Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #15 - Mental Savages

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about taking his daughter to her first concert at Madison Square Garden, the kid in the crowd who drove him nuts there, and being inspired by Jelly Roll. Joey and Lee also talk about Lee going to see Anthony Jeselnik, what Joey would do right now if he was 30 years old, and what Joey hopes people take from the podcast. Support the show & get 55% off your Babbel subscription at https://www.babbel.com/JOEY Support the show & get 10% off your entire Freeze Pipe order at https://www.thefreezepipe.com with code DIAZ Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com when you use the code JOEY This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ and get on your way to being your best self. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

I was wondering if you have like a pre-show routine. Like if you did, like sometimes I'll dance around, like I stretch a little bit before I go on. I don't, it's not something I like planned on doing, but I just noticed that it's something that I tend to do a lot. All right. I don't know if you had anything like that you do.

You said warm it up. You were around me for years. You know, I do. What the fuck, what's happening? What's happening, you savages, it's Tuesday, the 12th of December, the check-in is brought to you by my favorite, the freeze pipe. You need a little something to get you

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One for your lives It's over they didn't put you on this planet just to give up a book with Joey to do it I can fucking the rule of the world. I think you got to be thinking It's Monday, Cox suckers, Tuesday, the twelfth is shit. What's up? My little boy. It's good to see you, dude. How are you? You know, tip top McGoo, happy Hanukkah and all this shit. What's up? My little brother. He and you. How are you? You know, tip top my goop happy Hanukkah and all this shit. I hope you let another

joint tonight. I put the menorah up. I got joints in that motherfucker this year. Like I told you that's that's the play right there. Anybody can light a fucking candle. Get a menorah. Roman candles in that motherfucker and get the whole neighborhood jumping up and down. You know what I'm saying? Do you have a menorah? I have a little baby menorah to put joints in there. I don't want to offend nobody this time of the year. You know what I'm saying? It's a it's a rough time of the year. You want to be happy. So No one's gonna get offended by a menorah. Fuck them. That's it. I got up. I don't know what the fuck I did with it

I had died. I got the Jewish hand. I got a bunch of stuff, you know How was the concert, buddy? the concert was Out of this world. First of all, like by Friday morning, if you know anything about me, I was not looking forward to it. I was hoping that.

Fucking somebody born New York or something like that. Like I was like, something's gotta go down because I'm not in the fucking mood to go over there with no one. It's a shit. Sorry about the lights in the back. My wife ain't here tonight. Yeah, what do you want me to do? I barely fucking, whatever.

But, you look beautiful. But here's the thing that was very unique. Like I went online, I looked at some of the bands and I didn't know any of them, except for Jelly Roll. For me, it wasn't even about the concept. It was to just take the kids. They wanted to go and they had been excited and the whole fucking thing

and the girls were excited, my wife and my neighbor crazy Chris and you know, we took two other moms and we just shot over there on a bus, man. And I was telling somebody today I got to the garden and I sat down with my daughter and the rest of the kids and then the girls left to get t-shirts and stuff.

But Mercy goes for a second, she goes, no, I'm going to stay with Dad and make sure he's okay. I was fine. She just thought, you know, she didn't want to go. And we were just talking and she goes, how old were you the first time you came here? And I'm like, I have, you know. And then I was remembering the fucking circus. The first time I went to the circus, you know, they give you these whistles, there's these lights.

And you're a string and you're spending around. I told you. And then the next year I went, but when they turned the lights off, you hear the fucking thing is you hear kids getting hit in the head with the fucking lights. The next year I went back and they had those little half retarded helmets. At that time, there were like little ones and shit. But the circus was real in New York City. They didn't even have a net and shit at that time. If a fucking lion, if one of the guys fell off the top, you'd see the lion drag them off and shit.

Oh my God. It would help sweep them off You know, I started going to that place when I was young. I didn't know what that place was and then as I got older I got older and I was like wow and then when Michael Jackson came to town in 1984 it was my equivalent of like Led Zeppelin coming to town to shoot the movie in 75. They just locked up New York City It was just locked up Lee. I can't even describe what New York City was like that day It was just locked up like 10 blocks around the garden. You couldn't move your fucking car People just jumping out of cabs and walking that's

That's how much intensity Michael Jackson brought to that fucking garden not 81 but in 84 I went to see him both times and it's crazy not to derail you but I just want to think about this first like without the internet that people went that crazy like was it just in like the papers and like on the railings. And as you knew, you know, New York City is a big city. Very small city. You know, like I remember having friends that had friends, you know, when I was like in the eighth grade that used to go to Keith Richards and Mick Jagger's building in the city.

So people start to find out your hangouts. Oh, okay. You know, New York City's big, but it's very small. And we're all creatures of fucking habit, you know? So I don't even know what I was talking about. You were talking about the cons, you said it was like, it was like Michael Jackson 84. Michael Jackson, but it's like, you didn't know, but you knew.

So you had, you know, you, you looked at where the best hotel was in New York. And that's where you went look at Michael Jackson. Some of our kids in giraffe. You're saying? So it was like everybody was in New York looking for Michael. I still remember Madonna, like Madonna crazy in New York City, like an 84. I remember these things and it was like so hard to describe to people. That's when you get to see the real heartbeat that is New York City.

Like when John Lennon got shot that Monday night football, that foul on Sunday, the city was locked up. the city was so locked up. I couldn't even get to the park. So instead I went to the village It's that type of fucking atmosphere of that type of energy. Let me tell you something now We got there for the doors opening and there were 30 people online We cut the lines. Yeah clear. They got clear at the garden. So we whipped up that old app out of the phone and we just showed it. We even pay for it. We haven't had clear. We canceled it. Why? What's that? Like the clear from the airport. They got a bunch of places to go. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, that's really cool.

That's really cool. You go to certain games, cut the line, not get searched, you know, the whole fucking deal. So you got right in, got right in, and we were like the first ones in our area. Like, I was like, what happened to this city? And it was a lot of young people, but the share was there. And it was a lot of young people, but the share was there.

And that was interesting, because the first three bands were like kid bands, and the kids were dancing. I went downstairs and met with Jelly Roll then. I took my wife for the first band, the second band, and went downstairs and saw Jelly Roll and sat with them. We talked about the music, the dog, I congratulated them.

And then we went back and the girls are going crazy. All of them. And there were these two old gay guys. All right, New York City, Gag, see? Again, I'm not putting nobody down. I'm just talking about, there's like four generations of gays, these like the three, the third generation, the guys my age, maybe 67.

Okay, that's a different type of gay dude, okay? I mean, you don't even wanna look at them. Because don't just look at you and you're sucking their dicks subconsciously, like the savages, their mental savages, they've been gay for 50, 67 fucking years, they know how it's done. They could crack, you know, it's like nothing for them.

It's like me showing up to an open mic for 10 minutes. I could do it with my eyes closed. After 10 minutes, I'm gonna have a problem. But these two dudes wouldn't flip themselves to the first three fucking bands, okay? I would sit there and just watch him, right? I would just sit there, and I gotta tell you more. I would just sit just to let you know,

things have not changed in the Joey Diaz world. I'm looking at these two gay dudes, right? They're not even really good looking. They're just old, one of them is balding. The guy that was balding was abroad, because he had the purse, right? He had like a little macho purse. So I'm watching this whole thing go down cuz I got a report back to Eric right

Right, so finally share came on These guys were furious the whole night to keep looking at It could believe there were kids, you know, they were just fucking miserable Two gay dudes that all are interested in was assholes and fucking share like you can tell when they say man they got up out of that seat they were jumping up and down oh god they were going fucking nuts they had their phones out and were hugging each other they were kissing each other saying one fucking song ten minutes right now these tickets I don't know what they caused share got off these two guys got up and fucking abandon ship.

That was it. That's crazy. Not even a smile on their faces after that. They went back to being miserable gay guys from the 60s. They got flashbacks, they got support groups for these fucking old-of-fact. There's nobody liked them in the 60s and 70s. They didn't get to talk to people

to Medona came on, 85 out and they saw some daylight. But then there was one kid that was driving me fucking crazy. Why? Three little chubby girls. I like just so people know, you know, they were probably the Jewish descent happy Hanukkah. Right away, I don't like them because they're out on fucking Hanukkah night, right? Jumping up and down. But the thing that bothered me the most was the kid the kid had to be 16 17 he was crying and yelling more than the girls when people would

perform to the point where he was taking his phone out and singing the lyrics to the phone and he was Jewish skinny had the hook nose and he had the curly he had the curly fucking aria I can make it no more. So the one girl sang a song called Fruitcake and I'm like Fruitcake I'm calling him. He ain't answering me so finally I take a piece of nicotine gum. He's sitting there looking at himself in between acts and I just fling the nicotine gum. No, you didn't. Come on now and it lands on his shoulder roll.

Well, he just looks at it. He knows he's getting hate mail and this is just the beginning, right? Hmm. So after once fucking jelly roll came on and he wasn't into Jellie role, him and the Chubby girls, but when Reza came on,

the sexy black girl, which Cassius Morris said to me to slip his number, because he wanted to bust into that monkey, right? Cassius, he sent me a fucking thing, and she is very attractive, that girl, Resa. When Resa was on, Resa, whatever a fucking name is. I have no idea. He was dancing and yelling again.

Ah! You know, I'm surprised those two facts didn't take him home. Like, they should just tap them on the show that you want to come to the other side, follow us out of here. Leave the three little girls, leave the candle. Take the condom, you know what I'm saying? Leave the candle.

Leave the candle. Leave the candle. Why can't Jews go out of Hanukkah? Nothing, you're not supposed to stay in Hanukkah. You could go out on Hanukkah, but you can't be jumping up and down like that, like a fucking, you know. You know, and finally I took a piece of gum

and I just hung it and it bounced hope for show that went into his head and he hung it out and that was the end of that. After the show I just walked out and I'm like I felt like grabbing them on your cousins of fighting over there. Now in a fucking hole against a bunch of stinking ducks and missiles and you're over here jumping up and down, singing like a fucking mook to law. It just burns me up, Lee. You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry, I got emotional.

And that's what it is. If I saw anybody doing acting like that, as a young kid, I'd be like, what the fuck, guy? You were three fucking girls. You're not even boys, you were three girls. Ah, yelling like that, come on, it's gotta stop. This cannot continue. But I think the whole 18,000 people,

the only people with testosterone was the security guys. Everybody else had no testosterone. They had slippage on, whether they was six or 60. There was the man in there. I just took my test a couple of weeks ago and I got a little higher above average, because I worked my legs on it. I massage the nuts sack and keep it warm.

And then you cannot deal with my test. I knocked my wife up at 50. I'm slinging, fucking, I'll whack off and throw the comb against the wall and it'll stick. I'm still slinging and I'm fucking Cuban. We're primitive. I can knock somebody up at 80 just by, like, the eyeball.

Well, you, you talked about like at going to concerts and like going with like, with Satan or the devil, whatever his name was, what would you have done at like 16 if you saw that kid dance and then doing all of that. They would have been, they'd want no police. There was no videos in those days. That's when you let a firecracker first. You said something like a little message. You always broke firecracks for those cars. You always. Always. But I gotta be I never lit one till like

maybe I don't I forget what counts. I finally lit one. Because if oh, I see at the garden, my friend was getting dry humped, right? A friend of mine didn't he sat next to a guy away from us And the guy started dry out and he punched them securities coming so Ah, that's the first time I did it after I saw a bunch of people blowing off smoke bombs in conscience in the New York New Jersey area And I forgot about it and 30 years later I would listen to fucking Jimmy Florentine on the radio. And he spoke about it, but that was him. I fucking almost died when I heard the story about he put a smoke bomb in the security

guard court. And he had to call his mom and he was stoned. And his mother. Why are you eyes so red? You know, I love that you brought firecrackers to a concert as a kid. Like the small like I saw that you brought firecrackers to a concert as a kid like the small like I So that's all everything fucking firecracker screwdriver a bottle opener You brought what you could all my friends would bring those little wine pouches that they'd hide I had fucking hated that shit Acting like Moses with a little pouch

Jesus drinking wine out of a fucking pouch at a concert it's 90 fucking degrees out is drinking wine out of a fucking pouch out of concert. It's 90 fucking degrees out. You got your armpit on the fucking bottle I don't want to sip of that shit and they would pass it around like they were in the old west. Get the fuck out of here. It's 1980. I just saw you eating some chicks ass the other night on 42nd Street and you want a fucking share of glass with me. Did you because I saw the the end of the Grammy did with mercy, which was great. But you, I, you, you didn't look like super fucked up to go to this one. Or did you, did you get, I had kids with me, right? So I couldn't go and fucking, I couldn't do edible. Like, I think I, like, maybe 200, 300 balance out. I ate one of those fun, fun factory farm cookies, which is three grams of mushroom.

And I didn't wanna bring a chocolate bar none because it would melt. So I just brought, fucking, I brought the gummies to cherry flavored gummies, which is four grams. I gave two of those things away, but I ate the other eight. So hold on. So just to clarify, a light night for you is 300 milligrams and about 6 grams of mushrooms?

Yeah. That seems about what? Listen, I'm too old to go back to this old church. We all, it just wouldn't even fit into the fucking agenda I'm living now. But if I know I don't have like tomorrow, I got something at nine and I got something at 10. And I got something at one and something at two. My day is tremendous tomorrow.

I had a little mushroom tonight. I'm not going to, and I didn't know cookie, you know, gummy, I had a mushroom cat. Oh, that's all, you know what? I don't, that's one thing I really like about them. You don't really get hung over. No, like not even a little bit tonight. I'll eat a cap. I'll eat you know I put down a thousand milligrams. I think I opened up with eight and then I dropped another two out of respect for fucking Christmas. And you know, that's where I am tonight. I did a couple of forgets from the weed I got. And that's where I am now, on this point in my life.

You know, I'm okay with that. Oh, yeah. I just love it. Because I knew when you said you didn't take it up, I was like, I think. Sad, sad, sad, and not out of shot of something. Well, I'm lying to you. Friday night, I had a shot of, uh,

the Kee-Loo after the jelly roll set. You did? Yeah, why not? You only walk on one leg. I don't know if you can do a shot. Oh, this was a good shot too. And let me tell you something, like I made it back to the car.

I didn't feel it that night. I'm not gonna lie to you. I didn't feel it. And from the adrenaline and walking and stuff, it probably just burnt off. I gotta be honest, you're like two o'clock sadly. I was like, I feel a little hungover. I'm like, that's a way, because I did drink.

I'm like, oh shit, that shot at the killer was real. That's crazy. I was like, I didn't affect me at all. No, I had to. You felt a little bit like, you know, I drank the night before. And then, saturday night night I went out with my buddies and for dessert, they passed out like,

fucking these drinks that would just, it would, it looked like Pep Mission absolutely very ominous. I just wanted to order, and I also did a glass of sangria to open up the dinner to get my appetite going, because I wasn't that hungry. I like sangria, the red sangria. Red and the white and that displaced the govian munaqi.

Nice. It was a real problem was this weekend. It was very, like I didn't go to the garden thinking that I was gonna go through that minute. When I just sat there and I realized how many times I had been in there, how lucky I was to, I saw Michael Jordan play there as a rookie against Bernard King. You know, I just remember so many things. Michael Korn from Jersey City, I went to see him play

at the garden when he played for North Carolina. You know, the Sixers against the Knicks on Christmas Day, when my teacher got thrown out of there. You know, there's so many memories I had to that place. You know, I probably went to the Metallands five times to watch a concert and I'm probably exaggerating. I saw Ted, I saw Michael Jackson out there in 84. Maybe somebody else, I never was out there in 84, maybe somebody else. I never was out there as much as I was at the guard, you know.

And then, sadly, I want to know what these dudes that, you know, since, you know, I've known these guys since 1974, 75, you've known these guys. So that's 48 years, you know, just knowing these guys and you look at them and you see, you know these guys, so you look at them and you see them young while you're talking to them and you see what they've become, you know, and we got there at six and we didn't leave till 10. Holy shit, that's a long time, especially for you. Dog, it was that entertaining.

It was that entertaining. Everybody was talking shit, telling stories about, because remember, out of the six guys that were there, four of us were in the same seventh and eighth grade, except one of the guys transferred to downtown his eighth grade year. And what made you have this dinner? I mean, it sounds great, but like you this is not something you do We always we've been getting together since I got back here really yes, I thought this was like a holiday thing

This was maybe the fourth time in three years nice We've been to stay cal 85 twice We've been to the other place once. We've been to, we went somewhere else in Red Bank and then this place. We go to the start, we go to stay cow 85 across from the strength factory. That's a place where the good burgers, right? Like, yeah, it's the crazy thing to say, but you said it was like a great burger. Great, but then around the corner, it's called the stage. And that motherfucker's got the burger

and they have Italian upstairs and it's a steakhouse downstairs. Ooh, an upstairs. And the last time we were there, they split a burger. It was like, our six. And we were sitting there talking, maybe seven of us. And we told the guy, we go listen, we all want steak, but we got to do the burger.

He goes, that happens all the time. I'll bring you four, two burgers, chopped in eights. So it was four pieces for a burger. I got a little bit of the burger. You got a steak, you got spaghetti. I mean, these dinners are heavy. That's why I had a drive 55 minutes right. Couldn't take a thousand milligrams.

The rest happened to you before. So yeah, but this is a new world. So I smoked a little bit. And once I got that, I couldn't smoke. I couldn't go into that restaurant and smell like Reeford. I've been going there for 40 years, you know. You don't think they know?

You don't think you ever went in there smelling like weed? Well, they feel like a very nice place. It's out 30 years ago They didn't throw us out they asked us to leave who were too loud and they knew we were doing born in a bathroom and yelling and screaming We brought it up the night. We brought it up to them. We were like, hey man, remember 30 days I'm not with the sun with the sun goes. I'm 31, I go, yeah, when you were a year old, your dad threw a soud here one night, asked us, he didn't throw a soud, he just came over

and he goes, guys, what the fuck? That night it must have been 12 of us? Holy shit. And he's like, guys, come on, you gotta go. Come on. And you were what? And you're like late 20s early 30s? I was 31

I'd come back here to do comedy After I got the boys or I came back here But enough about me what happened with you this weekend you were all excited about a show on Sunday Fucking and some Chinese restaurant. Oh, yeah, I had a great comedy weekend. Like a really I, I, I, I, I, I have gotten better about reaching out to people. I just reached out to a booker who's been great and I got, I just randomly got a show on Friday, which was awesome. At a club that I hadn't done and I called you before because like I'm just really, I think I'm a pretty good, I really do think I'm doing pretty well as a feature, but as a host, I'm struggling and I'm not used to it.

So I called you for some advice. And all these open mics, you got to volunteer host. Okay. That's it. Just say I want a host. I'll be here all three hours. 80 people, you get exercise that night up and down, up and down. It gives you 80 shots, to try 80 lines,

or just volunteer hosting. Yeah, anyway, people always go away from what they're not good at. Yeah, there's what you wanna do for a living. You gotta be good at, because somewhere along the line, it may not be today, but nine years from now you'll be in LA and they're

going to call you to do a fucking hosting gig and you're going to be kind of lost. You're going to be you know it's going to take you a while. I rather you fucking worked that the thing I had that was lucky was my first two years I had a hosting job once a week. Right. And I still didn't know what I was doing, but then I started watching Def Comley Jam. Okay. And I started watching Joe Torrey. He's really good. He was good, but the best host I ever saw,

the guy who made me want to host was D.L. Hugley. Wow, okay. Y'all HugLY hosted BET, whatever it was called on HBO one night. And he got a standing ovation from the hosting. Holy sh**. That's powerful, man. And that made me go, well, I get it now because while you're hosting,

or you're thinking about it's getting to fucking the headline to spot, I want you to think about hosting and it's hosting as a living your quarterback of a team. Okay, you're the one that controls the tempo. You control the clock. If the fucking guy goes up and does 30 needs a magician and people fall in the sleep, I hope you didn't do your good material in the first five minutes because now you gotta have to bring him fucking back. And I want it and so forth.

That was actually a question that I ran into it a couple of shows ago. If I'm the host, I'm always worried about like, they don't want me to do time in between the feature and the headline and just get the headline right up there. Yeah, I had to show a couple of a lot of what they want. We ain't listening. You're not going to go up there and read the Bible for fucking 15 minutes. You're going to go up there and hit them with a quick 28 second joke to get them back. But again, you got 28

seconds. Who knows how to do this? You're looking at me, you and a bunch of comics that listen to this are going what the fuck are you talking about Joey exactly If I say to you go up there and bring up the feature let's keep it going for fucking Joey Dears you did great tonight even though I ate a bite bag of dicks Right you so he did great tonight look at the audience and go Who does great tonight right whatever the fuck you usually do. And then you just say something. Listen, I'm going to bring up the headline real quick.

Let's get them around the applause. You're in the way back there getting ready. Or whatever. Don't even say round the applause. And then hit them with something. Hit them with something. You saw on the news. I have anybody watch, I witness news tonight.

Anybody see the Mexican kid that got stuck in the sewer? Well, that's it. That was it. You condensed a whole bit into one fucking line. You don't have time to go in your little green room, your little computer, and hit the click for Jokey booze. This has to be constantly working. And that's what hosting does to you.

It involves you in the fucking game. When you're a feature, you're like, my job is to go up there, blow out the headline and go drink and meet bros. Not you, this makes you pay attention to what's going on in the fucking game. And then when you evolve into movies and TV shows, when you become something and you get to a trailer

and they go to you, Mr. Syat, will bring you what you want. You go none and none of the first thing I want to do is go on the set for an hour and see what's going on. I want to fucking feel the tempo or the game. Same thing as hosting. You just took comedy and took it into the next level and that's what every step of comedy is if you're thinking about the next level. It's the prerequisite that you don't know about. You know, when you take college algebra and they're like,

we represent two and two is four, breathing a glass. They prerequisite for everything, guys, especially when you wanna do this as a fucking living. Now, am I going to tell you, I knew I wanted to do that. Listen, when I was hosting, I could have been in jail any day. Do you know what I'm saying? Up to 2000. My comedy career was every time I did a set, you better do well because you don't know if you're gonna be in jail What's up stupid drugs a fist fight you stole something you know I never trusted myself and then when I made it to 2000. I don't know why I still stole lighters from 7-11

But I was I had a I had more lighters than 7-11 from the one on Carson The football ones the football ones I had every teamers than 7-Eleven from the one on Kersan. The football ones? The football ones. I had every team except my three of them. They tried to rip me off, fucking bitch. But you know, you just, you know, when I was at the store and I had the opportunity to host, I knew the previous host and what they did with Dacorias. Freddie Soto was about to hit,

you know, and the big host that hosted at the store was the guy who died, that he was the host of America's most wanted. Another host that the comedy store had on Monday nights, Dave Letterman. Really? Yeah, he hosted the fucking open mic. So I want the young comics to think about this shit. This is something that takes you, if you want to do this as a career, and you want to do, they hit every single aspect that you could reach as your career. Fucking you got to learn every fucking position. You know what you know what made Prince good That he can play every instrument on that fucking out

That's true and it's great. I'm not I'm not a I'm a little simper. It's honest I did think about like this week was like if they asked me to host maybe I asked them if I could just not host Because it like it it I hate when I don't do well. It fucking burns me up. Yeah, what do you think I enjoyed it? You think anybody likes to bomb? Do you think people are like, yeah, my, I eat the spaghetti and then I know after I bomb,

I come back and will play for monopoly. I don't wanna play monopoly. I wanna fucking shoot myself. Right, more coke, but what you're not thinking about right now after you bomb is that it's just a number getting closer to what you want to do as a living. It's like going up to somebody and trying to sell a fucking cell phone.

And they say no. And then the guy next to you sells three of them. And then this guy sells them and you have a eight-day streak if you keep putting your heart into it it's gonna turn and that's the same thing with comedy You're gonna go through doll you should even haven't gone through that spell But don't know what's about you know There's a spell comments go through where they're driving to a gig in Rhode Island and they hit a deer Yeah, you haven't even got into

that venue yet. I've worried about that too. I have a worry about what happens if I get into an accident and I'm late for the show. Then you're late for the show. You got to an accident. You hit a deer. You'll see them next time. The gas you paid that comes out of your pocket. You learn the lesson. Next time get a tank. You know what I'm saying? I fucking worry about everything but the rest of the weekend was great. The Sunday was honestly one of my better days of comedy being back in Massachusetts because I had a 1 p.m. show at a Chinese restaurant like an hour outside of Boston and I was going expecting no one to be there and it'd be terrible. And it was one of the better shows I've done since I've been back. It was packed. The woman who put

it together got a ton of people there. They were layered to see comedy like the people were fun. The crowd was cool. And like then I got Chinese food after. It was fucking awesome. And it was just, and it's weird because I went from hosting and not doing great to literally had a Chinese restaurant with Christmas decorations up. And I'm like, like they love, I did great. I had a great show. And then you went to see Jazzle Neck

and that was love. Yeah. Yeah, that was, I've only seen him, it's crazy that I never saw him at the store. And I've seen his specials, but I didn't really know much about him. And my cousins hit me up and just asked if I wanted to go. And A, and I'm sorry, I think her name is Kelly Ryan.

I think the future she did great, but the only way I could describe Jezzel that because I've been thinking about it today was Every joke he had a balloon and was blowing it up and because it like I could feel like the audience like they were just waiting For him to say something fucked like they're just waiting for it and then and then and like he sometimes takes a little longer And then when he did it it would pop and the place would go nuts like it was just so like there was, I don't want to say it's scripted because I don't think it's necessarily scripted, but every joke is so greatly written. Like there's not an ounce of like an extra word anywhere. Grip.

Is it? Okay. Yeah. Whatever he is, it's great. He's a great interactionist brother. You know, he's very funny, very dry, very dark. And when I respect about Jezonek, the truth is, anything he puts on video is going to hit because he puts two or three years into that special.

Yeah. He doesn't pull what these other guys are doing eight months, and there's another special. And they're talking about the same shit the same way a lot of comics do. But it's not the 15 years you've got to run out of fucking material. So you got to keep it fresh. You know, after you change, so your point of you changes, you know, everything changes so you cannot beat yourself up. And even with writing, you're going to have a period Lee where you're gonna write some bad-blood and Joe

yeah And then there's gonna be a period where you're gonna write some great jokes and there's times I tell you when it gets worse when you don't know what's good or what's bad and you put out like an album like Eat and pussy with asthma that album And you put out like an album, like Eden puts here with asthma that I'm But again, it was rushed. We didn't know in those days. We thought the material was good. You know, this is the shit you learn at 20 year mark. So right now, the best thing you could do, my friend is just keep getting on stage.

Oh, I If you bomb, you get in the car and you go to another comedy club. Yeah, it was, Jaisal Nick was so good that I went to the, there's an open mic on Sundays and Wester and I went at like 10 o'clock because he was just, he was so good and it was crazy because he's not super high energy and like I'm not and then he also,

he did something that I've seen that I've never seen anyone do. He shit on Boston. Like he basically said, fuck you, and people like, yeah, like it was like no other comic could do that. Like he was basically, it was just, it's amazing what he's able to do. He's a gifted dude, you know, and he takes this time. you know, and he takes his time. It's a really good fucking comedy show. He's a complete, you know, now you see the differences between you and your little bird.

Two great comics, just two different fucking him and Shepel. You know, there's a lot of great work out there, but you see who's putting in the work in Sheep out, you know, there's a lot of great work out there, but you see who's putting in the work and you see who's just shuffling out material, it becomes a cash register. I would do the same, if Netflix kept calling me every eight months,

I'd be going on their singing songs, I'd have a band by now in a fucking harmonica. But real quick, here's to an ad from BetterHelp. Hey, this episode of The Check-in is brought to you by BetterHelp. I love BetterHelp. Why? Because I used them.

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We're back. All right. Don't forget for the holidays, it's rough this time of the year. If you need somebody to talk to a shoulder of Lena and something, contact betterhelp.goadabedahhelp.com. They're gonna help you out. I know today I was talking on a Patreon podcast

about I know this time of the year. This time of the year, you're jumping up and down or you fucking got your dick and a dirt. There's no one between either you're broke and people have to learn one thing that some of the best Christmas I had when I was fucking dirt broke. That's when you saw what Christmas was about,

the humanity, you know, people saying, hey, Joe, I know you smell, you've been sleeping on a rocket ship with piss but come over wash your neck and you could eat some turkey, you know what I'm saying? I mean, so I was talking about that. So yeah, the holidays are fucking, you know, I mean, my age in call me today, they close on Friday. Oh, yeah, it's dead right now. I only if I was thinking about that today because I have a friend who's looking for a job and I told them, I'm like, listen, don't even bother right now. Like people are.

If you go to any of these department stores right now, they'll hire you for 10 days. Oh, yeah, like that kind of a job. Yeah, you don't have to be fucking broke right now. Everybody's looking for something. You got a shovel, take down the Christmas decorations. There's going to be a parade in New York City. You can get two. I don't know what my friend was picking up there for cleaning up the fucking sidewalk, garbage and sticks. You know, there's a bunch of hustles now. This is the kind of, yeah, that if you want work, if you really want work, if you want somebody to give you

15, 16 and now, go to a cold, just go to any of those places. You know, they're stocking. Dude, I did it when I got back from LA before I had my day job. I did, I only did it once, but I still have the app. You can deliver Amazon packages and they pay you like 25, 30 an hour. It's pretty, I mean, it's not like consistent,

but if you have an SUV, you can deliver Amazon packages. You're having it? Yeah, and I only did it once and it was, it couldn't be, it took me like two hours instead of the four hours they said it should take because it was, I got lucky and they were all right next to each other. There's a lot of, like it's pretty crazy what you can do on your own schedule, like you're not going to get rich, but between like Uber delivering shit, like you can do a lot of shit by yourself with your phone.

I had a friend, he's two years younger than me. We grew up together, I was just talking about a week ago and he told me that he got rid of his job. He didn't want to do it anymore. He couldn't take seven more years there. He said he got an early retirement that I could start paying him to his 62 and he's okay with that. And he got a job driving an Uber in an area where he's putting down 250 a day the last couple fucking weeks,

two weeks. He's making better money than if he had a job. He's a fucking stalker like me. He wakes up some nights at 4 in the morning to pee, and he says he gets a state of smoke, so cigarette, he'll fuck it. I get my car at what, the 30, and in five minutes, I got to head to go to Newark, that boy. Yeah, especially the airport ones around there. So he goes from all, no, he lives an hour from me. But even like anywhere like around like Newark or New York, I had an Uber driver

and Kansas City. And I thought about you because he broke it down for me. He's like, I would I do is when I take someone from the airport, I asked them if they're in town for a conference. And then I look up that conference and I see which time the things get out. And if you like, you can definitely make money doing that. That's pretty cool. And it's nice because you have complete freedom. You can turn it off whenever you want. Right now, like for people, I'm a comic. I can't find any work, I'm a musician. I can't right now is the best time to be a comedian, starting or a fucking musician. Listen, when I thought I started comedy, I had a

fucking going to an office of selling insurance from five to nine. You found part-time jobs, but you had it, you know, for you to have your own car today as a comedian. Like me if I was 30, if this was 1993, and I really wanted to develop as a comedian, do as many sets as I could, I'd either go to two places, Austin, Texas or New York. If you spot this clean, come to New York, they'll love you. You'll be a genius in a year because I have the clubs are very woke. Right, I never thought about that. Yeah, it's not woke in Jersey, in Texas. Oh, yeah, and Austin

It's not work. They want to allow you know, Rogan those guys like we're pushing the fucking envelope We don't give a fuck who's and right now you go to Austin right now and as a five-year comic you Can borrow the money from grandma Ask a grant. What are you gonna leave me the inheritance? Don't get loose that getting the part. You know, let me tell you something, apartments are not cheaper than Austin.

You live outside of Austin now. But still driving an Uber to the airport, that airport's packed off fucking day. People going down that daily to look at houses, homes to see what the fucking muscles are about. They already went to Nashville. They've already been to LA and got mugged by a homeless guy. It's time to go see what Austin's about, you know. Right. And Doug, thinking about, I mean, I was thinking about the idea I was in that limon. I was talking to the guy and I go, I drove a limon and he

goes, how was it back then? And I go, I started at 430 and I picked a box up and angle with clips and I would take it to New York City. I witnessed news. It was like the news clips or something. I'd ever looked at that. And I would drop it off and they'd pay me like 45 hours for that run. It was a quick 45 hours.

It was every day. And then from there, I had the whole, I I had that car and I'm in New York City. Oh shit. The only thing that sucked was parking. Right that would have eaten up that 45 bucks real quick. Real quick. So you had a drive around find the spot and then I would run in and sign up for an open mic. That's how I learned all the open mics by that fucking car. I would get myself two open mics, it'd be 9.30, and I'd get a car to go to the edge, twice. Go pick up this guy, and then go back in an hour

and pick up another guy, perfect. I just made a buck 50 for the night, plus he's gonna get me. So I would go up, pick him up, come back. What I'm trying to say is, I had options driving. Today you have more options driving. You got Door Dash, you got Uber Eats, you got Uber, you have all these ways as a young comic

to make a living and practice your shit in the car. to make a living and practice your shit in the car. You would, you would test it out on people? Why not? You're gonna get, you're fighting for a tip, right? Right, I guess. And you're not gonna, you're ever getting a car with a newbie driver that don't speak your language. And the whole time he's got an earphone on like fucking,

like he's Janet Jackson's assistant man. And three times while you're driving with him in the fucking Uber, you actually look at him and go, what? He ain't talking. He's talking. He's talking the fucking harmonze over there. Whatever the fuck he's saying. Think about it now.

Think about it. I got an Uber driver maybe two years ago for the pandemic. I was going somewhere. He offered me a water. He spoke going somewhere. He offered me a water. He spoke to me. He offered me candy. There's candy in the back. There's hand sanitizer. You know what kind of music do you want? This is a fucking Uber ex. I'm a fucking fat fuck. He didn't know that. He didn't know I was a comedian, nothing. Right. And he asked me, he goes, you look familiar, but I'm like, yeah, and he goes,

oh, I thought you wanted to guys, and it's a problem. But still, the guy offered you water. There was candy, there was sanitizer. If you're just nice in this fucking Uber business, and you crack a joke, God forbid they smoked dope. Take a pick and somebody up at the airport.

And, you know, they got no weed. And also, and you hit them with a fucking number and you tell them to take one to go. What's that guy not gonna do for you? Jesus Christ. Yeah, you get a lot of tips if you're killing away joints as a tip, as a bonus. You're giving away your entertainment

and comparison to what you're going up against in New York, people not talking to you. You're like you got three heads in a fucking cab. I need that. Oh, I can't. It's a whole different system in New York City. Like you have to get like a taxi license. It's like you can make money money there.

But that's for like it's it is pretty good. If you got competition, right, the probable odds that you get hit like every three weeks, you got to argue with some guy who don't have insurance and you don't know English and shit. Most likely. Yeah, that's great. So that's what you would do now. If you were 30s, you'd do that. It is pretty cool. Do you remember when you made the full leap full leap to not having like any sort of day job? I had to be about 2002. I said, you know, I'm not making it as a comic. I'm not making enough money as a comic, but I'm also not making enough money doing whatever the fuck I'm doing. But I'm also not making them enough money

Doing whatever the fuck I'm doing And I'm doing it together. So After a while you're giving something else 50% of the energy. I always sold stuff from thinking And you're doing comedy and look once I added the sales to the comedy. That's when everything happens so You have to look at your account your situation you have to plan So you have to look at your account, your situation, you have to plan. You know, one thing I did as a comic in the beginning was I didn't have much money in 1990.

When Triple Called me, I didn't have much money. And I remember that I looked at what I brought in and I was honest with myself. My rent was 400 bucks, Lee. 28 years ago and bolder, you know. I didn't have a car payment. I don't know if I paid for insurance. I doubt it I got a car I had a pager I Didn't go into this with a three thousand a four thousand dollar nut. I

New this is bad bones $5,000 a night. I knew this is bad bones. That's my gave you a thousand, mom gave you a 500. This is bad bones. Your uncle gave you a Nissan from 2008, with 150,000 miles, you take care of that car, you got another 150,000 miles. So you gotta do his pay for insurance.

You put a blanket in there, you put everything you think of in that fucking car blankets Can openers a basketball a frisbee another blanket anything that you think Band-aids and you start doing comedy If this is what you really want to do, you know think of the great comics what they did. You think I wrote this book on comedy? I remember hearing stories about Mitch Hedberg and Charles Hogan getting in a car and going from New York to LA doing guests sets and clubs, doing 30 guests sets in a week and getting eight weeks of work. Wow. You know, not everybody had the same path.

Fucking Doug Stannell, one San Francisco. He was living in his car. And the day the contest somebody broke into his car and stole his clothes. Holy shit. He went to a thrift store, he bought a suit, and he went in there and what? With comedy, you have to learn the other thing that's in your way. There's two things in your way with comedy. You and adversity and adversity because shit's gonna fucking happen. Shit's gonna have to throw you off

your game. The universe takes care of you in more ways than you'll ever fucking know. And when they throw a little, how about I got arrested in Idaho and I had a show at nine o'clock and I got arrested in Idaho and I had a show at 9 o'clock. And I got to the show at 10 at the night like nothing happened. I don't. I'm not trying to. Did you hit someone with a, a, a trail food? I feel like yeah, you know, I shoplifted a tent that I tried to bring it back. Oh, the tent.

That was where the tent was. Okay, I was trying to think what Idaho was. It's fucked up though, though, that you'll get. So after that, I'm like, I can't trust myself. The fucking not being jail one of these days or one of these towns. What happens if you pull night, you have a gram of coke, and the person who's driving is drinking, I'm going to jail. So you have all this adversity in front of you and then you have

your own demons. But with comedy, the demons got another do with you if you still write and push forward. If you let the demons get you, I mean listen, the demons will get you after a while. The demons will always get you if you let them. But for me, the demons want to weigh get you if you let them. But for me, the demons want to weigh the more I progressed in comedy. You know what I'm saying? Like they started going away, started going away. And you're always going to have two or three of them in there. But you learn to cope with them. You open up the closet once a month. You go, hello. It's, it's, it's, to get humbled. Like it's, it's kind of scary for me right now in a way. In a good way, like I'm, it's exciting,

but like I look at all the comics that I got to meet and then I like, and then I look at like some that I meet, either featuring or other shows, and they're very funny, but they didn't, they're not touring, they're not at that level of the level that I want to be at. And it's just like, what did they do wrong? Or what did they, what did these other people do right? Like it's just, it's a big toss up if I'm ever going to quote unquote, making I know that can change for anyone, but that's like to even be a

working comedian is a big toss up. What people don't understand is that when you're getting to that feature act, when you're getting to that, you're getting to get in there, you're feeling good about yourself, but you get a lot of negative feedback from younger comics that they blame the world for everything. There's people who just blame the world for everything. They did this to me. He didn't like me So you're gonna go in there one day and go this weekend. I'm working for Joey Dears he's got a club in Boston and some guys gonna go fuck that dude I wanted there and killed and he never brought me back now. You've known this guy for three months. He's never got a laugh

You're following me. Yeah, so you're gonna this guy for three months. He's never got a laugh. Right. You follow me? Yeah. So you're gonna have a lot of negativity. I mean, for me, in the beginning, it's just different clubs and what people will tell you. But while they're telling you all the negativity, all you're thinking about is desets.

I'm gonna do five sets in three nights. I'm gonna make $400 and I'll live with that. No matter what this guy is telling you, I've been through way worse. Right. And then I became a feature and I started at lining him touring the West Coast. Oh my god, Lee.

I mean, 60% of the comics I work with, destroy that law. You're never gonna make it, don't even try it. I've been there for eight years. I've never got a spot at the improv yet. I go, are we sonnet? Put my name in the hat. But then you see these guys and you see how they, you know, they're tearing out. Oh, you've got to be gay to be in Hollywood. And you want to smack them in the mouth. What are you talking about? I'm the opposite of fucking gay. And I love it. I'm trying to get ahead. So I got to love it there. It's a land opportunity for me. But if somebody came onto you and you sucked their dick and didn't get the pay off, that ain't my problem. You bumped into the wrong

harvier once, team. You know, that's good. So then you get into all that negativity. This is always going to be so much negativity and that's tied with mental health. So as they're telling you all this bad shit, you're looking at them going, I'm sleeping in my car, buddy. I live in my car. I had a subway for lunch and dinner and you're trying to tell me that this guy fuck you. I'm going gonna do it better than you did. You went in there unprepared, you started drinking at the bar, you thought you were fucking Johnny Gambino. I'm not doing that.

I'm going in there as a professional. And that's the problems that you have. You're gonna run into every time you say something. I'm going to ask them to do Rogan's room. Well, fuck him, man. I did kill Tony and I didn't get my deal from CBS. Okay. Right. Okay. It's a it's just great. It's a it was a cool week. I feel like I learned a lot this week.

It's funny. I gotta say I think I told you a day that Jelly Roll, I mean mean, when shared went up, two of the moms were crying, and the gay dudes were crying. And I didn't say nothing, you know, sometimes people move you to tears, sometimes. I know I get moved to tears a lot. And when Jellie Roe came up, but he was singing Need a favor, you know, I you, man, I got emotional.

And also, I'm like, you know what? You know what's crazy about me? I got unfinished business. I go, if I start getting on stage this month, maybe I can start touring again, and maybe next year I could sell this fucking garden out. I really thought about that. And I went down to see Jelly. I told him, I go, you inspired me a little bit, brother.

That was fucking great. Because I know where you came from. You know, you really get to know people. I got home, put ice on my knee, put ice on my ankle, went to bed, went to a kid's basketball game. I came in and I got, all right, let's write some jokes. Fuck that shit. You know, I got, he inspired me for a couple of minutes. And I think it's because I know how much work it is involved.

And I just don't have 10 hours a day to become a great comic again. I wish I did. I take naps in the afternoon now. I'm up at 6am, 5am, you know, because I know how much work goes into this process. And you and I, I'm the type of guy that I like to check on people from time to time, right? And what they're doing. And I check on the from time to time. Right. And what they're doing. And I check on the people that were the complainers. Really? Yeah.

I check on the people who said negative things, like at the comedy store at the improv or and these guys just kept their mouth shut. If they would have kept that, even a guy like me, I'm a fucking criminal and I kept it together at the store. And I kept it together at the improv and I kept it together at the laugh factory. And then for many years I went to theaters and clubs, not a fucking complaint, you know. But it's, But it's, it's just crazy that these guys go into these places and they think they're fucking Baluci.

And then they want to come back. Like listen, there's a lot of people from the old days didn't really hire me. Nobody had how many tickets I was selling. But it was very interesting to see. And these guys were always complaining about something and you check on what they're doing now and they're still doing backyard comedy shows. They're still living in Poetung Towns doing like he shows that you're like, so you complained about all that to go back to this.

Right. Yeah, there's a lot of that. And I feel really bad because they just didn't wait for the miracle to happen. And listen, you can't go from being a waiter and doing spots at Vinny's Landing in LA. to, you know, it's not going to happen that way. I never saw it. I never saw it. I mean, we have a new process now, you know, for years people became YouTube stars. Now we got TikTok stars, you know, and I'm always happy when somebody makes it, especially when somebody tricks their way in. I tricked my way in, Kim Kardashian tricked their way in. When you really look at successful people, they tricked their way in, you know. But then at some point you have to cover the spread. So you tricked their way in. Now what can you, now what are you going to do? It's like I tell people,

so you got the Johnny Carson, you got a fucking spot on Johnny Carson, you're only thinking about the spot. I'm thinking about, I know I'm going to destroy the fucking show. Watch your next move. You always have, as a comic, you got to be looking at that little move, not the garden. Don't come to me when you're still sending out tapes, you know, and you can't go and say, you know, I see the garden in my future, shut the fuck up. I want you to worry about the thing in front of you. You know, for me, it was always like the improvs. The comedy store was always seem so far away

when I first started comedy, but the improvs had 22 clubs at the time, maybe eight of them. I knew that one of them would take me. If you know what I'm saying? If this all from sales, like looking at your ahead, like your next focus on your next goal, like that was, what you just said was pretty big to me, like folg like, what you're going to.

It's about fucking life. Comedy is down and fucking dirty. It's about life like anything else. And you're always trying to break in, but you're breaking in, but always thinking about after you break in, what are you gonna do when you get that? What good is, if I can break into a bank, if I can't open up a safe? What am I gonna do, wait outside the door,

and we're gonna go out to open up the safe? Right. I think my brain doesn't think like that, I guess. And it makes total sense, and I need to start thinking like that. I guess. And it makes total sense. And I need to start thinking like that. And I, you do it a little bit. It's not your fault that you don't think that way. It's not your fault. You're not, you're still putting the pieces together. I don't expect you to think that way. I should expect

you. I expect you to know that I think that way. Because I saw it happen in front of my eyes. I saw Chelsea happen. Chelsea Anna. She was opening for a town, got on the show, you know, playing pranks. There it is. I saw Josh Wolf take off in front of my eyes. I saw Ralphie May blow up on last comic standing. You know, you heard all the stories. I saw Joe Rogan go from news radio to fear fact that the so I want people know there's always possibilities if you do the work.

But most important, I saw myself do it. I would think about things and go, yeah, maybe. And then we're halfway there. Well, I always knew I was going to get here because I kept doing my job. But suddenly, I was actually going for that thing. I just didn't tell you. It's not your business what I'm going for. It's my thing. I just didn't tell you. It's not your business when I'm going for. It's my thing. I don't need you legal and whatever happened with the longest yard, asshole, you're lofted to that fat fuck. This is my thing and I'm going to work on it as hard as I can

to get that. I think the comics take a lot of bad chances in LA. You saw it. What about the guy who shot the special? Well, then it was gonna go on showtime, his friend, and then he went to put it up, and there was an air conditioner behind him that kept making noise, and nobody could hear the audience laugh. Everybody thought they were gonna beat the system.

Shoot my own specials and doing this. And it's time to shoot your own specials. Somebody will let you fucking know. Yeah. And then you can put it on YouTube and not worry about it, you know, but that's what I saw. I saw a lot of people working hard, but not working smart. I saw Ralphie go from a fucking one bedroom apartment to a mansion up on the hill. I saw these things. I saw myself going from a one bedroom apartment with nine cats to a house in New Jersey and the ability to pay for it and years of doing stand up and you know did you ever you thought when I first started doing comedy theaters or in my I was thinking about theaters. Let me ask you this at my level at five years what was your dream? Did you have a

comedy dream? My dream was to go on tour. My dream was to do a tour Just to get my car and drive and get the fuck away from who I was and everything involved with it and just drive from city to city Smoke different pot a different and try to make people laugh at The five-year mark there was never a thought of anything else guys. I Still remember going to Michigan and meeting a girl and we ended up going to Seattle. Do you think that was in my plan? And then I'm gonna see out on the first kid, I meet his Josh Wolf.

Do you think that was in my plan? And I met Josh Wolf on a pool of 48 comics, 50 comics, out of those 50 comics, three of them came down. And could you see that in Josh? Like, is that what attracted you to him? Or was just him personally, it could happen to be you too? I just knew he was a hustler and a winner.

You know, I knew Josh and he was really good looking and I knew that what he was going for. I watched him on stage we we both Ain't the same nachos on a Tuesday night when we were broke You know when you see that it tastes a lot better So what I want to tell comics is what I tell The thing that pissed me off the most of my high school was my guidance counselor Because he didn't tell me about New York City and all the opportunities I had there.

Nobody ever told me about an acting class in New York City. My freshman year, I wanted to fucking improv thing. You know, I took intro to performing arts and one of them was improv and I went up there and I sang like Shatter in my one first place. Nobody pulled me aside instead of you considered going into the city. Wow yeah that was really considered back then. And nobody considered nobody showed me the opportunities. So my mind was always closed to talk. You could you know for thought, oh, I'll be in the city bartending. And Bruce Willis will come in and hire me for a movie. That's like a stupid kid dream. That's like a pipe dream. Right.

Doesn't happen from time to time. I'm a producer. I come into a movie theater and to a bar we get ham. And you get me a gram of coke. I need a waiter for this movie. I'll give you a part for scale for two days. Well, like now that would be luck. But back then, it sounds like you didn't even like know that there were other ways to do it. Now, and it was until I was ready. Listen,

I never thought I would go to LA, knock on wood and God bless Doug Stanhope for talking me into LA. I remember going, this is it. Doug Stanhope was talking me into LA. I remember going, this is it, Doug Stanhope was walking me into the line that I'm gonna die. I'm gonna get eaten alive up in LA. I ain't a fucking comic for LA, but Doug, I hit the floor running because I knew I wasn't the comic for LA. So, I had to work myself up to being that comic. You know a year ago I got a blue belt. Was I a blue belt at the time? Fuck no. But he gave me a blue belt after I was there for a year and a half.

And over this year beside the injuries, I've grown into being a okay blue belt. I could sweep, I could mount, I could do different things. Am I a blue belt with eight stripes? Am I a purple belt? Fuck no. My point is, when I got into the store, I wasn't ready. But just walking in that door and doing those sets got me ready. You know, there's a thousand stories about like baseball where a kid gets called up for the World Series and he ends up hitting three home runs, people like he's not ready, but

after a game he'll be fucking ready. You know, I never thought you were ready for this shit and you were. You sat there listening and you sat there and like I've told you a thousand times before the common denominator was always the guys who kept pushing in hard work. They didn't give a fuck what you had to say. And they had listen, having good people around you helps. Absolutely. If you know when those kids bother you and go Hey man, how about me, you and Lee and fucking, we go to Boston, we get all the big comics

and we make a movie, that movie will do a million dollars. What are you talking about, stupid? No, I'm devil. Meanwhile, you're mind fucking yourself for the stupid movie. Right. You could be right in the joke. This is just about writing jokes and getting on stage.

That's it. I don't want to hear your nonsense. When it's time to hear your nonsense, I'll fucking call you. Until then, your thing I want to hear from you is monthly 32 sets, 48 sets, 52 sets, and I bomb 55 of those sets. You know, I don't care. Because I know the more you get on stage, you're gonna twist the fucking odds. We've had these conversations late.

Oh yeah. And it's with anything. You know, right now I'm outlining a book. Did you know I didn't know? When I met you, I didn't know how to outline a book. No, you were doing the blog. I couldn't even, yeah, and that was a fucking nightmare of a blog. The spelling was off.

Oh, but now I could write a blog. I'm just lazy. I want to. I thought about it. I just know what I write a blog, a fucking bomb, you know. So I'm going to force the hand like a fucking move the law. Hell no, but it was, I love these talks, man. They mean a lot to me because it's, no, I love the food

because I want to get this shit out there for people because the one thing that bothered me the most the last five years living in LA was the hit and runners. And you were not, we're not gonna drop names. We had a hundred hit and runners. We had people who thought we were gonna save them. I got me mad because I couldn't save you. If you saved yourself a little bit,

then I could help you. You just wanted to fucking bust and walk in. And Doug, I saw that my last 10 years more than any time I was there before. How many people really just trying to piggyback and you know, Doug, how many people left at me when I started doing podcast and with Felicia Michaels. I still remember being at a fucking bar because I'm not going to tell you who is like Doug, you're wasting your time. Meanwhile, this poor guy right now is a no folks home somewhere. Yeah, that's awesome that you get to do that. It's it's really

weird what people really don't know what they have inside them. And I hope from this podcast especially tonight, they learn that there's more in them than they fucking really know. Because if you thought when I was in that jail cell, I saw myself on the set with David Chase, whether it was a good movie or a bad movie, you're out of your fucking mind. You know, when I walked on certain movies, when I walked on the Deniro movie, I know exactly what I was doing as an actor. Forget the standup. I know exactly what I was doing.

2013, I had been acting for fucking 15 years at that time. I know exactly what it's said, what it's stand, that means I save time. You know, I say I go prepared, but I learned all that from stand up. Fuck. It's amazing how much I like left to learn. It's intimidating. But the learning nobody can teach you. That's a problem with stand up.

Nobody can teach you what you learn is by going out there. By putting yourself out there. Right your next move is to contact Nikolias as many one-nighters as you can in the five-state area Somebody's got to have a name of a fucking booker who's got three rooms in Vermont a Wednesday Thursday and a Friday. That, you know, he gives you a ski pass, he buys you two mugs of beer and he puts you up. But if you really want to do comedy, you're thinking about 10 years from now. And even then, you think at 95, I was thinking about 10 years from now, just put me in jail now for felony lying. I never thought about that because in 95, I was 10 years away from the longest yard coming up. Do you really think I saw that coming?

Oh fuck out of my face. Well, I have, I mean, you didn't have the resources that I have. So hopefully I can use it. I'm trying. I just knew I had to get my face. Well, I have, I mean, you didn't have the resources that I have, so hopefully I can use it. I'm trying. I just knew I had to get stand up. And I would get fun here. I couldn't afford acting class in 1995, but I knew that Robin Williams had impeccable timing from stand up.

And I knew there was a lot of other comics that had become great actors and rappers. So we always had a chance, but that's in the back burner. Let's get to be the thing that matters the most, the funniest motherfucker that we could be. I'm watching Star Vos is special tonight. Oh, it was good. Yeah, I heard it's really good.

So I'm gonna give him a shot. And that's it Lee the two weeks away from Christmas Next Monday will be on and then we'll figure one podcast in Before New Year's because New Year's Day is a Monday But maybe New Year's Day. I don't know. Let's see what the fuck cracking in the world of podcasting We'll figure it out. I can't wait. I'm happy about tonight. I'm happy about your Sunday and seem like you had a great Sunday last week. It was great. And it's time to go watch fucking starboast is special. Eat a fucking cheeseburger with no bread and fucking smoke a few

numbers and see what happens with these syllables tonight in this mushroom. I love you, but I'll be at I'll be at Mohican Sun this Thursday through Saturday with Josh Wolf if syllables tonight in this mushroom. I love you, but I'll be at I'll be at Mohican Sun this Thursday through Saturday with Josh Wolf. If you're in the whole shit, congratulations, my brother. That'll be a call me when you're on the month walk. I've talked to you after this and allow.

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