Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #13 - Nappy Noo-Noo Time

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

This week on The Check In, Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about their Thanksgivings, the year Joey didn't talk to one of his friends for messing up the mashed potatoes, Joey's groundbreaking idea for live events in the future, how important it is to be yourself on stage, and doing comedy prepared to bomb. This show is supported by: Support the show & get a 4-week trial of Stamps.com plus free postage & a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/JOEY    Support the show and get 25% off at https://www.kudosnacks.com with promo code JOEY   Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com when you use the code JOEY    

It's Tuesday, November 28th. The check-in is brought to you by Manscape. It's time to look nice even if you've been naughty. Manscape, make sure you're grooming us in check with a fresh launch just in time for the holiday season. Their new performance package, 5.0, the Longmore 5.0, Ultra Body Trimmer, the Weed Wack at 2.0 and the ear and nose

head trimmer their crop suitor after-shape lotion which is tremendous by the way and their crop preserve a ball deodorant that attracts them like a fuck didn't whew listen I love this new fucking lawn mower. It's stronger than ever this fucking thing. My white hairs, they just fly off now. It's tremendous. And the weed whacker for the ear, cuts right through everything. Wax, Stamenke juice, your nose hairs, thank God there's no coconut nose, no more.

This thing would cut right through those little cut things like Nino in New Jack City. Ha ha ha. Anyway, the Lone More 5.0 Ultra does all the heavy lifting with two next generation blade heads. It's even waterproof so you can knock it out of your shaving routine while you're shouting. Who's better than you?

Man'scape, get 20% off and free shipping. Right now, this holiday season with Code Joey, J-O-E-Y at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com. Use Code Joey, J-O-E-Y. Listen, there's the perfect grip for grandpa. Don't let him, his hair is a longer than death. He's been praying at home. Who's gonna cut my little knuckle, my little Stamina, your roots here? Nobody. The checker is also brought to you by Stamps.com. Listen, if you're a business owner like your uncle, Joey, and you have a slay to help you with deliveries, discrispments, you need stamps.com. Stamps.com is your own personal post office,

wherever you are, or you need as a computer and a printer. That's it. Print your own postage at discount up to 84% off a US, PS and UPS rates and stamps.com. We'll even let you know the cheapest and fast and shipping options to help you save even more. I'm back if you want to save time as well as money, you can even schedule package pickups through the std.com dashboard. It couldn't be any easier. So do me a favor. Give

your business the gift of stamps.com so your mailing and shipping is covered this holiday season. I don't care how small of big your businesses. Stamps.com is the way to go. Sign up with promo code Joey for a special offer that includes a four week trial, plus free postage and a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stas.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and press in, co-jowey. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to get up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to Sheldon! What's happened to the Lou?

Hey, buddy. You know me, though, tip top McGoo on a Monday, the last Monday and a month. It is. It's getting crazy. We have like four weeks to the end of the Intel Christmas. Oh, this year's had roller skates on it. The fucking months have been on roller skates. It's fucking, it's crazy. It's like, it's went through chunks, like just chunks, like, you didn't even know March on April next, you know, you're jumping up and down in May, you're out of fully game. And next, then it's August and you're in North Carolina and you can't breathe. And then it's October and you're fucking, you know, people

knocking on your door looking for kicky candy or whatever the fuck there What's going on? Is it a kick-cat? How was your Thanksgiving? I had a great Thanksgiving man. I had a We had it at my girlfriend's house with her two kids and that was a lot of fun She didn't she was getting ready. We and then we all went to my aunt's house and the kids met the rest of my my family I was out of the family and it was pretty cool. For the most part, in daytime at home, there were some, it's funny how like, I'm not a parent by any stretch of the means, but I'm sort of in that world right now. And like, they just, they were great all week and they were great on Thanksgiving,

but there was like a minute in the morning when like for out of the blue, they just like just started to cause shit. And it's like it's Thanksgiving morning you're going to do this. I was I actually had that written down. I was like, how are holidays different for you as like a parent? Like because thanks. Doing what they say is something they mean something now. Listen, after you're fucking 18, 19, you have no family. Your holidays are like fucking nomads, you know?

Right. Somebody invites you over like on the 19th day, you got anywhere to go in Christmas Eve, no. Come over now you got to hustle up and shop lift gifts for the family or whatever. If you're gonna give out handshake So whatever you know, it's always been something like that ever since I had the child It's you know now you get now you get why you do the thing that you do You want to stand it more she don't believe in standing on more so that's good

But her friends will do so listen she ain't got it right them out. So that's good. But her friends will do. So listen, she ain't got it right in the mouth. She's pretty cool with it. She figured it out. Like anybody on the other kid figures it out, you know, they figure it out after a while. You open up a closet, a fucking hot wheel track hits your head, you know, you open it up on Christmas day. It's supposed to be for your cousin. Now what, what happened? There was a mix up here. So eventually kids aren't that fucking stupid and they figure it the fuck out. I've heard Amazon's a dick like Amazon will just leave stuff out. It happens, it happens all the time. I had a friend just happened to the other day. Somebody stole it? No, no, they didn't steal it,

but they have like kids stuff getting delivered and it's not put in a box for some random reason. Oh, yeah, like they killed it. Who's that for? Oh and it's not put in a box for some random reason. Oh, leave it right outside. Yeah, like it was that far. Oh, it's for the little blanket down the corner. You know, you know, no one's talking about them. So you're happy when the charade is over. It's a sad day because they bought it. Right.

I have a six. And then they kind of know you know you ask them what do you want you make a list you know come on so and then you just think marty did a little older but like they also have phones so like they google it now they ask Siri like they're like you're kind of screwed you're kind of screwed you're kind of screwed you're're kind of screwed. Well, you got no three in this fucking house. So you're like, no, I don't. What do you mean you don't?

I live by the fucking book. I take the phones out of the room is where I talk now. That's why sometimes I don't even get your calls. Because I charge phones in a room where I'm not at no more, no more chitchat in front of the fucking phones. You know what I'm saying? I put a camera on mother fuck at night.

Even TVs have microphones now. Everything, everything, everything. It's a fucking nightmare. And these guys that go home and bang out fucking masturbations online, you're sitting there, they got your face, they're just saving it. They'll sell that to Scientology. Next thing you know, you're fucking in a band which evolved to singing Christmas songs and Scientology for a bunch of fucking people.

So, nah, that's why I don't like that, not that perverted stuff. No, that there's a situation going on here close to home about a place and they had some problems. Close to home about a place and they had some problems and A lot of people I know what in there and you know Now you got to wait to see who knocks on your fucking door And that's why it's better if you know they got it's a different world today cameras have changed Especially if you lived when they weren't no cameras You know like this you still take things for granted. Every movement you make, you know, from the time you leave your fucking garage in the morning, you gotta assume every movement you make is that's why I don't understand how they. Like years from now, they probably have more ready, a satellite that's up there.

And when they have a cop chase, it's taping all day. And when they have a murder occurs, the sun will they just go to the satellite, and then you are running out of the house with fucking, you know, a bag of shit, you stole, and a bloody knife. They got you. They got there. And then like, what about like ring? Like, because like, I think ring owns all that footage. I get like a thing about all the like the video doorbells. Now they have cameras. They had us put cameras in the suburbs. And like, I guess everywhere, but it's just pretty crazy. Like, they could have asked the government could get access to that if they wanted to. So I get my hometown where I grew up in North Bergen, you can't piss on the street.

If a cop will be there in eight minutes, you litter a cop will be there in eight minutes. You know, this town where I live, they have cameras everywhere. They have cameras. It's a big kid town. There's talk-ball fields everywhere. There's parks everywhere. You know a big kentown. There's softball fields everywhere. There's parks everywhere.

You know, I got cameras everywhere. And I feel better, you know, because you can't have no fucking guys walking around with a rainy jacket, a long jacket, giving out candy down here. They get spotted right away. But, you know, it sucks for other reasons. Let's say you want a ticket girlfriend to the park and throw a little salami sandwich. You know, there's a camera now. You know, if you want to smoke a number, there's a camera now. So there's a lot of, there's a lot of negative. You know, New York City is one big camera. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. New York is crazy. New York City, it's one big camera. You've got to assume you're getting taped from eight different fucking locations, especially going into this, this holiday season now with the tree and all the tourists to fly back here and shit like that. It's, it's, it's, it's surreal. It's surreal. And they like they I don't do a lot of conspiracy theories, but like

it's what they're doing in China right now. They have like cameras and they like that's how you pay for things. That's how you get into buildings is they scan your face. And it's it's not even just like a hidden camera. It's like right in your face. And they have like the like a social credit score based on like how you behave. let you do certain things, and it's all like facial where they have, they're building cities, it's crazy. I'm done, it's got, Vegas is gonna be soon, like that, all the money there.

I know for years, I won't even, I told you before, I won't bang one on the room in Vegas. They got cameras, I ain't bringing nobody up there that's fucking weird, they got cameras. You got to assume, you know, you have to assume now. I don't know what it is about me. I can't, if you're staying at a nice place, I can't think that they're doing bad things in hotel rooms. Like, do you, do you like do stuff like that? Like,

like, not have the comfort or down? Because that's, I like they say they don't wash that shit and like you're saying they have cameras in the rooms do you think they do that a lot? Well they don't listen man they're gonna cut corners especially now you're going to a room during COVID you better check everything there's an ash tray on the bed with cracking it in the pipe you know they don't have look what's going on in Vegas. Didn't they have a made-prime in Vegas? It's like a major union that is stuck in the mononstracco thing. So you have to assume again that whatever hotel you're going into after COVID, listen, any hotel you go into now doesn't have the same amenities that had before COVID. When you go on the website, they're still on there.

But when you get there and you go, where's the bar? They're like, we haven't had a bar since after COVID. Where's the restaurant that used to be in here? You know, when you go on the road, those little, they're not how they ends. It's another chain. You got those little restaurants in there. The food's not great, but they do, they do make eggs sunny side up for breakfast. It's not like powdered eggs and you know the wheat toast. So I used to always get the breakfast there. Lunch is not, you know,

it's like a roast beef sandwich. They have like cream, onion soup or something, not for me. But all those places, somebody was telling me that done. Yeah, they don't have any of those things things and then I mean, I never did it I never liked people coming into my hotel room, but most places if you're there for less than I think it's like four or five days They don't clean your room unless you ask for it. I Went when I drove to Nashville this year on the way back We stopped in Pennsylvania one night and we could not find the hotel room. We were like four hours away. We could not find the hotel room. We had already been in the car eleven hours and we couldn't

we just wiped on the way there. It's easier than the way back. Right. Yeah. We found the hotel and it was packed. As soon as you went in this place, stunk. My wife came out and she goes, listen, it's the only hotel room in town. And they don't have an elevator. Well, I got a third floor. It was like walking two-foot wall fields over there. As soon as you walked in a room,

it's not like you walked into the plaza in Vegas, cigarettes, you know. The next life goes, I on going down and get breakfast like I wouldn't. She's like, no, let's go have the coffee. She went and got the coffee. She threw everything out when she got to the room. It was just everything was unedible.

But the hotel we stayed at in Tennessee, I would move into that place. Oh yeah, what did they have? It was just a great hotel. hotel we stayed at in Tennessee, I would move into that place. Oh yeah, what did they have? It was just a great hotel. How they express owned by Southern women, fucking, they had a great breakfast, they had a great dinner spread at night. I mean, listen, you're not going to find stuff for a chopper. What's around, you know, it's fucked in Tennessee, but they tried, but the breakfast was surreal.

Every morning, the breakfast was on point, and there was a couple breakfast spots, and I kept saying, let's just stay here, because I hate leaving, you know, from over the years of comedy, I'll leave some hotels to get what fucking potato chips on the soda. But I started comedy, there wasn't no shit like there is now Lee, where you go to a hotel room and you're like, ah, you know, let me just get ham and eggs and shit. That was dick, nobody gave you a free fucking breakfast. Nobody.

And I've got tons of stories where you gotta wake up in the morning, they got free coffee, but you're a comic, you wake up in 11, the coffee's like fucking shoe leather. And now you have to leave the hotel to go get something to eat. And that's a nightmare in itself, especially if you don't have a car, especially if you drove with the headliner or you took a bus up there or something to that effect. And like, what if you did? Because I think about that a lot is And like what if you did because I think about that a lot is

Like you like you wait if you're if you are like surviving on comedy money at like a hundred dollars a show You probably can't eat out that much like you couldn't order delivery like you could but like if you're making a 50 a hundred bucks a show How are you supposed to eat out for a week or a week? You know gonna send an 11 and they got frozen pizzas and TV dinners and frozen chickens. Yeah. That's the life of a comedian. TV dinners, those burritos, two of those motherfuckas with a coke and a bag of Cheetos, chili, and ain't healthy. But you ate.

Right. Really hard to think the shit I ate when I was flat broke just to maintain just to do comedy and I knew it was bad for me but I didn't give a fuck you know those frozen burritos listen you take those frozen burritos back to your room you just don't eat them out of the baggie you put some fucking paste to con, the con, the con, they on there, a little bit of cheese, maybe some jalapeno. You don't muck a little bit. And then I have that bad in the whole tight room when you, you know, when you have 20 bucks left and one joint and, you know, you got to drive two hours. That's shit all, you know, you figure out, you balance out what's important and it's so weird.

And then when you do get a good meal, you appreciate it so fucking much on the road. Like there's a guy I'll never forget because the opening night, Thursday night, after the show, he'd always take the comedians only to dinner. The place where he was taking you was already closed. Wow. You had the restaurant to yourself. They knew about it. The family. It was up in Milwaukee. And that, you know, you I thought about it years later. First off, he he took you to a restaurant Thursday, Saturday he cooked for you at the club barbecue style and Saturday morning, he took you to breakfast. Wow.

The guy tried. The guy really, that's really nice. And just like for people listening, I think, and I'm not complaining at all, but at most, like people like a club will order out for you. Like, that's not, that's not a usual thing to be that involved, I think. It was that, you know, and now I see years later where the value wasn't you know, like, you know, I know that you guys been traveling, you on a bus, you're here, you're there, you're reading shit, just places, it wasn't dantanas, it wasn't, but it was like a Milwaukee,

it was like a Wisconsin restaurant. They had a lot of stews and everything was thick and thick breads and shit. It was fucking phenomenal. And I went there twice and both times Thursday night. Let's go. We're going over to this restaurant. So now thinking back

on it, it's pretty nice. And if anybody who has a comedy club or whatever, try that. You know, if you're a booker and you're doing a one-nighter and people coming in from out of town, the first night of the show take them somewhere nice. You know, not, hey, listen, it doesn't have to be a $3,000 dinner, but just the effort as take us back to your mom's house. You know, I'll eat some home cooking. If your mom makes lasagna tray, that goes a long way. She gives you a piece to go home with. You're having a comic. Are you fucking kidding me? So these are things you learn as you go along. How was your week last week comedy-wise?

Comedy-wise, I had a great week last week. I did five spots, two were shows, and three were open mics. And I had a cool week because I was kind of nervous about it. I think I've told that I didn't really do well in front of Bookers before. And I decided to release a clip that I was really nervous about. And so I didn't want to do most of those jokes at these shows with the Bookers because I was hope, you know, people came out, and didn't want them to think if I have 10 minutes they've seen seven of it already. Um, and so I did like completely different sets that I normally do.

And they both went great. And so I'm going to hopefully get to do more shows with each with each group. Congratulations. As far as the fucking book is concerned, listen man, you're gonna go up in front of a lot of bookers in your day. Every club has a fucking booker. And then when you get to a certain level, you got bookers from TV shows and comedy companies and all these people coming to watch it. And I think the biggest showcase I ever had

was at the nine year mark, which was Mitzi Shor. Yeah, hold shit. And, you know, it's like anything else, man. When you're there, you see the work you put in. You know what I'm saying? So at that time, remember, I used to tell you that I used to call clubs. I was just a fucking salesman and I go listen, I like to come to your club and do a guess that this is who referred me, but if I go there on Saturday night, I want to make sure on Sunday night,

I want to make sure the book is going to be there. Oh, he'll be here. So all those years of having the book of that prepared me for that. I'm sure you've told it a couple of times, but I honestly just don't remember and I'd love to hear it. Like, can you quickly tell like your showcasing from it's story? Between you and me, I don't fucking remember it anymore. I don't fucking remember it anymore. I don't fucking remember it anymore. I don't fucking remember it anymore. I don't fucking remember it anymore. It was, you know, at that time, I had already done like the year before, the year before

that, I had done the Seattle comedy competition. Okay. So five nights in a row, you gotta go up seven nights the first week. You're going up in front of judges, you know. And then the second week again, it's seven, you know, so that at the end of the fucking month, you go up in front of 35 judges. And there's other bookers there, you know, from the area, Seattle area, there's other bookers from comedy club chains, you know? And you're going up in front of me. I prefer when you come up to me after my set and go,

hey, I work for the funny bones. I book six clubs. I just saw you destroyed. I like to get your info. I hate if you come up to me before that. But naturally, when you do those things, you have to assume there's people there in the audience.

You know, I just spoke to a writer last week, or I'm going to work with for the book, you know, to expand it. And when he wrote back, did I send you a copy of the letter? No. He sent me like a letter saying, this is why I think I should work with you. And part of that letter was him coming to the comedy store for like two or three years to watch comedy on Tuesday nights. Wow. And he said how he watched me grow blah blah blah blah blah. But we already had a relationship

by me by him coming. Did I know he was or it ever in the audience? Did I know that high-powered writers like that were in the audience at the comedy store? No, I would have shipped my pants. Somebody would have came up to me and said, you're going up the front of six writers from CBS or NBC. So you see what happens? Like you don't even know. And you have a good set. That's why people always tell you just to be yourself. That, and it sounds so cliche and so corn-boly, but it's fucking true. If you see that booker in the room,

don't act up. Like you usually act. Go up to the girl, give her a kiss, hey, what's going on here? And he, my bitches, call. He's watching everything. You have to assume they're watching every move. From the minute you walk in that showroom to check in, you know, whatever, who's talking to you, your manager.

And then you go up there and you deliver the fucking goods. But the most important thing is to be yourself. Like I've seen great comics showcase for great things. They had a set that that person came to see, right? That person came to you and said, hey, last Thursday night, I saw you at the improv and you were fantastic, or the lab factory. You do, you do that next Thursday night. I'm going to bring everybody from the tonight show up to see you. You know what? Like a guy like me and idiot like me would show up with a whole different 10 minutes. I

need that to you're gonna say oh my god really. Yeah and idiot like me would show up with Newtown to show you that I'm fucking Johnny extraordinaire. It all dependent on what part of my career you caught me at. Right now, I know that if you saw me on a Thursday last week, I'm going to go on a piece of paper somewhere where I wrote like a couple anchors. I didn't write my set out. I wrote a couple anchors just to move them around.

I'm at the comedy store, I'm at the improv, you know. And that's what I'm gonna do. But somebody like me, the old me, would have gone with a whole new 10 minutes. Fuck. See like that. I just hearing that request. All I could think about was,

do I have to do a word for word? What if I had a good interaction with somebody at the improv, but then this week I don't have that interaction, and now it looks like I bombed. No, just go. Oh my God. I'm working around the same material. And if you see an opening, take the opening,

if not stick to your material. This is NBC. This is the tonight show. Or this is an HBO special. This is Jimmy Kimmel. This is anybody, you know. At the end of the day, it's all the same shit. It's how you control your nerves.

It's your breathing. You know, what I always like to do is try to hit them hard, heavy, so you get the confidence going. If you go out there with a dragged out long, one minute joke, you don't really know where you stand. You come out, fuck, and take the swings. You either going to die or you're going to come out extra hype and then you're just sailing

from there. It's only 10 minutes. I'm trying to do 35 minutes and 10 minutes. I don't want you to breathe. I'm gonna keep punching and stomach. Like one of those rock them sock them, fucking robot. So I'd rather give you that advice than the mitsie short thing. How's that? Okay, I love that. And you know, we didn't, I don't know if you want to go back there, but we didn't even talk about your Thanksgiving. How was your Thanksgiving?

My Thanksgiving was very cumsy cumso. You know what I'm saying? I woke up nice and early. I fucking worked out. I went to work with my buddy. We did a nice 45 minute workout. I came home. I put some ice on my ankle, you know, and that is about

I watched there was a honeymoon a fucking afternoon, like a couple episodes like from marathon, a marathon from 11 to three. Three we went over there and with the pool mist, thank god they invited us, you know, that she's a great fucking cook, Jody. She put together a fucking turkey. She made my favorite because she knows I like stove top topping. I don't want to eat many of your fucking international stuff. I'm with roots and beets. I

don't want to taste it. The pilgrims didn't have any of that. They had stoked up. All right. So she made fucking like waffles out I was still top Oh, she put them in the waffle machine Fucking genius you put the white meat on top of that you throw a hands-coop and mashed potatoes on top of that and Some a little bit of cranberry sauce and some maluchia gravy Had one of them I was done it like all crispy? Yes. The stuffing, that sounds really fucking good.

Oh, and you she headed out of the fucking party, Jody Pum. The gravy melted through the layers. Puh, puh, puh, puh. I don't even like gravy. No me either. What's that? I don't like it either. Yeah, but you got to throw the gravy on there. Wow. Throw the gravy on there. Throw the gravy on there.

It was perfect. And then we watched the first game. I forgot who the fuck it was. And then we went to the murdo's around the corner for the late night fucking a pirate thief. And they busted out desserts. They had like, maybe they had more fucking desserts than what's that ice cream store that has all the flavors. Last night, options, they got 200 flavors.

They beat them that night. They had everything. Moose, goose, fucking jello, popsicles, they had everything. Fucking Ben and Jerry's, this, that, briars, a couple of apple pies. I tell you what I didn't need this year. What's that? Pumpkin pie. What made you stay away from it?

I didn't. I forgot about it. It was there and I always said I'll get back to it later. I never liked any pie. I like, you know, I like pecan pie. That's pretty good. I have recently had, they had an Oreo cake at my aunt's house. Did you tell that out? I did have a piece of it. All right, so you enjoy it It was it was really but what did you have instead of pumpkin pie?

I probably broke down at the murderous because the edibles kicked in and I had a fucking I probably broke down at the meridows because the adipals kicked in and I had a fucking an apple crumb pie Oh, I do like I do like apple crisp. So that sounds like that was that That cousins Apple Chris Apple pumpkin whatever the fuck they're all cousins with a scoop of briars vanilla ice cream old school with the little chocolate fucking Spots in it, you know. You've had something what's up with the little spots in it. Okay. The nela bean spots in it. It's brilliant. I haven't added in 20 years. But what I saw and I said I got to attack this and it's fucking brilliant.

I saw it, I said, I gotta attack this, and it's fucking brilliant. That was the only thing I ate. That was the only dessert I ate. You said something last week that I was thinking about this week, and we're talking about people messing up mashed potatoes, and I was thinking about that you and Terry had a story that didn't you like stopping friends completely

with someone? I got mad at them. I got mad at them. For a year, I didn't talk to her for about seven months because of the mashed potatoes. Listen man, there's some things I need. Once you've had great mashed potatoes, it's tough to go back to shitty mashed potatoes,

especially when you're a fat fox like we are, okay. There's something about the essence of mashed potatoes dish especially we'll make that whipped yes mashed potatoes if you eat mashed potatoes and you're trying to be healthy go shoot yourself right now nobody eats mashed potatoes who wants to be fucking healthy it's a special goddamn treat so do me a favor when we have it throw down don Don't be shy with that Irish butter. You know what I'm saying? Don't be shy with that pepper. Throw some red onions in that bitch. You ever have fucking no you ever have uh Mac potatoes with the peels and red onions in that motherfuckerly. I've never had red onions in it. A clove they're not cooked. I mean they're

heated up with the potatoes. So. Okay, so like it's like sauteed a little bit. Okay, so mother fucker used to make them in bowl the Colorado and make me lose my mind. I would eat them just to, that's the only mashed potato. I would just eat the mashed potato. And Cubans make something that's very good.

I never had it again after my mother died. It's called Malanga. What is that? M-A-L-A-N-G-A. It's like a fucking potato. It's long, but it's brown. It's wild, but it's fucking delicious with butter, salt and pepper, you know.

Oh, fucking delicious. And that's where I like potatoes, and I like Whatever the fuck I told you I forget the long ago. So but what did your friend do that made you so upset? The friend that invited me over on the on this most sacred day in mashed potatoes Listen, you want a fuck mashed potatoes up in July. I ain't gonna get mad at you Okay, you fuck up up in September. I ain't gonna get mad at you. Okay, you fuck up up in September, I ain't gonna get mad at you. But on the national day of potatoes, which is thanks given, you better come correct, you gotta show up with both guns and one in your

fucking ankle. Okay, especially when it comes to mashed fucking potatoes. So, I went over there and they were like fucking out of potatoes. The whole devil's disaster. It was fucking a trucker, Duncan, a turkey, with a duck in it. I don't want to take that. If you want to do that, make two fucking turkeys.

Give us an option. Why you feed me this? Because you think it's good. I don't think it's good. Everything was nasty. But nothing insulted me more. It was the mashed potatoes. I took it to heart.

I took it to heart, thought I went home and just passed out angry. And my wife woke me up at two o'clock in the morning, she made me a Thanksgiving dinner because she knew I'm important. You got up all year, you paid taxes, you do the best you can, the least a man could ask for is mass potatoes on fucking Thanksgiving. But to do it like two in the morning, is that when you marry yet at that point?

No, we were getting close though. Yeah, I was going to say that's what I was like. I was fucking upset. Like, you know, and how the fuck you going to fuck up mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving? They were, and when I'm not exaggerating, they weren't even in the ballparkly. She got him out of a box like those box ones. That right there, I got a, I got a put you on. I got an 80 six year for 90 day mandatory. And what is that 86 in tail? Like no communication?

Nothing. I don't want to know nothing. You fuck. I'm not even gonna tell you why you fucked up. I'm not gonna say nothing to you. I'm just I'm not picking up the fucking phone. Don't call me no more for 90 days. How many people just don't call back? They don't. You're gonna get 90 days? What do you think? I think you don't want to talk to me anymore, why? I'm fucked up half 180 days.

I put her in a real pain on my list. I was soaked that I was about to fucking mass potatoes. Hmm. But why don't you tell people like what their sentences? Then I don't know what their sentences. It's their sentences. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how I feel in the morning. After you try to fucking poison me, like you're not going to sit there and tell me I didn't have the right ear. If this was another country I could have I could press charges

for making back my potatoes on Thanksgiving. That got a lot of fucking crime stop. I have no problem with you. I just, I just think it's funny to think about just you just, you want to thank Thanksgiving and then didn't call her for 10 months or answer her calls.

There was no, remember 20, whatever. And I didn't talk to like April and May. She finally called me when they she's like what's your problem you won't pick up your phone I said something like the first time I go fuck her up and make mashed potatoes and just hung up on it and then she called the friends she goes what is he talking about oh my god yeah listen by giving it the poison you Oh my God. You know, you're telling me, but you didn't listen. I give you the poison you it broke me down emotionally and fucking spiritually and physically because I trust you.

She's not first of all, I know her very well. She always throws down a great meal. You know, I know from Texas, I was friends with her back in Houston. But I think she's a boyfriend and he was a half a fucking, you know, he had light shoes like Post Malone. You know, like Post Malone. I didn't say I didn't like Post Malone. I just said, you always tips to like a burglar. Like he walks real late. Like, you know, okay, a burglar, a couple other things. He's just lighten the shoes, you know what I'm saying? I understand.

So, see a boyfriend like that. Right away, you gotta put words in my mouth. And then next day, the paparazzi picked it up. Uncle Joy don't like Post Malone. I like Post Malone music. I was into him a couple of days ago. I mean, I'm not gonna, you know, not put them on over Led Zeppelin

But if I'm still there and I'm smoking a couple fucking numbers, isn't that not wrong to post Malone? No, I just I didn't picture you as a huge post Malone fan. No, I didn't say it Can I say it when I say when I say when I blow the nickel it don't see fucking Plunk and jump up and down a lot of other people in a tight fucking Life don't see fucking flow and jump up and down a lot of other people that are tight fucking the life for the like it's not like that's what you wanted for Christmas. No, no, no, no, no, just cuz I like music don't mean I want to hang out with you and fucking jump up and down. You know, is there any concept that you go to right now? Is it like, was there any, because I can't imagine you going anywhere. If I go to a concert first of all right now, not today, but it has to be a small venue anymore. I'm old school.

I rather go to those American Express concerts where you get the small venue and, you know, I didn't go see Chris Cornell here in the city or anything. When I lived in LA, I got to see guns and roses with Dean and Bill Burr at the fucking palladium. And that's like, you know, 2000 seats. It's a little bit more personal, you know. But these big forum things, I don't want to get tickets, I got to walk two miles. You look at my weight watches, I walked 22,000 steps out. I don't need that. That they hear the same music.

I've been listening to for 40 fucking years. Would you pay more to go to a smaller venue? Absolutely. Interesting. It's really interesting. You said that to me. I was talking to a music guy today, and we were talking about Pink Floyd. Okay. And he was saying that where they messed up with music years ago, because they didn't

know, was that they should have taped all their concerts. People really should have really taped high taped all their concerts. People should have really taped high quality all their concerts. It would have taken a big chunk out of their income, but what they didn't know that today, you could sell that experience. I could get you into a hotel, and that's what he was saying. He goes, think of what people pay for the soup bowl experience.

It's an experience. He goes, I don't know what it constitutes like today, but from listening to, I mean, I'm older than this guy. And we were talking, he goes, my dad used to tell me these fucking stories. And, yeah, and I go, they're all true. All those led, led Zeppelin shows in the city, rolling stone tours, they were all fucking insane, you know, but he was like, you could sell. Like right now if they were to shot Pink Floyd the war and really taped it well, you could have took a theater, broken in half and he goes, you could sell those seats for $15,000.

And people will pay it because it's an experience. Now you got to play it back with the modern speakers and the new technology, you have to edit it and clean it up well, digitally remastered. But I'm sure they're all doing it now. They have to. I'm sure that'm sure they're all doing it now They have to I'm sure that you know It's an experience it's a festival if something that I get connected with my kid with So they asked me for 15 grand. I don't I don't know if I got the 15 grand for that, but It's a thought

But it's a thought But if my daughter likes Led Zeppelin and I had gone to see Led Zeppelin. I wasn't that fortunate I could take my daughter to go see that same concert That's mind blowing or a fucking baseball game Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, I'm a baseball game that I went to where, you know, who cares? Name a Boston Red Sox. He had a two home runs that game. And you happen to get $8 tickets and the people next to you bought you beers all afternoon.

And they were nice. They were from fucking Woodford and you were from Medford and everybody talked about Southie, you know. And it was a fucking experience. For people to see that, they would shit their pants. What it was like when you went to a baseball game and, you know, some motherfuckers snuck in a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and that whole two sections was eating the Kentucky Fried Chicken and you're like, man, I came to this game having a bad day. And just being here, it's 80 degrees, a bird shit on me.

I was a Shay Stadium and a bird shit on me. But just the fact that you could share those experiences with your child, with your father, with your mother, maybe your mother wanted to go see Barbara Streisand in New York City when she was going to college debt, but the tickets were too expensive. We could relive that. You know, pick her up in a limo, take her to a thing, you know, and forget about what AI is going to do because they can actually have Barbus Trisand there greeting you. Yeah, I was going to say VR.

I'm sorry, you know, I'm not no, no, no, A.I. is not probably not wrong. They can create people like they could make concerts that didn't happen happen. Like they they could A.I. is definitely going to pay play a part in it. It's that would be interesting all because, like you've talked about that for a while with comedy, with like, like recording the sets up to a special to see like the, like how, like the set was built. I like all that stuff too, but also like these festivals that Bert puts on. Yeah, oh yeah. Experience, brother.

Tape those. Tape those from underneath, looking up and you tape those and 30 years from now, you can go see Berk-Krayshire. You go see Dave Schipell at the garden. But hold on one second, I got a break because I got to talk to these people about popcorn. The fuck, listen, I hate popcorn, but this popcorn is gonna put you over the fucking top. I'll be right back guys. Like I told you in the podcast, listen, there are new popcorn, I love this company.

Kudo popcorn, if you're trying to eat less garbage, especially this holiday season, you gotta try Kudo popcorn. It tastes a mate, listen, tremendous. It has 10 grams of way protein isolate in every bag. MMA athletes like Michael Chandler, Robbie Lawler, and Dana White love it and for a good reason. Way protein helps boost muscle mass.

So whether you're getting ready for a big fight or just hitting the gym after work, it's gonna help you reach your goals. Listen, I love the garlic Parmesan, I love the white cheddar, and I love the salty sweet cattacore. I got a box in the mail one day. I thought it was like shoes or something. I opened it up. It's like 10 bags of popcorn. I opened one up just to eat one to try it as a snack. So I ate like three bags right off the bat. They were tremendous. And now I had a midnight snack, which you know, I'm with Joey.

I like to hit the pipe from time to time. And you don't want to be eating garbage. This is the way to go. Kuro is gluten free, preservative free, 100% whole grain, keto friendly, and only has 70 calories per cup. It's even made right here in the USA. Tell me your favorite. You'll be amazed how kudo popcorn has somehow made your favorite healthy snack even tastier and healthier. For a limited time our listeners get 25% off that 25% off when you use cold Joey at kudo snacks.com that's 25% off with cold Joey at kudo K U D O snacks.com

Save some money support the official protein popcorn of the UFC and get pop the popcorn is great guys I wouldn't lie to you about this. This white cheddar is off the hook. And again, the garlic polish on it. And they had one of the flavor that drove me crazy. But give it a shot, look it up, do what you need to do. It's Tuesday, maybe the 28. Get your life together.

Back to the podcast now. We're back. Anyway, we were talking that's the fucking future. I know for a fact, I heard something that they're going to touring like, you know, I think it's biggie and two bucks. Yeah, I'm sure there are. And because I was thinking about what they're what like what you were talking about and it clicked it like you're talking about like not just the performance, but like everything around it. Did you or I, it's way too long to watch the whole thing,

but they did a whole documentary on Woodstock. Yeah, they have all that footage. Like that would be one I think to go to, because like when you're talking about what you're talking about, I think you kind of have to, if you want that, you kind of have to start interviewing people there, don't you? And like, like, like,

I really come down on the reaper. It's got you planning, I'm not interviewing fucking nobody. And you're not interviewing anybody, but you're talking. It would just be, let's say, would stock would be a great idea to see what additional footage they have. You'd have to go through whoever owns the footage, you know, it's a process. But if there's money involved,

this could be a fucking great idea. And I mean, you go to Woodstock, you're wearing a fucking shirt from the 60s, you ain't shadowing for a week, you got flip-lops on, you got an ingrown toenail, you're going all out. The girl you're taking's got syphilis, maybe you get a reshot to get a syphilis from the jungles. I don't know, I don't fucking know, but it's just going and seeing the music and the smells.

You know, if somebody could recreate the smells, the mud. I don't fucking know Lee. I just know that If there was a high level Pink Floyd wall, it's on it's on YouTube Look it up Pink Floyd the wall February 20th 1980 it's opening night. It's on there. It's just not taped Like you would take it's a a, it's a, whatever, a bootleg. Right. You, you, you want high quality, like they did it on purpose. It looks and sounds great. I want to see the sweat on his face. So at one time of the experience, I could just throw a mist in the air, like they do on that Disney show, the small world after all, where you sit in the fucking chair and they take you all around the world and when you're going

to India, they throw sand at you and then, you know, it's fucking tremendous. You get married, they throw rice at you. You want to have the sweat come at you? You want to have to miss people with people sweat? Yeah, not with the real sweat, but just a little mist of fucking warm water, because you're taking in by the experience, you're not even going to feel this. So midway, I mean, that's the whole thing. I mean, like I said, you're paying 15 grand, 20 grand for this. And 10 for your kid, they can't give you, they got to, they're not

going to say you sell you $100,000 project with $10 shoes on. Right. For me to charge you that fucking dough, I gotta impress the fuck outta you. I gotta make you leave there and go dog, I do it again. I'm taking a second mortgage on my house, I'm taking my mother and father. You know, like if you could recreate like an entire experience? Four hours, five hours. I'm taking my mother and father. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah this is big money. This isn't too podcast dudes are going to do this. No, I think this might be technology that doesn't exist yet too. I'm in the future. You know me, Doug, I'm in the future. I'm taking these animals. I'm thinking about things.

I never would have thought that would be what you would think about high. You know, when my friend told me today, I was like, wow, that is something that would change entertainment for fuck an ever. Because if I could take a baseball game, if I could take game five, a Cincinnati against Boston, and I don't know, I don't know how I would present it.

I don't know if I would go to Fenway, yeah, I'm playing a 15 grand, along with a lot of other people. I don't know how to do it, but just to have down the field to watch that exact game, we're caught in fish and all that. I think I have a nervous breakdown because it would be back to being in that bedroom. My mother's bed watching it fucking with crosses all over me and I'm like

Cincinnati has to win or I'm gonna fucking die in this house. They're just gonna sacrifice me, you know, so. How old were you? I was about maybe 10 or 11 or 12 but I just became a Cincinnati Red Fam and I was a kid. They lost to Oakland to somebody, something happened. And I really liked them. And then I just saw, I saw them lose and then I saw them win a world series. Again, it's one of the best teams I ever saw, the Boston Red Sox at that time, you know, they had the fucking one of the best teams ever. They just couldn't win a world series.

But that was a battle. And even to show people, I would pay 20 grand to see all six games. Fuck. Like don't even take me home. 16 hours in a fucking capsule with 20 other sweaty fat dudes with fucking blankets on their faces from the tears rolling down because that's how you know that's what this game would mean to you.

Now would you and I don't necessarily better, but like what if you could have, like if you could plan out, I have an hour and I wanna be at these 10 plays, or like 20, like if you could just go to see like every cool sports moment that you ever wanted to see. It's tremendous. Just like you just see that moment, that would be crazy. So I like, I know that going ahead with the technology that I know hasn't been made yet.

You know, I'm sorry about that, but it's you just see it coming. So you know, if you think about it, listen, if I think about a technology, me being an idiot, I can't imagine what the smart people are really thinking about right now So I just went to a doctor's visit maybe a month ago And we were talking about he goes you got a couple options left for your left knee But eventually it's gonna have to be redone And he goes I know you're a little. He goes, but let me tell you something. That whole situation has changed.

He goes, it's changed so much that they put the pain killer in your kneecap now. They just insert pain killer into your kneecap? Yeah, but it releases it when you need it. He was telling me all this shit. It's a vacuum thing now. You know, not that I'm going to do it. I'm not saying I'm going to do it. But he was telling me all this shit. It's a vacuum thing now, you know, not that I'm gonna do it I'm not saying I'm gonna do it, but he was telling me how much the technology's changed since I did my right me

So you have to think that everything's moving. I mean, I've talked I've spoken to you I've spoken to Mike and they want to why you guys hit me with an app that I'm like, oh my god. That's a great fucking idea Your own you know station, you know, your own this, your own that. You know, how many time people sit there, I watch the fucking NFL game and I turn off the volume. Yeah, okay. But are you telling me you could do better than these guys? Let's do it, step up to the pub, Cox Sucker.

There's an app called, you know, take me to the ball game and fucking, you're there, whether it's soccer, basketball, NFL football or whatever the fuck's left baseball pro. You could call your own fucking games and take donations or charge a monthly fucking fee, give them the first two weeks for free, and if they don't sign away with it after two weeks, you charge whatever, $9.95. I mean, guys, that's there already. That's some, somebody's already doing that.

So, any idea you may have at the house that you wanna be creative about, and you're like, well, I don't know. I always wanted to be an announcer in a strip club I guarantee there's an app right now that there's girls on the screen Somewhere in Bulgaria and there you are coming up to this stage. It's branding Let's give it up for I don't even know anything about that world, but I will have to assume these things Yeah, I think it's go, yeah, this has to exist

because I'm an idiot and I thought about it. It does seem like that's how things are going to be made now but there's robots that will cook your food now. I can't imagine what's gonna happen with podcasting in two years. You're just gonna sign up for a fucking apple thing and they're going to do all this. They're going to do a thousand things. You could just do it at the house. They're going to do a thousand things. You know, you can't

imagine what's going to happen. Not that I'm going to be any good at it. You know, I don't know about that shit, but this is what's going on every day in our world right now. It's you have to accept it. Oh, there's there's a constant see now. I know the animals are hitting me. Oh, why is that it just because I'm talking shit. I'm talking gibberish here now. You know what I'm saying? I love it. But I love it. That's who good picks this weekend. I only put two picks. You won? Both of them. Yeah, I had Denver.

Because I actually loved Denver giving a small amount at home on a Sunday. And then I took the under and bought them all last night. I just took a chance. I said, let me use the $27 I won on the first game, you know, that was interesting. Yeah, I got both, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's really interesting.

I sit around, I do a bunch of things. I mean, the last two weeks I've been fucking brutal with this ankle, but listen, I'm back. It hurts still, but yeah, man, it has, you know, I got an ice hit three times a day. I got a, I've been looking at how many steps I take. I think if I walk over 4,000, that's what it swells up. F***, and it's been like two weeks now.

It'll be two weeks on Thursday. Five. So. And like, lifting weights. I'm doing a set up. So my fat tummy. I'm on the fucking bike. And I'm sleeping.

I'm sleeping great as a matter of fact. Let's keep like a fucking baby now. She's getting bigger and now we're just November 27th. We don't stop this fucking party till Christmas Eve. It's over, you know. Oh yeah. And I'm sorry. I was when you were talking about sports. I wanted to talk to you about Tommy DeVito, the Giants quarterback. And see what he thought. Have you heard about him?

I heard he was a bartender in Hoboken. I know he lived at home with his mother or something like that. Yeah. I know he's won two games with the Giants. He's one, I think he's won at least two games. Two games with the Giants. He's one, I think he's one of at least two games. Two games with the Giants. And you know, like this week I tried to, I think you and I won the phone for about a minute.

Yeah. Game was on, it was zero, zero. And we were like, what was the old one? And we're like 16. It was all. I didn't watch the game. I'm happy they won the Giants. I'm happy for the veto.

But if you know anything about me, I'm happy for that motherfucker. That's like a't anything about me, I'm happy for that motherfucker. That's like a rocky story. He's living at his mother's house. He's making pasta for him, and he's bartending at a fucking bar in a whole bokeh. And he goes, from the giants. Let me read the quote, because when I saw this, it's all, it was you all, it was all I could think about. He said, it was a no brainer for me.

I don't have to worry about laundry, what I'm eating for dinner, chicken cutlets, and all that is waiting for me when I get there. My mom still makes my bed, everything is handled for me. And I just thought about like you, that's like your dream. And he's the giant's quarterback. It's a rags the richest story. Because if he wins two more games,

somebody's gonna pick him up next year. Right. And it may be the Giants, because he's a hometown fucking, you know, he's a Jersey boy. So listen, he gets all my fucking respect in the world. I'm happy, even if he doesn't win another game. So he was bartending.

He won two NFL games. He's working with something. There's something there. Somebody has to pick him up and work with him, but the balls are the heart of that. So, you know, I mean, the giants weren't the best team in the world. It's not like he fell into the Dallas Cowboys or, you know, the Kansas City Chiefs or something like that, a position.

He fell into a hard fucking job, you know. So I give Chiefs or something like that, a position, he fell into a hard fucking job, you know. So I give him more of the credit in the world. He lost a game or two and then his confidence started to pick up, which is acceptable. And now he's got two W's. He needs two more and somebody will reach out next year and go listen, come on over here for, you know. And you never know what this kid could do.

What if the kid wins a Super Bowl in two years? Right. I mean, if the giants don't take him that year, what if this kid goes somewhere and wins a fucking Super Bowl? How great would that be? You know, that's why I get up and go, you see guys, nothing happens on the couch, cock suckers.

Even if they had the Super Bowl in New York and New Jersey again, and he was the quarterback for the Giants. Even if they lost, bro, that's just to go from bartending to a fucking stage like the Super Bowl. That's fucking amazing where I come from, you know? So I'm happy for all that type of shit. I can't tell you that I sit by the TV and watch the game because they're brutal. I was doing something, you know, on the Lord's Day,

I was moving around this Sunday. I've been busy, man. Yeah, you seem like it. Really fucking busy for what's been going on in the world. You follow me, I got, I picked up a voice over for a kid show, a Nickelodeon show. Nice. I picked up another audition for an animated pilot.

I picked up another voice over. I picked up a regular audition for one of my favorite shows. I hope it goes, you know, it's been fucking, I can't complain. I'm talking to the writer, hopefully Wednesday get that party started. That's really awesome. And yeah, no, I do the podcast with you.

Boom, I'm good. It's a great way to laugh and gas, keeps me in fucking potato chips is smoking the best reefer out there. They sent me these adibles. I didn't bring them in with me. Oh my god, these tremendous adibles, they come in different flavors of shit. Yeah, that took like three of them, not knowing.

I didn't know they wanted to send me five milligrams. Oh shit. I took four of them. Because they taste really fucking good. And I took four of them and I was talking to George and he goes, bro, I ate half a one. I'm still fucked up and I'm like, I eat four of them. And then that night, I remember I came home yesterday and it was at one point that I put ice on my leg and I sat down and

was watching something. It wasn't football though. And last night before I went to bed, I went into my whoop and I went to log in that I was going to sleep and I logged in a nap for 40 minutes. It was when I had the ice in my fucking foot because the edibles took me somewhere like they just they took you so fast. You know what I'm saying? Like they went, uh, and then it just dropped me into a fucking. I've been there a couple of times. What like is it a gummies? That a chocolate? What is it?

gummies. Oh, I'm sure. I'm a piece of savior. Some you know what I'm saying? Well, well fuck pal will mix them with the abx Well, I need him because I want I want to go get some tonight, but I went and got my My medical license here in mass today after work It was one of the craziest I can't believe I forgot to tell you, but this dude was very nice. He was like a 70 something 80 year old doctor.

And he was giving me like a history lesson on marijuana, but not the hard one, but like the medium one. He said the N word twice. Like he, like not the hard one, but like the one that's still not great. He was telling me the history about it and saying like, like doctors just like the whoever that guy was reefer madness. They said the black people When I want you smoked it and then he just dropped that word twice And I was like I had to sit there because I wanted my medical license But I didn't know what to do. I just

I just didn't know what to do. I just didn't keep nodding. Just yes and the death. You're right. Yeah. Good. You're right. I haven't seen Reef of Madness as I was like fucking 14. No, no.

You got to be like 13 with a propeller on your head. The white's at nonsense. It's like whack and white. It's got its moments, but no. It's nobody's academy of world-winter by far. I just missed the doctors in LA. Like I went to one on Ventura. I spent more time in the waiting room than I did, but the doctor, the doctor took three seconds.

Yeah, he takes your blood pressure, he makes believe he gives a fuck. Not this guy, 20 minutes on terpenes. Yeah, no, it was great that way. The first time I got my license is like 30 minutes. He talks to you know, he's trying to cover the spread. He's asking you for the small 200. He's asking you for the small 200.

The first license I got was the small 200. And then the next time I re up, there was like $99. Then it was $49 all day long. Then it was $29 or three hat. And now you don't have to go anywhere, you can do it on your phone. I Guess yeah, that's how I did it me. I'm my my fucking business. I don't know nothing My friend goes to LA he comes back. He drops a little fucking anck a ship for it's got a couple buds in it

And I live happily, you know month to month Absolutely and what if I'm not going off the rails and not smoking blunch, I do the freeze pipe, you know, three times a day, morning, late afternoon, and 10 30, not be no time. That's not bad. No, that's not bad. And the animals, that's why I can't believe I ate them tonight. I'm not I'm on I'm in there I think I gotta do some things I'm in there, but I'm not locked in locked in like then you know, you know how we do it player. Oh I can tell no, no, you're doing okay

You're doing a lot better than most people in a thousand milligrams a thousand plus cuz I hate the chocolate bar It's 2500 bar I ate a one fuss. It's got like maybe four things I, it's four, it's 16 pieces. Remember we did the math already. It's like 60, right. Emilia grams of piece I ate four. So that's another 240. You know, who you think you're dealing with? Some fucking nonsense here. I'm doing a fucking check in. I got to be tip-top and go. I don't show up like other people. Fuck no. You couldn't find bubbles. You don't know what happened. The doctor, you know, they only sell tens over there. That's why I had to get my license because they only sell five.

Five? So you ate 20 of them? I had, well no, I had last week, that's why I was so, I had last week I finished up the ABA XU gave me You know you don't fucking tell me Well, then you said I got to you know, I'm trying to I had 10 tonight I had 50 But yeah, I think ten gummies. That's great. That's great You could be you fucking fentanyl all light and shit What is the You can be in fucking fentanyl all light and shit. You know what I'm saying? What is fentanyl?

What is fentanyl? Oh my God. What is fentanyl? Like, that's what they give me. They give you fentanyl all fucking full. You know what I'm saying? They got fentanyl all light, fentanyl all medium, and fentanyl all nappy, no, no.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. So be careful, etc. I'm doing my best. All right. What performances do you have this week? This week I have one day night at Off the Rails and Worcester.

And Thursday through Saturday I'm at the Kansas City in Providence, Charles Wolf. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm so excited. It's looking great. That's a great club. I think the lady's still there that runs it. Oh, that'd be great. And to my love She's good people. There was a dude that named Kevin. That's good people, you know Crazy you remember what's that? That's crazy that you remember all these names You have to met you know after why you you it's so weird when you start to travel and then

You think of these people Once you're to a club like the second or third time you start with me when we go to Irvine We became friends with the wait staff and then you go and the wait staff will be gone and be somebody else there And then one day you go to Tempe and that wait staff that you don't see anymore is an attempt be improv. And you don't even know where you are. Whether you're in Irvine or you're a braille. It's crazy. You become friends with them. And then you picture them as you're flying in by the plan is landing. You're like, Oh, I remember, huh? I remember him now. Oh, shit.

All right. The text should before you land will be at the airport. And you can all know I remember her. Oh, shit. This place has the pork chops. Oh, shit. The waitress sells weed. And now it all becomes, you,

it comes in full fucking focused. That's pretty awesome. And it's, I'm excited about God. This is one, like I've heard really cool things about it. I've never been to Kansas City. I'm just happy to go. I'm really just happy to go and do real shows and like awesome clubs.

He's got mushroom that look like my fungi toenail on the right. He saw those two I saw them they're like government issue. Oh my god that definitely Friday Yeah, that's a people come back from the war when they little wobbly they give them those high-level ones They look like baseball maps. Yeah, you're gonna hit you're not gonna hit stuff I Read up on those things. You're not gonna hear you're, you're going to hit and you're not going to hit stuff. I read up on those things. You're not going to hear your hearing is going to leave because that's what it does. It

stops you from hearing bombs. Oh, wait, I'm not going to hear noises, but I'm just going to be, I'm going to be deaf for a little while. You know, you're just going to hear like a little beep and you're like somebody shot a gun next to you. You're gonna be on me. That's good. I'm really excited. You're tough on an L's kid. I can't believe you still out there pounding the fucking pavement like an animal.

I'm proud of you. And that's what that man is. And all you young comics that are watching this, this is just a lesson, man. We're just two fucking comedians talking about fucking the road and menus and What's next and I'm proud of Lee For getting into this club. Hopefully they'll give him some love As much as they can give him it's a small club and you know, it's a big area a lot of comics everywhere

You know any area you move into now. It's You're gonna be around a lot of comics. And everybody has the same story. Everybody brings their own feature act. So that's where you have to decide what you want to do. Take a week as an MC and get better as an MC and meet another headliner, the feature act that you'll be friends with down the road or where your ego takes you. I'm a headliner. I'm never MC. And then you decide from them. that you'll be friends with down the road or where your ego takes you.

I'm a headliner, I'm never MC. And then you decide from there. I will MC for anybody. Me too, I'll still MC for anybody, if I MC. You know what I'm saying? Maybe I can MC virtually. You could. No, not get the fuck off.

I know you're not going to, but... Oh, no, no, no. If I am, but when I was working, I always am seated. Even when I was trying to be a really good feature act, if Josh Wolf got a weak feature, I would go with him and fucking do guess at for free. As long as I could sleep on the floor with a fucking blanket, I'm good.

You know what I'm saying? I was that type of dude. I always knew that a set would make me that much stronger. Some people would go, I'm not doing a guest set there. Fuck that guy. You don't have to like him. But if you get a guest set out of the guy and work a joke, that's more than whatever personal feelings you have for the guy. At one point in comedy, for you to move forward, you gotta drop your fucking personal feelings, you know?

And just attack that motherfucker like a set. You have a goal every year. You gotta hit 300 something fucking sets. And you hear him telling me, you don't get along with the guy. You don't like him because he busted your balls once. You know how you bust his balls, go in there and rock that fucking room.

Going there and unhinge the fucking doors and then walk past him and go follow that bitch. Sorry about that, I got emotional when I talk about that type of shit. Do you, and then like that's your good advice, that's crazy. That's my advice. I told you man, one of the biggest lessons I learned there was a booker in Seattle, God rest his soul, appoint somewhere where she just didn't like me. And she told the friend of mine, I'm not going to book him anymore. Okay, I took that. But she had 20,000 rooms. And I couldn't take that answer. So I knew she didn't like me for a reason that I had nothing to do with stand up. And I called her every Wednesday and said, do you mind if I go to this room and do a guest set?

What are you going to say? She would go, yeah, and she would be angry. And I knew it burned her up. And I would go every once a week, I did one of her rooms for free. Even the club owners would go, how come we haven't seen you? And I would never badmouth her. I would go, I don't know.

She just starting to book me now. Hopefully you'll give them a good report. I knew I would never be back in that club, but it didn't matter. I was getting better. I got, there was a, there was a, it was like a four month run where I just did one of her rooms once a week

to burn her because she didn't like me for some specific that had nothing to do with our comedy. She didn't want to pay me, don't pay me, but I'm still going in there to motherfucking guess that. And then that's it's just interesting how to deal with like with people who might not like you because again, I get not nervous about it, but I guess kind of nervous about like, that's why I think I was so stuck on a specific set that I just wanted to do well. I just, I get, you get so in your head with this stuff.

Dog, I don't care who I was showcasing for or what I'm doing. I'm getting a set out of this motherfucker. So even if I got a set that I'm afraid to get away from, that's cool. I understand that. I want you to try something new in the middle. Because if you have that much confidence in your set, you're going to have, it's an eight minute set. I want you to slip it in at the four minute mark

after you're already likable. Feel how the joke feels because you probably try to an open mic, and there's eight people. But now you're going to try it in front of an audience that likes you There's more than 30 people now and then if the joke goes forward there you go mental note if it doesn't you got your four minutes to close up with that you have so much confidence and Right always want you to get something out of the fucking set Always take something from that set You're bombing that's why you turn on the improv for a second

Make sure that improv works and don't get angry Interesting if you open up that field don't get angry if the guy club is you field don't get angry if the guy club is you. But if you're there for 20 minutes and you're up at 10, you're in a bar and you're doing 20 minutes and you have 10 marks that giggling and they're starting to say shit and you get into a heckling mark with him. No, not that he's funny. I don't want you to let the comedy turn into a temper and for you to say something wrong and now you turn the audience on you for sure. comedy turn into a temper. And for you to say something wrong and now you turn the audience on, you for sure. And that's a mistake a lot of young comics may.

Well, fuck you, man, I'm never coming until his dump again. AAH! Wrong answer. You didn't have him from the beginning. Don't let your ego get in front of you. You didn't have him from the beginning. You're trying to bail yourself out. And now at the end you're dumped on the place or you dump on

the host or you dump on any other comedian or fuck you. You laughed at the guy with the organ. You just blew your fucking whole night. I want you to go out there and leave there on your feet. It's okay to have a bad set. That's what's great about tomorrow. Or what's great about that fucking bone out that does comedy at midnight that you don't like to go to because everybody's drunk. Well, you ain't such a bag of dicks here. You might as well go down an anter and you're fucking striped tonight. There's always an answer to a bomb. Do not be scared to bomb, please. Once you take that safety net off,

your comedy career goes 80% high. Don't be scared to bomb. The common mistake of young comedians, and I did it for years, was once you were losing him, was to panic. Never panic. Take a step back and go back to basics. Go find yourself while this ain't working. I guess I got to stop fucking doing heroin now and just take them until something else comes to your mind. Don't let them see you sweat. Correct? I've never thought about it like that but it makes sense it explains why some sense have gone bad bad for me

Absolutely you got at one point in your career the five six-year-level It's time to take you safety and at all. It's time to work differently. It's time to go up that above It's up there to bomb. Yeah go up that a bomb. I want you to go up there and see how it is to really bomb. You were ready to salvage yourself. Now go up there and see what it's really like to bomb, how you guys doing today. Look at you. Where you coming from, Buffalo, your wings are tired. Just go up there and see the real feeling of a bomb.

And get off and giggle about it and you'll go, wow, that's what it feels like, the bomb, that ain't that bad. I'd rather do that than go up and rely on my material for 10 years because I'm scared to take a fucking chance. Holy shit, that freaks me out so much. Have you heard of people say an intrusive thought? Have you heard people talk about it? It's like when you're driving over a bridge and some people like oh Maybe I should drive off a bridge. I've thought before going on stage sometimes and then like I'm freaking out that maybe I should just Stay like just really eat shit on purpose just cuz it's gonna go by bad anyways, but like I don't want you to eat shit

But I also when you go to these open mics, I want you to go up there to bomb. I remember once on, Oh my God, it's like, It's like, It's like, It's like you being a fighter and training and before the fight,

I take you aside and go lead. We got a problem tonight. We got a problem. We got to go down the third round. Not in the fourth round and the third. You got to take one for the team. You know, we got your back. We got ourselves into a situation.

Yeah, but at least hopefully in that case, like maybe you only take one punch to the face. You know, I'm bothering on purpose for 10 minutes. No, I'm going to go the other guy and tell him to punch in the stomach until you bleed out your ears. Just to have fun, you know what I'm saying on purpose for 10 minutes. No, I'm gonna go get a guy and tell him to punch in the stomach until you bleed out your ears just to have fun. You know I'm saying. Oh, you know what I mean? No, but I can't imagine going up there to bomb on purpose. Lee, that's why it's so interesting how I turn the bomb away from you guys young comics medium comics. This is how I didn't give a fuck.

Well, I lived in Seattle at the six and seven year mark. They were nights I went up to the bomb. And I bail myself out. I put myself in a hole and then I take myself out of the hole. That takes a couple of weeks. self-help at all. That takes a couple weeks. Let's have some fun in your career. That takes a couple weeks. And then you learn how to maintain, like you know, before they say boo, how to before tomato comes up and you got to use your dodging skills. Now you got to learn how to work on back. Look at your

mother fuckers got a little You don't know how you're dealing with blah blah blah. Just start talking get them excited and then you hit them and boom you win them over And then now you like see your mother fuckers thought I was some fucking bum from across the street I was just trying shit on you and you explain your point and you you goof again on them and then you get the fuck out of there. So you would join bananas, you think you got some fucking novice here? I never even thought about that. You would build bad jokes into your set so that the good jokes would be like, like hit harder.

That's if I can like evil genius like, come on. I love all the bad jokes in here on purpose. like evil genius like come on I Love all the jokes in here purpose. Yeah, you want to talk check it out talk check on you motherfuckers You know I Took a lot when I go to these rooms that didn't matter I Still respect the comedy But I go off the deep end a little bit. How do you think I got that confidence to do that in the comedy store?

Because I never did it before. Because no, that's what you need. That's what's going to sell you, your character. We're going back to just be yourself. So tonight you look on the paper and write out the best version of yourself. How would you tell me to suck your cock? I want you to write it 20 different ways. I want you to write it angry and I want you to write it funny that we're gonna laugh at it. This is the music of words and this is where you start to learn tone.

And what do you mean by tone? How to use your voice. Like volume. Volumes. Heavy. Went to steam roller. Went to pull back a little bit just close some jabs at them and like how many like like let's say for example because I got not one just building it let's say you had this joke and you could either pull back or steamroll them and like how would you do each what you do it three times each four times like how would you decide what one was the best do it three times each four times. How would you decide what one was the best? To see when they go. Listen, once you cemented the joke for a weekend, once you took the joke to Kansas City for a weekend, then you fucking cemented the joke.

Now it's got to go somewhere. Now you got to start adding things to that. And now that's where the beauty really starts. Anybody could write a joke like me. I could always write the joke. But I really couldn't add that much beauty to it. So I had to turn it into storytelling. We'll get to that some other fucking podcast. Right now, just learn how to bomb gracefully. That's the most important fucking thing. You've already thought what a good set feels like. Right. Now you got to feel what a fucking bad set looks like. What a bad set feels like. And know this that you'll never you'll learn how to never feel

that way by learning how to control your sets. I don't give a fuck way you start. It's where you finish and it's not a fucking race. It's a marathon. Some of the best comics I've ever seen a comic sector hold your attention and talk and just gracefully go into a joke. Anybody can machine gun you like me. Anybody can tell a story. There's guys with a real crackling. We'll get to those later. Good luck this week with your sets, Coxfuckers. Thanks. I Thank you guys stick around. I got to talk to you about man's capers time to shave your balls back The check and is brought to you by man'scape

It's time to look nice even if you've been naughty man'scape make sure The check and is brought to you by Manscape. It's time to look nice even if you've been naughty. Manscape make sure your grooming is in check with a fresh launch just in time for the holiday season. Their new performance package 5.0, the Longmore 5.0 Ultra Body Trimmer, the weed Wacket 2.0 ultra body trimmer the weed whacked at 2.0 and the ear and nose head trimmer their crop suitor after shape lotion which is tremendous by the way and their crop preserve ball deodorant that attracts them like a fucking whew listen I love this new fucking lawn mower it's stronger than ever this fucking thing. My white hairs

They just fly off now. It's tremendous. And the weed wacker for the ear Couch right through everything wax Stamink you juice your nose hairs. Thank God. There's no coconut nose no more This thing would cut right through those cup little cut things like Nino in New Jack City. Anyway, the Lungmoor 5.0 Ultra does all the heavy lifting with two next generation blade heads. It's even waterproof so you can knock it out of your shaving routine while you're shouting. Who's better than you? Man scape! Get 20% off and free shipping.

Right now this holiday season with Code Joey, J-O-E-Y at manscape.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com. Use Code Joey, J-O-E-Y. Listen, there's the perfect grip for grandpa. Don't let him, His hair is a longer than death. He's been praying at home. Who's gonna cut my little knuckle, my little Stamina roots here? Nobody. The checker is also brought to you by Stamps.com. Listen, if you're a

business owner like Uncle Joey, and you have a slay to help you with deliveries, discrism, you need stams.com. Stams.com is your own personal post office wherever you are or you need as a computer and a printer. That's it. Print your own postage at discount up to 84% off the US, PS and UPS rates and stams.com will even let you know the cheapest and fast things shipping options to help you save even more. I'm back. If you want to save time as well as money, you can even schedule package pickups through the std.com dashboard. It couldn't be any easier. dot com dashboard. It couldn't be any easier. So do me a favor. Give your business to gift to stamps dot com. So your mailing and shipping is covered this holiday season. I don't care how small of big your businesses. Stamps dot com is the way to go. Sign up with promo code Joey for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage at a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts.

Just go to stas.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and press in code Joey.