Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #2

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Football is finally back and Week #1 did not dissapoint! Joey and Lee break Week #1 and their bets. Joey and Lee also talk about UFC #293 and Israel Adesanya's surprise loss, Deion Sanders in Colorado, and The Longest Yard are a few of the other things we talk about this week.  We end the show with our bets for Week #2 and Week #1 MNF. Thank you so much for taking the ride with us....we're so happy to be back! This podcast is brought to you by: Freeze Pipe - Support the show and get 10% Off with the code DIAZ at TheFreezepipe dot com. Support the show & get 55% off at https://www.babbel.com/JOEY DraftKings - New customers bet $5 on any NFL team and score $200 in bonus bets. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use code JOEY Uncle Joey’s Joint is sponsored by BetterHelp. Support the show & get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ

Welcome to the check-in. It's Tuesday, the 12th of September. The check-in is brought to you by FreezePite. For the smallest coldest way to smoke, you gotta try the freezeable pipe. Bubbler or bomb from FreezePite. Here's how it works. You pop the glycerin chamber in the freezer,

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Get 55% off. Again, 55% off Babble subscription, but only for our listeners. At Babble.com slash Joey. Again, that's Babble.com slash Joey. Get 55% off at babble.com slash Joey. Spell. Babble. B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash Joey. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could f**king rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to show! Uh oh, uh oh, he is John. He's not smokers.

It's September 11th. My heart goes out everybody. Twenty-two years later, it's still a disaster, but we're still back. You know what I'm saying? We're still kicking ass America. What's up, Lisa? I'm ready to go. I'm ready for the check.

I'm ready. No, you didn't take an edible yet. I'm it's right here. See, everyone says I don't take shit. You're making those fake ones. Listen. Think that it ain't thing, thing, thing. What's up, buddy?

How was your weekend? My weekend was great. What you didn, thing. What's up, buddy? How was your weekend? My weekend was great. What did you do? You didn't do no standup, right? Unfortunately not. You can't afford to. Unfortunately not. What is your next little fucking hook to do? This weekend, this weekend, Friday and Saturday,

I'm at the Saratoga comedy works. That's how we do it, brother. Oh, yeah. And the next week, huh? Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry. Next week I'm at the chick-a-peak comedy loft on Thursday. Look at you, you bad motherfucker. That's right. From chick-a-peak to New York, to LA, to Reno, back to the ghetto. Someday. I love it brother. Look at you. International Lisa yet starting this tour and

fucking battlefield Israel. Oh, they would hate me and Israel. They'd like you more than they liked me. I'm like a Jew that went bad. But the Cubans like you more than they like me. So it all works out for the better. How's the girlfriend? How's the kids? Everybody jumping up and down? Everyone's doing everyone's doing great. It's been fun like her with the kids. I love, I was thinking about this. Do you love pissing mercy off? Not really.

No, I love pissing her kids. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I torture a little bit, you know, I do things that bother a little bit, but I don't push the issue too much. Every once in a while, I scare, you know. How do you scare? It's just fucking stand outside a dome, when you come out.

Always, I got different masks and shit. Oh, you have masks. It's like a boo-doo mask. He brought back from Colombia. He always brings me a mask from these places to fight the demons, you know what I'm saying? Oh my God. I love, I like to tell them, like,

I'm Taylor Swift's best friend and they freak out. And then you call me up and I go, I'm Taylor Swift. That's not Taylor Swift, you fucking liar. Oh, I love doing that. So football season has been alive, man. Thank God. And it was a hell of a fucking week so far.

I mean, I turned it around. I started the week off with Detroit. It took a chance with it because what the fuck? And then before you get to the Sunday, you gave me shit for Saturday, and I wanted to defend myself. What shit for Saturday? Because I don't know anything about college football, but I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to have some fun,

betting, I'm trying to have something to talk about. And I had a random, I had an odd number in my account. I had 143. I hate, I don't like odd numbers. So I've placed a $13 bet and you gave me shit for like 30 minutes. What's wrong? I don't know anything about the game. You don't play ever place like a $ 30 minutes. What's wrong? I don't know anything

about the game. You don't play ever place like a $10 bet. What's wrong with the 30? It was 13. $13. $13. First of all, you're Jewish. No Jewish man gets annoyed by those three pennies. Okay. I don't know what kind of Jew you are. 43 cents is 43 fucking cents. Okay. And you're whole bound to it. $13, how do you end up with it? Listen, you bet Colorado, do you think I know about college football? I know dick about college football. I know that the excitement is great up in Colorado.

Yeah, now so I had nothing to lose. They were playing in Boulder on a fucking beautiful goddamn day. That's the Lord's country right now. Did Denver win on Sunday? No, they lost. Where at home or away? I don't know. I think they were, I think they were home. You know, it's weird when Denver plays at home and they got a good team, one o'clock game, the Lord's day, I don't give a fuck if you show up with Jesus and the disciples and punches

pilot. You're not beating the fucking, I lived there for the fucking 20 years. You know what this reminded me of? You remember the you where you said that Miami players were more and more popular than the Dolphins players? I think that's what's going on in two weeks with Colorado over the Bronx. I don't think I know they like the Broncos, but people hate Russell Wilson. And I think I think they love me. Well, call it listen, uh, Boulder, I worked in the car wash and there were huge donors. They went to every game. They went to the orange ball. They went to practices. You know,

the more money you give, the more you hang out. I mean, if you pay 2000, you cut the football players toe nails if you want. You don't have to money for anything, those fucking boosters. And I had never seen that before. Like when I lived in Boulder, I had never seen people that didn't have kids on the team who traveled with the team and like went to all their functions.

And it was pretty good to see. The old me with a set, it was kind of geeky. Right, well, now it's nice. That's what they're into. Some people smoked dope. Some people wanna go watch college football games. So I don't know much about college, but I know Colorado's a beautiful fucking cow.

Boulder is phenomenal. I wanna take my daughter now just to open her eyes just so she could see What the farm to take her there and to Van the built when I go to Nashville next time for the holidays Just so you know because nobody ever took us when we were in high school or the eighth grade or the fifth grade and Showed us what life could be like. This is a fucking university, you know? And then they'll take you to fucking like Boston City College. And it's like in in South-E, you know,

the admissions office has no teeth. And you go in there in South-E to guys drinking with a cigarette in this house, with a no smoke inside right behind them. You don't give a fuck. And he's talking to you with the cigarette in his house, with a no smoke inside right behind him. He don't give a fuck, and he's talking to you with the cigarette in his hand and shit. So yeah, that's the reason I went with Colorado.

Because of Boulder being a pretty place? No, because Boulder just has a weird energy. And Dion brought even a weird energy. Yeah. Dion brought a winning energy energy and he's fired up and he got the town fired up. Like, like, there was the most expensive ticket this week. Uh, Nebraska, Colorado. How did you do that in two fucking weeks?

That's crazy. I understand this is a fucking motivator. He used to motivate himself to be the best every Sunday and then he'd take a helicopter and go play baseball, you know, I mean, whether he was an all star or not or whatever. He still did that. And he's one of those guys. He's just a winner dog. His energy beats everything. You know, his energy and his likeness, he wants to play as to have fun. I finally realized that the age of 55 or 56, something that I could save everybody's energy with as you get older, if you're not having fun, get the fuck out of them.

That's hard though, like a lot of people don't have fun at their jobs or in life. No, they don't and they don't wanna have fun at work. And you have to kind of create that environment that they fly you go to the next job. But it's so weird how people just don't have that in a journey more. I see it on my daughter's softball teams

and the other teams are they coach it. When my daughter's team is happy and they're giggling, they're doing their little cheers and they're hitting the back of their legs and shit. They win it. They're hitting home runs, they're hitting doubles. But when they're like doomed about something, it's all over the show. When you go on stage, your enthusiasm is what makes them laugh. Everybody got jokes. Everybody got jokes. Your enthusiasm is what makes them laugh. How long did it take you to be able to like turn off

what's going on in your life before you went on stage? Like if you're having a shitty day or you got a flat tire on the way there. Five years. Really? Four years. Four years. Four years of, well, the toughest thing was,

like I said, a thousand times that I trained myself to drop my daughter off and I'd cry in the car. I'd pick myself up, I'd smoke a joint, and I forced myself not to go home. I would shoot out to do comedy out of fucking any shit hole. Any shit hole. I would go to that place with the fat pizza guy, the Elvis impersonator. I was feeling bad about myself when I walked in there.

I thought even worse about myself. But through the night I catch myself and go, Joey, you're doing stand up. Yeah. That's the most important thing. You know, I still remember landing in Vegas and getting the call that Brody died. I mean, I was going to show for 2,000 people, you know, I can't, what do I mean? I cancel because Brody, no, I love Brody, but I got to go do a performance for Brody now. I gotta perform for Brody one last time, mention him in the set, tell a Brody story,

and I make my peace, you know? How do you, I'm so, and like, people come up to me like, oh, I like your style, you're so monotone and quiet, you make them listen. I don't, it's just who, I'm so jealous of people who have like, energy like that. Did you have to like, train yourself to have energy? Yeah, because if you're a dud, they're going to be a fucking dud.

I don't think I'm a guy. I try to like myself, but energy is there's kinetic and potential energy. Okay. There's two types of energy, energy, emotion and energy that's stored. I could be standing like a fucking mummy, you know like you hit me with a fucking God or something right just standing there But for some reason the way I move my hips Without moving my hips my shoulders your hands

When you're driving on the highway, what do you see? Windmills, okay. Windmills, windmills, windmills. They create energy. That's why I never touch the microphone. I see the web is hand and I go up there and I make sure I'm talking to them the way I'd be talking to a fucking cop.

I'm sure I know nothing. That the way I'd be talking to a fucking cop. Oh, no, nothing. That's why I don't touch the microphone because that's energy from your hands. You're creating energy. Those two minutes before you go on stage, your potential energy, you're just standing behind there, fucking burn it. What if I barbed? What if I spit on a banana peel? What if my mother, what, you know, it's like, what if I forget that joke, you know, and then you go up there, you touch the mic and the energy

connects. Now you have to go into kinetic energy. So like I said, even if I stand there, like when I started listening, experimented with everything, right? So I used to do the Eddie Murphy thing, walk back and forth. Really? Like, you know, somewhere in my first four years, I made it a habit to walk back and forth. And that didn't work for me. It kind of did, but it didn't. You know, I started making eye contact,

started connecting with individual people. And then from there, you grow and you grow, you know, it's getting on stage. That's it. There's no fucking book. I wish I could sell you a book that would make you better. Into getting on stage every fucking day when you have an opportunity is it. I'm talking if there's no stage time going to a movie theater and going up there and doing four minutes and getting thrown out but laughing your ass off and even putting having your friend go with your grand and see security chase you out of the shit. know that that's you put that on YouTube. That's two million views. You know what I'm saying? Oh yeah absolutely. You're doing yourself to do all these weird things. I used to do karaoke and the guy didn't want us

to do comedy. So we would have to write the song, give it to him, and then go up there in the Let me talk to people about something. You're not losing. I can't. And it's just. Like, you know what? When you talk about energy and I know it's, I think it's energy. The thing that like you do. Probably as well or better than anybody. Is laughing on stage.

There's something about laughing on stage, and I don't know if I'm too focused on my stuff, and I do occasionally, like after we recorded last week, I went to an open mic, highest fuck, and I giggled the entire time I was on stage, but how do you, like that, what do you think about that? Like how hard is it to laugh at your stuff?

I can't fake laugh. Right. All right. The time I laugh is when I can't fake laugh. Right. All right. The time I laugh is when I improvise a joke. When I improvise a joke that I haven't even thought of and it comes out right there and I giggle about it, like that's when I laugh. But you laugh your entire,

you must improvise every goddamn thing. No, because I'm looking at people, looking at their faces when they say shit. You know, it's just, I don't know, it's something about, I can't fake laugh. Not a fake laugh. I don't sit in the back. That's not me that you hear on the fucking, which is named the guy on HBO. That guy that has the show. Your mark? Yeah, Bill Maher.

I love Bill Maher, but when he's got a guy on the show that just sits in the back and laughs loud. I wonder if they give him like the small 15K year. Just come to six episodes and laugh the loudest. And he always goes, ha ha. You're gonna go to a comedy club and somebody cracks a joke and then tour the hits in the back. I'm like, ha ha. You're gonna go to a comedy club and somebody cracks a joke and then, two idiots in the back are like, ha ha.

And you know, what are you doing? And they're like, we're trying to support. You know, if I'm on stage and you make that noise, all I can pray for is a Chinese fucking guy. Like a blow and you're like a fucking, you know. In there, on the other side of that though, and I don't know about you, but like, we connected early on because I love albums,

like I love comedy CDs. For some reason, and even when I had a show, if they're, and I don't know why it is, if there's a woman that I can hear her laugh specifically, it doesn't have to be any, there's a female laugh that is like consistent throughout the show. It's like some of the, I don't know what it is, a female laugh. Women laughing make my entire

I don't know why I can just hear it. Do you ever like Cowing in on a specific laugh when you're on stage? There's certain ladies that laugh, there's certain people that don't get out much And when they go out, they fucking love to laugh and That's it's a tennis match. Comedy is a tennis match. My joke to your laugh, my joke to your laugh, my joke to you. It don't work like that all the time.

One way street, you know what I'm saying? And he just hitting the fucking tennis balls and nobody's doing shit. Like what all my tennis balls go? Oh, you're stuck, Joey. But the other day I did some pretty fucking insane since you're talking about one of my favorite bits in comedy. I mean, I could see why he blew up from that bit. Which one? Like there's people who blow up from specials,

there's people who blow up from many reasons, a movie, a TV show. I like when people blow up from specials. There's people who blow up from many reasons, a movie, a TV show. I like when people blow up because of the gift of comedy, like that, that good, you know. They use my space or nothing like that, or Twitter or Instagram. And I think Cat Williams, Michael Jackson, Joe, is one of the greatest jokes of all time because it's a black man bashing a black man in front of a black audience and the response is just oozing eyes. You know, I don't know what my point was here, but uh, you were just saying like like a bit that you like one of your favorite bits of all time and like laugh So I had it in the car the other day. Okay, I was listen to Richard Pryon in the car mercy was with me. Oh, shit. I went on my apple So for some reason Richard Pryon went into

Fuck nut it went into Cat Williams doing the Michael Jackson bit and It went into cat Williams doing the Michael Jackson bit. And he, you know, he transitions it perfectly. He talks about Martha Stewart going to prison for transferring money. Right. He talks about little Kim going to prison for not ratting.

And then he goes, meanwhile, Michael Jackson's running loose. I don't know, it's all, when Mercy heard that, because one of her best friends is a big Michael Jackson. A fucking face. She's like, Dad, I go, yeah, listen to it. He comes back because it like connects tracks.

Uh-huh. Track bit, you know, you hear it go down and then it, and he just goes off on Michael Jackson. Poor little mercy was petrified. You thought I was doing 150 miles an hour in the car. She was just pressed against the thing, listening and just shaking her head. Little, little boys booty holes. I fucking lost it. I had explained to her later on that, you know, he got accused and they had to pay the small 20 million. This small 20 more.

Oh, I didn't bash him, because I know she likes Michael Jackson. So I didn't break up balls that way. Do you introduce your company? What's that? Oh, I'm sorry, you want to talk about football? No, no, no, what were you saying? I was just going to say, do you show her a lot of comedy? No, but one of her friends told about the time Saguar a bit

I can't shit. Yeah, and what did she think of that? I don't know. I don't know if she saw it You know, it says that I did heroin for 20 years. That's the last thing I wanted to see. I didn't do heroin for 20 years, Conq, second. Right. I am the fucking Tom Segura killer, the ABX 200 milligram. These are the fucking best. They really are. They really are. Who would have loved it? You fathered me. All right. And who would have thought you'd bother me? All right. There you go. All right.

So what were your, did you look at next week's? I did. And there's a few different games. So, and I don't know why, but right now, Kansas City Jackson Bill is like very close. Like, Kansas City's favorite. But I just like I just saw right before we started that the guy like the defensive player Chris Jones who was

holding out just signed so he should be back. And I don't know Travis Kelsey's come back, but if Travis Kelsey comes back and Chris Jones is back, I think Kansas City is gonna destroy Jacksonville, especially after losing like embarrassingly the week before. I think they'll do pretty well. Right now it's minus 155. So it's not like crazy. It's not like minus 600 or something.

So I like that one a lot. I think Detroit's going to beat Seattle and that they're favored by five and a half. I never bet. I hate points. I always just bet if they're going to win or they're going to lose. But then also Baltimore versus Cincinnati. Baltimore is the underdog. They won last week. And Cincinnati got destroyed. And I know Cincinnati probably doesn't want to get embarrassed again. But Baltimore is giving three and a half points. So that's something that I don't, like if I think someone might lose, but it's going to be a close game, But Baltimore is giving three and a half points. So that's something that I don't,

like if I think someone might lose, but it's gonna be a close game, that's when I'm like, okay, I'll give the plus points. Okay, some of these lines are created to make you jump on it. Okay. Right now, you're a regular American mama loop, right? I'm gonna put a bet in next week,

I'm fucking whatever the fuck, right? I have no idea who you're talking about I'm not talking about you I'm just talking about I'm not and not you no seriously I know I know you're not general public all right because this is who you're learning from the general public and what they like So next week let's look at a game like Cincinnati Bengals Baltimore Ravens. You're absolutely right. They got in Barris last week Cincinnati. I could not fucking believe how great Cleveland looked. That's forget about that. Cleveland's got that number.

Cincinnati did not look good. I like them. I really like to see that do Joe Burrows. He's great. They're playing a Baltimore team that covered the 12th. And why it went down a nine and a half. They covered the fucking spread. So right now, everybody in America's going,

I'm taking Baltimore getting three in there. Right, that's what I would do. And the smart move there, I think, Cincinnati, Obeda by three. And you've got the hook. Right, that's from, or, I would watch this line during the week. Okay.

I would watch this line during the week. There's a couple of great games, but if you still, you know, tell them what we saw last week. tell them what we saw last week. Tell them what we learned last week. Saturday night, Adesanya was fighting fucking Strickland, okay, not watch the fight. I didn't like the car that much.

I didn't feel like going 80 bucks for the fucking car. I know. And I don't even stay up that late. She comes down at midnight, the watch the honeymoon is on Saturday night. That means that the fucking, the fucking thing I don't even stay up that late. She comes down at midnight to watch the honeymoon is on Saturday night. That means that the fucking thing is not good for me. Yeah, the main event.

She wants to watch the honeymoon is saw. We got a couple of TVs, but that don't matter. She wants to watch the honeymoon is down here. So I wasn't even thinking about the fight. To be honest with you, I didn't even know there was a fight on Saturday night. Yeah, they didn't really promote it, but I got I thought I thought for sure, Israel was going to win. Well, let's go back to the fucking basics here. What ended up happening?

The line opened up at like Israel, you made three bucks if you bet Israel, right? Right. And all of a sudden, sadly, at three o'clock, what happened on draft kicks? Did that promo? They had that promo. What was the promo? Plus, I think it was plus 100 to 80% profit boost. So you mean to tell me that you went from me betting $50 and went in $750, $5 bet $50, I get $50 now? We're going dollar for dollar.

This is better than a fucking bookmaker from the diner. You know what I'm saying? This is better than anything. Everybody jumped on that bet. Yeah. Okay. Me too. And then I saw people like, uh, chair, son and a couple people fighters were saying, who's not going to bet Israel or Son you? Like that was the main thing.

Like, you know, this is going to be a fucking punch in the head. Now, did I send you the text with the bet? No. What? I bet 25 bucks on Strickland. No, of course you didn't, because I put the bet on it. I put it for Israel and I lost. You never said the bet's been there. I was going to bet Israel, but I said,

there's gotta be something going on here. Something ain't right. You never seen a bookie with a part time job. Plus, you have so much action this week. You had college, you had Thursday night. You got baseball. And right now is like, everybody's getting ready for fucking playoffs.

So these motherfuckers are playing, all right. You ever bet that to me? You had a full fucking card on Sunday and then another card on Monday night, which is going to be a heavy duty bed game next tonight's game. Right. He's going to be one of the biggest bed games ever. It's at 50 50 right now. Nobody can make a pick. And I'm I mean, tonight you picked this to watch the game and enjoy it. Whether it's raining like Helen Jersey. And so the under could be it. So bet the over, or it'll be betting the under because of the weather. You know shit like this, you know, like this is what you have to look at. Plus it's a Monday night game. Monday nights people put in parles. They love it Monday nights. That's what you call it. The Monday night parlay. Nobody sells a

Monday night side. Everybody sells a Monday night parlay. So one of those sides is going to be fucked up. It's like the other night with Detroit. Right, we have load that one. Well, I think the line was four and a half. Okay, probably. And something wasn't to try to, was somebody else. I forget who the fuck it was that did a move like that. Anyway, I'm stone and the fucking A, B, X, as a kickin' in Jack.

Oh, yeah, do you ever bet like crazy shit? Like, I know you don't like tennis, but like the US opened, do you ever put anything on to me? You just I don't like it. I just be donating money. I'm not just going to homeless guy and give him the small 20 because I don't know. I don't bet like most people because I don't know a lot

about who's the new quarterback. You know, I don't pay attention to that shit. I'm looking at the line. I'm looking at the goddamn line. So, you know, this week I had, like I said, I had Jacksonville. I had Miami because I went to Jimmy's. I didn't have him big, 25 bucks.

I think you went 47 and I had New England. And it was three and a half. So I was hoping I wouldn't but the hook. Right. Yeah. And do you, what do you do more of before the game or in game betting? I'm going to tell you something. I love this new sports betting. This new everybody's doing it. The draft Kings live betting for me. Yesterday, who could tolerate that fucking giant game? No, after three minutes, there were down 16 nothing. I knew what time it was.

I ran, I did something, I went to like CVS or something. And then I came back and it was still like, they looked like fucking bet. I know a fucking high school came that could beat the giants. So I did the chance and I bet the under. And I started watching winning time with the Lakers, with my wife and then Mercy came down, we're talking.

When they went upstairs, I went to check and it was 40 or nothing. And the fucking second string quarterback got put in on my flop. That's 11 points. That's it. This guys could throw through. I was two touchdowns away from losing But I ended up when I woke up this morning and the game had gone under So listen, it's a 50 50 towards up. It's just fun. It's entertaining You throw a little something small on the game just to enjoy it. I got some rice pudding

From fucking the Manala Pan Diner for late night, like the fourth quarter, you know, the edible kick in. That's all this is entertainment. I go to bed, I get up and tomorrow you hustle again. That's basically it, my friend. I would love, I was thinking about this because I'm a fat guy.

How much money do you think like pizza places make on a Sunday, like now in football season? They must fucking love it. I would like it was packed. To my surprise, crispy pizza, the official new sponsor to the check-in. God damn right. Rehold the one in Oak Bridge had a fire, but the one in fucking freehold is good. Yeah. No time to open time Saturday night. Four times. Midnight.

Oh, that's the best. That means you can run down there and be back at my house by 11.30 by the co-ed line fight. I love, can you imagine? You always get the pizza at 11.15 at night when you're fucking stone on these ABXs. And all of a sudden that's something to watch for two hours. And he just devoured that, I haven't done it in years.

I can't eat a whole pizza. I eat two slices and it's busted out of me, man. Love it, though. Fucking I got, you know, for a while I came here and I wasn't eating pizza and I was depressed. I was like, how the fuck don't I eat pizza? He's eating one slice a day. What it all tastes, it tasted the same to me.

And then I walked into crispy and it changed my fucking life. I still, I like my regulars. I like, you know, the one I took you to the Staten Island people. Right. Right. I go to the center all the time. We get pies.

I haven't been in there in a while. I got to go in there and say hello. Carlos. Carlos is my boy, you know, John, the owner. And I go to a couple, you know, it's not like I'm gonna drive like fucking the dude from bar stool. I'm not driving two hours to go get a slice of pizza.

I got good food right around here, but it was crazy. Tonight with that beef stew. I've been craving fucking beef stew. Yeah, isn't that hot though? Is it too hot for beef stew. I'm in craving fucking beef stew. Yeah. Isn't it hot though? Is it too hot for beef stew? Not tonight. Not in Joey Dears' world. Jesus. I can always have a white trash. I can always eat beef stew. I can eat a can of denty more like a motherfucker. I love denty more. Can't stew with wonder bread with butter on that motherfucker. Come on, you know the thoughts you'll be blowing at midnight.

You eat one of those artificial Russian carrots. Fuck, you might lose your eyesight or my fucking, you might have 40, 40 vision instead. What is it a Russian carrot? Yeah, those little, they buy those carrots from Russia, you pray, you know, those are really a fucking carrots. That I went on a, on a, on a, on a, I'm definitely going to get thrown in jail for this one. Real pretty much any masters and thing.

Jesus Christ. I'm just, how many years did he get? 30. That's it's it's crazy that someone can get away with it for that long. Hold on one second with that in mind. Now for a word from our sponsors. All right, footballs and full swing with another week of epic game. And to the excitement with draft Kings, an official sports betting partner, the NFL. New customers, you hear it all low, but now you hear it from

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the fall season with a clear coconut. Get a from your thoughts with better help again visit better help dot com slash Diaz today to get 10% off your first month that's better help dot com slash Diaz. We're back. All right. We're talking about Danny Masterson. Yeah, I was just saying, like it's, I don't know what to do. That stuff is depressing. So I didn't, I didn't look too heavily into it, but I have seen what's going on with his friends

who wrote letters and he's got, he, like, so many years. It's crazy. Like how, get, I'm sorry. Just how long you, like, you get away with it for, that whole thing is just You have this image of people because it that's 70 show when I was growing up was big That was a big show

very big The problems you know it wasn't I don't think the conviction wasn't a Danny Massison as much as a conviction about Scientology The reason why it took 20 years to prosecute because Scientology was hiding and hoeing and whatever the fuck they do, to amend people and whatever. So it took a while to get some traction to it. The DA must have heard some stories or something and they just went in there.

And listen man, like you said, I got that that lay in 97 I booked a couple jobs 98 then I went on the road I didn't book for a couple years and then like in 2001 I started booking and I'll never forget being on a pilot I was on a show that got canceled on NBC and it had all these young little hipster stars. And I had a two day guest star on it or some shit. I did two episodes. But the young kids on that, the people who won that show between you and I, you know I'm as tough as nails, they made you feel insecure about what?

Because they were always like telling secrets amongst themselves, they were very cutesy. Like it was all a joke. And then years later I did, how I met your mother. And I'll never forget how those little faggot acted. You know, I mean, there were little fags. They were like little fucking girl. And the guy that's on the Lakershell, who I like, I'm little facts that were like little fucking girl. And the guy that's on the lake is show who I like. I'm a lake is show.

You know, he's a great actor. Jason Seagal. Uh-huh. He was the ring leader. And then when I was shooting that, they threw a balloon at somebody. It was supposed to be like a balloon. I'm throwing to you. Mm-hmm. Through it at the assistant, just for a joke. And there she is, covered with water,

she had tears in her eyes, and he turned around for the other little nerdy fox, and they were like giggling like we did it, you know? So I want you to understand the mentality of least fucking little scumbags, okay? What they were doing, and now it's starting to come out that they were gonna kiss a 14 year old girl. Whatever, you know, it's Hollywood.

What the fuck do you expect? But these guys, they did what they wanted to. You know, Toby McGuire and those animals were fucking taking people playing poker. That young crew was decked. You know, Leonardo DiCaprio with the poker games and the bitches and the fucking, and the 70s show was part of that.

Those guys, you know, the little Mexican guy that slings dick like three hands, the Honduran kid, great grandma. You know, but those other guys, I could see them as like being kind of cutesy. In fact, I thought about a show I did called Happy Hour. I don't know about that show. I did a pilot for Fox about 10 years ago, even long time, 15 years ago, it was out of all those people in that pilot, one person shined. Two of them really, John and this other guy that

was on Marcos, he had tons of movie roles. The other guys were stiff. They were done by the show done by the same people as the 70s show. When they wrapped the 70s show, this is the show they developed called Happy Hour. They had fired, when I went in for that job, they had fired the previous four people before me. Not for your role, not two, not three, four, because it was a funny role. These guys were improv motherfuckers. They know nothing about being funny.

All they know about is how to be funny with eight people on stage. Right. Right. For a bunch of fucking Amity Gans, you know, oh my god, get the fuck out of here. I want to see you go down to a brick wall with a microphone and fight it out. Okay.

What was I talking about? About the show. Happy. Are you with the four one for your role? I was the fifth guy that got high fifth one. And after that Fox was like, no, no more. And I went in there and tore them up. I tore them up dog. You know, I had a couple of lines, but I improvised and I used my body

or whatever. And I tore them up. And after two days, they were ganging up on me. Because you were too fine. And telling little secrets and shit. I'll fuck them. We shot the pilot. Everything was successful. They didn't like me. I wasn't a different realm.

I'm a comedy store soldier. I'm a Marine. These guys are fucking in that, you know, that paying 800 a month for somebody to tell them they're funny, you know, two different fucking worlds, my friend. And I was like, God, I'm sorry.

I was just saying, how is acting? Because I know you said like you have like the stand up chops, but how is it different? Do you, does it feel similar to be funny acting as it does look when you're on stage? It tastes some time. It tastes time to learn, because you're so stiff at first. And listen, I've seen people who have done it. There's some actors who were great. First time movies and shit. It took

me a while to get a little warmed up. You know, I didn't know what I was doing. I got picked right out of the choir for Basekeball. I was just walking by with a red shirt on that people thought it was like a whistle. But you know, you just, I didn't get my full stride till Mark Marins show. Really? Yeah. I started the longest year I've developed it. Right.

17 fucking weeks. So that's like every week doing fucking 10 sets. Boom, boom, doing two, two scenes a day, you know, fucking four days a week and then 17. You know, that's a lot of scenes. So you learn, you're just, that was a great movie for me because I practice every day. Do you think, because like my least favorite part,

and I love doing weekends, but I hate late, late, late, late, late Saturday, because I'm like, I don't, I'm not at the point you're where I'm doing it every week. If, and I know with the longest yard, you thought like I might have like had a polter to do like a lot of acting. If you had gone from like the longest yard and then movie and movie, like do you think there could have been a point where you would have stopped doing stand up and just been an actor? I don't know Lee.

I don't know. When I got the longest yard, I loved doing know Lee. I don't know. When I got along with Charlotte, I loved doing stand-up. I was just breaking into who I was. So it was very interesting for me. I remember not doing stand-up the first six weeks in Santa Fe and like looking for open mics. And then I just used the set.

I would just go off on the set. But those were the roughest six weeks for me ever and I didn't also do below those six weeks So there was no blow and no fucking stand up. I would smoke dope and hang out with the guys and crack jokes But it was very unique for me, you know 2004 I still love stand up like a mother fucker. I Was doing I woke, you know, 2004, I still love standup, like a mother fucker. I was doing coke, you know, I appreciated going out because you were going to do coke after your standup set, you know, I really enjoyed it. In fact, I was thinking about today, somebody put a flyer for an open mic on my Twitter timeline. It's

enclifting. It's a fucking hour away and an hour back. The skies are coming down here tonight. Plus we had this and other things. But what we talking about about acting when you were on the longest short, no comedy. No comedy. So loved it. It's, you know, I love standing up at that time. I still do. I still do. I just, I don't want to really go out right now. I'm having a good time hanging out, doing the podcast with you. I'm good.

Oh yeah, no, it's completely different. But I don't think so. In fact, I didn't like those people. Maybe as long as I can with you. I didn't like people who, except for like Eddie Murphy, I saw that. But I also saw a lot of stand-ups I worked with that moved to LA and became something else. At first, I

didn't appreciate it. I thought they gave up. But then I realized that stand-up is just a starting point. Does it have to be, could you make a career as just a stand-up? Yeah! But I'm talking about a starting point, like listen, if you come to me tomorrow and go Joey, I gotta be honest with you. I really wanna get into the business. What should I do? I really like directing.

I would say to you, sign up for a course somewhere, you know, there's gotta be something available. And I want you to do me a favor before you do anything. Get on stage one time. You think everyone should get on stage. If they got to get into the entertainment business, okay, because it gives you a little a different look of the field. Now you know how the peasants field down below, because we're the worker bees. you know how the peasants feel down below.

Because we're the worker bees. You know what I'm saying? We're the worker bees. We're down there fucking making honey all fucking day. Then as you, you know, you get older to a producer, you become, but I want Abby. Listen, one of the best directors I worked with was great because he had done stand up 15 years. And he told me, because that wasn't a good stand-up. But now I get high constantly as a director from the depth, the depth, the levels that it gave me. So it's interesting shit.

It is interesting, because stand-up, even from my level, really, I guess has a little bit of everything because when you look at a special even says written by Produced by Directed by a lot of times. It's it's just a comic because you're writing your whole thing you have to like I mean the choreograph it sounds stupid, but a lot of comics have like they walk around they have physical jokes It's a it is a little bit of everything That's a gift of being a comic that not a lot of people understand.

We do it all. We run the fucking show. And I'm very proud of that quality. I am the captain, Kirk. I am the CEO of Joey Deers. And you are the captain, Kirk, the CEO of Lee Sciatic. What's that mean, Joey?

What's that mean that this is your world? It has no boundaries, it has no limits, and nobody could tell you how you do it. So when you fail, you fail on your own, and you get stronger. Right, but then that's also like a frustrating part because there's a path, but not really. Everyone's different. Right. But then that's also like a frustrating part because there's no path like there's a path, but not really. Everyone's different. There's no way like if you do this and do well here, you'll get the spot here. It's just all maybe like the book is not even there. They're not paying attention or what like it just that's fine.

You got on this. It doesn't feel fine. You got on stage. Fuck. He didn't see you. He'll see you next time. And next time you'll be a lot of funny. Do you follow me right now? You're using them. And they're pretty much using you. Okay. They I want you to think that they read. You know, when you walk in, what's so happy to see you? Welcome. They don't give a Frenchman's fuck. They don't think I would have missing eye and eye patch. And they would have said, you know, it's, it's, I don't ever want you to lose sight of what you're doing. Right now at the fourth, fifth year, you're just trying to get on stage.

Right. Never mind what this guy thinks. If the owner is not watching, fuck him. There's a comic that's watching. And he's going, that guy's pretty fucking funny. I'm gonna ask him if he wants to do next Tuesday night at the fucking Chaolin Monk. You know, first time I got on stage,

some guy came up to me and said, hey man, do you wanna do Denver Broncos training camp tomorrow night, Thursday night. First time I got on stage was Tuesday, and this motherfucker's giving me a gig for five bucks on Thursday. That's crazy. I'm sure he made $10,000. It was the Denver Broncos training camp.

I was just happy to do it for $5 a gas money. That guy ain't going to give me thousands of dollars over the years. So that's $5 gig. My second night getting on stage led to this guy. In fact, we've been talking on Facebook lately. Oh, really? Yeah, I still know how comedy shows. No, no, he's like a teacher.

Now, he was, he owned like a motorcycle shop and he booked fucking these great rooms in places where there was no entertainment. Yeah, I love those places. Those are my favorite places to do stand up right now. And the whole town was out. I love it. The town comes out and they think you're a movie star.

That's when they come up to you and they go, can I touch you? I never thought to do before. And they happen to me. It happened to me in Portland. In Portland. This is a 100% of true story. I was with my new boss. and you know, not everyone,

not all the time, but every couple of weeks someone will know me from the podcast. So sitting there having dinner with my new boss was like my first time meeting him. And I see this like mom and kid looking at me and it just looks, you can tell us, they look happy. So they come up and in my head, I'm like, all I'm gonna look like a cool,

in front of my new boss. And the mom goes, we love your stuff, you're so funny. I thank you, thank you so much. And they're like, yeah, you're great. And they go right before the community get pictures, it's sure. And they go, you know, mall cop is our favorite movie.

Paul Blarke, and I said, and I'm I, I felt like I wanted to like melt into the ground. And I said, what? James. They thought I was Kevin James. I told him like, I'm not, I'm sorry. I'm not Kevin James. And they go, we don't care. Can we still take the picture?

It's mother and son night. And I, I didn't know, we don't care. Can we still take the picture? It's mother and son night and I I didn't know I took a picture with someone because I looked like Kevin James. It's one of the most I thought I was getting recognized in front of my boss and they even called me Kevin James. It just said mall cop. That is one of the worst, oh my God, I'm getting hot and sweating. Just thinking about it. Jerry's deli and Beverly Hills,

that had to be 15 years ago. He was on top of the world, Ralphie May. And we get out of the car and the guy runs up and we go, so fluffy, it's good to see you. Oh my God, that poor Ralphie, I thought he was gonna melt into the fucking floor that night. When people mistake you, shit like that. Look at me. For years, everybody came up to me as big pussy. That was when I take it. Sometimes I said, no, but sometimes I

like, Hey, you want to grab a blow? We love you on HBO. Fuck yeah. And I thought it was a being on the surprise. I was in shit. If you want to rock, I'll rock with you. It was one of my favorite moments with you. Remember when we went to Austin once and they put you in the wrong hotel. They put you in the nice hotel instead of the one by the restaurant. And we went to eat and we went to a convenience store

to get like a soda or something in this little mall. And it's called the domain in Austin. And there's the two guys who ran the convenience store to get like a soda or something in this little mall and it's called the domain in Austin And there's the two guys who wear the convenience store like oh shit man We love the surprise. You're like that's not that's not me guys And they're like oh come on. We know what's you don't you don't gotta be like that And you're like guys it's not me and after like the fourth or fifth time guy if I went okay And they like they like you they would not take no for an answer. They were convinced it was big pussy.

Brother, what are you going to do? Let's look at some games for next week, cocksucker. Let's do it, buddy. Let's see what you got on tap here. I'm going with Kansas City, I think, because I don't, I don't, and I know this isn't a thing. I'm a whole God. Okay.

That's full of Minnesota against Philadelphia. I know you have Minnesota last week. I did have Minnesota. Well, part of your 18th, 18th, parlay. Seven. Yeah. I think Philly's gonna kill, it is going to beat him by seven. No, no, that see that I don't like that. I don't know. I think I think I think Philly.

Because they they know I think that they could have very easily lost that game with the Patriots last night. They could have. So who do you like? I like Philly. Me, I don't like this game. By Thursday, hopefully, I'll feel the over and under. But right now, I'm not feeling it. Sunday, September 17th, the month is fucking moving. It is. It's crazy. The Jaguars, given getting three points from Kansas City. Yeah, I don't like that. I like Kansas City in there. Me, I like Jacksonville Jaguars. You think so, I'll make up.

I'll tell you why. After the Giants won one year, the next year they opened up their season opening, they lost the following week, a bunch of guys where I worked, got a bunch of money on the Giants because they said there's no way the Super Bowl champions are going to lose two in a row and they lost two in a row. So I'm going with Jacksonville for this one. I like that game a lot. The next game is Detroit Seattle Seahawks.

Yeah. I think it's hard to, but they won't cover. I wouldn't let the game right now. I like Detroit. Like I said last week, listen, Detroit, they're relentless. They play till the last whistle is blown. And even then, you better fucking get ready to rock. So that's a good game.

You got Tennessee against the charges. The charges coming off a loss against Miami and Tennessee coming off a loss. With the new quarterback, Tennessee. You know, they went to like 19 quarterbacks for seven years or something like that. Do you mean Indiana? Indianapolis? No, Tennessee. Do you mean Indiana? Indianapolis?

No, Tennessee. Or maybe it wasn't Indianapolis. Yeah, because Tennessee has a tanning hill, but yeah, that new quarterback for the cold looks pretty good. He looks pretty good. Next game you got, you got Baltimore Ravens plus three and a half.

Yeah, that's again, Cincinnati Bengals. I'm gonna wait on that game to see where the line goes, but he ended a week of my drop the three to hat my drop the three a gop to four Do you ever play with that because on draft games you can do that you look you can make your own odds And like fuck with the line a little bit on draft games. Yeah, you can go in and be like I think the overrunner's gonna be this and it'll affect The payout the payout. Yeah, I saw that but you can go in and be like, I think the overrunner's gonna be this and it'll affect the payout. The payout, yeah, I saw that. But you can make your own odds. Green Bay came out from some heat yesterday. Yeah, Jordan love.

That's, I think that's the way to do it. It's having quarterback like understudy, like the last three green Bay Packers quarterbacks. And I know it's only been one game, but he looked fucking really good. How that man has do yesterday? I think they lost, but let me check. Let's see here. What are you? Oh, yeah, no, no, they beat Carolina.

Okay, I have to go right there. Both of them won Carolina. Okay. I think Carolina is. Right there. Both of them won yesterday. Green Bay had a good day. I don't know what to do that. I don't know much about these teams. Tampa Bay, Chicago Bears. Tampa Bay won yesterday.

Right? I'm Brady. No, yeah. Baker may feel a little good. I think. And I like the bears. I like the bears a lot. But based on yesterday, I think Tampa Bay would win that one.

Okay. Yeah. They still, you think Tampa Bay? Yeah. I think Tampa Bay. Buffalo and the Raiders in Buffalo. First Sunday game at home. You know, it's nice weather up there. The paragues are cooking. Mother fuckers eat wings with blue cheese. Like it's going on a business here. So it's hard because we don't, obviously the game tonight, but I would normally pick the bills as much as I hate picking the bills

because I'm a Patriots fan. Right now they're giving nine to have. So they know something that we don't know. Next game Indianapolis, away, playing in Houston, given the Texans one and a half points. I think in the, based on yesterday, I know that the new Texans quarterback is supposed to be good.

They're both rookies, but I like, I like, and everything, do you ever read the articles? Like I love reading articles like about football and they've been saying like the new Indianapolis quarterback is like first in first out like they just I don't know something about quarterbacks. Like I like reading articles to like get into like their psyche. I feel like they need like that kind of the personality plays a role in it to me. Let me tell you something. Not interrupted. their personality plays a role in it to me. Well, let me tell you something, not to interrupt you. We're on whatever game here.

Last Saturday, I didn't know the UFC was on whatever. I think by that time I had found out, I came home and I was gonna show mercy a clip of a movie. I was looking for a clip from Peewee's Big adventure when he rolls off on the motorcycle and shit tequila But when I clicked on YouTube it was Joe Rogan in those guys, okay? and

I didn't get it so Mercy ran upstairs and I was watching Joe and those guys. And it came up to this, this is what I didn't tell you. It came up to the fucking out of the sun, yo fight. And everybody in the room was like, oh my God, out of the sun, yo, it was the goat. I was getting pissed off at that because Anderson Silver's the fucking goat, okay?

You know, I saw Anderson Silver come into a fucking UFC and just kicked a shit out like nine people in a row So in my world it's Andeson so I'm steaming already The fix are the sign yours the goat and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna throw an extra $20 on this motherfucker because even these guys are talking about how this on you know and Sure enough Sometimes I like reading articles about how to sign you and share enough. Sometimes I like reading articles,

but sometimes I don't. And whatever I feel on Tuesday, like when I woke up yesterday, Jacksonville will line drop to four, from four to half on Tuesday, when we did the podcast the week before. Uh-huh. At first I didn't like it and I go,

I liked them on Tuesday, I liked them today. And sure enough, they came back in one or whatever the fuck it was, you know. So sometimes I look a lot at lines, guys. I don't know about the stats. I don't know nothing. So you didn't give me the Indianapolis Houston Texans. I think it's going to be Indy. I think Indy is going to win.

Okay, look at this game here. The Rams lose yesterday. Yeah, Mama, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. Okay, they're getting eight points from San Francisco in Los Angeles. Oh Yeah, I think San Francisco is gonna destroy it. I mean, the giants lost 40 or nothing and they give them four points to Arizona in Arizona Mother All this yeah, the jets play the cowboys Let's see if the cowboys kick the fuck out of two New York teams and won two weeks See that we have given three and a half for the jets It'll be interesting to see how they go tonight. Did you watch the HBO show Hard Knocks with the Jets at all this year? No, I don't

only watch like an episode and a half. I can't watch the whole thing, but I like to, you don't like watching that stuff? It depends who it is. Is there a player who you watch right now if like there was a certain team right now that you'd like to watch? I like Jacksonville. Okay. I like to see more Baltimore. Baltimore would be really fun.

Detroit is a good team to watch. Like, you know, these old teams that you catch on, no, I'm not saying Detroit's gonna win the Super Bowl, but a big keep playing how they were playing. They had to fucking come back kids. So I would have loved to have seen Ray Lewis, like the Ray Lewis Ed Reid Baltimore Ravens, like that, like that.

Like, oh my God. Good defense. Like watching the Lawrence Taylor days. It's like watching the Jack Lambert, Jack Ham days. Just fucking great. It was like watching an opera. It's like watching ballet and fucking way they move and shit. You got Denver at home against the Washington Commanders and Denver is given two and a half.

Three and a half, I'm sorry. The commanders aren't supposed to be that good. I think they won yesterday. I just think, and I don't know how it happened so quickly, but it seems like Russell Wilson and granted, I can't even pick up a football with one hand, but it seems like he is shitting now for whatever reason Russell Wilson.

Miami given two and a half to New England at home. I don't, I like, you know what last year? I know it was hard to listen to a Patriots fan complain, but it's, I feel like a hot girl that like isn't hot anymore because it was awesome being a Patriots fan for 20 years. And it sucked. And I still think we're going gonna be in an every game. I thought our defense was pretty fucking good yesterday and it's just the penalties,

which Bill Balachek's been great. I think he sucks as a general manager. He's good on defense, but Nikhil Harry, speaking of which, he just is not, has not been great on offense. But I think I want everything enemy wants to pick the Patriots to win, but seeing what they did to San Diego yesterday, I think they're gonna, yeah, I think Miami's gonna run all over the pay. And I don't want them to,

but Tyree kills a thousand miles an hour. I don't know how you, I don't know how you covered Tyree kill. I mean, either. Then you have two touchdowns yesterday. At least two touchdowns, 11 receptions, 8 million yards. No game that guy. They got great receivers. And if they could protect Tua, you know, I live around the corner from the biggest Miami doll from family, then I don't even a fucking guy.

It's a family. And they show up and they bring food and booze and it's very and you learn a lot because I remember in LA, I never watch football. Now I go over there. It's my favorite thing. They talk. They fucking say shit. It's tremendous. I it's one of my biggest enjoyment. And guess what Lee, I don't have to say shit. I just said I'm stoned and I just giggle. Oh, there's so much fun. I only went, I was great. And I know it's only a joke, but like it was all of them. But then they had like one or two sons who are jets fans and they had like them sitting upstairs by themselves

and me and while there's a party going on, does there's be down there and listening to that. They just want to focus. He's got like three TVs going. You want to be by yourself, they got a room by yourself. They got a living room where you can watch like the Dallas game. Let's say you don't want to watch Miami and then they have the main room downstairs and it is, I think I speak for everybody who comes on Sundays. They're all happy. It's back. I didn't eat yesterday, but that pizza shrimp chicken wings chips Every type of beer, you know, he read the bar. I mean I bring the riefa

You know, I'm not surprised. There's like two guys who get high there. We go outside and smoke a little bit You know, I'm starting to do what I did as a kid again, and that's been fucking great. You know, I like, I like sportsly, but when you're married to something, right, like you are about to be, and I was, to really get into the nuts and bolts, I've been talking out on the Patreon podcast about how much shit goes into our minds that we think about and all that energy takes away from your goals. You know, Rogan always talks about, oh, you got really funny. I'll

tell you what happened. I stopped dating a girl. The girl was a lot of work, a lot of thought. She came with me to the shows. I don't like women come with me to a show and sitting in the back like Olnassus I don't like that shit. I'm a lone fucking soldier. You know, I'm a lone wolf dog. Who's on asses? What happened to fuck Jackie on asses? She was married to Kennedy and she married on ass You know once she once her and I stopped dating, she took so much of my fucking energy with bullshit that I had time to focus. And I'm telling you that I see so many people who fucking focus on the little is shit, but they're not focusing on the most important thing.

And at the end of the day, what they're focusing on doesn't fucking matter. And I did it for years until one day I said, fuck these bitches. It's gotten underdo with me. Another of those stories on the front page or the daily news have anything to do with me unless I want them to, unless I want to read that shit and carry it all days.

You know, I see people who obsessed or hate Trump. You know, just all the day long. I think it's a lot of energy out of you. Yeah. You end of the day, Trump being present, not being present, doesn't fucking even affect you. You're a bum. You're around disability.

You know, you slipped 20 years ago, you don't wanna go to work. But, you know, it's just, it's just, and sadly, so every time you waste your energies on like, it takes away from your main focus, which is the prize. What am I, so I'm swami from salami? No, I'm just, it's like a low, because like, you know, I think that, and it's not even limited to comedy. There's tons of people chasing their dreams out there. But to like get out of like, you know, relationship or quit a day job or to move away from like family. Like, it's, like, it's hard to do some of the things you're talking like to really like just throw yourself into something. The big fucking decision. I see people who are really good at real estate.

Like right now, if you saw real estate, it's a little rough right now with the interest rates and the fucking diss and that low house inventory. Guess what happens now? This Yeah, there's when the real salesmen come out. This is when the real salesmen come out, when there's fucking nothing. These guys are still selling shacks, fucking, and other people like, what's going on? I can't wait to settle it. They go to my husband's party. That's what's going on.

You're not, and this is life, you know, cars right now, you know, you go on a buy a car, you're paying all the dough for it that they don't give a fuck. There's other people, you won't pay, dough pay, you know. What am I talking about, I'm making that decision to like just joke off or just go, if you and I sit here about a club owner and talk about how much of a douchebag he is with 30 minutes we're not accomplishing nothing right that's 30 minutes you and I could be talking about a joke one particular joke let's belt this motherfucker out till whatever you call me about one of your jokes I call you what I'm stuck with one of your jokes you know

about one of your jokes, I call you what I'm stuck with, one of your jokes, you know, it's so weird how, even to see my daughter and my wife the other day, they went to kickboxing and I asked her how was class and my daughter's like it was great. There was only eight people there, but Joy was there. Joy's one of her friends, a girl. And I'm like, really, how was the brother, that fucking atripped the both of them? And she's like, he was great and my wife'm like, really? How was the brother? That fucking trip to Bolton.

And she's like, he was great. And my wife's like, well, he wasn't there. And Merce is like, yes, he was. You didn't see him. I mean, that glass is on. My wife is like, yeah, but I sat with the grandmother. And I still didn't see him, Merce. And I'm like, knock it off.

Six minutes. Doesn't matter if he was there. He fucking wasn't. And this is America. This is life people focus on that little fucking thing right? Chop on it and all time the world is fucking moving the world is moving But like that that that's a whole not because I love that I love like when we'll be out and Some of the conversation will start to happen that has like really nothing like you know It's like it's a small talk conversation

But it's like they drive you nuts. Oh There's a restaurant. I go to that every time this waitress is there. I just want to take the knife and stick it in my eye And I love the place and I like her. She's very sweet and cute But she doesn't understand that when I walk into a place, give me five minutes. Give me five minutes to sit down, get my water, look around, see how the wind is blowing. And then I'll talk to you for 10 hours.

But give me five minutes. I'm not even at my table and she's already asking me how my week was and I know she means well, but knock it off. I come here every week just talk to me about you what's going on you get some dick last week what did you do. You know, you said this to her no because she drives me crazy but eventually I'm gonna say something to her. Because it's like eight minutes of fucking checkchat. I'm starvingly. When I want people to play, listen, I really know what I want to order.

When that way, you know, tell them. When the way that comes is like, would you guys like something to drink? Yeah, but we're ready to put an order in. I mean, look at me, like, are you crazy? We just got dog. I really looked on the menu on the way over here. You really should have.

I'm prepared. Yeah. I'm prepared when I walk in there. Because you don't know when he's coming back. Like tonight I went to the diner just to get maybe like a steak. On Monday night she has a good grilled steak with onions and shit. Okay. That's pretty fucking good. And she had the beef stew. And that's easy. And that's what I've been craving. Okay. So, what are we talking about? We're talking.

We were talking about, hold on. Oh God, about, um, fuck those ABXs are good. Those those, he'd be extra good. Those ABXs are real fucking good. No more than time to go or fucking, get a whole bit of on him and shit. We were talking about a couple different things about like making the choice to go for it and then you were talking about,

I don't know how we got to diners. Diners drives in automobiles bitches. You're gonna be a pig for next week, cock sucker. If you're gonna be up one pick if you're gonna bet a hundred hours A yardstick who would it be and it's hard to week out But I'm gonna go Kansas City plus three. I don't think they're gonna lose Two weeks in a row, but if they do it's gonna be a close game. I'm going with Jacksonville plus to three I think I don't think that's possible. You can add three points to it. Jacksonville isn't the one I saw as minus three for Jacksonville.

No, Sunday, September 17th. Kansas City minus three. To the Kansas City minus three right now. Yeah, oh, I sound plus three. Okay. We're talking about in their home. Jacksonville. I'm going to go with Jacksonville for the upset. Yeah, oh, I stopped plus three. Okay, we're talking about in their home Jackson, but I'm gonna go with Jacksonville for the upset.

Okay, let's take a look at Kansas City then. Where are you at this week? What do you got? Sarah told her comedy works. I want to show Friday. Would these people want to go see it open, Mike's dog? I don't want them. I want them to go see it open, Mike's to see you

from the beginning. So they could all say, I know Lisa at when. All right, the open mics Tuesday nights. I'm usually at Ralph's in Worcester Wednesday nights. There's a great one. There's a couple good ones one at Blackstone in Worcester and one at Ricks in Woon socket Thursday nights is at the hotel Vernon was a great open mic. There's a great night open mic Monday nights at best where someone gets stabbed. There's a fun little scene out here in Worcester. I love something got stabbed or something got killed a week before and there's candles in front of the club. Just to protect my stand up and add to different fucking different fucking players. There are there are candles at this club. And it wasn't that they since James owners now were very nice. It was before it was best.

There were stappings, but the candles are still there. So yeah, that's that's pretty much my week. We didn't fucking. We didn't really discuss finished them. Danny Masterson thing. Okay. My point was my point was that those guys were really cute. And they thought they were invincible.

And I think this is a personal assault on Scientology. You know, I think that the word got out, these guys are intimidating people and blah, blah, blah. He's not in jail yet. No. I don't think so. I think he's out on bond till he surrenders himself. That's what happens when you have money.

They let, they took me right there in the fucking court. They didn't even let me go back for a fucking to smoke a joint and do anything. So I can't believe that that's more than 30 years out of that court. That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, listen man, it's so funny when, like right now I'm seeing, like, remember during the pandemic,

during the pandemic, the world's in shock, people don't know what's going on. And all of a sudden, people started talking about charges. Like, this guy did this to me, this woman did this, this guy did this, and there were some people started getting canceled. You know what's so fucking weird right now? It's one of the worst times ever for the entertainment business.

One of the worst times ever. We're going on a four month strike. You lived in LA. I lived in LA. You know where we lived. Nothing moves without entertainment in our area. Not even Yum, young donors is doing good. Even young, young donors got affected. That chicken steak. First now, she

had a pawn of bicycle, a little Mexican chick, Vivian from fucking El Rancho, wherever she comes up from. You know, everybody, I feel bad for them. I feel we spoke about this last week. Now in the middle of all this, have you noticed what's happening? No. Fucking they attacking the guy on NBC, the drunk, you know, the talk shows. He's a drunk. People know they've got an alcoholic. He's a great guy to me found.

Oh, it's not going to say his name, all point. He's one of those guys who drinks all day. He has to sleep in the afternoon. He has to take a nap like Bert, you know. You know, you do. I'm mad at you. I smoked up all day. I was fucking eating thatables all day.

I can't, but it's just insane, man. It isn't the same what happens to people. I mean, it's not that just pulling people down, like again, like that are in the entertainment business. Right now is not the time the strike is killing motherfuckers and now is when the fuck, and those motherfuckers that open their mouth, they ain't got a job once this strike is over.

They're gonna start getting a job right now all the people in Jimmy Fallon's because I wouldn't bring them back. We're a fucking family. I pay you, we work together. We work 12 hour fucking days. You know what happens when you work 12 hour days with people, you see the worst part of them

at the eight hours. I've been there, I've thrown fits. One time I was in a room for 10 hours, they didn't know I was there. I shot at 11 o'clock and they came back and got me a lot. I shot it one in the afternoon They told me go to your room for half hour. We'll come and get you. They didn't even check on me for 10 o'clock at night Who I'm back there highest fuck. Why didn't he be fucking eat netables, you know Attacking the crab service, you know, while it was happening. I wasn't mad

But I'm gonna say when they came in at 10.30, I was fucking angry, you know, I'm like, what the fuck, guys? So what do you expect? When you work 12, 14 hour days, man, there's gonna be fucking, there's gonna be some shit, there's gonna be problems. You and I are not gonna agree on everything. We're trying to make the best show they can possible.

Do you remember? Like, within the last 10 years, there was an article because a bunch of SNL interns like sued the company. Yeah. They were like, they were interns and like they made them like pee in bottles and like they couldn't take breaks. And like everyone in the house that was before I even made you I think like everyone in the

office was like oh well they're not gonna like just regular post-production people are like well they're not gonna get how you can't you can't do stuff like that even if you were like because there are a bunch of creepy people doing shady things in the entertainment industry and I'm not like obviously if you get assaulted you should tell people but if someone's just like kind of a dick And it doesn't make it right at all because I met some shitty people in LA No, that's a problem that they give green light to those assholes and Make it act that way all the time But the other is something like there's people being too sensitive

I think or people are sensitive and then there then there's some actors that are unbearable, that are unbearable, some will know where the other end. Some come in and they're in character. They think it's fine, you know, to be what's the other guy, the black guy that was in trouble from all horror movies, he got in trouble for domestic violence. He was all of our boys. But everybody attacked him while he was going through that saying that he was a problem on the set. I don't watch horror movies. I'm sorry.

I've been on movie sets with the stars and just nightmares. And I've been on movie sets where the stars are fucking dynamite. I've been told before like don't look at the like this act is coming in don't look them in the eye like I've been told that on a couple places. They told me not to shake or make eye contact with Bill Maher they told me in Sebastian and I looked at Sebastian and about an hour later Bill Maher came in and I go Sebastian watch this and I walked right up the Bill Maher shook his hand and gave him a hug. He fucking just I was like 400 pounds. He wasn't gonna say, hey man, get off me. I just hugged them and you can feel them just freeze the germapho. It happens. You got to bust that balls to once the worst negative. they could do five week. I love fighting this again. This is great. I

got to go. This game is starting in five minutes. Oh, shit. Let's do it. Let's do it. Thank you. Do you think, do you think World Club Jets are or bills? You know, I think I'm going to go with the bills tonight. Well, good. I'm going with the Jets.

Let's see what happens. All right, Cox, I'll see you next week. We'll talk during the week. All right. Stay by and now for a word, my mother fucking sponsor. Yes, let's see what happens. All right, Cox. I can see you next week. We'll talk during a week. All right, stay buddy, and now for a word my mother fucking sponsor Freeze pipe for the smallest coldest way to smoke. You got to try the freezeable pipe. Bubbler or bomb from freeze pipe. Here's how it works. You pop the glycerin chamber in the freezer, wait an hour and watch as the smoke is

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