Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #799 - Eleanor Kerrigan

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Eleanor Kerrigan, a stand up comedian seen on Comedy Central and Showtime, and heard as the cohost of "The Comedy Store Podcast," joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE in studio. Dont forget! The Church of What's Happening Now is now available on Spotify! This podcast is brought to you by: CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.  

greetings from podcastville it's Monday the fucking who knows what day it is I know it's the last motherfucking Monday in June the rent is due on Wednesday taxes are due on the 15th and unemployment ends on the 31st so you better pucker up motherfuckers the church what's happening now is brought to you by my favorite CBD line and you ready for this this is the announcement of the fucking week they got a new tape a CBD tape I tried it I wrapped two things around my knee because I really have arthritis on the inner side of the knee so I put two strips in there I surrounded them with the thing and I left them on first of

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fucking 20% delivered to your house no mumbo jumbo kick this fucking mule Lee oh shit there you go Monday the 29th of June I hope you're feeling better I hope you're powdered your nuts last week was last week this week is this week who gives a fuck I got my girl Eleanor Kerrigan in studio how are you my love hi should I put my mask back on now that you're smoking nah we got the door open I've never been high but I'll get a contact high from you

Joey sleep no we get the contacts high here we got everything we got lights all we got fucking a bowl of spray I got the shit they sprayed in black people's eyeballs what is that fucking Nigeria this is shit that just Michael Jordan black lives matter fucking you know I'm trying to protect myself you know I'm saying it's a good day to be alive everybody's happy everybody's tip top two how was Kansas how was traveling as a corona comic you know that I'm the corona comic I'm in that list I'm so excited to finally make a group you know the corona Kansas City was great but I will say I was nervous like flying only

because I thought I better get there early they're gonna take your temperature they're gonna do all this shit they didn't do a fucking thing I don't even think they checked my license I gotta be on they don't give a fuck about flying now do you see what Americans doing American in the United they're not they're not gonna have any open seats no open seats no open see there was a guy I had cuddled with a guy the whole way oh no to and from it was insane open city no open see it was nothing they were on top of us and then I was in the airport less than five minutes and almost killed somebody because this guy there was no

flight that was leaving before 5 50 a.m. no fucking flight and he was up my ass when we were going through the thing and I'm thinking six feet piece of shit right so then I go you know what you go and I had put my stuff through I go just go and then he was what do you call that precheck with some shit that he'd have to go through the metal detector so he walked around the side and then my stuff came out first so he picked my shit up put it on top of somebody else's to get his and I go am I allowed to kill him and the lady just last she goes oh no he didn't and then she went over and took care of it and I was like black

lives do matter get a bitch get him I was the whole comic experience for you like when you got to the club I was a nervous wreck but I I loved it it was so freeing it was so phenomenal but like we I think we were talking about this before about doing material old material or whatever like BC not before cry before Corona you know Christ is gone it's we're BC now before before Corona and so I was like what am I gonna talk about how am I bits gonna feel so I just for the first 40 minutes almost 45 the first night I did just the shit that's been happening during Corona and I was like this is so great that's why

point I'm doing yeah it was like clearing and I mean of course you you know because you're living it like I write things down but you don't know if they're gonna work I'm gonna open up but who's got toilet paper yeah I'm saying what was the fucking I want to know right now who went to the storm bit toilet paper people need the machines people fucking they can't breathe you got toilet paper why does everybody what fucking who's got toilet paper and explain yourself right now I want somebody to get up and go man I still got a garage who yeah I don't know what I was thinking people's houses look like

a 99 cent storefront I bought a truck full of truck toilet paper now I got stomach cancer you understand I'm taking a shit in two weeks anyway so I'm gonna do it I gotta put it on a bag cancerous toilet paper fuck it's Monday morning this new thing with the women middle-aged white ladies losing their fucking minds all over the place you know they're calling them Karen's or something well my older sister's name is Karen and she is pissed at all you motherfucker she wants to fight whoever came up with that shit she's like you call me a Karen I will knock you to fuck out now where's this north

Hollywood oh the traitor you know that may she's they knock down over on Laurel Canyon yeah yeah well the strip was if you miss the strip if you miss your exit we got to get off there sometimes like there's nights I've been high listen to yeah I get up you know this night I go the other way from the company store I don't go Laurel Canyon okay a long way it's Tuesday so I'll stop at Joe's pizza damn yeah and I go up to 101 and sometimes you know fucking have you ever gone through the hills like behind the store up like Miller drop oh I love it nothing scares the shit out of me more and people do it

to me all the time I think it's cuz I'm a nice guy they come up to me they're like hey Joey do you mind dropping us off up to hell I don't know how many waitresses have asked me you know when you just want to go home you just want to go home I know but not for him thank you Lee it's 30 seconds for an intelligent individual okay when you don't do Chris Chris when you don't do jigsaw posses and you know you never go good at that game what's that game with you did that the break out I don't know you're supposed to make a lot but you make a right okay that's not the guy you want driving up okay I get it do one

time I used to live up there so it doesn't bother one time he got me hi and I was at home by myself he dropped someone he dropped one of our friends off at from the ice house like two months from the ice house he called me expecting me to know where to get where he was and I sent him the wrong way oh he's been here for like 20 years I've never gotten young that boy I sent him like up the 210 the wrong way I got two in the morning all you want to get home you gotta pee you got a piece of shit laying on in your ass and you're tied you just did two shows plus you're really gonna have insomnia and also he tells me go

it wasn't his fault you know number one people should know this but don't you have an iPhone I mean if I had a tank with military instructions I still I'm never gonna press the button that lady comes on and says in 2.3 miles make a left that's what they make it back to us I'll say things that you'd never heard before I'm already hearing anyway listen yes you can't hear everything my daughter fuck Siri up you know Siri on the idea yeah she hates my daughter she she hates mercy why mercy to immense mercy just doesn't ask her how long does it take the national mercy ago what if I have one foot good a roller

skate and then she keeps you always try to break it out so serious fuck you and with a little face like what did I do wrong oh you asked the 18 questions so you can hear the chicken go and then she starts stuttering give me a sorry stutter like Lee I thought the taxes I've never done that one I've never talked to Siri she tortured Siri so bad she just went off like whoop and my daughter's like Siri come back who wrote this song you should be a song oh my god that's a big yeah I've done the ways app or the whatever and cotton lost ways is the worst ways is ways takes you out 18 miles you use ways no but you did one

time I won't stab you we next thing you know we're in Chicago they'll take you back we're Chicago we're headed to Irvine I just 30 minutes in Chicago to go they try to take you on the way lost I think yeah I swear I think they get lost because I'm like you don't know this fucking back road see I used to live up on Kings Road it's behind the comedy store I lived me Richie Taylor the manager we lived in 1501 Queens Road or Queens Road yeah that's what it was not Kings Queens so because they're two side-by-side Queen and Kings so we lived on Queens Road so I was always up there and then working for Mitzi I was always

on Crest Hill because she still had the house she didn't sell it until early 2000s maybe took a long time to sell that one but it the Crest Hill was up there so I was always up that hill so it's simple for me I already know how to like navigate around it and when I first moved there I used to walk all the hills so I was like oh this connects oh you can drive through here so if I'm all the way at Sunset Plaza I could get to the comedy store through the hills well I thought my dad was here favorite thing to do I got too high and I kept missing turns we can't really do you turn on those hills I went all the way

this big was terrifying to me like 45 minutes I'm very very good Hollywood sunset you go through side streets and like alleys in Hollywood I know everything if the cops chase me I will lose you right that's my thing that's why I'm really good at knowing where I'm going years of running right Hollywood no Hollywood just has you know Hollywood has traffic listen we all have in cities that doesn't have to happen it's that we're all pointed at that same direction if you do you okay when I used to live with Terry we lived on Shrader right there off the Sunset in summer right by the Hollywood why not

right by the Hollywood why and I had two choices when I left at night I could shoot down to Sunset make a right catch Highland traffic catch LeBron traffic and then once you hit we're talking about 2001 90 2000 to 2006 once you hit Laurel Canyon it was bump of the bump on a Saturday night I remember telling Marlon Marilyn Martinez and the husband God rest their soul to get in the middle lane we got a spot just get in the middle lane and cut all through and we ran right into his sheriff and he gave us all tickets we got to the store late because between all the rock clubs all those hearty-farty clubs no it was

bumper-to-bumper so then I figured out a way here's the way avoid all that shit you look and you stand Selma to you in Highland it there's a light there it's Selma again mm-hmm all the way to you hit like what's the other one guard our curse on no curse on didn't have a light the one by coaching horses you go yeah it's a one way is a one way after sunset you go down that way and that takes you down to what kind of said not the drink when you drink fountain fountain and fountain would take me to the bottom of the Mexican sweet sir mm-hmm sweet sir you pop up you make a left and it was still drama between the coach house oh

yeah the goddamn uh it was still a saddle ranch whatever the fun I avoided 30 minutes doing that wow one time I had Joey I'm not even sure why because I know I wasn't doing stand-up but it was me you Schubert in my car I was driving to the store and I was going up sunset I mean I'm sweet sir from fountain to sunset and I was about to make the left and Joey go don't miss that fucking light cocks okay you miss that light we're here for another fucking hour and you're like yelling in my ear and I'm like gunning it of my little Toyota dick yellow means step on it why come from I see a yellow you're going a

little bit of red who cares about that if it's a little red we just scream it every day no cops around every day I make that when I would go to the store I think you know now that we live in the same building or I had a friend that lived in your building and I would go over there oh yeah on Martel yes my yes so you lived on my talent 97 97 I lived there for 12 years and I lived around the corner with Josh Wolf on a vista a vista it was it was Gardner I don't know why I make it Gardner a lot of the time what was cartel it was Martel Vista Gardner I think it was yeah Sierra Bonita that's it yeah curson so you and a gay guy lived

my roommate not the room oh somebody else some gay comic from the county store lived on Martel okay josh wolf lived on vista uh Ralphie lived on Gardner oh was oh okay Mitch Hedberg lived on Sierra Bonita with Nick DiPallo wow wow and Doug Stanhope lived on Dougie's building had a lot of people in that was party central right yeah party central in the low rent apartment right because it was down the corner from didn't Jody and them live in there too Jody moved in in 98 and all that stuff so Stanhope lived across the street if

all Stanhope had to do was wake up walk two blocks across the street he'd be a coach and horses yes so the everybody went to coach and horses that was the main right next to Samuel French right next to Samuel friends I have I probably gave them $150,000 to become a moron some people give a college $100,000 a year same and they're still morons I have so many fucking so if you if you all stood alone right now I do not want you to feel guilty because we gave a guy named Sanya a French a wing to his the door yeah I do not throw away it's probably still open coach and horses is closed I don't even know just an age in books within the last year last okay because it's not that long first to one up here closed I remember there was one up here

by the McDonald's street right there I went to playhouse west for years yes there was one right there and there was one on sunset you know how much money acting class when I was when I talked to you about me and Eleanor we used to have a lot of conversations about acting Eleanor you used to date an agent that was a big time that went off the she was engaged to him my first ex fiance and he went off the deep ends he was a typical 18 was Jerry McGuire with a Colombian guy next he was what he was different than Jerry McGuire because he got fired for catering to his black clients and then when he got fired they all left with him so he was like a they his clients were Martin Lawrence Chris Rock um Tommy Davidson Adele Givens um I'm know I'm missing somebody Martin

Lawrence I said right Martin Chris that was his big guys oh and Russell Simmons who had this idea of like hey we should start a black comedy show uh and Def Jam so they all were part took in all of that every single thing um trying to think of who else he had like Ricky Harris all those guys every black comic left with him and then they became superstars and then William Morris brought him back I mean he went off the deep end but he's better and he's married and has a kid so I'm happy for him but I would have had 10 children with him had he kept his shit together this was what year 97 when I met him in 96 I started dating him like 94 yeah I met him right when I first moved I started 93 at the store and then I met him he was like coming in he would come in with Worthy Patterson remember

Worthy Worthy is his best friend should have known sorry Worthy I should have known I love Worthy where is he so he's great I still talk to him every once in a while yeah I will because I talked to Michael Hubbard still and very honest Worthy yeah he told you was on his mind he told you yeah do for you what he couldn't do for you and he told you when he couldn't do some for you and you couldn't take a friend of that you put your head down turn away but then you go how many people haven't been honest with me right this guy's honest with me bought me a lunch he bought me when Bobby Lee tells that story about us being poor yeah and that's funny you brought him up but yeah yeah me and Bobby were no food to eat pretty much three days away from homeless at the fucking

Latino live festival it was him who took us out to dinner when he found out we had no money nothing yeah Worthy's a good guy I I mean I break his balls because I know a little too much but he he's very funny whatever he's very honest but we were doing a show for Michael Hubbard for this I'm gonna slip on what the benefit was for but it was to raise money for schools or something inner city schools and Worthy showed up because Hubbard is Martin's guy he does everything for Martin for years and from all the way back with Billy I think he's like his manager or something um so Hubbard uh was there so Worthy showed up and so we're in the back talking like it's 1994 you know where did we go way back so we're laughing and joking about something then Bobby Lee comes up

and Bobby was like Worthy if you're still mad at me immediately turned into it because he didn't sign with him was such a thing we left that Saturday from dinner we're gonna sign with you thanks Bobby did sign with him yeah yeah yeah it was great it was but he didn't pay he didn't pay him or he didn't pay somebody residuals and they had a fight over it they it not residuals um you know uh commission commission and I don't know if it was Worthy didn't pay or another manager I forget but they immediately and Worthy was like I don't give a shit but they immediately went at it he's like you should have done it you should like it was like nothing left they were still on that fight from the day they but then they hugged and

they were fine it was just made me laugh so hard but Bobby did sign with him that's why we had a big fight with him because me and Freddie told him not to sign with Worthy sorry Worthy but he knows all this it's crazy how we were the fucking kids just kids what people don't realize with I got you in here today to cover a couple things but I wanted people to know the state of mind like we had this thing come out with the video with Rogan last week right made a lot of people open up their eyes and I'm not mad at you like I said uh on the instagram I want women to take a stand but it's where it's going what I wanted to do today since Eleanor was there from 97 93 93 was give me the state of mind of what was there now something I brought up that was really when it first came

out a lot of people ran for the hills and it was the movie by Motley crew oh dirt or whatever the dirt right and if anybody knows that movie the opening scene is a party above the whatever and they come in and you know they're Motley crew they're just the best band on the sunset strip at the time they're not even the kings of rock yet oh maybe they are and uh some chick they sit it down in front of 30 people she spreads her legs Tommy leads a pussy or I don't know which one I have I remember yeah and she sprays the room with fucking juice pussy she was she was talented and she wanted to showcase her talents and I don't I'm not mad at her you look at that as a non-member of a band not music band you look at that as a normal human being especially in these

times and you look at it and you go what type of fucking behaviors that turn that off so who would do something like that in my world with people forget is I'm a fucking prude and I'm a Catholic I was raised to be a prude and I'm still very prudish I don't do a lot of things that most that's so funny here you say that but I like it I'm not a playboy guy right I don't like porn if there's a chick fucking on my Twitter feed how where is that that she's sucking three black dicks on my Twitter feed I gotta watch it I don't think another talented young lady don't hate don't hate do it so quick you can't even bang one out don't get me wrong yeah first of all I wouldn't bang one out in the eye on the computer because God knows who's got your eye on you when

you're banging out yeah triples got all my shit covered come tongue home everybody else whatever but uh you know you see all these things I'm not a porno guy I've never been that makes sense I do with me I went to a triple X on a Sunday night because my friends had to go and some guy tried to like fucking not touch me in the bathroom but he said creepy things to me when I was 18 in Jersey they had on theaters that were disgusting during the week they showed three movies five hours two dollars during the week and on Sundays they had a triple X bar yeah and one night we went there was just fucking pedophile like that's what they're taking on a pedophile school trip yeah like when you're in a pedophile beside the prison they take you to a triple X

show on Sundays and these fucking dudes would be doing every you could smell sperm in the air your feet are sticky you're stepping on fetuses this just you know abortion doctors are there scraping up shit to sell as they should be just just creepy shit you know and I went to one of those and it wasn't for me but do you love pussy yeah you love the idea of love you love the idea of eating ass you're a hopeless romantic jelly you know so for right now people are looking at the article they're planning on doing is looking at comedy as a whole with the comedy store being the epicenter cocksuckers and how that no and it's not because for years kennison stories came out of the comedy store and now they're you know coming again whether our friend christa leah was with

undergraged under great rage girls which i never saw him with till i see him with pussy like lots of you thought he was fucking running a miss america god bless him for there was years i thought like he's just a host of miss america yeah they're all trying to take him out to dinner to explain to him walk off the stage and they go chris what do you want to do for the world well i want to start with world peace and i want to bring apples back you know i'm saying yeah and i want to meet chris delia yeah so i thought chris was just running the world i didn't know they were under it i would never think of it but i was thinking as a joke or no joke nobody in this table knew any idea of underage stuff whatever's been coming out has been coming out it's news to us

there's no cover-up there's no nothing but i was thinking of this like the comedy store is 21 and over right so it's a little harder to sneak in if you're 16 17 right especially now now it's ridiculous now it's like fort nox but before the laugh factory and the improv have always been 18 and over always because they serve food so we didn't have food up until recently and then i was pissed i was like you're not going to change the age limit right because the comedy store is wild and it works better as 21 and over so what i'm saying is like these girls could have been sneaking it it's easier to sneak in if it's 18 and older and you're 17 meet chris and i'm not saying like if he did something wrong that's terrible but it's it's a lot easier at 17 to go meet a guy at a comedy club

that you've been dying to meet you know what i mean like i was sneaking in clubs when i was 15 years old well even without the chris delia thing like it blew my mind when i moved to LA that people drink like even regular jobs people go and get hammer at lunch oh yeah oh yeah my mom yeah yeah i know this is a not not to make excuses for but this is a different town this is this is the town of when i moved here you had open bars at christmas parties and people would get hammer this is the first place i saw coke this is oh really oh yeah where did you grow up in a bubble yeah okay i mean yeah i mean i don't speak for all of boston but for a suburb boston you're gonna bring a boston suburbs oh no yeah i was i was a very the white i'm the poster child for white privilege but oh

it's i think there's a lot of people who didn't grow up seeing that some people did like lexington yeah right right that's where my ex lived from but it's it's just like this is a it's hard to judge this city based off of like normal business practices it's i mean it's just it's it's it's apples and oranges i think absolutely and i have seen one percent of it i can't imagine being there every night and and and having access to drugs and having all the extra or no money like it's it's it's uh this is a very different place i think i i think like you you might be right i mean i just i grew up different i grew up in south philadelphia drugs were always around people did them people didn't do them some people did crazy things on them some people didn't

do anything they just existed you know functioning drug addicts whatever and like i said i was 15 i was in nightclubs taking pictures of people literally my friend hired me in her after hours nightclub to take pictures and i was wearing like a little dress that was the size of a scrunchie and it was like fluorescent and i would go around taking pictures of people in charge of ten dollars but i was they hired me to do that like she didn't know i was that young i was like yeah and then my older brother who worked with her was like yeah yeah she's fine because i was 15 going on 35 like we grew up different we you know i'm one of ten i've my dad moved out when i was seven so we were like wild because my mom would call us wild indians not to be racist but she kind of is

uh but in a fun way like she would be like you guys are wild like you know she would try to control how you gonna control ten kids six boys four girls in a in south philly we you know our i have friends that are doing life in prison i have friends that have been killed by cops i have i've watched cops beat people like i don't nothing is surprising to me like i'm not sure what they're gonna what so when i moved to hollywood yeah you see a different element but i'm i saw and this is gonna sound crazy but i saw a more privileged element uh uh uh element like if people had credits they got away with things if people had you know money they got away with things it was like oh wow okay it's funny that now because of what i found about people making calls to

seattle in denver it's so crazy they're gonna go after comedy scenes in general and then comedy as a whole and when it's gone and where it's happened and i could tell you something you know let's go back to july of 91 i get into comedy i'm just happy that people accepted me i'm doing right one gig a month i get into a contest i win the contest i become the house and sea of this place this is denver or seattle this is boulder boulder i started in den renown and boulder i dig this waitress she's got a boyfriend nothing happens i dig this other waitress and we start dating you know for the whole year and a half that she drops a bomb on me she's going to see it new york to be a pr chick and i start dating a roommate and that went on until february of 93 and then

you know that was really my whole comedy scene at that time was the broker my house and every once in a while i get to ask to do a gig on a saturday night i really wasn't committed to comedy so it was like it was just me getting my feet wet i was learning just mondays was mind boggling because it was $15 for a steak yeah and the comedy and the ticket and people really went to get the steak and they gave you a shrimp bowl so you had to be funny in the shrimp bowl fucking nobody is funnier than a shrimp bowl when you haven't eaten all day and fuck it you know what i'm saying so it was a real adventure for me to learn i love nobody's okay so when i went to me then i went to new york and in new york you have no friends right comedy for nine months and

the only guy i knew was mike buchetti i didn't meet nobody they're foot soldiers out there and i went to i said let me go to colorado that's when i turned down the comedy heat and that's when i became part you become of clicks sure you become part of the open mic click and they accept you and then you take a chance and do a gig with a feature actor now he invites you to that feature of click where even the mc gets $15 and you get a free drink ticket and now there's women at those shows and you can talk to you and there's new female comics there's new female comics in the uh in the new comic yeah sure and then but we're all just around each other right and then one day you get to do a show and you get to meet one of the area's biggest headliners and he invites you to a

barbecue so now you're part of that not was one of the best times of my life in boulder when i was part of all three crews i got to hang out with you know open micers on tuesdays and thursdays and then wednesdays and thursdays i hung out with guys that are feature acts and and then little by little comedy works came and i started doing guest spots and blah blah what's her name wendy comedy work wendy is great she's great and uh when i started going with the features they were the wildest open micers were okay but they went home they had day jobs the features got a little taste the features the features snored a coke and got together after the fucking comedy gig by the way not all of us do that but like yeah just the features if you if you were gonna take a percentage

these were features mcs guys that were going to not favorable places but we were in the game yeah these guys were in the game and they had bitches hanging around you know little girls and hung around some of them wanted to be comics but i have a different message i'm working on it i'll the package will be together it's more spoken word if you will yes it's more spoken word with grenades going off you know it's like apocalypse now makes fucking new land what's the chinese mohan whatever about mohan oh shit mohan she's not chinese is she i guess i like it my daughter was giving me an upbeat about mohan mohan's great yeah so uh you know you make these girls and you snore coke with them and and when i was first in bold when i went back in 94 i just walked into

nothing but trouble like i walked into going to war with my ex-wife and then i knew a guy and we were tight and i knew his girlfriend and they were tight and they had a kid and one night i saw an open mic and she's like i've been dying to talk to you and me and him are done i think it's me and you time to get together and also i'm living in a hotel with her the kid and an ounce of coke and you know sounds like a fun day he would come pick up the kid i leave and i come back and it was just three months finally when they came to me because i'm trying to get back with a stop giving a stab and you're driving the crazy and i walked away from her and then you know it was just it was just a life of f***ing mayhem yeah that people the general eye does not understand that it's just

mayhem like one night we were talking on a bar on 12 they were having sex with coke and s*** like that and then uh i didn't have any girlfriends i swear to god you didn't have any like friend friend girls 1995 interesting i didn't have a girlfriend i had elinor who texted me every 10 days to see if i had blow and i go yeah are you by yourself yeah i am then come over i like that you said elinor yeah i've never done coke in my life don't be coming over i'll take a stabbing from the old Diaz don't don't be coming over here with a friend you know if you come to my oh i see what you yes and most guys do yeah don't be bringing people i only got coke for two people and that's this i'm gonna give you aspirin don't bring a group don't bring a group i'm gonna see how f***

i get it no it's just i do you mean yeah it was a way of life and i had three of those so it was any week i could get a call from one girl on a tuesday night when i was snorting i'm just getting back from an open mic you know and then what do you think happened one night i go to this comma we do tuesday nights at the comedy works and we're all there the features the mcs the open mics and they close it up and we're drinking and you have to at that time it was like going into a coliseum and a girl and one of the girls was like joey and she jumps and she jumps at me and i grab her i give her a hug we go to the bar do we snort coke no do we f*** do i try to f*** no three days later i'm gonna call from wendy you got banned you grabbed her ass i go ask her i

didn't grab her ass yes you did then i came to find that the manager made up a lie and they redeemed the other and i bumped into wendy's at the one of the festivals and she's like i know you've met him i'm not mad at you why would i be mad at you you saved my life i would have been jailed for murder yeah because i would have killed my ex-wife and look what you did you f*** and threw me out and it was the god brought me here right where we are and wendy goes you know what i'm lifting the band because it was always bullshit anyway so where there's smoke there's fire you understand me then you have a thing called the road when you go on the road if you don't believe me don't look at don't listen to me pick any artist you like and read their life on the road yeah on

the road they're gonna tell you that women come and go and i don't know why they come and go and at that age you're not even thinking about it you just got lucky you don't have to deal with them again you weren't looking to fall in love right and you get in your car and then i go to seattle seattle i'm up there with a girl for the whole time so there was no outside uh towards the end i dated a little girl for a while that had looked bad don't say little girl but yeah yeah yeah bad back acne oh stop it now every time i try to hug her the acne would be snow would it bleed oh please no she had those little markings you see this little tip that comes out of my stomach what do you call those oh yeah like a little mole a skin tab she had thousands of mother back joey that's

like an oath that's a fucking shrek i moved with my girlfriend and then we broke up like a 90 fucking seven she moved back to michigan and i was out of here by myself and my road got my top my car my apartment got towed your apartment with your car yeah i lived on rafi maize floor and here i am at the store you know did you live with rafi i was i lived on this floor and i got out and took a shower at the store at 9 15 sure sure the main room and so many uh homeless people take a shower in the main room and then i come back at 7 15 and take another shower just truly would say why are you here sorely i gotta look at something in the main room i got i remember i had a bag with gel yeah foot stuff and my foot fungus you take a shower at the store you gotta be careful

fungus yeah that shit it comes with it yeah do you remember mack lindsey do you remember him yeah oh he was so fucking funny where is he he's in texas i think right now but he was living in new york and um funny kid funny onto something so fucking crazy a little deep obsessed for this store i love them too but he literally was like living out of a van in the back of the comedy and he would take a shower but he wasn't quiet about it like mack wasn't the kind of guy that would just be quiet like whisper so he would come out on the main room stage in a robe there's no show going on this is daytime and the manager would walk in what are you doing dean galbert bro what are you doing and mack would be like taking a shower but he'd have a robe like it was

crazy it was crazy it's unbelievable it really was it was one of my favorite people in the world and again i do not want to let's just go back to the three histories the lab factory really had no history of my life they had a history of just a club it's very small too the empire lab factory the improv's history was known for let's be honest as as the improv was uh robin williams uh bud freedman the evening at the improv sure why are you giving them robin i mean i like it but let's just this is what you're saying i i can't think of the guy's name right now they had a certain they had a certain science out yes they preferred a working comic to a certain comic but the comedy store since the night i was reading the belushi thing oh yeah and deniro and robin williams

were at mario and charlie's up the corner where the union became where where did where did dean dean came become the king with oh didn't cook the uh um Jesus what the hell was it called jay the doublins the doublins my god the four was doublins it was called mario and something okay and there was a hangout and they also did comedy there and deniro and robin williams and the bungalows are right there uh fuck nut was across the street at the bungalows belushi belushi shooting cork coke and i like to say robin and deniro walked to the county store to see if pri was there yes to walk that's true to do coke with belushi in that room yeah pri had left with the pointer sisters and all and he walked out they walked over there and found the cocaine right

there as a child my curiosity opened up yeah you're like wait this is the legendary went to the comedy store yeah and then you know before i lived in sea when i lived in seattle somebody gave me the the fucking uh kennison book oh uh the biography by kennison have you just read wired by uh i can't remember if it's everybody's in it it's all about s and l right s and l wild right so you you read all this shit so this isn't new to people and you hear this shit for me from what i had heard the beatings the angel salazar's the kennisons the girlfriends the abortions the mitzi the you name it i chose the comedy store the comics i had worked with on the road from james stevens the third the louis ck at that time dug stand home all these guys like the store is waiting for you and i'm like really and

they're like the people would ask me two things from day one as you represent you and as mitzi met you since they were yeah those are two people my people always ask me if i knew but i feel like the store it's so big and it was so easy to get lost in there and there were so many dark corners if you will now you were then 93 what was the store in 93 when i like i said when i first got there i was i was new i was like okay what is this you know it was wild and we had they had just had the 92 riots they had just had that rodney king that all that nonsense was just happening i remember my mother being like so nervous like there's riots i'm like yeah but it's i'm sure it's like philadelphia you know what am i gonna be afraid of la i'm from philly we have the same ship whatever so i remember

going and we had uh monday nights was the all black night eddie griffin ran a room uh every room was all black shows which was great like they were fun but they were wild and they were wild in that like they would always i remember my friend gabriel uh she somebody said to her uh hey can you bring a drink to sell and sell and they said the name and she brought a drink and here it was a gang rival and uh a big brawl broke out in the or it was awful and gabriel was just like crawling out of there this is like this gorgeous blonde they used to call her susie chapstick every single time we work together in a black room so whatever but gabriel could hold her own so she didn't care but we were they to rip the uh ash tray off the wall we used to have those metal ash trays remember

fucking wonk it at her like it was wild so my idea was like okay this is like being in the streets do you know what i mean like fuck there's urban shows i just go right back to that mindset then there was a shootout then mitzi got nervous that not that night not that not this one that's not the two that's another shooting i blame that he's been a few of those um this was a reputation was bad yeah because when i came here in 96 the guy i came down here to audition and i stayed in the studio city real close to here i still see the guy around town that i stayed with wow he did a favor for a friend of a friend he was a writer on mad tv he was very nice to me he took me i mean okay i stayed with him and him and his wife showed me hospitality it took me to the japanese arson's

i don't even know what that means out the corner there used to be a japanese place where they'd sing on the table and karaoke i don't want to work i don't want to play on these i wouldn't go there it was like mousseau and frank's the japanese tours they had a line out there not miss ellies i mean that's another singing okay right near the store oh oh okay i'm sorry i'm going japanese got it in the valley what the fuck was it they burnt it down it was called tokyo delt tokyo delt oh wow i never heard of that they took me to tokyo delt very nice i showcased and i still remember going he goes is there anything you'd want to do after your showcase because he drove me down to a lap factory you showcase that the lap factory for the latino laugh festival oh okay in 96 yeah and i

didn't meet anybody it was very cold this place is fucked up and i had two connections real weird i had the connection of my friend that uh ron hooked me up with that took me to the laugh factory okay and i drove from seattle okay so you you're by yourself i was strange wow but then when i was at the laugh factory i had excused the guy who drove me down and he waited while i went to the deli next door what's the deli next to the laugh factory the greenblatt and spoke to a friend of mine that my goomba in jersey his wife her brother was in like five movies oh okay so i met with him and he's like here's the advice i got to give you come back you go into this acting class he was like he was like us he was like us he was just a working step

and he had gotten into a hot movie with jon van claud dome whatever his name was about a time machine oh hi am i it was about a time machine or something well it only makes sense but yeah he did really good but just the the real thing why i met him was he was jason scott lee's jason bruce lee's son's roommate for two years and he had become dear friends with wow so i went to meet with him to talk about that we just talked about live this your kung fu guy yeah he told me he told me all this you told me you invented it no he told me all this dumb shit about ali it went to avoid if i moved down here and to call him when i came down here and years later he called me goes what the fuck you're doing better than i am like yeah thank you for taking me to watch

because he had he went dead after that movie and i moved down here started putting commercials and tv right i'm watching everywhere what the fuck isn't that weird i should have charged you for that talk you know but i went to the store and i knew it was home it was dark the land of misfit toys i felt something weird in there and then we have to go back to sundays and mondays where i used to host from etsy they give me a list of the people i call in were we just mondays at that point at that point it was sundays i mean i'm sorry just sunday because she it was monday she moved it because monday night football get no flights and going straight to the store my luggage right i'm putting it in the waitress station washing my face washing my hands and going doing 10 to 11 she dug me she

gave me the 25 dollar door spot from 8 to 10 you did the door spot fuck yeah i don't think i remember you on the door nobody does how long did it last about a year and a half it was like a thank you for hosting here's a little extra something for you what do you actually stand at the door i would stand at the door and watch people's balls let me see your id what was the date of your birth country in the front the back i was the you were the or back yes wow so at 10 o'clock i relieved that to somebody that post disappeared i picked up a check for 25 i like that you had your own thing going on please and then i'd go host at 10 25 now again i got the small 25 to host do you think you got less than that on the door right or was it 25 on the door and 25 to host so it's 50

yeah 50 50 50 oh you mean kume together 50 yeah oh oh see we you would get 25 to host i'd walk 50 i'd walk out of sundays with 50 bucks okay now so joey didn't have it any easier i said let me throw an extra kick on this why am i up here arguing with these guys that are never gonna get a spot yeah even if god wants some trick is mitzi's gonna scratch oh no these mother fuckers and even if you slept with mitzi it wasn't guaranteed to get a spot you could have pitched a tent out there and been number one since sunday fucking going i'm gonna be number one that wasn't gonna happen oh my god because i would get on the phone and call mooney eddie and joe rogan and go i don't know if you know i'm hosting tonight and you come out and try out all your new material it's my favorite

and andrew come on down really what time get their attempt to fucking tend to surprise them over microsoft and kill you they don't they don't know about it so they'd be there going yes they would be calling their homes the whole thing like i'm getting on stage at the store it was comics who weren't getting stage time that mitzi looked at and said you know what i made a mistake that's what it really was by the way that she told me what she told me once she goes these are comics i made a mistake with and i don't want them around here no more and the only way to get rid of them is to not to put them up on sundays because i don't want to give them a false hope unless i hear something spectacular from scott at the time scott day yeah she goes i'm not playing games with

these people but this is this is when a thousand people trying to get to the store though yeah even even more so than now your wait list was six fucking months and you could and if she saw you six months ago and she saw you again you thought i'll just do the same shit fuck you bye she remembered everywhere you said so when i did that i would call mooney whatever and i would also not have mooney and dice yeah could you can you imagine every three minutes you have to change the comment when you gotta walk up down the stairs trust me i host it for like three years come on i'm on coke i'm gonna be walking up wasting coke you know i need this energy so i would put up i would do ten four steps wait you do that for a thing every night three years ago they hated me i was there

i was there they hated me yeah i couldn't walk for four days after that those days are done with up and down this ain't no tight fit class it really is the best way to grow though it is the best way to grow it took me it mitzi was nice enough to let me when i first started to and stand up after being a waitress for so long and she hated when a waitress turned comic let me tell you she fucking hated that because i watched it too and i would be like and then they fucking get on stage in front of her and she'd be like get rid of him and i'd be like all right so i had a fire plenty of waitresses who stunk on stage so it's so bad sunday nights i'd get off that stage and everybody would be depressed fuck you know how long and you're just gonna do he's gonna do two more albums what's the

truth go down the corner go you're wasting all this energy to get back any yeah she's not gonna you could have wrote an hour you could have done so many things and i understand the pain you had but now let's eliminate that let's take back but why not go where go where people fuck with you like if if the comedy story doesn't like you go somewhere there's a million other fucking places never staying one spot when it's time you'll be here yeah but right now don't mess with now let's talk about the second part of this in the video i spoke about 23 years ago what was going on up there for women now elinor hasn't sucked a dick to my knowledge and i've known her for years and if i would confront her she would tell me to get stage time oh Whitney Cummings didn't suck a dick

ali wong didn't suck a dick you know Eliza didn't suck a dick i'm not saying they haven't sucked a dick somewhere in their personal lives you know how many people say to me Whitney fucked everybody to get and i go what are you i was right there in the trenches with her you know i'm saying like people will tell you out of jealousy and it's a jealousy created by other women i agree it's a jealousy created by other women when i got back to the store like i said last week before we even said this there was a rumor going around that women were against stage time so when you see me looking at the list i'm not looking at the list to see what time it is i'm counting to count and i would count and go i don't know what these women are talking about so to least

leasing the burden i started putting more women on my podcast more women that nobody would know about just to leasing that okay that's great joey you did that you're a great guy fuck you're gonna be a saint let's not get away from the situation but you're the kind of person you don't care about gender you're funny is funny funny is funny and that's and i want to give a spotlight the same spotlight people gave me sure the way rogan gave me a spotlight and richie jenny gave me a spotlight you're right you took me to vegas oh no i didn't these are all spotlights these are all spotlights these are you have to be very thankful of these so but let's talk about 97 to 2000 i had never seen more of a collection of crazier people in my life and i tell you guys how it is this what came close

the tenderloin in 85 when i lived there for that summer came close to my first year at the store my first year at the tenderloin san francisco oh my first year at the store was peter chen the guy who they said i killed that disappeared the old man oh uh it'll come to me yeah yeah he's alive he's yeah yeah um you know gay lord gay lord dangler hitting the guy with the car and then there's a situation of women that went up there on sunday nights now again i am not downplaying what i said on with rogan i'm not downplaying it i just want to give you guys a back pedal okay nobody lied nobody exaggerated it was just told in a quick the way and this is my witness right here we just spoke about the original room for the last 30 minutes i never even did

sets in the belly room nobody that's just to show you i mean i do i love it but at that time it was weird it was weird adam adam barnhardt had a great show on sunday night and that's it nobody else hasn't shown up yet and sometimes i was rachel lovey she used to have three shows but it was more again geared toward women like rachel had great cop maryland did it this is just to prove to you people that when you tell a story you get caught up in the story sure there was skippy love there was different we're skippy love there were different women that went up there on sundays we could mention they i remember one in particular god had a pink convertible misades do not say her name i'm never gonna say her name but i know exactly what you're talking about but the guy the

old man she was living with was like 70 something like that and he would buy everything her promo packages dresses and but the tits he got like the doctor in mexico forgot to move the vein i'm dead i hate you and put the pit the vein over the tit and it looks so bad but there was there was ladies and gentlemen and i have two daughters i have ten nieces and i have 200 women that i'm dear friend with i'm looking at you in the eye and i'm telling you to correct me if i'm lying to you there was six or seven women in those days that didn't want to do Whitney's work they didn't want to do they didn't want to put the leg work in they didn't want to put the leg work in and they taunt you and they'd say things to you and they'd start with they were looking for shortcuts they

start with guilt yeah well you have this and i don't have this and you're so lucky and why can't you put me up in front of mitzvah and it never you know for me it never understood nobody ever came out beside that girl and said how about i trade your blowjob for stage time and it was the weirdest thing because i had had a sexual relationship before i met her a year earlier and we would hook up once a month on a weird situation once we actually hooked up in an apartment yeah she came over and she goes but she partied too yeah i'm just making sure i got the same package yeah okay and she goes i want and i'm not hating her for any of this by the way neither am i i love it with all my heart like we joke about these girls make comedy better for a lot of people

yeah so she said i've got these four eight packages i bought them from and i want to do them and i said i have an 1145 spot and she goes no but i have to go now it was a friday night and i'm like oof that's pocket weight i'm a little burnt island stand up i was opening up for paul regigas on saturday and sunday and fresno and bakersfield with bob uh bill bob bob baker uh no no the guy that ran houston at the time was doing independent concert concert and i said i never forget looking at her in the eye and going i got an 1145 spot if i go home with you i just want you to know we ain't fucking around i'm gonna put you to work

and she goes what does that mean and i go we're gonna do coke so obviously somewhere along the night we're gonna want to fuck it's gonna get out of control it's gonna get wild and she's like well okay fine she goes i just don't give good enough head and i'm like like already i'm like that's hysterical she's gonna have to teach me how to give a head you know okay and i went over there all right she was a professional you know what i'm saying and and we spent that night together then there was a couple nights at the store okay and then she was frustrated and i get it she was frustrated she was frustrated not with me because she was getting beat up everywhere at that time she was getting beat up at the improv she was gonna beat up at open mics but you talk about clicky

it was clicky it was very clicky and it's hard to get in clicks it's still clicky and she came to the store one night destroyed and i'm like i got two lines of coke and me i already went up on stage you know you came at the perfect time what's going on she's like uh it's not gonna happen again between us i have a boyfriend and then she started saying that we don't even have sex we lay next to each other and my positive vibes going to his positive vibes and we don't need to have sex it's so yesterday oh this is a new way of doing sex and i have the best spoken word in the bedroom i have the best orgasms in my life and i'm listening to this shit going on all right listen what's the problem and she's like i just want somebody to see me and i'm like who would you

want to see and she's like i don't know a management team there used to be a pay phone next to the woman's bathroom in the hallway when you walk down the stairs at the thing and i remember looking at her going so who who do you want me to call i don't know it's 10 30 at night who would you want me to call and she's like i don't know who's the best manager i go three yards and i went into my pocket i got a cord and i put in the pay phone and you can see me hanging up and i just dialed seven numbers i'm like three yards give me such and such and it's at night and it's at night and she's looking at me like she didn't see me hang up the phone i'm saying everybody do better okay everybody i go to uh i go listen i'm standing here with whatever her name

is she wants you to see it what's the next time you're doing a showcase tuesday at the store though you're available tuesday at the store not by now any smart girl would say give me the phone fuck you let me talk to somebody no she's like why can't you tuesday at eight here they go tuesday at eight be at the store did you could do every day at eight and i just hung up the phone put the order out from the bottom i thought we all seen this and next you know we're in the belly room bathroom upstairs which is a hot spot and i remember we had like sex and she had like dirty fingernails and i'm like i'm gonna go home and take a good shower i didn't have a good house at that time i lived in a fucking car so so that's the unrated that's under embellished that's the

under embellished unrated got it sexual relations with her yeah how many times maybe 20 how many other women i did this to none of them but i will remember it was a meek japanese girl oh came in for a while meek they usually are the japanese got blessed them they're beautiful but she just got out of a war like in her world she had to straw hat with the cup of rice and she was coming out the store and she had grown up being a fan of tamayo what's up tamayo what's up so she's like i want to be tamayo i want to be tamayo you know tell me and i and i was kind of nice to her oh my god i was very nice yeah this is the shit that you don't tell people that people need to know yeah i was very kind to her and after about three weeks

her dress started getting more and more japanese which means they started wearing less and less clothes she started wearing monster boots with hot pants oh less japanese i got it okay yeah i see shirt a little bite size titty sticking out and i'm seeing this shit trial size just to let you know that you know there's a good side and a bad side to joey diz this is one girl that actually pretty much came to me in japanese and said to me in other words you know i do you know whatever stage time and whoa i'm like oh here we go and you know i said you know what tonight i'm full like i'm okay tonight like i'm i'm coked up it's not gonna work tonight and i'll never forget though like a month later they're running a train behind the stage and the bar

by her at like 11 o'clock and the male bartender was like what am i gonna do she want she went back there with both of them for stage time you know i saw situations like that there was a girl that would come down every sunday with a wig on one of the prettiest girls you've ever seen in your life and i caught on after like a month ago when you were redhead a month ago yeah well i just like the switchwigs but i would stand in the front remember i was a doorman so i would stand in the front sometimes and she always got out of black cars those in fucking 1998 those black cars were expensive yeah yeah yeah that was a big deal somebody pulls up on a limo now you laugh at them you're like yeah whatever but no not the limos but i know you mean like the

town cars yeah the sedans and one that i asked i go what are you doing she goes oh you wouldn't understand and i remember her like pulling me aside going i really want to be a stand of comedy but nobody will help me listen when you tell a seasoned comedian again if you want to write for rolling stone or whatever you want to take with this podcast remember one thing when a woman come to you in comedy and says i don't know what to do and i need help seven out of ten comics what do they say to you i got you covered yeah don't worry about none let's go back to like of my apartment and nine out of ten of them are full of shit and nine out of ten of them are full of shit and then when they realize they don't sleep with you they're not your friend they don't talk

to you yeah i always try to talk to those women you know i you grow in comedy and you see the weaknesses and like i told you guys last week one night li and i were coming back from pasadena and we started talking about my tribal shit oh the tribal runs i've never done that what i saw on the tribal people it's crazy stories yeah i remember that i got off out of the car with him my body was shivering because it was just crazy like yeah that you know finger in this one there was a fucking air force space but yeah it's like whatever i don't there was a comedy show called the degenerates of comedy you did it why did they call like did any of the comics get offended you called us degenerate we are for the most part we are we're fucking animals on the road for the

i mean i can't say that about women all the time because like we're on the road a little bit more nervous than a male comic of course 10 times over and it's still a bar it's a bar it's a nightclub they're partying it still doesn't matter it doesn't excuse what i did next week and it's not going to excuse what's about to happen in the next couple weeks because they made a lot of calls and you know what it's i didn't get one fucking call you know why because i wouldn't push a negative narrative and that's what they want they want anything negative they want anything negative you know i would love i wish people address it you know in the right way i haven't remembered you know i had to look back and go well i think of a couple

situations one of one which i spoke with the podcast i'm not gonna tell the name to give you ammunition i spoke with a person i had a problem when i first met her we were doing a couple lines of coke and i told her she had nice titties and she played it off like you know nobody's ever told me this before you're a pig really well this oh i love shock i love that's just what i know about you yeah and then a couple weeks later i go to a party and i see it with somebody and it's like you were trying to play fucking virgin mary and you got busted i'm not afraid of but i that's what i'm saying like everybody right now feels like they're all in shock like oh my god this happens at nightclubs oh my god what does comics talk dirty comics embellish fuck you

emails that would it would make you fucking i will be listen i will be not one person has called me about anything from the comedy star and i've been there from calling anybody who matters well but here's the thing i've been there from now i don't have any credits like that everybody who i mean i've heard in these articles and these interviews that adam's name has come up and i don't know why this is crazy adam's name has come up who's the sweetest guy in the world adam or adam the adam his name what did you call adam angle i don't fucking know adam eget ebay just call him ebay i don't know how many people's names have come up that i've said what are you talking about why is his name because if he it here's the thing like back in the day girls will come up to me and

be like how do i get spots how do i get spot how do i get a showcase how do i get whatever it was like whether they were past and not getting spots or whether they were trying to get past right because both happen when you can get past like mitzi said she would be like uh i made a mistake on that after i saw him and she'd stopped giving them spots one person one guy got really pissed off and went to mitzi and was like why am i not getting spots and she goes okay i'll have you re showcase and then she unpassed that motherfucker for making him sit for making her sit through that and it was the only person i ever saw her do that too but it made me laugh so i would immediately tell people don't talk to mitzi if you've been past here's little tricks you can do like and it was something as

simple as send scott some tequila or wine yeah i would tell people all the time send cigarette whatever it was that the the town coordinator could casually bring your name up in front of mitzi and spark her memory whether it good or bad it'll work and it did so then people would say how can i get spots should i fuck this guy this guy told me if i blow him that he'll help me and i go who would help you if you know he's gonna come and forget you and i go if you want to know who to fuck to get into the club if it's not mitzi sure you're doing it wrong because she's the only one that can put you on stage up until she got real real sick and tomi started there was one time when me and kori one week where mitzi was real sick in the late 90s and she was she went to get stem

cell injections i think bob uh wheeler took her and she was you know it was her first like bout with this bullshit her sickness and so she asked us to do the lineup and we kori and i were devastated nervous wreck we didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings we love everybody so we copied mitzi's format that was one week we still weren't in charge of anything really we just copied mitzi's format and then if we joke about this all the time or at least rick and i do on the comedy star podcast how when she came back and started doing it she literally would just go to ace so the it would be like erin cater a meta med like she whoever was fucking ace got on the lineup because she was getting her health was declining so then tomi duncan left tomi got in there and

then once he saw that she was really really declining and he started doing the lineup he would then unfortunately fuck with people and yeah well you know if you do this you know he had his own narrative and his favorites were whitney and christalia and mitzi didn't pass them tomi did technically like whatever and because he saw these are going to be the future or whatever he saw something in them and he was passing and he was a dick to a lot of people he was but he was the town coordinator and technically she gave him the reins to do that and the only other person that had that was adam because he was thrown into it but adam showcases people he doesn't give sexual fucking favors for getting stage time and he doesn't not give you stage time

if you didn't give him or don't like him because i've had people come up to me and be like he doesn't like me he doesn't yeah he doesn't like your stand up you're taking a personal like you he asked you out and you said no and now you think that's why you're not getting say you're not funny you need to fucking reevaluate or you could be funny but just maybe he doesn't think you're funny enough for the lineups he's putting together and if you're fucking hurt by that fuck you i'm sorry would you go to every casting director and be like how did i not get in this movie i'm perfect for it and then just be like well it's because i was supposed to go out with him or i was supposed to go out with her and now they're holding a grudge that's not how it works

i don't i'm rattling but i'm pissed that's why you're absolutely right because i'm pissed it's you're you're you're changing you're changing the narrative first of all what with what is going on with chrysalia i'm like i said i'm thrilled these girls spoke up right and if he did something bad that will fucking come out it will happen you will get your justice but don't change it and take away from something that needs to be dealt with for real because you didn't give fucking spots at the comedy store stop it and now one person has come to me and said no that's not true because you know that because they know i know the real truth i i watched it even with adam i've been doing stand-up for 13 years adam took over probably what uh six years ago seven years ago

six ish seven yeah so and he was thrown into it reluctantly he did not want to do this he did not want that job nobody wants that fucking job nobody wants the job of telling you're good enough to get on this lineup or you're not man or woman and the other thing is is with the women they're trying to fucking men and women are all the same where there is no gender but but then when there's a fucking problem all of a sudden there's a gender right all of a sudden these are males or monsters and they're trying to hurt women and not all male males are assholes i have six brothers i would say some of them are assholes some of them aren't you know whatever i i'm i'm again i'm real i'm flipping out because i just don't know what i'm just happy that you were there at 97 to 2000

you witnessed me you witnessed me at my lowest points on drugs yeah and to say i fucked my way in i've heard that one too because i slept with dice that's my second ex-fiancé i wasn't even doing stand-up when i was with dice and and when i started doing stand-up respectfully because he was the higher up technically not because he's male just because he's fucking Andrew dice clay and he started at the comedy store so when i started doing it i called him and i called mitzi because i have respect for them and i didn't want them to think oh i'm fucking crazy i'm gonna go there because i'm dice's ex and i'm gonna fuck with him and stay at the store or uh you know i'm an ex-waitress and i want to fucking piss off mitzi by doing stand-up i didn't do it for the

wrong reasons i called them to say hey i'm gonna try this is this okay if i come to the store i i asked permission and mitzi let me she she told me to do the belly room uh and i did and then she showcased i showcased three or three times for mitzi it took me three years to get past and i was her personal assistant i did everything i went out of the country with mitzi like we were tight so and with andrew he took me on the road and i didn't do i got booed off the stage and he put me in the fucking back burner for a year and then i had a re-showcase for him so don't tell me i didn't do the fucking legwork and that i fucked my way into a comedy store paid regular because i'll beat the shit out of you one two i worked my ass off for it everything i got

and and there's a lot of women that they talk like that about and one of them is whitney comings that came somebody said it to me and i thought fuck you man we were in the same show she said something to me worked every i wake up and i say what would whitney do that's how i fucking think whether you like her stand-up or not do i think whitney's the funniest person on the planet no but i think she's fucking brilliant and she puts her time and and she puts her fucking time in and busts her goddamn ass she wasn't she was sleeping with regular fucking guys like the rest of us nobody special i can think of four four three different guys that she was dating they were regular fucking guys they weren't they didn't have any power

she was just smarter than you and you don't fucking like it she said something to me that made sense for you aliza aliza too aliza's fucking ali wong leslie jones who the fuck the leslie fuck leslie's phenomenal she said when you come to this town you and you go to the comedy store you have two decisions you can either suck dick or put your ponytail into the hat and become one of the guys yeah you've done that you one of the guys i've tucked my why you had nine brothers and you know exactly how they talk they scratch their balls they sniff their fingers they're monsters but i love them they would tell you right in front of them how they fucked the neighbor in the ass in the bathroom she was half retarded fuck if i said it yeah and you laughed

a little bit but that was what uh you know that they said coerced there was no need to coerce nobody nobody coerced these girls were willing god bless me i mean there was many others and i've heard many other stories and like i said i'm not here with this podcast now the next step is where this goes where does this go if it goes any further it's dumb i gotta be honest it's gonna go further it's gonna go further we're gonna pick apart every person anybody that's ever laughed at richard prior should be executed then he grew up in a whorehouse it's gonna go and that's how he saw women it's gonna go further and at least for me it is uh they made some calls they called seattle to see why i left seattle you know what they worried you have a fucking past you're pretty open

about it oh i am they're going after clubs for certain reasons for not doing i heard this in an email a stricter background checks in the comics to make sure that sexual predators like now they have oh my god how the fuck are we gonna prevent that i'm about the wednesday i celebrate 20 years of my girlfriend when you saw us at terry uh my girlfriend it's your wife my wife and my head i was like but we were together 20 years wow so you gotta remember when i started dating terry i was still snorting coke but i was at the store and i couldn't really do nothing because now she'd know she was right there watching me yeah so for you motherfuckers that want to say something and terry don't fuck around terry don't fuck around terry was the if i work five nights terry

works she will fuck you up jack that's why i love terry like terry worked five nights i need a little national anthem real quickly because there's something we got to talk about people that have endures and knots and dots we got to do some national anthem i don't know any dates coming up no you fuckers they canceled everything now not till sip uh no i'm in um when is it shit august 6 i'm at phoenix at the house of comedy august but that's not till august my july date got canceled in vancouver you tweeted and we'll retweet it i love it thank you so much no i'm happy to have you on today because i want to sorry if i went off a little bit no i get okay you were there my wife was there so i'm gonna see terry what the fuck they're gonna come up with

because i got a thousand stories i got a million that call me whatever story you want to come up with there's gotta be a back end to it about six months ago i get home way before covid november okay and some girl who lost you know who it is she's a cute blonde girl she was married to an owner of a comedy club and i always considered her a dear friend i saw at the ha ha when i was trying to make a comeback and i wasn't going to the store and one night i go on twitter on the saturday it's got to be 11 30 and i read her tweet which says joey once went into a bathroom in the back of a bus when i was in the bathroom and i thought about it for a second and i go always shit that's right and 98 we were doing a roger paul gig oh wow back at the bus and i

didn't go to the bathroom and when she found out i had packaged she asked me for i do a package so usually do a package in the bathroom so i go you didn't mention what we're doing the package you just gonna all of a sudden that's why we're only gonna put out half the story everything half the fucking story so i was like fuck you know fuck this shit and i wrote to have a package so i know that uh you know what they're trying to leave it out to make them look good we got 20 years right here i got 20 years who i've been with at the house my wife was a waitress at the store and she can attest to the fuckers want to raise your hand come on wait a bit there was a friend of ours who recently died a big guy his wife became a saint all of a sudden she doesn't she doesn't know

she's trash she's spitting the grave before she also got smacked around at the store yeah she got smacked around a couple places so far to raise yeah but for me from me that's time that's this time but this this is the thing with terry terry was there when we were all just so you know the cesspool the comedy world is and a nightclub becomes when you're there all the time there was a part where we had a herpes outbreak because we were all fucking each other and uh i'm up well i wasn't really in that part but i was in that and we all had to go get tested for herpes and i don't want this to reflect on the store or any other place no no no i'm saying every nightclub has this this is a bar yes are we gonna close every nightclub love there was a lot of love there there still is a lot

of love there you know i feel bad for delia and all this when we have to go back but these stories we're talking about change oh yeah we'll be back to no but i'm saying this i'm in a few weeks they won't they won't happen any they don't happen as much as they used to because they're people don't realize the cameras at the store you just can't get into a sick she wasn't there she wasn't watching you get ticked up you get your suck ticked up the store now you pop up when somebody zoom while they talk it to the grandmother the final steps how did lori kill martin god bless her lori phenomenal dying of covid there you are getting your dicks up in the bathroom in the main room squirting some girls eyeball and telling you is there a napkin back here and you're like nah

not really it's a little they got light bulbs though you want to like to wipe your eyeball with any dates so you got june july i mean uh july got canceled i'm sorry i'm at the house of comedy in august i believe it's august 6 7th and 8th i don't let's keep your motherfucking prayers open we got july 21st at oxnard uh that's where they'll start and then hopefully july 29th through august 1st and prayer if the covid disappears please if you motherfuckers don't start marching against some mouth next week you know martian lives matter let's do that one because the martian got fucking run over in new mexico how about fucking anything don't joke about that july don't joke about you're being insensitive to martians i know fuck them through all they've

ever done is fucking create people go crazy it's all martian it's all martian him and bigfoot fucking both and don't forget like i told you in the beginning of every show every fucking show cbd line swelling inflammation insomnia anxiety these are some of the things it could help you with no cure help you with and if it helps you and you stay consistent who knows where it goes go to cbd line right now bath balls e-pens with no acetine fucking uh the the the the the oil the cream to rub on as a moisturizer that's how i got my hand strength to go down they've got gummy bears three different flavors they've got fucking tape now cutting edge tape that you wrap around the injury again are you going to

fucking throw the crutches anywhere and start dancing tarantella no but it's going to relieve pain it's going to give you some soreness it's going to you know you don't have to take a fucking pill like a jerk off you could smoke a joint do a little cbd last night i went to sleep like a baby was the last time we spoke last night you know you remember eleven o'clock yeah two nights ago eleven o'clock on saturday you know i'm a dick because i took the cbd a couple gummies the raspberries and just sent me a new one i remember it's that strong that i don't i gave you three hundred you didn't need the other stuff for and uh i love you at all my heart i appreciate the video i appreciate you thank you for people watching yeah because these motherfuckers obviously don't

know and number two let me explain something hit me with the national anthem should i stand you gotta find the good one because uh i feel like i have to stand i got nervous i want to find no flutes my daddy's a marine it's got america flag on it that's the one real quick blow that blow that so i can talk over this get up you fucks it's monday the 30th whatever the fucking is of june enough is enough already for three months we've been living in fucking misery confusion we're broke we're hungry we want fucking answers stop blaming china

stop it stay in your house move out of that fucking apartment but most importantly social distance and most importantly beside that this is a crucial fucking situation and some of you are not happy put your fucking mask on you fucking maggot motherfuckers let me tell you something you think i like putting a fucking mask on i don't like putting a mask on i gotta smell my own breath 50 years of rotten teeth and assholes and the niggas fucking breath and fucking nose heads i don't want smelling the fucking breath either but you have to do it why because we're trying to keep each other alive how can we be so fucking selfish you know what you want to go to the bar go fuck yourself go to the liquor store buy a bottle like every other american and go outside

and get three or four of your friends and get fucked up no more fucking parties no more get together i don't want to see no black chicks twinking with your ass up and down they told you you can't eat ass and here you are spreading those asshole germs up in the air i feel bad for midgets you fucking filthy fucking animals so do me one favor whether you agree or disagree when you're home when you're scratching your balls listen i wouldn't put a mask on either i farted and i could smell the fart through the fucking mask so if i could fart and smell it through the mask outside at the park that means you could maybe get a little corona virus no you can't get the corona virus what i'm telling you is it's a public fucking nuisance now pretty soon

people gonna gotta start getting hit the head with fucking karate elbows and shit keep your mask on fourth of july is coming do you want to be fucking caught up in the fourth of july where's the music where's the meal bubble started again where's the music we're americans we've got to fucking join in now and enough is enough put on your fucking mask it's not self-respect it's not respect for us it's starting to be respect for ourselves i wear a map put it on more i want to hear more i'm getting fired up here don't make me fucking get a bottle rocket and make it taste different rested at the fucking groups you understand me get that mask put it on shut your fucking mouth you fucking little animals in miami you fucking jungle spanish people down

there you got you should wear a mask this day one when i came from cuba they put a mask and goggles on me that's how contagious i was all right so go fuck yourself don't let me break out the goggles you fucking immigrant fucks you're lucky you're here put on a fucking mask it's a fucking right and everybody else you fucking white people that think you're better than everybody because you pay taxes and you're fucking driver a priest so what go fuck yourself put on your mask black people they're trying to kill us put on your mask if it ain't a fucking cop it's a bullet now it's some chinese doing a laboratory trying to kill you and mexicans first of all if three is over 200 pounds i don't want to see it together every time i see seven fat mexicans covid is

coming it took out a family down in orange county if you're seven eight mexicans and you're heavy knock it off invite three skinny cousins who just got here and ran to three miles no more than four fat mexicans can get together and that's cuban salvadoranians you portorecan's too you're not excluded you have black and you have spanish you you guys that they're rolling the dice down there portorico put your fucking mask on social distance and have a little fucking respect you see a line fuck six feet ten feet put on your mask i don't enjoy it either look at me i look like a fucking i look like i just got out the fucking uh sucking 300 dicks is what you look like when they throw you out what happened to him they ran a train through him last night at

the gay bar with 300 dicks i don't like wearing a mask does it say in american constitution no but right now as americans what's going on and the numbers in florida texas arizona california wear your fucking mask it's monday go out there and be a fucking champion the church what's happening now thanks you i want to thank elinor carrigan i want to thank fucking lili leland and i want to thank you guys for all the support of what's going on in each other's lives you need comedy i got the fucking answer you understand me but it all starts with the mask i don't give a fuck you're gonna hate me for this but it's part of the church us we got to be marines and this shit we put on our mask have a great week have a great monday god best of you kick this mother

fucking meal league get this fucking mask off me you