Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Diddy Dmd Joey Diaz

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

You read that correctly! Diddy hit up Madflavor! Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt break down why Joey never responded, Joey also talks starting the year in the hospital and ending it at his show in Virginia and why it meant so much to him, Joey's thoughts on Netflix buying HBO, why Joey misses getting chased and much more!  Show Notes:  Get 15% off your first Bioma order with code JOEY at https://gobioma.com/church F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code CHURCH15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/CHURCH15 For a limited time, our listeners get 60% off FOR LIFE AND 2 Free Gifts at Mars Men when you use code JOEY at http://mengotomars.com/

What's happening, beautiful people? It's Tuesday, December the night. Two more shoplifting weeks till fucking Christmas. You got two more Mondays to get your party started. I got my main man, Lee Syatt, the Cato of Comedy. And we're here for another fun-filled episode of the church of what's happening now. New edition, Jack. What up, Mook?

What's up to what? When is, like, the best time to go shoplifting? Is it now when it's busy? Every day. They've got relaxed laws now. You know, all my life, I'm a shiplifter. And then now you can shoplift for free at CVS. And I got to stand there like a Christian.

I'm up there buying $80 for nicotine gum. And people are running out with shaving cream and fucking, you know, the thing is going off. Beep, beep, beep. And nobody, now you get in trouble if you stop them. I got too much class to shoplift now. You know what I'm saying? But in deep, deep, deep in my heart.

I want a shoplift like everybody else. Really? Why not? That's fun. I mean, it's not that fun because they don't chase you no more. Like being chased and the whole thing, that's a blast. That's what life is all about. You need one of those every once in a while. I haven't gotten chased.

This is 1988. I haven't gotten chased by a shoplifting security guy. Oh, my God. What happened in that 88? I used to steal these Bruce Springsteen collector kits from Sears. They would leave them right by the door. And all I had to do was walk in and take two of them. and they give me $40 a piece at the bookstore in Boulder.

And you just kept selling the same album, like the same set? Yeah, they didn't even, they don't care. They know you're a shopper thing. They don't care, you know? And I would go in there, like, every time I was broke, I'd go and then get two, two, two, two. And I'm going in there one time, I'm like, man, I've taken a lot of these.

Like, this has been a month straight of two-twos. There's like eight of them left. I'm like, I can't believe they haven't noticed. I should have never had that thought. Oh, yeah, you jinx yourself? I went back to, next time I went in like in the afternoon when it was laxed and shit. Now I'm out on bail for kidnapping.

So I don't need this shit, but I needed it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I needed it to get cash. And I'll never forget. I'm coming out of there with two of them and two other ones. And I'm starting to walk and they're like, hey, and also I started running. And they're chasing me and I'm throwing the fucking thing at them.

You know, they're behind me. And then the one guy fell and he ran back. got a cart, like the one we were in the casino the other night, like a cart like that. And him and the other guy chased me down. In a golf cart? Yeah, in a golf cart. And they caught me at the edge of the mall and there was a cop car there. So I had to stop.

Dude, you've loved throwing records at people. That made me think about you throwing like the little single tracks out of your window or something. And they don't do that. Like when somebody's chasing you and you throw something out, man, they ain't doing nothing. It's not like the movie they don't trip. It's the biggest, dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. If you're going to turn around, it's because you got a gun. and you're shooting at their feet.

So they have to go down. I'm saying. Did they ever, did they get pissed? Are you like, why are you throwing stuff at me? No? I don't know what they said to me

when they arrested me finally. I didn't say nothing. Who cares? But it's fun getting chased. But now they don't even chase you when you run out of CVS like with a box of makeup and shit. You know the money I'd be making now to CVS?

Really? That's where you'd go? Yeah, because women want stuff. Men want stuff. You know, one of those raises is like 30 bucks. I could tell you. of those stuff. That's Christmas in my house. That's right on the arm, Jack.

Boom, you just walk out. Everybody gets a razor. Grandma gets a ray. Everybody. That'd be the Christmas present? One-stop shopping. Oh, my God. You get yourself, then you figure out a place where you could rob one and bring it back and at least get $120 or something. And now you got Christmas money on Christmas Eve and gifts for everybody.

But now you've got to wait until $26 is a big day. Why? That's a big shoplifting day. You want to make big money. Because no one's paying attention? Nobody's got a receipt. Oh, shit. Yeah.

But I think it's different now because they have those numbers. So when they scan them, it'll tell you when they bought, who bought it, who didn't buy it. So I think you're fucked. So maybe I'm wrong. But, you know, in the old days, the 26, 27th, the 28th, you could bring Shim back to until February 14th and say, I got it for Christmas. Right. It just got around to it.

you know, I would just walk in and pick up a blanket. One of those $200, $300 blankets and walk them up to the counter. Hey, I'm sorry. I got this for Christmas. I don't know who gave it to me. Let's find out. Did you ever do anything? I've heard of like at like Walmart, people will have like a TV box and they'll just put like

rocks in it. Yeah, I ain't going to buy no more. That's, that's what the Jamaicans are doing 30 years ago. Yeah, you're going to the Lincoln Tunnel and they come up to you with a BCR. $29. And you're like, okay. And you get home and it's a brick. Oh, my God.

And some guys buying hummus with your $29. That would piss me off. I had never experienced that. And like someone pulled up to me at like a car wash where I was like a teenager. And I was like, hey, man, I think it was like a necklace or like speak. No, it was speakers. They're always speakers. Who gets tricked with that?

Like that. Dumb people. Because rule number one is don't get involved. Right. As soon as they come out of the car like, hey, we've got this to sale, I'm good and keep walking. Unless I know that person and he's a bona fide thief and I bought from him before. Right. Okay, I'm not fucking with this guy.

Hey, they pull over. It's like the best. You ever been in a car wash? Okay. Some guy pulls up to him and he goes, hey, you need body work. What? Yeah, they'll come up to him and go, hey, man, you need body work. If he won, I could fix that right now.

I got the dent there and all there. We'll put some slack on it. Go away. Go away. This is the beginning of something bad. Right. This is just going to be something bad. It's not going to get any better.

Don't even listen. It's the devil talking to you. Did you ever make a mistake when you were broke and trust one of them? No. No. Do you learn that living in this area? You learned this year. When I came from, listen, when I was growing up, my mom had a thing.

You don't have to talk to nobody. Right. Don't get involved in conversation. If it's not for you, it's got nothing to do with you. You know, some guys like, help, help. My girlfriend got mugged. And you go over there, and all of a sudden, you'll get mugged. Oh, dude.

In an alley, can you help my girlfriend, and you're trying to be the good stuff? They don't know nothing. It happened to me like a week or two ago. I had to do. Yeah. When you know, you have to switch the side of the street you're parked on. So in New York, people just wait in their car and they pull out when the guy comes,

and then they pull right back in when he leaves. This woman thought she was being cute and, like, pulled into someone's spot as everyone was pulling back in. And like, this old lady was yelling at the person in the car. And I was going to go over and like, make, like,

you know, try to, but I was like, you know what? It's not my business. You know, no, I don't need to protect any old lady.

Because that old lady might whip out of a shotgun. And there you are, but boom, for getting out of the fucking car. So that was, that was the philosophy. You ever go to a mall

and somebody's given, again, I'm not being racist or anything. I'm just telling you how it is. You ever go to a fucking mall on a Saturday? Yeah. And there's like two,

Jamaicans with dreadlocks, selling something in the mall. Like, it could be like a free picture or a free something. And you see like two 13-year-old girls, they get caught up because the guy is cute. And now they have to go take a picture and now $18. And it's just a scam. Right. But none of that will have, that's just a waste of time for you. None of that would have happened.

The viewer said, you know what? I'm not interested. Right. And why? I'm not interested. And it's, sir, it hurts your feeling. it hurts you as a human that you can't. But why get involved?

I don't know this fucking guy. He wants to take a picture of me and charge me eight bucks and then he's going to send me eight more copies in the mail and just don't get involved. Why go through that? And did you ever do any scams? Or was it like that? Not like that.

Not like that. Like to pull you aside to rob you for 30 bucks. What the fuck? What the fuck out of mall? Right. What the fuck, man? Or like the guys with the CDs when you're outside of a store they come up to with a CD. No, no.

That's a scam. All that shit. All that shit. When they come on and especially across that fucking bridge. In the city? That's professionalism over there. What they don't think about anywhere else in this country, it starts right over there in that fucking bridge. Yeah.

Okay. Once you go over that fucking tunnel on that bridge, that's racket city. And it's been like that since the Indians were here. Dude, it's great. Like, there's people. And if the Indians want to talk to the hunkies, they would have still fucking own New York. But they wanted to go over there and trade turkeys and shit.

Mind your fucking business. I don't want. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Kierro. No, no, I don't want no pumpkins. I don't want nothing.

That's great, yeah. Do you teach Mercy that to my, like, there's... Always. Yeah. Always, because they forget, oh, the guy's cute. You just got taken by a cute guy. He just walked here. It's like, it's like you go to a massage parlor.

And the front girl is fucking gorgeous. Right, of course. And you go in and you're like, oh, shit, do you have any availability? And she's like, yeah. And you're like, fuck it. I'm here for the next hour. What do you want? I want 80 for a half hour, 160.

If you want something extra, you can negotiate you with the girl. And then you walk back there and they give you this fucking human sloth that looks like me. You know, with an eye patch on and shit. And you're like, and there's no refund. They're all sabotage them. Yeah. And the same thing happened.

If they do that in businesses, they do it on the street with anything else. You know what? I saw you. You actually did it pretty well this past weekend because we had a great time at the shows, but we get to the hotel. And there's these guys who like, I think you might have been the first person they've ever seen from TV. Because we, like, we walk in and there's immediately all, like, eight of them were like,

he's famous. Like, they weren't trying to hide it at all. They weren't whispering. I couldn't hear anything. I was going to say, I don't know if you're actually. Like that of music. You just pretend like you're not deaf because you were like sitting,

you were just like not looking until like they like made a point of coming over and like saying shit. But one guy said something. Yeah. But like for like the six, seven minutes before it. He's famous. I'm promising he's famous.

Like they're. And he might like, like that could get to other people. But you just that being deaf thing is kind of working out for you. Listen, let me explain something to you. If I walk into a place and you think I'm fucking famous,

there is something fucking wrong with you. Do you know what I'm saying? Now, that's Denville, Virginia. Right. I got a roach that's famous in Danville, Virginia. My fly's pretty famous. Yeah, your fly is fucking, yeah, he was on the plane. He came back.

He had to come here to signing. You've been holding them under, like, raps and shit. You haven't been letting them loose. But you think about that. If you really think I'm famous, now what if I walked in there with Kid Rock? They'd shit their pants. No, not because I'm with Kid Brock, but you follow what I'm saying?

Right, no, that's what I'm saying. I don't fucking get all that stuff. Because famous is a guy that's taken an helicopter. If I was famous, I wouldn't be at the Hyatt. You know what I'm saying? At a three-story hotel in Denver. If I was famous, I'd be at the W with the whole floor and security on every fucking floor. So nobody can get up there while I'm sucking my own dick.

Whatever. Yeah. That's a different level. There's a big difference between famous and fucking or there's people who are famous who just live off credit cards. And now they got to maintain a fucking shield for people because now they fucked themselves. And there's also famous people who pay like paparazzi to be there. So like there's other guys who would have walked in and made a big commotion. Like went over and like, hey, you guys want pictures?

Like just made a whole big thing about it. It was crazy. I've never. That was like honestly. Do you have, I don't, I don't think. you felt unsafe, but like it was like the honestly one of the weirdest things I've dealt with with with you. The only other time I dealt with it and it was funny was in Austin, way before like year, the first time I went there and we were staying and you were pissed

because we were staying at the Weston and we went into like a little bodega at the mall and the guy was convinced you were big pussy and you wouldn't take no for an answer. He's like, come on, just tell me. You know, like, I'm not. The guy would not take no for an answer. But he wasn't like creepy about it. Like those guys there for a second. I was like, like, are we going to have to do something?

Like, it was like kind of. It's, I don't know, man. If somebody walked in that was famous, I wouldn't react. Right. I'd be as cool as a cucumber if something was to happen, then it happened. But I wouldn't go, look who it is or, you know, right. Like to blow up their fucking spot. Have you ever felt, like, scared when, like, in one of those situations?

I'm more scared that some idiot is going to blow up my fucking spot. spot. Right. Yeah. That's the most important fucking thing. And that's what people do not understand.

You walk into a restaurant and you buy yourself, you want to eat, blah, blah, blah. Listen, he's leaving. Catch him now on the way out

or whatever. But they come over before I'm going to bite my food and go, hey, we want a picture, it's not happening. Because now

everybody else is going to come over to bother me while I'm eating my food. Right. Because they don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck.

I don't mean to bother you But I don't mean to bother you I don't mean to bother you You know what I'm saying I never do this If I see you Get it over with

Don't fucking follow me for five minutes And then ask me for a picture On it my favorite one That shit drives me insane Oh I'm sure just get it yeah I've done it twice in the past like month My favorite one when I see someone that I'm a fan of I just, as I'm walking, I say, big fan, and like, I don't even stop.

Like, that one I'm, I think, is as much as I'll do. Like, I saw it tell the other night and it like, the comedian, I was like a little girl. I was like, I just said, big fan. He said, hey, thanks, buddy, which made me feel worse. Being called, being called buddy was not good. But then I tortured Danny Braff because he opens for him. So I texted Danny. I said, hey, I just saw a tell.

And I told him that you said it was okay for me to open for him. And Danny got really, did you really say that? Don't be blowing up Danny Spatter, okay? I love Danny Braff. But no, it was a, that was crazy. But that was a fun weekend. That was a fun, 24 hours. Oh, Benville was fucking great, man.

You know, listen, it's a new casino. It's a new fucking auditorium. I mean, fucking the fact that Youngblood was there a week or two before, like September, October. Gabe had been there already. Fuck, I mean, how to hell is Youngblood played? Denville, Virginia. Virginia.

Like whoever booked them, that was great. It was a warm-up couple gigs. Who's going to see him if he bombs in Denville? Ain't nobody going to fucking see you. You got to be ready for Philly, L.A., New York, Houston, Toronto. You know, you got to be ready for those. But it was one of the best audiences that we've had.

Honestly, we haven't had a bad show yet, but even, like, they were, like, really good. They were excellent. And here's the difference. When you play, it's like when you see a UFC, in Vegas. Mm-hmm. Or even at the garden or in LA. You watch a UFC,

people take it for granted. They show up at 10. Meanwhile, Theo's there at 4.30. Watch them pre, pre-limbs. But you just see all these people with all these empty spots. Then at 10 o'clock, they want to fucking show up like big shots.

And I appreciate that. Go to a place like Minneapolis. Those motherfuckers pay 500 a ticket. they're getting there when the door's open. Right. They ain't leaving to that place burns down. They play 500 bucks. It's a different audience.

When you go see a Nick game, and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to fucking clean out my bank out, and I'm going to sit in front row. For what? So I can bring you with me, so you're on the fucking phone the whole time? Right.

You know, and you see those people at those games, and they're on the phone. They just paid $15,000 for a front ticket, and they're on the phone and giggling with each other. They're not even that. They don't even kidding. care about basketball. That destroys my insides

because there's somebody in Kentucky that would sit on that thing at attention. And if you took your phone out, they come over and smack you. Like, put your fucking phone away. Respect the game. Do you follow me, man? Yep. When you do comedy in New York,

Houston, blah, blah, blah, blah, they can do comedy every night in a week. When you do comedy in towns like Danville, you know, those places I told you about Wyoming, homing. When you go to that town, you're it. And they're excited. It's not just like you, but they're excited.

Okay. You are it. Okay. They either had this to do or go shoot pigs. What's a during the fucking weekend. They will pay the money to come to your show. And they will be so grateful that you're there. Right.

Like after we got on the plane, I felt bad because we had to leave right after that. And look, look, what I ended up, what I flew back. to do on Saturday I didn't even end up doing. Oh, no. And I knew that night, I'm like, I should have known. I wasn't going to do this shit at 11 o'clock in the morning. And I felt bad because those are people you want to talk to. Oh, yeah.

There's no pretense. They don't want to talk to you about acting. Man, we're just happy you came. And we got some weed for you. We got some meth. Oh, yeah. They'll give you a shit. You know, when you go, young comics, when they all travel,

and they go, I want to get pussy and all that, the chance of you getting pussy in Houston and New York after a show are dead. Danville, all of us got a cut piece. You think so? Because they'll blow you just for coming to town. That grandma was really excited to talk to you. I've been to those towns,

and all those comedians, fat, ugly, black, white, yellow, they get laid. On number two, you're never going to tell nobody. No, you don't think. They can suck your dick in the shower. You live in Boston. They're never going to see you again. And some freaks are into that stuff.

Like, I'll fuck him. I'll never see him again. Then they'll go back home and tell their boyfriend, it was a great show. But you fucked her in the closet because they're into that shit. So those towns are always better to perform. They're more grateful. They're very fucking great.

Go to an open mic and Paduca. I went to an open mic and Paducah. It was 50 people in there. Oh, that's the best. You thought you were at fucking the dojo. Yep. 50 people on a fucking Tuesday night. And they're all drinking coffee.

They're smuggling beer in. They're smoking joints outside. They're grateful. Go to an open mic here. Nobody. It's a bunch of bums. Yeah, we're going to get three people this week. Got to work at that.

But at that level, I ain't mad at you because you're basically just learning how to do comedy. You're not going to learn how to do them both. You know what I'm saying? No. Just learn how to do comedy. Don't worry about getting people in the door yet. Just worry about doing comedy. And honestly, anytime anyone comes to an open mic, I feel bad for them.

like a regular person who's not performing comes to watch an open mic? I don't. No? Some people want to see a fucking product that isn't prepared. Some people just like that shit. Yeah. Some people don't want to see nothing.

They just want to wait for the Yankees to get to the World Series and they buy a hat, correct, George? But nobody wants to be there in April. Nobody wants to be there in July in 9 degree weather. Right. You know? And technically, I was barking before a show last weekend. talking to this woman about just, she's like, you know what, the best show, the best show she ever went to was like an audition for like a Netflix thing.

So it was like a bunch of like young comics who are like super, super hungry. Because even she said it and I've thought it for a while. Like once people get well known, a lot of times the material goes way downhill. You're not, listen, a band's first album is the most powerful album. They've had 30,000 years to work on. and they refined it on the road for a year and a half. And that's just the way it is. And two might be really good.

You know, some people, like for women it dropped. Like Cheryl Crow's second album wasn't that good. Really? But she picked it up with the third one. You know, really good bands just got fucking better. Led Zeppelin, too, after one was a masterpiece. You know, they just get better. So it's really up to the artist in a way.

Like, I've always had shitty material. I don't have, listen, there's some fucking jokes for the great, but for the most part, it's rubbish. But I know this going in. I just know how to sell it better than other people. Yeah, but that's part of it, though. Okay, but let's just get to that. You know what I'm saying?

I feel you. I get what you're saying. But it's also, like, you've had your CDs and you have the couple of specials, but you also haven't put out a lot of stuff compared to other comedians. No. No. because you could see it. I changed my material too quick.

Oh. I don't let it develop. I'd rather fucking give somebody a really good show from the bottom of my fucking heart. From what I'm feeling today. Right. That's why I can't do two shows at night because I'm not going to duplicate it.

I'd rather go up there with what I'm feeling today and go all out. I don't have. Listen, you get to an age where you don't quit, but you work around your disability. whatever you're slower. One thing that's killing me, I'm not ranting on stage.

You did a little bit in Danville. You had your moments of doing that. But I'm not ranting with anger with the vein popping out of my head. I got to figure something out. Listen, I can get that vein going if you want it. If you want that to be my job,

we'll bring George. He's the official vein popper. To leave a Cuomo fucking menu over here. They're really fucking, with magic markers on top of it to really fucking burn me up. So, you know, it's like, I like an open mic because, and not for me. First of all, I like an open mic to watch young comics.

Yeah, but you're a comic. It doesn't fucking matter. You don't follow my point. Okay. I'm watching comics that are fucking homegrown, and they're going to make mistakes, and they're going to stutter, and they're going to say stupid shit. And that's where you find the humor. Oh, yeah.

Because, but you don't bust there. Because I did the same thing. We all made mistakes up there. But that's the thing. You don't go to an open mic and heckle somebody. No. That's just being a fucking douchebag, you know? All that type of shit.

That's no respect for the fellow. We're entertainers. We got to respect our other people. But I go to an open mic, sit there and watch eight comics. And guess what? Even after 35 years, I'll learn something. So whoever tells you from watching those 35 comp, those eight comics, I don't go to open mics, I don't want to see that. Okay.

But there's a lot of comedians that have ego. And I go, I don't watch other people specials because I don't want to get their material in my mind. Don't say that. You don't watch other people special because you're a selfish motherfucker. Really? Okay? Yeah, you're a selfish motherfucker. And you think your shit don't stink.

So you won't watch nobody else is fucking special. Well, I mean, to be honest, that's one of the reasons I watch some of like the big ones. But yeah, I don't want people's... You think I should watch everything? Listen, watching doesn't mean you're going to leave it on for 50 minutes. Okay. Some specials, dogs, some comedy shit only lasts six minutes and you're like... It's a long six minutes.

Yeah, that's a long six minutes. And some people guide you through 40, and then you just sit there and analyze why they guided you through 40. What did they do to keep your attention for 40 fucking minutes? What were they doing? Did they keep a simple... That's what you're looking at specials is a comic for. And you're not going to like anyone.

That's what makes the world special. That we all don't wake up and go, I want vanilla ice cream. No, I wake up and go, I want pistachial and pussy flavored ice cream. I want this. I want this. I want fingernails in my ice cream today.

And it's funny you bring this up because it's something that I was thinking about on the plane ride back. You haven't asked me in a while, but when I first started, you would always ask me what I learned after the show. Absolutely everything. What did you learn tonight?

And I was like, I was going to ask, I was just loud on the plane and I didn't want, I don't like hammering you with comedy questions. But like at 30 years in, do you learn something? Every fucking night. Every fucking night. And if you don't stop fucking living, I learned something at 62 years old this year. I learned one of the biggest lessons of my fucking life that I knew. But for some reason, I fell retarded.

And we all can't be fucking sharp 24 hours a year, you know. And you learn things, man. And that's what life is about. When you stop learning things because you're too fucking smart or too witty or whatever, shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. How hard is it for you, because it's hard for me, to like learn something but actually put it into practice.

Like take what you learned and actually do it. It takes you eight fucking times. They'll take you eight fucking times after you learn it. And four of them, you'll bomb or you'll beat with yourself. And that's what I had. We experienced something the other night that I really enjoyed. And I love it at debt. Becky took $80 out of her purse and wanted to play blackjack.

Okay. And I lost money too. I lost $100 quick, too. I'm not making fun of Becky. How do you learn about life? The biggest tax for me is money. Yeah. You know, I could drive over.

Buh, Buh, B, B, B, B, B, $2.20, $28,000 later, you know, I won't drive over that no more. You know what I'm saying? Uh-huh. Money will always fucking teach you a lesson. But sometimes it's just, you just keep getting beat up. If you're going to keep doing the same shit in bombing, after we told you, wait, like, I'll tell you something two times. Right. And then I see you do them again, there's nothing to talk about no more.

There's nothing to talk about because you didn't. when you have a bad habit, you want to get out? And listen, man, I've been on every fucking drug in the world. They're all bad habits. I bit my toenails for a year. I picked my feet. You know, we all have backed habits. It's just going, you know what?

I can't do this no more. This is my money. This is the stage. I said something here a couple weeks ago, and this is the same thing. That one thing about me with comedy was when I got into comedy, I left the shitty person I was behind. How many times I go into a comedy club

I'm sitting there in a comic on stage. His girlfriend leaves his purse in the green room, and I'm alone there for 45 minutes. 20 years ago, the purse is gone, the car's gone. You're gone? Freddie Khan's gone. You know, I'm gone. I could not let that fucking character flaw

I had of being a fucking thief climb into that. Yeah. So it's the same thing. You know, how much longer can I do this until I learn this? This is my, this isn't a fucking me hanging out with my friends or this isn't me watching a jet game. this is what I aspire to do. Right.

I aspire to be that guy. So I better stop doing this shit if I want to be that guy. Right. It did it happen to me this weekend. We got back. I passed out on your couch for a few hours. And on Saturday night, I was, thankfully I got it, but I asked for a midnight spot and they gave it to me.

And I was going out and I just, I just wasn't in the mood to be funny last night I don't know what it was I just wasn't feeling it and I wasn't gonna cancel the midnight but they it's weird how like the universe tests me sometimes like there was a double feature of both kill bills

like all over the city last night and for a second I was going I must have been going like eight times I was gonna walk towards the train and gonna go but I have it's like I have the Joey Diaz on my shoulder being like you've you not only do you own these movies you've seen them both a ton of times

and I went out and I didn't do guy I didn't too great but I got another spot and I felt good that at least I didn't like because I was even thinking like that I would love to go to that movie last night but that's like the old Lee

I guess like I had you in my head like Joey would kill me if I went to a double feature again and this question is got to ask yourself, do I have the luxury to sit in a movie theater for seven hours? Right. Seven fucking hours in a movie theater. Especially on a Saturday night.

You know, that's something you do when you're retarded when you're fucking, you know. Listen. Oh, I'm that retarded. I love it. I used to sit through triple features all the time. George will tell you, San Francisco, New York City. I love all that shit. But did I have anything going on then?

Why do you think I had nothing going on? I'm in the fucking theater watching fucking three movies a day two times a week. It's tough to get a career. Yeah. Tough to get something going when you're watching a movie, dayduring me.

That's going to be me shooting people on the street one day watching Clint Eastwood. You know what I'm saying? So, listen, you can live your life however you want to. But if you're going to be that dude, wherever that dude is, you know, wherever that fucking person that you want to be is, ask yourself, do you think he's on a fucking movie theater

on a Saturday night? Watching Kill Bill 1 and 2, which, who gives us, a fuck. Right, exactly. Like, who gives a fuck? Yeah. I mean, so you did the right thing. But on the other end, look, you're doing a show.

During the week, you do shows for 30 people, 40 people. I'm going to give you a fucking gift right now. When you're going to do a show with me, it's over a thousand people. Every one of those thousand people is another bug of your energy. Right. Okay, it's another piece of your energy. You're not talking to 13 people no more.

I'm talking to 2,000 fucking people. That's a big energy boost. I don't care if you're 30, 40, or 50. Because when it happened to me, you go home and block out. You just go home. Yeah. You go home and block out.

Like, you can't even believe what just fucking happened. Nevermind the energy that you expend. Like that day, I didn't do nothing. Nothing, because they threw us out of the hotel. I was going to go to the gym in the afternoon, right? Because I went in the morning, Becky goes, yeah, there's a gym. So I saw the gym. I went over if I took an hour.

I wake up and they're like, oh, you got to leave the old dough. But I don't know what even is going to say to you. You didn't do anything that day. I didn't do anything that day. When I got on stage, my whoop was 5.1. When I got off stage, it was 11.8. Damn, yeah. Okay, so you don't think you're expending energy.

You're just up there like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. There's 2,200 people in there, man. Yeah. And everything I give in, I got to take back. Yep. So the energy I give them, their laughter is back at me. me. That's a lot. That's a lot of fucking laughter coming at you. And I'm not, think about Gabriel, 60,000 people next month or Shane, 70,000 in July. Bro, that's tiring. That wears them.

That's a lot of energy, guys. You know, we're all run through electricity, right? Like, we all have electricity in ourselves. Yep. How much electricity is in that room going, and you're popping On edibles and fucking, you know, you leave there and your hips hurt. Like, when I go out stays on that, my knee hurt. Not to bum me, but the fucking good knee, I was like. Because you're standing there. You're fucking giving your energy. You're giving your life.

You want to do great. So always remember that. When you have those, the next day, don't plan on nothing. Unless they're paying you a shit load because that's the only thing that's going to motivate you. Okay. You're going to lay down, get up, and I don't want to go. A cup of coffee. this is what you're picking up, then you go,

but if he's going to do a free spot after those things, what were you even thinking? And at midnight, like a real fucking Puerto Rican. Come on, come on. Yeah, I did it 1030 and a midnight. Listen, there's no comedy at midnight. No? There's no comedy.

What are you going to get, eight people? Yeah, they got like 12 people. Just shoot yourself. I'm a whore, though. I really... No, we all are. That's the problem that you want to stop the overhaul, Because then you're going to get burnt out.

You were burnt out that night. You just said it. You were not in the mood to tell a fucking joke. Right, yeah. But you went down now. You know? Yeah. And I get it.

You had nowhere to go either. You were like fucking Richard Gere, an office, and a gentleman. But there's time. And listen, for years, I didn't experience burnout. You know what burnout is? When I got to call the club and go, I'm not coming down. I can't. I can't even imagine doing that.

Yeah, I'm not coming down. I can't. I can't get out of the fucking bed. I just did eight shows. 2,000 people yelling and screaming and hugging and kissing. Then two flights. You think I'm going to, oh, I told you I'd go on on Sunday, but it ain't going to happen, man.

I got home. Yeah, I was going to take an nap with my daughter, you know, my wife. What do you? Right. You come home from the road on Sunday. What do you think? Just going to go to bed? They want to talk to you.

You haven't been around for two days. Yeah. And they want to sock it to you now. It's two days and no talking. They've been talking to their mother or their fucking retarital. friend. So now you get there and they don't even give a fuck.

Once they start, they ain't shutting up for 40 minutes. You thought it was 2,200 people were a lot of energy. Wait till you get home. And she's blasting about her nieces and nephews and you're like, what do I do to deserve? I just want to watch the fucking jets get beat up on a Sunday. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, my God. Hold on real quick. We got to do a breather. Let's do it. I got to talk to you about some fucking probiotics. Rock your world. Huh? I said, let's start the podcast.

We didn't start it yet. We didn't have this. We're starting. It started. I'm talking here for 20 minutes. And now you want to tell me we didn't start the podcast. No, it didn't have just started. We'll be right back, beautiful people.

What's up, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of your gut with bioma. Bioma is a gut supplement that has prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics all rolled into one. so you get everything acting like it should.

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J-O-E-Y to get 15% off of your guts comeback. That's 15% off of your first order when you use code Joey. Just press the links and don't forget about me. Bioma, Jack. Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. We're back, bitches. Anyway, you know what I want to talk to you about this? I was thinking about this on the plane.

That was my last real big show of the year. Okay. I don't have anything until January 31st in Statenham. Like, that was it. And it was so weird how the year started and how the year ended. And I got to tell you something, I was very grateful.

Because when I started this year, I started the year in the hospital. The fucking 9th of January, I was in the hospital for five fucking days. And then I came out, I didn't know where I was going to do. Like, I'm like, we had,

done the podcast, like two weeks because of holidays or something, we had missed a date, and I was like, I don't know what the fuck we're going to do. And listen, I ended up back in the hospital a month later, and then a month after that. So there was something going on in my world that just wasn't making it work out for me. But the fact that we did all those shows this year, throughout all the bullshit, the teeth, the fucking tooth falling out, because then the tooth fell out last fucking week, too.

I almost went to Danville with a missing fucking front dude. Yeah. You know, it's been that type of year. It being that, like most people like, you know, I'm done with 2020. Listen, I was in the hospital, but how fucking great were the shows that we did? How great is Titan Aviation? We discovered Titan Aviation now. How great of them?

How great of the caliber of the shows that I don't have to fucking work a weekend. It's a casino. know it's one night and we're fucking out of that. You know, listen, how long is this going to last for? Who the fuck knows? I don't even give a fuck. Because the way I look at it now, I'm supposed to be fucking dead. And the fact, the fact that I'm on the fucking road once a month and doing the dojo and doing

Nyack and, you know, it just, it's, it's fucking, when you go to car, And they give you a lot of hot fudge. That's what it is. It's just a lot of hot fudge. And I'm grateful, like, you wouldn't fucking believe. I am so fucking grateful that at 62, I'm making a living. There was a time where I knew at 40, I couldn't fucking make a living. Could not make a living.

You're looking at a guy that at fucking 40 could not make a fucking living. So next time you want to put a gun in your fucking mouth, because I can't pay my car payment. fuck yourself, okay? I could not make a living. I could not make a living when I was 25 years old with a wife and a kid. I could not make a living. I could steal a living

and I could kidnap you for a living and I could snort a living, but I could not make a fucking living guy. And the fact that at 62, we're doing this shit. And it's just, listen, I'm grateful as a motherfucker. And you've always been pretty grateful,

but why do you think just for everybody, why do you think bad stuff has to happen for people to be grateful? It seems like that's when people are most grateful. It's when badgered happens and they're like, oh, like, it sucks. We can't be, like, thankful. Listen, dog, when you're looking at the fucking, when you're looking at the screen of your, of your blood pressure, and there's five people staring at that screen and staring at you,

and they don't know what's going on. and you're sitting there going, I get going to a stroke right now. This is 215 over 190. This is stroke fucking shit. Right. And all of a sudden I'm still there, the next night eating edibles.

You got to be a little fucking grateful, okay? Yeah. You got to be grateful, okay? And that's what most people forget along the way, these people that you see and their fucking watches and all this shit. Like, you know, it's like, just being grateful is such a great,

feeling to just go, Jesus Christ, we started the year in a fucking hospital. I still remember on Mercy's birthday, I couldn't take three steps. I went to urgent care, and this ain't no shit. This ain't no lie to nobody. Three steps, and I would have to stop and hold on for life. They gave me a treatment in there that got me home and whatever, and she goes, I don't want you to go home. I want you to go straight to the hospital.

I don't want my daughter to come home on a birthday and I'm in the hospital. Let me hold off till tomorrow. Just catch me up. So I could last till tomorrow morning. I'll turn myself in. I don't give a fuck. So the fact that we did Austin and sold out two shows.

Yeah. The fact that we did NJ. Pat, which I didn't even know existed. The fact that we did Philly, the fact that we did... The other side of Florida. Fort Lauderdale, you know. The fact that we did... DC and then they shot two people the week after double murder

you know we weren't there that week so don't even look at me motherfucker the fact that I wake up two days ago and I see Diddy sent me an Instagram Oh my God Holy shit you know I didn't know those messages existed dude we have to explain that And I'll try to get the picture from you

To have them put it up But you put that up like you put up every picture It's all zoomed in you can't really see I saw just the name up top. And can you explain what fucking happened? Doug, I'm sitting there one day. I get these people.

I went somewhere one day. And some guy said to me, he goes, Joey, I don't mean to be a pain he asked to you. He goes, but I sent you to Instagram message. He never replied to me. And I go, dog, I'm looking you straight in the face. I never got him. If I would have got him, I would have replied to you.

He goes, check it out. So right in front of him. I go, when did you send it? He goes, oh, about three weeks ago. Now it tells you 44 weeks, or 10 weeks or 8 weeks. We went back together. He goes, that's funny. He goes, Joey, I sent it to you twice.

And it's like messages, primary, and then general. I didn't see that. So I hit primary. And like the first message, I can't even tell you what it says. It's so fucking disturbing. So I looked at it and I thought it was just spam. I thought it was just spam. just people pretending to be ditty.

No, no, no, no. Nobody said ditty. Okay. Nobody said ditty. It was just idiots saying fat fucking lips. Just a bunch of shit that they weren't insult to me. They were just sending me flies with that type of stuff. So I looked at it for like five minutes. I go, these are a bunch of idiots.

Right. And then I was sitting somewhere and I go, let me look at this again. And I started looking at the primaries. Oh, I was taking that test that day when they were kicking me in the stunt. I'm like, with the fucking water bottle and shit. So I'm sitting there in that room for 45 minutes. I got nothing to do, you know? And I'm like, I don't want to play blackjack in the afternoon.

So whatever the fuck I play, Wheel of Fortune. Right. Yeah. So fucking, I start looking at those messages. And oh, my God, it was like people going, hey, Joey, we're really a big fan, were coming to your show. This was like two months ago. I'm looking at these messages.

And then it just kept going. That you've never seen. Not one of them. And then I saw one from Jessica Kirsten, woman of return, some other comedians. When I moved to the area that reached out to me and said, Joey, I got a room. If you want to stop by, you know, a guy with a movie.

Oh, Jesus. And I'm like, holy shit, this is getting interesting. And all of a sudden I opened up and it goes, hey, King, give me a number or something. And I looked at him and it goes, ditty. And I'm like, no, this is like somebody else. And then I looked at it and it was verified. And then I had to call my daughter.

I got home, I showed. I go, Terry, mercy, don't say nothing. What is this? She goes, that diddy, daddy. Got 20 million followers. Yeah. So it was, and he was meeting with comedians a few years ago, and somebody asked me, do you want to meet with him?

And I go, I'm not going to California. At that time, it was the pandemic or the flights or whatever. And I'm like, I'm not in the mood to go to California. And I found that thing. But I found some heavy-duty, like, weird mess. I found naked pictures or women. Like, they always got to send those things in there. No, they don't.

I know where all my messages are. I don't have any naked pictures. Holy fuck. I found this black chick that sent me everything. And this crazy white chick, like from England that had a dildo on a pussy and one of those ice dildos. They're made from ice or whatever. Oh, the butt plugs? No, the fucking thing you take out of the freezer and it's frozen.

And they put in their butt. No, no, no. Doug. They've one that they put in the freezer now? Listen, I don't know. I'm an old man. It sounds like you know a lot about it. I don't know.

I'm not into the vibrator world. You know what I'm saying? Jesus Christ, Lee. I don't know. Holy shit. What would you have done? Would you have called, Diddy? Like, if you saw that?

I would have answered him at 2023. But, and here's a sad thing. There's another 500. 500 what? Messages. Oh, damn. But I haven't even tapped into. But it happens in messaging.

too with fucking MySpace or Facebook. Right. You're going to messenger. These people sending you offers and shit. And you're like, what the fuck? Can't you just get it to my regular email? What do they got to do? They got to follow you?

Oh, you're not friends. You're not friends. Dude, you should go back to your MySpace. Can you imagine the messages you'd find on there from 20 years ago? I don't even know what to find my MySpace, talk. Not MySpace. I look when you say that, like, internet stuff disappears. It doesn't, it's always there.

You just got, you forgot your password or something. You're like, I can't. Remember when we were doing the podcast on Zoom? And they were like, I don't know, like four weeks in a row that you just, you kept downloading Chrome. I got into your laptop and you're like 84 Chrome on your computer. Oh my God. You know, it's like, I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. And people just, I love when people send me shit and they assume that I know.

Okay, like I got, there's two dates I have next year. They are bought tormenting me to accept something on Facebook. I have to go to a different page and go to that page and accept. They don't know that that's not going to happen. And not because you're being a dealer. And my agent call me. They're like, keep bugging us. I go, cancel the date.

Tell them, first off, first off, it's March 5th. What do we do? What we do? I'm going to, all the holidays, I'm not doing that. You got to give people a fucking break. Okay, right now I got a whole month that's open in December. It's the fucking seventh or the eighth or the ninth, whatever the fuck of it is. I got a whole month that's open. And I love to fucking make some more money.

There's no sense. That's it. It's going to be the roughest Christmas on fucking, everybody's going to have a rough Christmas. And I want to be out there pimping on the 26th. Forget it. Give them a fucking breakfast. breather. There's no comedy. It's about your family now. It's not about fucking some stupid shit. It's about your family. So, you know, yeah, we'll do some open mics of the dojo,

whatever. I'm not putting no tickets on sale till mid-January right now. Give people a breather. You're not that fucking important. They don't need to see you every fucking weekend, you know? And that's it. Does it feel good to tell them, like, cancel the date knowing they're not going to cancel it because of this? Because, like, for a guy like me, like, I get all nervous. Like, all the club's going to get upset. I just, listen, man, you're part of this economy. You're in a casino. You see what's going on.

You see, we laid some jokes out here tonight. Did you hear when we were talking about? The guy goes, something, nobody will hire me? I go, go to Vegas. He goes, they ain't nobody going to hire you in Vegas. He was right there. And the guy goes, in Jersey either. Ain't nobody going to hire you in a casino now.

There's a rough. So you want me to go on fucking line right now and start making people buy tickets. Then they don't have Christmas money for their kids. they're not fucking around. That's it. That's it. Give them a breather.

That's it. And I, you know, I'm hearing a lot of people having a hard time selling New Year's. They put them on sale. They sold like three tickets because nobody knows anything

until the week of now. Right. And you don't want to commit to it. And you don't want to commit to it. The fuck is wrong with you. You're going to commit to one. I mean, I'm waiting for the deals to come out for the year.

to spend New Year's with us. 2.49. You get a dinner, an appetizer, a whistle, and a glass of fucking, and a glass of ass water champagne. I want to see what those prices are going to be and how many people are going to go out this year. Okay?

Because they're not going to be, you're not going to find one, unless you're eating salmon from fucking the river. You're not going to find somebody who's going to eat. And spaghetti costs you $3 to make. So you've got a couple of idiots. Come to the river. a VFW, you know, macaroni dinner, some fat chick with fucking sauce and fucking creamy Italian

dressing that they make with a package. But they're going to bank, you know, that I could see, you know, 49 ahead, 59 ahead. What's it going to be this year for? $5.25, bro. Yeah. People are going to go, you know what? We'll sit at home and a big bag of reefer. We'll get every fucking thing on the measure.

you. And we'll sit at home and smoked open and invite people over. And town come over at 9. If you want to leave it 11 and go jump up and down with Dick Clark and go sit in the bubble. Ha ha ha ha ha.

God, it's amateur. You know what I'm saying? Can you imagine if Dick Clark was still doing it? Like 115 years old? He couldn't even stay up. He couldn't even stay up. And have to pump oxygen in his ears and shit

like that. But it's like, you know, you've got to get people a breather. This is not the best economy. And they're not telling you this on World News Tonight. They're not telling you this. You're realizing this for yourself. Every time you go shop, a gallon of milk is $4.

It's this, it's that. And you're like, what the one is this going to end? My pockets are getting fucking, I got rabbit ears. Every time you walk around, American. It's tough. There's no savings. Their cards are banged up. And you know what?

I'm so funny. I'm going to bang a show out of it. the 26 to really get these and sell t-shirts and, you know. And it's much nicer. Relax. And there's a lot more pressure when it's an expensive ticket for it to be a good time.

And fucking listen, man, you don't, it's like January. Nobody does dick in January till those visa cards come back. Right. Because people are just out, jingo bells. Happy Hanukkah. Yeah, jingle, happy.

Yeah, fuck it. They don't even know. They don't want to know. They don't want to know. Until January 20th comes in. Oh, we're going to have to eat macaroni and cheese this month. We're going to have to get fucking, you know, that's it. Because some people, listen, it's the holidays.

Nobody likes being fucking broke. And I was there fucking many times on the holiday where somebody invited yo, but thank God. And you stole a tie from somebody's house and you put it in a box. So somebody got a gift here. Merry Christmas. The guy looked at, he knows it's stolen. You know what I'm saying? Dude, that was one of my favorite jokes

And it was probably a throwaway joke for you And if I can cut out if you want It was from it's either you were the priest You I think you opened with it You said giving out handshakes for Christmas Yeah That is one of the best lines Well you're just giving out handshake

And good ones too When you grab them and you're looking Merry Christmas tall Merry Christmas tall Merry Christmas motherfucker I love you And they're looking around for like a ball or something, you keep shaking.

You got them so high and they can't even look to see what else is that. Oh, my God. It's amazing. Dude, you just throw out these lines that like that. No one has even considered before. It's my favorite part about watching you. And you never, and you'll never throw them out again. No, no, no, dog.

I'm going up to hell in North Bergen with my daughter in the car. and there's a kid on the corner. You know those Ungabunga people? There's little things in the guy's hair sticking up. Ungabunga. Him and his mother on the corner like, because I cut up 80th Street or 81st Street. And I, you know, I get to the corner there.

And, I mean, they weren't even, like, you know, I'm going to make the fucking, I was going to make the left turn on Kennedy to go to Fairview to stop at Grouse's. So, you know, we just got stuck. there and all of a sudden I don't know where this family comes and they're like the younger bunga family I don't know what nationality they were it doesn't matter racist but their hair was straight up me and mercy look at them she looked at him she goes

she looked at me she goes dad his hair looks reversible I'm like that is pretty fucking funny and they did they look like they can take their wig off pull it in there's a different color I should get that I should get one of those what's that a reversible wig oh my god like one one side's an Afro and the other side you're like a beetle you know what I'm saying

like one of the Beatles I would love I need it That's a great fucking invention A dual wig Yeah We gotta get to that We'll be right back

After this break We're gonna talk to you About testosterone boosters And probiotics Probiotics No And jeans And jeans

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Have you used to gone to Christmas shopping yet? I haven't done dick. Fuck Christmas shopping. I haven't even looked. No? Dude, I usually do on black. I got to be honest. I didn't do much this year because the wedding's expensive.

But usually, like, as an adult, my favorite day of the year is Black Friday and Cyber Monday. I buy anything. It's like my Christmas or my Hanukkah. I just buy what I want for me. There's no sales. It's all bullshit. What do you mean? They're two warsails.

Listen, if you walk in there and you use your Jewism, there's every Monday's Black Monday and every day's cyber fucking. But you go in there and like you listen to them. Old school Jews go in there and negotiate. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's pretty nice. But what can we do on that? How are you going to, you can't negotiate your stores? Can you throw in this?

Then you start working for accessories. You know what I'm saying? So when you're a real Jew, it's Cyber Monday every fucking day. Because you're working it. I mean, I've seen Jews work sodas at bodegas when I was a kid. Oh dude, I would love to You know what I want to try that now Just to see what they'd say

How about I give you 80 for the Snapple? You know, let me give you 80 cents for the Snapple 85 come on dog You're killing us with this shit This shit's made out of fucking dick juice You know Would that ever work for you? Did you ever try that with like a guy at a corner store

And he was like fuck fine No No He's gonna get $1.20 a Snapple all day long All day long Unless he's on the street selling it and he's got like not consistent flavors. Right.

You know what I'm saying? Like he's got two lemons and one blue raspberry and one pineapple. That dude stole those. Dude. So you can negotiate them and shit. We were just how I was on the street the other day when it was raining. This guy had a fucking cart of umbrellas. It was the,

those guys are so fucking smart. And like you were talking about hustlers. Dude, the people in like, like you were talking about New York being good. People like from outside this country. Like when I went to Is. Israel, like the, like the people in the market's there, they fucking grab you and bring you

into the store. And then while, like, I was 18 and this guy was like, I was trying to get out of. They like, oh, I'll come back tomorrow. He's like, why don't you leave your ID? And like, they don't fuck around. Leave your ID. That's fucking. Yeah, just so you come back.

It's like, dude, they convinced me to buy some stuff. Like a blanket. Like, it's, especially for me, like, because I. A, I don't like confrontation and B, like, I start to feel bad. But, like, sometimes I'll buy something like, and, like, I don't even realize I bought something until, like, a couple hours later. I'm like, well, I don't, I didn't need this.

It's fucking crazy. And they just, they're so, I don't know if it's powerful or it's like a mind trick, but I don't even know I'm buying something. It's hunger. And they just, it's hunger. Convince you of anything. It's hunger. That's the way they live.

That's the way they feed their families. Right. There's no social security. There's no fucking unemployment. So think about it. You're buying. You're buying. And we're going to start your eye.

Look at that. Right. I'm not looking for it. Look at that. What do you mean? You can't look. That's not any ordinary TV. Oh, well, you don't want a TV.

Okay. How about a camera? Right. You know, I already have a camera. I'm about a tripod. Or what about is the chubby guy going? How about the leg on a tripod? I'll say you that before.

because you're not leaving without spending something. Right. It's their time. That mindset of a really good salesman, they're going to fucking trick you in so many ways and throw you out to sea and bring you back and sell you on this and then switch you. You don't even, that's what you say?

You don't even know what's going on. Yeah. Okay? You don't like confrontation, but you can know, listen, I ain't buying this today. All right, this ain't working. You can use all your salesmanship skills today. Udini ain't lifting the rock.

I loved when I had no credit. Like when I had no credit, no way of buying anything, I go no car dealer. Let me get the baddest Lamborghini in this bitch. Yeah, give me bulletproof windows. You got the Tony Montana car? I want the same fucking car. Let me do a five liner.

Just five lines on the credit app. You come back like fucking, the computer goes, it just blows up and they got to walk back, you know. Are they pissed? Did you ever do that? That's so funny. Just saying like, because people did it to me when I was selling cars. Right.

I'm going to buy that. You have good credit. I got great credit. Then you come back, dog, you didn't pay your water bill for a fucking year. And your water bill was $29 a month. How are they going to give you credit in the car? But that's not the point we're talking about. Right.

The point we're talking about is when you run into some, listen, I don't know what it was. I was driving up here before. Mercy, we were listening to something. We weren't even talking. And I thought about something. And I thought about it. And I hate fucking a harping. on this shit.

But you have to harp on it, especially in today's America. Hunger is hunger. And what do you call those people? Immigrants. Okay. Immigrants, you know? And look at the jobs the immigrants are doing. Look at the jobs we've tamed.

We just gave the cooking. Everybody thinks of Mexicans are landscapers and this and that. We just gave them. I can't wait until they go on strike one. all these Mexicans. And you got to eat fucking McDonald's. Oh. But there's no Mexicans at McDonald's.

You ever see that? Yeah. I don't see Mexicans at McDonald's by my house. Really? A lot of brothers, a lot of fucking white chicks, students. Okay. You know, I haven't been in a while.

Maybe they stopped working there. But there's everywhere. And they, like, as my, I love complaining. They don't complain. I don't, especially in places like New York.

It's amazing to me that people survive. We have no, listen, if you see all that in the kitchens, who's going to cooking school? Is anybody, I think we're living in a society where people are avoiding the trades and the trades in five years are going to start fucking paying. I think it's already working. Like if you're a brickmason or an electrician or a fucking auto mechanic that knows all that computer shit, your life is going to be up there money-wise. I don't give a fuck what they tell you because we're running out of those fucking people.

We don't have them. We don't have any. Bro. It's so fucking bad out there. It was just bad. No matter where the fuck you turn. You go to employees. We're hiring people that would never get hired 20 years ago in this country.

They would have never got hired in this country 20 years ago. Every day I walk into a store and I'm in shock on people that are the face of that business for the day. And they can't speak the language. Now, as someone who like... Again, I'm not. racist. I'm not saying this. But I want you to understand. I have a fucking shoe store. Okay, I have a shoe store. Not Tom McCann,

not Gino Ferranti. This is Joey Dia's shoe store. It was given to me my fucking father. Okay? And now I pick up a little fucking success. You know, we start selling men's boots and something else. And all of a sudden one day I don't want to work the ship, so I call it chicken. She's beautiful, but she don't speak the fucking language. You ever call somebody to buy a plane ticket? and that somewhere else.

And you're repeating numbers and they don't know. And three, three, three, z. Is it z? And three. You know. And again, you're not a bad person. You're not a bad human being. And you don't, but think about it.

Dude, there's times where I'm like calling to get a refund or fix something. And that happens. And they put no English people on those. Refunds or customer service. Because I just came up. Me don't. Hey, where do you call? You know, and you're like, you know what?

And they do that for you, just for you to quit. Yeah, it works. You know what? I'll just lose the 50 bucks or the $58 or whatever the service was. But, you know, we're not hiring the people. Well, tell them about the casino, dude. The first deal we had. Oh, my God.

The casino was very nice, but there was a dealer. I've never seen this before. And everyone's had a first day at something, but this dude, I don't think he knew. He never had the first day or nothing. Right. Oh, well, there was a guy before. There was a dude who looked like Peter Griffin, who was just really slow.

But there was a guy who, and I've never, I've never seen this happen before. Nick was sitting in the first seat. I was in the second seat. I got it in 11. So I just put out my money to double it. And the dealer just like got excited for me and just skip Nick. He didn't ask him about his cards.

And Nick was like, hold on. And I got okay cards. But like it like, dude in. if you go to like places where people like are actually like degenerate gamblers they would have flipped the table at that because you you can't fuck a table up like that the cards are all wrong now for the entire shoe everyone's fucked and it's just like i've never that was that was fun who trained them nobody like he went to like gambling school somewhere like two weeks of dealer school yeah he was counting on his hands i mean you know dude you play

blackjack that I've never you've never sat down you play video poker and you play slots sometimes but you actually sat down on a table

and we're playing black I was really excited you guys were having a good time yeah went in Rome it's like when I got mad at you because you didn't eat the mushrooms yeah okay

I never gamble but when in Rome you're with your friends everybody's having a good time fuck it we had a good year take 520s out right not gonna make you

a break you if I was sat there and said, oh, I'm a big shot. Let me take $8,000. You got where you deserve, you stupid motherfucker. You never played blackjack. But again, I learned a hundred-dollar lesson, and I won't play blackjack for a few years now.

You follow me? Even in your joy, it was just $100. That's all I need. I could buy an ath of weed and rolling papers and a nice shrimp parmesan sandwich with $100. I wish I was like that. I get pissed off for like a second, but then I start to itch again.

Like, if I lived in Vegas, It wouldn't be good. I would be, I'd be homeless. Lee, I, if you came to me right now and said, Joe, I want to tell you something. Don't be mad at me. I went out with anise shit with one of our parties, and the last two nights I've been doing coke.

I'm going to tell you, Lee, don't do it no more. Right. You're going to say, well, who the fuck are you? You did it for 40 years. You ended up in prison. That's what I'm telling you. Okay? Right.

You know, and it's like, that's what I'm telling you. Okay, not because I'm better than you. I'm a hypocrite. I'm telling you that there's no future. It's a good fucking time for six weeks, eight weeks, or six months, and then you're going to start feeling the repercussion and your life, your life's going to feel it. You put this poison in your fucking life, you know?

Mm-hmm. Gambling. You know, you have a good time. I have a good time. But there was a time when I didn't know if I have a good time. What do you mean by that? So it taught me to hide for weeks. I'd have to move to Miami for a month.

Or I'd have to go to Sarasota. What that meant was that I thought they were running a, they were running a money store. And gambling, nobody's running a money store. It's a risk. And it's an adult risk. When you're 18 and 19 and 20, it's not a young man risk because all you see are,

dollar signs. Right. And the universe has a way of fucking getting you that I've never seen. You know, it's like the guy who snorts Coke never got laid, does a line of Coke and has a threesome with three of the hottest women that ever walked up out of the year. You think that guy's not going to the bank and emptying out of his money to buy every last strain of cocaine in the world? He doesn't know that's not the way it is.

That was a one-night fluke. The same thing with gambling. Right. Oh, yeah. They always gave the person. They're gambling. And you know what? Nine out of ten, you end up mortgaging something,

having to go to somebody to borrow 10 G's. And then you stop. There's people that don't stop until it's 300 grand. And I saw two of those people growing up. And they were young. And, you know, you got to pay that money. You do, but there's something like that's the big. I like going of nice casinos.

But I also like going to like the shitty, ones because like you like I meet people who like convince me to stop gambling oh yeah like they're hanging out outside of the ATM they got no blood left because they sold it all they got one eye and that one barely works because they sold the other eye you know that's when you get you know and look guys I saw my mother gamble like you wouldn't fucking believe and it didn't stop it's baseball and it's the track and then it's fucking numbers It was a rotating fucking pull between the numbers, the track, and fucking baseball. And there was no baseball.

She doubled up on the track. Hey, call the track in Japan. See what time they're running. And they go by numbers for the color. Oh, color white. I'm going to go with him. I had a dream about fucking white. Yeah, the hospital where you're going to end up in after you get beat up for not paying the Japanese mafia and shit.

Holy shit. You know, so I'm just saying. Yeah. You see all those things. So I understand when I take 100 out between us, I could have taken 200 out. Right. I'm not being a big shot.

I'm going to taking 200 out. But I know the, if I were to won, listen, I had a good time losing 100. Right. Oh, yeah. Because I know where it could lead. It could lead. My favorite is when there's dudes who hang out by the ATM

because they hit their limit for the day. So at midnight, they're like, foop, they go right, they go right back in. What's all? I mean, you know, and I was there, guys. So I understand that. fucking wait until 11. And you try, like, you're such a junkie.

You put it in there 1158. Just in case that two minutes off in their time zone or whatever. So that's what people don't understand. All that shit. Right now, a friend of mine sells alcohol. He's a distributor. And he called me the other day

if I was going to do something on the 19th or whatever. And I said, that was business. And he goes with 30% down alcohol. the whole state of New Jersey, 30% down. That's surprising. That's real surprising. Guess what's up? Gambling.

Got it, yeah. Kids aren't drinking that much no more. They'd rather gamble. And then another buddy of mine told me what you would tell them. He goes, you got to remember one thing. When these kids go out and they pay $1,200 for a bottle, you only drink one. It's not like they're drinking three of them or four of them or whatever, unless you're a rapper and you bring in. You know, so everybody's like on this controlled drinking thing all of a sudden.

Everybody's cleaned up from drinking, but a lot of people fucking gambling. A lot of people smoking refa. A lot. A lot of people smoking reefer. A lot of people doing edibles. I mean, you know, fucking Trump is blowing up drugboats. But I read yesterday they just got like a fucking $20 billion load in Miami. For Coke?

Yeah. Damn. You know, so. Well, if you think about it, weed and gambling are like things you can do at home. Like, it's like, I think that's what that means is people just stay at home. Absolutely. Yeah. Look, look what just happened.

Like, I'm not an actor, but you're an actor. Netflix just bought HBO or whatever it is, MGM, whatever it's called. That's fucking interesting, man. What does that mean to you? I mean, it doesn't mean anything to me, but I want you to see, HBO's been around forever. Mm-hmm. They built the catalog.

They built all this, they built this brand. I don't know what the MGM deal is, but I know that for Netflix to buy them, I mean, it's not that they're hoping for something to change, is that they're about to change the game. Yeah. Because then they own, First of all, when people throw numbers like that around like 80 billion,

it's hard to even wrap your head around. Well, it's not that don't write a check for 80 billion. They give you like 30 billion. And then it's like 50 billion like Oshani money. Probably a little deferred. Or in stocks. Yeah. Like that, you know.

It's not all in cash, but Jesus Christ. And then. Think about the mag. All right. I see what you're saying. 80. How much? Billion.

82. $80 billion. $80 billion. the magnitude of that number and how much that enterprise is worth. Like, how much is it fucking worth? $80 billion. Now, if you invested $80 billion, what are you looking to profit out of that? You'd have to think you'd get up to a couple hundred billion or something at some point.

Because they have all the Sopranos, Harry Potter. By the way. Sexner City. Scooby-Doo. Fucking, the wire. I mean, you know, they got everything. And never mind what they had before that, fucking Arliss and all that shit and fucking the hitchhiker.

But never mind all those dumb shows, just of what their studios could do, what they're planning to do with studios. Are they planning just to shut fucking theaters down? Probably. Because I'll tell you what I like to do. Tell me. You open up a Netflix theater.

I'm sure they'll do that soon. And you could see whatever the fuck you want. in a theater. Yeah, do they have, there's a place in the city that kind of does that. You rent like a mini theater with like six of your friends. They have like a full dinner in there. That stuff. Like they're starting to do that.

But like last night when I was going to go see that movie, I was like, wait a second. I could just watch this anytime I want. I don't have to, because I, dude, I love double features. But now I, if you go piss, you feel like you're missing part of the movie. it's better at home now. We've talked about this for 15 years that we love movie theaters.

I've got to be honest, for what anymore? I'm sick and tired of watching movies at home because I've got to watch them three times. I'm not going to lie there. I got to watch them three times. There's just too much to get caught up in. Right.

I have the ability to go fart. I have the ability to go smoke a joint. And you don't want to stop anything. You know, you have all these abilities. Like, I hate, I love going to movie theater. in the daytime. Oh, yeah. That 11 o'clock after a nice Chinese lunch, 1215,

a fucking nice joint, that's the best time. But then I got to a point in my life, I couldn't go in there. I'll tell you why. Why? I started getting calls for business. Those motherfuckers. And that sucks because I had a pager.

So I would go in my pocket and it's George. I call him back. It's Nick. I call him back. It's Lee. I call them back. But every time you're in a movie theater, one of your agents is going to call you.

And you're going to go, you know what? I could call him later. but eventually now you can't focus because your mind is rattling what he wants you for. So you just lost a half hour. Right. Because you're not 100% entwined.

Like I'm the type of guy, I don't want to take nobody's phone when I'm doing comedy. Right. But even in Philly last week, I'm sitting there and there's a guy right in front of me with the phone right at me, you know? Does it bother me, no. but my concern is people looking at their phone.

And it's just a switch minute, George, if you look at the phone, you're going to miss a tent of my joke. And that's if nobody fucking texts you. If somebody text you, you're actually going to return, and then you've got to return to the M, and now you pretty much lost me.

Yeah, it sucks. You pretty much fucking lost me. How do I know? Because I do it at home. I could watch like fucking, tonight. I watch, uh, Well, last night, I watched the mayor of Kingtown, and I'll watch Mudland, whatever the fuck. Oil man.

Oil man, whatever the fuck his name is. You know, and I'll watch Oil Man, whatever the fuck it is. And guys, I have to watch the episode before I watch that. So we'll watch Landman, the one from the last week, at 7, and then at 8, watch Landman, and then eat something. and then watch the mayor of Kingston from last week and then have to watch the new one. Because, talk, I forget it. It's impossible.

Yeah. It's impossible. Again, some people say when they stream, they just watch every episode. Oh, yeah, that's right. And that's the way to do it. Six of the shot. 12 episodes, six of the shot.

Unless you got nothing to do tomorrow, run it, bitch. Make some coffee. You know what I'm saying? Make some coffee. We ain't going nowhere. And that's what I lose. I always had bad comprehension when I read. So I always had to read a chapter,

and make little notes and shit. With movies, I was always dynamite. Dynamite. But the last, ever since the cell phone came around, and that's what happens. You go see Batman. The movie's not that good, but with a cell phone, it's even worse. You go see Mission Impossible.

It's a bad movie, but with a cell phone, it's even worse. And, dude, that was just bad all over. That one was shitty. But do you think, I don't know, like when you're talking about technology, When do you think we had it right? Like, was there a time period where you're like, okay, if we had ended here, it would have been enough? Like, were you good at, like, desktop computers?

Would you rather go back to, like, no computers at all, like, 80s? I want a time where people lived in the now. You're not living in the now with these fucking phones. You're not, you know, you go to a concert, everybody's got their phone out taping the fucking concert. Why? Why? Why? What are you going to go home? Go home and play it back? Why? What are he going to go? Show it to George? Look at George. How long is George going to go? Great. I got to get back to work now. You know what I'm saying? I got to load this truck. I got to feed my family. Why is your phone out? And I'm guilty of it. I've never looked at him again. What is this shit? What is this shit? Well, that's just a flash. What is this shit? And then two hours later, my phone is dead? Why is your flashlight on? Why are you being a fucking Billy Go?

Is it romantic? Look at that. What the fuck is wrong with you? You can't do anything in life. Look at it. If I say it's my birthday and somebody comes out with a cake, all six of you idiots, so I have your phone out.

Put your fucking phone away. Will you? I want a video of me blown out of cake. What the fuck is wrong with you, retards? The cake's got a million candles. Yeah. Like, just, we use the phone for everything now. Put the fucking phone away.

Live in the fucking moment. And then they'll say to me, Joey, you're a fucking lie. You have all these stories. I have stories because I didn't grow up looking at a fucking phone all day. I didn't look at a fucking laptop or a fucking day. We didn't have that option. You know, and even now I try to keep it as real as I can. What is that?

Not waking up and not attacking the computer like I used to. That's not good for you. Waking up, breathing, looking at the sunlight. Get the sun in your eyes. I don't care how fucking cold it is. Just go look at it before you fucking open up that computer. You know, we used to fucking, we had a deal years ago. We don't watch the news in the morning.

Why not? Because a child got burnt overnight. You know, three people got displaced in playing field. You know, and now you got to go to work feeling bad. Like I got to go fucking donate a jacket down in plainfield or something like that. You know, anything. Open up the computer. It's not always good fucking news anymore.

It is fucking horrible. Horrible. And I'm a YouTube guy. And it is the first scroll of, you don't even look anymore. Everybody's getting beat up. Like everybody's a fucking genius now. This guy's an idiot. These guys are going on it.

And you just look at it and go, nobody's got their own life anymore. My day is spent sitting there watching JRE to make a video criticizing J.R. that's the new norm. If that's your career, man, so be it. But there's a whole fucking world out there. There's a whole fucking world out there that even my daughter is missing.

Missing it. Missing it. You go down in New York City, walk down your street. Who doesn't have an earbudder and talking on the phone? Who doesn't have... Who's not listening to the sound to that fucking city.

Remember I had that joke, those faggots in New York City when an ambulance goes by and they hold their ears? Yeah, I love that. You're a fucking faggot. You're a fucking faggot. That's the city. I don't want to be deaf in 30 years. Gives a fuck.

Who gives a fuck? But doing this ain't going to save your fucking ears. You know, it's just a thousand dumb things that we've actually believed. But this new youth is walking down the street like this, bro. You see him. everything is fucking here

a TV what if a wick is coming at you the fuck is wrong with you so that's my beef now if I say I wanted to bargain the day then you're Joey you're just being an old stupid fuck right I didn't do that

I tell you how I like from people and what I expect from people and what I think people would get more of a life well let me ask you because I'm going to be honest like if when I get depressed is when I'm looking at my phone the most. Yes. That's when I catch myself, too.

You know, I love draft kings. I love them. I love playing fucking blackjack. Not blackjack. Real of fortune. That's my shit. Sometimes I'll take it down to 50 cents and I find myself on that for 40 minutes.

Mm-hmm. And I'm like, Joey. Enough. And then I'll go now, your punishment is no draft king tomorrow. You put yourself on punishment? Put myself on punishment. 40 fucking men.

And you stand to it and you stand, like you live up to it? I don't look at it the next day. Okay. But even like, because I do get depressed sometimes when I look at it for too long. But like if things are going shitty in my life, I'm like, ah. Like I'll just find myself. Get the fuck out of the house. Oh, even, yeah, I guess.

But even your problems come with you outside of the house. Your what? Your problems come with you. Not when you look at the sun. You put your earbuds in and you go for a little fucking. and you walk up the hill, look around, you see like a dead spider, you step on it. Those problems seem to go away

when you take a breath of pressure. And I'm not telling you this, as somebody who did this when they were 20. Right. Okay? I'm just telling you what feels better now that I discovered once I moved to Jersey. That I love going outside to see what the sun looks like.

Stay out of that zone. Stay out of that zone. Stay out of electrical fucking, you know, I don't like the phone next to me. at night. I don't want it in my world. I don't want it in my wavelength. I don't want, you know, so when I come up, I have to set my whoop. But my woop works from downstairs when I'm sleeping. Okay. So to monitor my sleep. So I said, fuck it. I don't bring the phone upstairs. We have to go back to normality in one point or another, and it's not going to go back unless we bring it back for ourselves. Yeah? I told my wife, take the phone from her in the night.

Last week, she said it was hard to wake her up in the morning. Yanked the phone. The next three day she woke up tipped-top-moggle before the alarm went off because she does the same thing but she's a kid she gets a pass right it's adults you know you can't we can't keep doing this and then the parents are getting mad at the kids but they got their phones out of dinner oh yeah that drives me nuts so you got to send an example for these fucking kids but if your phone is out of dinner what do you think these fucking morons are going to do i feel bad for them it's not they're fucking And they're looking at their parents and they're on the phone. So fuck it.

Why can't we be on the phone playing whatever fucking game they do? So I'm not mad at them. But at one point, you have to catch yourself. And go, what the fuck am I doing my fault? You know, a guy's getting a birthday cake. Let me take my phone out so I could tape it or any other stupidity. Any other fucking thing that, a fistfight, you know, that I don't mind. A good fistfight and shit.

But if you're going to give it to the cops, go fuck yourself. You know what I'm saying? If you're going to be a crime stop And then you're a stack of shit I want you to do it because it's fun You know it's educational Did it to record a fist fight? Yeah like I always watch them on fucking YouTube

Really? Yeah if somebody gets into a fist fight you watch it Do you remember God this was before cell phones And I feel I'm sorry for saying it But the guy called it bum fights He was just fine he was finding homeless guys And giving them like 20 bucks each To film them like UFC going out

You give a homeless dude 20 bucks. He'll kill the other guy. It was, they brought him on Dr. Phil. That's not a bad idea. It made a lot of money. He was selling VHS tapes. Blub, a little ring and shit and just go, guys, go at it. It's like the tape you sent me

of the crack head. The Crack and Olympics? Yeah, the Cracket Olympics. I watched that like three fucking times. That's brilliant shit. Yeah, it's just... Anybody can lift weights and fucking run for four years. Let me see a crackhead throw another cracker. That's a fucking feel.

Oh. And what I think it was the one guy wasn't a crackhead. The guy doing this wrong. But I think the guy being thrown was like offered like 20 bucks probably. And the other guy was like Debo. Yeah. Yeah. Because they got like Debo and his brother to throw to see what crackhead went the father's. Right. You give a crackhead 10 bucks. He'll let you throw them off a bridge. Yeah. I'll live. Yeah, you're going to live. Don't worry about none. If you're landing the Hudson I'll have the people there in two minutes for you working. They'll pick you right up.

Do you think crackheads play on their phone? Or do they just? I don't know. They smoke their phone. The fuck they have a phone that doubles as a crack base. You pop the button, the little crack thing comes out. I don't fucking know. But it's an interesting world out there, man.

It's going to get more interesting. But with me, I just, I don't know. It's like the phone took over. And when I lived in L.A., I would get up at five, and I'd be running a fucking computer. Yeah? As I drank coffee. And when I lost my mind, I'm like, that's why I lost my fucking mind. You can't get on there and start reading comments.

No! Because that set you off of the day. Forget it. I don't read that shit. I won't read the fucking nothing. I don't read nothing. And not even Diddy's messages. Fuck that.

Well, when I saw it, I opened it up, and I was like, I didn't know how I felt. Like getting the met, but I knew, listen, I knew, I knew what it was. I knew what it was. It was a comedy thing he was looking to do. And he tried to interview a bunch of comics. I think Joe Coy met with him. Fluffy met with him. A couple guys didn't meet with him in L.A.

When they called me, I said no, so maybe he looked me up. And that's the only reason why. It's not because I went to his party. No. It's not because I'm a baby all distributed. You know, it's none of those fucking things. Holy shit. I haven't seen it yet, but I heard that new documentary is pretty good.

It's very interesting, but again, you know, listen, when you're disgruntled, you'll say anything. Dude, you know what I'm saying? When you're disgruntled, so when you watch those things, you have to watch it with an open mind. Anything on Netflix, it's not like it's legit because it's on Netflix, okay? I don't have nothing bad about Netflix, but we're living in a world today that, you don't know. Somebody gets pissed off, they can't take you to court. They want to talk shit about you. Dude, George was telling me, like, a lot of the footage from there,

is Diddy hired a videographer and then just didn't pay him? So 50-7 was like, I'll buy that footage, which is, Diddy must be pissed, he didn't pay him. Can you imagine stiffing some guy and then he just sells the footage? I could make a lot of money. Tell you a little story. Then we got to end the podcast. I'll tell you a little story just to let you know about something.

I'm not going to say when and when. I go to a place that I love. I've been going there for four or five. years. I love the place. But I've been involved with this shit for a long time, not through Eddie Bravo. Let's talk about jujitsu. There's a place I attend for like four or five years. And, you know, I'm not a good jujitsu guy. I just go to the role and get beat up and learn and just talk to other people because when you're over 60, you need something to a social. I use it more now as that, but I still get beat up and stuff.

But I have a cousin, and he's a blackbound jitzo. And I've known him forever. And every three years, there was always the student who was filthy rich, who was going to buy a new school and do all this shit. I don't know. I just got a nose for that shit. And a guy started coming. There's two particular guys that started coming to myself.

school, they're big shots. They can't come to class. They do privates. And it's always something. And then the guy gave a teacher or something, you know, a car or something. And I'm a big shop. I'm okay. So for a year or two, they kept hit me up at night. Hey, this guy wants to meet with you. He wants to do something with you. Okay. He came up with an offer one time. just to sit with me that you guys would say Joey at least sit with the guy but you know you just know when you know you know and I go in there one day like well you just missed him

he pulled up in a Bentley with a fucking limo driver with a driver and the guy makes cocktails from him that's a sweetheart of a kid in my school just a sweetheart fucking big as a knock strong as a knox throws me around but I love him because he's honest we always talk as kids he's telling me one day about six months ago he's like yeah my wife's pregnant again I'm gonna go fucking go work for this guy at heart I fucking do it but it's not my business if I love you I got to say something but if I don't love you I wish you the best but I already know you're getting into a bad predicament. Today I go up there

and he comes into class you know and I hug him. I saw him last week too but today I just happened to ask him how's working he goes I got laid off and he just started telling me that he didn't get a paycheck for six weeks oh no. And his insurance never got shut on and I'm like

now you know I never went to any of his fucking little rich things because I knew it's just too easy for people now to act yeah you know and the other guy that I was complaining about was there when I was there last week and I was ready to fucking stab. Like he was on the other side and I was ready to fucking stab.

I just and, you know, if you talk to me, you might think, well, maybe Joey's, no, I'm not jealous. I just know what they bring there. They're big shots. So everybody starts buying it. And you know who I'm talking about, a friend from North Perkin, right? You know what I'm talking about? Or no.

I'll tell you later. He's 20 years. I got the student. he's going to build the 80 mile facility. They got money out the ass. And, you know, I was really proud of that factory when he told me that. Because I saw it. But nobody else saw it in that thing.

I just saw it. You know, especially when you look for a job. That you got to come to a jihitsu class with a Bentley and a limo driver, we got a fucking problem. Okay, we got a problem, man. That's not being over. There's a kid a couple years ago, went to a funeral of Veneeris and pulled up his Lamborghini and started revving it in front of the funeral of

Paul. So there will people come out while his friend lay there. But that to people is success. Me making you feel bad is success. If I had Joe Korn money or Fluffy money or Rogan money, I would come in here and go, guys, you don't know what I did this weekend. I was in Paris. What did you guys do?

What were you in Bayonne? You know, like that type of shit. They don't even have to say that. They just make you feel that way. You know, like I was, you know, looking at this thing on Instagram this week, that fucking DJ Khalid's 50th birthday party. And everybody's hugs and kisses and all.

You know, and I wouldn't want to live in that world. The hugs and the cameras on. Every time you hug somebody, the camera's on. I don't want to be in there. They look at each other like, you know, dog, I love you, where you've been, you look good. They don't care about each other. it's bullshit, you know, and it's such a,

just fucking, I didn't get into this business for that. Right. If I would have played that game, I would have got farther than that business. But that game never fucking... You didn't, or you think you could have gotten, like, fucking drum out of it. Like, if you played that game and, like, got tricked by a couple people, you could have gotten broke, you would have, like, disillusioned.

No, you think it would help? Uncle Joey does the fucking. You know what I'm saying? But, you know what I'm saying? Right. That whole world, I didn't think it was important to me. I'm from North Bergen, dog, and I can never change that. Have you seen where I grew up?

Today in the car of my daughter, I go, don't even look that way. Don't even look at fucking Tunley Avenue. You know, we went by the grammar square. I go, look at McKinley and look at Matt Marlboro Memorial where you go to school. They got air conditioners and shit. They got a little Puerto Rican air conditioners and McKinley, not even the full size.

Like little, 38 students in the fucking class. Nobody's going to get fucking warm in there. You know what I'm saying? 38 fucking students. A little air conditioner like that. But that's who I am. So for me to pull up here with a Maserati and Reb in front of fucking Rudy's with diamond rings and shit. You wouldn't like me?

I wouldn't like me. That means I don't like me. I got to double up on you all the time. I don't want to double up on people. We're fucking family, man. What would you do? I feel like you flex. Is there anything you do flex or how would you flex if you were going to do something?

If I flex? Yeah. my sneakers. That's it. And they're $69 for the Greek freak at Coles because I got a size 13 foot and they can't. I got 13 a half because it was the only one in Iraq and had 20% off more. Yeah, that's a flex. But you also don't really post to them. It's not a flex. It's an urn. Yeah. A flex is if I would have got waitresses up there and three holes and a bed and I'm on the You guys are out there sitting like, wow, like a great thought. No, we got a bed for everybody.

If we can't get a bed for everybody, I don't get a bet. He asked me, when you want to get a bed for your flight? No, because what am I going to do? Hug Lee and George and the Nikki and fucking, and the Chinese little girl like Yoko, they're going to think we're fucking, you know. You know, so no, that's not the life I ever intended to live. Right.

Even if you gave me $80 million. I would live like fucking somewhere secluded. You got a guy to fucking live there with a shotgun. You know, because I was driving past, I drove past something the other day with my wife. And I'm like, people living there at night. There's not a light for three miles each way. I'm driving.

I just broke out of a jail with three invicts. That's where I'm going. I'm going to kill that family. You know what I'm saying? Nobody's going to hear them. It's like, I'm just stabbing them. They're yelling. They're running wild.

I'm shooting them. They're not going to hear those people. You got to buy, you got to have security. on there. Right. You're not going to just because it can happen it won't happen

for 20 years. Then two idiots escape from a jail in Philly or some mental institution that's driving down that block and they see a little TV screen

we're going in there. That's where the fucking you ever see Harrison Ford, the fugitive. Right. That's where he would go to get his hair dyed and shit.

You know what I'm saying? Shit like that. So only you think of things I've never once looked at a house and be like that's a place to kill somebody. I'm telling you. This is the perfect place

to kill somebody. 19 hours before they find the body. I can take a shower. I can make a cake. I can fucking do everything. I am not nowhere this week. I have no dates till January 3rd, 31st, Staten Island St. George's Theater. What do you got throwing up, Coxucker?

The 12th and 13th. I'm featuring for Jessi Mae Puluso at the La Jolla Comedy Store. Very, very excited. Oh shit. Next weekend, fresh off the boat. I guess we ain't having a podcast on Monday. This guy's never going to get back. He doesn't know there's fucking storms all over the fucking country.

Jesus. Why would you-type aviation, cock-suckers. When you get stuck, the small 30, tight-n aviation. The small-thirty. Jesus, I'll be in the back with the luggage. It's fucking snowing. They just got two feet in Colorado last night. That snowing in Chicago.

And you want to go to San Diego this week. Oh. What are you fucking nuts? They're going to. Don't say this. Why would you say things? What airline do you have? Delta.

Yeah, you're in no danger. What do you mean? Delta's always good. They're losing your luggage. You would say that no matter what flight I'm on. I might as well have said fucking whatever it's called,

spirit. Oh. He would have said, he was that fucking, you screwed no matter of what. We love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week.

And we'll be back next week. Tip, Top Magoo. Like I said, I got nothing going on. Belize got a lot. Pay attention to him. Listen,

I'll need someone to sleep on Monday in San Diego if you're fucking right. I'm not. And if he gets stuck in San Diego. Diego. Just kill me.

I love you guys. Stay black. Have a great week. What's up, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here. Listen, lots of people struggle with their weight and energy. Your gut health has a lot to do with that. Take better care of your gut with bioma.

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