Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #14 - Joey Diaz is a closet pyro

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

This week on The Check In Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about the first album he tripped to, comradarie among comedians, his thoughts on Matt Riffe and more! This show is supported by: Support the show and get 10% off your entire Freeze Pipe order at https://www.thefreezepipe.com with code DIAZ   Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code JOEY. New customers can bet just 5 bucks on the NBA action & score $150 instantly in bonus bets.   This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/DIAZ  and get 10% off your 1st month.    

You know, I'm trying to put the pieces together always. Oh, Liam. Livin, Livin, Livin, Livin, what's up, gentlemen?

I didn't know, Joey. What's up, you sexy mother fuckers? Thanks, buddy. Appreciate that. I wasn't talking to Liam talking to you. Do I? No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that.

I didn't say that. I didn't say that I didn't say that I Blame me it's Tuesday December the 5th Uncle Joey's here the check in is brought to you by Freeze pipe what the champion smoke listen getting high supposed to be relaxing But when you're in hailey and billion billion, billion degrees smoke and coughing up along, you got a problem like your uncle Joey. Forget what? There's a solution. Get the freeze pipe. It's a glycerin chamber and it comes in every piece that you pop in the freezer for about an hour. And when you're ready to see the devil, boom, you're putting on the pipe as the smoke passes through it. It's cooled down by over 300 degrees for the ICS hits your level. It's like giving aspirin Colorado and your float and all of a sudden you're

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I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to Sheldon! Oh How you doing? Talk you have no idea what happened to that guys. I had a great day I had lunch with my brother went to give blood went to the gym. I had to make calls today And I get on about three and it's the same old song and dance. I'm fucking dying at three. I wait for Mercy to come in, I talk to a little while, tells me about a homework a day,

and then as soon as she goes to do homework, I slip into the bedroom and it's not been a new time. Every day three? Every day three, Every day three. But today I was really like, lately I took a think I took one nap last week. But I took this little fucking nap in no no. I got up about four 30.

I'm like, whoa, I gotta get up and get ready for these intervals. But when I got up I was out of it. And I slept good last night. I got seven and a half last night. I went to bed in the woman and I woke up at five the first fucking time to pee That's like a record for Uncle Joey, right?

So I I get up before 30. I I brushed my teeth and listerine and I washed my face in an whole thing and I Come downstairs. I drink some water and all of a sudden I'm starting to fucking you know like when you're about to puke. Really? Yeah I started sweating. Eating the edibles are you just sitting there? No no no I hadn't eaten the edibles yet. Oh shit. And then the next thing you fucking know, I'm over there with my shirt off, sweat and perfuciously. And Doug, I was gonna call you like 6-15 and go, I don't know about tonight guys. And I got out, I took a coldish fucking dump.

The whole time I was gonna puke. And I drank a IV liquid IV dog with the 10 minutes the phone started ringing I'm talking to people you know so it's a beautiful thing that's how quick I got I got a little buzz to me I got a little lunch today I had a steak and chicken and rice Jesus Christ I had a steak and chicken and rice. Jesus Christ. I got a new toy now. You know what I said? I went to light.

I took such a disgusting shit. I had to put a candle up and I couldn't find a light. I don't feel like walking till it garage. So I blasted it with this. The candle almost melted. I don't even know what I don't even know how I got. I don't even know what this is Hold on let's be honest. Let's all go ahead

You you love that lighter and you're lighting you've never had a candle I guess you didn't have a candle in the office. I think you love you just love lighting shit with that lighter You know me Whatever the fuck you call those people Not a club though. Whatever a pyro you know Pyro my first career at a Vager 5. I was a pyro I was a pyro 5 to like fucking 7 until the fire department came and that was it That was the end of my pyro career 5 to 7 Jesus yeah Yeah. And that was

like what I'm saying, like it's it. It is crazy to me that you don't do devs. I will think devs will be right up your alley. Listen, man, once if I need a blow toy to get high, it's time for a different fucking party. Your mouth will shoot that. I want it. On you, Arabia, pick up a pound and take your chances like midnight is fresh. Holy shit. I need a pole card to my fucking house to get a high instant. And yeah, people say it's cleaner. I get it. But I'm old school. Listen to that lung, Cux. If I do 10 dabs now, the lung will be gone. This motherfucker's holding on. Pretty soon I'll be on a list.

Pretty soon I'll be on a list for fucking a lung. I have to wait for a trombone player to die. It's something like that. Are you really gonna be on a list? I don't know, but you never know. Anything can happen. Those dads are crazy. They're fucking nuts and they make them stronger and stronger and you know, I just I

Like to get high to enjoy it like the taste of the marijuana I'm a fucking old-school type of dude. You do it for a reason listen. I've quit every fucking thing I've done And I'll tell you what I don't even think about quit marijuana. I take some days off, I, you know, some nights I don't feel like smoking and that's fine. Some mornings I leave here at 8 and you know, I don't get high until 2 to 30. So bam, it's life, you know, but you don't have it. You've never once considered quitting weed. Why it's the last piece of what and who the fuck I am. I'm a fucking old fact now.

I don't do nothing. I don't mug bear. I don't do nothing. I don't call bookies no more than a rascal. I don't do nothing. Where were you calling bookies? I don't know. I'm just telling you that, you know, I'm just like wheels.

So, in my world right now, and it's been like that for years, it's like, when I call my daughter at night, she comes down and I hear her fucking teddy bear. It's a purple one, a big one, you know. And I'm like, Marissa, and I don't even say nothing. I can't say nothing to be about that. But it's like my teddy bear. It's the last piece of, I went to the gym the other day, and I was working out and I put on Pink Floyd Dark Side of the moon. Why? I don't know. It was there. I haven't listened to it. And there were parts of that one. That's the first time I ever fucking trip to.

What did you do for that one? I had to ask it on a six pack of Michelot. I was about 13, you know, 13. Yeah, and I fucking home. I was so high about 40. I could be asked like a one on a Sunday. And I was so fucking high. I was so high about 40. I could be asked to like a one on a Sunday and I was so fucking high I went home like about six At night at night I got home. I tried to get home for dinner before dinner and I

Fucked a one-in-to-that room and I had these posters like basketball. I was a geek, you know I like Led Zeppelin and like Michael Corrin and the McDonald's all started, you know, and I'll never forget at one point, I said, fuck it, this ass is too strong. And I had an A-Track player and I had dark side of the moon on A-Track and I popped that motherfucker in and all of a sudden I started seeing things and I was like, wow Because pink flooring had mixed in with my thoughts and and what I was seeing on the poster

And the next thing you know man. I got up the next morning like I slept the whole night and when I woke up I puked in the middle of my but I didn't go to the bathroom I just twisted my head and puked on my shoulder When I woke up the next morning. I had a dead piece of fucking gum and my shirt smelled like a fucking brewery. But anyway, who were you talking about that? Let's talk about you, Lisa. And I was the week out in Kansas City.

I'm fine. Thank you very much. It was fantastic. It was one of the best weekends I've had in a while. It was really, it was really, really fun Talk to me. What happened Thursday night break it down So it was just a really it was I've had like pretty good weekends recently Um, but like you know like there's always a show or two like I didn't go the way you wanted to go

No, you got five shows. You're gonna die two out of of five. Well, this one, and that's what usually happens. And this one pretty much every show, there was one show that I didn't do as well as I would have liked, but it was still like, it was just a very good weekend. The staff was really amazing. Like the man, like the coolest part, or one of the coolest parts was like the manager sat me down and like Took me through her plan for features and Like what it would be like to work there What she looks for in a feature or put like putting shows to get and it was like just cool to see Like someone's actually putting like foot like thought into it and like what it would look like if I went back and it was just very cool Listen I got into comedy a lot of comedy clubs at the time that had people

who talked to you. You know, in the mid-90s, comedy club owners talked to you. Today, or yesterday, a couple of days ago, one of the guys I used to talk to a lot about the essence of comedy was a guy who did comedy, did sketch, got married, and he moved on to be the comedy club manager in Seattle. His name was Carl woman over. He was there Mondays and Tuesdays for the open mics Oh, it's cool. He cared And then there were comedy club owners or man general managers that they cared and a lot of new me spoke to me

But they didn't care for my type of comedy at the time and that was cool At least they told you that. Right. Absolutely. But one of the clubs that had it when I came back in 94 was the comedy works in Denver. They had a writing class on Tuesdays. And then from the writing class, you went down to the open mic. Okay. And it was, and then after the writing, after the the open mic you talked to the comic again And he was a good good dude his name was Matt Something we'll remember by the end of the show So I understand what you're saying by a manager took the time. It's a lot of fucking fun There are some good people still fucking left in the business

Yeah, and I'll her name is Amanda and she was laughing because she said you called her. During the pen she said you know like one of the only ones and you would call her and just make sure she was okay. And it was just, yeah it was cool to see. It was just nice. I have like, on Wednesday before I left on Thursday,

I had like a terrible set. It was like I was just one more like, people were just staring at me. And I fought them a little bit and got them a little bit, but it was just to go and then just Josh's crowds are amazing. So it's, I've been very lucky. And it was also cool because I wrote a joke with Josh on Thursday and I just did I rewrote it and I did it every

show Friday and Saturday and like just working on it like I said normally would never have the balls to do that. I always, I always, always do new stuff only at OpenMix. And to test something out. Brand new was pretty cool. It's always very cool when a joke works. But what's cooler is when you work with somebody that you kind of have a camaraderie with that actually,

Josh and I did that 30 years ago. From 95, from the time I met Josh, like in 97 and 98, we worked together, 96 and 97, we knew each other's act. And he would tell me things, I would tell him things, and I'll never forget by moving to Los Angeles. We lost half that act Because it was Seattle. I had a Seattle based, you know

So it's really weird how even in the beginning in LA We're very helpful to one another and that's something that You remember forever. That's why we're still so very tight. After all the years and all the L.A. drama, he got it and I got it. Now, I'm important, we were to each other one time when I was but it's very nice to see that he's doing it with you and his son now. Oh, it's been so much fun and it's just like the level that he's at, And it's just like the level that he's at, it's just like the way he looks at writing and performing has been very cool and seeing him and Jake have a great time together. It's really Jake, for people who don't know, is like 26 year old son and they do a ton

of stuff online, they have a podcast, but he's been doing stand up for seven months and he's doing like 10 to 15 up front and doing like a great job Okay Listen he grew up around it when you grew up around it. It's like you you sat there like fucking Johnny mummy eat nettles You were listening and that's very important to see. People don't have, one of the guys I always talk about is Jason Lucas, one of my dearest friends in LA.

I see Jason Lucas, I stop what I'm doing, I give him a big hug, he gives me a big hug. Because we go back to the comedy cabana in Murdle Beach, South Carolina, 1990 fucking seven, maybe. No, yeah, 97, 98. And he came up to me, he was like an MC or an open maker and he goes, how's LA? And I'm like, here another guy is gonna tell me,

he's moving out there, he's like, I'll be out there in two months. And I'm like, okay, I'll see you out there, say hello at the store. And one there, he's like, I'll be out there in two months. And I'm like, okay, I'll see you out there, say hello at the store. And one night, he's in the back watching. And he did that every night. He paid the 15 bucks to go in there. And he just watched all those comics.

And it was a whole different set of comics back then. It wasn't Bill Burr or nothing like that. It was Rogan, Paul Mooney, you know, and then six months later became a dormant. And then two years later him, Steve Simone, Rick Ramos, they became regulars. And I was there that night. And Doug, it was one of the best nights of my life, just seeing Steve Simone got drunk Really, oh he was crying, you know, he gets emotional That was the biggest night of his life Rick Raymels was on the phone in the hallway with his mother crying and

Just to see that I was like damn. I wish I had a mother to share my experiences, but just to see that was so cool. The camaraderie in comedy is one of the best fucking camaraderies you'll ever, for me. For me, there's something about you have friends, and then there's certain comics that we just have a camaraderie. You know, and he may live in LA and I live in New York, but when we see each other, we give each other a low down and we know what's going up. If I hear about something, I call him. If he hears about something, he calls me, but then to take it back that early, when you were typically broke, because me and Josh were doing comedy for we'd split $140.3. First show?

Yeah, we did. Like if he had a feature spot in Portland, Oregon, and he was making 300, he'd take me with him. I'd sleep in the room next to him and fucking go do spots because I wasn't doing anything else. That's awesome. And he'd throw me 50 bucks whatever. I wasn't going down there looking for the money.

We did that all the time. I looked at the Seattle. We did that for two years. After like six months, any gig I had, he got got and then he got, he got, I got. And it was a constant. And when you're an open micro going into that feature, you'll never forget that. Like I, you look at me a fat fuck now. There was a time when I would like a lunch at E ramen and all I'd wait for is for that show.

So I can go to the comedy club and Eat something plus get money after the show and we go to McCormick and Schmitz and Chop up 50 bucks. It was a $2 menu back then You know, that's why I'm so loyal to McCormick and Schmitz whenever we go to San Jose. That's the first place we went to after mother fucking That place the Italian place It's great because like a lot of comics talk about like being competitive or like and even on podcasts I hear comics talking about like how competitive it is, but it is also like I Don't at least at my level, I haven't really experienced that.

Like, it's all been like everyone's super nice. You go out to eat after, you have a drink after a show. It's not like you're taking it from anybody. You go to an open mic. You go to a couple of open mics here. Your friends with a good comedian in your area whether it's Denver, Chicago, Boston And you go to open mics and you know, there's some open mics that are better lovers You know, there's some open mics that

You know or whatever and then there's some open mics that you know, or whatever. And then there's some open mics that when audience goes, they pay attention. The whole thing, you get a couple bucks to drive home. You know, it's a nice open mic. He puts up my nine people. Now, but the nine people he puts out including yourself.

There's gonna be one person in there that it's you and him. He's a good host strong feet starting to feature strong and you're in the same position. You got two options. You open up your heart to the guy if he's a scumbag then fuck him. But if you open up your heart to him and he opens up your heart to you, remember two heads are better than one. And that's where you learned. Like when I started doing that with Josh, it taught me to learn how to work together. It was like my daycare for comedy. I was at this 50 year, 60 year, and now I was allowed

to play in the sandbox with the other sandwiches. And it just wasn't myself and him. There was a couple other people in our crew that we run, run long. We breathed for one another. He was a headliner. So if he got a gig, I was part of it. And if Josh wolf didn't mind featuring, he thought I can take the gig and guess what?

The second show I switch with him and I'd host and let Josh feature. That's no ego comedy. But then you moved to a competitive place like Los Angeles, right? Well, Los Angeles, you start looking at people that you met five, six years ago that couldn't follow you. Now you get to LA and they get in spots every night. Right. Now you have to look at it from a perspective of I can hate this guy and there's not going to be one of those guys. There's going to be three of those guys. You've been to you've been doing comedy for eight, nine years, ten years. You know when you get that light, you can not know the billbirds and shit like that because they bring their own feature.

But you're going to know a majority of comics and a lot of guys you thought you were funnier than They're gonna be kicking ass that way And that because like I can see it would be annoying because I definitely get jealous of people when that when I see some of their shows But it's also Sometimes when I look at a comic and I think I'm better than them and I see that they're doing something like, oh, then I can definitely do it if... Well, that takes time.

Like I said, going over that hump takes time. And once you get over that hump in your LA, again, you open your heart to your friends if they're scumbags, that's it. You don't throw, you know, you don't throw them shit no more. I was thinking about a gig. I got this audition. I wanted to be on the show so bad, called like Kingpin or something on NBC. It was the guy that we did the podcast with from Scarface or it was

Emilio Rivera it was Danny Trejo this is I'm talking if it's 2024 This has to be 2002 2003 I'm gonna forget getting this auditioning going, Doug, I'd be fucking, I'd be, I would love to get this. It's a guest star. I would love to get this.

This would, but the more I read it, I saw two people. I saw Louis Guzman, and I think he was on the show already. I don't know, because this was like one of the early episodes. Like episode three. I had one of the biggest chances of my life. You know, like going in episode three, but the whole time, I didn't feel comfortable

because the guy for this role was Rudy Moreno. Okay. I just felt Rudy. I just felt fucking Rudy for this episode. And I got in there and I learned your addition. I went to a coach. At that time, my coach was 20 bucks. He was a black guy that was brilliant. Gay guy, but he had HIV. I don't know what happened to my lost fucking touch with him. He thought an acting class and he taught, and he'd done it if he liked you,

you know, he worked with you individually. God bless his soul wherever he is. I remember I had an audition, I got late, and he met me at one in the morning. Oh no, shit. Yeah, I lived on, like, I don't know, Hollywood and Shredder or Hollywood and somewhere somewhere and he lived like maybe eight blocks away on Gower

Okay, go to the denny's by Gower and I'll work with you and I remember that we went over it inside But then we went to the park a lot It's through in the morning a minute him rehearsing at a park a lot people walking past us It was fucking tremendous. That's a really cool story. I don't know if I ever got the role in that. I don't remember, but I just remembered it now as I was telling it to you because I called them a couple times late eight o'clock. You know, in those days you get an audition at seven. Seven, fifteen they call you and go, Joe, we have an

audition for you. I 11 o'clock tomorrow. You already got a spot at the store at 1130. Right. And you got to go down there to pick up your 15 bucks. Got it for a bit. And I know, obviously, know what a coach does, but like, why do you like getting a coach for an audition? At that point, I needed, I needed to book shit.

And acting class was great. I was taking cold reading and scene study class and that was great. But you would a coach, he shows you things that he opens up things for you that you're not saying. Like little things like I want you to think about the moment before you go in that room and call that woman a fucking bitch. What are you feeling? You know like stupid shit. So I highlight things for you on that paper that only an experienced actor would see that you don't see

still because you're green. It's very helpful. It's very helpful. And did you ever was there a role that you did that you had a coach that looked really helped? And a couple coaches. One was later on and she was pretty expensive. But I remember like it was like an investment like it was like you get in this role for scale plus 10% Let's throw a round figure up there. It's 700 bucks, right? and What the fuck I can never adjust this it's a nightmare right there. Let's say you're getting 700 for the day. Now out of that you got to pay a commission that's 70 dollars.

You got to pay taxes. All right. I don't know. Maybe you clear 480 right? Let's just she wanted like a hundred dollars for a half hour. Jesus. So think about it. It was very like I went out like I'm in MacGone I had two times in a row and booking two co-stars. And I was pretty impressed because the investment was worth it. But by that time, that was a lot of money. This lady coached like fucking real people, you know.

How come you don't think there's that in stand-up? Or is there that? I haven't heard of that. What's that? Hold on one second. Before we get the standup and the craziness that comes at standup, one of the best things about doing standup, where I fucked up, was the last factory in LA, Orpher's counseling on Monday nights to comics for the low end of the sag whatever like 29 bucks and I guess she had worked with people before and a lot of people going to see her and I made an appointment and I checking out and I wish I would have gone to see her at that point. I wouldn't have ended up burnt out or whatever. Sometimes the same happens in life. Check out my thing for betterhelp.com. You're gonna love it.

Better help is who I joined when I got here. And now, boom, I'm fucking tip top, McGoo. Check this out. What's up, dog? I'm doing great, buddy. All right. Let's do it. How are you feeling okay? Yeah, I feel great. All right. All right, let's go So we were talking about why those in it work for stand up Well, you asked that question I have to answer it from two way, you know, I don't fucking know. For me, it wasn't going to work for me. Unless... Listen, something that I learned from Phil Jackson was, when he was a player, I wanted

to stab him in the heart. He was one of the worst-knick in the world. But you know, guy, that guy went on to win, I don't know, six championships with two teams or something like that. He saw the game from a different perspective. And I like that. And so I'm coming to you from two. I can't really agree with you.

I can't take somebody's money to coach him, Lee. Unless I really, really like what they're doing on stage. And after a point of coaching, I have to manage them. Because if I think that that good, and they stay with me for six months, and I'm not raping nobody, you know. I mean, just speaking, and it doesn't even have to be you. But if there was someone other comic that I trusted or someone who I trusted, I would love that. I'm so jealous in a very good way of Eric, and everyone who gets to be like a door guy at the store, because there's an actual path.

Like being halfway decent standup, you would think. And there's nowhere else that's like the only place. So there was a place where I could go and get advice that I trusted and I'm like not even just stand up but like career stuff. I'm about to game. I've been there Eric took me there. Going there would have had some tight tight tight go time and tell me need some advice. Tell me the advice I'm looking for. Must out the lollipops you know the yum-yums before Christmas Cox that's the best closest thing to that is the closest thing to that is is

hoping that when you move where would a fuck you live? New York, Miami, Los Angeles, where would a fuck you live? That you have two other guys, maybe three, that you really trust. For me, it would be Felipe, you know, Willie Barcena, and like Adam Bernhardt from the store. He's a really, he teaches standup at the store and he used to de-friend the mind. And I'm a him dissecting stuff for me. For some people, for them to come up to me and dissect my shit, I just saw you bond

three times in a row. Right. And you're gonna come up to me and get the kiss of that on me. Jokes. So I don't know. I got to see where you're coming from. The guy Matt Woods, who taught the writing class. Remember I told you I remember his name. Yeah. He ended up becoming a coach for a couple comics. You know, I don't remember their names right now. What I do and I don't know. I'd rather manage you if you want the way I would

and make the choices for you or help you make the choices, then make you pay me out of pocket. You follow them saying to you, so if we start for 90 days, six months, let's see what I like as far as where you're going. You know, at that level, how you're acting around that, how you're acting around that. I you're acting around that. I'm gonna sneak up on you at bars. I'm gonna sneak up on you on comedy clubs. I have to sit in the back and watch. I'm not gonna tell you I'm going to see you. I'm not there with your balls. I'm gonna know what time you're schedulers and I'm

gonna slip in the back. Tell you a couple things and we'll talk on Monday. I'll get out of here and let you go get your dick sucked or whatever it is you're going to do. I'm not going to go on the green room and how are you doing? Back in the day, I knew Kennis and that doesn't do nothing for me. But I can help, you know, like yeah, if I had the time and stuff and you were somewhere local or something, I can't, I can't judge myself on a tape. So I'm not gonna try to judge anybody on a tape. Right. I see when you walk in, I got a fucking seared demeanor

before you get on stage. But again, most importantly, what happens? Because I'm putting a big investment into you. So if I see you fucking stumbling out of there a couple of times, I can't work, then I have to take your money because you're a fucking retard. You know, I'm looking at it for what it is. I'm not looking for John Lennon. I'm looking for it because right now, listen, I really noticed something.

The last 10 years I was doing comedy, there was no bloody underbrod with drug problems. Oh, wow. With no comedians. Look at all those clubs and all the comics that went on every weekend. They're all connected. And you heard little mumbling, there's one comedian that I love him like a brother,

that's never gonna happen. And I wish he, you know, someday, but besides that, it's not accepted anymore To do drugs and be like out of it on the road. I don't need you coming to my bar I don't need you coming to my comedy club with your fucking feature act and you're fucking MC and five of your buddies I don't appreciate you guys drinking seven bottles of the killer I don't need that. And for your fucking door guy to get into a fight with my door guy, I don't need your wife to go out there

and act like the first lady of fucking comedy. I don't need that. I got 20 other comics. I could come in here destroying. I don't they don't even say a fucking beep. They just lucky to be paying them the money I'm giving them. You're coming in there acting like Led Zeppelin 73 They got to play an out for you It's crazy. It's crazy. I have some people take advantage like that But you don't hear about comp listen when I When I was in comedy when I got into comedy there was a

Lot of comics were problems I was one of them, but I didn't matter. I didn't matter. There was the features and headliners, and then when I became a feature, there was little resurgence again. I still remember being a fucking, you know, at my club in Denver, people snort and fucking tons of coke in the a fucking, you know, at my club in Denver, people snort and fucking tons of coke in the green room. You know, the headline would bring a bag with them. And every time you're like, they're doing yummiums, I was not part of a group that people

say they got paid in cocaine. No, I remember one time I got money and they gave us a bonus in cocaine. In Texas, but that's what you would do in comedy for the cartel. You didn't even know it. Jesus Christ. What do you think, why do you think it's, where it is now, where like people aren't getting fucked up?

Is it just because you won't get work? I don't know, it's a different generation. I don't know if Tim Dylan drinks. I don't think you know the only guy know that's a fucking nut is Bert Right, you do whatever fuck you want to the club. He can let himself on fire. Oh, yeah, I break the wreck at the booze anyway And he does I haven't heard anything of him being like out of it in any show If he don't miss shows, you don't cancel shows because he's hungover. Bert is the ultimate fucking professional when it comes to that shit.

That was the only show that I didn't love my set this weekend. Was the show I was a little hungover for. And it was, I was fine, but in my brain, my brain just felt like a little bit like not connected. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm going to get to that in a second to finish that story. I went to this audition. My dick was hard.

I walked in there at a Monday at 10 a.m. It was in the valley. In fact, that building where I went in, it was close to where we lived. It was like up Laurel Canyon, make a right, like two blocks down on the corner. It was on top of a flower shop or something like that. Okay, anyway, I walked in there, fucking everybody was in the room, there were three people in the room.

I read, they liked the reading, but the one lady said to me, I gotta be honest with you, you did a phenomenal job. You're just not right for this and I go, thank you. I didn't think so either, but I didn't want to cancel, but I just wanted to grab a piece of paper. I wanted to tell you who is right for the job.

And they looked at me and I go, Rudy Morano, and she goes, who? And then the one girl went on IMDB and she goes, yeah, maybe, and he'll trust me. It's him. Three days later, Rudy called me. He got the job.

That's awesome. They called him right at the house. I would say, I still remember his number. That's how many times I talked to Rudy on the phone. I got Rudy, I didn't get Rudy a gig. I got Rudy a fucking guest star. Like, that's when it was like $2600 for a guest star And I had a that's how I knew I was opening up my door

My things someone was gonna come my way now. I just I didn't fight for this because I knew it didn't matter Even if they took me to producers Because Whatever but anyway who gives a fuck about me? Talk to me about your adventure with the mushrooms. Oh shit. So sometimes late show Friday, there's a magical show.

So we do mushrooms after I go on. And we have a great time. And the first half of the night was, we were just laughing, the drive back to the hotel, the manager drove us home. It was awesome. It was dying laughing, but I got up to my hotel room and for the first time ever, I went dark.

Like it was like, the only way I could think of describing it would be like ultra-depression. And I've met like, it was, I ended up just listening to my set from that night. And it took me out of it. Like, it took my focus out of it. So I was fine. But I've never experienced like, like, it was like, and if I'd let it, my thoughts go for a second, it would just go right back into it. It was really crazy. I've never had that happen. And has that happened to you?

Has it gotten dark? When I was younger, 1880, 182, I was doing acid late night and I would go home and then fuel it with cocaine and that was like the acid on fire and I'd play like Pink Floyd the Wall or and when you listen to that shit, you know, back then it took you through a magnitude of emotions like you cried, you're giggled, you laughed, cried, and then you wiped your tears giggling like, I fucked hell, you know, you're going through a fucking trip. Yeah, and then I was going through the TV,

and I hit that scene with Denzel and Man on fire. Who much one? Excuse me, when he's in his room, I didn't say excuse you to you. I used me for burping. He was in his room and he's hammocked and he's doing all this shit. I still remember doing that on acid. Really? Yeah, I think like just having a conversation with yourself. You're in there deep. You're deep in the murky waters. You're going

through shit. I'm not going to tell you I had a gun in my hand with a, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. But I still remember when he was doing it with a bottle. Yeah, you know, when I saw that scene, I really enjoyed, I go, he's hitting home right now because that's what happens when you get high by yourself. And at one point a night, the acid, the cocaine, the speed, it becomes a psychosis.

The alcohol, you're going to like a fucking weird psychosis. It's enjoyable for some. It's not enjoyable for others. It's scary. You wake up a little depressed in the morning because how you acted in the mirror the night before. I've never looked in the mirror, but yeah, it was definitely strange. And like my brain, I slept, I was up until like six. I thought about calling you for a second. Like five, it was like, shit, call, John. You know, fucking phone. It's crazy to wake up in the morning and there's fucking three missed calls.

You know, people get hammered friends of mine and talk, I don't hear that fucking thing ring. Like right now when I finish with this, there's a football game, I gotta eat dinner. I plugged this phone in, I'll come back here with 10. It's not like anybody's calling me at eight for auditions anymore. You know, like I said to you 20 years ago,

2015 years ago from fucking six o'clock to seven, you better be home with a pan and a piece of paper. Cause everyone will call you after the like at the end of the day. Super market with Terry and also I get a fucking call. Hey, I got to talk to you. Jeff call me back in 15 minutes. I have to pay the fucking Ralph thing and we shoot him. And I get in, what's going on? Listen, you got a call back from producers,

but I got you an audition for something else. It's your call back is at 3.30, but this is at 3. So you know, it was fucking, but I told them you'd be there by four. So you're gonna go into the room first. I already set that up and then you're going to shoot them. Marina Del Rey. I mean, it was shit like that. And started thinking of a showcase for CBS at the Impra. Like, it used to be heavier than I was younger. I was involved in more of the older you get. The old, you know, the opportunities diminished. Nobody wants to see you on Dave Letterman,

unless you've been on Dave Letterman since you were 22. Wow, okay. You know, unless, you know, whatever, they're looking for young up and coming talent. Unless a guy like me, like Ron White puts on a tremendous HBO special and now everybody wants to see him, which I think he'll do now. Ron White's on a tremendous HBO special. And now everybody wants to see him, which I think he'll do now. Ron White's back on the road.

I'm fucking excited to see. Oh, I know he's bummed, but I never got to see him. Yeah, he's back on the road now. And all he's doing is San Antonio and something else. But I got to tell you what happened to me, what I've got myself involved in. Did you know what to say? I don't think so.

Me and a bunch of moms, a taken fucking six kids, Friday night to the garden, to see Jelly Roll and a bunch of bad music that the kids like. You're going to the garden? Yeah. So wait, are you going, I, I, I'm in shock because I would have never have guessed

you would go to the garden. I'm assuming you got pretty good seats. A jelly roll. So I don't know why he's gonna put me but wherever he puts his bag is can't be choosy. Okay, well that's cool that he's giving you tickets. Yeah, I mean, I'll see, I'm knocking down Friday, let's see what the money's on on Friday, you know,

let's crack a lactin' with these bitches and then, but yeah, and then we're trying to get three other mothers, two other mothers, and three other kids' tickets. So, they've been online, we've been talking, chit chat and so I'm just gonna wait, talk to my man, Jelly, and you know what, you've never been excited about something like, yeah, when my daughter found out she put on a costume from Olivia Rodrigo,

one of her videos, I was down here and she was up there jumping down, talking to my wife about it. She was so excited She banged the head on the kitchen cabinet Yes, she's got a shine at today she was bleeding a little bit So that's the deal brother. I was just thinking like is this the first concert you guys have been together? Yes, we went to like that show, Ching-Chang, with the Chinese people, the Dury Akron bats, you know. We bit the whole thing.

I don't think it's called Ching-Chang. I forget what the name but is. Oh, but that's pretty cool. I mean, we talked for hours on the church about like all the concerts you went to as a kid. Oh yeah. That's pretty cool. Because you think I don't think you've ever got a one with your mom?

Are you fucking retarded? I wouldn't take my mom to a concert. I'm gonna take my mom to see fucking black Sabbath at the God. Are you fucking crazy? I don't know if you made it. My mom and I used to go like the Holland Globe Brothers and the Cirque. That was the extent of it. A lot of fucking Mac games. Right. Oh yeah, definitely. So that was the extent of it.

You know, I seek little girls with the what the hell had to you know, what's the girl that's popular now? Taylor Swift? Yeah, Taylor Swift. What the Taylor Swift had to do is, and their fathers have to take them, you know, the tickets are too grand, but, you know, when you come to Dickham,

but they got you on a string, it's your kid. Yeah. You know, what I wouldn't do for me, I'd have, like, I wouldn't pay ten years ago. I would want to go see Roger Waters with Ari. We got the acid the whole thing. I told Ari I got a preconceived number. It's 200. 200 the highest I'll fucking pay. And I got down there and nobody

had them less than that. We went to eat at police and we came home and watch the movie. We tripped for a little while on the train back and that was the end of it. Nobody got their feelings hurt, you know. But if somebody came to me from experience with my child, yeah, that's just not like a Led Zeppelin content, that's an experience. They're going to see a bunch of YouTubers and, listen, it's the holiday season. What wouldn't you do for your kids? Exactly. It's amazing how much how expensive stuff for kids is. Listen, but here's the where I went. I went because I don't have to take out a fucking

American doll fucking. Or you don't like that shit shit and she don't even talk about Mickey Mouse and Disney Land Now I'll go up to him go you want to go to Disneyland Orlando? She'll go not really thank you She's done with that shit, so I'm very fucking lucky hold on I'll tell you what I'm not done with putting in a good bet tonight. It's Monday night, Coxuckers. The Jaguars are giving 10 to fucking Cleveland Cincinnati who have no quarterback. You know what? Who gives a fuck? The under his load tonight. It's under 40.

But anyway, talk is cheap. Let's talk to draft Kings about what's crack a larkin. Hey, guys. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Listen, what's up? You crazy animals. I'll put you over here to talk to you about mental health, especially during the holiday season.

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I was with them for about six months. They helped me, got the party started, and here I am, coping with the little anxiety I have in my life now. Just taking a step, I've brought the fresh air. What do you think I got that from? Confucius, better help! I think get started just fill out the quick question there and get matched with a licensed therapist You can even switch therapists at any time for free. Who's better than them?

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Anyway, I did great yesterday on Draft Kings. I had the Patriots in the Chargers under 38.5. And at halftime, they let me cash out and I only gave up seven bucks and I was like, I'll just take you just in case some weird shit happens. Anything happen? No, the Patriots lost six to nothing. Don't have cash out, Mukuru. For seven bucks, I think. No, seven.

What if they came back? The England couldn't come back against fucking a PWP yesterday. Who you get? That's true. So I got a slow death yesterday, but I deserved it. Why? I deserve, listen, I'm the type of guy to say how it is. If I deserve it, I deserve it. Why? Because when I woke up in the morning, before I left it like 10, I didn't even know who was playing You know as a thousand games on Thursday You lose count anymore. I opened up the thing and the first game was

Miami giving 9.5 points to the Washington commanders and the second game was that was on that Was a game that oh Detroit giving four and a half to New Orleans and New Orleans. Jesus. Well guess what I did. What did you do? I know I know one of them. As much as I loved fucking Detroit and I bet them every time they play, I fucking bet New Orleans, maybe they lose by three and I cover by one. Instead, fucking Detroit one by five

and I got fucking the fucking muffler. So, fuck. But then I came, I mean, let's not lose 25 bucks, you know what I'm saying? And then I bet 25 on the over late night and that came back and everybody was fucking happy. I did not touch that Kansas City in whatever game, but they were very distinct. I was watching someone, my wife, my wife on upstairs. I wanted to see what the score was. It was 2119. Right away, I go, let me just check

draft games. If you bet 25 bucks on Kansas City on the money line, it paid 110. Don't think I was tempted. Yeah, I thought they were going to come back. That Thank God I wasn't logged in. It was a arithmetic. Four minutes left, this is a no brainer. This guy's gonna throw two touchdowns and fucking four minutes. So I turned it off because I wasn't logged in anyway. And as I went to log in and just take the chance, Columbus did fucking Minnesota or whoever,

Green Bay scored and I said, fuck it, thank God I didn't, it was thank God that they make you log in. See, that's why I like draft Kingscon seconds. That's safe, we're million fucking times. But no, my friend's gonna drive us, he's got a company. Oh nice. Because up here with all the moms, we're not stopping in New York City.

We're gonna stop up North, get something to eat after we go through the traffic Friday. After we're gonna be a busy fucking day. Smart. The door's open at 5. We're gonna be at 6. And instead of having to park and all that shit, we just get out of car and walk in with the girls. Go in, sit down on tickets.

I'm not gonna take out a booze or nothing because I got to watch these kids. This is going to be your torture. I'm not to put 3D glasses on a something just to enjoy the fucking thing. Then hopefully wait for jelly and then hopefully take the girls backstage and the moms and say hello and get the fuck out of here. Hopefully be up. Be back by like midnight. We got a 930 basketball game. Holy shit. You believe what I'm talking about now compared to what I used to talk about? No.

Today you said you were kind of tired. I said to you that was the flight, the spot the night before. It's rough-eat mushrooms and being on the road, the hotel, I go, think about how old are you? You said 35, I was doing that when I was 55. And doing it three times a month and doing eight podcasts a month, God knows we're putting in our veins and those fucking nights.

So you people, I thought you were like, how is on such a fucking go that, you know, so you people I thought this like how is on such a fucking go that you know, this is like paradise now I'm like are you fucking crazy. So when we started we were doing the podcast at 6 am so there are two other days you were up early. So it was those weeks I remember putting down like 30 fucking pounds. I went up to 346 pounds when I baptized mercy. Wow. Well, I was eating a lot with my wife and fucking whatever, but the sleep was not there. I was waking up Monday and Wednesday morning with you at 4.45.

Then I would take the early flight on Thursday. I would do radio on Friday. Saturday sleeping. And then Sunday, I was going to bed for three hours. I was getting back to my hotel room at one, getting picked up at 4.45, 6 a.m. You know, that's not sleep. You watch Tula on order. You, you just slice a fucking dominoes poison. And then you burp and fart all night and all of a sudden the alarm's going on. It's time to wake up. Ain't nothing there. Oh yeah, it was, I've done it a few times, but it was, it's, it's definitely like that

early flight, that early flight. Every time I do it, I get mad at you. Because I just, I just know, but I know you're right, but it's getting up and that's 70m flight is rough. Listen, in the words of Red Fox, if you got to do something, do it and get it to fuck over with. Right. It over with. So even whatever you're in your bed that night and you're relaxed, your clothes are in the laundry already, that night and you're relaxed, your clothes are in the laundry already, they're percolating, they're taking the smell of Stamina and bars and fast food joints and you know it's it's a it's really hard for people to not know the damage you put on as a comedian when you start traveling and you're flying commercial

these guys are flying fucking private. That's tremendous. You bring somebody to give you a fucking tow rub, but I'm talking about commercial, you know, when you're rough in it, it's a tough fucking world. And it's a world that, like I said to you, I burnt out so much on flights. I don't wanna see a fucking plane.

I don't need to go anywhere right now. I don't blame you at all. I was actually was wondering that though. Have you? Because like it seems like there's like crazy shit happening on planes. People going crazy. People shitting themselves. Did you ever see like we're like a crazy thing happen on a plane? When the guy tried to steal my seat, he wanted me to sit where he was sitting at five in the morning and out of that guy. That's my seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but my friends sitting there. So if you don't mind sitting in my seat behind the window, I'm like, get up. It was fucking early in the morning. It's a five hour flight. The headable in kicking yet and you're sitting in my chair with fucking shoes on with no socks on, I will fucking stab you in the fucking lung, get the fuck up you miserable cock

sucker and then the fucking lady came and I'm like he's in my chair and he left. That's a lot of shit like that but what's going on today is unacceptable? People jumping out of planes and shit in New Mexico. Come on. That guy did a fucking edible because I'll tell you what, I almost did that a few times. If you want me to lie to you and sit in here and say no, I'm Uncle Joe, I could do this, I could do that. You go fuck yourself Jack. There was a couple of times I was on that plane thinking, this is my time. And then I didn't say nothing to anybody.

I didn't complain, I never told anybody. And then one day I was talking to Arnie and he goes, oh my God, did I tell you what happened on the flight the other day were broken? No, what happened? He was sitting in first class and the edible hit me. And he goes, I really considered getting off the plane And I'm like does that happen to you a lot he goes

Sometimes and I go it's been happening to me a lot lately Like I was selling a plane going excited and then all of a sudden you're sitting there You hear the engines going and you're like, this edible, this might be the time that the flight goes down. You start getting a lot of fucking, you do, you've been on 90 flights in two years, you know. There's gotta be an arrest on this flight. So, it's happening, why would you do it? It's fun. It's psychological warfare. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. would freak out that much. You know, I had my moments, man. God for the people. God for the people I put myself through when I was 17, 16, emotionally unstable and eating that window pain. And that's eight hours, Lee, of beating and thinking in your heart, making noises. And you know, this is somebody's chasing you, somebody's outside, somebody's in the closet. That's cocaine, that came away, but anyway, it's all the same thing.

The someone wanted to talk to you about is we don't really, this is just our own little thing. You don't even understand what the fuck we're doing. This is about us. I don't, you know, everything else is background music. You say something wrong. But I don't care about that listen. It's all over I'm too old you want to can't if you didn't cancel me with the one-legged woman You ain't got to cancel me now cock suckers, but I want to talk to you about what's going on with Matt right?

Okay, and it is so crazy how people I Don't listen. I was shooting a movie in June and one of the young assistants We were driving to the set with another girl another guy as she goes Joey Have you ever worked and met right from them like I? Don't even know what that right is then the girl came up with his picture. I'm like I'll tell you what I right for his. Then the girl came up with his picture and I was like, I'll tell you what. I remember meeting him and seeing him somewhere, but I'm not going to tell you that I'm his best friend. And that's what, you know, right. Maybe seeing him at the store. And I remember that he was a nice kid, very respectful, or he was just a nice kid. I don't know if I watched him. I'm not going to tell you I watched him. He was, you know, a specter. I don't really remember. And then I started hearing his name more and more and more.

And then, you know, it's not like I'm going to look up fucking stand up right now at that place in my life, you know, and then more people were asking me. And then I started seeing clips of him. And, you know, he's just a younger looking guy. He has, he's good as a comic, but he's got years to develop. He's young, you know, when he's 35, he's going to be a killer. Oh, yeah. I think he's like 26, my mom must they get it. Yeah, well nine years. He just needs some heavy duty shows. She'll pal this, that. He needs to do a couple of Puerto Rican shows.

Yeah, he needs to just, so supposedly, I watched that. And I watched that joke when he said that. And I remember silently saying to myself At least he's got both You know I Love I like this in response. Did you see what he what he tweeted? tremendous and Right now I see all this fucking hate for this kid. He's canceled listen if he's canceled guys

He's canceling out with 15 mil that's fucking you know that's 14 million 99 more dollars than you okay, you know He ain't gonna know where if he's smart and I know they got a business manager from that dude is buying something you know a fucking apex fucking missile or something and he's good guys don't worry about of his cancel he's not cancel he threw a jab at people because some stand-ups still exist from time to time and there's some stand-ups that people forget that when you become a stand-up you're not a tool for society you're a tool against society you're telling you're take on it I don't want you to go out there you know be a

fucking revolutionary you know nobody and that's what happens to comics they become revolutionaries that's you know so he's got a lot to develop he's got the world by the balls and for you people say he's canceled. Go back to your fucking suit, whatever kind of soup you're eating tomato soup. Go look into the word testosterone and you're like, you know, you can't, you gotta stop canceling people. This movement has to fucking stop for dumb reasons, you know. It's a joke. It didn't affect your life. But anyway, that was my main thing. I'm not gonna talk against being walk or any of that shit. That's not to do with that. I just think people are fucking confused and it shows the amount shows the amount of,

Lee, I've cut my internet use. Smart. I had it. And when I, every once in a while I look and I remember why, there's a girl I follow on Instagram. I don't have a crush on her. I'm not stalked and I've never seen a thing to her.

She's an Italian girl. She. It's called the Italian princess. Lee, the food this girl eats, you gotta follow her. And she's hysterical. I don't know how much this girl eats. I don't know how she puts it away. I mean, the pizza right now, I mean, the mutsu-a-o, and the British sandwich, it is 10 in the morning. My fucking morning sandwich. You know, it goes all day. It ends at a restaurant with

fucking 20 things, just leave. It is one of the most interesting things I've seen. The girl's got to be 24 fucking years old, 25 years old. I don't know if she's an influencer. I don't know how many followers she has. And my world, it's not like she's on there in a bikini. She's very respectful. The reason why I started following her was because she's a young girl and she still speaks Italian to a grandmother. Oh, that nice. That did something to me like I moved back here. Nobody's on the street yelling at Italian no more. I Believe in those fucking Italian. It's like they should all be ashamed of themselves But that's why I liked it because he was talking to a Italian to a grandmother when they were disgusting

Making fucking soup for something like that Go away, cock sucker. Anyway, no, there's a lot there's a lot of bad stuff, but there's also like a lot of Good stuff online if you can find Very interesting. She's tremendous. So You want I just looked at a thing, you know, and I'm scrolling down the last two videos you put up and right there And the front right there Some fucking guys like like a seabed telling that she got nice tits or whatever. You put a picture up in a female. You're gonna get that

whether they're in a dress or they're in a bikini. No, this was like this girl should be taken down. She all she does is eat and she's eating the wrong feet. She should do this and everybody was discussing her diet. And I'm like, what the fuck are people seeing that I'm not fucking watching? I have people have lost their mind online. On both sides of it, on content and the comments. That's why I had to slow it down. That's it. I do my Monday.

I post on my Patreon. And I keep it light because it is... It is fucking hell long wheels out there. There was something else I saw about a week ago and I'm like, this person has not done anything wrong at all. You know, and you just, whatever you post now, I don't even look, Lee, I'm too old to even look anymore. You're just... What do you think about like your daughter watching YouTube?

They have a restricted upstairs. My wife did something. Listen eventually they're all going to watch fucking YouTube. But eventually there's a kid in the group that's a little older. She's 13. There's two of them. There's one of them that just says hello But there's one of them that always looks at me and smiles like she knows something Okay, I thought about it for a while she knows something and she always goes like, ah, you know

Listen, they're gonna see If she got a problem come to me and talk to me you know You know I'm like go ahead. I'm sorry All I was gonna say was not not even like a problem with like you and seeing your stuff I'm just saying like all the All the shitty stuff on you Where is it this computer empire? I'm gonna set you on fire when I see in the car seat

Then by used to burn you with the light it when you hold the joint I slip and make believe I fire when I see you in the car seat. Remember I used to burn you with the lighted? And when you hold the joint, I'd slip, I'd make the lead by slipping, I'd burn his fingers out. You did it every time, you would always like my finger. You were nice and nice, so you didn't know what was happening. You didn't even freak me out and just do the lighter and a jump. That was half a sleep. But, yeah, that's what a fuck I'm at, guy.

What was the last question, brother? I just, I'm just about kids with YouTube. We were talking about that. Listen, kids are gonna see what they're gonna say. Right. Go mercy a long time ago, she goes hunting and she sees something she don't like. That's what happens for going hunting.

You got a question you come talk to me. If some kid at school says something to you, come talk to me. We'll watch the video. Some kid at school went there one day, a show to the TikTok of Tom Segura saying, I do something and I did acid and coke for 20 years. You know, when she saw that, what do you want me to tell her?

So that's why it all led to me to opening up my trap about the weed. I don't want her upstairs to take an heated air on and coke for 20 years. So I got to give her something. I'm like fucking poison. Give them something to believe in. You got to give them the fucking

The whammy you gotta give them the fucking weed She knows drink she knows she sees my baby. She knows I'm up for there. She doesn't know about her on a cocaine at all She knows a little bit about narcos. That's it. I don't know why it's Godfather Harlem with them She watched car face, but she didn't watch the cocaine thing. Or just the beginning? Yeah, like the beginning or something else. Then she doesn't really like it. She doesn't know that.

It would make her mind blow up. I wouldn't even take it as. It's not even in our world. It's not around here. It's got nothing to do with her or on me or you, you know. I'm so happy the relationship you guys have. It's so cool. Like you just sang earlier. Can you imagine this is what I'm talking about with the basketball game? Like she's getting old. She's getting old and like it's a different. It's

just cool to see you so happy. It's not that I'm happy. It's that it was time, brother. It was time to this makes me happy. This makes me happy. Seeing you once a week and talking to you every night about comedy is shit. I'm good after that. I'm living by carelessly through you. That's all I need. I smoke my weed at night and I'm like how would it be if I drove with Lillio? That'd be fucking crazy. So yeah, that's where I'm at my friend. I love you buddy. I love you too. So thank, that's where I'm at, my friend. I love you, buddy. I love you too, so thank you, and what do you got this week? This week, I have one, I have open mics every night,

and then on Sunday, I'm in Reyna, Massachusetts, at the Asian Palace, at 1 o'clock. I'm doing my first Chinese food restaurant. All right, that's good. That's all you got next week. That's all I got doing it. I'm doing my first Chinese food restaurant. All right. Well, that's good. That's all you got next week. That's all I got next week. A bunch of stuff coming up, but next that's all that I have for this week. I was thinking about that New Year's Eve gig. I love you too much. Stay home, mind your business. I'm going to try to get your New Year's gig in the city,

like a 10 minute guest spot, 10 minutes ahead of the risk of fucking life. God knows what they got to do in New York City and maybe you wake up New Year's Day and nothing happened, but why come all the way to New York and go back, you know, for the small 10 minutes, 10 minutes in front of America with a fucking fire happy New Year hat on and one of those noise makers by yourself. After you're in fucking training, I need you in training, cock sucker. Of course. Renights a week like Uncle Joey.

Don't forget one of the most important fucking things. The holiday season is coming. I haven't eaten them in about two weeks because I'm getting ready for the holiday season. But at fun factory farms, either on Instagram or on Telegram. Telegram, right? Go on Telegram.

Go to fun factory farms and get yourself a couple of cookies. And your chill with grandma over the holidays, nobody knows nothing. You could watch the fucking bowl games eat a few mushrooms and put Uncle Joey's savage and get 10% off. That's how I wrote it Like I said a couple weeks ago. I went off to the reservation with him like Thursday Friday Saturday By Sunday it was too deep. I was deep deep deep in the murky waters and I took a break that's it. was the first time I ate anubus since last Monday probably wow it's

almost a week off yeah every time I eat these things like I got to clean up the fucking cabinet I found myself eating candy canes like the one that I must ate ten bubble gum candy cans I don't even like canes. Like the one that I must ate, 10 bubble gum candy cans. I don't even like that shit. And then the next time I attacked the regular candy cans. On Friday when I was having that trip, the only thing I had in my room was rice cakes. I ate 21 makes cakes in about 15 minutes.

It was like a wedding. Caramel and chocolate. It's all I had and I couldn't go down stairs and then I just didn't I'm still cheap. I didn't want to pay $50. I've been cold McDonald's delivered So I just had the rice cake McDonald's when you're on mushrooms Would mentally destroy you in the middle of that meal You think so I know so I was just trying to get out of it

of that meal. You think so? I know so. I was just trying to get out of it. You know, it's supposed to eat McDonald's. So, you're gonna think about that. And then actually that night, you're gonna actually taste a leg. Like, it's gonna taste like somebody's leg. And the mushrooms gonna take it to a different level. And that's the end of that, cock sucker. Well, I'm glad I didn't get it then. Well, me too. So get your leg together. No more mushrooms, noucker. Well, I'm glad I didn't get it then. Well, I mean, too. So get your life together. No more mushrooms, no more fast food. I know, I don't have fast food. I don't. I rather you eat fucking the corn chips

with the chili flavor on them. Oh, they're fucking good. That's mine, yeah. But anything tastes bad on mushrooms. Yeah, I don't eat, I don't do anything really. Let's sneak out of the room to smoke some herb and fucking to calm that cagga down and then that'll bring up some appetite. Then you eat and you go right to bed.

Maybe I'm at the bang one out with a little pink in your ass. Oh, you never know. It's a different world out there. I love you, Lee. Let's talk. We can now for a word from us, ponsors. Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, and that's it. I want to thank you guys for listening.

But let me talk to you about something that's time for you to fucking see the devil. This is the time of the year where it's all over the shouting the cousins are coming over kids are coming over You need something to help you get the way you need to be that's where uncle Joey comes in That's where free spite comes in Joey. What's free spite? Like I told you in the beginning of the show freeze pipe is a bong that has a glycerin chamber and beginning of the show. Freeze pipe is a bong that has a glycerin chamber and every piece that you pop in the freezer for just an hour. So the piece comes off, okay. It's like a j...if jamed barn had a fucking bomb, this one would be it, okay. As the...when you're ready to smoke,

you take it out of the freezer, you put it on the fucking bottom, man. You fill up that shit with the fucking devil. Listen, you take one hit as the smoke passes through it. It's cooled down by over 300 degrees. For the icy hits, you'll never have. You think you're smoking bond hits with a snowball up your ass. And then you nobody cocked suck it. No matter how you like the smoke, bond, dad brings whatever.

Freeze pipe is here to chill everything out. And if you like blunts, freeze pipe has a little blunt for you. Made with durable glass, these babies would stand years of use and abuse. They ain't coming back a year. They're not gonna cancel you out. Bons don't have that option.

So do yourself a favor, this Hollywood, this Hollywood, this Hollywood day, holiday. Do yourself a favor, take care yourself. Shop the smallest pipes, bubblers, bonds, more at the freespipe.com and pressing code DS, DIAZ. It's time to hit that fre freeze pipe to loosen that mucus up to get 10% off your entire order. Listen grandma don't want that fucking little gift card to fucking weather bees, whatever it is apple bees that should'll make a rass whole rare. that she'll make her ass hole rare. So probably get the party started.

Go to thefreeespipe.com and use code D.S. and get 10% off. I want to thank Draft Kings. I want to thank BetterHelp, but I want to thank you savages. Have a great week and we'll see you fucking next week.