Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #10 - Thrown chairs, cops called, and part time wakes

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

A lot of laughs on this week's episode of The Check In. Joey and Lee tell funny stories from all of The Church offices including when one of them got robbed. Joey and Lee talk about Lee seeing Bill Burr, a joke Doug Stanhope made Joey tell, fights at comedy shows, messing with people at UFC fights and much more! The Check In is supported by: Support the show & get a 4-week trial of Stamps.com plus free postage & a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/JOEY New customers can score $200 instantly in bonus bets for throwing down just $5 on the NBA. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code JOEY Support the show and your mental heath. Get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ  

All right. What's going on? You're just going to sit there and stab me like I'm on lawn. Oh, no, I don't. I tell you when you were ready, we're going to play the intro. All right, play the intro. Let's do it.

What's happening? You savages Uncle Joey here, the check in is brought to you by stamps.com. They already got Christmas stuff on the shelves. And things are about to get crazy. If you're a business owner or even just a guy that's got packages to send, then you need stamps.com. Stamps.com is your own personal post office. Wherever you are, all you need is a printer and a computer. Listen, I've been with them for close to 10 years. My wife still uses them for little things here and there.

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So do yourself a favor. Give your business the gift of stamps.com. So your mailing and shipping is covered this howl days season. Sign up with promo code Joey for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale, no long-term commitment to contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and press in code Joey. you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to show. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody.

What's happening, my brother, November the 6th, we're here. It's a whole new month with a whole new set of rules. Hold on. After the phone rang, I had to shut my thing Sixth, we're here. It's a whole new month with a whole new set of rules. Hold on, after the phone rang, I had to shut my put thing on airplane mode and back to you. You're gonna start bothering me any minute. What's going on my little brother?

I'm just happy to see you, dude. It's great. It's Thanksgiving pretty much. All right, beautiful. I got the little bit sued on today. Like one of those Christmas dudes that helped Santa Claus. I got the little bit sued on today, like one of those Christmas dudes that helped Santa Claus. I got the new lighting. I got the bookshelf up like an animal.

I got the books in there, the albums. I'm feeling good, brother. It's all new week, all new month. You should be looking at just the same. Why didn't you decide to redo your office? Because it looked like fucking debt. I wanted to set it up, and I compute it. My desk over there.

I got my little podcast studio right here. You know, take top of my go. Note the drama, no nothing. I don't got a drive behind a dirty building at night. I leave, I'm thinking I'm gonna get mugged. Somebody sent me a picture where the old church was. Which one, the one next to the internet? somebody sent me a picture where the old church was. Which one, the one next to the internet? Or the one where we ended it.

Okay, what happened? It looks like a bomb hit that place. It looks like a bomb hit it. Like the grass growing in the parking lot, somebody broke down the fence, you know. Well, that was a weird office. Like, they were all very nice. But that like he turned to God.

Well, remember when the lady stole two of our bongs? Well, to be fair, we didn't leave them in the little, little, little laughter. I think walking a bat and you see a bong, you leave it there. You don't touch that stuff. That's like bumping into a dead chicken on a corner in New York City. You leave that, you don't touch that stuff. You don't go to, you don't call SVU and check out the trick. You know what I'm saying? You just keep walking. They got so mad and they and it really, they broke the camels back

at the first office when they kept accusing us of smoking weed and we were really good. We never smoked weed in that office. And then from that office on, we're like, we're gonna smoke in every fucking office. No, we, I've been out went to one off with my wife. That was like a, it looked like when they put Adam Sandin the longest yard, they had like a Louvre. It must have been 115 fucking degrees. When I walked in, I go, what's the ALA? He's like, we keep it in the 68, 68. 68, you're gonna turn that down to 32. It was not in the ALA. It was metal all the way up in the valley.

No buildings around it, nothing. The sun's beating on it all day. I'm not doing this. Then we had the place in the ghetto by the 7-11 on the corner. Right. Now is the first one. And that's where we got thrown out.

Where we put down on the door. There was an earthquake there. My uncle did it. He got stuck. You know, that was the Luke office. How we kept it going after that is beyond me. It's beyond you. Because we were in that office,

we were searching around, but in the meantime, I was walking with a crib one day, and I'm walking towards that little park where they used to shoot suns of anarchy and all that shit. And I see a guy standing outside, our podcast studio, and I go to him, hey man, I did a podcast in there years earlier. It was great Drake's podcast, right?

I knew they did a podcast in there. And I go, I did a podcast in there one time, is there any officers and he goes, no. I saw, leave my number, he goes, all right. A lot of months later, as we were getting thrown out of the other place. He called us with that place. And then, I think we're the only podcasting to get thrown out of multiple offices.

I don't know how long we did the stint where you found the guy in the alleyway sleeping up on the top. That was there for a while. That was there up on by the end and out.way sleeping up on the top. That was there for a while. That was there up on by the end and out. There was just a homeless dude. I think about that guy a lot. He was so smart.

He broke in and he just laid there. He laid against the wall. He didn't say anything and everyone was just like embarrassed or like, I'm like, God, God, mind your business. You don't know nothing. And someone didn't mind their business. They went to the bathroom with the door unlocked and he stole a purse. He just got a brand stole a person left.

That's the office where we had Stephen Bauer with the dog and his girlfriend knocked on the door, right? No, I thought Stephen Bauer came to the last one because he lived close to him. No, no, no, no, The first time Stephen Barrow came on, I mean, knocked on the door at that time, you're right, okay. And then that's where we had the pimps. First time. Both times. He's dead as disco. Oh, yeah, all right. That poor kiss of death, you know, it's really fucking hysterical about the office situations we had. Now, you know, I got a little cubicle in my fucking back room here.

I gotta wear a sweatshirt because it's freezing, but I love it. Oh my God. How do you just spend all day in there? Huh? I said, you just spend all day in there now. I wake up in the morning I got a cup of coffee I go outside I do a little gratitude I relax if it's real cold. I stay outside I take some fucking and then I come down here my coffee is finished I go on the internet I read whatever it is pertains to me. And I either put something up or, you know,

it's not like the old days where I used to have to think of stuff five days a week. That's ship sale. You know what I'm saying? Two days to get from me, you know. And I answer some emails and, you know, I gotta follow up with people, you know, constantly. So that's part of it.

Friday we find out whether we're nominated for a Grammy or not. Oh, you know, you call people and they're like, how you doing? What do you mean how we do? Have you checked? Have you called the fucking Grammy? No, I've been busy fucking playing the bongos. Okay. What do you want from me? Huh? Yeah, no The different world out there tarzan, but you know what man my weekend was easy nice. I had a button dog This is how different my life is I Thought the UFC in New York City was last Saturday So I had a wasn't.

There was a UFC. That's why when John Jones canceled, I kept hearing about Derek Lewis fighting some guy. And I'm like, ah, maybe the replay, I mean, I don't fucking follow up on this shit. No, but I don't know nothing. I knew John Jones was gonna be. That's it. I was on Saturday for John Jones.

I was playing soul music. I would want to fly the whole fucking thing. I was expecting set up for John Jones. I was playing soul music. I was watching the whole fucking thing. I was expecting John Jones to return, you know. And I don't know. I was excited to see Steve Pay too. Been a while. Oh, that's savage. Whenever the outcome, I was just excited

to maybe go over there. It would have been a long night for Uncle Joy. I would have had to get a room in the city. Oh yeah. Fucking had like get a room in the city. Oh yeah. Fuckin' had like somebody pick me to fuck up right? I would have to run up to the top of the garden, watch the screen and get out of there. So all week long, I'm like, you know what? I got this. I got a party to go to early, a 50th party, to go to early on Saturday? And how hang at the party at one point? You know us, we abandoned ship,

how you doing vote for me. You give a couple of people a joint, you give somebody a hug, Pee-oo, where you going? I got to go to bathroom. Pee-oo, boom, I'm on my way to the city. I get up to the ferry, maybe, take an Uber over, take another Uber to fuck, not an Uber over to the city, I get up to the ferry, maybe take an Uber over, take another Uber to

fuck, not an Uber over to the city, take the ferry and take an Uber to the guard. That's a plan. That was the plan. Get there by 930, you know, the place will be packed. I was gonna, Joe was gonna hook me up somewhere, so I was all excited. I hadn't seen Joe since Austin. So that was the fucking plan. Till Friday. Friday, the party I was going to, one of my friends called. And I go, I see at the party tomorrow, and he's like, what are you talking about? I go to that party tomorrow, and he goes, what are you talking about? I go, yeah, seven,

third day, just talk to them. He goes, nah, it's next fucking Saturday. I go, what are you talking about? So I go, I had to call somebody and double check but then Friday I did hear from Joe, so it made sense. So it's in a week. What happened?

It's in a week? Yes, this weekend. Got it. Okay. Back the fucking countdown was last night. And again, I got caught watching some fucking show from the creator of Yellowstone about a black slave that breaks away and shoots a bunch of white people. I love it. You know, tremendous black power. Hey.

86. white people, I love it. You know, tremendous black power. Hey, they six. The name of the show. No, I don't know what the name of the show is, but it doesn't really matter. It's a good show. That's fun. I had to do. I saw Bill Burr last night. Or Sunday night. And what you said to me today, if you don't want to repeat it on the podcast, I'll repeat anything. You don't have to,

but it's very interesting when you said that to me. And tell the people what you told me about the lighting. You're a pain in the air. Oh, then my opinion. So I got really lucky in the past month. I saw Jerry Seinfeld, Dave Spell twice, and Billber. And they were all great in different ways, but the best one, like by far, the most fun we had

was at Billber. Which was... I was not surprised. He Seinfeld's very polite on stage. He wears the suit. He gives you a different vibe, but it ain't fucking fun. He makes you laugh. But what you know what I'm saying? Like I get it. I get it. Dave Shepard on the other hand, he's exciting. You know, I always thought that. But I gotta be honest

with you, I've been a big burp, a bill, burp fan. Like I told you, I had a conversation when he disappeared, then I saw him on the shepal show. And I was cheering for him. I didn't know. And then all of a sudden, he's getting booed and Philadelphia. And you know, now, and he's solid. I love everything about him.

I watched that movie. The first after Luna came out, then I watched it again the next day and I enjoyed it and I respected the fucking the critics won against it and he got 29 million fucking views. So everybody had a shut that mouth at the end of the week. You know what I'm saying? It was entertainment. Nobody had to take a personal here. And nobody takes everything so fucking personal for that. I've heard that it's good. I haven't got to see the movie, but he all I could think of, like when I was thinking about what I got from his set,

like other than it was like funny, was like he, I think he pretty much better than anyone, like actually like seems like himself during this. Like, there's no real difference I've never met him personally, so I don't know but between his podcast that stand up who you see like You never wore up there when I was one No, I don't think so I might I've seen them on stage, but I don't think I have a personally met him I don't think so never at the. Did you watch him live at the store?

Maybe once. No, I saw him in downtown LA, I think. Or it was either downtown LA or Hollywood for New Year's Eve one year. I saw him. It was, it's been, he's always been great. But I, that's what I, I don't know, authentic. The right word. That's kind of a weird word, but it just seems like.

And that's what you hear a lot from like, or I hear a lot from experience comics is you have to like be yourself. And even I sometimes feel like, I don't know, like I'm playing it up a little bit, but it doesn't feel like always like something I'd say. And what I'd say is like, that stage time, right? You know it. There's no fucking. There's no time limit. Everybody's different. Now, I think that you're an intelligent guy. So I'm a fucking, you know, mom all the room. I started 91. And what I call.

I really call it this, the gift. I saw it one night in 99, in the belly room, telling stories. You saw it in yourself? For the first time ever. I went up there and tell something and they changed it up and it came out beautifully. And it was deep inside me that was coming out.

And I remember going home and I'd go and I liked that. Whatever happened to that, I liked that. I got to tap into a lot more. And then it took a lot, it took like another 30 days to tap into it. But I noticed I would tap into it in front of smaller crowds. OK, you know, at the store, it was anywhere when I moved to LA.

Like I was doing a bookstore on a Berham Boulevard. I've always pointed it out to you. It was a brilliant idea. And I would go up there and do like three sets, like what you did in LA, whatever. You just keep doing sets keep doing sets and somewhere and who just come out of you because everybody wants to do an audience you know everybody can't

wait to do 25,000 seats well you got to learn how to do a hundred and a 300 seat them. And that's sitting about the problem. My biggest lesson ever was going up in a hundred and seventy-seat room and there being forty people. Listen, that brilliant material you wrote last night with your buddies at 11, 15 at night when there's 28 motherfuckers. It might not go over like you planned, G money. So what are you gonna do? So now you just go, wow, I'm eating a bag of dicks up here. And it's the six minute mark.

I still got 11 to go and I really hit him with my clothes up. I'm swimming up with nothing. I don't even have a hand. I'm missing a fucking hand now. So now you just got a chill breathe and just start talking to them about your real fucking day. And that's how it starts. Where you go, I'm already going down in flames. I already might tell them about my day and I mean hit them with everything. You got up, you took a shit, you ate Cheerios,

you don't know why, you really like the honey nut, but Athena bought the regular, you know, and in that, God forbid you leave your tape recorder on, right? Then you go home, you look at that, you go, wow, what happened tonight? Now I taste another 30 days to get back there and that's the levels and that's what you chase You chase different levels of your career and the like on top of What he was saying I always?

He he sent some stuff that like I Would be a for not I guess the word is afraid to say on stage, like he made front of the venue and it was all funny. But he made front of the venue who talked about everybody and like every taboo topic. And it made me, because it's very funny that those words coming out of another comics mouth, like people would be booing it, but he had 4,000 people like dying laughing. And it's very interesting like the people trust him now, I think. I don't know what it is. Because it was all very funny.

It's not what you're saying. It's how you say it. Right. Study how he delivers those jokes. He turns around. He does the fucking Karen voice, he does this voice, you know, he tries his hardest and listen, what you're seeing up there is confidence. What you're seeing up there is 30 years. What you're seeing up there is pure brilliance. And he figured out how to put it on the screen.

When I watch that movie, that's why I like Bill even more. So, if you're a young comic right now, I'd be doing what Lee just did. He just dropped a nickel to go in. And that nickel was a fucking investment. Because first off, let's get this correct. You enjoyed all three of them because I spoke to you. Oh yeah. Except last time I didn't talk to you. I went to bed fucking

nappy noon or early. I was tired. I had a long fucking weekend. Oh you can't get imagined. I was going tired. It's weird. I work all fucking week. You know I do my thing. I'm a dad. I got a driver to kickbox and you know, I enjoy it. I really had a level now. I don't even give a fuck anymore, but Uber driver. I'm a fucking I got a driver to the thing this week. You know, it's tremendous basketball starts this week, you know, it's tremendous. Basketball starts this week. And is your wife coaching again? Fuck yeah. That's awesome. I'm not going to the practices. I'm only gonna go to the games. Or has your band been lifted?

I only had one game band. That's it. Okay. You got to bring up the band and throw a fucking soul. That's what you were saying. I thought that's what you were saying. You're not bring up the band and throw fucking salt. That's what you were saying. I thought that's what you were saying. You're not going to the practices.

No, I'm not going to practice because you know what? I don't want to put pressure on her. No, no, I can't help. I shouldn't even be there. I'm a convicted felony. You know what I'm saying? It's not that I don't even have anything like that. But you know, I was talking to a cop at Jiu Jitsu.

Okay. All the my situation, I go, you know, it's so funny. I got in trouble. Fuck. 27 years ago. I got to do this. I got to do that. I got to talk to this guy now. They won't get rid of this one.

But if you got arrested in California, I let you go home in 10 minutes, if you don't come to me, it's going home in 10 minutes. So that hold the me accountable for something that happened 27 years ago when I was a complete different person in a complete different world and a complete different situation and state of mind, you know. So I even offered to pay to find, I don't know, I think this is going to end up fucking going to right back the square one. Tom, the computer, himself in and it looks like I'll never be going to Seattle again. I'll never be a nice fucking piece of salmon again, you know what I'm saying? But who gives a fuck? I get mega fish to fry.

That's fucking crazy. What kind of show this week, Tarzan, talk to me. This week, last week I did a show at a brewery. And this week I have a show. I have two shows on Saturday night at the Silver Tone in Boston. There's a cool little group are out here that has shows all over every weekend and they were nice and I had that last weekend and now I have this weekend too.

I'm hosting. But now you're going into the season of death for young comics. Why is that? Mike Business because the Boston Celtics. So now you show up for your little open mickey at 815, but they're like, I leave, we can't turn off the TV, though fuck, the game is over. That's happened before.

And now you got to sit there and drink coffee, but they always hit you with this, by the way, when you cut off 10 people, you killed the bus driver, you ran over a bicyclist, then you get there and they're like, oh, we forgot to tell you that we can't turn the TV off until the fucking football game is over. And then the football gamers are, and there's 200 people shooting pool now. You're like, what the fuck?

It's 1015. When we people homeless, and now you got a shoot pool, you got to do jokes, right. People shooting, fucking pool. So it never, that's the skill that you want that when you go out. Talk, I remember doing the longest yard and one of the gigs they got me was a club in Chicago, like a, a show that paid me good money. I'm not complaining. But it was a bone alley dog. I've done bowling at least.

No, no, no, no, that's crazy. I went for an open mic or a small 50 or a small 20. Right. It was like. If I were to know I wouldn't have done it. Why was it out like it where the boring was? Yeah, I don't belong in a bowling alley and fucking Iowa. I kept thinking somebody's gonna hit me one of those balls This shit that like farm a gear on and stuff

I'm gonna never the Thursday night fighting for my life Is that one of the ones we talked about last week were you just left? I don't know no, I couldn't leave because, were you just left? I don't know, no, no, I couldn't leave because I didn't have a car. I wasn't gonna get home. I'm in fucking petty co-junction, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying, I couldn't go home. So I had to eat the bullet and a bone alley,

and guess what? That's you fucking bone balls. No. Oh yeah. I think you released a bobbard or something. Oh my God. And it was the little room that, you know, it was in the little room.

Not really. It was in a boundary. It was in a boundary. Let's call it a boundary with like a four foot thing, like a diner, you know a diner in a fucking ball now. Right. You got the tables and they put like chairs would have made believe stage.

And you know, it was a fucking Irish show. Jesus Christ, it prepared me for what I was doing in 2016. Remember I used to tell you that I used to go on stage at the store and I would have great sets. And when I was up there at like the nine minute mark, I'd do something and I'd go, oh. And when I was up there at like the nine minute mark, I do something and I go, oh, this is from something I learned one night at the eight ball in Montana, you know?

Or this is what I did one night in Seattle. Look at that, it came back. Well, this is what I did one night. It really is, you start to see your path. That's a complete different thing. You guys don't need to worry about your path right now. Just need to get on stage, eat your fucking cereals, and do your jumping jacksuck as that's it. And get on stage. That's it. And listen, along the way when you do comedy, you're going to get beat up. Listen, life right now is fucked up. I get it. You understand

me? You know, things are getting tight. Fucking, I just saw something that somebody complained. They went to get a something that big Mac of his 16 bucks. Yeah. For whatever the fuck it is. You know, McDonald's is the last ray of hope. After that, you're reading on his shelter. You know, and no, no, no, no, what are we joking here? Look what's going on. That's a lot too. You know, cease fire, but boom, they're not stopping. They're not saying, you know, and the United

said, we're really cold Biden to fall. Listen, the same Biden, this is Israel. They got into the tunnels now that creepin' while you're sleep They did. They got less with the report. Again, this is just this isn't an opinion is something that's going on right now. So working with me. My point is that it's a little stressful for you people. So do me a favor. Listen to this said, come and ask you better help. Hey, this episode is brought to you by better help listen There's y'all called Joey here the holidays are coming up which means you're meant to help might take a little nose dive No matter what's going on Talking through your little problems and therapy can help you now better helps online therapy gives you access to a licensed Therapist that you can meet with over video call, phone or even message. It's designed to be super convenient and

work with your own busy schedule. Like I've always told you guys when I first moved in I know who to turn to. It was COVID, nobody wanted to see people in person. I was going to anxiety, I didn't know what was the things were back firing and somebody you referred Betterhelp.com, but I got to tell you something. I worked with somebody for about 9-10 months and here Uncle Joey is today and let me tell you something. You know me dog I don't like talking about this stuff but getting started is easy Just fill out a brief question there. And the BetterHelp team will match you with a therapist.

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And I'm going to get your 10% off your first month. Who's better than Uncle Joey? Nobody. Who's better than better health? Nobody. That's better and better help nobody that's better help dot com slash Diaz better help H-E-L-P dot com slash Diaz enjoy this show what's happened you bad motherfuckers we're back anyway what else what kind of plans you got this week what are you dropping us

well i wanted there was a fight and in the line at the show last night. I forgot to talk about how like it, it was crazy. Like, it, it, it made me think of like it was eight o'clock show at a casino on a Sunday. Like, like, surprisingly, the, the weren't that many hecklers, but it was like a two older guys. There weren't that many hecklers, but it was like two older guys, like 45 plus year old guys just started yelling and like going at it. In the line, it was pretty fucking crazy. Have you ever had, I didn't have that guy goff him, but like, and I saw I saw fight at the, at the GPS show too. That's crazy. You see, you're supposed to go to laugh. You're predetermined to go to the laugh and now there's a fight. I could see if you're predetermined to go to a UFC. Right.

Right. You know, but it's a different fucking world now, you know. So I get I get all that shit. So I had, let's be honest, I started in the 90s, right? At all that road work and I never really saw anything bad. I could lie to you and tell you know, there may be such a, I don't know, because I wanna remember them. Why did this thing bad?

One time in LA, I saw something hilarious. I saw one of the funniest fucking things at a show in West Carolina. A club we used to do called the Brave Bull. The guy who ran it, got blessed. And my love went on my art, Rudy. And it's had to be 98, 99. We're at the store banging it out. Me and Marilyn.

And you know, when you work there before you went up on stage had to be 98, 99. We're at the store banging it out me and Marilyn. And, you know, when you worked there before you went up on stage on Friday a Saturday, really went over to you and go, Joey, remember, it's a family room. I would go up there and just come out the gate, throwing heat. And I would fucking hit him out of the park and then I would get off and he'd go, Joey, you know, but then he'd get off.

And he knew I was gonna be dirty the next night. He'd come up to me and tell me the mayor is here. I don't give a fuck, okay, I'm going off. So now there was little pause in my career with Rudy, whenever he'd get mad at you, he gave you like a six week band, but listen, you went down on a Friday, you could bang out 65 bucks. You went down and listen, this is

1998 prices that probably even worse now. So just to let you give you a gauge, you did a comedy show in a room that sat like 80. And if you were lucky, you did a room that was 25 people, like the belly room. And in that room, they had tacos. So you could get up and go up and talk and they would eat it during your show. And you're up there thinking about your material,

you're looking at that clock and that light because you couldn't wait for that light to turn fucking red. So you get the fuck out of there and run to that taco table. And also in there be carnitas or rice and beans and like some other type of tacos, this place was, you have no idea. You have no idea.

You showed up two years, 10 years too late. Well, one night we show up there, Maryland's headlining. I'm in the little room and Rudy's not around. Rudy had a gig with Barbara Drig in somewhere, so somebody else is running the room. I get there to do paysme. I do the little room that night. Okay, if I got off stage in time, I was going to do eight minutes before Maryland, Martinez. God rest his soul. It was her anniversary of a 16th year being dead last week, the third in November.

And Rick Raymo's birthday, so I gotta give him a shout out and give him a call. So I go in there and Marilyn's on stage already. I lost my guest set, but I started to come least though. I didn't give a fuck. And next thing you know, something happens at Maryland stage, talking to some guy about a little dick,

and his wife was there, and she got pissed at Marilyn. So she got up and started yelling at Marilyn and some other Mexican tackled her. It was like a heavy way brawl, and the husband's gotten involved. Tables were flying and shit. You know, it was a fisticast. You know, I was pissed because I was going to pick up the husband has gotten involved. The tables were flying and shit. You know, it was a fist of cost. You know, I was pissed because I was gonna pick up

like the small 15. What happened to fuck? I was gonna pick up. So. Jesus. Ireland got out of that. The cops came. Huh?

The cops came. Oh, yeah, the cops came. The whole thing. They have like a fucking. You ever go into somebody's backyard and they have like that, the wood on top of wood. And it's like a little sad, you know, that fucking, I don't know what you call not shingles, but whatever the fuck they are right? They have like little Adam like make believe stands with

flowers going to them. And they had them all over the backroom like left over from weddings and part-time wakes like every shit. They have like a combo taco night Grandparts dead Back you know what I'm saying Anyway fucking a part-time wake come in and I know what a part-time wake is I'm not, anyway. I saw them pull those things down with the flower and people hitting each other. No, listen, at that time it was 99. I was starting to do not well, but I was doing a lot better than what I was doing in my whole part of my life.

Right. So I just waited for the cops to come. I pulled Maryland Os, but I don't know. I think somebody else's there what we knew. And the cops are just swarming. We were pulling the way. And I never really thought about it, right? I went to the comedy store, did my spot. I think I probably snorted a fucking G bow and Coke. So I must have blacked out. The next morning I got a call from Marilyn, she's howling. Why? What's up, Doug?

That was crazy last night. And she goes, Joey, Joey, Joey. She goes, my first call this morning was Rudy. And I go, what are you saying? He goes, Marilyn, what happened? He goes, what happened? Chairs were flying like, that was too fucking much.

That was just hilarious. God rest his soul. That was, I'm happy you brought that up because I got to tell a story on the random verse. I feel good now. Yeah. That's awesome. So she was,

she was going out in the wife of the guy got a bad upset that theal an entire brawl guy at a little dick and she said how do you know, you know, I really got fucking like a jealous thing. I ever had was the microphone to the head, which I'm not down again. Basically, that was really it. And we just drunk people, man. And the other shows, you know, that's, I saw something else. The thing that always stuck out with me was, I was, you're going, I would, I spoke about this last week, how, in your career, whatever the fuck you do, you can't wait to get to a certain level. As a musician, you can't wait to get to the garden, then Wembley, everybody has a goal, you know what I'm saying? As comics, you got to be realistic. You're not going to be doing comedy going, you know what? I'm going to be opening for Matt

Rife on the world tour next year. You got-realistic to yourself. So, I'm like, still remember getting like, I forgot what I was gonna tell you, that motherfucker that was kicking in, Jack. I remember getting like a week somewhere and getting there. Oh shit. Pfft. Pfft. Did the, when I did the fucking,

when I did the hosting, it was part of a week in Colorado, right? It was Tuesday, you had Wednesday or Friday Saturday, and it's Sunday, and Alamosa. So Tuesday was colder, Wednesday was hot, Thursday was Craig. Friday was Pueblo, Saturday, something else. And Sunday was Alamosa. What the fuck you laughing about? I'm trying to talk to you about a schedule. Fucking, ah, what are you gonna do? Yeah.

What? That just got me. See, you had that schedule? What schedule? Yeah. So we had the schedule. So that was what might, at the time of being a host, that was my dream, right? To do that triple run. And that motherfucker made me do 18 weeks of out. And I was keep saying to him,

Dave was going on with that bowl of week. Dave, I'm gonna do a little homecoming, snort some coke at the broker, get a hotel room, what's the deal? He would not give it to me. And then one day out of the blue, he called and he goes, hey, go down. This is after I hadn't worked there anymore. He could somebody else's host thing.

He goes, go down there, do a set tonight. And if the he likes it, I'll put you on the run. He could somebody else's host and he goes go down there do a set tonight and If the he likes it, I'll put you on the run and he just called me and then put into follow-on week He didn't put me in bolder, but he put me in Craig And I remember I was traveling with somebody and you had a stop and got a facts machine, right like a facts This is how old I am and then you read read the fax and you gave the feature act, this fax. And I was the feature act. What am I saying here? So I'm looking at this and it says, Wednesday, where you're going Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This is why you did that week because it was a long week and you worked out material.

Serial. Fucking, what the fuck was I talking about here? Oh Colorado. So here's my first night. It's a six hour fucking drive. I pull over going to break pink clothes. I pick up the fact. And as I read in the bottom, it says, this place is known to get whatever active. If that happens, exit the stage and go to your room and call 911. Well, that does mean no fucking good. That does mean fucking good. And I remember getting there,

and it was like the thing from the blues brothers They had like a few feet Stage before you and the thing and they had like a little bit of a net like just I Remember doing my 30 minutes. I gave him like the light 25 Sets of stupid shit. I went to my room and just chill And I never was like color they threw a couple things. They really had a fence in front of you. They had like shades to deflect stuff. I don't know what they really called like a, it wasn't like a creepy chandelier's in the 70

or hippies walked in. Hey, man, cool. No, no, no, no. This is something different. So if not, I don't know. Who can't, who gives a fuck? Case that rats are right. I just want you to know, you're picking a fucking career of life and danger now. With you, you got a motel six and a lock that will work in your room. Who you gonna call?

Ghost, bust it. That, that, that, that. You call the room. It's an Indian guy. He comes upstairs. You don't know nothing about a lock. He tells you to put the bookcase behind the room. It's an Indian guy. He comes upstairs. Yeah, you don't know nothing about a lot He tells you to put the bookcase behind the door You put the bookcase behind the door a chair your sneakers your little Jewish pants and next thing, you know

fucking you know What about pants to do? No, why are my pants Jewish? I don't know. I'm just saying. Listen, you got to add some humor to the conversation. It's so fucking up tight. Get them saying. I love it. I love doing this shit with you. Oh, it's great, buddy. I love it too. It's great. My girls are gone. They come home. I watch a little one that I've football already had dinner. I'm tip top my go. I got a light day tomorrow. But she's not a little school this week. This is a mother's class like Uncle Joey know. This is the teachers conference at election day. This has

been going on since I came to school here. This is the whole week right before Thanksgiving off? That's crazy. You have, it's two or three weeks before Thanksgiving right now too. Is it really? I don't fucking know what I'm, I walk in cash. I know you're right, man. Okay, I'm 60 years old.

I'm just worried about the late Lisa yet. Next week, I don't know, I don't know. I might bend over for a nickel and fucking, you know, next thing, you know, I'm walking around with a Moroccan. So since I'm a kid, Tuesday's election day, tomorrow's election day, New Jersey, and then Wednesday they go back to fucking school for a whole day, and then you got Thursday and Friday off. Believe it or not, we thought about going away. We're still thinking about taking it right here. I got to sit and take around till Thursday. So wouldn't be till Thursday night because nothing

happens here this week. People take all the airport they say is moded. All the plane tickets out of Jersey and New York go up this week because everybody goes on vacation. So why would you go back for one day? Yeah, so I don't know what we're going to do. I got to do something Wednesday. I got to do some Thursday for sure. I had to see your beautiful face. You know what I'm saying? That's crazy. That's it. What it what it like it's amazing to me she's going to be 11 soon. I can just crazy how big she's getting. Yes it's I don't know it's making me stronger watching her grow man. It's good. I picked the right fucking choice and I'll tell you some other time I picked the right fucking choice. And I'll tell you some other time. I pick the right choice. I pick the right path for right now.

I'm feeling better. You know, what can I tell you? Just taking to a fucking schedule for the first time. I've stuck to it for seven fucking weeks, knock on wood, so I'm very happy about that. And, you know, I'm still smoking my dope. I ain't fucking perfect. Even Jesus drank wine from time to time

You know, even my little mushrooms on the weekend. I don't feel like I don't want to get out of bother nobody nobody knows nothing No, I don't want to play games. I eat two pieces of mushrooms on a just stare at the fucking girls playing softball I talked to my wife. I talked to the other fucking dads, I just watched the girls throw the fucking, you know, curveballs and shit out there learning. And it's really nice. I've been watching these girls this day with fucking seven play together. And now they're knocking on the door of, you know, pre-teen ages. So I'm learning something every fucking daily. As dumb as it sounds, you know, as fagaggiers that sounds that's what we're doing today. Who knows I'm gonna do them I might wake up tomorrow pick up and rob a bank in the town that over there. We're fucking what it what's that dude today

Ben Affleck. Yeah, we'll go over there fucking rob a bank We'll get caught with the charity federal they'll put us in the fucking federal resort. And guess what? We'll be the first podcast via sing sing. Did you see that? By the way. What? Do you see who has a new podcast? Who? Sugnight. Is it from jail? Yeah. Let me double check here. Hold on. Take the time of that because... Yeah, it's called collect. The collect call was Shugnight, and they're doing it from prison. How crazy is that? That's pretty intense. That's tremendous.

That's a conversation from inside the fucking jail on a collect call. I hope that's like a phone call. It's like this. Only without the fucking boogie with no screen. Just a blink the phone rings. Do you accept the collect call from Jose Diaz at Hudson County jail? Yes, I do. And then you get that bill.

It's $2,000 every time I fucking call. Are they expensive? Fuck yeah, cause they bang you up and the phone company bangs you out and they hit you with a surcharge. So it's no party in there. Everybody let everybody gets young youngs Every time you call your girlfriend and you're like, yeah, I'm in here. I'm gonna get about you

Bam, that's an $80 bill right there But I got a sock and stop thinking and get the stepping cock suckers Jesus Christ always that payphones. Why is that good? Like I said, if you go listen. Do you have quarters? You can have quarters of prison.

I don't think they put a phone in prison in prison until 1973 or something. They passed something. You have to don't don't quote me on that. Somebody had just mentioned that story to me. So let's say I would have gone to a higher level facility, correct? I would have had to make a call, because the first four weeks I was in, all those calls would collect.

Damn. And then you went to go place with the next wife, my girlfriend at the time. And she paid my collect calls. And then once I got the camp George West, it was payphones for fucking payphones. And how do you pay for it? Quartis, remember I could tell you, you've had 40 bucks on you at that place. And then they gave you money, you had money because you went to the Chinese restaurant, remember I told you you went to the,

you go to the boat day 20 minutes? Yeah, so they fucking... I just didn't imagine like giving prisoners access to a bunch of chains, was it like, I just, I didn't think like giving prisoners access to a bunch of chains was it like I Didn't think you'd have money. I didn't never thought about it like that Well, you know what there was a bunch of people that bikers there was Mexicans there was two or three Italians. There was you know But there wasn't no fucking Asian gang so nobody's gonna take fucking quarters

wasn't no fucking Asian gang. So nobody's gonna take fucking quarters, put them in the fucking stars, and chase you down at the fucking affirming. The scariest thing I was was the barber cut your hair with his straight razor. And when you were getting a haircut, there was a garden there, who went in there, opened the box game the razor.

He cut like three haircuts and then he gave him back the razor. The guy put in the box and walked away. He would sit there like at all. Like this guy could have just slipped my fucking neck. Yeah, that's terrible. No, that's just like a razor. It was a straight razor and then in between handcuffs, while he was washing, yeah, he put conditioner on there

and they gave him some sort of like Mexican tool, like one of those things from a La Bomba movie. I don't know. I don't know, fuck it instruments and shit. They let him, because he was like, hey man, then he worked up the level. You're to be allowed to cut air with a razor. You have been a good fucking dude.

You really turn your life around probably. You didn't get in trouble, you didn't get involved, they're giving you fucking access to a razor in prison. Or even that is shit. That razor would scare me with people outside of prison. I want to trust a guy. I wouldn't trust, would you go to your barber and let them use a straight razor? Fuck yeah. That's the best haircut in the world. Okay. I obviously don't go to your barber and let them use a straight razor? Fuck yeah, that's the best haircut in the world. Okay, I obviously don't go to the barber anymore, so I don't know, I just...

Nah, you don't even have a right off a head cut, no more. You know what I'm saying? Just kill me, isn't you? You can't even, unless you take a picture with a wig on and send that to the IRS, you know, I got this little hairdo, it cost me 82 dollars, and a 50 cents a month to keep it up.

Between the head die, the mama loop juice, she got to straighten it out. What, why am I dying? I would you pay? Wouldn't it already be the color I wanted at the end? What's that? Why am I dying? Why am I dying? Why am I dying?

I would you pay? Listen, why are you asking to die in my two-paint? Listen, why are you asking me questions, doesn't it? I have none, you know, all I know right now I'm focusing is who's going to fuck it? I'm thinking about the jets tonight. They're playing here in Newark. What about a fuck? I'm playing the chargers.

They're playing the charges. It's a three point fucking game. So I'm just thinking about it, you know, just front the table with the what the game girls will be here by the time the game starts. I'm gonna go around the corner of my buddy's house. He's got season tickets, but he can't go because he's working tonight. So I'll go over there with him with a bag of chips. Talk to the kid. You know me though. I love all that stuff. So I'll even take mercy over there with me. Because his daughter's there, she's mercy's aint there.

That's her best friend. So, right, absolutely. It's Jack from a little while. I watched the game and my man and boom, speaking about the game right now. Let's take a minute here to talk about one of my best fucking sponsors. A company I love, Draft Kings. NBA fans, are you guys watching the NBA right now? Basketball is back. Listen to me, you got to watch this in house. Call them at their heaven. Guess what?

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If you got problems, I don't know what to tell you. But if you don't have problems, download the DraftKings.com. Let's wrap this up right now, guys. All right, so let me answer your questions that you brought up, Shignight. I am no authority on this. Right, I have to ask you if you've run into it or have a summary by next Tuesday for the people

because I just, I don't know what's going on. I'm scared to look into it. Like, I don't have time to read one of these fucking articles. Because if it's bullshit, I'm gonna get pissed. I'm down to minutes right now. I'm not even looking at days. Once you hit 60, you gotta start thinking about your minutes. All right.

So anyway, you want a recap of? Yeah, I want to recap. But what's going on? They caught somebody who they said shot two-pock. And somebody ratted it. It was it was P. Diddy who put the contract on them. You know, I don't know the full story, but you know, what's crazy? I'm almost positive. Rachel Wolfson's dad was like the DA who got him or it's like, it was, it was a rapper. Apparently he had taught, I think it was a rapper. I'll look into it

for next week, but it was the guy who had talked about it. He in like a documentary or like a TV show. He had talked about like knowing something. And I don't know if they got the shooter, but they got, like, I think this guy was involved. If I'm, that's like, I pay almost no attention to it, but I'm almost positive. I was just moving to LA when that was going down. I had, I had moved, I still lived in Seattle when two-pop got shot. That's when I was

making the move and I lived in LA when the other guy got shot, Biggie Smalls, both of them resting peace. And I don't know. I've heard stories about Las Vegas for years. Cameras from building satellites, cameras at the airport, you know, fucking, I don't know. I've never bought into it. I don't know. But don't ask me. I don't know who. Don't ask me who did it. I don't know who fucking did it. I have no idea.

I tried watching one of those documentaries and I don't know. I don't believe before content. So should Nights in jail. I always should have a story to tell. But I've- That's a lot. That's what I thought. And I thought by now he was going to cop to whatever the fuck time he's doing right now. I always in the back of my mind thought at one point he would tell a story. I wonder why. It's crazy.

I just don't know much about that world, but it just seemed, didn't he like run someone over? Wasn't the last thing that he did on like a film set or something? Yeah, that's the last thing he fucking did. It's crazy what people do. No, no, no, it's a different fucking world up there. So it's funny that now is when they caught this dude. I do listen, guys. fucking world out there. So it's funny that now is when they caught this dude. Listen guys, there's people at the end 20 years later, everybody killed Jimmy

Hoffman. Everybody shot this guy, everybody shot that guy at the end. You know, I remember one night turning on HBO, I don't know how old I was, I was probably up all night. There was a documentary about the Iceman, okay? And then I was fucking baffled. I was baffled. Why, they came on again, what? Why were you baffled? Because this guy was a murderer and he lived in an area that I knew like the back of my

head. And at that time, I didn't have access to the computer and nothing all I knew There was him and Dr. Bowden and Dr. Bowden investigated crimes Dr. Bowden. I don't know what's fucking name is I know when Epstein got strangled that's what they can do your topsy So 20 years ago this guy had his own show on fucking HBO. Interesting as fuck. Sad late night, late night. You went home, smoked a number, you made a cheeseburger, whatever fucking light.

And you watched this show about him, figuring out crimes. This isn't like second-hand shit. This is the guy telling you how I went down. And in one of those things, I put it on one night, there was the ice man. And the ice man told a few stories, and I was like, oh, shit. And then I got lost for a few years, and I saw the second one.

The second document, I? Yes. He probably has two or three of them maybe. And the second one, it was kosher, and by that time, I was traveling a lot. I was a feature act, but I traveled a lot. And, you know, as true as it may be, I fucking would buy books at all these bookstores that you see, Barnes and Noble,

there was another place, borders, books. I used to always go to borders that by three books, get 15% off whenever to fuck that meant. And that's what I would do in one of those places. I found the Iceman book the first, first one or a book where he was mentioned. And then again, I went on a fucking hiatus and he came back again in 2000 and something. And by this time he was arrested, he was doing time, it was over. And he just started talking about now he was responsible for everybody but Jesus Christ. He was there

when this guy got shot, he was there when this guy got shot. But in that last interview, he made a detail and they made them bring back Sammy the bull from his slip and two weeks later he dies and it's so, but it doesn't matter. It's crazy that at the end, he was responsible for John F. Kennedy. He was responsible for the guy in the Bronx because somewhere along the line, he was already doing time. Why not fucking throw the cops off and all this shit?

He knew fucking where they put whatever his name is. It's fucking amazing. You start hyping yourself up, you know, maybe sell a best seller. Whatever the fuck. Who knows? That's crazy. That someone would just be like, I'm in jail. I'm just going to come. I'm just going to say murdered everybody. So I knew this was coming. Like somebody was a dual podcast live from prison. That if it cost 99 cents to download, somebody was going to do a podcast live from prison. That, if it cost 99 cents to download, he's going to make a fucking shitload of money. Because that's what the gas world is going next. You got to go into a den where they sell crack and move very two weeks from den to den. Oh, yeah., people getting shot, people doing oxygen hits, you know, I don't know, I don't know what I'm even love this crack then anymore.

I'm an old man. What do I know? I think that my has to be. You got to do your crack somewhere. You know, I don't have not seen it around here three years. Nothing. I go to a nice place. Yeah, but even when I go to the city, but I've been to the city in maybe two months. And I always go in the daytime. I don't know what happens at night. I'm scared to go to the city at night. That's crazy. You grew up there. Yeah, I got no reason to go over that night. I really don't.

I don't blame you. So what kind of comedy you got coming up this weekend? I'm at the silver toe At the end of the month I'm at the Kansas City and probably opening for Josh and Jacob Wolf Look at you and shit. That'll be fun last week of the month city and shit. Oh, yeah, why be cute? Yeah, I'm really excited. I've never been in Kansas City. You know what man? The nice people. Listen, put it in the back of your head that they're all great people. Oh yeah. They work hard for every fucking dollar. Fridays and Saturdays, this is one of their options for entertainment. That's gonna go to some crazy bar, what you write horses

and do dirty things to it. I don't know, I don't know, you know what I'm saying? I like, I was like, I'm sorry. It's really weird when you think about those places. When we stop this podcast this evening, this week's assignment, is for you to look up a Midwest Booker. A Midwest Booker, check them out, do some research. They got them. They have to be. But people are just lazy. Everybody wants to do this. There's got to be people going, you know what I do on a book or in the Midwest, the book's Ohio, you know. And now, at a young comic, a three to five year comic, you're starting to get to different people.

And five years you'll come to me, and two years you'll come to me and go, man, I'm never going to an afternoon again. They didn't like me. I went to this room in Atlanta, oh, they fucking booted me. And now you build this thing in your mind. So as you're getting better, you're building up more cities, right? Right. But in time, you ain't going back for those places. For me, and Charlotte, I had a bag of dick out a club when that is an open micr. I wanted to show case for the club. I had to do the set and go right to the car and get right to the airport. That's how embarrassed I was. There

was no cold mingling. There was no drink at the bar. Like I just ate a bag of dick. So I never went back to Charlotte. And then I went to that man I think would show. Okay. I died all week and at the punchline. I died. This had to be 90, maybe 2000. It was rough Uncle Joey. And at the end you had to work Sunday.

Oh damn. And you didn't do all any show. What's. And you didn't do all any show? What's that? You didn't do all any show? I think I had some light one of two nights, but we did like six fucking shows, you know? Jesus, I remember we went back to Atlanta, we're Charlotte,

and then there was a night in Nashville. I ate a bag of dicks, so I said, you know what, I'm not going back to the Bible belt. It doesn't make any difference. And then when I got to LA, people started offering me gigs in the Bible belt and I was like,

and then I got cocky. I went back there, I'm lying to you, because I think I went back there in 98. But this is that whole period. Yes, 98, I thought I was king of the swing, and my buddy got me in with creative entertainment. Check them out, see if they still around. Okay.

And they're up close, Carolina. And he got me into like, he got me into a weekend and I died a death of many dicks. And he got me to do a week of one night. And I had my wife and my brother, Vinny Lightbulb, we're still great friends. We go back to 1998 in his truck driving up a hill. I think it was called Clark Tennessee, then we went to Knoxville. We

did like two weeks together in that fucking truck. We did four lot of Dale, we did a bunch of one-nighters, we stopped at places, but that whole week dog, I struggled and I had come up with 45 minutes. I had to talk to the audience. Some nights I come on to have because Vinnie was clean. Vinnie was very clean. So they enjoyed Vinnie. And then I went up there with a worse accent than Vinnie. And they fucking hate me. They're looking at me like a Yankee. So mental note, I ain't coming back to the Bible about no matter what. That's why when they asked me to go to Nashville, I was in

shock because the guy that went to that, the when they asked me to go to Nashville, I was in shock. Because the guy that went to that, the guy that asked me to go to Nashville was dead and then I ate the bag of decks. He was in the showroom when I got off and I remember shaking his hand and he's like rough tonight. What are you gonna do? And I was hoping for Stanhope. Wow. Stanhope, it was eight o'clock show. The ten o'clock show was Steven Segal on the guitar. You understand me, Serious? And you want to come to me with stories. You want to make noise, make noise. You know, I want to see if he's a gol sound like on a guitar. I think I cried and I ran out of that back to my whole time. I love this movie. You know, he had me with like the first two movies, like, all right, let it go.

After the one when he came back with that, he was paralyzed three days later, he's doing fucking shooting people and running up. And come on, you got me here. I don't know much about paralysis. I'm gonna fucking three days. You just fucking life together. And then the Jamaican one was good.

I remember getting stuck. Fuck, I was, you know, I want you to see the Jamaican one. Again, play the Jamaican guy. Nah. He played a cop in the Jamaican neighborhood. Okay. But Voodoo on him and it took you for a little while and you're like, Steve, that's it.

I can't do this anymore. And then he won a straight. And he won want to stray who are in a wig and shit and then I bumped into about a UFC I didn't say a fucking word till he turned around and then I took shit yelling where's Bobby Lupo me like 20 there's Bobby Lupo and people yelling in other movies from other little words from different movies. Oh my god. I didn't say anything until he turned around. Did he make him leave or did he stay the whole time?

Because he probably didn't stop. He wouldn't even turn around. Because he knew if he turned around, he'd get tortured more. After about seven or eight minutes, security got a call and they squatted them out. Who shot Bobby Lupo? That's so funny. Oh my God, I love that. Have you tortured anybody else at a UFC?

How about why? Have you tortured anybody else at a UFC? Couple people, but you know, I talk to everybody everywhere I try to, you know, I always tell you, we gotta do a call when I tell you a story about tortured people. I'm always flipping somebody, you know that. I'm always messing with somebody.

We've got about what it is. And like, the UFC seems like the perfect place for you because I could just see you looking at people I've been with you when you let's see someone like if he's wearing an affliction shirt or like he has sandals on you're gonna say something You say something like you'll just sit there the entire time and have just comments Listen We already dropped the name, you know, I'm saying so how was it a a UFC one time and I made a guy believe that I knew him back in the day.

Because I had heard stories about the guy. I never met him. I went to a couple of whatever he did concerts, whatever this mummo did. I was a fan in 1990 of this guy, 91. Here, I don't know, 20 years later, he's at a UFC and he walks right past me. So, you know, I started talking to this guy and now I heard all the stories because he came up in Miami. So I heard all the stories. So I'm like, you don't remember me. And he's like, no, I don't.

I go, come on, I'm not. I used to play basketball, yeah. 1999, me and I started dropping names. And he kept running me and he goes, that's right. I know you, so now I had him, bam. And then he kept telling me, yeah, it was the last time he were like, I'm 98. I played basketball there, we hit the sixth in the morning.

The chick showed up. And now I'm just talking gibberish. I'm just dropping a fucking story on him. He's like, yeah, I remember that night. That's right, you're a comedian, yeah, oh shit. And I'm like, I got this mo mo. Then other people came and they started talking. And that was the end of that. You just wanted to fuck with them?

It wasn't a point to it. Like why did he want them to think you had grown up with them? It's like I got nothing else going on. It's in between fights. I got a ball of somebody, right? Yeah. Oh my God. You got it. You know, I'm an little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like a little bit more like You know, I remember when I go to voice service for a while, you know, and come in with an Irish accent.

I had to make a call one day, go listen, let's just talk to him. I got a Puerto Rican accent. I got a New York City accent. I got a New Jersey accent. Here's the fuck, the beauty of it. You're listening to all three of them. Take me in.

Oh, tell me what you want me to say. But I'm not gonna come here and do fucking chip, chip, chile ho or fucking one of those Irish things, you know, uh, uh, speaking fucking like a leprechaun. I can't ask you to speak with like more of a Spanish accent. Oh yeah, and then that don't work either because they want me to be punch or via. I show up with this Puerto Rican, Cuban-ish, you know, written fucking bullshit. If you, it's New York City wrapped up in fucking three different nationalities. So I'm not going

to change that. I don't know, you know, I look at these movies and you see these actors and then five years later you see an interview and they're like Australian or English And you're like, what the fuck is this? I saw this guy just scam, you know Yeah, I saw this guy talking Chinese and also you go look him up And he's really English or Australian to black dude from the wire Yeah, of course, whatever. Yeah, he was in the office too.

I'll be off for sweat up. What off? No, he's in the early office. This sweat up. The guy that was up. No, the guy that got shot. The guy that densed out shot. Yeah, that's very right.

No, what's his name? I remember God damn it. What's the hell is that? I know who you talking about whatever is fucking nameless. He played whatever in the wire. It was great. Yeah, did anybody string about what the fuck is the name? What happened? Wasn't his character's name Stringer? Yeah, who played Stringer? Hit me. Edress Elba, Jesus Christ. We think you're dealing with now one time. play spring hit me. He just

elbow Jesus Christ. We think you're dealing with now one time he did something that carol lives. He didn't stand them. I don't know. I didn't say that. He did. I think he was a manager there. Okay. Guy from the surprised

were both managers that's very interesting. But when he speaks, he's got a fucking great English accent, you know, but then oh, Tom Hardy, you watch Tom Hardy in the fucking drop. He talks like I do. And then you're saying him in a jitter-tronum and you know, you're like, what the fuck are these guys saying? I've always admired that uh, the chicken eyes wide shut that she was a Scientologist for a while with Tom Cruise, but she left him for like a top like

that movie is fucking tremendous. It's been on lately. That is one of my favorite movies, and tell you what, for a guy like me it's a disgusting movie unless if you're doing blah or you're doing kinky stuff. I mean they go and movie. You've never seen this? No, this is a wow, a fucking masterpiece. And it's scary, but

No, The abortion. I'm Cruz who's worth every fucking dime they give this guy. Right. And I read to Nicole Kidney. She's like a school teacher and he's a doctor. And they go to a party and she's flirting and he's flirting and all of a sudden they get home and they have a little fucking conversation. And Nicole Kidman does a 10 minute scene that will make you go, what the fuck did I just

see? And like a t-shirt with little boobies that it's tight and under and she's making her red air is up and she's smoking her fucking joint and while she's telling Tom Cruise her fucking agonies she's giggling at him and she's just fucking brilliant but in that movie she has a fucking New York accent and then you see her again and she's got the fucking, now you go to the AMC and there she is. Hi, welcome to this experience. You ain't fucking got no New York accent.

That's an Australian chick, so that's my point. I got what I got. That's why I couldn't go audition for fucking mad TV. I remember going to those auditions when they tell you give us a character. They barely move. I think I auditioned for man. I auditioned for some troop in LA like a one of those TV shows. Not Frank TV. Frank put me on. This is like something from the WB and I think I went to producers because I passed the first test. That was brutal.

I knew they wanted to know their ball at me. Because they went from sketches to give us your best character. Give us your weakest character. Come on, you can't drop the Nami on audition, man. I think I play like Lady of the Bookie. And I walked out of there, ripped up the fucking sides and went to my car and cried for like an hour. As I thought I was going to fucking nail this.

That's a disappointment, but who gives a fuck? It's a learning experience. They always going to throw a curveball at you. And look at the show went nowhere. So who gives a fuck, it's a learning experience. They always gonna throw a curveball at you and look at the show went nowhere. So who gives a Frenchman's fuck? How long did it take you to get better getting over that stuff? Getting over what? Like disappointment, like something didn't go well,

you didn't get the audition, you didn't do one front of the book or? Comedy-wise or television film-wise. Either one, both. I'd be interested in both. As a comic, there's nothing worse than a club owner tells you. He doesn't want you there or you're not as cup of tea. Meanwhile, you're picking up 20 clubs in the book,

but the one that bothers you the most is this guy. And he's probably got like two clubs. You really liked him, but now he's telling you how the good weekend you thought until he's talking about you. And you know what's crazy? You try to keep going back. And one day you give up, and five years from then,

you realize that when the night after the second show, the waitress, you were talking to him, he was banging on the side. He didn't like that you were talking to him. Not even that you were fucking hit. Not only because you were never hit on it, but that's what you find out. You go, that's why I didn't go back there because the waitress called Remroom and talked to me and we smoked a half a number with the other comics. Remroom and talk to me and we spoke to half a number with the other comic So you never know you can't trip on that and then guess what one day boom you got a movie You're on a TV show now they put you out the agency stop putting out and guess where you're first office That club. Yeah, and also that he's at the door. How you doing great? I always knew you're gonna be a star. They just listen at that time. They didn't like a lot of Jewish protest in town. Whatever the fucking shit he would say to you, but now you're selling tickets.

Right. Yeah. We forgot about that girl. She's not there anymore. He's on to the next waitress. And everything is forgotten, just like that. And you realize what comedy is all about. That if you're selling tickets, they don't give a fuck of your light yes, all on fire. As people in the chairs and they drink that two minimum and they got an order of wings and they get diarrhea and they get the fuck out of that. That just goes to you. It's like anything else in that in that industry. It does it fucking matter You know you could do whatever you want the bottom line is mother fucking pay per views Right

My I went roller skating and got three million pay per views. That's great Look at what McGregor's doing and all these they just just released the numbers. I look at those paper views and I go There's a lot of money out there Yeah, somebody's spending a lot of fucking money out there and whatever God bless them. I'm not you know I love all that shit, but it's just insane The comedy people worldwide get those things. It's very enlightening You know, so and that's it, brother. You've been writing anything or what? Comedy wise? No, Shakespeare wise. Yeah, fucking comedy wise. Yeah, you know what,

I wanted to ask you a quick question. Have you ever said a line in conversation that just was like, you weren't trying to like, it was just something you said that you turned into a joke. Yes. It doesn't usually work. It was crazy. Like I just happened last night so I wrote it down. I'm excited to try it. It was a Sunday afternoon. Doug Stanhope had taken me into his home. He had a girlfriend at the time, and I would always leave in the mornings. I would take a walk around town, apply for different stupid jobs, get a hot dog on, there was a little Korean lady down there

that made pretty good fried hot dogs. And I don't know what happened. I get back to his house. It's a beautiful day to be alive. You wide awake, the girlfriend's dead. The name is in there. I don't think Ralphie Mae's mom lived next door yet. And I'm in there and I'm a little fired up.

You know, it's one in the afternoon. I think I got a showcase'm a little fired up, you know, a 20-year afternoon, I think I got a showcase at the store. I don't know what the situation was. And he's talking about something. And he says something about trainees. You know, Doug Stanhope was raw that because at that time, Doug Stanhope lived two three blocks away from where there was like a thing with

trends, gender people, transvestites, whatever. They want to be called transgenders. And that's fine. So, you know, something that happened and off the cuff, I go, Doug, when do you give a fuck about your punch in the head when they call the cops from the cops, you're awful. Who are you gonna believe? You were something doing a way you wanna black eye, a guy with a wig and a black eye. So it just came out of me.

I mean, Dan Hope, just stop it and go, and you're doing that tonight and you're fucking act. And I'm like, no, he's like, you gotta do that joke in your act. If not, I'm taking it. Make sure you do fucking act. And I'm like, no, he's like, you gotta do that joke in your act. If not, I'm taking it. Make sure you do it tonight. And he actually went to the store and made sure I did.

It got a no-k thing. And then I just started using it on stage. I learned how to use it. It took me maybe a month to figure out how to use it. And years later, Rogan was doing it, telling people about that joke. Don't you know, you know, same joke that what you're gonna do,

what you're gonna do in the cops show up, what you're gonna believe, you or something do with a wig in a black eye. Yeah. Horrible joke, but you know what? I had 10 of those, you know that? You weren't a car with me. How many times did we go for a ride?

And we died a laughter and two days later, we're talking about it on stage and it's kind of working and then we try it again. You would add, you saw the development of, this is what we were talking about in the beginning of the podcast, tapping into that. That's what they want to hear. They don't want to hear this stupidity

huh? Christler went back to work. Yeah. I got a job. No, they don't want to hear that shit. They want to hear that shit. They want to hear that shit. You tell yourself, after you smoke a lumbering, you're in the shower. And you're in the shower thinking the most crazy stuff about fucking, you know, and you come out of there and you're like, you know what, this might rub people a wrong way. Let me write this down. My journey is to figure out how deliver this. And for them fucking to understand what I'm saying may take two weeks and may take two years like I've mentioned before you might say something you might giggle your ass off and one other person might giggle their ass off but you can't say it you bring that joke back five six years later

and you have a little bit more confidence, like Bill Burr. That confidence he brings up there. And I'm like, I am the joke worth nine in front of fucking 18,000 people. I love you, Cucksook. I gotta take two steps to the ring, get outta here, it's Monday night football. I love you, buddy.

It was great to see you. I love you guys. And now, for a word from my sponsors, have a great week. Kudaloo. What's happening, Savage's Uncle Joey here, the checkin' is brought to you by Stamps.com. They already got Christmas stuff on the shelves and things are about to get crazy

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