Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #809 - Joey Diaz: The Importance of Family

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Joey Diaz updates everyone on his and Lee's moving plans, explains why he made the decision he made, why family is so important to him, and he and Lee reminisce about some of their favorite podcast moments.    This podcast is brought to you by:   DraftKings - Download DraftKings Sportsbook now and use code CHURCH to get $1000 sign up bonus.     CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.   

Greetings from podcastville. It's Monday the 3rd of August a whole new fucking month with a whole new set of motherfucking priorities The church of what's happened now is brought to you by Draft Kings listen draft Kings is fucking legit. They're based right here in the US Things may be a little totally upside down, but at draft Kings you can rest assured your money is secure Deposit and take out money anytime at your convenience every day this week There are at least six NBA games. They're doing great in that bubble So you're on a fucking roll if you want to make money is the way to go baseball is a little men's immortal Force positives the whole fucking things and draft Kings has a deal for you place a pregame bet on any game

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Must be 21 all the New Jersey Indiana or Pennsylvania only Restrictions do apply see draft Kings comm slash sports book for details. Let me answer something. You got a gaming problem Let's help call 1 800 gamble or if you're in Indiana Call 1 800 9 with it and tell them Uncle Joey sent you but if you're still gambling Download the draft Kings sportsbook app and use code church CH you are CH To get the motherfucking party started the church is also brought to you by CBD lion calm listen their mission is pride and quality is to help spread the knowledge and benefits of CBD and

Terpenes and how they can be used to help regulate influence our endo cannabinoid systems to benefit our well-being Whether you're looking for vape pen cartridge shatter Subliminal tinctures flavorless tinctures pet tinctures gummies topical bath bombs listen CBD lion has it all go to CBD lion calm right now and press in church and get 20% off your first daughter Kick this motherfucking mule Third August I know a lot of you guys are hurting. That's why Uncle Joe is here never fear What is fucking trusted sidekick the flying Jew aka the Christ killer aka fucking mush mr Lee Syat, what's happening? You bad motherfuckers a Monday morning. I know a lot of you sir

It's a rough week Benefits got cut off, you know, we talked about this back in March Not to depend on this that this was gonna fuck with you. So They just took another 2400 hours for me and there's nothing you could do about it, you know Some people moving with their families. It's a lot of moving trucks This weekend in California. I mean a lot in my neighborhood. So It's a non-slap. But anyway, we're here and we're fucking queer another great week on the church Today, we're gonna talk to you about a couple things. We're gonna be a fast one today. No drama

It's fucking Monday. You got shit to do you got people to call and you got a straight out your fucking life right now because This COVID thing is taking over and it's setting a mark. I think they're gonna Close up a couple states this week. We might get closed up So my heart goes out to all the families and my friends that are Needing, you know, just going through a rough back and trust me. It's not you alone. Everybody's going through this shit I talked to a thousand people a day And everybody's got a different fucking situation and the shit just keeps on piling. So please Do not do anything drastic. Do not put this burden on yourself

Do not beat yourself up. This is just another part of growing up and that's all and that's that the main topics today Is that we are leaving? We're gonna do the month of April the month of August the church of what's happened now myself and Lee got some guests lined up and then Lee's going to Milwaukee To work for a month and he's like home for the winter Spend Passover with mom whatever some Jew holidays eat some shitty crackers Get some lasagna take care of himself and hopefully we reconnect again

Maybe in January or February watch the sign. We know I wanted Lee to Go out his life. It's time for leader. I've had him held up here for two days a week They is and it's time for him and I To fucking get the fuck out of dodge, you know, well, I mean, I am I'm excited for the future. It's an exciting time But I mean you say held up. It's uh, I Can't say to you and everyone listening. It's I feel like I've grown up The past nine years here, so it's I know I never felt held back or But you know what it's a I

Did all this stuff everyone says it's scary and it is I am scared, but it's also very exciting There's a lot of possibilities. It's scary and exciting at the same. This is what I told everybody in March I said listen now is the time that you're gonna get to think You know think about who you are how you became you What it takes to be you and You're gonna ask yourself What is worth it? What I mean, it's been five months for me. What's today's date the second the third I think Tomorrow is today is five months since I've been on stage Wow, okay

I you know, and I know a lot of you guys. Hey, I was a mechanic for 30 years. I've been yeah, I know We're all feeling it 29 years and today's five months without getting on stage and I probably will be canceling the Salt Lake City because I Won't be in the area anymore. So we'll we're set to leave Towards the end of August. I'm going back to New Jersey I'm moving. I got a house up in North Jersey You know my decision was based on one thing I mean Lee I got to be honest for you and for the people listening. I felt really shitty the last four or five days. I

Felt really shitty about one thing that You know the church our motto is and everybody's motto is you know It's a cliche, you know what people say that The tough get going. What's that? Yeah, when the going gets tough, you know, well, what am I doing? I'm turning around and leaving and It feels douchey of me. That's why I explained to both you Steve Simone and Dean Delray that I wasn't leaving here without you You know, you're leaving. I'm not leaving you here. It's there's no way you would tell talk me into staying Because I know there's gonna be repercussions and I don't have to call your mom

You and I both know your streets are mess at night. Oh My streets are mess at night. I mean we live in nice areas guys. I mean, what do you mean nice rebelly? He'll know but we live in a nice enough area not to see what we've seen the last two months and Yesterday I was at a play date with my daughter and another little girl and their parents and Social distancing, you know mask on we're the only people at the park and one guy came out of the trees You got to see this guys. He just walked up to us and sat there. So right away. I'm thinking this guy wants a picture I don't say nothing my wife tearing someone goes gonna help you and he goes. What time is it?

My wife goes whatever whatever time it is Then he stood there like a fucking do some bots like for three more minutes And he goes can I use your phone? No, I was no you got to go and I told the guy you got to go He goes, I got a meeting at 1115 at this place I don't know where it is and I want to look it up. I go we got no internet connection. What a fucking park You know, where are you looking for he goes? I gotta meet it a space corpse or something like that What are you talking about trees? Then you walk back into the trees the kids are playing and he goes and sits on the bench next to the kids. I

Need this Now I got to walk to the car and get the fucking gun. I Tell my wife keep keep your eye on him. I tell the other dad walk over there. I'm gonna walk to the car I didn't tell him what I was getting I Went and got the fucking gun. I sat down. I didn't bother nobody and I didn't even listen to me my wife handled it Because I didn't I didn't the way I was gonna handle it wasn't gonna be good to be honest I'd be a little bit more scared of your wife

I was not even gonna get involved the way I feel lately Unless it got physical and then I would just shoot them. There was no way of looking back I'm not putting up with this shit. I'm not putting up. I'm too old I'm too old. You know, I'm an old fucking man. I'm not gonna put up with it. I got a little kid And then we called my daughter and her friend over We said every time he comes by you move and then he finally got it went back into the bushes But this is what you're talking. This is what you know The camp by the park by the house, you know the benches

To our homeless now cops came today and talked to my wife. So the cops came talked to them and walked away cops can't do nothing They can't do nothing to you. They'll move when the cops are there and then they'll come back So now we got homeless people at the fucking the nicest park in the world So I don't want you guys to think that I'm overreacting or whatever. I didn't think of myself this time If this was just me and terry I'd stay here. I'd war it out But I don't do you I mean

I've spoken to ten diehards and now it's down to like four diehards You know and I gave rick ramo see advice three months ago So that's what I did to myself last night. I had to give myself the same advice. Listen You've been here 23 years. You did more than you ever expected to do You're gonna go home like a man You're not gonna go home as a junkie. I'm not the same person. I was when I left I still got my friends intact my friends a freeholder My other friends fucking, you know, I'm living in an area where I'm 20 minutes from everybody

And what am I gonna do go to studio 54? No, but I could still see my friends for 20 minutes I've been very lonely here the last three years. It's a very lonely place. It's a very lonely place here. You know guys, um You know many times I I've stayed at facebook over the holidays and saw you guys getting together with family 10 people And fucking night of the seven fishes and all that shit and we're over here eating the shittiest fucking pizza You know, we're over here eating shit and listen. I was invited to move to row with rogan Joe is a fucking sweetheart Uh

He made me an offer. I couldn't refuse to be honest. If you know joe He may be an offer. I couldn't refuse But I didn't listen. I've been gone from my area since 1993 To be honest with you since 1983. I only went back for nine months in 93 So I've been really gone from 85 except for a nine-month stint And three days a year when I go back to dugotham and the stress factory It really wears like I've only been gone for 10 years and it wears on me like I haven't been home for Thanksgiving

I just I haven't been home. I just you ignore it. Yeah, you put the pain aside. It's swept under a carpet You know for years it was swept in their carpet. I've been thinking a lot lately Of my first 10 years here They were a fucking struggle Why wouldn't anybody do that? You have to be insane I can't to be honest with you like when when people talk about living in their car for comedy and you you talked about it I don't think I I don't think I like anything enough to live in my car to be very honest with you Bro, I loved comedy so much

I sacrificed everything it was You know somebody hit me up on the pantry on about cocaine addiction how they Stopped doing it since they heard me and stopped The cocaine addiction and the comedy addiction Were hand-in-hand. Thank god the coke the comedy addiction won. Yeah. I was addicted to comedy Okay, the only way to get good at comedy is to get addicted

to comedy What does that mean? Hi, we're having a party tonight. Are you coming? No I forced myself to say no for years Not to 10 years Not for 15 years but for 20 years

so 2001 I knew that the only way to get good at this Was to say no you had to dive in head first I got so committed to comedy Listen, if anybody knows me like timmy halloween listens a couple of kids. I grew up with Even when I lived in new york in 93. I walked all day. I was in great shape. I rode a bike on sundays I rented a bike and I rode it and

I always lifted weights. I had a gym and uh Gutton but not gutton bergen north bergen. There was a gym on the bottom of tundly avenue in 93 I would walk there from cliffside Lift weights walk up the hill and then take a bus into the city and work I've always been somewhat of a fucking shape guy My love for comedy was so strong that I forgot about my health Between the drugs and the eating I forgot about my health. I didn't give a fuck

In boulder in 95. I was pulling teeth out with a wrench You know, you know times I had bronchitis and I couldn't afford a doctor You know, they should but they should have been 10 judgments against me from different hospitals. I went to when I was sick and I never even thought of paying them I never saw those places again. Like I never saw those bills again Thank god. It was just a no mad life. I committed to a no mad life To be a really good comic in the beginning. You have to be a no mad Yeah, eventually you got a girlfriend and you get some support and they work with you, but you're a fucking no mad

So I've been a no mad until mercy was born When mercy was born, I stopped being a comedy no mad, but now I had no choice Now I had to I had to attack comedy from a different perspective as a business This had become a business now By 2013 My comedy fun days were over I was involved in the business. I was involved in two businesses I was involved in the podcast business, which I knew nothing about

And I was involved in the comedy business, which I know a lot about But I didn't know a lot about it and I tell people all the time that you gotta Be careful for what you wish for Be careful for what you wish for Because it might come true before you write that thing down in that fucking notebook I want you to think about what you're writing and what comes with it Don't just tell me you want to be a lawyer

Tell me why and I want you to know what comes with it It's 50 hours a week of fucking in the office 30 hours a week of research You got to protect the guy that took a kid's eye out with a wrench and then fucked them in the ass And you got to go home with a straight face. You know, are you prepared to do all that? My friend just became a cop young kid He's getting sent, you know, he thought he was gonna be in a ride in a car and wave at people and pick up chicks No, they're sending them to a mental hospital for the first year where they throw shit at you and

Feces and you have to walk and we have to wear Long sweatshirts and gloves and a hood like a fucking like a Mexican wrestler Because people throw piss at you and shit. Did he really want to be a cop that much? So before you get involved in something when when comedy took over for me in 2013 On top of the podcast. I was overwhelmed man I was overwhelmed and if it wasn't For me learning from Ralphie and Joe Rogan I took a little piece from both of them and a little bit of Richard Jenny

And what I saw comics do and what worked for comics if I didn't watch those two guys as closely as I did I wouldn't have been here today Because I knew what Ralphie had to do to live And every week when I pull out of that gym on thursdays And I was just getting ready to get on a plane thursday afternoon. I would go this is what Ralphie should have been doing on thursdays And recovering that night and then doing two shows and coming right back on sunday Working out monday working out thursday walking on tuesday and wednesday whatever the fuck you have to do meetings A podcast, you know for a while there. I was running rampant. You knew it

I would what about when we first started Fucking we'd meet at 5 30 in the morning and eat edibles and smoked dope and and then we'd leave there at nine And I I could go to sleep because I was working nights. You'd have to start your day I I'd go start my fucking day and then be a dad and have the kid till 10 and then fucking right And then deal with the podcast companies and then the fucking agents And it was a fucking can I'm not crying. I'm not crying. Listen I did more than I ever expected to do

If I would have left here in 2006 after the longest yard I would have been happy if you guys forget I was quitting comedy Yeah, right before I came you said you were gonna quit when a year before you came that's crazy I was just getting ready to go sell cars 200 yards from here At a forge store. I went over to the use card department They hired me. I told them the truth about my background. They didn't give a fuck

Because the sleazy area the more sock cars yourself And I was getting ready to sell cars I think the crazy thing about la Is you're just so busy all the time. You kind of forget what you did So like that's that's what I've been thinking about in the last couple weeks is Yeah, we actually did a lot and the like you did this you worked on this And there's nothing to be sad about nothing to be sad about. I'm gonna miss you Fuck yeah, I'm gonna miss you to death. I'm gonna miss your calls in the morning torturing you

Calling you at night when you're on other bulls tricking you You know all that fun stuff We found some stars today. Believe it or not. I was cleaning up today and I found 125 milligram stars How long have they been in there? How long have they been out of business for three or four years? Whenever recreational started in california is when they are two years and they're still good one other one Fuck it. Why not? Why not? I'm already gonna end up sleeping here tonight

So there I was here with my daughter my daughter goes, what's that on the floor daddy? I go, I don't know. It's a vitamin. It was a fucking It was a fucking capsule. Oh no one of those strong ones and shit. Oh She didn't pick it up or nothing. I just saw it and swiped that motherfucker up as fast as I could Wait, I mean, yeah, even with this like we Like there's so many podcasts that have started and ended since we started ours That's something like we

I don't know any of them that are still go. They're like barely any I know people who have started and ended Fucking 16 podcasts and we've still done the one Almost 900 episodes Between like live ones How many live ones did we do 20 or 30 of them? Closed 20s at least and I got 100 with Felicia

Yeah, which I'm starting to bring back also. What the fuck you might as well get the whole dictionary from a to z Learn how I went with Felicia from Beauty and the Beast Lee said come over do your own thing. You're crazy You know, I was gonna do one with just Lee remember the first time Felicia came over and saw it She said I don't want no pieces We were crazy my back office that was way before my daughter was going to be born Way before that was the first office that like we hung out like the first like When I first met you we didn't even do anything for a while

We meet we meet at the ha ha that crazy lady with the headband I just tried to suck my dick she was a prostitute. He just left me there And then like you would like I should the It's a story I always tell And it's the it's gonna always gonna make me smile One of the first things you had me do is you should had me show you had a post a picture on twitter Not on your phone. You had a flip phone. I think on the computer and I did it and he said you're an unadulterated genius And that was it

Like you even know how to post a picture on twitter And then we like we took bong hits I turned red that one time because you could put a hash in the bong we smoked a can No, no, no, I looked I looked like a can no no We had a can of coke and I emptied it and I made holes in it the first time you smoked hash You smoked out of a can you fucking And you started coughing shit. Oh, I think that's how I started getting drunk Your face started getting red. You had to sit down for a minute. You took me to get fried chicken

And I was still fucked up though. I'm just sitting there where we go get fried chicken Remember there was a place on Lancashire that was there for like six months It was like a soul food place. Yes Yeah, you and your wife took me there and I was just zoomed out That's it's still a chicken place. It's a disgusting Chicken place now and last night they had a covid circle It had a they had last night at about eight o'clock I drove past there

And I gotta tell you something. Yeah, there you go. There you go. I just tasted it. It's still good They still got the strength of ten Martians. I just I don't even chew it. I just swallowed that motherfucker. Fuck it I'm like 250 milligrams down. That's it. My nephew came to town this weekend Nicholas and I met him here on Tuesday Lee couldn't make it that day. He had one of his clients. He wanted to meet Lee really bad He called this morning. I thought he was he called yesterday morning I thought he was leaving when I called him back last night. Go you get jersey. Okay. He goes. I'm still here I'm leaving tonight. I'm boarding in two hours. Oh, I thought you get too fucked up or something He fucking I told him not to eat those edibles

Not like that and he popped like two of those capsules the first day I gave him a thing of edibles of the the capsules right and I went to Urban trees and bought them the pills. They were the last of the pills They're coming out with a stronger pill this Tuesday Oh, god. I'm buying a case of those to take back to jersey with me Remember what remember tj english? Yeah, he missed his flight to the market. Oh my god Poor tj english. It's just been like I said, you know, lee and I

sat here and we discussed it one night All the fucking fun There was a time this podcast took six hours Oh, yeah, we six out. We did a pre one the preacher We would meet at six behind the stairs and you got to see what that office looks like Oh, yeah, that looks like fucking you're gonna get shot up there This was on top of the insurance office We went through the back. It wasn't closed

Every time I left I felt like I was like mug walking down those stairs They had like a little Puerto Rican acting class downstairs that just a bunch of shitty actors I sat in the car one night and watched them the coach. I looked him up He had been in like a fucking He was like an extra and he was teaching this fucking I was terrible He called me over one day goes we'd love for you to sign up here Like let me get your information. I want to design db. You fucking booked one thing to fuck out of here With a bunch of poor kids. Thank god

That all these people are leaving Because all these scams are gonna get re-evaluated now All these big time acting courses and all these shit people pulling here. This is the good thing about what's going on going on here now This is the revampment of hollywood This is really the revampment of hollywood for anybody who doesn't know It's going to be so tough. It's so tough to shoot right now I spoke to my buddy from the voice They don't they don't even go in and every day they go in just

for the shoot And it is like communist cuba They have to cope the big time shows The big time every day I get sag emails and they tell me not to work on certain things Which I don't get to call to work on them. Anyway, they just send you constant don't work on this show Don't work on that show because I did not know this. I thought that I thought that you had to get two nurses to put them on the set. No You ready?

It's like a 72 hour course Like a three day course that you do online And you get fucking registered and you become a covid inspector. Oh boy. So actors are doing it now to have work So they I thought it was but those real places like the mbc shows the cbs shows They're gonna have a nurse on duty. Thank god. They're gonna have a nurse and another assistant like a certified person But then making you stand separate You know, and if you see what's going on with sports the bubble does work

You know what? I'm the first one that talked a lot of shit about that fight island It worked It worked And the mba beside the escapees It's working It's working. Okay baseball Is not working because they got to go home every night. They got to travel and they got to travel It's not gonna work

Do you do you know yet how they're gonna do school? Where you're going in jersey where i'm going. I heard there's five districts in jersey that are going back to school Hoboken is going back five days a week. You got an option I feel that's a little extreme. I feel that's throwing too much spaghetti against the wall for your child Especially in the winter So what i'm gonna opt for is the three-day two-day online Where I moved where I'm moving to I picked handpicked because the school system. Nice, you know The taxes there go to the school

Not like here that there's a 66 tax on gas that we don't even know about you know and It's it's very shameful when you drive to hollywood now Unless you're a fucking retard And you drive down morose you could tell The economic recovery were 18 months away from economic recovery if there is uh vaccine by december

We are still another year away from seeing people bumping in jive Taxes are gonna go up in california You know these people that sent you these checks they're not free They're not free. I don't want none of you people to think that that's 600 hours each you got a week That ain't gonna be free So get prepared for the fucking finger up your ass and I've prepared you about everything so far I told you not to depend on unemployment. I told you just to get a job hustling get your hustles together

Lower your nut The car get rid of it light it on fire. Who gives a fuck blaming on auntie for you know Just light everything on fire Whatever you don't need guys listen when you really evaluate your life You look at things and you'd be surprised what you go without I was telling Lee what weight watches is about Weight watches is about what do you eat every day you eat 43 worth of points? We're gonna teach you how to lower that to 38 By doing certain things by not putting ketchup on your fries

By only eating a half of fries by realizing that you don't need milk in your protein shake You just need ice and a couple fucking ice cubes and you start cutting points back You know when I get blue cheese dressing now, I just get the dressing no more chunky Those chunks are fucking 10 points. I was sitting the fucking at a steakhouse Eating that chunky blue cheese like it was going out of style There's so many like every day you cut back on something You know, I haven't eaten bacon. I become a Jew. I stopped eating fucking bacon Which is you've always had bacon. It's five points a day. Wow. Yeah

You know three stripes of bacon is five points a day. You cut it down to two. It's still three And you eat it seven times a week. That's 14 slices. That's really going towards your heart at 57 Do you need that bacon? I used to eat sunny side up bags before the fucking thing I switched it to scrambled eggs and fucking oatmeal So every day I switch it it's either scrambled eggs one piece of toast A little bit of butter or six points for oatmeal That's it with cinnamon and that's a tevia What's that shit? Sevia. That's a teva. Whatever the fuck it's called and I'm good and that's what you're gonna have to do with your life

You have to step back from your life Right down your bills And write down what's gonna work and what's not gonna work I'm gonna tell you something right now guys And I'm telling you this from experience At this point there's nothing on tv You could turn your cable off. You're just getting depressed You don't need to watch the news. You already know what you already know that people are dying. You're already, you know, you know all these things

Why do you have to keep telling you that read go online? Read what you have to read and eliminate the other shit You don't have to hear about 10 guys getting shot. You don't need all that negative shit in your head Get rid of cable get rid of it save 80 dollars. Whatever the fuck it is a month You could live on Netflix and hulu either or Pick one. Okay, you know fucking

You know Get cut coupons Yeah, what about because you've been packing too Is it isn't that crazy how much stuff we're just throwing away that we didn't need that I was keeping in my house That I've moved to eight different apartments that I don't just don't need at all. Listen. I donated I didn't like I donated the books that I had bought over the years

To give some bobble lingus and other Church members those will be those are possessions to me I packed those all up the rest of the dumb shit I had how to grow weed and all that I put that on the school the school has a little bench And you could put your books there. I put the weirdest books there I found money In those books I found hits of acid I found naked pictures of women in those books. Whatever gave me those books were fucking crazy

People would give me books of shows about like their authors You know, I had a time period there where there was a company that was just sending me books by authors For me to pick an author to get on the podcast. I can't read a book that fucking fast That was sending me 18 books a week. Jesus. I gave all those away. Should I don't even know about Navigation and I don't know nothing about that. I don't make a bomb. I don't need that in my life You know what I'm saying? So I gave all those books out all the uh, uh, uh You know bobble lingus has given me

books that are gonna be in my shelves forever from Pete Rose to You know sapaida to the picture from the boston red socks I mean, he just knows was to get me Roberto Clemente Bruce Lee books. All those books are in the box Ready to go. I've been doing something every day. You have to tonight. I'm tonight when I get home Yeah, tonight. I'll fucking uh Load the notebooks and shit. I'm gonna give you a couple podcasts notebooks And we're gonna send some out as gifts to bobble lingus and jb

machete and fucking Scott Cunningham and uh, and my personal people Deborah hubster I got books from every year all the guests from 2014 Yeah, who the sponsors were what we talked about So I'm gonna I got those I found those I looked through those and they started crying You know, I opened it up and it was like the pimps named the guy from the fucking thing

I have I had he signed a book for me. I don't know if to give it away or not I feel weird to have it that book. What's the book? It's the art of the pimp or something and he signed it You know, I think I got one of those. I think I saved mine. Maybe I should keep it. I felt weird I felt weird but he's dead out of respect. You might as well keep it if you ever get AIDS You can read it when you're in the hospital You know There was a couple guests I had to get coke from to get on the show. Oh, yeah You know, I won't even tell you like I had to call a coke dealer

And the coke dealer would come over and put it somewhere and I wouldn't even touch the look at it I would trick the people and tell them to come on. I had to give them blow I mean guys You have no idea the behind the stories or some of these fucking stories out of here that we've seen that lee Lee has seen shit That we could sit here for hours and fucking talk about Lee has seen some creepy Fucking shit near that

It's just been a wild ride, man. It really has and we have nothing to be ashamed of Like I said, I'm a little upset I'm leaving some good people behind, you know Brett from subconscious jiu-jitsu coach and from strength Dean whatever My other girl from strength code My other girl from

You know, it's it's crazy Kida from bully busters. My daughter is going to be so fucking upset I could see key key the kisses are now every day Like i'm counting the days like it's so But mercy wants to go mercy's really she's excited nice you know, man One day we were here doing a podcast her and I

And she went into a diatribe And it fucking broke my insides Because it realized she was my little girl. She just didn't know what she was saying You know We got pimped out at cofax the this is the school district that we went Now this district over here has a lot of great schools You've got oakwood. That's a private school. That's like 44 000 a year 50 000 a year for elementary school For elementary school, you got camber hall, which is 44 000 a year

And there's another private school know the dame academy at that That's gotta be you're kicking in 50 grand a year and these people nickel you the debt every time they see you their hand is out And all those private schools you can't believe you're paying 44 I would not sign up for the 44 000 plan because I know 10 kids who went to that school. They're retarded I know one girl Who went to that school and she's not fucking retarded. She's an attorney. But besides that Everybody else And plus how how can you just that's

what half a million dollars more for Yeah, I didn't want to do that. So For years, you know, burkhraisha everybody Oh wait till she goes to cofax wait till she goes to cofax. Let me tell you something First day I walked in there when she was in the first grade. I'm like, who went to school here abel Lincoln The fucking school is old And from the first day they're hitting you for fucking money

They're hitting you up for money and you look around and some of the parents are celebrities. They don't say nothing but The first year was great Mercy had a great time kindergarten Fucking tremendous teacher. We couldn't shut her the fuck up about the teacher Spanish lady sweetheart. I still see her at different supermarkets You know, we gave her a fucking state card

When she graduated kindergarten The teacher the teacher was dynamite first grade I don't know what the fuck happened over there I don't know what the fuck happened over there My little girl was not that happy. She wasn't talking about school. She's still a happy little girl But she didn't have that pep in a step. She had In the in kindergarten teachers matter at that age a lot the teacher was not bueno guys Something was not off there and then like that october

We had to go to a school function And guys this is way before the rogan article and all that shit Nobody said nothing And I sat there with my wife and then my wife went there for a book sale and she said that My wife's like, where's uh You know, there was like Spanish history And she goes where's the Spanish history and she goes we put them over there because they don't buy anything

And she goes you don't realize that my husband's Spanish You know and then My wife has an african-american couple that the kids good friends with He heard it And he goes I wonder where they put up where they put our shit And my wife goes you guys by the Spanish people Like african-american studies are by the Spanish people

So my wife felt it. She didn't say nothing to me She never said nothing to me. She just felt it a little bit. No, I'm not again You know me. I don't give a fuck about systematic racism. They can suck my dick I'm gonna run it till I run it. You don't like it sniff my fucking nuts out. So We're here one day me and my daughter were doing a podcast on whatever the fuck the ocean the solar system And she goes into this diet trap when we finish sometimes she sits down and she writes I'd make a right what she experienced and how she thought she did, you know when we get here She has to outline the paperwork. It's like an hour

The video takes 18 minutes. No, I got to watch when it was great to see it. I make a prep it the whole thing and She goes daddy I don't like fancy people And I go, what are you talking about? She goes well At the school and she saw the name and names of kids And she goes they're just fancy and they're not real And they don't feel authentic and everything feels off And what she didn't know she was describing Gentiles to me

She didn't know it She just knew something wasn't right and she spit it off a bunch of names and I'm like, oh my god This little girl this little girl's telling me what I think she's telling me And she said she didn't like that that she doesn't like the way those people act How they treated her she didn't like that and I go, what are you doing? She goes, I just avoid them You know, she goes, I just avoid them. They don't pick on her. You know, we had a little problem at the camp And she said the girl wouldn't leave her alone. I go mercy the next time she comes up to you Go into your fucking

fight stance And she'll never bother you again And two days later the little girl said something mercy went into a fight stance And mercy's got a hell of a right punch. Oh, I got a kick too and the kicks she's fucking listen They train her over there like a little savage. She needs to get rattled See what's gonna happen to her is what happened to me I had the tools but I needed to get rattled first And then I realized how to use those tools and she's gonna be a deadly kid

And I'm not telling you this because she's my daughter. I'm just telling you because When we came here today, she had a mask on We were talking and I didn't have my hearing aids on I'm like, why do you got the mask on and she goes I've gotten so used to it that I don't mind worrying it if it keeps me healthy and you healthy She's a smart kid, you know I'm very fortunate. My wife has worked with her. I'm hands off there. I fucked up the Spanish and she avoids me like the plague But all these things were the reasons Why I'm leaving I would listen

I'm gonna I don't you know Whether it's a patreon facebook twitter all the messages are always, you know, thank you for helping us out you and lee I've lived through a thousand fucking things man When I started this podcast with lee It was for you to avoid the same landmines. I put myself in Mindfucks landmines whatever the fuck you want to call them That we put ourselves into that's all this podcast was about It got humorous. We had a great time

But you always got something out of it. I wanted you always to get something out of this That's the most important thing we wanted you to get and to feel good I read a like when we were three years in I read a thing once that all we did was complain We stopped complaining, you know, we focused on the meat And the word I hate the most the positive angle on the podcast How to make you feel good. Do we need a four hour podcast? It would just kill the whole thing You're gonna show it off after an hour and a half So we gave it to you straight direct. We kept it short

Honest and to the fucking point. Yeah Every podcast has been different some you don't laugh at but you learn something Some of your laugh at some shit we say is just playing out fucking horrific And but you know what the whole time we've had fun and guess what? I've become the man I am Not because of comedy Or prison or any of that shit. You know, I became the man I am because of you guys Because for me to sit here and talk to you guys

I had to walk the fucking line. I couldn't just talk to talk. I had to walk the walk to show you guys That you don't talk to talk talking is for fucking jerks. You walk the walk I told you I would be here every monday and wednesday. I'm here every monday and wednesday unless there's a fucking problem Even when I shot the movie in new york, but I'm not sending you messages and shit lee and fucking Sponsors over the phone on tape My whole thing was to get to you. I know where to fuck you at. I know you I know you from your comments I know you from your emails. I know you from the way you act. I know you I know bob olingas. I know who scott cunningham is. I know these guys

You know, I know sir joe taga sir joe taga has been with me Since beauty and the beast when he wrote us an email about fucking his wife on an ambulance I'm like you're fucking nuts or a hearse or something like that ambulance, you know It's it's been an amazing fucking ride But the most important thing I've gotten out of this is that I've had to walk the fucking walk You guys would have not taken the ride with me if I didn't why a that a bull side fucking You know in the beginning we would do 18 bonkhead speaking of which it's bonkhead time But the fuck or whatever you got a pipe a joint take a breather. Why are we working so hard here? You know what I'm saying

Speaking of I mean you said like we wouldn't have been consistent That was the main thing from the beginning is you would always talk about consistency But for the first seven years, we didn't take a break Well, we didn't we didn't take a week off. We didn't take a day off in life. There's no breaks In life, there's no breaks Somewhere in your mind In the american society You've decided that you need a vacation

vacations are earned As an american you got to earn a vacation You people who fucking get a credit card and go on vacation on a credit card Shoot yourself. You're never gonna work that off If you think every year by going on vacation. No, you put away money To go on a vacation, but before we even go on vacations Did you fucking earn it? Who the fuck are you that you need a vacation? You don't do dick. You don't do dick. You know what I'm saying? You got to earn vacations

I wanted to teach you guys that holiday, you know, there's something I hate about I love the holidays I love christmas. I love thanksgiving. I don't like the brain debt Just because it's christmas now your brain dead december 8th You're thinking about oh, I want a nintendo. I don't give a fuck what you want. It's the 8th snap out of it Come on. It's the 8th. We're fucking 20 days away. We'll burn christmas down to 24th, but right now. I need you here This is why I'm never like holidays, you know a week before the 4th of july in LA. There's not an audition There's nothing i'm lying to you. I booked my first commercial for the july weekend uh taco bell, but This is why I didn't believe this in life

For years when I was growing up. I saw these people who went on vacation I was friends with them and then they come back and tell me how much they put on the credit card I never understood it. That's not what a credit card is for a credit card is for emergency now you guys Are paying off those fucking credit cards from stupid shit you did don't you wish you had that money to burn now? Because now all you got to do is make a minimum payment They'll they'll keep giving you credit on the 34 and call them up and ask them for a bump They're giving our bumps like fucking blowjobs now They're giving our bumps right now on credit card. Do not believe no

Call your credit card and sanny and nicks for neck them over there He'll they'll give it to you if you pay your bills every month on time And then you're paying the minimum payment. Don't raise your level. You will not go without groceries Well, yeah, well, they want you to pay the minimum payment. Yeah pay the minimum payments So they can get you who gives a fuck you pay the minimum payment and you're out of the fucking weeds Nobody your interest keeps going up. What are you gonna do? They there's no debt is prison. I'd rather you not starve to death. All right, absolutely I don't want nobody on this show starving to death. I'd rather you fucking

Do whatever you can cut a deal with the landlord tell him you ain't getting dick You know i'm saying cut the tv and just put a sofa against the door They're not getting in there. You know i'm saying fuck it. They're not getting in You have to worry about yourself right now You have to make the right decisions for yourself right now. There's nothing wrong with going home and living with mom You think let me ask you motherfuckers a question. You think if my mom was alive and had a basement I wouldn't get an airbnb for two weeks and dequarantine them moving my mom shit Like judas priest said you got another thing coming

Why did I totally go home and be with his mom because everybody right now Needs to go back and start all over again If I had a mom I'd be close to my mom if I had a dad I'd be close to my dad. I go ask questions I go ask questions about what my family was about. What is all this stuff about? um

I try to find out who the fuck I was to the tea Sometimes going home centers you Believe it or not. I know your mom's a painy ass and your dad asks a lot of questions But guess what? I don't have a mom or dad. I would give my fucking right hand To go home and seek knowledge from my mom or my father right now if I had him Or a brother or an older sister or an older brother So right now don't be ashamed about going home if you have to pack your bags and go back to Oklahoma, Missouri or fucking wisconsin or fucking jersey

There's no shame in it, you know, and my shame wasn't leaving here With a slap to my face My shame is that I'm leaving a lot of friends Uh behind I feel like I'm leaving vietnam That's this is vietnam This has become vietnam for some people What is vietnam shit? You never thought you would ever see in your life Shit that nobody expected to see in their life

But you also have to I mean you have to take care of yourself. You can't You're not in charge of other people's lives and you can't you can't hurt yourself because of other people That's great. It's not my dna. I worry about my friends. Why I have friends If you don't sincerely fucking worry about them and their health and their welfare, why do you have friends? That's another reason why I'm leaving here There's no friends We have hollywood friends here I'm not saying nothing bad. I have a lot of good friends here

But they're not the friends I grew up with They're friends But they're not the friends I grew up with comedy just doesn't provide that For some reason comedy makes you be friends, but Not really, you know Speaking of which, uh There's a lot of shit going on In the news and uh, whatever

And I'm gonna throw my two cents in Because uh, you guys have always listened to me And uh, you know, I'm a no nonsense type of guy, especially when I talk about this type of shit I'm a criminal I am no reason to lie to you about that. I've done a lot of criminality shit There's one word in my vocabulary. I was hurt. I was I Was raised to hate this word

And uh The word is rape I don't like that word. I've never really liked that word When I was 10, I made the mistake and uh behind my mother's back. I want to see the movie death wish The first one It's a horrific for it. It's a horrific scene for a child to see If you haven't seen death wish watch it I remember sitting in that movie theater and watching this woman get raped brutally

And saying to myself that could be my mom And that feeling went away and then years later I found out about That my aunt Rosita was getting raped at a fucking party in Cuba And my mother broke a bottle Her to getting raped in the bushes And she stuck the bottle on the guys back and ripped them open and my uncle told me she came home With a white dress on covered in blood and they had a rusher out of the country So growing up my mom had a

A certain Thing, you know, like when she raised me You know, it was just something that was just something About that word that has always bothered me When I when I got locked up I talked to anybody. I don't care if you sniff glue I don't care if you kidnap somebody I don't care if you lit a house on fire

I don't care if you I didn't care about the drugs. I didn't care what drug. I don't care if you sold I didn't talk to rapists or pedophiles. They were kept aside Everybody knew who they were. You didn't talk to them Every every three months one of them got a beating And the cops didn't the guards didn't care You know, what are you gonna do? How can you? Every once in a while the guy used to hang out went in jail Clark There was one pedophile that he would beat the fuck out of once a month knock his tooth out one night

He knocked his fucking tooth out Guy went to the fucking kitchen the next day with a missing tooth eating breakfast There was nobody he could run to because everyone makes mistakes, but those things are like that's a lot of a mistake I mean, I don't I don't just something about that whole word And I'm no fucking angel, but I've never raped anybody. Okay Uh, friday or thursday, I wake up to allegations Against uh, what's his name? Brian Callum now I've known Callum since 1999 maybe 98. I met him through my dear friend and brother Joe Rogan

Uh, Brian Callum has always been a ladies man I uh had the pleasure of going with him in 2001. I didn't go with him He was there when I got there to a acting cold reading workshop And that legitimized our friendship. We sat together We shared notes and after that he lived in new york For years Brian Callum and then he came to LA and that's when I would see him and uh We became tight through Joe and we went on different things together different road events together, but

uh You know There'd always be a broad you know what i'm saying. There'd always be a broad he's talking to A girl that would come to the show nothing No young girls. No nothing. They were just normal girls and sometimes he would leave with them And sometimes he would talk to them until we all left and we'd leave together How well do I know Brian Callum? I know him well guys

I know him well Do I see the word rape in Brian Callum? No Do you see the word rape in Ralphie Mae? When Ralphie Mae got accused of rape my fucking insides flipped my insides is still flipped about that You know what whatever you want to say you're gonna say before you accuse somebody of rape I'll make accusations of rape. You know what especially 21 years later And I know women get silenced. I know that you know what man if you get raped call the fucking cops

Make it easier for everybody Now 21 years later. You're upset in the natural balance of things And i'm not a houdini. I don't know if you did I don't know who's lying here. I just know who Brian Callum is and You guys know i'm not I don't know about psychotherapy. I don't know about Nothing about anything, but I know human beings. I study human beings. I fucking study him and

Does he sling dick? Yes Is he a rapist? No No, not at all. So I just wanted to give my piece on that. He's a dear friend. I called him immediately As a matter of fact last week. I met with crystal here Just to look him on the face talk him off the ledge and let him know I love the kid I've seen the emails. I saw the but listen for me. I'm from a different world. Okay, you ready from the world

I'm from are you ready to press charges? You got charges to press? No, then shut the fuck up If you can't press charges shut the fuck up shut the fuck up If you're not prepared to come to me with the evidence To prepare charges shut the fuck up

I am not I told you this Last year guys when that fucking judge got accused of covering the girl's mouth That this was gonna be trouble I knew it would be trouble for me. It would be not in a sexual way But right now anybody could say anything we're living in a world Where anybody could say anything All I want you is to do is to Let's be honest. Let's do like law and order

Present the evidence from both people and let me make an educated fucking guess here Present the evidence from two people And let me and then let me make the obvious fucking decision. Is that fair america? Is that fair england? Is that fair to uk? Is that fair panama? Is that fair china? Is that fucking fair enough columbia? if you have the proof I want lee's story and I want the broad the lady's story Right in front of me and let me make a decision if we have enough to press charges

Then i'm wrong. I owe you an apology and i'll drop the fuck out of the world But if you're not prepared to press charges Do me a favor go fuck yourself. Have you been accused of something you didn't do? Doesn't fucking feel good Doesn't feel good. Let me tell you something in the heat of my fucking thievery and shit There was a point where I was getting accused of everything And I accepted it because I had to I was a thief They weren't lying but

I didn't do that particular job There was a lot of things. There was something that really really edged me on in 85 A dear family I was friends with when I was living in cresco accused me of robbing the house And you want me to tell you something I knew the accusations were coming Hey It was 1985. It's 2000. I've told you things. I don't tell anybody else. Guess what? I didn't rob that house I was accused of it. It really did something to me

You know, I got accused of robbing a lot of shit. I didn't give a fuck. I had no interest in those people I don't give a fuck. They were just drug dealers But there were people that I really cared about I got accused of this It ain't me alive for years. It ain't me alive and just last year I went home and The kid who robbed the house, I guess went to AA and you got to tell your sins You know, you got to tell everybody you fucked over and he went to the family and cleared his name or something like that

Really? Yeah. Oh, shit so And I wrote a blog about it years ago and the guy hit me up on faith on my space When I was writing blogs on my space, I wrote a story about how much that really Hurt my feelings. I remember getting accused and the first thing I did was I called the chief of police Jarad Bizzaco senior. He's still alive. I think hopefully if not, God bless his soul I called him direct and I said, listen, I've been accused of robbery in north bergen What do you want me to do? You want me to go down and give my fingerprints?

Because I didn't do it and he goes, let's hold off And see what the evidence is and he goes detectives went up there And I never heard anything back again, but I was willing to fight for my life I didn't I know what I robbed and I know who I robbed And I had not robbed these people What also was it because you had a relationship with them like as as a thief Why are we going why like why did it bother you so much? I

Because they were false They were false accusations And it pissed me the fuck off. It hurt me to the end I deserved it. I had it coming. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I didn't have it coming If I tell you that then I'm wrong But just how I felt was horrible You know this whole thing that went on six weeks ago

I went from telling the story That was A story on the fly that I had forgotten about And I even said it in a weird fucking way. I never even performed in the belly room in those days And I said belly room You know, even after that happened I read things I could read I read what they took

With the little thing and how they blew it up into coercion They used the word rape. They used a bunch of words and I was like, oh, we're living in a bed We're living in a bad space right now. We're in a bad space mentally If you're looking at all this, you know, two weeks ago, they canceled Brian Callans and Delia's show And I read the article in the LA Times, but I saw it on twitter And it went from Chris Delia To Chris Delia allegations to Harvey Weinstein Nobody deserves that

Delia sent the fucking email to an underage girl without knowing Harvey Weinstein raped And fucking cut deals with women to put them in movies big fucking difference in my world Big fucking difference in my world Okay, am I mad at Harvey for the rape? Fuck yeah He's a big piece of shit. Am I mad at Harvey because the chick sucked this dick to get a role in the movie Look what they did to Marilyn Monroe They killed her the death with dick They dicked Marilyn Monroe to death and then they hit her with a hover

They shot her with something they they killed like Michael Jackson You think about this shit, you know, look at how Marilyn Monroe died. I don't fucking know Some pills. I don't who the fuck knows, you know They killed her the death. They fucked her the death between the Kennedys Sam Giancana This guy that guy everybody was giving her dick, you know Everybody's surprised by what goes on in Hollywood. Do not be surprised

There's some victims but some people going there knowing what time it is From day one. I'm sorry to put this bluntly and if you get offended, well, then get offended But I'm telling you that this comedy scene this movie entertainment scene. This is the creepiest world You'll ever enter in your life. Okay. You saw a couple weeks ago. Will Smith and his wife You know, you're seeing this this is opening up right in front of you to let you people know We live in shit All these people that you watch on tv That you're in love with guess what they're not the people that you think you are

And here you are watching them thinking what you know, what does Ellen DeGeneres do now? Did she need this shit? I've heard that from the Ellen show for years for years. I've heard that shit very depressing For years, but you motherfuckers think she's a fucking savior Oprah on the other hand runs a good ship Okay There's a big difference And I want to say about the people that you've brought on to the show

There's some people who haven't been nice to me. There's some a couple weirdos But for the most part everyone that I met like for me to be able to meet Ralphie was very cool for me I I knew about Ralphie growing up And he he treated me with nothing but love Gabriel came in here fucking who just So many other people came in here that that there are still good people in this town

But you have to search for it There's very good people in this town. I saw George Perez today You got Steve Simone. You got Dean Delray. I mean, I'm worried about Dean Delray Dean Delray is gonna stick it out move to the desert Or move to Arizona You know, uh, I heard Steve Burns moving. I spoke to Theo this weekend. He's in Nashville looking at houses He went fishing You know, I mean

Nobody's giving up Nobody's bad mouth and nothing nobody's saying nothing what I'm trying to say is You have to know in your heart when something's over When I see What mercy and myself and my friends are facing I feel horrible for Lee Even though he knows I love him to death The last month Lee could have been out of here the last year Lee could have been out of here He could have been he could have gone back to law school

Lee stays around for me for two days a week For five days, he sits there waiting for fucking the bluebird. It happens to show up. I know what you go through, buddy That's why I call you. I torture you I give you edibles. I try to brighten your life the only way I know how to do it Dude, you're my you're my you're my your family out here the only family I I moved out here knowing nobody and it's it's very weird But like this is a place where if you live 10 miles from somebody you're not gonna see you're not gonna say And you you I remember going to I didn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving

And I remember having Thanksgiving at your house when there were people there and then For most people might have been a sad Thanksgiving, but looking back it was funny I remember your wife was so pregnant that she didn't even eat And we sat out just me and you we sat on the couch and watched TV and it was depressing But it was good, but it was still fun. It was great. And that's what I'm saying. Listen by living out here. You give up a lot In this world you give up a lot It's not the sacrifices and getting the nose at the audition and Netflix doesn't want you That's not enough

You're without the people who took care of you all your lives And after 30 years I got really sick of not having that When I went home last year for Sopranos It all came back to me. So We're gonna keep doing these. I think we're gonna try to go Uh for you to have episodes till uh, September we're gonna release some surprises for you

never before seen surprises for you and uh Who knows what's gonna happen? I want the best for Lee. I want the best for you guys And I know you want the best from me as of right now Twitter stays Instagram stays I don't know what I'm gonna shut down the facebook my heart goes out to scott And you know, he tried really hard to create something pure and

You know, scott cunningham will always be the fearless leader. I'm gonna talk to My management this week about putting some type of board together For the church and it's scott cunningham run Uh, hubster fucking this is personal bulldog Hubsit decides everything she's been slaps everybody LaLingus is the treasurer We'll figure it out with Bob LaLingus. You know, we're gonna make a little committee I know which one of yous are really in which one of yous really want to have a good time

And which one of yous really want to stay family with me because we created a family And I don't want you guys to leave anywhere. That's why I created the patreon for a dollar I don't give a fuck what's a dollar dollar i'm gonna change it I you know, I have a lot of fun on the patreon The other night I got fucking stolen the bedtime story on patreon You know why and I I was like oh my daughter's room and get a book And actually read you a bedtime story, which I'm gonna do this week one night for you I'm just gonna pick a book like I told the lead I told the three little pigs on the run

I don't know the three little pigs he huffed him puffed. He had co pd whatever the fuck But this week I'm gonna read you a bedtime story on patreon a real one every every every week from now on one night It's gonna be like a three minute video of me just reading your bedtime story. All right, and with that said I love you guys with all my heart. I have uh This has been a real fucking pleasure for me. What's happened with this Just all started by telling the story about lightning hookers wig on fire and you guys Never backed out after that if I would have heard that story

I would have shut that channel off And ran the other way not you motherfuckers you guys say it on Some of you is left you came back. Yeah, it doesn't matter You'll always be part of the church and with that The church is brought to you by draft kings. Listen Draft king sportsbook isn't available where you live yet. Don't forget about fantasy. They're offering a shot at one million dollars every day this week Draft kings is legit that based right here in the united states and motherfucking america not in some fucking Bahamian bank

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But most importantly, I want to thank you guys for being here for eight years And I want to thank you guys for continuing to be here. Okay Uh, I'm not going away. Lee's not going away. We're still going to be in your life at least once a month. We'll figure something out But for right now, I have a great day today If you're having a bad day, I'm sorry This is going to get worse, but you know what? We're gonna get through this together. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great monday. See you back here wednesday morning tip top magoo ready to go Kick this fucking mule

You