Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Eric D'Alessandro is relentless

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

Welcome Eric D'Alessandro to the Church everyone! This week, we learn about Eric's stand up journey from LA, to Austin, and now back to hjis home of New York, talk bombing with a man bun, the freedom of the early internet and much more! Eric's special, I Don't Undeerstand is available on Hulu. Download Cash App Today https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/kbq322rz As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF (Minimum $75 purchase) with code CHURCH at https://huel.com/CHURCH

What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Tuesday morning, June the 10th, it's Frank Scalari Day in Hudson County. Anyway, we're here with the church, New Testament, coming at you on a beautiful day to be alive. Kick it Lee! Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, making money moves should be easy. That's why there's Cash App. Cash App is fast and safe. No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress. All the tools are right there in front of you to help you cash in. It's very easy to get started.

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Send $5 to a friend and within two weeks 14 days you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply, that's money, that's cash app. We're back! Like herpes, what's happening? It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. What's up Lee? How was your weekend? Oh one of the best weeks morning. What's up, Lee, how was your weekend? Oh, one of the best weeks ever. That's, dude, I gotta be honest, SideSplitters I think is my number one club for me. You love it now.

It's, and I'm sure you remember, but it's the first club that really took a chance on me. So to me, I would do anything for them. It was like a seven show week. It was like one of the best weeks I've ever had. It's so cool. Seven shows, not all of them went well. Not all of them, I'm not saying all of them were great.

They're not supposed to. But it was, like I learned a lot. I got to see Greg Fitzsimmons, which was awesome. I got to do the radio two days in a row, which was really cool. Like I just, it was like a little mini like training camp. It was awesome. I got to do the radio two days in a row, which was really cool. Like I just, it was like a little mini like a training camp. It was awesome. It was, and like people came out. Some people came to two shows, which was really cool. It was just, uh, I got heckled by, by a little person,

which was really fun. It was, it was, it was, Oh, I did. I fell down the stage. Oh, they had, they had these edible drinks and I was running up. I, like, it was the first, the headlining show on Saturday, the early show. And I just, for the first time ever, just like kind of, I didn't, I just, I put my foot down and it just didn't really, and I ate it. And then, you know what's funny? I just saw last week, there's a clip of Ralphie doing some sort of late night set and he he eats it and he goes and he

As soon as he stands up he goes that was the funniest thing that's happened on the show in a long goddamn time And and then immediately I do it. So yeah, it was anything that could have happened. It happened. It was awesome Well for me, I gotta be honest with you this podcast is called the church of what's happened now or I gotta be honest with you. This podcast is called The Church of What's Happening Now or Next Generation or The Next Chapter, whatever the fuck we call it. But this podcast is basically,

should be called The Education of Lee. And as a fucking guy that watches everything, I think last week, your behavior, the way you looked at it, everything, I'm very proud of you. You went A to fucking Z across the board. You made the video coming out of the ocean with those fucking hairy shoulders.

You're like a Jewish fucking wolf man. I turned down like 200,000 in ads last week. They wanna send a chick to come in here and sandblast your shoulders. Another company wants to shave your shoulders and make you a wig. Yeah, it's, it's, it's. We got so many fucking offers for your shoulders,

but you gotta knock it off. You gotta have the chick double time and shave your shoulders. You gotta have it everywhere. It doesn't work, it doesn't work. What do you mean it's everywhere? My friend bumped into you in the ocean. He thought he was getting fucking grabbed by a sea reef.

Like one of those, you know, when I go down the, I love the beach, right? any beach, California, New Jersey But the first time one of those vines wraps around my leg see we've done. I'm done I just turn around and run out of that's it That's my day at the fucking beach, but they said you had like tentacles coming out of your shoulders and shit Grabbing people by the neck dude. I have hair everywhere, but my head and it's fucking grabbing people by the neck dude I have hair everywhere but my head and it's fucking I don't you probably never saw that Tim Allen movie the when he was with Santa Claus like he turned into Santa and he Tried to shave and immediately grew back if I shaved my back today by

Thursday it's worse. Well keep shaving until you turn into the Jew Wolf man. I'm telling you right now That's the name of this that Eric. That's the script to write the Jew Wolfman. I'm telling you right now. I'm already the Jew Wolfman. That's the name of this, Eric, that's the script to write, the Jew Wolfman. He only comes out between 11.30 and a quarter to 12. That's it. Ha ha ha ha ha. He comes out, they got a coupon. That's it, and he fucking goes back home. Tremendous.

Ha ha ha. That would be amazing. All honesty, you sat in those rooms with all those comics. I think two weeks ago, you sat in those rooms with all those comics. I think two weeks ago I sat on a podcast that you learned some good things from some bad people once in a while. And it's very tough to digest, but you're like, the guy had three good qualities and I took one of them.

Like I learned from one of his qualities. You had a lot of good comedians and a lot of bad comedians, but everybody laid an opinion down and you grasped it. And I'm just really proud of you. It took 10 years, whatever, let's say 10 years, eight years, whatever the fuck it's been. But it's been great to see you grow as a human being. I mean, these people don't know.

You were like a fucking deaf mute when I met you. You wouldn't even talk. You were, nyan nyan. I gave you that can with the hash and that was it. You know, people always blaming on the drugs. Sometimes drugs open a motherfucker up. And Lee needed to fucking, he hit that hash on that Coca Cola can and I just turned around.

I go, there goes the old Lee up in smoke. I heard coughing, his face was red, he was holding on like fucking. My lungs have never recovered from that one hit. Cleveland was red, he was holding on like fucking. My lungs have never recovered from that one hit. Like the kid from Cleveland last week, he was holding on to his throat, that was Lee. My wife was patting him in the back, the cat was holding him.

But it's been a real pleasure to watch you grow. I always like watching people grow, man. I love catching somebody early and going, that motherfucker watches smoke. And it's not the people that the industry pick. It's never the people that, oh, the 20 up and coming, those guys lose it. They're weak and white.

They just fall apart. I'm in an article. I'm headed to Saturday Night Live. And then when they don't make Saturday Night Live, they crinkle. That's it. And you just did great, man. And, you know, I'm sure you're up for great things

if you keep this pace up. It's been a little slow for you, but this shit doesn't happen overnight because if it did, everybody would do it. Right. It's about the time when your wife tells you you're a loser. You're about 48 and your wife's like,

you know what? If you'd have played the harmonica, you would have been the harmonica, you would've been in the orchestra right now. You still wanna fucking crack stupid jokes with a bunch of drunk people and go to the corner. And it's just about when you're looking for a job. When you got that, and you're gonna fuck it,

I'm going full time, and you start looking that you get that call. And you never know when that call or what that's gonna be, so you better be prepared. Right, and I'm just- You better be prepared, that's it. It just means the world to me. I was talking to the owner of SideSplitters,

and it's just, for comics at my level, features and stuff, it's almost impossible unless someone takes a chance on you. And you took a chance on me, Josh takes me out, takes a chance on me, but it's such a struggle right now to like get that opportunity. And I'm a lot luckier than most. So this is my second time at this club.

And it's just, you know, and I've heard you talk about it. Like when people aren't giving you the chance, when someone finally does, like I would, if the owner of SideSplitters asked me to kill a guy, I probably would, like it just, it means a lot. You know Lee, listen, this is what people don't know. I'm not taking the chance with you

when I take you out, at all. Comedy is not a funny business. Comedy is not a movie business. Comedy is not on the above. For people who don't know, comedy is a karma business. And how many people said to me, Hey, I remember people calling me that were fucking stars and going you got 30 minutes and I'm like Yeah, I got about 16 and a half But I'll fucking give it my best and then take a chance on me

They just said come on. I've worked the worst people come on down there and that's what comedy is about It's not about the funniest guy. That's great It's the guy it's a karma business. It's a universal business to universe watches. So just when you're ready to hang yourself That's when that club calls you. Hey, we got a little and they take call you in a bad situation But you don't give a fuck because if they would have called you and then the other time in your life You tell them to go suck your dick, but they'll call you like Friday at two. You already got plans with mama, but this is your chance. You got a headlining, whatever, Gotham, whatever.

And this is what I tell people, answer that fucking phone. Answer that fucking phone, because that could be Paramount, you don't even know. That could be anybody, answer that phone. But I'm really proud of you. I'm really proud that you stuck with it, you know? And you have a direction. A lot of people just to run around

like a fucking crazy Indian, not you. You have a direction, you ask questions. You ask a lot of questions and amen. Yeah, you ask a lot of questions. I try, yeah. Listen, you gotta ask questions. It's like when you're a lot of dry. Yeah, listen, you gotta ask questions The you know, it's like when you when you're a feature acting in they say you're gonna work with a tell this weekend And like you remember a joke that a tell had in one of his specials and like the second night you get comfortable Now you can ask them creepy questions. Mm-hmm. How'd you write that joke? What pop up up up up up up?

I heard he's got a fucking new joke. Oh really that That he says, listen, I know you're not gonna like me after I say this, but he goes, this times you gotta use the N word. He goes, I know that people are gonna get mad at me for using the N word, but I'm gonna have to say it. Newark Airport. And he goes, people lose his fucking mind. Oh, he's the best, yeah.

But it's like, nobody takes a chance on you. It's a karma business, we've all been there. Unless you're an insensitive fuck, and you don't remember that you bombed for eight years. George, how many times have you seen me bombed? You know, that's what it is. Yeah. And nobody remembers the bombs, it's 20 years ago.

Nobody's gonna remember them, who gives a fuck? Keep going, keep going, keep going. And some people can't handle it Some people gotta get therapy some people have to fucking you know, they can't handle a rejection and that's fine That's when you put your fireman helmet on and you fucking go to battle and you did it and I'm proud of you How long is nine years? I'm in my eighth year right now eight years. I'm trying Which is really six years, right? Because for two years you walk around like a fucking idiot anyway I did yeah first two years. I walked around like an idiot

Then I made a plan then I attacked and here we are fucking 90 years later But it doesn't matter how long the journey took because the journey is all I'm gonna when I'm in that casket Mm-hmm. That's all I'm gonna remember is that fucking journey and how great it was my car breaking down Having to sleep with some chick with one eye, gas money, you know. You gotta do all this crazy shit, but that's part of the fuckin' journey. And that's why I signed up for this.

After I read the one fuckin' crazy guy's book that he lived in a hotel in the city. Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce and he fuckin' hung out with strippers that night and shit and he shot heroin. I'm in, I'm in. What's the alternative? Oh, I'm gonna carry a suitcase to New York every day

with a little bag and an apple in it. I'm gonna fucking shoot myself. I'll jump off that fucking bridge. So. I don't blame you. This is how we did it. This is how we do it, cocksuckers. You gotta go for broke every goddamn day.

Give me a minute, we'll be right back with my main man, Mr. Eric Alessandro. Hey, Uncle Joe here. If you're looking for a complete meal without a sink full of dishes, Yule is your answer. It's perfectly balanced meal that tastes like a milkshake, bottled up and ready to go wherever you go. Their Black Edition Ready to Drink has a whooping,

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Skip the stress not the nutrition try healed today for complete nutrition Bottled and it comes on a lot of flavors again He'll it's tremendous We're back Anyway, we got my main man, Mr. Eric Alessandro, Staten Island zone, what's happening, buddy? There's a D in the beginning of that. Which one?

Delessandro. Okay, what did I say? Delessandro, I don't fuck with you. I gotta buzz balls, everybody does it. Eric, sir, Staten Island. You know he likes you when he gets your name wrong. People still come up to me and tell me I'm the director from Israel. I'm not a director

I'm not from Israel. We have a friend in Agostino. He calls him D. Agostino. Yeah, that's how we know That's how you know, he likes you is when the name is wrong. I don't know. I'm sorry if that was maybe I have a friend now, Alessandro. That's why it's fine. No one cares. What's happening, bro? What's up, man? Thank you so much for having me. I have to tell you Last year you said something really nice about me on your podcast, and I just was, I was blown away, man. That was really sweet of you. Thank you so much.

I never heard of you till I moved to Jersey. Sounds about right. And then when I moved here, my neighbors who are from. Staten Island? What part? Staten Island? No, the part where you're from. Not where.

Oh, the North Shore. North Shore. North Shore, Staten Island. What's the name, where's the bakery at?... Oh, the North Shore. North Shore. North Shore, Staten Island. Where's the bakery at? That's in the North Shore. Malone. Yeah, Port Richmond. Malone. All right, so they're from that area.

And they asked me if I had seen you. And I go, no. And at that time, I was going, I just moved here. I just left Comedyville. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just left LA. Were you surrounded in your neighborhood? And I'm like, no, I don't know who that is.

And then one day you popped up and it was a Interesting video and you were selling you know, you were like listen come to my show But it just wasn't you in front of a fucking brick wall Like I told any other day these guys are all doing these videos and hi I'm in whatever or they try to come at you like yeah, I'm sitting here at the park Don't forget to come take it. Nobody wants to wants to see that shit. Yeah, oh my God. You gotta grab me. You gotta fucking grab me.

You gotta sit on the toilet with a newspaper, smoking a joint. Hey, what are you doing this weekend? I'm at that natural people remember. And you were actually doing that. You were doing all these videos. You did one where you called somebody and it was Tony Soprano on the other line.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And I'm fucking dying. I'm like, holy shit. And I said it. This is what I said on this podcast. I go, I'm happy that you're doing comedy and I hope you like it and everything. But I don't think this is where you're gonna end up.

Oh man, thank you. Just don't think you're gonna end up with comedy. You might do comedy for eight or nine years and then something big is gonna come your way. You're a director. Oh, thank you, man. Thank you so much. You're a big time director. I know these videos, you know,

and I know what I see, and I can't shoot videos like that. Not even that thought, like you just have something that's very creative. I can tell that you take your time. Oh, yeah. You take your time with stuff, and you're always prepared,

because you're always shooting a video for that next week. Yeah. Or something. Not the other day you put one up with the baby. It's always something different. And comedy, listen, I love comedy because you could do whatever the fuck you want from it. You could act, you could direct it, you could produce, you do it all.

Like I always look to the comic and like people are, you're a comedian, you know. I learned on a corner, cracking jokes, and people walk by, you say stupid, I wonder what her ass smells like. You say stupid shit and your friends fucking laugh. And you know, that's it. Now you're doing it in a big fucking spectrum

and you're like, if these fucking idiots knew. Like I didn't go to, there's no training for standup, it's just a bunch of jerk off, talking shit in the corner. And all of a sudden, like I know, I didn't go to there's no training for stand-up It's just a bunch of jerk off talking shit in the corner And all of a sudden like I know what I can't do and what I what I could do but one night I was watching Roseanne Barr on Larry King And she had thrown out the writers from her show The Christmas party when she hit number one

And he asked he goes, why did you throw those, no, he didn't throw out the writers, she threw out the staff of ABC would not allow them into a party. Like most people get fired for that. She was like, fuck you out. Cause you guys are just a bunch of bad idea motherfuckers and all this shit.

And she goes, what the networks forget is that we've been doing what they've been doing better. Oh yeah. We produce direct, we write, we choreograph, every move is planned. It looks untrained to the consumer. They're like, Oh my God, no, we planned that movie from touching my nose to fucking grabbing my knee. Everything is fucking, you already have a plan and you're on your way. Like I was listening, I started doing comedy,

I knew I was gonna end up a comedian. Nowhere in my life did I ever go, well, I'm gonna direct now. Put a little hat with a fucking thing and try to get financing. Come on, give me a break. But you, my friend, you're young, you got the world by the balls,

you're doing it perfectly, you're not, your nose ain't wide open, you know, you're not living in LA, you're right it perfectly, your nose ain't wide open, you're not living in LA, you're right here, taking your time brewing and waiting for fucking to throw that Italian bomb. You know what I'm saying? Just pull that grenade and fucking whip it. So, yeah, I mean, I tried the LA thing,

it was all right, but I think that like, I just really saw the wide open road that was the internet, you know the wide open road that was The internet you know like it's one of those things I tried to get up at the Comedy Store try to do the Laugh Factory when I was living out there And I noticed that you it was all politics. It was all like this this Thing where you had to play their specific game, and I was just like I don't I've never done that where you had to play their specific game. And I was just like, I don't, I've never done that.

So like, I just figured a different way to do it, you know? And I think I'm like an editor at heart. I love editing. And so I guess I just went with like what, what I was good at, you know? And then standup actually came after that, but yeah, man. I definitely want to do a lot of shit. And I think that might've held me back though,

because I've always wanted to do too many things like I like right now like making music I like doing serious stuff I like doing silly stuff and it was kind of that I have a lot of generals back in the day with like agents or Casting directors like what do you what do you want to do? What's the one thing and I'll be like I have no fucking idea I can't pick one thing. I'm all over the place kind of And so yeah, I'm a little older than people might think I am, but I'm not, no, not that old. You look like you're 28 to me.

I can still play it off. So that fucking works for me, you know? Yeah, man. But listen, man, this is a journey. Oh yeah, I've been enjoying it. Anything can happen along the way. You pick up a little dough, mom is happy, the baby's happy, but then you're allowed

because of your freedom. We have so much fucking freedom in the daytime. You come up with whatever the fuck. Dude, I was thinking about that today. I was like, man, because I'm always stressed about my career, because it's not where I come from. Everybody's a cop garbage man, something secure, right? With the pension benefits.

And I got none of that shit. You know, I fucking pay two grand a month for health insurance and it's dog shit. I don't even have dental. So it's scary, but like I was playing with my son today with my wife in my living room and I was like, man, this is, it's fucking nine in the morning. We're just playing around.

Like even if it wasn't like that financially rewarding, which it is, if even if it wasn't, I financially rewarding, which it is, even if it wasn't, I'm like, I would trade this. Dave Chappelle once said when his dad asked him like, when he wanted to be a comedian, and he was like, well, dad, if I can make as much money as a teacher doing comedy, that sounds pretty good.

So I was like, that's a great way to look at that. If I could do what my friends, if I can make what my friends make, working fucking, not even a quarter, I don't even know what the hell compared, I don't know, how many hours a year do I work? I have no idea, it's low. So like, it's just, it's such a blessing.

And yeah, like you said, man, it's a journey. And even in the dark times, you look back and it's like, fuck it, that was worth it because of X, Y, Z, or you got an idea from it, you know? And like living, living a regular life is so important. When I lived in LA, man, it was so many, like, my wife, she worked at this place in West Hollywood and all of her friends wanted to be actors, directors,

and stuff, and I never did shit. I never went out, I never got drunk, I only wrote. It's all I did, morning to night, I wrote constantly. And I would see them out, like I want to direct and I'm like, then why the fuck are you here? Why are you here? Why are you hanging out here? You should be working on it.

And I think in LA it's easy to get like lost in everybody just up each other's ass and trying to like pretend they're doing something rather than like, I like going to TJ Maxx with my wife. I'll hear someone on Staten Island say something crazy. I'm like, oh, that's fucking hysterical. And it's real life that we all live, you know? Like we were in Target one time and this lady was arguing with her wife and the dad just

goes, can you fucking shut the fuck up for two seconds? This is incredible. This is a real person. It was amazing. So like, yeah, man, it's, yeah, it's, it's hard, but it's the fucking greatest. You know, it's so weird how you can't get into any of the three clubs in Hollywood without your manager. Oh, really? Yeah. Like that's the main thing. Like your manager has to call, hi, you know, what if it's such for Smith and W Wallenda, we wanna see if we get Leasai out of showcase

or how it works, you know. And that's what they want now. When I got to LA, you could just call the talent director and go, I want them to put me on the list. You have two references, yeah, this guy and that guy. Okay, you're on the list, I'll see you in fucking two years. You know, at least it worked. Now. Oh wow, really?

It was like a waiting list? Oh yeah, when I got to the Laugh Factory Factory, I got to I did the store the first night I got in town I got six took a shower went to Al Caputo you could eat and went right to the fucking store And then the next morning I got up it was Tuesday and I went to the laugh Factory and stood on line outside Mm-hmm. You have to wait out there until what's-his-name brings you waters and shit And I remember going in there and he's like, I'm not gonna showcase you,

but call the receptionist in the morning and show. It was January of 97. My showcase was in October. Wow, holy shit. Not in October, now it was dead. I don't even know what it would be like now. Now that just, that doesn't exist. So now you have to go there, have like a recommendation,

you know, maybe your agent calls, if you're like one of the big three or the big four, and then you get put in. That's where it's very political, I think. That somebody that's just a hustler, that's a fucking funny motherfucker, can't just call and go, hey man, give me a shot. I saw when I went for the, two things pissed me off. One being like, I guess a New Yorker

who was just like impatient. And the other thing was like, I went, there's a potluck, they do that for the Comedy Store. You put your name in a hat, you put your name in a hat. But then like the same seven names are always on the list. So it's like, well, that's not really random. And they also make you leave. Oh, I'm sorry, you can't leave.

So it's like, you gotta sign up at five. They don't put out the list till 7.30. So if I'm like a bartender or a waitress or something, I have to now either leave twice or wait around for two and a half hours or whatever it is, an hour and a half, and wait to see if I'm picked where they could have a text message list. It could be like, I could run in,

put my name in the hat and then run back to work, continue my shift and if I get a text, like you were selected, then it's like, all right, I can leave, but like, it was just like a weird, like unnecessary thing and I remember being like, I have all these jokes I wanna do, but like, I could either do them maybe, I don't know, once every six months if they pick me,

or I could just fucking say them to my phone and 20,000 people will see it. And that's kinda how I just like hustled that way, you know, like I was constantly writing, but I was really writing bits that I would do at like open mics and shit. And then I would try to figure out a way, cause other than that, I don't know how people would do it.

Like you said, I don't know if you can have your, your manager call. I don't know if you could have your agent. I don't know how the hell it works. Yeah, that's how the best way is to have somebody with something that's a comic from there, like Bill Burr or somebody like that. But it's funny.

And I'm going to tell you something. Those two hours they make you wait are the fucking worst two hours of your life because you're sitting around with mental health patients. They're all mental health people dog. Boom Chaka Laka come up with a shopping cart and they give you an old album he took out of the garbage. Dog, Sunday nights at the store, that's mental healthville. That's right there. Listen, I need mental health issues. Like my man said, if you're

a comedian or musician, you're always teetering on the mental health thing. The people who go to those open mics on Sunday, woo, there used to be a girl that used to go there. Every week changed her wig. And sometimes while she was there, she would change wigs. And I asked her, why do you change wigs? She's like, it's whatever I feel.

I was like, why do you change wings? She's like, it's whatever I feel. I was like, enough. Because LA has the combination of crazy and also American Idol. So like here, there's just some guy outside of 7-11 like, yo, we get a dollar. There, it's, I'm gonna be a star and I'm fucking crazy. So you'll see somebody like, I saw a guy riding a bicycle playing a tuba in LA.

A homeless guy. I've seen, one of the funniest things outside of Trader Joe is on Vine, I think. He was just playing a tuba in LA. A homeless guy. I've seen, one of the funniest things outside of Trader Joe's on Vine, I think. He was just playing a guitar with like a box asking for change, and there was one string on the guitar. He wasn't even playing it. He was just strumming it. Just a crazy fucking guy.

So like, but now though, man, like at the Comedy Store too, like it's so like, I don't wanna say corporate, cause that's a bad word. It is corporate. But like, so many people are there that it's so like, I don't wanna say corporate cause that's a bad word that I actually. It is corporate. But like. It's all become corporate. So many people are there that it's like Disney World versus when you went, it was just like a comedy club.

It was a comedy. Now it's like. It was a dirty comedy club. Yes. Run by the inmates. Yes, now it has like a clean. From 97 to 2006 when I left, it was us. You went behind the bar, You fucking made a drink you could I'd be on the outside line making long-distance calls

You know it was fucking You know yeah, it was like fuck it There was a guy who sold coke there Everything was there for you one stop shopping, and then it got cleaned up even before I left There was a great club, but there was still a little, because there's so many lunatics were there at that time, there was still a little now. It was still a little dirty.

There was still a little dirty. Yeah. You know, it's a very, you have to appease to a lot of different people. Oh yeah. You have to, because if not, they feel like they're not part of it, and then they'll fucking call like somebody on you. Yeah, yeah.

We live in a world that if anybody doesn't get a chance or they don't, and listen, when you're in that business, chances come few and far between. But these people put themselves in a bad position, then they go there and they expect something. And now, it's like you asked me a question if I had gone to the Comedy Cellar. And I said, no, nothing against the Comedy Cellar. It's a great club. But A, I don't wanna start over again. And B, it's a different type of club.

Oh yeah, for sure. They have to make people happy, especially down there. I'm not here to make people happy. I'm here to make people laugh. So when you wanna get a brick wall and some pot smoke and maybe a mouse to go by, you call me. Call me. And put funny on stage, whether they're midgets,

white, black, green, purple, I don't care what color they are but they better be funny. Don't put them on because you feel I have to put these people on to make everybody it's it's I don't know what they call that shit. They called it. They gave it to the African Americans years ago. What is it? Affirmative action. Affirmative action for comedy now. Now we will wait a second. I can't put four funny guys now I gotta put a lesbian up front. Mm-hmm I couldn't put a lesbian up front. I gotta put a Chinese guy

That's missing an eye number two because I look like a college tech's right that the disabilities act. They're not there I gotta put a black guy God forbid. I don't put a Latino guy. John Leguizamo will be going off on the Instagram, right? You know, and that's what you have. I just want the 15 funniest people who call for tonight. When you go back to that format, call me. Call me. It's also guys who are just, who are constantly there. People who don't go home and like live at the club, they also get good spots because they don't do anything else.

Yeah, that was me, that was us. We all hung out at a fucking comedy club at one point. That was your life What are you gonna go home for to watch a black and white TV? So little neighbor so landlord knocks in your door and tell you the renters do from three weeks ago. I'm not going home Yeah, I'm gonna go home when he goes to bed at 10 o'clock. Then I go home but no, it's just Listen, you're always gonna have your favorites You always you're always gonna have these things. You're always gonna have these things.

And I can take that, but I'm not gonna take that. I'm losing the spot because you gotta put somebody in there to appease the audience. I'm not doing that. I don't wanna be a part of that. I came up, if you're funny, you belong there. If you're not funny, go somewhere else. Go to street corners, go to the mental institutions.

They'll fucking love you there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. And I think that the cities have gotten very, the cities have gotten very, what is that word? Politically correct. Politically correct. Yeah.

You know, if you go anywhere under 20th Street, I'm gonna get booed. First of all, I'm a fucking dinosaur. I don't belong at those clubs, those college clubs anyway. Nah, they fucking love you Joe, come on. But no, it's a young man's game. I'm gonna go out there with white hair and missing tooth and try to be funny.

They love you, you know they love you. Dog, these new kids don't love anybody. They love knock knock jokes. You say fag, I can't, I can't. Why don't they talk in your house? That they all fucking just wear fucking slippers And you know, that's what you have now these kids listen dog. I have nieces And they tell me like when I say fucking off-color shit

They may believe they don't hear because they love me but that isn't even in their world It's not even in their fucking realm the way we spoke you can't speak like this now anymore These kids have a heart attack. All they'll go, oh, you remind me of my Uncle Louie. Then I'm in. Then I'm in. My Uncle Louie spoke like that. He went to jail for 80 years.

Then I'm in. But besides that, it's just... I think, I will push back a little bit. I think it's, it depends. I go to New York Comedy Club all the time. I'm really, I've been really happy with, with the audiences. Like they, I think people want comedy.

I think that shit is, I think it's dying a little bit. Yes, it is dying. For sure. And I think that you would fucking crush, man. They do, they like, cause you're joking. I think that's, that's been, people are aware of that again. For some, for some weird time between like 2015,

obviously during like the crazy shit of like COVID, people started to believe the shit people were saying as if like, it wasn't a joke. Like I'm good friends with Brian Holtzman and like, how could you not, this guy's just screaming just the craziest shit. How could you not realize, he's the sweetest guy in the world.

Like how do you not know he's joking? And I think that people are like, I don't know, at least comedy fans for sure, man. If you look at all the top comedians, it's real comics, again, it's not many like corporate people who are like really appeasing the shit that you were talking about.

Like, you know, Kill Tony's bigger than ever. And, you know, just, I don't know. Shane Gill is like, is a great example of like people not giving a fuck anymore. And even SNL was like, we fucked up, you know? Like maybe we were a little too hard on this kid and he like has like an open door policy there. Everybody fucked up when they got on that board

because you're letting me know you're fucking scared. And listen. That's true, of course. letting me know you're fucking scared. And listen. That's true, of course. You're trying to run a business. And I appreciate that. Yeah. I understand that, but you have to make a decision. You know, I still remember,

20, when did I start going to Utah? Oh, love Utah. Okay? That club was great. Is that the way you're talking about? The way you're talking about? You're talking about Wise Guys? Wise Guys, yeah. Oh yeah, I love that club. Okay, let me is great. Is that the way you're talking about? Are you talking about Wise Guys? Wise Guys, yeah.

Oh yeah, I love that club. Okay, let me tell you what happened to Wise Guys. In 1997, Doug Stanhope went to Wise Guys when they just had one club and the owner was struggling and he needed help. Doug Stanhope went to that town and that's when he was on fire. And he went to that town and fucking buried him

He buried him so hard that they wrote letters to the Department of the Better Business Bureau and the fucking Utah's Commerce Doug Stanhope had all the letters on his wall The more he oh he oh I thought you meant like he he killed no he just went after them No, he destroyed the room at that time He was a killer. Oh yeah. When they robbed his car and he still went on stage and won the San Francisco comedy competition

and beat Dane Cook. Doug Stanhope was a fucking killer. When Doug Stanhope went on stage in 96, seven, eight, he wouldn't. One person would have a hard time following him. Three people, he would destroy the Emperor. Oh my God, I would just go to watch his sets. Me and like four guys,

because he would destroy those comics. They would leave, they're like, the one night where there was a benefit for a burn victim, and he didn't know the burn victim was in the front row with a fucking sailor hat on. Oh my God, Doug went into them, they banned them for a month. This is fucking classic shit. I was in Boston with him, there was a priest walking by

and he goes, father, where you going? He goes, I gotta go to the bathroom. He goes, no, no, no, I got a tit-fuck joke that's gonna knock your socks off. Dog, he was on fire back then. He went to fucking Utah and did one of those hours and they wrote a bunch of fucking letters and the guy was, what's his name, Nelson?

What's the owner? Is it Keith? Keith, Keith Nelson. Kept sending him the letters and he's like, never again. Well, I have an R-rated comic out here from 1997. Finally in like 2012, I just fucking sent them a note. And I go, Keith, how long we know each other? He goes, pick up the phone.

I call him up and go, Keith, when are you gonna start putting fucking crazy people out there again? He goes, well, you remember what happened. I go, that shit's done with. People want this and you're running with these fucking ukulele players. That's when they used to have guitar acts

and got the one man band for New Year's. Come on, you're killing me. Just watching your schedule. I'm falling apart here. I'm falling apart. Let's take a chance. They goes, I'll tell you what, you wanna come? I'll give you a fucking door deal and a half,

but you're not gonna sell no tickets. I fucking sold that motherfucker out. And then he got greedy and he put the other kid in there and he bumped me to the little room and the other kid sold four tickets. Then he was trying to get me back in the big room and I'm like, fuck you now. And he's like, stay sad.

I'm like, fuck you. They showed up with pounds of weed. Utah, Utah! They showed up with pounds of weed. Some kid showed up with a bag of edibles to give everybody in New York. It was insane. I was like, I'm coming back here.

Then he brought a towel. Oh wow. He took a couple chains, I don't know. I go, bring him the towel down there. And then he brought a towel. Then he brought the crazy lady. And now look at his schedule. He ain't got a fucking clean act in that bitch.

He's got all the crazy people on that. He opened up three other clubs. He's got Vegas or something else. So who was right and who was fucking wrong? You know, you ever go to Grand Rapids? No, not yet. Oh, wait till you get there. I'm talking to you.

Oh! We have the most chirpest churches per capita. What are you talking about? I saw a bunch of black people sounding crack on the corner. What church? They tell you, they're like, yeah, we've got to be careful here.

We got the most churches per capita. This is a church growing, we're not gonna book here. Then they booked Jay Leno for the Grand Rapids Comedy Festival. They sold 13 tickets. Bro, they paid him like a million dollars. That motherfucker came back with three tickets or something. No Christians. So, they used to be booked by this guy,

he's booking Michigan, Ohio since I started. He had great clubs when I started. He wouldn't book me in them, but he had great clubs. Now his sons are running it, and they're like two fucking Mormons. So I walk in and they're like giggling at me. And I'm like, what's up Billy, you're not gonna sell no tickets this weekend.

Okay. And there was a 90% door deal, one of those days. Oh, hell yeah. And the door, the tickets just kept, when they paid me on Saturday, I had tears in their eyes. They wouldn't even call my agent back. They were like, god damn it. I told you, there's a market for this.

But if you're scared, you know, Portland, Oregon, they won't put a dirty actor, man. His mother goes to the shows. So she watches the first show on, so you gotta perform for his mother in the first row. And she hasn't laughed since 1922. She just stares at you, you're like, I'm done. I need this shit.

What if I wanna do a cop joke in front of him? Oh, I'll fire you. Which way, is it on helium? No. Because helium's good. Helium's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which way, is it on helium? No. Because helium's good. Helium's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only place I'll eat ranch dressing.

They have spicy ranch on the tater tots. Camp, good fucking food, you're right. They do have fucking good food. Yeah, they have really good food, I forgot about that. That was hilarious. This club was called the Harvey's, it's still there. They pay for the room, it's a nightmare.

He's still living on fucking, he's probably got the guy with the tube on, the bike there and shit. Yeah. He's another guy for New Year's, got like a nine string band. This is comedy. Oh Jesus. Fucking comedy. Why do you have a one man band?

The guy with the, Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I wanna see I guess. They like that hippie stuff. Where's the first place you got on stage? First place was in The Laughing Buddha in the city. So Open Mic. Really?

Yeah, there was probably, I don't know, it was in 2014, there was probably seven other comics in there, you know, the Open Mics are just. Was Grandpa still around when you started? Nah, man, nah, that's been closed for a while. That was a comedy club on Staten Island. That was, I don't even know when that closed. I was a kid when that closed.

I wished, my first like 10, 15 minutes was in this place. It's not there anymore either. What the fuck was it called? Oh, the Deluny Bin. It was on Staten Island for a small time. Oh my God, that was a comedy club chain? That was the chain? No, it was next to a bowling alley.

Pete Davidson also started there. It was a disaster. I don't think it's there anymore. Staten Island's not really a place you wanna start doing comedy. So yeah, anywhere, I would do really anywhere in Manhattan. I did Broadway, random ass places, bars, anywhere that I could go really.

But my first was in Laughing Buddha, which isn't there anymore. Yeah, well it's a group now. Oh really? They do, I do their shows, I'm doing. Where, was it one by The Cellar, what was it? Oh well, if it's the same group, they do open mics at every club.

I'm doing a show at the stand on the 28th that they're running. Oh you know, they had like their own location. Oh they had their own location, I don't think they have that low anymore, but they have like a group of shows that they run all the time. It was great, man. It was really awesome. I, it was, it was very helpful. Like, you know, I mean, I don't know where else, I mean, open mics are tough because it's just in a bunch of comics

who are just not paying attention to you because they're nervous about going on. So like, I was always thinking, like, I wonder how I'll even know if these are funny. If no one's even, you got like a random ha ha. Well that's it. That's your killing it at open mic. Yeah. That and I got like the best advice I got from open mics was we have a friend named Johnny Rock and he said like you can't go expecting like any sort of feedback because sometimes if you kill it at open mic it's bad. if you kill it, an open mic, it's bad. Sometimes if you go to an open mic and they, everyone thinks they're Doug Stanhope and they're like, all the comics are laughing.

That's never going to work at the improv or whatever. Very true. Like the open mics, it's like you were talking about open mics. There was an open mic last night at a side splitters after my show. This dude, this like 80 year old dude, It looked like someone took a bite out of his nose He had a bloody bandaid on his nose and had like two teeth in his mouth and was just talking to me about all the 455 somethings he had when he was in his 30s There are people are it doesn't matter what city you're in open mics

I did an open mic here where you know the naked cowboy in times where there's the naked cowgirl But she's about 70 years old and took her tits out in an open mic, and it was one of the, it's insanity. Can't we do that on the tonight show? No, you can't. Like I said, mental health is a thin line. And listen, I enjoy open mics,

but in today's world, you have to do a background check. Like you have to have like a fucking thing at the door. Hold on, put your fingerprint in there. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Let me check your wrist for bracelets or slashes. Because they're fucking crazy, man. And listen, that's what makes you funny. Oh, yeah.

You know, being a little off your looper, I mean, I don't do what I do because I'm fucking normal. I do it too because there's a problem. Something was wrong with the wiring. So a little bit of crazy is good, but that, there's one level that's past that, that you're like, this is not. And that's why open mics are brutal.

Listen, man, I went to an open mic last week in Freehold at a hotel. It's like a glamor fly at open mic. They have a headliner and the first eight guys, you know, they were funny They all have a chance. You know, I'm not there that I'm not killed Tony But I was like I don't miss these days at all Like this shit doing three of these a night and getting tortured. I don't miss these at all. I would go back I'd get so listen. I was a coke fiend when I was starting doing comedy,

but it didn't matter, because I get so depressed, I needed to start coke. I needed it. I was like, how long is this gonna last? How am I gonna ever move forward? It's kind of amazing thinking that people keep going, right? For how long it's like that for?

Isn't that fucking like crazy that- Well, here's the deal, Eric. It's that long for as long as you let it be that long. Mm-hmm Okay, yeah that long for as long as you let it one day you have to make the decision go You know what? I'm not doing these no more, but I also came up at a different time I came up at a time where George me you and Lee We did comedy. We were all about the same range, five, six, seven years. But guess what?

You got a room on Tuesdays, and he gives you a $400 budget. He's got a room on Mondays that gives him a 250 budget. I got a room that gives me 500 every other Thursday, and he's got a room on Wednesdays. And it was more of that. When I went back, I started comedy, I won a contest and I got the house on C job and that helped.

So I didn't have to go to the open mic in Denver at the Comedy Works. I would just do that on Tuesdays. Then I left and I came here. Holy shit, holy shit, that was brutal. I had to sell tickets for the comic strip. I had to fuck in. There was no barking in those days. They would give you 40 tickets. You sold 20 and you kept the money, whatever. I sold all of them and didn't give nothing to the comic strip. I blew off my fucking audition. Fuck you. You got me out here selling tickets like a pimp. And everybody had, you had to bring four people.

Yeah. Eight people, six people. I would do it every once in a while, but I didn't have no people. You can't keep bothering your people. I know, seriously, how many are they gonna come to? You know, how many shows are they gonna come to and then they put you on 1140.

These people gotta stay out till 1140, they got kids and shit. Just 10 more minutes and I'll be up. If you leave, they put you on 1140. These people gotta stay out til 1140, they got kids and shit. Just 10 more minutes and I'll be up. If you leave, they won't put me out. Come on, man. So when I went back to Denver, I was very lucky because the people I hung out with each had a room. So you never, ever ended up.

And even the open mics that they had, they always hired a headliner to give it, you know, so the guy does 40, two guys perform them 15, and everybody else does 10, then three open micers do five, you know? Give the show some balance. I was very fortunate there. So I left those things in 93.

I never did one of those things ever again. Mm-hmm. And then I had another scam. When I would do the contest to invite my friends, I would get drugs and they would call me for the drugs and I'd say, no, you gotta come to the comedy show. Oh my God, that's brilliant. Oh my God.

That's fucking brilliant. And they would get pissed the fuck off. They would give me the $50 for a half gram and go, that's 20 for the ticket. No, no, no, no, no. No, there ain't no 20 there for the ticket. That's completely different. You just gotta come down here because there's no cops in here. And they. No, you know 20 there for the ticket, please. That's completely different. You just gotta come down here

because there's no cops in here. And they would go, what are you talking about? The feds are watching me, telling me. And they would fucking buy into it. Oh, I love that. But if you come in here, this is a certified hotel. They won't come in here. That's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, that's how I won the contest. Come on down. You want Xanax? Come on down. I'll show you all the Xanax she got. What time? 630? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

8.30 at the broker. Why the broker? I got my reasons, the connection is there. Noriega's on the East flu. And if you don't laugh, you're not getting the drugs. Yeah, you don't get the drugs. I was gonna say, are they a good audience? All like just feeding you for the, yeah?

Give me a bunch of junkies that wanna laugh. All I gotta say is fucking coke, God! I was killing it, that's how I won that contest. I just had my friends there. Fuck life. Fuck it. That's American ingenuity, right? That's what you say to yourself.

Yeah, bro, that's fucking amazing. I mean, barking is crazy. That's crazy. I never had to do that. I like it. You like it? And here's the, I haven't done it in the city. I did a, there's a club in Saratoga, New York

that they don't do the show unless it was like nine people. So I had to do it a bunch for that. And I, for like an hour, it's fun. I have a bunch of friends who do it like on a nightly basis for clubs. I actually kind of, but let's see, like for someone at my level, it's like one of the few ways you can actually

get into places. So I'm actually thinking about doing it. But I do like it because it's like, it's like kind of like crowd work in real life. True. You get to tease people. Yeah. Until you get beat up.

You don't want to fucking bark, all right? No one's gonna, I don't want to do shit, but I gotta do something. No, you don't want to be barking at people. Like, hey, come into the, I remember when I started, people go, go to the mall, sell tickets. What?

Like, you land, I go to Wyoming, and they go, yeah, there's 10 tickets. Go to the mall, sell tickets. What? Like you land, I go to Wyoming and they go, yeah, there's 10 tickets. Go to the mall, talk to the girls and sell tickets. I'm not doing that. All right, that's not gonna fucking happen. Yeah, I mean, there's a fine line between like- What you're gonna do and after a while, you just lose your pride and then that's-

For sure, no, for sure. They take you as a suckers, you gotta keep, start saying no. Yeah, and I think that like- From the beginning. There are some purists out there, I think, that believe, like, well, that's just what you have to do for comedy.

And I disagree with a lot of them, especially because I think, because I came up in a time where the impact of the internet was just too goddamn strong. I've always saw that as just like, if I can get you to come because you like strong, you know? Like I've always saw that as just like, if I can get you to come, cause you like something, if I suck as a standup,

you'll find out immediately. Like you're, I think it's almost kind of hard, not harder, but like, you know, in the NBA now, a seven-footer shoots a fucking three-pointer. Like that didn't happen when I was growing up. No, no. It didn't happen. Pitchers didn't throw 103 miles an hour

when I was growing up. Now you have to like,'t happen. Pinterest didn't throw 103 miles an hour when I was growing up. Now you have to like, I feel like you almost have to be better, quicker, because if you do have a good following online, because they're gonna come like, oh, that guy sucks, he's just funny on Instagram. But if you can capitalize off that, if you have the chops and if you have the background,

it can speed the process up. What used to take 10 years, it could take a year. You know, as long as you're getting up as much as you possibly can and like, and writing the jokes. But I feel like there's a lot of people, I think who get famous off of like shit, like a skit or a TikTok or something.

And then they start doing standup. It doesn't translate. It doesn't translate. No, it's a completely different thing. You have to already be doing that. But I think, like, do you post standup clips? A little bit. It's something that I haven't,

I struggle a lot with if it's not perfect, I don't post it. Yeah, that's a bad attitude to have. It's a terrible attitude. It's never gonna be perfect. No clip I've ever posted I thought was good. None? Yeah, I've always like, I wish I would have said this differently.

Cause when I'm editing it in my house, of course I can make it perfect, but like, you know, somebody fucking stood up in front of the camera in the wrong time. Oh, I know. And somebody coughed or whatever, you know, but I think just throw shit out there. I have two up there and I need to have more

and I'm gonna start, I need to do a lot more. It's my biggest weakness right now. Yeah. When you was talking about the internet, listen, the internet saved you from this. You ever go somewhere and you see somebody post to the sign, I can go party Friday night at eight o'clock, be there or be square. Who puts a flyer on a car?

When I could buy an ad on Facebook, hit one button. I love what the internet did for comedy, because I'll tell you what, without the internet, I wouldn't be in this chair right now. I would not have been anywhere. But I tell you what, it wasn't just the internet, it was the 20 years experience. Oh, of course.

So they all met at the same time. Okay, they all met at the same time. This was strong. This is strong. You know, I don't know if, if anybody's watched it, I don't know if you even like Led Zeppelin. Yeah, I mean, there are Netflix now, that documentary I was talking about on Netflix. Watch it. It shows four fucking guys that just were lurking around and they just got together and the rest was fucking history.

And that's what it is sometimes. People don't understand. It's like I was really upset when I did The Longest Yard, like three years ago. I'm like, I didn't get shit. Everybody else got something. Fucked it. And the guy got Everybody Loves Raymond.

This guy got that. Fuck it. I didn't get anything. And then the producer said to me, he goes, all that shit grows in cultures Okay, nobody's watching that right now, but someday you're gonna have a HBO special and then people gonna go What else has he been in? Oh, well, you did mad TV in 2001 when nobody knew you were yeah

Yeah, and all of a sudden all that shit just so you don't know what you're doing. Oh definitely dude. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. You could do a fucking movie with De Niro and Pacino, count the money, call your cousin at Staten Island and tell him I'm buying a house on Tothill. You know what I'm saying? I'm slinging dick, get some Asians, it's over. And that movie don't do dick.

I just watch Alto Nights. Did you watch it yet? No. De Niro and Alto Nights, not bad, but they expected De Niro to win an Oscar, and the movie did $3, the movie didn't. And that happens. That fucking happens.

Where you put, you're like, oh, when this movie comes out, bitches, they'll be sticky, you know. Yeah. And the movie does $3. And now what? You're gonna have to sit in your house with the shades drawn for a year. Nah, totally.

You know, you have to sit in the house. So it's not, even if an achievement is bad, it's gonna come back later. And they'll come back in a positive way because somebody always go, you can't blame Eric. He was just early then. That was 20 year Eric, you can't blame him for that bad movie.

No, you can't blame me for a bad movie. But you know what I'm saying now, everything has to meet. As far as the internet today, man, you're absolutely right Eric and you're very good at it. You're very good at it. I know if you have good ticket sales, you've built that though also.

Dude, I've been doing this a lot longer than people think. Shit. You got to build those videos. It's been a long time. Video, here's the difference between you and what's going on in LA. Are you ready? These fucking idiots, they go to NYU, film. And then they're going to go work in their father's company for a year, but they tell dad, dad, no, just give me one year in LA. I want to go out they're gonna go work in their father's company for a year, but they tell dad dad. No Just give me one year in LA. I want to go out and join groundlings or whatever the fuck you join Yeah, because their junior year they started watching sign out live and this is what happened in

2008 9 because I was a victim of that. So that's why I know You get lucky in life Back in 2008 and 9 if you shot a video and I got a milk If they got a half a million fucking views you got a call from YouTube Like YouTube would send you an email and then they used to have trending videos and all this Oh, yeah, and those Joey karate's used to rock and roll so people started calling me in for meetings and going Can you make more those videos? And I'm like and going, can you make more of those videos? And I'm like, yeah.

Can you make them for us? Yeah, we'll give you 10 grand. Give me the 10 grand. And then they'd forget. They never even contacted me for the videos. You have no idea. Holy shit. But what was happening with these kids were,

these Saturday Night Live kids were getting a video, they were doing a million downloads. They get to LA, they meet with everybody, and they get money and make more. So when you step on shit, you step on shit. Oh yeah. Just shut your fucking mouth. 100%.

Because now you got everybody watching you for that next video and that next video's gonna suck dick. It's gonna be a fucking disaster. So true, yeah. It's gonna take another hundred shoots for you to get another fucking video. And then you just quit. You go, I can't make a hit no more,

I'm getting 300 video. And then you just quit. You go, I can't make a hit no more, I'm getting 300 videos. And that's the fucking problem with videos. But you've done that. And even Vic, like after a while, you have to know when to place your videos. Because now you just become annoying. Now I'm gonna turn on, all right, what's he gonna have for me tonight?

Like when I wake up every morning, I look at Gabby for you. That's a girl from Miami that swims in a bikini, and she does bikini fucking modeling and shit in the morning. She's just a cute girl. She's not doing a lot of rated X or nothing. But I like her because she's up early, she drinks orange juice, she's always positive and shit.

That's a pretty low bar. She's always out there doing something at 7.30 in the morning, whether it's jogging, she's lifting weights. I'm like, look at fucking Gabby for you today. If Gabby for you could do it, I could do it. You know what I'm saying? There's always somebody who motivates you. So maybe make exercise videos, whatever the fuck.

I don't know, I don't know. But that's what I look at. I always look at Gabby for you and then second, what the Siamese family's doing. The two little Siamese twins, they grew up in front of me now I play with them on the screen when I get high in the morning. Gato, Gato. He's looking around like you guys know what I'm talking about right? I don't know what I'm talking about. Nobody knows what I'm talking about. There's two Siamese lovers.

The Siamese twins? They're Siamese lovers, it's a page. Were they connected? No, they're just Siamese cats, you fuck. Oh, cats. Two little evil fucks. And then there's another one, then there's another lady that does Bruno.

When she adopted Bruno the cat, Bruno was scratching her and killing her and shit. They had to come get him and put him like in a straight jacket, Bruno. But over the years, Bruno has matured into a beautiful little cat. How much of your Instagram is just cats?

Do you just see a lot of cats on it? I don't, I've never heard of any of these. I just go for, I don't wanna see none of your shit. I don't wanna see one more stand up sketch. I don't wanna see nothing. I just wanna see cats. Anybody who's inspired with Bruce Lee, I follow Bruce Lee on there.

Every day he drops Lee on there, every day he drops something on you, even though he's been dead for 50 years. Every day Bruce Lee drops something on you. Life is breath, whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, it's crazy how there's literally everything at all times.

Everything. I told my wife about that with something I'm like, is how did we trade, cause they always said movies are not as popular as they were, and it is that how did we trade because they always said like movies are like not as popular as they were and it's like how did we trade you know movies like super bad for power washing a driveway like that's literally what people will watch sometimes like and I guess I don't know that I guess we are just monkeys at the end of the day I'm not gonna watch

fucking political shit oh no racism and Julio wasn't allowed in the fucking banjo store. That's not for me, man. I just wanna see cats. That's it. I just wanna see cats. If you got a dog, hang out with a dog too. I got nothing against dogs. I found a little friend of mine who's got a German shepherd, but then I gotta see his

ugly face. And I don't want to put up with him, you know, his ugly family. But the German shepherd's beautiful. Well, yeah, that's why I think it's, thank God that like, at the end of the day, like if I'm feeling like shit sometimes, or if I like, because posting is also like, it's incredibly relentless,

but like that's when I feel good about going to do a spot, and I'm like, fuck yeah, there's a new bit working. I was, I didn't really know, have it together this like a week ago, now I was, I didn't really know, have it together this like, a week ago, now I like, I found a way to unlock it. And like, it is, it feels good to have like a viable, real skill, cause it does feel like anybody can do internet videos now.

Like you said, a fucking cat, right? It's like, how the hell am I supposed to, yeah, sometimes like, you put in all this work, a good friend of mine will do an incredible skit and like they wrote it, they shot it, and nobody gives a fuck. And then something filmed with a fucking baked potato gets 50 million views because it was something silly

that happened at the gym or whatever. So it's like, it's kind of hard. That feels so good to be able to like actually go and cause standup is still difficult to do. There's never gonna be a way that's gonna make it like, oh, anybody can do this. That's never gonna happen. Where like AI is gonna, it's common for all entertainment.

It's common for fucking everything, but it can't replace in person real connections, which standup. I mean, you know, other night there was a packed show. I just, I showed up. I was hoping that like, I did like 15 minutes and it was a packed show. It was so much fucking fun, you know? And it makes up for all the shitty ones you had during that like, I did like 15 minutes and it was a packed show. It was so much fucking fun, you know?

And it makes up for all the shitty ones you had during that week, right? And it was just like, man, this is what I'm talking about. People are just, there's an energy to that. And it just, it's just the fucking greatest, man. Like, so I think that that's like, like you always say, everything always comes around. I've been doing this shit for a long time, man.

And like the, you also like, Louis CK had something great about this. He said like, when you shave enough of yourself down to fit the algorithm, you're not really making it for anybody anymore. You're making it for an algorithm. You're making it for an algorithm. Yeah, you're not making it for people.

And I think that's always like- Well, that's what happens in LA. You're a funny motherfucker. Yeah, that's a good point. You're a funny motherfucker. You get to LA, because I've seen this happen, and all of a sudden your agent pulls you aside, a guy who has no idea about anything, and tells you that you're not gonna sell

a TV show with that material. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That you gotta write material for your TV show. And you just killed yourself. He says, you just killed yourself, I feel like one. Now you gotta write material for your TV show. And you just killed yourself. You just killed yourself, you're like, now you gotta write these Mickey Mouse jokes that are definitely against your fucking will.

That's why to be really funny, you have to tap into yourself. You have to say something that's sometimes gonna be rubbish, but it's your truth. Stand up is your truth. That's all it is, it's your truth. And it's not people going, well, you know, you like that's why I hate politics and stand up. I hate it because in today's market, there's nothing you could say. I'm not political. I'm a felon. So I'm never going to drop no

political jargon on you. But at the same time, I see people, no matter what way they go, you're going to be hated. You know? Oh yeah. It's no wonder why. So shut your fucking mouth. Even if you bring Trump up as a joke, somebody's gonna think, I've seen people get fucking furious and leave shows. Yeah. Leave shows on the political shit.

Like I said, they said your mother has a wooden leg, you know, something stupid, but no. They just, I don't wanna hear it. And that's what sucks, that I never really, that's why I love the Comedy Store, because I always said what was in my heart. I don't give a fuck. And the laugh fact, you don't wanna hear it, fine.

You go there and you wanna see people jump up and down and be cute, that's good. The improv, I would go there and always light them up because it's not that type of club. So when you go off a little bit, I would go off knowing that weren't gonna like me So if you're not gonna like me here take this yeah, take this motherfucker And they would end up liking you because it's your attitude. Yeah, they don't it's all your attitude. They don't like it I know you're not gonna like me. I know you guys like

Zack Galifianakis, so I got nothing against he's a great guy, but I'm not doing what he's doing, he's clean, he's crazy. And you go in there and drop your knowledge, however the fuck you gotta drop it, and they'll go along if they know you're real. If you're up there with your cocktail, sipping and trying to be cool, they're like fuck this punk. Fuck this punk. Yeah, I learned a lesson like that in Austin.

I moved to Austin after LA, and that's when I was really into standup. And that was before Rogan opened the mothership. So we were doing a lot of shows. Did you go to the Vulcan at all? No, never. Yeah, but you know they were doing it there, right? Yeah, yeah.

And it was a, it's a music venue. It's not really made for comedy. And like, dude, I would do the death squads with Red Band, and dude, they would fucking, they hated my guts. I had my man bun and my fucking tight jeans. They were ready to throw fucking chairs at me. They hated me so much. I'd go home and I'd be so depressed.

I'm like, how the fuck can I just get better at this? And I need to change what I'm doing or whatever. And I think once I got on stage and I just tried to be who I was, they would get on board because I wasn't trying to like win them over from this superficial kind of way. It was more of just like, you got like,

I would go like, I know you guys aren't gonna like me, I know you think I look gay and oh, yada, yada, yada. And like they would like, all right, I fuck with that. Like Jim Brewer taught me that actually when I opened for him once. But yeah, as long as you, there is this weird energy that took me a while to start shows that weren't mine where I'd be like, the first 20 seconds,

how you got on stage is really fucking important. Very important. Yeah, like how you take the mic stand, I take the mic out of the stand, how you introduce yourself. Very important. Yeah. It's the whole kit and kaboom.

It's crazy. You get started off real shitty and then no matter how good your material is, like fuck this guy. The walk. Yeah. The way you pick up that mic. Right?

You know, the way you talk to the MC, everything. Yeah. It's so crucial and you gotta be real. Yeah. These guys that come out giggling with a drink and they're like, I know, I know. And they hug the MC and they, I love you so much.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Go out there, keep it going fully and just open ass. Just go. Because then they'll go, what the fuck is this? That's what I learned at the open mic last week. Because you always learn something on an open mic. And not that I learned something, but I remembered how you went up early on.

Your first line was so rehearsed. Something happened to me the other day on the way to the store. Now, Nick, if I walk into your house, I'm not gonna walk in, slam the door and go, something happened to me. On the way to Hudson County Park the other day, no, I'm gonna walk in your house and go,

what's up motherfucker? What's for breakfast, right? What's for dinner? What's going on here? Get that fucking dog away from me. That's how people walk in the house. They don't walk in the house like, man, you know, I went across the street

and I got a piece of corn and I noticed that. And I never had that because I watched the young comedian special with Lenny Clark. And if you watch that special, he says one of the funniest things ever. He comes out from the jump and he goes, "'How you guys doing?' "'Something funny happened to me today.'"

No, he goes, "'Something funny happened to me today, "'but in reality, nothing fucked.' No, most comics come out and say, "'Something funny happened to me today, "'but nothing fucking funny happened to me today, but in reality nothing fucked no most comics come out and say something funny happened to me today But nothing fucking funny happened with me, and he just grabbed I got home at 6 in the morning my wife He's yelling I had some girlfriend He just going and you're like what the fuck is he talking about you like oh, and he's already fucking in it Holy wow okay wow that's the way to fuck hell. Yeah do it Damn, that's the way to do it. Yeah do it Damn, that's the way to do it Lee. Can you find that clip up there of?

Yeah, well Nick has it of what Lenny Lenny Clark on the other young comedian special Lenny le nny Clark ca r a k Yep, say yes see young comedian special. He just did the mothership. Oh, nice. Yeah. Dude, he still does comedy like every weekend in Boston.

Yeah, yeah. He's the real fucking deal. 1988? Yeah. Nick, I think. Damn, man, I wish I was around for fucking Dangerfield. I wasn't around for this either, but this is what I rented when I got into comedy. Before I got on stage, this is what I used to rent, these young comedian specials.

Who's this ugly person? Hi, Boston. You see it too. I give this to great people in Boston, people like Paul Revere, John Hancock, the Boston Stringler. And I also wore a suit because I am but that didn't work. Oh, thank you very, very much. How's everyone doing? Have a good day.

Now my day sucked. Oh, it you very very much. How's everyone doing? Y'all have a good day Yeah, my dates suck too. It's okay I'm not like a lot of these guys you see on TV. Hi Hello, how am I but a nice looking crowd funny thing happened to me today. Nothing fucking funny happening right there 655 I just wanna play for sleep. White comes bouncing in the bed, says, come on, Lenny, it's nice. I'll let you all play, because she likes that.

She's young, she's 15. See, so you can say shit like that. Well, I got my lunch when I said hi. You can't say this shit today. I said, I don't wanna play. She said, I don't wanna go. I said, why don't you have a couple of beers? But that's an opening.

Yeah, nah, that's great, man. That's an opening. Yeah. He wasn't thinking. I even put the suit on after him. Come on, man, we'll come a little bit. But that's an opening. Yeah, no, that's great, man. That's an opening, okay? He wasn't thinking, you know. I even put the suit on after him. I went out, I borrowed money, I bought a suit, and I bombed even harder. So I stopped wearing the suits.

Because that's all it is the first three or four years. It's experimentation, it's gonna work for you. And when you bomb a lot, then you start shaving your head, do, then you get like a phony fucking mustache, and you're like, this ain't gonna work, which work for you. Mm-hmm. And when you bomb a lot, then you start shaving your head do then you get like a phony fucking mustache Yeah Yeah, I try changing the hair I'm still fucking crazy It's working and he's a star I'm not saying anything against him

But like do you think any of it had to do with like Rodney was there and like Rodney's crowd gets it Rodney's crowd would be okay with it. No, no, you think that you think that would have got the same response anywhere anywhere. Okay He came out and he said most guys come out and say I had a great day Nothing fucking funny happened to me today just that stupid line and that also is I you know, I always If you could take the curse word out and the joke isn't as funny I understand when comedians say that, if you could take the curse word out and the joke isn't as funny, I understand when comedians say that, like when you need the curse, but that was a perfectly placed fuck

because you thought he was like this, you know, white bread guy and he, that was his way of telling you, I have an edge. He looks like Danny Tanner, but he fucking talks like a real guy. I have that. Yeah, I liked that a lot cause it was like, he came like,

hey, you guys like a nice audience? And I was like, fuck you guys. It was like a real guy. I've got wild. Yeah, I like that a lot cuz it was like he came Oh, hey, you guys like a nice audience and I was like fuck you guys. It was like a nice term I think that's why that worked for him too because it was telling people that he was real and just watching that that stayed with me Yeah for 28 years. I was like, why am I gonna come out? Hi, you know had a ride here fuck No, yeah, you take that Superman cape on and you fucking go out there and jump on him. It's like anything else. When was the last time you saw a fight? That fucking black guy comes out and throws 55 punches at you,

15 minutes straight. That's tough to recover from. Even if he connects or he doesn't. You just got 55 punches thrown at you. Whether he got you in the face or got you in the stomach, doesn't matter, you just lock him. Oh, that's a pretty good analogy. But he's still got your attention. You got my fucking attention now.

And even if the first 55 jokes don't work, you got three minutes left. You know what I'm saying? You fucking got three minutes to bail out. But it's... I love it. I love the mechanics of it. I love how you fucking... Like now I'm trying to write,

it is the worst, Eric. Eric, the worst. I am going to the worst writer the worst Eric Eric the worst I am going to the worst writers block yeah you hate it I write I get ideas I break it down and all that shit is going against my core this is what I'm starting to think that I'm thinking too much into it oh hell yeah for years put music on smoke pot and see what life brings you that's it and take a ride but now I'm thinking too much like I'm like,

oh, I'm breaking it down like fucking Jean Perret, you ever get one of his books? Jean Perret's comedy writing, he used to write for like Lucille Ball. So these ideas are 1965, you know what I mean? Yeah, but just do like a stream of consciousness. Just write. Yes.

Not even trying to be funny. When I get up in the morning, that's what I do. I just let it go. And then you look at it after the shower and you're like, I got problems. What the fuck was this? Fuck. What the fuck is this? I spelled house wrong. Because you're just writing. You just don't think. But then I do my,

I like to write in the afternoon and then think about it on this ride up. And then tonight when I go home, everybody's asleep. So I go downstairs, I like to write in the afternoon and then think about it on this write up. And then tonight when I go home, everybody's asleep. So I go downstairs, I smoke my pot, I put my sandals on, and I can fucking tap out on that. And then the next morning, I look at it. If there's something I like, I keep it. If there's something I don't like, I get rid of it.

I get high in the morning and see if it makes me giggle. If it passes the giggle test, then it stays. I like to fucking break down, you know when you got that joke, when you start laughing like a fucking fag, by yourself and your wife has to come in and go, what the fuck are you laughing about? And you're like, you're not gonna believe it.

You know those things. Oh, my wife, I love coming out of my office, I like, and I'll say something, she'll be like, I don't really get it, and I'm like, you don't fucking know anything. I go, stop it. That's the worst when they shoot you down, that's like I don't really get it and I'm like you don't fucking know anything That's the worst My wife's always like I don't get it. I'm like, I'm never fucking saying I don't get it I'm gonna get it. It's an out wife watching fucking

Over here entertain with this fucking limey show. I just I just interrupted her from making fucking eggs Of course, I got a lamp. No just interrupted her from making fucking eggs. Of course I gotta laugh. Do you write on stage ever? Oh, 90%. Yeah, that's where most of your good shit come from. Yeah, 90%. What is that about? I don't get it. Like, there'll be a bit I'll do for you.

You know what it's about? You gotta gun to your fucking head. You do your best work. You know, you go out there and there's 400 sets of high balls looking at you. And they're like this. Up in the front, and you're like, uh, there ain't no time to freeze up.

That's the best way to fucking write with a gun to your head. End of story. I was doing this bit, I was practicing it, like rehearsing, seeing how I was gonna say it perfectly. Did it a couple of times, then randomly, I did it over the weekend, and I had a tag that I was like, where the fuck did that come from? You know, like I sat there with the material,

and nothing, this didn't come to me. But in the moment, that always happens to me. Like I can try, but you have to, right? Yeah, it's one of those things that you had, I don't know, or they bring it out of you or you get into a flow state or whatever. Like, yeah. I did one of Ari's things, the one with the nun. I did a thing about a story that I beat up a nun in the one with the nun. I did a thing about a story that I beat up a nun in the fourth grade and stuff. Couple weeks ago I was just stuck for material and I put it on and I kept it low.

I didn't watch but I listened as I wrote just to see if something came up. I listened to it and I fucking go, I gotta listen to this again. Five or six things I came up with that night on stage. I didn't even have them. I wrote the blueprint to it before I left the house, but I didn't really tag it. I just wrote the story out and said,

let God put whatever he feels, he'll figure it out. And that's exactly what I did. And when I watched one of the funniest things I said on that came up that night. Like I did not think that out at all. But when you have a hundred eyeballs looking at you, shit. Yeah, that's so funny. I hate to be like too like weird or like hippie dippy, but like there is an energy that like you can't,

you tap into when there's that many. You make better love when she's not staring at you than when they're just looking at you in the bottom. Like, what are you doing? You're trying to like fucking look around because you're a wild man, right? into when there's that many. You make better love when she's not staring at you than when they're just looking at you in the bottom. Like what are you doing? You're trying to like fucking look around because you're a wall man, right? You ever get looked at when you're making love?

It ain't good. It ain't good, right? Derek Poston has a great joke. He said he was having sex with his wife and in the middle she scratched her face. Just look at him, she's just like in the middle of it. What the fuck are you doing scratching your face and shit? But it's really weird. What if she scratched her face? Just look at him, he's just like, in the middle of it. What the fuck are you doing scratching your face and shit?

But it's really weird. I think that's when you let, that's what I think is going on with me. I just got a block and I'm trying to write differently. Like I'm trying to write like, who's my John Mulaney. Oh God. And that's not gonna fucking work for me.

I'm no John Mulaney, you know what I'm saying? I was doing cocaine the other day. Oh my God. When I found out that motherfucker did coke and cheated on his wife, I was like, oh, that dude's crazy. He was like, maybe I am John Mulaney. That's a crazy motherfucker,

because he looks like the nicest Catholic kid in America. I think he had plastic surgery though. That's okay, he's good looking as fuck. No, I'm just saying it's funny that like that kind of guy, he looks like he wouldn't be into that, right? I don't know. Looks like an accountant.

He was into coke and cheating. Who knew? I thought he was like a nice kid that went to church on Sundays, hung out with nice white people and they went to museums and looked at ducks. I think they do coke too though. I think people who like ducks do coke too.

When I thought that they did coke, I was like, Jesus Christ, these standups have no shame. Yeah, man. No shame in their fucking game. Where are you at this weekend, Eric? I have, June 28th, I'm at Westbury Music Fair in Westbury, New York, in Long Island. It's a big place, and then AC after that.

I have some time off, have a new baby, so I'm trying to be home. How old is the baby? He's 10 months old, yesterday. What's his name? I haven't told anybody his name. Okay. I could tell you.

What do you call him? I call him Zozie. Okay. Because his name is Enzo. Okay, good. But, yeah. Good for you. But, yeah, I don't know.

I'm just weird about like, nobody knows, I'm not fucking famous, but like, you know, a lot of people on Staten Island know who I am and I don't want them to like know his face or his name or anything. You missed Staten Island? I live there now, yeah. Oh, you went back?

I did, yeah. Okay. I don't know if we're gonna end up there. We're renting a place but We'll see my wife wants to go to Jersey. She wants land. I don't she thinks she's gonna be a farmer or something I don't know what the fuck she's doing with all this land but You know, so we'll see so I got passed at the Comedy Cellar

okay, then I was like I I gotta move back to New York. And then I did it cause I was like, we'll test out Staten Island. I don't know if we can go back to be that close to my family. Cause we lived in LA, then we lived in Austin and we loved our freedom. And then when I moved back, she just,

we were married for a year, so she wasn't gonna wait any longer. She's like, we have to have a child. So I, when I'm glad we're there. Cause like when I, like you mentioned comedy works, I was in Denver like two months ago. And then I went to like Salt Lake and I did Vegas. And I was, so I was gone for like six days and it was great.

She got to go for walks with my sister and my nieces and she could hang out her mom. Whereas if she was in Austin, she would have just been alone. So like, yeah. So yeah. I mean, you know, I don't, you know, I still love Staten Island. I know that it has a bad reputation, but I'm from there, so I see it differently.

It's like the uncle that molested you. It's like, but he's still my uncle. At the end of the day. So. I'm from Jersey. Yeah. And I still love it. Yeah, no, I mean.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I still love it. I had a choice to move anywhere when I left LA. I could have moved anywhere. And I was like, it's time to go back home. mean, yeah. I still love it. I had a choice to move anywhere when I left LA. I could have moved anywhere and I was like, it's time to go back home. Oh dude. Like I want my daughter to experience this. I want her to see the shit.

She's not gonna do what I did, mugging people and fucking around North Bergen, but I wanted to see what we saw growing up. You know, I'm real close to the city there. You could throw a fucking rock. Yeah. Don't you feel too that like when you, I don't know, people who,

I don't wanna judge anyone, but like when you meet people who are from the middle of fucking nowhere and they like, their whole personality is how much they hate their hometown. I can't, I don't know, I kind of, I feel bad for them, but like I feel like it's a privilege to not despise where you're from.

Now I understand if you're gay or if you're in an interracial relationship and you're from somewhere super oppressive, I understand that and never wanted to go back. But it's become a thing to hate where you're from. And I think that it's more normal to, I loved my childhood, I loved growing up there. I loved how Staten Island made, you had to be,

you had to be street smart, you had to be tough, you couldn't be a pussy. People would smell that out of you and you would fucking get, you know, I grew up fighting and it teaches you real lessons and I don't hate it the way that like you're supposed to. I think people are like, what the fuck you still doing there? It's like, well, I grew up there. Everything I know is there.

I love the food there. And, you know, I don't know. I think that that's more normal. Like I had friends in LA that never went home for Christmas or anything. It was like, I kind of felt bad for them. I didn't go home, but I had nowhere to go. I got no parents.

So it's either my family or my wife's family in Tennessee. No, that's not happening for Christmas. You in Tennessee would. No, that's not happening for Christmas. You in Tennessee, you're pretty much. That's not happening for Christmas. Listen, man, I don't agree with a lot of views that people in North Bergen have. I don't. Of course.

But it's who made me. The reason why I got on stage, the reason why I didn't take shit from people out there was because what I learned out in those fucking streets. So I could never hate it. I love the East Coast. I mean, Manhattan's a little fucking weird now. You know, it's not my favorite place.

It's never gonna be the same as it was in the 80s and the 70s. But it is what it is. And this over here, like this side, this North Jersey, this is my world, I love it. Where I live now, it's not bad, but if it wasn't for Staten Island people, they'd still be eating macaroni and cheese down there.

And fish sticks. Yeah, you live in Staten Island, the sequel, basically. I live in the sequel, okay? And I'm very happy that they're there. My best friend is Chris and Steve Murdo. I mean, they're like the mother, they went to Moor. I hear all the stories. My neighbors on this side are from fucking Staten Island.

Half the people I play volleyball with, not volleyball bocce, are from volleyball. I'm thinking about Gabby for you. She plays volleyball in the morning too. Yeah. And I used to go down there in 1998. And that was a Chinese place Crown Palace down there Not your Crown Palace bakery, but it's a Chinese joint

But when I went back all those fucking places Staten Island and butchies. Oh, yeah fucking all those places and Those people made that that area that's Marlboro, that's all farms down there. That's all fucking farms. So if it wasn't for these Staten Island people bringing their food and their flavor, these motherfuckers would still be eating the fucking fish sticks. It would just be wah-wah.

Yeah, it'd just be wah-bam, this wah-wah's good. Oh, wow, let's go home and listen to Bruce Springsteen. You know what I'm saying, like. Let's listen to Bruce Springsteen and I realize that he's a liberal. Yeah, but no, now,, now Staten Island and the food and just the attitude, it keeps me together. It keeps my powder dry.

Yeah, dude, they're regular people. They're construction workers. And I love it. I'm doing Staten Island January 31st at St. George's Theater. St. George's Theater? I'll be there. Fuck yeah, I'm doing it. I'm excited.

I'm gonna call World Crown. That's gonna be great. I'm gonna call these fucking people. Everybody brings yummy. I'm coming, I'll be there. I'm gonna call World Crown, I'm gonna call these fucking people. Everybody brings yummy yummy. I'm bringing 50 of the fattest people I know to fucking Staten Island. I'm bringing them up from Texas, I'm bringing them up on a barge. Like those Puerto Ricans, the Mexicans that hit the bridge,

that'll be me with a ship full of fat people from fucking Dallas and Houston, the two fattest cities in the country. 800 or more, nobody less than 800. Even Lee won't be invited, you know what I'm saying? Everyone who got denied by Dr. Now. Yeah, everyone who got denied by the Armenian. What's his name? Dr. Now, yeah. Dr. Whatever's fucking name.

Oh, dude, that's gonna be great. That's a great theater. Have you been there before? That's fucking beautiful. Oh, dude, I do it every year. It's incredible. Once a year you do it? You should do a residency there it, once a month. I did two, I think we're gonna, I wanna push it a little into next year this time

cause it's like, I don't know, I'm trying to keep it special, but I'm there every, I'm just- No, I'm just teasing you. Fuck, Staten Island ain't that big. I did a book signing at Staten Island. Yeah? And it was great.

Yeah. It was great. I mean, you could be, I mean, you basically- Oh yeah, I'm a Staten Islander, I'm a white trash, fucking Italian myself. You know what I'm saying? Fuck yeah, when I went to Staten Island, and the mothers that were showing up, mothers in Staten Island, they don't give a fuck.

Titties in your face, they don't give a fuck. They get divorced, they shoot their lips, and they're back, they put some size eight on a size eight and a half, where the fat hangs over the heel, and there you are, Jack. Leopard leggings. Oh!

Lookin' like Peggy Bundy. And they bring food, which, you know, that's a class act. When a woman shows up with a cake she made or somethin'. Yeah. Then, no, they were very good. We had a good time. Eric, it's been a fuckin' pleasure.

I wish you nothing but luck. I know in 10 years from now, if I'm still alive, I'll see you directing fucking movies like one of these guys, and hopefully you'll think of me and put an old man, so I get insurance for two years. Give me like 70 grand, just insurance for two years. I love you, man. Any dates soon? Thank you so much, man.

What's the soonest date that we can put on? Soonest date, Westbury, New York. It's Westbury Music Fair June 28th. So come see me on the 27th and go see him on the 28th. Fuck yeah. Lee, what's up? Where you at this week? The 12th, I'm on Gaff West in New York

and then the 13th and 14th I'm opening up for Josh Wolf at the Albany Funny Boom. Oh, so you're in New York this week. I am. Ain't that nice. How far of a drive? Two hours, nothing bad. No that's nothing.

No it's going to be great. It's going to be awesome. Alright. It's a good club. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for the bread. Of course please.

And thank you for your nice bread. He's like what do you want? What should I bring? Just bring your personality. That's it and your teeth. That's it. I love you motherfuckers. Have a great week.

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