Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Have some dignity!

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Joey Diaz passes out, doesn't understand why people are jumping up and down about Epstein and Diddy, the importance of having an edible poker face and so much more! New customers, get a special offer from DraftKings Pick6 today! Just download the app press in code JOEY.

Kick this motherfucking Neil Lee. What's happening you savages? Uncle Joey here and his trusted fucking maniac buddy Lee Syatt for another installment of The Church of What's Happening Now, new edition. What's going on Tarzan? I'm doing great dude. Hold on, I forgot. It's the 15th of July, the rent is almost due cocksuckers. You know what I'm doing great. Hold on. I forgot. It's the 15th of July. The rent is almost due. Cock suckers. You know I'm saying that's how quick Shit is moving. It was just two weeks ago. You were lighting fireworks, right?

Three days ago you were jumping up and down with your uncle happy Ford. Look, it's the fucking 15th already It's great, but you pay the rent right as it's due I always wait till the fifth like even today I'd like the mortgage I pay the mortgage at like this as like as late as I can the 11th you pay the mortgage on the 11th I made on the 14th. Why 15 mine isn't due to the 15th. Oh, that's a nice one Well, it's due the first but they give you like a grace period. Oh, I'm Jewish too. I don't pay it to the last minute Even if you have that money in the bank account, you don't pay it to the last minute You want every last penny of interest. Fuck no, I hate it.

I always, as late as I can, and it makes me so happy. Dog, I like paying my bills on time. I pay it on time, but I don't, why would I wanna give it to him right away? I can't tell you how excited I am to get my apartment deposit back. That's four grand? Three. Oh, I'm gonna be sitting there with a- That's four grand? Three.

Oh, I'm gonna be sitting there with a no- That's a lot of donuts. Oh, that's a lot of a lot of things. That's a lot of a lot of things, yeah. Fucking donuts. And when's your last day there, the 30th? In theory, yeah, but I'm gonna be gone probably the- And your birthday is the 28th?

The 20th. The 20th, look at you, on Sunday. 30th, fucking 7th, I was 23 when this started. 23 when I met you, now you're 37? Yeah, fucking wild, dude. Fucking corrupted him early. Not even that early. Doing all types of edibles and more sugar pills

and the whole thing. How was your weekend? My weekend was great. I went and saw Terra, Filmer Special. How was that? It was fantastic. It was a cool little theater on top of a dumpling place right next to Grace Papaya.

George was very excited. I was on the train getting texted like every stop because it goes away. You didn't tell him fucking the Cuban place. I did, no, I did tell him. But he don't care, he don't care. He was gonna eat that great papaya. That poor little kid's hot dog.

That poor little kid's crying over his cat. And George ate him. Yeah, and that papaya juice. But no, it's cool. I'm years away from ever shooting anything like that. But it was just cool to see Tara do it, because when I met Tara, she was featuring for people. And now she was shooting a special.

It was great to see Chaz. Had no idea who I was, which was fantastic, because I was sober. I said, hi, nice to see you again, Chaz. And he was like, nice to see you. He had no idea who I was, which was fantastic, because I was sober. You know, I said hi, he's like, nice to see you again, Chaz, and he's like, ah, nice to see you. He had no idea who I was, but that was really cool. And then, I've just been packing this week. What about you?

Well, you know, the fucking ear. They got the stitches out. I had all of us, I had 60 fucking stitches. For that one thing, they gave you 60 stitches? I had no idea stitches. For that one thing that gave you 60 stitches? I had no idea, I never asked. And then, like I did the show with you guys last week, people actually really think I got a facelift. Like I'm getting 10 messages a day on facelift

with doctor I used, some lady, they give you the other cream. At least I thought it was a good one. I didn't get no facial, I fucking got stitches from a, there was a boil and it was so deep that when they had to take out all the skin, they had to pull the skin back to cover the hole. Right.

That's what the problem is. So, but Thursday was a real fucking adventure because I went and I made a big mistake. I let my wife come with me. And my wife's chatty. So when we sat down at doctor's office, the girl came in, then the main girl came in, and she's like,

this ain't gonna bother you at all, blah, blah, blah, we're gonna do that, we gotta suck a lipoma out of your fucking back, I go, okay. So she sets me up, I go, give me a cup of waters. When the doctor comes in and he starts talking to me, he keeps saying, yeah, we're gonna cape the stitches out, and my stomach started feeling woozy. I'm like, I'm not feeling good already.

So I drink a little water, and all of a sudden, she's like, we're ready to start. And I go, yeah. And she's doing something for like a minute, all of a sudden I hear like, doong. Like she cut the stitch. And she goes, that's one down, and my wife goes, how many did he get?

And she goes, mm. I think it was 60 all total. And just that thought, somebody gave me 60 fucking stitches. What if I have to three stitches or two stitches? Somebody gave me 60 fucking stitches. And they have to pull out each one, one by one? One by one or they pull them and they pull the whole thing. Lee, it doesn't matter, I didn't feel it.

This is the world I live in. This is why I say to people, it's always mental. It's not anything else. It's whatever you put your mind into it. You know, I didn't even feel it. And I fucking went down for like 10 minutes, like I had to put the fucking, dog, they put an ice pack on my neck

and one on my chest and it melted within seconds. It just went zh, I didn't even feel it. Did you pass out? I didn't go all the way out, but I was like, I don't feel good. And the fucking thing that, it's like when you're touring your ankle, I have a problem that whenever I turn my ankle

or I hurt my finger, it goes right to my stomach. Like a shot, it feels like your stomach just gets like fucking a little. Right. And right away I got to shit and fart. So nevermind passing out, nevermind the stitches, I gotta lay upside down with a fart in my ass that's about to come out and fucking,

it's a vacuum in my ass, I'm upside down, you know what I'm working with? And thank God it wasn't me there because you would have let the fart go. I'm surprised you didn't fart in the room. No, I'm embarrassed about the two fucking doctors in the room. They're women I'll kill it fucking farts. Oh, I'm about 400 fucking pounds. I went to the doctor one day and in Los Angeles my old doctor Waxley's retired and he had this Mexican assistant

I liked her too and one day they put me on the table check something and then they both pulled me up. And when they pulled me up, you just heard this tremendous fart. Come on, thud, thud, thud, thud, thud. It just came out and at the end of the fart, everybody just looked at each other. Nobody made a move except me. I got up and blocked the door, right? Like, you know, to make it like this.

You held them hostage? Oh, I held them hostage with that fucking fart of death in the doctor's office. Oh my God. So I don't ever want to do it again because I remember to look on like this. You held them hostage? Oh, I held them hostage with that fucking fart of death in the doctor's office. Oh my God. So I don't ever wanna do it again, because I remember to look on their faces. There's no windows in the doctor's office.

No. So they gotta sit there and inhale the whole fucking thing. Is that why he retired? No, no, Waxley was gonna retire no matter what. He retired after I gave him the pop cookie. He went down like Sarah Tiana in his office. You did not give your doctor a pop cookie.

Yes, I did. He was so paranoid. He would always tell me, leave it in my office. I would always come to his office and go, Doc, I left you something. He was from Chicago. And I would leave him like a cookie or the things I used to give you and switch the labels. Oh, the Chiba chews? The Chiba chews. And I remember one time I get,

bro, one time I went down there and I lost a pot cookie like a month earlier and I got down there at 8.30 for a blood test and I opened the trunk and there's the pot cookie in the back of the trunk and I'm like, god damn it, I haven't eaten that and so I ate the pot cookie. The next day he called me up and he's like, get back down here.

Your fucking test was all fucked up yesterday. You pissed all green. Oh my god. Because what'd you do? I go, I ate the was all fucked up yesterday. You pissed all green. Because what'd you do? I ate the cookie in the parking lot. He was cool as shit with me. How did you find, did he ask for edibles? No, we were talking one day and I just would, every time I'd go out I'd bring him a lollipop

and he'd go, you gotta stop this. He would always say, you gotta stop. I'd bring him a lollipop or a pretzel. You had to stop but he didn't say no. This was in the early fucking days of when me and Ralphie would go to a place next to Duke's. They had cakes and donuts and shit like that, so I would bring him stuff.

Yeah, this was your coffee. But one night I brought him a cookie and I went to see him like a month later and when he saw me in the hallway, and I knew I was in trouble, I'm like, what did I do? And when I went in there, he's like, motherfucker. I ate that cookie at lunchtime. I had to go home at 1.30.

And he goes, when I passed out, till midnight. And then I got up and he goes, I made Chicago hot beef. I had it in the bottom of my freezer with the buns and everything. He goes, I started cooking that shit till about three in the morning. He goes, I made the whole thing of fucking that Italian beef.

He goes, you motherfucker, what was in that? I said, I don't know. So he's like, you bring me more. And I would bring him little cookies and shit. Do you buy edibles to give to people, to like fuck with people? Yeah. Yeah? Sometimes they just give them to you.

You know, like remember in LA, people give you like five milligram candies and shit. What am I gonna do with five milligram candy? Yeah, but you're not giving people five milligram candies. I'm giving them whatever they give me. Yeah, you give away the heavy duty stuff. That's amazing. I've never heard of one,

because usually people lie to their doctor. Like they ask, do you drink? Oh, occasionally. If you lie to your doctor, you're not gonna get nowhere. I agree, but I also don't give them edibles. I remember when I got a surgeon on my neck for the fat ball. When I told that doctor, he was like like so how much coke do you do? once twice a month I

Go every day Holy shit was how much every day go either a gram or an eight ball doc I'm on fire and he just sat there looked at me for eight minutes. He goes Just try to do it until the surgery not to do it until the surgery, right? I did it till the night before the fucking surgery. I wasn't in there coming down like fucking Tony Montana for seven in the morning. I think I did get high the night before the surgery

because I got high every night, I had a monkey on my back. I wasn't gonna stop then. And when somebody tells you not to do it, that's when I do it. When somebody says you can't do it because you're gonna die, fuck it. Let's do it. I'm surprised you even went to the doctor you're gonna die, fuck it. Let's do it. I'm surprised you even went to the doctor.

Huh? I'm surprised you even went to the doctor. I knew you had the fat ball back then. I had a wife, man. I had a girlfriend that would bust my balls. She would make you go to the doctor? I would lie to her all the time. Yeah, I went.

And then she would call me from work. I went on the credit card. There was no copay. There was nothing. You didn't go. You have to go tomorrow. You didn't go for your blood test. Jesus. Then she started taking me to the blood test. You have to go tomorrow. You didn't go for your blood test. Jesus.

And she started taking me to the blood test. Oh, to make sure you stayed? Yeah. And then she realized why I left. After about six months, she's like, you pass out all the time. She goes, I don't know how you do it. I remember one time she took me to the dentist

and she was sitting reading a magazine and all of a sudden they had like the red light going on and she just got up. She goes, that's my husband. Lady goes, where just got up. She goes, that's my husband. Lady goes, where you going? She goes, that's my husband. She goes, how do you know? She goes, I'm telling you, that's my husband.

And she's shooting up, they came and got her. And she knows exactly how to pull me off. How? She puts ice in my hands. Okay. And then paper towels, cause my hands drip. Sweaty? Drip when I'm getting a needle.

You can tell when I'm about to get a needle, cause my hands get really fucking slippery and slimy. What's more anxiety producing for you? Stand up at like a big theater like that or a needle? A needle. Holy shit. That is, but you've gotten better. I'll give you credit.

It took me fucking 18 years of acupuncture. We're going on 18 years of acupuncture. I'm going on 18 years of sober from cocaine. I probably started acupuncture. We're going on 18 years of acupuncture. I'm going on 18 years of sober from cocaine. I probably started acupuncture a year before I got clean. So the needles don't bother me. When I go to acupuncture, I still jump in the air. When she puts a fucking needle in my foot or something, I still jump.

I still fuck. She puts one in my shoulder that's like, you can hear it going, eh, eh, eh. Sometimes it bends. Sometimes it motherfucka bends. You know how many times she forgets to take needles out of my hair and I'll be driving home

and I'll scratch my head and I'm like, ah! And I got a fucking needle in my finger and shit. Holy shit. Cause you were just saying everything's mental. Why do you think you're still afraid of needles? It's a 50-50. Okay. It's a 50-50. Okay. It's a 50-50.

I went to the boxing gym today. I did eight rounds. I burned 620 calories. He trained me for like seven rounds and then I did my own shit. But the rounds he trained me, I didn't have to take a break or pee. Nice.

Right? I'm fine. When I have to walk up those stairs on the side, I think my world's gonna end. Not because the stairs are bad, because it's mental. I have these little mental fucking quirks, man. That's crazy. And we all have them.

We just don't realize we have mental quirks, but we do. Everybody has, and it all depends how I feel when I walk in. There's days I could walk in there, put my arm out, and they could shoot me, and I'll talk to the lady. And there's days, I'm like, there's days I could walk in there, put my arm out and they could shoot me and I'll talk to the lady. And there's days like I'm like, I don't know. This don't feel like that day at the hotel, the first day, that didn't feel right. So everything was gonna hurt.

The first needle, the second needle, the third needle, the fuck, everything fucking hurt. But usually I could tell, I was in the hospital for three weeks, there were days I was getting fucking 12 needles a day. Oh, I can't even imagine. I was like in training, hit me here, hit me here, hit me here.

You did way better with that hospital stuff than I thought you would've. Like those three, just knowing you, if you had told me, how's Joey gonna respond to a week in a hospital once a month for three months? I mean, I'm sure you didn't like it, and I'm sure it was scary, but like you did it. Nobody likes that shit.

Nobody likes it, and you do it because with the pretense that you're gonna get better. Right. You know, you're gonna get better. Let me stay here. You know, I don't wanna put this on my family. If not, I'm at home in front of your family, you gotta put them through this shit.

You have insurance, you pay a lot for that fucking insurance. Pay these people. Go to the hospital and get them taken care of. Because if not, you're gonna keep coming back, coming back, coming back. Now, again, Lee, I didn't think that way when I was 25. Right. I said fuck it, if I die, I die.

Big difference. I was gonna say, if you were, imagine if you didn't have Mercy right now, or even Terry. I'd be a renegade. Really? I wouldn't be here without the both of them. What do you think would've happened? If I would've kept doing drugs,

I wouldn't have had any of them, so it wouldn't have mattered. But I'm just saying that after a while, you just go, I have to do this, because it's that Pennzoil commercial. Either you pay me now, or you pay me later. You're gonna end up here anyway. You're gonna end up here for 90 fucking days. And then they're gonna put you in a rehab

for fucking 30 days, because that's what they love to do now. So take care of these six days, because as far as I'm concerned, six is better than 120, right? Fuck yeah. Six days in the hospital is better than 120 fucking days in the hospital. So it's two different things.

It's still gonna suck no matter what. But I'd rather do six than 120. And that's if nothing goes wrong. Right. And there's always something. By the way, not to change the subject, you said those edibles were 100 eats. There's no way those were 100 eats.

I'm already fucking feeling them. Who gives a fuck what they are? It's Monday night, your girlfriend's out of country. We're lighting you on fire tonight, it's all over. Who gives a fuck? I was feeling warm and cozy myself. I don't know what they are. It says-

Where did you even get these things? Fanny sent me a bag of these edibles that taste great. The 20 milligram grape ones, which what am I gonna do with 20 milligrams? Nothing. It tastes great. Okay. The 20 milligram grape ones, which what am I gonna do with 20 milligrams? Nothing. I gotta eat 20 bags, and then these, it said it was 20 pieces at 500 milligrams a piece.

You just told me it was 100 each 15 minutes ago. I don't know, you know, we take a chance here. And now it's 500, oh, you gave me 2000? No, it's not 500, stupid. Nobody even makes 500 no more. First of all, that tastes too good for me 500. Yeah, that's true. Remember the chocolates we used to get?

Those brownies, they tasted like. What about those moon bars? You love those moon bars and those things tasted, look at me, I like chocolate. Those things tasted like asshole. What moon bars? I don't think. Those little thin ones, you talked about them on Rogan.

They're like, they look like almost like Kit Kats almost. They were like long, they were strong as fuck. They were strong as fuck. Oh. They were like long, they were strong as fuck. They were strong as fuck. Oh. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's amazing, you have so many rules about food, that like you don't like this, you don't like that. You'll eat the worst tasting edibles out there. Like yeah. Listen, when you eat broccoli, right? Like when you eat broccoli, I tell you it's good for you.

It's gonna give you iron, it's gonna help you with sunlight, da da da da da da. It's shit you don't see. When I give you an edible, it may taste like my asshole, but you're gonna see something. You know what I'm saying? Are you with me? That's why, why eat a brownie with no fucking THC in it?

Because it's delicious. No it's not, it tastes like dick. Give me a brownie with THC and some almonds in that motherfucker, then we got something to talk about. I'm surprised you haven't started baking edibles. Yeah, that's what I wanna do with my fucking time is sit there with a spatula and fuck and be Mr. Edible. That's what I really wanna do with my fucking time.

At 62, I'm gonna take up a new hobby. You need a hobby. I'm gonna make edibles and open up a business to lose money. I'm not even talking about a business. I'm just talking about you making edibles to fuck with your friends. Nobody trusts me no more. They still eat your edibles. I gotta give them to people down by me and that's rough. Nobody eats edibles down there.

Oh my God. You're like the impractical jokers. Like you can't trick anybody anymore. No, I'm one of the jokers. That's it. They won't. Like the mozzarella fell for it. You know, I could still get a pigeon from time to's it, they won't. Like the mozzarella fell for it.

I could still get a pigeon from time to time to give them one. How excited do you get when you give someone an edible you know they can't handle? Look at the smile on his face. I don't know if it excites me. I just want to see where you're going to go. I don't know what the big deal is. We've done worse things.

Listen, when we eat 200 milligrams, even this could go to George. George has done everything. So when he tells me, I have to work tomorrow, he knows that that infuriates me. And if I have a chance to shoot him with a thousand milligrams, like a dart or something, I would, because he can handle it.

He's just a half a fag. Right. Okay, he can handle it. He's just a half a fag. Right. Okay, he can handle it and this ain't shit. I'll take you to the Bronx at three in the morning and give you two of these and then you come back to me. That's torture when you don't know where you're going in the Bronx. We're having a good time here. Okay, this is a controlled fucking high. Nothing bad could happen to you. Nobody's gonna hit you in the head, nobody's gonna mug you. Thank God. Nobody's gonna do nothing. So what's the big deal? Give me what you got. If I can't drive home, fuck it. You got a blanket, right?

Right? You got a blanket. You got a dog. I'll just hold on to the dog. That's it. That's what you have a pet for. When you do edibles, to hold on to them. Holy shit. Just grab them and say, listen, I I gotta hold you we're going into a deep cave here Your dogs looking at you like what fucking cave, you know the cave But I don't think I do even do get to that level fucked up anymore of like being scared Every once in a while I scared myself Jesus Christ, and I love it the first night. I got the pain pills like I had him two nights I didn't take him. Okay, because I was saving them for a got the pain pills, like I had them two nights I didn't take them,

because I was saving them for a specific night. And I popped like three of them, I was fucked up. I had three of them, a mushroom, fucking hours, fucked up. My wife was trying to talk to me, I was giggling, I kept eating, I ate Apple Jacks, I ate a bunch of shit that night. I gained like eight pounds this last week. Off of pain pills?

No, edibles, the pain pills are gone. Okay. I just saved the pain pills, they don't give you a lot. In New Jersey, if you get surgery, they'll give you like, they'll say take two to three pills a day for 10 days. That's 30 pills. They give you like nine. And you're like, the meth don't add up.

So you don't, I didn't need the pain pills. But I need the, you always need to get a little high every once in a while on a pain pill. Just as a reminder, you go into a Yankee game, a nice Viking that never killed nobody, you know what I'm saying? You have to be walking a lot of bleachers, your knee hurts anyway.

Right, you go up there, you drink a beer, you got a Guba home. So that's what I did, I said, you know what, I only got like nine of them, I'm gonna take four of them from one shot. And I just inhaled four of them in one night. But again, it's 20 milligrams. What did you even save it for?

Like what was the big night? Friday night. You know what I'm saying? I got shit to do and people to see. Weren't you at a softball tournament? No, I didn't go to a softball tournament. You're fucking knucklehead. I was doing something. I went to a softball tournament. You're fucking knucklehead. I was doing something for it.

I went to a party or something and I knew a party was going to be boring. So I said, if I know a party is going to be boring and I have to go for my daughter or my wife and tolerate it, I might as well eat edibles and do it my way. And I don't say a fucking word. I go to those things and maybe there's one of the dads that'll talk to me for a little while. I'll talk to them. I always find somebody Yeah, but you don't look fucked up. That's like I that's the secret Lee. Yeah, but how do you do that? Every day I look fucked up. You've given me so many

Up when I'm so I call him every Tuesday morning guys. You have to hear him on Tuesday Yeah, I'm like you think you got raped by a diddy party. You think raped. You think you got raped by fucking escorts and black dicks. And I'll say, what's up, Lee? You know what's up. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm up, I'm out of the house. I drank water, I took a shit. George taught me that.

You don't want an edible hangover? Drink two cups of coffee in the morning, eat an apple. That first shit, you go in the shower, and in the shower, you'll start, your ears will deflog. You know when your plane starts to land, and your ears go, that's when, once you get in the shower, and after you take that first shit.

Why are your ears popping in the shower? Because you were high last night. You were up in the fucking clouds, you know what I'm saying? Once you hear your ears pop in the shower, you're brand new, then you come out, you take an egg sandwich, and that's it. But even when you take the edibles, like your eyes don't get red, they don't get the only way people can tell your high as you start to whisper

That's the only way people can know that your eyes you just start you start you just start telling people secrets and I don't know What like that's the everyone else as soon as I take an edible my eyes close, you know, nothing happens to you It's a poker face You know nothing happens to you It's a poker face TAC poker face. Oh my god. You got a fucking keep it under control. If not, you're gonna be one But who gives a fuck what are you teaching Charlie you fuck you smoke pot you have to have some dignity I Agree with you, but it's not something I choose to look fucked up, I just get fucked up. Who cares, you know what I'm saying?

We get fucked up here, that's what we do. As a matter of fact, let's try for another edible. How's that feel? How do you know, does your watch go off? I just, you know what I'm saying, I can feel in the air that you need another edible. I must be talking too much if I need another edible, that's how you always know.

I got fucked up in Cape May this weekend. I went to Cape May for a softball tournament. I told you. Let me tell you something. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. As a matter of fact, Saturday night, I had a fucking Heineken. Really?

I got fucked up. I love it. One Heineken. That's it. And it was the coldest Heineken down the shore and he gave me a fucking glass that broke. It was so cold when he gave it to me, motherfucker shattered. Then he gave me another one. When he put it on the bar, it just went.

I drank it in two sips. Yeah. It was delicious. Every meal I had in Cape May was fucking amazing. I went to the Mayflower Hotel, they took care of me like I was Johnny fucking bananas in my family. We walked in there Friday night with like 19 people.

And the dinner was fucking good. They had a nice steak, eight ounce steak with a nice baked potato and I had a cup of something that you wouldn't think I'd drink. Again, cream of asparagus soup with crab meat in it. Delicious. Now, you know how many asparagus I've eaten in my life? Zero.

Zero, I hate those fucking disgusting spears. I hate broccoli, but cream of broccoli, done well, shit. Dude, that's what you have to do online, is the soup reviews. There's no one in the scene. Would you leave me the fuck alone with the reviews? No, because that's what they fuck alone with the review soups nobody makes soups Everyone who Campbell I'm gonna go bring them back. No, you go to a restaurant I'm with the shop right for fucking soup today

They haven't put a piece of salt in that soup and 20 years to to stagger. They didn't put salt in here Chicken rice no fucking salt tons of chicken tons of celery tons of this time to that they forgot to go out put some salt in here. Chicken, rice, no fucking salt. Tons of chicken, tons of celery, tons of this, tons of that. They forgot to go, oh, put some salt in that. Nobody makes a fucking sensational soup anymore. It takes like, it has to be something like a small family restaurant, not a chain. It's gotta be a small family restaurant. The brass rail in Matawan is the closest

that if I had to give a review for the soups, I'd go with that. When you're trying to get a good soup, like what's a good soup to you? Listen, anybody can make New England Clam, anybody can make onion soup, that fucking French onion, anybody can make lobster bisque, and any of you can make New England Clam chowder

in Manhattan, okay? Give me something different. So that doesn't impress you, those like standards. Listen, Cousins makes a Manhattan clam chowder, that fumes will come out of your ass, so it's so fucking good. But they also make an exceptional lobster bisque and then New England is second to nobody.

Cousins in New Brunswick, Marlboro, and now Bricktown, phenomenal. But those are the three soups they make. Fucking Cafe Luna has Nana pasta fazool with pastina in it. You wanna talk to me about soups? Like that's a soup. Like a fucking pasta fazool with fucking pastina in it. that's a soup. Like a fuckin' pasta fizzle with fuckin' pastina in it. That's something different.

My man and me and George, we're cream of turkey, motherfuckers, you know what I'm saying? But our standards have lowered, because when we go for cream of turkey, now it's all out of a can. Nobody's really giving you cream of turkey from scratch. They don't. If you know it's cream of, you know it's from scratch

if it has something additional in there. Like we used to go to a plate, our in-laws used to make turkey gorgonzola soup, like a creamer turkey gorgonzola. That's how you know. When you get creamer turkey at a diner, it comes out of a fucking can. They got it from Campbell's Cousin. You know what I'm saying?

So it's not gonna really, I like, like there's a restaurant, the brass rail makes all those broccolis, all those soups great. They make a fucking red pepper soup, a cream of red pepper. Never even heard of that. Fuck, exactly.

Make me a soup that I don't know about. And do you like creamy or like chicken kind of soups better? All that shit. Is that all of it? There's the Mall of America. Yeah. Oh, yeah when you do the Mall of America, they put you in that hotel. Yeah upstairs and the Mall of America they have a soup At that fucking wall only in the winter It's got everything in it like beef, barley. They put like beef barley, beef stew. It could be a million degrees under and you go you drink

that soup and you warm up. It's just comfort soup. I like that stuff but not you can't have it when it's 90 degrees up. I know but it's been a hundred degrees here for like a month and you're still eating soup. Yeah I'll have soup. Is that a Spanish thing? Spain. Yeah? Spain. So my soup. Is that a Spanish thing? Spain. Yeah? Spain, so my mother made a lot of soups because of my father.

When my father died, she kept making those soups and I fucking loved the shit out of them. Because Cubans have things that say, wop, lo wop on a toman sopa. That means real bad motherfuckers don't drink soup. But I said fuck that, I'm a bad motherfucker, but I need my soup. That's a Cuban saying?

Yeah. La huapa no tome en sopa. Why don't Cubans like soup? Listen, it's just an old fucking Latino shit. I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with you? I have no. Like that nice creamy turkey soup, see?

That's very nice. There's some carrots, that's how you could tell it doesn't come in a can. But you go to a diner, you get high, I'll smoke some wee wee and I'll take you to that diner. On Wednesday we'll put some fucking, some crackers in that motherfucker, you won't know the difference.

Oh my God, that's my favorite part about you with soup and iced tea. With soup and iced tea, with iced tea you take the sweet and lows, with soup you'll grab like 18 of those cracker bags and you'll, like you put, there's more crackers in your soup than soup. It's, and dude, that's I think the happiest

that I ever see you. A soup and a nice tea, and you are thrilled. Salmon with mashed potatoes and spinach with pieces of garlic in it, that's my second favorite fucking meal. Now, it used to be chicken cutlets with mashed potatoes, but nobody ain't making good chicken cutlets except for my man, George here.

Everybody leaves the vein in the middle. I can't do that no more. I can't even eat chicken parm no more, because I always get that little tender. The other day I got sushi and it had that, and I wanted to fucking hang myself. Yeah, white tuna, I'm like, you know, Jersey and California, the sushi is two different

fucking worlds, I'm sorry, I'm done. You know what I did for the first time and I know you're gonna make fun of me? Lick my asshole. I don't think you make fun of me. I say thank you for that. I went to, it's called Omakase, where they just give you pieces of sushi.

It was the first time I ever did. It was fun, it was a good time. It was fun, yeah. You've never done it? No, I don't wanna eat nothing I don't know. Don't give me nothing. They tell you what it is. Yeah, there, but I can't tell them before they bring it.

They're gonna say, I don't wanna be surprised. Is it Halloween? I wanna be surprised? Then they'll bring you all this shit you don't wanna eat, this shit. Just give me what I wanna eat. Okay, I'll pay you, just give me what I wanna eat. I don't want no surprises.

I don't want the chef's special. I don't wanna know that shit. Cause then they come out with lamb. Look what the chef's special. Listen, I don't eat lamb. I won't want the chef special. I don't know that shit cuz then they come out with lamb look what the chef special listen I don't need lamb. I will taste it. It's a but now I got a taste in shit blood for two weeks Oh, go away. Go like that cuz I I don't give me the same as I asked for I don't want nothing else But you will always put yourself in these predicaments. It was good. I was really happy to do it I had sake for the first time

38 years old sake for the first fuck. I had it once before I didn't like it, but this was a good one What was in this one honey? No, it was just it was a good quality. I don't know Quality honey, you only had sake one time. Yeah, how is this a good quality? What did you know this one? I don't know anything about I'm just saying this one tasted good me alone. I knew you were gonna say shit Yeah, because right away, you always gotta, you've always tried to make sushi. Dude. You hear that shit?

What am I, you refused to go to sushi with me because I was too boring. Now I'm trying new things and you get, there's no winning with you. We went like one of the, like a year or two before we left LA, the place that he likes for sushi, Sushi Dan, we we went I like two things I like tuna and I like shrimp and I get like a few different varieties of that

Halfway through the meal. You just look I'll be like no more sushi. You're like my you're worse than my wife You're boring. Yeah, you know he gets those shrimps That's what he gets. No. No, I do Even get the shirt. I do Look at me. I get skinny protein a ship and two pieces of that. No, no, no, he doesn't even get the shrimp tempura. I do, I love, don't tell me, I'll get, look at me, I get shrimp tempura. Skinny, cretina shrimp, and two pieces of tuna. He don't eat no spider roe, he don't do anything else. He's like, he's like if you go to eat sushi in Iowa,

that's him, that's Lee. So I try something new, I get king salmon, which was really fucking good. I didn't like the scallops, but there was a couple different, I tried that, like the orange, like the uni, whatever it is, it's like custardy. It was pretty fucking good. Custardy?

Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, no shit. Leave me the fuck out of that. No, not the orange balls, it was like an, it looked like ice cream. Oh, I know you said orange, but. Yeah. You're eating like an eagle eye.

You don't even know what the fuck you're eating. It's an eagle eye. Yeah, that lady from North Bergen that ran over everybody. You're reading one of her eyes is shit. Oh, fuck is wrong with you. Someone ran over somebody? I don't know. Something happened in North Bergen. Some lady ran over seven protesters or something. Jesus Christ. You know what? Let's just fuck with me today. I'll tell you something else I did, which I've never done. Do you ever get pedicures? Leave me alone, Lee. Jesus Christ, Lee.

You don't like it? I've never done it. You told me I had the ouchwoods toe. Now, did you walk in there by yourself or did your girlfriend walk in there? No, no, no. You gotta start getting it together, Lee. What's wrong?

You told me I had the ouchwoods toe because it cut a hole in my knee. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee,

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee It was good. It was good. Okay. I'm not gonna You just killed me But my feet are fucked up. Yeah, so am I So am I you don't your feet are gonna listen a plastic surgeon needs your feet

Not a little Asian chick that weighs 40 pounds drilling on your toes. That's why I don't go for a pedicure They tell me all the time bring the toe I got a fucked up toe If I bring this toe in there those chinks are 90 pounds of peas. They can't chisel. They got a chisel and shit Are you fucking crazy? I don't have the fungi toe. I just have the outside. You got everything else You got a toe that's like me. I do. You need plastic stir You got a foot that looks like it stepped on Hitler's head like Like if they would have used your foot to kill Hitler, it would have been fine. I wish I was there. But it feels good.

I don't know. You're in New York City. Yeah. And you're getting fucking pedicures and shit. Not all the time. We gotta have a long talk. Eating sushi out of a white castle. I didn't go to White Castle.

Purple papaya with this fucking lunatic. I didn't go to papaya. It's fucking, this guy makes the best hot dogs on a Monday night. He got them, I walked up after. I know, I know, and you let him. I was on the train, how am I gonna stop him from getting grace papaya?

North Bergen, New York City Barbecue, Harlem Fried Chicken, Street Doors Up, and the Cuban Place, and this guy goes for hot dogs. He makes the best hot dogs possible on Monday here. I don't know anymore. I just don't know anymore, guys. I just gotta go home and just, they just gotta put me on an island soon

because I can't figure it out no more. I cannot figure it out no more. What is there to figure out? Why does other people, like how other people eat or do with their feet, why does it affect you? Those two men's hot dogs on Monday with jalapeno are the best fucking thing to eat there. I agree with you.

He goes over there and gets a fucking dog that is the worst thing you could ever eat. I have to be honest. You understand me? Yeah. So it's like, you can't even pay attention no more. Like I just, I feel bad. It's like a retarded child.

Like today I went down his block and I saw all the goofy restaurants he tells me about on a nightly basis. The chocolate place I saw today with the $10 milkshake. The other day he's giving me an ear beating about a $10 milkshake. Listen. No, it's you. I don't. I bought a $10 milkshake. Listen. No, it's you.

I don't want to make a $10 milkshake. Listen, I go for a $10 milkshake because I know it's going to be that good. I give you $10 for a milkshake, I better taste the cum in there. Like from your mother's pussy. I want to taste everything in there. I don't want no chocolate, I want cocoa.

You know what I'm saying? I want C-O-C-O-A, cocoa, whatever the fuck. You know what I'm saying? I want C-O-C-O-A, co-cow, whatever the fuck, you know what I'm saying? Cacao. But he has all these places that you shouldn't even be walking by. Muslim-ness, Turkish-ness, Viva Mexico, I saw all those places, that's an old gas station.

Viva Margarita, and you idiots are in there, hey, that's our lude, whatever. And he's fucking retarded. I saw all those restaurants. I'm like, this is not good up here. You could fall into debt up on Anderson Avenue now. And at the end of the day, that is, Rudy's is probably the last white food in fucking Cliffside Park. I was in shock today. You know, he was telling me it's a chocolate place. Oh, it could be good.

I thought about the chocolate place in Baltimore. Okay, oh, yeah. Those shakes were 10 bucks, but they gave you a chocolate straw. Oh, a chocolate fucking straw. After you drink the shake, you eat the straw like a doctor. You got it all over your teeth. That's a $10 shake.

You don't know, George. Dude, most shakes are like $10 It's fucking solid, but then he tells me it run by Turkish people. They don't know about milkshakes So I'm going in there. They got like a recipe from Louie the eye You know I'm saying like they're all like fucking third world nation people you got another restaurant up there the other day just saw about a Some other fucking they have two crazy ass restaurants next to each other countries never even heard By the fuckings my Maccagna Before you make the left on the camera right there

Yeah, there's something from fuck. I won't eat that shit. You probably eat then I'll give you a leaf of coke up a mistake you fucking die Some fuck I mean he's got it. It's insane. So what kind of restaurants do you wanna see? There's only so many Italian restaurants you can have. I didn't say that. Did I say, I don't wanna eat a fucking Italian every day?

So what else can you eat? What's allowed if Colombian? What? What if I happen to a nice steak? Okay, so it's two kinds of places What about in tonight's Cuban up the corner there? What about the nice you got great Chinese up here those places you see with the fucked up glass and shit in Jersey, right? They're fucking good. Okay, they're good. It's not like California where you see the the fucking Chinese guy

He's got like a hippie haircut. No, these motherfuckers are good the one on Park Avenue Well, you took me that time tremendous pork fried rice. I don't know about the spare ribs and shit like that, but that's fucking good But like where so where does the line get drawn? You know where the line gets dropped. No, but the line gets drawn differently every fucking day You make up new rules. You make up new rules during the game. There's no fucking new rules. This is common sense. Common sense rules?

This is common sense. You eat the best hot dog in the world. I mean, it's just common fucking sense. I don't know how many times we've had the conversation about food and food and food, and we all go back to the same thing. By my house, it's great. It's great, what they have. Until you come up to Hudson County,

and then that shit changes. And then we get on a tunnel or a bridge, and we go over there and get fine dining with all the bullshit, people drinking martinis or whatever. But at the end of the day, where does a motherfucker get the best bang for his buck? In Hudson County, New Jersey. And that goes for pizza, that goes for Chinese,

that goes for Spanish, Cuban, Puerto Rican, even Colombian. That's right here in Hudson County, okay? Everything else, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Now again, Cliffside isn't Hudson County. Right, so why? It's Bergen County, but still, it's on the same neighborhood as us.

They should all have the same dignity. You know what I'm saying? There's a word called fucking dignity, okay? So, that's what's going on right now. That neighborhood, Fairview and Cliffside, is very third world nation, whatever. Turkish, Arab, whatever. I got nothing against those people.

But, you're not gonna make me a fucking Philly cheesesteak. I can't do it. Stick to what you know, hummus, papaya shit, you know, fucking coconut milk with shrimp. You don't mind the restaurants, you just don't want other, you want people that like jail. I want people to know what they're doing to cook my food. When I walk into a Carvel in California,

I was very excited about the Carvel. Very excited. I went to the Grand Opening, I was one of the first people there because I'm 400 fucking pounds. That's what people who are 400 pounds do. Cario C. Lin. That's Chang'e, the god of fucking thunder to correct me. So. Carvel. I walked in there. They won the five dollars for the cone. I paid it. Everything was hunky dory until it was three Chinese people. Now, I have nothing against Chinese people,

but what do they know about Carvel? Now, again, yo Joey, you're being racist. No, I'm not. There's a Carvel by my house in the 33. It's a drive-through Carvel. It's run by Chinese people. They've owned it for 30 fucking years. You go in there, you tell that motherfucking Chinese dude,

make you a shake thin, and heucking Chinese dude make you a shake thin, and he knows how to make you a shake thin. Whatever you, that's the place I used to go and get the thin chocolate shake with the double cone vanilla ice cream, vanilla chocolate with colored sprinkles and whipped cream, and I would dip it in there, that's when you're a 400 pound fat fuck.

That's a good Carvel, but it wasn't an investment for him. Right. It was something that they liked. He had kids, all the kids worked there. I've seen him grow. The girl is beautiful now. The fucking father's yoked. There's another one on the 520 that's Chinese owned.

They don't know what they're doing. That's an investment. The lady on the 516, she owns it since Jesus left Chicago. That's a drive-through. So, she only works in the daytime. So if you want a gun right, you gotta go in the daytime. So if you want it done right, you gotta go in the daytime. Because if you go at night,

there's kids with acne and pimples, and they're on their phone, and you can see like a cherry floating in the pineapple. That's when we leave. Soon as I see a cherry in the pineapple, we gotta go. You go to Carvel, you can't even get the hard ice cream anymore. Carvel used to be hot ice cream ville.

Now you go, it's like your grandmother's refrigerator. You ever eat ice cream out of granny's refrigerator? Always had that core of air on it because they leave the top off. You're supposed to eat it and tell her it tastes good. Meanwhile, it tastes like lasagna, garlic ravioli. You're like, oh yeah, this tastes great. I don't wanna eat, my ice cream's gotta be tight

up in the top. Right. Dude, you just rattled off the schedules of three different, Like oh, yeah, this tastes great. I don't want to eat my ice cream's gotta be tight up in the top, right? Dude, you know, you just rattle off like the schedules of three different Do you know like all the Carvels in this state? I got I got that's what I do. I'm a fat fuck. I'm stupid I don't know much and this is what interests me. I have no other interest if you don't talk to me about politics or Elon Musk I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about SpaceX. I don't give a fuck about none of that shit, okay? What do you give a fuck about? I give a fuck about a nice piece of good food, not getting tortured, and that's it.

But if I go into a place, I can tell if it's an investment, especially if it's a chain restaurant. You could tell that these people, this is what they grew up on, and they believe in that product, or if it's a fuckin' investment. And ice cream is a weird one, because there's a lot of happy memories associated with Carvel for you. It's not like it's a sandwich place. What, fuckin' happy memories?

Fuckin' faggot or what? Happy memories, what, they put the phone up your ass? You're the one who has so many rules for Carvel. I got this, I don't know happy memories about ice cream. No? I get stoned, I like eatin' it. That's it. It associates a lot of happiness with the fucking.

You don't think so? No, you're depressing me now. You sound like a white person. I am white. Anyway, let's take a breather now. We're gonna talk to you about this weekend and DraftKings. What's happening, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here.

UFC 318 is the last time you're gonna see Dustin Diamond Poirier step into the octagon. Let me tell you something, I'm excited already. The easiest way to get in on the action and win real cash is to download the Big Six app from DraftKings. That's right, I said it, Big Six app. It's the official daily fantasy partner of the UFC. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And it's very easy to play.

You ready? Just pick more or less on the stats of two or more your favorite fights. Get ready to turn that hot take into a payday. Now download the DraftKings Pick 6 app right now and press in code Joey. J-O-E-Y. That's code Joey. J-O-E-Y, for all new customers to get a special offer. Ride the upside where a few bucks can turn into a bag, Jack. Only on Draft Kings Pick 6, where, as usual, the crown is yours. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 800 Gambler, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be 18 and over, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction.

Pick six not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void were prohibited. For additional terms or responsible gaming resources, see picksix.draftkings.com slash promos. We're back, you savages! How was the bathroom, okay? You missed my Draft Kings ad.

Oh, I heard it was good. It's always good. Anyway, I want to talk to you guys about something that's been going on for a few months that you guys caught on to it. I went on a few podcasts and I got some heat for it every time I said it. When I went on Rogan, I got heat for it. When I went on Bert Kreischer, I got heat for it.

And I went on somebody else's podcast and I spoke about it. And you guys, as usual, you know everything so you Make your stupid fucking comments or whatever, you know, because everybody's a fucking authority all of a sudden. So you know, I Told you motherfuckers not to worry about Epstein Worry about Diddy. I told you motherfuckers repeatedly for years. We lived in California, guys.

Now I'm not gonna blame California for this. I'm gonna blame a city called Hollywood. I'm gonna blame a city called entitlement. I'm gonna call a city white entitlement. I'm gonna call it, you know, just, the worst shit that could happen in any city that I've seen is in Los Angeles, AKA that Hollywood scene. I shouldn't even say Hollywood. Hollywood's a great little fucking town.

But there's a certain mindset in that town that all you fucking idiots on TV and all everybody thinks they know about. Listen, I like getting my dicks up. I like coming on your tits. By mistake it goes into your eyeball, I get a giggle. You know, if I have to I'll come on your feet. I'm not an anal guy.

We're talking family here, okay? You know, I'm not gonna give it to you. Me giving it to you up the ass is not my big man thing. I was just a regular guy, okay? I got accused of a lot of shit online. People said this, oh, he's scared of Diddy. His name is on the Diddy list. The level of sex and stupidity in Hollywood

is one that you'll never understand. I sit here every week for 14 years with Lee, and I've mentioned to you that the people that you people idolize and think are great, they're the biggest pieces of shit. And your family, your parents didn't raise you to know that, to read that in people. You just fall for, he was great and fast to fury.

You fall for that shit. And you become fans or whatever of these people that A, don't know you exist, B, they wouldn't talk to you if they did, and three, they're just horrible people. You know, I mean, I've never snatched cum out of a girl's pussy to rub on my nipples. After somebody comes on her.

Sure, did he, right? Damn, I didn't hear that one. Celebrities, whatever, escorts would come at her and she would make her run into the room and he'd take the cum out of her pussy and rub it on your nipples. If you don't understand that, that is a complete different level of fucking disgust.

Like even disgust that I wouldn't think of when I'm coked up, when you think of disgusting fucking things. Because when you're doing drugs with a girl when you think of disgusting fucking things. Because when you're doing drugs with a girl, you're thinking disgusting fucking things. And I've never thought about taking cum out of a girl's pussy and rubbing it on my nipple to fucking cum. Especially when it's not yours.

No. So my point is that the level of sexual devency, I mean if you guys didn't learn anything, you guys didn't learn anything from Harvey Weinstein because you focused on Harvey You didn't focus on what was actually fucking happening that a guy is making fucking Hollywood stars Suck his dick for movie roles. This has been going now you guys act like this never happened before This happens in day this happens. At jobs in New York City, this happens, you know, if you're an immigrant, those chicks,

and you come over and you want a job, you're gonna have to suck a dick or two. Some white fat fucking ugly dude with red hair or something. You know, that's the way it's been. I didn't write the fucking rules. I didn't write the rules. But the sexual indiscrepancies in Hollywood had always been disgusting.

How long did it take you to hear about stuff like that when you joined? I heard about it maybe 2010, 15, who knows? It's like everything else in my life. It goes in one ear and it goes in one ear and it goes out the other because at the end of the day it's got nothing to do with me. Right, but I just meant more like,

when do you start hearing rumors of like, oh this executive did this. I heard rumors for years about shit. Underage, fucking, I heard rumors for years. Fuck. I heard rumors for years, okay? And after a while, there's smoke, there's fire, but I'm so busy trying to be a good comic,

and I'm not worried about that shit. I'm too busy trying to be a husband, and a father, and trying to fucking take care of myself. I'm not worried about that shit. I'm too busy trying to be a husband and a father and trying to fucking take care of myself. I didn't worry about that shit. That had nothing to do with me. We had a mutual friend that was involved in thousands of things that we didn't know about,

that I didn't know about, till we moved back here. And then I found out hours of material that were like, I was blown the fuck away. People have weird lives out there. And when I'm gonna tell you podcast people, you pop back to cast people that listen or whatever, there's lists of everything. But the problem why you'll never get those lists

because they're influential people. You know, at Diddy's party, he had a bunch of fucking people in there doing it. And I don't know if you know anything about the judicial system, but then again, I don't know if you dumb motherf about the judicial system, but then again, I don't know if you dumb motherfuckers know anything that's called money. And money could do a lot of shit, okay?

And when you have that much money, well, JZ's worth what? Billions, I would guess. Even if he gives a half a billion away. You know what a half a billion buys in this court system and all that shit? Are you guys even familiar with how this works?

Whoopsie, had the lift, yeah. But you're never gonna find out who's on it. Doesn't that depress you at all? No, it doesn't depress me. Number one, ain't none of your fucking business. And number two, what I've been saying since day one, how is it gonna change your life? You gonna raise from knowing who's on the list?

No, you just wanna know who's on the list. Oh my God, I can't. It's like those idiots. I can't wait till Trump releases the Kennedy assassinate. He got shot in the fucking head. In the 60s. 1966, and you're getting excited, or 63, I'm sorry. And you're getting excited.

We've just gone to a different level of fucking stupidity that we actually think we deserve to know who's on the Epstein list. No, you don't. No, you don't. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. These people might have important jobs. And what would make a difference? If you knew that the president of Disney was getting his dick sucked by a 10-year-old girl,

you're not gonna go to Disney when you have a child with this chick. Not if he's working there. Listen, man, we're all a bunch of fucking hypocrites, all of us deep down inside. Either you could be a fucking hypocrite or you could try to live your life the right way. But what about, like the other,

what depresses me is like, I think you're 100% right, like if you have a hundred million dollars and you donate it or whatever it is, the rules don't really apply. That's the way it's been since day one. What makes you think it's gonna change now? What makes you think it's gonna change now? Cause all the politicians go in saying

they're going to change it. We only got half of who was at the ditty parties and we'll only know four people They picked that poor retard because whose kids are fucked about him The prince of fucking London because he's a retard as it is. He looks like fucking Herman Munster They're all fucking retarded that whole family. Look at the other one with Meghan Markle. He's a fucking dirtbag Yeah, so what you know that guys it's that what I've been telling you didn. Look at the other one with Meghan Markle. He's a fucking dirt bag. So what, you know, guys, it's that, what I've been telling you didn't matter at the end.

This is all I was trying to say. At the end of the day, it's, well, Joey's a sexual devious. That's why he was on the list, really. Like I fucking know Epstein. Like I've ever met fucking Diddy. Like I've ever even seen fucking Diddy. And even that, one of the chances of me going to his party,

that's number one. And number two, one of the chances one of those hot chicks actually sucking my dick and fucking rubbing it on Diddy's nipples. So you tell me, this is what I understand. This is why my argument is people, you're worrying about shit that's never gonna come your way. It's never gonna come your way.

I'm angry about one thing. If I'm angry about anything, I'm angry that the CIA was involved in bringing cocaine in the 80s. They were all in on it. I almost lost my life because of that shit, but our own government was bringing us in. Listen, am I upset?

Am I gonna go to Congress? You want me to run over poor white people in North Bergen who are politicking out there? It doesn't matter. I did the drugs, it's my fault. But think about it, when our country put us in the hairs, you know, you're finding out, we knew 30 years ago that our own government shot Kennedy. Okay, we knew 30 years ago that our own government shot Kennedy.

Okay, we knew 30 years ago. We knew 30 years ago. All right, what agency, Joey? I don't know. Give me a fucking, give me initial. FBI, CIA, NBA, CBA, BBA, it could be anybody. It could have been the Cubans, but somewhere along the line,

the United States were involved Somewhere along the line we shot our own fucking president Is that what we I was to make a fuss about it? But if we did that what? My mother died from the vaccine again. Why should they give you a good vaccine? Right if you're that stupid and went got eight times, what can I say to you? Obviously you deserve to fucking die. Just tell them, listen, I won't get any vaccine now. Now they fuck me.

I'll take my chances. I'll go get a natural vaccine. I like that, the shit you shoot in, mococcal, pneumonia, I'm not doing that. And I'm not doing the other one, the the fucking where you pop up with red marks hives They want you to do that. Do you shoot that your arm can't move for a week. They're nothing good I have no idea what when you're talking don't want about the fucking what is it George of you over 55? You gotta take a shot shingles. Oh shit. I ain't taking no shingles shot my French shot He couldn't raise he couldn't fucking play Hitler. It was German. He had a jerk off on his left fucking hand. That's really rough.

You're fucking crazy. I don't trust him no more. I don't trust him after the Xanax. Okay, Joey, you did the Xanax. I understand, but nobody told you just to do it for two weeks, and then you had to move to a fucking real thing. Well, I think it all boils down to money. Like, they have lobbyists who, like, make it so easy to get those pills, who convince people that, you know,

like they put chemicals and everything. It's crazy what's allowed. You know, so I was very happy when that shit went down last week and people were mad. Well, you know, if you're that stupid, I mean Bill Gates and Tom Hanks are on the list. You're never gonna see that list. End the story, move on with your life.

Go care about Hamas, go set up a restaurant in Hamas, go do something where you can make some real money and not worry about the dumb shit that they're feeding you on a daily level. On a daily basis, We get fed shit constantly. Why do you think they feed us this shit? Because they try to throw us off our game. To throw us off of what our goals are,

to make us worry at night about our fucking credit cards. I was down in Cape May this weekend. Guys, there was nobody down there. OK? There was nobody down there. Okay? There was nobody down there. Okay? I was gonna go to Ocean City, Maryland the week before. I couldn't get a hotel because every hotel had rooms,

except on the 4th of July. Then Lisa Galvin told me, she goes, "'You should have seen it on the 5th. "'It was a ghost town. "'People ain't leaving for three days no more. Those hotels are fucking expensive down there. Fucking expensive for the American family. They're not.

They said Saturday and Sunday was empty in Ocean City. It's not what, you know, we're not focused. When I look at things Restaurants and I went to four years ago, right that you couldn't stand in and now It's one level and the seats aren't even packed every night concerts are not selling tickets like they were Comics are not selling tickets like they were a lot of things are down, but you're worried about the Epstein list It's in 2032 there might not be social security for us, which you have to assume they won't be. When they say that, just figure that they won't. They

won't. I'm going to cash out when I'm 65 because I was not going to even retire, but now that since they have no money, I might as well cash out when I'm 65 and make them pay my daughter for three years. Then they could end it in fucking and whatever four years later Whatever at least I get my daughter three years at two thousand a month or whatever the fuck that is But this is what you should be thinking about your health, you know your life your family not right now We're living in a fucking people are pissed people are confused. It a horrible political climate it's horrible guys and you know we could keep smiling jumping up and down I don't know what you fucking jumping up and down about and I'm a positive guy but I see what I fucking see and I look at all that shit when I

walk in a restaurant I go it's a Thursday night this motherfucker used to be packed on Thursdays. You got three waiters in here on a Thursday night. There used to be 10 of them on a Thursday night. And do you like, I know you're, like do you think part of the reason stuff is down is because too many people are focused on shit? Like do you think like?

No brother, the pandemic, people started using cards. And the four year window ended, the three year window ended. Declines on credit cards are higher than ever in restaurants right now. More people get declined every night than ever fucking before. That tells you the credit card system

is almost fucking overrun too. There's so many things that you could be worrying about your kids, where they're going to do this, what am I going to do if they cancel social security at 62, at 1932, you know, whatever, 2032, that's eight years from now. That makes me 70. You know, can you imagine being 70 years old in this country and getting thrown out into the street? Half of all these old people getting thrown out into the street half of all these old people getting thrown onto the street anyway They don't have a way to live you go into these old folks homes. You gotta give me a fucking house your pension You're gonna get married it. It's a fucking it's it's it's it's unreal what we focus on and

I told people for years. Yeah, I know you love your president and all this shit. I've never loved any fucking president You know why because I've always had to get up to work every morning. I want the president that says, no more work. That's who you're up for? Take a career. I want to be a bartender. All right, go down to the Hudson River. There's a bar over there for you.

Something, 20 hours a week. But you know what I'm saying. Right now, we're killing our killing ourselves to live and you're worried about who's on the fucking list? We got a fucking war going on that who knows when it's gonna fucking end or it's a ceasefire. Bro, any of those motherfuckers can start unloading any fucking day again. It's the Jews, you know them. Yeah, of course.

They got a bad wind up their ass. Kaboom. Kaboom. Kaboom. Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. And it's, cause like look at Sam, like one of my favorite people, Sam Tripoli,

like some of the stuff they talk about seems nuts, but then like a lot of it's fucking coming true. You have all the money in your credit card. A little bit, yeah. You ever think about it at night? Remember when you got out of college and you owe them your loans at night? Yeah.

And you think about your loans, and if you think about how many credit cards you got and what you owe, you hug your teddy bear really hard for a minute. You didn't feel that? Feel your asshole when you go to bed and you owe a lot of money. You squeeze that teddy bear, but then you're like,

I'm never gonna get to pay this anyway. Like in your lifetime, as a person who's just been killed with debt all your life, you're like, what difference does it make? I might as well slump that gram of coke, because it ain't gonna change nothing. My $60 to Visa isn't gonna do dick anymore. That's a horrible way to think.

That's a fucking horrible way to think. And that's what happens, you get controlled in your mind. I was telling my wife, my daughter, what breaks up a marriage, George? Money, I think. There's two things, infidelity or money. That's fucking insane that two people who love each other would break up over fucking money.

I think it's what you said, it's stress. I can't imagine. It's a can't fucking imagine. So when you think about your debt, like I used to look at my child support, 88,000, and then I would look at my attorney bills and I would look at them and go, whew, I don't know how they're gonna get paid in this lifetime.

And there are some people who aren't stressed about it, which is crazy. That's what? We are stressed about it. No, but some people aren't. We stress about it for about eight minutes. Okay. And then you go, you know, I put it in God's hands,

I hurt the lottery. That's always what you say, I hurt the lottery. Because to get out of that debt, you need four chunks of money in like a year. You need like 40 grand, four times. You just can't get 40 grand and then wait three years to shoot another movie. You get 60 grand.

By the time you get to 60, you're gonna be dead in 40. That's the thing about movies and shit. Now like that, I can never get ahead in the television world because it was few and far between. And you needed to be acting constantly. Constantly, and even that, like in 2003, 2002, three, four, I was pretty much on fire. And I still couldn't make a living.

Yeah, 28,000, 31,000, that's great money from acting. Especially if you're from North Bergen, you don't know how to act. Right, what were you making in comedy at the time? 35 maybe. So that doubles your income, that really helps. So the income, the comedy would help the stand up and the stand up would help the comedy.

The acting. The acting, you know, back and forth. But it wasn't like, I think I had two good years on acting when I was 23, that I could support a family. Now, like, do you think back then if you had put less, because you were mostly working on stand-up. If you had taken it and gone 50-50 or even 75-25 for acting, do you think you could have had a career in acting?

I didn't want it. Right, no, I didn't, yeah. I wanted a movie once a year to take me off the road. Like a core agents and managers and club owners and go, ah, I got that movie. You mean your canceling? Yeah, I got that movie. And I would tell them myself, fuck you and your week. This is what I'm bringing to the table, mother fucker.

I remember that. You know, like I would always, so I used it as a deterrent. Oh, that buys me three more weeks. I'll cancel these two, because it's actually three days of work, so that's like $1,800 in the movie business. That's a lot more than I was making comedy-wise at that time. Right, and it was- Why would I was making comedy-wise at that time.

Why would I want, I want you to remember this. Acting is great, man. It's great to be on a set with a good actor or two good actors, you watch them, you learn a little bit, you eat some good food, you go to a party, maybe the movie shoots in Boston. All that's great about that But you still fucking limitations and you're still saying somebody else's words You know and for those three weeks of work

Yeah, it was lucrative and it was great and I ate good food, but I'd much rather do Friday and Saturday And get it over with I got to be there for six weeks to make a living. I could do two weekends and I'm home. So I always loved the set. Listen, let me tell you something. I can only describe maybe two or three things that are better than walking on a studio lot. Why is it so good? It's just because I used to walk on Boulevard East.

I used to run from the cops on the County Boulevard. Now I'm walking onto a lot and I belong here and I'm headed somewhere. So I would always die for people to come up to me and go, excuse me, can I see your badge? That's right, bitch. Look at my fucking badge, what, what, what? You'd walk real slow.

Because for the first time in my life, I was supposed to be there. You know what I time in my life, I was supposed to be there. You know what I'm saying? When you're not supposed to be there, you're like, you're walking around like Chinese people before Bruce Lee. But when you're gonna be there and you're supposed to be there,

and you never expected to be there, and you're where I'm from, where movies were so fucking big, I would walk on the lawn and go, oh shit. I would get a bounce right to me and shit. I would go right into the place and get something to eat. You know, I would. Did you have that when you were headlining clubs

or was that feeling even better with acting? Just to walk on the lot is something to me that you cannot, especially on a sunny day, when the sun's out, they let you park on the lot. And like a good walk around this shit And somebody comes hey you want to ride fuck yeah, and you get in the back They start talking to you. You're comedian. Oh, I used to go to comedy store all the time Then you go back there you steal a shirt

I love all that shit when I go on a lot. It's like Whenever I went on a lot I go my friends are never gonna believe this in my bird They're never gonna believe I saw this. I'm not even gonna remember this in my memories because if I tell them, they're not gonna believe me. Like I'm walking on the fucking, what was, who produced? Botchko, Steve Botchko, when he produced NYPD.

Like I would walk into the Steve Botchko building like what? NYPD blue bitches I would walk into the Steve Botchko building like, what? NYPD blue bitches, I'm a felon. Ah, ah, ah. There's just some, I don't know. And I don't know if it's like that for everybody. I would go eat right away. I would go on the fucking lot and eat

and maybe go to the commissary, cause the food is cheap in the commissary. So you go in there and get like a milkshake for two bucks or something like that. And you like, even now, cause you've done a bunch of movies and TV on lots and like you still get that excited when you walk on? Oh yeah, it's just something about that.

Listen, I know what day it's gonna be, it's gotta be perfect, like I'm gonna be in it out of there quick, okay, there's gonna be good food. Like people always send me to do these movies, I could tell by the script if I'm gonna have be eating cheeseburgers or I'm gonna be eating steak. Just by the way the movies was written, the script, I could tell.

So I wanna, you know, it's like I told my agent two months ago, I go, listen man, I love working but with the podcast and my daughter, I just don't wanna do anything that might not work. I want, if I get up to work, I want people to see that movie. I don't to do it for the money and then nobody sees it. In fact, I got a movie coming out Friday bitch Oh, yeah guns up. Where can they watch it? I have no fucking idea Okay, it's not gonna get a theatrical release because the fucking fantastic four is coming out this week

So I don't I don't see a Fantastic Four. Kevin James? Yeah, me, Kevin James. Oh, it's a new Kevin James movie? Kevin James, fucking. Oh shit. Louis Guzman. Oh shit.

Christy Richie, Christina Richie, my girl from fucking, that I did a scene, a couple scenes with in that show on Showtime. Hey, you can go to the beach. Yeah, man. a couple scenes with in that show on Showtime. Yeah, man, we shot that where Satrials was. Did you know that? They knocked it down. Oh, from the Sopranos? Yeah, and that was the Irish bar, right there.

That's the Irish bar next to Satrials. Look up the release date. There was just some Irish out there. It comes out Friday. Look, go to Fandango, Nick, please, and see. Yeah, I got a movie coming out Friday, bitches. It comes out in theaters, that would be fucking cool. I don't think it's coming out on theaters.

I think it's. Just gonna stream. I don't know if it's Netflix, I don't know nothing. This movie got shot by a bunch of good Irish people. I had 12 days on it, we shot in Cardi, New Jersey. Right there, see who's in this movie, pull it back. Kevin Day and Christina Richie. Louis Guzman. Jersey right there see who's in this movie pull it back Louis goes

But go Timothy from though, there's a lot of good guys in here Timothy Murphy's a good dude from sons of anarchy The dude who played in the basketball movie with liked. The guy that played Kareem. The big tall guy, he's in this. I mean, I had a great time shooting it, you know. And I like this type of shit. That's so cool. Yeah, I like this. This always, it takes you away

for fucking two or three weeks. I did this for a whole month. When did you do this? This shot the last month before the strike. Wasn't the strike this year? Do you not tell, I knew you, but I don't remember you being away for that long. I shot it, it was in fucking Kearney, New Jersey.

It was 30 minutes from my house. So I know you were just. Oh yeah, it was July of 2023 because that fucking show came out and my daughter wanted to meet Louis Guzman, that fucking, Adam's family, the Adam's family. Okay. Am I on that list? No.

I'm on the IMDB and if you look at the, Here you are, here you are. Yeah. What the fuck you think you're dealing with? What was my character's name? Charlie Brooks. Charlie Brooks. You're the top cast, you're number four.

I don't fuck around, dog. They can't be fucking with the Cuban. You know that, but that chick is in it. Yeah, Christina. No, there's a woman that's... Christina Ricci? Oh. Yes, Melissa Leos.

Oh, you love her. I love her, she's the real deal holy, huh? Yeah, yeah. So I, no, I wish she was referring to me. I know. Okay. Yeah, they're gonna release it in fucking, the Ching Ching movies over at fucking Harlem

on the 18th Street. Oh, I'd love to go see it there. No, it's gonna be, this movie, what's getting released Friday? Look at the heat that's getting released. It's the biggest Weekend of the fucking year. I heard Superman is pretty good. Okay, why don't you go eat it after you go to the sushi place? First of all, that's usually place is really good. Second of all, I haven't seen Superman, but what else is coming out? This one else is coming out this week in theaters? You have a bunch of shit.

The Smurfs, I know what you did last time. Oh wow, that's like a 30 year old remake. Guns Up is coming out, so we'll find it life after. What's the big one you thought was coming out? You said what's coming out? Oh Fantastic Four's coming out. But even that, if I was gonna, and I'm not, if I was gonna go see a movie,

Fantastic Four is like a remake of a remake. I like, Kevin, like I like, maybe it's me, but I love Kevin James. You're the body double in this movie. I know. You didn't know that shit. Dude, did I tell the story on here about the people who thought, okay, yeah Okay, yeah people Sam Kevin James constantly, but he like

He like that's I I oh I haven't told you this on here. I'm going to see Sandler And I'll be in the in September You know and it's like Kevin James is like on that level with Sandler for me Like maybe a little bit not as high as Sandler, but like Kevin James Like that Comedy Central special where he talks about peeling an orange, do that, like I would go see this instead of like a Fantastic Four any day.

Okay, well I'm happy, brother. I hope everybody feels like you, that's all I hope. Yeah, hopefully it's a good, you know. I had a good time on that movie, I learned a few things, the director was very nice, the whole cast was Irish, so they were on me all day long about fuckin', tell me about Cubud. They were good people, yeah, they were very sweet people.

They bought the book, I was signing books on there, because all the Irish guys wanted to take the book back to Ireland with them, it was very nice. So if you get a chance to see Guns Up, go do your thing. What do you got this weekend Tarzan? This, today, this comes out, I'm at the Luxor Lounge, and the rest of the week I'm around New York, and other places coming up.

I have mouth surgery on Thursday at 10 a.m., so I will be out of comedy for about two weeks, but when we come back on like, coming back the week of July 27th, and we're gonna start booking some local shows, and then Philadelphia's sold out, and then we're getting ready for Florida. That's gonna be great.

September 6th, my man's already looking at private planes for us and shit. I know, that's, I. We're gonna have to fuck, you're gonna have to break into the computer system and rob one first. We're gonna have to just take off from Teterboro and get down there. So if anybody has a plane service out of Teterboro, I got six guys that need to fly from Teterboro

September 5th, early in the morning, to get to Fort Lauderdale by lunch time. We could take a nap, smoke some dope, go swimming. Then we don't have to do nothing Friday night. Just relax. You can hook up a milks don't have to do nothing Friday night. Just relax. You can hook up a milkshake, you can do whatever you want. Jesus Christ. Tell her you're playing the hard rock.

You have tickets for her and a limo to pick her up. You know what I'm saying? We know people down there. And then we'll be back. What's that? The movie's on Netflix. Which one? Guns Up.

Oh, it's on Netflix? And Amazon Prime. Oh, shit! There you go, cocksuckers. So watch it up. Well, nobody's gonna watch it cuz again fucking sandal is coming out next week with Yeah, I'm going to that screen. I'm going through the screening with my daughter. Good more to have you. Yeah, I got it She's excited. Oh, they sent me the link today. I gotta fill it out, see if we can go, but I'm gonna take it. She likes all that stuff. She keeps asking me what kind of my outfit am I gonna wear?

Here, look. Let me tell you something about your fucking outfit. It's a casting crew. It's not a premiere. Beyonce's not gonna be there. There's no picture taken. She's not gonna make you wear a tux or a suit? No.

I'm going with sweats. I wanna be comfortable. It's a premiere. I don't wanna be with a suit on. Not about me. I don't give a fuck. I'm not in the movie I'm just a spectator. I Love to dress up for anything. Okay, I'm just a spectator even if mercy wanted to dress up most like that I don't give a fuck. She's 12 I'm the captain Kirk of the fucking enterprise give a fuck what she wants to do. It's gonna be July 24th It's gonna be fucking hot

Humid I'm not gonna wear a suit and get in the car and your ass sweat for two hours Let's have ass rashes like on my cheeks and I asked my wife. Why do I get these rashes? She goes because you have leather seats and you call your ass sweats on those long drives. Because I don't do anything, it's not like, I usually got a rash and I don't dry myself. Like if I just put underwear on and I don't dry my ass cheeks, I'm scratching for two fucking days like a cat. But if I dry everything then I don't scratch.

But for some reason I've been scratching again at night and I ask her, what's going on? And she goes, you got those leather seats, it's been hot lately, so. Why does your wife know about, how would she know what's going on? And she goes, you got those leather seats, it's been hot lately, so. Why does your wife know about, how would she know what's going on with your hot? 25 years, they look at you, they know that you got heat rashes, carrot rashes,

you got a rash from a bad pussy, you know, you got a rash from a lot of things, so. Sorry. These things were a lot. So what do you think of these edibles? Do you like them? All right, we'll have to get some on the podcast then. They're called Dracula.

Sour cherry. They go to Polly. We'll lose that motherfucker for a few days. Next time you see Polly, he'll be on Englewood, over a cliff with a gun. Dee Dee Mild, there they are. They think they're Vietnamese people. I love you motherfucker.

What's that? Who's Polly? Don't worry about it. Don't listen to him. Oh Polly's sure. Not Polly's sure, you fuck Polly. He's a Vietnam vet. He had that with a hammer.

He works up and down. Oh Polly. How could I not have known about the peanut? He gave the black kid the fucking metal, you know Polly. And we always give him 200 milligrams. That poor bastard. He probably fucking digs a hole and goes in there with a fucking spare rib and yells at himself.

These Vietnam vets, you can't trust these little slippery cocksuckers. Anyway, we love you people always, always here fucking trying to put it together. Fuck Diddy, fuck Epstein, open up your own fucking island. You know what I'm saying? Get your dick sucked your way. Why are you worried about fucking Diddy and the other guy you dumb motherfuckers? All right. I love you cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great week. The cops are coming

We gotta take two steps to the rear and get out of here. Stay black later You