Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Giving yourself a shot: The return of Dean Delray

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Comedian Dean Delray joins Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt on this new episode of The Church of What's Happening Now. They discuss The Comedy Store's legacy and what it takes to perform there, why The Sphere is the only place to see a concert, and Dean's new special, "5836." Available on Dean's Patreon and on Youtube 4/17! Support the show and get 35% off your first 3 NYKD order. Head to ⁠https://www.nykdpouches.com/CHURCH⁠

What's happening you bad motherfuckers uncle joey here and lisa iat welcome to the church new testament What's up, you savages uncle joey here? It's tuesday the 8th of april the year is moving fast cocksuckers What's up, lisa iat i'm good, dude. Happy to see you happy to see you. You're looking good. You had good news last week Yeah, dude, i'm it's like Getting into the clubs in New York, it's like my first experience trying to get past at places. And it's been a little bit of a grind, like a lot of a grind,

but I got a good news from Broadway Comedy Club, so I'm excited, I'll be there a lot this month. And I'm just, I'm a broken record here, but I just love being in New York, doing standup in New York, I'm having a blast. Good for. You sound like that song. I'm gonna song in the 70s. I love New York. I do that's you You know, I never want to love New York And then as you're saying New York, he hit an ad with a stick from behind every fucking day me, too I just got an email yesterday. Have I had like I had really got mugged. Yeah, they got the over and under

You one day take the mugging it's gonna be family they're not gonna beat you up What do you mean just give me cash in your wallet? Give them a picture your girlfriend. What happened? Hold on for the wall Do people still put pictures in their wallet? Do you have pictures in your wallet? Yeah, fuck? Yeah I don't I don't I've never met anyone who other than you who has pictures in the wall I picture my daughter on the first commune is like nine nine years old you got that but don't you have? The dude the weight lifting radio. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's all I forget dude That's good. That's changed now since the phone. I bet you're like one of the few people I bet who still has that

Old-school. Okay, if the phone goes up to 2300, I'm going back to a can and a string. You know what I'm saying? 2300 is what they're saying. This is just giving people an excuse to raise prices now. Oh yeah. All you gotta do is mention tariffs already. They're starting tariffs, tariffs. Everybody was buying cars this week like a motherfucker

cause that's it. And now your parts, have you thought your parts took long long during the pandemic forget about fucking now Especially if you got a you know Thank God. I'm not buying shit. No not a thing and I that's a it's the only time I've been happy to not have investments I'm the only Jew without investments and I'm thrilled about everybody's like I lost two million dollars bitch If I lost two million dollars, I'd be burning down the town, all right? You didn't lose two million dollars.

Everybody's like, oh, I lost eight million. Oh, you didn't. If you're saying it like that, I don't believe you. If you're saying it like as you throw your wife out the window, she comes home with, I just got a new Range Rover, what? I just lost eight million fucking dollars. That's what I wanna see.

Don't just tell me, yeah, I lost three million, yeah. But's what I wanna see. Don't just tell me, I lost three million. Yeah. But you're right, the iPhones are gonna be expensive as fuck now. Everything. They're already expensive, 1400 a month. Dude, I have that Mint, that Mint Mobile that sponsors us, I got so sick of, even before the tariffs,

paying 100 a month for a cell phone. 100 a month, and Mint is 15 bucks a month, and it's the same thing Yeah, but you call people you get another country That shit you call somebody in there like no Bulgaria Mint mint got damn it. Oh my god. I didn't do shit. I'm feeling a lot better seem like you're feeling better Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. You seem like you're feeling better. Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. I started smoking again, not gorilla style.

Just, because listen, let me explain something to you. I don't like not having an appetite. I had the control to go, you know what, I'm not gonna eat that. But the worst thing is when you have to eat and you're not hungry, I feel like death. As it's going down, I'm like, why am I doing this and you're not hungry. I feel like that as it's going down. I'm like, why am I doing this?

I'm not hungry. And you're not hungry without weed? Fuck. And the edibles, listen, let's be as honest as we can with everybody. I think I'm coming to the end. I'm coming to the end. I'm just waiting for something to happen with heroin.

Like what do you? Something, something. They put in a gummy. Like an improvement in heroin? happen with heroin. Like, something, something. They put in a gummy. Like an improvement in heroin? Something, like heroin gummies, something, because that's my next level. I smoked weed after five weeks of not smoking. I thought I was gonna see the devil.

It was okay. Right. It was okay. And then, I've been eating, you know, I throw down 800, 1000 milligrams of those ABXs. I'm expecting to eat the kitchen. Right. Do you know what, I ate three little donuts.

The tiny white ones, because they're disgusting too now. You don't like those? They're all fucking disgusting. Listen, donuts are done. There's no donuts on the East Coast no more. Dunkin' Donuts blows. We fucked up when we left LA,

and we didn't bring a franchise of Yum Yum Donuts with us. We should have brought a Mexican with us. Those are Mexican made donuts. Oh, they're good. Fucking delicious Yum Yum Donuts. Well, because they make them fresh at the store. At the store. Dunkin' Donuts, dude, especially I see them in the city all the time. Oh my God. I haven't. Have you seen what's at McDonald's now? No.

Crispy Cream is at McDonald's. They're just trying to kill us now. They deliver in the city. They have Crispy Cream at every McDonald's. Just in the back of a U-Haul truck, they bring it all already pre-made. Last time I had Crispy Cream, it tasted like dick, okay? Yeah.

When we, Dean Delray, when you're coming out of fucking Irvine, or Ontario is it, you're pulling out of there, it's 1130, there ain't nothing to do, and there's a fucking... Crispy cream. Crispy cream. And I go in there and get a dozen. For the drive home. Of the, just the regular donuts with the...

The glazed. The glazed, oh my God. Oh yeah. Me and Marilyn Martinez, whoever was in the car, we're were like dibs for fuck it. I'm getting four fucking donuts That's how good they were warm. Ooh out of the fucking box, dude. It's my favorite part about doing Mohican Sun if anyone asked I'll do a free spot of Mohican Sun because they have one of the ones that with the conveyor belt and And that gets hot. Oh That's amazing. But when it's when it's

like room temperature it tastes like cardboard I saw a Cinnabon the other I still like those I haven't had a Cinnabon in 15 years I was like mercy you want to go inside the Cinnabon and she's like hell no yeah no it's like that shit tastes like ass now but what else I destroyed in New Jersey what the Apple turnover it does not exist in New Jersey It tastes like dick. I've had I bought three or four of them just to try them out. I think I threw away all four Fuck so what about Carvel Carvel? You don't go to just Carvel get a little ice cream Every once in a while, I go in there now and I get a little cold, but the problem is,

you got kids working at Carvel, and they don't know the spirit of Carvel. Every time you go in there, they just fuck it up. A bunch of kids with acne just fucking it up. There's one by my house that's a drive-through. You have to, if you want something original, you have to go on a daytime when the owner's there. She's my age. And she'll make a fucking egg cream

that'll make your head blow up. If you tell her thin, she'll make it like milk. Whatever you tell her, she's dope on it. The kids that work there at night, they're like, they're 17, bro. They have no responsibility. It's, you know, whatever they pay, 12 bucks an hour. They don't care.

The fucking pineapple has shit in it. You have to take the pineapple and move it around. No responsibility, it's whatever they pay, 12 bucks an hour, they don't care. The fucking pineapple has shit in it. You have to take the pineapple and move it around every hour on the hour. These kids, it just sits there. Dude, if you're high, if you have 800 milligrams in you and stuff doesn't taste good, there's a problem. Lot of shit don't taste good.

Wait till you get older, you're gonna go, wow, I used to eat 22 of those, now I eat one of them, and I wanna shoot myself. Your taste buds change. And I know you're half-joking around, but do you get the munchies on heroin? Like, when you were doing heroin, did you get the munchies? Or are you just taking heroin because you wanna be fucked up?

I wanna be fucked up, okay? Nobody takes heroin and thinks about the munchies, Lee. Well, you said you want to be able to eat. That's why, if you don't want to go on Ozempic, just do heroin, you'll never eat. You'll be asleep the whole time. You'll never eat. You'll sleep, get up, shoot, snort,

whatever the fuck you want, but I'm just waiting for heroin gummies right now. That's it, I'm done with the THC. I've moved to a different level. 50 years, I'm a doctor. I Got a doctorate in TAC. What do you want from me? So but do you think and I know you don't you probably don't keep up on heroin But I would imagine now because they were making edible gummies in their kitchen and move in California

Well, yeah, but that's our central but I don't want to listen you don't think they're making heroin gummies? They probably are. I need to do it from a legit chemist. Somebody who went to Yale. I don't want to do it with Nicky's uncle. No. You know, he went to jail and he knows how to make it. I don't want to do that. Okay.

I want to make it legit. I want them to get China White. That shit that makes you fucking play Jimi Hendrix music when you don't even know how to play the guitar. You do a line at China White, you're in here playing like Jimi Hendrix, you don't even know. You're in here going like fucking Jose Feliciano.

You don't know how high is this shit. Holy shit. Is Jose Feliciano still alive? He's still alive. Aligned as a bat. He's gotta be 80, cause he sang Chico and the Man song. Damn. And that was 77

That's 23 and 25 48 right no 58 no 53 what am I thinking? Numbers I don't know what when was the last like what is the last time like you were like completely sober for like a week When was the last time you were completely sober for a week? 1988. And what goes through your mind when you're completely, you just hate it, it's just boring? Boredom, nothing. It's bad enough my mother died.

When your mom or your dad dies, when your mom dies, the rest of your life it's like eating food with no salt on it. That's the best way I can tell people. When your mom dies, that's like eating food with no salt on it. That's the best way I can tell people. When your mom dies, that's what life becomes. No salt. Right. And then when you stop smoking, I mean, there's positive things to it.

I don't want to say, I had a good time the last five weeks. Yeah, it seems like it. Things started coming out. The comedy writing was horrible. The getting loose on stage was horrible. But I liked where my mind went. What was the difference? Clarity, a little bit of clarity.

I had a lot of noise in my head ending the year last year. A lot of shit, you know. And sometimes, believe it or not, that's what makes you sick. Really? You're thinking too much about shit. Listen, I know comedians that go on the road and they don't even worry about their material.

And here I am at home going, I'm gonna cancel that gig, because I only got 20 minutes. There's so many things that I worry about that I shouldn't worry about, and the shit I should worry about, I don't worry about. Do you think that's what was fucking with your stomach, the worry?

No, just my daughter's getting older. I'm getting old listen. I didn't have a middle-life middle-life crisis What I did was had a kid I'm saying when you're 50 you go out and chase some 20 year old hole and you You crash your car and you go back to doing blow and you cash in your 401K. And then when you're 58, you go back to your wife begging, you know, sorry, like a fucking animal. I didn't go through that. I had a child instead of 50.

So I knew at some point it was gonna catch up. And I thought during the pandemic, I'd have to deal with shit, but I did. But it was different. After I got out of the hospital, the third time I'd have to deal with shit, but I did. But it was different. After I got out of the hospital, the third time I was like, what the? You know, I'm certified old. That's it.

Once you go to the hospital three times and you're 60, you're certified old. Your body takes a different turn, and I have to accept that. I gotta accept that. And you have to accept a lot of things that you're like, fuck'm I'm not gonna work that I'm not gonna go out and buy Jordache jeans and get a tattoo on my hand and you know

I'm not gonna do that shit, you know, right? I'm just not gonna do that and get a Corvette to prove something But you but I gotta do something. I Don't know if heroin gummies is the way to go You're talking to me about serious shit? Of course I'm talking about serious. You're talking to me about heroin shit? That's something in the future. That's eventually gonna be fucking made somewhere.

So what do you, are you talking like you wanna have like a midlife crisis sort of? No, no, no, no, no, no, but I was just thinking about, the fucking big question with me the last four years has, it was what the fuck happened? Over the last 30 years. Over the last, what happened those 23 years in LA? Right.

How did I go to LA with a fucking horrible drug problem and leave there with a kid and a wife? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just very hard for me to comprehend. You know, the other day somebody came up to me and they were like, I saw you know wife. You know what I'm saying? It's just very hard for me to comprehend. The other day somebody came up to me and they were like, I saw you in this. And I'm like, I never did that. And I was wrong.

I did do that show. Oh really? Yeah, like just little shit that I'm like, wow. I forgot a bunch of shit and I just wanna know. Well I think that happens. What happened? I feel like that happens a lot in life like you know Thinking about like going looking and back at a lot of the church clips that people are posting I was 23 or something and now like I think life just happens fast, but then yeah for you Like you you focus so much on just like what's in front of you that

you don't seem like you go back in your head and like ruminate over like the past a lot. Like you just are really focused, or at least were on just like Justin and the President. Listen man, you have to always go back every once in a while, figure out where you went wrong, what you could do to do better, what you should have done, what you'll do the next time. You know, that's just a part of life. That's just not... You do that? What you could do to do better what you should have done what you'll do the next time You know, that's just a part of life. That's just not you do that. It didn't I that you sit there and go I shouldn't have robbed that gas station Okay, I did it. I'm happy we moved on But there's little moves like you think about little things that you did that just fucking drive you crazy

Something you said when you were out one night, you know you shouldn't have said it, you're like, what the fuck was I fucking thinking? When you're on stage, you say something, you're like, where'd that come from? You have that, you go on stage and you're in the middle of 20 minutes, you're having a great set,

then you just decide to just fucking say something and nobody catches it. Only you, but it drives you nuts? Only you and nobody catches it. Only you, but it drives you nuts? Only you. Nobody catches it. People just go, what the fuck are these? You know, whatever. That's it. But you know you said it. When you walk out of there, you're like, thank God.

George or Lee or Nick didn't say, Joey, what the fuck came out of your mouth just then? Right. So I think about that shit. I shit in a bathroom that in my house, I think about that shit. I shit in a bathroom That in my house. I put that there purposely I Put that there purposely the bathroom no oh, I didn't build the fucking house genius What do you put there? I put on the wall June 8th

Not wrote it out, but when I went to do this gig in New Orleans mm-hmm They gave me plaque, the House of Blue. I don't know what it was. They gave me like a plaque, June 8th, New Orleans. I hanged that in my bathroom for a reason. Why is that? Because I bombed so fucking bad that night. And I wanna see that thing every fucking day and go, what the fuck was I thinking? And then I bombed, and the majority of people

were African Americans, and what did I do? Started doing African American jokes in front of these poor people. And then I had to walk out in front of all of them. And they all started hugging me and talking to me. And I'm like, oh, my God, who's going to stab me over that black joke? I can't believe you kept the plaque.

This is what I was going to do, smash it? If I bombed that hard, yeah. You don't bring home a lot of shit. Like, you're not really like a sentimental person like I'm I'm surprised if you just knowing you if you bomb that bad I could just see you being pissed and going throwing away no Oh, I brought it home to remind me that that can't ever happen again Fuck that cannot fucking happen again in your life or in the next life or in the life after that

You cannot let something like that happen and it wasn't like an intentional bombing It was a bombing when you're prepared, but you're overconfident You just came from the store on a Thursday night, right? And you think you're Johnny bananas You're flying and you go up there and it's your body language something about your body language This motherfucker is coming out like he's James Bond. This is not gonna work for this motherfucker. Yep.

And they refused, and that's the way life is sometimes. And what does that do for you, like just remembering it? Not to do it again, Lee. Fuck. And you and I both know I'm stupid, because it's gonna happen again. Right. But in your mind that sits there that it can't happen again.

A bombing like that cannot happen again. Did you, because at the beginning did you like try to forget your bombs? Like forget they happened? No, you go home and cry it out. I've always gone home after my bombs and go, even when you have like three shows and you do two of them and the middle one bombs, you still go home and think about the middle one.

Of course. You don't think about the two that people went off, you brought a girl up on stage, you took a tit out. They don't remember that, they remember that bomb. So you remember that bomb. And I would go home on coke. So I'd be sitting there, this is not gonna happen again, I cannot bomb. So you remember that bomb. And I would go home on coke. So I'd be sitting there, this is not gonna happen again.

I cannot bomb. I try to listen to the jokes. In those days, I would stop after the first show. I would tape my first show and go, this is worthless. I'm not doing this shit, you know? It's amazing. But it's cool to like, use that as motivation and like to think about that you still do that

and it still gets to you. And that's the, this is what I was saying before the podcast that as a comedian, as a lawyer, whatever you're doing in life, you have to work yourself up. And then you work yourself up and you think I made it. But no, no, now it's a different type of work that you have to do. Now it's counterintelligence, it's this, it's that, it's just so many fucking things.

And you're like, when does it end? When do I stop struggling? You don't. You don't. You know, you don't. You know, Jay-Z sits there with black people jumping up and down around him, they're smoking blunts all day. At the end of the day, eventually he's gonna have to go back to work.

And he has to cut 12 songs on a whatever. And it's just, I don't even know what my point was. The end of it was hitting me already. Do you think, me too, but do you think, as you were talking about that, I was thinking about what you started this with and how the goal of the last little bit has been to figure out what happened.

And maybe when things were going crazy in LA you just you thought you could but you really couldn't Look back at everything. So you in four years you did 30 20 whatever years of Looking back. We're just to keep that in line with you there's a line that Godfather that I think about every two days and It's as fucking real as it is. Whenever I, and I wrote it in my notebooks. It's written in a lot of my motivational stuff.

And this is a fucking horrible saying. It's misogynistic. But it's true. Women and children can make mistakes. Men cannot make mistakes. Men cannot make mistakes. And we make them. But if that's in the back of your mind a lot and listen, it's in the back of my mind. I still make fucking mistakes.

But think about that line. Women and kids can make mistakes. Men can't make mistakes. That'll fucking kill you forever. What does why do you think men can't make mistakes. That'll fucking kill you forever. What does, why do you think men can't? Like what do you think that meant? You know what that means? That when a man is a man, listen,

when you're 19 you think you're a man but you're a fucking moron, okay? And guess what, when you're 25 and you think you're still a man, you're a fucking idiot. And then when you're 32 you think you're really a gangster and you're still a fucking. And then when you're 32, you think you're really a gangster and you're still a fucking idiot. It's like, there's a certain time, like when you're 44, that you see the field a lot better.

That's what happened to me. Once I got to 40, I started seeing the field and where this fucking game was going and what we need to do to keep this fucking march alive. Okay, and that's it. That's it. Is how are we gonna keep this drive alive? We're the giants, we're down three points, there's three minutes on the fucking clock,

and we gotta keep this drive alive. And now you're in your whatever 20th year in the league, and you've seen everything. And before when you're a rookie, you have no idea what's going on. It does seem like life's coming at you really fast when you're young. No idea, no idea, but along the way we think we got it.

And you really don't got it. You're trying the best you can to compose it, and you're chucking and jiving, you know what I'm saying? And it's like what I said, you become a professional in your mind. You're an amateur until you become a professional, but it has to click in your coconut first before you can go on to the next step. So we're done with the fucking Nirvana hour here?

Absolutely. All right. What was I saying? I was thinking about, I have never in all my fucking life since I started this podcast been hit up so much about this fucking captain of police in North Bergen, this shit on his desk. I have never been hit up so much of people going, and then I guess the lieutenant got a DUI

in Bergen County somewhere or something like this. I have never in my life been hit up from so many people and it's like a combination goof Fucking like Joey what's good? Like some people like Joey what the fuck is happening in North Bergen? It seems like an onion article like it seems like yeah I'm on the onion and you know every three days a building gets hit North Bergen a dump truck goes into target It's always something down here like we never had this bad luck in all our lives. If we did this because of Carl Mein Balzano

shot a guy seven times in the back, it was good worthy news, you know what I'm saying? Not taking a shit on his fucking desk. And you know, people keep asking me, what the fuck is going on up there? And the simple thing I can say is this, man. I've been back here for five years. I drive around North Bergen,

parts of it look fucking beautiful. this man I've been back here for five years I drive around North Bergen parts of it look fucking beautiful other parts of it look like it's 19 fucking 55 where my mother has the house down there had the house where I grew up it looks like 1950 fucking five today I got a call from a friend of mine that lived on the edge of my block grace and we were talking and she goes Coco I want to visit a friend of ours Lisa who's And we were talking and she goes Coco I went to visit a friend of ours Lisa who's also from that neighborhood and she goes I went on our block. What the fuck happened? I go, dog they weren't ready for 2025. North Bergen just was not ready

for 2025. They were not ready. Like right now half these New Yorkers are dying to move to Jersey, dying to move to Jersey. You move to North Bergen, it looks like a bomb hit it. Looks like a fucking bomb hit it. And aren't taxes really high? Really fucking high, and they're about to get higher. And the only way I can think about it is like, listen, man, first off, the mayor in North Bergen is like a mob boss, right? Like I'm not saying he's a mob boss, I'm just saying this to you guys understand. He's hurt, he's down, he got shot.

All right, he's like Vito Corleone. So when you have Vito Corleone shot, you got all your underlings trying to figure it out and none of them, I don't think any of them really have to fill that void, I really don't. I look around this town, I go, I don't understand what happened here. I grew up with this town was fucking straight up gangsters. This town was straight up gangsters, man. My eighth grade teacher's coming on the show next month. I swear

to God, he went to fucking jail for murder for 13 years. Eighth grade fucking teacher. Before or after he was your teacher? During. Please. The fuck is wrong with you? He was the mayor of Wheelhawking. Up the town from where we tape. Jesus. You know, so we were raised here by fucking pseudo gangsters

and they stole. But everything looked up to date and everything looked great. You know, I look at town surrounding, like I went to Jersey City a month ago, looks like a fucking new city up there. Fucking Jersey City is gorgeous. Yeah. You know, I come up, I get lost sometimes, I end up in a whole bulkhead, fucking gorgeous. And then you come to North Bergen and there's all these Puerto Rican vans and stopping on Kennedy Boulevard. I mean, it's just, you know,

I don't know. I don't know what the future is But why did he shit on the guy's desk? I don't know I'll call him tomorrow I'll call 9-1-1 and ask them hey why'd the fucking chief of police shit on the fucking desk? That is fucking baffling like they'll sit there like I don't know hold on we gotta get I bet they've gotten a couple calls about it Yeah from can you imagine have you ever wanted to do that to somebody? What, shit on their desk? Yeah. No, but I shit on a kid's box and put it in his drawer.

In jail? Yeah, I shit in his cheese box. And put an American flag on it and fuck on the welfare cheese. And I put it in his drawer and he found it like three weeks later. It was a skeleton. Ha ha ha.

We'll be back with Dean Delray, cocksuckers. What's up, beautiful people? This episode is brought to you by the best nicotine pouches you're ever gonna try. Nicked, they're top tier. Nicked pouches are made with natural coconut fiber, which means they're not gonna tear your mouth up, and the experience is way better with flavors like strawberry

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Every order is age verified. Don't even think about it. Warning, the product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical. Enjoy Nicked. We're back bitches. My main man, Dean Delray is in studio. It's been close to four or five fucking years since we did the original church with Dean Delray. I couldn't believe when you said that. You go, I've been out here in Jersey for five years.

August 19th, it'll be five fucking years. Dude, it hit me like a fucking sledgehammer because I remember specifically exactly how it went down. I was living around the corner from it. I go, all right. Are you still living there? No, I moved, I had to get out of there because once COVID was over, I go, holy shit,

I'm in the Burbank flight path during COVID, no planes. Then all of a sudden, COVID ends once in a while. And then after about three months from 7 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. every eight minutes. Bah! Dude, it was fucking insane. And I was like, that's why Joey's on the Edibles, cause he can just pass out through those fucking planes. Cause you were getting that too. I never heard of them.

I never heard one. Holy shit. You missed a, where did you live? You lived in the valley? I lived right around the corner from them. Yeah. Oh, I didn't hear one plane. Me neither. Oh my God, dude.

Well, also they said that the fucking, some snafu went down where the rich people of Pasadena pulled some kind of shake and fake and had Burbank Airport switch the flight pattern. So they're suing them right now. And all of a sudden, they used to fly out and then go over Van Nuys, the industrial area, and then head out towards Pasadena.

Now it's straight over Studio City and then take a right down fucking, you know, all the way down Ventura Boulevard. It's crazy, all day long now. So anyway, I'm on the couch and you go, hey, are you home? And I go, yeah, I'm coming by couch and you go, hey, are you home? And I go, yeah, I'm coming by. I go, all right.

So I'm out front, Cucksocker, come down. And you were just standing there, you're Subaru. I'm out of here, I'm leaving tomorrow. I go, what? I mean, I was fucking floored. Floored. Floored, dude. Like the wind was taking out of me.

And I go, what do you mean? You go, yeah, I'm done. Bought a place in Jersey, was taken out of me. And I go, what do you mean? He go, yeah, I'm done. Bought a place in Jersey, I'm out of here. And I still will never forget it. Because I was like, wait a minute, this is a guy I see every fucking day of my life. And now he's gonna be gone. We went to tacos?

Yeah, we went to tacos. We all went to tacos? 86, 1986, which they're open in New York. Fucking crazy, right? Are they, one of those guys coming out here which they're open in New York. Ooh. Fucking crazy, right? Are they, one of those guys coming out here, they're just gonna. I hope so. It's two white guys.

No, I think one of the guys will come out. Yeah, I need those motherfuckers out here to show these peasants. Gotta get the flavor. Gotta get the flavor, yeah. But that was it, man, and now here, he's sitting on the couch just now, and you said five years, and I fucking,

I mean, we've hung, you flew in town one time and then we did the Sony haul together but other than that man, you know, text and calls. It's crazy how fast it went. I really can't believe it actually. We could have gone to college. Yeah. We would have been graduating this May with five beta kappa.

Yeah. With two fucking things, told the comedy world to suck our dicks. Want the bigger and better things. Sleeping in our own beds. When that shit happens, I get so angry. Oh man. I get so angry when I go, that was five years ago?

Yeah. I could have joined the army. I could have been out right now with insurance and benefits and fucking a new haircut. Now I'm wasting my time in South Jersey. Also you could have been dead. Yeah? I fucking,

I'm telling this bit right now, I'm at this age where I go to a big party, I just went to one of Jerry Cantrell's from Alice in Chains, I'm looking around the pool, the sun's out, I'm like, oh I'm at that age now, where a couple months ago, yeah, Steve died. You go, I just saw him at Jerry's party. That's the age we're at right now.

Right? No shit. Yeah, it's fucking scary. I just saw him is gonna come out of our mouths a lot in the next couple years. Dude, why does everyone over 60 talk about dying all the time? Because roundup in the soil.

All the time. Everything's poison, man. It's even 50. When you guys start turning 50, all you will talk about is dying. Yeah. Listen, it's a reality. Yeah, but you don't have to talk about it every day. Listen, the thing, when you're 20, you could wake up and go,

I'm going to die, whatever, you know? But once, and then you're 30, and you're like, I'm living die, whatever. But once, and then you hurt 30, and you're like, I'm living like a doctor. Then you hit 40 and you fuck the chick with AIDS and you didn't get it. And then you just start going down the ladder and all of a sudden one day you go, I'm lucky, but eventually I'm gonna fucking die or something.

And now you start doing preventive shit or whatever. You start going to church, you don't curse. You start going to church says, guys, man, why do they find God quick? Aw, you find God quick, man. One bad misdiagnosis. We think it's a stroke, they're like, oh, Jesus, in the church. When you're 60 or 50, you wanna live.

Oh yeah. Who doesn't wanna live? God, yeah. But then you start looking like, there's a couple of 80- 80 year olds that do everything. You know, somebody was telling me the other day that their 83 year old still works, their father. They do everything and some 80 year olds

can't get out of their fucking wheelchair or can't get out of their bed. So it's a card you're taking. You know, so instead of taking that card, do something about it. Start getting ready for that age, you know, so you won't fucking be a mope. You have to go to the doctor now,

and it's so weird to turn, to get older. And you still think you're so fucking invincible. And you're really not, you cannot. Like I went to a New Year's thing and people were doing coke. Oh my God. Okay, I was watching them do coke and I'm like, I couldn't handle. I couldn't imagine. A fucking line of that now.

Just your heart alone. You know that that's fucking scary when you're young and you're like, ride it out. You're hitting some wild turkey, trying to come down a little bit in the corner. Imagine you're 60 and you do a fucking bump and you're hoping it doesn't have any fentanyl, you're asking the guy, this stuff's cool, right? And he's like, yeah, I think so. And you're rolling the fucking dice? Can you imagine me in 65 doing a lot of coke

and dying from fentanyl? Nope. And you were running a marathon last month and you're like, god damn it. I just saw him at Jerry's party. I just saw him at Jerry's party That's gonna be the callback of my sentence here, holy shit Oh insane how you look at that like listen, I'm gonna be honest with you motherfuckers on the way up here There was a little bit of traffic and I'm trying to get around cars and I made the biggest mistake

Yeah, I put on Judas Priest Oh Hell Bent for Leather, the album. And like song three, I thought I was gonna crash the fucking car, because there was just too much going on. Guitars and cars and people yelling, and I'm thinking about Halford, when he fucked a hairdresser in Chicago and he busted his O-ring in his ass. Did you read his book?

Yeah, yeah. Whoa, what a book, huh? Oh my God. Who is it out there? Dog, and I always liked him. Whoa, what a book, huh? Oh my God. He lays it out there. Dog, and I always liked him. I didn't care if he was gay. I don't care. I knew he was gay the first time I laid eyes on him.

Dude, you and I are from cities, and you saw, especially San Francisco, I saw guys all day long, the denim with the chaps, and that hat. When you got that leather hat on, we know what the fuck's going on. You don't wear that hat unless you're out ass chasing. You know what I mean?

That hat, and it didn't bother me ever. I was like, this guy looks fucking badass. He's out there full leather gay daddy, and he's looking at the metal heads going, if you only knew, you know? If you only fucking knew. When I knew he was gay the first time I saw him because he had a whip.

Yeah, he had that whip, remember? He came out with a fucking whip and he's whipping the fucking floor. I'm like, aw, this guy's a great gay guy. He's a great fan. He must be great at parties. He's unbelievable singer, man. He's still out there.

Oh my God, come on, dude. He's still out there. I had him on Come on, dude. I had him on the podcast Joey and I was telling somebody a couple days ago Brian Slagle the owner of Metal Blade Records. He has a metal podcast So I chose my song was screaming for vengeance, but I was telling this story I interviewed him and the most professional guy I've ever seen. Every couple minutes he uses your name. So you'll be talking, he'll go, you know, Dane, the first time I

saw Zeppelin, Dane, he'll use your name. Fully engaged, man. And for two hours, just your name, he remembers shit. He's not punching it at all. And this guy's like deep in his career. He could be like, who the fuck is this? I'm on a TV screen, you know what I mean? But no, killed it. Well that's part of being a singer, that articulation. That's why I always said if you're a comic,

you gotta watch singers. Because they're doing the same thing we're doing, without music. They're getting to the fucking audience, and if that's what it takes, but it's just, I don't even know what we're talking about besides the Lofi. Well, he's my favorite.

Okay, I was talking about the metal singers. So I love Bon Scott, of course. We know I love Bon Scott. But when you get down into metal, you got Bruce Dickinson, Iron Maiden, right around that time, right? 82, Number of the Beasts. And then you have Rob. And when you listen to Rob, how fucking crazy he is on that live record, you just go, it's Rob. That's all there is to it. Victim of Change,

Sinner, Green Man, Unleashy. That's a great. Unbelievable. I still listen to it from time to time. Unbelievable. To lose my fucking mind. Unleashed in the east. It was so intense in the car, I had to switch to the Smiths. Oh, the Smiths. I had to switch to the fucking Smiths. I was like, and I'm thinking about you,

when I'm listening to the Smiths, because there's something a lot of people don't know. When you're raised in a city, you just go for a beer. George is gonna laugh. You just go for a beer. Then one day you move to Colorado and you move to a college town like Boulder and they have beer and then they have 3.2. It's like a different alcohol level. You never heard of that? Oh yeah, the higher alcohol. So lower? It's lower than beer. Oh wow. Near beer. 18 to 21. Was it called Near Beer?

No, no, no. Budweiser made them. All those companies had it, 3.2 beer. And they used to have a club called Pogos, an 18 to 21 club. And I remember driving, listening to the fucking smiths. And again, you don't know what's objective in your memory. Yeah. The girl was from Cambridge, Mass. She worked at Abo's Pizza. It was Abo's Pizza,

a driveway, and then downstairs was Pogo's. This chick was so fucking hot. I had just moved to Boulder. I hadn't met Cathy King yet. Within two weeks, I already know where to get a package. I'll never forget this. Like only I could, that was all weed heads, but one of the weed head goes, I did Coke last night. Well, can you get some? He's like, yeah, 50 a fucking half grand. All right.

So I'll never forget, I went to the pizza place. She started talking to me, real cute girl from fucking up Cambridge, Mass Forgot what her name was first girl. I like maybe the third girl. I met in Boulder. We're talking and I go What do people do her any she goes? Well, I'll be at Pogo's tonight. If you want to join me I'm like bitch. I went home to the shower and I saw my buddy Ed They're gonna get me a half gram of coke. I went to that thing, she's surrounded. She's an East Coast girl with strength. She's got like six gorillas around her.

And I went in there like Carl Hall, with that half gram package, that bitch went to go. She was ready to go when she saw that little package. Travolta style, stay in line, just split the line. No conversation, excuse me. Ha ha ha. She saw that package, and then you just turn around and start walking and she walks right behind you. And I dated her for like three days

and I don't know what happened. Yeah, like three days she came over. That was fucking insane that I still remembered about 3.2 beer and then this motherfucker goes to a party one night and he takes my weight lifting gloves to Pogo's or some shit and I go, where's my gloves? He goes, I think I left them at Pogo's. beer and then this motherfucker goes to a party one night and he takes my weightlifting gloves to Pogo's or some shit and I go where's my gloves? He goes I think I left them at Pogo's. I was gonna fucking strangle him. My fucking weightlifting gloves. He thought he was Rob Halford. He's coming

in as the dice man. Oh! He's got the gloves in. I don't even wear those gloves out. That's embarrassing. those gloves out, that's embarrassing. Dude, I was just in your bathroom, and you got the fucking king on your wall in there, Kelly Leek from Bad News Bears. I didn't put that up. Oh, let me tell you, man. The artistic director did. That fucking guy, man, and that movie

is just a masterpiece. Yeah, that's a great movie. Come on, man. Then they tried to remake it, right? Yeah, with Billy Bob. Yeah. Billy Bob's a bad motherfucker. Oh, I love him.

But he's not the bad movie. No, he's sling blade to me for life. Yeah, but he's good on this oil show. I heard he's killing. What else is a good show? Mobland? Mobland. With the London people?

I heard that shit's great. Fucking Helen Mirren, dog. Oh, yeah. She's amazing.. I heard that shit's great. Fucking Helen Myron dog. Oh yeah, she's amazing. She's the sexiest old lady. You gotta see her in this show. Oh she's fire. She has a leopard top on, a leather skirt. She gives her grandson, the grandson says to her,

Mammy, I wish I had cocaine. And she goes, well. And she goes in her bra last night, she takes it out. Let me have a little taste for you right here. Who gives their grandson cocaine? Granny finger. Helen Myron isn't even a bad motherfucker. Oh, I love her.

She is, she's past that. That's Denzel Washington. She's legend. Helen Myron is up to like, cause then I watched her on 1823, 1923. And yeah. Yep, and she was shooting motherfuckers last night Western one. Yeah Oh, that's a great show. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, I got the other hour to watch because it was a long one last night But that's what I'm watching. What are you laughing about over there? Tricky dicky I think it's Helen Mirren who Helen Mirren. That's her name, right? No Myron Myron Mirren

Yeah, you know I'm talking about. She's an old English chick. I'll tell you a crazy story, Joey, about her. She was up for an Academy Award about, I don't know, maybe eight, nine years ago for something like The Queen or something. She did some movie I saw and she was fucking fantastic. So every Sunday morning,

I would go riding with Mike Beach, the actor. You know, we did this movie together. So after that we became really tight. We'd ride every Sunday morning. So we went to that Starbucks on Sunset across the street from the griddle at like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had the hamburger place next to it. Right, exactly. Right there. So we pull in at like seven in the morning and we're going to get coffees and then we're going to ride out to Malibu and we park and it's Academy Award Day and this car pulls up she gets out it's a like a limo like a black car and she comes walking towards Beach and I and I hit Beach like holy

shit she comes up she's all gentlemen I go you're gonna win tonight. And she goes, what, thank you. And she fucking won and Beach and I were like, hell yeah, we saw her this morning. Amazing story, that's like a Hollywood type of story where you run into people. Did that happen? She's the real deal. Yeah, she is.

She's the real fucking deal, man. Oh my God, I love her. I love TV show. I love watching, like now for two months there nothing. And now we got something and I'm excited because then the mayor of whatever will be back. Mayor what? Oh, that's my movie. That's my TV show.

Shit. I still haven't watched TV in like 16 years. Really? You still gave up? Three shows. The Wire, Sopranos, Breaking Bad. Those are the shows I've seen. I'll tell you what, man. I hear it's great out there. Yeah, it's pretty good.

I hear it's good. It's finally starting to pick up, but I've watched The Wire twice this year. Oh, man. In a year. I've watched the series. It ended. I gave it a week. I'm like, I gotta go back. Oh, it's fucking phenomenal. I gotta go back. Phenomenal. I don't understand.

It is some type of show that, listen, I love The Sopranos. I had The Sopranos on a couple days ago just laughing my ass off. But that wire, that fucking Michael B. Jordan as a young kid, he's a fucking kid on that. He's dead now, right? He's what? Did he die? No, no, no. Which guy died? Black Panther died. Yeah, that's right., right? He's what did he die? No, no, no, which guy? Yeah, that's right

I'm a combo combo forever. That's awful. That's awful. Cause it was great, too I just watched him as Jackie Robinson. Yeah, that was a great movie. That's a great fucking movie awful Dude, that guy's gone man. 37 or something. Just a baby man but fucking The wire the wire is just come on the cops on there the English black cop Yeah, he's also I just saw him in something else They have a bunch of people from the wire Dominic Lombardozzi the detective with him Just the gay cop

Did that you see the captain the chief you seem in a gay bar one episode crackhead lady the crackhead like a guy bubbles Unbelievable this show dude. I remember I went to a meeting, is it on HBO or Netflix? HBO. So I go to a meeting, you know you go to like HBO, right? I go to a meeting, I'm in there trying to pitch this fucking show back in the day. And when you're in the lobby, they're like,

oh if you want some DVDs, go ahead and take them. They got all the box sets there. I just brought down a fucking like duffel bag. I'm like, all right, I got the wire. I got the Sopranos. I just grabbed them all, you know, and just fucking would sit home and watch that shit on the weekends on DVD back when you had the player.

You fucking put it in the- I still got my DVD. Fuck. Fuck yeah, because I told my wife, we have over, I don't know how many goddamn movies. Yeah. I got a ton of movies. Oh my God. I'm on the don't know how many goddamn movies. Yeah. I got a ton of movies. Oh my God.

I'm on the Criteria channel now. I have thousands. Thousands. Really? Thousands? At your place now? I'm there in my mom's place right now, but yeah, I would go to like a place and get used DVDs all the time.

Newberry Comics for people like in, dude, or FYE. Amoeba. Oh, Amoeba for sure. Amoeba. I would go, dude, I went. Amoeba. Oh, amoeba for sure. Amoeba. I would go, dude, I went to amoeba and buy like 12 at a time. Yeah. Because they're like $4.

I'd stop going to amoeba, guys. Oh yeah, why? Because the money you spend in there. Oh, it's a demon. You go in. Oh, it's amazing. The money you spend in there is absurd. And then you buy shit you already have.

You buy. How about that? How about when I cleaned out my office, me and my daughter daughter my daughter took out 11 albums that were doubles fuck. Yeah, it's like that. Do you not forget? I had so many good albums Yeah doubles that happens me. I'll try going to sex and denim and leather. I don't think I have this Yeah, I have this that fucking obviously on this crazy about on me, but oh, yeah I was looking for a particular house and I went online

everybody had it for a hundred bucks. I went on Omibba and it was $6.99 and I became a fan after that. Oh yeah, the owner lives in my building. That's crazy. I just ran into him, I couldn't even believe it. Are they still right there? Yeah, yeah. On Sunset Boulevard? No, they moved to a new place right across the street from the theater. I haven't been to it yet, but I know they moved right around when we left. You know, Frolic room where you just fucking pound the Stollie Collins for three dollars. Fuckin get DUIs right across the street from there. What's the theater next to it? Seinfeld sometimes does big runs in there.

They do Broadway plays. It's right there on the corner. It's beautiful. What's the bar flight? It's a different one. No, no. Next to the Fonda kind of, you know, I forget what it is. There's Pep Boys there. And then there's that theater. Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's a famous theater. I forget. They do like plays there. But yeah, man, they moved in there and it's real nice. And the owner lives in my building. He's got the Berkeley one still.

San Fran one's gone. Oh no, it might be still there. Yeah, it is still there, he told me, yeah. You know, I was, this weekend something happened that I would have been excited for 25 years ago. Now I'm too old to be excited. I saw some of the tape on it.

It is what it is. I'm so critical of myself that when I see somebody, I'm expecting the album. But I don't know if you saw, Ratt got back together. Who did Ratt? Ratt, Warren DiMartino. Yeah, DiMartino and him, yeah. They're doing the thing back.

And I watched some guy put it on Facebook, Who did, rap? Oh yeah, yeah. Wallen DiMartino. Yeah, DiMartini and him, yeah. They're doing the thing back. And I watched some guy put it on Facebook and then I went to YouTube to find more stuff. I didn't see Back 4 More. Right. But I saw Round and Round and something else. Yeah. I don't know, DiMartino could still play that fucking guitar.

That guy's a smoker. He's a fucking animal. I didn't know they had Carlos. Yeah, they had Carlos for a long time. I talked to Rudy today. And, but I was just, you know, it's so weird how every summer I go, I'm going to go to a concert, I'm going to go see this. And I'm like, fuck that. Once I look at the price tag, I'm like, fuck that. And I got to walk. I got to get you in the Sphere. This is gonna be your last concert. To see the dead.

You gotta go. Yeah, I wanna go see that. Have you been to the Sphere? Let me just tell you something right now. After you go to the Sphere, you will never go to another show. You're gonna go to your local town, whatever fucking venue you got, and you're gonna be like, oh, oh. Because this thing is like VR goggles on a thousand.

Did you eat the mushrooms? Dude, I'm doing a bit right now where I'd say, I got there with the mushrooms, I get in my seat, the band goes on, the screens come on, and I go, oh, fuck no, and I put those things away, because I know what's coming. It is so radical of a venue. These visuals, I don't care.

You got to be a seasoned tripper to be able to handle what's going on with these visuals. I've never seen, first of all, this venue is only like six months a year old, which means they've been working on this for the last five years. I don't know where the fuck this stuff came from, but they went from way back here, the two screens, to, you're living in the venue. It's like, what the fuck? At one point, I'm watching Dead and Co, and they've got the San Francisco Bridge and shit, and you're like, whoa, this is crazy and a satellite flies over your shoulder. Yeah And you just go like wow

Fuck and me do goosebumps scary Amazing one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. You see perform there. What's that? What did you watch perform there? I saw U2 on the Octone Baby record. Unbelievable. So I've gone three times now. Two dead, once U2. And man, each time I go, this is fucking unreal.

And the dead just got a residency there? Yet they do like 16 shows or, you know, six weeks or whatever three a weekend and I'm telling you you don't even know the band's on they are the music to this psychedelic ride some of the greatest visuals you will ever fucking see in your life at one point they got a giant fucking bear and it's walking and it turns into a hundred pieces of acid the sheet acid and it's floating across the screen and then the sheet acid just blows up and The bears are coming at you and you're just going like what the fuck I can't even tell you Joey. I couldn't Exaggerate how radical this fucking venue is.

After that bear turning into acid. You have to go. I'm going, yeah, I'm gonna go. I mean, just to fight in, I'll get us in, you sit in a great fucking seat, the place is not giant, and it is insane. What's your seat in there? It holds a lot, but feels small. It holds like 16,000, but it feels small because it's a ball and it's just a wall

It goes straight up the seats like this and then there's a floor But I sit in the seats and you just get this whole fucking thing man that you can't even I can't even describe it Doesn't matter where you sit. It doesn't matter way sit as long as you're not on the Deck 101 back, because then there's a hangover that you can't see the visuals. Other than that though, every seat in the house, and then it has something like 10,000 speakers,

there's speakers in your seat, everything, it sounds like a record, man. The sound is the greatest sound I've ever heard, and I'm telling you you I only go to the sphere now. It's what it's made. A lot of people performing there now? A lot of bands? Yeah yeah they got the Eagles, they got U2, they have Denko, but I think it's Backstreet Boys or whatever just announced they're doing like a run there which would be be wild but what I'm waiting for is like tool I think tool in there will be fucking insane and then we got to get Gilmore or Roger Waters one of the two in there

And if we could give them a billion dollars and do one last run hate each other, but stay on the sides The greatest of all time will be Pink Floyd in there of all time. There will be nothing that will come close to it. Yeah, cause they did all that shit already. They did all that shit. They did that shit 40 years ago. They did that shit when it was, when they were making it. Nobody even fucking made it.

They're in the back making, you know, flying pigs and planes flying. There was no screens. They were making that shit in the backyard. Dog, that was. Fuck. It's crazy how they did that. They did that?

They did that with The Wall because that first song has a plane flying. It crashes right into it. And it comes right into the fucking thing and I was like... And I did some heavy duty acid for that one. That was, I was 16, I was mentally deranged, I was a mental midget and I was fucked up.

Where'd you see that one at? Nassau Coliseum Yeah, that's right. Cuz they only did like 14 and 14 shows. Yeah. Yeah first night and I was fucking I left there going What the fuck was that creatively? Yeah Creatively when you go somewhere and see something that you go, how did they even think of that? Yeah That's how this fear is when you see it you go who the did they even think of that? Yeah, that's how this fear is. When you see it, you go, who the fuck give them all the awards, the visual awards, the sound awards,

the venue award, this is how insane it is too. I don't even fuck with bad food. They have pizza in there from some place called Pizza Rock in Vegas. So I go, ah, fuck it. Let's get a piece of pizza. We're at a concert. I eat this pizza. I'm blown away. I'm like, what is this?

Even the pizza is fucking good. Everything. How far from like it's on the. It's right right behind. It's kind of connected to the Venetian and the wind right there. You can stay at either hotel and you just walk in. Easy. You'll love it. No bullshit. You walk in, you sit in your seat. It's perfect climate temperature. And you know, the whole thing is a screen. The entire fucking place. At one point, I'm watching you, too, and they're dismantling Vegas. Whoever does these videos, man, it's insane.

They start taking Vegas apart over a song, and by the end of the song, it's just Vegas desert and that old Tropicana sitting there. And you feel like you're outside. You're like, what? I can't imagine doing ass in there. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Because you're sitting in there going, fuck.

Vegas is falling the fuck apart. Oh yeah, you feel like you're seeing it. You're going, oh my God, we gotta get out of here. Oh man, I can't wait till you see it. So here's what you gotta do. You book a gig in Vegas so you're not just out there. Right, no, I don't just go nowhere. Yeah.

You gotta pick up an envelope, fuck that shit. You pick up the envelope, and then the next night we see that, man, and it's a glorious weekend. On a Sunday night or something? Yeah, Saturday or Sunday Sunday. We'll even fly in Friday, do the mushrooms Friday. 100%.

Go Friday night and then do the show on Sunday. I would actually take mushrooms with you there because I've been there now three times, so I've got my bearings. But the first couple times, they go, I don't wanna fuck around in here. This is crazy You know oh, man. I'm telling you Joe. It was fucking epic and John Merrill just Destroying destroying he's so fucking good fucking nuts guy is unbelievable

They got pussy yeah, the motherfucker has fucked everybody in Hollywood. Everybody. He has destroyed every snatch with that guitar. Oh, oh, oh. He just walks in like one of those Latin Mexican guys playing the guitar with a cape on. Yeah, yeah. You know, he's fucked.

Zorro. Then he fucked this chick, right? She wrote a song about him, the skinny chick that's dating a football player. Yeah, he fucked her too. Oh, fuck. Yeah, he fucked that too. Oh fuck. Yeah, he banged her in the head with the guitar. He just said, here, take these songs, bitch.

He fucked her in the head with the guitar. The guy can play, the guy can sing. Holy shit. So you're doing something that I'm very proud of you to do. I know you've been working on it for a while. It's your new special, and you got a bunch of symbols surrounding it. I mean, this is just,

it's great for you that you're doing this, and how seriously you took it, and the sets, and you know, there's not a lot of people that work with like you, Dean. There's not a lot of people that are out there working like you, and when a person like you were, Dean. There's not a lot of people that are out there working like you. And when a person like you, with your attitude, has that type of animalism, shit doesn't really bother you.

Because you're not focused, like what you said, the guy promised you on the Apple show, and then you don't hear nothing next day. But you're so used to your stuff that that's what happens. The only time you got uncomfortable shit like that was you're not doing the work. And that's what people don't realize. I know who's bullshitting me,

when I can't get stuff going because you're not putting in the work. Don't tell me that you're not getting this. It's like me with stand up. I'm having a hard time, but I can't put the work in. It's so much fucking work. Oh my God. With so many notebooks,

I sit there for hours in the morning, and I just write stories and shit like that. I gotta do R.E.'s storytelling show. I'm in no danger. Oh my God. I don't even have a story for it. Yeah, yeah. Nothing has happened exciting the last five years.

Oh fuck. You know what I'm saying? Except my daughter hitting a double, or something like that. You know what I'm saying? Except my daughter hitting a double or something like that. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing exciting. But that's a fucking story because here's the thing I think is interesting

about you right now in this thing and I try to convey it on stage also is like, this is funny because you've been this tornado your whole life. Tornado. And now you're like, hey, fuck all this. You know what I mean? I just want to watch these little league dads fight. And I'll just have an edible and laugh at it, and then I want to go home to my house.

That's what I do. And that is a fucking interesting thing to hear from somebody that achieves such high status in comedy from the fucking ashes all the way up to, you know, you and I, you sold out the Chicago theater. You got specials, you got a book, you've been on TV. So it's cool to hear that side of it. Like, fuck off, I just wanna do nothing. You know? There's funny, there's something funny about

I wanna do nothing and it's so hard to do nothing. Look, I get up in the morning and I try to like be like Johnny CEO. You know, like. Yeah. Yeah. Johnny CEO. And. Johnny CEO. And it just ain't working no more.

It just ain't working. I used to wake up with this fucking voice in my head. Like you're gonna go out there and make people suck your dick today. I go to Facebook and I'm like I'm not even gonna write it on there. Because they're way beyond that already. They're still fucking in the woke world.

Oh my god. Can you imagine that on Facebook today? Because they're way beyond that already. They're still fucking in the woke world Facebook today that once in Facebook on fire What's that that post the people on Facebook are like old like I think that I don't think they could handle that today What's that you saying? Like look get ready to have the day suck your dick like all that I used to say it all the time Do you have thing now and I could say it now, but the only thing they don't let me say on Facebook is like, I'm gonna move to stab a motherfucker. Oh my God.

Oh, oh shit. Don't write your letters, you can't use violence on, what the fuck? Yeah, you're suspended for two weeks, high school shit. That's what happened to me, I put up, stabbed three Puerto Ricans suspended for like fucking, I'm like fuck, you can't even stab Puerto Ricans. That's just a scene, man.

But it's so weird how, listen, and I've said this for years, I've tried to duck it. Dean, when I went to the Comedy Store and I sat on those stairs and I said goodbye to the building and I rubbed my name on the wall, I knew. I knew. I knew that this was gonna taper off because that was my bread and butter. That was the nucleus for the last 23 years.

That was home base, that was everything. That's the cocoon. And when I wasn't there for those six years, I improved, but not really. I wasn't doing much. It's not until I went back there in 2014, and then when you're around those type of people, you grow.

Oh, yeah, you gotta rise up. You grow quick. You got like a month. You gotta follow the leader. You gotta follow this one. Once you learn it, now you got it. And once I got on that plane and I said goodbye to the store,

I always knew it was gonna be weird because in my mind, I knew I wasn't in the major leagues anymore. I'm in the major leagues in my heart, but in my mind, there's no way, I'm in that level of, people will never understand those four years at the Comedy Store, the last four years for me.

I always looked at the first four years as my college, but it really wasn't. It was the last four years where it became, like you had to go up there on your fucking A game. Like four Espresso's, fucking two joints, an edible. Like I had to have a plan to go up there. It was my A game. You didn't know.

You didn't know what was gonna happen. I still remember getting angry up there like motherfuckers dropping in. You wanna drop in bitch? I'm gonna make your life a fucking living nightmare. I'm gonna show you why you gotta work it in this bitch. And they would leave. I just saw Judd Apatow made a comeback three years later

after I buried him at that fucking store that night. And then he started going to Largo with all those Largoians, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And the other night he went back, he was looking around, I heard. He was looking at the lineups,

making sure the boys are fucking, the gangsters weren't in here. He don't like that. He don't like following that eat. Well, it's a different animal. When you were coming up, it was, and when I started there 15 years ago last month, I tell people, you don't understand the hazing

and the radicalness and the brutality of you've gotta kick ass, you can't go up and go, where are you from, what do you do for a living? You can't do any of that shit. Somebody pull you aside and go, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, it's a different machine now. And you know, there's guys like me and Henchcliff

and Gerard Carmichael and Melissa Villasenora, Tony Baker, these people when I started, you know, you're just there till four in the morning. You didn't leave because if you left, they were like, that guy doesn't want it. Four in the morning! Four in the morning, yeah. Yeah, so.

You walk to Pink Dot, get a sandwich and walk back and then sit there and talk to Eddie Griffin about how Bruce Lee fought 100 samurai the night that he died. And you gotta sit there and go, wow, this is interesting shit. How many cocktails did Eddie do? Fucking hysterical. It reminds me of when I stopped music,

when you told me that story, because I thought about it, I talked about it on my podcast here today. Two days ago, Genghis Khan announced that they were closing after 40 years. No. 40 years, dude. And you and I know it well.

I need to stand up there. Exactly, exactly. They had a good egg roll for a while. They had a great pot sticker. Yeah, they had a good egg roll for a while. They got good parking. Yes. And a cool little room on the side.

Genghis Khan is going out of business. So check this out, Joey. I play music 25 years. And on the last 10 months of those 25 years, I did kind of a world tour, playing all over America and Europe and stuff. And when I came home, I was like, in my mind I was like, this is kinda it. mind, I was like, this is kind of it.

You know, people aren't buying music anymore. They're downloading it. CDs aren't selling, you know. And so I get booked at this gig at Genghis Kohn and I get in my Dodge Super B and I put the acoustic guitar in the trunk and I drive up and I walk in and it's packed. And I go, oh, shit, it's packed. And there's a girl on before me, like a pop girl. And as soon as she's done, the place empties out. And I'm next.

And I go up there and I'm playing a 10 song set. There's people texting, they're talking and shit. And in my mind, I go, this is it. I'm gonna count down these tunes and when I'm done, I will not play music ever again So I was like on I was like brr on that thing 10 more minutes blah blah blah blah seven more minutes I was like five more songs in my head four more songs and when I got to the last song, I put the guitar in the case, put it in the trunk, drove the super B out of there, and never played music again, other than the Bon Scott thing once a year. But it's amazing how quick people just forget. They're not

like, hey, where you get, you know, a couple weeks ago, when's your next gig? And after that, it just, it kind of goes away. And you're selling Harleys in the valley in the 114 degrees side. I let some guy go pull the blue one out again I want to see it in the Sun it's like motherfucker it's 117 out and your wife ain't gonna let you buy this you know get out of here. So when I got here I was looking for a job yeah like. Like during the pandemic, I was close to get a job at CVS, stocking shelves by my house. Whoa, really?

Doing what? Stocking shelves. Whoa. I was like, but then I realized nobody would hire me. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't get hired if I fucking wanted. Thank God for that felony, huh? No, well the felony and you know,

people like Joey, if you come to work here. Oh yeah, you'll get mobbed. It's gonna be mobbed, the P. We'll make money, but then when you're not here, we're not gonna do nothing, so. It just, it was like. But also people are like, aren't you Joey? Hey, can I get a photo?

Yeah, that's the reality of it. Oh my God, yeah. I was like, how can I get a fucking job in a warehouse? People gonna fucking torture me and shit. This is how fucking crazy I am. Well, why were you getting a job? I just wanted to try the normal life, man. I tried it.

It sucks. It's just like The Godfather, when they go, I'm out and they pull me back in. Because there I was, I did music 25 years, and then I go, I'm gonna sell Harleys, I need healthcare. And then the Tarantino people come walking on one day, out of fucking nowhere, and I go, I'm going to sell Harley's. I need health care. And then the Tarantino people come walking on one day out of fucking nowhere. And they go, hey, we need an advisor on this biker film. And next thing you know, I landed a role and advise and on hell ride.

And then I start doing movies and then comedy. So it was like, what the fuck? The weirdest way to get into comedy. You know, the long way. But it's crazy. I was like, you know what? Something's gonna happen. I'm gonna buy into a wheat store, somebody will have a fucking hot dog business,

they need a partner or something. Nothing's happened. So I'm stuck doing stand up. And it's just fucking fine. I can't be on planes every weekend anymore. I'm just, that's one thing that, the tours, that's done. It's worse than ever, the planes.

The planes are worse than ever. I don't have the patience no more. No. I just don't have the patience. The animals in there, man. If I get there and they go, their plane's delayed, I fucking snap like a twig, and then the walking and the switching,

and they lose your luggage, and you're like, you know what, man? And every once in a while you do get a great flight. You do get a great flight, but for the controller guys. No air traffic controller guys anymore, you're like, hey, are we cool to come in right now? You know, a wheel falls off. There was something wrong,

they were taking diverting people out of Newark. There was a fire at Newark, yeah. Fucking crazy. You could see the flames from the fucking highway. It's some shit. Every time you get on a plane now, now you have to take that insurance. Yeah.

When your family gets nothing, they get like $5,000. Well, I thought if I died on a plane ride, I got a couple million. You get 250,000 or 175,000, a percentage of what you're gonna make for the rest of your life. That's the big, look at these people in Minneapolis, the plane that flipped over.

They told me the 30 G's are go fuck yourself. Go fuck myself. I'm calling fucking the judge that's getting that poor bastard out of Nicaragua that Trump sent down there by mistake. You see that poor bastard? They got him in the prison, I didn't do nothing. He oughta do something.

Somewhere along the line, you ran a package for the Nick of Rockwoods. You did something for Valet del Norte, whatever that gang's name is. I don't know what the fuck that name is. Oh my God. No, the other fucking guy that, Trump just sent back, he iced some people, right?

He sent back a bunch of Venezuelan gang members. Well, he took this dude that was like a UPS driver in Minneapolis, the judge told him, he's gotta be back by Monday, and they're like, listen, that ain't gonna happen. That prison's always like 40 Gs deep. By the time they find him, he's been raped already. God knows what's happened to him, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, we got some crazy times. Really, he's staying? Yeah, because they, it was on 60 Minutes last night about the tattoos and how they found this guy had a flower tattoo over a crowd. And he was like, my favorite soccer player, and they're like, knock it off. You're a fucking gang member, cocksucker.

How long did it take you to work on this special, Dean? Well, I was, the first half of the material I was kind of working up to do Conan for my second time and then COVID hit. So it was a chunk about my back and I was just going to go like an Al Magical style, which I really like his style where you pick a topic and that's the thread of the five minutes. And from there, Burr started touring. We did a Texas tour right around COVID, and COVID was ending. And then from then on, I went on a like a two-year arena tour with him,

and I started working this stuff. And about the last four months of the tour, I was like, two things scared me. I had this weird acid reflex called silent reflex, where I didn't know I have it. It's not like the reflex where you go, God damn, heartburn. It's silent.

My voice started fucking like going away because the acid flies up on your vocal cords and doesn't, it just trashes it. So I went to the doctor and I was like worried, like I have no special in 15 years. If I died right now, it would be like I didn't do comedy. You know, like, yeah, I heard he did comedy but I never fucking saw it

So immediately I was like I got to get a special going and I really felt ready and I remember David Tell telling me He's like don't rush it, you know, cuz once it's out there if it's a piece of shit, it's just out there forever So I really fucking dug into it. I was ready and at the right time, I ended up interviewing this guy named Todd Mayo, and he owned this cave in Tennessee where they do bluegrass concerts. He has an Emmy award winning TV show called The Cavern Sessions on PBS. It's like the other show, Austin City Limits,

but it's bluegrass. He found this cave, he was just down in the dumps in his life and went cave fucking hiking, found it, went, I wonder if we could do a concert in here. He does Chris Stapleton, his first show. 12 years later, I'm interviewing him because he wrote a book called The Caveman Chronicles. Mid-interview, I go, I've got to shoot my special in there.

He goes, man, we've always wanted to do comedy, let's do it. And a month later, Bill Burr, myself, and Marcus Price, who directed it, flew out there, took a full gamble. No one's ever done comedy in there. We don't know what it sounds like. We don't know what it's going to be. It's an hour and a half outside of Nashville, which at the time, if I knew that, I would have been nervous, too. It's in the no-man's land, and these fans have to come out there. But they came out, two shows sold out. We shot the special. Marcus killed it. Bill produced it, financed it. It's self-financed. It looks fucking insane. It's the best thing I've ever done in my life. I absolutely love it.

I don't care if it's one of those ones you could trash it with your comments and I'd be like, yeah, it's not for you. It's just I love it, you know? So, yeah, we got it. We shopped it. I was like, here we go. We're going to shop it. They're going to be like, what the fuck? The million dollar special. No one called us back. No Netflix.

We couldn't even get him to look at a one minute clip. And this thing's phenomenal. Like if I was Ted or whoever the head guy is over there and somebody said you might want to look at this I'd go I don't care what it is just buy that because they're going to click on it with just the look of it. Just the look of it everybody that sees they go what the fuck and you know nobody's really done a special that looks like this. We're in a cave underground. It looks like fucking Mars.

It's insane. And at one point a bat flew over. I was like, oh shit, a fucking bat. You know, like in the cave. It's a real cave. It's not a Hollywood fucking lot. People are in there and there's one door in, one door out. Anything goes down, you're fucking done. And then we had all these cabins there and yurks and tents

and people flew out and stayed camped out there. Partied for the weekend and came into the show. It was goddamn magic, man. And now it comes out on Patreon when? It's on Patreon right now for 10 days and I put it on there really for my Patreons that really helped me through COVID, man. Without the Patreon, I would have been fucking on the streets. I gave it to them last night.

We watched it together. And now you can buy it on my patreon for ten bucks. You know, it's self-financed So anything helps and then I drop it the day we hit Austin April 17th the Paramount Theatre I'm dropping it on YouTube for everybody for free. And all's I ask is just to share it or fucking just watch it, man. You know, it's pretty fucking insane, the look of it. And I love the jokes. The thread is great.

I was ready. I was definitely ready. You know? That's for you, man. I, God damn, I was, I put you on the front. The intro has all these photos, the people that helped me in my career. And if you stop it, it's kind of cool.

You can stop it like a slot machine and see who comes up. Like Joey, San Francisco, when it was fogged out and I had to headline for you while your flight was stuck. Oh shit, that's right. Yeah, that comes up. Then you and I in the Comedy Store Hallway the last week before you left boom photo in there. I put everybody in there that Really meant a lot to me in my life and my career And then I dedicated to my mom who passed away a couple years ago who didn't get to see this unfortunately

but You know Marcus price who did the recent Keith Robinson special who didn't get to see this, unfortunately. But, you know, Marcus Price, who did the recent Keith Robinson special, he directed the shit out of this thing, and he's in a cave, he doesn't know. It's not like a, we're all in a cave, like, what do you do? I think you just get a crane and fly it, you know?

We had a crane in there, it was fucking flying over the people, it looks cool, man You saw some of it right? Yeah, it's really crazy how I Don't know what's going on with the special world anymore. Yeah, some they buy some people go on YouTube. Yep It's I mean they didn't buy like Joe this but these guys are inspiring to me, you know, like a Sam Morell or, you know, Tim Dillon, all these guys that put them on and they blew up Shane.

You know, these guys put them on, then they blew up and then people buy it. And it reminds me exactly of the music business right now. The music business just sits back and they look around and like this guy has 10 million followers and these three songs are one billion streams, give him a deal. So now it's almost like they're kind of laying back

and they're waiting and if something blows up, then they come at you and then that's when you grab all the money, you know, because you go, well I already made this, so you gotta, you know, come with something, because I already got it going on right now. Now, I am not delusional, and I tell people this a million times, because people just go like,

yeah you just put your special up, man, you get like three million views and you're selling out theaters. That's if you're like, you know, say like on Rogan Weekly and you're getting people sharing it and you're getting the viral thing. This thing could easily just do five thousand views. But in my heart, I'm fine with that because I made a special that I fucking love. And that's all I cared about you know I love this thing

That's it man. You know either get clicks or you don't it's not gonna make you stop You know It's not gonna fucking at least people get to see you. That's the number one thing about a special. It's a shame that HbO doesn't really put a lot of specials around anymore. Right. And if they do, it's somebody older. Yep. No, it's just, everything has changed so much,

but it's also changed that we have the power. It's great. We control our own destiny. If you wanna put a half hour special up, put a half hour special up. Yeah, yeah. YouTube, and then there's this new Venmo TV coming out that I've been reading heavy duty on. I think it's just going to get better and better for self-made people.

So Venmo, what they want to do is you have your platform, they do Venmo TV, there's no algorithm. So you're not battling like, oh, nobody saw mine because I wasn't in the algorithm. It's just straight up your own TV channel. You have it hooked up to your Venmo and people just tip you or whatever. And everybody with Venmo can just watch this shit. They're going to have like a TV channel, dude. It's going to be crazy. I think that it could take off because, you know, like a PayPal did a PayPal TV. You know, everybody has PayPal. So you're on PayPal and you go, oh, fuck, look at this special.

I'm going to watch that. It's kind of a wild world, you know, that we're about to probably venture into. But they also, I've seen a lot of comics like get their old specials bought, like later on. So like maybe they don't buy this one, but the next time they'll buy both. Right. When they blow up like Shane Gillis or something, they license it and then you really got it because you still own it. And then you can do whatever you want. Constantly chop it up, put it out, make clips, sell it to a different market, put it on the

hotels, the airplanes, anything, you know. When do you think you were ready? Like because you said you're 15, like do you think you were ready at 10 to do a special or like when do you think you were ready? To do another special? When do you, no like to do this one. Oh yeah about a year ago I was like I'm ready. I had done this material in an arena all around America opening for Bill and he's a slayer.

And you're coming out stone cold, no host. And you're doing 20 in an arena. And people are just looking at you like, where's Bill? And now you gotta get it going. It is the fucking truth. 18,000. Garden, you just did the garden. It's so fucking electric when you walk on. Dude, I got goosebumps right now.

You walk on, you're like, I'm fucking right where, you know, some of the greatest shit of all time happened. You saw concerts there, you know? Like fucking Zeppelin played here. Six, seven, five nights or whatever. And you're in that dressing room, you know? Like fucking Zeppelin played here, six, seven, five nights or whatever. And you're in that dressing room, you see all the photos? And you're like, all right, I gotta fucking get this. You know, it is.

So you really figure it out right away. Is this material working? And once you see it's working, you're like, it's time to shoot this and move on. You know, did it change at all going from like doing it in an arena to doing it in a club? No, no, just like in the arena, like somebody told me when I first started doing arenas, they go, the tip is go slow. That's it. And I was up there after a while. I was almost kind of cocky after a while. I was almost kinda cocky after a while

because I was like, oh, another one of these. Because once you're inside, they're all kind of the same. It's driving up to it, you're like, fuck, we're in an arena. But once you're in it, you're like, oh yeah, where are we? If you go up there and do my style, it's the nightmare. Because all you hear is a person yelling to a microphone.

Because I go on a rant. And those rants don't work that well in an arena At least bill has them tipped right but a fast rant you just hear booboo booboo It's like fucking listening to you know, yeah, you got to have to do the joke. Let it magnify and come back Yeah, and hold your faith and do it again and it it's hard to learn, but that's why you do the theaters. That's why there's an evolution. Nobody goes from, well I did, I went from fucking 18,000 seats to 60 last Wednesday. And I died a slow death.

Like I just died. Everything that came out of my mouth was horrible that night. But I'm like, I couldn't make, like I just came from the garden and here I am in a back room at a fucking sandwich place. The same thing happened to me. I did the garden and the next morning

I did the seller brunch show and ate the biggest dick of all time. Of all time. You just came out of this fucking garden. Dude. You're good, you're good for a month. Yeah. If you bomb within that month, it don't matter.

Cause when you walk off, you bombed tonight, you really, bitch, I just did the garden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You better check yourself, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I meant to bomb. Yeah, 99 problems, a bitch ain't one.

Ha, ha, ha, Ha ha ha ha ha. Was that your first time doing The Garden? Second. Whoa, who'd you do it with, Rogan? Tony Hinchcliffe. Oh, Tony? The Kill Tony. Oh, that's right.

Oh, that's out today, man, everybody. It's on Netflix today. The New York one? Just came out. No, not that new, it's a new episode. Oh, Kill Tony? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was the garden thing that they put on.

No, they just recorded it, yeah. Oh, wow. Came out last night, two nights ago, I guess. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, the one with Shane and all those guys. I think Rogan's on it, yeah. Yeah, I saw him. Oh, wow, yeah, it's out today.

Yeah, that's amazing, huh? Fucking crazy. Kill Tony, the Belly Room, and now they're on fucking Netflix. Dude, I look at a lot of people from the store, and I look at the success they've had, and all of them crazy hard workers. There's not one person that blew in there,

and they're like, that fucking guy was here two weeks, and he did Arena, no, man. It's like grind, grind, grind. I had a situation a couple weeks ago. These guys know about it. A friend of mine wanted me to put her podcast up. And it was a really weird conversation. And I did it for her,

because I have history with her and she's a wackadoo. And two hours later, she goes, "'I want you to take it down.'" And then I heard from her like that night like a ten o'clock and she was saying that uh she really wants to do a podcast but she thought about it and she just destroyed herself like you know when you're talking to somebody I've seen people do this all the time like you know I want to be at this but this

just they just put all the niggas in it yeah you know and I I said okay whatever you want to do you know it's up to your choice I really don't give a fuck what she does but I thought about it for two days how people don't see Themselves growing but I thought about how When I did comedy all those years, I thought I was just gonna die a bum Okay, I was just doing comedy instead of doing criminal activities. Whatever my point is but then you're running in this circle You're in a circle and everybody in that circle is poor. You're all struggling. This guy's got two roommates.

This guy's mother sends him money. And then in my world, it was like Josh Wolf living in an apartment eating turkey burgers. He gets a half million dollar deal. And then, you know, I saw Ralphie May in a studio apartment and six months later he's in a fucking house with a pound of weed on the fucking living room table. You know, I still remember Joe when he was on news radio. And he had the NSX or something like that.

He sold the Chiraco to the skinny kid at the store and bought an NSX. Oh, an Acura. You know, and like you see, so when you see people, like when you grow up in North Bergen and you hang out with 10 guys, yeah, one of them, one of them might hit, you really get gone to the stock market, whatever the fuck they did.

But unless you see it, you don't believe in it. Yeah. And that's how I, because this isn't the problem, I wasn't just pointing her out. I pointed, even people in LA that come to you and they go, I really wanna write a script and I just need your help. And you're like, whatever you need.

And then a week later, they talk themselves out of it. Just talk themselves out of it. And you're like, you wanna like talk them back into it, but you're worried about, I got a daughter. I ain't got time to convince you to get your life together but it's so weird how unless you see people grow around you yeah that's when you start believing it like Josh Wolf, Ralphie May, Bobby Lee you had all these fucking people blowing up around you crazy you know and all sudden you're like here I am in a one bedroom studio,

eating fucking Oogat for breakfast. And then one day, something just happens. And now you're at least, like there was a time I had to call my wife every day and go, can you put $20 on the bank account? Oh yeah. I would have like four from the night before. So now I got 24, I could actually take 20 out

and buy a bag of weed. I never thought I would be out of that. This was at 40. I was still calling my wife every day, can you put 20 on my books? Joey, we don't have money for the rent. I know, I know. I'm going on the road, all this shit.

But not even that. I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about having good sets on. When people put you on a special, or Comedy Central, or whatever, it just switches. But unless people see other people growing, it's tough for them to believe that they're gonna grow. And that night, and like I said, I just pointed her out

because her attitude went from hero to zero in four hours. Like it's not for me, I wanna work behind the scenes. Her attitude went from hero to zero in four hours. Like it's not for me, I want to work behind the scenes. What? You know what I mean? And I just, all right, good luck, whatever you want to do, I'm here. And for two days, it really like, wow, how people got, I know, listen, I'm gonna be honest with you,

I know so many comics that were so much funnier than I was. Oh man. And then they went a different route, they got scared. They did this, they did that. It's so many, I saw so many people talk themselves out of a career in LA. And they were close, cause you never know how close you are.

You don't. But like the words of my girl Cheryl Crowe, why quit before the miracle happens? Yeah. Let the fucking miracle happen, you know? It's a fucking miracle. For me to have more than $200 in my checking account, that was a miracle. Yeah, man. Because if I got $300 for a gig, I bought an 8-ball.

Yeah. Okay? Yeah. An an eight ball. Yeah, okay Yeah, an eight ball. Yeah, so it's a fucking miracle and people don't it's really hard to make people believe That there you have to get into the slot It's like you're in LA doing open mics then one day somebody says come to the improv with me You go the book of life sure they make you do sets in the front, you just moved into the chamber. Totally. Now it could be a chamber of a fucking machine gun with 1800 rounds, or it could be a chamber with six bullets. You decide and you don't know, and you don't know, and you get into that. The next thing you know you book a national commercial, and now it's no big deal booking a

national commercial, but people can't fuck with you, because they know you got. And now, it's no big deal booking a national commercial, but people can't fuck with you. Because they know you got a chance now. I don't want this motherfucker to blow up, and they don't wanna talk to me. He's in the machine. So yeah, you're in the machine now. And then you might book a one line role in a movie,

and then it just keeps going and going, but you're in the fucking rotation, you off. Yeah, don't give up now No, now is not the time to give up and even if you're not in the rotation get into the rotation then quit Yeah, you know, it's so weird jujitsu people quit after their first blue belt than anything people just only got a blue belt Then they don't show up no more. Yeah, they just it's just so weird how then they don't show up no more. Yeah. It's just so weird how people don't see themselves. And to me, it's like a fucking shock

because I didn't see it either, but I think when I got off the Coke, I started to see it. And I know if I haven't had an opportunity to do it, it's now and it worked. So I think people should really give themselves a fucking shot and go, I got this, and if I don't, I die doing it.

It doesn't matter, doesn't matter no more. Nope. You're gonna be broke anyway. You're not gonna buy a car. I mean, it's just, what we're going into the next five years is gonna be horrible for everybody. Yeah, so do what you fucking love. So do it, who gives a fuck?

That's what I said. I got into comedy when I was in the worst spot of my life. Out of prison, fucking divorced, it was fucking horrible. It was horrible. But I wouldn't have wanted, you know, it's like I told Lee, nobody ever pulls up to an open mic in a Lamborghini.

No. You know what I'm saying? Nobody pulls up to an open mic in a Cadillac fucking Escalante. Whatever the fuck they are. Even playing field at an open mic, even playing field, we're mic, even playing field. We're all in there, no man's land.

You know, it's like people who work for an hourly wage. That's great. But you're telling me you got no fucking balls. Take a chance, Columbus did, because guess what? On the first, we're all fucking even. Whether I'm the number one salesman, number 10, we're all even, bitch. So I got another chance at the first of the month.

And I love that. I love that we could throw away a month in your life. Fuck, and I'm smoking dope, I'm getting herpes, I'm not fucking sleeping this month. And then you come back, you take your herpes medication, and you're fucking back. That's what this whole thing is about, man. And as old guys, we gotta explain it

to these young motherfuckers. Yeah. That we've seen it. Yeah man. You know I've seen it. I've seen people fucking hit a home run right in front of my fucking eyes. Oh god. Holy shit. We were just took it. That parking lot at the store is a fucking plane you know like, like, it's like, here comes this car, like, whoa, someone got a deal. Yeah, I still remember meeting, I still remember writing a one-man show with this fucking loser, and I would meet him at that hamburger place in Burbank,

where people bring all their cars on Friday nights. Oh yeah, Big Bob, Bob's Big Boy. Is that out of business, yeah? No, fuck no. That burger, oh, fucking, that gives you hemorrhoids. Oh man. That burger's next to the fucking fucking star red band. I used to go there Right next to a chili burger. Yeah, and I was in there one day. What the fuck was that gonna tell you? God damn it I forget now. Mm-hmm

cars pulling in No, no, oh, I know what the fuck it was. I'm sitting there, I'm writing a one man show with a guy. Oh yeah, the loser. I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say, god damn it. Those edibles are good. Oh, I'm writing a one man show with a stiff. And as I'm walking out of here, Joey, what are you doing here?

And I turn around and Billy Gardell. Oh wow. And I go, Billy, what's going on what are you doing here? And I turn around and Billy Gardell. Oh wow. And I go, Billy, what's going on? How you doing? And we start talking. And he's telling me how, he's thinking of moving back to Pittsburgh. That the Funny Bones just offered him a deal

and it was horrible money. And I was about to tell him that, that had called me too. And the money was God awful. And then I had to call him back and go, I'll do those weeks, that they had called me too. And the money was god awful. And then I had to call him back and go, I'll do those weeks, but I'm not doing Sunday. Then we're gonna pro-rate it. And they were like, well, you have to do Sunday.

And I'm like, listen, this deal is not gonna work. But I still remember Billy Gardell telling me this, and a year later, he's on a CBS show. And now he's the host of a fucking, wasn't he hosting? He's had two shows on CBS that are in fucking recurring, whatever the fuck that it's called, syndication. And he's touring now, he's gonna be here somewhere. I see him at Flappers.

Yeah, I know he's at Flappers. He's a funny motherfucker. Oh man, good dude. I still remember seeing him two years. He lost a lot of weight. Yeah, yeah. He looks killer. Yeah, I still remember seeing him,

and he was a killer comic. Yeah, he's one of the nicest dudes, man. Nicest dudes in the world. He'll come up and go, God damn, that fucking joke's strong. Yeah, no, he's a good dude. He'll tell you that. He's a very good dude. He's an old school comic.

And I still remember him going, I don't know if this is gonna work out. Motherfucker, you got a billboard on fucking CBS and shit now, and I remember those things. Ali Wong. Motherfucker, you got a billboard on fucking CBS and shit now. And you know, and I remember those things. Yeah. Ali Wong. Oh, man, I tell the story all the time. Fucking, you know, half of these, well, no,

I didn't know Whitney before the operation. Ali Wong's incredible. What a superstar. Yeah, I don't remember. I didn't meet her. I didn't meet her till after she had the TV show. But you see all these people and you see them make Explosion now you're like, okay that could happen to me. There's been a lot of

Explosions out of the store. It is nuts. The chick on Saturday night live. Oh, yeah, Melissa. No, no Oh, oh fucking punky punky dude bartender to SNL great story Great story bumped into that black dude. Leslie Jones also out there. Yeah, Leslie Jones. Fucking Melissa, three SNL people, you know. Crazy, I love it.

Fucking crazy. Yeah. And I remember meeting the dude, the black dude from Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump, oh yeah. Forrest Whitaker? Michael T. Michael T. Williamson. Oh, okay. Michael T. Williamson.

Michael T. Williamson did the pilot for Miami Vice and years ago we did a new Law & Order mock-up show. Oh wow. I got a call from an acting coach and he goes, keep this under the fucking wraps. Law & Order wants to do something else. It was called Law & Order Judges Circle or something. And they just wanted to use a couple actors and she used me.

It was me, the kid that's always on, he was on our podcast. He's a guitar player that came from the, he came from Northern California and he was Joe Bonamaso's student. I forget what his name is, I see him a lot on Twitter. Richie Cotson? Huh?

Richie Cotson? No, no, no, it was him and Michael T. Williamson. Oh wow. And during the breaks, I would talk to Michael T. Williamson. And he goes, I saw you at the store one night, good stuff. And we started talking. And he goes, I used to hang out at the store a lot before I got Miami Vice,

because he was on the pilot of Miami Vice. And he goes, I used to see Trudy. Trudy was on Miami Vice. The black girl, she was a waitress at the store. She was a fucking waitress. He used to see her, and he was like, where is she today? And he goes, she owns a clothing store in Compton, or down there.

She owned clothes. That place is a fucking, has churned out the stars. What's that, the store? The store. It is crazy, in the last 20 years since I started, I'm 16 years in now, I just look at the people and I go like, wow, you know? Ari, Burr, I mean Burr, of course, he's 30.

There was always a star. Right, but I'm just saying like, you know, when you really look at like these guys that became these giant killers in there working all that material, you know, and then Gerard Carmichael and who else was, somebody else fucking shot their special there. There was so many, so much shit that came out of that.

I tell people all the time, totally a couple weeks ago on this podcast, I don't really care about shit. Like I didn't do nothing in comedy, but I held my own on Tuesdays and Thursday nights the last four years. And that meant more to me than anything in the world. Those are the best lineups you're gonna see

and we were right there and, you know, they were always, just being around that, you knew you had to be on top of your game. There was no fucking, and that's all I ever gave a fuck about. No matter how this ended, I came out of Comedy Store Marine. And that's all I ever gave a fuck about. And here we are.

You get that name on the wall, and sometimes you're rolling down Sunset, and you turn the corner, and you see your name on the marquee, it is fucking awesome. I wouldn't even look. I would just shake my head and pull in the parking spot. It was awesome.

The first time they put your name up there, you come all over yourself. I sent it to my mom. As you're leaving, they're putting the name up the night before The first time they put your name up there, you come all over yourself. I sent it to my mom. As you're leaving, they're putting the name up the night before. Yeah, they're putting it up. You're like, I'm not there. Oh shit.

And then you get there and it's a different name. They just put that up because then somebody called in to pop in and you come down there and watch this, bitch. Fuck, Barry Sobel, motherfucker. What the fuck? Motherfucker. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Any dates, brother?

Huh? Any dates? Oh yeah, let's see. This comes out tomorrow, so I will be with you at Moon Tower, 17 and 18th, and Lee at the Paramount Theater. Then I go to the Vegas Cellar for seven shows, May 12th through like the 16th.

And then one of my favorite new clubs in America, the Comedy Fort in Fort Collins, Colorado, I was telling you about it. It is fucking amazing, the owner's great. I'm there in June. So yeah, and then the special once again comes out April 17th on YouTube free. Go to my website, DeanDowray.com,

all the tour dates, everything everything the patreon. Thank you Regulations brother. Oh god. I fucking love you man. What do you got cocksucker? Look at the shape of this beauty. I got a bit Look, I got a busy week Broadway comedy club Tuesday and Thursday with you on Wednesday and in a Dojo of death. Yeah. Dojo of Death. And then I got May something. May 17th. May 17th at Philadelphia.

That sold out. NJ Packers sold out now. We got tickets going on sale for August something at Parks, right? August 15th or something. Where? Parks Casino, Philadelphia. Oh, fuck yeah.

That's my new little. Oh yeah, where are telling me? You're gonna do like a run there? Yeah, yeah, I've done two shows. Oh, that's cool. I got one more next month and then I love the place So where you gonna be again? Broadway on Tuesday and Thursday and with you at the Dojo on Wednesday. He got cooked. Where'd you give him? What didn't I give him? He's got some slurring going. Oh, yeah It was that last fucking that we and I rode the bus over, man, that was wild. Wait till you have to ride the bus home with him and carry him.

No. Wait till you have to sit on your lap on the bus. I'm going Uber. I gotta go to the stand. I'll take a Uber with you. It's good to see you, brother. God damn. Congratulations again. I miss you, man.

You're my brother, I miss you too. And just being here right now brings me back to those last couple of weeks in L.A. At the time I smoked the 24-carat snake bite and I was drooling and you were talking and I just came out like Joe Montana's the best. Oh my God. Just, oh my God.

I was running down the stories with Lee on the bus ride over here, that fucking family brawl at the Gotham With the tables. Oh my god. What about the time? We saw the guy with the pirate Driving the guy driving and we were right next to a pirate and the guy looked at us with the That was the fucking funniest dude You're a pirate Let me tell you something. There's nothing like a comedy ride This is the fucking funniest dude. You're a pirate, look at you.

Let me tell you something, there's nothing like a comedy ride. Oh my God. You have to go to a gig and there's traffic. Me and Lee had to go to San Diego one night. We could not stop. We had to pull over. Oh yeah.

Two times. I was laughing so hard my head was ringing. That's the night I was telling Lee about how you have to come in a woman's mouth and then punch her in the stomach. And then she comes and then you make her suck it up with a straw. And he was like, how do you do that?

I had never done that in my life. I'm just pulling his leg. So wait a second, you come in their stomach and then why do you punch him to get it out? And then what? Then you make him suck it up with the straw. He was like baffled. You had never heard that at Jew summer way camp.

Also, and I could be wrong, isn't this also the ride where you told me that you were pregnant? What's that? Isn't it also the ride that you told me that Mercy was coming? I don't remember. I think it was that same ride,

like you told me those two stories. I don't know. That was when we went to Harris in San Diego. We were fucking late, we were fucked up. We took like 2,000 milligrams on the ride down. And when we got down, the guy's like, the show's starting. No, it's not.

We're eating first. No, it's not. We gotta sit down for a minute. Yeah, they can wait all they want. The guy brought me fucking lobster bisque in a rush out of like a Chinese container. I was like, a Chinese container. I'm like, I'm not getting on that stage. I'm fucked up, Jack.

He's like, what do you mean? I'm fucked up. So you better get some food out of here. Lee was eating right out of the fucking container. They gave him like steak or something. It was like, fucking great food. I don't think I had an iPhone yet, maybe. Or something didn't work and we kept getting lost and kept getting lost

Yeah, we kept getting you had to get out of the car won't win clinic get the puke or something you what? Yeah, I was bro. We ain't like fucking everything. Oh my god, and you're driving and we're driving. I'm doing 90 90 you know that San Diego traffic. I don't wish I'd gone. Oh no, the worst, I did it last Thursday. I did a one-nighter at La Jolla. You know, it's seven hour drive down. You can just go to SF if you wanted. I'm done, that drive always used to get me.

And people never understood, it doesn't work. It is not. It doesn't work. I like the train. It doesn't work. I go to the train. It doesn't work. It's too long. It's doesn't work. I like the train. Doesn't work. I go to the train. Doesn't work, it's too long. It's far. When you drive back in an hour and 30. Isn't that nuts?

And it takes you 40 hours to get, it takes you four. You leave at two o'clock, you're not getting there till six. Nope. Forget it. I leave at 10 now. I'm not doing it, I'm not fucking doing it. Crazy. It was always horrible.

That was the worst drive in America. How does a one and a half hour, bro I even made it back on that one. I was doing Coke, my drug dealer used to close at one, I made it back on an hour 20. And that's 90 from Irvine all the way to fucking Hollywood. I did an hour 43 minutes Thursday night. No problem. Bro on the way down it's fucking four hours.

Easily. Easily. Every time? Easily. No, no. Whoa. I don't even like that San Diego that much. There's nothing down there for me.

You know what I'm saying? I love that club, boy. I like the club, I like the beach, I like the sushi, but after that, put me in the fucking car. Four hours for this shit? I could just go to Sushi's Eye, whatever the fuck, by my house, the one next to the Comedy Store,

Sushi's End, whatever the fuck it is. Oh yeah. I love you, cocksuckers. Stay Black. We'll be back next week. Don't forget to watch Dean Del Rey's special, and don't forget to, I don't know, keep it alive, Cocksuckers.

Stay Black, we love you. You