Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #804 - Joey Diaz on Change

Episode Date: July 15, 2020

Joey Diaz talks about some disturbing things he's seen recently, an important decision he made and why he made it, and he also has a special announcement about new content! This podcast is brought to you by: Express VPN - Get 3 months free at www.expressvpn.com/church Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.  

Oh Greetings from podcastville. It's Wednesday the 15th of July. You better pay your taxes cop sucker The church what's happening now is brought to you by Express a vpn. Listen right now. We're all living our lives on the internet Your kids got school on the ipad your wife's got the in-laws on face time And you're just trying to watch the church and mind your own business But now more than ever you need to protect your privacy online. Trust me You're probably thinking why not just use a private code because I have to break it to you. That's not going to work

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Slash church. Listen, you're anonymous get an ip address that can't be tracked today Go to express vpn.com Slash church and get an extra three months free on a one-year package That's express vpn. The podcast is also brought to you by My favorite I start off with it after breakfast alpha brain Shroom tech immune You know, what else can I tell you the hemp when I work out on lifting days? I use the hemp on fucking that night. I drink the new mood. I mean, you know, I take the new mood pill

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Nobody go to honor.com right now Press in search and get 10% off delivered right to your house. Kick this motherfucking mule Lee Oh, shit No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking marines. You understand me? Welcome to church, motherfucker Oh, shit Wednesday cocksuckers. We're here. We're queer. You know what I'm saying? What do you want from me? Uh, things are bad all over. Thank you for watching me on the uh

Fight companion. We had a great time fights were great the whole fucking thing Uh, it was great to see joe, you know, it's tough right now because we don't see I haven't seen theo Since february. I hadn't seen tom. I saw sickle one time. I haven't seen anybody. I see lee I see steve simone, you know But uh, I didn't want you guys to think we don't see anybody, you know, I haven't seen the lies. I haven't seen You know alley wong. I don't know what these people are doing I try to check with in with as many as I can but uh, it's overwhelming. What's going on right here in la I know that texas is on fire. Arizona is on fire

Florida is on fire. My heart goes out to you. You know, we're on fire. We'll probably be on Level one by thursday. That's a reality by tomorrow. We'll be on level one. I mean that could be a reality. So, uh Things are looking bleak out here today You know, I go for my little afternoon ride I do a bunch of shit and I'm wanting to stay busy and then I come over here. I check the office Make sure the gate is closed and I went out to to the main street here lankishing

And I was telling lia how to tell you guys I'm parked at the light on mind of my own business It's maybe two two forty five I'm sitting there at the light on the second car behind the car And all of a sudden out of because I'm headed towards like, you know Um, there's a train station there. That's always been a little bit on the fucking evil side, you know I'm saying like every train station every trains this one is not bueno They sell tamales. You should blood for a week to support The porkhead splinters in it. We're kind of fucking porkhead splinters in it. It's a shady fucking place

I used to walk my wife dad when she worked downtown. I would walk her every morning Because it was that shady, you know, and uh I'm watching out of Out of my left eye and I'm seeing a commotion guys And next thing, you know, I see a guy go down. What just go down like fall bam He fell from the sidewalk To the street and he was holding on to his head Oh, no, and then a guy a lady was waiting for the bus

But she was looking towards me like she didn't even see it coming And he clocked her in the head with a shot axe with no accent. It's just a handle He clocked her in the head and he clocked another dude on the rib That guy went down and then he started to proceed to hit this guy and this guy ran away from him Now the light turns green we're about to move and this guy runs across the street And the guy with the axe handle is chasing him across the street and they go into the train center and they're sprinting So I make a fucking u-turn. You know me. I'm batman. I'm gonna intercept this guy hit him with the car This is my excuse right here. This is my big chance to shine, right?

Because one of those you gotta hit those guys with a fucking I'll just run him over with the Subaru at this point I'll be in the paper tomorrow Joey Diaz is a hero. He saves the life of the door Yeah, I was gonna hit him with something so I made a u-turn and I cut down the fucking alley Because he was running down the train street right there. What did he look like? What is the guy with the axe white five foot eight? Homeless or not? He looked a little homeless

He looked a homeless. He had like a leather vest on I taped the warriors the other night. I haven't watched it yet. So he had like a little leather vest on and Like brown pants and I fucking When he hit him he the Chubby guy ran first Then the guy ran after him with the axe handle

Two security guys ran after him. We're fucking walkie-talkies. What good are they gonna do? They're chasing them. So I make the u-turn. I shoot down the fucking thing. I'm driving the same way. He's going I'm figuring I'm gonna fucking meet him right there But he runs the other way now. He doesn't have the axe handle no more And when I went to look he the guy that he was chasing was on the floor There was blood all over his fucking head. He was on the floor already He must add him two or three times with the axe handle, but he dropped the axe handle So his fingerprints around it. So he ran down. I chased him

But he made a left into the fucking bus terminal Like he he went around the corner right back towards the train like they weren't going to see him. This guy's nuts But this is happening You know eight blocks from my house three blocks from the office and then I went on ventura boulevard I had to go to the bank and Fuck him the positive other I got like those residual checks from stupid movies and tv shows those penny

2015 cents they've been sitting there for a week. I figured I had to take a ride right You know when you just sit in there. I'm looking at these three checks between the three checks. They add up to 10 bucks Okay, it's like 215, but I'm not just gonna throw them away bro. $10 is $10 There's a lot of people need $10. Who the fuck am I to throw away? So I'm like every day I do something different Like, you know what's on my list tomorrow? What getting gas? Like, you know when you have getting gas on your list You know things are fucking slim. Okay So I'm getting gas tomorrow. So I can't make any plans

Because then I close the camp Right. Oh, no, no, I don't want to forget you're on you're on ventura I'm on ventura. I'm minding my own business. Right. What's our favorite chinese restaurant sushi? No, chinese. Oh chinese green apple. I'm sorry dog on the corner a guy totally naked waving at people Now tell these people that neighborhood that's unlike here. That's a nice white neighborhood Cross the street from arts deli. It's like the Beverly Hills of the valley guys It's like the Beverly Hills of the valley

And there's a naked man on the corner and nobody's talking to him. Just doing like you're like the vote for me way Yeah, like nobody's beeping at him. Nobody's existing is existence You don't see some of the stuff like that in LA every once in a while. It's crazy. Now something happened Okay, guys if I walk out the length if I walk out To the hunger to hunger is right down the corner. There's a fire department Then there's the health department That area by the health department Guys it's so bad at night

So there's a new hotel across from the health department. That's fucking empty They built that hotel for like 18 years And they opened it like march 1st Right for corona leave the grand opening was like march 16th They they've been empty You go in there right now. You got a room for 10 bucks. It's a beautiful little hotel And next one is a coffee shop and next one is a Lutheran church Okay, and I don't know nothing about Lutheran people

And across from the Lutheran church is a Lutheran school that belongs to the church It's called st. Paul's When my wife was looking For a daycare for mercy my wife went everywhere But all these people around here served like goat cheese and shit to your kid So my wife didn't want that for my child, you know, they were all like fucking Oh, they eat sushi for lunch or brown rice. My wife's like, what happened to fucking apples? Yeah, whatever. You know, they were all very like

Manage a toad type places, you know, so My wife settled on st. Paul's And and my personal experience with them I loved them. I don't care if they're Lutheran Jewish Catholic, I don't even know the Lutheran is but the point being I've trusted my daughter with them for two or three years I think mercy went in there at one and a half And she got out there when she was five. She's basically family over there One of the girls sleeps at my house three nights a week. I don't even see her

I don't even see her. She comes in after I go to bed And she wakes up at six and leaves takes a shower Helps my wife out. She's great Uh, her father is the principal And then there's another teacher there That hangs out with my wife These are good people. These are great american people. They're white people, but they ain't bothering nobody So this church is stuck

Next to this fucking neighborhood That you know that back street there where the buddhist temple is and that other lankersham school That lankersham school is where they did the jackseller When jack's teller did when they did the school shooting in uh, son's anarchy That's the school they use. It's it's behind It's behind that street next to a karate school behind noho diner So all that is that area there. It's really bad one day. I saw a guy laying on his stomach Drinking water from the fire department was washing their truck. He was drinking the water from the floor

Yeah, just so you guys know this is all This is within walking distance of that train station we were talking about and The uh, the greyhound station the gray and there's a greyhound station. That's horrible And those people that sit out there it closes at six o'clock at night and it reopens like at four in the morning So those people just walk around the fucking neighborhood and they go to noho diner And noho diner is serving outside, you know, the noho diner is a scary place Oh, yeah, like when you go in there two in the morning, you better you pray for your life To don't get robbed because they're close to the 170. I don't like that place. I love yum yum donuts to get a donut

But as far as fucking going in there at night and sitting there writing jokes never gonna happen They're gonna get hit one day, you know, it's right there off the 170. Did you see something over by the church today too? So no, so my point is the church is across the street From how big is the park bro? Few football field remember there's two parks. There's no park Then there's a park across the street and they have a library They have tennis courts. They have a swimming pool baseball field a baseball field. That's huge A rec center and then behind they have a skateboard camp. Yeah back there and on thursdays they do

Uh food trucks and there's hundreds of people there every week. They have, you know, uh lobster truck and fucking Thai food and Puerto rican food and sometimes they have they do they really do they have Puerto rican food I look at it every thursday I used to go. I used to go. Yeah, we used to go. We used to go on thursday nights and my daughter went to st paul and we would pull her out anyway back to st paul so The lady comes over one night and she's telling my wife That the school has been fucking crazy lately. We're all wearing masks when the front of the house. We're outside And we're talking about st paul's and she's telling us how the school's been crazy over that lately that

They woke up they opened up the school and there was a homeless guy in the school They had to call the cops and the cops had to come and the guy refused to go And then another guy broke into the homeless school and they took a shit And then they defaced the property again If you've ever seen the episode Of sons of anarchy with jama when jimmy smiths confront jama After she he finds out that she's killed jack's teller's wife There's gates

You'll see it the first scene that she does when she calls jimmy smiths. She's at that church The second scene she's in front of the daycare center. I feel like you might have seen sons of anarchy So if you guys have never seen sons of anarchy, it's the episode when jim towards the end It's like either the last two episodes She shoots all day and then she says goodbye to the kid the grandson and they shot that scene Across the street at the baseball field. So there's a ton of room there guys. My point is There's a ton of fucking room in that area. That's in any way you want So the other day I wake up and my wife goes do you see what's going on right now? And I go no

What's going on now? Another fucking guy got shot or something. What the fuck happened now? She goes St paul's is on tmz It's trending on tmz Because an african-american woman sat under one of the trees And they have no trespass. Oh, that was there. Oh, did you see that? Yeah, did you hear about it? I mean, yeah, you see you see that one side of a video. Yeah, but here's the thing. Did you just watch the video? Yeah You know

Like the guy told her, you know, they're like fucking old white people over there They're not there looking for problems or anything like that. I don't think they explain themselves, right? Like you don't understand what happened a ton of problems here with people breaking in And we just don't want anybody on the property. We feel uncomfortable With you on our property. I actually had someone pull something on me recently with this like so it's a very similar thing Uh, my car just got broken into in my apartment complex And I have like my my apartment complex has like a gate to get to park in a garage And there's this big Mexican dude with a truck pulled up at the front of the gate and said hey

I'm coming to see my grandma. Can you open the gate for me? I said, you know what man? I'll go grab her for you if you want where apartment is she in And he wouldn't do it and I was like He's like, oh, no, let me just come in. I'm like, no, you know what? I'm sorry. I can't do that But I can I'll I'll go grab her for you and he even he said to me he said is it because I'm Mexican I said, I he didn't know that I broke up with positive. No, I did a Mexican girl I just can't let someone into the apartment and he's he he back. He gave up and he left I don't think he actually was seeing someone in there. No, no, but it is it's

I it's a really big topic right now as people get upset But it doesn't like when people say are you racist it feels it's like a It's a kind of an attack. They're like it feels like you're being attacked almost. It's very scary agitators Okay, there's now we're seeing what's called agitators And you church people are seeing it you guys are seeing it They they're just agitators. They just go out and they go from Dean Cain And they agitate and they try to shake people's tree up, you know, and it's a shame I know those people at st. Paul's

They did not deserve a write-up. Now. Do you know the back end to that? No, then they got protesters there on sunday Guess what they did they invited the men Oh, and they invited the african-american girl to church there to see what they're all about and now they're good, but They got ripped through the fucking mud for no reason I mean, yeah, there was a reason the girl took it wrong You know, they told the african-american girl. She couldn't sit there and guess what happened the next day I went over to the check on them. There was a white guy sitting on the lawn Just to see if they would come out and bust their balls. Oh, you think so? I know so

That's the degree of what's going on right now. Yeah, that's the degree of what's going on right now Now when you see it on the news or you see it happening somewhere else You go wow that could happen Guess what it's happening here We just went to level two right we're level one or two I think we're back down to level one one because it closed everything They closed pretty much everything People are refusing to close. We got we got a state that's fucking divided here

Orange county was on the cali. It's on the la border Orange county wants to open their schools with no social distancing and mass, you know Listen guys four percent of people getting covered Uh kids under ten, you know the percentages Are fucking wild, you know the problem with those kids is that shit spreads with those kids I get both I get both views. Listen. I don't want my daughter at home all fucking day She's got to go to school, but I'm also concerned about the teachers You know, they have families they go to places, you know what the teachers have to live in

Isolation too, but at the same time a child can't spend five hours a day on a computer Learning it just doesn't comprehend it doesn't flow right. They need the socialization They need to see other kids their rates have said a thousand times they speak their own fucking language I mean you so you've had her at home since it's like four or five months Do you see a difference with her? Did you see a difference with the end of the school year or I saw? First of all, I'm no fucking doctor The first month March uh 16th to April 1st I saw a kid that

Didn't really know what was happening, you know, she didn't really know what was happening around there She didn't understand why she wasn't going to school You know, we had the news on that night and she would pop up from time to time and she started asking about And then she you know, they're not stupid They're not stupid. They listen Just because she's playing her fucking nintendo switch in the living room Doesn't mean she's not listening to 894 deaths reported today in fucking new york city. She heard all that

Then by April, you know, we figure we got it down early. We got the process down early You know, I saw my wife was doing I go what we're doing it wrong When they go to school in the morning, we take her there at 8 but she doesn't go into the classroom till 8 25 You know what they do that then let them get their yas yas out that first burst of fucking energy from the cereal You gotta assume they had captain charculer and they're ready to strangle the motherfucker. So That's what I assume in the mornings that she's ready to strangle the motherfucker Which if you see her at 8 15, you know, she's ready to go So at 8 15, we had to take her out guy

And the guys I you know, I've been through hell in my life. You don't know what hell it is to you have to Keep a kid occupied. That is High energy. She's not a bad child But she's very high energy So you have to uh keep her, you know, she's a smart man And you have to challenge her mind from time to time So every day we had to go we had different parking lots We can parks were closed

So we had to go to fucking parking lots We had a uh with a bought bat One day one day we had tennis with those little fucking butterflies. Oh, yeah We brought hula hoops. You should have seen me hula hoop and I'm not a good hula hoop You know what I'm saying my hula hoop days are over with You know, we bought bikes. She had a bike already We we taught her how to ride a bike that was good for about three weeks Then that obviously got old, you know, you know, um

Kids were hidden We would take them to the park and it was still not known what was going on. So there was no Kids in our lives and then we started figuring out the zooming for them And FaceTiming So she started FaceTiming with two or three of her friends And then thank god one of the mothers is a nurse At a major hospital and she broke down Everything first she got us masks

I mean this sounds because I mean I grew up and I feel like I was a nervous kid Do you see her being anxious or nervous or no? She's she's I'm looking at her very closely You know, I wanted to stay healthy But kidney kids need kids. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a doctor I know me and I know how I was at that age. Yeah, I had my problems when I was young I you know, I at first I was very insecure. My dad had died You know, I'm building models. I'm staying in then my mom pushed me out there

And then once she pushed me out there was no bringing me back in Like once I discovered the world and the freedom I had You know, my wife and I were talking last night about some and I go We were talking about my friend that his daughter walks through the pizza place in jersey I go, can you believe that he let's go to the pizza place like that's big You know, and she goes by herself. She's 12 with her friends, you know and My wife is like, what were you doing at that day? I'm like at seven. I remember still walking

Six walking 30 blocks My mom thought I was in the 30 box. Yeah, like into Harlem to buy hot pants by james brown at mercy's age That's a narrative like two kids that have both six or seven. I think police would stop you now And we had beat cops that there were cops on the fucking beat, you know, so Yeah, I know what the fuck this is so there were cops on the beat. So yeah, I didn't know What to expect but right now this is just This shutdown is just not working. I mean, I know in Arizona. I don't know how you people are doing Texas in Florida. I mean, you know

We're not gonna recover from this for two years There's no recovery. All you have to do is take a ride tomorrow and to melrose So you need to do tomorrow at 12 Take a little vw bucks there and go with the fucking hill Just go to joe's pizza go to down to melrose down on crescent heights and make a left and come back home on the 101 and call me And you let me know what you see the future like in LA

It's not good to call me still is not coming back for a while. I hear rumblings about the lab factory Rumblings are out already about the lab factory I know the improv will never close but they're not opening in the foreseeable future Yeah, I mean the only thing that's saving some of these other places is like the parking lot shows And we don't really have parking lots None hollywood at least like I said, you know, I talked to Alonzo Bowden yesterday and He said he did a couple guest sets in La Jolla And it was great, but it was like crack like exactly what I told you

I don't want to go on stage so I could do it every night for me to just go I could go on stage tonight. You and I both know there's a place we go on stage tonight a couple people have open mics I could go I could go every night if I wanted to I just can't I just can't right now. First of all, I got to stay safe There's a lot those open mics are kind of dirty. They don't you know, because they're trying to hide them the door is closed So you're in there breathing with nine to ten people. So that's not good right there So, you know what when we're ready for stand-up, we'll be ready for stand-up That's it. No big deal. I mean, yeah guys, I'm mourning a little bit when you see me now

I'm happy. I could swear to you guys There's no depression. There's no nothing. I'm fucking happy. I'm I'm okay with this Everybody's losing money. I've accepted it life. It's not about money. It's about being happy. I've accepted all this shit The comedy part of I'm not going out at night. I'm having a little hard time with it It's starting to bother me now It really is eating away at me a little bit not enough to hit somebody in the head with an ax handle Not enough to yell at my wife. None of that shit. Like we're cool me and my wife the baby The house is stronger than ever. It's just

I don't See a good future here So now I gotta make my decisions, you know After this shutdown This shutdown we did not need I could have gone all summer. We could have gone all summer How we were doing with recovery But this shutdown just destroyed us and let's

Be honest this shutdown is going to be till november to the election They're going to shut us down to do the mail in fucking whatever The mail-in voting or that's the scam. That's a word on the street. So I've accepted Nothing I could do today Yesterday morning. I got a call at 9 30 in the morning that my Philadelphia date October 24th that I was fucking looking forward

Because you know, I go to the parks casino I get there on thursday. I do nothing but eat that week. Let me tell you something. I saved my When I go to Philly, I save my weight watch a bonus points I live like a skeleton all week until I get the Philly. I hit the Philly I got 45 points to kill plus the points I got for the day and I use every fucking one of them I love Philadelphia. You know all my fucking on that breaks my fucking heart They have canceled live events in Philadelphia till february of 2021 Are you fucking kidding me? How many places are going to survive?

You know helium. I love that guy. He's got all those clubs, but that's How's he going to keep the doors open till until february? You know, I mean, this is what's actually going on I just got a call tonight From a dear friend of mine, but another friend of mine that's struggling and I explained to him that After this closing our friend cannot Mathematically make it He cannot mathematically make it in his business that he does what he's doing right now is breaking even

If they force him to close again, he hasn't paid rent in three months This is all and the rents got to be all paid in full by september 1 All right, mathematically he cannot do it. What he could do is cut a deal with the landlord make payments So it doesn't turn into a judgment So nobody goes to court and move on with his life. I mean The sadness I have is that think of how many people Have to close their business look at each other and go Is this worse?

to hemorrhage We worked for 30 fucking years to get to where we are and we could either stay open because we have loyal employees Or we could give our employees a loyal Little check and close this motherfucker And you know already you've read the people that have closed in hollywood already You've read the pumpkin places 60 year old place all over the country. That's all the news everywhere And i'm i think both sides are our fault But to me it's it's

I think the saddest part about this is it shows how divided I think a lot of people are Because if we if we all as a country agree to just shut down for two three weeks, this would be over But because some places are different than other places It it's gonna be I think it's gonna go on for it could go on for years I see it once I mean when you go out into a boulevard, you don't see You see it You see it a little bit, but you don't feel the gloom you do

As much as when you go to hollywood. There's what i'm trying to say. I'm sorry about You know telling you about listen guys. They can't all be fucking Hilarity podcast some of them have to be realism. We have to be real with one another. I told you guys march 16th that This was going to give people time to think well This fucking lockout this next one this last one the one that got issued tuesday yesterday This one broke me All part of it

Like what about My daughter's not going to be able to go to school We got camped on august 12th if they shut the whole city down Then we have no camp And basically we're only living here to do a podcast There's no film There's no tv not that that's what i'm interested in at all at all in my interest in that But uh, I just see that

We have to make a move I don't know where it's between tally ride austin texas. I mean I've been thinking about a lot of places. I have a dear dear friends and uh, ori colorado and gunnison and It's fucking beautiful on the western slope But colorado is only going to go to school in september to teach their kids how to fucking Do homeschooling. So that's the fucking situation. I got listen Sometimes you guys got to hear my fucking problems too. All right. That's not all about you cocksuckers. Okay

I come on here. I'd level my heart out fees. Sometimes I gotta tell you what's going on here Just so you know the real fact about fucking What's going on here in california? I don't know how you're feeling. I talked to king condom today She's in florida, you know, she said she did a couple gigs. It was nice to talk to her You know, uh, that's the one of the saddest things for me because I She was thinking of coming back here. She called me We've been playing phone tag and I called her and then today she picked up and She goes, I want to know if you think it's worth it for me to come back to october november

I go, I don't think nothing's gonna be here for you I think your way of new york like, you know Word on the street is the numbers are ticking back up in new jersey. I don't know about new york I haven't heard new york. I heard it's clean up in northern new york They're gonna open up a few schools and they're gonna try or something I don't really know. I don't really know what's going on. I know that if I go to new york, I'm quarantined for two weeks That I do know so as soon as you get there. You can't leave for two weeks No, you're gonna you can't anywhere from arizona, texas of florida

When you go to new york, you got you got to quarantine yourself for two weeks That's good I mean, that's what I mean. That's what you were talking about with rogan about about jimmy and in korea It's like in these places that take it seriously and quarantine you It's like you saw do you see that nba player who got in trouble had to go back into quarantine because you got to take out food No, you got to get food delivered to the bubble. Listen, I tried to tell you guys that That bubble for basketball. That's going to be very rough on them That's going to be very very rough on them. But that's what we need my heart goes. No, no, no, no, we need

We need sports to help the economy. We need sports entertainers I mean, obviously they're not shooting anything new. They haven't figured it out But at the same time You want safety? Yeah, okay. You're putting a bunch of millionaires in a bubble And I think their families are with them or whoever they want in there with them But besides that they're in a bubble Remember, it's a lot different me

Traveling with you and playing with you than me traveling with you playing with you and living with you That creates a different type of environment. I don't know how many weeks it's going to be After four months, it's going to be very fucking tough. So you mean to tell me I don't know how many teams are in this bubble. You mean to tell me as a smart american That zion williamson the rookie sensation And I hate to put it this way, but I have to just so you people understand where I'm coming from You're gonna look me in the eye and tell me that The zion williamson isn't going to sneak out to get his dick suck

Yeah, it's hard to that's who you're telling me that one of those mba players Doesn't have a dirty white chick waiting for him in Orlando because that's a home of dirty white chicks. Atlanta. That's a capital Tons of dirty white chicks looking to suck dick in the wind They knew all the entire NBA is there. Yeah, there must be flocking there. So Think about it. I'm not trying to be a wise ass. I'm not trying to crack stupid jokes I'm just trying to be a from the logical perspective here. Do you really think These guys are going to stay in there every night. Have you played sports? Have you ever traveled with that sports team? The first thing you want to do as a kid is sneak out

When I played bitty basketball all that shit, I heard stories of fucking Those guys sneaking out and buying beers and getting caught and putting sleeping pills in the coaches milk and You know, this is what you did. You snuck out. You're a kid How am I not going to have a good time in the hotel room? This is what you do. So you mean to tell me I don't know how many teams are there But each one of these guys is going to play basketball and stay in and that's all they have to do is bad I mean they even let's to do the we do That's it. They built amusements for them in there. There's shit for them to do in there

So they're not bored. I mean, we've all been in our homes for the last four months How fucking bored Are you We start organizing how fucking bored the most of you people are fucking working from your house Living at your house getting food delivered to your house How fucking bored are you at one point of the day? Do you actually feel like crying sometimes?

For me, it's seven o'clock every night at seven o'clock. I want to shut it to you As soon as I hear the first key to Dun dun dun jeopardy I just want to fucking put my hands between my head and hold them and cry, but I don't I don't I look up and I go, you know what we're going to work this thing through You know, I I feel I feel terrible for america right now There's people who are really fucking struggling. I know somebody who had a nervous breakdown last week gotta go to the hospital I'm a great lady. Dear friend of mine

It's just too much. It's overwhelming another friend of mine His mother-in-law had so much anxiety that she dehydrated something happens to your Whatever levels of something that have rushed her to the hospital Think of like an IV Because you're whatever gatorade fucking supplies Electrolites something was off in her body

So, you know, I mean, this is what's going on with people people are drinking More than ever. Well, like that's why it's interesting you talking about the kid earlier I'm very lucky that the only person I have to worry about is myself I can't imagine having the stress of Of just me and then not only do I have to worry about my kid But I have to teach her too. I have to I have to be now. Now I'm in school Like I listen, I don't mind. I had to read a bunch of shit and reacquaintance my something But what if you had to work all day? She's had a

dog dog there's parents right now That are banging their heads on the wall in America There are parents right now that are banging their heads on the wall because who's gonna watch these kids You got three kids. You work and I work How are we gonna fucking do this? So my heart goes out to those people there are parents right now. They're going Holy fuck if my kid doesn't go back to school and that's the end and I was talking about some stuff earlier

but the other side of it is How sad how sad is it that we we can't trust our government? I'm not saying that this is a fake or hoax, but There's a there's at least a chance that this is fake Like it's not it doesn't sound crazy anymore and say that I grew up trusting like I grew up trusting the president The the the police The fact like we there's at least an inkling that we can't trust what they're telling us. Well, America Is on a crossroads right now, you know, america's At a crossroads at the police america's crossroads with african americans

americans in the crossroads with latinos Won a crossroads right now and this crossroad Could leave to a civil war You know, uh, it's a lot of uh african-american hate crime now On other people the videos have been posted, you know People feel unsafe uncertain you know when Why it's going to be scary is because why I got scary as a human being

When my heart turned black, that's what I used to steal When my mother died, I thought the world turned on me and the government turned on me They wanted paperwork For me to get money that was supposed to come to me from my father and my mother So all those things broke down. So i'm reliving it. I'm seeing people go through what I went through at 16 losing their job Losing your mother losing a wife losing a child Losing your job that you've been doing for 20 years

People cameramen directors Ad's, you know, all those people people who went to school for editing And been out here editing for 20 years. They're not shooting nothing Right now right now. They're sitting at home tiddly winking You know, yeah, what about the kids on the other end who just graduated college? What about those kids? And those kids, you know, what about not having a graduation, you know, all these things are weighing on people So yes, you're non-trust in the government. You're confusion and the morning of the death of you not having a job

You know, two weeks you lose your benefits. I mean, I hate to be fucking joey downer But yes, there's ways on people the reason why we do the podcast Is so you understand that You're not the only one i'm telling you guys. You're not the only one so please Listen Like I said at once I live by these saying you never see a bookie, but a part-time job and there's no deadest prison There was a time when I thought my world was over

and It was just starting It was just starting and it was 29 years ago tomorrow So 29 years ago tomorrow I started comedy You know, I did something that I never thought I would do it was a changing of the guard. It was uh, I was at the crossroads I had a job. It paid me a good money

I had a truck. I had a fucking cell phone. I had a cool Cush job. I could you know, you know me I still woke up at six and did the whole thing But if I was a regular guy could get there at 11 Measure some roofs not me. I got up at six and went down and Helped with the roof and the supplies and I went and did my beds and all this shit I had it, but I one day I thought about it. I'm like, this is it This is it. So I'm 65 and they give me a gold watch

For being the estimator of the year. This is what I'd live for. This is what my mother for there's got to be more There's got to be more 29 years ago yesterday. This is where I was Right now was probably biting my fingers right now thinking about Stand up how I was going to fucking fail How this was going to be embarrassing Who the fuck was I I had the worst thoughts going through my head

Which are the same thoughts I got going through my head when I get on stage now Who the fuck do I think I am? I'm a bum Why am I even going down there and I gotta laugh at me? and I got off that fucking stage and The owner of the club said great job. You had great stage presence And people spoke to me and next thing, you know People were shaking my hand. I was talking to different people And I felt like fucking caring at the wedding at the goodfellas wedding. Remember she was overwhelmed

There were so many peters and paulies in the room. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, you know I mean the next thing, you know, I'm driving home with this woman. It was my wife at the time And I'm thinking how am I going to do this for a living? How am I going to do this for a living 29 years ago? Tomorrow 29 years ago right now I was probably biting my fucking nails Pissing my fucking pants crying like a pussy guys

Can you believe that that on this night 29 years ago? I was I wish I could actually remember what I was doing But if you know anything about me, I was probably having beginnings of anxiety I was I didn't think I was doing coke When I got into comedy, I really took it seriously. I did coke much later Once once my wife left there was no reason not to do coke, you know saying now I got the whole house to myself I could crawl I could play John Rambo. I could look out windows But when I got into comedy, I was pretty serious. I think I was just smoking dope

Because I'd just gotten off pissing in a bottle And something happened like I was like, you know what if I I had picked up all this responsibility Work, so I was getting out like maybe once a week It wasn't like so I was still focused You know the baby was I had a baby daughter at the time She was a year and a half. I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do? I thought I was just going to go down there and get on stage and go home

That's what I really thought that they were going to boo me I was going to get hit with a tomato And I was going to go back to roof in the next day And I got off that stage and fucking You know, I think for two hours I just sat there with my mouth open And my body felt like it had never felt before No drug could ever match that feeling after I got on stage the first time

Well, to me it sounds like a lot like what you're talking about Is happening now happened to you a few years from this point When you got kicked out of denver and you had to make the choice to leave Because you're all of your opportunity was taken from me. I got well. No, I I still had here's the thing listen guys Nobody should ever give you an invite to leave If you're smart enough You read it and you go, you know I had a situation that I knew I had to get rid of something in december

And I woke up january 21st and I got rid of that person I loved that person daily, but I just couldn't work with them anymore I had to get rid of them and I knew it for a while um What was your question just about how it's similar now to when you left denver When I left denver I had I got thrown out of the comedy works

But I still had mckelvies. I still had wits and And treble had a run there and jimmy a beta had four or five rooms had paid And the other guy had two or three weeks of paid work. I had Worked there. I can't say I had tons of work there I had worked there, but again Even then I was letting god control my life

Without knowing I let it follow. I mean I went to Fucking michigan to do like in may of memorial day weekend. I drove to michigan To do my first feature spot At a club like it was like a cold mc spot like I opened up the show But I did 20 minutes right and I did well I was really in shock And I met a girl and then she came back So in the process it

In 95 95 wasn't a good year for me It I was in a position where I was spinning my wheels. I was doing great work as a comic As a comic I was doing great fucking work But everything else in my life was shit. I was waiting around for receipts outside kmart You know, what the fuck is that? What the what type of human being does that? You know, I was just returning shit. I was You know, I would sell drugs. I would sell valium then I had a valium guy that worked at lincoln mercury He would give it to me by the thousand

A thousand valiums 25 cents. I would sell them for two dollars The profit margin was phenomenal Phenomenal I always had pocket money When you sell 10 valiums for fucking whatever 20 bucks and they cost you two Are you fucking retarded? That's pretty crazy 250 and I made 1750 or something like that So I would sell that that was my little spare change And I'm doing fucking comedy, you know

That was my life and the only reason I was in bolder was for one thing To be a father and they didn't want me to be her father They didn't want me to be a father And on the other end I didn't deserve to be a father So I planned it out. I met that girl She came and got me She stayed with me for a week in bolder And then she went to seattle

And I left to seattle maybe a week and a half later I never looked back when she offered when she offered you to go Did any part of you hold back or where you held back? Yeah, sure I held back. I had a daughter there I had roots there had been there for 12 years. I did my time. I was there for 12 years. Wow. I was in bolder from I was in bolder from 90 I was in bolder from 86 to 95 But I was in colorado total from 83 to 95 12 years

I was in bolder from 86 I hit bolder november of 86 I Had a long time. I sure I struggle with that with Uh Decision like that. I like if someone told me hey, it's time to leave Yeah, I like that But if I if it's something that I have to make it to my decision I go back and forth. I'm not I'm between you and I in the fourth wall. I knew it was time to leave in me

I knew it was time to leave. I had a funny feeling. I did not know about that. They were gonna reclose I didn't know anything about that But I saw it was time to leave in me. Oh, you mean LA. Yeah In may I was already telling people I talked rick ramos into it. He got the fuck out of here I talked my other friend to it. He got the fuck out of here. They made sense They called me and I told them you got to go. I understand your pain I understand what you're going through and I wouldn't be here Can you imagine how many people would have left if they knew it was gonna last this long?

Like if in march, you knew it was gonna last all year I bet 20 20 percent more people leave when I got the call from rogan last week that he's leaving next month That really just equated for me that That's it. It's time to Look around and say wow I pay 13.8 percent in tax The police is getting defunded The prisoners are getting out and crime is on the rise and I have a daughter in my house

And there's people walking around looking for a problem Have you ever taken a ride at night lately? No, take a ride at 11 o'clock at night Go to Lancashire and make a left and go up towards victory Wait, do you get the victory? Wait, do you see up there? Oh, and by gold's jam, it's it's demolished up there There's nothing up there By gold's jim they built the mall There's a mall to the right, but they were building that farm before this that's where the first Karen threw a fit

Yeah Right there that's where the first Karen went in there and said go fuck yourself. I have breathing problems. Yeah Yeah, but but I mean The on the main street actually on the world canyon like there used to be a couple Empty businesses couple open businesses now. There's just blocks of empty Guys, it's fucking listen. There was a pie store there called 420 Do you know I wanted a date

To 420 in 1997 with a girl up here that lived up here. Wow I went to one date with her and we met there for a piece of pie and coffee nothing happened. We just met to talk HUD golds were different than mine and uh But I still remember going in then 1997 coming up from hollywood Making the u-turn parking in there going wow Getting like a piece of dutch apple pie not giving a fuck With ice cream and after just having a chinese buffet somewhere

And so when I moved to the valley, I would take my wife there for breakfast. They had an okay breakfast But then we get the pie. Oh, yeah, and then she was pregnant. I'm gaining weight by the fucking day because she's pregnant I'm getting to be a fat fuck. So I stopped going in there But one day my daughter said to me my wife said to me, you know 420 is going out of business in van eyes They had one on van eyes and I was like, that's fucking crazy because they have all those car dealers Right. How can they go out of business? But Listen once you why that that's where it is. Oh, wow. That's where it is But then there's a 420 on lower canyon. Yeah across from gelson's

So my daughter and I were talking and she goes dad, I can go for a piece of pumpkin pie After the podcast, I'll take him for a piece of pumpkin pie. Let's go support local businesses. So we put our mask on We went in there. We went in there. We go come we got a piece of pumpkin pie Guy looked me straight in the face and he goes We got apple. We got cherry and we got cheesecake. We're closing on sundays And I'm like what I could just give me two pieces of whatever for my wife Both of them didn't like the pie like it was that was just made with the last They were just putting the last of this shit in there and they closed

And they wrote no article about it. I don't know how many years they were there But you have to look at this as a human being So, uh, yeah, we're starting to look We'll still keep doing the podcast. I don't know if Leah want to move to whatever destination I choose I I hope he does Uh, this is going to be very hard here the next two years, uh

You know as lee has seen the rents are not really Dropping, you know all I know new york has a rent moratorium going in july 31st And people getting evicted. I'm sure A lot of people are going to get evicted here. But what's even the point if like like what you're saying with your friend The rents due in september still like just That's the only thing that I think is positive about this Is that there's no

There's nothing to be ashamed about If stuff goes badly. No, I told you have to move with your mom or something. I told the dear friend of mine yesterday He knows he has to close his business Someone over there to visit him. He was outside and I spoke to him And I looked him in the face like I want you to know something I want you to know that you're a good good guy I want you to know that you provide a great service You've done a lot of great things here now

This is out of your control So if anybody's going through this stuff listening to this podcast Remember these words you are not god You are not jesus. You're not buddha. You're not any higher power Everybody's going through something right now And don't be shameful if you have to move back with your mom Don't be ashamed if you have to move into your fucking car Don't be ashamed to ask for help

Not right now not right now Listen guys, I'm gonna make a confession to you guys that I don't talk about in this podcast The comedy store I don't even know what I'm telling you this but I just want you to know What's going on in my world For the last three years the comedy store I was doing main room shows You know that

And because I sell tickets They would pay me good money and they would give me cash. So Tuesdays Wednesdays and Thursdays Was nice guys, you know, I got paid 15 bucks for 20 years I deserved the raise. Okay, let's put it that way for fucking 18 years I got $15 just like Joe Rogan Just like Paul Mooney just like everybody else just like Richard prior

Just like Bobby Lee just like the ovan Just like bill burr, but when you did the main room They paid you and they paid you cash And they gave you some good money. Now I did something I would take that cash Because I'm not ashamed to tell you guys I would take that cash And I would put in an envelope and put in the safe Never counted

And then I'd do another scam I skimmed from myself on the road, you know me dog I'm the only guy that can rob himself. Okay, you charge yourself a big I charge myself a big That's supposed to give me money for a plane ticket I always make them give me 500 bucks cash and yardsticks They're like why I don't know And then I get home and nobody knows nothing because that's part of my plane money You're following me saying to you So I take that $500 I open the safe

And I put it in there I don't even have the safe no more I got rid of it because I'm like somebody's gonna break it and take the safe Okay, so I didn't I'll tell you why I got rid of this safe. First of all, I had nothing else in there I had a gun in there. That's it. I took it out now because now you gotta protect yourself So But I'm gonna be honest with you guys for three years

every Tuesday and thursday I went to the comedy store and they gave me cash I would go home and throw in that envelope Never never counted it Didn't want to count it. I said I'm gonna save this for a rainy day Something's going to happen For a rainy day And I can't put in

Whatever they were 300s 500s, you know 750 whatever they would give me And this is the first time I've ever discussed money with you guys. I would put in this envelope COVID came along one day. I said Somebody called me and said they were having a hard time before like two weeks before COVID A dear friend of mine. I said I got you covered. What's the amount that you need? And they told me it was it wasn't a lot of money, but you know, it was money I go no problem. I mean he was a childhood friend of mine He bailed me out of 13 million fucking things

And he's struggling now. I want to repay the favor so I went into the envelope And I was going to give my wife it to cash To deposit it to write him a check So it wouldn't come out of the house, you know, my wife wouldn't say, you know, that's house money you're giving to your friends I took that money and I counted I don't want to tell you how much money was in that envelope

Well, I'd say it was 20 grand in cash plus Wow, because it was three years of filling that envelope Every week we'd kindly store money Okay, and they were all hundred dollar bills That was good Vegas. Do you know what? There's not a hundred dollar bill left Wow Remember I gave five thousand to the store

I took that money And I sent it out to my friends who I knew would need it I didn't want them to ask me I never you never let a friend embarrass themselves when they're going through hell So before they could even ask I just put it in my fucking PayPal account And sent it out Without even asking they called and said

Joey We don't want the money, but you're not gonna believe this We didn't even know how we're gonna pay our shop this month One friend of mine called because I didn't even know how I'm gonna pay my shop And I figured that was my That's how I could help during this time, you know I think I took a couple hundred for a cashelter And I donated money from the church to the men north hollywood

Whatever I went over there dropped off clothes and gave me three bills cash I dropped off all my sweatpants My big fat man sweatpants and shit. I had 20 hooded sweatshirts I just put them in a bag when they had that homeless thing Up here in north hollywood, and I went up there and dropped off and I gave the lady 300 cash That was left from that money That's it I don't I'm not mad

That's what that money was for A rainy fucking day But it was I thought it was gonna be for me Ended up being for my friends And that's what you live life for that's it Granted I'm sure everyone could use some money but Selfishly, this doesn't feel a little bit. Did it feel good to have people be that like happy

Like I know you know that's not why you did it, but when you make someone that happy it has to make you feel good You know how many stakes Joe Rogan bought me You know how many tv shows I like to entertain and put me in Do you not have any idea how many times Ralphie made took care of me? Who was he last week Josh will I would tell you the time he took me to buy three parachutes for a tv show You know

I think Brody gave me a couple hundred one time to eat This is what happens brother You can't ask back or you can't ask it back. Josh Wolf never asked back with the money for the suits You know, you know many times I just had the balls to ask Rogan for a hundred bucks And he would give it to me without blinking a guy knowing it was for drugs But what can he do? He didn't want me to rob somebody or something like that. So I don't know I mean, uh, I've had very good friends that have been very good to me How can I deny and these are kids from jersey?

These are all kids. There was a couple waitresses, you know, but these were kids from jersey that You know They go back to the sixth grade with me I asked everybody I asked a couple friends And they said they were all right, but I knew I had full of them That weren't all right. I had one friend that was moving Into a new place. I knew he needed to deposit right before he asked I just sent him a fucking certified check, you know, he doesn't have PayPal

This is what this life is about Is remembering, you know Especially in times like this. I wish I could do more I wish I wish I was bill gates and I could do more And I could just you know, but I I'm not, you know I could just do what I could do. So This is a time right now that Your bank account means nothing

Because there's somebody missing a fucking meal Well, it's the truth it's the fucking truth You know what else I did I joined a bunch I subscribed to a bunch of people's pantriots Nice I took some money. I'm not gonna tell you Some dirty girls I bought their only fans I want because I wanted to look But the reason why I did it was because I want to look at what people are putting out there What I'm doing is you can support it a pain and a painter tomorrow is my uh

29th anniversary in comedy I've been doing a podcast with you guys for years. I instagram with you guys for years I periscope with you guys for years and I got a new idea I want to do a show called the mind of joey dears and I'm gonna Tell you some stuff you don't know some stuff. You're not gonna know I'm gonna put it on patreon It's gonna be a patreon.com slash joey dears

It's uh A couple videos a week some inspirational stuff some vlogs I'm gonna write some blogs in there also And the beauty of it is it's a dollar You want to give two dollars give two dollars. I don't give a fuck You want to judge me give me five dollars. I don't give a fuck. What I'm doing is this Uh, my guy that shoots the videos He's not working. He's a director

Uh, I wish I could pay him from the church money, but as you guys see even our ads are down So I'm gonna have him use videos, you know, uh, my friend Mike Klein Does all the posters and uh, he puts up all the videos and he's at a peak also where He doesn't think he's going back to work So what I'm trying to do with this dollar is, uh Spread it around this is going to be the mind of joey dears. It's a magazine My it's a patreon account. It's got nothing to do with the podcast podcast It's still gonna come on mondays or wednesdays. I'm not fucking with the podcast. This is this is you guys all day long

It's a joe patreon.com slash joey dears This helps uh two three people Uh, doesn't make them rich, but it helps them out And we're gonna take a little bit every month and donate to a cat Saying my wife is looking for a legitimate cat thing to put up on the on the patreon uh I'm gonna give you inspirational things in the morning because they have a 15 second video

All right, I love I love it so I can just go on there and call you motherfucker cocksucker son of a bitch Uh, I've already I've been practicing on a fake site That my manager made me for the last week and They fucking loved it. They came over and they were like this is they're gonna go crazy So it probably goes live uh Sometime friday, you know, uh, we do an instagram friday night 7 p.m. You're around and you're going to vegas this weekend

No, i'm here and he fights this weekend. I think so. Yeah, okay. Good. So we'll do we'll do we'll be back friday night We'll do a little instagram live At seven o'clock at night. Just let's smoke a joint, you know What the fuck you gonna stand again and just sit in your house and fart on my league But yeah, I thought this would be an interesting idea. I don't have a day job no more guys. I don't have a night job no more I'm not looking for a handout. I'm looking to be held to something I'm looking for somebody to hold me to my commitment And the only way I could do that is I can't charge you five dollars. I'm not gonna charge you ten dollars

I'm not worth that kind of money That's why I got a couple people's patreon's to support them And to see what they were doing and I got some dirty broads to help them out You know just to see what the fuck they're doing. Those are disgusting pages They're just disgusting. I haven't seen them yet. Yeah, it's just you know I was thinking of doing it only fans and they were great service. They provided a great thing But my manager was tighter with the dude from patreon So, uh, we talked to him and he thought it was a good idea and when I told him I just want a dollar

That's it. Listen, uh, the social networks now Twitter and facebook, you know, uh, bro guys, they got a little bit too crazy They got a little bit too crazy tonight some guy wrote on there, uh When you ate that girl's pussy you robbed the girl. I never said nowhere. I robbed the girl. We robbed her boyfriend We robbed the guy she was working for People are taking everything the wrong way whether it's whether you say something funny Whether you say some I don't you know me. I don't post politically or nothing like that

I just tell you to go like I farted today. I showed you a picture of me on the bike With the helmet. Did you see that? Yeah, the nice little red helmet just to let you know. I got problems too I got problems just like everybody else. I put a little red helmet on and shit like a momo I got my little face mask out there right the bike 50 fucking minutes. I almost got hit twice today It's crazy out there. Yeah, it's crazy I go to that park and I just do circles around the loop Like all the way to laurel king and bass the cold water I just go on all the side streets and it's great. I do it at 9 30 in the morning

My anxiety fucking goes away because when I get up, I got to do something So when my wife takes the baby to fucking camp boom, I bust on that fucking bike No ipod no hearing aids. No nothing It's just me and fucking nature out there and I'm loving it. You know, I'm trimming down a little bit I'm feeling better and it's because of you guys what we've been doing here So again, it's patreon.com Slash Joey Diaz a dollar A dollar that's it. If next month you want to give two dollars you give two dollars

It's a dollar four fucking quarters. You understand me four fucking quarters Patreon.com slash Joey Diaz. That's it. Nice and easy. I just want to check in with you guys I'll let you know we're all going through shit We're all going through shit. Fuck it. No, we're not Kim Kardashian We're not up there hanging out with Kanye West with a waitress Serving this fucking shrimp. We're dying down here too. We're with you guys, man So, you know, I love you motherfuckers all my heart. But first I want to give uh Talk to you guys about fucking on it because

I think How I got my game back was without it. I'm telling you right now guys. I was having a hard time Listen, I'm not even fucking taking My babies Alex is no more No, no, don't even feel it no more. I finally identified what the fucking trigger was and You know, I exercise five days a week. I walk. I call it with my daughter. I meditate You know what? I'm feeling a lot better guys. So But one thing that got me started was alpha brain. I got a type B answer

My focus was all over the place. I couldn't write. I couldn't outline the book You know, I just couldn't do anything. I started with alpha brain And within a week I had my focus back at least when I read some I'm like, okay This is gonna work alpha brain works new mood to relax at night tremendous Shroom tech sport shroom tech immune, you know immune right now is what we were working on When you work out you're building your immune system. Why fuck around add some more to it the mct oils, you know Honor this phenomenon. I love and the alpha brain brought me back And I'll stick with them till the end of fucking time

I just finished my alpha brain cycle and I'm feeling good and in about three weeks I started a new cycle. Maybe I'll be in the domestic back then But who the fuck knows for right now tonight. I feel good. So do me a favor go to honor.com right now Try some alpha brain try some new mood to relax a little shroom tech sport So when you go out there and run no walk or whatever the fuck you're doing Your lungs feel better. You expand your lungs. Give it a shot. Go to honor Read about all the great stuff to have go to honor.com. I can't help you with the weights and club bats But as long as supplements, I got your motherfucking back. Okay 10% off when you press church

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