Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - ERICA FLORENTINE & TREMENDOUS! | #239 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT... It’s Monday, April 17, 2023… Today we have ERICA FLORENTINE in Studio!  Erica is an Author and Ghost Writer and helped write "Tremendous" with Uncle Joey! Visit Erica here: https://www.ericaflorentine.com "Tremendous" is Available for Pre-Order now! https://a.co/d/auftOBa This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH This episode is also brought to you by DraftKings, The Freeze Pipe & Liquid IV… DRAFTKINGS Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app & sign up with the code JOEY. New customers can make a $5 pregame moneyline bet & score $150 in bonus bets if their team wins. Call [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA), Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA) 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MA/MD/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OH/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Bet $5 Get $150 offer (void in MA/NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Promotional offer period ends 5/28/23 at 11:59PM ET. No Sweat Bet: Valid 1 per customer. Opt-in req. NBA same game parlay bets only. Min 3-leg. First bet after opting-in must lose. Paid as one Bonus Bet based on amount of initial losing bet. Max. wagering limits apply. Ends at the start of the final NBA game each day when offered. Liquid IV Support the show and get 20% off at https://Liquid-IV.com  by using code JOEY at checkout. THE FREEZE PIPE Support the show and get 10% off with the code DIAZ at https://TheFreezepipe.com Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world  And don’t forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz  JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

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All right. I got liquid IV and I got whatever the fuck. It's time to sling some dick. Let's get this podcast started. This is Uncle Joey's JOY. What's happening, you beautiful savages? It's Monday, the 17th of April. Unbelievable.

We got a great week coming up. We got 420 celebration of fucking potheads. So Thursday we'll be walking around like fucking daughter of the dead or gacked the fuck up, paying $100 per joint in New York City. But it's good. It's fun. Hopefully we'll have some great weather and that's it. We got a whole new week with a whole new fucking set of rules.

It's a Monday motivation. This Monday, ready for this, we got a fucking guest. The author of Tremendous Miss Erica, motherfucking Florentine. Thank you for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. I'm happy that you're here and stuff. I wanted just to ask you some questions to get people.

We wrote a book together. I talked. She wrote it and put it together. She's the real mastermind behind the book. We released it May 2nd. You know, we've been working on it for two fucking years before I met you. I was making notes for 10 years, didn't know what to do. And it was just the perfect collaboration.

It's funny just to let you know. This was a very hard book to write because it just wasn't one element. There was so many elements of this book. Just to let you guys know about LA, how I tell people that they don't know dick about dick. I was stuck for years trying to write this book. And there's a lady who advertises huge, huge in the writing community in LA. She spends tons of money on advertising. Her goal is to help me finish writing your book.

She charges you this much. I'm very reasonable. I finally contacted her about a year before I came here. I was stuck and she was mutual friends with an acting coach, Ivana Chubbock. They had a lot of programs working through her school. So I contacted her and met her for lunch. She showed up with fucking three assistants. It was guys.

It was one to hold coffee, the other one to hold a dog, and the other one to hold the phone. And listen, I wish I was exaggerating. I wish I was fucking lying to you people. It was like sitting with her and meanwhile she had to be tipping the scales to 400. She had like a donut, a crumb bun, and a fucking Starbucks that looked like a fucking tub of ice cream. And three assistants. And she was talking to me and then going, hold on, send Johnny a text. Send Johnny Depp a text.

I'll meet him for lunch on Thursday. And then I said, Amelia, watch it with Phi Phi, you know. The coffee, I don't understand. It was fucking, I thought I was getting put on. And it was like 500 for the fucking consultation. Like just to meet where it was 500 bucks for this fucking limo. And you're like, what the fuck? And she read, I spoke to her.

She called me a week later and she goes, after my discussion with my colleagues, you either have to pick this, you have to pick a subject here. We cannot do the criminality and the comedy and the cocaine, the kidnapping. It will not work, you know what then. And I was like, okay, thank you for your time. And then she tried to give me an earbeat. Like, you know, if you wanted to work, I'd have to refer you to myself. It would have to be like a three woman project and I would need nine assistants, you know, wanted to sharpen my pencil. I mean, it was fucking comical.

I still see this lady putting ads up. I just, I'm telling you this because I want you to really understand what you did. I still see this lady putting ads up. I still get emails from her, come to my workshop, how to write a book in three days. You know what I'm saying? It's a fucking, that just to let you know. I went through, you know, I was first I signed with an agent out of New York. And it was, you're not even going to believe this shit guys.

Because we don't, you know, it's like, I tell Mike some stories and things like, how come I didn't know that? Because Mike, I was going through so much at the time. I never had time to tell people how hard it was to put this book together. First I had a guy that was a consultant. He, oh, he was, this guy didn't even write with a pen, he still had a feather. You know, he wrote, this guy wrote everything. He wrote the Declaration of Independence. He wrote every, I mean, if you listened to him, you know,

he helped this guy with the script, you know, it was a fucking nightmare. Nobody, he would tell me nobody wants to hear about the criminality. Nobody wants to hear about the cocaine. Nobody, I mean, it was fucking sad. I had that guy and he would rewrite all my shit and send it back to me. And it sounded like my book was getting written by Robin Hood. Like I went to the valley of the darkness. There's no darkness in Jersey, motherfucker.

You guys just have no idea. This went on and on. Then I got a book agent that was going to put me with two writers. Those two writers were God awful. One guy showed up with flip-flops and he was picking his toes while he was talking to me. 43rd Street and 8th one time at a coffee shop. Picking his toes with the fucking pen. Okay?

I don't know, I mean, he was like sniffing it and then he'd go deep in his toe. Even I don't do that shit in public. In public, I do it in private. So then I have a comedy showcase and he goes, I want to bring the book office to the comedy showcase at the stand. This is the old stand. Erika, he comes in looking like you did today, beautiful. And within minutes, he looks like Uncle Dan.

He's disheveled, he's got two veers in his hand. He's talking about the next covering. I'm like, what are you talking about? The next thing you know, I try to get him out of the comedy club. And he goes, let's go next door to a bar. I know these people. He goes next door. He asked the bartender for a drink.

You can tell he annoyed the people there. The bartender just turned his head and went the other way. You know what this motherfucker did? He went behind the bar and started making his own cocktail. The fight broke out in this bar. I don't know where I am by the stand. I have no idea where I am. And there's a fight in this fucking bar because the guy I walked in there with

decided to go behind the bar and make his own fucking drink. Then they called the stand and they said shit about me, which even the people were like, he didn't do anything. I wasn't even drinking. I don't even drink. That was what I went through. It was constant. It was constant.

Then I had people who would just contact me like the podcast. I'm a writer. I live in San Diego. I had a girl who was committed. I'm doing this. Disappeared. Crazy. Disappeared.

Then I had another girl who was tall. What's the big school they all go to? In LA? CSU? What is it? USC. USC. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

USC. I was a valedictorian. I created the Kardashians. Oh my God. She wanted me to write the book, but doing one-man shows. So every week I would have to go on stage at the fucking, at the something theater right next to a weed store. I still get emails from this loser theater.

They do like Halloween shows all year round. The guy's like a ghoul fest, like he's into ghouls and shit. I'm sorry I'm fucking taking from your time, Erica, but I just wanted to show you how valuable you were to me. I appreciate that. I mean, I think the thing is a lot of people say that they're writers and a lot of people unfortunately are not writers. Now I'm not saying I'm the best in the world, right?

Everyone has lots of things to learn still, but I have come across so many people who tell me they're an expert writer and they've done all these sorts of things. And then you have them do a two pager to give you a sense of what their style is and it's not writing. I think it's, you know what it is, it's like, I would say right around the time I was graduating college, probably like 2009 timeframe blogs became so big.

So anyone with a keyboard could be a writer, right? And if you had some sort of degree that matched, could match, but that you didn't necessarily have to have a journalism degree. You can have some sort of communications degree in general or maybe even not and you can just market yourself as a writer. And, you know, it's also funny too. I'm thinking of all these people who claim that they can write these books. I've seen, so now I've been ghostwriting books for a few years

and if you do a Google search, people will say, oh, I'll write your book for $500. How are you going to write somebody's book for $500? That is not a quality piece of work that you're going to get for that. But yeah, they just market themselves that way and then upsell you on things that have nothing to do with writing. It's a, it's a whole thing. At the end of the day, I always think if someone's trying,

especially to pull a memoir together, their important life stories, you have to work with somebody who is on the same train of thought as you, you're not going to guide you away from, don't tell your criminal stories. Those are part of your story. You know, somebody telling you not to tell that is silly. They don't know your audience. Your people love your criminal story. I mean, come on.

And also I've shared bits and pieces just within my closed circle, people that aren't familiar with some of your criminal stories or other things in your past that have read it. And they're like, I cannot wait to read the rest of how this is going to play out. And my friends will like, you know, there's one chapter. It's called the kidnapping. And they're like, what do you mean? We can't wait to see what the kidnapping is about.

You know, like people are living for this. And you know, anyone who would guide you away from telling important stories are just silly. I don't know. I mean, I just, I was in LA looking right now. I live conflicted because I have all this comedy knowledge, you know, and I love to sit with people and help them. But the problem is you have, I have to decipher,

and it's very hard to tell somebody this. And it's very hard to charge somebody money for this. When you pass on this type of stuff, you're doing it as a labor of love. And there's too much of that now, like that people are inexperienced. There's too much of that in New York. There's too much of that anywhere where people are inexperienced. They teach workshops or something like that. Yeah.

And it, it frustrates you as, because the most frustrating thing is that one help. You don't want somebody to do it for me. I don't want somebody to do it for me. I just need guidance and help. And you're not going to find that a lot of time. You're not going to find quality guidance. And I know from stand up would stand up. I went through 20 agents and then I realized guess who the best agent was me.

So I would hustle roles, you know, based on Pete. What do you get out? I went for this audition. They're looking for you at this audition. I wouldn't even tell my agent. I would just do it on my own, you know, because it's a waste of time. But what I'm trying to get to is it's so weird when people are looking to do something. The quickest path is to just do it themselves until, and that opens up those doors.

I enjoyed the blogging. When the blogging first came out, that opened my, that was the first storytelling. I had my space. I would do the Monday morning blog way before podcasts came up. You got to find them. The first five of them were God awful. Because I had never written. Like the only thing I had never written was I'm driving down the road and also I think about a joke and you write on a piece of napkin.

Like key words and the jokes, you remember it. But I hadn't written longhand, you know, like the whole thing. Oh my God, I remember like two of them going and people were like, Joe, you got to go back to school. Your pronunciation, you're not stopping. Too many commas. It was God awful. It's a process. You're just not going to get up off the boat and fucking write.

And I realized, honest to God, whatever advance they gave us for this book, I already spent mine. I already gave it to Jean Parais and all those other writers that wrote how to write books. I would spend my, I gave Samuel Frank $60,000 easy over the years with comedy books and comedy writing books and how to write and how to write comedy. And the thing is, if you're going to write a book and try to sell it, at least I would write the book. I would buy the book 25 bucks, read two chapters, but I would miss what they were saying to write. You have to write every day. That's it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. If you want to learn how to write, it's like jujitsu. You can watch all the instructional videos you want. Eventually you're going to have to get on your back and start fucking wrestling with motherfuckers. Yeah. And it's the same thing with writing. And I didn't know.

I would write comedy thinking, I'm doing what Jean Parais told me and all these other great writers. If you're not writing, writing is the, you don't even need a book. You don't even need to buy Jean Parais' book or Erica Florentine's book on how to write. You don't need to. If you write every day, if you get a fucking notebook and just go, I'm going to write a page. Every goddamn day. In five years, you'll become a great writer. It's all a point to that.

I fully agree with you. I always say, when people come to me and say, I really want to learn how to write on my own. And I want you to give me the guidance, but I don't want you to actually do the content for me. Just help. Give me any advice you have. And I always start with that. Just write. Just even if it makes no sense, just put pen to paper or type it or whatever you want to do with it.

Just write and write and write and do it every single day. And I'll be honest. I still, I've been writing my entire career and I still take writer's workshops. I'm doing one currently. I just, because it's helpful to continue to write every single day and then also get people's feedback. Like I'm always doing those sorts of things unrelated to my projects because it helps. It really, really helps. It's the only way that you're going to be able to start making any sort of progress.

But I agree. There's tons and tons of information out there how to be a writer and You'll spend a million dollars in books, how to be a comic, how to be a musician, how to be a guitarist, how to draw. You will drop millions of dollars buying and searching for the answer. Now there's online courses that people are selling. Yes. Yes. Hard.

Like hotcakes. Like what? Like hotcakes. They're just going. Really? How to draw, how to act, how to, whatever. Now when I was a kid, you joined the fucking drawing contest. Remember?

You drew a picture of a parrot and if you won, you won five hundred dollars. And no, you didn't win any money. They sent you five hundred dollars and epsels and All the difference. Yeah. Trust me. I drew that parrot a few times. That's why I became a comic.

You know what I'm saying? It's great. I love learning. I love reading about somebody. Like I always love fucking the Spielberg book on writing. You know, I think that's just, just to hear the Carrie story. Like, yeah, all those books. And I would get jealous.

I would buy those books, read them and then fuck you, Stephen King. You motherfucker. And it's just, it's writing. You know, what college did you go to for writing? I went to University of Delaware. So I, yeah, and I actually wanted to be a New York Times journalist. I wanted to write for the New York Times. So I was, I mean, on the path.

That's what I really wanted to do. And it's funny because no matter how hard you think you're learning and how hard the courses are and you think you're growing, my first job at a local newspaper took me a year to be like, I can't even do local. I could never do New York Times. I never thought about the fact that I'd have to actually ask people very difficult questions.

And I don't have the personality to do that. So things like, I mean, I should have thought about this in college when I'm so adamant on this New York Times career path that, you know, let's say somebody passed away in the community, tragically a teenager, they would send me to the parent's house to knock on the front door and get a quote from the parents a day after the child died. And I, I am just my personality.

I'm just not cut out for that. There's certain things that I can do, but that was just a no for me. So I worked at that newspaper for a year and at the year mark, I would come home crying. And I'm like, I had to go stalk the brother of this girl who just died who did not want to speak with me. And I get it now looking back. I'm like, of course that's part of being a reporter.

But I knew a year in, I'm like, if I can't do this, there's no way I have no shot at the New York Times. Literally no shot. Yeah, I just have no shot unless they're having me write, you know, feature features on something. Yeah. So then I was like, oh, maybe I'll write for magazines. And at the time magazines were starting to fold too.

I mean, they have some great online magazines now, but it's just not the same as it used to be. So it's so funny. It's so funny that you were saying that about, uh, I fucking forgot. I gotta stop smoking pot in the morning. But it's weird how you think you want to do something. This is why we were just having this conversation last night

with some parents and this gentleman was telling me how he's really fearful about his daughter going, you know, that kid's a little older. And he goes, Joey, my biggest fear is college. How am I going to do this? Four years. I got two kids and they're two years apart. I don't know.

He goes, I make decent money. I'm a computer salesman, all this shit. And we were talking about the, do you really need college anymore? Do you really need? And I've always stuck to my thing. I tried to take classes at Glassboro, you know, for money and I quit. I just couldn't cut it.

And then on my own pace, I found myself back to Colorado Mountain College and I was doing okay again. And that's because I took that year off. I really took that year off. And I still believe it's such a hard sell. It's a hard sell. I'm going to have to have a hard sell with Mercy. But my proposal is, here's the deal, Mercy.

You're not going to go to college after high school. You're going to take a year off. I want you just to get a retail job. I don't give a fuck what it is. Makeup, books at Barnes & Noble, cars. It doesn't matter. Something where you have to deal with the public for one year. One year.

In that year, I'll pay your car payment. I'll pay your rent, your meals. Whatever you earn, it's all yours. One year. Just give me that one. Save for college or whatever. Save. Save it.

Don't save. I'm not even looking for that. I'm looking for you to realize what Erica realized. Erica grew up. I can't wait to be a New York Times writer. There's nothing wrong with that goal, but you didn't really plan it out. Nobody does.

We're fucking 16. Who the fuck are you to put on my lap when I'm 18? Yeah. That I have to pick my career decision for life. Yeah. And this is the other mistake we make. Also, that we look at this, and with our children, a lot of you are too young for that and go,

what, this is going to be a hard sale for me. This is a hard sale for anybody. How can I tell Paula, you know, your cousin, I don't go to college when they care. Yeah. You just say, no, I want to be with my friends, Dad. You know, I want to go to college. I'm going to university at Delaware.

We're all on the same fraternity, but I know for a fact, if she takes that year off and just deals with people, gets to know that people are liars. People come in and go, oh, Erica, I'm definitely going to buy that car. I'll be back at three. I'm going to say, you're outside drinking coffee. You see them pulling out of the books, right?

People that you fuck you. You're like, what happened? People are liars. Yeah. People are fucking liars. All they ran into a salesman. You follow me? All they ran into a salesman.

You thought you were being a salesman by being very nice. And I realized that I can never be a journalist with this podcast. When we used to do a lot more guests on the church, there's one guest I'm thinking about in particular. He came on and there was some friction in his life. I'm not the type of person to go. By the way, talk to me about this situation to turn this into, because I always wanted a podcast.

I'm not doing 60 minutes. Yeah. You follow me? That's where you use that type of language. People already know that. But not really. Because when I did that podcast, people hit me up a weeks ago. We didn't like that you didn't bring that topic up with them.

And I was like, a podcast for me is a happy place. Yeah. I don't want a podcast to argue with people. I don't want this to start arguments with other podcasts. That's not what I do this. I don't know whether there's enough of that shit going on. I just want to crack jokes and smoke dope and see your friend. Yeah.

But I always thought that that was brutal about me having to go, like dig a little deeper in, like confront people. I can do it on the street. That's how I am too, though. I can do it on the street. I am not on a podcast. I don't want to create that moment of, you know what I'm saying? Unless you tell me before the podcast,

bring it up because I want to talk about that. Yeah. That's how I want to. I always think, yeah, I just, my personality outside of work is very, I'll ask people questions. I'm very strong personality, but when it came to doing things like that, I just couldn't do it. But it's funny how you're saying you wanted to do the positive end of the conversation.

And that's why I ended up switching into public relations and internal communications because it was all writing, but it was the positive end of it. So if you're looking at an issue, PR is the entire purpose is to figure out what's the good about this situation and let everybody know versus somebody just died. Let's go to ask their family about it or looking into the more negative aspects. I just, I felt better about what the work I was doing. And it's, I mean, it was sad. I used to go into New York City and take pictures in front of New York Times.

Just, you know, like I bring my friends, like we had to walk in front of the New York Times and we'd have our little cameras and take pictures and it's embarrassing, you know, but that was my dream. And then it just took one year to realize I've never gotten to be able to do that. It's really crazy while we're on the topic, what the business of news is. You know, yeah, people want to hear about, you know, oh my God, Michael Klein is getting married to Cynthia, the Philadelphia Clines, you know, that's great, you know. How many newspapers will that sell?

The people will get married, their families will buy the newspaper. You know, I think about Don Henley's song, Dirty Laundry, when he was saying that, get the widow on the set, we need Dirty Laundry, you know. You know, what is the news? What has the news become? And what is the fucking news? It's somewhere that we go to get information of what's going on. But you really think about it, the news has become.

They're telling you what they want. So 247 and WPIX, what's the first 15 minutes of the news? A kid burnt to death in Harlem. A baby died in a house fire. Three people have been displaced by a fire. It's all bad fucking news. So you look at the news and go, what the fuck is this, right? And then we have the pay channels, like your CNNs and your Fox and all those,

and I'm not politically inclined, but I know that each one represents a different, dead Democrats over there, Don Lemons, a fucking hypocrite, he's a liberal, he's this, and they're all doing the same thing, bashing Trump, right, to get the most viewers. Like, it's just really crazy what the business of the news is, and how either you're a news person, to me, I don't want to wake up to the news. No. Ever again, ever again, ever again. Yeah.

As I'm eating my cereal, my Captain Crunch, or whatever the fuck makes me happy, what's the cereal that's popping in the morning? Can you listen like an idiot? Yeah. Are you listening? I don't want to hear about the three kids that burnt the death at seven in the morning before I have to leave my fucking house. So that's why I don't watch the news, right?

But look at what the news has become. Like, and sometimes you watch the, you've been in the dentist's office and you're like, come back in two minutes, we're going to show you a spring casserole. And you're like, you know what, I'm at the dentist's office right now, and even if I was home, I wouldn't want to see a spring casserole in the news. But then you're like, wait a second. They're going to tell me a spring casserole and the three black kids that burnt the death at the Bronx.

Yeah. I'd rather get the spring casserole. Yeah. I'd rather get the spring casserole. So true. Yeah. I used to, because I was so, I mean, I even went to a high school for communications because I was already convinced then that I wanted to be a reporter.

And I would have newspaper subscriptions and I would read the news. I mean, this is so nerdy, but I really did it. I would read the news. I was so obsessed with knowing what was going on all the time. Currently, I mean, I have what could be described sometimes as crippling anxiety. That's the last thing I need to see to your point in the morning. I don't need to set my day into an anxiety written that I'm going to, I don't know, going to get shot in my supermarket.

Like I don't want to have to think about that. It's not that I block it all out, but I really limit my news consumption to, and I try to keep it to just celebrity stuff. It's fun. I don't have to get stressed about it. The celebrity stuff. Yeah. I'm looking at it.

I go, what's the, I don't know if I want to hear news about some of the news about the world. Happy stuff. You know, I used to make fun of that. You know, I witnessed what's the one that we watch at 630 with all the older people watching. Yeah. No, no, no.

ABC world news reports. Oh, yes. I used to watch that too. The pandemic destroyed me. That destroyed me. And I used to always make fun of it and go, I got to wait till the last 15 seconds where you're going to show you the blind kid that plays Beethoven to make you happy. Like, is this blind kid playing Beethoven?

And you're like, oh my God. He's like, okay, we're back. But it's true. They give, so after you just tortured me for 28 minutes of bad news, how we're going to get the worst snow report this year, the stock market's going to go down, interest rates are going up. Now you're going to go, oh, now we're going to show you a happy story from Iowa. Yeah.

The kid with one eye who plays ping-pong. And then, you know, yeah. It's just fucking crazy, man. So after the newspaper stuff, what was your next move? Yeah. So then I, like I said, I was like, you know what? Public relations is the total opposite of what I was currently doing. So I started looking into it and I got really lucky to get a fellowship with Johnson and

Johnson and Rockers and Johnson and Johnson brought me into their communications team and I was doing PR and comms and I was just writing all day and it was the best. So I was like, all right, here we go. Here's a career that I can, you know, be into. It's good stuff every day. It's fun. I still get to interview people, but it's not, I'm not looking for negative answers. I'm actually looking for what's going on that's great in their life.

And from there, I did that for quite a while. I've worked in different PR agencies in the city and it was awesome. I really loved it. I just, at a certain point, corporate America, after 10 years of it, I was just not loving it anymore. That's a completely different situation, especially when you're a writer. Hold on one second. I'm going to break the commercial break and then we'll come back and we'll finish this up. And now for a word from our sponsors, Cocksuckers.

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Code Joey. We're back, bitches. Anyway, now back to the thing people want to hear. And it's very interesting how we got together. Yeah. Yeah. And it's funny because, like I said to you, I was struggling a lot with the book. I have a great book agent.

His name is Gordon. And the thing I liked about him the most was his patience. Yeah. You know, he was very patient with me. Anybody else that I had spoken to about writing a book, they were always very go-go. He just kept telling me, just write a sentence a week. Write a sentence a week. And I felt like I was, this relationship isn't going nowhere.

You know, when you have an agent for theatrical, you know, you have to go on an audition. When you have an agent for comedy, you have to go do these things with this book. I didn't know. I didn't even know what it started. I'm not a writer. So I didn't know. You know, I had aspirations of things I think I could do. I think I'd write for a magazine.

That's what's illustrated on the phone. You know, you're an idiot. So when I moved here, I was frustrated, you know, with the book. I kept putting it away. I think the last girl I was working with, that's the one that lived in San Diego and would come up on Thursdays or something. And I kept telling her, listen, let's just do this for like a week straight. You don't have to keep coming up because you're not going to lie to me, Doug. It's rough driving.

It's rough driving when there's no money. I would give money for gas and stuff. And I'd try to be, you know, take her to lunch when she'd come up. But after like six weeks, she just stopped. I stopped her from her. She changed her number. She would come to the house and hang out with me and Mercy. And it just went out the window on that.

And she kept everything she worked on? I think she sent it to Terry or something. She goes, I got a movie or something. That was it. And nobody wanted to go the full distance. Yeah. You know, once they, everybody could do it. But once they saw the meat and potatoes, they couldn't go the full distance.

Two years later, I moved to New Jersey. And I'm in a family reunion with the Florentine crime family. There's many different weapons. Like I've told you guys for years, they have different weapons. And one of the weapons is they have a writer. And that's a niece. And we started talking. And at first I'm like, she's too sweet for me to tell all these stories.

This is not going to fucking work. She comes from great stock of mom and dad of sweet arts. I mean, this might not work. But I was like, wait a second. Our fucking uncles are crazy. And then Uncle Jim told a story on this podcast about the wrestler, the wrestling photographer that grandpa was friends with. And they brought him over and he tried to molest Jimmy in the middle of the night.

Jimmy woke up in the middle of the night and his fly was open. The guy's like, hold on, I'll make it better. I got these wrestling pictures. You can have them for free. And then Jimmy's like, okay. But Jimmy told his uncle Bob and Joe. Your dad and they went and beat the wrestler up and they dropped them off on the way up to nine. That bus station right there.

He goes, he still remembers them hitting them with the fucking newspapers from the box where you take the corner. And I'm like, if she could listen to that story, she could hear some of my stories. We're okay. So it was like we started talking and I tell you, the thing I remember the most is coming back from surgery and being fucking going to PT and they'd be twisting my knee and shit. And finally the guy would say to me, I don't know, are you taking pain medication before you come here? And I'm like, no, he's like, you should. We're twisting in there.

No wonder you're fucking yelling and screaming. So I would take the pain pill before I went to the PT and then I would come here a half hour later and I went a half later and I'd be fucked up. Fucked up on those oxycodons, whatever the fuck they give you. And I remember being on the phone with her and between my gum being swollen and the pills, I couldn't speak. I'd be like fucking slurring. I'm like, how's this girl catching all this fucking info? Yeah, I would record them and I would take notes and then transcribe them. It's kind of my process when I'm doing books with people and I never even noticed, you know, like I didn't even know that was going on.

And at the same time, which I'm always so grateful for this book in particular and I've told you this because when we started working on this, I was going through a really difficult time personally and I just needed something funny and positive as a project and it came at the exact right time. I think it was like a month into me going through a pretty bad time. You had called me and I, well, first of all, I was freaking out because I mean, so many people are fans of yours, obviously, and I have so many friends who are obsessed with you and they cannot believe it. I was playing your voicemail when you called to ask if I would write the book to my friends and everyone was screaming. So we were all super pumped, obviously I was too, but every day, even if I was having a really, really bad day, I knew you and I would talk and we would talk about some funny story from your childhood.

We would laugh our asses off. We would laugh so hard and I would just, it would change my day around because it's different, right? Like if I'm writing a book for somebody and it's about financial planning, let's say, you know, going through a tough time personally and writing a financial planning book, there's no change in mood, right? I'm just writing their book, still feeling kind of cranky, but with yours, it was like, not only would I get to hear the story and crack up, then I would play it again because we had it recorded and I would go through the transcripts and I'm writing and still laughing. It just, it brought me a really good, like, sense of joy in a time that I really needed it.

Wow. And for me, the process was, first off, I was withdrawing on his annex, so my body was not well. My anxiety level was not well. I couldn't focus. It was like a beginning of depression. I couldn't make eye contact. You know, I still tell people, I remember my best friend in the world coming here and I went to eat lunch and I couldn't wait for him to leave.

I'm like, you gotta go. Yeah. I can't do this. I can't make eye contact. I don't want to hear what you're saying. Ari. Really? Ari, one of my brothers.

I just couldn't have him around. I was like, when Mike would come on, we just did the podcast. Like, you gotta go. Like, I just could not. So I still remember and I don't want to admit this in public, but I have to because I like to tell all my fucking dirty secrets. There were days where, you know, until two weeks ago when I did the audio book, I didn't know what the first couple chapters were about. I was so done with anxiety that I would get off the phone and go, what did I just tell Erica? I hope I told her something pretty fucking good between the pain pills and what I was going through and the weed and there was something.

I didn't know. But my process for the book was I would sit here for two or three nights and just make notes and then put them all together. And it was good for me at the time from what I was going through. It was scaring me, too, because this all happened in Jersey. So I'm like, holy fuck, I forgot about this. What if these people come looking for me now? I'm a bar bro. So I still remember going out at night and smoking pot and going, am I going to get fucking shot when I'm out here?

Is there going to be somebody out there? Like, that's how insane the stories were, the Gabby story. And then it started, but we always, then it got to a point where we were telling stories with a huge payoff at the end. Like a laughing or like we couldn't believe it happened or something. And that was overwhelming. That was really overwhelming to go, wow, that story. Here for years, I thought that was a shitty story. But look how it ended.

The ending makes up for what happened. So it was a fucking great process for me for what I was going through. It was making me remember. You know, it was making me, it was holding me accountable for the first time and I had nothing going on. I wasn't doing stand up. I told Vinny's at Dino's and Uncle Vinny's, I can't even focus on stand up. Let me just do this fucking book. So it was like, it was perfect for us.

It was like two people meeting at the same time. I didn't realize that till I actually read the book. I did the audio book. I didn't remember what I said on that book. I had no fucking idea. It was two years ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah.

So for a year and a half, I've been excited about the book. Like we were saying, no, we wrote the book. Now we got away. Because yeah, we handed it in 2022. We handed the book in January 2022. So like March last year, I was already like, I might as well get a copy of that book because I really don't know what I was saying on that. You know, I don't know if we went off the deep end. If I told like craziest stories when I got the audio version, I was like, okay.

Yeah. This is everything I wanted to be in here. And I gotta be honest with you. It's got everything I wanted. There's a few stories that I think we cut out because they're already on YouTube or something like that. Yeah. But it's got everything in there. Yeah.

And there were a couple of things I think through the editing process with the editor that they said, maybe don't include this part. I know there were some legal things, stuff like that. But I agree. I think any story Gabby is a great example. Any story that you're like, oh, you know, that was kind of going bad. It closes up nice. It's kind of, yeah, we'll say, we'll say. No, well, the Gabby story ended up with him threatened to kill me next time he saw him.

Yeah. And then you're out. And then I'm out. And then I never saw him again. And then maybe seven years ago, my ex-family doctor called me. We were talking and he goes, I bumped into your Godfather and now it's like, how did it really end? You know, he's dead. And I miss him lately.

Like I went to the movies with my daughter Monday because there was no school last week. And while we were at the movies, because we used to take me to the movies all the time. Yeah. I was telling Michael, you know, I took her to see air. And that's kind of an adult movie, you know, for a child. Yeah. And in the middle of the movie, she's like, that was Michael Jordan. Yeah.

You know, Michael Jordan's not going to shoot. Why we come here for, you know, and I was like, you know, mercy is a story about air and whatever. But on the way home, I said to her, when I was your age, I had somebody who took me to the movies. And I remember how powerful it was. Yeah. You know, so Gabby lives in my heart still today. And I told him about Gabby. Yeah.

He would pick me up. I didn't tell him about the briefer and the fucking guns and the, the best was when he took me to see a live sex show. Oh, I didn't even know that. He knew. Like, I did not know that three Spanish chick. Funny. We went to an apartment. It wasn't like a club.

It was like an apartment in Manhattan or the nice apartment in midtown Manhattan. I walked in there's three chicks eating each other out in 60 90. He's giggling and I'm like six playing with my G.I. Joe. Fuck it. So fucking awkward for you. Awkward. My whole, my whole life was awkward at that age. Okay.

I don't want to see that shit between each other out. I don't even know what she was eating. What's she looking at for? What is that? It's not good. And that was the other thing that you can handle a lot of those stories because that, that I also found was very rough on people. When you have to tell the honest, like, I wasn't trying to make myself good in this story in this book. Yeah.

I never been trying to, I never tried to listen to kidnapping. You can't ever make good. It's funny. We giggle about it. You know, last night somebody sent me a club Nuvo album. Club Nuvo is this band. It's Time X. Look at all these rumors.

They take it no more. It was like the early Time X, whatever club. Yeah. Club Nuvo was an album, a band that had one particular song for the love of Francis. And I was dying this morning when I saw the album cover because it was my. In prison, it was Domino Night music. Like, you know, like who can even say that they went to Poker Night in prison? Like think of that word and how funny that is.

Like that song reminds me of Domino Night in prison. Like people like Domino Night. What the fuck is Domino Night? I went, oh, I never even been to a Domino Night. That was on a regular check. Yeah. Never mind in prison. So Tuesday nights was Domino Night.

Thursday was Movie Night and Saturday was Poker. In the daytime, but they called it Poker Night. But who the fuck goes to Domino Night on Tuesday nights? And they would be sitting there doing, there was that song. They only had like three cassettes. So, you know, it's jail. It's not like you have DJ fucking Willie up there slamming the 60s and 70s. They had three songs.

Bobby Brown's New Out, which is my prerogative. And then there's another song on there. I'll give you fancy shoes, whatever. Don't Be Cruel. I will be on that song and they would slam the dominoes to the beat. Like, hold on, hold on, bam. And they would slam the dominoes to the beat and then sing to each other. I will be that cruel to you.

And it was Domino Night. You know, that would fucking go there and just die with the music. Who could live their life and say that they went to Domino Night in prison? You know, so these shits, you just can't, you just can't tell this to people, you know, like with the kidnapping. If I look at somebody and go listen, I gotta tell you something on top of this kidnapping, that for a minute after the kidnapping occurred when I was getting out of there, I took my gun out and I took two steps and I was gonna go in there and shoot both people. I know for a fact, if I'm a female and I'm sitting with a gorilla like me and some guy says that to me,

after he goes, okay, we'll meet up tomorrow, sure, sure we will. You're gonna kill somebody. You're gonna fucking kill somebody. Now you want me to meet you so I had all these issues like going into this, when is Erica just gonna hang up on me? No, and you know what? It's funny because I, it takes a lot for me to be shocked. And I say that because I started going to Uncle Jim's shows when I was five.

I don't know. I'm curious. I wanna ask my dad, they used to bring me to all the shows, me and Joey. And I mean, we would just, I always remember being maybe sixth grade, fifth grade, something like that. We went to one of the shows and Jim Norton is telling some story about how he pays hookers to come and shit on a table, a glass table above him and he lays underneath it. And for me as a little kid, like I could not believe this. But I still, I wasn't even really shocked.

I was just like, I can't wait to tell everybody. Like I went back to school and I told all the guys, the, you know, my classmates, wait, wait until you guys get older. This is stinky stuff you guys are gonna have to deal with. I thought maybe every guy's gonna like that. So I, you know, we would hear these stories and then I would just go back and tell people at school, but nothing really ever shocked me. And I, it would take a lot for me to hear a story that I would be very offended by a lot.

I could tell. Yeah. A lot. It would take a lot. It's just really crazy that I had a hard time, took me a hard time to tell these stories. It took me 30 years to tell. Like I would tell Rogan or somebody Ralphie May or a comic I was on the road with. We'd be telling, I'd tell them a North Bergen story, but I would always like go back to my room like,

I don't know if I should have told them that. So then when I started saying them on the podcast, the fucking funniest thing happened this week. I saw an old thing, you know, like when people get old memories. I never saw this before in my life. A friend of mine hit me a message on Facebook and he goes, Hey man, did you see that kid that reviewed your podcast? And I didn't know what that meant. I didn't see it when he sent me the thing. He just said, did you see it later on that afternoon on Facebook?

I saw an old church thing with me sitting like this and it was from 2014 and it said under it growing up in Seacawks, New Jersey. People always told me that people from North Bergen were kind of crazy and to stay out of that. After listening to three episodes of this podcast, I will agree that people from North Bergen are basically fucking animals. He wrote that. He wrote that. And you see a bunch of people, my friends growing up telling them to go fuck himself. Fuck you and Seacawks. It's a fucking pig farm.

And it's like all those little things always made me ashamed. I was like, but after I read this book as a whole, I'm like, no matter what happened in my life, no matter what happened, prison, whatever. One thing you can't deny is I got my money's worth. I got my money's worth. And that's made me feel ever since I've read this book and I've looked at it from that perspective, it's really changed me in a way. You know what? I was feeling really bad about myself for years. Never mind the comedy. I still feel bad about the daughter's shit and losing my parents. If I told you, no, I'd be lying to you.

But that whole thing after reading that took me like four days to summarize it going, you know, I got a friend that thinks he's fucking Johnny's successful. And the truth of the matter is he lived in his mother's house where he was 40. And then one day when he decided to grow up at 42, he bought a house two doors down from his mother, you know, and we're tight. I love him to death, but what a sad life that he never left the block. I'm not being funny about this. I'm not trying to be cute. I just want you to really think about this. This guy worked hard his whole life and never left the block.

And he had moms and he had a dad and he had uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews. And here I had none of that. But I had a full fucking life. I got my money's worth. Some of it wasn't to be proud of getting arrested is not to be proud of. But I tell you what made me happy chasing James Colburn with Joe Rogan in a fucking car on Sunset Boulevard when he was in an accurate NSX. We saw James Colburn in a light, me and Joe Rogan. We were like two young kids. It's 98. I'm like, Rogan, tell me that's not James Colburn. You better fucking follow him.

And Rogan's like, I can't drive that fast. You better stay on him. And we're chasing this guy. Who does that? Who could say they ever chased James Colburn down because they were that retarded about you? It's like, you say to me, dog, you're not going to believe this. When Nirvana came to Philly, I chased Kurt Cobain for an hour in the car. Who does that? You had a full life, brother. People don't even think of doing that. And that's what it made me realize that.

What a shitty way to find out that your life wasn't that bad after all. And that's why a great friend of mine told me, it's a great man. I think everybody should do this. Write about your life one time. You're going to be really surprised what you learned. Like, right, I'll never forget getting to LA and talking to this guy. The first thing you should do is write your life. Everybody, write your life so you can really see what you didn't do and what you did do.

And you'll put a tag on it. Whatever feelings I had, I used to be ashamed about being Mercy's father. That she's going to have to live with the things I did. And again, I'll tell her someday, guess what I did do? I got my money's worth out of this motherfucker. I got left back. I went to prison. I got an ingrown toenail. I got my money's worth, motherfuckers. So that's the biggest thing, I think, that I got from this book.

And you said this from early on, it's a redemption story. Even the little stories, I love those little funny things. Even just you running through the mall with them, people will see this in the book, but going through the mall with the Bruce Springsteen. The records. The records and throwing them at a cop chasing you. I mean, there's just like so many funny things. I don't want to give away too much about that story because it's really good,

but these are just tiny pieces of the book. And to me, that would be like the standout thing I did in my life, but like that was just one of your stories. And it doesn't like, it's not even bad. It's just so funny. And I think, I mean, there are so many laughs in this book, so many. And you know, I, by the third part of it, the comedy part, really start to see someone who is turned his life around.

It isn't funny. Yeah. It's not funny. It's not working. It's, it's, it's been fucking, it's crazy. Yeah. I think the, the story that got me from the book was, and I tell this on a podcast, people know that when I smoked crack with the, when I smoked the angel dust with

the pregnant chick, you know, come on, man. Every time I think of that story, even today I go, come on, Joe, come on, man. That is fucking crazy. What do you want to see happen for this book? I'm really proud of you. I hope the world opens up for you, Erica. I really hope that, you know, I think I got another book in me. Yeah.

Maybe in three months we'll start hashing out. I would love to do that. I see a lot of great things happening for you. You did a really great job on this book. I'm happy I got to get it out there. I mean, I'm grateful to you. Thank you. Of course.

And I think, I mean, it's just when people do a memoir, it's just a really brave thing to do. Like you put your heart and soul into all of this, putting the notes together, working with me, your willingness to share this with so many people because it's a lot. And I mean, people, I always think I would love to write my own memoir one day. I just don't even know. It takes bravery to really put your stuff out there. So kudos to you for that.

I would say for me with ghost writing, memoirs are just my thing. Like I just, I've written self-help books. I've mentioned I've done a financial planning. I've done business books, but memoirs are just what I love to do. I would go straight memoirs for the rest of my life. I find it amazing. I find it fun. It's work that I wake up and want to do every day.

So can't beat it. I feel like I finally found a profession that I'm like, this is it. This is exactly what I want to be doing. And a lot of people don't get that. So it's an opportunity to create it. A lot of people don't get what they really want to do. So that's the number one thing. Scratching the surface to know, what do I do?

I take what you said. You grow up thinking, I want to be a cop. Can't wait. My mother was a cop. My father was a cop. My grandfather was a cop. Everybody was a cop. My uncle Tony before he went to prison, he was a cop.

Herbie was a fucking cop. And one day you get up and you're like, I wanted to help people. I didn't want to arrest people. Yes. Yes. It's exactly what it is. I didn't want to help people. I didn't want to arrest bad.

I didn't want to help people. I wanted to arrest people. Okay. You're a cop now, but it's just, maybe you should have been a social worker. It's nailing down and that is so fucking hard. And I feel the same way that there's no way I could have done anything else except for standing up. I don't.

Yeah. I'm worthless. I'm like tits on a board. It's, it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's, uh, it just works out. So I'm really happy that you got a part of me in my dream and I got to be a part of your dream. Yeah. I just, I keep going back to this, but what a perfect time for that book to come into

my life and to your life. We just had those few months that we were initially working on it. It just helped me get from kind of a dark place to starting to feel like myself again. And uh, I'm very appreciated. How can people find you? Ericaflorentine.com. Really? Yeah.

Ericaflorentine.com has some info on some of the writing things that I'm working on now and, uh, how to work with me in the future. Like I said, I'm, I'm really interested in doing more memoirs. That would be, if I could just go straight memoirs, that would be the most ideal life for me. Fun, happy, my true calling, I think. So I'm very proud of you. Thank you.

I love you all my heart. I love you. I can't wait for our little party on Cinque de Mayo. I know it's going to be so fun. Yeah. Cinque de Mayo thing and, uh, hopefully we'll get Mike up if he can make it up on a Friday night. Huh?

I thought it was the Rudy show. What is Rudy show? I thought it was like that weekend. We're gonna figure that out. Like the eighth, like the seventh or something. Oh, okay. Yeah. This is a Friday night.

So I don't think it's a Friday night. I think there's more of a, of a set of, yeah. I love you. Thank you again. Love you too. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Anytime.

I love you motherfuckers at all my heart. Thank you for being part of the joint on Monday, the 17th, happy. Have a great and happy 420. And remember, I'm telling you this right now, I got a gift for you motherfuckers on 420. It's a surprise. Get ready to rock. I love you. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, all right.

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