Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Episode #7 - What were we talking about?

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

This week on The Check In Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about the strength of edibles at the beggining, yelling at Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo, and Redban about their cell phones, and one of the things Doug Stanhope taught him about stand up comedy.   This show is brought to you by:   Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com & use code JOEY   Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com & use code JOEY  

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out on the phone. I do TVs run for your lives. It's over. They can put you on this planet just to get about it. If Uncle Joey could do it, I could fucking rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to Sheldon! I Boom what up Tuesday I'm going buddy, you know looking good feeling good. I smell like a fucking Billy goat I took a shower before this. I took a shower. I took a little mapping no no I don't know if I was high or tired. I don't know

How many showers are you taking now? What's up with you? What I'm doing great. How many showers are you taking now? Because you were always coming out of the podcast who may be three like that really took three because I went to the shit. So I took a shower. The whole thing. What? You do the whole thing every time. Yeah, you got to wash your head behind you. I'm a filthy dude, bro. You know, I got fucking a yeast infection in my ear. You know, I got problems because I've been fucking, I had to get medication. I had to put some fucking cream in my ear.

You know, you're fucking sick. I don't know. I'm just trying my best to keep it together. I got a nice head do. She put a little fucking dead ink in there. I'm just drinking. You know, it's keeping it together. I got like 13 hairs, drink my collage in every fucking day. What are you drinking? You know, the, the look that comes out of your titties when you first have a child, the collage in whatever the fuck is that?

He's in college, and? No, it's not collegeant. Look it up, it's called Armra, A-R-M-R-A. Okay, I didn't know there's this thing. Yeah, look at that. What do you think you'd be doing with Joey bananas? What you bothered me, Lee? I don't know.

I'm sorry. How was your weekend? Very good. That's it right there. What should say I can't read what I'm like, what's a call? What did you call? I can't read it. What do you mean you can't read it all.

Colossum. Colossum. Yeah. And that helps with hair. Why did I know about that? It's supposed to fill your hair. Yeah, it does help in my hair. But if the hair on my kneecaps, the hair on my arms,

the hair under my armpits, I'm everywhere. Well, I don't fucking need hair in my nose, my eyebrows. I got to print my eyebrows, I gotta trim my eyebrows. Every foot that the wolf man's nep you. Every foot is, I gotta ask my wife, because you gotta put glasses on and try to trim your eyebrows, fucking who Dini can't do that one.

Yeah. So you gotta have a partner, you better pay the barber, that extra 10 bucks. Oh, I've never had the trim my ears and my nose, but I've never had to trim my eyebrows yet. Oh, it's coming, Cox Sucker, it's coming. You don't even see it, too, you go to Vegas, like you don't even see nothing,

until you go to a different mirror. You ever notice that, you go to a different mirror, that motherfucker never lies to you. You're mirroring home on your psychological friend. Think about this shit. Next time you go on vacation, you at home, you don't see a lot of stuff because you're so used to your image in that particular mirror, you call me a hair,

you brush your teeth, you're shaved, whatever, right? But then you go to a hotel in Vegas, you come out of the shower and there's a mirror right there. And that's the first time you look at yourself new to years, that's a fucking confidence burner right there. And then you go to shave, or brush your teeth after the shower, forget about it. You see hairs, no, you see that one long fucking strand

at the hair, and then you wanna shoot yourself because you got no nose trimmer, and you got two shows the rest of the weekend It's a fucking nightmare man Have you ever did I fucked up? I had to take an uber in Columbus Because I try not to go I try to shave my head before shows and the thing and The thing and died halfway through and you look like I was not having a dinner on taxi driver for a minute then. You look at the chubby guy in the road warrior,

the Lord Yomongus. I looked fucked up and I had to ride in the Uber. I lived with your faith years. I know exactly. I never had a half a head on your name. I'm back there. I don't know if you, look, I feel bad sometimes.

I don't even know if you can wipe your ass correctly because you can't reach back there. You got like bad shoulders. You always leave like a little patch back there, like a little acro. Well, I was really fat. I couldn't wipe like that. It wasn't good.

Thank God for the Toshi. Nah, I'm sure you could wipe. I'm just, it's a fucking joke. I know what I'm doing, but I'm telling you the truth. But I would, I would like, you kept saying it would have strips and I would check. know what I'm telling you the truth but I would I would like you kept saying or have strips and I would check and sometimes I would but most of the time I wouldn't most of everyone I hate I always miss a spot. Don't I miss a spot. You know when I shave I don't use a mirror in the

shower I just dope it up with shaving cream and I go by sound. You know Uncle Joey though I just put make the water hot. I make the pours open up. They know mirror every you always you ever buy those fucking no fog mirrors. That's what it was. That's for people take showers and cold water. That is for people who savage is like me.

I go in there. I turn the knob all the way to the end. It's like I'm going to the chair. You do really you keep way to the end. It's like I'm going to the chair. You do really? You keep it at the end? Oh, I push it all the way to the end. I like my shower. I put the heat around.

My bathroom is fucking cold in the mornings. So I got to put heat around before I go in there. I mean, the heat goes in there. But for some reason, we have a fucking sky roof in the bathroom. Why? I don't know who would sit in the fucking shower looking out the window like a fucking idiot. You know, it's like, you don't do that? Huh? You know, you don't look out the window? No. When I go in the shower, I'm focused on washing and killing the germs. And, you know,

I thank God for giving me another day, and I'm grateful for you and Joe and, you know, I thank God for giving me another day and I'm grateful for you and Joe and Mike and all the people I deal with, you know, that's what I do in the morning. I get my head together, sometimes I get too stoned and I gotta turn the water a little cold, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, the shower can be scary when you're high. That's great. But where do you keep the heater?

Like heating a heater and like water from the shower Just play fucking fear fact that it's under the sink you Shower with me and take my chances My glow to the dark Oh, you're right. I'm going to die. That's fucked up. Oh my God. I had a pretty good weekend.

I got to do two shows on Saturday. One at five. And the afternoon, one at five, which was listen, dog. I didn't want to say that and fucking burn you parade. Dracula could don't come on into the sun comes out. Come. He's still going. Stays the sun comes out. Comics don't go on stage until the sun comes out, all right.

It was an interesting time, but it's a fun room. Like the guy who run, it's really cool. But it was, we have five o'clock was the earliest. They're going to be home by 730. What the fuck? It was a start of the 90s. You know those five o'clock people got to be church-going people. So you know what, they were very nice.

And I have, you're very nice also. Bring me with you one time. And let me come out there and go, look at you five o'clock maggots. You got to be home by seven thirty. I catch seven a.m. To prove to these people that you're a good fucking Christian. Get the fuck out of here. I have a cocktail. Tell the to prove to these people that you're a good fucking Christian. Get the fuck out of here.

I have a cocktail. Tell the baby so to stay home. You're giving her the extra 50. You're going to come up and dress home like that. What up the fuck you want to do? That's got to be rough going to comedy of five in the afternoon. I hate it. I don't even like going on stage as seven and the sun is out.

Yeah. It's different. And all is the fuck out of me. And even though you're inside a dark place, I still know it's fucking light outside. Sometimes you're out there, there's windows. You can't hear a club with windows. I want to do comedy when it's dark out and you get mugged. That's going to do comedy when happier in that, because you're fucking petrified in the streets, you know, coming in with a going in the security at the comedy club.

So nobody bothers you. I swear to God, these edibles, I must have had some mushroom juice left over in my system from the weekend. And these edibles set these motherfuckers off. I'm seeing things. I'm hearing things. What are you seeing? Two of you.

You're the little guy behind you would fuck it with a stick. I don't know what I'm hearing things. What are you seeing? Two years with a little guy behind you with a bucket with a stick. I don't know what I'm seeing. I'm just seeing things. You know what I'm saying? You ever see things but you don't tell a little body. I got the balls to tell people I'm seeing things all right. I invite you to go down or down1-1. Jesus Christ. How was your counting? What did you learn? What did you not learn? You had the five o'clock show. You did well.

You called and checked in. And then destroyed the eight o'clock. That it was a fun night. I got to future. I expect the. The first show I did 10 and the second show I did 20. Good for you, Lee. Yeah, I was, I was, I thought I was going to do like a five minute set.

And it's a really cool place in Foxboro. It's like for like, you know, a book or who has a lot of clubs. And it's a, I got it a day before, which is. I got my level. They don't, no one calls me Two weeks like only a couple people usually like can you do something tomorrow? So that was exciting and You know, it was a fun night and I think thank you like there was like Five people between both shows that came out from the podcast. So that was very cool. It was a lot of fun

People love to see you in the beginning So they could say, I knew you back when from my yeah, I was thinking about this day at night, after I spoke to you on Saturday night, my conversations with you really enlighten me to the fact that how much I love you are with comedy. Oh, yeah, we fucked around and we make tapes when we call and shit, you know, but we have to be really high on the same night to make those funny fucking calls. But I've noticed that 80% of our calls now are basically focused on comedy. And it's really inspiring to see and it makes me believe what I've always believed about

comic starting out Like the best education you get is in your backyard and working outward You know like you stay and then you spread this like COVID when the fucking guy went skiing in the land of in Jersey And he fucked up that burdened County town. Same thing. It's just really weird to see that when I lived in LA along with you, we met so many people that went out there in their second year, and it's Balzi.

It's Balzi is shit, but like, I don't know, to get back to the conversation is just really impressive To see how much you're into it because you and I both know We ran into a lot of people and I love doing comedy. I want to do this and I want to do that and a week later You know, then I'm doing nothing Right and two weeks later. We've seen and then I'm doing what they Right. Two weeks later, we'd see him. And then I'm doing what they told us they were going to do.

If we talk about it like, wow, you know, so it's really nice to see a guy that works as hard as you. I appreciate it. Like I learned a lot. When I met you, I had, I didn't want to be on the podcast. Like I, we've, we didn't fight about it, but you know like, no, you're, I was just a fan of standup. And like getting to meet all the comics that I got to meet on the church, I got to be in the room with the top comedians

of the last 20 years. And I just, I've always liked going to shows. I've always, I've just learned so much with that time we had in LA that I don't, I don't want to be someone who someone goes to see and say they say, oh he was just with Joey. He wasn't that funny. Like I, I really, like, if people give me shit and that's fine, but I want to actually be a good comment. That's, that's my goal. Like someone like that people, not respect.

I don't like that word, but like, acknowledge like, hey, he's at least doing comedy. Like he's actually doing it. You know, everybody always thinks that people can help you. Like I'm just gonna jump in and make a call to Warner Brothers and tell them that, you know, I lived through that also, you know, with the longest yard and the Spider-Man,

it was always this guy called for you. Nobody called, I wanted a room with 20 guerrillas in the audition. If somebody called, which nobody ever did, it would just be in my support to go, hey, he's a good actor and a good guy or whatever the fuck, you know, but nobody ever did that. I earned those roles. I earned my office roles. So, and I always wanted to prove myself also. You got to prove yourself and people got to see it. You have to you're attitude has to be contagious when you're a comic. These comics go home and they fucking talk shit and they get bitter. You know like they get bitter. Now you got to be involved, you got to fucking and that's what you're doing. You got

to be able to talk to Bill Burr and you got to be able to talk to Fingalis Joe who does the open mic on Tuesday nights who's fucking a great writer. But he's missing a finger on stage and he's ashamed of it. Whatever, you know, you're going to run into all those people. But at the end of the day, 20 years later, I cherish all those fucking things. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm done with those memories. Like, I can't tell you a year by year, but I can tell you that something inspired me along the way. And you can just kind of put great people around. You're couple of open micers, that are good people. And you create a little fucking community in Boston and you don't need to go to LA.

You're getting more from what you're learning in that area than what you get from rushing to Los Angeles with your nose wide open. And there's something that's like really been nice. Like there's like people complain about a lot of, but something that has been very nice about comedians has been like how helpful. There's been so many comics who will put in a good word for me somewhere or ask me to be on their show. And it's just like, you would think there'd be a lot more hate. And I'm sure there's a lot of hate. And I'm sure I can, because I just want to say one quick thing, I am aware that like I totally get shows that at my level, at like your level,

I wouldn't have got or shouldn't like, can I do get a little bit of a bump up in a lot of scenarios? So like that's part of the reason why I work hard. I just wanted to be, because you're like, in a lot of scenarios. So like that's part of the reason why I work hard. That's one of the people. Because you're resume has the comedy store in Hollywood on it. Has the comedy store in La Jolla. That's great. Yeah. Rainies on it. You got. I got you have on the improv. I got the Wilbur. You brought me to the Wilbur.

That's fucking Broadway. But like the Wilbur is. Who you are in the Wilbur you brought me to the Wilbur that's fucking Broadway But like the Wilbur is you are in the Wilbur high as fuck Balls is still you went out there. You barely fucking walk out there like the penguin, you know, I mean And somewhere in a in a comics mind no matter what level that takes a lot of it takes a lot of people respect you. I remember one show I did that was a certain open mic or I want you to think no names. There was a certain, no, no. That bugged me, bugged me, bugged me.

He came to the show in Vegas. I was going to turn him up and he told me he didn't want to go up anymore. Like he just saw it for what it was and he was packing up and going home or whatever. I don't know. I don't know how I felt about him after that. Now he's doing stand up. I think. I hope. But at that time, you have the opportunity of a lifetime. Who cares if you're not ready? Who gives a fuck? That's a lesson for you. That's a lesson for you. You know, I mean, I was unfortunate enough for somebody

to take me to an arena in the beginning or a theater. I didn't do a theater till I moved to LA maybe and I did some rooms with poor Rodriguez up in North. And they were like, you know, 1000 seat theaters. I was getting 500 bucks. And I would do like three theaters in a weekend with him. And I always bond in those days. You need to walk theaters. I remember the one weekend, we did a Friday, Saturday, and a Sunday. Friday, the bag of dicks, Saturday, the bag of dicks, but Sunday, I went out there and

destroyed the room. Some guy fucking knocked on my door and wanted to do blow with me and gave me a rock to take the go. He was insane. It was insane. Like I bombed for two nights, but then the third night, it was like a fucking explosion. They went for the material and, you know, things happened. Do you remember? I mean, I don't know if you remember this, but like, did you do anything different? Like,

did you do you remember changing up like your delivery or? I remember just being fucking angry that you bombed two nights in a row in front of a good booker and in front of a fucking headliner. He didn't watch my shows. It didn't matter, but still you're there. Some people here who don't have to be there. Listen, at the time I was doing spot at the store, I was doing, you know, spot at the improv, the laugh factory, and he called me when that

and goes, do you want to go up there? And I was like, yeah, and I'll never forget. Like that Sunday, I just went off. I didn't care where the piece is for. I was already owing to, I might as well go down swinging. I wasn't going to get shot down in flames and go down 0 and 3 on a Sunday night in front of a thousand people. So I can't be screaming maybe.

It could have been the timing of the theater. It could have been the lights. It could have been that I got a good night's sleep the night before. Could have been a lot of things. I think I wasn't prepared. That's number one. But it's so weird how I always think about this and I want to cover this with you because you went from a huge market and you went backwards. Yeah. And some people go, why don't you stay there

or whatever. But you saw how hard it was to get, look, I think you're getting more quality stage time here than you would over in LA right now. In LA, you'd still be going up in front of a lot of comics. Yeah, I'm definitely quantity, open my guise, LA would be, but the quality as far as like actually having audiences no and And getting like because I went Honestly like two steps back because Boston I in Boston has a great scene But it's smaller than LA and I've been I spent like a year ash a year plus and Worcester And it was, it was,

it was a little, but I got better because people were really nice and like I started to open people and because I remember being afraid of doing 20 minutes. 20 minutes was a hard one for me to get over. I was afraid of doing 20 minutes of Sam Tripoli shows. Day nights, you know, you're in there in front of a full house. I'm going to forget this. Like, I was dear friends with the guy who gave me the time and the light and stuff. Uh-huh. And he would give me the light though. I wouldn't even, I just run the fuck out of there.

Like, woof. 20 minutes, thank God. Yes, I have, I had a ton of anxiety about 20 minutes. It's for some reason, that one took me a while, I feel like I had enough material for. And I'm just getting up there. Remember, you could do a quick 20 minutes, or you could do a slow 20 minutes. It could be a 20 minutes that's revolved around patients and getting them into a groove

or you could just be so scared like I was 90% of the time. And I would just go out there and rush it just to get it over with just so I get that $1 bill to go home with slow color. I mean, let's, you know, just to get that 100 to buy some beers and sit with some people and whatever the fuck it was, I always rushed through my sets and I didn't become better till I slowed them down. And me slowing them down was my confidence How do you slow an audience down?

That takes years. That takes years. Because no matter what I tell you, once you go to LA, once you're ready and you go to LA, you're going to bomb a lot in the beginning. Because you follow some of these different styles. It's not like I'm following Lee and I get to adjust to Lee's energy by Friday, which is all I give a fuck about. I'm getting the big envelope. I need to be tipped up by Friday and Saturday. So I'll take a beating from Lee on Wednesday and

Thursday. I'll figure him out. And by Friday, I'll know how to slip in there. And going on stage at the comedy store improv, laugh factory, one night you followed Dan Cook, one night you follow some Indian kid. I'm not saying Indian because they're a little slow paced. They don't know the language that well. So sometimes you gotta follow that. Somebody who's Russian and they speak a little slower because they have an accent. Comedy's changing, comedy's growing. It's not just for white people anymore, you know what I'm saying?

It's worldwide now. So I remember still going, somewhere the fuck did I go? Did I have to follow really nice, oh, what I did danger feels, this was funny. He was an Indian guy. He was funny, but his gift was that he was slow paced and he kept his volume just a little lower because from watching him, I could see people leaning in to listen. And I'm like, wow wow this guy had been doing comedy like 23 years

He did spots around the city. He said they wouldn't give him like the big clubs He told me he won a contest in New York and He had a day job. He's like some type of chemist some Indian kid, you know But he was very sweet. I'm sorry sorry I forgot his name, but I remember learning something that night because I went up there fast and I ate dick for the first four minutes until I remembered the tempo. He had sucked them in. He was so good that he had sucked them in on that slow, methodical, I put a lot of big tickets. 55, whatever, you know, I'm not trying to be cute.

I'm just trying to be honest. And it was medication. It really is a fucking education, but you're not gonna get hit with that. Do you go to LA or you go to a good open mic where they rotate? If you got 10 good features in Boston and they all go to the same open mic every Monday night,

that's good. If the guy who's running the open mics rotates you, obviously if Dane Cook walks in, or somebody local from Boston, that's a star and they get on stage, they close the room. But you teach everybody. I can't wait to you think you're really, really, really funny. You've got a tight 15 minutes and you book yourself out as a headline on an a room. And that's a big education. That's a tremendous education.

That's completely different than you've ever seen before in your fucking life, because you're not really a headliner. You're just learning how to put blocks. First you learn how to do tens, like you're doing right now. Then you learn how to do 20s and then you're done with that and then you write another 20 and then you're done with that and then you write another 20 and now you got yourself an hour right you call the booker and go I got an hour but now you go out and yes you're going to learn how to do those 320 bits, but you're also going to learn how to weave it.

That takes about a year and a half, two years, to learn how to weave that set together, and that's when you become a headline. I want to go back to you. You just kind of blew my mind a little bit with like following someone's energy, because I don't really, I have a few things that I start with, but I think that's sometimes why I have rough sets. Can you like talk, how do you jump in to someone else's energy?

Like what if they don't do well? Like what if there is no energy? What if it's just that's crazy to think about? First, I wanna learn about energies, your assignment from now on is to go out one night. I don't care who the comic is. If you have a Thursday night off, you're going to go to Laf Boston, Providence,

somewhere local, pay the small $22.50. And I want you to watch that comic. I don't give a fuck who he is. I don't give a fuck if he goes up there with a ukulele. You know, every comic has a different appeal. When 45 minutes because he has a different appeal, whether he's a comedian that is an AA comic and you're not allowed to drink. So you're doing comedy for sober people to the drinking water and eating pretzels. I'm done that show. Yeah.

Okay, and sodas, you have so many different variables of comics. You have to watch them all live. See this age of shit now, You know, we got lazy. We got really lazy. In fact, we got so lazy that something that benefited me, I get mad about. I get mad that my wife will call me and say, hey, honey, what are you doing tonight?

Nothing. My friend gave us a reservation for two at a steakhouse and there's a comedy club two doors down. We've never done that. Really? Do you know who the comedian is? Well, I just looked them up. I'm going to send you the link. It's a stand up. And you know, right away I go in there pre-judgmental. That's why I'm saying that. Comedy store. You don't know who the fuck you're gonna see. But to get back to your question, Lee, energy,

you gotta watch stand up, live, watch it. Once a week, not to eat, but don't show up at the club like, hey, pay the fuck in 20 bucks. Of course you want them to go, why'd you pay? Nah bro, I'm here to watch the comedy. In fact, I'm gonna sit in the back with a pin your collada. You won't even know I'm here.

And you watch all three comics. You're gonna see the MC bomb. He's gonna get clunky with announcements, with suck. But they all teach you a different muscle, which you won't see till years later. You're gonna see a great feature act, but he doesn't really have 45 minutes, but what he has is very controlled.

And then you're gonna see, I have a line of that, you're either gonna like them or not, but you're gonna go home and write the things you hated and the one thing you liked. And now you're gonna find what people see that. You don't like them. You may not think he's funny because you watch them on a fucking Netflix special. You didn't catch him Monday night when you went to New York City at the

Comedy Seller, 1130. That's why when you told me you're going to the Seller, I always bust people's balls. I didn't bust your balls that night. I wanted you to go to a watch. Right. So close. Right?

Yeah. That was a great night. That was, because you're right, like there are, like there's a lot of places. But yeah, that would be one of the dreams of a place to go and to see different levels and to see what I cause I'm not going to like energy yet, I guess, but what I do what I do find interesting is like the different levels of laughter between like that you would get versus like my best set. Like just like

you know, like the levels of laughter, like the level of comedian can give is like, it was just crazy to see what comic, like a comic can do with like that level of an audience. Like just that amount of people can make the sound they can make come out of them. It's pretty cool. It's an art.

And I'm happy we do this because I may not be getting on stage, but the last couple of years has given me a chance to reflect. You know, my next book is going to be about stand-up, obviously, about, you know, the questions of comic wants to know at the third year in Mark, at the five year in mark at the five year mark no pressure You don't have to be anywhere This will be something that's gonna be for novices the hobbyist You know I encourage more hobbyist and comedy

Yeah started the way a lot more hobbyist To be honest, these guys were fucking funny. They had good lives. They made good money. They were college educated. They had a wife, but instead of playing darts, a playing golf or playing fantasy football, their time out was doing comedy. And they would come out like on a Wednesday night to some bar to pick up a hundred bucks.

And then you would see him on a Sunday at a comedy club. And I appreciated those guys because there was no bullshit from them. At the end of the night, they go on home. They go on home and they're going to do what you do every fucking day. Those guys are better comedians sometimes because they're so more in touch with what's really going on, you know, how people that get up at 8 in the morning, fucking feel at 9.30 at night. Absolutely. We stay out till 2. We get up at 9.

We go to fucking deliver whatever Uber eats. Till 1, we smoke some pot with the Indian kid and then you're fucking, you know, writing jokes and then going to fucking hell. Get back on stage. I mean, but it's just so weird. I love the hobbyist. So I want to encourage more hobbyist

because I think doing stand up fucking helps you in every field. I know the first time I did stand up how I felt. I didn't feel like I was gonna be a Hollywood star. I didn't feel like I was gonna be a Hollywood star. I didn't feel like I was gonna be Charles Bronson. I didn't feel anything. I felt that a different part of my mind had opened up. It really did.

I think we were... Go ahead, I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead. What was your question? I was just like, to be honest, I forgot. No, it's, it's, it's very interesting. You know, I forgot to, you threw me to the fucking walls, Louis. The edibles are finally, I got gotta be honest with you I ate those other doubles eight five and I fucking got sick for a minute there. I had a synopsis

that's why I drank this fucking muckeye juice this fucking prime because I just grand and got some my sad brown. I watch fucking Houston strike out with three men on with bases loaded and I didn't feel good. I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna have to cancel this. I got TXZ ex-top intoxication. I poison myself. But then I got a couple of bonhits and I'm back like herpes. You know what I'm saying?

That was a little figment of my imagination, Jackson. One of the last time you puke for Metables. When I puke on that one street driving home, we still live on Thompson. Oh, it's been that long. Yeah, I was still in my amateur mode of Metables.

I just eat them till I fucking got sick. Dude, those two I passed out on one of those 200s. That's how you that? Like the next day, the A-B-X's. When was this? Maybe a year ago, someone like that, I took a 200. You woke up?

You woke up? Took a piss in the past, huh? And yeah, yeah, fucking like. What happened? The next, yeah, exactly. As I was taking a piss like the next day, I woke up and it never happened before. I was like, what, right down.

That's what happens, that's because that's the power, maybe X Jack, you know, when you talk about something about like how Edibles used to come. Uh-huh. Gave me a memory of me, John and Ralphie going to a dodging game one day. It was fucking 90 degrees. Ralphie got these sensational tickets. But little did he know we were in the sun, Jack. Oh, no. And I mean fucking bacon in the sun. And before Ralph, he picked me up. There was a weed shop next to Dukes, the breakfast joint.

Right. One music place on the corner there, the real whiskey, a go-go. I think it's whiskey. Another music venue that it's dukes, another building, then there was a weed store. And that weed store had a refrigerator. This is way before I met you Lee. When you walked in there, they had a refrigerator. The size of like a fucking snap or refrigerator, the pizza joint, right? And it was filled with fucking cakes and brownies and you know, apple turnovers and fucking, and nobody knew, nobody wanted to go, hi, excuse me, what's the milligram on those? Fuck no, either you bought the cake

or you didn't. And there was sometimes you waited a piece of cake, it didn't get you high. So you waited another piece of cake and you were fucking done. Like I still remember them carrying silent Bob Felipe's friend out of the box in gym and his feet were dragging because we didn't know just pranked the animals back then. This has to be 2008 2009 we were just eating shit. We were just cheese and we're in the pieces fell they fucking fell. But we went to that fucking Dodger game with a bag. They let Ralphie walk in with the fucking bag. They let him put in a chocolate cakes and fucking, you know.

So we burn it under the sun and this shit's starting to melt. This shit's going 110 degrees. So I'm gonna forget we're fucking eating, eating cakes, puddings, they had everything. Fucking chocolate brownies were coconut on it. God knows, Lee. How much sugar me and those fucking guys ate that day. And then we couldn't take the sun no more.

So we got out of there and we walked to the car. Forget it. Three sheets to the fucking wind. Holy shit. And you have no idea. And barf in that night. Right? Barf from the fucking reefer. I barf from all the fucking sugar.

All you think so? It's like when you get sick from alcohol. Think about what you drank the night before. If you were drinking Tahiti fucking red with a wine punch, you're going down, bitch. You know, much sugar is in that fucking Hawaiian punch? It's not the alcohol that kills you. It's the fucking sugar. You drink a rum and coke for a fucking night like Fiddell Castro. What the, what the, what the, what's going to happen? You're going to wake up feeling tip top McGoon, not even liquid IV could save you then. You got to do like a real IV and they got

to rub your feet. What's too much fucking sugar? That's crazy that you know, that's why I drank diet coke and Makersmark because one time I went to one of those cheats, I didn't know it was cheap, but I went to like a open bar thing in Vegas to watch like one of the Kormier John Jones fights. And I was drinking regular coke and Makersmark and they of course water the drinks down. So like, yeah, I've never I felt sick from all the sugar. I've never had, like figured that out before. You know, I used to go into this joint Miami across an improv and coke on a grove. Fucking tremendously. There were frosted drinks,

like smoothies, but that one that was 140 proof. And it was red. There was a red one that I drank and a brown one looking one. There was 140 fucking proof. It was red. You know, many times I woke up and the sink was red. And I was ready to call 911 because I thought I was bleeding internally. But when you wake up, you have a headache for two days. And it's not for the fucking 140

Because I was burning it off with cocaine. This is the fucking Sugar It was the sugar from those smoothie drinks and shit So you live and you're fucking learn, but that's why getting to the original point That's why I like ABX animals at the end of the day, I'm not eating 3000 calories. They allow me to eat 3000 calories later. But if I got to ingest 3000 calories to get high, I don't want to be a part of that organization. Right. I have to know I ABX are the best. When people come to me, I go listen, this is why Tom talk to me. I go, listen, this is why Tom talking about it.

I've killed people with those things. Oh, yeah. You're my brother. You know, I love it. I never killed you with those things. But I'm never right there. I definitely didn't have a hotel five minutes down the road but ended up sleeping at your house.

Who cares? It happens. You were tied. Sometimes I don't want to drive in. You know, I'm a lot happier this week. Okay. Well, you know, they fucking said I, I got the fucking, whatever the fucking my lung. So they put me on the

antibiotics and some other shit to claim me out to two week treatment with the antibiotics. So I feel better, but I tell you what I did, Lee, I for those eight weeks, I was getting, you know, for like six weeks I was getting these palpitations my backs were hurting. I just had so many mental it was just mental shit So I continued working out and walking and hitting the bag But I stopped going to New York to because you got to walk upstairs to get there. And then when you're there, like I can have a hard time as it is. I was like, I don't wanna have a hard attack.

And I'm a fat fuck and they gotta carry me down those stairs because you can have 20 Jiu-Jitsu guys. They're not gonna pick me up and hold me down those stairs. At some point, they're just gonna drop me and I'm gonna roll down the stairs, like a fat fuck with a jujitsu guillaume. I need that TMZ. So I was like,

Oh, do you think this is gonna happen? Because man, that, you know, I know how much, I know how hard I work in that class and how I feel when I leave there. And I know that sometimes I do shit in there that I can get up and take a walk and pee because I go to stay healthy there's a bunch of young guys there I still keep them in towel you know at my age jujitsu is completely different you're not looking to fucking submit you

just look at the stay alive roll around but you have to do it perfectly. Because if I go on on a Monday, like yesterday, and I become King Kong, then I'm not going to make it. I'm Wednesday. So on Mondays, I just drilled now, and I took one of the younger guys and we did some situational stuff. You know, I was there. I took my little whoop watch, went up to fucking 10. So I'm happy. That gives me the rest of the week. I got an option to live today. I'm going to go back to class and at least I lived another day. So the next time I go to class, I'll focus on drilling and I'll roll a little more and then Friday I'll roll because I got the weekend to recover. So it becomes something else. I got a fucking go to red light therapy

So it becomes something else. I got a fucking go to red light therapy and sweat my balls off. The other day I looked down and under my nuts sack, there was a little puddle, like a little like a little inch, like this puddle. And it was direct, it was direct sweat from my nut juice. I think that must have been like a coating of fat around my nuts. And the red light therapy just burned it off. I looked down, I was tempted to pick it up and sniff it like Hazi and the Molly crew movie.

But I was like, let's leave bygones, we buy guns. I smoked some. I was like, what's that motherfucker? I do yoga in there. I do, I breathe, I stretch. I sit for the first, it's a hundred and fifty one or something right really Yeah And I think there's something you lay in how does it work? How you do yoga in it? Or is it a room?

It's a fucking private little steam bath Okay, it's not really a steam bath. It's red light therapy, but you're in there so long that you fucking start sweating your balls But when I first off, let's get the party started right. I go in there early. Sometimes I go late but I'll try to go in there like when I say early it opens at nine I'll get there like 10 30 10 15 because I do 34 minutes and it lets me to come home, take a shower, put my gear on and go to your gym to it opens up your breathing. But before I do anything, I fucking go on that backyard and I do like fucking eight pounds. Right off the bat, like a soldier, right? Let me tell you a quick story. So yes, I have in the backyard.

It's like five in the afternoon and I'm just blast and fucking bonds The big free spite the good free spite by showing in fact, I got to rotate it My lungs again used to that one. I got to use a different design to blow back into limbo so I'm out there and I'm doing these bomb hits, but I noticed fuck when I blow the smoke out the wind is taking it and it's really spreading out. Right. And I must have done like three of those hits in a row where you kill in the same fucking chamber. And it was one big cloud of smoke. And there's some dude walking his dog like this. Like it's like a 66 year old man walking his dog and he's walking like, you know, he's

thinking about Laurence Welk, he's thinking about, you know, 1950 when he was, man on the sun, he saw the cloud is smokey and he held onto his dog and then he looked around and he saw me in the yard. I'm doing a fucking thing where you can see out but you can't see it. And I'm out there doing bongets and he's looking at me. So he's looking at something black and he's seeing smoke about him. Wait, are you blowing smoke?

Got a monster there? Oh my God. I'm trying to scare this guy to call my friend one and I swear to god and he looked like twice and then he walked by and as he was walking by I popped up like a like a man and I was like, hey, are you doing it? He just fucking ran by. I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to It's me, my daughter, and my wife. We're gonna see that free fucking hours. So after tonight, I won't eat no edibles after tonight. Tidam repair, huh? Tidam repair?

Yeah, three hours with a movie theater. You either need a couple of edibles or a left hook. That's a long time. You have Marroy gets to develop in that motherfucker. So, I, last Thursday night I planned there was no movie to go see. I'm not going to see no fucking Taylor Swift movie. My daughter don't want to see it. You know my wife don't want to see it so we got saved from going to the

movies. So last week I planned to the couple my old school buddies, Sharp's Conti and my friend DeFoucio to meet at my old school buddies, sharps, conty, and my friend, the food soda meat. And my other buddies, he's a man in trep, this restaurant, and I can say, quote, four days, lead, fucking delicious. Oh, yeah. School in there, they had a lot of dishes that I wanted to try. But I only, you know, I had a cup and a half,

a pasta for stew, which a Italian bread. And then I had a piece of lasagna that was so good, but yet again, so fucking rich, fucking delicious. And I think the owner said to me, very nice people, the owners, because my buddy's the general manager, whatever the fucking does in there.

My buddy's doing a great job. The restaurant is fucking beautiful. But for some reason, as I was walking in, I put the whistle in my pocket. I walk into the bar, I say hello. My buddy goes, hey, stupid. I turn around. I haven't seen him since I moved here. I give him a big hug. We grew up together. And as we're talking, another friend of mine comes in, I hug him, let's get a table, and on some other buddy walks in. So the four of us are there.

We're waiting on one of the guys, Sabatino, the kid who cried during the fucking, when I had the Pono, when I was 13, he was like 10, that guy, back in my life, and I love it, he's crazy another. So he's back in my life and I love it. He's crazy another So He's back in your life. Yeah, yeah, he's me just pop back up after like a couple years, you know saying things happen Anyway, yeah anyway

Anyway, I brought the whistle I brought the whistle was sitting there and I brought the whistle. I brought the whistle with Sitna and the owner, a sweet, sweet art of a guy and my friend, the manager, a reed and dinner with us. And cracking jokes and tables laughing. Now, my friends know I got a whistle, but the owner and my buddy don't know I have a whistle. And I hit the whistle twice

Did it they both got up at the same time and ran because they thought the fire alarm and got off So me and my buddies are out and I'm like don't say nothing. They sit down again I hit him with another whistle like eight minutes later. They both like Jesus Christ. What the fuck? You know I'm like You're terrorizing New Jersey. You're terrorizing New Jersey. Yeah, you see it like friends of whistle and your buddy works there. That's so fucking oh my god. I'm 60. I'm half a thought. I gotta kill time. You know what I'm saying? I'm just trying to you know, I'm just trying to have a good time and keep it together.

That's it. It's a good birthday card. If it's a whistle, fuck it. So be it. What do you want me to drive around with a fucking BB gun and shoot people at the bus stop? You know, I'm really having it out doing that. I didn't know you had to bring a whistle around though. Listen, when you bring a whistle around in these times,

they keep people with jack, especially that whistle. It's fucking tremendous. Sometimes I do it and my daughter jumps up in the car. She don't even see the rope. But anyway, Lee, I gotta drop this on you. What's up? So me and my three buddies sit down. Four buddies were talking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And once my buddy says to me, eight, behind you,

is your old buddy, Mike Batoly. Fucking, I know Mike's a summer kid. Great guy, I turn around, he's with his mom. She's like a hundred. She still looks good though. And Mike looks at me and I go, and he gets up, he gives me a hug. I could to see all this shit.

Last time I saw him at a wake when I came back here. And I'm hugging him and I'm looking at this dude. And he's looking at me point at me lately. So I'm like, oh, no. I got to deal with this fucking guy. He's going to want to picture. I'm just about to sit to deal with this fucking guy. He's gonna want a picture. I'm just about to sit down and eat in order.

I looked a little closer at him and I'm like, holy fuck. That's my old CYO coach from the eighth grade. Askable? Yup, his name was Steve Rubinaccio. He was my coach at St. Michael's, the assistant coach was Steve Achinaccio. He was my coach at St. Michael's, the assistant coach was Steve Achardi. Oh, shit. And dog, we held each other. I cried because I knew Rub when my mother was alive. Like I knew Rub and I used to always break his balls. I would always, I was playing for him, I was going, because he was a cameraman.

He was a young kid. I was going to say, if I was fucking 13, he had to be 19, 20. Oh, shit, okay. He won and he was already a cameraman on Good Morning America. That's cool. Every time I would see him, I go,

Doug, when are you going to get me on Good Morning America? I would just, I just wanted a job in that industry. I didn't know what to start. I go, let me go and then carry Shitfield, he would laugh. And I'll never forget when I got sober, partly in 85, I actually called him, like I hadn't seen him since like 80, which I'll get back to and I I called him in 85 and he wrote, what's the story with that job?

He's like, are you gonna fucking stop with this shit? I can't just get you a job. Because I knew people who were stagehammers over there. And I knew that they were, I didn't know if there were big shots over there, I wasn't sure. But anyway, to make a long story short, he told me, he goes, you didn't get on good morning,

I didn't get you on good morning, America. But you got on the stage anyway on your own, so I'm proud of you. And then we sat, he had his wife with him and another couple, so I didn't want to bother him. And then at one point, he walked over and he goes, you know, I was just thinking about the time you and that other not very good guy robbed all the fucking

boosters. Do you remember that? And I go, yes, I do. We must have taken 800 stickers. In those days, we called them boosters. They were fucking stickers. You stuck them on your window. That's what I support.

St. Michael C.Y.O. or Johnny Bonanna's temple, whatever the fuck it was. And he sold them. I sold like 200 at my mother's bar. And then he shut it down the following Monday of practice. He was like, I'm gonna close the door and make believe. I don't know who did it. Tonight, by the time we leave here from practice,

I want to fucking haul the stickers back. So me and the other dudes put them back. If we took 800, there was probably 600 in there. They took the loss, but nobody went to jail. That's crazy. I do remember you from eighth grade. And there was a quiet dude there that used to be a little chubbier.

He didn't start, but when he played, he played fucking tough. And I'll never forget one night we were stone practicing in the end of Monday night, because he's always practicing on Monday night. But after we got together, after we started knowing each other, we knew that some of us got high. And we'd vow to get high and then put vizina eyes and your mother alone and we go to practice and giggle as fuck. And one night we were high as fuck, me, Louie, Whitey, and somebody's gonna take the ball out, the throat, like somebody's gonna take the ball out,

like to bounce past to somebody. Right. And this kid, that was a big jubbiya kid, went to steal the ball. So my buddy picked up the ball like he was gonna throw it, and homely jumped up, but at the same time, his mouth was open, right? And my other buddy goes, look at him. He thinks it's a meatball.

On the floor and I'm sure he was embarrassed. Well, I hope I don't bump into that dude today. That dude was Frankie Winters. That dude played with fucking Brett Far. He fucking was his center over there. All those years, that guy was an author forever. A pro bowler. Holy shit. It those years, that guy was an author forever, a pro bologna holy shit. It becomes somebody and that's what he said. He goes, I can't believe

out of all the years, I coach, I ended up with a fucking center and a fucking comedian. I don't even know why I told you that who gives a fuck. It's cool to see like, I mean, like how many years has it been since your mom passed? 40 something. And I haven't seen him. Then he told the story. He goes, the last time I saw you, he goes, when I heard from you, he goes, I heard from you years later. But he goes, I must have saw you.

He was trying to give me the date. I couldn't figure it out that night, but I know the last time he saw me. And he goes, you were sweating. You didn't look good and all I could see was your eyes were pitch black. You are good. So it's just cool. It must be, it must feel nice to have him see, like, how well you've done and just like to remember being in eighth grade. Cause that wasn't that the last year you did basketball? Like I think you tried it all, you're not making it. You know, I went down there. I had to go down there for something.

I had to go into the middle of Union city. And I purposely went that way to look at where Holy Rosary Academy was for girls, burglar and then you crossed over and it was St. Michael's, there was a girl I used to date that a parents on the house there right across the street from the church. And I remember that when I went this is maybe I got here in August and I went up there maybe in February and I went down that street and I was heartbroken. All that shit was gone except the pizza place that we went around the corner was still there. I mean it wasn't owned by

Enzo or whatever the name is anymore. Right. But it was amazing how the known now it's Obama high school. They got that, they got Emison, they got the two high schools and turned them into one, you know. So whatever, it's a different fucking place right now, you know what I'm saying? What you're playing for the week, what shows do you have talked this week?

I have two cool things. The next, well, the next two Wednesdays, I have shows one in Wilbur him in a in a barn, which I think it's like a local thing. It's been a fucking awesome. And next one's in my author, I was a Worcester, but then I'm seeing Dave ship hell this week. I'm excited to see him. I'm seeing him.

And he has a lot of people with him. I'm excited to see all of his old friends. I'm pretty good. He's going to have Lou Nell. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da hopefully she's been going on this. Oh, shit, that'd be cool. And that's going to be tremendous because Dave is very low key. Right. Dave is always Dave's genius, even since 94, the first time I saw him at comp, well, not the first time, but the first time I saw him like in a comedy club was at the comedy Boston comedy club. It was a Monday night open mic. That I wasn't, they weren't gonna put me on drag. I just went as like I told you, spectated.

And I remembered that what impressed me most about Dave Den and now he's the chief of his patients on stage. He even know he's dying to tell you the joke. He knows he has to be patient. And that is lethal. That is a great attitude to have. That you're so confident in your material, that you're gonna slow the pace down

and watch before you hit like Israel. You know what I'm saying? They're just sitting there right now with the tanks. I don't know, it's gonna get ugly, but it's the same thing. That's a hand up comedy. The stand up comedy is really an act. Okay, it's a person that you fucking become. Okay, it's somebody that you become,

it's somebody who you want, I mean, that's how I looked at it. Okay. Me every day. People contact me or they contact me for podcast stuff, but it's an act. For me, I made it real. I incorporated my life in that. Right. It's difficult sometimes, but I still had to push through it because I know that was where the comedy was. That was where the real comedy was. That's where I touched you. You know, I see podcasts now. Even us, you know, listen, we're just doing a check in here.

I'm not looking to fucking nothing here. I enjoy doing this with you anyway. I get to see it. I get to make sure you're not eating hummus. I get, you know, I get to see you. What's going on with you and we get to talk. But even podcasts have kind of become like we're just talking here. Well, I did anything I did, whether it was stand up, the storytelling, the church or whatever, I always tried to slow you down. I wanted you to find the comedy and the pain, you know what I'm saying?

Did I know I was doing it at the time? Not really, but I felt something different from what I was doing comedy before and going up there and doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. Because you were talking earlier in the podcast about like at night that you came back and you were angry and you used to tell a joke like you like to get people to piss you off before you went on stage. Absolutely. Is that absolutely. Absolutely. I said, you know, you got to do something to light a fire into you to get your message

out, right? That's what you're trying to do. You're trying to let people know you're a funny motherfucker, right? So when is, you know, when I'm going off with you, you and I both know it. That while I'm going off I'm fucking laughing at myself for going off for acting how I'm doing it. Are you really I didn't know that? Oh my God. I got into a situation about ten days ago that I went old school Joey Dears. I regret it. I feel very bad. But while I when I got in the car as mad as I was, I giggled about the things that I said. They were not rehearsed. They were not written nothing. It was pure gold. I said like three things that

even I said, oh my God, where did I come up with that? And people have no idea if you go to the Judy Carter workbook, it says exercises to do. And there's a whole thing in there about right about what you hate. And when I first got that book, when I first got into comedy, even when I used to read it, I would do all the other exercises. And it took me like four or five years. I was Johnny know at all, like every other comic. Sign fell was popular at the time. So we were all trying to be a little sign feltish. I've said to you that I had a suit on at first. I was trying to be sign felt in Lenny Clark.

We're a little fucking flair. But the section I like the most, the Judy Carter book was. She goes right five things that fucking anger you. And at that time, when I started doing the exercise, obviously I'm going through a fucking custody battle. So that I would look at it the next day and go, I can't go up there. At that time, I couldn't go up there and talk about a custody battle.

I was not prepared. Do you think you could now? Yeah, as a comedian. And those are asking, like, how do you, my only concern with that would be like being too negative because like sometimes I'm angry about something and comes off as angry and like not funny. Well, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. The great Doug stando, but I say the great Doug Stanhope, I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

The great Doug Stanhope once told me that the reason why comedy is good is because no matter what happens, you could go up there and talk about it, whether it's your mother getting hit by a car, talk about it, whether it's your mother getting hit by a car, or whether it's your daughter graduating the eighth grade. You have to find the humor in those realms, and that's why he's a great fucking comic. A lot of people are going to listen to this and go, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Joey. Think about it. This is why every day you have material.

This is why every day if there's an open mic, you should be down there. I don't want you to get on stage and talk about the Jewish and the Hamas. That's not comedy. That's what we're listening to and we turn on every fucking channel. I want you to talk about how this affects you.

Fuck. You know what I'm saying? If there's a warning in the least, you know we're gonna have a problem getting hummus and this motherfucker, these people are gonna have to be going back to onion dip. You know, whatever, I don't know, I don't know what that's,

what's great about comedy. You can talk about the good stuff and you can talk about the fucking bad stuff. But I want you to talk about what gets you angry. So here I was doing not long jokes in a San Francisco stage. Honest, honest. I'm doing comedy at this time, I don't know. Let's clock at it 15 fucking years, which is about right.

And I'm going on stage talking to my stuff that's kind of funny. I'm a feature actor at the store. I'm good enough to be at the store, but something was missing. And before I go on actor. I'm at the store. I'm good enough to be at the store, but something was missing. And before I go on stage, I look at Brian Redband and Rogan and Eddie and whatever. If there were six of them, four of them have the same phone. And for some reason, that would piss me off for no, I don't know. I'm old school Cuban guy. This had to be 15 fucking years ago. You want to judge me for this? I just didn't like it. It wasn't in my realm

that four dudes had the same phones and they would be telling me, look at their phones. It drove me up a fucking wall. Do you understand me? No. I would go up there and I would look at the phones and I realized when I would look at the phones, I'd kill that night. When I had that pre-thought of the phones, like two minutes before I went on stage, the guy would come up and go,

Joey, we're gonna give him the light now. And as I was getting up, getting ready, you know, going and they go, go knock them dead and shit, I'm looking at the phone. It's like the first two nights, I did great, because I got mad at the phones. You know what night I fucking destroyed that audience, and you know, I a dick at that place.

I was there 10 years at five shows. If I did 60 shows there, I can honestly look everybody in the face to entail you. 44 back 45 bags of dick. No, that Francisco straight up straight up. I've been bombing at Cobb's since day one. I've been bombing at Cobb. You understand me? They just didn't dig me and then I made them dig me. I learned how to fucking so now when Rogan had shows up there, they had shows. I'd fucking come out attacking. I failed sometimes, but I experimented. But tonight I literally destroyed them. Was tonight I actually looked at those guys and I'm like, what are your bunch of fucking fags? The fuck is wrong with you? No, I'm not actually fucking phones. It's 2009. You motherfuckers got

matching phones around me. There was a computer one night that didn't want and I had the best sets of my life. I just want to clarify something. We were just sitting in the green room. And it was like silent or they were just talking about what you did to or something. And you just go. Going off of our phones. What's that? And like you just randomly. I don't know where brought up the phones.

I was like, you're 100. They're doing jumping jacks. They're talking about. I'm not going to be. about phones? What's that? And like, you just randomly, I don't know, we're brought up the phones. They're like, they're doing jumping jacks. They're talking about minerals. Whatever they're talking about. And I'm sitting there like, I got to go up in eight minutes. And these motherfuckers are talking about minerals and the things on their phones that their phones do. And then they put their phones down and just looking at those four phones I would have fucking deep deep anger like I would just think about I don't know

I don't know why it just burnt me to fuck up that they had four matching phones in fact that was one of the things I told Eddie Bravo when I told Rogan was in the CIA that fucking memory has a maddening phone. Yeah, you're right. The lung feels great, Cuck's Sucker. But yeah, I just remember that the night I actually now, there was a bunch of guys that could turn me into a pretzel in there. They were laughing their fucking answers on. They were laughing their fucking, I'm calling them fags. Look at you. What's next? Pink shoes. You know, what the fuck? And they're dying to laugh them because they knew where it was coming from. And then one day somebody actually got mad at me.

And when I got on stage, Joe explained to them, it's all an act. It's all an act. He's gonna come back in that door, and he's not even gonna match. He's gonna give you a hug and tell you, he's sorry that he was fucking with you because he wanted to get fired up

because he was going on stage. I will start anything with you just up because he was going on stage. I will start anything with you just to get hot to go on stage. At that time, and I still need it, I still want, I don't want nobody in there, but I do because they're going to irritate me. They're either going to bring hummus in there or olives, or they're gonna bring their grandmother in there and I can't smoke dope. There's always something that has to irritate me, even though on any other day, I would dig a lot of it because I gotta get the Spanish blood boiling to dig into

I want the people to hear what I'm really fucking talking about. Not the knock knock jokes I was writing. Right, that's crazy. You don't cry like that. I'll fire it up. Now you gotta get out of here and do like 10 more bonkheads. How long we been out here? I think it's time, Cox.

Something's not. Yeah, we, they listen, man. They are what they are. We're just having a good time here. We ain't making promises. We ain't telling you know lies. Tell them Lee Drop some of these bitches. Where you at tonight? Tonight, I'm fucking staying here. I took a lot of this week. Oh

This week, I'm in like I said, I'm in Wilburham. I'm sorry. I don't know more. It's a barn You know what I'm talking about if you live there and It's a cool, it's like a really cool place. And then next week, one day, the 25th of the way off the rails in Worcester, eight o'clock. You can do it tonight, there's a bond. Yes. You're making your money with Jewish light. You want to make a statement?

What are you doing? I don't think you can't have me talk about it on a podcast. It's a bond. Or you got to do this far down the fucking hey, and that place is going on. Oh, it doesn't have hey, it's a nice place. Oh, it's a nice place. I think I'm done doing shows in place with a hey. Like I said, it's always very nice to talk to you during the weekend.

You know, like I said, I'm not a full-time comic no more, but I always be a fucking comic and I like doing this with you. I like talking a week when you hit me, you know, what shall I do? And I send them an email, no, send them a fucking joint, send them a picture of a fucking 21 year old. We bottle rockets and a fucking asshole that he might, I don't know when they're going to call you back. Lee, right. You know what? If you don't submit that email, you're not creating anything. Because sometimes you might send me an email for some shit because, you know, somebody told you if you work for the clubs and also you might not hear from me.

But you hear, you might hear from somebody else with the better offer. And you're going to go, how the fuck did you hear about me? He goes, the guy you sent the email to Joey Dears, he sent his packets to me. And I'm going to. So always send the package, always make the call. Let them tell you fucking no. Always give the aggressor because in stand-up comedy, the first five years, if you're not the aggressor,

not, I don't want you standing outside the house. You know what I'm saying? I don't want you standing outside the house. Tell them you want to rub their feet and paint their fucking house. Not at all. I just want you to tell them, introduce yourself, send them the package,

don't send them a bottle of wine, don't be a suck-ass. Yes, if Leap tells you to call them, drop Leap's name. If I tell you, Leap, call him, drop his name. He told me to tell you to drop his name, and he'll know who you are. If not, you take your chances. Your goal every week is to get on stage at this level, but your goal also is to make a notebook and write all the people you call. And you gotta make at least five calls a day. That's 25 calls a week from Monday to Friday.

Some people gonna hang up on you. You're gonna get a lot of voice message, you're gonna get a lot of, you know, your call has been redirected to a voicemail that has not been set up yet or whatever other excuse. But just that energy of you calling, that creates something. Trust me, I was the king of that motherfucker. I'm telling you this from experience. Because that's like, I think it would be a great thing to talk about in your book is like I don't I never want to bother anybody. So like you if you're making 25 calls a

week you're only calling one person one time a week right now. Like you're not calling someone every day. Listen man you're looking for work. You're always looking to meet new people. Re-killing all ideas meet new people, rekindling all ideas and trying to get work from people you've worked well before. You have to balance that. I'm exaggerating at first because I want you to think that way that every day you got to make a call Jack. Every day, every day some guys are going to go do an open mic tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Correct? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. You know, I'll stay some guys on the come up

to you and go, hey, man, you ever play and fucking whatever? No, give this guy a call. I'll call him tonight and tell him, you're fucking great. You just did 20 minutes and you crushed here. He loved to have you. It's 200 a hotel and they give you a fuck and red crushed here. He loved to have you. It's 200 a hotel and they give you a fucking red lobster dinner. What do you, you know, you're not looking to conquer the world.

You're just looking so you never know what move you're making. But again, nothing happens on the fucking couch. So I'd rather go, that's why I said to you, even if that one night I want you to go watch comedy. Go on as a civilian, you're not looking for a guest set, you're not looking for none. You want to sit in the back like I did. The privilege I did that I had the not a lot of other comics had, that once I finished with my set early on, I went to the county store, smoked dope, and sat in the back. And I'd watch four or five comics in a row while I drank a water and a big fucking coke. Yeah, I snorted coke later after I used to go up at one in the morning then.

But my real pleasure down there and the real reason why I learned was because I'd sit there average of four nights a week for an hour and I made myself watch live comedy, live comedy so you could see everything. And I like what you do from time to time you go see a band. Everyone's in a while. I try to definitely do like a bunch of stuff. I always watch whenever I'm lucky enough to like open for somebody I always stay in the room and watch their set. All right.

I told you keep doing what you're doing. You call me doing the rig. I got shit to doing people to see. All right. I love it. We're not the war here. I love you. Have a good week. And we'll talk. Like fucking two hours. Love you, buddy. I'll talk to you soon. I love you, guys. All right.

Stay black. And now for a word from my family. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. I thought, what's yo, he could do it. I can rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to church! rule the world. I see you got to be thinking. The check-in is brought to you by, come on, man's cape. Listen, they've leveled up and social you. They launched the fifth generation performance package, including the all new Longmore 5.0 ultra listen I've

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