Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #6 - Chip Chip, Challey Ho!

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

We talk about a lot this week on The Check In. We talk about Joey's fights with electronics, Josh Wolf messing with Lee on the road, you will learn the story behind chip chip, challey ho, and much, much more. This is a fun episode! This show is brought to you by:   Get a 4-week trial of Stamps.com, plus free postage & a free digital scale. Just head to https://www.stamps.com & use code JOEY   Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Bet $5 on any game this week to score $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY.   Support the show & visit https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ to get 10% off your 1st month of therapy.        

What's happening you savages? It's Tuesday October the 10th the check and it's brought to you by stamps.com Listen the holiday season is upon us the last thing you want to do is run out of stamps Can you imagine you're sending grandma package? You got a ratio from a flea market, you know and next thing you know, you got who got nothing with stamps.com Your small business can always be prepared no matter what the lines look like at the post office. All you need is a computer, a printer and a scale. So send you that to take care of all your postal needs right from home. You don't have to leave, you don't got to do nothing. You print your postage, your schedule package pickups through the easy to use dashboard and voila.

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You're going to get a four week trial of stamps.com plus free postage and a free digital scale. So head to www.stamps.com and use code Joey. Now let's get the party started. Welcome to episode number six of the check in. I know this is a little bit of a weird way to start, but I got a phone call from Joey, a few minutes before we started recording the podcast that is the reason we started the podcast is the phone calls that I get from Joey just like this. Joey is having a hard time logging into our recording and this is a few of my favorite

moments from it. Enjoy it before the episode of the check and thank you guys. Enjoy the episode. All right. Here Joe, here we go. All right. Enjoy the episode. Alright here Joe Herrick or alright. I'll send you another link of the same link. I send it 15 minutes ago. Emails don't change. The email doesn't change. It's still right. It's probably still like the most recent email you got.

What do you mean? What am I talking about? I send an email 15 at 646 and 702. It's the same thing. I can also just read you the link if you need me to to free to type it in The chrome if you can't if you can't get into your email if you can get into chrome or Firefox I have a link for you that I could just read to you Okay Okay. Make it set up your prize in a few semifix steps. Okay. And both marks your favorite Google app. Don't worry about that, Skip.

Skip, all right. I put next. What the fuck? Pick a background. What? This is pick a background. Pick what I'm one you like. I don't know what the options are. I think they're just colors. I think I'm closing a guy by far.

Okay. The one is the Alexa shapes. Perfect. The other one is three shapes. Let's do art. There you go. Thank you. You're welcome.

Sign in to quote. Don't worry. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I. Let's do art. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You have to a lot of fuckers of relapse. People are fucking relapse. I was going to be into a trap watch. You're going to trap his group. We're going to set for you.

Okay. I think I put it together. The thing I have to do is stay. Select what image is good cause. I got to play fucking, I get it. No, it's great. It's the same thing when I sign up for fucking Saturday and the rotation. They need to make sure you're not a robot.

Yeah, but they keep sending me shit way too hard with my cars. Again, there's a car. There's a car, there's the car. And that being called coming out after. Second, the emissions cars. What a sight. I always get this one world. I know.

Because I have. All right. I don't know if it's that parents. All right, I'm not a real boss. Okay, can you can you type in the address like the website at the top? What website? Nice. Slash, okay, S.

I'm talking about. I won't. So if you after S is I want you to write it right now. No, it, I'll, I'll, it was just as you type it in, I'll say it. I understand that I'll go very slow and speak very loud. So it's S. S is in Sam. Six.

Seven. Seven. Two. 6 7 J as in Jacob 6 7 Another another there's another one to all right six Let me enter And then hit enter. Alright, enter and just do your game. There we go. Boom! There you go, cock suckers.

Turn off your TV, run for your lives. It's over. They can put you on this planet just to get up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking What's happening brother? Oh, my God. I'm so high. I thought that you were calling me again. That phone call at the beginning is my fair.

I'm so happy that we were called, got that recorded because that, first of all, you handled that a lot better than I thought you would. Like, patience starts to my son. I'm not so like confused as a chick. But after a while, you're like, well, I get mad at this computer. I used to get mad at the computer, Jack. When I first started, it was living hell. And now they try to trick me again with the doctors

that make it do appointments online. They want you to check it online. And when you just, they all didn't make me sign a appointments online. You can want you to check it online. And when you just, the other day, they made me sign a contract online. I had a fucking drink coffee told two in the morning trying to forget that one. What do you mean, like, Doc, you signed a click? It says click here.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, come on, guy. What do you think? I don't know, not to. What do you get pissed off at like parking garages where you have to pay with your credit card at the machine when you're leaving? You know, I see if you could pay in the car on the way out and I'd rather do that because once you're in the line, they can't mess with you. I put 24 to reek and cause behind me.

I need the Indian come see sees that. Yeah, you're worried about nothing else. Indian come see sees that yeah you're worried about nothing else. Oh my God. One of the angriest you got. Do you remember when we filmed the documentary? Yes. And so you gave me banana, it was like four in the morning, you gave me banana bread and you got lost, driving the JFK. I'm going to JFK, oh my God. I remember one of the elections and the guys like, you got to buy a sandwich. And I bought like a bagel.

I was two days old, but we ate it, though. We were fucked up as a can of worms. Oh, what about how we pulled you out of Times Square like those Hamas and pulling Jews out of music festival those poor people I'm gonna say a prep for them tonight. I've been praying me shit because this is It's fucking surreal. I don't want to you know cause a holy war here, but all I always Get ready to rock and roll little boys. We got the call. The big Jew called over to the little Jews and told them take the money out of the fucking banks and the fucking what's the most important

thing? The box they put in the thing. I have no idea what box you talk about. The box of box. How do I talk about Jewish thing? Most Jews don't know about say they make believe but they all got one of them and one of their uncles name and they got one of Israel tack free, you know, so. I don't know how we put it in the bank though we put it in the floorboards. We in the floorboard under the Yashiva, you know, we signed something. We tied something. It's good to see you buddy comedy was light last week. I did a show In Connecticut and I I got high by having gotten high before a show and a little bit and it was fun. I I don't do crowd work But there was this I like one like there's a woman like not heckling

but this woman and I were like going back and forth. And it was just it was a lot of it was a lot of fun. The like DTF comedy or something they filmed it they're going to put out some clips. So you might have some clips of me now, but I was really it was really fun. I got to see I told you guys last week I got to see sign fell told you guys last week, I got to see Seinfeld on Saturday. And how was that? Very interesting. Because, you know, I mean, I don't know,

it's like levels of community it's objective, but I would say he's like top 10 most influential standups. However, I would say, I would say top 10 is a pretty fair and it was just cool to think about he's 69 years old with hundreds of millions of dollars. And I have seen other like quote unquote famous comedians who are older and they kind of phone it in and it seems like they're doing jokes that they did in the 80s. And he like was not doing that. I'm sure he threw a couple old jokes in there. But and it was it was something that I think you probably deal with and I can understand as a comic and we get frustrating, but people were just so excited to see him.

I mean, you could just feel it in the audience, that like, just the fact that they were in the same room as him was very exciting for a lot of people. You're a young guy, but I know you know this. Seinfeld went on a tag, and I was dead of watchin' all, as a comic, you know. And when the show came on the first season, I was fortunate like you to go see him into my comedy, you know, 92.

You know, I want to see him early with a friend. She invited me, and she goes, I know you're a comedian, you're, I want to see him early with a friend. She invited me and she goes, I know you're a comedian, you're up and coming. I got tickets to Seinfeld and it was on a date. She was my friend. I knew a boyfriend. He was she bought him, but he had a work. Okay. And then he goes, yeah, take Joey. He's a comic. And I was blown the fuck away. What I saw. His jokes were very precision. I love his Rodney special. The fucking show over the years has been great.

He toured with Tom Papa, which you thought he'd be opening which I fucking love Tom. I was hoping he'd be opening, yeah. The guy who opened for him, that was actually something that I haven't done in a while. Because that's my, the guy did like 15 minutes, but I haven't been like an audience member in a while.

And something that I don't think I'm doing, I've been doing well. But like, I feel like I should do more of like, even if I'm not hosting, like welcoming people. As opposed to just going into straight jokes, he didn't really do this, but like to me, it was just like, if you're there to see someone, like let's like get him in as like, you know, like welcoming like friends almost. Well, I did Jay Khalid to jump around in the beginning. Why you bothering me for? Listen, whenever you have a situation as a feature actor and an opener,

you read the goddamn room, guys. You read the goddamn room, but I'm not welcoming. If I want to be welcomed, I'm going to be welcomed to committee. When you're walking to a state, you know, the Kentucky welcome in committee, you go and they got a picture of Jack Daniels, whatever the fuck they doing Kentucky, a little runaway Chinese people. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

And you every audience is different. Every room is different. I will tell you what, I will give you guys great advice. I had opportunities from 94 to, you know, et cetera, et cetera, opening up for big acts, you know. And when I got to LA for the first two years, I was opening up like Paul Rodriguez on the weekends or the Latin King is a comedy, you know, and whatever, whatever the fuck I was doing up in Modesto to keep the lights on. And in those things when you go as an open and brother, you go out there really excited, you might die. You go up there jumping up and down,

you got to capture them Lee. You're the first guy going out there. Unless you got a plan and you're like, welcome to whatever we're here to see Jerry's sign filled tonight. And they clap and right there you fucking jumping there as all right, you all know Jerry's coming out. Let me tell you a little bit about me Cox. I can bam and now you run one of them for 15 minutes. You say, good night, you go on the back, you watch Jerry from the side. Nobody knows who you are, so it'll let you sit there.

And nobody will come up, the uninterrupted here. You can watch. One of the best things about comedy is doing it is great. But watching it at the level where you wanna be is fucking, you go home and it's like your head blows up. Yeah, every comic will tell you a story of who they went to see and knew right from there from what they felt. Some of it was funny, some of it, but a lot of it is emotional and then the back of it is the, I don't know

how to what word to say. I don't know. And, you know, I'm not a narcissistic. We all go, you know, what? I'm funny in that motherfucker. And you went to the fourth wall. Right. When I first went to an open mic at the comedy worst, I did it sitting at home, watching MTV comedy hour. Evening at the improv going, you know what? I'm not pointing those three guys, but that first guy that went up, I'll take his ass to the hoop. And that was me just being a car salesman, being a fan of comedy from this side.

And it was just cool for all I could keep thinking about was like sign felt at some point did open mics. At some point and he talked about it at the beginning that he did the Chinese restaurant as that a boss and all the small clubs he did. that he did the Chinese restaurant, outside a boss, and all the small clubs he did, not that I think I'll even ever be a tenth of his popularity. But just the fact that he did literally the exact same gigs that I'm doing right now,

he did it at one point. I've always thought that the coolest thing about comedy sometimes is where the situation is that when I can't lie to you when I used to get this newspaper from Sam Francisco when I was at your level and I was fucking read it and study it and there was a I forgot the name it doesn't matter but it was like a week just for laughs it was a weekly publication. And they would have the names of different places, you know? And what loisier those places is like the name.

It's so fucking cool, you know? I forgot what my point was. Those edibles have been kicking in for the last 20 minutes. Just that you can do it. Like you can imagine yourself there. Yes. You see yourself there and it's just parts where, I don't know, you get sight to play more than others. But I don't even know what we're talking about.

I'm sorry, Doug. Yeah. I'm a whistle-fuck-suckers. I can't whistle. I should have left my, I should have left my whistle out of the truck. I've been rocking motherfuckers. Oh, did you have to charge that thing? What's that?

Did you have to charge that thing? No, I don't know even know what for the ends. I was like one of those Russian whistles, you know, the ones that give to your crates. I don't know. I don't know. I love it. No, you know, the ones that give to your cranes, I don't know. I don't know. I love it. No, it was. The thing about you is that you're always busy

in the weekends. I remember there was a time in my life where I was separated and all I wanted to do was fucking comedy. And if I got comedy on Friday, Saturday, it did something. It gave me another week into life. Like I was like, all right, there's hope.

And I would eat a bag of dicks, you know, but at least there's a little bit of hope. I have a question for you. Okay. How does it feel like right now at this level when you don't have work on a Friday and Saturday? Kills me. I hate it.

All right, then you're onto the right fucking game, man. I feel like a bum. I can't, I can't, and I'm getting over it. Like today I sent a couple of emails out about like, which is my availability, but I feel like I'm bothering people, and I have to get over that. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I get over that.

People have been sending me clips that I have, and I don't like any of them. And I'm sure that if I send them to a book or I'd be fine, but I just don't want to send that out. But it fucking, I feel like I feel like I have a shit in my pants when I don't have a weekend. You're rubbing on your head and pray for the best, but. I've done that before.

I'm going to say something right now at this level, or at any comic that's watching this, you know, like when you live in Atlanta. The Atlanta's got a bunch of comedy. I don't know. Maybe a town like, you know, Schenectady, I don't know what they have up there. I'm just saying Schenectady.

But you're like, dream of going to this fucking club. I want you to do something. Send them a package. I don't care if they're ready. If you're ready, I don't I don't wait. You know when you're ready. If you hear if you're doing open mic and Chicago and some guy goes with you here a lot. Hey man, there's a guy in Seattle. It's gonna open up a club. He's looking for packages. Send them a fucking thing. You're a feature act. You get there on a bicycle. I don't give a fuck. There was a time where whatever your gig was on Friday Saturday. But at the time I got to Thursday, I think, have the price. I would just call you like what's going on

over there tomorrow. Joey, we just hit two weeks ago. I know. But what's the story? I need to work, you know, you're looking to work, but in reality, you're not even looking for the money, you're looking for the state's time. And that's a great fucking attitude. It would kill you on the weekends. Like you don't even know and there's women as a party, there's a wedding. And you're like, I don't want to go because I know if I commit to women, there's a party, there's a wedding, and you're like, I don't wanna go, because I know if I commit to that, I might do a comedy show at a coffee shop.

And that means more of me than jumping up and down with a bunch of fucking lunatics out of wedding. Oh yeah, I'm not getting invited to, but it just, and then I see, like you're saying earlier, like I'm funny than that person, I see people who are very nice and they're very funny, but I see that they have a show that we again and I get pissed. And here's the beauty of it from like five year to the eight year mark. You start analyzing every move you do. It's a very, you have to have a very addictive personality. When comics say, you know, people say comics

have, listen, they have a lot of issues. Addiction was my issue, right? But part of that addiction was, feel like if you know that punch, I still remember delivering domino pizza on Saturday night to punish myself. Like I made myself one of those, whenever you have a four hours come into deliver guy, I knew the guy. And it was great. Yeah, and dog, it was great money.

I would deliver some coke, deliver some pizza. You know, Uncle Joey, I'm not stupid. I ain't afraid of. I need delivered Chinese food, but I would of. I need to deliver Chinese food. I would deliver fucking pizza in Boulder till 2 a.m. Till they got really crazy. Like I knew I was going to get mugged or whatever. I would drink coffee or something.

I would drink in those days. I was drinking Mountain Dew with fucking snooze. Whatever those things to stay awake because I was doing triple runs and shit no does no does but I still remember living in Boulder and at one of the open mice some guy goes is a comedy company, they got like four comedy clubs. And if you send them tapes, I call them. I sent them like a fucking tape. Not Lee, it's percentages. If you get opportunities to send a tape to Moscow, send it. Because that's just a number. If they call, then that's your choice.

If you wanna go over there, but you know what I'm saying? You know, I don't know if I like New Orleans. Sender tape. You never know where that guy might send you. Yep. I might like your tape and go, you know what? You're not good for me here. But my buddy has a restaurant in New Mexico. You do two shows.

Or you could eat 50 bucks and you're sleeping in the back room. And also, you're like, you know what, I need some green chili in my life. That's my homework this week is I have to send out 10, 10 emails. I can find 10 emails. 10 emails on Monday mornings at 9 a.m. You program them. So 9 a.m. They get them. They're going to disregard them.

But guess what? You're going to send them the following week at 9 a.m. they get them. They're going to disregard them. But guess what? You're going to send them the following week at fucking 9 a.m. And so on and so on and so on. And all of a sudden you're sending 10 emails, 12 emails, 13 emails, the percentages in your corner. So just keep doing that. Monday 9 a.m. When I started comedy national booking day was Tuesdays.

Really? Yeah, Tuesday was the day you bothered the bookers, they communicate with you from 12 to four, you know, in that particular city, like if you wanted to work Cleveland, thought I wasn't ready, but I would just call people in torture and introduce myself. How are you? ready, but I would just call people and torture him and introduce myself. How are you?

Yes. Someday I'm gonna be a fucking savage. But right now I got eight minutes with a bed, with a bed too. You know what I'm saying? I love it. You know, and I'm so, as jealous as I can get, I'm so happy for one of our good friends.

I spent like an hour with Eric on the phone this weekend because he got passed as a door guy at the comedy store. Oh my God, I spoke to him and I was very happy and I'm gonna tell you something. Just to be honest, I'm the upstein. I told Eric I was gonna call her because she likes him. I know she likes Jen who's's I miss him more than you know

I'm saying like there's some people Jen is tremendous and I got her number but I just felt you know what I'm saying she's she works a lot at the store but it's not the caller on the cell and I'm sure I got high, I forgot to call Jen. He got this on his own. He got this because I did a show with him as an opener and he, she saw him. He left him and then told him to keep coming back. This is good for him because Eric is not only a comedian with a great future like yourself, but he's a historian. He likes film, he likes stand up, old stand up, he knows

prior, he knows when he told me his admiration for Paul Mooney, I knew he had a chance because he understood that both gay men so he understood totally. Let me tell you my Eric wrote your story. Okay. Ready? Okay. Yeah. So, I have an agent, right? Right.

And then I have a friend who's been at this agency since 2003. He was there when I got Spider-Man 2. He was there when I got like, I don't know who's taxi. I don't know what it was, but he was definitely there for Spider-Man 2. And many other things I booked with him. He had a boss named Nancy and I was her client, but she got to be big, and she gave me to him, and then I started rocking and rolling. Now Nancy wanted me back, but I loved Dave. Yeah, fun, Nancy.

Dave is gay, not very flamboyant, but when you see him, you know, he's a gay man. So my second call when I got to New York was today. That's how comfortable I felt at the time, even though I was petrified of COVID and everything that came with it, because I know always knew Dave had my back. So I called him, he's like, absolutely.

I do feeder specifically, but if I see something else that made you, and we booked some great stuff together. I mean, we booked some great stuff together. You know, it didn't fucking buy me a car or nothing, but it was, you know, co-star work on law and order, the show with Anne Hathaway and, you know, he's been good. So out of all the fucking people to call me, I see he's called me from his 818 number in L.A. because he used to live in L.A. and how he lives in Jersey. And he goes, Joey, how are you? Hello, he's like, the strike is back. You know, it's over. Now I can submit you. Oh my God. What's been happening?

We talked about the book. We spoke about, by the way, it's got nominated for a fucking Grammy. Congratulations. Audio will win. Who gives a fuck? We got nominated. 10 years ago, it was getting fuck and nominated with felony. Say, anyway.

So we talk for a few minutes and he goes, Joey, can I talk to you about something? I go, what's up? He goes, your name can I talk to you about some? I go, what's up? He goes, your name is on my roster. And a little after the strike, he goes, I didn't even answer the phones, but I kept getting a message from one of our clients. Are you ready? And I go, yeah, he goes, it's the gay men's comedy theater. And they love for you to come in and do a set. And he goes, yeah, he goes, it's the gay men's comedy theater. And they love for you to come in and do a set because and I understand you're a comedian.

Why do they want you so bad? And I go, long story. The man's name is Eric Rocha and he goes, who is that? I go, he says, he's a Hollywood gay guy, but he's a hard dinner. More for the bar that had a tent in there. And, you know, people would fuck each other and you have to guess who it is.

And he goes, oh my God, I've never even gone there. And then we spoke about boys of hoi. And he was like, he was dying. I forgot about boys of hoi. He's like, Joey, I would never consider calling boys of hoi. So he goes, yeah, they, they like you to stop by. I'll get some dates for you and you can swing by. But this is the funniest conversation I've ever had.

He was talking to me. How would they give you that? Anyway, you know, go ahead. Go for it. No, they would. They would love. That's the thing. Like people might think, like, you know, you might not like gay people, you might not like Jews. All like my favorite

Jews. I don't know. But like, you know what's my favorite is women. When women like you, like I'll never forget going to the to Denny's on Lank or Shum one night after we were you were at the ha ha and you would say shit to like this waitress. I don't even like it's not sexual but basic hitting honor but not hitting honor and anyone else they would they would have called the cops but they're just something about I don't know if it's your smile your laugh laugh, or what it is, but women fucking love it. They love when you talk to them. Crazy, man. I love them, you know, always yearn for shit. But anyway, we'll get back to that. Let's take a quick breather here and drop some knowledge on these people. Hey, this episode is brought to you by my people over at Better

Help. Do you ever feel like you know what's good for you, but you really can't make yourself actually do it. You want a good night's sleep, but you can't quiet your thoughts. You know you should stop eating, take out constantly, but can't find the motivation to cook. Talking with a therapist through BetterHelp can help you figure out what's holding your back so you can finally move forward. Trust me, this helps sometimes. Maybe you're focusing on one thing

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Today and get 10% off your first month. If they help me, they can help you. That's better help H-E-L-P dot com slash Diaz. We're back. So don't forget if you're feeling a little kum tikum ta for our days contact better help the hook you up. You'll stop hearing voices and whatnot. Trust me. They can help me. They can help you. All right my dog. What's going on? What else? Where you got this week? This week on Saturday, I'm at the jungle in Like outside of it's in Boston. It's a like a five o'clock show. I've done shows there before It's a really fun. It's a really fun room. They sell crack No comment They probably do.

They fucking said I didn't open my last night where the host was on mushrooms. That's okay. It was fucking really fun. He was up there and he was eating it twigs. What if he ate, what if he killed 21 people one day decided, I'm not trying mushrooms now. I don't kill nobody no more. Do you ever think about that?

If he's happy and you don't have a gun or a knife, who gives a fuck? You go up there and you tell him, listen, if the cop calls don't tell a nut, and then you fuck can get on the mic. I love, if the cop calls don't answer, that's my favorite thing that you, I love, and it's always like, why is the cop gonna call? And they're like, I love also the cop calls don't answer. That's my favorite thing that you I look and it's always like, why is the cop going to call? And they're like, I love also the cops call when they just

come and pick you up. Well, call means a combination of things. They might call you or they might knock on the door. They're not going to do it. You don't open it. You're going to say, how can I help you? Is this Lisa? Listen, whatever you got to tell me, you to talk to me or put a bottle of nods and maybe I'll get in the year 2020 fucking nine, all right. I actually saw something. Joe, could you pull up the Instagram video? I saw something because have you seen on Instagram that like they have phones and jail now?

Me? Yeah, well, no, well, of course you, I'm not thinking thinking I go to jail, so I don't think about it. And anyway, a fucking matter here. Look, look at this. They have this like they have all these things. This guy is flying fried chicken. In prison. Can you play that? This is in prison. Yeah, no, this is just he's just he had somehow has chicken and he's frying it Like at the stairwell and they have like they have phones and they have them like this is just one video that I found

Like look at that. They just have a fire underneath the pan And it just it kills me every time I like I spent way too much time on Instagram, but It kills me every time I like I spent way too much time on Instagram, but Wait, what's up in time, okay, but Know what's interesting about this man that You always find a way how do you how the fuck do these Cubans get on a raft and decide we're going to America? We're gonna make it What belief do you have, you know? It's the same type of belief. Like it's like, listen, you incarcerated us,

but you can't take away our chicken. Fuck no, and there's other ones, like this one, this guy had like dominoes pizza and like chick-fil-a. You got a low-crugged- 1000 situation, this could be a halfway house. This could be a three-quarter halfway house. I mean, I don't like I said, I haven't read about that stuff in years. You know, I like the legal system.

So I would read about all the changes and legislature and you can't fuck and smoke in there. And, you know, so, but I still remember I was just talking about this guy with somebody about this guy I met in the inside when I was young and he was very quiet. And one day I saw somebody eating something and I go, you make that and he goes, nah, they're doing the number two over there. And I went in there and this guy had nachos

for Monday night football. I was like three dollars because you were allowed out for 20 minutes a day. So on Mondays, he would stock up, and he would have to run over there. He was about 56. So he would give me a couple dollars. I just said, listen, I don't want your money.

Just give me free nachos every Monday. And that's how our relationships started. So on Mondays, the Chinese restaurant was closed. So I wouldn't get Chinese from anyway. I waste my time in the bodega. Because you had 20 minutes to run through the storm back. And left the distance was from the comedy store. Past the hotel to that fucking bar where people bounce on the horse and shit.

Right. Right. The roadside, I don't know what it is. And you had 20 minutes. So it was a three minute run. I was young. And I would run into the fucking bodega you buy stamps, you know, a certain soda you wanted for that night because they let you out every day. You were allowed to have $40 on you, $20 on you, but then I figured out you couldn't hit the Chinese restaurant and the mother fucking bodega. So I used

a go go I went on the phone and called a Chinese restaurant and said, can you have ready by 12.07? Yeah. And I go to a bodega get a soda ice cream, whatever the old man needed and my Chinese food. And that's how we lived it up. And then other guys who get spare ribs. So I would get egg rolls and soup. And you would get spare ribs and pork fried rice. And we'd sit together at night, any like gentlemen,

in the library or in the HIV center. I know that like, to me, anytime I think of a going to prison. It's like scary, but no, no, no, no, shit. I don't give a fuck who you are. You know, you're gonna walk and I'm going in there to get raped. Hello, that goes for your mind. If you don't, if you're not real with it, you know, or these people like, I'm, you know, half those prisons are full of people going, I'm gonna beat this. And they never think about anything.

I was always very honest with myself. So I started lifting as soon as I got bailed out. I knew what time it was. I started eating different. I started fucking riding the bike every day, back and forth. I hit a punching bag every night, I lifted him my garage, I had a dog, which meant I had to walk that fucking mother fuck a couple times a day.

What would you say, like if there's someone listening today and they're like, fuck, I'm going to jail in 90 days, what would you have them do? Pick a book list. So your ass hold up, like put one of those things, you've got to dream of times, we need a fucking key and swallow it, you know what I'm saying? And now nobody gets it because it's not coming out and it ain't going in, you're following me.

But either or you got to give up something. If you don't give up the muff, I'm just teasing anybody. Doug, you just prepare. Keep your mind open. Keep your loved ones close to you. You know, get a support system. There's so many different things that are available to you. Go to Better Help. You got a phone, right? I can't take better help. BETTRHELP.com slash Joey. There you go. You know, you better help to people in prison.

Lee when I went in there I expected something different than what occurred. But let me talk to you about some how'd you do this weekend. Oh, I did, you know what I did, but okay on was the sell the basketball preseason, which by the way I I'm so much, I'm, I'm, I know I'm wearing a Patriots hoodie. I'm so, I'm football. When, when you're, when your team isn't good with football, it sucks. But it, I, the, the, the cab was in 49ers, fuck me last night. I know you were. 29ers are too good. I had the under and it was not good. You know, man, I think that this is the craziest season I have ever seen in my life.

And I got away. I never, you would never hear me say this in years. But I've heard it so much lately. And yesterday I saw something that looked so fucking obvious. It was pathetic. And I know something always happens with you, and I love the dolphins, you know, I go to a dolphin house. I saw the line was at 12, right? So I fucking, I go, you know what? 12 right so I fucking I go you know what come on Buffalo's gonna beat my Emmy's gonna beat him but you never seen a bookie with a part-time job don't beat him by 10 and everybody fucking goes to bed you know you went on the cover

and they're happy right there was a part in the third quarter with two or three fucking interception. The guys, it was right to the other guy, even the receiver was like, he pulled it right in the fucking guy's hand and when the camera went on and somebody must have said something, he was laughing. I don't know, I just felt really weird. I see the scores. And you know, you open up the morning with Buffalo getting beat up by the jaguars. But you know what? That wasn't this wasn't my week for that shit. I had one pick on Sunday. And it was my fuck Detroit, given nine and a half at home. Nobody ever talks about Detroit. They're like a team that you know, everybody's watching a Dallas cardboard. Listen, Dallas is always going to be Dallas. They need a complete different team, complete different. This is the year that the owner

that has to realize somebody got to go Jack. But anyway, do we take a break yet? We took one. Do you want to take another? Yeah, we got to talk about draft kings. That's what we're talking about football. All right. Hold on. One second, guys. We're going to take another breather here.

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and official sports betting partner the NFL. They're crowned as yours with graph Kings. I swear to God, they treat you like a fucking doctor. Anyway, you don't even need to speak Spanish. Gamble and prom call 1-800-Gamble or visit www.1-800-Gamber.net. If you're in New York, call 1-877 hope New York for text HOP-New York, New York 467-369. We're back! Anyway, it's can you believe it's Monday? It's can you believe it's Tuesday, the 10th already? No, the year's fucking over. Yeah, it's guy, a dog. I, it's so weird how fast this fucking year went. I'm actually 60 and a half years old.

I come on, I never thought about this day. I've become, I want to do a thousand things, but I don't want to do any of them. You know what I'm saying? Every time I want to do something, my smoke reaper, and the world I realize I don't want to do a thousand things, but I don't want to do any of them. You know what I mean? Every time I want to do something, my smoke reaper, and the real I realize I don't want to do. I realize any word doing it at this point. I just want to watch, you know, it's just a different fucking world. And I'm enjoying this shit.

That's fucking awesome. I wanted to ask you because it's happened to me. And some of the funny, huh? I do have crabs. All right. But Josh Wolf, and not in a mean way, has been messing with me in hysterical ways at the hotel. Like at two separate hotels at one hotel,

he got me the handicap room. And then at the last one in Omaha, he called up and told them that I'm not violent, but I'm severely autistic. And just to keep smiling. And if I get angry, just keep smiling. And they like, they were so nice to me. When I every time I check, every time I was down there. So I love that that's in my note now at holiday and that I'm severely autistic. I was wondering. Next time you go, Tom, that, you know, fucking machiner with machiner with machiner, it's gonna call over that, the taking name off the list. You got better things to do than be described in a little fucking

retard who can't box. You don't say that. What a boxing coming in this. What's out of no. He's violent. He's non violent. How fucking no. Why bother me with this question?

I don't know. Did anyone ever file like, did anyone ever fuck with, like the only time I remember you. Absolutely, what do you think he got the fucking measured idea from? With the handicap room, you go in the shower, the shower's up to your belly button. You have a floor like your five foot two,

and then you don't wanna call the front because you bang one out and you come on the shower head. And you're like this ain't bad. This goes directly into the sink here, then you splash your face and nobody knows. I can still hold my pants. Why? Because the toilet seat was like higher. Yeah, you got my, it just, my, my pee went right between the toilet seat and the ball. And so I was just, I was on mushrooms after Friday night and I'm taking a piss and I just feel like my pants

getting warm. And I peed all over and I had to throw some shorts away. I had to throw my shorts away because I pissed all, what am I gonna do? I'm not gonna travel with piss on my shorts. That's what you put in your bag on top. And underneath you put like the 22 hours did you smuggle shit from Israel?

I'm gonna need to. I got that little thing in my bag the last time that TSA looked at it. It's fucking parent, I hate that shit. I put things in your bag when we traveled. I wouldn't throw, get you thrown in jail. And after times they never even stopped ya. Listen, what do you mean?

What's talking about bag? Looking back at it, the guys that are successful with a great team, and I think about Gabriel. Right now, first out of great team, Joe Koi's got a great team. But I think of the guys, I'm not talking about management agent, publicist, all that shit that comes at the job. When you're at that level,

I think about the people that are around you, you know, what are we talking about? About that. You said that I was talking about me getting fucked with on the road. But you were saying, you bring people because they're part of a fucking joke. They're part of the running joke. But it's all a joke and love. Right. And it's the funniest thing that you'll ever, those are the things when you're selling out of rena's. And you're doing all these things. Those are the things you cherish forever Those memories, you know, I told you I had a guy in El Paso. That was the house MC But his real business was he cleaned movie theaters and he cleaned the comedy club and

this guy guys was something out of this world because He just was there every fucking night with a tuxedo on, you know, he had a like a little big head. He was like five foot six. He could have been a apocalypse though. I don't know what he was.

He was married, she'd come in, but he'd still hit on women. He had the platform shoes, which was hysterical, right? And we used to fuck with him, the club owner, Tommy, give him a long letter, give him a long intro. Like this next guy coming to the stage went to Catholic school for high school.

And while he was up there reading it, he'd be looking like, you know, how long is this? And the club owner would go read it. And he'd read the whole fucking thing, like two pages, show you what the prison came out. Then he was gonna be a chef, but then he changed his life around, he became a magician,

and I would just give him like a fake bio. I didn't have no credits, but I give him a fuck what he says up there. Then I'm carrying it. Every time you give me, you know, I give him a new bio. Yeah, and then I worked for them one new years, and I realized that he cleaned after new years. So I went to K-Model on those places,

and I bought that shit you grew up in the air. You know, fuck him. Confetti? Confetti? When I was a fuck thing. you cropping the air, you know, fucking confetti. You can paloo, whatever the fuck they are. You can paloo. You can paloo. You can paloo. What the fuck they saw, you know.

You can't pay for Ray, but I don't think you say that I knew yours. What? I don't think you say that I knew yours. When do you say that? I don't know. say that a new year. What? I don't think you say that a new year. When do you say that? I don't know. I don't know. I'm nervous.

That's a different. Right. I think it's you get. I don't even know what that. No, no one. Nothing hit her. Raise it. Or even but you're. Charlie. No one, nothing hip-hopraising, weren't either, but hip-hopraising. Hip-hopraising.

Chip-chip-chip-chally-ho. There's a bunch of the people say. No, it's a chip-chip-chally-ho, either. But you've been saying that for years. You know that's a chip-chip-chip-chally-ho? No. You don't have any Aaron friends. You don't say chip-chip-chally-ho.

I always thought that was British that's Arab. You what? I always thought that was British that's Arab. I can't even get an Arab guy saying chip chip, Charlie Ho. It's Tuesday, mother fuckers. You guys need a fucking tip top. McGoo wake up there. You have it. What's the word again? You be a Peru. Yeah, yeah, you

Is the way to do a fucking Tuesday morning. You know I'm saying this is it. This is the way to do a fucking Tuesday morning. You know what I'm saying? This is it. This is the best way to start. I told you motherfuckers, you know, a lot of people emailing me and they, listen, it is what it is. This is the best of us that we got. We're trying to get into the groove right now. We figured out, you know, when you go to a movie, do you eat mushrooms?

Right now, a bruise problem is to time it. And I can't, I got a kid, I can't be sitting here with a watch, acting all creepy and shit. So you just go with the full amount, fuck it. Take a chance Columbus did. And here we are, this is what happens. At the end of the day, listen, I don't need to do dick, but I'm THC fuel.

Mark McGuire, fucking Drank steroids by the fucking bottle. Uncle Joey needs to smoke his grief for you know what I'm saying. But in this case, I only did a few bonkets today. I ate like five of those motherfuckers just to keep me out. We got the time and right. Those intervals are kicking right now. Oh my God, I could feel my heart beating and shit. Let me tell you what happened before tonight. And this is why I was a little late gentlemen. You know, like a check and heal a little early, prepare myself.

I love my neighbors. The poom is a solid, solid. They keep me together when I'm, just about when I'm like, what the fuck is going on with these people? I got a call from her and today I saw her husband, and I go, what's going on? I saw your wife doing go to work, Columbus Day, whatever. And he goes, yeah, I go, what are you guys doing for dinner?

She goes, she's cooking. And I go, what's she cook she cook and he goes your favorite chicken Scoppolini whatever with the potatoes. Oh Listen, I got great restaurants around here and I've said it before and I'll say it again She like cook the fuck out of all of them my girl Jody Puma Shofum Tanya Her chip and I've had that same dish at two top nights restaurant. Just a test She shuts them both fucking away

She cooked it's like eating sausage and peppers With tremendous peppers with chicken breast Oh, and then little potatoes that are fried And she cuts them just perfect, so you can stick all that shit in your mouth, all that one shot command of, are you fucking kidding me or what? And I had a lot of points, you know what I'm saying,

for today, I had chicken and rice, I had our chicken breast, black beans, rice and onions. That's six points, the last time I checked, bia, where are you? So are you late? Because she invited me over there like 10 after six. Oh, okay. I was already going into like a fucking trance here. So I just had to run across the street. And I ate and then she goes, hurry up, you got 15 minutes. So I got here at the 10 minute mark.

I like to get here a little early, but why are we discussing this? Who gets the fuck? I just want to know. You brought it up. She doesn't make really, she cooks a lot of good shit. And she can't because of a job, and I get it. When she fucking throws down, she always thinks of me,

best garlic bread in the fucking world. You know, she makes you want garlic bread? Oh my God, and she garlics it with butter and then she puts chunks of garlic in that motherfucker and she uses the bread from levodes to seed and bread and she toast it. She's a fucking wizard and then she makes a garlic dip in case you just expecting vampires at your house. You could drink the fucking thing. What are your parts like after that? I used to go over there and she knows I used to go over there and dip a whole thing of bread when I first moved in and she invited me over and I saw that.

That was like a dream for me. I love fucking garlic. Yeah. It's a miracle drug. It cleans your out toxins. If you read up on it, your hair blow the fuck away. That's why I got no hair. And you're doomed already.

But I want garlic. I went to that garlic restaurant in Los Angeles this thinking of a lot of time because it was phenomenal. But I don't have that money when I was in LA. When I went there for the in 98 Somebody else paid like an agent that wanted to sign me, you know, I invited him and my girlfriend and he fucking You know, I walked out of there with garlic pudding that was night not those weren't good for it Who's talking about thoughts

Let's talk about what he got planned this week This week I got that one show on Saturday talking about thoughts. Let's talk about what he got planned this week. This week, I got that one show on Saturday. Where, where, where details, tickets, links. The ticket links is, I'll tweet it. I'll put it on Instagram. It's the jungle. It's the name of it. It's, um, yeah, hold on. It's in, uh, Somerville. The very nice comic Peter Lou puts it together. It's five o'clock on Saturday. I'm very excited about that. And then Friday night, Friday night. I don't know if shit Thursday night. Just open Mike this week. Okay. If anybody has a bar up in the Boston, Lisa, I add area, contact them on Instagram,

you know, something that you want to do on an off night, sell some fucking happy hour, manual, some fucking nice drinks, get them a mic and give them 50 bucks from the bar, and these jimokes will be happy and you're fucking that's the best way to help the comedy community. They'll be gentlemen, they'll act like fucking civilians. You know that this is what it's all about Lee and pretty soon you're gonna have to get

one of these rooms because it's great work, it's great networking and it's great leverage. People will put you on if you put them on. And now you're asked on a Friday night at midnight. He's got a bowling alley somewhere in fucking West Chat, Nuga. I don't even know if that's in Boston. I'm just saying that. He's got a fucking room. He's got a bowling alley and salty.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I absolutely need to have a show. But that's there's two people. There's two groups that I got the emails for recently. I'm going to start sending it out that's local to here. And it's that's what I need to do. I have a cool one coming up in a couple of weeks, but we're not talking about that yet. So.

No, no, you just usually yell at me saying I'm not supposed to talk about a few weeks. I'm going to be in Wilburham on the 18. I thought you had a TV appearance. I thought you would do something on. No, I don't. They pay you now. What do you say what's that thing with the women around then they give you five hours to get only fans I would do that a second if anyone wanted to see screen comedy what I don't know Let's not talk about why what Stick to the fucking basics, you know what I'm sorry, but I do got a book signing October 25th in breakdown. Hopefully, Frankie, I go stop by my lease. Is that New Jersey? It's

not North to come in down. So a lot of people I went to school with live down there. So I've been getting help. You know what? That's New Jersey. Yeah. Very fun. 6 p.m. Yeah, man. They're over. Listen, it's always an experience. I've been trying to get more, but it's like pulling teeth. Who gives a fuck Jack? I'm having a good time. I'm gonna see you in a few weeks. Oh yeah. That's gonna be fun. I'll help you. I gotta go for a fucking echo tomorrow. And then when's that me, but the hominologist, but I've been going to you, Jitsu. You're breathing sound. You sound, you didn't, I don't think you coughed at all

today. Yeah, I did. I got choked up with the water. Okay, maybe once, but compared to what it's been, it sounded a lot better. It's gonna, it's good that you're working on it. But I'm happy that you're fucking sticking with this thing like a soldier. We talk, you know, all the time and figure out different scenarios. We strategize something that's not in comedy anymore. When you sign, when I was thinking about the in comedy anymore. When you sign what I was thinking about the truth for people who are whatever, thinking about getting into comedy and what a manager is. And what a manager is. And then you get a managing like, what the fuck? You know, it's not like the old days

where we 90 days, you meet to get coffee at a butter roll and we talk about your next move. And I don't need to make money on that. This will make my life easier down the road. You follow me, you wanna do that one more. Little things like that. And if they do meet you for lunch or something like that, it's always, when I first got to LA, you met with your manager, he's the good of his office.

Once a week, check in. What's going on? What have we got going on? Pretty soon. My friends got this. My friends got that. But I want to tell you, young comic something. Just so you fucking know this.

I've always forgotten about this. There's just to let you know that one minute, you're fucking hanging out with, and I don't mean that, guys. It don't change your life. When you see a comic trying to hang out with, and I don't mean that, guys, it don't change your life. When you see a comic trying to hang out with an actor, trying to pose big time, it's great, but at the end of the day, you know,

ah, what does it sell tickets for you? I read that you get positive exposure, learn now, you know, while you're young, that young comics, then rely on famous people to help you you'll get those you save those for later You save those for later when you go like your mother fuck this. I thought you mother fuckers knew But anyway, but I had just done the longest yard. Okay. I had a dog the The movie had just been released I'm lying to you It got released made 25th, right?

This was like the second week after it was released. It had really caught on, blah, blah, blah, blah, I think the first week, I forget where it was, the warm up. But I didn't do well. And now it's the second week. And I know I'm doing Chicago on Thursday and Friday. And no, on Friday and Saturday. And I'm doing two other clubs. One is a Thursday night, but it's a regular club like under the Zany's banner. Okay. Another one was

another club that was under the Zany's banner. I had to get picked up, I had to take a flight to Chicago, then take a connective flight for two hours and when I get there, yeah they're all there, They're great people. When we go to this imaginary name, a Fuego comedy club, it's really a fucking bone alley. Oh, yeah, I do those right now. I had sweats on and there was a line of people like, you know, in those days, there was 48 people. That was the line.

You know what I'm saying? With the work out out I was dirty and I wasn't Adam Sandler like jumping up backwards and shit, you know, and I'm like, where's the cuz I flew with sweats on Anyone right on stage? No, I'm like is there a green room? They're like what hmm? There's the bathroom or the car And I fucking just had a change, put jeans on, take a fucking Spanish shower,

put monkey grease in my head, and here I am in a fucking bone alleyway. They show- They're going during your show? No. Thank God. It was one of the roughest shows in my life. That just goes to show you,

don't, it don't matter what you did on Saturday. You might end up in some fucking town doing a bowling alley on Thursday and they're touching you. It's like one of those plays, they all never showered those people. They all have like flannel, they chew on straws and shit. I was out of their teeth,

I was captured outlawed, Josie Well, like those two guys, so a little shoot them and drag them to the woods. They look like that in that fucking town. I remember leaving there like this. I had picked up an agent that was a big time agent at the time through a friend. And they gave me like a fucking jala.

He passed me on to a kid, listened to me to do, gave me five gigs, and it's August. And I go, so what do you have planned for the September? And he goes, he goes, I'm going back to college. What happens after September? He goes, I don't know. We're going to try to get you a different agent.

They gave me a kid that. They gave me an intern. I was just going to say that. You know, I never told nobody that, but now you know, God, look at it. And this was after the longest yard? It was just been released. $58 million. Oh, fucking dollars.

And they give you the intern as an agent. Yep. God damn it. No. Listen, no shame. At least they thought of me. They gave me the intern and this shit. Oh, I'd kill for the intern right now.

They could have gave me the shit. They could have done a lot of fucking things. But just to let you know guys, it never ends. I didn't realize this. The drama never fucking ends. Whether you're an open mic or you've been doing it for 20 years or 30 years, movies, TV, always remember that pen.

That pen's gonna save you forever or something I was never good at. I'm still not good at. I try, you write a hundred jokes, you get 10 good ones, in my case I got to write 200 now to get two and a half. Are you still writing? Yeah, I started again, and guess what?

I'm having a great time. That's hot. When do you go to a coffee shop again? No, I don't a great time. That's when you do go to a coffee shop again. No, I don't have the time. So you just sit at home and just yeah. Last night I just come here and I fucking I couldn't sleep. Listen, I got a good night to sleep. I knew a bad one was coming and about I looked at the clock.

I was I lay down like fucking 1047 and I looked up and it was like 1230 late I was a big dreamy or whatever the fuck I didn't take out of the bulls last night was the Lord's man and do day I see any animals just I don't believe that You know I was Talk I wanted to see the devil tonight I'll just If I came up loaded, fuck them from if I study them Friday, if I drop five of them on Friday, tonight,

I got a 10 of them. And they're only going to give me a short of high. So I said, fucking, take the weekend, dog, no mushrooms, no nothing, Jack, water, but reefer. And that's it. I thought there was no refer. What do you mean no Riefer? You just said, oh no adipals, but you're smoking. Yeah, but I don't need, I just told somebody I was smoking.

When we were together, should I tell them I'm gonna answer tie you up and all that stuff, not anyway. Should I tell him when I should tie you up? No, that's not. Not anyway. I was smoking three eighths every two days. Remember I would come in with three eighths that fucking mamba juice with the dress that tastes it like oil.

You thought I was poisoning you, but I had a drink at first. I would have you picked the wrong one all the time. I was a hundred percent. You're the only person who put fucking toe dust in and you always picked the wrong one. Well there's no right one. You probably put toe dust in both. I think I'm able on the front, put it in the front and with the fucking the one that clean, and I closed the other one really well, with Toe Dust Jam, Malukia Juice, heroin, the whole fucking, Japan, and I put it in a tube next to it,

and you'd say that one was broken. I'm gonna drink the other one. I'm like perfect. And like, you know, like, four in the morning, and you're in the office with your socks off. Yeah. I had a fucking.

You probably got your drinks on your juice. You're gonna be best. Huh? Probably got you probably got your socks off right now. Of course they do. You have socks on right now. You got what? You have socks on right now.

Of course I don't want to. I got the jufty out. I got socks and a d to song. Of course I'm not wearing feet. I got the jufty out. Yeah, socks and a deed is so I think I got the way to think I was rolling skating fucking off with my big size 13 fungi toe. I got a half a toe though I'm down like a half a toe. What happened to your toe? The fungus is eating the meat everything. It's all over No, it's it's a I tried everything with this fucking fungi toenail. It's just, I tried everything with this fucking fun guy toenail. It's just, it's in my body.

I can't use a big zapper because it'll affect my kidneys. And that's where I'm at. What are you going to do? Did you ever tell them what you called my toe after we did you do that one time? No, the wash with toe. Yeah. Listen, you can get his toe with an arm lock. Like, you grab his toe, do a camorro with it. Fucking, you gotta see the size of that Orchwoods toe. I do. I have a fucking big ass catalyst on my, on my big toe. I'm talking, you know, he can climb up the walls like Spider-Man,

like Batman without the rope. Remember the old fucking Batman. He had the rope with Robin behind them and then asked them so questions. And that's my toe. What does? And that's my toe. That's your toe. Oh, what?

But yeah, so you just couldn't sleep and that's what got you back to writing? Because sometimes when you're having a son, yeah, sometimes when you start the day, you just throw that shit out there and I throw it something out with anger and you know, you catch it's a good thing in there and you pocket it and that's it. I'm really tell why I'm going to go ahead. I'm sorry. I'm really down on current events. Because when you're a comic, you look at current events. To compete with your life and bring on stage. And now I'm not into that anymore. It's whatever I read online real quick. If I go, I look at every Tuesday and Monday that gets published, especially on my, my little Mac,

whatever the portable one I have, right. So say your screen time and I'm looking at it, it's going less and less. Oh, really? Yeah, I watched it for a while and I saw the results one day and God know, you know, you can't hide it. No, you start watching YouTube videos. I'll fucking get a notebook and put legs up and live from fucking Mass The Square Garden. I've done it 20 times in the last fucking 10 years. And I'll just sit there, you know, I'll go outside, smoke, come back in, listen to two more songs, get up, say, a Diet Coke Zero with ice. I'm like, you know, this what you do when you're a stoner.

What do you want me to tell you? I play drafts here, you know. I love drafts in Casino. So I'm telling you, I look at the lines, like if it's football season. Last night I was already looking at lines for the following week. I make some note, you know, this is, it's not like you're at a bar jumping up and down. It's not like I'm with LA when I could go to a ha ha cafe. It's not like even if I wanted to. Can you put any bets?

10, 30, I'm thinking about it in the crib now. You get what a lurk at 7 a.m. Why do you want a lurk at 7 a.m.? Why do you want a lurk? What does that mean? Lurk means I want to get up 30 minutes before my door gets up, 20 minutes, whatever the fuck it is, then I got up like at six. I come out, I pet the cat, I walk out, I open up the back door, I make some coffee, I

go out on my balcony and I just sit there. And for 20 minutes, I don't know nothing. You know how much peace of mind that is? But I just sit there and I stare out into the horizon like fucking rain man. And next thing you know, somebody's awake. I start talking to him. I already had a half a cup of coffee.

I finished my mug. And now I walk in and it's a fucking family time. Till she has to go to school. Yeah, it's not like I talked to her the whole morning. She don't want to talk to me in the morning. She'll give me a hug. No, she'll give me a hug.

On the way to breakfast will cross paths. Sometimes she needs breakfast before I do. The breakfast is ready, but I didn't hear my wife. So sometimes she eats and as I'm going up, I get her a hug in the hallway, but I get out. She's got to get ready for school. I don't even want to interrupt her. You know what I'm saying?

If I go upstairs and break her balls, she's going to forget something. She's going to school. She's got drums, a fucking backpack. Yeah, a canteen, like she's going to be at none. But they have water at this fucking school. No, it's a problem if they forget it. Like I used, I never brought water one day in school. Look, I got more fucking water canteens than anything else from this goddamn house. Do you bring anything around with you? Do you have one during the day?

Oh sure, you gotta see me with my little sandals on walking around looking at trees and dead deer on the side of the road. I gotta get the fuck out of here. I think it's the doing people to see, all right? Monday night football is about to start. It's a lot of Vegas giving green bait two and a half of that this morning. What are you picking, Lisa? Yeah. I'm picking tonight. I'm probably going to go with.

Well, I did. And I know you're going to give me shit for. I know you got to go. I put a bet today that the chiefs and the 49ers would play in the Super Bowl. That's why I think with the Super Bowl will be. Okay that's great. You want to be the swami from Salami. But who you bet today? Green Bay. Who? Green Bay. All right. Green Bay. Great to see you. Great to see you. We're in the week. Thank you for helping me bring the computer back to life.

You're welcome. I was in shock. The edibles were hitting me. I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I can't do my favorite fucking show. Look at the lighting. I look like I'm someone heroin and playing the organ for a living.

But I love you guys. Love your joke. Thank you for another fun filled episode of the check in. I also want to thank BetterHelp and I also want to thank stanf.com, but I want to thank you guys for tapping in with the savages this week. I love you. Stay Black and we'll be back next Tuesday morning. Tip top of do. All right, thanks for listening. Stamps.com. Listen to how they season is upon us. The last thing you want to do is run out of stamps. Can you imagine you're sending grandma package. You got a ratio from a flea market, you know,

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