Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - I was evil, but I didn't have a cat with a cape

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee why he used to say horrible things to himself every morning, why he doesn't like to smoke with people anymore, testing the weatherman, Lee tells Joey about his life changing trip to Paisley Park and much more! Try Blue Chew for free at https://www.bluechew.com with promo code JOEY Support the show and get 20% off and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com with the code JOEY The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

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That's what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to China! That's what you got to be thinking What up there Boris Hey, buddy I'm allowed to say that again. I might let's bit buddy at all? I can't say buddy ever again Nah, it's okay. It's just when you work at nasally, you know You think I want this voice I fucking can't that was like the thing that like that would never listen to recordings You think I like my voice. I don't like my voice either. So don't worry. I don't like nothing that I do I don't like my fucking hair. I don't like my face. I don't like my worry. I don't like nothing that I do. I don't like my fucking hair. I don't like my face. I don't like

my voice. I don't like nothing. I'm just, I'm just a moat. I just walk around and accept things at this point in the fucking game. You know, the worst thing I could do ever is watch World News Tonight. Why? Because sometimes like I'm watching something like I watched the weather on ABC. And then I'll leave and I'll come back and World News tonight is on,

and it just fucking depresses the shit out of me. Like I got addicted to that shit during the pandemic, and it fucking broke me from like March to fucking, you know, till like a year later, it broke me. I had to stop watching it. Like when it came out of that LA at 330, I would be home to watch it already during the pandemic.

Isn't that the one, was that Diane Sawyer? Yeah, but Diane Sawyer was gone during the pandemic. She was an incubator, somewhere on an island, somebody rubbing her feet with Martha Stewart and shit. You know, but yeah, it's just fucking crazy. And did he watch it tonight? Like, is it? Yeah, I walked by and it was on and it was, you know, like,

they were talking about the election, you know, you know, who gives a fuck? They were talking about that Biden gave that Yahoo, the red light, you know, he had crossed a red line when he bombed something. Listen, man, you know, everybody's got their opinion. If you weren't there on November 6th or whenever the fuck it happened November, October 6th, October 7th, you know, I couldn't even imagine being at a fucking festival

and seeing little Arabs coming down on a bicycle on a bicycle like that guy and fucking the road warrior. He had that little bicycle He used to follow Mel Gibson around. I see that shit. I'm traumatized. I don't even know what to expect Never mind ending and you know the whole fucking deal. So I don't want to talk about What's going on the world, but it's just you know, I can't watch when the world, I can't watch no fucking news. I just sit there and fucking go, what the fuck are they talking about? Scaring white people.

It was that like a thing you miss about doing standup every night? Cause I, I can't tell you when I've been home to watch the news. What, scaring white people? No. Well, I'm sure you do like scaring white people, but I thought you meant like just like, say you literally weren't home to watch the news. Watch scary white people. No. Well, I'm sure you do like scary white people, but I thought you meant like just like,

say you literally weren't home to watch the news. No, I was always, you know, the news comes out at 6.30. Where am I going? Unless I'm doing an early coffee shop before the fucking poetry night starts at seven. I got nowhere to go at 6.30 or everything we did started at 7, 715. I'd always meet you at 7 at the fucking podcast

because I'd watch the news, you know, you, at one point I was like, you know, what the fuck? Dog, I didn't watch the news for 30 fucking years. Right. The last time I watched the news was when I did 228 balls and they bombed Oklahoma city. And I sat there for four days biting my fingers snorting coke Looking out a window drinking fat tire

Think when this is gonna be over they were hunting, you know, I don't watch the news Right every once in a while like you have it on you you're in a hotel You're sitting waiting for a ride and CNN's on and you watch it and you're like, Oh, I didn't know that happened. That's how deep I am in this fucking marriage. I'm surprised you even want to know I can't I never I avoid it now. You get older. You get older and I don't know at one point you're like, let's see what's going on the fucking world. I've been living in a comedy club for 20 years, you know? And you just watch the news and you remember being a kid and watching it and sports.

And you know, so when I came back here, New Jersey's got a station, New Jersey 12. Listen, sometimes I watched the beginning of it, but no, not really. Sometimes it's like interesting, New Jersey really. Sometimes it's like interesting New Jersey news. Sometimes it's, it is interesting because it's your backyard and you know where it's going on. I really like the weather on there.

You know, I checked the weather, they're okay at night, 10 to 11 or something. I'll put it on before I go to bed. That's when you know when you get an old. When you check the weather before you go to fucking bed. That's when I started checking the weather right now, I'm like, I'm done. I'm done as a fucking savage because savages don't give a fuck about the weather. Well, there's that, but then I don't like, I think that's what it is.

Like an age thing. Cause like my like my mom loves the news, watches it and she's like, oh, I got to know the weather. What you have your phone and tells you, like you don't have to wait for the news. I don't want to look at the phone. The phone's always, listen, they're all fucking wrong about the weather. But when somebody tells me to my face,

I feel a little bit more comfortable. I'm sad at that softball field, all right, with my wife. I don't go on, I don't even know how to check the weather in my phone. And you'll see, I don't know how to check the weather and you'll see clouds, right? And all of a sudden you'll like check the weather. See, and she's like, it says it's already raining

in Marlboro, New Jersey, three inches. I'm like, we've been sitting here for two fucking hours. Nothing's come out of this guy, not even a dead bird. And you're gonna fucking tell me that these people on the money, I don't wanna talk to these people. Listen, the news, not the news, but the weather is an educated guess. They put all that data. It's like us collecting. It's like us fucking going to bed make a bet or you're getting a job or you got an audition, you're going IMDB and you research the role, you research what the

director is, what else has he worked on? It's the same thing with the weather Nobody could sit there and go Arranged them up last week. They were on the money. They said it was gonna start raining in Jersey at one o'clock Damn fucking to the tee. I went out that one o'clock and now you know I test them from time to time You got to check the weather man, especially to give you a time like, you know I test them from time to time you got to check the weather man Especially it gives you a time like you know if he gives me a time and I see it this time He's trustworthy. Do you ever like email them and tell them when they when they got it wrong? No, why would I do that? I don't know that he's fantastic. What do you wait today's today? Listen, you picked the wrong fucking weather cycle yesterday

Today do a little better. And today they were very good. They said it was gonna be cold in the morning. They said it would get a little warm in the afternoon, but the wind was gonna be really bad. Fucking wind was blowing shit up all afternoon. And... Oh, Jesus, where the four parties? And

It ain't a fucking party till somebody farts you know I'm saying oh it's got some whiff to it Smells like fucking energy drinks. Oh, I didn't drink any other drinks. I don't know what that is I mean, what is that? No, not that you have diabetes Jesus Christ No, no, no, there's no diabetes in the air. Hey, I didn't eat no crumpets I'm just trying to put the pieces together G money. I Was Minneapolis. I heard you had a nice time. You went to the Prince Museum Yeah, dude that one of the best places I've ever been I want to talk to you about a lot of stuff But like that was the shows were great. Thank you to everyone who came out on all the other comics

It was fantastic, but like the highlight of the trip was paisley park It was like people who know I know I went to Niagara Falls and I thought it was like the stupidest It was not not worth the drive at all paisley park is worth the trip to Minneapolis, I thought it was like the stupidest. It was not worth the drive at all Paisley Park is worth the trip to Minneapolis. I think it was so impressed It was the hey, you never got to go Yeah, I'm the fuck, you know I've been to the way he taped everything. I Went to that club. We were staying up the corner and we went over there one day. Chappelle was there

This is years ago though, but I never went to Paisley Park It was just because I had no expectations like you know you and Dean you have Dean on and we'd have Rudy on the church all the Time and very interesting talks about music, but music was just never a huge part of my life So I knew of Prince, but then you go and it was like it was like a two hour long tour. They took you through like a few different studios and it was just I don't know, I as a as someone who performs, it was just interesting to see all that he did like he learned the art of recording first. And then he learned he did every not on every album, but he could do every instrument he did all his vocals and then he learned he did every not on every album but he could do every

instrument he did all his vocals and then he would mix it together he did 39 studio albums 39 like and it was just to see like the precision and that he had like he reminded me in ways of like you just how like you we you talk you're talking to me a lot now about like making specific moves for a reason and like just the thought put behind it. And that was like, like just to see the thought he put behind everything that he did, like even designing studios, he would design them in a certain way. So like had no echo and then he would like he they his last tour Yamaha sent him this purple piano and he sent he made Yamaha take it back three times because the color purple was wrong. And like it just he had just it was just so cool to see like it was just his vision. It was just really cool. You know Lee to be a great entertainer,

you have to get entertained. And for some people, it's live music, for some people, it's poetry, jet, whatever, as an artist, as what you are and what we, I mean, I've never considered myself an artist, but you know, that's what these people say we are. So I'll take the ride with it, right? And it's really weird when you go see something

and it blows your wig off. Yeah. To me, that's the best feeling in the world. There's two things I miss about California. We discussed the potato tacos with fucking money at that place with the with the blueberry milkshake with a little bit of honey in it. Fucking money. And to me, there was no better feeling in the old days than getting stoned on a Tuesday after my set or before my set

Stoned on a Tuesday after my set or before my set and sitting in the back of the comedy store Right that to me was the biggest learning experience that I Saw comics branch out, you know, and I appreciated it But let's get the music, you know Fucking I always liked music and then I got into standup, right? And then, you know, you go on the road, you buy music, then entertain you, then YouTube came along. I think I was doing comedy about 18 years, 17 years,

and YouTube came along. I went on a search to learn how to headline. I really wanted to see how to headline, so for a year I went down to Irvine, and I watched every headline around Thursday night, and I just made a commitment to it. And I learned a lot in that period, because I dove into the educational part again, but the biggest experience I learned was watching the singers on YouTube.

Live or just like listening to live videos, live videos. Uh, and my favorite guy really to watch was the singer from Leonard's get it. Is that Robert Plant? No, no, no, that's Led Zeppelin. Sorry. And Robert Plant is a strong second. And Mick Jagger's a third, and Rod Stewart is up there.

And then you gotta look at something like Michael Jackson that took it all the way up there. My journey went as deep is little Richard To look at all the singers and their body language and how they control you and how they mesmerize you Like the choreography of like just them no no no no no choreography Okay Then the singers from the 70s and 80s. Look at that movement patterns. Look at that. They didn't move too much. The guy from Lenard Skinner was chubby. Ozzy Osbourne was chubby with Sabbath,

you know, look at what they did. Then you got a guy like bond Scott, who weighed 100 pounds of the rock in his pocket And the control he had Rod Stewart another motherfucker That you know they all have something to offer you because they're doing the same thing we're doing Without my band behind us. They're keeping our attention Okay, that's keeping your attention. Mick Jagger keeps your attention, boy. When you go see him and you look at Mick Jagger

and all of a sudden he starts wiggling and you go, that motherfucker's 80 years old, my grandfather's 65. He can't climb the fucking stairs. And look at this guy, he's a professional. At this level of Mick Jagger, 40 years of singing, maybe 50 years, they know all the tricks. And that's, that was what I was thinking when I was there because I had the opportunity to see Prince

when I first moved to LA, he was doing a residency in LA. I don't know if you remember that run like 2010, 2011. And I just, I don't remember if it sold out or if I just didn't go because I didn't really know much about him And I regret it. I regret not being able to see him. So now it's like I know a lot of people give like the older musician shit for still touring Or someone who's never seen him like I it's kind of cool I hope I get the opportunity to see some of these people even though it might not be what it was 30 40 years ago.

But if they're selling on the arena or they're selling out of theater, they still had J. Galles and the J. Galles band used to move fucking like a Mick Jagger. And you watch them and some of them, but they, they hypnotize them in their own little way. They're locking you in. Sinatra, early Sinatra, watch that mother fuck control you. I even watched a couple Cuban dudes, Benny Moray. I studied fucking singers.

Body language, timing, when they, in between songs, they talk that gibberish shit but they still got you you know and then as a band I don't know why and I'm not saying this I'm ego or anything like this I'm just saying that I admired everything they did and how they did it and And that was Led Zeppelin. They did it very hands on, but hands off. And at the end, they skipped a thing, but they were gonna get triple the amount later. What do you mean hands off and hands on?

It was more of a psychological. Led Zeppelin was the manager was very hands on, very smart, every move was planned out, every tour, you know, he even took it as far as getting paid in advance for Led Zeppelin performance is what you want to charge at your business. You're paying me before we get there. And he made them, it's the way he did business. He tricked people into being bigger than what they were. And that's why they became one of the biggest bands in the world of all time. He didn't let them do television appearances. You know, he didn't let them just do a lot of things that little bands did.

He didn't see the value in that, Peter Grant. So he kept his distance. And if you think about it, it's a good way of doing comedy, the business he had, because it's sort of a shiappelli. Shiappelli doesn't have a website. Shiappelli, data, and he sells out. That's it. You don't know, you don't have a website. She'll pay the data and he sells out. That's it. You don't know, you don't have a chance to discuss it.

So how are we gonna get there on the 17th? I don't know. There's no chance for that. And that was a little bit Led Zeppelin need. I have so much confidence in my game. I'm not even gonna do a fucking website. I'm gonna do it differently. I'm not even gonna do a podcast.

Well, if you think about it, especially like with Led Zeppelin It like before the internet before all that like if you didn't do interviews like they never saw you Like it was like it's going to be use and then into interviews and like they were saying like Prince for example refused to do Tor for not to or like press for the movie purple rain, but it was like it still blew up So it's interesting to see Like that that might have made like since they didn't have them when anything came out They're like, oh my god, we got to see what they did You know, I still remember that whole Prince thing

I was 21 years old and that was the year of music summer of 84 Prince Jackson Springsteen Madonna I was 21 years old and that was the year of music, summer of 84. Prince Jackson, Springsteen, Madonna, Huey Lewis in the news, Rod Stewart, the pretenders, everybody was on the road. And Prince was blowing up and I'll never forget, I was living in my apartment the one I didn't pay rent that for like 65 days and I was about to get thrown out and I remember that I go what am I gonna do in this apartment on a July night so I

had to listen to see if the landlord was upstairs and I didn't pay rent I know it was July 4th weekend 1984 all my friends were down the shore I Got a job in Seacorkers and they wanted me to work Saturdays and Sundays during the summer And I'm like this ain't gonna work, but I worked that Saturday And I got home that night. There was humorous fuck and I had a fan And I'm like I got to get the fuck out of here. I Smoked a number and I ended up walking the Seacorkers To Harman Cove theaters I smoked a number and I ended up walking the sea caucus To harm and cope theaters Like fucking I don't know how long of a walk it was I had done it before

And I went out there and fucking watched Purple Rain and then when the movie ended I walked back and had a sneak in through My shower window, you know And land in the tub headfirst and that's my adventure with purple rain. I really liked it I had seen his videos before on MTV 1999 a little red Corvette and all that shit And right now something like maybe three weeks later at this time it was like The end of July and I would live downtown, but I owed money

So I couldn't be in my apartment and I would live downtown but I owed money so I couldn't be in my apartment and I saw about four I would sneak out before the landlord got home from work and I would walk uptown to my friend Lou's house and I would lift with him from like five to like 6 30 and one night we're in there smoking dope playing with his dog lifting weights and shit and all, on the radio, on like KTU, it said, Prince is making a, doing a secret show tonight or whatever they called it. Pop up a surprise or- Remember me and him just put fucking like water under our armpits.

I put monkey grease in my head, it was humid and hot, and we shot over there, and it was $15 Jesus it was Sheila E and nucleus Sheila E was the drummer right? Yeah, she played the warm-up song which was the you know the dangerous life whatever And it was pretty fucking interesting. He blew me the fuck away like I didn't listen. I can lie to you and say I became a fan and there was too much going on in my world for me to become a fan at that time. It was 1984 and I was about to be homeless five months later. That was the beginning of my downfall, was that July, August and September. So, but I always remember that and I think when I moved here, I rediscovered Purple

Right. I watched it one night on like BET and I started I went in the fucking Prince Hole for like a month. There's one song on that album that's always his performance is brilliant on it. I forget what the name of the song, not the obvious ones or it's, uh, I forget. I got to look it up, but it's fucking amazing. I want you. Oh yeah. Baby, baby, baby, baby, I want you. Woo. I'm like, I'm deep in that hole right now. Cause I don't know. I know like the big ones, like when doves fly and like raspberry

beret. Yeah. I'm deep in that whole right now because I don't know. I know like the big ones like when Doves fly and like Raspberry Beret later on, look up purple rain. I want you Prince and you'll go, what the fuck? You know, so it's pretty interesting. I'm happy you did it because. You became a fan of the things he did. I became a fan of the things that and like just it's interesting like the word fan is interesting because it was a

small tour there was like maybe like 10 people and at first I was so I smoked a little bit so I was just a little too high for it but there was like two couples in particular like one like the widest couple you could ever imagine but like at first I wanted to make fun of like laugh at them in my head, cause like they were crying at certain points. And like the guy started giving like a eulogy to Prince at the beginning, which I did make me laugh.

But no, no, no, not the Toros, just another guest. Like we were in like a atrium. It was really hard to keep it together. But he was the guy that Prince is watching over us right now. Were they Gentiles? Yeah, well, they were, but I turned on them like in a positive way, like about half the way through. Like it seemed like they, like they were on like an anniversary,

like it was just so important to them, like it was an anniversary trip. Like she was dancing and every time they were playing music, but it was just like the impact that he had, whether or not they were being a little bit overboard. Like it's just cool to see like that, like someone is like, that's like what a real fan is. Like it was just cool to see like people loved him that much and just from his music.

It's pretty fucking amazing, man. It's pretty fucking amazing man. It's pretty fucking amazing how I don't know you just got to like different bands growing up and you know we had no window to the world. I didn't have the internet. Right. I could hear a song and look it up and see what they wrote it. You know I didn't have that. It was all the back of the album cover, a magazine, a Rolling Stone, you know, the information on these bands now, like this morning I played The Almond Brothers, you know, and I love that shit, especially on a Monday morning. Makes me want to stab a motherfucker, especially live from the Beacon Theater and all that shit. I was gonna ask, okay.

Her shows are great, you know? And it's just crazy how it, it makes me fucking go, like when I tell people, they think I'm kidding you, I'm not kidding you. That type of music makes me go off. You know, somebody sent me a personal Facebook, they're like, you know, we really dig you. But why do you have

to hit so hard in the morning? You know, well, music and the shit I say, you know, motherfuckers get up whatever. And I really had to think about it. I thought about it. I didn't answer them back yet. But I had to think about it like three days ago. And it was because that was how how rough I was about it. I didn't answer them back yet, but I had to think about it like three days ago And it was because that was how how rough I was on myself

I'm not that rough on myself no more, but when I was rough on myself five six years ago You saw it in those tweets in the morning. That was me being me to me That's me beating up on me. That's not the world beating up on you yet. That's you getting you fired up to get the fuck out of that house and stab three motherfuckers. You know, you know how many times I got home at six in the morning with no money? And I forced myself out of eight, I'll bump into somebody, borrow five, get a fucking ham and egg sandwich in me and I'll be tipped off my goo, ready to fucking steal. You know, I was born on the, I was raised on the early bird gets the worm.

You know, it's really crazy. I was talking to a dear friend of mine today and he was telling me about that his son's in a band and that some of the guys didn't want to go on a tour, you know, and it lets you know how much the game has changed anymore. Why would they not want to go on tour? Like some of the people were apprehensive about going, you know, and it's crazy how people are scared of experimenting anymore, especially our youth.

They didn't have, our youth had a little bit more creativity from the bottom up. Everything we saw got created by, you know, now it's, you watch Saturday Live, it's a black guy with a fucking, with a turntable and he's out there rapping lip syncing You know, it's great, but I don't see the work process, you know Somebody today makes a song they go on tick tock They get a little fucking action and then they lay down They lay down I'm not selling tickets. What do you think this is a one-shot deal You got to get up every day and fucking, you know have that outlook of

If I don't accomplish this, I'm a fucking failure and I know you're not a failure and you know you're not a failure but in your mind and the fucking the urgency you're lighting up under your ass is You're leaving the house not feeling too good about yourself because you know you gotta do this because nobody's gonna do it for you anyway. Why do you feel bad? I thought you'd feel pumped up. Why do you feel so fucking half a fag and a ton,

you know, you're a piece of shit for not having a bank account, you know, now you gotta get up and steal your little wormy immigrant orphan, you know, I would say shit to myself that would kill other people Yeah, I thought you were saying like get up grab your balls. I didn't realize you were saying like Some mornings I would say, you know stop being a fucking pussy You know because you need that and listen parents were a lot different You know, you come to me as my son and go, I'm gonna look at look here's the deal

You either go out there. I'm gonna break your fucking head and throw you out the window But not not even that it's like a thing of like Guys, they're not gonna just give it to you Well, I didn't just like the story of your mom having you fight that kid after like you came home and he beat you up. Yeah, I don't think would be allowed today. No, no, but that's that's that's not what you're talking about. Like how would a parent read you the riot and says, listen, man,

this is what needs to be done. I don't give a fuck I Don't give a fuck what you need to do from now on I'm leaving here at eight and you're leaving with me And I'm locking the fucking house So I'll see you back here at six motherfucker Until then I don't want to see you in the fucking name, but I got I got security You know, and this is the urgency. Let's just I'm not saying I'm right. But I started going to open mics. I started talking to different comics.

And it's so weird how you have been a gem. You have really been a gem. Thank you, buddy. have been a jet. You have really been a jet. Thank you buddy. Because some people, they just go off the deep end. And you know, I spoke to an agent about a month ago and he was telling me about some of his clients and he goes, this is getting, you know, everybody like listen, when I started, when things started picking up for me, it was my space remember that with my space and stuff and then it went to Facebook or whatever the fuck then Twitter then Instagram whatever right I

Knew that once I got a hundred people are showing That was great for a guy like me. Yeah, that was great. But guess what I got do hundred people are showing. That was great for a guy like me. Yeah. That was great, but guess what? I got to do a little better. So I got to get that up to 50, 150 a show. How am I going to do that? By doing more fucking social media

and making believe I'm something I'm not? Or by writing comedy and then supporting it with the strength of a good social media. You know, like fucking going after it. And that's what I did. And then when I got the 150th show and I was selling whatever the fuck that is for the weekend, you know, 750 a weekend, I'm, I got to get it to a thousand because that's when they started paying your bonuses. For a thousand people for like a five show weekend or something like that?

So I was like, I gotta get that to a thousand. And it was a leap. I grew with it. I didn't go from going, America's Got Talent and go from doing 11 people at the Brea Improv to fucking, you know, 2000 people at the theater, 4,000 people. It just didn't happen like that, but I'm fucking happy because I grew with it and I was prepared for the growth. What happens if you go tomorrow, you go on America's Got Talent, they come to Boston, they see you, they want you to go on there, you win first place. Then I ask you to do a fucking tour, like what's his name? Are you going to feel fucking really good about a headlining tour with 50 minutes?

No, I like the tour. On the other side of it though, it would be it would be very it's very it sounds very appealing like it's everything that I want and it's hard to like not go after it, like to try to get there quicker, especially when you see so many people doing it. Like there is a desire. I know that like I was talking about it with the guys who did the show with me this weekend and the girl, all of them were great. Uh, but we were talking about like, because people have asked me why I don't

headline clubs, which by the way, like I'm not, I why I don't headline clubs which by the way like I'm not I know I'm not ready for and I would say no to that but it's just I I'm just starting to get comfortable like I was thinking about when you're talking about selling 100 tickets like that's a lot of I know all these clubs and they're selling out arenas now a hundred people to come for like for you Is a lot of great accomplishment But why stop there? Neither would Bert neither would Joe Koy neither would have these arena guys, you know it all started with a hundred and Lee looker a person could do whatever they want in this comedy

career but I've always said one thing. No matter what comic we can interview 100 comics and they'll all tell you when they stuck their foot in their mouth maybe once, maybe twice, maybe five times and sometimes they made comebacks and sometimes they didn't come back from that. A lot of people got a lot of chances in this business. You get an, you know, you get a chance to do a fucking an hour. I know for me, I wanna be prepared to do an hour. And I didn't feel I was prepared to do an hour

until the 15th year, and even then, and this is, you know, working with Rogan and learning 15 years is 2006. 2006, I wasn't a good comic at all, brother. The funny was there, but I wasn't a good comic at all. And let's face it, I was not a fucking headliner. That's why I did what I did 2009 and 10. I was going to quit comedy, but not really. I was just watching the way I was doing it wasn't working.

wasn't working. And was it like, was it different from you headlining a bar show and headlining a club? Like it's like- It's two different fucking ones. The thing I like about bar shows, the thing that always helped me was, I always did them opposite the comedy store, the improv and the laugh factory.

That was where the real growth was because I was going to a bar and just fucking hand-to-hand combat. And now you go to a civilized room and now that gives you more control. You have more control. You know how to corral them in a little bit. You told me something the other day about a festival with 19,000 people

You stay away from that That's a good guy like you Trust me Okay, when you go out there without a drummer with nothing and there's 12,000 stoners and they're looking at you And you go out there. That's gonna be the roughest night of your life And it ain't worth it. It's never worth it. Okay, the Stoner, the Stoner era of reefer

is a very short street. You'll see that pretty soon. It was very popular in LA years before you got there. When you got there, was anybody doing comedy at Stoner Rumors anymore? I knew of one open mic. That's it. Yeah. That was LA. When I was doing it, we were getting 100, 150 and an eighth a week. Fuck. There was no money in it. And it's just Stoners talking nonsense You know, it really is I'm not putting them down, but it's a truth Do you know fucking?

The weed guy. Yeah. Yeah, I know the weed guy, you know That shit ain't funny at all 20 minutes 30 minutes of I got so stoneless night Yeah enough But and you'll see it, but 19,000 fucking stoners by yourself? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think you'll run back to that fucking plane

and shoot the fuck home. That's, think that you ever see walking dead? A little bit, yeah. That's the walking Dead, those things. Stink and fucking Pachugi juice and fucking, yeah. It's too much. It's too fucking much. I tried a couple of those.

You saw how I got away from those quick. First of all, I wouldn't do an outside one because there's nowhere to hide. There's nowhere to hide. What do you mean world because there's nowhere to hide What do you mean? Where are you gonna hide dog? It's night. It's fucking evil dead Where you gonna hide? At least in the club. I was I'm going that bathroom to lock the fucking door. I don't go Yeah, I've done it before I'll lock that fucking bathroom door. You ain't getting any. I need my time. I need my space.

I'm surrounded by bad odors and chicken long hair and a bunch of fucking retards walking around, giving each other the fucking the flu. 200 people smoking out of the same bank. You might as well eat a hook as asshole. The best, you know what I'm saying? Holy shit. I can see that people, you know what I'm saying? Holy shit, I can see that.

People, you know, look to the bunny and they're loving them coffin. I just had the flu, really good. I don't want it. You know, I don't want to smoke with people anymore. I haven't in years, and that's the reason why. Listen, when I was a kid and I smoked, I always got sick with people.

Those little circle jerks behind the high school. Two days later, I'm at the doctor's office with a fucking blister on my tonsil because one of those guys didn't brush their teeth or they didn't do nothing. And listen, I get it. I smoke with you. I smoke with three people right now. You, George, and my buddy Kenny Chan. You ain't touching my bong if I don't know you,

you filthy motherfucking, you know what? We just went through a fucking, you know, a thing where lives were changing, people were gonna die, yeah. And now you wanna come over here. I just had the flu two weeks ago. Get the fuck out of here. That means you just had it. And they ago. Get the fuck out of here.

That means you just had it. And they don't tell you until after they cough the first time and they have to spit a big brown luga. And then you're sitting there, I had plans this week. I had plans to smoke with fucking Abraham over here with sandals on and now my plans are ruined because I'm gonna be sick all fine. Sure enough, you get sick three days later

and he goes home. Woo, I spoke to Joey Lee. Get the fuck out of here. Go get a job, God fuck us. Have you ever kicked someone out of your bung? Like I said, have you been smoking? What's someone they would got sick and be like, stop. Yeah, I cut them.

You saw in that office, not everybody attacked that bung. I had substitute bungs, I had backup bongs. It was just you and me to the wheels follow. We knew each other's chromosomes. You know what I'm saying? Jesus. I'm gonna bring some third wheel in here that just came in and dog I learned from Ralph. He got arrested. So that's where all that came from because I used to see him go to town to town and smoke and he got so fucking sick. Remember when he was lungs? He couldn't even fucking fly no more. Can't do that shit.

You know, it's it's. You know, I got people I smoke with and then there's people I wouldn't touch a fucker during COVID. I went to a friend of mine's house for 30 years. That motherfucker whipped out of joint. I said, you better whip out another one. You better roll another one. He's like, what are you talking?

I ain't smoking that shit with you. It's not gonna call that Never heard it said that way yeah, I I try not to either I do it is weird with comedy though Cuz like I that's one thing that you taught me and then I try to do if I'm like I'm in a place that has weed is Like bring weed when I'm going to a place for the first time. Bring weed and you give them out. That don't mean I'm smoking it with you. That's why I'm giving you a joint here. Go for a walk.

Go show Carl the tree. People do get really happy when you give them weed. I never had anyone like- I'd rather listen. I'd rather give you weed and see you smile than take a stupid fucking picture or smoke a joint with you. It drives me crazy all that shit.

But I love to, you know, I see people, I like to make that, I got four or five people. I just drop weed on them all. Couple girls, I just drop it off. I know they're young, they're my girls, and I don't want them buying shit with fentanyl. And I know they don't make that much money. Right.

When somebody throws me weed. Boom. It's the best. When someone gives you weed. We're back to normal. We're back to making somebody's day. Right. In the morning, I got to joint my car or something like that. Somebody. Hey, how you doing? Come in for a second, dog. Here you go. And they're like, really? Yeah, take it. Is this laughing gas? Yeah. Even though I'm not working with laughing gas anymore. I have no laughing gas left at all. Oh you're out, but any of it We I've been going up. I've been going to a place Lee

Listen for you fucking econ majors and all you fucking in other words cheap fucking people, okay? Because enough is enough especially in New Jersey. New Jersey has grown around this sub weed culture and the weed that I was bringing, like people refuse to buy that strain. And I know it's a budget thing, but let me tell you, let me put it in perspective to you motherfuckers.

When I was homeless I Was still smoking the best weed that Harlem had to offer And I made sure of that because it all goes when it comes to the head You got to take care of fucking head if you don't take it ahead and we're gonna take care of you So when I smoke weed, it's like anything else. It's got to be fucking up there. You know, it's got to be fucking up there It's like anything else. It's gotta be fucking up there. You know, it's gotta be fucking up there. So when people go to me, I got this good weed and I smoke at 27%.

27% ain't even gonna give me a two take no more. I'm in the 30 to 30 fucking something range. And I went to a couple of places in Jersey and everybody had what was supposed to be good weed, but something was missing. I started going to New Jersey Leaf. I got a weed called Rhythm, a label called Rhythm. I bought four fucking different things,

all four of them were mind boggling. And the 30% just the straight flower? 36% the one I got the sunset whatever Fucking I got another one Choco Brown Don't kill a meal. I gave my cat a bung it them. I'll fuck it up for four days You know, it's sensational. I don't need to do anything I got my little delivery service, you know, but they don't switch, you know, they have my weed I got my little delivery service, you know, but they don't switch, you know, they have my weed But it does just switch a lot because people don't buy it

They have fucking tremendous weed my delivery service. They got three weeds. I'll put up against anybody right now run it But I've already smoked it four times over. They don't move it as fast You're the only one buying the super strong stuff? Me and a couple other fucking professionals. Listen, I won't go out to dinner for a week if I can have my weed. I'd rather have my weed than an expensive fucking dinner. That's in more my budget than anything. I sacrifice stuff for weed

and I have been for the last 40 fucking years. It's that I'm bucks and have three joints. And I know I could go for a walk and get out in order to session one beef, you know, or white rice. That was my world of smoking pot and eating Chinese food. When I was Colorado and I was 21, 20, though I was getting sensational weed up there. There was mountain weed. But I want to take care of Uncle Joey, you know, I didn't get I

didn't have new sneakers. I looked at that underwear for years so I could smoke weed. I didn't wear underwear. Was that for the weed or the coke? Both. They both. You got to save on everything. What I know that I don't know if you can. That was on the road. Why would you buy soap? You wash everything with shampoo, your balls, your asshole, your feet. You know, I would just cut certain items like that.

Always have the order and always got conditioner. But I'm not going to buy a bar of Irish soap for two bucks. And then I'm leaving in the fucking hotel room. as well just get shampoo with a rubber dub dub, one of those loofah things. It takes the dead skin off, and your fucking tip top magoo, you look better. But you're buying so many expensive things, and then you're like, no, I can't swing the two dollar soap?

Well, what I'm trying to say to you is, when you're a struggling comic. Right, oh yeah. You gotta pick and choose. When I was a struggling comic. Right, oh yeah. Yeah, you gotta pick and choose. When I was a struggling comic, I picked and choose. You know, there was no a steak and a lobster. It was a steak and a glass of water or a lobster tail and a glass of water.

You know, it was never, it was like being in the movie Friday. You always got peanut butter, but no jelly. Yeah, fine. You always got ham, but no burger, you know, shit like that. So I didn't complete meal. I can't like what I was gonna say is it is there out of the three places you've lived, Colorado? I mean, I guess you could add Seattle. Did one place's weed stick out overall?

No, if you think about it, that's why I went to those three places because I know the weed was going to be covered from tip top. My goo Seattle got great weed. Cop Boulder had great weed at the time. You know, I don't know what's going on now. And then we got that line and everybody had good weed. I always made that I didn't stray away from weed.

Like I wasn't going to fucking know I love my reefer man And that's why I love Colorado so much growing up there pretty much because Yeah, I was an evil motherfucker But the weed Controlled me from being evil up you know I'm saying like I was evil, but I didn't have a cat in a cape I mean, evil up, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was evil, but I didn't have a cat in a cape. Like if I was really evil right now, I'd have a cat in a cape and I'm looking to fucking

like the world on fire and steal rice from the Hamas and do all that crazy shit. Thank God you had weed. That's right. That's crazy. When they dropped the food off. Right. Palestine, I would love to see like a Jew helicopter

go underneath and scoop it up 50% off and then take it to Turkey and drop it. I bet they had some divers out there for those ones that went deep in the water. No, that shit don't go deeper. Think about it. They drop it from like 2000 feet. You got a little Jewish fleet that nobody sees like smugglers and lands in that thing and they go write the turkey and sell it for half price. The Palestinians are looking up, go where is it? Oh my God. We won't be on YouTube again this weekend.

Bro, they took us down. They took us down like we made a diddy video Taking us down taking us down taking us down who? I love it. I love it And it's nothing against any podcast but you listen to podcasts now and they're bleeping stuff Well, they're scared everybody's gonna listen if it means bleeping it to save an episode. I don't mind but I Don't know I Don't know. I don't know what's going on anymore. That's why I mind my business, you know

I feel bad. I didn't go to Tripoli's last week at the dojo on Friday night I did go out last week and I'm going out this week. I'm planning on two sets this week. Nice. I looked into some residencies for people who... Nice. I looked into Philadelphia and Atlantic City. I'm waiting on something in Philadelphia to see if it happens.

And then I'll lean more towards Philly because I'm gonna have to be there once a week. So that's where I am right now, brother. Besides that, I'm from Auditions. I had a pretty good audition today for a movie called, Eany Meany. And I won last week and you know, man, it's a different fucking world than we were doing in LA,

but I've adjusted. Everybody's happy, I'm happy. I found the perfect fucking balance. I'm going to Austin in a few weeks. Nice. I'll keep you motherfuckers posted, you know, do some comedy down there. I got a secret 420 show that will be announcing soon.

I don't know where you are 420 Lee. No, right now. All right. We might be coming with me. We'll that'd be awesome. Figure out what the fucking deal is and don't touch it. I'm in a good place. My family isn't a good place. Basketball season ended. They lost the championship game. Fuck. And she lost the all-star game.

That's it. I wish I had more. I wish I could tell you, I'm going on tour with this, I'm doing a movie with the guy that won the Oscar last time. I got nothing, at least I'm honest. And I'm happy, I'm full. I got some sun today, look at me. You're looking good. That's right. But I was going to ask you because like, and if it, who knows if it'll work out with

the residency, hopefully whatever you're happy with one, but like, I know you don't, you're not doing it only because you feel like, like there's a, do you ever feel like you need to do stand up? Like, like you, like do you ever feel like you need to do stand up like you like you Like do you ever feel like oh, I like I want everyone who I want to to have the opportunity to see me Not like you oh, oh is a weird word. Well, like that's When when people love you so much like it's Like that's like I was wondering that like with like Prince and everything

first off right now It's like I tell people all the time, they cram ideas into your head, you cram your own ideas into your head, and then guess what, you end up doing nothing. You think about it so much, they end up doing nothing. I had a plan, you know, that's just the first, second time I got on stage and a picture came up That I wake up in the mornings of my Facebook is full my Twitter is full. I start getting text

Hey, I'm doing a room in Erie, Pennsylvania It's you and a ukulele, you know, it's it's and I listen people made me some pretty nice offers Now it's like it's not what I'm doing right's like it's not what I'm doing right now It's not what I'm doing right now Right now. I just want to go out there feel and you said something that hit it I Don't know what I feel like in the morning. It's no more I Don't know when I wake up on a Tuesday morning. I might tell you yet tonight. I'm gonna go to stand up by six'clock. I might have a headache, you know, and I don't end up doing nothing. I know, I'll tell you like a four if I'm going out that night.

I'll feel it in my balls like I'm like tonight, tonight I'm going to do stand up. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen on Fridays and Saturdays. Right. That urge of being around that many people. No. But the creative juices. Lee, I love looking at my notebook. Listen, you're never a marine never stops being a marine a Doctor never stops being a doctor a hooker never stops being a hooker and a comedian old school never stopped being a comedian It's like being an addict just because you quit school, never stop being a comedian. It's like being an addict. Just because you quit doesn't mean your disease stops growing.

It's growth. Same thing with comedy. There's a thousand ways to do comedy. That's why I look at what stardom is and what success is in comedy. Success in comedy is whatever you make it. It's not ending up, you can't look at these comics and go, oh, I wanna be like this guy,

I wanna do arenas, I can't wait to hang out with Rogan's nephew because by the time you hit it, Rogan will have a nephew by then. And these things are all great that you look at as a young comic But as you move along life throws curveballs at me and life changes and you have to adapt But what do you do because you can't do your dream the way you wanted it you quit? No, there's another way to take it Okay, they're not gonna know who I am in spain in munich

You know what I'm saying? Don't don't not gonna know who I am in Spain and Munich. You know what I'm saying? But they'll know who the fuck I am in Kennewick, New Jersey. If I really wanna do comedy, or did I really wanna be a star? Let's narrow this fucking gold down. Am I doing this to be in Barbie too? Or am I doing this because I can't live without cracking

jokes and seeing people's faces fucking smile. I just, I went out last Wednesday night, I had such a great time because there's no pressure. Right. Guess what? I took a couple of jokes on the way down there and a couple of the ones I wrote on the way there. There's no jokes.

It's whatever I do. And when I feel like I could do this every night, then the residency isn't gonna kill me because I'm only gonna do it twice a month to start. And then as it advances, I'll kick it up a little bit. And then the place where I wanna do it has a bigger room. I could do that maybe Thanksgiving. Right, after the small room throughout the year.

If I chose to do new years, I could do the big room if I wanted and then go back to the little room the rest of the year. So St. Patty's, I could do the big room, I could do the little room. I'm not gonna lie to you, Lee. I don't see myself getting on planes every week. These bowings are going down like fucking diddy. You know what I'm gonna lie to you, Lee. I don't see myself getting on planes every week. These bowings are going down like fucking diddy.

You know what I'm saying? They're going down. Every day there's a new bowing going down. They are. And like that's what like, that's more of what I was thinking of because I totally understand that like, like I'm not getting on a plane,

but at least if you are somewhere, people could plan and come from all over. Listen, who's gonna come to Atlantic City? You know, what are you going to do? Fly into Newark to go to Atlantic City. It's a great time. I'm not going to lie to you, but I don't know. I don't see it.

They got a beach and shit. You come up with a little oil on your neck. You know, a little Katrina shrimp in the middle of your toes. Yeah. Yeah. But uh, yeah. Lee, listen, I, I'm thinking about this job. I got offered this summer and it's bothering me because it would be like a four weeks of work, but I don't have the time. I just don't have the time with what's going on in my house. And this year, every weekend, We're basically going away for softball

It's not it's an hour away two hours Pine Barons, you know, we're going to tournaments and shit like that They're playing a regular league during the week Tuesday, but then I think August 4th. We start, you know, well April 4th. I'm sorry Guess what well start, you know, or April 4th. I'm sorry. Guess what? Well, Joey, you know, you don't have to be there. I don't. But I want to. I want to. She's getting bigger by the fucking day. Yeah. I got a telescope upstairs. I got to replace it with a fucking machine gun turret because because She's getting old. She's got you know, she knows what's going on, you know, I Would love to be able to do this. I just don't have it if it was one day of shooting. Yeah I want to go to Colorado this summer. She's got a couple things planned. We're gonna keep May

nice What I Don't have it in there that I just don't have the I know I'm gonna be mad if I got to work and something's going on here God damn it. You should have done that in the winter time You know, it might be a strike In July the stage hands You know, so who the fuck knows? I just lived day to day now.

Whatever happens this week, I'm waiting on this audition. If I get it, I get it. And if I don't, I go to Jiu-Jitsu. That's it, it's that fuck, bro, it's become so easy. It's because I even forgot to do videos on Instagram. I haven't done a video on Instagram like a check in and maybe. Well, it seems like after all those years of being like mean to yourself, like you're finally like at peace.

Well, listen, I don't have to be mean at myself in the morning because let's face it, I got no where to fucking go. I could beat myself up to death in the morning by myself and then knock myself out because at the end of the day, I got no place to be. What do you need a fancy suit for? You got no job to wear it to, right? What do you need a fancy suit for?

I could lie to you and tell you, I got all this going on. I'm so stressed. I chose this right now. And there's some days I do kick myself in the ass But for the most part, I'm like there's days I do something and I come home and I'm like what else do I got to do? nothing whoo

Now I don't know what to do. Sometimes I clean the office. Sometimes I polish the bun Sometimes I write little jokie poos Sometimes, you know, it's always something. I go to the gym a lot. That's it brother, you know, I would love to have, listen, it was so weird where I saw what people were doing and I always said this, like people, you would just ask me to wait tonight and I'm going to give you a straight answer. You think I feel bad when I see people in arenas and I know that that could have been me right now?

Like maybe five years later, six years later, with exposure and shit and that work ethic we had, I could have done something like that. Right. I looked at the work and I'm like I just don't want to do it anymore. Not that I quit, I just didn't want to do it anymore. So I like quit, I just didn't want to do it anymore. So I had to find a different avenue. And if it's doing one night a week somewhere, just to mix and match. No, I still got a lot of great jokes coming out of me.

I still make myself laugh. I giggle like a fucking half a fruit cake sometimes at night especially, but I'm like, you know, I'm upstairs. So now I got to think about the joke all night and make sure I remember it in the morning. And I don't remember shit. I'm glad you're not upset. I can understand being a little bit disappointed if you were,

but like, if anyone had asked me, if a hundred people asked me, does Joe Diaz wanna do arenas? I think I would have said no a hundred times I can't imagine you want to do it. I don't like the people looking at a screen Listen, we all like the money. Oh, yeah, I'm sure that'd be great person I always thought about these people And I know when I go to a six a game. I'm looking at a screen no matter how good the tickets are

mm-hmm, you know and The people are right on top of you was six a game. I'm looking at a screen, no matter how good the tickets are. You know, and people are right on top of you. Like you're like this and, you know, I don't know, it's an event. But I like small, a little fucking events. Right. Like I don't mind this. You know, once you do it, you just go, fuck it. I just want to do what I'm good at you just go fuck it. I just want to Do what I'm good at and just keep doing it. Well, I'm listening. I knew I couldn't keep the pace up

Mm-hmm. I knew that eventually something was gonna happen either was gonna be a health scare. I Always thought that and I'm like that's it. I don't have to worry about this no more. I could live my life close to home and I could still do comedy. Fuck yeah. And at the end, that's a final result. Am I on posters? Am I on billboards? No. And I don't want to be. I just want to be happy and crack some fucking jokes. Yeah. And like, my, like if you ever, as you were talking, I was thinking about like, my favorite nights probably in our time in LA

We're Wednesdays in the small room of the ice house Like those shows whether they were like our live podcast Testicle testaments are you doing stand-up like especially you doing stand-up in front of like 80 people on those Wednesday nights? We're like on that. I have me think back. What would you say how much fun that I have. We think back. What would you say? How much fun that I have. Oh dude, it was, they were probably the best shows I've ever seen because of you, because I've seen you in bigger rooms and they're fun

and you have a good time. But like the old, I don't know, I'm sure it looks great now. I've never, I haven't been, but like at the old Ice House stage two, they were like, you were lifted up maybe a few inches, but like people, you were like, you could probably spit on everyone in that room if you wanted to.

Like, and it was just, you had so much fun, and it was like, just like the laughs in those days were fucking just- Just to try. And the people were loose, and that's when I called you to fuck in front of you and charge a porn in Auschwitz. A porn director of Auschwitz. I mean, listen, man, I don't know if you know this, we were doing the first live podcast

and selling them and shit. I mean, we were fucking nuts. But listen, I could talk about fun all day long on stage. There was no more fun. If I think of the three stages later on in my career where I used to just Let myself go was the main room at the comedy store Before the pandemic I got really good in there Yeah, how bad I was in that I got really good in there, but I learned how to goof on people in that I

Learn how to just say shit to make them look at their faces and it it just became fun for me. The original room, I could never go back to the original room because my brother in the original room is no longer with us. And I give credit with credit is due. I was a great comic in the original room, but that was because of Jeff Scott. And he's no longer with us. And I'm the type of guy I'll give credit with credit is due.

Since day one, Jeff Scott knew I like to dance And he would always play music for me in the beginning. There was a time where he would just put it on the middle I'd be in the middle of a joke and he put on music and I have to dance then go right back to the fucking joke You know he made me I heard that song about a month ago on Sirius and I fucking that I tears in my eyes Come on and do it do it do it till you satisfied the beginning of that and shit. That's what he would play Yeah, always the last The last seven years I was there before the pandemic he just caught on to that and he was like Joe We're doing it every night do it

Jeff I think about the comedy story, and I'm like, I can't go in there. They even do a little wall for Jeff in the back. When he used to smoke, they put like an ashtray and gold, a bronze bit. Jeff was a big part of that fucking place. Huge. And I also had a lot of good times at the Houston

Laptop. Old club, holy shit. And all these rooms are 300 and under. Right. Great at the fucking the theater in New York. I used to do great at gotham i used to blow that fucking room up i enjoy myself in those rooms more than the theaters i can't lie to you right now i just want fun i you know so that's where i'm at fucking awesome how about you brother i know you're in connecticut this week i'm in connecticut'm at City Steam Friday and Saturday, but there's a big one coming up April 13th Gramercy Theater with Josh Wolf And that's the city and that's in the city Gramercy Theater Or I think it's a Saturday. Yeah moments positive. It's April 13th for sure Gramercy. Why are you Friday night?

Friday night nothing yet I'll definitely do a trip up there and then I also have something coming in, May, New York, but that's a far away way Maybe you coming on the 13th and just stay here and we'll leave the following week for the 420 show Fuck yeah. All right. Let me find out what I could do And then we'll announce it on fucking here next week or the week after that'd be on I would love to do that That'd be fucking badass That's how we do it brother little 420 action. You know, I thought I gotta do something for 20. I didn't feel like doing a solo show I Didn't feel like going to fucking weed store and I

Didn't feel like going to a weed store and just like taking pictures and stuff. Somebody offered me that they work at a weed store and like the owner said, they'll pay you to come up for 20 and take some pictures, give you some weed. How long is it in the mood for that? So I was in the mood to do something, somebody called and said, are you interested?

I was like, fuck yeah, how long? 15 minutes, that's all you need from Uncle Joey. So I'm looking forward to that. I'll let you know, brother. That's awesome. I can't wait. Yeah. And that's it.

I wish I had more for these fucking savages at home. But you know what, man? We're doing the best we can. Hey, and it'll go longer. The as if you're having fun, if you don't fun, if you're not getting burnt out, you'll do it for longer than if you did a few shows and you're like, this fucking sucks. There's nights now where I know I have to get out

to do comedy and I shoot the fuck out of here, but seven, shoot out of here, like a bat out of hell, I'm like, fuck this. So it's still my love. Just not to that. It's a different thing now for me. You know what I'm saying? G money.

How many edibles you take tonight? I took 300. I don't think anything happened. Yeah, it doesn't look like I only took 100. I took more than you said 50 wasn't enough. No, 50. You're part timing it on me. You know what I'm saying?

I took 300 because I had a little bit of a headache and nothing happened My friend gave me some shrooms today for a birthday. I got like two I got these shrooms are this long. They're the ones gay people put in the asshole before they go out in LA You put in your ass you put like a panty liner and you go out and have a drink for drinks The mushroom dissolves in your ass and there you are with the whistle of death Really dissolves in your asshole. I think so. I Never heard of the way This is I what are you talking about?

We mean one of my talk you put like a mushroom cap in your asshole and it does all years ago The gay guys in Hollywood would take an X and melting it and stick it to the turkey, bro. Brace the. Holy shit. They do anything. You put ship in your ass, you get higher. Like I got a butter weed in there. I know if I stick it up my ass, I'll be high for 12 fucking hours. Oh, that should be the test for the 420 show.

We have to stick. It's going to happen soon. Some fucking lunatic is gonna go listen if you stick 30% weed up your ass is completely different You'll eliminate a heart attack you'll make this and there'll be a fucking bunch of zumbos walking stoned with a fucking limp From the blood that backfired in their asshole. They forgot that they had like fucking bug cleaner in there or whatever the fuck they got in there. And now your pubic hairs are on your asshole. What the fuck is this shit? Crap, crap, crap, crap.

Thank God it only went in their asshole. Oh my God. I don't do that stuff, you know? But if you wanna put a mushroom up your ass, I ain't mad at you. That's very nice of you. Listen, if I put a mushroom on my ass, I ain't mad at you. That's very nice of you. Listen, if I put a mushroom on my ass, I bet I got a million followers out of that thing.

I'm gonna put it on YouTube and let the fucking, let the friend click. Hit Jack. I wonder how long they would actually stay on YouTube. Like it may even have a small channel. They wouldn't catch that. They wouldn't. You don't think that they'd catch it? I'm the damages done. I got 20,000

kids put mushrooms in their asshole going out at night, making believe they're a rocket ship. You know what I'm saying? I love you, buddy. I love you too. You know, I'm out of my fucking bird dog. But anyway, have a great week. And we'll keep this party going as long as we can. Stay black. Have a good week. We'll talk. The checkin' is brought to you by my favorite, Blue Chew. Listen, if you're having a problem rising to the occasion, Blue Chew is gonna be your new best friend.

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