Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #802 - Rudy Sarzo

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Rudy Sarzo, a  legendary Bass player who has played with, Ozzy Osbourne, Whitesnake, and Dio to name a few, joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt LIVE via Zoom. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies go to CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off. 

And there's the cops greetings from podcastville the church of what's happened now was brought to you by on it Listen, it's been a long four fucking months a lot of people going through different things Especially me alpha brain was there for me got me right new mood was there for me Help me relax at night now. They got the hemp pills the total hemp fucking tremendous I love the way protein, but listen alpha brains the way to go right now. You're not focusing. It's hard to write It's hard to do when it people just going through a lot of weird things Listen me I go with alpha brain by April I was on alpha brain and I've been back ever since March. I was a little bit of bots

Beginning of April was a little fucked up I gave the edibles a break and I got an alpha brain and I made it fucking back safely. So do me a favor What product can you buy that if you don't like it if it doesn't work for you? You get your money back and not have to send the goods That's how much belief they have an alpha brain when a company does that you're telling me you're fucking tremendous When you back your product that much go to honor calm right now Look at the great line of supplements they have from the MCT oils to that to the I mean it's endless the shroom tech immune The shroom tech sport, I can't fucking stand behind them enough go to honor calm right now

Let's get this party started go with a small container alpha brain. See how it works. Give it a couple weeks I guarantee you'll be tweeting me going Joey. I can see through fucking walls. You understand me Go to honor calm right now and press in church on the way out and get 10% Delivered to your house today. I forgot to bring it with me I was looking through CBD lines a little catalog that they send you like a little booklet when you buy their products and I was looking through CBD lines. Let me tell you something Don't just go to CBD line calm if you're looking for a CBD whether you're dealing with inflammation Pains now when I'm talking about pain. I got arthritis in my right leg

Okay, it's arthritis. It's not you could do I'm 57 years old. I'm overweight. I play basketball with Chuck Taylor's It's just wear and tear. I'm not telling you your pains gonna go away, but I tried that CBD tape They sent me. I gotta tell you something It went down fucking if it was an 80% my pain went down to fucking 10 to 20 percent I only feel it sometimes when my leg gets stuck. They have a great they have great products bath salts Tinctures listen if you're looking for CBD Don't buy it to lick a store go to CBD line read Read and what they have available what your ailment is and what the cure is for you

All right, not the cure, but what's gonna help you with that problem, right? Go to CBD line calm right now and press in church and get 20% off Delivered right to your motherfucking house. It's Wednesday the 8th of fucking July. Get your shit together Take this fucking mule lead Excuse this is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marie Welcome to church, motherfucker Wednesday you dirty cops up Up day for some slinging dick day for others. You know I'm saying it's all up to you. You ever to meet those people

It's Wednesday Don't go fuck yourself. Would you rather be an hospital ventilator? You're out. You're breathing You got SPB fucking ten on shut the fuck up. I'm trying to put together a mix here Listen, I like smoking joints, but not really anymore. Yeah, it's just pain. He has to smoke sometimes I went in my collection. I pulled out the little fucking mule pipe. I soaked it in alcohol all day That's how I rolled to get the speed those models out of there at the same time. I soaked the fucking Head of the bong nice nice soak that I cleaned up I clean up my bong every three days with alcohol I got a scrubber. I don't want those bad spirits in there thing looks tip-top magoo like it's fucking brand new but anyway

Yeah, I told you motherfuckers at the one-eyed you drop by with some fucking hash Look at these fucking things. Oh, and it comes with this little glass thing. Listen to it. Oh Listen to this watch this So on Wednesday today, I decided we're gonna smoke a little fucking hushy And I got two types of ash I got this one from the one I drew and I got this other black slab hash That my buddy gave me down at the comedy store. I've had this for a couple months I just been saving it. You know I'm saying sometimes you got to save shit You just can't run home and smoke like a jerk or you got to save it for a special occasion

Look at this. I just ate a piece before Well You have eat hash no read some of Bruce Lee's stuff. You haven't eaten nothing. You don't need me to ask I can't even get you to eat like a girl's asshole. You're gonna have to eat hash We expect from you, but anyway, I don't give a fuck what he thinks. It's Wednesday. We got to get down This is the motherfucking church. All right, the holy smoke has to blow big through these fucking microphone There's people are down People don't know what to do, but Uncle Joey's here. You know I'm saying to turn that frown

Upside down. Fuck you motherfuckers Slinging dick and giving out bubblegum. I don't give a fuck what you got spark up a bowl or joint I don't care if you like your fucking finger on fire. You got a firecracker throw that grandma I got no time. You know saying you would throw firecracker your grandmother. I don't know how to react If I had a grandma throw it at her, but you know, oh my god, just to see them running shit Grandma I used to have a grandma, you know, Georgia's mother was my Georgia's grandmother was my grandma And when I lived with them she had a phone Inside her room and I would wait till she was watching let him and she loved Dave let him

She was panamanian and she loved Dave let him and she'd go in there at night And I wait till she'd watch let him and I go out to the kitchen phone Pick it up and this was way before caller ID 1130 quarter 12 and I call it and you could hear her in the room going Who the fuck is calling me at the 1145 at night and she'd pick up the phone. I go Just hang up the phone. I would do this done three times a night for about fucking three months And then and then I started doing it at night and then listen the best one I would leave the house at seven and when I get to the corner

I would call her again at about 730 and hit it with a Wow And she was fucking hang up the phone I come home for dinner. She'd be like somebody keep calling the fucking house making fucking noises I'm gonna find out who is fucking is and I'm gonna fucking kill him. You understand me cocoa I'm my grandma, you know, there's a lot of crazy people out there. You got to deal with it Sure enough. She goes in the bedroom. She gets a slip is on she pulls the teeth out. I hit it with a fucking wow Click this one on I even moved to fucking Colorado and would do it to her

Right, and I come back and she's like, can you fucking believe Like somebody still calling my phone and go I go grandma's wow She goes you son of a bitchy Here's a fucking bowl for grandma right got suckers Son of a bitchy Oh There you go on a Wednesday, that's how to clean the fucking spirits out

You know I'm saying if you got listen refuck yours corona Fuck it. Let's go on a limb with Brendon shop here We for yours corona if you smoke reefer it clogs up the receptors for the corona can't hate you I think you might as well start smoking cigarettes too. Why you're out and running up back hills backwards. I don't know I don't fucking know Everyone else is saying different things. Yeah, listen. There's so much information. But anyway, this podcast ain't about corona It's about us. It's fucking Wednesday cocksuckers. Not the newest happened

My daughter turned seven and a half today One thing that did bother me. I just saw something very disturbing and we need to address this right now on the church You know man, I've been on an uphill battle with fucking weight and getting healthy Since 2007 once I quit blow a couple months late. I saw I thought about the damage I'd done to my body I'd seen it when I lived in Colorado once I saw I told you I wouldn't buddy of mine to like a alcohol class. He'd got a bunch of DUIs before DUIs or DUIs they call them something else and

They showed the effects of alcohol on the body and I never forgot that like when you drink it affects you live This this this your mind and I just remembered and I thought about the 20 years of cocaine that I did and I just said I got to fix all these things, you know, I got a Fixed the dopamine levels in my mind, you know, there was so many things I had I went to some doctors and talked to them and I was very honest and very frank, but that that has been My mission, you know, pretty much now. I know room Rome was never built on the day. Nothing's ever built on the day So you have to look at yourself objectively and go, you know, I want to do these things This is how I'm gonna do them and this is how I'm gonna stick to it. It's very rare. I mean

It's to the point now where it's very rare that I even touch a soda like there is I don't want the baby I don't want my daughter growing up with soda now So we've been keeping the soda in the freezer If somebody wants a soda go out to the garage and get it in fact we split so it is me and my wife Even if they died like I just every week. I've been trying to do better over this Quarantine I gave a bacon I'm not a fucking Muslim. I'm not, you know, I got no religious asylum with anybody. I'm not Jewish. I just thought that Two slices of bacon is 14 slices a week

You know, I'm getting lonely now and you got to take care of a few things and you know what guess what guys all the bull Should I talk to you guys about guess what I'm doing now? I mean egg whites. I'm not eating egg whites by themselves Bite your fucking tongue. I rather have hummus fucking filled in my eyeballs I eat scrambled eggs because I know it takes up more of my stomach So I need less fucking food. I was eating two sunny-side-up eggs and just eating a fucking yolk with a piece of toast And that don't do nothing for you. You're hungry three hours later You take three fucking eggs four eggs and you whip them up some salt and pepper and some ketchup on that motherfucker What I do gotta say watching you eat just the yolk is pretty impressive. It's a thing to see

I fucking cut around it like Paulie and good fellas with the garlic. I bring my own razor blade I don't touch the fucking white. I fucking ate the white the taste of it as a kid I don't know what I ate more the white or the fucking milk anything white like that I fucking can't stand don't get me started. So I fucking when whipping it up eggs and and So I saved on two points. I Get two points. So I get seven grams of protein per egg. So I get 28 for breakfast a Piece of toast is two points and butter is one point. I just give it like a little fucking Puerto Rican spread on half the piece I don't have to be butter on the whole thing and it works

And if I don't do that, I throw down oatmeal and that's what I've been doing over the break If I if I look at what accomplishments I made That's it. I wish I could have rode a fucking ballet. Well, I could have rode Tommy. I could have lost on your pounds I did gain some weight the first month and a half because of the cortisol levels But I'm back down to my fighting weight. So I'm happy about that. I'm banging on a bicycle, but I Didn't I never took fucking when I was listen when I was 17 and I was doing angel dust. I wasn't thinking about being fucking 57

With a family and a child and a podcast and doing comedy when I was 25 Eating other brothers at night like they were going out of style in prison. I was not thinking about being fucking 50. Okay? when I was 38 going on the road and eating bar food at the road onion rings like they were going out of style I Never thought I would get to 50 and then when I was 45 I Stopped doing blow and I'm like I got to take care of myself a little by little. I made adjustments I went the way watches again I started four fucking 18 and I started peeing in my pants when I was going to ring for three minutes three minutes

I would piss my fucking pants now I could ride my bike for 50 minutes, you know I'm fucking stopped and the only reason why I stopped is my shoulders hurt from fucking hold on to the bike So tight because I'm fucking flying down the bike with a fucking red helmet on you know I'm saying Tonight I saw a church member from day one. In fact, he goes back with us to fucking Beauty and the Beast. I Don't know if you want me to talk about him or not But he put a picture up so I might as well talk about him and not in a bad way. I'm using him as you know To give him life for the church and to give others for the church

Sergio tag is a good man comes to 90% of my shows whether I'm in fucking Oakland San Jose San Francisco the punchline I mean Sergio Tega first came into my life on Beauty and the Beast. He sent an email about Fucking an ambulance or some shit like that They didn't catch him or something like that. I'm like, that's absurd and he fucking stuck through his guns He's like fuck you you fed fuck. I'm telling you I fucked my wife an ambulance and now I had to believe him

He's fighting for it. So excuse me. Let me take a hit off this ash. I'm gonna roll yet So He's a good man He's one of us. He's family and Whatever he reaches out, you know, I reach out to him. He comes down. He brings his beautiful fucking family. He's got a beautiful wife Well, let's cut the chase tonight. He puts up a fucking picture of his foot with a bandage Which what looks like a toe missing And he said don't let diabetes

Bob and I Mean I gotta be honest with you guys. I know Sergio you know as Well as I know anybody else and if a tear came down my like I started feeling it for him. He's got children So I want the church to say a prayer if you know Sergio or Tega on Facebook reach out to him touch basal because that's what we do That's what we do here on the church. We reach out to the wounded ones Then they're not looking for 20 bucks. They're not looking for fucking you to take him to lunch

They're not looking for nothing like that. All they're looking for is to let you know at the church always has your back Just let him know whatever he needs if you're in the area I mean, there's some great people up in that Bay area, you know, I'm sure you know Sergio from shows and stuff like that I don't even know if I should be giving me giving out this information I'm sorry if I am but he put a picture of his foot up on whatever and some people were talking about glucose levels and Whatever listen I got fears I'm not scared of dying. We're all gonna fucking die

We all have a fucking expiration date one man knows it every day. He fucking reaches in the canister And he picks out a fucking name. You know I'm saying well, he picks out three names. We let Jesus pick some Chinese guy Let's walk him by. I don't fucking know, you know, we don't we don't have an expiration I don't know. We all have an expiration date. What I'm trying to tell you fucking savages is that Just try a little bit, you know, I mean Yeah, maybe I a little bit to me tonight. My wife made these steaks And maybe I ate a piece of her meat, but I didn't fucking touch the big potato. I didn't touch the butter, you know Like I said, I the fucking edibles. I love them

The downside is to fucking eat and I gave my friend the can of that easy Quick easy and he said that he woke up in the middle of night and he ate three bags of candy I'm throwing the garbage. He couldn't stop eating toffee, you know, you know many nights I've been there. I mean, I can't even stop my hands. I'm just chewing before I could think to stop like I'm just Shoving shit. I wish I was lying to you. I wish I was lying to you You know, my wife found an apple in the fucking blanket the other day. You need that a fucking apple in the blanket I must have fall asleep eating the fucking apple in the blanket. That's marijuana That's not heroin. That's not alcohol. I don't drink. I don't do dick

That's five four hundred and twenty milligrams. Whatever we did. I did five years at night. At least you had an apple Had an apple or protein shake. That's crazy. First. I always have an apple That's a rule If you're not hungry enough for an apple, you ain't hungry So I tell my wife buy apples how to stick to that rule when you're high though No, it works. The apple takes a lot of space in your stomach. Yeah, so you pop one apple Then you're a little hungry you pop a second apple Nothing wrong with that

Guarantee you're gonna shit tomorrow. Remember, what's the old saying an apple a day keeps the doctor away Save that apple for tonight. So you wake up in the morning and the shift flies out of your ass like a torpedo There's no drama. There's no pushing. There's no reading the newspaper. You just sit on the hail Poop the submarine flies out You fucking put the bidet on you wipe a little bit and you're off and fucking running. So I pop the two apples I'm a little hungry. I make a protein shake with three ice cubes and water and two scoops, you know It's not bad. It's 30 grams of protein. I wake up in the morning. I drink a coke American coffee first Then I do a four shot espresso and I wait for the fucking asshole to just blow up

I pop two garlic pills at the expresso's to give them to give the fucking room some scent To let the room to make the paint fucking dry and I go to work Jack. I'm an old man I got systems here. You got to keep that fucking parachute dropping. You know I'm saying what are you gonna do? Oh, it's dropping. Oh, you got a drop. Let me fill one more bowl up And then we'll get to the moral of the fucking story I love the idea that Jesus takes a turn picking names Somebody takes the fucking names of the buckets. They even let Hitler one day They're like they even have Hitler day where he goes out there and picks a Jew

Whatever the fuck he speaks, I don't know not even a lion what you shit But anyway, let's smoke a little piece of ash and we'll talk about it later Who the fuck am I the fucking criticize you cock sucker? What I'm trying to say to you is Do me a favor right last week Felicia came over to house Michael's who I love with all my heart She came over to hang out with my wife and me. We all had mask on we sat outside, but she brought Apple pie And a bunch of fucking great stuff and that's my wife. I took a little spoon of the apple pie

That was it. I don't try to eat sugar at night. I avoided at night like the fucking plague because That's how I think in my mind. I would become diabetic and my fucking fat little Cuban stone mine I think if I eat cuz one day I went to the fucking doctor As I was walking in I Look, I lost a cookie in the car. You would look lose a cookie in the car Who lost the cookie in the car? I couldn't fucking find it two weeks. I'm looking for this fucking cookie. I Put the iPod in the car and I open up the backseat and there's the fucking cookie sitting there like half melted I'm like, I'm not gonna let that go to waste. That's a hundred milligrams

So I ate the cookie before I went into the doctor's office. Oh my god I didn't know this cock sucker was gonna blast out a drug test on me. Oh No, no, not a drug test a blood test drug test. Why is the doctor gonna hit me with a drug test? I didn't know he's gonna drop a fucking blood test on me So I go sure let me do the blood test fucking two hours later. I got a call in my house. You better get down here What the fuck do you got in your system? What is all this sugar? Oh? What are you talking about cuz you went over the fucking mark like you're fucking way higher than you've ever been what's going on with you? Well, it's funny that you mentioned at night because obviously I'm not anywhere

Talk about health, but I have noticed that eating sugar at night like it if I don't sleep I look back Oh, I had sugar at night Like that never used to happen like surely Dean what Dean Del Rey has done has shown me even if you just cut out sugar That's a ton of stuff Like the sugar is I respect Dean Del Rey more Dean Del Rey Inspires the fuck out of me. I Fucking pick something up out of the garbage for Dean Del Rey today

I love Dean. I Was riding my bike this morning and people are moving So Dean collects old speakers and shit like that, so I'm riding my fucking bike I'm on the other side of fucking Little Canyon and No side streets there and I see fucking under a tree. I see an old-school amplifier Oh shit with four fucking Speakers that are just like, you know like Led Zeppelin type speakers like from the 70s So I called Dean because Dean moved to the Valley and he didn't answer and I went home

And I called Dean again the answer he goes. I'm in Los Feliz. It was Dean Go over to this place. I had the address I could go over there. I hid it for you in the bushes Fuck it. I got off the bike and I hit the fuck The amplifier for him and other things and then I went back People outside like fucking walking their dogs and I put the amplifier in the back of the Subaru Oh shit. Fuck. Yeah, just this cuz I know Dean knows There's people that are very good at that not me. I'm not good at fixing shit But there's people who look at something open the back

put a fucking wire in it's brand new and Surface it repaint it clean it up and they go on eBay. Yeah, that's you Dean does that all day long I ain't mad at you. You're hustling. I got another friend Damon. He's on eBay all day He goes and buys golf clubs and shit. If you know what you're looking at. Yeah, listen There's just people you got to do what you got to do, but speaking of speakers and speaking of amplifiers We zoomed this weekend because of the Coronavirus number spiking again, so I didn't want to bring them in but I want to introduce

My brother he came in for his tri yearly check-in To talk about music touring out what he's doing in his spare time and what he's doing to fucking battle the quarantine blues bringing Rudy Sarzo We want to welcome a brother to the podcast my main man My Cuban patriot my political prisoner of love Mr. Rudy Sarzo Yeah, boss ah

Go go get by that. I want you buddy. So you would say I'm into the gym since February February yeah, because you know, we've been on tour prior to that and then the last show we did was Epcot Center in Orlando they they there's like an amphitheater there and and It's you know, it's seasonal. It's like every day. There's a band playing, you know, and we were supposed to be there for like three days But we were gonna leave on Friday and Just say they take, you know the call management and say listen

We're gonna need you guys to finish off on Sunday because we're gonna shut the park down on Sunday and instead of bringing in a band that comes comes it on Saturday and only play for half of the engagement We'd rather extend you guys's engagement and we weren't from like a packed on Thursday Yeah on Tuesday Tuesday Thursday when we first started packed house not a single seat open I got photos to the last show we did they were like five people So it emptied out that quick like the word. Yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I I took photos. Yeah, let's say shut down on Sunday Sunday night I Would say by by Friday. You can see a trickle people just not showing up

And so you've been home since March 15th March 15. Yeah, I saw more people at the airport than I did at the Yeah, yeah, and how is the quarantine? How have you handled it? Well so far since March, I don't have anything at the quarantine as you know being a musician I'm used to isolation even if I'm in my hotel room I got my base with me and I'm like I'm on YouTube and I'm learning and I'm expanding my My my musical back, you know vocabulary and just you know being creative. I do the same thing at home So it's like another day for you. It's just like another day

Yeah, I mean, you know eight when you turn on the news It's it's horrific to hear about it's horrific So that's not another day. That's something else But you know just once in a while turn it off and get within myself find some peace personally because I was getting really angry. I got I gotta tell you about a month and a half ago. Don't start it You know with we start down in lockdown, right? We're locked down and I see messages on TV Advertisement, you know, we're we're all in this together. We're kinder people and kumbaya

We're gonna be much better humanity after this immediately like Six to eight weeks later Bam, everything goes to shit. There's rioting. There's looting and I'm thinking whatever happened, you know, people just snapped They just fucking snapped, you know, and that guy and it's like a You know domino effect. It just it's got to a point that reached me. I was flipping out, you know Then I realized wait a minute 40 years ago 40 years ago

I was sleeping on a floor with nothing totally destitute no future. No nothing, but I was at peace I was a piece with God the universe. Whatever people want to call it. I call it God And I was at peace and it was like man I gotta get back to that because I couldn't be any more blessed than I am and here I am at war with myself and The rest of the freaking universe When you find yourself on isolation Yeah, quarantine and you have a wife you have the dogs you have the base

You have all these things but as human beings we also have a thing called the mind That's what we all share and I'll tell you during this. I like to do a documentary and interview people about what their experience was and how They broke it down how the levels of your frustration turned to anger fear you went through every emotion from April till Two weeks ago you went through every emotion in the book and it was high alert like your anxiety was high a few days Then if you weren't anxious your fear was high and then you're getting all this information That's nobody seems right like you're getting all this information thrown at you

And nothing seems right, but I found myself The second week I was alienating. I was playing with the baby and talking to them and eating dinner with them But besides that I was hiding from them. I Just kept hiding from them and one night I was in my office and I go what the fuck am I doing? I'm at war with myself My wife is sitting in that living room all by herself Let me go talk to her tell her what's going on with me Just so she knows I don't put a fucking gun in my mouth or something because I would never even think about something like that

But there were nights during this that your mind wanders Your mind wanders for you. It might have been a night The third night of the Ozzy Osbourne tour where you flicked a cigarette and it burned something God forbid I could have lit the auditorium up and now it hits you now That you could have lit the auditorium up, you know stupid shit like that. Yeah played with me. So When I made peace with my wife, I went in that thing and I told her what was on my mind and What I've been thinking about we became our level of the relationship grew a bump It wasn't even about years now. It was more about trust. I told her exactly, you know

shit that When you're a man, you don't want to share with anybody, you know, like you're like, I'm supposed to be a man I'm supposed to be the man of the house But I still have my my uh, you know You can't sit chinks in your armor You know, there's nothing wrong with being a man of the house and having a few chinks in your arm So I went in the living room and sat with her and talked with her and let her know what I was feeling

and told her to keep her eye on me and everything changed Anxiety levels dropped fee has dropped The news you cannot watch unless you're a glutton for punishment watching the news As an american is me sitting you down tying you up And what's that shit? They battleboard you when you're in wanton. I'm okay What aboard again, what aboard you you think about it when you watch The

7 a.m. The 3 o'clock news in the world news tonight Your anxiety levels go up right up as you're sitting there. You got to unwind your legs So I made a rule I was like terry no more tv in the daytime because usually she puts a tv on just to clean And walk around and I would be in my office and I could hear Corona case is growing. I'm trying to write something. I'm trying to focus on something And once you hear corona as I said listen the tv can't go on till five then we pushed it to six So now the tv doesn't go on till six if the baby wants to watch tv After camp she'd go in a fucking room and watch disney too

But there's no tv. I don't want her hearing You know, there was a couple nights. We're in the living room building legos The tv's on the family room and you can hear the tv like 80 people died today I don't it goes even though she doesn't react to it It goes into here and into her psyche The first three weeks of march she didn't want to go out bro She didn't want to go out just from what she had heard on the news not from us because I don't put fear into

That's I was watching her as a seven-year-old girl how she wrapped her head around this And I started looking and then I started forcing her to go out. I go as long as we have our mask on We could fucking go out. We started going out and we started riding bicycles Then I got a bicycle from the neighbor And little by little we took baby steps, you know, it was just baby steps and now I'm okay. I'm not ready to hit an airport I'm not ready to get on a bus or a shuttle with eight or nine people. I'll tell you that much I'm not ready for none of that shit I'm ready like even with you. You live a hop skip and a jump and I was like Rudy. That's not even do it

This is gonna be a bad week right here. This is a bad week. It's in the air You know, so I'm happy we got to at least see each other Yeah, usually we do our monthly over at uh The Cuban joint, but I went by there yesterday The Cuban joint don't even have tables outside yet You have to call order and take it in the box. They don't even want to put burbank is putting tables out there Like they're starting to put tables out there. But any day now The other side because people are never satisfied because they're doing in new york, too

If you go to new york now, they're putting the tables out And they put barricades on the street so people could eat like if it's a lot of restaurants In red bank, new jersey and places like that You're gonna get the people. I'm I got a handicap chair. I can't go through I can't walk through so there's always gonna be somebody that bitches Any day now within an I'll bet you five american dollars Within a week somebody's gonna raise their hand and say The disabilities act is gonna sue

New york city because they can't get through with their one leg Whatever the fuck it is. There's always somebody who's unhappy with something now You cannot say social media has become Social media was fun. It's not even fun no more When you go on social media, it's like you're going to fight Even if you write something positive They turn it into something negative But i'm not mad at them already

They've been locked in a house They've been lied to They're broke Their taxes are due in 10 days And unemployment runs out on july 31st. How would you feel right now? As an american You didn't get your stimulus check Your president doesn't wear a mask

This guy tells you that it's airborne This guy tells you that you can't get it from sucking pussy This guy, you know what i'm saying? So every day There's new info thrown at you. So this is what i've done. I did the same thing you did. You know what? I don't need to listen to anything. I will wear my mask I will not go out anywhere where there's more than six or seven people jerking off in the circle And i'll stay at home with my family And i'll trace my steps everywhere i go is very simple. I'm i'm i live in my own little prison

I'm like, i'm like, what's his name? What Pablo? We're like Pablo francisco Escobar You pick your own fucking prison whole foods The gym the weed store And the fucking house I have a furlough two times a day. I leave for an hour I go to the weed store. I get a little novathore or a cryotherapy I still have not gotten the the nerve to go into the freezer yet

I could do the novathore the red light therapy where you lay down For 20 minutes and the lights hit you but i still haven't had the balls to go into the freezer yet That's how i'm a wishy washy and eight i'll admit it. We all have fears or something, you know Yeah, you just mentioned something before about You know looking at everybody else and just My reaction is Everybody has a journey everybody has a destiny

And I can't keep people from doing things. It's it's part of what their trip is gonna be You know Mine is to not be affected negatively by it To a certain degree, you know, just let it go It's like when you and I when we were in our 20s I'm gonna be 70 years old this year. So let's say looking at somebody 50 years older than me You know, it's like, yeah, dude, you know, it's not your world anymore It's us. We're the new generation the new generation

Well, i'm part of that now I have to look at younger Generation even the 20s or the 30s who are in control who are creating who are doing things who are influencing And say, you know, whether I like it or not, it's their world 50 years from now, they'll go through the same thing, but it's all part of our journey You know, I'm closer to the end of my journey than I am at the beginning right now But my focus is is to like I mentioned to be at peace

uh Because that was a gift to receive that Peacefulness even up my worst lowest moment of my life when I was about to turn 30 years old 30 Now i'm about to turn 70 and man, I gotta tell you I was so off track From that piece of mind that it took this What has been going on for the last since you know since march or whatever to actually It was like hitting that wall like you're driving down the freeway and you fucking hit a wall and you go

You're either gonna crush a bird or you're gonna survive it. What I did is I survive I came out of that crash and I said holy shit And the full realization of what I have to do is is what I'm going through right now, you know, what should they look like now, Rudy? uh You know if I if you're gonna get to the finer details, I won't get out of bed until I do my my being grateful uh meditation Gratefulness I play with the little dog in bed Say a prayer and then I hit the floor running start making, you know, making breakfast

I'll watch 203 channels Of news for five minutes Uh, world news and local news immediately going to youtube and start searching music tutorials It could be very variety of subjects and then by 10 o'clock my wife gets up and I just start doing things You know, keep it busy. You're still this I was looking forward to our podcast today. You're still doing a radio show Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do that. Yeah. Yeah, I make a list Yeah, we got a uh Of at any given

Broadcast that we do because you you can't download it Because it's it's a music centric channel and Like if you have like delivery of podcasts is cost prohibited to include music Which is what we do is conversation and then we play a lot of music having to do with the conversation of the special guest like you you know and and but

Since we have music in it. We cannot make it available as as a as a podcast because it's it's the publishing laws Right, we have to pay for that. Yeah, so you only play it the one time One time. Well, it's it then we have two or three re re broadcast You know play play now, maybe a couple of months later And then through through the year every every couple of months Now, you know, I've been doing comedy 29 years Obviously, I went to see you in 81 or 82 That's 38 years ago. How are you handling with not going out at night? How are you handling?

Not going to rehearsal once a week. How are you handling? Not getting a plane on Thursday. How are you handling all those things? Yeah, that's that stuff because I can't recreate that at home. I mean the act of playing Uh, experiencing, you know, the whole musical process of being creative or actually playing a song that it's part of the set That is just basically recreating rather than creating Uh, they'll have their challenges. So at home as far as playing goes I can play I can play more at home because when I travel I'm traveling so I can't play because I'm on a plane or I'm in a vehicle So I as far as playing being satisfied for playing. Yes

Performing that's something completely different because it's that's when you need people in the audience. I did a live stream about a month ago with steel panther and Yeah, that that was awesome and it was very controlled in a In a studio that was set up not for a for live streaming, but not for what we're going through right now So it you know, it's been there. It's uh, they got all the kinks out and everything ran incredibly smooth I played a couple of songs with the guys

and There were about 10 000 people tuning in live That's amazing. Well, you know, I I could see Going deep into the valley Getting a warehouse one of those things like an airplane hanger and opening up the doors

And if it's five guys you could rehearse with mask on except for the singer, obviously Yeah, and everybody's more than social distance. You could stand 10 feet from me and play the fucking bass, you know I mean, that's the only good thing that musicians do have As long as there's fresh air coming in You're not going to go into a studio shut the door and come out of there alive That's not going to happen with some guys sounding music in the in the room Those days are done with for right now with eight guys in the room But that's what you have the advantage over us. I mean, yeah, I could go back and leave a truck

And get a bunch of people to park and want and make believe you're going to social distance, but My big problem is really I don't want Anybody to get it while they're doing business with me I think that's bad business whether i'm a comic or as a human being. I don't want to give it to I don't want Somebody to say I came on the podcast and got it I went to one of joey d is his shows and got it that would bother me to no end That would bother me To no fucking end

So for that reason is why i'm not performing You know, I I'd rather take the time off like you I've been doing this for a long time Do I miss it? Fuck yeah, I miss it But do I want to go up one time and then not go up for another month? No, I don't When I go I want to go I want to be able to go tomorrow night And that joke worked. Let me try this thursday night

And that joke worked. Let me try that friday night. I don't want to just do it And then them shut us down for another month That's why I'm that Once I go for it, it's going to be my last run I'm going to be 60 in two years. This is my last run So I'd rather stay off now let them get everything done The temperature checks that the mama didn't he asked Remember when you were kid Rudy, they stuck up the mama and yes

They don't do that no more, right? You remember that? Well, when I was a kid in cuba. Yeah I mean there was a lot of stuff I don't know if it's because it was the 50s and this was going on everywhere Including cuba and the united states and on whatever But you know if if if if I would catch a cold My parents my mom would give me an enema right? That was like part of the cure to get the toxins out of your body a k a Your mom give you something that you shit blood for fucking two days

And you were fine. I don't know what it was for Not milk or magnesium I still remember my mother making me drink a gallon of prune juice That's where you're shitting all over the walls. Cubans don't give a fuck jack If they look on the eyelids and the blood ain't right on the eyelids You got problems. They make a steak with eggs right on the spot They throw away your fucking chicken nuggets and fruit. They just throw it away. My mom ate it all that shit Sometimes I see what my wife cooks with my daughter

And I sit there and I go my wife is lucky My mom ain't here Because she would take that dish and break it over a fucking head Why does my kid have grapes on a dish like Julia Caesar You know cubans don't play that shit They want to see meat potatoes and vegetables fucking grapes and the fucking

The other dad told like I don't put nachos on a fucking dish no more Like chips like those doritos. That's not fucking dinner Yeah, but she likes I don't give a fuck what she likes I like, you know, I like jumping off planes. You don't see me fucking doing it, you know The fuck is wrong with people Have you been to the cuban restaurant? I think it's it's in one of the terminals at at lana airport No, I have not there's a cuban restaurant. Yeah, it's but it's very georgia style So it's so it's like even though it's supposed to be a cuban restaurant. Yeah, it's just one of those

I think it's f or j You know, it's like really way off, you know You you know, you gotta you know, you gotta spend like half an hour on that tram going from one area to the Fucking I'll I'll hold off like it back to union city. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna walk through an airport for five grade cuban food Oh, this is joyous style. It's nano georgia in cuba. Yeah There's comma way peanut the real Exactly, which is what you get. You know when you go to la carreta

Or vizcaya at the miami international airport. Oh my god, you can't mess with that. You see here's the thing You can't get a good flight from lax to miami So in just so even recently you got to fly into for a lot of them Yeah, they got weird flights. So, uh Jet blue flights into west palm beach You could take mint and then drive the hour into miami a lot of del flies into a lot of del Yeah, so that sucks, but I I can't tell you how many times I woke up unholy like a motherfucker In miami you go to the airport and it's great. It really shows you

class That you look at the keel you look at the cuban coffee place and there's a lion out the ass You look at starbucks and there's one guy working He yells his own orders like let me get a mac and chino and then he runs over and makes it Because you got to be an asshole in miami to pay 450 for a coffee When you got cubans giving you a fucking They give you that cellophane cup because you get one shot for like 50 cents But you're like fuck it. Let me do the six shotter

For two dollars and you pour some sugar in that motherfucker. You get on a plane like fucking Well, who's the guy michael jackson like peter pan? That's what you look like when you get on a plane You're spinning around and shit people looking right here. You're singing you're whistling And then you take the cuban sandwiches, but you don't have them cook them You say let me get ten cuban sandwiches. Just don't cook them and they'll look at you weird You're like mind your business. Just do what I tell you Put the cuban sandwiches in the bag It's like you're holding them up. They can't understand it

I get those cuban sandwiches. I put them right over me And then you get home. Then you put them in the oven and you cook them up. That's all they're gonna do But if they cook them by the time you bring them home They're like a fucking brick So when I go to miami on the way out, I am excited as a like if the flight leaves at seven Like if the flight leaves at eight and I got to be a seven I get that six Because I get there and I have a seven course meal for breakfast I will get up to six and purposely smoke two joints when I leave miami

Because I know at the airport. There ain't gonna be no eggs Those powdered eggs with those fucking cat sausages and something they always give you the wrong bread And I go in there and do you know That they serve heavy-duty shit in the morning Like most places when we serve breakfast to the 11th not cuban people You can go in there at eight and say Let me get number 25 got nickel papa With red beans and fried bananas and there's a guy back that's dying to make those. He was just thinking about them themselves

He wasn't in the mood for eggs either I will get on a fucking I will sit there and get the carne con papa With an extra order of platanos and rice and beans give me extra rice And I will kill that whole dish That's the only way I could fly into miami because then I won't even take my mask off on the plane You get so fucking filled in miami, and then you got the 15 cubans Hanging over you and there's a little oven in the plane You tell that you give that stood as a five dollar bill and tell that bitch to heat it up

And you got yourself a cuban sandwich Everybody else is eating that shit they eat on a plane that mush They give you Fuck that. I love that miami international airport. You just don't fly out of there enough Yeah Yeah, usually see what I do is I go from la To miami. I take a red eye direct from lax to miami, and then I go see my mom That's a good one. Yeah, so I'm there like, you know, like

Three four, you know four or five days and then I tie I Schedule it so from miami. I fly to the next the guess who gig Because most of our gigs are on the east coast So I have to go to atlanta anyways to meet, you know to get to like Boise, let's say, you know, whatever, you know, like not the major hubs because I could always fly Miami to chicago, but that's not where I'm going So I have to go through atlanta to get to my final destination And that's when you hit the fucking cuban joint

That's that's what I sit there and yeah, papa reina. That's my favorite. It's got everything It's got the the carbs and it's got the protein, you know one shot meal and it's got a little frying So you get the cholesterol level up Everything's good. My fucking favorite airport for food is new Newark's got a crab cake place That's like nationally known And that's six in the morning. You're going to get two crab cakes with two eggs sunny side up With toast and little potatoes. Let me tell you something, Lee

And I tell you how I got six in the morning. Listen to me the first time I went in there I only ate one because I was trying to stick to my weight watcher points I got no reason to lie nobody at home I was stabbing myself on the neck when I was standing on that plane for not getting 10 more of those fucking things That's how good they are Phillips Look up Phillips Fucking crab cakes. It's like internationally known

They're like run DMC on the microphone. I get stupid. I may not rage is stay away from me if it contagious Whatever the fuck are there frozen ones? They got they can mail them to you Phenomenal at that airport you get two crab cakes And two eggs sunny side up with toast hold the bacon. I don't even need the bacon. Why are we throwing bacon in there? What what am I what is my name fucking Phil get the fuck out of here? You know what I'm saying? What else Rudy? How are you dealing with the no touring? I mean because let me tell you what happens when you tour For people who don't know this at home

My wife and I are very much in love. I love my wife very much, but Let me tell you something Guess who likes me going on the road the most my wife Because in 29 years in 20 years we've been together She's been used to me leaving twice a month So those are two nights she could sit on the couch and scratch her ass and smell her fingers and watch The walking dead and all her english shows and nobody gives a fuck

You know what I'm saying because I'm not gonna I'm not gonna sit there and watch those fucking shows she watches So that's the night you know what I'm saying like it's like last night I went out We just did a late night podcast, you know And this morning she told me When I woke up the next day She was like that was kind of nice last night And I didn't take it personal because I know they're both used to it They've been used to it. So this doesn't even affect us only it affects our wives

The people around this how's your wife taking it? I mean she must be happy that you're home Yeah, she's happy We used to make a joke, you know before things are the way they are now It's like if I would be home for like three weeks and you know, I won't make jokes about okay You know, she'll say something and say, okay, that's all right. Don't worry. I'm leaving in a couple of days, you know Uh But having said that, you know, we we just celebrated our 36 wedding anniversary um a couple of weeks ago

And we've been together since 81 and uh I you know, we're in a really really good place in our marriage all around and I'm glad that it went in that direction because he could have gone The opposite duration right now could be final for divorce, you know, but there's certain things that you know, you either

Do one thing or you embrace That thing and it is to embrace our relationship and and also our relationship with ourselves We're just going back to being at peace with yourself, you know, because I couldn't Be at peace with any anything outside of me without being at peace with myself You know, I mean not makes a lot of sense You know, yeah, I just you just got you know being at peace with with my family my wife or you know, my brother my mom You know, it's like Of course, I gotta be at peace with myself and then I say okay now I can

If I did anything wrong, okay I'm at peace with that You know, if I did I say if I say something wrong to my mom the other day or whatever, you know and it's like, okay I did so apologize and you be at peace with yourself apologize to yourself and apologize to your mom, you know It's just an example and so

you know Going back to the 40 years ago you know having that Feeling that sense of peace. It was like an epiphany. It was like a a A revelation to me, you know, it just hit me and I became that person from that point on and I'm talking about Being on the floor destitute Couple of days later. I get the phone call

from Ozzy from Sharon Ozzy the next day that triggered The rest of my life the journey it just it was a change you know, and I've been accumulating a lot of shit Stuff material stuff, you know, I made a lot of money. So you do certain things you buy a lot of stuff and You know, I got a house full of shit, you know full of stuff and

I remember during the 80s It was kind of like, okay, you know, you go on a big tour You you buy you buy a new house And then you go back on tour so you can pay for that house You know, it was like It was nuts, you know, so it seems like the focus became without me realizing it that I was That I was not focusing on peace anymore. I was focusing on happiness The pursuit of happiness and I gotta tell you

It's never ending because if you're not a piece with yourself You're never going to really be completely happy and there's always going to be something else that you want and something else Are you going to sacrifice? That's where there is You know, that's the truth. It's so weird that I said this on the podcast since day one and we'll testify that it's that This will be the first time People really looked inside themselves Since maybe high school

Your life has been in such a rush Since the summer before college You you got this that and you bought it you bought it your counselors You shouldn't be an editor. You should be a director Switch majors and then you get out and then you gotta find the job then you get a job and There's an apartment and and it never end and you meet a girl and you get married and And one day you actually it's like that. It's like that david burn song, you know How did I get here?

That's right, you know, and that's what happened to me during this breakdown that it was like How the fuck did I get here? So I started breaking it into 10 year periods like how much has happened the last 10 years a family a wife a kid Touring, you know writing dealing with people And then the 10 years before that it was surviving Getting off the drugs, you know, it was always a struggle

so now I'm at peace with myself, you know the last two weeks The nights have started to bother me Like I accepted it for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But now the last two weeks nights are starting to bother me I dread the night because I'm not going anywhere It's bad enough. I didn't go nowhere all day. I took a ride. I went to the gym. I went for a bike ride

I took the baby to kickboxing, you know, I drove to camp But then the nighttime comes and I got nothing to do What do you do you write comedy you tell jokes to your fucking mirror You know, so my wife goes to bed at 9 15, you know, my wife is up at 6 She does paperwork cleans the house cooks the baby. We help out I mean she can only take so much, you know, so it's I'm sitting there at night all alone And sometimes you sit you make notes you write I'm trying to outline a book, you know But the focus isn't even there to write

The focus isn't even there to outline. It's piece by piece like I gotta put it away I can't even go there right now, you know So everything else has been at peace with me all that stuff It's just a comedy. I don't care about the money part of it either Just the ability that I could go out and tell jokes somewhere. Do I need 200 people? No I just need eight people Just to get what I'm saying and get the fuck out of there. So that's The only piece I have everything else. I'm at peace with I know what I want to do

I know I have a plan For the next 18 months. I have a plan. I know what I want to do And I know how I want to do it And that's it You know, you just mentioned something that I said I was I'm listening I'm listening and I'm thinking wow About the differences and the similarities of what you and I do, you know, we're both entertainers, right? but There is even though

You're you're like a tennis player you're like a singles player by that. I mean is You need that other person behind the net to bounce the ball right back Listen, I could do a zoom show till the cows come home. It would give me no satisfaction to stand there like a dunce I'm waiting for an arrow to come through the fucking screen I know if I turned on my screen and I saw some guy with a microphone I'd do everything in my power to shoot the missiles off. I know apples got You just got to decode it and shit. They got missiles that'll blow you right up. I don't want to see that I don't want to see that. I wouldn't mind seeing

white snake at the will turn theater with 25 ticket winners Spread out five feet eight feet apart With pay-per-view I would pay for that Because I know they're getting some type energy When they're you know, it's interesting you say that I'm telling you right now that feeling way is going to happen right now Very interesting because it does the amount

Does the size of the crowd affect your performance? No No, I could do I I'm from the comedy store when I first started there I would get 12 o'clock spots following paul mooney That means that once he got up 20 people left for him And I was faced with eight people and there was a horrible feeling But then you learn how to hit. What's the word? adapt adapt You start you you I remember saying to somebody what the fuck is this? What am I doing my life?

I'm waiting here till one in the morning to go on stage for eight people He goes don't do it Cancel put the sign up outside. See how many people sign up for that same spot at eight at one in the morning So I started adapting to eight people. I knew that it wasn't about material material is not going to work in front of eight people Your little setup punch line It ain't gonna work You're gonna You're gonna open up with that a little bit, but then you have to go into you

Because it's eight people So it's a different type of stand-up It's eight people. It's eight people. So you got to attack them back off And then be more you your jokes aren't gonna work at one in the morning. You know why? Because they've already heard all those topics So those eight people are energy yesterday if you look at chuck d's thread Chuck d lay the tremendous thing on people

Somebody said to him. Why don't you? And the prophets of rage Uh do something And he replied take a look at this This is la this was one of the hardest audiences I ever performed in front of look at it on youtube On youtube want to stream? This would just look like a regular night to you for us. It was one of the biggest nights of our lives and it doesn't come through

That's why I don't want to stream a live concert right now But I think if we really wanted to entertain people with all the bands that live in LA We could contact live nation And say looka go on wne whatever the fucking station is Raffle off 25 tickets. Nobody's making money. There is money. There's money on the pay-per-view So you could pay the theater off And still the musicians get a little bit of money not much. COVID means pay cut in latin Go to your latin COVID means pay cut in latin. This is a pay cut

But I'd rather take a pay cut and do something three times a week that I love Then not make any money and sit at home missing what I love But the clubs won't do that because there's no money in it for them It doesn't pay for them to put eight people. That's what they made their money for from from alcohol They make their money from alcohol So this is the problem we're running into You know, we all know that COVID fucking moves quickly I feel in my world anything over eight to ten people you got a problem

If they're in a close proximity And extended longevity You could bump into COVID And walk away from it and whatever It's when you get on a train and it's circulating in the air And you're going from Long Island to Manhattan And you're breathing that air for a fucking hour You know a plane ride to Miami. That's five hours

Some motherfuckers got COVID in there. You're breathing that That's what gives you the vid is the The longevity in that situation. You know, they're talking about offices now How is it gonna work with an N95 mask on In an office for eight hours. So they're gonna cut in the work day and cut in the weekday Making three-day weekends That don't work for you Lee. We still work seven days a week, bitch Well, I was gonna ask you guys are talking about like now

What do you got went like let's say COVID is over this time now? Let's say we're talking July's whatever next year Is it is it is it even reasonable to ask you guys to travel? Anymore is it reasonable to ask like do you think this is gonna turn into a different way of of having live events? Do you think something's gonna change or we're just waiting for it to go away and then go back to the way? Or we're just waiting for it to go away and then go back to the way Like like could you like Rudy would you go out and be on a plane every weekend again? Like even when this is over or do you think oh like now you realize you don't have to Yeah, we're just big weekends. I mean

What do we do is that market? It's more of the classic rock. It's not the The the bands from the 80s. You know, I I'm in a band that first came out of the 60s We were there with the platters and the You know and the adventures and all those bands, you know The band the guys who had the first hit in 1965 You know, so it's it's it's that audience You know that that comes to see us, you know a lot of casinos Uh, we've done a couple of ships

You know, which I don't see I we were booked for for next year to be on a couple of ships again And I don't know It all depends if there's a vaccine available in the very near future I only hear any news about that I hear rumblings of like they're testing going on Right, there's a ton of testing now. Do you want to be one of the first people that gets that vaccine? You know, I am not even one of the first people that go back to the gym because I had happened so I can't really say You know, I'll let I don't know. I mean

Once the FDA approves it Unless there's some malicious intent So like let's say let's speed up the the process for whatever reason No, it has to go through through the through the proper channels, you know enough testing Okay, and that gets approved to the next level the next level then, you know, when we're at the level that is human It's humanly safe Yeah, I'll take it I'm being optimistic. I'm going for next April

I think my next spring Will be okay. I think if same format same everything. It's not gonna change at all No, there's gonna be changes There's definitely gonna be changes and by that time everybody if they're not opening up Broadway till January By the way, uh, rest in peace Nick Cordero. That was a shame that poor kid He lost his fucking leg, you know all from coveted, you know an actor on Broadway, but They closed in Broadway till January

So that means they open up January 1st. They're gonna start rehearsing. Look what's going on with the sport leagues already They're already having problems in those bubbles and those training facilities. It's too many people put together I think once you put 20 people in there, you really got a problem They want to play football. That's 11 guys on each side. That's 22 guys on a field at one time Plus the three or four zebras You know, that's that's a lot of contact four downs baseball's a little bit more spread out

But you still got people to dug out baseball might work, you know, I'm hoping it all works I want the country to go back to work But I don't want another hundred thousand people dying You know me and Lee were joking around the other day And it's a joke, but it's very sad that After this somebody's gonna do the FaceTime chronicles They're gonna do a whole movie about people dying on FaceTime, you know Throwing up gang signals as they're dying like, you know, how many people died on Facebook in front of their children this year

How many loved ones can we we can't do this? So that's what I'm looking at First off, I don't trust the promoters Or their locations either They have to switch it up. I'm sorry. You got to lose some money. I'm fucking sorry You got to have one person to deal with us, right when you go to a casino How many people come in to talk to you while you're in the back? Oh, yeah, 10 people the chief is cousin

The horse trainer the entertainment director. Yes the waitress, you know, all that needs to get cut down to one Every club has to have a COVID agent So as soon as you walk in the green room, they take your temperature. They take their own temperature Special security to walk out to the stage. There's no more headshots. There's no more Greet meeting greets If you're selling merch, I don't know what you're gonna do You're gonna have to have somebody out there selling the merch for you with 10 masks on And you know, there's just so many things

I mean, let's be honest. I'm excited. I'm going to see my brother Rudy play I'm fucking psyched Yes, I'm smoking dope. I got some fucking edibles Rudy got me special tickets third row orchestra I go I sit down the opening act comes on bubble and there's five fucking fat brothers They do a harmonica. They do four songs. They get off Now we're waiting for Rudy and whoever the fuck it is the gun The fucking white snake reunion whatever it is and all of a sudden the guy that's built like me a fat fuck goes

How much am I gonna enjoy Rudy's show after that? And every 20 minutes without smoking reefer the guy goes In between every song the guy calls How long is it gonna take before I look at the guy and go go fuck yourself? And turn around and leave. How long is it gonna take you? Yep, you know right now we're experiencing I remember growing up in the 80s The worst thing you could cash and I'm talking about the early 80s and 70s But it's like gonorrhea the clap, right?

By the end of that decade it was AIDS The clap didn't kill you unless you know, let's say if you've never treated it can go to your brain and kill you Of course, but AIDS will definitely kill you especially back in 88 89, right? And now we're going through the same thing, you know people used to say, oh, yeah, it's the flu Well, yeah, people did die from the flu by this thing. It's it's at a whole different level completely different level Remember when you got gonorrhea you had that yogurt come out of your dick. It was like soft sir It had a weird smell to it, but you didn't give a fuck. You just wash your dick off Put on underwears and put on some panty line as fuck it

I don't think Rudy ever got gonorrhea. And when you went to the doctor you got to the doctor whenever you went to the doctor Where is it? I I don't know. I swear to god I never caught gonorrhea and you know what saved me. I went to a friend of mine caught the clap Same thing And he had to go to a clinic and he asked me to go with him And when we went there was a guy sitting there with like a fucking Man on a muncher's car On his mouth. He wants to suck somebody's dick and it had herp on it

And he had like a thing all around his mouth and right there. I learned I'm gonna keep my hands to myself. You know what I'm saying? There's some bad onions out there You can't be eating everybody's fucking monkey. You know what I'm saying, especially I tell you what one of the greatest things about you know being on tour with Ozzy is that he he liked to mentor mentor you You know You mentor Randy for a while and then I guess when I joined the band I was like the the new the guy who had never been done anything. So let me mentor Rudy here And one of these very first words of wisdom was

If if you want to be a rock star, you got to catch every disease that's out there like I told me You know I mean you gotta catch everything. Yeah, I don't think I don't know. Does it look like you followed his advice? Oh Look like you followed his advice at all. It looks like you're healthier You're the booty you're the yearly like you're a rock star But you're I don't I don't know how you lived in LA. You're had the healthiest guy You have a long marriage. You're in your 70s and your mama's still alive I you have the best karma of anyone I've ever met. You're you're like an angel an angel on earth

You know, uh, well I'm blessed I'm blessed but but I gotta tell you the the the reason why I'm still here in LA is because uh Just a couple things. First of all, my wife was born and raised here so it's very hard for her to leave and When I arrived here in the 70s I was reborn It was like I have a connection with this city and it's not

The way that the city the structures there's the there's this there's a frequency On on the in this city that really resonated with me You know, I've been to certain places in the world and there's frequencies like if you go to red square Red Square in Moscow, right? You that big red square where they did all the uh, you know right in front of the of what is the styling grad or whatever You know and the st. Peter's basilica There's a square and that's where they had they had all of the uh Uh

May what is it may day may day parades with the tanks and the artillery and there's an energy Not necessarily a good energy, but definitely a very strong energy center right there LA to me, especially Lowell canyon going right into the city, you know into Hollywood That's an incredible energy that it it doesn't make my body vibrate Any other place but here this is why why I remain here I don't know if it's if you guys know anything i'm talking about, you know for me I've always said I feel that way about the comedy store That there's like a light that goes right from heaven

To the comedy store when you walk in there, but the rainbow has the same feeling the rainbow. Yes There's certain places that you belong there, you know, I think it's the ghost the ghost the energy Yes, the ghost there, you know, it's so weird that I would move here from here tomorrow if I could You know, I don't have anywhere to go. I don't know where to go. We have ideas I know that's the problem. I think I would miss it I think I would miss it a lot, you know, I would have to go somewhere where Again the energy

Yeah, I want more of a community I live in the valley because I like the community style of it, but it's really not a community It's just a bunch of houses put together. Yeah, I'm sick of that I you know, I want to know the neighbor on the corner I want to know the neighbor on the other corner. I want to know his name. I want to you know, I'm saying this I know the neighbor next to me. Everybody else is fucking, you know, and I've knocked on doors Introduced myself giving away free masks It's not a community. It's not really a community and that's what

These can all this has come to me that I want to go back to a community You know, I was watching do the right thing the night with uh spike Lee and all those guys Spike Lee plays a pizza delivery guy in brooklyn that does his deliveries on foot So what does that tell you that the people that order pizza from there are from that community They're from two. How far is the delivery two three blocks the most When you watch that movie, you see what a sense of a community is

We have a liquor store. We have this we don't have that here There's no loyalty here and businesses. It's kind of weird You know, when this all went down, the first thing I said was I'm going to support local businesses I know it is to own a business and I know it is to lose a business But I found that the businesses weren't doing it right, you know, if I walk into your restaurant the doors closed I ain't walking in there You got to get some ventilation in that motherfucker. You got six guys sweating over food with masks on So you try you try

but to uh Yeah, to go back to what you were saying. Yeah, I don't They did a survey again about 10 days ago. We're still at 60 40 Of people feeling comfortable to go to outdoor events like stadiums baseball games concerts We're still at 60 40 And even if that goes 10 percent each way You're still 50 50 or 70 30

Which is still not good for our field For what we do People what they do the survey and 50 people Out of 100 said they would go They wouldn't go to a game or a concert right now So the state of mind is even fucked up. Plus on top of that. Do you want me to hear what the top thing is Rudy? It's not the covet. It's not the state of mind It's the social consciousness

People in bad positions right now. People aren't loving no more The love has been removed from their heart and I'm not mad at them Love was removed from my heart when I was a young man They've taken away your livelihood They've taken away some of your freedoms The check you're supposed to get to 1200. You never got it in the mail Guess what did you read the new york times article in the paper sunday? What's going on in new york with the evictions?

They're not fucking around All that shit they told you about waving evictions. You don't have to pay the rent Go to new york and ask them what's going on in new york. They're gonna be homeless And nobody's gonna stick up for them. This was all bullshit. This was all bullshit I told you that lee said it that members are Scar cattie whatever his name is maya scar cattie los angelenos You know, uh, your rents will be waived Ask lee the first day of april

They put a note on his door with the fucking shelters in the area His landlord put a fucking note on his door the renters do If not, these are the local shelters in the area. I thought fucking he put a rent Memorandum that if you didn't have to pay rent, I know 20 people that have told me that's bullshit I know people how to live move out of their apartments and move into their places of business Because they had to make a choice So right now people are having a hard time like I said taxes are doing 10 And unemployment wears out in 26 days

Wait till we see how many people got shot over the weekend From the 4th to july to last night at 7 in new york 40 fucking people got shot So be very careful rudy if somebody cuts you off Telling me love them don't take offense. I'm not driving so Really you're not driving Just Unless I go to home depot. Yeah, you in that fucking home depot. I don't know. What is it?

My buddy next door. He's at home depot eight times a day He knocks on my door once a day. Joe, you wouldn't have to have one of these screws. What makes you think I even got a fucking screw in my house. I look like a johnny screwdriver Rudy, I love you What's the station when can they hear you? Oh, yeah, uh monsters of rock radio on the dash network On uh, it's unfair use times, but definitely for sure 2 p.m on fridays

And this next week uh on friday. I have rick nielsen from cheap trick Great great conversation. Yeah. Oh, yeah cheap rich got their own serious station Oh, yeah, they do. I was on last night. I heard them do uh something from live in budakon. Yeah, it was pretty interesting Yeah, he was really interesting. Yeah, he was deejaying it Uh, and then it would be uh played again on sunday at 4 p.m. But that's like the the anchor date and time Sundays of 4 p.m. Pacific daylight time or psdp stp whatever

Fuck them I love you. Hopefully I'll see you soon for some popular lianas and uh pornos I am important to take care of yourself. Give your wife a kiss. Take care. Bye. Have a great week. Thank you, brother God bless. Bye. Bye All right, you bad motherfuckers I want to thank rudy for coming on man. He's a good dude, uh 70 years old Been rocking for a long time again. All the props in the world Another guy that inspires the fuck out of me when I talked to him because he's always

He's always doing something every time I call his house. What's going on? Oh I'm planting a fucking tree. What don't we stay in the house? Planting a tree. He's always fucking Those old times but no really he's a good fucking man But listen again, like I was telling you the beginning of the show The most important thing there is quarantine is Just try to take care of yourself a little bit. Just do something less Add less salt to your food, you know

Walk an extra block do something. I mean I fucking I'm losing my mind if it wasn't for the podcast And me communicating with you guys on facebook and on twitter. I'd be done right now I swear to god nights for me A fucking harder than ever The first three months was like nothing Lately it's been harder than ever and listen

People like won't go to san diego and do a spot. Both clubs are open. Here's the problem You ever do a line of coke and then the guy leaves You ever go somewhere and a guy comes shows up because you're a great line of coke And then he leaves and you're like what happened to him and you're out in like the fucking desert Nobody's got coke now. You're sitting there And you're coming down hard off a fucking line that would have killed the mule That's what will happen to me if I go do comedy right now I don't just want to do comedy to do it

And for it to be over with the lawyer. They're doing great. I think they had it They got it down to 60 people and the marion comedy club is 100 people. I could live with that That's like 40 capacity. That's plenty of socially Distancing and I'm not going to do a long show Because this stuff you get covid from sitting inside long periods of time Inside, you know with no ventilation way through those comedy clubs of fucking high end filters They're lucky you get fucking air in those things, you know, I'm saying they're lucky if you get fucking air in those things. So

That's the only way I'm doing it. I mean, there's a lot of things going on. My heart goes out To brendon and brian. I've checked in with both of them brian is feeling a little it it's fluid conditions You know, they're both strong guys. I know they both make it out of this. It's uh It's just a bump in the road, but we just got to be careful guys. We as the church Listen, uh, we're all savages I uh, you know me. I opposed fucking communitio Communism with my fucking heart. I hate all that type of shit

But at this time right now, we just got to do a couple things and keep it simple And those things are listen, you see eight people eight's the magic number get the fuck out of that Eight's bad number right now tomorrow today's the eight Bad number eight to ten people. That's how it starts You know, that's how it starts indoors You know, don't listen to me. I don't give a fuck what you do I'm just trying to tell you that I care about you guys

And there's just a couple of things, you know washing your hands Take two showers, you know what I'm saying? I'd rather you be over cautious than you know, we don't know what we're dealing with Do you think I believe this is a virus? Well Nobody gets to flu in the summer So do I believe I don't believe nothing all I know is that you got to avoid people You got to fucking wash your hands. You got to wear a mask You know and You know what man? You see a lot of people. I know you

Half of us are losing our minds You want me to lie to you and tell you that this 4th of july was the best 4th of july I've had in my life Is that what you really want me to tell you know, it sucked dick It sucked dick You know, because we didn't have the freedom to go to the beach like we usually do we didn't have I didn't complain I didn't force it. I didn't push the hand I understand that I have a family What if my wife contracts this fucking thing

And something happens to you think I'm qualified to fucking raise a seven-year-old by myself Are you fucking retarded guys? Are you fucking retarded? I mean, I could do a couple things. Okay But I can't raise no seven-year-old by myself and I wouldn't want my wife To be stuck in the burden nothing nobody's gonna die But we're not young people no more you guys are young you guys have the opportunity To set an example man, put the fucking mask on who gives a fuck Put a fucking mask on that says suck my dick. I don't give a fuck. I wouldn't be mad at you I'm insulted too. You know how hard it is to walk fucking two blocks with a mask on

Do you know how hard it is to ride a bike past 20 minutes with a fucking mask on you start getting dizzy and snot's come out of your nose And shit I gotta throw those masks away every time I go for a bike ride. I had to cut down on my bike rides But I'm just gonna say You guys have heard me get bronchitis over the years if you think breathing in a mask is hard Try breathing with bronchitis and I've heard bright. This is way worse. So It tries me, but you'll you'll be begging for a mask if you get this. That's just what I heard Yeah, so please take care of yourselves

drink water Vitamin D is big demand, you know be a good friend to yourself like The guy told Tony soprano be that those those words have resonated with me for a long time be a good friend to yourself it's it's It's so real, you know, listen guys this shit. I want to do all the fucking time Do you know I haven't been to cactus number three? No, no, I have not broken down You look at me. Do I look like the type of motherfucker that misses a bean a

bean and cheese burrito With fucking guacamole in there and some fucking salsa on top of it. That's my world guys That's my fucking cheek day That's my sundae when I fucking got 44 points left over I go to fucking down there and I get during the week I get the vegan salad. I haven't been in there I just because you scared me everybody was like You know every time I go by that there's only three people, but it's just something about it They they trapped it in now. I like it when it's open, you know, I don't so I'm like you guys

I'm not scared of anything, but I do respect things There's things you got to respect whether you want to or not Uh, respect this if not for yourself For your uncle fucking joey, okay for old people like me that we've been smoking dope for 27 years So you motherfuckers could come along now and fucking get weed in a weed store I was I was smoking weed when you had to go into the jungle to get a fucking bag of dope You know I'm saying when you had to go deep deep deep into the fucking murky waters of the underworld Now we're getting dope everywhere. It's like it's like being gay now. It ain't no big deal

I wish you would have seen gays in the 70s. They had to walk around with capes in the backpack You know nobody could see him That's because the guys that I hung out with Martin the fag they took the beatings So these gay guys could jump up and down today and have parades And go to you see him on fire island jumping up and down They had a party of 90 gay guys jumping up and down. It was just Instant fucking vid meets the hives You know, I don't wish nothing bad on nobody, but you can't put 90 guys together

If you think what came out of Wuhan is dangerous Wait, do you see what comes out of fucking fire island and shit by the end of the summer? I Love you, motherfucker. Listen the most important thing about this time is If you don't have a sense of humor about yourself if you're not gonna laugh about yourself kill yourself now Because it's not gonna work out for you Trust me when I'm telling you you got to find the humor in things right now I'm talking about as you're getting evicted and you can't you're putting your fucking lawn chair in the fucking station wagon

You got to look at the landlord and go. We did a good run, you know I'm saying Go to the bathroom. Look at the piece of shit. I left you in there cocksucker. I painted the walls But go see the dead stick. I left you in there If you don't have a sense of humor about yourself You're not gonna make it through in these trying times Learn to laugh at yourself. I laugh at myself all fucking day one last story. Okay My daughter goes on this program Called like jujinga. I don't know what the fuck it is guys

It teaches you how to speak spanish Do I tell you about this? I don't think so guys You don't you don't understand so about two three years ago I go on the roguin show with you all romero Guys I got blasted by spanish people Blasted I mean just tormented about my spanish That my spanish is horrific I don't know how to speak spanish, which I don't number one. I speak cuban spanish

Okay, when I was in high school For one week I took spanish And I was like, I'm not doing this This is too confusing. He thought it was gonna be easy. I'm spanish and I don't get this shit I'm not doing it. So I switched to italian. I had mr. Palmosano He had one high higher than the other one hilarious bad skin. We used to torment him. He used to say bon giorno, señor profesor And we tell him go fuck yourself teacher. Well, yeah, who said that he was kind of crazy. He was the same suit every day anyway

uh So my daughter comes to me my wife says, you know Mercy's learning spanish on her own. She wants to surprise you So I go no shit. So one night she's like that. Look, I'm playing lalinga. Whatever the fuck the name of the game is and uh Do you want to help me and I go? Yeah, so she's up to like level 18 on her own She's climbed up all these fucking barriers on her own because they Give them like point selections or whatever the fuck you know what I'm saying

So she's gotten up to like level 16 Or level 18. I don't fucking know So she sits next to me I turn the tv off She asked my three or four questions. Anyway To be honest with you. She asked me three three questions And I went over three And she went down to like level 11

And she got up and she was so pissed at me She's like, how can you be spanish and get these three questions wrong dad? That doesn't make sense dad now i'm level 11. She just marched to the fucking room furious So her mother asked her yesterday. You have a problem with it. Go ask your dad. She's like, what are you fucking nuts? Last time I asked that loser for the spanish questions He I went 0 and 3. I'm never gonna ask him about spanish Dad doesn't he talk that type of spanish. So

That's my fuck up for a week. I made my daughter go down like four levels in spanish because I don't know they're between komo or something else. I don't fucking know. I know a couple words I know how to get by and uh I know how to save my ass. I know how to make you laugh. I know how to make me laugh in spanish And that's the only thing that matters. So for the next couple days, listen I know it's a trying time taxes are done unemployment's done in two or three weeks You don't have you don't need to have anything to have a sense of humor

Please keep your sense of humor Because at the end of the day, that's all you have. It's more than money What good is having money if you don't fucking laugh, you know what I laugh at myself every day because I'm a fucking retard And I enjoy that my sense of humor is tremendous because I laugh at myself So please Take it easy. Don't shoot nobody. Don't get shot Because it's shoot season out there 44 people got shot in new york 70 in chicago. What are they giving out fucking guns on chicago? What are they doing in these fucking cities?

I love chicago. I taped my special in your city. I did the theater. I love that fucking city with all my heart What are you doing out there? You guys took cops and robbers to a different level. You're just shooting at each other now But anyway, all no jokes. I want to say a prayer for the country And say a prayer for the church family and also for my man Sergio tega who's going through a hard time. Like I said, if you're not his friend on facebook friend them Send them a message strong from church love And that's it and that's that me and lily will be back one night this weekend

To do a fucking instagram live to rock your fucking world Maybe i'll talk lily into light and stuff on fire or something since we're on edible sabbatical this week We had some problems. I had some problems. So we said fuck we might as well go back to being normal again But anyway, the church is brought to you by cbd lion. Listen when it comes to cbd CBD lion is the way to go go to cd cbd lion dot com right now read Educate yourself Find out what the fuck cbd is how it exists in your body naturally how you activate it read start by going to cbd lion

Dot com then while you're there after you read And you see what matches what what ailments what goes with what cbd the milligrams Then you go to work you decide whether you want the bath ball the tincture The the fucking the gummy bears strawberry raspberry tropical Blue i mean for orange no blueberry. That's a figure one of my imagination. That's me smoking fucking hash orange raspberry strawberry They got phenomenal tape

That you put on your injuries whether you have arthritis in your wrists You know if you want to give it a shot, it's tremendous email me Hit me up on twitter with the fucking tape on your knee. You know, I got the I got the arthritis in the inside So I put two strips inside and then I put two strips around the outsides To hold down the one strip in the middle there Activates the 48 hours. I'm telling you I got no pain. I don't have the tape on right now. So and I squatted yesterday Three hundred and something pounds for three minutes. We're fucking thinking dealing with joy bananas Go to cbdline.com right now and press in church and get 20 off your first order

Delivered to your house. Okay cbdline.com third party lab results Not some swami from bogami Selling you some fucking, uh, you know trying to sell your fucking Fire water and then he's got fucking cbd. So wait a second. I come here to buy vodka and on the other hand You're trying to sell me cbd. Go fuck yourself. You're fucking hypocrite cbdline.com Slash church Also, this church is brought to you by on it Listen when it comes to supplements, you want a sling dick give out bubblegum and come like a fucking racehorse

On it is got it for you. There's supplements. Uh, a numero uno man understand alpha brain Shroom tech immune shroom tech sport These are products I use personally and I fucking love them. Do you understand me? I started on the new mood because I was having problems sleeping and relaxed that night because you got to keep switching around From the kikimo tea to the melatonin. I got problems at night You can't take the fucking pills because I got sleep apnea

So I need to help at night and this is what I use I switch So right now i'm with fucking new mood. It helps me relax It helps me tone down. I do a little tincture under my tongue a cbd lion Zoom fucking spirits go to honor.com right now Check out alpha brain. Check out mct as far as kettle bells club bells I can't get your discount for supplements. I got your back Go to honor.com right now and press church ch u r ch Get 10% off deliver it to your house. I want to thank rudy

I want to thank you motherfuckers. Don't forget rudy show He's I forget he mentioned it on there when it's on it. It's not listen. That's a true musician with uh True chops and i'm proud to call him my brother and part of the church family. So I want to thank rudy. I want to thank you guys again My heart to the ortegas And sergio get the roller skating cocksucker. I heard roller skating with four toes It's better than roller skate with five sometimes. Anyway, I love you guys. Uh, thank you for listening to the church dates I'm doing brayer. It just depends when the fuck they're opening

I'll keep you guys updated kick this mule. Have a great week I'll see you guys either night on instagram live do it motherfucker You