Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #12 - I hear violins...

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Happy Thanksgiving, from The Check In. This week we get an update on Joey's health situation, Joey's thoughts on Golden Corral, Lee falling asleep at a 50 Cent concert, Joey's plans for his next book, and more!   Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at ⁠https://www.manscaped.com⁠ when you use the code JOEY Support the show & head to ⁠https://www.thefreezepipe.com⁠ to shop their Black Friday & Cyber Monday sales, or press in code DIAZ for 10% off your entire order. Support the show & download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code JOEY. New customers can bet just 5 bucks on the NFL action & score $150 instantly in bonus bets. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at ⁠https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ⁠ & get on your way to being your best self

What's going on, Tarzan? What's up, buddy? I'm why are you my friend? You know what? I think it's something about you. I was like, these adibles might have been not good, but then they just started kicking in, like literally as soon as your face popped up. That's right. That's right.

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Use code Joey. Now if you don't mind. Let's get this fucking party started It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to get about a vocal Joey could do it I could fucking rule the world. Actually, you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to Shabbat! What up, MOOC? What up, buddy? I'm doing good. I'm really happy to see you. I bet you are, cock-sucker. Yeah, I'm happy to see you. What's up, buddy'm doing good. I'm really happy to see you. I bet you are, cock sucker. Yeah, I'm back in the school. What's up buddy, everything good over there? Everything's really good, man. I had a good week. I didn't really. It was a slow week, but it was I tried to, I tried to take, I didn't try to. I took some some mushrooms and nothing happened. I've never had that happen before.

You're fucking tolerance. You blowin' up like you thought I would. Call the crypt same number same hood. It's all good. Well, it was, they were very nice to like Tuesday what? Tuesday, what's tomorrow's, what's today's date? That's my first. Are you fucking kidding me? November 21st. Are you fucking kidding me? And I did call the guy kidnapped on Saturday on the anniversary, but he didn't answer.

He didn't return. He didn't answer. Nah, he moved to... Kent Vella moved to fucking New Mexico. He left Arizona, he was in Tucson. And then he went to New Mexico after his mother passed. You know, I was gonna say, he lived with his mom for a bit, right?

He was living with his mom since I kidnapped him. What are you talking about? He's been down in Arizona for like 20 fucking years. And when did he stop answering your call? No, he always. We always talk before he went to New Mexico, we had a long conversation about moving and you know but he had a switch jobs. I think he sells like solar panels or something to do with that. He had a switch offices.

So yeah, we just spoke about generalities but I always call them on the anniversary you know just because I'm that type of fucking you you know, hallmark hasn't made a happy kidnap and that aversory card yet, you know. So I got to set and I reach out to him and I talked to him, but he didn't call me back. I left a message for him. Tom, I was thinking about him. Love them, you know, you guys joke about it. You say, you're sorry. What do you say? Every once in a while he'll make a fucking remark You know when you come to New York you have to go for the restaurant. He'll go Last time I went somewhere with you. I ended up handcuffed You know, he always makes little sly fucking remarks

Yeah, I'm gonna let that go. He had a rough day that day. So I you know That's okay How do you like do you how do you feel about it as it comes up to the date? Do you like start dreading it or is it like pop up on you? No, it pops up on me. It'll pop up on me like November 16th. I go, November 16th, oh shit, on the 18th as the anniversary of Bella. Five, you know, so it is what it is. It was a long time ago, 30 fucking six years ago guy, nobody remembers and guess what? Nobody gives a fuck either. So I give a fuck, because I didn't.

I've always tried to make peace with this fucking lunatic. And now we're good, we're really good. I'm really happy how that's going. You know, I fucked up, I apologize. And it's funny, I saw somebody the other day why I need to apologize to. Somebody who I was with ever since I moved here, and then things got a little weird one night and I said something and

She said something so I saw the other day and I got to apologize there. I love apologizing to people You know you apologize Yeah, you got to apologize to people they deserve that some people like fuck you Some people like I get it. I get where you're coming from. So, you know, I'm the type of guy when I got a drop in apology. I think about it for a few days. I mean, listen, nobody ever wants to apologize.

Right? It's one of the toughest things you'll ever do. And I fucking hate it as a kid. And as I got older, I'm like, you know, it's one of those things that people deserve it. Whether they believe it or not, they'll be mad at you for a month. And then go, you know, at least to do try it.

You apologize, you sent flowers, he sent my kid a fucking flute, whatever the fuck, you know. But it's big to apologize. He just takes it off his soul, you know, even if it's like, you made three years ago with something that that person probably doesn't even remember. You know, you made a comment in a green room one night. About a joke or something stupid.

You were having a bad night, you know, and that's what a fucking is. So was it was it like you talking a Kent that made you start a politics like when did you start a politics? To Kent? To anybody. You just said like, has it always been big for you? Uh, I think when I was in my 30s, I started saying, you know, hey, what the fuck? I started saying, hey, what the fuck? You know, we're not perfect. You're going to make mistakes. Sometimes people make honest mistakes.

They weren't thinking at the time. I've been there. I know what it's like to have shit on your mind. Whatever. But who gives a fuck about apologizing? We're talking about doing things so we need to apologize. Everyone's the way you gotta put a fight crack up

somebody's ass or something, you know. I have some work to do, Louie. So yeah, I, what, like I thought of you this weekend, because I did, remember when I went to go see Badger Santa and you yelled at me? Yes. I made a mistake.

My girlfriend and her friends wanted to go to like this city put together like a winter wonderland sort of thing, like food trucks and all that shit. And we got there, we drove an hour and everyone was excited and there's 40-minute line to get in. But then we all, we could have gone in because I went up to the security guard. Just I didn't think this would happen. But he was like for 30 bucks, I'll let all of you guys in right now.

I'm like, oh shit, they're still like that guy. Could we almost pay? We just ended up going to get dinner instead. Thank God, but it was, I thought of you, like, just this security guard just charging. And I would have done it six bucks a person. Did you do it? No, we didn't do it. We went just went to dinner instead because it was freezing.

I just thought about me telling you that I went to like a wonder wonderland. When I called you, I'm all right. I tell you up to something stupid. She was uttering the word. I could always tell when you're up to something stupid, you know, like, yeah, yeah. First of all, the phone rang like eight times.

So I thought you had to compose yourself to pick up the phone. After about a minute on the phone, and you go, listen, dog, it's Saturday night. What's going on with the training? What's going on with the training? What was in training? You know what I'm saying? Anytime we're in here. What was in training? You know what I'm saying? Anytime we're in training.

So I do, I do. But then I fall asleep at 50 Cent Concerts. I do do it. That's perfect. That's perfect. I go to 50 Cent Concerts. I just want to fall asleep myself, wake me up before you leave.

You went to a 50 Cent Concerts and fell asleep. Again, you know, just tap out, just say it ain't happen. I'm not going to happen. No, I fell asleep because I was in training. Well, you were too much training and obviously the music wasn't getting to you because if you were jumping up and down with the brothers, you would have been. You wouldn't puke on everybody. I was, I got fucking chicken fingers. I was so high.

That's the only thing I did at the whole concert. I just walked it at 50 cent concert. Yeah. You got chicken fingers at a 50 cent concert. I wasn't the only one, but they have like I saw someone else don't blame it but I was how we really high sometimes you just need everybody else jumped off the building so I just thought the building like a mook that I am you know also you want to be Hamas and fucking fly to fuck is wrong with you You go to a 50-cent concert, that's shit, that's like, you know, I don't know. That's like Jesus type of steak. And then from there, you get fucking chicken. Adam, you know, what's a Jesus mistake?

You should have stayed home on Thursday night. Yeah. You should have taken it all off. But he's like, nah, I gotta go out, I gotta face these people. If he were to stay at home, it would have been it off, but he's like, nah, I got to go out. I got to face these people. If he were to stay at home, it would have been a different world right now. We would have all been wearing cotton shorts floating around, you know. It would have been no Adam, there wouldn't have been no Eve, whatever the fuck. I think Adam and Eve were before Jesus.

Why? I think Adam and Eve were before Jesus, were they not? Listen, I don't know. The chicken come before the egg. I don't know. Jesus the why I think Adam and Eve were before Jesus were they not Listen, I don't know the chicken come before the egg. I don't know. I thought Jesus created everything I thought when Jesus came it was like 40 people on the earth and shit 22 Jews and Eight flops and gripsies, you know and three Gentiles. I think so. I think that's what it was But like I think that I think that I because there's before Christ in Africa. I don't know. I think so. I think that's what it was. But like I think I think that I could there's before Christ in Africa. I don't know. I'm really. Yeah. Whenever you watch like a Jesus movie, right? Because the producers are like

listening to this thing got to work, you know, unless we get it, you know, the Jesus story is told over and over. So you can't really add to it. That's why when Mel Gibson kicked the fuck out of the dude and threw him out of the window, that got some reviews, you know, like that, that's what they need. They need, they need to see something. Jesus getting stabbed, punched, whatever. But I need to fuck them. Jesus, thank you, watch, which I enjoy those things the time to time. It's always like a small array of extras because the producers know this is a bomb. Why are we gonna just ship them around get them saying like Over there move the fucking herder over there

Geez I I remember when that Mel Gibson movie came out Because like you know like our temple had because they were like he's gonna say that the Jews killed Jesus and there's gonna be problems Like they were worried about it. Did he say it? I have not, I never saw that movie, to be honest with you. It's disturbing, but you gotta take a chance. Columbus did Coxucker. I can't do that. See, it doesn't get like fucking like beat up, beat up in that movie. Like, if they don't hold back.

Weed up in real life, they fucking, you you know they threw them off a cliff. They kicked them This before the Israelis had missiles. They just had those Fucking heavy boots with the points like Puerto Ricans do now and they kick in the ribs and shoot like that Anyway, let me tell you Anyway, I don't want to wish the week I had last week on anybody. That was fucking brutal, guys. I don't even know how I did that podcast with you guys last week. I must have just kept it together for an hour and a half.

Yeah, because you didn't seem like you were struggling. No, because I had like twenty-two elbows. I had some fucking silly Willie milk chocolate. It's time cock suckers. I Don't know if I should do this or the cookie because these are four grams, but the cookie is a three grams So if I got to eat six grams tonight, woo Lorde Jesus, you already had? I already had a cookie. I'll do. But I got nothing tomorrow. I did everything I had to do today.

Perfect. It wasn't much, you know, emails, I had to do some videos. Shit like that. When's that got some dentist? And then it's thanks fucking giving guys. Happy Thanksgiving to all the people who check in. On Tuesdays, what has it's been a fucking great couple months and we're going to keep the train going. I'm just excited that I'm doing something. I'm excited that I get to see my buddy and I'm thankful. I'm thankful for fucking all you guys. Fucking Lisa at the flying

Jew and you know, no fucking tank we got a item from the Palestinians now people boycott the podcast and shit but gives a fuck check we do our thing yeah we were so big in Palestine now we're big everywhere like last week I don't even know like I got I must have finished here with you guys first First off, I slept downstairs for five fucking nights in the reclining chat. Listen, okay, I've slept in a prison cell, you know, there's things that are worse, but not when you're fucking 60 years old. You're in a recliner and then I would do edibles at night in mushrooms and and I had those edible chocolate bars I had a bunch of shit going on last week so it took help me deal with the fucking pain and this swelling and shit

But I would get so high at night. I turned the light off and I'd replying the chair right with my feet up And then I wait on the middle of night to pee But I'd be like holy shit the power went on the roller coaster Like I thought like holy shit. The power went on the roller coaster. Like, I thought it was that, I thought I was on a roller coaster and the fucking chair was just hanging the top one up in the sky. So I would sit there for like five minutes going on the fuck am I going to get down for me. It happened to me like two nights in the road. I'm like I am so high. I'm on a fucking roller coaster. And finally, I'm like, Joey, turn the light on. I turned the light on. There I was. I lowered the thing. I took a bottle. I had a pee in a fucking bottle. The five guys.

Two creeps. Do you prefer in the chair the whole time? So why? You just in the chair all day. I was in the chair the whole day. What saved me was that I had some codine with town hall and I was eating those but I didn't eat the product. Well, let's get to that. So I didn't go to the bathroom for like four days. I wasn't eating much because the

pain was giving me nausea. So I thought it was because I wasn't eating much and I go, holy shit, I was taking those codine. So my brother came by and dropped two fucking oxys on me. So I didn't have legitimate paint pills. I had like a week of like a Puerto Rican week like I had Tylenol, Alive, then I had an oxy, then fucking my name became me two perksets. And then I was like, I'm double that shit, you know, like once I started feeling them kicking into my psyche, I go, that's it.

I'll deal with the pain, the rest of the fucking time. But I was peeing in the bottle. And then one night I got so I and my wife left me downstairs, which is like three bottles of water. And I'm fucking starving at like 12 o'clock. So there was a jar. And I thought it was vitamin C, these gummies. And I go in there and I meet these things like that fucking yum yum. And the next thing you fucking know, I turn them around, they're probiotics. So in I ate three fingers of probiotics, there

was like maybe eight gummies left on the bottom. I ate a whole thing. I went to sleep, you know, woke me up. I thought it was just pouring out my block. The whole fucking revolving chair was shaking. I had to get up and I started shitting all day. So with the bad angle, I had a shit all fucking day. Put my pants down, get on the toilet with one leg like a fucking pelican, like an ostrich, whatever you call those animals. A crane, I don't fucking know. It was guys, it was rough. Sadly, Sunday and Monday, I took Puerto Rican showers with the bucket and the sponge and shit like that, which that don't do nothing, you know.

I mean, it takes the armpit, it takes the nuts wet away, you're cleaning it. But the asshole was clean as a whistle. Nothing was going in or out of that. You know what I'm saying? So I had no fuck. But man, all day, Tuesday, I shit, Tuesday on Wednesday, probiotics, clean me out. I had to go to the bathroom every eight minutes

on the bum fucking legs. So that was torture. I'm not even supposed to have a day of that, you know? Like two, right? Like 38. Yeah, you know me, I'm fucking apretard. You know how we do it? What if that was the foot or doing that?

Cause that might like, shit, it all day. That's not good. So I got, I fucking, when's that got up? And finally I got in a car with my wife. And I went to AcuPunch. And she fucked and stuck a bunch of needles in me and my ears, my other knee. And then she wrapped my leg and she said,

don't change it till tomorrow. She wrapped it so tight that it pushed all the fucking fluid out of the leg. And then I was okay Thursday, Friday, sat at, was walking around a little more. I was showering those days, you know, I could stand in the shower and shit, no pain, those, no nothing. I missed my friend's wake, you know, Erica Florentine. I missed her sister's wedding, which I'm going to congratulate Leah and her husband. They got married on Friday. I knew that, but what I really missed was Bunghead's brothers,

wife died two weeks ago, Jody. And I was supposed to go to that on Saturday, and I couldn't do that on Saturday, because I couldn't drive. I couldn't drive 10 minutes, never mind now. I couldn't drive. I couldn't drive 10 minutes, never mind now. Sunday I just drove up and down the block to my neighborhood and then today, I didn't get on the nine yet. I will not get on the nine yet. I just drove around these other, you know,

45 mile an hour streets. Just to like get the fucking leg to hook, to hoof fucking going, you know what I'm saying? Did you heard it right where like you move it to move the pedal. Yeah, I heard the fucking right ankle. So, you know, hey man, I did everything I had to do. I rubbed the pain, cream on it. I did therapeutic massages, my wife. I put ice on it three or four times a day. I put an leaps and salt.

I fucking rubbed it with a gun to break up all the fascia and stuff. So like I said, today was my first day. I went back to the gym. I didn't do a lot of leg stuff, but he put me through the fucking ringer as usual. So let's see what happens. Tomorrow I'll take the day off.

Maybe ride the stationary bike to get the metabolism going again. So let's see what happens. Tomorrow I'll take the day off, maybe write the stationery bike to get the metabolism going again, and then fucking do our thing. I did get a writer for the TV show for the book. So I was very excited about that. At least now I got something to do with you know, I was really concerned about 2024. In my world, and in a lot of people's world right now, you should be looking forward to 2024. Right now, come on, after Thursday, it's been good else from most fucking people and who's not going to a grandmother's for Christmas

and who's gotta go Christmas shopping. So it's very tough to do business with focused fucking people. You know, you're not gonna meet a lot of people that are focused. So in your mind right now, as a young comic or whatever, you're done, you're already booked to the year. If you're going to do new years, you know, by now, if you're going to open, you know, by now, I'm not saying that

there's not a lot of late gigs that open up. Don't be a ton of late gigs that open up. People try to do Chinese restaurant, fucking Christmas day, you know, Christmas Eve, whatever the fuck it is. But right now, I want you to live in the moment, but I also want you to start looking at 2024. And that's why last week was a silver lining. Because I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't do anything. So I started outlining the book. I knew I couldn't do anything. So I started outlining the book. I knew I couldn't do anything. So I got on the one with my agent and we interviewed a couple

of writers. I talked to a few writers and I finally picked one and at least I made fucking nothing into something and at least I'm going to do something in 2024. I got lined up. I spoke to Erica today. I want to wish her a happy birthday. We're going to start putting the comedy book together in January. So think of a year after that, till it comes out. And writing with this young TV writer, getting some ideas.

Hopefully we'll get a show run soon. And the podcast, at least I'll have something going on. You know, follow me something that I'm working towards. So 2024 is complete for me. I'm always going to be a fucking dead 2024, 2028. So that that's without going. So at least I got my year planned out. It's kind of cool because I don't know if you remember this, but you probably do. Like you would, like as you were, we were like leaving LA, you kept saying like, I'd love to be able to like,

to write. Like you talked about writing a lot. And he've always enjoyed it. And he took a break from it for like, you always write him with a book, but you didn't do blogs. And now, like, you're writing two things. Well, I'm not writing two things. I'm helping that. I mean, I know you're not like the one typing it down, but it's your story. Yeah, well, I just try to outline it the best you can.

I'm trying to outline it the needs of young comics. I'm trying to think it to the needs of young comics. I'm trying to think of what my needs were as a young comic, but that was also 1990. So a lot of change. The internet has entered. So I have to cover that also in this book, which I'm new to also. So this is where I'm finding a problem, but the basics will always be the same. The basics and what would you be the same? You know so much about stuff that will always be the same.

Like you said, and the new stuff, like, you know, I know you're not like super technical, but like I feel like you are one of the better comedians on the internet. I think you can give at least from your person. I'm not thinking it's going to work for everybody, but you have a system, I think. Listen, you, you, the first seven or six years, you don't have a system. You're experimenting as a young comic. You're just experimenting, you know, do I do this? And we just, we spoke about this before, whether it's wardrobe, whether it's, you're just always experimenting. And then you find the rhythm. You know what?

I didn't really like writing in a daytime anyway. I did a lot better when I wrote at night when I came home from doing my set when I was doing coke. As I was getting high and then you could see where I started getting higher and higher. It became gibberish, you know, like what the first three lines, six lines were that, if the basics are always going to be the same. But now as an open micer, there's different ways to attack things. You know, now you got to go on Instagram and they put the schedules up. And, you know, I don't know about this so far. This is why I was telling you about open mics that I got to start going to them to see how this is going down right now. Well, I mean, I also think that it's like kind of the difference.

Like I meant, like I did open mics in Jersey when I was there with you. I've done them all over. I think there's a difference between people who just want to not skip the line but get famous pretty quick. And I think there's people who take comedy seriously. And I think the stuff the book is the most important stuff is for the people who are taking it seriously. I mean, I think, don't you think? It's like that your advice is gonna talk to them. We have a mainstream problem that everybody wants to be famous. They don't know what comes along with it.

They don't know what to do to get there. But they just woke up one day and decided they wanted to be famous. Now, when I got into standup, I didn't want to be famous. I just wanted to be a good standup. So those are the differences of how you have to look at things. The first chapter in this book is going to cover why. Why standup? Are you looking because I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into? You know everybody sees

Rogan and Dave Chappelle hanging out with stars and rappers and you see Fucking Segur with Jason Mamoa and you sit there at home and you're fucking little basement apartment like I did hoping That's some day that would be me, you know That's gonna be me someday. I'm going to have bitches and a boat, you know, you know, this gibberish that young men talk about. And you don't even think about why you're doing it. It took me three years to realize why I did all that work. I didn't really want to be a comic. I wanted to be a man. And that was the easiest way for me to become a man.

Did I know that when I started this? No, because if I told you I wanted to be a famous comic, I'd still be on the stage right now. You know, going head to head with these guys, starting to get into arenas right now. That would have been my life's work. But after I started staying home and I always told people, listen, it's tough to put your sneakers on. If you can't do a set for free, forget about getting paid for it. And this is what was bothering me about my last three or four years in comedy. It wasn't like something I enjoyed.

I could come up with material like anybody. I wasn't a traditional writer. When I started dipping into myself and telling stories and comparing them to life today, that's when things started to click. But by that time, I was like, okay, I got the answer. I got a kid now. I want to be home. I got a kid now, you know, I wanna be home.

I wanna be around for that kid. Now that, you know, as a comic, if Mercy's 10 right now, I'd see Mercy for weekends. I don't wanna do that. So, if someone on the line I realized, I didn't wanna be famous. You know, I hate all that shit. I hate premieres and Hall of Fame,

Bankwitz, you know, I didn't go to David Chase's, Hall of Fame thing. I hate all that shit. I hate premieres and Hall of Fame banquets, you know, I didn't go to David Chase's Hall of Fame thing. I hate all that stuff, guys. I just wanted to be a man. I just thought comedy would be the easiest way. Did I write that down in that goal notebook? The first three or four or five? No, I didn't. That's why I'm in the mess.

I'm in right now. When you're getting back on stage, I'm not. Because I don't need to get on stage anymore. The job was done. So, we all have a purpose. And I want you to hit that purpose before you waste your time on this. If you want to be famous,

you're 15 years away. And trust me. In my mind, I know you look at that number and go, I'll become a piano player. Well, go do that. I'll become a model. I'll become a professional party person. Go do that. If you do strike fame is that. It's going to be fame for two months. This type of success where you put the work in and pay attention, this goes forever. I can make a comeback tomorrow if I want to, you know, get an hours work in material because I did the work.

I know how it's done. Pretty plain and fucking simple. And then we're going to build on that from now. You know, I don't want you to look at Cabin Heart and Shepal and you know, Shane Gillis, you know, the big comics are today Whitney Cummings, the Eliza's and go, I want that life. You know, I'm going to do this. You're doing it for the wrong reasons.

I don't know. I did it to get high to disappear, to get a PO box. You know, I did it for those reasons. Who I, you know, when you hear those stories, the mother fuck I had a page until 2000 fucking three. You know, I didn't even want to get rid of it at that point. No, I didn't get into comedy for that reason. be at VIP rooms Taking pictures. I like the store That's I was supposed to be there You know what I'm saying? It's not like I wasn't supposed to be there. I would have two spots a night there So I'm supposed to be there Lee

Sort of felt good when I see pictures from the store. That's not too bad. It's not like I'm jumping up and down But you never saw me pictures from events or nothing like that. I strayed from those things. I don't want to get out. So I always had the, I was always on the right road for myself. If you want bitches, let me know. I'm not going to be mad at you. If you pull me aside and go out and listen, I want to go on the road to get my dick suck seven nights a week. Okay. At least you know why you're doing it. But remember, one night you're right, not falls off. You can't do fucking comedy no more. That's all. And I don't give a fuck what you get into. But get into it for the right reasons not because

You know that's the hip job right now. I Think there's probably a lot of people who started stand up after the podcast started Like since Rogan started. I would guess like there's way more stand-ups. There's an explosion in this country There's an explosion or stand up and entertainment. And I love it. I love it. I just want them to know what to get themselves into. You know, last week, I think I made a statement to you with a somebody that I can't wait

to suddenly make a remark after the strike. And today I throw throw the first one. There was some woman saying this strike's been over for two weeks and I still haven't had an audition. Well, what did you think was going to happen? The sky was just going to open up with fucking scripts and auditions. We're going back to where we started from. You got to remember there's a war going on. There's two wars and there's no tax break and everything is expensive as fuck now. You know, what do you think? These people, look how many shows they got rid of? Did the cancel a lot of shows? Don't ask me which ones specifically. These are things I just heard.

specifically. These are things I just heard. They just and they and what were they getting a lot of auditions before this strike? No. There was just like you, there were a bum then and there are bum now. You did not hear me say to you last two weeks. I'm sitting here waiting by the phone for an audition. I knew life was going to be just the way it was before the fucking audition. So, did you strike you anything? With that brother? Did the strike accomplish anything?

No, I didn't get the details. You know what I'm saying? I don't send me the memo. I know I got them today. I got a bill last week and I got my new membership card. Nice. Big fucking deal. I still can't get over the fact that how many of those probiotics you ate. Is that what you just eat more probiotics? Was that brother? What was that? Fucking silly mushroom bitch.

Oh shit. What's that I call telegraph? I guess so. Is there an app called telegraph? Telegram. Make up your fucking mind. Telegram telegraph. I'm sure there's apps called both.

I don't know what you're talking about. Is it like a texting app? Yes. Okay. I can find out, but then I got to get up and burn calories and slip on the fucking carpet. Well you got a telegram or telegraph. I think it's telegram. Yeah. Yeah it's telegram. Telegram and you look up fucking fun factory farms. You could order some mushrooms. Double liberal. Just put the cool. Yeah, nobody told you a couple weeks ago. You just put the thing Uncle Joey Savage and get 10%

off. Now that is very you know the holiday seasons come with and I got to tell you some I'm fucking excited. I am very excited. Thanks. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm fucking excited. I am very excited. Thanks for giving that. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna smoke some dope. I'm gonna cross the street. I'm gonna fucking eat over there.

And then I'm gonna close out the night around the corner. My other friend's house, right in the neighborhood. I don't even have to take my car off the street all fucking day. And then I go to my off the street all fucking day. And then I go to my in-laws for fucking Christmas. Oh shit, okay. And I gotta be honest. We're leaving like, I don't know, the 22nd to 23rd and coming back to 26 or something. It's like three or four days, four days, because we got a bunch of shit going on. So, but I'm excited about that. We're flying J.S.X. J.S.X. That's what it's called. I've heard a lot of good things about it. Let's see, they better be on

fucking time. That's all I give a fuck about. If you watch a TV tonight, I had to turn it on just to get the bad news. Not for me, just to fucking verify what I've been telling people for 30 years. When it comes to the holiday, I know your grandmother's got another year to live, but don't get on that Southwest like I'm saying. mind your fluffed in business, okay? Everybody wants to run home during that, you know, it's going to be another record year travel. They couldn't handle it in the fucking July. What do you think? It's like, they're going to fall apart.

I was, the, the, the, the fucking, again, I'm worried about the American. He gets up on Monday. He goes to work and he takes a weak vacation out of his kick to leave on Tuesday to leave early, he's probably going to been three hours delay. They're going to lose his wig. They're going to lose Martin's fucking box. Then you get there, you do your five days and then you got to come home. Now remember, you're spreading out three days of travel. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Wednesday, being the high day Monday,

Tuesday, Wednesday, with Wednesday being the high day Monday Tuesday Wednesday Wednesday being record fucking numbers but today they were record numbers. So you I hear violins the muscles. So you got three days to pack out 150,000, 200,000 people

but now they're all coming home on Sunday. Right. What do you think's going to happen? Tears. Wait, wait, wait, wait, do you get up Sunday on Twitter? I'm Twitter. It'll be on X whatever the fuck you call it. There'll be people complaining. Fuck United.

Where's my luggage? American ad. Alonzo Bowen will definitely be at war with American ad. He's always at war with American ad. He's always at war with American ad. You know, there's like eight comics. Where's my luggage? I should have stayed my hotel room. Fuck you, American. Yeah, that's what you'll see because it's just mathematics. It took three days to fly out these animals. And now they're going to all come back in one fucking day. Or at least 75% of them. Right.

And even with all those people, what do you think about like, there's been like a lot of crazy shit happening on airplanes. Like how's everything going crazy? Fucking pack you in like Sardines, they've cut your seat down, your raster. Have you ever sat in the toilet too small for you

Oh a lot you know I'm saying like you think you're gonna fall off the fucking planet don't you so now think us you know it's just they flying used to be a lot of fun now it's not fun it's a fucking you got to be prepared you got to fucking take a Xanax you know you got to you don't know what's gonna happen take out of your seat like the Chinese guy, and then fucking beat you up on ABC. You know, it tastes a lot, man. It tastes a lot to fly. I don't have it anymore. I already put my fucking mileage in

across this country 82 times. I'm done. I don't need to go anywhere. I don't need to go see, I don't need to go see him. I love my uncle. 85 years old. We talk once a month. You know what?

I ain't going there till maybe March. If something happens to the TV show, that's not fly back to LA. But I'm not going to LA to walk around and say a lot of Mickey. Those days of fucking had to. Mickey could suck my dick back. You see that guy there? That guy chased to some shitty shitty, went to his apartment and two guys jumped over the wall and he fucking,

through his coffee at one guy and they pulled the gun out and he had a license gun registered the whole fucking deal. And the other guy went away, but I think he took two shots at him. And now they're revoking his license. This is America. Oh yeah, like what? Yeah, now you're fucking, you know, some guy jumps the wall,

you pull out your fucking real piece that you, you know, this kid's a nice white kid. He's not an animal like me, you know, this kid goes to church, you fucking wears a Yamacan Sunday, is whatever the fucking does. He was both, oh, I've heard of that story, but like the way you were describing it, I didn't remember.

That guy was like protecting his own house. Yes, yes, he was protecting his own house. And not even in the valley where we were, he was down there with white people, drinking cappuccinos and lattes and walking dogs with a small and ugly, you know, and you got to make believe that dog is cute. Oh my god. A fucking mouse on a leash.

And I love your bikinis. Yeah, I paid three grand for it. Well, really, I got a mouse. I dug out of the backyard and then I'll eat your fucking bikini. All right. Speaking of flying, can you over? What's one? There's a movie where a dog fought a fucking rat.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. The music of the Chinese movie. Yeah, but freaking off like pets like L.A. people and pets. Did you ever fly with someone like with a dog or a cat in their lap next to you? Because that I can't imagine. I left because I'll threaten. I stop one lady one time and I go tell that dog not to shit on the plane Because if they shit on the plane then they got a lower the plane Evacuate everybody and put you on a different plane. Did you know that if a cat pisses or dog pisses? They got to bring the plane down I think it was Ralphie babe was on a plane with dogland bananas and started shitting all over the aisles and shit And he was stuck for six hours somewhere he couldn't get home. Get the dog shit all over the place

Listen if you're thinking of flying during the fucking holidays Do yourself a favor and contact my friends Over at better help and here's a little advertisement for them. And remember, if you don't want to hear the voices, pay attention to this ad. Yo, this episode is brought to you by Better Help. Listen, the holiday blues are no joke. It seems like everybody except for you

is enjoying the most wonderful time of the year. Listen to me. Speaking to somebody could help. Better yet, therapy can help. Better helps online. Therapy makes it easy to get started. It just takes a quiz, a quick quiz, and better help team will match you with a licensed therapist.

You can connect with them over the video chat over the phone or even by message So it's convenient and totally suited for your schedule. Listen, it's the holidays guys Everybody feels at least a little something. They lost a grandmother and dog got hit by a car It's always something listen. I've had issues. I Went to better help and here I am two years later feeling like a doctor. As much as you might love chatting with your friends or significant other, reaching out to a trained therapist is a total game changer for your mental health. So do me a favor. Be a good friend to yourself. Take care of yourself this holiday season. for 2024 find your bright spot this season with better health visit better health calm

slash Diaz Diaz to get 10% off your first month. That's gonna help you out a lot again. That's better help Better help H. E. L. P. dot com slash Diaz myself H-E-L-P dot com slash DS. Myself, Lee and Better Health, wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Now back to the show. Hi. That was a little better out. Whatever you want to do that,

we don't discuss here. Listen, if you're doing it, just go to Better Health. That was straight now. Run it by the therapist. Listen, say, look, I got problems. I want to fly back to see my grandmother one leg. Let's mind your business.

Go back in April. It's 20% off the flights. You get money off the rental car. You're going to go back there. You know, it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth that suffering. And I fucking, you know, I just realized like I'm going to my in laws for Christmas. I wish I would have done that when I lived in LA. That was a mistake we both made. It was like a part of it. Not coming home for either or. God, okay, yeah, we never did. Like as much shit as I talk, I regret it now. Because those Christmases were fucking brutal. Those Thanksgiving were fucking brutal. Those Thanksgiving's were fucking brutal. They, you know, those people out there,

they don't want to celebrate dick. So, you know, every celebration, unless Tom Sagoore was going to be there or, or Scott van Fleed or something, then it's not going to really matter. Then I fucking happy. I went to one Thanksgiving in LA. I can in 2002, it was the worst Thanksgiving I ever had in my life.

They stuck the fucking duck inside a turkey. And then they made jail mashed potatoes. I was like, that's it. Never again, you can't fuck them, make jail, white people of those prison potatoes. Listen, that good one that needed. Okay, but even if you make potatoes out of a box, do me a favor, dope them up. Put some milk in that motherfucker. Throw a stick of butter

in it. Give it some flavor. Make me die for a hot attack. But don't make water fucking potatoes. And then they're like, you know, anyway, I'm sorry about that little. But didn't you have it? PSYS, Silly's looking up on telegram, telegraph, whatever the fuck it is. Uncle Joey Savage, capital letter UJS. How's that for you? Tip, tip, McGoo. Anyway, what were you saying there my little fucking Mark's I had time What were you just talking to the handsome and I'm low high Anyway, what's the comedy plan for the week? It's too late

Tonight I tonight I have Maybe Mike's I think so mics are canceled because like it's gonna be Halloween stuff, I'm Halloween thanksgiving stuff but then Saturday I have a show in Cambridge and Sunday I have a show at the Comedication and Providence. You know things are really like there's nothing I got to put in the book. I'm going to move into LA in 97 and for 97 till about 2003 I worked every Thanksgiving at a bar in Huntington Beach maybe one of those beaches down there. You know how much they paid me? How much? 40 bucks. paid me? How much? 40 bucks. For how long? 25 minutes. That's pretty good. On Thanksgiving? I mean, I don't even get paid most

of the time now. So I guess probably not when you're actually trying to make a living. 1998, 99. I didn't until you know that year where I was just talking about that Thanksgiving when I gave Mr. Traduncan. Right. That's the year I was just talking about that Thanksgiving when they gave us to Chaduncan. Right. That's the year I finally canceled on them. I'm not coming down. I called them like it's called a day. I got car problems.

You'll never work in a Hollywood again. Go fuck yourself. He had a room down there. He had a room in that town by us. Oh, hi. But it was on a Sunday that once you're fucking Yahoo's. It was a town next to Hawaii. And it was just a bunch of Yahoo's on Sunday night.

Tootless people, people were banjos, fucking, you know, so I didn't give a fuck, I canceled that was it. But I always did the night before Thanksgiving. And this is the first year, it's gonna be be like the, for like last year we did it. Yeah, we did parks. And then the year before that I didn't. But every year, or that, we tell them about those drives, man.

Those drives to Irvine on Thanksgiving Eve. First of all, the show would start at eight. We'd have to leave like at 4.30. And it would be bumper to bumper, the whole way down there. And we'd be smoking, eating atables, yelling, beeping the horn. And everybody, me, you, the Agustina, whoever was working, Steve Simone, we'd all get in

the car. Remember we went down that one year and we had a Nami burger and everybody got sick. I don't think I, I don't think I, I think I heard about that, but I don't think I was, that was those were fucking crazy rides because yeah, you would get to, I used to bomb at Irvine every fucking and the next thought I would sell so many tickets that they had shows. So I would go down there for a double bomb all those things. I would go down there to double bomb. They already knew I was coming down the night before Thanksgiving just to sit there and stare at me, but I didn't give a fuck for the amount

They were paying me then it was a big contrast to the 45 hours. I was making for all those years That's why I kept going on that I were giving you a top dollar on a Wednesday night. I'm like Doug I can't pass this up to hang out with a bunch of Mormons talking about 30 I gotta go pick up that fucking paper like Biggie Smalls and fucking 95 so that's the only reason why I go down it because they go all out, baby. They would never pay me, but they'd pay me to go down there. I was the only dumb enough person to go down there and take a beat on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

That's what my dignity was. I didn't give a fuck. Just give my envelope. I got shit to do. Why was it taking a beating? Irvine never liked me. Irvine and me never really got along. Do you know what I had? I'm I have a long range of we. No, we didn't record the priest there. We did that. Ontario maybe, or Brad Brad. Brad was my, Brad was my favorite fucking improv in California. Then they opened up the one by a house and we did that one

after the holidays. Before New Year's, that's the one we had to carry a dad out. Ontario. And I was an urban or? Oxnard. I was an oxnard or that was an oxnard was an urban or an oxnard. I was an oxnard or that was an oxnard, you're right. Oxnard. It's where Kishi came with the tight bike pants on

and your dad fucking, we had a carry amount like hysterical. These guys, I'm telling you, when's day night before Thanksgiving to me is the best night of the year. Since I was a kid, I would lose my mind. That's why I learned how to sell Coke. The Wednesday nights when everybody came home from college that first year, I felt like Matt Lowe in that movie that he did about the college people.

I was like the bad egg. They would come home and say, oh my God, we just did Rutgers, really, well, snort this shit. This will put you on a different planet Sorry It was funny that you learned it the night before Thanksgiving Yeah, because everybody comes home from college everybody goes out Everybody puts a new t-shirt on for I think I think people get

before Thanksgiving, the New Year's Eve. That's what I'm going to do this home. More on. How'd you do this weekend? Anything? I did five spots last week

all over my. Did you back no one? Anything happened for you last? Yeah, I got I got a couple good ones. Actually, I got really lucky on draft games last night because I I want a couple. I put like 40 bucks and I got it's like a hundred. And then I lost a bunch and I just put the rest on the under for the Vikings. Denver game Denver game last night and it was 41 and a half and, Denver game. Denver game last night. And it was 41 and a half. And fucking Denver scored what they went for two and didn't get the two. So because of that, I was under by half a point.

Wow. That was a, that's like why you bet that because I was watching the whole time. I put one bet in this weekend. Yeah Houston and They didn't cover they one by five they were giving five and a half And I fucked up because I don't have the football package. I watched that Jimmy's house But Jimmy went to Miami to see the the dolphins play Las Vegas So I fucked up. I couldn't watch the game. I'll just go to Jimmy's and go upstairs. And I want to watch the Texans. But I tell you what's been giving me money lately.

What's that? Draft games to see now. I love the grass. I'm not gonna come any Jersey. That wheel of fucking, that wheel of fucking, whatever. Or you'll approach it. Doug. But I don't play, I play it out. I always like if I wake up in the middle of night with an insomnia, I'll hit that bond three or four times and I'll

fucking just play dollars for fucking an hour. And Doug, you always win. After like $69, $70, you start hitting. And you have to spend some money and then hit, take a little beat and then be patient. Because you'll fucking catch it then. But yeah, I didn't, not that I haven't really been basketball. I don't really know the teams. I thought the fucking Dallas would be good.

They're getting beat up. The Clippers got this all-star team, which I knew wasn't gonna work, but they've lost a bunch in a row. No walkies got an all-star team. They can't put it together. You know, it's just been... So maybe I'm gonna get an old...

Who the fuck? The only one I watch is the Celtics and they've been doing pretty well. Celtics always do well. I watch this. If the Celtics are on TV, especially against the Sixers, because I get the Sixers here.

Yeah, that's been good again. I get Boston, now I get the Sixers, I get Brooklyn, and I get the Nicks, and I can't watch the Nicks of Brooklyn Brooklyn and I watch the sixes all fucking day long My man Max he's on this sixes so but Boston I was just talking to One of the kids on my

Around the corner he jikes Luke quarantine spread and we were talking about how Boston already played Philly twice in Philly this year talking about how Boston already played Philly twice in Philly this year. But the seasons are month old. They've already played. I'm not going to see Boston this year unless I go to the garden or the Brooklyn. They were good games. That's crazy. That thing is getting closer.

I went to one of the Boston games last year. I always try to catch Boston every year. I'm not telling you I'm a Boston fan, but if you're gonna watch a game and get your money's worth, you might as well go see Boston. I hate that they traded away Maxwell Smart, the Black dude with the pink hair and shit, you know, and their reasons, but I'm gonna miss it.

Marcus Smart. Marcus Smart, Marcus. But anyway, here's the second break. I'm gonna talk to you people about draft kings Thursday, Thanksgiving, gobble, gobble. You got bowl games, you got basketball games, you got college basketball games.

This is the time of the year. Check me out with draft kings, got stuck. Thanksgiving is the best. You get to eat like a pig, fart, scratch your balls, and maybe even win a bucket too. With Graph Kings, listen, new customers, sign up today,

you can bet five bucks on NFL action and score 150 instantly in bonus bets. Go ahead and bet before you hit the Black Friday sales. No matter what you appetite, there's something for you this week and money lines, parlays, same game parlays, prop live bets, and so much more. So do yourself a favor. Download the Draft King sports book app now and press and code Joey, J-O-E-Y, New Customers, Bet $5 on the NFL Thanksgiving

Action to score 150 instantly in bonus bets. Where are you going to get that? Draft Kings and official sports betting partner of the NFL with Code Joey. At Draft Kings, the crown is yours. But do me a favor. You got a GAMMIN problem called 1-800-Gamber in New York, called 877-8 Hope, New York, or Tex, Hope, New York. If not, listen, it's Happy Thanksgiving. Do your best and have a great time. Remember, this is all about fun, but

starts by downloading the Draftport's book at now and pressing code Joey. Happy Thanksgiving. And now it's back to the show. We're back bitches. What's up, Lee? What are you got going on next week? Well, this week you got spots Wednesday. You got I dropped some, but I'm really I'm going I'm featuring for a John's wolf at the Kansas City improv next We at the end of the month the 30th through the second. Yeah, that's a good fun. See I got good food They got a good kickboxer school over there my man from the UFC. Oh, yeah, box of school. That's a fun fucking club Kansas City. I've always loved Columbus. There's just some clubs that are fun three days Yeah, I've always loved Columbus. There's just some clubs that are fun three days. Yeah, I've done. You know, you're really going to be busy if you try Cleveland.

My boy Nick, I love that fucking room. We used to go over to the Pustromy place on Fridays. The hotels got the chocolate bar with the chocolate milkshakes and the chocolate martinis. Oh, Jesus Christ, at the hotel? At the hotel at the chocolate bar. I would come on walk three nights and get a chocolate shake. Listen to me, even this straw is fucking chocolate. Jesus Christ. It's one of those places.

Do you have a barbecue place in Kansas City? No, but it's everywhere, and the staff will tell you. If you were in Cleveland right across the street from the club 40 yards. There's a high-end fucking or there was There's a high-end fucking barbecue place the brisket sandwich woo Smoke and jack I Love fucking I can't wait. I love brisket. I love but I've got to do like all the not all but yeah

I did like with you I did the store I did cap city I did the comedy works Cap city You want to eat Chinese food and Bobby Sharon wouldn't let you I'm gonna walk update Chinese food lean that one person ever comes back from Austin better yet Texas and says I went to Texas and had good Chinese food. It just don't happen. Every you know they killed Chinese people every two years like what happened to that guy? Ming hello. Listen I didn't know this was before Uber Eats. You bring this up every year. It was before Uber Eats. We were in the middle of nowhere. Eats Uber Eats anyway. Eats, who be eats anyway.

Again, they go through your french fries, they stick them in your nose when they're driving, and they put them back on your plate. That's who we roll. Yeah, but here's a deal. You have a rule when you travel, that you're eating with in a block of the hotel. There's not much always with in a block of the hotel.

Yeah, but over there there is, got poppacitos around the corner and you got poppados across the street. So what are you talking about? Plus, you have a whole mess around what are you talking? Plus, I put you in a book. Listen, they would give them cookies whenever you checked in. He'd take the big fucking cookies and take them to his room, like three of those fucking cookies. How dare you say there was nothing to eat, cocks up like that?

Well, you didn't know. Of course there was food to eat. And don't pretend like you weren't getting any of those cookies. Those are good double cookies. Yeah, don't make believe why you took me down the top. I'm not saying I was starving. I'm just saying, I'm just going to just... Not even a block away, guys, was Papa Do.

Not even a block. It was 40 yards from the door. You're probably having a stomachache. If you're there for four days, do you want to poppins those every day? Yes. Yes. You can switch it up. You get the gumbo one day, you get the fuck another thing the other day, then the other day you get the salad with the crab meat and the shrimp. And then the last day, you get one of those fucking

boboys as I'm shit. That's it, very easy to mix it up. Me, I go and eat the same fucking thing every day because that's how I roll. I'm an old man. I get the lobster bisque, move over to the fucking notch. Shrimp and crab lump salad with blue cheese dressing. You couldn't finish it.

I don't care what gorilla went in there with me. He could not fucking finish the salads and pop it those. And then we go to papacitos around the corner. That was right around the corner. It was a hundred yards in the hotel. And this mucyac wants to take a fucking Uber Eats with some greasy guy named Bubba for the corner of some Chinese or you could eat.

Are you fucking crazy? I had an up-shrimp, I wanted something different. All you could eat Chinese plays is my man, Jerry Rocha. When I was a young buck and Jerry was even a younger buck, he would take me to all you could eat. But they always had something like one place had the big shrimp and they'd fry them. I would only eat the shrimp,

you know, I ain't touching that price with worms and shit in it. The other place had good soup. We used to kill Chinese buffets, but that few and far between. And you got to live there and know which ones are the ones you're not going to die from. I'm taking off. You got to assume you're going to go to the hospital. You're going gonna have a stomach cramp. You're gonna eat something that's not good. You gotta assume if you don't, you fucking retard. Is that gonna crack a barrel? You're gonna eat something that's bad.

It may not even belong to you. It's not even the rest that runs for. Maybe some fact check came up and dipped a finger in the fucking sauce and some eye. It could be a lot of things. So do you ever go to Golden Corral? Honestly, yes, I did in Burbank. And it was the fucking most incredible food

you've ever seen in your life. And to top it off, the people that went out from Burbank, they were like a mental experiment. They had a picture in the house and then they would bring them there and tell them it was like fucking, you know, Dan Tan as something. That was not good that night. That was not good. I can't believe you got talked into going there. My wife and me would just move to the valley. And every Friday night, we go on like date night. And one night, you see all the ads and people are happy.

And they go, what the fuck, and with the chocolate syrup? Well, we went there and nobody was, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody had a look on their fucking face. Like they just got loose with a fucking mentor and the other people had a look on their face, like they just got let loose so the fucking mentor is to and they all and the other people I look on their face like they need it out the salsa and I know that fucking look, all right. So I couldn't eat nothing.

Even the fountain, the chocolate fountain they advertised with the, it was disgusting. How do you mess that up? How was the gross? How much that up huh? How was it gross? It was just gross trust me. You don't want to put that shit in your body. At that time I was a big boy.

I was like 336 son. Yeah. Oh, and then I was like this don't look good. The fish don't look good, the shrimp don't look good, you know, nothing look atable. And then you look at the steps that are in that. And you look good, you know, nothing look at a born. Then you look at the steps that are in that. And you go, look, you know, how do you think they became steps? They even here one night a week. The buffets, do you, you're not really a buffet part. I think you made fun of me before for going with a phase. You know what, man, when you're younger,

you love those buffets. Yeah. One day you look at them like for me I had to be about 34 or some 35 when I went to a buffet when they go, what am I doing? I got problems. I put drugs in my body. But this is a different level. And guys, listen, when you're a broke comic on the road, you eat whatever. And I'm getting 600 a week and 200 for goes to the plane ticket. You got to eat whatever you can, you know, subway sandwiches with no meat. That was my favorite, at least even then, I always ate the veggie and cheese. I don't know what they made the cheese out of over there, but I took my chances.

It could be turkey. It could be something from a turkey that cheese. I don't know what it is. But you always try that and then one day you don't need to eat that way and you go on, never eat that way. It got, you know, I didn't just get that big for the longest yard. That was a year on the road, me eating bark food.

Whatever they give you, you're broke. You know, whatever they give you, what do you got? Well, we got fried chicken, onion rings, so be it. And back a box to go for the room. Because Lord order, I don't want to be lonely tonight when I meet watching Lord order. It's all, you know, then one day you go, you know what, I can't eat the three fucking bags the night of chips out of the machine.

It just starts with little conscious things. But that's quick, because you were probably doing the shows. And like, when you say broke, like, you'll be lucky sometimes to like break even for that show. Listen, man. You know, comedy always had, I always had to do extra things and I made it through but you're not rockin' and rollin' like me and my wife's first date was that fuckin' steakhouse on La Braia, that's not even then or more. Remember that, I don't know what it was called. Captain Fish, a some shit like that. I never went to it.

They give you like a steak and hush puppies. And you know, it was dirty. I'll never forget. It was like $26 for both of us, you know? And then you just start looking at what works. What's not gonna kill you? Doesn't take a genius when you look at a fuck. And the McDonald's are all different.

Like the McDonald's by my house. That's an A class McDonald. You go and then get a quarter pound of cheese. You fuck. Finally, you go holy fuck. There's a McDonald's burger. Well, three weeks ago, we had a baseball tournament and the guy went over there and he goes, you know what, and that's open and McDonald's when he brought back quarter pounders. These things were a day old. Oh yeah. You come over here and they're fucking make them right there. The juice is coming out of them.

You can't believe the quarter pound in Marboro. Cannot fucking believe it. It's not like I'm there every weekend. But when they first opened, I took my go-to over to that and some promotion thing. And I took the quarter pound. If I'm going to go to hell, I might as well eat the I the only one who really has real meat is the quarter pound. I think red red band told me that. Like it's actually like what is the other stuff? It's like soy products or some shit. You got to check it

out. But I mean, I have an conversational red band about this that fucking, you know, that's the only burger he, because he likes fast food. Fuck yeah, I love fast food. But I was thinking about like we were talking about stuff like that. You know who's killing it? I think, is Hasey's Trejo. Have you seen like how much stuff he's done since we left? No He wrote a book

I told those book yeah, he's like writing on his show He's always special but and like he like he's always want to break guy and you could see the guys that are just He's killing it. I think I think that fucking Shane Gillis is really fucking doing a great job I'll tell you who's gonna squeak past all these motherfuckers I think Paul Rizzi really he's very funny he's very funny that's a great special. I watch his football pick show with Bill Burr. Bill Burr is like half asleep. Paul Burr is he's carrying the show. You know, it's just, there's a lot of great comments out there. I don't know much about the young guys because it's like high school football. I don't know what's really going to happen here.

But the guys that just getting momentum, I keep my eye on those guys, you know, like I remember Rob Barbosa being a young guy, like seeing him like a Tahaha and stuff. And he caught on, I don't remember Matt Wright at all. I remember his face, but I don't remember really working with him a lot you know. Hey we moved out. I moved along you know the pandemic came it changed the game of comedy it changed a lot of things the pandemic looking back at it now so we all fucking learned something my friend you know what I'm saying? It's crazy. It's just seeing all the people who are moving up. It's just cool to see.

You know what was really cool? I watched, I haven't finished it yet, but I watched Bill Burr's movie and they put the Brody Memorial on it. It's just cool. Because I was thinking about you with your TV and like, Bill, like all these comics are making movies now. There's been like four comics in the past year that made movies that, and see like that's just cool

that to see everyone doing it for themselves. I think, I think Holly would also realize that, listen, whether the movie's made money a lot, a lot. A couple of months ago, I went online for some, and people are banging out birch movie that had lost this and lost that. Guys, there's a ton of movies now that lose money. Tons, you know, and it's not marketing. It's not this.

It's not that. The movie theaters has become a rough place to make people to go to. You know, it's really is. I could talk to you about doing a show and Sony Hall and push the stake on you and say it's going to be a great time. You're right around the corner from this. If you take the ferry into the city you're eight minutes from that. It's a six minute Uber ride. You know, I could sell that to you. It's very rough to sell a fucking movie. Get in somebody now. Both those movies came out and they banged it up against each other Sebastian and Bert had to go up against each other that weekend.

Memorial day weekend. You know, I think it rained here one day that we, Memorial Day is not what it used to be for movies anymore. You know, you see how much the climate has changed. And I think people also expected to go streaming eventually. I think that unfortunately, that's going to. I went, I went and saw Birds movie in theaters just because I was, I wanted to go see a movie and I love them theater. But it's, I think it's gone to a point where we either buy it or stream it eventually. Well, I tried to buy Birds movie and it was like 28 bucks at first

And I was like I wait. I think I just saw some bashings on showtime Okay, and I'll pick it up. I watched his couple of days ago and I saw birds. I don't know about a month ago Maybe a month or a half ago again, you know, you're shooting movies after cold. I don't know what's going on with movies anymore. I would love to sit here and tell you that, I don't know, I don't know where the communication gap is repeatable anymore.

I know that there's dihards like myself, yourself, Ari. If a movie theater opened within an hour from me, not in the city, any other direction, Pennsylvania, Kranford, New Jersey, one of those places, and they did a two movie every Saturday night. They were looking for support, you know, from the join a package I would join I would definitely join I'm into that I would go to the movies to sit with other people enjoy movies like that and just watch a movie anyway from a citizen cane the godzilla the fuck and you know it's great to watch those again and what other people you're also easier I sorry. I was gonna say, I think the reason those places are different is because people respect it. They're not gonna be like the biggest problem right now.

See the theaters are things other people. And I think so when you're going to a place like that, that's a member of or the playing like not like current movies. Everyone there loves movies and they wouldn't be like an asshole in the theater. I want to be honest with you. You know I go to the movies twice a month now with Mercy. You know I didn't catch the Marvel one because my ankles fucked up. I've never had a problem with the movies. Don't you want me to tell you why? Yeah. Because there's never anybody there.

Never? I go to two different movie theaters, either Freehold or East Brunswick. I have your awesome bug. I go early in the day. I go, look, I want to see the equalizer at night, the last one with her Thursday night opening night. There was six other people there in the movie, did you see the seat? You go, fuck, I hope nobody comes over and says, this is their seat, this 200 seats open. But this is their fucking seat, you know.

Like, it's been those, like the movies are empty. Flower moon, flower hill, whatever the fucking lean on the Capitol. That's six people in there. That's crazy. Reholt's a big movie place and so is East Broadway. I can't tell you how the movies in East Broadway. I've seen movies about, I like them both.

Were they busy when you moved there or have they been dead for a while? Well, when I moved here was the campandemic. So not to me. I couldn't even get a screening for the many saints of Newark. And that was in 21. They were like, we don't know, we don't have enough people.

And then I found out what was going on, lows, whatever Whatever AMC They got rid of a lot of people they even got rid of the cleaning crew Damn managers and staffers have to pick up the shit in the theaters now. This is why about a month ago AMC in Jersey City had a close down they had a rap problem People were in there watching the movie and they getting their toes bitten off by fucking little hamsters, shit. That's why it happened.

Because they fired all the fucking custoders. Everything that making the people who worked there picked the popcorn boxes and the shit off the fucking floor. So what's going to happen? What's going to happen? It was crazy. The movie theater, we used to pop it because that worked there for years. Like we used to pop it and they had like they were like they want like trash bags, but they were like food bags. And they were just popping for days.

And then they had warmers at the front of the movie theater. So like it was it was it wasn't fresh. Like people like the hot dogs were just put like kind of weird eating anything. I think you're gonna move it there now. I fucking don't like popcorn and move it there. Why? This is going on for like 15 years. That fucking imitation butter. Everything has to be a imitation. Just give me the fucking butter. Put the real butter in there. I used to go to movie theater in San Francisco that had homemade chocolate cookies. They gave you milk with it. They also had popcorn and they melt the stick of butter in your fucking popcorn. Not a stick in your

butt, but it would you see the stick melting. Yeah, you put salt and pepper on it, you dope it up. You know, this shit now, I don't like going on movie theater and eating chocolate. I'm on a different age. You know what, put together a fucking, get a fucking wawa to come in here and to make a little sandwich is back here.

A fucking nice sandwich, a bowl of lobster, a bit soup, they got chicken salad, they got, you know, I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm feel like I'm getting fucking ripped out. And I have the AMC package. My wife got, you know, we have a family, we have kids, you know. Every time you go, you know, give us the discount.

They still hit you with like 90 dollars for two things. I wouldn't need a popcorn, I wouldn't need a fuck. My daughter gets a popcorn if I do one, they don't even have raisin' that anymore. They have a limited fucking stuff in there now. And there's two blinks but have you been to a you have to see if there's an alamo draft house near you. I think that's what it's called. It's like one of those like fancy ones like with the where they will have it. It's like been to a couple there are places that will bring you food and it's fucking awesome.

So the alamo draft house and the not doing comedy is really a movie theater, right? Yeah, and it's like one of the nice ones. Yeah, that's what I've never been to. I think they got one in DC and somewhere else around here, who the fuck knows, but anyway, where you going for Thanksgiving brother? I'm going to my aunt and my girlfriends.

Okay. I'm gonna get to our street and then I'm gonna be around the corner. So, but I'm sure I'll talk to you. Like I said, if you could make it down here tonight, let me see what I can do. I'll call you this week and I'll let you know what's going on. Me and a bunch of my buddies are going out

to dinner. My wife just told me that I don't, the rest of the games are in the daytime. So, I don't have to worry. are going out to dinner. My wife just told me that I don't, the rest of the games are in the daytime. So I don't have to worry. I go out to dinner now on the rest of the fucking Saturdays. I won't go out this week because I'm on my late day here, but anyway, my brother, happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, as a whole family.

Well, Christmas. You will, absolutely. Thank you, buddy. And my. Absolutely. Thank you, buddy. And my man Joe and the boys, a little happy Thanksgiving to you, Cox, I know you're in the back there somewhere. All right, I didn't hear them. So. All right, stay butt. FreezPite.

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