Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - An Old School Christmas And Hanukkah Episode With Joey And Lee

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah from Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt! Joey and Lee talk about the power of memories, Joey's beef with Dave Portnoy, why Joey decided the typical 9-5 wasn't the life he wanted and much more! SHOW NOTES Get 15% off your first Bioma order with code JOEY at https://gobioma.com/church Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold w/ code JOEY @ http://BlueChew.com/ Download the DraftKings Pick6 app now & press in code JOEY @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps

Well, up beautiful people. Uncle Joey here with my favorite motherfucking Cato Lee Syatt for another fun-filled episode of the church of what's happening now, New Edition. It's December 23rd. It's the jingle bell edition. Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care. Anyway, we're back, Jack. What's up?

You've been, why do you, how do you do that? You're the only person I know with songs. They just get stuck. You've been singing that like an autistic kid for like 20 minutes. That's all you need. It's just to put the message out to that Jimmy Crack corn. You don't care. That's all you need to know.

My favorite one is the Asian one. Oh, please. I got like 20 songs I just sing to myself. I have a good time, people. I have a good time. I have problems, but who gives a fuck? And we were talking about you torture and there was one, I'm thinking back, there was one in L.A. that you would do, like, do you want to be a gypsy or something that you would just break?

I would love to spend 10 minutes in your head and just see what, you just, you just. You just sing songs that no one's ever heard of. Like, do you want to be a gypsy? What is that from? It's Black Sabbath song. Is it? Yeah, the gypsy. I have no idea.

Oh, you want to be a gypsy. Come on now. Oh, my God. I love it. It's a great thing. What's going on, man? How is your weekend? What's happening?

Everything's good. That's it. It's Christmas week. It's wedding week. You got a big fucking week. I got to make sure I fit into the tucks. You got four more days. You can run.

You can make it to Toronto. Who's going to run? And you can hang out with men. all I was parents. I hold you up there. Oh, if I, listen, if you're out there and you're thinking about getting married, fucking elope,

just, just do it, just a lope, just you, her, and a judge. You see what you got yourself into? I told you. I specifically told you.

You did not tell me to elope. You told me don't get married. I told you, don't get married right now. Give it till some time because everybody would go into shock and they did. And now, now you have,

you know, so we'll deal with it at the end of this week. See what's really. crack a lacquackman. Oh my God. He's wedding. He got a green tuxedo. It looks like a Jewish Kermit, the Frog and shit.

I look like a sexy Kermit. Unfucking believable. It's going to be great. I look good as hell. No, you're done. Oh, yes, I do. No, you don't. You can't wait to see it.

Knock. I can't wait to see what you show up in. Dog, I'm, you never know. You're going to wear an Indian outfit? Oh, do we? I'm coming in there with a fucking gas mask on. You know those gas that people like in lioness when they throw, wait till they see me with that gas mask on with a little bong hanging out of the side.

Between COVID and the sandals and the dry skin. No one wears sandals. You wear more sandals than I do. Look, when I ever wear? I've always seen you wear sandals. Anybody see me wear sandals? Yeah, around the house. You're kind of fucking being stupid again.

Nobody wears fucking sandals. Fucking sandals. I wouldn't put a pair of fucking sandals on if you paid me. Not the ones with the strap, not the other ones. What about crooks? I don't even fucking put on flip-lops. No, never? No, that's disgusting.

We live in a real world, dog. Look at me with flip-blum. I'm added to a bar. Like, I'm headed for the beach. What the fuck? What are you a retod? What are you a fucking idiot? But your whole thing is like you can't want and what if I stomp on your feet?

First, how often do you get your feet stomped on? Listen, listen. Don't worry about the stomping on the feet. Don't worry about nothing. We just don't wear sandals where we come from, okay? That's it. What does that even mean? That's what that means.

No one from New Jersey. Jersey worst handles. Not my fucking people, the people I hang out with those faggy sandals. Not one of them that I grew up with or hang out with. Wear those faggy sandals with the straps or burking stockings. That's not allowed. That's not in your code. You know, you fucking young generation, you don't think about shit.

I don't want to sound like an old guy. But there's got to be a code to your life. Things that you'll do and things that you won't do. And you just have to pick things and test yourself. When I was a kid, everybody went to quintess. I was the hot bar, Lucy, Kualoos, I made a fucking point

that I was not going to go to Ridgefield Park and make believe I was in New York City. That's what they were doing. They were going to Ridgefield Park. Is Richfield Park nice? No, it's a fucking armpit across some fucking, you know. It doesn't really matter

where it is, George. It's just, what matters is that they were trying to do this fucking disco, this New York City studio, in Richfield Park, and I refuse to go. And you have to, like, when you say to me with Joy, what was the point of it? Just the discipline.

I ain't going in there. I'm not going in now. I get having discipline. Regardless of what happens, you forget, I was the dude that they called from the Thai restaurant to have a meeting from CBS, and I turned the meeting down. Because I was not walking to eat in the Thai restaurant.

I got nothing against Thai people. I just don't want to smell that fucking food. I'm a very unique kind of fucking character. Yeah, unique is one word. Because when I say something, I stick to it. And that's it. There's no excuses. What have you ever said anything about Thai food?

I didn't. I'm just throwing that up so you understand how deep my fucking Jimmy runs. There's no you can't. There's no, well, she wanted to do it. In my world, there's no nothing. So what happens if Scorsese calls and says, I want to eat Thai with you?

Listen, let's be fucking realistic. What I'm trying to say to you is that I don't eat Thai. I'll say around the phone. I don't need tie. And I can't smell that smell. That's it. That's it. We don't deviate.

Every time you deviate, you're taking a beating in life. You're losing in life somewhere else. You have to stick to something. I agree with that. You have to stick to something in your life. You have to have some fucking respect. Like, I'm not going to eat that because my grandmother didn't fucking feed me that. Like something.

You have to have something. You have to stand for something. as a man. We're not women and children. We're fucking men. So, you know, you do something. We do it. We don't take the one o'clock flight because it was cheaper when your wife is a gazillionaire and owns a building.

That's not even fucking in my thought process to wait for six hours because that's how our business is done. Our business is not fucking, you know, oh, we'll leave it too. That's our business. We're comedians. We have a business and we stick to that code every fucking moment of the day. I don't deviate. I'm getting hit up by Cameo. They think I don't want to do cameo.

I'm not going to deviate. I'm not going to deviate. He'll ask me or once, oh, you want to do a card show? I'm not. I'd rather not sit there and say, oh, really, you like the longest yard. Me too. I'm not doing it. It's not worth it for me.

It's Adjada. But there's things as a man that you have to stick to. See, I get like... I don't eat ranch. So if you order ranch at this table, you have to move. You have to go to another table. And that's it. And later on in life, when you get older, you'll see,

I had a, bro, in the middle of all my junkiness, when I was a dead cold junkie, I had a rule. I did not snort Coke on New Year's since 1980. I'd snort Coke 365 days of the year, just not on New Year. there was just something not snort and coke on New Year's and I stuck to it. So here's my question though, because I get like the professional stuff, but like that.

Like you, like there's strange things that just are like life things. You're like no sandals, no cocoa. Like you're just, how do you pick these things? This is a discipline. This is a discipline. But you're making, you know, I don't want to look like that guy. I don't ever want to feel or look like that guy. I don't want his look on my fucking face.

Okay. You can tell. He's broken. He's just, well, his wife's fucking fingers are bigger than my hand. She weighs 400 pounds. She's got a Starbucks this big with whipped cream. And he, but he never, he never had the chance to say, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. We feel as Americans, we got to do everything. I'm not doing that. I'm not. And people get mad of you for three days, but then they'll respect you later. I'm not doing that. Why not? Because I don't want to fucking walk up two flights of steps. Really?

Yeah. I'm against fucking steps. And I'm just saying there's rules as a man that you have to stick to. This is what we do. There's no like, well, I'll go this time. Oh, I'll go to the Arab pizzeria. No. No.

No. No. Have you had to break any rules with like because of mercy or anything? Or do you like you just don't? Don't break your rules. No. No. Because I know every time I break the rules, I'm going to fucking pay for it.

Maybe not here, but three steps down the line. So for me, that rule will never be broken. And there's things I do like that people don't even know. And they don't even have a, they wouldn't understand. Like, I'm old school. I'm an old school Marlon Brando guy. Tom Hanks got an Oscar for having AIDS in that movie. And he went up there and started crying.

I didn't fucking fuck with Tom Hanks for 10. 10 years after that. Because of the age of the crying. Because of the crying. At the Academy Awards. I just, I'm just not tolerating that. Because he wasn't crying for him. He was crying for people at AIDS or whatever the fuck he was doing on that body.

Whatever the fuck. You know what I'm saying? Like, to all the guys that have died with spots on their eyes. I don't give a fuck. You know, so I didn't, this is just personal shit. I get it. But have you lost, like, friendships or girlfriend? friends because of this stuff?

Because like some of your rules are unique. Very unique. And at least I'm not mind fucking myself. What does that mean? George has a business. Okay. He'll think for three hours of what pizza he's going to get today. That's a long time.

What new fucking haunt he's going to go to? Just because he thinks he's in the area, he's got to stop at the popular pizza place and talk about Italy and all this shit. That's three hours of, his day, that's in his mind, that lives in his mind. I only go to one pizza plate. So you don't have to make that decision? I don't have to make that decision.

I don't get mind fucked. But what do you do with the rest of your day? I'm not worried about fucking, well, let me catch Flemanzas. They have good pizza where Dave Portney went there. I'm not going in there. I'm not going in there on principle now that Dave Portnoy went in there. What's your issue with that? Just because he's a skinny fucking Jew.

what she knows about fucking pizza. He knows about business and a lot of other things, but he don't know about pizza, but we just bought into it because he's a white dude on a website. We got to stop this shit. We got to stop this shit. This behavior is fucking god-awful.

Has it gotten worse? Oh, yeah. Look on Instagram. Just go on Instagram. Every third thing is Duolipa. I don't even know Duolipa is. She's beautiful, but does she even sing, or she just does this with her hand?

Jumping Jacks with fucking a bikini on. Everybody's got a fucking bikini on. Nobody forgot about singing and just singing. Get a flute or ukulele. No, they go up there with a bikini and right away they fuck. She's six foot one. She got pussy for days. She's six foot one?

I don't know. But look at it. With the boots and the whole fucking thing. I mean, you know. That's fucking. Well, do you think the internet's made it worse? Like, is that what people? Oh, fuck yeah.

We're creating more fucking Billy Goats than ever. Is that what you go to? Yeah, I don't have to go out to get recruited now. You could get radicalized in your living room. And what I mean radicalize? I'm not even talking about terrorist shit. I'm just talking about, oh my God, that's, I love Birkinson. You know, you don't.

You never had them on. You just see them and your girlfriend has them with the red, you know, that's it. We just created a, it's like Nick said, people don't go out to get fucked up. No. They go out, they get a bottle, and they sit there and do VIP pictures for Instagram. And they flag gang signs. They never even broke a bottle. And all these little black kids never done nothing. They grew up in a fucking white neighborhood.

And their freaking gang gang signs and shit. Who's in a gang? Who's in a fucking gang? None of years. Yeah. Like social media is pretty. It's creating fucking retards. And the youth buy into it.

They buy into it. Like my daughter. My daughter's a fucking idiot. She's 12. You know, she's 12. We were all at 8 to 12. Yeah. Well.

Different kinds. You were. Not me. At 12, I was doing things. You were in 12? I was making things happen at 12. Weren't you robbing bikes off of trains? Everything.

What robin? Shoveling snow. Fucking doing dirty jobs in North Bergen where they had no fucking permit to do it. Fucking, we did everything. Holy shit. So, but do you see like the internet and stuff messing with Mercy? Yeah. Like, she started wearing those glasses.

like Tom Seguro. And I had a towel like three, four times. Don't wear those glasses no more, please. He looked like a fucking idiot. What galah? Does you need glasses? No. They buy those fake glasses to look intelligent like that.

Like they fucking read books for a living. And I got to sit there. Oh, my God. He looks so smart or goofy. In L.A., they get the goofy glasses, so they look even goofy. Right. That's what they want to do.

When you see him in interviews, they wear the glasses. They're huge. With the frames and shit. shit and you know. What about the ones with cameras in those glasses? What do I want a camera in my fucking thing for? You don't want to, like, if you can record?

What am I, a secret agent? I'm not, I'm not James Bond. I'm going to walk around with Little Apple. And I'll tell you, it's a great idea. It really is. I saw, I saw Brian Redbands. Oh, yeah. He has all that shit.

Redpan has, like, I don't know how old he is, but he's, like, 15-year-old me. he has everything that I would want at like 15. He has every cool toy. He has like four different cars that are just each one's cooler than the, it's like Red Band's living a fucking awesome. It seems like he has all that tech stuff. All of it. It's amazing.

I would love to see you try. Have you ever tried like VR or any of those goggles? Oh, all the time. You got to see me at night. That's why I smoke pot. Because I have memories of my mind. And you just turn around that and that's our dual reality for you? VR and fucking make believe.

No, no, I got, that's a good thing that this youth is not going to have on memories because everything's in their phone. They're telling you they're making memories. Let's make memories. Who says make memories anyway? Yeah, yeah. We've become a fucking disgusting, faggy fucking sister. Let's make memories.

They always say, tonight was like a movie. The best memories I've had was when I had $3 on my pocket and three idiots got together and we walked from 80th Street and got a bottle of vodka with Gatorade and you drank and then you fucking got picked up over here and you ended up in the city snorting cokhto four in the morning. That's the best nights I had. So you can't plan a memory.

Right. Yeah. You're not playing a fucking memory. The concerts I was excited for, I have no memory of. The concerts that I went on a whim, they were the best concerts in my life. Yeah. You know, so all that shit, like,

we're so stuck. The youth today, and a lot of people, we're so stuck on our phone. Like anything can happen We take the phone out the tape Stop it. You're not going to watch it later. No.

If you come up to me with that phone And show me like this is a little kid Crossing the street. Put that away. I don't think I ever look at pictures After I take them. No. Like I was going through my phone today.

At the fucking concert With the thing and the light. I'm not going to, and then on the way home The car breaks down. You can't call nobody. Because you got no fucking power. You know what I mean?

It's just Jesus. It's too much. It's a lot on your system. I think that the internet is a lot on your system. Fuck, yeah. And I feel a lot, listen, today is the 18th. Yesterday, it was two months that I got let out of the hospital. It's already been two months?

The last time. Jesus Christ. Okay. October 17th. I was in the hospital from like the 11th, whatever the fuck. I was in the hospital from like the 13th to the 18th. So today's the 18th. It's two months.

And I got to tell you something, guys. I have changed my life. I've moved so many pieces around. And one of the pieces I moved was no computer in the morning after I come back. You think that was affecting your health? I wanted to change things around. Okay. You can't end up in the hospital four times in one year, and you keep doing the same shit.

That makes sense. You know, if you notice I told George to stop making hot dogs. You know, I was 300 and something fucking pounds eating four hot dogs on Monday and then we go eat again. They were good hot dogs too. You're great hot dogs. I miss them. Me too. We'll give them a break to the fall this spring, you know.

Yeah. You know, I get up early now. I'm fucking napping a lot. I've stuck to this fucking workout for the tea. And like these boxing workouts I do, I look at the whoop afterward. And it's amazing. You've been talking about boxing the whole time I've known you. You like boxing.

I like that workout of boxing. That heavy bag is fucking tremendous for you. When you're an old man and you drill boxing, it's great because you have to remember numbers. Oh, okay. So you start with a one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, five. You know, you always have, as I'm getting older, that's good for my cognitive health. I make sense. I'm remembering those things, you know.

I'm remembering numbers and combinations. and that's what a lot of people don't do. They start talking about dementia. Well, you didn't do nothing. Right. You fucking sit at home at night and you think your mind works because you get three things right on jeopardy.

And that ain't it. No. That ain't it. So everybody can blog on dementia. Well, you got to work on it. If you don't want dementia, you've got to work on your fucking memory. That means you got to write every morning.

You got to fucking, you know. This is it. I've taken supplement. to the tea for the last two months all my medication like I don't miss like I get lazy

I'm like I'm not taking medication at night I don't want to open up another water I'm one of those idiots right no I stuck to all that shit I eliminate like

eight people out of my life wow what were they were just bringing you down they were just it wasn't going nowhere wasn't going let's get together you never gonna call me

I got no babysitter what are we doing What are we doing? Every two days, you call me, let's get together for dinner. That ain't going to happen. My house starts percolating at 6 o'clock. I ain't got time to go to dinner with my wife and my daughter. She got practice. She got this.

You got that. I got time for it. So what are we doing? I can't wait to see you. Yeah. You're not doing nothing. And like, how do you feel differently than you did before you went in the hospital? I feel fucking the best I felt in 2025.

Nice. I don't have anything weighing me down no more, nor thoughts. No intrust. of fucking thoughts. I was still recovering. Listen, man. The reason why I'm sleeping a lot is because I'm healing. I was still recovering from

just a change of scenery. I'm just learning this now, that that was a whole fucking different world that was in when I got off the plane. Just to change the scenery, having the comedy store, 15 minutes from your house for 23 fucking years and going there whenever the fuck you want,

that got pulled from me. I had a couple things pulled from me. 23 years living in L.A. and then moving somewhere is very hard. It was hard because when I was up there a couple weeks ago, I was like, oh, shit, like, could we left quick? We were gone. Like, I think he told me in March and then on August we were gone or something.

It was like only a few months. But like also for you, like the scenery, I'm sure hurt or like made a difference. My heart was broken. But even just like to go from like you were nonstop between the podcast and comedy and acting. And then like you just. It was like someone pulled an emergency break on your life. Who else? Yeah.

My friends, my relationships, you had people that you knew that we went to eat there. Like, all that shit went off the fucking window. So I had to make adjustments. I didn't know what to do. I had no idea. First, I couldn't do comedy. So it was like the last five years have been fucking, like a mental health fucking test. And there was a lot of times.

That's why I stopped eating the mushrooms last year. Because I'm like, shit's not right. I'm hearing voices and stuff. Well, when you don't measure it, you eat it by handfuls. That's also a different story. Most people don't eat it by handfuls. You know, I took the, I have an addictive personality, as we all know. I can say.

We all have an addictive person now. And, Doug, I'll take this party from one thing to the next. You know, and that's what I've been doing all my life. Take it from one thing to the next. You know, fucking Valium, and then we switched up to Kualoos, and then you fuck. I don't do Qualoos no more, yeah, because they don't make them. You know, everybody's like, well, I don't do Quaila.

Oh, yeah, because you're eating acid. You're eating fucking Percocet. You're eating this. So I went from like one drug to that. You know, it's like lately I haven't really smoked a lot of refo. No. Good. What about, do you think you ever got addicted to work?

Like you, like, that's how you. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I can see that. You know, now I know why. Because life is fucking boring. Life is fucking boring.

man this is you know it's like it's very it's very different we're like a normal everyday life to like touring doing like just comedy even when you're not touring i i don't know if it gets monotonous to after you do it for 30 years but you know it gets more normal for you but most people like everyone i work at nine to five still like people usually they get into the office between eight and nine they're home by six and then they're they're done. And it's just, and like, that's when our night's just barely starting at six o'clock. Listen, let me take a breather here real quick. Okay. Let's talk about bioma and some fucking blue choo. Bioma. Bioma and some blue chew, because New Year's coming. You want to set

bitches straight. You know what I'm saying? Let's take a breather. We'll be right back after blue chew and bioma. Yo, Uncle Joey here to talk to you about bioma. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot of to do with that. Take better care of yourself in 2006 with Bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics. So you can get everything acting like it should,

if you know what I'm talking about. What you do is you take two capsules before breakfast and you're good to go for the day. I've been on Bioma for a little science project for eight weeks. My color's better. My poop smells healthier. And I'm feeling so much but even my gut has flattened a little bit. I've dropped 13 pounds, so I don't know if it's Bioma or jumping up and down.

Bioma also calms your brain fog and anxiety and mood swings. So when your gut is better, your life is better. Feel like how? Bioma's got your back. To get started, just click the link in our show notes and pressing code Joey, J-O-E-Y, to get 15% off your guts come back. Who's better than Uncle Joey? And who's better than Bioma?

Nobody. That's 50% off your first order when you use code Joey. J-O-E-Y. Just pressing the link in our show notes. Happy holidays. Hey, Uncle Joey here for Blue Chew. Listen, guys, it's time to level up your dick and ball game. You follow me? The holidays are coming. You got to get those things fucking on fire. Blue Chew has just dropped Blue Chewold. Tremendous.

Blue Chew gold is a 4-1-1-touching. You ready? With ingredients to increase the blood flow, which is always good, and arousal. Blue chew gold dissolves under your tongue. It takes as little as 15 minutes and your dick is at attention. You understand me? Your balls are hurt. Like you're 13.

Remember when you were 13, you were going to whack one out because your balls hurt and you had to cross your legs? That's what fucking blue chew gold does for you. Listen, I love blue chew gold. It's easy to eat under your tongue, bam. Next thing you know, you're slinging dick like a butt. black pimper in the 70s. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your options at bluechew.com. Listen, I got a special deal for church family. Get 10% off your first month of blue chew gold with code Joey, J-O-E-Y. But 10 years, we've been giving you a month

supply of blue chew for free. Just so you understand what you got. Now with blue chew gold, if you think you slung dick before, forget about now. You're going to have, you know how people say they got skeletons, that's what you're going to have in your closet. A bunch of skeletons like that dude in Milwaukee. Anyway, visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. I want to thank Blue Choo for the sponsor in the podcast and for always having my back. And don't forget, if you want to sling dick with three hands,

Blue Choo is the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Happy holidays. Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. We're back. And don't forget the... probiotic. Bioma. Bioma for the January 1st.

Jump on it right now. Start that because I started it. Yeah, I've been on it. It's been great. My God, it's tremendous. I feel good. Yeah. No.

And when something bad goes in there like lizard meat by mistake, it comes right out, dog. And it smells horrible. The bioma surrounds it and just takes it out of your fucking muffler. But anyway, that's a name. 30 years ago, I had a dear friend that was involved in rehabs and whatnot. What was he a doctor? No, this fucking mook,

you know, he's in a rehab telling me, listen, you got to stop smoking pot because you can't accept your reality. And I'm like, you want to fucking rehab. Okay,

give me a fuck. And he would say that to me, like the way I'm singing, Jimmy crack corn. Right. Every time he get high, as I'm leaving, hey,

you got to stop smoking that weed because you can't hand, reality. Well, let me tell you something. That statement was always true with me. Okay. I can never handle reality, but not in the way that most people can't handle reality. I couldn't handle life's reality. Life is fucking fast. Okay. You know, and I learned one minute, you're 52, and the next minute you're 63. And you got two teeth in your fucking mouth. You know, it's fast, guys. It's fast, but it's also slow. Doesn't it? Like, isn't that crazy? No, it's fucking fast.

Okay. Because you, it's fast. It could be slow if you're a fucking mutt. Okay. Okay. Now think about the term of life. This is what made me fucking change completely. Was going to prison and looking at people.

And I love American people. I fucking love them. This is what this country was built at. But this country isn't that country anymore. Okay. So, you know, Ford, Chevy, you had all these American industries and they're fucking great. You made a bunch of money. You had great benefits. Fucking insurance.

You could own the doctor. It was like $5 to go to the doctor. It was fucking amazing. Okay? And then somewhere along the line, who knows what happened? But I still remember being 25 and out of prison and taking classes at the University of Colorado. I'm going to know what? I can't wait to get my degree.

I'm going to move right back to New York, get away from these fucking idiot ski people, and I'm going to get a job on Wall Street. Here I am. Here I am with this felonious mind of mine. And I took those classes, and I was all fired up. And then I got out of fucking prison, and I fucking tried to go back to Colorado, and I was upset. I was like, I can't believe I got in trouble. Then I can't go back to college.

And also, I fucking got like a break game. And it was like, Joey, you're 25 fucking years old. This is what you're trying to tell me. You're 25 years old. Let's pretend you got a pretty good job. If it's corporate, in 1985, there wasn't a lot of corporate work. Not like everything is corporate now.

You could just walk into a pet shop and go, I need a job. And they'd say, when can you start right now? Now I've got to go for a piss test. Right. You got to fucking do a background check. They got to check my pupils, you know, a blood test. No. How many times I walk out on construction saying go,

though, you need help today? Yeah, come on. We need help for six weeks. Okay, we got a job for six weeks. Can't do that no more. No. That's crazy that you could do that. Yeah, I could just walk into a place, shop right.

Now you've got to go union, you got to do that. Anyway, it doesn't matter. But think about you're 25. You're going to be, in 25 years, you're going to be 50. And then 15 more years after that, you're going to be 65. I really want you to think about what you really want to do, number one. And I want you to think it all the way through. Don't look at the Department of Statistics to see what's going to be the highest paying job in five years.

Right, you know. What you want to do. And then remember that this is the reality of it, okay? The reality of it is whatever you decide to do, you're going to have to do from nine to fucking six for a few years. and then you get more responsibility and you're going to be there from nine to nine. You're going to have a kid. You're going to be married.

And guess what? What? This is it. I know. How crazy is that? That was your time on this fucking planet. That was your time on this fucking planet. And then you work all your life.

They give you a watch. And a year later, you're shoveling snow and you're dying, your driveway at 66. What the fuck was the glamour of that? You were always waiting to fucking pay bills. you always worried about paying a light bill and a water bill and being an outstanding fucking civilian and what the fuck just happened.

You're at the funeral going, what the fuck? I'm in my own casket. And I'm like, what the fuck was this? I worked all my fucking life to get a watch. Right. And you don't even like watches. $2,600 a month from fucking a pension. And I'm still going to be fucking short.

What the fuck? So I decided right there. This is drugs, no drugs, whatever. That if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do what the fuck I want to do and not worry about any of that shit. And if it happens, it happens. Remember, there's no debtor's prison. They will not throw you in jail for all the money.

They won't? No, you just won't talk to people. People won't give you cards and shit. You can't go into a hotel room because you've got no credit card. But there's no debtor's prison. Right. Okay, so you're going to live your whole life chasing that mortgage, chasing. Can you mind?

Okay. That's like, that's like nine. Welcome to your new home, Lisa, I, that. Okay, so we got you a fixed rate of 3.8 and it's... Oh, shit. Fuck somebody for 3.8 right now. Shut up. And it's a 40-year mortgage.

That is the scariest fucking sentence that you'll ever tell a guy like me. Why? 40 years. It's a long time. Every night you go to bed, huh? I got 38 more. Yeah. nothing's going to change.

The mortgage is 2,800. That's what you can afford. Your wife's got a set budget. That's it. I got 40 years to I become an owner. All these little things are fucking positive. But at the same time, they should make you think about it.

Like, I'm not going to own shit until I'm fucking 50 or 60, unless my mother or grandmother or father or somebody cosigns a loan for me. Today? Today? What are you going to get? Oh, and dude. What are you going to get to? No 20-year-olds are buying houses.

Now they're lucky to buy a house by the time they're 40. So these are things you got to think about before you make any fucking decision. Well, do I want to live a conventional life and go to meetings every Tuesday with a shirt on? Hi, guys. We brought donuts and bagels. Okay, today we're going to talk about sales tactics, you know. Well, here's the thing, though.

And I know you're not talking about them directly, but like, I would say that's probably 95% of the people listening. Have like a day, like, do you think every? Everyone should work from themselves? Or like, what do you, what do you think they should do? Everybody talks about two words. Everybody. You could talk to anybody, no, Satan. And nobody really wants to do it.

That's be happy. I know. What makes you happy? You know what makes me happy? Snort and coke and holding my knees like that and some chick sticking a tongue up my ass. That's what makes me happy. That, that's it. What else?

Dude, I can't tell you. How I love playing with me. children. I love throwing them in the air. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're talking about getting your ass eat here with a co-croft and you're talking about playing with your kids. What are we talking about? So everybody has different

needs and wants. I guess so. But I want you to know what you're signing up for. Where does the Coke rock go? And your asshole. Oh, okay. Melt's in there. You put like a little cup in there and then she comes and fucking goes out, warm mouth in there. That's not my point. Lee. My point is that fucking

these are the things, I was a fucking Listen, I'm still a loser. I just laugh at people now because they haven't figured it out. When you're a loser and you know it, but they haven't figured it out, you're like these poor fucking bastards. They have no idea, okay? This was all luck and fucking hard work, but it was luck. I'm not going to tell you that God put an extra chromosome in my brain to make me think,

no, no. There's 200 people funny than I am. I just did it a little differently, and I'm very proud of that. I learned from the best. I had Ralphie, I had Rogan, had a lot of great fucking people around me. But think about beside comedy. Like, what else did I want to do? Sell things, I guess.

Sell? You were going to sell cars? I didn't want to be married. I know I didn't want to be married. You know that once you get married and you get that green light to go, it's like fucking, you go nuts. You go nuts. Like, I want to get divorced? Yeah, I'm surprised I married Terry.

It took you a while. Oh, nine years, but I'm surprised. I'm fucking till this day, I'm like, I don't know, I did because I was so turned off by that. Like, that was not going to be. Listen, I'll be married, but don't ask me no questions. Like, you just can't ask me questions, man. It drives me fucking crazy. I'll be owned by five.

You'll get the rent. But just please don't ask me a question. Oh, my God. I would love to, like, I wish I had the ball. to tell people stuff like that. You have to because if not your life is going to fucking be a nightmare. And I'd rather piss two people off than walk around wounded because whatever the fuck. Yeah.

And that was the decision in getting into standout. It wasn't because broads or money. It was because I was going to be in a car by myself. Yeah, that's great. Smoking pot. going from city to fucking city why would I want somebody in the car I don't feel good

I'm cold I don't really want to drive to Iowa I don't really give a fuck you could get out of fucking car I'm one of those people I don't have time I have a mission we have a mission we're on and on that mission you know when you get there you got to be serious like it's a fucking serious mission

you know I was in L.A. 5 or 6 years before I realized what I was involved in. Like, I didn't know. I always knew about the comedy store and I knew about, but I didn't know. And then one day I was like, wait a second, this is not the minor lease.

No. If you got problems, go back to the middle of leagues and learn how to pitch, recuperate the ankle. If you got problems, don't come here. If you go there, it's because you're setting that motherfucker on fire and you're doing it for four fucking years straight.

And if nothing happens in four years, then you quit and you go back home and stop putting yourself through this drama but give it everything you got tell everybody to shut their fucking mountain shut up because you don't know shut up shut up

this is my fucking life and that I don't think people really think about that anymore like that depth of what do you really want to do we have a country that is the worst because I expect an 18 year old to make his mind up for his career decision for life.

I know. That is the biggest sack of shit ever. This is why I like St. John Vieni. By the time she graduates high school, she's got an associate degree. No way. Go work, bitch. Go work for you.

So she only need to do two years of school. What do you want me to do? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You get free rent. I'll pay for the car. But guess what? You have to get a full-time job. I don't know what to do.

Go sell fucking cars. go get an education in the real fucking world, and then come back, and you'll tell me what you want to do. But for me to tell you, hey, you should become a psychologist. And also you're a junior year college. Now you met the girl of your life,

right, but you didn't look at her because her weighs 500 pounds. So now you marry her, you knock her up. She's 500 pounds. You can't go home and fuck her. You pick psychiatry. You hate your clients. You hate what you do.

You own 30,000 fucking student loans. At least. You might as well shoot yourself. You're not getting out of that unless you're at the pick five or what isn't a billion three this week, 1.3 billion. That's what you're going for. Right. You're not getting yourself without delivering packages at UPS, making cheeseburgers. You know, you're not going to get yourself out of that fucking dilemma.

You know what the crazy thing is, is delivering packages for UPS? They probably make more than the psychologist. They make a lot of fucking. And like that's, I got to be honest, like I grew up in a place where like, those kind of jobs were looked down on. Yeah, this is what North Bergen, Cliffside, Hutchin County's blue collar. There's nobody here driving a Lamborghini

or fucking, you know, everybody fucking gets up in the morning and works. Whether it's that car wash behind McGuire Chevrolet, that's been there for fucking ever. Bubble car wash has been there and he would never hire none of us. So we started breaking the signs and shit. I was pretty smart.

He's a fucking dickhead. I don't know what his name is. He was a young guy when we were kids. No, no, no, no, the fuck happened. It's great. But think about it. Like, these are the things that I was a fucking retard. I was out of prison.

Already I was thinking of these things. Going, look at this guy. He fucking, it's brutal. George and I were talking on the way here. Okay, so I'm going to own a business. Listen, these geniuses opening up restaurants now, you might as well take your money and light on fire. We drove past 22 restaurants on Bergen-Line Avenue, okay?

22. Three, four people in there, but they're not rocking. So what's the use? Peruvian, this, that. You could get a thousand milkshakes on Burger Line Avenue. Oh, yeah. I don't even think there's enough milk for Hudson County. All the fucking milkshakes on Burger Line.

Forget if you go to Clipside. All the Arabs are making milkshakes and fucking banana boats. And they switch. The Palestinians make the best hot chocolate in fucking, dig that. Don't tell me that. I'm not going to go in there with a trench coat

and a hat on. Dog, I heard the fucking, he was telling me and George, they give you a big whip with whipped cream. Oh, nice. Okay. They put marshmallows

and Hershey bars and they're trying to get me. They're trying to lure me in. But that was my decisioning in this fucking glorious life. My decision was not to fucking be successful. My mission was just to

do what the fuck you want to do. Dude, I can't tell you. You fucking nut low. Uh-huh. Instead of being. Johnny bananas, just buy an $8 a dollar card. They're not paying your bills. So they don't need, who gives a fuck?

As long as the car takes you from point A to point B, it's got a green bumper Joey. Listen, all right, get the bus. No, no, no, no, I'll take the call. I'll write that. Right. You know, you keep your fucking a one-bedroom, fucking apartment or a studio, you know, and you tell, you get

bitches that have a big apartment like you did. You know, that's it. I had no idea what I was doing. But whenever I tell people, Like everyone's been pretty supportive about me doing comedy. But everyone, like, whenever I'm talking about eventually when I get to just do it full time, how great it'll be. And everyone's like, well, you have this job, this and that. And I'm like, well, it's not, I have so much more fun doing comedy.

Like, what I love is that. And people are like, oh, no one likes their job. I'm always like, wait. Like, I have nothing against people who work job. Because there's people at my job who, like, love what they do. Like, they, if you genuinely like George, you've been. Framer for, I don't know how many decades to three decades. Like, hopefully you love, if you love what you do, I don't know why people just accept that

they're not going to. That to me is the problem because you can love a job. But if you, like, are just accepting that you're going to hate every job that you have, like waking up and be like, fuck, I got to be there in an hour. It's called work because it's not called play. You might not always have fun. Okay. It's called work.

Right. It's called work. And then those are the same people that go, I can never get a raise. Because it's a job for you. It's not something you love. I wish I had that blessing. Like I train with this guy for four years, no more.

But it was 40-minute block. That's what you paid for. It was 40 minutes of workout. I don't know how many times I was there and it was an hour and a half. And he's fucking pushing down my shit. with a fucking stick and I'm yelling, hold on to a ball.

You know, I admire that. That's a certain love for a job. There's no, there's no money on it. You, you want to pay me what? 30 grand. I'll do it for $2. Yeah, this is fun. You know what I'm saying?

Like, that's, when you go into your job and go, I wish, if they didn't give me any money, I love this. Because you're swamped, you're busy. You have people. you're talking to all day. I love that shit. Being busy is way better than having way too much down on your hands. You know, yeah. When you do stand-up comedy, man, it's, or any art, whether you're a painter, you're

an artist, like you fucking draw pictures and shit. It's a different world. It's a different discipline. You know, great comics, not me, but great comics, fucking Mitch Hedberg, we'd get up at eight and right till 10 facing the sun and then take an hour break and then right till four. Fuck. You know, but that's a certain, everybody has their own thing. Have you heard what M&M does?

I saw like a clip or something about it. He's like in the studio like nine to five. Just every day. It's your fucking job. Yeah. Whether it's stand up, you know, I love these guys that

they think that stand up is going to a bar at night and picking up chicks. And you see them. They all drop off. They just drop off like flies. Because it's like, anything else if you want to be good at it's a fucking commitment so it's a commitment people just

think there's when you're doing comedy zero to three years there's a bunch of people in that room that you're not going to see after four or five years because it becomes something else now they have to look at this differently it's called either shit or get off the fucking pot people people get stuck I think don't you look like they just like they're waiting for something or like you were saying like they have a mortgage or whatever so they can't leave the job job right now? Listen, I read that book twice a year, so I don't get stuck and I still get stuck. So I can't imagine the regular American with shit getting thrown out of it all day, this, that, this, that, politics, your fucking insurance bill, you know, I can't imagine. And that's resistance.

We have natural resistance. I'm not good at jih-jitsu. I'll never be good at jih-s. I'm too old, I'm too fat, you know, whatever. But I enjoy it. But I'll never be good at. at it, but I already know that going in. There's people, I know that for me to get to a level, I need to be, I have to be there seven days a week and my body couldn't recover from that. I'm too old for that. I'm not shooting testosterone or any of that shit.

When I did comedy like you, my first 25 years, I didn't even ask them when I was getting paid. I still don't. I'm doing comedy. I know it's not going to pay my bills. Whatever you're going to pay me. whatever you're going to pay me is not going to change my life.

So, yeah, I wouldn't even ask them what you're paying me. It's going to be $100, $150, $75 with a cocktail drink or dinner. There was no reason to ask because I loved it. You know, after I got 15 years, you have to start managing, you know, everybody will ask you, hey, come do this for a hundred bucks. Bitch, I get two grand now. You know what I'm saying? I'll do it one time, but that's it.

Nice. Yeah. And it's it's not even that I don't care about the money It's like it just does I get so happy when someone asks me to do a spot I'm like oh shit fuck you're going to do stand-up Yeah it's like someone asked like asking me

For if I want a blowjobber like it's just like Because usually we put a price on everything Oh fuck yeah right We want you to go to Brooklyn You've told You know everything's got a price on it When somebody tells you about comedy Even if we're losing money

Oh yeah Until I met Terry I lost money Terry was the one that said, this don't happen here. We got to tighten that fucking ship up. We got to tighten that up. Smart. Hey, Joe.

Anyway, real quick, the fucking Christmas holiday is coming. You got a lot of fucking games this week. A lot of sports action. This is it. This is it, Jack. Oh, it's great. You got an NBA thing.

You got football, college football championships, hockey. This is when the world you want to be with draft kings. We want to talk to you about draft kings. We'll be right back. Hey, Uncle Joey here for Draft Kings. Listen, the holidays are heating up on Pick Six. Draft King's newest fantasy pick-em game.

Tremendous. Make sure your NBA picks and get a shot to win big cash prizes this holiday season. This is how it works. You're ready? You just pick more or less on two or more player stats. The better your picks, the bigger your payout. Dig. Draft Kings pick six is now available.

in most states. They just joined the party in Texas, California, and Georgia, Jack. So download the Draft King's Pick Six app right now, ARIPA, and pressing code Joey, J-O-E-Y. Again, J-O-E-Y, new Draft King customers. I'm talking to you. You could just play $5, and I'm going to give you 50 in Pick Six credits with Code Joey, J-O-E-Y. Ride the upside in partnership with Draft King's Pick Six, where the crowd. Brown is yours. Fuck that. You're going to put your Santa hat on. That's what's yours. Happy holidays from Uncle Joey, the church, Lee Syatt, and Draft Kings. Gambling problem, call 1-800-Gambler. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-78-7-7-77 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be

18 and over. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick six not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Voidware prohibited. One per new customer. Bonus awarded as non-witrable pick six bonus picks that expire in 14 days limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draft kings dot com slash promos we're back jack two more days till jingle bells oh my god Jesus Christ almighty where the fuck that this year go that was quick dude it just started I remember like it was Christmas last year like uh it like a two weeks ago and that's that's what I think it is about being busy but like we were talking about before the break like it was a busy we did a lot this year. Like you did a lot

this year that you weren't doing in 2024. Your 25 was very different. Very different in many ways. And I'm happy. I'm happy that we put together a nice little crew and, you know, we got the Titan aviation who's fucking great, you know. That was crazy. And that helps a lot, you know, because

listen, guys, that airport one. Anyway, let's not talk about that. I was telling you before that I read that book, The Art of War, the War of Art. Stephen Presling, whatever his fucking name is. And I started reading it twice because this year I felt like I was giving myself bullshit excuses a lot. And I was.

So I read it again and I felt a lot better. My first three years of comedy, I had no idea, my first two years of comedy, I had no idea what I was doing. And I told somebody, I told Becky last night at the dojo, I go, you could do eight spots or you could do two-stop spots with a purpose.

So for years, I did comedy with no purpose. And then I started doing comedy with a purpose. Everything led to something. Everything was a bridge to something else. And those are the nights you have to perform every fucking night and all that shit. But what I'm trying to say is, even though I was stuck, I really wasn't. So people sometimes in life think they're stuck, but they're not stepping away to look from a different. direction. There's a different, there's something different there.

I've been thinking a lot about that recently because I'm basically where you are. I just, I'm really loving stand up and I'm getting better, but I'm just doing every spot that I can. And I've, I've been just, I don't even know the answer at all yet, but I just keep thinking, like, how do I turn this? How do I become actually more professional with this? because I'm not even I'm not trying to headline and tour I'm having a lot of fun with what I'm doing but just to make because I'm not really

there's not really like a business other than getting funny right now I don't really have never I haven't done any of that yet I think that you have the right attitude because I think if you get into stand-up now there's so many bases to cover that you don't know what to work on do I work on social media

do I work on my special do I do this do I do that And the rule number one is just get funny. Well, Joy, when do I know I'm funny? I don't fucking know. You'll know when people are fucking dropping in your shows. Yeah. You'll know.

But even then, like, you know, I'm doing comedy 12 years. I'm as funny as all these dudes at the comedy store. No, you're not. Because now we're going into experience. Now we're taking something else. You got funny. You figured out how to write jokes. You figured out how to pull a set together.

Okay. Now guess what else? Now we got to work on this, now we got to work on that. So there's always something to work on. Yeah. So for people to think that they're stuck, like if somebody says to you, I feel stuck in my life and you have a lunch at them and you could go, well, let's take a look at what the fuck's going on here.

But it's hard to find the right people to tell you what's going on. Because like a lot of times, because I've been lucky to be around you and headliners, I hear people at my level say things that I just don't seem right coming from what I've heard. But like they're giving each other advice. I'm sure I give shitty advice to some young comics. Like it's hard to know who to trust,

especially when you're new at this. Listen, man, there's a lot of people out there posing like whatever. You know, and they take kids money and they fucking... There's a guy who teaches the class. I see it on Facebook. I see it on Facebook comedy where people always teaching classes. I've never heard of these people.

In comedy over 25 years. I didn't bump into this person one fucking time, okay? I bumped into almost everybody, at least one time, even Cosby, one time. Yeah, in Colorado, Colorado Springs. Dude, did any of your friends start a class and, like, they were just terrible? There's one guy that I know, very nice guy, one of the worst open micers that I ever met. Started a class. Yeah.

I'm like, what is he? Now, listen. I'm not going to not. I'm not going to knock them because, again, sometimes those guys see what we don't see. Their genius is that. And they didn't have a genius to do it themselves. Maybe. I see what you're saying?

What's the guy, the guy from the Lakers? Yeah, the guy, I always think. Riley. No, not Riley. No. The guy from Chicago. Jackson? Jackson.

So you can't. But I think people, I don't like people who take open micers. I don't like that. I don't like, I was an open mic or nobody ever took me for a ride because I had street sense. But a lot of people tried. And the people who tried are the people who don't last long. They're just trying to get $2,000 from here or $1,000 for material. And you're like, what do you perform, bitch?

Across the country. I love when that's, when that's a month's intro, he performs across the country. You know, and it's like, that's why, when I did this, I want to do it correctly. I want to do every state. I want to host. I wanted a feature. I want to, you know, whatever you got.

I did. I didn't care about the money. 500's good, but 750's better. Yeah, of course. You know, 800's good, but 950s better, but the plane's 300. But who, because, like, isn't it fun when you see yourself getting better? Like, a couple weekends ago in La Jolla, the first night I didn't do well. Like, I did well in San Diego the night before.

And then Friday night. night in La Hoy, it was an audience that I wasn't used to, like just a type of person, I guess. And I did not very well the first show, second show. I got them a little bit better. And I went back and, like, completely changed my set for Saturday and just not, like, trying to force certain jokes on them if they didn't. And Saturday went great. So it was cool because I've had weekends where it's just like, if I, if they don't get me,

they, like, I'll just keep doing the same material over and over again. And they, they'm like, they'll like it this time and they still don't like it. So it's just, it's fun, even though like, and the money's not great or whatever, to see like little growth is fun. Growth is fun, man. Listen, right now what I was just, you know, telling you guys, the last eight weeks for me have been phenomenal. That's awesome.

They've been painful at times because I had to fucking back off. But at the same time, I did everything I had to do. And I'll tell you, that's why I'm really good with the boxing. It's not that I'm a better box. It's not like I'm going to beat somebody up. No. I'm working out more proficiently. And I'm working in zones three and four, which I never did before.

Like now it's like. That's like, sure, right? Yeah, like you went up to zone five today. And now I understand. And I'm like, holy shit. When I got out of hospital, I went into that fucking boxing gym two days later, three days later. And I just did three, three-minute rounds.

That's all I had. And now I walk in, I do 10 minute walking on that hard fucking one, not the regular one, the one that you propel yourself. Oh, I hate that one. Have you been on those? I've been on the bike version of it. I hated the one with the arm thing, the fan bike. I have seen the treadmill that just, yeah, it just moves.

You just move? I've never done. 10 in the beginning and 10 at the end. 10 minutes? Yeah, and then I do like eight. In a row, you keep on for 10 minutes straight? Yeah. Good for you.

At the end. When I first walked. I got only do two minutes. Pam. Now I could open up with 10 and close with 10. I've been way too scared. No problems, no nothing. Did you ever fall?

I take my fucking things. What? Do you ever fall on that contraption? No, I hold on. Oh, you can hold on. I hold on, but I stand straight so I don't slouch. Okay. I stand straight so you don't look down.

It's a lot easier when you fucking wall up that fucking thing. I see those Olympians and stuff, like speed running on those treadmills that like they don't have no motor. I thought I would die. I fucking hate the treadmill. So I saw the growth. Right. Today, when I was reading it,

and I even showed one of the trainers because he keeps asking about whoop. And I go, take a look at this feature. They'll show you where you were the last three workouts, the last three boxing dates, then compare them and say, this is what you did this time. So next time when you work out,

work on this more. I'm really proud. I'm fucking ecstatic, man. Dude, this time last year you were about to be in the hospital. Yeah, no. And so you weren't feeling really well. No, I wasn't. And I remember when I went in the hospital last January,

I wasn't feeling fucking good at all for a while. And somebody showed me a picture that we took. I just bumped into it. She goes, do you remember this night? Where was this? Oh, I think that was her cousins. It was a lunchtime. Dog, it was a picture of me, pal.

Like, I haven't gotten no son. Like, I was living in a closet. I'm like, that was last December. Were you having breathing issues Or like what was the issue? I remember when Josh played at The thing we went And we ate the mushrooms and stuff

That night was the beginning of it That night I must have pissed No shit Ten times From my house To that thing back to my house I had to pull over on the fucking tent bike And hide behind my thing

And pee I was on fire that night And then it just went throughout that and then it just and that's what I was doing I was pissing since I'm outside I'm just getting the top off but I'm holding it and then it just builds and bills so who the fuck knows I'm just happy we ended the year off healthy okay we could do the fucking podcast and uh you know we did some dates this year and it was great man I'm already working on my goals for next year yeah very excited for next year I took a break from writing the book I'm

to restart that in January. I have to call it. Good for you. Yeah, I have too many things going on for eight weeks. You know, guys, my body's to a point where I do it. I get up early. I jump on it. And about 1 o'clock, 12.30, if I don't go to Jiu-Jitsu,

and I come home, 12.30, I go back in the computer room, I make some notes. There's some people I still got to call. By 1 o'clock, if I get up, I'm like, you know what, I'm going to go eat lunch. And I'll get up and go, I'm going to bed. That's okay.

I gotta go to bed. I'll sleep until fucking 2 o'clock. I'll get up, take a shower. Mercy comes in at 240. I'm looking like Frankie Valley. You know what I'm saying? Nobody gets mad. Yeah, no one needs you to work 12 hours a day anymore.

But do it. And this is, do what you find fun and you love writing. I'm going to fucking bring, we're going to show these people. I'm going to bring one of my notebooks from 2018. Oh, good Lord. And I want to show you. Monday through Friday. Monday through Friday was like

and you guys will fucking die. And I was 57. 56. And I was fucking putting in hours, Jack. Hours. I remember that the week would end when I lifted on Thursday

morning. I was going home to take a shower, eat lunch, get my luggage, and get to a plane. And I would go like, fuck, I didn't even do anything. The whole week? Like, it was one thing to the next. I had to take mercy to martial arts. Remember, at five?

Yeah. So we get out of that at six, eat dinner by 7.30. I was in the shower. You got to be at the store at 8.30 or whatever the fuck we were doing. A podcast, Monday and Wednesday, Sunday. I mean, it was constant. And I think that, making that move and all of a sudden, being around all the fucking time, just did something to me, man.

I'm not used to, I like being busy. And I like my mind off things. The only time I ruminate, on losing things is when I'm bored. Like, I'll ruminate on something that happened in 1995 for two hours. Oh, yeah. I'll go, what the fuck is going on? You know what it is?

I'm bored. I'm sitting here like an asshole. Uh-huh. You ever have, like, a shitty minimum wage job? When it's slow, it sucks. It's fun for a little bit because you get to hang out, but then it takes eight hours to finish one minute. When it's busy and, like, the restaurant or whatever is busy,

the whole day goes by like nothing. It's great. Okay. It's like anything else. If you hate your job, you look at the clock every 15 minutes and go, God damn it. Only 15 minutes went by motherfucker. If you love your job. Right.

You're like, it's already 12 o'clock. I haven't even got my day started yet. There was a scene of that in the Sopranos. Who was the gay dude who got, who went had to go on the run veto when he was on the run working at like the place. Construction thing. He was talking to himself. Don't look.

Don't look. It's got to be an hour. The sun moved. Fuck. 18 minutes. It was great. So when you hate your job, that's how it feels. When you like your job, I mean, listen, if I paid you 30 bucks an hour to come in here in the daytime at 6th, the city of 12th, the city of 3,

walking to know, and just tell you the phone's going to ring. But this is a laundry operation. Like, you know, phone's going to ring today. Anybody call? I come at 12. I bring you a sandwich. Anybody call? Not.

No, man. They'll call. 3 o'clock. After six months, you're going to go, Joey, nothing, nothing. I'm making the best money I've ever made in my life. But I can't do this normal. I just sit down there. Or you'll go, fuck this Cuban fat.

Fuck. I'm going to start my own business down here. And start calling, bitches. In the meantime, I'm going to bring a kettlebell here. I'm going to do some kettlebell swings. In the meantime, I'm bring the little midget bicycle that George got outside and do the bike for eight minutes. You follow me? Right.

So what the fucking idiot looks at as a losing person? proposition, the savage goes, you know what, I'm getting that money. I might as well do something else. This is the time, what I want to do, I want to call businesses and sell ovens on the phone. It's the time to do it. I keep getting these fucking things from jobs for some reason, like Christmas jobs. You get like a tax alert. Oh, yeah?

Fucking, they make 500 a day. I don't know they actually make 500. Even if you make 250 because you're a retard. That's $1,250 fucking dollars. a week, okay? That's $4,800 a month. It's not bad. You can't live in New York? No. You can't live around here.

No, but you, listen, but if it's part-time, you combine it with something else. If you got one part-time job that makes that type of fucking Gitas. Yeah, that's nice. You might as well get your night job delivering booze or whatever the fuck you do, because it all goes to the same place. Can you imagine having a great job part-time that makes Getus? And then you had another job that. paid you all cash.

Nobody knows nothing. All cash is, dude, I remember the first job I got tips. I was like 17. I, to me it was rich.

How much was a tip? Dude, it was the, it was the best, honestly, paying, I got paid $10 an hour to work takeout

at legal seafoods, which $10 an hour to me back then, like it's not even minimum wage now. That was way over minimum wage. Minimum wage was like

$8.25 and I was getting 10 plus tips. And I would walk with like 20 to 40 bucks a night, which when I was a teenager, plus the 10 bucks an hour to serve out clam chowder. It was awesome. Think about getting 10 bucks and I went after three hours. You just robbed the joint.

That's the easiest money I've ever made. Oh, is it? How about I go fill in an application and rob the joint while I'm filling the application? What name do you put down on the application? I didn't. I just robbed the joint. Oh, my God. Why not?

You know. But these are all. the things you have to look at the end of the year like what I want for my life if this is what I want to keep doing you know I'd rather you be broke and be happy and like I was telling George on the way of people have this you know this uh belief that well if I put my money away I open up a business then I'll be rocking well guess what it doesn't work that way that's going to take 10 years of hard fucking work and yes at the end it's yours That's great.

At the end, that is yours. Nobody could take that away from you. But how many people have the patience to do that before they go, fuck this? And there's also a lot of fucking money. I'm going to go to my brother-in-law, you know. Like to rent a space. I can't tell you how, like, walking around New York, I go to the same places all the time. There's buildings that have been vacant the entire time I've been here.

There's a lot of open spaces for, like, restaurants or bakeries or that shit in New York. A lot of people shut the fuck down. Yeah. They shut down after the pandemic or before, you know, operating cost of two, they fluctuate. You know what they put in Grand Village? They put a Randy's donuts from L.A. Okay. Yeah.

They put a Randy's dough. Are you going to try it? You were going to go there? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go over there and just to get a Randy's fucking donut. Leave me alone, okay? You got to get your priority straight. Two hours to get a donut.

This is good. Yeah, let's take an IG picture so we could show everybody. We came over to the city and wasted four hours of my fucking life. They got a fucking donut to be cool. Look at me. I got a dog. It's from L.A. Look at me.

Have you been there? I was there last week. Everybody wants to be Johnny Gumbah. Not me. Fuck that, please. All right. So next time we do a podcast, you'll be a married man. Jesus Christ.

Or we'll do a podcast for two weeks and we'll do it via Zoom, via Toronto, when you run. When mom breaks the news to you. mom's going to break it heavy to you so oh my god no one's breaking yeah you going up there sunday yeah wait till she fucking let you know what's cracking you're gonna go oh shit you're gonna go yeah so get your passport and let's do this we won't go my passport here i'm always ready we won't go nowhere where there's indians just in case oh jesus john way don't like indians you know what i'm saying john wayne don't like indians Merry Christmas to all you motherfuckers and your families.

Uncle Joey and Lisa, I love you. If we don't see you next week, Happy New Year, and we'll be back ready to rock 2006 with a whole different fucking attitude, all right? Have a great holidays. We love you. Say you love them, Lee.

I love you guys. Love you, cock sucker. Stay black. Yo, Uncle Joey here to talk to you about bioma. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of yourself in 2026 with Bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics.

So you can get everything acting like it should, if you know what I'm talking about. What you do is you take two capsules before breakfast and you're good to go for the day. I've been on Bioma for a little science project for eight weeks. My color is better. My poop smells healthier. And I'm feeling so much better. even my gut has flattened a little bit. I've dropped 13 pounds, so I don't know if it's Bioma or jumping up and down.

Bioma also calms your brain fog and anxiety and mood swings. So when your gut is better, your life is better. Feel like how? Bioma's got your back. To get started, just click the link in our show notes and pressing code Joey, J-O-E-Y, to get 15% off your guts come back. Who's better than Uncle Joey? And who's better than Bioma?

Nobody. That's 50% off your first order when you use code Joey. J-O-E-Y. Just pressing the link in our show notes. Happy holidays. Hey, Uncle Joey here for Blue Chew. Listen, guys, it's time to level up your dick and ball game. You follow me? The holidays are coming. You got to get those things fucking on fire. Blue Chew has just dropped Blue Chew Gold. Tremendous. Blue Chew gold is a four-on-one-time. You ready?

With the ingredients to increase the blood flow, which is always good, and arousal. Blue chew gold dissolves under your tongue. It takes as little as 15 minutes and your dick is at attention. You understand me? Your balls are hurt. Like you're 13. Remember when you were 13? You were going to whack one out because your balls hurt and you had to cross your legs.

That's what fucking blue chew gold does for you. Listen, I love blue chew gold. It's easy to eat under your tongue. Bam. Next thing you know, you're slinging dick like a butt. black pimper in the 70s. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your options at bluechew.com. Listen, I got a special deal for church family. Get 10% off your first month of blue chew gold with code Joey, J-O-E-Y. But 10 years, we've been giving you a month

supply of blue chew for free. Just so you understand what you got. Now with blue chew gold, if you think you slung dick before, forget about now. You're going to have, you know how people say they got skeletons. That's what you're going to have in your closet. A bunch of skeletons like that dude in Milwaukee. Anyway, visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. I want to thank Blue Choo for the sponsor in the podcast and for always having my back.

And don't forget, if you want to sling dick with three hands, Blue Choo is the captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Happy holidays.