got. Start with the raspberry gummies. They're going to put you in a different planet an hour before you go to sleep at night, okay?

And that's it, and that's that. Go to CBDlion.com and press in. Church, C-H-U-R-C-H, get 20% off the Liberty House on your first order. Who does that for you? Fucking nobody. It's Wednesday, the 24th. My anniversary's next weekend.

I appreciate all the support and love you gave me. 20 years with the same woman. I couldn't fucking stay with the same woman for 20 minutes. She got out of my face once I hit it with a shot of bad breath. But listen, this one stuck around. We're here, we're queer, you know what I'm saying? I want to shout out everybody who had my back.

I love you motherfuckers to death. If you're not fucking loyal, and you don't have no friends, you have nothing in life. You guys proved that last week. So I love you to death. Thank you for having my back. I want to thank the Christ Killer

for helping me out and being a soldier at death. And listen, we're going to keep telling stories, okay? Nothing's going to fucking change. Next week I'm going to tell you about when I poked the guy in the eye and we got a fucking... He walked around with a bandage for three weeks and he couldn't go to the cops.

I'll tell you that one. That's a good one. Have a great week and God bless you. Stay black. Oh, I got a little surprise for you tomorrow, Thursday. You'll hear it by the Friday, all right? So you guys know something's coming. I'm just giving you a heads up because I love you.

I can't say what it is, but you motherfuckers know what it is already. Don't forget, look on your computer Friday morning. Stay black. Have a great week. I love you motherfuckers. Kick this mule, Lee. I love you motherfuckers.