Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - How The CHURCH Ended & TREMENDOUS! #232 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT.....   It’s Monday, February 27, 2023…   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!  Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH�� This episode is also brought to you by The Freeze Pipe, DraftKings & BetterHelp...   DRAFTKINGS   Use code JOEY when you download the DraftKings Sportsbook App.   Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI/NJ/NY/OH/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply.   $150 in Bonus Bets (void in NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Bonus Bets are non-cashable and cannot be withdrawn. Bonus bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings. Bonus Bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Promotional offer period ends 3/12/23 at 11:59PM ET. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/mmaterms   THE FREEZE PIPE Support the show and get 10% off with the code DIAZ at https://TheFreezepipe.com    BETTER HELP Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/DIAZ     Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media:   https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world   And don’t forget.....   The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON:   https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz   #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney   The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media:   https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast   Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....   https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house. What's happening you bad savages? It's Monday the 27th of February. This episode of The Joint is brought to you by Freeze Pipe. My favorites, listen, stop burning your lungs when you smoke. Get Freeze Pipe for an ice cold hit every time the pipe comes off.

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Use Code Joey, minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Let's get this party started. It's Monday, baby. Come on in. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, the 27th of February. It's a beautiful week and day to be alive. This is the last week of the month. This month flew again. Again, it's the 27th. I didn't realize it was like Saturday, it was the 25th and I'm like, it's February.

We don't even have six more days left. It's quick, Jack. So get ready for March, you savages. It's been a great week. It's great to be a week of 60. Nothing has changed. I still got pains and aches. I still got a fungi toenail. I got a lot of problems. But it feels great to be 60. I did it. I made it. A lot of people rang, a lot of people called. I didn't know it was such a special thing to turn 60. I thought everybody fucking did it, but I guess not. People like, congratulations, congratulations. Okay, whatever. I'm just happy to be fucking alive.

That's basically at this point in the game. I went to the Philadelphia Celtic game this week. Oh my God. I haven't been to a six a game in Philly since 1983. When I walked in there, I told the girl from Philly was there. Some girl came up and welcomed us. And I go, how long have you worked with them? And she goes, oh, about three years. I go, last time I went to see a Philly game, it was 1983 at the spectrum. I saw Philly a lot after that all over the country. I went to see him in Denver and Phoenix. But that was the last time. The new arena is gorgeous.

The fucking cheese steak my wife got. I was pissed because we split one and it was delicious. With like white cheese or something like that. It was just great. It was on a seeded bread. I didn't eat the french fries. I had the Coke zero. It was great. The energy in there was fucking outstanding. I thought a couple people from Boston were going to get stabbed. Listen, man, you guys know me. I wore a Philly shirt last night that my neighbor gave me as a birthday present because she knew I was going to the game. And my wife got one online and then my got my daughter one online. If you guys know anything about me, I hate wearing a jersey to the team I'm going to. If this was anywhere else, like Lakerville and all that, I wouldn't give a Frenchman's fuck.

But when I go to Philly, I want no misunderstandings that I'm with them. Like, you know what I'm saying? I don't want, and especially with my family there, I don't want no misunderstandings that I'm with Philly. When I go to Boston, if I'm representing Boston that game, I wear my little Boston shirt because I know that place is a little on the crazy side. If you're a fucking Raider fan, you know, there's a lot of stadiums. You can't fuck with people. And I'll tell you what, it's like, it's like when I understand you guys and I understand what it is to be a fan. But I don't understand what it is to go get kicked in the head by a fucking beer bottle. And guess what? I've seen it in stadiums. I saw it once going to see the Jets against Philly, some guy had a fucking Miami jacket on.

I thought they were going to kill this guy with bottles and pieces of pretzels and shit. You know, look what happened to the Dodger game at California, a land of love. Guy went in there with a San Francisco. He's in a fucking wheelchair today because they beat him so fucking bad. You know, you don't know what they bet. You don't know what they run. You don't know what they're feeling. You don't know what the fuck's going on. So even last time with the Philly for baseball game, I saw people yelling at people. You just sit there. You don't know nothing. You don't take your camera out and tape it. You mind your business and you look straight ahead.

You want to be Joe Gentile and take your phone out and, you know, don't do it in Philly because I'm telling you, you're going to get clocked in the fucking head. There's no phones there. It is just a real fucking place. And I'll tell you, man, what the nicest thing I think about Philly that I like is the brothers in Philly and the sisters, they're just so fucking cool. In Philadelphia, I don't know if there's racism everywhere, but it's like the brothers there earned it. Like they fucking earned it and they're nice to everybody. Some little fucking kid. Oh my God, he was the cutest little black boy you ever saw in your life with his mom.

And I was sitting right when you hit the first stand. Thank God I didn't have to walk down those stairs enough. Thank God. I was right there, boom, row 17 or something like that. And he came with a soda and before he went to step, the soda just fell out of his hand. And his mom's like, oh no, and the soda's going down three throws. And I looked at the little boy and he just, he was heartbroken. You know, and I had like a little, my wife got, I think she got like a meal and it came with a soda, but I had waters already and I didn't touch my soda. I just gave him the straw with the soda. You know, his mom came back and she's like, you didn't need to do that, but it was great that you did.

You know, most people take those little gestures for granted. She came back and she was a beautiful sister. If my wife wasn't there, I would have tried to talk to her and shit, you know, just, no, I wouldn't. But that's, I just like all that shit. One thing I did notice that I got to talk to you guys about. I watch games at home, football, baseball. Some nights I watch hockey. I watch the Devils. I watch the Rangers. And I'll tell you what I noticed. Fucking athletes today. A trained, I mean, I saw some shit that wasn't even human. I saw some shit that wasn't even human. Tatum, smart, Joe Limbid, Maxi. Those guys were doing things that were truly fucking amazing. Just the fact that Joe Limbid is seven feet, six, eleven, six, ten,

three hundred feet, a fucking monster. He moves like, I've never seen anything. And I saw them all. I saw Moses. I saw Karim. I saw magic. The conditioning that athletes today get are second to none. It's amazing. Fourth quarter, they're shooting free throws. They're not even breathing heavy. They're not even breathing heavy. Yeah, they have their injuries and shit. Some of the NBA players are a little lazier. I want a rest day. Who the fuck are you to get a rest day? Nobody rest. But they are, I don't know what happened to fitness. If you go to a gym today, if you go to any gym and go, you know what?

I want to get trained by a trainer. I need some help with my fitness and shit. Either they're going to blast you, a trainer that doesn't really know shit is going to blast you the old fashioned way, which is fine too. Five sets of six to gain weight, up your protein. You know, there's so many fucking things. I had a friend that never touched the steroid. That was huge, huge muscle wise. No stay was fucking 17. He was half a fucking robots, but he got huge doing two work for workouts a week. Five sets of six heaviest weight you could put on it. No barbell, no dumbbells. It was all barbell. Like he went old school barbell dog.

He looked great. I saw people in prison that would do pull ups and sit ups and do that shit. And they look fucking amazing. And that's old school type training. If you go into a gym today and you go, you know what, I play baseball on a rec league, whatever, let's say you're 26, 28. And you go, I just want to really learn mechanics and the strength. They're going to do shit with you. You're like, why am I doing this shit? Me walking around with a fucking, you know, a weight on my back or swinging a fucking Russian thing? Or why am I doing this shit? What are these lunges about? Why am I pulling these strings and going up and down like that?

And you're like, after about three or four sessions, you're like, oh shit. Just when I was about to quit this guy, he's teaching me some different shit. I work out with a guy once a week. He's busy as fuck. I really go with him for my knee. It's instead of going to physical therapy, I go to this guy for my knee. His name is Tom. I have never met a guy more knowledgeable about him when it comes to fitness. I got to be honest with you. The first four times I went in there, I was like, this ain't gonna last. This ain't gonna last. He was assessing me and seeing what the problems were.

And he came back to me with a note one day and I was like, whoa. He's like, when you walk, you trip a lot. That's because your muscles aren't strong on the front of your leg. You're not picking your foot all the way up. Fucking amazing shit. He goes, this is what I need to, he goes, I know. But for you to live pain free, which is what we're getting to and be healthy. This is what the exercise is. These days I go in there and do exercise. I don't even know what the fuck he's doing. I just know when I walk out, I look at my whoop and I burn 350 calories and I did like a 10 fucking. I'm up to a 10 fucking whatever with the whoop.

And to me, that's a great fucking day and not even knowing what I'm doing. He makes you do these lunges that are completely different. The first three weeks or four weeks that I went there, halfway in, it's only 40 minutes, halfway into the thing. Like he's massaging your leg and he's stretching it and he's pulling on it and he's fucking. But then he makes you do exercises along with that. I didn't do that in physical therapy. And I went to two different physical therapy with the doctor fucking recommended. And then I come to realize that after all that shit I did with them six, seven months in therapy, I didn't even have fucking leg strength. This guy, every time I go in there, the first 20 minutes, I think my thighs are going to blow the fuck up.

And guess how many weights we use? None. I could swing kettlebells in the basement after fucking five sets of 10. My thighs are fucking hurting. I'm sweating up a storm. With this guy, I don't even feel what the fuck he's doing. I'll tell you what, I go to Jiu Jitsu. I'm breathing, but like I told him once I had to work on my cardio. What are we doing? He's like, Joey, I'm working you a level two cardio and he started breaking into this shit about cardio. I'm like, I should have never opened up this bag of worms.

Then he started sending me podcasts because they do all these tremendous health podcasts. And he started sending me podcasts of all this fucking, these people talking about level two and level one, you know, cardio and how you switch it to three and two and that number. Guys, don't quote me on this. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I'm just letting you know. Well, guess what? I go to Jiu Jitsu now. When I used to go to Jiu Jitsu and I ran up the stairs, I get winded. I had to go in the bathroom and I for two minutes and pee from the fucking thing. I could run up that motherfucker now and nothing happens. You know, I could roll for fuck. I could roll two, five minutes, you know, and listen for you guys are like, ah, Joey, what the fuck.

Guys, that's all I got. I'm an old man. I don't, I do four, five, five minute rolls. You ain't seen me fucking 10 days. You know, I like what Rogan Tyson told Rogan. Rogan goes, I like that tape you made a couple of years ago. If you hit in the midst with the guy from Kings and he goes, bro, that workout, it took me a week to get out of bed. That's what happens. That's what happens when you're fucking old. Those muscles, you haven't used them in a while. So it's pretty interesting what they do in the explosiveness, the conditioning, you know, explosiveness comes from strength. These guys aren't walking around looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

They're fucking thin shit. They're skinny. They're fucking explosive. When they're around the rim, it's like, it's the same. It's when I used to go to games in the 80s and 90s, you know, the rim was something. Yeah, I got to jump up there. Now these guys just jump an inch and they're by the fucking rim or at least it seemed like an inch and they're up there, up in the fucking. And you're like, what? I saw Jason Tatum do some drives that the power, the explosiveness was just fucking outrageous. So I don't know if you're training this way. If you're not, I know for sure I ain't training that way.

I do three of those explosive moves. You're done. You won't see me for a fucking weekend. The mat, you got to move quick and stuff sometimes. But I do two or three of those. And Uncle Joey's no bueno for a fucking, for fucking a few days or so. I want to talk to you guys about something that I noticed last week that I need to explain to you guys and I want to talk to you guys about the truth. During the pandemic, all these, you know, if you go on Instagram and you say anything like, hey, like even when I was making videos on Instagram, the city, I would say, look at nobody's got a mask on tonight. And when I looked at the video, it said misinformation, COVID misinformation, you know, and that's all you hear about.

And you don't even know whether you're coming or going after fucking time. When I wake up in the morning, I don't, you know, sometimes I'll play music, I play music in the car. But when I wake up in the morning, I don't want no drama. So I just put YouTube on, you know, I just put YouTube on. There's an album I want to listen to. YouTube's got everything. Okay. And it's quick. I don't have to come in here and clean the needle and look for the fucking album.

You know, I ain't got that type of patience. And they eat the fucking morning, seven in the morning. So I just go to YouTube. But it's interesting when I click onto the YouTube page every morning, it's a fucking adventure. It's just an adventure. And it's, it's some people talking about educational stuff, you know, run the Patrick, the other guy talking about testosterone. You know, just a bunch of good stuff because I don't tag onto a bunch of shit. But then as I scroll down, you know, looking for music or something like that, I'll see like just videos of people talking about comics, you know, and I'll just read the fucking fine print.

Like, and I'll go, these guys have no idea what they're talking about. And it's sad because other people read these things and they think they got to know it all on these comics, whoever they may be or actors or whatever. And, you know, when you talk about a generic act, I don't know much about them. When you say something about John Berndtall and I'm watching it, I'm like, these people have no idea what they're talking about, that they really don't. Everybody's fucking TMZ breaking late news. They take stuff and they twist it in these videos and you sit there and go, like I said, I would watch those videos till about nine months ago and then when they said, you know what, when I watch those videos, they really give me anxiety. They really do. Whatever the fuck they are, whether they're talking about the guy from the radio, what I'm like, this ain't for me.

And I found one about a month ago about two fucking white dudes I've never even seen before talking about why the church broke up. I haven't seen that one. That dog, there's millions of videos out there. But there's like a handful of ones that are bigger on YouTube. This is like two guys just talking. They had a podcast. I don't know what the name of the podcast was. And they were talking about pressure and we had to get out of town. And it was like, there's warrants out and I'm like, and it was an old video. It had to be about two years after we moved.

And Lisa Yacht is about to do an interview and just, I was looking at this and I'm like, what the fuck? And the reasons why, and none of them, after like four minutes I turned the video. I go, none of these things were correct. They were just talking and I don't even know who mentioned these things because I never even heard this shit before that they were talking about. And then last week, it was my birthday weekend and Lee came, Mike came, you know, and I go lead, let's do a podcast. And I did a podcast with Lee the way I did a million other podcasts with Lee. And it wasn't until about two days later that you guys started sending me pictures and little messages. I got a lot of messages from that podcast last week.

Weird ones, but all good on the positive side. You know what? Happy you and leave up a button. And again, that's what I understand. Like, what are you happy that me? Me and Lee have always been cool. After we ended the podcast, there was a couple of weeks of, you know, bad feelings like why, how, but he wasn't in the right mental state. And guess what?

Neither was fucking I. Neither was I, but one guy sent a picture to my Facebook. And it was brilliant. He took a shot of me and Lee last Saturday, last Monday. And he took a shot of me and Lee like, like January of 2020. I don't know who we had on the podcast. And guys, I looked at that picture and I was like, whoa. Well, to see it and to think it and to read it was to see it fucking shocked me.

Like I had a neck. I didn't have swelling around my face. Lee lost, he lost a head, his head with the picture I saw January 2020. And I have a picture that Lee looks just got off. I took that picture because I was like, this is the last time I'm going to see this kid. The next time I see this kid's in a hospital room or something. And I know I stayed at that picture and I sent him the picture about a year after we moved. And he was in shock.

He wasn't, he looked like a ball of salt. It's like salt had just creeped into his body. And let me tell you what happened guys. We started the podcast and took that. Let's get back to it. I was doing a podcast with Felicia. I started bringing up some rough topics, you know, and Felicia is a fucking sweetheart. That's another person I adore.

She hit me up this week. She met the guy that was the cinematographer on a movie. Her and I really enjoyed Soul Power. It was a movie about a festival in Africa around Muhammad Ali and I think George Foreman or Joe Frazier. I don't know. And, you know, we're just tight, man. She comes to visit me. I flew back here with her.

When we moved, she flew with us. A lot of people don't know that. Yes, she came back here with us. And we're tight, man. So to see, like, that Lee and I weren't getting along, those are all lies. And what happened was this, man, we were, Lee and I started that podcast in a fucking bedroom. And then my wife got knocked up. So we must have started that podcast in 2012.

Then my wife got knocked up and then we went to his apartment and guys, it was just a fucking podcast. It was just two guys talking shit. We had a guy call in from time to time in the mornings. Six in the morning, we had guests calling in a fucking nightmare. We didn't have no idea what we were doing. And then we fucking Lee got a girlfriend. She was moving in. So we got a studio and that studio was a fucking disaster.

The lady threw herself. She kept banging on the door. But guys, this shit was all fucking fun. You know, it was just, it was a podcast that was about fun. We did the acid. We did, you know, it was just fun. It hadn't been done before on a podcast. So we took you guys out of, you know, now they do everything on podcast, but it was fun.

And then we moved into the office, the office that we ended the podcast with. And whatever we were doing at the other office on Lancashire and the other office, I mean, it all came to a boil there. But something happened that crossed paths. I was having a great time, guys. I'm selling our shows. I'm starting to make money after 20 years in the fucking business. And I'm very excited. My wife had a child.

I got invited to do Oddball Fest, which for years they wouldn't even talk to me. That was a great feather in my cap. I got to apologize to Wendy from Denver. We came to an agreement of what had happened with me saying I smacked the girl's ass, you know, whatever. And everything was fine. You know, everything was going great. But like everything else in life, you want more. And I did want a Netflix special.

I really did, guys. I thought that if I got a special, I thought I was ready. I was never ever good at specials before. I had shot one for a company. I had had a couple CDs, but Netflix was big. The problem was my agent couldn't sell it. So he came to me one day and he goes, I got the way to get you on Netflix. We're going to get you a manager.

He really likes you. He's called about you a few times. And he was a great manager with a great management team behind him. At this time, I had the number one manager and the top agency in my corner. Like again, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, these motherfuckers wouldn't even have wanted me in the room. And now I got the best two agents in the world. Or management team and whatever. So I'm very excited.

I'm thinking that now is my chance to do whatever the fuck I want. So again, I sold the TV show to Fox on an idea I had. That was great. You know, when I first got to LA, when you got a developmental deal, you had an idea that were giving you millions or half of millions. Or six figures. I got neither of that shit. I got like 22 fucking grand. I'm telling you guys the truth.

Here's a fucking TV show. And I get 22 grand. I know a guy that got a million dollars and never even wrote a pilot. I wrote a pilot. I got 22 grand afterwards. Again, it's not about the money. It's about the opportunity. And I'm telling you these facts just to be honest, as honest as I can with you.

Did I want the show? Yeah, I wanted to do the show. It would have been something different. It would have been, it would have been great. You know, but I knew, come on guys, I'm never going to make this work. I'm going to say something. I can't be in a corporate setting. So it all went down the drain and I was okay with that.

I was having a great time being a comic. I really was. It was exciting to travel, but I was wearing myself down, man. It was a lot and I didn't know it at all. Two podcasts a week doing two other people's podcasts a week, you know, four planes a fucking week, you know, one to get to the first place, then you do the fucking theater. Then you got to get another flight and go to another fucking town on Saturday morning. And then Sunday, when you're right back out of the get again, I'm not wanting this is part of the thing. But for 20 years, for the last 50 years, nobody had a podcast.

So people were just doing comedy. And every once in a while you booked a movie and then you canceled comedy and shot the movie, whatever. I was going, I was burning the candle on both sides. Plus guys, we're fucking smoking major pounds of weed. We're going through a fucking quarter a day of high end 30%, 28%, 27% weed. Seven days a fucking week, you know, anywhere you go, there's weed, anywhere, any comedy club, you go to this weed. Not to mention we're eating fucking 2000 milligrams of THC a night. Not to mention the fucking 5600 I'm doing in the daytime on my own.

Pop it every time I go by a fucking desk. Now on paper, that sounds like a lot of fun. But let me tell you something. I don't know if you guys ever saw the Joe Rogan podcast when he had Tom Seguran and Tom was talking about the trip I took with him. But I took him on the plane and I made him eat a gummy and he had anxiety. And then when the plane landed and Joe Rogan said something very intelligent. He goes, listen, man, some people would look at that and say there might be a problem there. I'll never forget those words.

And in my world, what I was doing was there was no problem. I was just living my fucking life. That's how I do it. You know, there's no fucking part timing in my life. You're going to do it. Listen, what I got sick of and I wanted to prove something against was that I was dealing with all these fucking LA comics that all of a sudden, all of a sudden they were big stones and they weren't. They fucking weren't at all. They just jumped on a bandwagon to get you people to buy into it and you people bought into it.

And I was fucking disgusted. I'm like, dog, I've been smoking since the fucking womb and you guys are fucking selling. Well, look at me, dude, get the fuck out of here. So I wanted to bust that shit open and I did. These motherfuckers were all fakes and you saw it. We were blowing them out of the water by miles, these fucking guys. I was getting challenged from all over the world through bomb hits for 10,000. Guys, come on.

What are we done? What do I got a fucking Yama Kota propeller on my fucking head? I'm not doing that shit. Are you fucking crazy? So then something happened. I was eating Cuban food. My wife and dad will coach you need to in Silver Lake and I don't know where my phone rings. And it's the manager.

And as a matter of fact, it was my agent. He goes, Hey man, the manager's going to call you in a few minutes. He's got something for you. He got a Netflix offer for you. And deep down inside, I was fucking happy. And also he called me. He goes, man, congratulations. I got you this fucking show.

It's a half hour. I'm like, I just finished my meal. I thanked him. I said, we'll talk on Monday. It was like a Friday night or Saturday night. I fucking ate my meal and that Monday I called him and I was like a half hour. What the fuck? He's like, listen, this is the start.

Do the half hour. You're going to get great numbers. Then they'll come back at you for an hour, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, that sounds great. I'm working it backwards, but you know what? I'm that type of comic. I'm not in the circle of the comics or comics. Yeah, I wasn't in that circle.

You know what I'm saying? So I get it. There's comics that just take it home and Netflix calls them. They don't even go out every night to do comedy. Yeah. And Netflix calls them. And again, I'm not talking out of jealousy here and I'm talking to you about facts. So you know where the fuck I'm coming from.

Hey, we're taking a minute from the podcast so I could talk to you about better health. These past couple of years have been especially taxing on all our mental health. You could see it, but what people are saying, you see this guy, Santos, you know, it's not been good lately. I felt the same way about myself and I figured I'd try better health. Better health is online therapy that can get you back to the best version of yourself. Simply fill out the questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and let me tell you something. You'll be matched within 48 hours. You'll be talking to a therapist online, on video, however you want.

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So I get this Netflix special. And while I'm preparing for the Netflix special, they're driving me crazy. The agent and the manager are driving me crazy. I'm getting 10 calls a day of stupidity, just stupidity. And the whole time I'm like, I can't believe I signed with this guy. I'm paying him 15 fucking percent. And he didn't get me what I wanted, and on top of that, besides the script, everything he's presenting to me. Is not what I want to do.

You know, he would be at all, you know, when you get a special, Netflix will come see you once in a while. And they'll let you know, we're coming to see you tonight to see your material. Well, they came to see me a total of four times in five fucking months or something. Three months. I don't know what the preparation was. Never. We love it. Thank you. That was great. You know, and I was just trying different things out. I was trying to push the envelope in front of them to save for them to say, listen, you can't use that reword that. And that's fine.

These motherfuckers, I get to that night of the shooting Vegas, Theo's there, a bunch of guys are there. We're having a great time. And all of a sudden I'm going to knock on my trailer at six o'clock that Netflix wants to see me to go over my material. And right then in there, they just fucking dump on me what they didn't want. I got to show it now. You're going to hit me with this shit now. I have a notebook, but it doesn't have my whole repertoire. It has what I'm working on now. It doesn't have, you know, sometimes when it's late, you can move shit.

And I went to my manager and I went to the age and I go, what the fuck is going on? And these guys were like, it is what it is. They made Tom do it. No, you don't understand that. Not right before. And on top of that, not never. You guys got to have my fucking back. And you know what, man? I'm a big enough dude from the training I did when I used to be really upset. When I used to drop my daughter off and then I want to force myself to do comedy. That training came back because as much as I didn't want to do that fucking half hour special,

I was like, you know what, Joey, Clea had going to tackle this shit. Okay. I walk in, now, you know, Vegas has 80 fucking facilities, stages that are gorgeous, all sizes. These fucking knuckleheads pick a pool hall. Okay? A fucking pool hall. That, yeah, come on. You ever do stand up at a pool hall? You hear balls hitting, even if they shut it off, I'm lying to you guys. But it's a big room. No, we used to do comedy at Hollywood Billions.

Me, Rogan, Josh Wolfe, for years, they pay you 50 bucks. You're in there cracking jokes and people are yelling, they're hitting the eight ball. You know, you're like, okay, I got to crack a joke over this shit. So, you know, I'm in there, I'm fucking watching Mommy, you know, Tom's a girl's wife. Christina. She's on stage, 10 minutes, and all of a sudden the vault falls down. Like you came out of a vault when they announced your name. It was like some little fucking Puerto Rican dude with a string.

And they opened the vault and fire would come on, you would come up. When they opened the vault, the whole vault fell down. They had to stop the show, you know, and I'm like, what did I just fucking say? Why are we doing comedy in a fucking pool hall? And again, guys, this is my fault because I was caught up so much by the thought of shooting the special that I didn't take a look at the little details. That was my bad. But my manager and agent did nothing.

No warning, no protection. And let's be honest with you, I went up there and ate a bag of dick to what I wanted to do, to what I was used to doing. And I went up to the second show and I did a little better, but it wasn't much. And that's when I went to my room that night. I had a good time. I was happy. I had a great time with Lee. Everybody was there.

But I was angry that night. I was like, this ain't what I signed up for. You know, I remember being behind the comedy store, the stairs and we would sit there when we had nothing. We would just become regulars. Me, Ari, you know, Stephen is easy. Bobby Lee and we talk about our dreams and how we couldn't wait to be with a big agency and a great manager. And this shit that we're going through isn't happening anymore. Well, guess what?

It happens now that you have a manager and agent and all the pieces, you got to work double to fucking get that shit. And at the same time, this manager and this agent aren't listening to me. You know, I'll never forget I did a show and I go, listen, I'm taking some time off. You know, I'm doing this. I'm going to do that. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And with the same back, the manager looked at me goes, you know what I think we should do? We should get a camera for the road and put it in front of your face with a screen so people could see your face.

I'm like, that's not stand up. That's an arena. That's not what I want to do. And for the next couple of weeks, everything they were throwing at me was shit. I was uninterested in doing. I did not want to fucking do half this shit. As a matter of fact, these people will bother me. As a matter of fact, it was climbing on into my life.

But something else had happened around that time. I went to the store one night, like I did for fucking 30 years. And they come back and they go, Joey, you're up next. And I was smoking a joint, whatever the fuck I was doing, I go, let's go do it. Like I've done a thousand times. And I run through the hallway. I say hello to people, you know, who's in the hallway. I walk up to the top of the stairs in the original room.

I look in and that really great girls up there, the writer. I forget what her name is. She just moved back down life. She was close with Stanhope living down there. And dog, I got a batch of anxiety that I couldn't see. Guys, I got anxiety that I couldn't fucking see. My hearing was going in and out. I was starting to fucking breathe.

This is something I've been doing all my life. And here I am. Am I having a heart attack? I'll never forget that. I looked at the window at the comedy store behind the stage as a window to the right hand side of the comics. They had covered it. That made me panic more.

So I went to walk down the stairs. Now I'm really out of oxygen. I just wanted to see the outside of the street. This is all happening at the comedy store with the light on. What that means is I'm next. And she's going to end at any fucking minute now. So I run up the stairs looking for anybody for help. And I see Paulie show.

Who I fucking love. And I go up to him. I go, Paulie, come here. I can't breathe. Paulie, come here. I got to talk to you about something. He's like, what's up? I go, listen, dog.

I can't get on stage. I got a horrible fucking... I can't breathe. He goes, you don't look good, buddy. You want some water? I go, no. I got some right here. But I don't think I should go up on stage.

And he looks at me. He goes, I already went up. I can't go up. I go, Paulie, who gives a fuck? Just go up there and tell him, Joey's going to give me two minutes to get mad. He goes, nah, bro. You're on it yourself. And I'm like, God damn it, Paulie.

Coxuckin' with that. Joey? Yes. Guys, I went up to the stage. And I never blew it up to what it was. I remember talking to Paulie. And next thing I remember is being on the stage and within two minutes the light coming on. That's all I remember.

And people were fucking howling. And I don't know what I had said. I don't know what I had done. Now, this is a joke amongst us, but it's not, guys. I walked off that stage. I had a pee right away. I was sweating. I had tingles in my body.

I'm like, I'm going to fucking die. And I went to the car. I peed. I went to the car. And I just sat there for like 15 minutes. I got my bearings to me. And I went home. In 2007, I got off the blow.

And I was fine at first. You know, I was off the blow. I was off alcohol. I was off, anything else I was doing that was crazy. But then I go to the doctor. And then I go, doc, I don't know. From time to time, I have a hard time breathing. He goes, listen, this is anxiety.

Let me give you these pills. He gave me those footballs, annexes. So I don't know. I would take them one or two when I felt it and then leave them at home. I would be out at night and I would get excited, but it never bothered me again. After that bout at the store, I'll never forget I had Rogan that week. And I had to go on Rogan and tell him the story. And as we were leaving, he's like, bro, that sounds crazy.

I didn't explain it. I wasn't totally honest with everybody about it. But I blacked out guys. And after that, my anxiety level started going up. After that Netflix thing, I don't know what happened to me. Something wasn't right. And guess what guys? I got up all the way to, I was 340 pounds, 336.

I was smoking. God knows how much I was eating. God knows how much my diet was okay, but my sleeping wasn't good. And when you're not sleeping good, you're not thinking clearly. You know, the sleep apnea wasn't affecting me, but the fucking sleeping five hours, having to fly, having to sleep two hours, all that shit wears on your system. I didn't fucking know it. Who knows it?

Who fucking knows it? We're fucking gangsters. You know what I'm saying? We don't have time to fucking bleed. And guys, somewhere around that time, I'm like, I got to start eating these fucking Xanaxes. So here I'm eating these Xanaxes. And at the time I was eating maybe two of that. I was eating one in the morning and one at night to sleep.

And they were fine. And I'm fucking, I'm not drinking on them. Thank God. And I'm smoking weed like a motherfucker. I'm taking outables like a motherfucker. I'm eating hash like a motherfucker. You know, I asked Lydia, they go leave. Remember those bottles of liquid we were drinking?

They were 200 milligrams. We would drink one of those just to, when I saw him, they were like on a pirate thief. Like, hey, what's going on? Take a tube and leave it going. Not again. And he'd drink it, you know. And between the Xanaxes, the addables. Right then and there, 2017 was where I started to drop.

I felt the drop in my connection with Lee was dropping. Lee was starting comedy and I was very happy for him. But I didn't want him to become a Brendan Shaw like for people to go after Brent. Like I didn't want people to go up to Lee, how they went after Brendan. I appreciate what Brendan did. But at the end of the day, a lot of you people already was given too much too fast. I love Brendan. I'm not saying nothing bad about him.

What happened was that that you don't react well to that when you're a young comic. You don't guys. All that up front of the third or second year is not healthy for anybody. And I looked after Lee, you know, and I kept him at home. He went on the road with me some weeks, but for the most part he would stay home and do stand up. And that was based around our relationship. But our relationship was starting to wear down because we were worn the fuck down. We were worn down and it didn't dawn on me how worn down we were till like November of 2019.

We would do the podcast and usually we were talking every day three or four times a day. We would do that podcast on Wednesday. We wouldn't talk again till Sunday. And I knew right then it wasn't. We were going both directions. He dumped Paul after that, you know, he started a new life, but our fucking edible use and listen guys, I'm the first one to tell you that you could smoke dope all day and do edibles all day and it won't affect you. I used to be able to say that now I can't look in the eye and say that because it all has an effect for you.

And all that all that shit together mixed together the way it was. Guys, I was drinking eight to 10 expressos a day. Eight to 10 guys. Not two. What does a fat fuck need 10 coffees for a day? And I mean I couldn't live without those coffees at all. At all. I would have to drink one at two, one at five before I took out a martial arts.

I would do four or three cup espresso at eight o'clock. Not fucking Starbucks ass water, Cuban espresso with fucking 10 scoops of sugar. And on top of that, I'm eating a fucking Xanax to get out of the house. On top of that, I'm on fucking a medication that I threw the fuck out when I moved here. And it fucked with me for a while, but I bought it out and it was the vertical medication. That shit was fucking me up as stupid as it sounds because it was giving me pukes. I would puke once a week. To guys, that was a fucking mess.

You know, not rehab mess or anything like that, but I was just a mess and I was getting unhappier and unhappier. And every day I would ask myself, how can you work hard for 20 fucking years? Get to where you are. Get to the best part of your career. And you're just not fucking happy. I wanted off the road, not because I didn't like comedy no more, because I was burnt. I was burning the candle with the podcast room. Listen, I lived and died in that podcast room.

Lived and died in that podcast room. When I would go to that podcast, I leave my soul there all the time. Whether telling stories, telling something I had never told before, I would leave my soul in that fucking podcast. But when I knew it was definitely fucking time to abandon ship was the daily and I did ketamine on a Sunday fucking afternoon. It was fun. You know, and then we did it, did a podcast and then the guy left like a gram of it and we did it in two lines and I was fucking gone. I'll never forget doing a line, getting in the car and by the time I got to the light, I didn't know where the fuck I was. I had to make a left turn and I couldn't feel my legs.

And then I got to my house and when I pulled my leg out of the car in the driveway, no bueno guys. I had to pull my leg band and slam the door and sitting there for like 45 minutes. I was fucked up and then I went in the house and guess what out of all the nights of my dope, my wife to stay up. She's fucking up watching true laws that show with the fucking dude from the green book and the other dude at the time. And I'm in the office tripping out. I'm like, listen, if I don't go out there and see my wife, she's gonna come in here and check on me. I might as well go out there and see my wife and I went out there and I sat on the couch with her and within minutes I started sweating profusely. I had to take my fucking shirt off.

But she's like, why are you sitting like that? I'm like, it's hot in here. Finally, the guy we were watching, the guy from the green book, his head started doing vvvvvvvv on the screen. And I sat there after two minutes, I go, take this off. And she's like, what the fuck is going on with you? I go, I'll tell you in the morning how to come clean with her in the morning. That did catamines. She didn't know how to fucking react to it.

I remember her looking at me going, Joey, this can't contain you. You guys are going to cry. I mean, we would go, I would leave the door podcast at seven o'clock at night and I'd walk in the door at 1.30 in the morning. You know how many times we got to the podcast at seven with a guest and would talk shit for an hour and a half, maybe two hours before the podcast. And then kick ourselves in the ass. We didn't turn this on. And by that time we're fucking blasting on THC. They're drinking.

They're doing whatever the fuck. But the good thing was there was no alcohol out of the nights. Most of the nights there was no booze. I think Ron White one night we drank with. There was never any cocaine except for two people did coconut and had nothing to do with us. You know, we weren't doing anything like that. We didn't lose control like that. We just lost control of themselves.

And I caught myself on those podcasts just talking nonsense. It was just nonsense. It wasn't what I wanted to do anymore. I knew I wasn't fucking healthy. I didn't know how unhealthy I was, but I knew for a fact my little buddy Lee was really unhealthy and very unhappy. You don't shove your faith food in your face like that when you're happy. He was unhappy. I was unhappy.

And it wasn't till the pandemic that we were in there one day. He's coughing. And I go, when is this going to end? We're not. We're not going to get no better. We're not going to come out of this pandemic any better. I remember saying in the beginning, a lot of people are going to change during this pandemic. And man, my fucking words to God's ears because I'm going to forget.

I'm like, we can't continue to do this anymore. Either that, I got to add a new person in here. I didn't want to get rid of Lee, even though listen, this is the beauty about it was. I was getting a hundred emails a week to get rid of Lee and I refused. I fucking refused. I think I was getting frustrated and there was moments, but I couldn't do it. But when I saw the Twitch that night, when he fell asleep on the Twitch, that was when I said, we need to do something. Either I send him away to get help.

We take a break from the podcast and I said, none of that's going to work. And I think a few days landed. My wife said to me, listen, we got a house in Jersey if we want it. And just to let you know, there's not going to be any school in California till June. And I called Jimmy Florentine and everything was done and we decided to break that thing up. And, you know, the rumors were flying. Oh my God. But I saw that.

I don't even want to repeat them because they're the dumbest things in the world where people took from that. I feel so bad for them, you know, for even coming to those conclusions because nobody had said those things. I still remember when we had the YouTube page that the guy was putting my clips on it and I said he couldn't use anymore. And he's like, I have hidden footage of you guys doing cocaine and having orgy. Come on, guys. Who's going to have an orgy with me and fucking Lee? Get your fucking life together, guys. That's what I've read it.

It has a lot of conspiracies about podcasts and shit. Oh yeah. And it's like just nothing happened. We just looked at each other one day and said we can't keep going at this fucking rate. We just can't keep doing it no more. And I was fucking miserable. My anxiety was to an all time level. Those fucking Xanaxes, I went from eating two a day to eating ten a fucking day.

Two at a fucking chunk because my heart wouldn't stop fucking beating. You know what it was? The Xanax was making me do that. Because Xanax is only supposed to be used for two weeks to cure anxiety until you get to the medication where they give you Xolof, Predacin, this, that, dude, that, bust, Barton, whatever the fuck they decide to give you. If you read anything about Xanax, it'll tell you. It's just a temporary fucking thing three, four days and you got to get off that shit. Between that, my unhappiness.

And this is what was sad about that. How can you be fucking unhappy when you're selling out theaters, Joey? But something occurred and all that to Sopranos. And listen, there's always a silver lining. While I was shooting the movie, I thought it would be a good movie. There was a couple things that I questioned, but I think they would have cleaned them up. But the thing I got the most out of that movie, I enjoyed working for David Chase, it was great. But I came home with no Lee for three weeks.

No wife, no kid. And I told my agents after the third day because they wouldn't stop with the, I just spoke to Cleveland, when are you going to make that date up? I don't give a fuck. I don't really give a fuck. I'm going to set a movie. I'm having a good time. As a matter of fact, don't call, because I'm back in California.

I'm never addicted to people, but I had to make that rule because they didn't get it. I'd be in the middle. I was excited just to be on a fucking set. They didn't want to hear it. You know why they didn't want to hear it? Because the movie only pays you $600 a day. That's $60 commission to them. That's why they rather have you getting beat up on the fucking road,

so their commission's a lot higher. Don't tell you how happy you are that you got the heart was so happy and proud of you that you got the movie. They fucking hate life, because you're not making them any fucking money. So they don't want you there. And the whole time they're calling you, trying to throw you off your game. Hey, what do you think about this date for Missouri? What do you think about this date for New Year's Eve? Listen, do me a favor.

Don't call me no more. And those three weeks is when I was like, Holy shit. Holy shit. This is fucking tremendous. I'm out of Los Angeles, which I definitely need a break out of. I'm here without Lee, which at that time kind of felt good. I needed a break from everybody. But when I came back, I realized how much I love Lee and how I want it.

And even till today, man, what I found out since I moved here is I love that little guy. You know, he helped me get my word out to the fucking world. He helped me put a vision together. I didn't know I even had in my fucking head. And at the end of the day, Michael tell you, anybody will tell you that's been around them. He's a very, very sweet kid. All that talk and violence and drug use and eating ass, that must have traumatized that fucking kid. He's a sweet, sweet kid.

And yes, when I got on that plane, when he left, listen, I was never going to leave him there. There was, listen, there was no way I was going to leave him there. I would have waited till he was ready to leave. And both him and Steve Simone, who I love dearly, I was like, dog, when I go, I'm taking you with me. Even if you move in with me, I do not want you staying out here. And that was it. Unless I got here, it was weird. Lee was in Milwaukee and we were talking, but it's like we were still mad at each other about breaking up the podcast.

Because when I went to him, I didn't go to him in bad terms or anything. I just went to him and go, Lee, this ain't working. I don't want you to move to this neighborhood with me. This is all families. You know, you're just going to be down here alone again. I don't want you alone. I know what it is to be alone. I was alone in LA for 23 fucking years.

Enough of this shit. Go home and get grounded. Go to your mother's. Get that feeling again. Go in that fucking bedroom as a kid. Go into your garage. And he did. And he fucking one day, he told me I'm losing this fucking weight.

I'm walking. When he was in Milwaukee one night, he called me and he said he got so high. He was eating kick cats and he fell asleep on the kick cats. And when he woke up, they were all melted. This should not be happening to a 30 year old guy at the time. And that's when we had to talk about Lee. You got to take care of yourself. And he went for a walk and fucking started a Patreon and everything was great.

I got to tell you something. Our relationship today is better than ever. And I think he came down here one time, not this time of the time before. One of the times we did a podcast with him. And I got to be honest with you, somewhere, somewhere in my mind, I was like, well, maybe I'll ask Lee to do the podcast again. And I remember us sitting here, that podcast, he was over here and I was over here. I think Steve Simone was here.

One of those. I'll never forget that I said it would never work again. I don't want to do the podcast for them. I'd rather have him as my friend and as my confidant than for me to, I mean, even Mike said to me, let's do this. I could be here in 15 minutes. Mike doesn't know. We can't go back there.

Can you imagine us eating mushrooms now and fucking 500 milligrams of edibles? You'll never get home, Mike. Your wife will be calling me going to talk. Come on, man. He fucking shows up. He's bleeding from his eyeballs. I know, but I'd do it. I know you'd do it.

I would do it fucking too. I was doing it when you guys were doing it. We're doing it. Yeah. It was that it was a time. There was a time for it. We were both wounded fucking deer and we made it work because we needed each other on that podcast.

Now we're not wounded deer anymore. I know exactly what I want to do and what I don't want to do. And I'll tell you what, guys, you've looked at me the last month. Tomorrow's a month since I've been on stage. I look better. I feel better. And I'm going to tell you what the problem was. I don't like shit hanging on my head no more.

I don't like it. I don't like living here on February 27th and going fuck on March 4th. I got to drive to the city. That shit bothers me anymore. I'd rather do it as a hobby. I'd rather show up and have a good time. That's the conclusion I've come up to. I don't know what I'm going to do in my future, but I don't want to take my life to where it

was. It's completely different now and it can't even go there even if I wanted to. I don't have the time and the energy to put into that shit. I'm having a great time as a dad. I'm having a great time with Mike. Look, I told Mike one day, Mike, we ain't doing Wednesdays no more. I'm not happy. It makes me too stressed out.

Boom! We do one day a week. I get my shit out. You guys get motivated. I get motivated and we're all fucking happy. For me to sit here and talk for three hours, those days are over. I ain't got three hours in me. You don't want to hear me for three hours.

You know what I'm saying? I'm getting emails now. Joe, you're not funny no more. I tried to tell you. You wouldn't fucking listen. Some guy hit me up Monday morning. You're not funny no more. I don't like you on the pie.

Okay. I told you guys. I'm not the same fucking person. What do you want me to whip fucking balloons out of my ass? And be a fucking magic trick if I can. I can't fucking do it. And that's it. And that's that for a beautiful fucking Monday morning.

I love exactly where I'm fucking going right now. And it's a positive direction. And just to drop something on you motherfuckers real quick, just to let you know I'm a man of fucking many opportunities. Take a look at this fucking reefer right here. This is as beautiful as this gets. This is made by laughing gas, but it's not one of my brands at all.

This brand is called Guava Kush. It's not one of my wheats. I'm telling you right now, if you're at any, if you're close to laughing gas in Studio City, if any time you go into a wheat store, they have this guava runce it's called. Jump on it.

Buy it all out. This is some of the best reefer I've smoked. Let me tell you something. I've been smoking this weed for a week. I did two bong hits Saturday night after the Philly game. I passed out in my fucking chair. This weed is still getting me sunk. It smells like pussy.

It smells like a Greek shake. Did aerobics for an hour and didn't fucking zoom a little monkey. That's what it smells like. It smells tremendous. I love it. I gave a little bit to Mike there. He's ready for the week. He's tip top too.

I got my little butt left. I got a couple of buds on this lap. And I got another surprise for you motherfuckers. Boom. Boom. It's here. It's in hand. And it's ready for you motherfuckers to order.

Tremendous. The life of a comedy fucking savage. Guess what? I got nice pictures in here for you dummies in here. You ass like pictures. Yeah, but they're not like great pictures. It's just pictures you probably saw before. But I got the pictures of families that took me in.

And that meant more to me to have in there than anything. I don't know if these are preprints or whatever. Now I can't find the pictures. Oh, here they are. I got the runnies. I got fucking Mr. T, the benders. I got fucking Bert Reynolds in this motherfucker. I got my boys.

I got my two brothers that died early on. You'll see the book when you fucking get it yourself. It's a great book. It's a great fucking read. I went in on Saturday and started doing the audio book. That was a lot of fun. I started doing the audio book March 7th. But it's here motherfuckers.

And thanks for you guys. And thanks for all of you guys that the years on the church for letting me fucking tell some of these stories to you and really polish them up. There's other shit I found in here that I was like, wow, I can't believe I gave that info. But it's good info for you guys to know. So you know how the fucking this whole thing came about.

They're here. Amazon.com. You could pre-order it right now. You'll get it May motherfucking second. You bad motherfuckers. So I thank you very much for having my back on this. It was great for me to do. It was one of the things I really wanted to do.

And that's where I'm at, you bad motherfuckers. So thank you. Thank you for another great week here. Thank you for letting me be me. And thank you for understanding where the fuck we came from and why that podcast. And what I want you to learn from that is guys, a lot of people called me names.

A lot of people sent me hate mail when I canceled it. We weren't going nowhere with that podcast. We had accomplished everything that we could have. It was time to move on to the next chapter of our lives. I know it's very hard for people to do that sometimes. But sometimes you have to learn from that. Shut it down, rebuild, see where you're going. And start all over again.

And that's what we did. Listen, the joint ain't the church by no means. But I didn't want to do the church again. I didn't want to do the church again. I didn't want to come in the Hindu bongates. You guys already knew all this shit. I wanted to give you something different, whether I've given you that or not, whatever.

I'm trying my fucking hardest, you bad motherfuckers. So thank you and have a great week. And here's a fucking word from our sponsors. All right, you savages, thank you. Thank you for letting me explain myself to what happened. And thank you for being on a beautiful Monday, the 27th of February. Don't forget, listen, this Saturday after three years, John Bone Jones is making a comeback.

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