Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - I got 600 mgs in me and I am ready to rock!

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about bombing at an Ice T show, taking Lee to hairclub for men, why Joey won't watch certain clips from the beginning of his career, and much more! Support Uncle Joey & get your nicotine fix for 20% off. Head to https://www.lucy.co/JOEY & use promo code JOEY for 20% off your 1st order.   Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Liquid IV order at https://www.liquidIV.com, promo code JOEY.   New customers can turn $5 into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any college basketball bet. Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app with code JOEY   The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

I got 600 milligrams of me and i'm ready to rock. You know i'm saying enough is enough playing games with you lee You're fucking jujuch. You know i'm saying, you know, what am I gonna I gotta I got shit to do tomorrow What am I gonna do? I tell you why well, I I got like I get up in this fucking servant soviet Yeah, but there's no one who like you don't get on zoom calls with like someone who I always got some type of fucking whack-off call, you know Always some dumb fuck That wants to zoom and waste my time in his time. Yeah You know, I got a new idea. I want you to play a fucking court dude

fucking uh What was judge joey? Okay Settle neighborhood disputes. That was the last one. Dude, I got hit up and he was a guy. I remember him being a good guy. He messaged me on Facebook. He was like, hey, I got the opportunity

to like be the EP of this movie with some actor's names I recognize, whatever. But he's like, hey, we're looking to raise funding. Minimum of $25,000 investment. If you know anybody, I'll give you a finder's fee. I'm like, yeah, okay. You have the EP. I'll give you a fact here.

People are dying to put $25,000 into an unknown movie, an election year, 10 wars going on. You think it is in full effect, you know. And this guy's trying to fucking banknote a movie online. If we get it made, you get a poster and a premier ticket and, you know, leave me alone, all right? Because when are they going to get that dough back to you? Never.

Dog, I went to an audition one day that was fucking the script was just insane. I gotta go down and see what the fuck this is. It's a Saturday audition, which right there is a signal I did not know at the time. Oh, no. And I was naive, but it was like 2002, maybe. And it was right across the street from where me and Ralphie lived. So I crossed the street and I'm like,

oh shit, that must be the place. And there's a line down the corner. And I'm like, what the fuck is this, right? So it was one of those basements behind the Thai restaurant on Sunset downstairs. So finally they go, everybody get to the stairway. He wants to make an announcement. The guy's like, okay, when you come in bringing who you're reading for plus take an investment for.

All right. So and then the guy goes, okay. And then the guy goes, OK, if you don't have a family member or a friend that's willing to invest $5,000 to $25,000, you can't audition for this project. I just made a name up on the sheet, and I stayed for the meeting. Oh my god, Lee. Oh my god.

And that's the kind of shit that crushes youes you right as anything a comic an actor a painter Fucking pedophile anything like that where you show up and now they want an investment and you're like what the fuck I thought I was auditioning for a fucking Chinese gang movie and All of a sudden now I got a chip in five grand to be in a fucking movie that nobody's ever gonna see Right. Nobody's ever gonna Listen this thing won't make it to the fucking This thing and you want shit to work Let's continue this on the thing. What's happening savages? It's Tuesday the 19th The check-in is brought to you by liquid IV

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They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to church. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. There he is fresh from Connecticut. Oh, I don't think they're gonna let me back in the state. I'm telling you I heard the people out there were in that fucking building Hiding like Hamas down there And I told you the night before just pull over and call a bomb alert say look I'm coming down to the bomb I'm just letting you know and shit Dude, I don't know how to explain how bad I did two nights in a row.

Like it was one of the worst weekends I've had in my entire like time doing standup. And the part that was frustrating was like, and you know me, dude, I'm not a bragger at all. And I'm very early on, but I've had some pretty good sets recently. Like I was hitting them with jokes that once a weekend I'll usually get a little bit of an applause break on. And then just silence.

It was like I was doing it for people who didn't speak English, but I know they spoke English. It was one of the worst. The only thing that I can like tip my hat on is I didn't run off the stage like 10 minutes too early. I sat through it, I took my fucking beating, but it was, the first night was bad and the second night was worse. And I was so prepared to do good the second night

or do well the second night. And it just, it was a rough. When the staff stops talking to you, or they all walk by and tap you on the back and somebody that finally puts a sign on your back, RIP. You gotta drive home with that sign on your back. You don't find it till you get to your house, you're like, RIP, fuck.

You run right to the bank because you want to deposit a check before they cancel it You know when you bomb for a weekend like that you like pray to God. There's an ATM That'll take this hundred dollars tonight. I don't even care if it gives me money right now Before this fucking guy pulls the check money on me And I wouldn't I remember bought, like you were very nice, but I remember I bombed on one of the, I didn't bomb, but I got too high on one of the Sony Hall shows. And like, I forgot where I was. And I told you, I was like, I don't even want, when I bomb, I don't even want the money. Like it makes you feel worse when people pay you when you bomb.

Bombing is a part of life and it's a part of the job. And if you don't accept it now and put a reason on it, not that the sound system didn't work, not that there were Chinese, not that, you know, because that's what we do, okay? We start reaching, you know, and the other thing about bombing is you gotta learn how to laugh at it.

And that's tough for comics, especially when you're trying to get up on the move. I'd rather see a comic know he's dying at the 12 minute mark, change his routine around, than to see a guy being so blind That he's still using material so that was I knew I was like I even said because there was a table at like the 10-minute mark who had not stopped talking and I said like hey like at least they're all they don't like me, but at least they're being quiet and smiling and I

but at least they're being quiet and smiling. And I, it was like the only way I can describe it is when I first started getting shows and they'd ask you to do seven minutes and I had seven minutes. So if I didn't do like, there was nowhere for me to go. So I didn't, I should have, I guess I'll try to do, like I'm not really a crowd work guy. So I didn't even think about just going to crowd work now, but talk to them

Okay, the material and get rid of that fucking hairy dog. I know it worked three weeks ago in Utah Guess what? It's a different fucking day my friend. Yeah, you know and It's it's something that you just learn and then you learn how to laugh at yourself while you're up there Just turn it you do the quick creepy eight and humor anyway Whoo, I could have got more laughs from the fucking at the hotel with the ghost in Florida Well, it's not up the fucking gate man. I don't want you just struggling for straws But it's like you being on the bottom of the jujitsu match and there's a minute left and you ain't going nowhere Right. Let me just make some moves here to adjust myself so I could breathe

He ain't gonna finish this choke and I'm not gonna reverse them. It's over. I don't care if I lost That you know saying like it's better than getting out of there and listen when I bombed at the ice cube show Okay, when in 1995 right a chance to open up ice cube ice tea one of those motherfuckers in Boulder at the Fox theater downtown. Okay was a little overzealous And I typed up a phony resume And I went down there and said, I'm a feature act. I could do 30 minutes. If you have any fallouts for bands or anything, give me a call. And they call.

Hysterical. $100 to open up for Ice Cube or Ice Tea. I've told the story. Yeah, and and I went in and died there was smoking dope I got all excited and I went out there and it was a slow beating of a fucking night And I still had ten more minutes left to go and I had already died for ten minutes And it was brutal. But at that level I never forget that I did goof around a little bit Like if I if I knew was gonna be this type of party, I would have smoked more dope And even though I wasn't going nowhere with that your mind is thinking and you're away from that fucking dirtbag material you got Because that's how I would look at it

My dirtbag material in the beginning I would would go, why am I doing material? I can just talk to these fucking savages and they'll have a better time. They're in a bar. I told you a thousand times that when people are predetermined going to a comedy club, they're going to a comedy club. That's why when you get to a comedy club,

they give you everything to feel like you're in a comedy club. The lights, you know, when you go to somebody's basement or the back room or something, that's all great and dandy, but it's a struggle. These are people that didn't want to pay the $50 to see Burt. So they're going down to Village Diner to pay the small 10 and get a cocktail, you know And if you're not funny, they turn around they have no investment in the show. Oh Yeah, it was So, you know, I tell people these are workouts you needed this I guess I didn't feel like I did you needed this

Yeah, you needed this why now you look and go, thank God that didn't happen in an A room with Joshua. Yeah, oh Jesus Christ. So now you live and you learn. And I did something that I didn't always do because I've tried to listen to myself recently, but like if I had a bomb, I wouldn't delete it, but I wouldn't go, I listened to listen to myself recently, but like I if I had a bomb I wouldn't delete it But I wouldn't go I listened to it on Saturday and I was up until four in the morning. Yeah, that's right

That was all completely true Junior rocks, that's June rocks It's a fucking basement bar in Connecticut. There's nothing to that was four hours of your life. You'll never get back. Oh That was an experience. Don't think of why you bombed. You know why you bombed you fucking know you have to listen to the fucking tapes Nothing listen, I told you Friday when you called me I said to your dog When you go to these places your energy has to be very high Yep, you went out there night night too, diddling around, looking around like a Jew at a bagel store.

And they fucked and ate your lunch. That's it. That's it, bro. These are the places where you gotta be really on your A game because you're gonna bomb. The percentage of you bombing is higher than the comedy club. Fuck. It's fucking wild, man.

It's wild, but after a while, you start looking at these periods. I don't want you to examine them now. You're gonna fuck. If you died at the improv in front of Bud Friedman, yeah, I'll come home where you listen to that tape with you too, and then throw shit at you while we're listening to it to make you feel even worse

But no, these are all listen I'd rather bomb You see me bomb Yeah, but it's different you see me Bob. I've seen you not do well for you But you've seen me go out there a little overzealous. Yeah. And there's a couple more Gentiles than what I expected. Or these are the uptight Jews, the ones that go see Barbra Streisand, happened to fall into this place tonight. You know, it's very interesting. It's a very, it's a lot more than people fucking think about

But at this level, I don't want you to think about it At this level, let me think about it And i'll i'll tell you even I told you friday night on the phone as I was listening to you And you were describing the type of place it was I don't even need to be there I just know I just know. I just know you're doing two things wrong. Okay.

You're not taking your energy up on stage and you're not looking at what's in front of you. What do you mean by that? All I ever want you to look at is this Friday and Saturday. I don't want you to think about what you're gonna do in Nashville. I don't want you to think about what you're gonna do in Nashville. I don't want you to think what you're gonna do in fucking Vegas. I don't want to hear about any of that shit. Okay. You focus on what's in front of you. How are you gonna fucking catapult from this Friday and Saturday? That's it. Tonight's

material. That's it. Every week changes. By the time you get there, Michael Jackson might come back from the grave. You're worried about your stupid fucking bagel joke. You follow I'm saying to you, right? I want you to bury the people. And I've been telling you this for how long now? 12, 13 years. Yeah. It's it's it's just a waste of thought

Mm-hmm. It is and this is the comedy world. It's a waste of thought think about what's on your plate now Today how you gonna earn this all goes back to this today Yeah, but next Tuesday my cousin Vinny said that I'll help move his cat listen you might get hit by a truck my next Tuesday You're dumb you walk around you're not looking behind you I see you walking around listening to your phone looking at fucking people on your phone You're gonna get hit with a satellite that he That eclipse is gonna land on you cuz I can tell so what's what are you talking about next Tuesday?

We ain't got next Tuesday We ain't got you know, oh well when I'm in Vegas, I have a big showcase that's in three weeks Right now you got Connecticut the basement the dungeon of life in front of you That's all you need to worry about how you're gonna get out of dungeon and if somebody shoots Are you gonna get out of that because you're lucky you didn't get shot down there, you know You could just take so many bombs in a row before I fuck and start going ape shit one of those clubs But it's not a Chinese place. I can't goof on the waiter You know wait, are you saying you're gonna shoot it like if I bomb you're gonna shoot me up

No, no, no, no, if you're in a base You know some guy goes down there and smells a wonton and thinks he's back in Vietnam and throws a bomb up to the state, you know, and here you are in the basement. You got to grow up the stairs, you got to climb on top of 90 people. Grandmas are bleeding to get me out. Fuck you. I'm getting out first. I ain't falling for this again. Dude, the way I was feeling, I might have just jumped in front of the gun at that. Like I was, I'm, it's not as bad as it used to be, but I still take it personally. Listen, Ali, I was taking it personal

till like the 10th or 12th year. So I'm not gonna tell you, I wasn't doing anything different. But you gotta learn to grow. Fuck, the numbers are against you. You're not gonna gamble every night and win Right. You're not gonna gamble every night the way when I look at my schedule as a comic on a Monday morning When your wife is asking you what you want to do this fucking idiot

Wants to talk to you about a film project this city It's got an idea for a podcast You tape it on the ground and shoot it up to space and listen to it in two years. Yeah After all it said and done Mm-hmm. What do I got? And now you look at the week and you go listen. I got five sets this week I got three open mics with a bunch of hoodlums and then I got two paid shows What matters? And then I got two paid shows What matters?

The two paid shows, okay So let's save everything we got for those two paid shows. What's my strategy for Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday? to try all the new jokes I Don't want you going up there with a notebook or looking at your stupid fucking phone No, this is all from the hip boom boom, boom, boom, boom. And anything. You don't give a fuck at this point. It's eight fucking Malouches, just like you. Throw it out there.

Get it off your lips. Sometimes just getting it out of your lips is fucking. Now it gets you to think. How many times I said you remind me to say that joke? And when I got off the stage, killed but I still looked here and I go Mother fucker. I forgot to say that fucking joke. God damn it Because you go How mad would I get? Yeah, and you'd kill like people would be falling out of their chairs and you'd be pissed the first thing you'd say offstage

I Didn't try that fucking joke. I forgot it. I fucked it up. That's it. That's it. That's when you're feeling it. I forgot the fucking joke, but I just killed that room.

Right. That's all that mattered to me because I was going somewhere on Friday. And that joke on Thursday at the comedy store, I needed to fucking try it, to go into something different because I was just there nine months ago Mm-hmm. So let me I know I got 30 minutes

But let me see what else I can dig up before I get down there and then you get down and there's an earthquake Remember when we had the earthquake on stage and Huntington Beach. Were you there? I Know I don't think I was there but I remember that happening what did July, you know, you're up on stage You got all this material, you know, my grandmother Love with yourself and there's a fucking earthquake going on and People like moving I go relax people somebody ain't an edible and I was I was scared listen I was more scared than they were but again, I'm not climbing over eight motherfuckers. I got no cardio I got a bum knee if the beam goes down like Carrie here,

what am I gonna do? If the levy breaks, I got no place, you know what I'm saying? So I just helped my ground, took a chance and kept running through the material. And afterward, I went back to the room and I remember going, I didn't do anything tonight. I did 10 times. I went right into the earthquake and we just rode it out with the earthquake.

And then every eight minutes there was a rumble. But that's the game. That's the game. Monday through fucking Friday. Look at your schedule. It's like Weight Watchers. Monday your friend wants you to go on all you can eat fucking Burger Place. So you're going to eat meat on Thursday. One of my late on Wednesday? I gotta eat chicken a few vegetables and then sat Friday

I gotta eat some more vegetables cuz they had a shit the meat out. It's just like wait watches You're planning your week of attack Yeah, and I definitely learned a lot during that week during that weekend Yeah, it felt like more than two days I definitely learned a lot during that week during that weekend those Yeah, it felt like more than two days I could write a book on bombings and Senses and fucking I could write 15 bombs that I had and

The situations and the shit that surrounded them because at the end of the day It wasn't really a bomb It was a fucking experience Jesus for example, let's say you Allegedly let's say you go to a course you go to a room you do your 20 minutes your 30 your eyeliner set There was 18 people there Obviously, you know, it's a write-off. You're a little depressed. He's paying you He had a mediocre set The hotel is the dump

It smells like dumplings when you walk in and god knows what else and fucking curry and shit They give you those skinny towels that like You know i'm saying, something to dry off, especially if you're over 300 pounds, you know, like a fucking, you got to make like a cape of those towels, you got to use the fucking bad, you know, but anything like you go and maybe that feature act and you hit it off and all of a sudden you fucking, you know know he tells you other things about Michigan like what happened to me he told me all the things about Michigan and where I should go and who I should call and we ended up smoking dope and getting a grandma blow and

then Saturday night was even better one of the waitresses came back with us and fucking she was showing us pick whatever it's always when you look that's why I tell you don't dwell on it now Because five years from now, you know, look at it as an experience How long does it take To not do like because i'm done with it now. I'm not like pissed off about that pissed off about it now but like How long does it to not like fucking kill you like? But like how long does it do not like fucking kill you like?

Have you do you get off stage now if you bomb and like oh, thank god Are like like you like are you happy about it now or no into the winds if i'm going into the weekend? Okay, right on a friday and sat i got two shows in milwaukee two shows in chicago I got people fucking sending me shit. We're gonna go off. I'm gonna kill myself that night, you know just All the shit that I used to get before the show Tuesday night if I bombed I was kind of happy but not really All right. So that's I did good Tuesday night in the original room, but I bombed in the main room. Okay, that's okay If I killed all three nights, that's what kept me awake on Thursday night.

Because you thought an Obama was coming or something? I knew they coming. I just had three of the best sets of my life, really five of the best sets of my life. And I'm going into this weekend, it's sold out. They got babysitters already. I can't even cancel. A bomb is moving.

So now that makes you tighten up your game. When you get to the hotel, you go for your fucking, whatever was in Milwaukee that we eat, and then you tighten up your notebook. And then hopefully, at that point already, I was doing comedy 24 years Right, but i'd still think like that because I knew it's a game of percentages. It's like

Sales, it's like if you talk to 100 women Five of them are going to go take you out on dates Hopefully, but i'm hey listen Even me with an eye patch could Get in the hot dog from fucking the hot dog place in Old Bridge fucking whatever it Nicky's dogs Jesus Christ Did you ever because you were talking about like flying the only thing that saved me this weekend was like At least I was home like at least I was home. Like at least I didn't, like what is it like when you like fly somewhere to bomb? Like it never mind fly nothing. Listen,

when you're taking a flight and you're a feature act, many a times I bombed with Joe Rogan as a feature act because I was thinking about something else. I bombed the first show, or do well the first show, and bombed the second show. That means the cocaine was in my pocket. This is Joe's show. They're not here to see me. Do you know what I'm saying? You start thinking negative things.

I'm just going to go up there and call it in. And then you start feeling bad. OK. I saw the type of caliber Joe was and how he held his game. And that helped me a lot You know, but let's say You bomb on a Friday night. Listen, you were with me the week. I bombed in San Francisco. Oh, yeah comes I bombed Thursday, but shows Friday boat shows and

Saturday the first show I was oh for five You were the witness. Yeah, and that what happened the first show I was oh for five you were the witness Yeah, and that what happened the late show I got so furious No, I'm not even doing material This material socks dick I'm gonna let it the ego. There's no ego would stand up There's no ego. I'm down zero to fucking five here. Not even one show Thursday. I bombed on both shows Thursday and then two more to boot on Friday and then I ate a bag of dicks

the first show. I was even thinking of switching with Ari. There's no ego in stand up. It's about the people in the fucking show. Right. These weeks you're not going to fuck and have it You cannot be Alex Rodriguez every night. You cannot be Well, I was gonna use Rodriguez and Darrell strawberry, you know, those are two bad examples, but you can't It's not gonna happen What do you think when Motley Crue goes on the road if they got 16 dates? They don't need a bag of dicks on three of them You think musicians bomb like that? I went like, yeah, you'll you'll see about it. You'll hear about it three days later.

You went to see this band and the sound and the guitarist was drunk. And, you know, it's dog. The odds are against you. If not, you live in heaven where you never lose. And I don't know, last time you checked, we ain't have no, holy shit. Yeah. No, but I love talking to you, but that was a lot of fun. How was your St.

Patrick's day? You do. Are you a big St. Patrick's? Oh yeah. It's the same. I had the kilter on. I was at the bar jumping up and down.

I learned how to blow a bagpipe, you know Were you ever did you ever like go on go to bars on like days like that when I was young and stupid I Think I did it listen Let's be as honest as I can with you. I've always known I was not a day drinker Okay, I've always known I was not a day drinker Okay, I've always known that What people do on that day was never for me? Like I can't stop drinking at 9 a.m. Green fucking beer Yeah, I did my share whatever but the only new st. Patty's I do remember is one I

Took the bus tour in New York City. You did that was on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, but with my friends. OK, they would go a different bus ride. His name was Corky years ago. This is 30 fucking years ago. Forty. Forty years ago.

My friends the year before had gone over to the city and they were in the village and somebody invite. We're talking about St. Patty's or Fort de Jolombe. Either we were talking about St. Patty's. I'm so fucking high. It's March. This guy rented a bus and he stopped at most of the Irish places and had a beer. And that was what you did. You went out of the bus and you got a shot of beer

and you yelled a little bit. And this guy was a fucking pisser. He was a one man parade, you know? And I remember like, I think I got off the bus like by 70th street and fucking said, fuck this. That's not for me, you know? You go to one parade, you're good. Right. You know, you go to one parade you're good Right, you know you get pickpocketed. That's New York City, you know, you got to go with hands and pockets and

Fucking yeah, they'll even take you yarmulke. They don't give a fuck in New York City Same patty, they just you know, I always had something to do on st. Patty's I ended up at the bar There's a lot of Coke at the bar too. You don't have to drink, you can still Coke. St. Patty don't give a fuck, Jack. Coke, reefer. I was going to go with my brother somewhere yesterday with Crazy Chris,

but the girls had nowhere to go till about 3.34. I went with them and we went to my friends and they had the fucking bread and the corned beef and you know, it was fun. If you think I'm gonna go into the city or into one of those parades, you go to one parade, you've seen them all. Has anyone ever asked you to be in a parade?

No. Has anyone ever asked you to be in a parade? Now I Can't imagine you on like a truck or something like a float waving at people no That's too embarrassing. I think about Kennedy too much. You know me dog last guy who waved to people With John F. He didn't end too good. You better have a hood on that car it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on

I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I think it's time to put a wig on I Very nice. No, no It's very nice. They told you that I Think it's time to put a wig on what do you think like a little we'll take it a head club for men

They'll shave the back of your back. Oh That that's what I'm fucking save your back You don't even have to like grow a beard and nothing will shave your back your shoulders grow a beard and nothing, we'll shave your back, your shoulders, your buttocks, that's gotta be like a fucking, an Afro right there and we'll just put it on your head, fuck it, they do miracles today. What was that UFC fighter who had the Afro?

Remember he was like a skinny black dude, like Bruce Leroy or something? Oh yeah, yeah, Bruce Leroy. I like, if they shaved my back I would have I could have so much. Let's call head club for men I'll call him tomorrow see if they can use the back particles Don't do some fucking acupuncture. They'll shoot a little stem cell in there within a month You'll be looking like Ringo Starr in 66. You know, I was gonna ask what what sort of style should I do? I

You should do more From the three students. Yeah, mo mo it up Joe, could you pull up mo cuz I don't know which one mo is he says I can't Have to success right now for you his mo if I fucking You know, you can't be curly You know and you can't be fucking the other guy. He's going bald and he has a hat, but you would be a perfect fucking Mo right there. Oh, that's the one. I don't want to have that one.

I'm too fat to have that hairdo. Listen, you'd sell out arenas with that head. I'm 24. These kids pay for anything when you look weird. Give yourself a half a Hitler mustache forget about it Go out there and tell me the Jew of the year with the Hitler mustache mo had do forget about it Who's better than you you show up with a mo had do and a cape on what? I have I think I might have to get you a cape you love you. You love capes. I got a couple right now

How can we never wear them because I get shot on sight? No, you could Do do rituals or sexual experimentation? Are you following any of this motherfucking You know what's gonna happen this month here on NCAA final four and all that shit I would love to. Any idea where you're leaning to? I don't to be honest, dude. I haven't watched college basketball I would love to know what's going on it It I just know That it's fucking huge and it was my least favorite time to watch Sports Center because I see you sent me a thing today

It's a pool. He does every year. Okay, when you win six G's you keep a G and you get five grant to my favorite charity You know, it's a good deal but I couldn't even figure out how to log in like I never enter pools But I was at my friend's house yesterday and they were talking about who's good at basketball this year Okay, I was listening. You know me one year was listening to the kids The other year was listening for any inside information. Did you get any like isn't Isn't there like 70 teams or something? There's like a lot of teams. I Think so. I forget 64. So okay 64 your mother's a whore. That's a good number. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, give me a moment here. We're going to check them with draft kings to see what they got

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We're back, bitches. So anyway, in the beginning of the podcast, we were talking about the people fucking hit us with when you live in Hollywood. And I felt really like tell the people the truth. How many fucking times did you try to get me to do one of those levels and before the pandemic I'm talking the beginning. Are you motherfuckers were saying why don't you go on that site. You take two thousand dollars from people and you send them a poster when the movie's done and all and I was like

Guys, just give me a gun. It's easier. I don't want to rob people These people forget they gave you $2,000 10 years ago And now you come up with a and that's what happens with those things, right? You invest they send you a picture An autograph picture me playing the ukulele on a thing You're supposed to be impressed and then me and my buddies got to shoot it. We got a save on the editor You're not gonna get any promo on it. It's the people who were in the movie and their websites It's a fucking nightmare. And let me tell you something. I was part of a hundred Not the investment shit

But I was part of a hundred of those look at my fucking resume a hundred of those movies that this is a movie It's a hundred a day. It's gonna turn into a sitcom. We're gonna have a big premiere dog. I never heard from those people again Not even a fucking friendly fuck you So that's why when people hit me up with those things. I wish him a lot of luck because you might as well take your money and give it to draft kings or just at least with dracons you have a chance you have everything else you could light it on fire see about 20 15 years ago the girl from clenice wood did a movie where he was a boxing trainer and he trained that girl how to box and then at the end somebody hit her in the head and she was like oh my god I'm gonna get a new one and she was like See about 20 15 years ago the girl from Clint Eastwood did a movie where he was a boxing trainer

And he trained that girl how to box and then at the end somebody hit her in the head We ended up in the hospital and shit million dollar baby, I think million dollar baby. Okay The girl that became a star and that was I mean she was already a star when she got that movie But how she got on the was she did a hundred dollar a day movie When they were just Making 15 or 20 of them a year She got like a little fucking package or a tv show out of it or something so that was always their selling point Yeah, we'll give me 100 a. And then when this turns into a movie, you're it.

I got a movie right now on that fucking IMDB that I saw about a year ago. I forgot I even did it. You know how I remembered? I saw the trailer to another movie and I go. This sounds familiar. And I got up and I went to IMDB. I shot the short with fucking real actors. Like, you know, I shot that with fucking Bubba from Bubba,

the black dude from fucking Far As Gum. That's how I met Ed Quinn Jesus yeah, I was on this thing for a couple days and That's how I met Sifu the karate teacher from fucking My At the rear dude. Yeah, that's how I met these dudes on that project This was like it was one of those by you got a hundred a day They want they kept calling me to go to UCLA to real rehearse I'm not going on there for 100 day relapse, you know, it was easy mafia lines. And guess what they got the

budget, they redid the movie didn't use none of us not Bubba, not me not a Quinn, I was there fucking 10 hours, you know. And this is why you start you don't get bitter. It's not that you get bitter towards it, but it's like I got better things to do now. I Wish I had four days to give you in a movie. I wish you know Joey I got this thing. I got a great Director and this guy if you could just do it. It'd be really quick. I know it'd be really quick You know, it really quick is five hours it'd be really quick. You know what really quick is? Five hours. Because nobody's getting paid. Right. So this guy's running late. This guy's gonna get here.

The light he brought ain't gonna work because he just brought it from a different job and he didn't charge it. I've been there, Lee. And then at the end of all that, you don't hear from these people ever again. Fuck. Is it like, is it saying you don't hear from these people ever again Fuck is it like they're saying, you know Okay When they hit you up and they go, hey, we got into the you know mountain fest film festival Would you mind making a video for it or something? You're like dog?

I did that movie five fucking years ago I I haven't heard from you, right? I haven't heard from you. Like it was supposed to be a TV show on ABC. How did we get to the Mountain View Cemetery Film Festival? It's almost like you can smell it. It's not that you're negative for them, what happens is yes, I might, listen, I might get this book. The deal is dead by the way. We have no deal with nobody, which is good. Listen, I did good enough on the book. Okay. I'm very proud of the book.

I don't want it to end bad. They wanna approach me, somebody who's gonna really like that story is gonna approach me and then we'll do it. Until then, I'd rather just leave it as it is. It was a good experience Okay, okay. What we talking about about like bad projects or not bad, but just projects, you know, we're gonna fail Okay, and he said you didn't want like people to do stuff for your dream or like alright, so let's say that project went

It doesn't go And right now somebody's watching the podcast. They're like Joey Diaz. I Got eight hundred thousand dollars and my father's got a million to invest. What do you think? And I get kind of greedy, and I go, let's do it. Now, I'm not going to get nothing for fucking getting the film. I might get like $60,000 for the script.

OK. I'll have to license the book or something, and I'll live on that. But then we're going to find out, they want to get Sophia Vergara They want to get this one. These people don't come for free No, you know listen to do this one for a hundred and the next one will take care you they don't play that shit They want their money and that million or two million dollar budget you ain't gonna work Fuck that one point somebody's got to work for free

And then when we're about to shoot it the kid calls he lost 800,000 in the stock market So he's got to pull his money so now The father goes well if my son can't do it, there's a week before You already fucking hired people because that's that worldly. Yeah, then what happens is I get a call There's what's happening? We'll get back to you and a year later. I get a call. Hey come to the table read we got the money You get to the table read great actors and also they're like we didn't get the original financing We got four hundred thousand which is on the house of debt

And if you guys don't mind signing over it, it would really help us. I don't know you don't get paid Yeah, I don't mind signing over a check But at least finish the fucking project signing over a check, but at least finish the fucking project. Right. Come to me 10 years from now and go, I just got a call from a movie I did 20 years ago. Did you really 20 fucking years ago? And what did they want?

We're going to redo something. And then. Did you? Because like that gives me anxiety that you said like they they would cancel a week before Did you ever cancel a comedy weekend for a like a acting thing? And then they they come up like the day before and cancel the whole thing In 2009 or 10, I was going through a real rough patch, okay, I Was doing stand up.

I wasn't at the store. I was kind of doing it flying my by, by the seat of my pants, you know? And a lot of people don't know this story, I'll drop it on you. Okay. And I get a call from Gabriel Lces and he goes listen I need a favor I'm working Sacramento punchline. Can you headline?

Co-headline with another comic on Wednesday and Thursday I'll come up Friday and headline the rest of the weekend and pay you headline money Nice. I'm like, this is fucking great. I Flew up Thursday morning Southwest. We stay at that hotel. We stayed many a time Their master and the tube dumbbells and the fucking gazebo. That's their luxurious gym a Stair master that clicks on the way up Anyway, I get there Wednesday night fucking great show the comic and I get along

Thursday morning, we got radio Okay, also we're cool until the radio station During the winter we're on air he starts saying a couple things that I Get it, but why would you say, you know, on radio, on radio? Now, at the time, I'm clean about a year. I'm not walking around with a soda telling anybody

because I know I'm a fucking junkie and I could be snorting again in two days, so why blow my cover? I'm clean and at this thing, he's talking about this. That's a complete different Adam Sandler fucking joke like he's trying to be cute And not in the radio station. They go, let's break. Let's take a two-minute break and right there I turn and I go do we have a fucking problem and we got out right there in the radio station We're gonna fucking duke it out

Fuck the one manager took me home the other man. They're gonna call Gabriel and figure out what they not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not complete different agent. He's not even my agent. Calls me and he goes, Joey, they're looking for you. You have to go in today to read. It's for, My Name is Earl. Wow.

So you have to fly to LA and go back up there. When is the audition? We'll get it in for you as early as possible. And as soon as you land, call us from Burbank and we'll pick you up. It was perfect. It was Mars Gibranis manager. Good dude.

So I'm like, why don't my agents call me? At that time I had like 22 agents. None of them called. I'm furious. Like I'm flabbergasted. And I go down there, I meet Greg. I read the lines we laugh And I'm not even home yet, and I booked the part. It's four episodes I'm see ya

I get home now. It's Friday. It's probably 11 o'clock and I'm sitting there. I'm like, what am I gonna do? I'll try to call Gabriel to see if I can hop on the plane with them whatever you know and I worked Wednesday and Thursday the audition was Friday so you went home Friday morning yes and that afternoon as I'm figuring out how to get to Sacramento I got a call from Joe Rogan and he goes hey, I'm in a pinch. Ari can't do this weekend. He booked a commercial. Can you do the shows?

I'll pay you this amount to cover for him. And I was like, fuck yeah. So two nights I was in Sacramento. I went down, booked the role, and then I went back to San Francisco with Joe. We did probably six shows. I didn't mind Sunday nights because fucking that's it was just a one hour flight home.

I don't want to go across country on a Sunday night. So that's why I would stay for Sundays. And like I know you and Gabriel are cool now. Did he have an issue with you canceling? No, because he was going to have a comics on the schedule anyway, okay We were just gonna do ten minutes. It was like his regular openers Me and the other guy were both gonna do I don't want to be around the other guy the rest of the fucking weekend And later on we made up but he was always had some type. I had a monstry toys

I tried I tried to be you know, I knew where he was coming from I know what the situation was and But did I ever quit a comedy room I Think so Wow early on and it caused a lot of havoc you quit midweek No, I remember I got into the beef with the Booker from Texas I told him to go fuck himself on the phone because he threatened me I'm not gonna work again for anybody Towards the last two years of my addiction I was I would call you at 11 in the morning and tell you I'm coming to pick you up and You know I canceled in fact, I got a call from an old friend I said I'm gonna call you at 11 in the morning and tell you I'm coming to pick you up and I I'm gonna call you at 11 in the morning and tell you, I'm coming to pick you up. And,

you know, I canceled. In fact, I got a call from an old friend that had a club. And one day I told him I even landed and he was driving around the airport for three hours looking for me. I was in my house to play. He kept calling me. I'm coming home. I'm here.

Where are you? The West side. He finally figured out, Joey's not here. And then I was supposed to play the other club the following week in the same area. OK. And the same thing happened. I had to get up and call him and go, I'm coming.

I wasn't even getting in the car. There's no way I would make it through security. No way. I was that fucked up. Fuck. And this is when I wasn that fucked up. Fuck. And this is when I wasn't taking this shit seriously, you know? And that's, that's why I had nothing because they know, you know, these guys were like,

we don't know if he's going to show up on that. I was terrible like that. I can't imagine calling someone on the phone being like, I'm here. What was it like? and then you should not they it took them three hours to realize that maybe doing The good guy in Houston I told him I would call him when the plane landed he called me after like two hours I've been circling around. What are you landing? I'm still up in the air I'm still up in the air Another time I was in Miami for two fucking weeks, okay going hard

Going hard. Yeah, it was every night stories drinking 6 a.m The fucking shark bar bar you know and I have like four weeks to roll ahead I had I had fucking Miami for the improv okay but by this time they closed the funny Bone in Buffalo. So I was going to the, Yoder had a club in Buffalo and it was $450 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then I had to get back to like fucking Cleveland by bus and I'm like, what the fuck? And one time I made a mistake. I was in Miami for two or three weeks getting fucked up and I had to go to Cleveland

Here I am in fucking 78 degree weather sleeping with the balcony open. I got to Cleveland I can't even leave my fucking condo for the first day It was snowed in I'm like why they even fucking come here I'm a stupid fucking feature act. I should have checked the weather. There was no show that night I had like ten dollars. Everything was closed. I'm walking up a hill with a fucking half a winter jacket. I Was I can't imagine going crazy like six in the morning and then doing shows that night and then doing shows that night? I can't, anything. Dog, when I was, at that time I was damaged goods.

And even if I snorted till three, and I slept and I made it to the airport, then I get to the hotel and I sleep a few hours, and I'd be okay. It was such a big difference than doing comedy shows, so, but the respect I had for comedy. Listen, I never had a beef with comedy at all. I was always very good.

And at the end, I always delivered. But those first couple of years, and this is what I was talking about in the Patreon podcast today, that whether it's alcoholism, whether it's pills, whether it's drugs, whether it's sex, you could do comedy through all that stuff for a long time. But one day, it could be at the 12-year mark

or at the 20-year mark when you're really rocking that this shit's gonna knock on your door. And that's why you gotta get to this. Listen, I snorted coke 10 years too much. I did coke 16 years while I did comedy and I wish I would have done 10. You don't wish you never did it? I can't do that.

I can't bring that back. Okay. What would have been the difference if you only did 10? I would have gotten a little farther. I would have gained some ground early on. I would have done a premium blend. I would have done something, a couple more things.

People would have taken me seriously. That's crazy that Coke had that much of an effect, you think? Because once the club owners know, they're going to pass it on to their favorite comics And once the comics start talking one day somebody's gonna call them and go hey, we got this show on HBO What do you think about Lisa? Yeah I'm starting to hear things about Lisa. Yeah, you know and unless somebody really believes in you like already in the last season of crashing Mm-hmm

You know, all the stories that are coming out about Tony Soprano now, you know, God rest his soul. I don't want to talk about bad about the guy, the guy's dead. Some dude wrote a book about every time they had to fucking lock up the set or whatever, you know. I bet they all wish they had a chance to do it legitimately. And I had that chance. I had that chance from scratch.

I stopped in 2007. I had two years to clear my mind. And I think this whole thing started again for me in like 2010, 2011. I didn't get back into the store till 2014. So that just goes to show you. You can get a lot farther without. I mean, I'm not a fan of the The Some of us like drugs. Some of us like blowjobs. Some of us like gambling. Some people like gambling and blowjobs and heroin. Some people, you know, it's a really... One of the things about comedy that I got to see was when I was featuring,

I got to it like in 2000. I was still featuring but I was ready at lunch Material wise I wasn't ready. I had wine. I'm lying to you, but I was a very good feature And I was getting a lot of work and it was a tour where I was doing not a tour But for like four weeks in a row. I got to work with old stars from the Comedy Store okay, there with Kenison banging it out with. And if I had to pick out what all four of them, why they weren't stars

and why they were in a fucking D room now, instead of an A room like the rest of them, you know, two of them were degenerate gamblers. I mean, from the minute they woke up, you had to give them a ride. I was a feature act with a car. I didn't, they'd rent the car, but they didn't have a license. You know, it was fucking endless. I got a lot of work because I had a license at one point, because they'll rent the car, but you got to drive the fucking, you have to put the car in your name, you know, or whatever, however they did that.

Just insanity. Guys that would drop every line, every, listen, I'm not gonna say I wasn't doing coke, but I went back to the fucking condo at two. These guys stayed out till eight in the morning. And then I would hear that, let's say they got 1500 for the week. By the time they got there, they only had 500 because

they had been taking advances on the road. If that's what I'm going to do, I'm not going to do this anymore. That's no way to do comedy. That's just not good. That's just not good. There was a ton of them when I was a feature act that was still lurking. And it was, there was one guy that just pissed me off. Some of this guy was a legend. I grew up watching him on Showtime with Rodney and shit. And I got to LA, I heard all the stories of him at the store.

He was very funny. And one night he tried to bump me at the LA, at the Laugh Factory. And I was like, I'm not doing it. I just held my ground. I'm not doing it. And he always seemed a little fucked and we're not. They start with the text message. Who the fuck is this jerk?

All right. Yeah. And what was I saying, Lee? You said one guy was trying to bump you and you weren't going to take it. You're talking about the. And then, you know, he did something else at the store one night, you know, and this guy was one of my guys. And then I went to Florida. I went, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I was a Myrtle Beach. OK. At the Comedy Cabana. And the owner came up to me and I was featuring and there was a headline and the owner came up to me and I was featuring and there was a headline and the owner came up to me, we were sitting together. One of the best headliners I ever worked at Chicago, I can't remember what his name is,

Cleen and he came over and he goes, listen, this comic is coming in and we both looked at him like, no. And he goes, yeah, he's coming in. He wants to do a guest set and sell CDs Now at this time it had to be 2003 I'm still snorting, you know, I don't think I was snorting that night And he came in with his ego You know you guys work on me. Yeah

Yeah, you know why am he started with that shit? Yeah, I saw you on me than I am. Yeah, you know who I am. He started with that shit. Yeah, I saw you on the run. He'd done, yeah. He brought a woman that had been fucked by every biker gang and fucked in the country, okay? She stunk, she was nasty. She had a removable fang like a tooth that she was spinning around in her mouth.

It was not good. It was not good, guys. This is something that you sit there going If this is what I'm gonna become Let me shoot myself now so it gets better He goes up there with those jokes that he has not rewritten in 20 years since I saw him on Showtime And he did these 10-20 minutes and he died. Holy shit. Add insult, add insult to injury.

At the end of the show, he's back there selling CDs. I thought he would have left. Did anyone buy the CD? Listen, people are still coming out and they're talking to the headliner. I'm sitting at the bar and I'm watching all this and He comes over to his girlfriend. He goes babe. I've only got like four CDs So let me sell four more will go cook that guy's house and get you hooked up They were getting the that's all he was doing it for was a package. He finally went back. He sold zero CDs He went to the owner. He goes dog. I just some time tonight

You at least got to give me a hundred dollar bill And the owner knew about himself buy it from the game a hundred just to get alright. See you next time Bye, and he left with that girl if I had to do that now After I saw my friends fucking do great things Think about it Yeah, I saw ten of my friends do great things from Ralphie made the fucking Ken Chung I remember route him at at Ralphie's wedding goofing with us He was just doing comedy at the last crack. We look at now. He's on fucking mass singer

You know, I saw the I saw the magic. I saw the miracle Well, it's interesting that you because I was thinking about that Is that like I try to learn from every headliner, but it's also like I've learned Like stuff I'll see I'm like, oh if I was if I'm ever the headliner, I'm never doing that You sit there and you know, but then you look at his career you go now. know why. Yep. Now I know why he's in a basement in Connecticut on a Friday night watching me bump. And a lot of play and just little things it's crazy to see and it's crazy that it's weird like I just picture you as always killing. I get from the guy and I know I know that's not possible

But it's it's hard for me to think of like it imagine, you know, it's hard for me to imagine Chris rock bombing People I've been sending me a K loco tape. Uh-huh that most people release one of those greedy bastards release Because the kid died he died in cancer the kid who was hosting those shows. Okay, and Dog I've been getting hit from everybody. I See it on I saw it on YouTube and I refused to clink into it Well, I'm going back there I don't ever want to see that in my life Wait what like do you mind talking about what happened? I don't nothing happened. It was just I

Don't know. I don't I remember that set. I think I probably got 500 bucks for that herbie thinks we shot it in New York. We shot that show at the Ice House. Really? Yeah. And it was either my first or my second time doing it. I don't know. I don't know what happened. It was okay. But in my world, I don't want to see that guy. Is it about- I don't want to see that guy Is it about see that guy Not even in fucking photographs do I want to see that guy Is it about comedy or just about where you were at that time? It's about the whole patois where I was You know, you might see me smile up there during that set. There was nothing to smile about.

There was nothing to smile about. I was living in a basement, probably crashing at Ralphie's or fighting with my girlfriend or, you know, I was broke. That's why I did that fucking show. You know, you always, when you start off, I'm not doing anything until I get to HBO. Well, wait till you got to pay rent bitch and snort

You'll be doing the late-night fucking local cable spots, you don't give a fuck because it's all towards your dream. So I did that I Don't remember what came out of my mouth. I don't want to remember I don't want to see that person that was a broken fucking person up there, but I wanna see that person. That was a broken fucking person up there. But the only thing I wanna see that tape, which one night I'll probably break down late and watch a minute of it, is to see, I don't know.

Like what do I wanna see from that? I don't know. Well, you could look at it the other way. Like you could look at the growth of like, I don't know how many years ago that was, but a long time ago. That had to be 25, 26 years ago. I get a headache just thinking about that time in my life. It was before Terry. Really?

It was a contract we just signed. God knows where they had it. God knows how many times they had it I know those early things you get ripped off the debt But it's like I want to see what that person is but I don't know Because that was a fuck that you know, I was still recovering from my divorce I was still recovering from fucking not seeing my child. I was recovering from learning how to live in Hollywood.

You know, I got, I'm at the comedy store. When are they gonna find out I'm a fucking fake? When are they gonna find out? When are they gonna, you know, in 99, what people don't know is, don't, that was a time in 99, I couldn't even come to New York because one of my friends got arrested.

One of my guns, something. one of my guns, something. One of my friends, I sold a gun to sold a gun from 1987. The guy had records and somebody got shot with it and they came out to LA and they talked to me at the comedy store and Duncan was the talent coordinator and he remembers and he's like, what are you, I don't know. Going into 99, I didn't know what was gonna happen

I was supposed to get on stage and be funny during that time and I was I was getting on stage fucking every night Twice a night three times a night. That was the only thing that was keep me alive Would that anxiety fuel you do you think like is that why you like getting annoyed before sets? I Have no fucking idea I have no no fucking idea but it was just like did they talk to you at the Comedy Store before your set? No I was down there and they called the Comedy Store. Okay I thought like you were like talking to the like the FBI and then you had to go do 15 minutes. Duncan was like somebody called today. Asking about your times here, I'm thinking it's fucking paramount. The NYPD. Yeah, I'm going down there at Paramount.

I get down there. I do my set. I don't remember what I can't. I'm lying to you. I don't remember. I really don't remember. I know I spoke to them off the property. I didn't want nobody talking to see me talking to cops They didn't have a uniform done They worked in LA. They got a call from New York and LA to come see me They were FBI guys and they just wanted to know what happened. I told him the truth. I bought the gun in 86. I Go offices. God knows when I sold it But I signed the paperwork whatever whoo that never you know

And then they said we'll get back here then they sent me like a letter and Then I was really worried during the holidays of 98, 99. That's when the store reopened because they closed the liquor license. I'm up there doing comedy and there's no liquor. They're drinking $7 sodas. How much do you have to work to get somebody to smile when they paid $7 for a quarter pound fucking Coke?

So I talk to people sometimes, I tell them that, yeah, yeah, I was hooked on all this shit and I was doing all this shit, but at the same time, all my other energy I had left off from drugs and whatever else I was doing was all comedy. I didn't give a fuck about my health. Right. That's why I ended up 350 fucking pounds. I Knew I wasn't sleeping but it didn't bother me. I knew I was smoking three packs of cigarettes a day

I knew I was snorting Anywhere from an eight ball to a quarter ounce a week. I know it was just not good So why do I want to see that fucking person? right I know it was just not good. So why do I want to see that fucking person? right I don't see that demon dog It's nice to see like people can change though because like you always hear that like people don't change And like you change but that doesn't matter. I don't want to see that motherfucker There's no reason to look in your rearview mirror when the longest yard comes on and it's not night up.

You know, that's one thing. I was still a coke fiend then but I was a decent coke fiend at that thing. You know, there was a difference I can live that when I see grudge match, it's a horrible movie, but I can live with that. I was very we had the podcast going we took everybody to movies Yeah on Christmas Day when it came out, you know There's some things I don't mind looking at There's some shit. I look at and it goes right back to who was that person then? Oh boy Look at that lump in my sock. Everybody thought it was just my calf. That's a fucking a wad of money I'm going to buy drugs or something stupid. I'm 16 fucking years old, you know

I don't want to see that shit I don't want to see that shit. What do you got this week? Beautiful this week? Uh the 21st of the 23rd i'm opening for josh wolf at zanies in nashville for the first time very very excited to go there Very exciting club. Don't forget to get the chicken. You know, from which place? They're going to drop it off. Although perfect. Don't drop it all.

It'll be there Thursday night. I know anything about Mr. Dorfman. He's the best. Let me tell you something. I did comedy on the road for a long time and I met him in 98, you know. OK. And I met him in 98, you know? OK. And I liked him, but I was when I left, I go,

this motherfucker is just too nice. Oh, I see a knife somewhere. I see him. Nobody's this fucking nice. At that time, no club owner would talk to you. You know, he would have a conversation with you and watch a show with you. As the feature? Yeah owner would talk to you. You know, he would have a conversation with you and watch a show with you. As the feature?

Yeah, and talk to you. Nice. Or there with Stan Ho. And Steven Seagal was in town. He was gonna come by and crack a few, I know he's gonna play the guitar. At the show? Yeah, I ate a bag of dicks seven minutes in, dog.

That's when it was the real Bible belt. Now you could say anything in nashville did you have to follow steven seagal with the guitar no no no he was coming for the 10 30 show got it okay i had to go up there off an mc and then open up to stanhope okay and i died and then i was watching stanhope and he was killing for about 18 minutes and then it just went flat. And I'm like what the fuck happened to both of our shows because I had them in the beginning about something I know I said pussy and they were going and then I when I went home like that week I didn't I only had one night there with him. Okay. And like a week later I thought about and I go

that's the same thing that happened to me in Atlanta. That's the same thing that happened to me somewhere else in the south. It's the Bible Belt. And I just made a mental note. I ain't ever coming back. It is. Because you that would suck the bomb in one spot. I don't have to come back.

That was the excuse I gave myself As a comedy star regular 12 to 13 years to the game now. I'm lying to you. Maybe 11 12 years in That's how I wasn't demented. But at least I was like Yeah, I'm not gonna do the Bible Belt no more. Well when things started picking up I went to the Bible Belt and now I killed Right and it was how I was looking at it Well, when things started picking up, I went to the Bible Belt and now I killed. Right. And it was how I was looking at it. That's all it was. I wasn't experienced enough to look at it that way.

And let's be honest, it changed. It opened up more. The thinking opened up more. Same thing with wise guys in Utah. Great club. For years, they wouldn't bring any R-rated acts in there. I had to call the guy and go, let's do a door deal. If I don't make a dime, you don't make a dime. Next thing you know, there was a fucking 200 people there. We got something

to work with. People want to see dirty comedy. People want to see edgy shit. People want to smoke dope. They want to scratch their balls and snip their fingers. It's motherfucking Friday Jack Me I'm gonna go up Thursday, I got a spot nice. I'm doing a guest set and Maybe Wednesday night. I'll go out. I'm not sure yet and then Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, go ahead. I was just gonna ask if you're bringing CDs to the guest set I was just gonna ask if you were bringing CDs to the guest set

CDs you told that story about that comic who did a guess and then brought I'm not going that even at the man the dying, you know, well, I don't want over there. See the headline. He's my buddy It's 30 minutes away. Why not? That's awesome. So you think you have two sets this week and then I will never take. I don't even have CDs left. I know. I think there's some shit around here, but I sound that's up. Fuck no. I'll donate it to the fucking box by the fire department. Some fucking Mexican migrant will put it on and hear some words

even with the fucking shelter. Although bring it to the fucking shelter. Or they'll bring it to the other Jewish shelter where they had those hookers hidden downstairs. You never heard anything about those Jews again. They just disappeared. They vanished. Thank God. I don't know what,

I don't wanna know what was going on down there. They were building the trench of death. They're taking it back. You know what I'm saying? I love you, cocksuckers. Have a great week. Thank you for tonight. I love you cocksuckers. Have a great week Thank you tonight. I love you guys and now for a word my motherfuckers sponsors The check-in is brought to you by

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