Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Beautiful Savages

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk the Grand Re-Opening of Alcatraz, Lee hits Joey with Claw Hands, why Father's Day is the worst holiday and much more! Get your first month of BlueChew for free, just pay $5 shipping. Get ready to have better sex & use promo code JOEY at ⁠https://www.bluechew.com⁠ Support the show and get 35% off your NYKD order at ⁠https://www.NYKDPouches.com/CHURCH⁠ New DraftKings customers can bet $5 & get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & press in code JOEY.   Produced by: Andrew Houston & Joe Russo @andyfromontario @joerussomarketing on Instagram

What's happening you beautiful savages? The church is in session. Tuesday the 6th of May, looking good, feeling good. Everybody's ready to rock. Lee Syat's here looking handsome as a devil. We'll be back Jack. Hey, Uncle Joe here. Listen, every once in a while you need a little boost in the bedroom like media night. It was like 15 seconds and I blew a casket You know I'm saying blue chew is the og brand offering chewable tablets for better sex and it's now better than ever Trust me when I'm telling you Introducing blue chew max which combines the active ingredients of Viagra Cialis into one powerful chewable. BABAM! Listen, you take

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You ready for this try your first month of blue chew for free when you press in promo code Joey Joey joey why ladies if you're listening to this go ahead What do you got to put five of those in your little purse you go down the shore you jump up and down with your men They're a little lame they're drinking cocktails you blast them with some coffee and you hit them with a blue chew forget about it 12 minutes later you're in the bedroom getting your head pulled you follow me visit blue chew calm for more details and important safety information and I want to thank blue chew for sponsoring the show I want thank you guys also enjoy the episode

What's happening beautiful people we haven't seen you in a while where you been Lee I know I've been in fucking Maine 14 days I haven't seen Lee something like that 14 days well close to it yeah close to it yeah like 12 days yeah my heart was you know I miss my little dewy pudgy friend you know what I'm saying he missed torturing somebody nah you know I always miss you. I worry about you. Things could happen. I don't know if you got mugged yet. Trust me, that's like the biggest question on the internet right now.

Would you stop? I know it's the biggest question. You brought it up. But we wanna mug you somewhere. People are like, you know what? We're just gonna mug him on an off state. Next time you go away with Josh, we'll have to mug you in Virginia.

One of those places. It's exactly where I'll be May 30th. There you go, see I can feel it. I can fucking feel it. Yeah, it's been a great couple weeks. Last week I didn't do shit, guys. I was not feeling it at all. Yeah, I wasn't feeling it last week.

I didn't do comedy. I wrote a little bit, but basically just worked out, stayed at home with the girls. I was pretty Quiet all weekend, too. I didn't do anything till last night last night was the first night I said, you know what? Let me wash my muffler and get out of the house No, when you say you didn't do anything How many milligrams? You know, I didn't do shit I did I did do a thousand milligrams and I Friday night

Friday night, I think I just ate like a half a Mushroom chocolate ball right that was it and I got a little giggly whatever but it just it was just like I'm passing right You know I'm saying nothing really stuck me. There was no anchors to the ground But sadly I went to a communion party started at one and I knew there was gonna be good food. So I took 600 milligrams at about 11 o'clock in the morning. Just to be ready, tip top, my goo, as soon as I walked in that one, no stories. And sure enough, I sat down, I did a couple sangrias

just to loosen up the fuck in, whatever. But then like, if I ever am that high and there's food there, like I'm not gonna say hi to people when I walk in. I'm just gonna walk straight to the food. No, no, no, I walked in, sat down, said hello, gave the kid his fucking envelope and then I attacked. You know me, why fuck around?

Dude, you saw me at their house a couple years ago. I walked in, didn't say a word, and then bagels appeared and it like saved my life. Those are good fucking bagels. Yeah, if they come in a brown paper I've never seen bagels come in a brown paper bag. That's the old-school way. That's when you know, they're real I'd you never delivers in a fucking silver container A Jew shows up with a brown paper bag. He's been carrying for years in that desert Oh, there's everything in there my fun goongo powder, everything, just to keep everything alive,

you know what I'm saying? Well that's, I... I ain't what, I ain't what, what, what, what, what! God damn it, what's up though? I did, I had some bagels like in Maine, and I, because before people would be like, oh I had like, it sounded, and I didn't know what they meant.

It was my first like not New York bagel since I, and I was like, oh yeah, this is what they're talking about. You've been eating non-New York bagels since I fucking knew you. Yeah, but then I didn't know what they meant. It was my first like not New York bagel since I and I was like, oh, yeah This is what they're talking about. You've been eating on New York bagels since I fucking knew you Yeah, but this guy used to buy the Sara Lee bagels the ones you bring home and put in the toaster I'm like Glee you can't do that shit again. You live in the great This is what I'm talking about. Even when you're in the greatest city, you still take the dumbest chance You should start hanging out my brother George George more often, both of you. I don't know what's going on, the circuitry.

You don't eat a bagel, you live on fucking, what do you live, Times Square, right? A couple blocks from Times Square, you said? Okay, you don't eat it, and all of a sudden you go to Maine and now you decide you want a fucking bagel up in Bagelville. I eat bagels here, I'm just saying. What is Maine known for, grapes or something like that? They actually are known for blueberries. I didn't know that

Blueberries. Yeah, I know was grapes or something like that, you know, so what makes you want to eat those things? They brought it to the office Well, then that just cuz they brought if I brought a piece of shit in the fucking set hot dog Then when you eat it, no, you're Jewish and you wanted to save the ten bucks. So you're operating on the food They brought in. I gotta be honest, it's not even the money they- You don't even eat breakfast, you fuck. Unless it's free in there.

Oh, okay, unless it's free in there. I don't want you eat outside bagels no more. You're a New Yorker now. Maintain it. You're a fuckin' Marine now. Maintain it. No more puffy bagels, no more Sara Lee bagels. None of that shit.

You're in New York, you're a Jew, act like it. So what, should I pick it up and throw it away? When you sit, don't even pick it up, just go, I gotta go get a bagel. And they'll go, why? There's bagels here, no, no, no, no. This is mushad, this is dog shit. This is dog shit.

I'm on the East Coast, I don't deserve to do this to myself anymore. I did it for fucking 23 years in California. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. And you walk out and slam the door like a fucking, like, when these would, bah! And make sure you put your scarf behind you.

That's when they know you fucking mean business. I should start wearing a scarf. Why don't I wear a scarf? Listen, I don't know. If you wear a scarf, I'll stab you. But anyway. Yeah, I went to this fucking thing. I was stoned when I walked in there.

I hit the pipe and I got some good weed this week. I was 39, 38 and 36%. I don't know, what the fuck is going on in this shit? And it's good? Oh my God, it fucked me up. And I went in there with the edibles. And the first, I started off slow. I took the tomatoes off the mozzarella

because I love the tomatoes. So I just ate the tomatoes with pepper. I wanted to start off slow. And the baked clams came. There were too much fucking, too many breadcrumbs in there. I don't know what's going on with people. How many breadcrumbs, there's a clam this big and you put two teaspoons of breadcrumbs.

Yeah, because you want to hide the clams. Yeah, no, hide the clam in what? In breadcrumbs. That's like eating a to hide the clam. Yeah, no. Hide the clam in what? In breadcrumbs. That's like eating a 400 pound chick. You gotta find the clit. You gotta fucking, you know, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to play find the clit. So it's the same fucking thing, right?

Nobody wants to play that game. Okay. It's tough enough to find the G string when it's in there. It gets cupped in between a little fat leg over here, and you gotta pull it out with a fucking scissor and cut it like a biblical cord you know saying none of the chubby girls I had never wore thongs It was very sad you got a way to listen to the song is like uh it's a size smaller Yeah, so if they eat a lot of doughnuts, or they get fucked in the ass. He just pops

You buy a chair that I have to fucking dangle my feet with it's gonna happen So yeah dad that's a bake lamb then the chicken came with the fucking potatoes and the scarpey yellow Not too good, but I ate the chicken to get protein okay chicken off the zero points protein then they were gonna make steak beef at all but he didn't want a red sauce on it let me tell you something was one of the best cuts of meat I've had a long time I must a 50 piece of little meats did you leave the kitchen I wasn't in the kitchen I was in the fucking banquet hall. Oh is a banquet hall. I thought was at their house I don't know chef and then they brought they brought listen to this

They brought baked zeppoles baked Baked the first bite you're like this is different, but then you're like, holy shit. There's no grease. I Must have ate a whole fucking bag. They had like, every table had a bag of them. I kept mingling. I kept going over to every table just stealing one big one like a fucking, they were like white homers. By my area, there was a circle of white powder.

It was like 1987 in my fucking area. There was white powder everywhere, my sweats, my fucking shirt, my jeans. I ate a whole bag of those fucking things. Delicious. I'm gonna tell you what else I ate the other night. I told you I got super high the other night. Yeah.

I'm like, I'm gonna see what these Krispy Kremes all about. I'm gonna stop at McDonald's and get a glazed Krispy Kreme dog. I'll tell you what, not bad. I only ate one of them. I gave the rest to the girls. Then we threw them out the next day, three of them.

Were they hot? Like did they warm them up? Oh yeah, they weren't, they were in a little thing. I mean listen, not bad. Well of course it's a Krispy Kreme, it's always gonna be good. But they only got three brands. They got the white one, the clear,

the chocolate with the sprinkles, and maybe something else. Yeah, but it's McDonald's. Like that's how you know they want us dead. If they had had Krispy Kreme at McDonald's when I was going McDonald's four or five times a week, I would be dead right now. Listen, they should just put a casket Like the first guy to get like a business called McDorkins And put an extra McDonald's of you know, Paul and then like bury people and their favorite like quarter pounder casket

and then bury people in their favorite quarter pounder casket. Fucking, you know. McNuggets. McNugget casket. The whole fucking thing. It wouldn't be, like right now, if you fucking opened up a funeral parlor and just put caskets made out of, you know.

The french fries, yeah, you could put a whole family together. A french fry, you could put a whole family together. You could put them in a car eating the french fries. Bury them, bury them. And 200 years from now, I assume them, the skeletons will be dust, but the french fries will still be there in the package

and one finger will be stuck on the bone. By the time you go get it, it just dissolves. Dude, that's a crazy, have you seen that? Where like, scientists will have like a McDonald's meal under a glass for like 30 years and there's not even mold on it. Like that's how much like there's like three or four of these that I eat. There's no, I don't, I think I ate more fast food than like, you know how they have like

that Spotify wrapped, like you're on the top 1% of you too listeners. I think I was probably for a while in the top 1% of of I would eat fast food every day when I was 300 plus pounds I love fast food and it's disgusting and I still like it I heard somebody they told them saying that Wendy's is just oh they've ruined it was the best it was Wendy's was number one when I was growing up when the cups were yellow and They had they had a small it was just they were just talking about this in our you garbage they had a Salad bar that had pudding and jello on it for free and then you could oh and then the spicy chicken sandwich

This sandwich used to be big and and now it looks like they microwave. I hate Wendy's now. Wendy's was number one. And now it's just. Who had the chili? I never had the chili. Wendy's had chili. Wendy, let me tell you something.

The chili kept me together from 1997 to 2000, maybe 2001 because the chili and something else was on the dollar menu. Probably a burger. There was a burger, a cheese, the little, and the baked potato. So fuck for six bucks, man. That was lunch for me.

I get the chili, the baked potato, which you didn't eat the skin even back then. Like I liked the skin. I always eat the skin first, but not there. The skin looked a little fucked up, but the potato was okay, and then I'd eat the skin first, but not there the skin looked a little fucked up But the potato is okay, and then I'd eat the the cheeseburger with it I'm surprised you ate the chili isn't that just like the day old cheeseburgers that they just put in there No, I didn't know I don't know at that time listen. I was so fucking I went day to day

So it was whatever I got you know I was on that Josh Wolf block by Vista I got a turkey burger from Josh Wolf. So one of the places I went to was Wendy's, and the other place was, what's a Chinese place down the corner from there? It's well known, it's been there for fucking. Oh, like an LA place? Yeah, right there on the corner of La Brea and Sunset.

There's a Chinese theater. Oh, it's not the Chinese theater, is it? No, is that the little fucking La Brea and Sunset, there's a Chinese theater. Oh, is it the, it's not the Chinese theater, is it? No, is that the little fucking La Brea and Sunset? I don't know where anything is. Sunset and La Brea has a Chinese place on the corner that I went to for years. I forget what the fuck the name is, but I would go there, get lunch,

and at the same time get my headshots done. There was like 20 things in that area to do. There was a thousand things in that mall. They'd talk karate upstairs, they fucking, then across the street was the other headshot lady. And she was really hot, really hot, Asian. And her husband looked like Santa Claus. And we were going there every day to make copies,

and one day the husband died. And somebody told me, like, the husband died. I'm like, I'm gonna go over there and get dibs on that woman. It must have been like 98, 99. And I remember me and my friend Ricky Cruz had the biggest crush on that Asian woman, and we would go over there every day and try to hit on her. And she wasn't budging, you know what I'm saying?

Like, she was like, nah, I'm no mood, but she was hot. So we would go over there and make those printing copies. That whole neighborhood was like an actor neighborhood. So everything you needed was in those couple streets. Fuck, it's gonna kill me not to know the name of that Chinese joint. Well, we'll look it up during the break. Okay.

So you'd go there and eat and get like the lunch special? Lunch special was huge then. How, is it, did you get anxiety about that? Like, cause I know you didn't, it didn't seem like you minded being broke when you were back then. Like. I was used to it.

It was just, listen, after a while, you get used to it and you think you're gonna be there for the rest of your life, so nothing really matters. You look at your credit card bills and you go, pshh, minimum payment, 300, good luck. You know, you used to look at your credit cards and go, I owe $60,000, and you look at the bill and go, I'm never gonna get out of that.

Like that number could be six million, at 60 grand. You're never gonna get out of that. Like that number could be six million. It's 60 grand. You're never gonna get out of that. Like at that, there's a number that you could always get yourself out of with an extra job and pray that your tire doesn't blow up or your engine doesn't blow up or your cat doesn't swallow a needle. You know, I remember being broke, dog.

My cat swallowed a fucking needle. And we had to scrape up $600 on like 10 credit cards. Like 32 off one, 18 off the other. You know, but that's the things that set you back. When you're trying to get debt off your fucking mind, it's that fucking flat tire. And they can't get it, now it's a $250 tire. That destroys you. And it it always happened at least to me

It would always happen like right when I thought I was doing well like it would be like a couple weeks or a month I'm like okay. I'm ahead now. It's okay Good I filled up my tank. I got groceries and then you have a fucking you hit a pole I remember one day I hit I hit something I called Ralphie to bail me out I mean there was no way I just called him and told him the truth rough. I don't have a dime I remember one day I hit something. And I called Ralphie to bail me out. I mean, there was no way. I just called him and told him the truth. Ralphie, I don't have a dime.

I got no tires and there ain't no way I can make a living or get anything to eat. He's like, go over to Goodyear, to Goodyear or whatever, tell him I sent you, tell him to call me up, I'll give him my credit card number. I told him, I had to do that once with him It was just there was no hope there was no way I was gonna get four tires even if I went to Los Feliz and Went to those little Mexican shops with the tires of 20 bucks even at that

I couldn't afford 80, but right because I've thought about that a lot because I've been very blessed that like, you know Things are getting expensive and I have you know money gets tight But you think about that like a single mom or anybody who they're like, hey know, things get expensive and I have, you know, money gets tight. But you think about that, like a single mom or anybody who they're like, hey, you got towed. It's 200 bucks. And like, I don't. Yeah. The car is done. There's no way I'm going to get 200 bucks. The car is done. I'll never see that thing again. Because if I do get $100 and then I'm looking for another hundred,

I'll buy a gram of coke because I'm depressed, because I think $100. There's always guys, there was always something. And there comes a time in your life when you go, okay, I'm in this debt, college, like I have stolen a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and she has been out of college for 10 years maybe, even longer, and she was saying she still owes 50 large oh yeah and I'm like you walk around every day with a student loaned up a 50 large I'm not judging that's probably low walk around with a debt of four hundred

thousand and not answer my phones I couldn't even get a phone it took me It took me 12 years to get credit. And it started with Sprint. That's why I'm very loyal to Sprint. Because Sprint sied me for 200 bucks a month. My package was 189. So every time I went over they shut my fucking phone off and I had to run down and pay $2.25, something like that. You know, but Sprint billed me back up,

and then Terry put me on a loan, I paid it back, and fucking, there was just so many things, I was just, but I disappeared for so long. Those cards started collapsing in 92, I disappeared. I was like, I'm getting a pager. If these credit card people get a number of a pager, I'm hiring them, they're fucking theager. If these credit card people get a number of a pager, I'm hiring them.

They're fucking the president. Because they would call me anywhere. I'd go to the bathroom here and the phone would ring. You, Joey? Yeah, tell me you want to talk to you. Hey, it's Visa. It's Tom from Visa. Where you been?

You were supposed to send that check last week. We never got it. Listen, your card's gonna get cut down this Friday. You gotta get a minimum payment and real quick to keep it, you know, and you're like minimum payment. It's Friday I gotta make rent Yep My your minimum payment is going to fucking landlord and

There's like they don't work with you at all really I've noticed no who's gonna work with you. You're a bum. You didn't pay the light bill. No, but even if you do pay, like... You didn't pay the water bill. You're a bum. You didn't pay it for six months, and then you did this. You're a bum in their eyes. I sold cars, so I remember the credit reports and how the banks would look at credit reports.

And how every time, you know, there's so many things to affect your credit rating to make it stronger, and there's a lot of things you could do that works against it. You don't even know well That's what I'm talking about like let's say on the other side Let's say you start doing one you can start making payments and you get busy you're working and you're late by two days and like Sorry We're gonna ding your credit report Sorry

Late charge listen if you've been working, you could call them sometimes. Every once in a while, but some of them are assholes. You could call them. Talk, I know. It's like, alright, people tell you not to file for bankruptcy. But if you call those debt consolidation places, they're fucking worse. Oh, really?

Yeah, because they cut a deal, they get it wiped off. So listen, in my situation, when you look at a bankruptcy, it's you're dead for seven fucking years. That's a long time to be dead for. That's dead, that's dead. I was dead for like 13 years. And was it hard for you to get,

I mean, you weren't even applying for a permanent. I had a credit card that was 250. Okay. That was 82%. And was it hard for you to get, I mean, you weren't even applying for a permit. I had a credit card that was 250. That was 82%. So if I put a sandwich on it at the airport, it was just to travel. My wife got me a $250 card just to travel, but it was 30%.

So if I got a cheeseburger, it was $42. And that shit was ticking. That's another company that would call me and go, hey, you're at 298 You better make a payment right now. We're gonna shut down the car, you know, it was fucking brutal, you know, and then I had that The pager which doesn't fucking get you anything And then I don't even my friend of ours opened up a Sprint store on Hollywood on Sunset, right by the comic book store where we did the podcast at.

Yeah. Right there, there used to be a Sprint store there. Okay. And he told me, he goes, come in and I'll get you hooked up for 200. Come in, and I'm like, he ain't gonna do it. He fucking did it. And then that builds up a little bit.

And then, you know, guys, who the fuck knows? I just, to this day, I'm still leery of credit cards. They're very scary. I'm leery of credit cards. I'm happy they're ATMs. I'm happy that when you go there, you got the money in the bank and that's it. It's yours, it's not yours, but that other shit,

that's the quickest way of shooting yourself in that. It's like the other day, and listen, you guys are gonna look at me and go, Joey, you're a hypocrite. No, I'm gonna tell you the truth. The other day I'm watching this fucking, I was watching something, sporting event, and Terry, my wife, goes,

that's just weird that there's a sports betting line on the TV. And I go, Terry, this is it. Listen, when you grew up in this area as a child, guys talk gambling all the time. So eventually you put in that first five timer, which was five dollars to win 25 or lose 30, you know, and you get, and I grew up with three or four people

gotten to gambling problems. But I predict in the next 10 years, five years, the gambling problem is gonna be worse than it's ever been. Because it's introduced to these kids at a young, young age and it's accepted. When I was 18, you had a caller guy, black cavalier. Yeah Now you just put 200 on your books and you're ready to rock at 18 19 little Joey

The kid around the corner had three or four counts. He's fucking 10 He's 10 fan duel and another one, you know These and these kids figure it out I don't give a fuck. The same way we figured out how to get somebody to buy liquor for us, they figure out how to open up. They'll go in front of the mother and take their hand while they're sleeping.

Yeah, there's a thousand things, right? And even then, I'm sure kids get credit cards on their phones now. All you have to do is attach it to a bank account. I mean, luckily, a lot of these major people, they verify everything, but you never know, they could get into their parents' account and place bets, I'm sure that happens.

Even just everything the phone brings to kids is crazy. Everything, everything in your world is on your fucking phone. Somebody steals your phone, they're crafty, you're done. You're done because they've allowed that. They've allowed it to put Apple Pay and this pay and boo boo boo pay. I don't pay nothing with my fucking phone. I got an ATM card and I got a pocket and that's where I pay from. I don't need to

King like a fucking idiot to be cool in front of your friend. I don't need that. I don't need to order ahead You don't order ahead. No, I don't want them to know I'm coming Why you gonna call somebody let them know I'm coming you're gonna shoot me I'm coming right into your hands. You want to poison me with that coffee or whatever. I don't do none of that I show up and you put the order and you watch them into your hands, you wanna poison me with that coffee or whatever, nobody gets. You need to go? I don't do none of that. I show up and you put the order in and you watch them. You look in their eye, you black dog, because they don't know. Who's the order for?

Lee, okay, they don't know fucking Lee unless you're going there every day and you start a relationship with them, but today, nobody talks. They go to a counter, right? There's a food, they put a bag on a thing. You walk in, you look at it, thank you, and you walk out. You don't know, they don't know you from Adam. No, people steal that stuff all the time.

Yeah, I would, duh. Can you imagine in my day, shit, I'd be eating for free like a motherfucker right now. Walking into Starbucks, fucking lifting, I see it all the time. And people just, they leave it there. They wait for the uber How many times have I been in Starbucks with my daughter and there's a couple of those drinks and fucking cherry drinks And also some fucking dude walks in like he just ran out of a track You know, he's just getting chased out of the racetrack and freehold which is closed, but he comes out and he's like Uber so uber picks up coffee for you uber will pick up anything you want I'm too old-school. I can't do it. No, I don't order ahead. Oh, unless I like if I have to order Like there's two or three things I could order from my favorite restaurant has to read I could order

Chicken parm and they'll cook it for me. I could order anything and they'll pick it up and I trust that right everybody else I don't want to trust nobody I want to go there and order and see what they do and, and I trust them. Everybody else, I don't wanna trust nobody. I wanna go there and order and see what they do and how they act, like with a Chinese restaurant. I want them to see them make it. It's right there, the kitchen. But you can't usually see into the kitchen. There's two restaurants in my neighborhood

you can see in the kitchen, Chinese places. I had no idea that was part of the... Yeah, that's the whole thing. When they get the food on the wok,, yeah, that's the whole thing. When they get the food on the wok, the cat, they throw gasoline on that motherfucker, the thing blows up. They still yelling, atow, atow, atow, beep, bop.

Do they ever get mad at you for just staring at them? Are you, like, mean-mocking them all the time? No, I'm fucking amazed by them. Listen, if I go to a... How many restaurants you go to in there, a la Fresco, whatever the fuck, where the kitchen's wide open and the chef, I would never work at one of those places. No?

Like if I was a chef, listen, this is what I need, is a bunch of fucking jerk-offs looking at me? Fuck yourself. El Nino has three tables for VIPs that you just look in the kitchen. Yeah, they have tables in the kitchen that's in restaurants.

No, I'm not doing that. I gotta perform like a seal now? It's hard enough. I gotta cook now. I gotta have three idiots like You know looking at me with a fucking glass or whatever the fuck they hold it I forgot it was Cinco de Mayo yesterday. What a fucking Fucked up holiday. You didn't like Cinco de Mayo. Well, it's like a bullshit holiday because it doesn't even Mexicans don't do it It's so it's for white people to drink margaritas like right now if you go anywhere on route 22 Ails Mexican explosion that's what you're gonna see a bunch of white girls about to get raped

You know I'm saying with touch fucking tequila shit letting themselves off on somebody slips a roofie with a tequila You're done. You wake up what happened? Yeah, I'll tell you what happened. You're done. Fuck. You should have stayed home It is we're kind of amazing how like There's so many holidays that if you boil them downers people get fucked up But you don't know you only know one year when you puke on that holiday When you puke on a sink of the mind then you wake up the next morning like what? Yeah, I went to a bar. There was no Mexicans there. There was not one Mexican jumping up and down

The only Mexican was the bus boy And they treated him like shit. They were whipping them the whole fucking thing Yeah, and like what about like st. Patrick's Day isn't that really not like do Irish people really care about that? But listen, you don't want to you don't want to entangle the Irish What happens with the Irish? Just leave them alone. It's that day, you know, St. Patrick is Italian, right? That's how fucked up it is. So just don't worry about it If they offer you a drink you take it like Mother's Day is bullshit. It just makes me sentimental

I go what the fuck Mother's Day is every day It just makes me sentimental. I go, what the fuck? Mother's Day is every day. Right. In your world, Mother's Day is every fucking day. Calling them, thinking about them, whatever. Right? You'd hope so.

And Father's Day, that's the worst. That's the worst of all the fucking holidays. You don't like it? No, I like it. I fight hard every day for that little fucking munchkin. So why, and you don't want, I don't know. It's not nice. What we're gonna do go to a park. Look around you get to grow father's day Let's go eat There's nothing there. It's a homemade holiday. That's true. You know, it's like I think they're gonna change a bunch of holidays back Like we're gonna bring back Columbus Day and something else and something else. No more Andrade in this day.

That shit got cut out. That's it. There's one change that I saw that I wanted to get your opinion on. Which is? Their opening Alcatraz. Okay. Let's just say they do.

Could you imagine being sent there? That's fucked up. After the guyugs you well, they'll send them there Yeah, okay. Have you been to Alcatraz? Yeah, me too. You take I've been like two times tremendous You take the fucking boat out there. I don't think people would survive off that now Yeah, I think it's been a big difference in weather climate. That's a cold motherfucker out there Repeat it. That's a cold motherfucker out there. I'm gonna repeat it. That's a cold motherfucker

September you go to those stadiums you freeze I can't even think about October when Barry Bonds was hitting those home runs into the ocean, whatever the fuck. Those games were fucking, you freeze to death. You would see those people out there like freezing. I'm in California, I knew it was a little colder. I didn't know it was that cold.

Do you think it's? Dog, I remember I went up there with Felicia. I left Burbank Airport, it was 100 degrees. I had a white t-shirt on. And I landed in San Francisco and I had to stop in Fisherman's Wharf and get one of those welcome to San Francisco sweatshirts. In July, it was fucking 60 and freezing

because that wind comes off that ocean blazing, blazing. Remember, what's the writer, what's the famous writer? The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. Oh Shit, I don't know. Yeah, the coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in San Francisco Mark Twain, there you go So Alcatraz is a prison Unless they reheat it, you know, you got it's so out function now. Yeah, no, it's they couldn't put people there now It doesn't listen. Here's what? The purpose of a prison is punishment right? It's not for you to go to a vacation or anything like that

That's the real purpose of a fucking prison and to try to get rehabilitated with the dead don't give a fuck about They think putting you in a hole with no windows is gonna rehabilitate right? I'm saying it But like what's that Colorado supermax? You don't even see sunlight there really that's under the fucking ground. They built it in oh Shit, that's like two or three floors in oh no I didn't know that yeah I wish we had all this shit used so we could show people but all that shit was a prison that was built down so it's like either two or three floors that's where America's worst are at all the terrorists all the people that's where

they put them that's you're not ever gonna see fucking daylight again they might like Alcatraz then. It's kinda pretty. Like to go from in the ground. I didn't know it was in the ground. I'm not even trying to be funny. No, no, no, I'm not talking about Alcatraz. I'm talking about the one in Colorado. Supermax, whatever the fuck.

And then they have, then you're gonna open up Alcatraz, which again, it doesn't pertain to me because I'm not planning on doing any crimes. No, of course not. There's two or three I'd like to do. I'd like to do them. That's all, I would've thought it'd be way more. That's it, so if they open it, listen,

prison in this country is a business. There's no end to topic to it. There's maybe three people who'll tell you that, yeah, we could do it and people could get better. No, it's not, it's just a business. They open up halfway houses, prisons, prisons, prisons. You know, it's a business. So yeah, we got more criminals,

so you might as well open up more prisons. I can't imagine, like it just, to be an Alcatraz just seemed extra scary. I didn't. It's 24 hours. It's like no one's ever escaped. Well they did, Clint Eastwood escape. I Apologize nobody caught that dude. Nobody found the body. It just found the shackles years later

Okay, the sharks could have fucking ate him, but that dude was never found. So let's just say he didn't really escape. He tried He tried a bunch of me. I think it was like 12 or 14 I think I I read today. And nobody. Only that one guy who like they didn't find. They didn't find. But it's, I don't know, but like the amount of money it would cost to rebuild it, like you just said, prison is a business.

Do you think we should be spending like our money on like building it? I don't know, that seems fucked up. I mean who we gonna throw in there money on like Billy? I don't know that seems fucked up I mean who we're gonna throw in there homeless people. I Guess you give them their own island homeless island out there Send the migrants out there with them. Oh Today they didn't have the they didn't have the the sweatshirt on today. They had the The camouflage hat I saw like three of them

The camouflage had my favorite migrants, but no, all jokes aside, listen. It's like anything else, if you build it, they'll come. Right, yeah. You build out the trash, rebuild it. I don't know what it's gonna cost, I'm not a constructionist. This is the first I heard about this. Oh, okay.

So, yeah, listen, keep opening them up. And there's a bunch of other prisons that are fucking shut down maybe. Ratty, listen, this is, it's a prison. It's not supposed to be the Four Seasons. It's fucking prison. Yeah, you got your little Lompoc for the Italians up there in Northern California.

They go up there and learn how to play tennis and ride horses. You got the one on the East Coast, I forget what it is. You got prison camps for the fucking, pretty nice, but you've earned your time. You've paid for an attorney. You know what I'm saying? You maintain him, you covered your bills.

Now it's time to celebrate a little bit. You go up to Lompoc, that's where all the pimps go. But not everybody's gonna get to go up there. Right. So, you know me, dog. I ain't planning on going back to jail but fuck no So I don't think I and then you have the one in Cuba if they use Oh Guantanamo Guantanamo aren't they using one time or two? What's that? Oh? It's just for migrants I

Didn't know that yeah But why are we building see again? I don't want to get into politics. But why are we building, see again, I don't wanna get into politics, but why are we building a jail to put migrants in there? Send them back, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. See, when you're like, let's say,

I didn't have paperwork, and I came from Cuba 14 months ago. I'd do something wrong, anything. I'd throw a wrapper on the floor. If a cop pulls me over and takes me down, it's a whatever violation. They could take you back to Cuba. If you got in trouble,

you're not throwing a piece of wrapper on the floor, but you know what I'm saying. Like if I commit a heavy duty crime, and they take me down to immigration, they could pull me out of here. And then for those, those people are gonna just shoot me. That's all they do, they just shoot you. You're a traitor to the country, you came here,

you left on a raft. Oh, they send you back to Cuba? Yeah, they send you back to Cuba, they just shoot you. And everybody knows that, that's why they have all these fucking people trying to get the human rights violations down there. There's tons of have all these fucking people trying to get the human rights violations down there. There's tons of them and they don't give a fuck.

They're a communist country. You think their fucking, their prisons have TVs and remote controls and they give you three eggs for breakfast and it's club fed. Do you think that's what they got down there? No. Dog, it's brutal. There's no air conditioner. That island gets hot.

Power goes out. They was a jail that they would just make them walk around naked. Can you imagine that? Being in a prison with men naked and there's a hole in the floor and that's where you shit and piss. Good luck getting to that fucking hole.

Especially like, especially where I am now. Like I I can't if you grew up there I don't know if you grew up there is it less crazy or is it just as crazy if you grew up in Cuba Yeah, well half the people in a Cuban prison aren't there because they're real criminals. It's because they broke a Political policy like oh, they're putting people like that in that kind of prison. I thought this was like super max Well, no, no, they have a couple prisons in Cuba. They have many detention centers and shit like that But on every and every province as they call them, they probably have a prison, right? Okay, but if you don't go to school like I forget what the rules were if you didn't go to work like three days in The road they put you in jail

They do a ton of shit to you that we don't know about or some of us do, but they do. But I know when I met people 40 years ago that were just getting out of Cuba from Marielle, it was brutal. On Saturdays and Sundays, you had to go to a meeting place and Fidel spoke for eight to ten hours. And you have to stand there in the heat. and there's people watching in the audiences to see if you're falling asleep. You have to clap after everything he said. You have to do all that shit. If people saw you not clapping, they come over and throw you in fucking jail, give you

a beating. It's fucking brutal. And to think that we're 90 miles from that and it's been close to 60 years, 70 years, 60 years that nobody has done shit. Right, I mean, and that's like, it's a hard question because I, you know, we, I don't wanna get political either. But like there has to be some fine line, like you are, you were an immigrant,

like so you understand where these people are coming from. Like a lot of people are in fucked up situations and that's kind of what America was built on, but it obviously went a lot too far. It's really weird how I feel about all that stuff. When I first moved to Jersey, a couple miles away is the club 35. 35 triple X.

It's a club that my friends owned and it's just a strip club that's Buckwild. It's Buckwild in there. But the first time I went in there to see him, he said to me, all those girls over there are Cuban. So after a couple minutes, one of them always come up to you and talk to you and I started

talking to one that was young and nice. She was about 25. And I'm looking at this girl, and she's beautiful. I mean, she's beautiful on these streets. If you dressed her up and shaved her eyebrows and, you know, got her tightened up, she's a fucking knockout. She was blonde. She was funny.

And, you know, I would give her like 30 bucks. Just sit here, talk to me. And I would ask her creepy questions about Cuba. And she would wait for me some nights. She'd go, it's Wednesday, you're gonna come. You know, like the whole thing, I liked it. I don't know, ever since the club closed down, I don't know what those fucking people are doing now.

But I would talk to her, man. And it would make me really fucking sad. Why? That that place is still doing that. These people get on, like yeah, now you could leave. Now if you do the paperwork you could leave, but you gotta leave somebody down there. This girl had her mother down there. Her father lived in Miami, but her mother was down there.

She was taking trips once a month to go down there. That's why she stripped. But they're hookers But they've been hookers They were 14 In Cuba 1413 they're out there for the tourists and all these fucking animals that go down there to fuck 14 yearold hookers. I didn't know that about Cuba.

And then these girls come up here and they're buck wild. Cuban chicks, when they go off the rails, they're buck wild. They'll say shit to you that you're like, oh my God. Like she was talking about sucking my ball through my asshole and sucking the true sperm out of it. And I'm like, why are you talking about it? This ain't gonna happen. They're on a different fucking level.

And I would talk to them, I go, how long have you been doing this for? Since I was 14. Sometimes I'd be sitting there watching a game and she'd come over like nothing and go, come on, go have a good time. We'll get your dick sucked. Get any one of these chicks to suck your dick.

I mean, it was fucking insane how they, that's their mentality. But I would ask them about like different things to food and man it's not good. It's not good. What happened? Just that I have no meat. Really? Yeah, you get like a laundry list every month of shit. Three cans of ginger ale, eight eggs, but you got, you know, you got 30 days. You eat eggs, we eat two eggs a day, right?

At least. 30 days, that's 60 eggs. They get eight eggs for four people for a month. They could probably get like two cups of coffee for a month. You gotta keep reusing the filter and figure out they call it white coffee. That's what they call it in Cuba, white coffee now with some shit. They only have the coffee no more. The soil where all the fucking those great tobaccos were grown, that soil has been abused. There's no good soil left. They've

been banking on that soil since fucking 1920. It's 2025. That soil is fucking, that's why they're not. They're coming from the Dominican Republic, are they not? There's, like Dominican cigars are big. Really? Yeah. I didn't know about that. They got a grid that hasn't been built, there's been, I think a pirate built it, the electrical grid.

Every time there's a storm, they lose power for three or four days. And it's still a communist country? Still a communist country, but not on the other side of that. Again, I'm talking hypocrisy, because my cousins are there. Okay.

My cousins belong to a national Cuban band. And guess what? They don't suffer. They don't suffer. They have beautiful homes, swimming pools. They get great money. My cousin performs every night. I'm not again I'm not talking shit about it. I'm just telling you the realities of that fucking communist country

These people they barely eat they got no shoes that you see the cars in Cuba Fucking a Cuban could fucking fix the car up dog Right. They're all like 70 year old cars, right? Yeah 70 year old fucking cars And they still got them on the road with duct tape and elbow grease and And I just I just don't know the our problem is there a communist kind of like so we don't let anything go in It's like is that the deal we have an embargo We have an embargo so nothing American could go in there. We can't help them. We can't do anything

So they maintain they would maintain for years off of Russia. And then Russia went broke and then they cut them off. So I think the only thing Cuban has is sugar. Yeah, they trade, but not sufficient. And the government takes all the big packages. You know what I'm saying? They just give you little buds. Oh, yeah. You know I'm saying they just give you little buds. Oh Yeah, you know, but then again we're not listen we can sit here and talk about Cuba this place is in Africa that I like that I mean

Listen, man, we goof around a lot and all that but what's Palestine look like? You know think about all these places now on there think about what our fucking freedoms are we get up and go get a hot dog We get up and fucking go smoke pot or something like that And then there's these fucking people that and then you have to think about How lucky was I that God let me be born in the United States? Oh, yeah like did you ever think about you could be born in Africa with flies on you and People coming up to you with a dish in their mouth trying to talk to you and shit and you're like, I got, I got, I got, I don't know what the,

and I'm not saying that's bad, they might be looking at us. Go and look at those billy goats from America with everything, but you ever think of that? That's when it really gets scary when you're like, how lucky am I that I wasn't born during fucking, you know, in India during the fucking, the cow scare of 1922 or whatever the fuck it is. You know, you guys don't, you know, in India during the fucking, the cow scare of 1922 or whatever the fuck it is. You know, you guys don't, you know what I'm saying?

Like you have to at times go, what, why was I so lucky that I was born in this country instead of Switzerland or fucking somewhere that's not kosher where you see people like, you ever see that late night commercial and all those people have the fucked up lips And you got to send them money You know

How come we weren't born there how lucky you are so when you start thinking about that you go you know what I Gotta do something my fucking life. Yeah, we're very lucky. So it's pretty fucking interesting Let's take a breather. We're gonna talk to you about a couple things today Draft Kings Nick the blue chew. You know take a breather. We're gonna talk to you about a couple things today. Draft Kings, Nick, Blue Chew, you know how we do it. We'll be back. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, I'm trying to class up my life and that includes nicotine pouches.

Nick is the best. So that's what Uncle Joey's gonna use. Let me tell you something. These pouches are made with natural coconut fiber instead of wood pulp and the flavors are Amazing right now. I'm gonna pop my favorite over here. This little raspberry lemonade is tremendous mmm My favorite listen, they got a bunch of flavors and

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This product contains nicotine. And warning, it's an addictive chemical. But listen, get down with Nick, Jack. Yo, Uncle Joe is here, and UFC 315 is almost here. I almost made that a little rhyme. We got two big title fights with Mohammed versus Della, Madelana and Valentin Shreshenko versus Marion Fiorat. It's gonna be a good time.

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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co. slash audio. We're back bitches. Anyway, Lee Syatt is fucking done. Because he took a week off, he went to training, everything was good. No, no, because he took a week off. He went up there with his girlfriend, that means they're on

five milligram edibles and the whole thing. And then he went to- So I ever get to defend myself? No, it's not a surprise party Could hundred milligrams. Yeah, but that's why We got a shock the fucking system. You took ten days off Didn't even bring an edible up there with you dick the round for two fucking weeks You know now you want to tell me I know what I'll talk about my mother's 70s. Listen, leave me alone. All right I know what I'll talk about my mother's 70s. Listen, leave me alone. All right

You ate Puerto Rican food at some white people's house. No, no White Puerto yeah If anyone had 400 milligrams people come up to me and they tell me like I've had doctors come up to me and be like We're surprised like you're okay. I told me go fuck themselves. They're all pussy They're a bunch of fucking pussies. They don't know dick about dick. They know something. I'm surprised you're still alive. They knew so much.

How come when I took the 800 milligrams in the hospital and my heart rate was up above the moon, how come they couldn't figure it out, okay? Because they don't think people are gonna dose themselves with edibles in the hospital. And they looked in my eyes for like 10 minutes. They were looking in my eyes. They had lights in there.

I'm like, you find the fucking helmet, you fuck, and they couldn't find it, so don't believe a doctor. They don't know a dick about the THC world. I've been involved in the THC, I'm 62 years old. You gotta, at this point you gotta say, he's been doing something for 50 fucking years. Because 12 is usually the starting point. I've been in this shit for 50 years.

Nobody's died, nobody's OD'd, well, there's a couple people who have become retarded, but God loves them too. You know what I'm saying? God loves the retards too and I'm one of them. I know it's affected me, but fuck, you know, you're not gonna come to me with some Chinese story about reefer.

Maybe anything else or pills or whatever, not reefer. I've been living proof and all across the country All across the country from Thai weed in 83 here all the way over there To the ship from the Golden Triangle before was even the Golden Triangle What's the Golden Triangle? I'm not gonna tell you It's those four cities like up in Northern, California by I'm gonna tell you. It's those four cities, like up in Northern California by Humboldt and the other ones,

and they grow weed up there. It looked like fucking coke in the 80s. That's how many white powders was in the fucking bag. So now people are gonna come tell me about TAC. I don't fucking think so. That's why when I go to weed stores, I just get aggravated when people tell me that, oh, we're 29% but you got terpenes.

Listen, these terpenes don't do nothing. I need torpedoes, not terpenes. Terpenes are for faggots. I need torpedoes to shoot in my fucking brain. You know, dog, we don't even get high on 29, 30% wheat. I don't. No. I gotta put it up there and add mucukia juice to it

and fucking, we've worked hard for this tolerance and I'm fucking proud of it. So fuck you and fuck them. And fuck the doctor too, I'm gonna tell you. I hate when people, listen, you're not gonna tell me that you got a license to smoke weed because your foot hurts. Listen, I'm too old. I'm too old.

Just look me in the eye and go, listen, I like getting fucking high. Okay then. Don't tell me you get high. Not you. I'm not leaving you like I'm accusing you. I'm not accusing you. you're a good egg. What I'm saying is that fucking, you know, people want it right away.

Well, he's been smoking pot. I'm sick and tired of people blaming everything on fucking drugs, you know? And maybe you were retarded when you started and you shouldn't have done drugs. Did you ever think of that? Because I know that was my problem. I wasn't ready for drugs, but I indulged in them

and then went deep and I wasn't ready for that. It broke me and somewhere I made it back. I don't know where the fuck I made it back. I'm not all there, but I'm not fucked up either hearing things. I live a very normal life. It's not like I'm fucking, you know. What do I care?

If the weed keeps my powder dry, so be it. You have to figure out in life what keeps your powder dry. For some people it's reading a book, for some people it's jumping off a fucking building, for some people it's getting their dick sucked, and for some people like me, I'm very content when I get to smoke weed at night.

Very content, very content. And is it something you see yourself doing for the rest of your life? Fuck yeah. Until I'm in that fucking recovery room with the ear cancer and the fucking, you can't smoke in here, the oxygen. Go fuck yourself. I'm blowing the whole place up. Yeah, I'm blowing the whole fucking place up.

I'm not going silent in the night. I'm Uncle Joey, bitch. Speaking of which, we've discussed this person on the show again over the last couple months because it's my entertainment right now. I don't have much entertainment, but my form of entertainment is to torture certain people. I've been waiting eight months to torture this girl,

and she finally gave me the answer. This morning, I wake up at Monday morning like I do every fucking Monday 615 and I just picked up my phone. I have my Whoop on there for sleep So I usually do that when I'm waiting for the coffee to brew I hit the whoop button and it tells me how hours I slept slept, how many times I woke up in the middle of the night. And usually, because I don't do drugs anymore, I don't have anybody calling me late at night.

Every once in a while I got somebody from California, there's a guy that's a writer that hits me up, but he fucking forgets. Like I get to text him at three in the morning, I'm like, this guy's a fighter, and he's from New York. That's what really burns me up. And he still texts me at 12 o'clock thinking it's nine here. That's how retarded he is.

So I gotta hit him up every once in a while and go what the fuck, how? So this morning I woke up to three texts and one of them was from this crazy girl. And I opened it up and she goes, good morning. I just wanna let you know, I went to see Palm Reader, one of those people and He said that you should be in my life and

He told me or she told me that I'm from a different planet and I always knew that I was from a different planet but then I went home and told my mother and she said that she's honored that that planet let her raise this girl. Nah. Hold on. Dog, I don't know what this is. So I put the fucking phone down, I get my glass of water with 22 ice cubes, I drink

like three glasses of water, I go outside, it was raining this morning but I still went outside. I had a hooded sweatshirt, so I went outside. I thank God for giving me another day. I'm thankful for what I got and for what I don't got. And then I deal with the world. And then after I finish that cup of coffee, I deal with the world. I didn't even deal with it then.

I went downstairs and I sprayed the shit in my lungs and fucking read Yahoo, there was something I wanted to see if Houston won last night I was looking through all that and I finally went out I smoked and I came in I go now I'm ready to look at this fucking text message Because sometimes I think I can't read sometimes I look at text messages And I don't even know who sent them like sometimes I can't see that It's dark in my room when I get up and then I just go to the bathroom, pee, put my sweats on. So I look at this message again,

I got a message from a buddy of mine, some other lunatic, and I look at her message. This is the one I wanted to see again. And again, I read, I went to see a hand reader, whatever the fuck, and he says that we should stay friends and that fucking I'm from another planet and I always knew I was from another planet something just crazy talk I had to put my glasses to actually look at it and that she told her mother

and the mother said she's honored that the planet gave her to her to raise and I'm like wow this is fucked. I didn't even answer it. I just erased it because it was too heavy in the morning. I can't deal with that. I can't deal with that heavy in the morning. I got a 12 year old and she's gonna come down the stairs any minute with some fucking nonsense. And I sit there and take it.

You know, I'm to that point where I just turn the chair around and sit there and watch her just speel about something that I have no idea what she's talking about. Yeah, but that kinda, that's. But then I thought about it throughout the day, and I'm like, this is my hook to torture. I get like one of those lights that people put up in front of those clubs in front of New York.

You know what I'm saying? When you pull up on your limo and the light's going around, we'll put one of those things in front of her house, like 50 yards, like a beam of light that just shines through her window when she's watching TV. And we'll set her up like that, little by little. Leave like Martian shit on her car or something.

You're gonna have like, she's gonna go nuts. So, who cares? She's already nuts. If somebody goes to a palm reader, if somebody goes to a palm reader If I went to a palm reader as a goof and this motherfucker told me that was from another planet How did you what would I do yeah, I tip them walk out of that I don't know I don't fucking know but I wouldn't believe it, you know, I mean Well, I don't even want to get into that because then the third little fucking conspiracy people come after me, but

It's just fucking weird what's happening in America today it really gets He's just had his hand up like chiller like chiller theater remember he had that little Jew hoof up like he was scared He couldn't even know what a This is 400 million. And I ate like six, this motherfucker. I didn't do you eat six. I ate two here with you, and I ate one on the way up, and I smoked a blunt on the way up because it was bumping a bump of traffic,

and I couldn't see, so I said, fuck it, if you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. If you're not gonna see with all this rain, I might as well, I had this half a blunt lap dog. I smoked it yesterday at my daughter's game. On the way to the game, because I was running late, I was fucked up.

My wife went and got McDonald's for her, but I killed that shit. And then me and her were both sick last night. We had stomach aches. I had like six of those McNuggets and some fries. And a Dr. Pibbb and I was fucking fucked up. Mr. Pibb, whatever, Dr. Pepper, I don't even know no more. What happened, Lee, you not gonna give me the hand?

He had the hoof. Ooh, he's right, yeah, I told you. We ain't fucking around here no more, we're adults now. You know what I'm saying, the church in LA was something different. You took two, three years off. I told you, we're gonna kick it back up again. But then you started fucking around

with those edibles from New Hampshire and the faggy bagels and the whole fucking deal. And then now this is why you like this. You could eat 400 and fucking do backflips when I met you. No, first of all, no, I couldn't. Yes, you could. Now you eat 400, look at you. You're not even gonna, no I couldn't. Yes you could. Now you're 400, look at you. You're not even gonna remember the score

of the Celtic Knick Game tonight. That's how fucked up you are, cocksucker. It's not gonna be good. No, but it's okay. You need this once in a while. You were too much of a, What do you mean? Last week you had a faggy week.

That's bullshit. Work, a surprise party for mom. Come on, we gotta pick it up a little bit. You gotta tell me about some sex clubs. I gotta have fucking, I gotta have Eric come back in, take you to some sex club. That's what you need. I don't wanna go to the sex club, but I love Sierra.

You need something, you need something, cause you're too, you know. There was one. You live in the city, you eat a bagel in New Hampshire. I've never seen anything like this. What, what, what? There was a sex club that opened up in Connecticut right next to a church they just found.

Okay, did you join? No. Then why you bombing before? Did you bring me a coupon so you could call them up and harass them? No, I think they were closing it because it's like right next to a church. That's what, I don't understand.

They work from strength, because if you want freaks, go to a church. That's where all the freaks, all those people that pray to God, they're the ones that fucking fuck little hookers on Tuesday nights after bingo and all that shit. They go down there and fuck a black chick even though they tell their wife they're racist, you know.

That's what Christians and Catholics do, they're disgusting people. A fucking hooker house next to a church would be the perfect fucking thing. That's, well, it wasn't a hooker house. But yeah, that's but anyway, I'm thinking of taking this girl like an Eddie Bravo grounds Like running an all assault phone Video tap into a house make little fucking woo Like make those noises, you know outside the window. Isn't she gonna watch this?

Huh? Isn't she gonna hear this? What she what? Wouldn't she hear this? No, she don't watch this, she's too stupid. She wouldn't even put the sound, even though she's too stupid. How long do you think this assault will take?

Right now, it's May 6th. By the time I get the wheels going with some torches, because you can't just hit them with one torture. You gotta hit them with three in a row, like something in the car, they got like a beam of light in the car, and that's easy. That's easy, that's around the corner. I don't know where she lives, that's the problem I have.

That's the only thing I gotta follow her home one night my dog wife's car or something and fuck Yeah So secretive it's my wife's car I just got it when somebody tells me that they're from another planet now We got to work this we got to work this, we gotta put like a little, you know like the hat Norton wore when he thought he was Captain Video, like one of those hats, the Space Rangers, you know the space hats that you put on?

We should put one on a car just to let him know we're coming for you or whatever. I gotta watch that movie with the Martians and the old people. What's that movie when the Martians come to the old folks' home and they got all that energy to fucking swim? I don't know. Come on, none of you motherfuckers ever saw that movie?

One of the greatest movies of all time. I know these people I've written, I don't remember their names. Yeah, they're old people and they're at an old folks home and Martians came and put the eggs in their swimming pool. So if you swam in the fucking pool, you got the strength of the Martians. And these guys were 60, 70 fucking break dancing.

That's right, I did see it at your house. That's right, with what? Wilford Brimley and the guy from 48 Hours, the old guy from 48 Hours, he was in- Is it Cocoon? Cocoon! Cocoon! Cocoon is a badass fucking movie. So I could put something like that.

I gotta watch Cocoon to see what the Hall of Martians attack. Maybe war the worlds. But everybody thinks they come in satellites and shit. So I gotta work it differently. We gotta hit her from a different perspective. Or you could just leave her alone and hope she goes and tell someone else about this stuff nah it's too much fun we got to push her over the hill one time we got we have a

little just a little push over the hill to make her believe she's a Martian oh my god that's what we need to do I need to make her believe that she's really from another planet and then she'll fucking listen I don we need to do. I need to make her believe that she's really from another planet. And then she'll fucking, listen, I don't need to do anything. I can just move on. You're right. But come on. I haven't had that type of fun since Eddie Brava with the CIA. Of course.

You know what I'm saying? When I told Eddie about the Joe's and the CIA, that was my best work up to date. When I used to call you and tell you not to pick up the phone because the cops were going to call you, don't up the phone, because the cops were gonna call you, don't say a word, and I'd hang up on you. Same thing. They're all done, like I go to a house

and steal one of her shoes. Like right, you're breaking a house and steal all her shoes but only the right one. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my God, that's diabolical. Leave a note, the Martians only dance on one foot. Ha ha ha ha ha. See, I, the Martians only dance on one foot. See, I'm thinking already, this is what I need. I need a little group here to help me,

and we can fucking do this correctly. Push her over the top, she leaves the state. And she moves to New Mexico and waits for Martians. Is that the goal, like the goal is to get her to leave? I have no goals anymore, no man. I just wanna giggle, smoke dope. It's fucking insane how Friday night, I didn't wanna tell you guys, I was really upset.

I told my wife when she got home Friday night, I told her that right to her face, I go, I did this, I did that, I went to the weed store, I did a couple things and she go, why don't you, because they went to see a play Friday night. And she goes, why don't you go out? You know, why don't you? And I'm like, I sat there all night

thinking about what I was gonna do. And then I said, you know what? I got Patreon, like Patreon money that I never spent. I go, maybe maybe I'll cash it out and go to a strip club and just straw bunch of singles up in the air Right like I even thought of that and I'm like nah And I was thinking about all these maybe I'll go up north Maybe I just walk into a disco. I was thinking about going to that fight now I kicked myself in the ass. You know, was it that fight at Times Square? Roberto Duran Going to that fight now. I kicked myself in the ass. You know, was it that fight at Times Square? Roberto Durant

We fucked up Mike Tyson was there Roberto Durant. I would have died just sitting out it cuz there were VIP seats I would just sat next to Roberto Durant and picked his fucking mind all night He loves talking Spanish whatever he could remember of it, you know Huh Garcia lost? Yeah, what do you think? It's fucking that was Monday cocksucker You don't think I even a bird by now came over and told me hey Garcia lost But uh, you know, I just felt bad I'm like I could see

Like weekends I used to lose my mind like when I robbed the lady downstairs Or a lady upstairs from it was a Sunday Because I get bought on the weekends. I don't listen You know, I'm gonna eat on a Wednesday. Don't bother me. I don't smoke pot on a Wednesday Don't bother me, but on Friday Saturday Sunday, you gotta be doing something You got to smoke some dope and eat some food and that's when I would just rob you like By Friday, I did my worst crimes on Friday, Saturdays and Sundays because I just didn't even have the patience.

Like enough with this shit. I'm eating the steak, I'm getting the Chinese Szechuan beef and all I wanted was Szechuan beef, pork fried rice and egg roll and a 20 dollar bag of reefer. I don't ask for much. I could see if I was saying, well I wanna go to Club Venetian and walk in with a helicopter. No, I didn't want all that shit.

I just wanted shredded beef from that Chinese restaurant in Fort Lee, pork fried rice and egg roll, a little wonton soup with some noodles, and I'd walk across the bridge. How's that feel? I'd walk across the bridge to save on bus money and burn the calories I ate from that fucking Chinese food. But after a while, just, and this Friday it hit me, when my wife came home I was this close to crying and going, what type of man that's 60? And I told her, I gotta go to that fucking bourbon street and throw singles up in the

air. That money's not going anywhere, it's just single money. I could just throw it up in the air, like 1800 bucks, and just go, ooh, and make believe I'm a big shot. I'm like, no, why would I wanna do that? I mean, nothing seemed good. There's nothing like, what about, no trip you'd like to take?

No what? A trip. On a Friday night, at eight o'clock, at 730 at night, there's no fuckin' trips. I'm talking about immediate. What can I do to get my fuckin' whistle hot and to keep my powder dry on a Friday night? There was really nothing.

I mean, I'm not goin' to one of those Jersey restaurants with the chubby chick with smoke around her and she's doin' some belly dance routine and they got the John Wick music when they shot the Italian chick. Oh, in the background, I don't wanna see that shit. Like, what's her name, Laurie? What's the chick from North Bergen

that goes out every weekend with the hairpiece? He's got the fucking hairpiece and the whole thing. And she goes to these. I'm sure she's loving this conversation. Yeah, they go to some club in like Teanac and there's always that chubby Arab dancing. I don't wanna see no chick dancing with her stomach out when I'm trying to eat fucking food.

And they got that creepy John Wick music in the back and all these New Jersey people that are fucking basically white trash are sitting there making believe. And there's a bunch of mocks walking around with giant shirts on a Friday night with hats, jet hats and tattoos. And I'm like, nobody's getting pussy in that place.

Look at the shape of that fucking place ain't nobody getting a fucking piece of tart in there. No. So I was like when Terry got home she goes you didn't do nothing. I went out for a ride I did this. You know I just I go I couldn't get myself there's some days bro I love to eat at a restaurant you guys know me I fucking love it. If I didn't have to eat at home I'd be the happiest man in the world but every time I go to eat at a restaurant. You guys know me. I fucking love it. If I didn't have to eat at home, I'd be the happiest man in the world. But every time I go to a restaurant, it's drama now.

Except when we go to all the restaurants. But even tonight, these motherfuckers got chicken noodle soup. What am I? What am I, 80? I'm 62. Fuck, and give me some love in there. But every time, like if you go to a good restaurant, it's what water do you want?

Do you want a cocktail? Just give me the fucking food. Yeah, can I get a selfie? And you're like, you know what, man? I'm just trying to fucking eat my food, you know? So I don't even go out. Friday nights is a shitty night to go out anyway, mind me. All the restaurants are packed. There's a wait list.

Where you going? You want to go fight people? It's not even worth it. The food comes late. They don't come at all. You know. Yeah. What happened to my fucking steak? You wanted a steak? No, I'm sitting here because fucking, you know, Moses is making a comeback.

You know, the fuck is wrong with people? And it would be it would be better to do it on a slower night because I went when I was busy And it was really loud so it was like hard where people in Boston Yeah, you went on Friday night to a surprise party. Yeah with 80 people in the room that you don't know you fucked Anyway, I'm just saying it's hard to hear so we went sure I can't hear anything as it is right if you have a conversation or something I can't hear you I'm lost so never mind music and John Wick music oh whatever that shit they listen to and

I'm supposed to be impressed oh I love this you're from fucking Carney okay knock it off you're from Carney you've been sucking dick since you were eight. And now you wanna tell me about fucking, yeah, what the fuck is wrong with people? Ha ha ha ha ha. I have no idea. You don't need to have an idea, my brother. It's another week, what do you got for comedy this week? This week I have a couple of shows. I have a show, actually, I had a temple

on the Lower East Side on Thursday. Okay, bomb alert, bomb alert. There's gonna be three cops out there and shit. And then on the ninth I'm gonna be at Morristown at the Colonial Comedy Show. What is that, that's not the dojo? No, it's next to the dojo, or near to the dojo. It's cool, I got invented by Vic.

It's cool. I'm not. Making me nervous already. I'll call him a couple of times. Ali Akbar! Anyway, that's what you're gonna hear outside your little Jew show Thursday night. Ali Akbar and a spitball.

But yeah. And then I will be with Josh Wolfe in Virginia at the end of the month. That's the end of the month. Why you confusing people? Because you brought it up earlier. Huh? Because you brought it up earlier.

No, May 17th is done, dog. We got next Wednesday, Thursday, we're at the Dojo. Little pre-Aunty show. This Thursday I'm gonna stop by Alfred Robles on Thursday night, George will be gone. I'll be at the Stress Factory maybe Thursday night to see my brother Al. Wednesday maybe the Dojo.

You know, I gotta get my shit together, you know what I'm saying? I'm slipping, I'm fucking slipping. Last week it was just, the stitches got loose. I started my court case last I'm fucking slipping. Last week it was just The stitches got loose. I Started my court case last week on fucking zoom Listen, I don't know if you've ever been to court, but when you go to court on zoom, that's a complete different fucking side I don't know who I'm looking at and the judge looked like me But she was a woman with glasses on and when she popped up on the screen

I'm looking at my wife going these these motherfuckers, that's a meme. That's a maymay with me with glasses on and the judge is like, hi, good afternoon. Thank God she didn't hear me. Thank God. Well, it happened. Because I'm like, she didn't move. She just came on the screen and was looking at me like,

that motherfucker put up a meme of me with glasses and a black wig on. She had a bunch of wrinkly face like mine. I'm like, what's going on with this fucking woman? And the next thing you know, she goes, hi, she wasn't really a judge, she was a mediator. So in LA you have to have a mediation first, a court order mediation.

And then it goes to trial June 30th. I started trial June fucking 30th on Zoom. Every day after five o'clock. Because five o'clock is two o'clock back there. So June 30th to two o'clock we're in court. And it's not criminal charges, it's a civil suit against a weed company. Like four of them, for using my likeness.

This motherfucker went off, Jack. He went off. He made that up a little. I don't know, I just don't know what I can ask, so. Ask with your little clean hand. I don't know. What's in there? God damn it, I'm about to drop you off

at children's hospital. So you have to like sit in and you're gonna watch a trial go on? It's not, I don't know if they're doing jewelry. It's just a judge. And now we gotta sell on how much money I get. That's it.

Cool. Hmm? That's cool. Yeah, I'm not gonna get rich. It's not like I'm gonna see a millionaire, but at least I make this guy fuckin' pay, you know? That was the most important thing. He gave me his word, the whole thing.

Thank God I got an attorney, and he put put it on contract and then the guy tried to Play a Louis Lamour my attorney was like nope Not this time motherfucker. It's heavy duty like he's got nowhere to go because if he doesn't pay it they take his license and even if he doesn't pay it then they go into the weed store and they we sell weed and make a profit until we get our money or 100k whatever the fuck it is and then there's a taxes and attorney fees like I said I'm just this is why when people say to me do you want to get into a weed business I tell everybody no I tell everybody no it's it's not I don't have the time if I had the time and if I knew what I was doing

Like I had a scientist next to me that was growing the weed and we just combined forces I would be interested but I'm not and people first of all I hate when people ask me to go into business with them and they show up with like 25% week Obviously you didn't listen. So you failed you failed already, right? I've been around 12 years preaching the same shit you didn't listen, so you failed. You failed already. I've been around 12 years preaching the same shit, smoking the same bottle of weed, anybody, except that idiot in Jersey City that gave us that fucking, that fertilizer.

20 bags of 23%. You know, you didn't know, you didn't know, so I don't even wanna do business with you because you didn't even take the time to study it that my tolerance is off the chain And you're showing up with that bad breath we 23% that don't do nothing to fucking nobody. I gotta give it away Right, and they're all sort of the same. Well, this stuff's gonna kill you. Listen, this stuff ain't gonna do a fucking thing to me I'm up there. My tolerance is up there

You know, I was telling the chick at the wheat store when they gave me that RSO, first thing I put it on was the edibles that George gives me, the 2500 milligram chocolate bar. They wanted me to put on a five milligram. I'm like, a five milligram doesn't even go in my mouth. Just out of principle, because I failed myself.

So I would break them and each piece would be 12.50 and I'd put that thing on it and then I'd make like a smores crunch. I put another piece on it and I'll fuck another layer and I ate it one afternoon. Oh my God. Was it a fucking mistake? It was a mistake and a half, but hey, I'm a big boy now.

It wasn't a mistake. You like purposely made this sandwich. That's so, dude. Let me ask you a question. What? When you went to McDonald's and got the fish sandwich and you looked at it and said, First of all, let me go. Okay, whatever.

It's the same thing. I choose to edible myself to death and didn't think about it. You looked at a Whopper and said, Okay, this is my third whopper This ain't gonna do nothing to me. It's the same dude. Yeah, but I've never heard of an RSO sandwich That's only what? Whatever it is it is say la vie life is you know, you can't walk on one leg pretty soon. We're gonna be deadly

Did you ever think about that? Like I'm fucking pissed off. I'm 62 and I got a bunch of life left to me. I have a bunch of life, seriously, like I have a bunch of life left to me. I feel like having a party and hiring like 10 hookers and stabbing eight of them and pulling their hairs and fucking and sucking and you know, but I can't. I'm a fucking old man, I can't. I have a hard on for eight minutes and then it disappears for two hours the chicks are sitting around biting their nails

My fucking money, you know saying Got a lot of fucking things going on and I feel good about it. I never thought that I would have like that I'm lying to you if I tell you I have a lot of things. I have nothing going on. I have a podcast I do a couple comedy shows But I have a lot of things going on in the house and I really like that This is a whole new set of life for me. I always ask myself. What would I rather be doing? That's my game I play in my head What would I whatever be sitting there or would I rather be somewhere put blown bottle rockets out of my asshole?

That's the game. What's worth it to me? I'm really happy at my house. I can't believe I tell you these guys I remember when I would have friends and I would ask them why you leave the house Bro gets bored in my house. You got everything in your house You got a pool table. You got a TV got a VCR you know this is back in like 2000 the 90s they used to drive me crazy when people went out and I used to always say I can't wait to have a house you'll never see my Cuban ass and that's exactly what's happened why would we want to leave your

house it's everything you like no matter what it is is there I'm a lazy fuck in the sense that I Can come up here and train jujitsu. I won't it's two hours out of my life. I don't have anymore I don't have it's not like the old North Pergam that come up at one of those 18 people on the street Having sandwiches somewhere. It's not like that no more But at the same time, I like everything about my house. I'm lazy That's awesome everything to be 10 minutes from my house 15 minutes But you're not like that's where we be okay we were talking about like the delivery like you don't do that like that's one level

You know because there's people who don't leave the house at all No, no, no,. Like that's one level, you know, because there's people who don't leave the house at all No Listen, that's stupidity Okay, that is stupidity. I'm talking about getting up at 7 Reading drinking coffee writing a little bit. You have to go to work whatever You have to leave the fucking house. Okay Those are losers Those people are fucking losers, okay? You

gotta wash your pussy every morning because those are the people that complain the most about life. And I'll tell you, you get in the fucking shower, you know, I look at the contrast, I look at the difference. I think about 94, when I would wake up with not a dime in my pocket, not a dime. Hungry, puking from the night before, did everything I did in Coke, sold every CD I got. So before I get started, I gotta walk to the hill and steal a Bruce Springsteen album and walk into the store and sell it to get 12 bucks so I could eat breakfast. Now it's a different scenario. Now I wake up and I'm like, okay, whatever. But every morning, the first sign of depression starts when you don't shower

That's number one Get up. Don't shower walking on the road ball. They do that three days. I shoot everyone three days. You're hooked So first thing I do after I drink that coffee is I wash my pussy you open up that curtain and go God Thank you for giving me a fucking another day. I'm gonna be better than I was yesterday I'm gonna be stoner than I was yesterday in my case If you thought I was high yesterday God wait till you see me today This far as Whitaker is gonna be all the way down by 630. I give zero fucks Jack But it's crazy like then you do what you got to do for me Listen, I always have a good day if I go to the gym and if I have good numbers at the gym my dick gets hard

Good numbers in terms of what like what your workout was. I go to the gym. And if I have good numbers at the gym, my dick gets hard. Good numbers in terms of what your workout was? I went to boxing today and my fucking, my thing was 14.5. It's never been 14.5. And the year I've been there. Oh, you're on your whoop or something? Yeah, on my whoop. It's just the strain went off.

Just because I'm doing, I see the exercises now that get my heart going. So what I did was I wanted to get my heart at 175 and stay there. Why is that? Because that's what doubles it. I should be at 150, but I want to improve my cardiac intake. So I go to 175 and keep it over 20 minutes.

It's like a long pace, you know? So that's what I did. That's my best day. I stop, I got a fucking freshly made juice. I go home I take the garbage out I do whatever errands my wife needs for me to do Sometimes I got a little food shopping. Sometimes I gotta go to fucking CVS and get 18th, you know I gotta do shit at the house, too That's not bad. I mean after like three o'clock if I go home and I'm like mercy's home

My wife is home I'm home the cat's home and I'm like Mercy's home My wife is home I'm home the cat's home and I got two bags of weed Where we going? It's just chicken the biscuit upstairs I got those cookies last week old-school chicken the biscuit and you put that cancer cheese on it Oh, yeah, I should be gonna lump on my neck any fucking day now Tremendous it was so fucking good George. You know and that that listen you have a home, I have a computer there, I have four TVs. Five. You can watch TV any way you want.

Old TVs, new. I got the TV I bought with Terry in 2001 in my bedroom. Fuck yeah bro. That's the first TV we brought together. The fuck, you don't throw that shit out. That's the first thing we ever brought together. Took a year to get a new TV, 250. I went to one of those gigs up north, on the way back I stopped at one of those outwards. The TV weighs 800 pounds.

Eight people need to carry this fucking thing. But dog, it still works. That motherfucker still works and it still looks good. Yeah, you just can't get the other thing on it. Sound? No, that fucking sound you Momo. The other thing, you know, what? Yeah, I can't get that. What is it called?

Roku. I can't get Roku on it called Roku okay I can't get Roku on it but I have Netflix on it and I got HBO on it yeah Netflix is on the remote so but I find comfort I got a punching bag in my garage I got kettle bells I got a fucking thing that you connect music now and it's louder than fuck so I go in the garage at night I hit the bag fucking Bob Lengas just I got a fucking thing that you connect music now and it's louder than fuck. So I go in the garage at night, I hit the bag, fucking Bob Lengas just sent me a great book

about Rodney Dangerfield. I went to like the second chapter, I gotta call him tomorrow and thank him. I'm getting back into reading, so it's different. I don't wanna be around a lot of people. You know, I'm still haven't been to New York to do comedy. It's been five fucking years. Why not?

It's just that thing going over the bridge just scares me anymore. The tunnel, I don't know, I don't know. Maybe someday I'll break the fucking, we could probably make it over there tonight and do Aaron's show, but you're in no shape. No, I wanted to buy. Look at the shape of you, cuck sucker. I said I got nothing this week I got they're all

guest spots if I do anything I've been writing I'm really excited about the 27 I'm really sad about Philly on the 17th then July we'll figure out what the fuck they got I'm trying to get a little little bar by my house Something close to my house, you know, there's to be something it has to be like 20 minutes from my house the most I could go to once a week Bring a comedian down pay him and do 30 minutes. You know, it'd be cool like a like if there's a coffee shop or something That's closed Usually at night. Yeah, but I want people to drink If I don't people drink coffee, what is this?

They what is this? I want people to feel loose I want people to be able to get an appetizer if they want it doesn't I don't want this bar That's huge with like a hole in the wall so people could hear that no Like a side room in the back like what you're telling me at your buddies cafe Tivoli I just not making the hour drive. I'm not making the hour drive. That's never gonna happen So yeah, I'm not dog. At least I'm honest At least I'm fucking honest. I'm not it's not good. That's why if I'm gonna make the hour drive might as well go to a company You see I'm saying right so it's ten minutes by my house somebody like the brass rail has an upstairs

Right, so it's ten minutes by my house somebody like the brass rail has an upstairs But then people got to go down those stairs and fall and that's what scares me We have to throw somebody out and they fall or my fat ass falls You know, so this is why I don't want I want something that has a little back room 85 people it's nice. Give me a waiter or waitress Give them a limited appetizer, let's do it right, sound, and we could start building something little by little, but I don't want to do 800 seeds, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And every Monday had 20 people there that would go off and eat drink margaritas and tacos and we did it every Monday I would go up there and do it ten o'clock show

That's what I'm looking for so If I could get my hand on something like that, I would be real that would take a big chunk of my responsibilities happen But I had a definite place to perform once a week. The hour, the 25 minutes, that shit ain't gonna work. I want something in my neighborhood, you know what I'm saying? But that's it and that's that. It's been another interesting episode of the New Testament. I don't know what happened to Lee today.

You know what I'm saying? All I saw was a little morning what happened all I saw was I have no idea you came in here. Here's two of these to what? Cuz I told you I was gonna we were gonna shock the system why because you've been fucking around going to surprise parties for 70 year olds shit and eat with Jews that don't know nothing on a Saturday night, you would. I had a party for my mom and her family. Bagels and shit, God damn it, from New Hampshire.

This is, you know, it's just bad. It's just very bad. So we had a shockier system tonight. Hopefully when you get home tonight, you go down the stairs and get a nice, decent, real bagel to get you back on track, and that's it. I don't know what to tell you motherfuckers anymore. We will have 10 guests next week, and we'll be back.

Lee gave you his, what do you give me the evil eye for? I'm not. You look like Netanyahu after the attack yesterday. Oh, jeez. Yeah, Netanyahu's going off again. Oh, he is? Yeah, that's it. They did something yesterday by the airport.

So, you know, he's giving them a thousand, the Hoochies, the Moochies or something, those motherfuckers. How they be? They're like bumping into one of your Hoochie motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? Shooting down ships and shit. They're the same people that killed Tom Hanks in that movie, right?

The Hooties? The one about the fucking, they stole the boat, the African with no teeth. Anyway, who gives a fuck? The New Testament will be back next week. We love you. Stay Black. Hey Uncle Joe here, listen every once in a while you need a little boost in the bedroom like media at night. It was like 15 seconds and I blew a casket.

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