Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - #817 - The CHURCH - Goodbye for now and a surprise guest

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

After a wonderful eight year run, The Church of What's Happening Now is taking a break. This is not goodbye. The Church is a family and what comes from this will be better than before. Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt get together for one more run in LA. Stay tuned for a surprise special guest at the end...trust me, it's worth it. Love you guys. Thank you for all of your love and support.  Love, Joey and Lee This podcast is brought to you by:   DraftKings - Download DraftKings Sportsbook now and use code CHURCH to get $1000 sign up bonus.    CBD Lion - For all of your CBD needs, from shatter to gummies, go to www.CBDLion.com and use code CHURCH for 20% off.                          Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout on your first order.      

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Please go to honor and look at the final line of supplements They got and now that that's out of the way welcome to the last church kick this fucking mule Lee Oh Shit No more fucking excuse. This is the year of the fucking soldier. We're going in like fucking Marie I don't know where to start on this one all I could say is that uh It's been a hell of a journey today is August 31st 2000 and this podcast started September 2nd 2012 as well when we started this podcast

We had no high hopes or no, it wasn't that we were gonna go to the top and Beat up fucking mark man. It wasn't nothing about that stuff. We did it for an intention and The intention was to let people know that you could fuck up and come back from the grave and we went on there We we used to start at 6 in the fucking morning I know You know and and and start and smoking edibles and smoking weed and doing edibles and we'd leave there at 9 fucking I was fucked up for the day, you know We had to cut I had to cover the mixer with a tub because your cats would be

Look it was your office We started my fucking office then my wife came up pregnant Then we moved it to Lee's office for a while. That was fantastic And then we went we got thrown out of there and then where'd we go? We went to the office on fucking the Blunt Street over there where they almost killed this right with no no AC and Black Christian like church group that I thought we were smoking weed the entire time and we were hitting the vapor pen They're like knocking on the door and shit. You'll see it on the sizzle reel Lee Put together for you guys. We put a couple nice gifts together for you guys

We just didn't leave you out in the cold Dang then from there went to the crazy office up next to the in and out up there. That was fucking nice That's where the rapist Ron Jeremy came in and played the harmonica. Oh, we had the pimp come in Rudy we had Stephen Bowie come in with a bottle of fucking when 22 bottles of vodka We got angel Salazar doing bumps in there. I mean, that's what we did the famous Ari acid podcast You know talk about a podcast that Still people talk about four dudes three dudes doing a hit of acid

Duncan sent me a picture in the middle of it of some Mexican guy dancing with a pussy. He cut his dick off. I Said that to everybody only one person got mad at me Joe Rogan. He's like what the fuck is this shit? But it's been a journey and the best part of his journey Was getting to meet a lot of you people from Jay Buschetti to to Bob Lingus to Deborah fucking the hubs is out of fucking mind You know cunning and Scott, I mean This is the weirdest connection that we we have I mean we

Call on a computer and we talk to one another and we care for one another My man V up in fucking Toronto young kid. We talk all the time. I mean, there's some solid good people on there But listen, we're not going to win. We're still gonna be out. I gotta shut Facebook off For two weeks. It's probably off right now. You're saying Joey's not returning my things. No, man I had to shut it off because on my iPad. I only have Twitter and Patreon I'm gonna focus on that one Jersey waiting to move into the house, which I should be moving into tomorrow right now So congratulations. Yeah, and I'm pretty happy about that. But this has been a very Great journey and it's been great sitting here next to Lee

Watching him grow in more ways than one from the fruit juice diet to the You know to the many diets of Lisa. I had it has been an honor because I'll tell you what Lee is a kid that He's nothing but heart man We put him through hell to this podcast He was eating no stomach. This kid never did nothing. He never did nothing. He never even snorted a chick's fart and We got him in here eating 2,000 milligrams and fucking

eating Jehovah Witness bills and whatnot. So he got banned from Vegas. Listen people him and the singer Motley crew a band from Vegas, that's how I high-level Lee is so when you think of Lee Lee is pretty fucking high-level he took a lot of bullets for this podcast and and he really made it complete it was a it was a yin and yang type situation neat Lee's Niavity, you know Lee's being naive and me being the fucking street fucking

Priest that I am it really led to a great combination and Yeah, we had some bumps and bumps, but we never gave up You know even when I read, you know bad comments from you guys and stuff I knew that you weren't being I knew that you weren't being scumbags. You were being honest So we upped our game along the way. We dropped off the shot outs We lighten up on the weed and the edibles. We tried to give you the best experience that we could give you I mean, we were getting up at 6 in the morning We were basically making 100 hours of peace from one sponsor

We were doing it out of love for you guys that we found, you know, I Found the solace here. I found Peace here, you know, and I got that same piece on patreon now because we got rid of a lot of those knuckleheads It's very easy to do what you do, you know Once it becomes a job and that's what happened there guys that I was fine, man I was about to sell cars. I hooked up Felicia. We started doing a podcast after police started doing a podcast and You really in life got to be careful what you wish for because it blew up from all different angles, you know The road you guys supported me on the road. We were doing theater tours and I

Can't lie to you. I can't lie to you. I kept it straight in front of you guys, but I was very overwhelmed You know, why would somebody want to get a picture with somebody who kidnaps somebody That was always what was on my mind after shows and you guys have come up to me You want to take a picture like would you take a picture with a fucking conveyor, you know But all these things were done through this microphone You guys picked up certain things through this microphone. I picked up things from you from this microphone I mean dear friends. We have a buddy down in Austin With the rock and roll body. I'll be sharing, you know, you got Greg and Lynn up in Seattle. I mean we have

Dear friends that we've made. I don't know what happened to Dante gazini. He stopped writing letters. Fuck him He didn't know I was getting 10 letters a week. What do you want me to do? What am I in prison Dante? I'm gonna read a lot every fucking week. He hunted me down, but he's a good man. He had a good heart mentioned well, we got out of fucking resident Armenian Berge who was here last week I threw him a fucking notebook and I'm gonna be sending out some stuff to Scott and Deborah and Bill I mean Bob and Jay and we got we found some nice little relics here, but it was It has been just an experience, you know, I was an open-micro in comedy and I was an open-micro in the podcast game and

You guys molded me into being a Good podcaster which meant a lot to me You know, I didn't want to come here and Jimmy Schubert's words give you a short shrift That was never my intention I came out here and I poured my heart to you and I told you the wrongs I had done and I told them to you in a colorful way So they wouldn't hit you as hard, but no matter what you say the wrongs had been done and By me coming down here you guys always said to me hey, you help me out of this diff weird situation

I was doing heroin. I was doing coke. Yeah, well you guys help me out Because you helped me get my skeletons out of my closet and that's Big when you have that much try I had that much trust in you guys I had that much trust in you and I loved you that much and I wanted you to know Who the fuck I was from A to Z? See most people in this town. They don't really want you to know who they are They want you to know who they are for the hour that they were on the thing And then they don't really let you know who you who they are

I'll let you know who I was I let you know who you were in business with we weren't in business We had a mutual understanding I would put two podcasts out a week and you would listen to two podcasts out a week Well, they all good and funny podcast nah Well, they tremendous podcast not really but I always gave you something to take from that There was one thing you took from each podcast Whether it was to shine your shoes before an audition, you know, there's always something I'm the master of little fucking things writing letters to a judge to writing letters

Throw people off. You know what I found really weird out of this situation I'm getting hit by people in New York. I don't even know to do shows to do podcasts You know, welcome me first. Did you never sell a nickel bag before you fucking idiots? Welcome me first then invite me on to your show We're living in just weird times, but we kept it solid for you we kept it as Real as we could for you, you know, we did a lot of drugs on the show, you know I ain't gonna lie to you the fucking idiot in Chicago. He's eating Xanax

You should have come on the show a couple nights and that poor bastard's got COVID fucking Him and his cunt girlfriend could fucking die and people are looking for him. Anyway, I had a room I had a bad room about that dude in Chicago. So if you know him Tell him to fucking leave town because the fucking guy genie brothers are looking from that's the word on the street He insulted somebody wrong not me. He insulted everybody. He insulted somebody wrong and it doesn't I never understood What the fuck the whole thing was about and for the people who went on board with him I don't know what you're thinking, you know, you have to restructure your heart. You got to go talk to a priest I think that's what really

you were just talking about how you told all your negative stories, but For the most part this entire podcast was very positive And that's why I think we have so many so many great people Around us who listened to it and came on Because yeah, you told shitty stories or shitty parts of your life But there's always a meaning behind it or a lesson or a reason we weren't just telling it to get laughs. No, no I wanted to come play a to z. I had done some stuff, you know right now Listen man, the toughest thing out of this move is I won't see leave for a while and

My uncle You know, I had a I had a semi book deal with audible Uh, a tape surfaced of me saying something about 23 years ago that had no merit to it They tried to throw which water on it. They couldn't come up with nothing You know, I didn't haven't done anything since night this I haven't been a freak since 1999. You know what I'm saying? So it's tough 20 years those people don't even remember what the fuck who is the fuck but um

I was here for you like I I I told my stories. I wanted to let you know The animal you were dealing with and then You guys came through for me when that shit happened. You told everybody go fuck themselves That you listen to the stories and you've heard the stories and you know That that wasn't me at all for them to attack us and it went nowhere and you know, whatever. I don't give a fuck I'm not mad at anybody. I'm not mad at anybody who was involved with pointed fingers In fact, I pray for them. I pray for them and I learned a big lesson from it. But now

with the podcast This really blew my mind these last three weeks Knowing that I had to close this podcast Let me know how important you guys were to me and again Some guys like you gotta abandon me last night on uh, patreon. I'm not gonna abandon you at all I'm gonna shoot some videos out the next couple weeks Let me move. Let me look at my basement Let me figure it out

We can't come back with the same fucking stories I can't I can't do it. So I gotta Force my hand and come up with something different. I have a few ideas, but I really don't Uh, right now my main concern is to move my family back Get them into the house get her into school Do my couple days of shooting on the Sopranos and then I'm back with you guys in some form of uh Podcast or whatever. I don't know what what I'm gonna do yet. I don't know why my head is that

And that's it. That's that man. It's been a fucking journey and a half, you know Uh, the comedy journey was great You know sleeping on Ralphie's floor who was on this podcast many a time I saw him rise to great things. I saw josh wolf rise to great things I saw rogan rise. I saw tom segura rise I saw sebastian monscalco rise And I also saw myself rise. Don't ask me how I did it I put my pants on one leg at a time like you guys, but

It happened and It was because of you guys and the support, you know, so That's it and that's that I wanted to keep it fucking short. No drama with you motherfuckers. We had a great time And guess what we're gonna take a little breather and we're gonna come back and do something else and then lee and I'll do something fucking on uh Zoom once a month or we let each other on fire. We throw grenades at each other He's gonna throw a picture of me with him in the car and I'm taking his picture So when we do the zoom we're reaching the room. So at least we all feel it. It'll be free. No charge

You know do it on the fucking arm. It's on the arm. You know what I'm saying? Uh, just to keep you guys just to let you know we didn't forget about you And you could check up on lee's progress and what he's up to and whatnot It was really great the music the conversations The uh going back and forth with you guys They're going to the different cities two and three times and seeing you at the shows It was something that I never ever ever ever ever imagined, you know Again, if you learned anything from this story

Remember that one Be careful what you wish for Because you might you might just get it in two But if you fucking work hard man And you're really passionate about something you love if you're fucking passionate guys I was sitting there the other day

And I can't tell you how much fun I was having in this town From 97 to about 2005 Once I saw behind the curtain with the longest yard It kind of jaded me a little bit. I had no way to get move up doing comedy It fucked me up. But just a chance for me to get on that set for 17 weeks Meant the world to me. You have no idea How I bamboozled a bunch of cast and directors and shit into putting me all their movies, you know next time you're bored Look up joey dears. I am db and look at all those tv shows and all those movies

I tricked a lot of fucking people. Okay a lot of people. I don't know what talent. What would I play the flute? I don't know nothing So, uh, I had a great run SAG is fucking us now. They're taking away our insurance and all these shit I don't even give a fuck. I expected it from SAG. That's a complete different story. That's got nothing to do with you guys But I was an open-micro in comedy and it was a struggle And I was an open-micro in podcasting and it was a struggle But I got my legs out from under me and uh

We ended up a top fucking 40 podcast And we were there in the top 40 in the comedy realm Every fucking goddamn week And that wasn't that was partly us But that was also partly because of you guys and I want to thank you I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy day on monday and wednesday I knew that I knew that if I wasn't taking an hour from you I had to give you an hour of something

And a lot of you have taken it. I've gotten I've gotten a lot of emails lately And a lot of yous didn't get it, but mostly a lot of yous One of these conversations sparks some curiosity in your lives and you change a portion of your life and that means The world to me because I'd love to tell you how I changed my life from prison to get in there I just don't know what it was. It was really my love for comedy My love for comedy and the love to pay back my friends for the love they had given me growing up Was my motivator. I didn't want my friends to say, ah, he went out to california and failed like anybody else You know what? I didn't turn out Dave Chappelle, but I never turned

I never came out here to be Dave Chappelle. I just came out here to become a man Uh through comedy and that's exactly what I became So I want to thank you For checking me Because you had to make me you just can't talk to talk You guys made me walk to walk, you know Today I felt like that on the antibiotics, but I still had to go lift weights And she asked me at one point. Do you want to stop and I kept lifting for you people to let you know that

You know, you're doing your work and I'm doing mine and together we're gonna end up in a great realm Uh, lee, I don't know if you want to say anything to these fucking people Or you just want to sit there and you're a little thc having now now it's uh All I can say is thank you. I've uh To joey, I said this to him and it's surprisingly one of his favorite things. It's true. I've been here for a decade and the most Honorable respectful person that I worked with

Is a dude who went to prison For kidnapping a dude with a machine gun He's always been very fair with me and uh made me feel like part of your family. So thank you and uh I just Just looking back at it's so cool. Like this is the cool. This is definitely the coolest all of me I don't I don't know what's gonna happen next and Hopefully I'll have a great life

You're gonna have a great life. You're gonna take care of yourself. You're gonna learn from this experience and three months you're gonna call me and uh Hopefully by then the corona Will be gone and all this bullshit and we could uh Do something I'm Really really gonna miss you. Yeah, okay. My wife and I discussed that you had become like a step-son to us. So Uh, we're really really gonna miss you We hope we get to say goodbye to you before you leave on sunday

And before I cry on camera Let me do a quick edible Before I cry on camera, I want to leave you guys as a gift the poly shore I love you guys. This was a treat. Are we gonna save this for someday? Now you're gonna get to see it live in the fucking color the missing poly shore Podcast which we wouldn't put up. We promise them. But now all bets are off Covid means fuck the pinky fucking thing all bets are off. I love you guys watch this We're gonna come back read the ads give you a formal goodbye

And uh, enjoy this kick this meal week What's happened nothing thanks for having poly shore my main man lisa yet The jewish tank of debt And my main man showing up tonight poly shore. What's up my brother? Always a pleasure to see you your hands pretty sweaty, bro. Oh my god. You're in the fucking now. This is good You gotta you know, you gotta stay psyched up. Yeah, it's all about you gotta be fucking energetic first of all first of all before we get started, I don't want to like I don't want to uh, what's the word? I don't want to uh, to

control I don't I don't I don't want to direct this this interview. This is your interview But before you direct me because this is your thing on me. I want to congratulate you for all your success Thank you And I say that from the bottom of my heart I know you do because I've seen you from the beginning from the beginning from the beginning And I can see that joe helped you out a lot and in the store and everyone

Everyone and and I know you're wrapped not I don't want to say wrapped up, but you're you're you're happening now This is good But before you weren't no before you weren't but I was on my way because yeah, but now you are and it's fucking awesome Yes, and that's why when I see I'm so happy for you when congratulations. Thank you, bro. Yeah, bro for sure when we spoke You said something to me that really put me over the top on the phone. You didn't know it You said something and you said mom you know and I got off the phone and I thought about what you had said something mom and

I thought about your mom for a long time that weekend for a couple days, you know Because she hasn't been at the store for a few years. Yeah, so it's like either side out of mind Are you gonna play the sad music now, bro? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Sweating fucking meatball in the corner. So I played the sad fuck. No, there's no there's no sad music here. I know But no, it's sad to talk about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. This is happy story. I'm telling you Okay, I got locked up. I got locked up. I went to prison. I came out. I'm in a fucking halfway house and you're on MTV Okay, and someone on the line. I watched Andrew and I decide I don't know nothing about nothing I decide I want to try and you didn't watch. I wasn't the one that motivated you. What the fuck Andrew

I thought you just a bunch of he just said Andrew You Andrew just a bunch of guys no I innocent You know that I liked and Richard Pryor, you know, I liked since I was a kid and then I got the ball I got nerves and I went up on stage and I went up the first time at Nichols place. This is East Coast This is 1991. Okay, Denver, Colorado. Oh, I got up on stage and Nichols sees me Who's a nickel at Nichols is one of the owners of the county works at the time. Okay old-school kind of George McKelvie and all those guys I Come back like two weeks later. I get on stage again And he goes, you know what man your material sucks, but your presence is really really good. And he goes as

Mitchy sure we're seeing you. Mm-hmm. Right. So that was that that was the first plan. Okay Now I'm watching you guys. I don't know nothing about the county store. I know nothing that it exists I don't nothing and then there's a contest at the comedy works and I come in second But the next day it's discovered that the guy that won first prize stole the jokes from Seinfeld Oh, so I am automatically become the first prize winner and the first prize is to perform for Mitchy Sure at the comedy store on a Sunday night a hotel room at the high at the Three weeks after that I get thrown out of the comedy works So the prize goes away. Hmm. So I'm like, I'm never gonna get to meet this Mitchy

Everybody tells me about this one on for years. Steve. She rip up hold me aside He goes the Mitchy sure seeing you Steve McGraw all these calm Yeah, but how long were you doing stand-up a year a year and people come up? Are you how do you know 54? So 54. So you haven't been doing it. They're like Kirk Fox. I started when I was 32 Yeah, that's pretty late. Yeah 30 28. Yeah, you're like Dean Del Ray. Yeah, 28 No, Dean Del Ray started late. I started in 91 But I was just it's it's that's when you start what you started started late. So Stop fucking looking at me. What is it? You're freaking me out. Sorry throughout this whole you know, I'm saying this fucking guy

No, throughout this whole time, you know, I then I meet Angel Salazar and then I meet all these comics Jack Purdue and they're like is Mitchy sure a senior and at that time I didn't live in LA And I'm like first off. I'm not gonna move to LA to chase this fucking woman Number two, I'm not good enough to walk into the fucking store. Mm-hmm. So that was the end of that Like by this time I had read the kennison book in 96 and I got a little bit more I know about the kennison and I know about the county store I got your history and Andrew's history and Richard Pryor's history and this calm, you know, when you're a when you're an open Mike and you don't live in California. Mm-hmm the grand prize

Is the county store in prize in private laugh factory? Mm-hmm. You when you're traveling on the road, what's the order though? What's the best the comedy store and best one? What's the best one? Well that it was always for me people always pointed me To the comedy store. Mm-hmm. So for me, it was gonna be the comedy store I got into town on a Monday at six o'clock and I was at the comedy store at nine o'clock and Wheels got me up at like midnight Don Barris was hosting It was an open mic on a Monday night and wheels got me up and then I called Scott day Doug Stanhope recommended me A few other people and then Scott they called me when they go listen. You got to wait six months It's a six month. Yeah, I go okay. She saw you. No, I'd never seen Mitzi show never saw I saw pictures in books and old

Magazines and shit like that and then I I got a call from Scott at six o'clock on the front and he goes listen Two people fell out if you're available. You're there. I got here January 29th, and I became a regular February 19th That's how fast it was. It was three weeks Three weeks and I was a regular. There was no no come back in three weeks. I went up there I walked off. She goes, can you do three minutes? I said, yeah, she goes come back next week and do ten You know I did ten and that was it. Yeah, I came back. She gave me a spot on Monday I bumped by Eddie Griffin. I didn't quit. He did four hours. I stood in quit and I'm happy and never fucking quit And then so it was kind of weird. My mother died at an early age

And when I got to the store, she used to call me fat, baby But the beauty is my mom called you fat baby She wouldn't even call me to my face. She put on the fucking lineup So I have a bunch of lineups at the house. Oh, that's cool That's a fat baby. I'm like old lineups in the main room. That's a well morning fat, baby So we just kind of yeah, it's hard to for me. It's hard to talk about it because it's very personal for me Do you understand the store or everything? Okay? You know, I mean the whole thing mom being sick is a fucking nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare

And it's been really hard and I don't like to really talk about it. You know what I mean? It's like it's it's like No, no, no, I'm very sensitive about it You know, she's been sick and everyone's looking at the store like it's going so great It's like my mom's there just because she's physically not there. She's watching all of us Do you understand? Yes, and I believe it too And she put her her wand on that place on that building and it's just a circular fun energy You know now that there's great management in there and it's stepped up to the you know 21st century or whatever and everyone's got great social media and everyone's loving

You know, everyone's kind of very everyone's hugging each other and and and that's her, you know And it's sad that she can't see it, you know, like that's like she created that college environment, you know Everyone That's how it's always been. Well, I'm a failure because I stayed in college for 20 years dog Yeah, but you know what I'm saying. I know you said I mean, it's it's it's a good feeling Fucking years. I'm 54 years old and I've been at the store for 20 years as a regular And let me tell you some boy when I got to this town. I never thought nothing was gonna amount to nothing I thought I'd be an extra once or twice and I'd quit after six years and just moved to New York and South Coke or something

It was the store that really kept me here because every time I fell down every time I didn't go to Montreal Every time I didn't get that it didn't really matter It didn't matter. I'm part of the fucking Marines of comedy We're the ones that come in when everybody else fails They dropped a solid helicopter fucking three in the morning And if you think I'm what happens and if you think I'm fucking lying to you see what this fucking talking I'm sorry, this is out Lee motherfucker. This is how I had Doug Herzog right there and you fucking drop the ball I dropped the ball. This is how I felt since day one any time. I have a problem in an audition

Only time I have a problem with people. I go it doesn't really matter Doesn't really matter because I'm marine Doesn't really matter. Well, you're when everybody else fails in comedy and all this shit. Look at all the people Yeah, dude, you got it. You got to give yourself so give yourself a little bit more credit number one at the end of the day, you're talented number two you work hard and And you're good at what you do. So you're you were gonna hit whether it was the store or whether it was You know acting or whatever. It's like you're a talented dude like Yeah, but now do talent fucking it last a lot of people have talent here the store

Yeah, but I'm just saying train me military But you're also talented, I know tons of people that have said they've gone to the store They did a spot. They can never go back there. It was too dark or It was the schedule was running late or you know, I've never felt that way about the store when I walked into the store I was at home and when I walked in the store wasn't the store that is today, Paulie. Sure It was completely fucking different Tuesday nights at three people in the original room Wednesdays you had 55 Thursdays if you had a hundred you were like Jesus fucking Christ

They weren't having six fucking shows a night there when I first started they're barely having two They were barely having the main room in the original room and It's it's really just that's what it's done to me anytime my confidence got low again, you know what? Let me tell you something bitch You try following Because he knows he knows my attitude about it that anytime anybody's give me all right time. I said listen Let me explain something to you how to follow Paul Mooney. I thought you're gonna say Paulie sure with the fuck

We I thought I was going to I'm sorry. I'm on your son For a fucking year and a half at midnight I remember and he'd walk off stage and there'd be six people left in the fucking room Yeah, and yet that's how you've been learning how to become a comic and that's the magic of your mother She knew when you went to your mother and I said don't ever put me in the fucking main room again, man That place blows just keep me in the original next Friday and Saturday I was in the main room following Dom Herrera. She knew I hated following Dom Herrera Yeah, she didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. She put me in the main room to I remember driving down

Why am I going down there? Why would she do this to me? To be where I am today To put me fucking through it. You're right. She put her one on that place You're very white right and people walk in there. They get touched by her. Yeah, everybody who's in there now Yeah, that's why I'm saying yeah, you have to give a fucking everything. They trust me. I love the staff I love what's going on. It's amazing, but they wouldn't it's They wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for her and what she did how many years is that place? But you understand what I'm saying fuck. Yeah, I mean fuck. Yeah

She's the one that kicked the fucking door down and told everybody else how to run the fucking exactly and she always said She just says don't fuck with anything. That's all she said to me. Just leave it leave it leave it alone How did we get food at the store? That was her number one. No, no, I think it was my brother and Dean. They can't eat. They can't Yeah, she probably you know wouldn't want food, but whatever it's not like a really big meal thing No, it's an amazing placement. It's who I am and That's when they bury me. I have a uniform on and there'll be a stick around the side that said calmly store marine What do you want to do bitch?

What do you want to do bitch? What are you doing to him leave your massage in his leg or something? Oh, he's got shorts up. He doesn't like when people rub his legs. Yeah, his legs are I can't I can't I can't help it I can't look at those cows. Dude. Are you fucking with the fuck Lee? How old were you the first time you walked in there? You grew up in that pretty much Well, she started in 72 1972 so I was four I got pictures. I mean I was there it was That's where I've been my whole life. Yeah, and at that time she had that one in Westwood like I never went to Westwood like that

No, it was uh it was uh She had the um The Westwood wasn't it was her and my dad at the at the storm sunset the Westwood one didn't start for a while At the beginning who was there? I This is getting tense I didn't know this is like my Barbara Walters comedy story fuck yeah, fuck yeah, really fuck you want to talk about all that shit

We throw about that about anything. Yeah, anything. Okay. I mean I don't want to talk about the whole time Yeah, you know, which is me shit about shit. Yeah. Yeah, we get into it. She started in 72 with him and then They got the divorce. She took it over. He took off and she started, you know, and it all hit right then Well when my dad it was red red Fox Pat McCormick Lenny Schultz was there Who else was there fucked it only gave me one of those things what Jesus Christ Lenny Schultz Lenny Schultz Yeah, the best he was my favorite He was my favorite

Yeah, I just talked to him like what was it? I don't know like a couple months ago. Where is he Florida? And then he's any Johnson Gary Mulder who else Tim Tomerson Sandra Bernhardt Obviously Robin. Sorry Craig T. Nelson was there and you were going to fucking school Like a regular fucking kid and seeing this shit in the afternoon and at night all these people The way it worked is that I'll tell you how it worked. My brother Peter he

He went to Fairfax on on on what is it Hollywood Hollywood? Yeah, he went to Fairfax and Holly dude those fucking things you gave me are Can't speak with them. I told you it's I did like a barely any I did a half of one I can't fucking speak that's good No, I say I saved your life Polly you're gonna take a whole purple one They have to make a yellow one like a gold Jewish star please please so we talking about my bar mitzvah My bar mitzvah lasts My brother Peter he got robbed at Fairfax. Hi

And he went and complained to my mom and then she said she's gonna get a house in Beverly Hills because our house on Dohani was not in Beverly Hills It was in West Hollywood Hills. So in order for us to go to Beverly Hills school. She had to physically buy a house in Beverly Hills So that's kind of how it was. So then we would go to like a Beverly Hills school because because back in the 80s like People were getting bussed in and shit, you know what I mean? It was like more rough At the schools at like Fairfax in a Hollywood high. Yeah We got to do this again when I haven't done one of those things. No, you always got to do all these things Oh, I don't have to do shit. I can't concentrate. This is the food do lounge

How do you the first time you got on stage dog? Oh my god The first time was Argus in La Jolla like in the 70s. So how old are you about almost like this? Really? Yeah Argus was he used to do this thing called What was it poo boy here at the Crosby Ranch? We love to pick oranges shame. We can't pick our children remember Yeah Sorry here. We didn't love to pick oranges shame We can't pick your children look at Nathaniel boy here Nathaniel boy come up here and then he brought me up to the mic

Do you say something Nathaniel say something and I go on the mic? I say suck my dick I said everyone quiet because they thought that maybe I said that they said for me to do you understand what I'm saying Right. Yeah, but they didn't that's why I can't finish the sentence because of those things What things the fucking starfish you gave me some stars stars of death. Yeah That's what you want the other half. No, why not finish the sentence. There's like therapy You save a buck if I have you take one of those just go home and talk to yourself No, I just like to be more lucid. All right, you know I forget that loosening up a little bit. I don't need that shit to be lucid. It fucks me up

Do you never went to college? Now you're fucking laughing at me. No, not at you Oh, it never left. It's just a random question. You never went to college. A lot of people never went to college No, what here's what the best was ready for this He's like, uh So in uh 12th grade see this why I can't finish my sentence. It's all right. Don't Just gotta help me. I got you. I got you. I got you We're in the 12th grade

Dude, it's fucking hot in here on top of that. No, it's not. It's all your mind. No, okay So 12th grade everyone started going to college, right or no getting ready to go to college I We're in 12th grade getting ready to go to college Open that door Get some air in here. Shit Oh Three down. Oh my god. We got a home benjamin

Saratia Now Paulie Shaw It never ends people now you can't get out here we go. Look at you came in here when Air It is on it's on it's on. Yeah, it's just those stars You gotta drink some water take the other half a little cool. Yeah, no take the other half you'll be fine trust me I'll Iariously say it so 12th grade. Okay, everyone getting ready to go to college

I'm trying to help. I'm just I remember that part and I just have to form a sentence All right, so 12th grade everyone started. Well, first of all repeat the fucking question. I don't know what the fuck You never went to college. No, you never went to college. You never went to college. Yeah, I went to mtv college That's what it was. That's what it was. Yeah, so it was basically when everyone was uh You have to invite me back at a normal time when I'm not Yeah, can I come back normal? Yeah, whatever You can compare the two videos sure next week. Yeah, okay Tomorrow

Oh my god tv college, that's why yeah, so I was on mtv while everyone else was in college That's kind of the timing How many years did you work from tv? Mmm 90s well, I was on every day like throughout the whole time See, they're trying to get us dude. What was that? That was some fireworks. Oh, all right. That's all right. Chinese people. Yeah, it's fine I was on there from uh 90 to 96

Jesus christ. Yeah But then there was times after that too doing different things. They paid for the house Excuse me. They paid for the house They paid for the house. Sure. Which house? Who knows? You want them for six fucking years? You gotta make a couple dollars. I'm just saying you paid for the first house It's all right, it's gonna be all right. Yeah, at least you're not on the couch. Most people just lay down. Really? Yeah, they just Go horizontal and say wake me up when it's over All right

It's like Alice Cooper. Welcome to my nightmare You wanted the other half I'm good. All right. You want to let's see the couple more of the other side It's saturday night. It's an indian sunday night. What? You're just in who gives a fuck I don't know if we should be taking anymore. Why? Yeah, definitely not. What's the problem? You're fine He don't want no more. He don't need no more. He's just relaxing right now, aren't you? It's a beautiful thing. See you come on. You can't go nowhere. You can't drive. I'm not trying to go anywhere. I'm good Tell us stories. Whatever you like. I just can't form a sentence. Sure. You can't I could barely

I could barely Try ask me again. Was it was it like crazy? I don't know your story. Paulie really like what was it like touring? He's like you gotta you gotta remember one thing Paulie. He's 28 60% of the people listen to this show Don't don't don't know they don't know they don't remember the real MTV I don't know that it was 24 hour music and that you were the fucking guy that led them into fucking the 90s They don't know They don't know the old that they they know the only thing they know on MTV is 16 year olds getting pregnant

Right. Yeah, and and something else. They don't know and then the generation before his knows Uh There's two guys that used to giggle my head be with some but had before be with some but had it was fucking Paulie Sure live no bullshit. That's what a lot of these people understand, you know Everybody who comes on pretty intense. Yeah every two or three people come on this podcast The comedy store always comes up because they're comics that perform there and we have our love for it and you know, uh It's just really weird to have you on here And people want to know you were there the first couple years. You were there the formative years

You were there with I mean, it's it's been a fucking I asked you when you came in. Where's the fucking book? You know, where's the fucking book of you know, I would write like an aerospace type book your eyes And then get argues to write two chapters of what he saw and Andrew write and be fucking brilliant Yeah, you know, that's the that's the fucking place man. I mean it was for me I understand. I I didn't go there for seven years for personal fucking reasons. I never got banned or nothing I just didn't get I just didn't get along with the guy that was there And I didn't want to disrespect Mitchie show and throw somebody out of the fucking window there So I figured I might as well stay out of the place and then one day

I was watching being there with Peter Sellers and God spoke to me and said you got to go home son And I went home and everything changed that you know, I'm saying you can do comedy or any anywhere else Nothing sharp is your skills like that's fucking comedy store. I only go down there twice a week now You know that Paulie, right? That's my home personal band Twice a week at the comedy store because I'm too fucking old. I don't want to be No, you ever can no no not because the fucking kid. I'm on the road I do the podcast two nights a week. You know I'm saying you got to switch it up leak It's fucking 4th of july week. It's red white. It's over 4th of july. Yeah, that's why we got some over

We got some nice little instructor your hand. No, dude. How have you eaten like 20 of those because we don't give a fuck It's the fourth of the line. Oh, so You're gonna do that he has no choice. It's Sunday night. It's hilarious. This is what we do here This is what we done when we went on the floor. Don't worry about nothing even there. Do you have to get it? You're throwing them. That's like when I throw a frisbee. It just goes like in any direction and what's going on? Why are they so sticky you stop throwing because they It's over there. It's right in there. It's stuck to my computer. Perfect. That's even better. You won't taste it going down Oh, this is a bite out of it. This is

You guys want me to stay I'm confused. Yeah, I want you to stay. I don't think you want me to stay I don't want you to go anywhere. We love you dope, but just talk to the mic so the people at home can hit you There you go, yo, look at the fucking You want us to get your pizza or anything? No, you want to eat the other half? I'm good You should eat the other half. No, you just gotta ask me questions, bro. Stop fucking pushing your drugs on me I'm not pushing drugs on you. I just want you to yeah, it is those are drugs And I'm right here and you're pushing them on me. You ever go on you've been on all those big time shows They don't they don't offer you nothing to relax. You don't give you a xanis. I'm giving you a star of death

To make you relax Oh god, that was like liquid but it tastes good, right? I'm gonna eat like 10 more of those blue Did you eat both of my friends during this weekend? Let me fucking speak for a second. I'm sorry. What are your friends doing this weekend? Fuck Lee Listen to me. Listen to me. You fucking cocksucker. What are they doing? No, no, it's good. It's good. No, uh, he's doing the aduasca For ayahuasca, you know what that is. Yes. Have you done that? No, I heard that's fucking gnarly So what is what does it do to you talk to me break it down break it? So you have to first of all Not drink or eat anything any alcohol or any sugars and stuff like that for like a week or two

What do I tell the story you turn away? Well, I'm getting water for you. You got to concentrate if I'm fucking speaking to you, bro Do you see how he puts? No, no, no, I couldn't see anything I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry. I just want to turn around and get water. Go ahead Get heckler, bro Right. He's heckling me on my own. I would never I would never let anyone heckle. I'm the bouncer. I'm also the bouncer Oh boy good

So you're not supposed to eat or drink anything leading up to it And then you go out there and you fucking do this peyote type shit. It's like tea or some shit, right? And then if you just start fucking freaking out dude for like I don't know a while You know And where do you have to go and then you like no you just like I don't know you cry or san diego. Is he yeah, it's all over Yeah, I mean my friend did it upstate new york

Did it upstate new york and he also uh, and then he did it here too. Oh look, uh, I could save you the plane for you You can do it right here in the voodoo lounge I'll give you three of those stars. You'll start sweating the freaking I am a half a star tomorrow morning You'll wake up. You'll be a fucking new man. This is how I cope through life I eat peas at night. I wake up tomorrow morning the tape starts all over again You know I'm saying if you have a bad day you eat 10 more Nervously, why are you getting me nervous? There's nothing to be nervous. There's nothing to be nervous. I know because my car's out there in the parking meter

That's fine. There's no meter. There's no meter. It's sunday. It's the wards day It's the fucking wards day relax. You're gonna put my I'm kidding I'm fucking around now. Where's paulie shore today. What's paulie shore doing today? What's he about? Paulie paulie shore was a lot of questions Paulie shore was a fucking man of many women in the old days Hang on I used to go up there. You'd be up there with tommy lee couple broads hanging out Where's where's fucking? where's fucking

Paulie shore today. Is he married? Do you have a wife a girlfriend? What's going on with you? I Go to the Korean I can try to say this without laughing. I go to the Korean bath house a lot Okay, and once you go down there with bobby lee He shows you around what happened. I don't know since when do you fucking hang out with koreans? I don't fucking know. You asked me what the fuck is paulie shore today. I'm trying to tell you Yeah, but how do you start laughing at my first fucking answer? No, but how did you introduce to korean fucking bath house? Yeah, bobby lee

And when I used to go to the russian bath house and what how they pull you over from the rush Well, first of all, I'm obsessed with asians. Okay, so you asked me more about me. Okay. I love asians I love there's their fucking shit. Don't worry about that. You said that's the philippines brother. They're coming to get us Don't don't spit out about me, man. So is the korean bath house that I'm not telling you the exact location All right, because I don't want your your collars or listeners to go in people to come and see me naked with asian guys What happens in that? Well, you go in so I walk in I have I actually have a um, uh, a membership Okay, so like I bought it for the whole year. So I don't have to pay, right?

So I already you know, so I go in I give it to the lady and the second I see her I say son, uh, son, uh, son, uh, and she just looks like she wants to kill me Right Son, uh, son, uh, right and I go ooze ooze and then she gives me my my key I always say two four six or eight because those are the top ones Get down below because you got these asian dudes fucking penises and shit. You know what I mean? So you go to the sauna by yourself always And sometimes I see bobby lee there though. No, you don't swear on my mom really

Yeah, and I see him he walks in and I see him And I go I go Chinese That loud like in front of all these asians Chinese They all look around. Yeah, it's the best after the sauna. What do they do to you? Do they rub you down? Do they give you a facial? Do they rub you if you want you get a scrub? Okay, an asian dude scrubs all the dead skin off you. Okay, or you go upstairs And you uh get a real massage not a jerk off massage

Like they have the pole and the fucking you know what I mean? And they play the they get their iPhones out and they have asian fucking apps music and it's just You know that type of shit and then they fucking They're like On a pole, you know the poles and they walk on your back and yeah, and they fucking That type of shit It's the best. No korean women. They're hot Give me no or you don't do that. Okay. No, I thought I thought I know if it was legit to quit. I don't know and then uh you go in

You clean off And then there's a hot pool and then there's two different steam rooms. There's like a uh, uh, there's like a uh Eucalyptus type steam room And then there's like a uh a wooden wooden sauna So you go into the hot and then you go into the uh the saunas That's dry. Yeah, and then you shower off and then from there you go into the cold plunge Going to the cold plunge And you start yelling sauna. You start doing the whole thing

And then uh, and then you chill and then you go do it a couple times and you leave how many times you go over there a week Least five Jesus. Yeah, you asked me what I do. Are you still on the road? Well, Joey, I think I'm partly still on the road a little bit a lot. Yeah, no, um This summer. I'm just chilling. You know the summer. You don't like the summers. We were talking about yeah Yeah, it's too hot and you like the winters like me january. Get me the fuck out of here. There's nothing going on here. Anyway Buffalo needs you charlotte needs you Why they don't need me they need you. You're the hot. You're the hot. You're the hot number They need paulie shore up in that motherfucking new jersey in all those places

Then you slow it down. You hit a couple san jose's Maybe a couple tempies You take the summer off and you kick back up in fucking september. That's a smart way to do it paulie I only have like two or three weeks in the summer. I kind of like the humidity. I got a one nighter Well, yeah, I'm just kind of working on some stuff. So I want to be in town Have you guys ever had to do like wait float stuff you working on thought you'd never ask um Can I say some of the stuff I'm working on not really see that's what I was saying. That's not cool

What were you what were you saying? I was saying, uh, did you guys ever have to do like when you were starting out and have to do like florida in july Like because you were talking only like and it like those those places Just just as your picture is on the wall. Fuck. I did jacksonville in july Oh, I can't because like a hundred and then there's humidity and the whole highlight is all you could eat seafood buffet on friday Which is they give you a call on the way out. There's a 50 50 chance that you might make it home or you might fucking die I've worked everywhere everywhere. Don't fucking matter Unbelievable paulie. Make sure you have a camera right on me on this angle right here. Can you do it like this?

Get closer to the mic. God damn it. I know i'm trying to get the visual. What the fucking visual there's a fucking camera right there That's just going on youtube tomorrow. I want to make sure he's on my fucking close up. You are It's I look at you and I remember the empty man. I look you and I can't like I said, it's 20 years in my fucking life It's uh, you know, I was a criminal paulie. So for me to walk around the Comedy store. It's a fucking pleasure. I walk around and I still look around there. I can't believe I'm still fucking here And now you're at what you're how bad of a criminal were you? I just didn't I was into drugs and shit. I wasn't really a criminal. I was just doing drugs, you know All those years you read about

You know It's like I tell people when you find out that like like my mom smoked pot My mom did blow when I was on the fence about doing drugs Your hero got high. So fucking I'll get hot, you know, and then in comedy My heroes got high. So I got fucking high, you know, it was the same. You know, you kind of look like Like alsharpton do I That's what happens when you eat those stars dog See who he's who needs why you wash that when I give you two of these fucking things

And also I started looking like how sharp and they thought I fucking kicking the balls a half of one Imagine what two would make you look like. Can you imagine my face would melt in front of your dog? If you ate two of those fucking stars What's in them everything good it's like snapple They're like snapple that's their fucking add we should start adding like those little facts to the star packages That's like fucking snapple right there everything good. No, no Side effects your hair's not gonna fall out tomorrow. You're not gonna feel groggy in the morning We need a little fucking coffee and your tip top magoo. You ready to salute the flag

Go to the comedy store see what time it is whatever the fuck and that's it probably sure Now talk to me about this documentary a little bit That everybody says is fucking fantastic Um, when was it released? It's my turn to speak. Yes, sir See how you turned it around on me. He did that was good That was sneak yo Sorry, oh my god

It was uh, we shot in wisconsin All right. Yeah, what was the concert footage? It was uh traveling through the midwest Like snowy snowy towns and shit like that type of stuff That's it. That's the whole fucking doctor. No, there's more but I told you I can't speak on this stuff. Yes, you can You can speak try your heart. That's a nice documentary. Yeah, write it down It's me traveling through the fucking winter like Santa Claus. That's what people want to see. You know what I'm saying You gotta let people

I have to come back and do this one. I can speak. Yeah. Yeah tomorrow, but try your best right now At least you've made it most people have gone through couch already. Oh, please So you give them the stars and they sit here. Oh, fuck. Yeah Some people make it. That's why the model of the show is you dare into this house Well, I didn't know that model wasn't written down anywhere. It's just an internal model. The gummy bears seem so innocent You know what I mean? Like hey, hey, I didn't know it's gonna make me feel like this. You feel good though I'm fine, but I can't fucking focus. Sure. You can't I can't it's hard Because i'm not used to it

I mean I can try I'll give you a piece of paper and pen and you can write down the stories and leave on that right No, I mean we got all night fucking smash your fucking hand I don't give a fuck. We got all night though. You know what I'm saying? You're in no rush. You got nothing to mow We'll wait till it wears off. Sure Okay, we'll just tell a little fucking stories and shit a little little miniettes. You know, that's what they call them miniettes, miniettes What do they call them? They call them vignettes, but I like miniettes. I'll do whatever the fuck you got. You know what I'm saying? It's just I don't know Pauli

It's uh, it's overwhelming for a gallery to have you in here and to Just relive my life at that place. You know, like you said, I'm real tight with Joe. Joe loves the comedy store Joe We're the fucking plane he kisses it when he walks into it. I've seen him. Yeah, he goes like this Oh, please Look at that fucking guy run white

Look at that fucking guy. He's in love with the comedy store. He's never seen nothing like that before You can sit down, you know, it's all right. You don't need to stretch or do nothing like that I think it's time for another bongan. We're gonna have to go deep tonight to the murky. What is it? Of course, that's your answer to this. Look, that's how is that the response? That's my answer there. We're gonna add a bongan to this one in doubt. Do a fucking bongan. Oh my goodness Please leave him alone, please You're torching this poor kid. He's he's part of the tribe. He's solid. You know what I'm saying? You're hilarious, dude. I'm trying. Please your backbone of the fucking family. Yeah, he's great. I appreciate it

We're happy you're fucking here. See We should have given you a star not the whole thing. We should have given you just a little tip He did just a little yet. You want to you want to bong it? You want to bong it boy? No, you're done. You you I'm gonna come back without this and we'll do it. You're scared straight. No, I'm not scared straight I'm just saying I'd like to have a a better interview than this So tell me about the new one Tell me about the fucking amazon fucking document. No, see I can't speak. No, you're fine. You know, it's better just

Ask me questions. There's a lot of deaf people that watch this show. Don't ask me questions. Let's just talk There's a lot of deaf people that watch the show Deaf people? Deaf people. You can do sign language. Tell us about your fucking documentary What does that mean? You're on the road. It's snowing a lot You're doing shows in different cities I told you I could read break it down for me. We read it down and write off amazon and we'll ask them the questions How's that? Okay I'm just standing all right. You don't make that. Don't worry. You're not making me nervous

He's just making the producer nervous. He's the producer. Yeah, he's friends with Doug Herzog. You know He knows people why you got your shoes off for everything. All right Is it is it polyshore stands alone No, it says polyshore stands with two people. Okay fair enough Look at that right there, huh? That's what dreams are made of you fucking around tonight All right, we'll bring him back. Yeah, for sure sure. We'll bring him back. Yeah How fucked up was that that was He kept touching me like that was like the angriest I've ever been on an episode like he just kept touching me

When he got up to stretch, I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but There you go The missing polyshore episode. I hope your mother fuckers enjoyed it. Listen Thank you for the ride from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for Everything I can't even say it again to you guys real quick Do not forget this weekend. It's every not even this weekend

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To the the fucking shatter to the vapor pens. They don't use that vitamin E or acetate. That was killing kids CBD line is by the book Go to cbd line. I'm right now Read their third party lab results. Okay. This ain't some fucking schmuck from fucking Pizza Hut. This is fucking these guys are experienced growers. They know research. They know cbd CBN they got you covered. They have a mission. You understand me Go to cbd lion.com. Do yourself a favor Press and code church and get 20 off your order

It's been a pleasure to deal with cbd lion on its Draft kings. I hope to see you in two weeks again And uh, I hope to see you guys in a few weeks. I'll see you on patreon.com Slash joey dears. If you need to get to me, it's a fucking dollar. Knock it the fuck off I'm doing it just to get the fucking malooks away from me. You know what I'm saying You gotta get kid off of your shoulder. You gotta get it off of your shoulder. Oh, shit With all my heart and joy I wish you guys luck

Love and fucking the health And to your families. Love your mother. You only get one Love your father. You only get one and when they're gone, you're gonna hurt. You're gonna think of me You're gonna think of me and go joy was fucking right. So The rule from now on the church people is Call your mom every day and call a friend and check in with them That's your assignment until we see each other next time. All right from the bottom of my heart And my little brother lisa. Yeah there look at me seven heart attack

I love you guys at all my heart. That's my brother right there We love you. Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed the police show fucking segment He's fuming right now. So send him a tweet and fucking punch Bust his balls for me. He's over there hiding in vegas. I love you guys with all my heart. All right. Thank you very much For the support and love you've given us over the years it's uh Been great I want to be around

To pick up the pieces When somebody breaks your heart Kick this fucking meal away. I love you guys You