Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - It's a beautiful day to be alive!

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt the one thing OJ Simpson did that no other man did and how OJ was involved in a very dark period in his life, the role comfort plays in being a comedian, what's going to happen when people start getting their hands on Chinese weed, and much more! Shop better hydration & support the show at ⁠https://www.liquidiv.com⁠ promo code JOEY for 20% off your 1st order. Support the show & download the DraftKings app. New customers bet $5 and get $200 instantly in bonus bets with code JOEY. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

It was a beautiful day to be alive was 80 fucking two degrees here in jersey today. Yeah, that was great We would I went out this morning was 66 out of coming and change I I love putting on shorts for the first time. Oh, I put on some shorts today. My legs got some sun Yeah, I went to austerea tonight and got a quick cheeseburger Fucking delicious. I gotta tell you I'm not a big cheeseburger guy. I'm not a hamburger guy I tried to get it out of my system 20 years ago, you know, like because if not you end up eating fucking burger every goddamn day You know

And I found that place in the valley which was good about three times on Ventura. Yeah. Yeah, I went to the wolves. They shrunk the burger was dry, you know It was a fancy burger place. It was a fancy like a hipster one not a not fancy hipster Hipster but the burger was pretty good and they did a good job. They had fries with mozzarella on it you know those a fries but You know, you're gonna put cheese on my fries You put on the steak fry a fucking HIV fryer break it half like a COVID fry, you know, they just break in half. So This place Osteria has a Monday night burger it's 1695 Wow the fucking burger is like

Short rib and you know The flavor on you get it a little rare You know the flavor on you get it a little rare So then and the flavor is out of this fucking world and that's not even like that's really reasonable McDonald is costing that much now 1695 and a fucking beer on Monday night I don't eat a lot of burgers if I go there once every 90 days for a burger, but today I felt like a fucking burger Oh, yeah, I would have drank a beer, but I would've got too fucked up with a podcast You know me though You you get that fucked up from one beer

Two weeks ago on Easter Sunday, I took my family out and I got sangria Oh nice, and I said what could one glass of sangria do to me, but My fucking nature popped up and, and I drank half the pitcher. I got home. The alcohol with the food, it just didn't mix. I fucking barked, and I had to go upstairs and go to sleep. Fuck. I can't drink.

It's a waste of time for me. It's not good. It depresses me. It's a waste of time for me It's not good. It depresses me. It's over doesn't depress me as much as I used to when I was younger You know, even those last couple years at the Comedy Store very embarrassing people talking to you got a fucking water in your head Like some fucking my move, you know, I wish I could drink two or three rum and Cokes and go home I wish I knew how to do that Wish I could drink two or three rum and cokes and go home. I wish I knew how to do that But after the first one it's over I get sick the soda the sweetener

It's just the whole thing Wow, and you think it's a soda But it's alcohol. She's all alcohol. That's crazy alcohol You know, I think you have such a big tolerance for other things. Oh, I'm a fucking horse But like today I had to give the the spirits a glass of Bacardi this morning Okay, I buy him a little fucking bottle of Bacardi and I give the spirits a glass on Mondays Smelling it fucking drives me crazy Really? Yeah Fuck what?

That is crazy, but that burger is nice that I love Do they have anywhere to sit outside at austere or no? Just yeah. Yeah I'm like listen if I had a ride i'm gonna got a burger And they have a beer in a frozen mug, which is my all-time favorite Yeah, if you could drink a beer It's got to be in a frosted fucking mug and don't give me a half frosted one with a little bit ice I mean, I want that motherfucker to be you know, I want it to stick to my fingers when I'm drinking it You follow me. Do you ever have that at your own house? You put them in the freezer? No

No, sometimes like egg creams or something But then you get the odor of the fucking meat and whatever duck your mom has in there You know, you're trying to enjoy your soda and all sudden fucking it tastes like fucking chicken ala mode whatever the fuck it is So that sucks. All right, let's get this motherfucker started Jack. What's happened your beautiful savages? It's Tuesday the 16th of April the check-in is brought to you by oh 420 is almost here, and I'm gonna party with the savages with my little freeze pipe All the freeze pipe gear you need is top notch Ready just pop it into the freezer for one hour when the smoke passes through it forget about it. It's like you're smoking on a cloud

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so it don't matter. If you're walking on ice, you might as well dance. But with the freeze pipe, I feel a lot better. I don't wake up in the morning like I smoke 20 joints with paper for you professionals, if you understand what I'm saying to you. So do yourself a favor. Let the freeze pipe level up your experience. Visit thefreezepipe.com and check out the biggest sale of the year. Hey listen, FreezePipe wants you to have their products, you understand me? Whether it's the bubbler, the big bunk, they're all special,

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It was a long Monday night. Anyway, the check-in is brought to you by liquid IV my favorite listen You're not getting any younger put down the booze and start drinking some liquids like liquid IV This stuff keeps me going listen i don't even drink a pre-energy drink before jujitsu i drink a liquid iv i got the little uh what is it the acai the blue acai or something oh my goodness oh my goodness and you got to try the concord grape the pina colada you got the sea berry you got the oh forget about listen I love everything they put up I really do and like I said a friend of mine told me he don't do no drinks before jiu-jitsu

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Joey Let's pretend you you didn't go to spelling bees. All right, so pressing code Joey Joey at checkout that's 20% off your first order today Use promo code Joey. Listen liquid IVs helped me a lot. It's gonna help you too. And without further ado Let's get to this check-in thing. I got a lot of things to talk about Turn off your TVs run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. I thought with Joey could do it. I can rule the world. That's what you got to be thinking. Oh

Bam what's happening? Happy Monday cock lickers or happy Tuesday 20 week and the countdown has begun Jack Jesus I just saw by the way Someone sent me a clip of like when I would get super high and laugh. And one of the biggest things that made me laugh was when you would, for a while you were calling onit.com, alphabrain.com and it just like, we got so high

that I just could not stop laughing. I would just be, people thought I was sleeping. I wasn't sleeping. I was just fucking listen brother the damage we did Took years to recover. Thank God for the pandemic. All right These people really have no idea. Thank God for the fucking pandemic 2,000 milligrams a day and 22 joints Good for you somewhere along the line shit's gonna break down and it did it did I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. night and then I really wanted to go to New York City but god damn Lee just

thinking about it just thinking about it you know and I don't want to listen man the worst thing I see lately is like a high-level comic comes to town and all sudden like a comic that's maybe you know shows up and tries oh I didn't know this is going on tonight oh you want me to, oh, I didn't know this was going on tonight. Oh, you want me to do a set. I don't want to be that guy. And Josh is my brother. He knows we always have a but I don't want to be that guy. I don't want and I can't sit in the audience because people will terrorize me. Hey, can we take a picture? Fucking Josh is on stage. Right? He's on stage. It doesn't work

It doesn't work. You know, I wanted to go see Tony Rock last week. I Can't you know, it's just so many fucking things. I don't have Tony Rock's number, right? I would call them the south slip in the back with you something. I can't go in there I listen my motto has always been for me right now the last 10 years I Could come into your room Wednesday and Thursday and do a guest set Friday and Saturday it belongs to the headliner If I'm gonna show up on a Friday of a Saturday, what the fuck is wrong with you Joey? You think so you think because people just go crazy No, because

It looks like I'm trying to steal somebody else's done And I don't want to do that. I never want to try to steal somebody's done the people work hard I was never one of those guys to bump people. I was never those guys to run the light Before you could become a great comic, you have to respect other comics and respect the comedy rooms and just all around. And that's what, if you do that all the time, you will become a better comic.

It starts with respecting everybody else. Listen, I don't have the heart to walk into a club and bump comics What are you doing people ask you if you want to bump no, I'll wait I Got walk in a room and they'll go you could go up whenever you want Now let these guys work their magic because I remember Being on that thing and some douchebag comes in and Does 50 minutes he's supposed to do 10?

Right he does 50 fucking minutes And I remember how I felt sitting back there going what the fuck is going with my life This guy comes in three nights a week, you know once they stopped that at the store It really helped a lot of comics comics felt Oh, it really made a change because everybody knew that from Monday to Thursday Somebody was gonna pop in and Ruin your fucking night. So if you were gonna go on an 11 now you were gonna go on a 10 12 10. I Can't even imagine the audience is like that for that long

They might have liked it at the beginning for 15 20 30 minutes, but not an hour or two hours. I Love people. I fucking love people But you know one of the reasons I left Cuba Because you got to pay attention to Fidel Castro every Sunday for fucking six hours and talking And in my world, I can't listen to Jesus talk for six hours. Give me a fucking breather I got to take a walk around the block stretch my legs. I'm gonna sit there like I'm a mook, you know for four hours Three hours when I see a comic I want to see your best 50 fucking minutes and we get the fuck out of here Right the fire and you want to take me for an hour and a half

But it's an hour and a half fire i'm in Right is that I I don't I never saw that, you know We were talking about something the other day a friend, uh, jimmy florentine If you go over at the garden by one minute, it's $10,000 a minute. Fuck. I think Gabriel talked about that with Dodger Stadium.

I think he said like he lost money or I don't know, don't quote me on that, but he was talking about going over. It was a minute, think about that. Damn. 10,000, now when I was a kid I go to concerts they do four on cause Six on course, I would get so bored. I leave fuck it. I just Songs they did my song. I kissed the girl next to me. It's time to go home. Why leave with all these animals and Take the train and walk to the fucking time. Whatever that

Port authority on 48th Street, whatever we have to walk from there the garden with 800 other people You know get out now get the fuck out. All right, he did my jam it's time to go I stole a t-shirt from this idiot next door who got drunk and And uh Who did he steal a t-shirt from Oh when I was a kid, I went to one show and the shirts were expensive I'm like i'm not buying no fucking shirt and i'm sitting there like 15 minutes and a little pigeon falls asleep next to me With the t-shirt under his arms like the wing

I just tickled him a little bit. He picked up a little bit and stole that shirt. That motherfucker woke up 35 hours lighter and he had like four people step on him. Dog, I went to a bunch of shows. I was just thinking about the last good show I went to. Bill Burr and Dean Delray were there. All right. Oh, in LA? Yeah. And we're at the Palladium. We're watching Guns N' Roses and That crazy dude is there that that's a Singer and he comes out. He says Michael Jackson molested him and all that. I forget that dude's name. Oh, yeah He was an actor too, right? Yeah. Yeah, and he does the concerts and people go fun people just hire him to go fun Yeah, how much we got left in the budget give it to him. He's gonna do something He's gonna come out and yell at the band Get out the guy is a fucking piece of work

But anyway something there. There's a lot of freaky people walking around. I don't say nothing nobody. I'm with my wife I got two thousand milligrams of me guns and roses coming on. What do I got to complain about but I'm watching this girl. I Think I erased the photos. I'm watching this girl and I say to myself I've been that age And that young girl has been drinking since 530 in the afternoon And she's she she's here now Guns ain't coming on till 9 and she's drinking beer and doing shots with those guys and the girl must weigh a buck ten. I Just watched her out of corner of my eye and I go bill watch this And within ten minutes she started passing out on the fucking table and the guys that were interested in there and all that shit

They just fucking turned around and listened to guns and roses and this chick is all fucked up and it started when I sleep on the table Then she had both hands on the table and then she said abandon ship and she just laid on to the table Oh, no on top of her and as I was leaving she was barfing How did you get so observant? Like I I don't think I mean maybe I like I understand what she's laying on under the table You would notice her but like you would notice her when she's just started I just want to test my instincts if I was right You know, I'm looking around for fucking Iranians, you know saying I don't know if they got a bomb the fucking guns of roses concert

I know if they're gonna lay down in front of the axle I get to a place I'm looking for exits That's the first thing you do when you walk into the movies or anything like that You sit away from somebody suspicious always close to that exit where you could duck roll Have you ever needed to make a quick exit somewhere oh When I was a kid there was always a quick exit, you know, there was always a back door run out of here When I was a kid you had to run away from oh my god Jesus, but I That's crazy. I had a really cool

Like music excited cuz I'm not really a big music person But I went to let's start from scratch Thursday night. What'd you do? Thursday night Thursday night. What'd you do? Thursday night Thursday night. I did three shows Where one at one at Broadway Comedy Club and two at the Williamsburg Comedy Club. Okay, and then Friday. What'd you do? Friday I did What did I do Friday Friday? I did um, I think Friday I did I think one comedy show one comedy show at Brooklyn Comedy Club and then Josh Jacob and I got it like a we got to go to the radio city radio city music hall and go backstage and it was just cool to see like we saw where the Rockettes did all their shit. It was fun. Good for you. And then Saturday just the one show Saturday and to Saturday the main one was with Josh at Gramercy, which was fantastic. I, I had a really good show.

It was the whole show was awesome. It was, uh, before I ask, is the Gramercy going to close next weekend? No, not because of me. Thank God. Um, no, I had one of my best New York weekends. I've been there like five or six no more than that because five or six with you, but like I've been going there consistently over the last couple of years and Friday night

At Brooklyn and then Saturday at Gramercy were probably two of my best sets in New York. Because there's definitely a different energy there and different kinds of material seems to work. And I finally felt pretty comfortable. I did, and I know you hate it and I don't even like it either, but I just naturally, Williamsburg is just small. So I found myself leaning against the back of the stage. I don't think I'll ever do that again, but it was I just felt very comfortable on stage

Well, it's very listen man You got to find your comfort zone if it means hopping up and down on one fucking leg with a pogo stick If that's what's gonna make the audience kill You know That's what's gonna You have to find comfort, but I want you When I first started I used to go from side to side. I was a big fan of Eddie Murphy delirious Mm-hmm any walking side to side so I would walk from side to side

And then I just started slowing down and then I would just stand in front of the mic Yeah, lose my hand on the mic like Ozzy Osbourne and control the mic. And then somewhere along the line one day I couldn't hold the mic. And I noticed that when I moved my hands, the story, the delivery, I sold it. That's what sells it. It's everything connected to you.

Right. Joke is coming out of your fucking heels and it moves up your body And it's like when you hit a baseball or when you hit a golf ball, I don't really know much about golf But when you hit a golf ball or a baseball your swing is fucking perfect Like once you get your swing perfect, that's when You know and that's when you start to see it, you know? Yeah, and it's interesting because Josh and I talked about this.

He said that like he would do, once he got into it, he would do like a year. He said he did a year sitting down and then a year standing up, a year with it in the mic stand just to see like what works with what. And now he like flows between all three i would say and Yeah, it was just uh

Like I just started I have one joke where I sit down for 30 seconds. Um, not even it's just part of the joke but I like friday i got saturday was great. It was awesome and to do grammar see and the show went very well but friday It was awesome to do grammar see and the show went very well, but Friday Was a little bit different of a set because I went I didn't go up there with like a plan at all and Like I don't I don't really do crowd work but like stuff was happening in the crowd and I addressed it from the previous comic and I just it was like more like we were having a conversation and me just talking at him and

It was like I didn't get heckled at all, but it was like one of the cooler sets that I've had It's very funny when you I don't know for me it took a Eight years. It was in the belly room While I was doing a storyteller show Like we were doing something, Testicle Testaments. Mm-hmm. And it was really tough the first couple of times I did it because there was a minute of silence.

Right. While you're telling the story. But that minute of silence that night taught me patience. It took me eight years to learn patience on stage. That you're navigating. It's like when you see a black belt doing a technique, you see a blue belt doing it and he's about to submit the guy but he's huffing and puffing, he's red in the face, the guy's moving, a black belt locks you up first.

And by the time he takes your arm for the arm bar, it's clean. It's perfect. It's just precision, you know, and that's Bro, it's years on stages like years on mats Like years of playing pool like years of building the houses, you know you just get a knack for it and you get quicker at it and better at it and You know, I'm having a problem right now. I love to get up three or four nights a week, right? You know if I could drive 20 minutes here 40 minutes here. It's not happening It's not happening, you know, and there's other reasons. It's just not happening I'm thinking maybe one night when I get back next week watch when Ari's at the stand and go up there and

Hang with them for the night and maybe start doing that. Just go in the city one night a week, do three spots and get in the fucking car and come home and start all over again. Yeah. You get good at comedy. Listen, you got to be out there. And I've told people this for years. Like somebody said to me, if you put a date out for 18 months and we booked a garden. Would you do it? I ain't gonna listen

People have no idea how much work it takes into selling tickets at the garden or packing the garden You know fucking people If if Tony Hinchcliffe would have done the garden first, maybe he wouldn't have sold it up To thank God with Tony. He built it up. He went to the Moody Theatre or whatever the University of Texas He sold out not one But two shows. I don't know how many fucking pay-per-views and now he goes into the garden selling that not one But two what did we talk about the other day? momentum The garden selling that not one but two what did we talk about the other day? momentum

Right is momentum. It's a train. I'm not gonna get any better company going on stage three times To get better at comedy. It's a seven night a week ten to twelve year trek and You sacrifice a lot you tell a lot of people to go fuck themselves And you sacrifice a lot you tell a lot of people to go fuck themselves You lose a lot of friends. Nobody starts inviting you to things. I'm gonna invite you You're not gonna show and and you're like, come on. I'm busy, but the deep down inside you're like, I just hope you wouldn't invite me Because even if I do get invited I'm gonna find a gig that night Hopefully, I'm a comic

I'm on the way up. I'm trying find a gig that night. Hopefully. I'm a comic. I'm on the way up. I'm trying to fucking get better. I can't sit at your house for fucking four hours and reminisce. There's a spot somewhere out there. There's a stage that I can slip into and do it. And that's the mentality. And you asked Josh, when we got to LA,

his cousin would always have Hollywood parties. Asked me how many I went to I told you zero Zero, I wasn't there to go to parties. I don't mind snorting coke by myself, but I'm not there to go to parties I'm there in LA if I'm fucking in LA And I'm not enjoying my family or my friends back East or missing things What what are you doing? Somebody's got to pay for you on a fucking daily basis Somebody's got a pay if you get up out of bed you're fucking getting up out of bed to rule the world

You're not getting up out of bed to fucking today. I'm gonna smoke 10 cigarettes fuck no motherfucker You know at the at the six-year market comedy. I was doing what you were doing Monday morning no matter how many lines of coke I did No matter what time I fucking fell asleep. I was at the print shop on Monday mornings in Seattle lying Just making up fake schedules booked in Alaska booked in Hong Kong They can't check references now. They think it go on a website in 1995 and checked if I was booking on tongue, but yeah, they don't know nothing So I would lie about those dates. So when they'd see it they go wait a second this guy's in Australia

He's in Hong Kong. Maybe he's got something going on to be honest. He had never worked. I Was gonna say did anyone ever say how is Hong Kong? No, it never worked my international It's like those guys in the soprano when they're like, hey, we recorded in Denmark, you know, who gives a fuck? Denmark So that's We recorded in Denmark, you know who gives a fuck Denmark So that's Yeah No way you're talking about comment like the growth and like you were you were talking about What happens when you get to a certain level because I saw I don't know if you've seen I don't want to butcher the joke

But Cristela Alonso put a joke up on Instagram that I saw about her her dad passing away And it was it was really quiet for a few minutes and then got like one of the big like a humongous Like it was one of my favorite jokes and I could tell it obviously a fucking dark subject to cover Well when you cover those subjects You gotta have a back those subjects are tough because a newbie might go up there fuck with that shit and then you can't get yourself out of that hole no listen I was doing comedy ten years and I told a story on stage of my mother dying done done. Done.

I didn't know how to get myself out of that hole. I did not know how to get myself out of that hole. And then we'd go. I would try it for about two weeks. I would just go up to the bomb. I'm leaving people crying in the audience. You didn't find your mother. That's a tough subject.

And I learned that that night at the comedy store in the belly room, because that's the story I close with. And I'm like, I'm happy I close with this because nobody could bounce back from this. And even when I did the one man show those nights, I couldn't bring it up upfront. It's a dig, it's a deep. And then you learn, I'm not gonna lie to you,

learn from it, bomb it. After you bomb 30 times, you'll learn how to pick them right up. It's like when David Tell goes, I'm with Biden, hug to Biden, you know. Speaking of that, did you see his new special? Yeah, that's where I got it from. Oh, is that a joke in that special?

Okay, and that was one of the best specials I've seen in years. You know why? Because it was not produced. It was crazy. It was crazy. He was talking to the side curtain. Oh, he's broke out the recorder.

It's because we needed that We needed that for special somebody had to go up there and break that fourth fucking wall Enough with this going out there with a brand new jacket on the suit. He went up there with a flute He was like a fucking burglar. Those are those are dudes. I have now when I used to burglary burglarize homes. Oh My god, we're gonna burglarize the homes. Oh, jays. I don't feel so good myself. You know I'm saying People are losing their minds about what OJ died, you know Flabbergasted that motherfucker never went to the grave and got away with the biggest

Trick of all time and didn't he like he's they're still fighting like even though he's dead He's like they're still not getting my money Dog he pulled listen that motherfucker died. Oh and Jews 34 million dollars That's the greatest trick ever done a black man owned a Jew in this world Nobody's ever done that he just went all day long. Fuck you motherfuckers. He was the king of anti-semitism He wasn't giving them He moved to Florida. He got Kanye West to play the drums on his album. He didn't give two fucks Holy shit. I mean he didn't give two fucks if anybody was anti-semitism

He didn't even make a payment plan He told those Jews I'm moving to Florida and I'm user and you can't touch my pension And you're not gonna take my Heisman, you know the last motherfucker try to take my husband. I did some time. I'm alright now And now they're gonna try to get his money. And I'm telling you, that fucking dude, he did 10 million things so those Jews couldn't get his money. Poor Goldman.

He's still walking around with the picture of his son. What am I gonna do? Listen, Goldman, let it go already, right? He was delivering coke to the poor bitch. And he got stabbed in the lung. Next time mind your business. I ain't bringing no glasses up there. And he got stabbed in the lung next time mind your business. I'm bringing no glasses up there

He Hided a lawyer his lawyer is going to court saying like they're not getting anything like he said like that's one job He called his he's he told when that lawyer came and he goes listen I just want to talk to everybody else out. He goes listen. I killed that bitch ten times. You know what I'm saying? But I don't give a fuck then I get the dime of my Gettys Not a red fucking scent in the family That's so many let's hide it through Jamaica. Let's the Hall of Fame money the fucking pension the NFL Let's give it the junior Say I to make a comeback Let's do something here. You know i'm saying let's do something

I think juniors say oh committed suicide. What do you mean a comeback? Oh god, forgive me. Who knows? Maybe they froze his head. I don't know What do you can you explain because like I I was obviously not around for like people who are young Who would you compare like football wise and like star wise? OJ simpsons before he committed the murders? It's very sad lee because Anybody my age a little younger a couple years older than me. They'll tell you the same thing. We grew up on oj Right. You want me to lie to you and tell you the same thing. We grew up on OJ. Right.

You want me to lie to you and tell you on Monday nights, he didn't make my Monday nights as a kid. I thought about this the other day. I got no shame in this. I wasn't involved in a murder. This happened. This happened. This happened.

This happened in 2004. I'm a 31 year old man. You know, I'm out of prison ain't stabbing nobody well But let's be honest, you know, I Grew up on the guy on Monday nights. I also grew up on our camp I also grew up watching Pete Rose and the Mets and and these guys were my heroes You know, I didn't play football at that age, but oh Jan on a Monday night I also grew up watching Pete Rose and the Mets and and these guys were my heroes, you know I didn't play football at that age, but oh Jan on a Monday night fuck Fuck the bars would be packed

Every really my god. Oh Jan on a Monday night Earl Campbell on a Monday night They knew how to pack those schedules. So Monday night. I told you about this fucking huge football I'm not a big whatever at that time. Okay, so I'm not a big fan of the The The The The The The

The The The And then what about his movies like where his movies popular? Yeah, he was like an ensemble's I guess I know I don't you know, I'm not a big whatever at that time Okay, maybe and all those he did those type of movies. I Don't remember many movies that I saw as a kid, but I was a fan of his football like you know like the way I am a fucking red or back and Those are my heroes Earl Campbell and Houston. I remember being 12 and going one day I'm going to Houston Regardless I'm going to Houston, Texas

I don't know how when where when I got booked in the lap stop to his happiest day of my life I'm going to the basement because he played there. Yeah, and then my second favorite played dead Moses Malone FIFA full foam, you know I'm saying It's it's like and I maybe not to this level but it sounds like almost like a Tom Brady level like it sounds like He was like one of the more popular. They was OJ shit. OJ was the shit Hold on. Let me break real quick and talk to these savages about draft Kings and we'll come back to that story Okay, give me two minutes cocksuckers. Yo uncle Joey here with draft Kings. Listen, do me a favor

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I've been having a great time lately. The last couple of weeks, I haven't been betting basketball games, I've been betting totals, I'm talking about the The The The The The

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or text HOPENY467369. In Connecticut help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Bo're talking about OJ. Correct? Yes. I know my edibles are starting to kick in. I might eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here.

I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here.

I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. I'm going to eat a little mushroom stem here. We're back bitches. All right, we're talking about OJ. Mm-hmm, correct I know my animals are starting to kick in. I made a little mushroom stem here

I've been eating mushrooms bro, and they put me to sleep like a certain amount What are you talking about? It keep I have to have a sleeping pill because of mushrooms What are you talking about? It puts you to sleep. I eat like a gram at nine o'clock and by 1030 I'm yawning. I get a little tingle for about 10 minutes and that's it. But anyway, we were talking about this guy. And, you know, after he retired, I don't know what year he retired, you know, I got into comedy and I was going through hell and, you know,

I wake up one day and I go to my friend's house in Boulder and there it is in the paper, OJ's wife got killed. And I heard years earlier, he had gotten in trouble for domestic violence. Yeah, John McCarthy was talking about that. Like he pulled him over one time. And I remember going, but at that time I didn't know anybody. I was like, he killed her. Wow.

Okay. I didn't know anybody I was like right he killed her Wow, okay, but I want to explain something to people that have if they haven't figured this out yet Uncle Joey's gonna tell him. Okay Just like people were amazed with The Epstein thing and people today are blown away about the diddy thing This story had a lot of layers. If you knew anything about what was going on. In fact, if you wanna look it up, Mezzaluna, the restaurant where Mr. Goldman worked

and they left that night, they got two years later, they got shut down for cocaine. Oh Jesus. They waited till after the OJ trial and they shut it down because the owners sold a kilo. I don't know, look it up. But they closed down. That was never there ever again. They were involved in a tricky situation. They were separated or divorced, but he was still banging up from time to time.

You know, he had control of her. You know, she was no angel, God rest her soul. I'm not saying anything bad about her. But she played a fucked up game with people who were fucked up. I mean, weren't on the street is the waiter brought the Coke over to a house that night. And she was waiting for Marcus Allen.

Really? Are those stories true? No. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not saying no. And she was waiting for Marcus Allen You really? Are those stories true? No, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not saying no But you know she ends up dead you know and Everything points at OJ. I mean the truck the glove and they fucked it up on one technicality and it was they found a print But it rained that night and it washed the print off and then they fucked it up with whatever they wanted

to do and then they got the word from the higher-ups listen we can't because if we convict there's a thousand things but the bottom line was just as creepy as Epstein just as people are pulled by Diddy right now It was a disgusting life that they didn't need He told them move to New York You could do whatever the fuck you want. You can light your pussy on fire Just don't do it here because this is my backyard and people gonna hear about it and they're gonna embarrass me and you know, I Guess people believe I feel bad about

The whole thing, you know goofing on it before but in reality, I guess people believe I feel bad about the whole thing. You know, goofing on it before. But in reality, I'm a human being. Yeah. And I felt bad at the time. Only I got to make a confession to you. At that time I was thinking of killing my wife, my ex-wife. Right. Yeah.

So it fueled that Really? It really did Fueled that it fueled that I won by the time he got let off. I was living in Seattle but that Because it was a similar thing You know, she took my child and moved her in with a man without even talking to me Nobody ever came to me. I kept calling the mother and she's like, oh she's out really a fucking three in the morning She's out with the fucking kid, you know, it's just So I felt like you know, I was disrespected that anger the blow didn't help

Whatever. Oh Jay was going through I was going through you know and it just, you know, it was one of the many things that we never discussed how it just fueled me. It really did. Because it felt like I had to do something now. Like the fucking dog was talking to me. You know, the Jewish guy in New York City, the dog was talking to that dude. And that wasn't the dog. That was told you that Jews dress up that was a Jew from Israel Dressed up as a dog barking at him Burdening at him in Hebrew. How do you ask because you've talked about like

Almost doing that to like her at her new boyfriend or whatever. He was Like and then you thank God you decided not to And that's because you've talked about like, uh, almost doing that to like her, her new boyfriend or whatever he was. Like, and then you thank God you decided not to dog. It was a very, very scary time for me. I was very volatile and I was angry and. I felt like, you know, I was lost. And the only thing that kept me alive then was stand up.

That's why I owed my life to stand up because everything was shitty in my life. I wasn't really making any money. I was doing drugs. I was living in a basement apartment with a metal shower My bed was like a thousand dollar bed, but it covered the whole room So I didn't have walking distance I would just I had to take the door off the hinge and I would just jump in the door better at night like a fucking chimene you know

and That seemed like an option It was like if if I get rid of these motherfuckers, for a couple of weeks I lived there, maybe for a few months, it wasn't good. And then I started seeing the truth that this was never gonna work. But just because it didn't gonna work,

I couldn't be around them because I knew I Know me I know I get You know, I don't think about it for a year and one day I'm driving on the street This one guy cuts me off and I think about her and I'd make a u-turn and drive to a house and end it I'm one of those idiots like that. That's why I always got in trouble because I don't know when you know So but man, it was a tough time in my life those cuz yeah, I lived there From he killed her on the 12th of June maybe 94 And I stayed another year almost to the date. I left like June 25th

And I don't know if you ever even got this far but you couldn't There's not really a way for you to get help for that Right because as soon as you say that you're going to somewhere Like it would be almost better if like I wish you could talk to someone about that At that time I was broken, you know, I had no control over anything. You know, I had no control over the relationship. I had no control over my addiction. I had the only thing I had control of was going on stage.

And no matter how bad I felt, I'm like, if I go on stage, I'm gonna feel a lot better. Yeah. And that, this is why I tell people, just cause fucking somebody read you the riot act, your life ain't done. Because I took that anger and I went out every night. And I gotta be honest with you, I never showed it on stage. I never really showed it on stage

until that night at the club 52, when the guy threw a bottle cap at me and I hit him with the head with the The fucking batteries came out and shit But I never really did I knew that at that time. That's what was keeping me Saying I would go home at night. I would cry. I would look at the clubs. I wanted to be in Does it remind you anybody Lee? Yeah, I would make notes the clubs I wanted to be in. Does it remind you of anybody, Lee? Yeah. I would make notes of when I'm gonna be there and this better happen, you know.

And then I'd cry myself to sleep. I didn't know, you know, I was losing control of that. But the only thing, I remember Wednesdays, I would drop her off. And sometimes my ex-wife wouldn't show. My wife's boyfriend would show and I would hand that child to her and

Guys, I don't know if you know what that feels like for people who know what that feels like And I would turn around and before I get in the car tears will be rolling down my eyes And I would always roll a joint And leave it in the ashtray. I'd watched them take off And then I'd take off to a different parking lot and I'd fucking smoke a joint I'd cry a little bit. I listened to the pretenders maybe some black sabbath And I'd go fucking on because I had two options. I could either go home and cry get mad

Buy a gram of coke and go over that one in the morning and kick that fucking door done. I didn't want to do that I'd rather go out talk to people and then get occupied. So comedy saved me a lot of fucking ways guys Yeah, and I thank God That's cuz I've been angry but I've never like that's that's something you could you would still be in jail for No, should I just be getting out? And there'd be nothing available to me except fucking a one-bedroom apartment in a basement under a basement With Jews living next door to me that you know, I could just knock on the door. What are you doing? Yeah, you bet. All right good to see you

Where you at this week Tarzan this week? I'm at the floodwater brewing company and What I'm deep Western Mass Thursday the 18th. I Know sorry Thursday the 17th Thursday's the 18th., sorry Thursday the 17th Thursday's the 18th. Is it? Yeah for 20s Damn it right away. You're giving out fucked up dates and shit 17 no, it's not Whatever Thursday is the 18th the 18th Well, you better pray They even have a show why because Israel's launching tonight

They're going deep into the murky waters and nobody wants them around either tonight or early tomorrow morning dawn Israel's going in You think that's good. I hope it doesn't affect I'm going like deep Western mass. I don't think it's gonna Fuckin time Israel launches it's gonna fuck you. You think fucking time Israel launches it's gonna affect everything tomorrow Traffic the weather, you know, I shouldn't have paid my taxes. I Would have held out till May 25th I would have paid the dime extra because you never know what to happen. There might not be a tax department tomorrow. We might be walking around like fucking Mel Gibson

and Mad Max stealing gasoline and stabbing people and getting a bus with a bunch of homeless people and driving across the desert for the gasoline. I wouldn't make it that far. I'd be dead immediately. I wouldn't be dead within the first day of that happen No, yes No You put out all on years with cotton balls the nuclear shit. I

Dine there's a bunch of stuff you go deep deep deep. You got a bottle of Tang You get some reefer and you go deep deep deep in the bunker you get some oxygen. I got some Russians They taught me how to do it. They do that shit all the time over there. I Met them at the table with a couple months ago. We're talking about like mom that don't that don't scare us We have system I dying these dad gasoline We eat plastic chips, you know I think you're fucking I think you're just trying to get me. See, I think you're fucking with me. I think you're just trying to get me for when it happens

that you're gonna call me and I'm gonna put, I have gasoline in my ears, I'm gonna light on a fire faster or something. No, once it goes down, I'll have my friend call you, the fucking Russian and tell you exactly what to do. It's gonna be so lit. You rub your hands on that little, the whole fucking thing, so nobody's gonna make a mess

with you, they can't smell you Don't answer the door. Don't answer the door and if they you do you don't know nothing Next thing, you know, you're going Chinese weed wait for that Chinese weed such busted out into the streets and shit That's gonna really fuck people up. They have Chinese weed. Yeah, they're buying all the farms across the United States I heard that and those migrants that tiptoed their way to the fucking border because those Chinese motherfuckers didn't even walk with those Mexicans They just flew over like one of those kung fu The immigration people didn't see him no home of Honduras and the fucking Mexicans back I'm gonna fucking I'm getting minimum wage. I got a pension coming in three years. I'm gonna fucking guy Lighter than me that's flying through the air. I'm also never every 10 minute. What?

They said like eight and two got caught they like the Colombians with kilos They sent 22 keys. They sent a bunch of keys. They sent a bunch of keys They sent a bunch of keys. They sent a bunch of keys. They sent a bunch of keys They sent a bunch of keys. They sent a bunch of keys. They sent a bunch of keys Also, then every 10 minute what? They sound like eight and two got caught they like the Colombians with kilos they sent 22 keys they lose ten They still got 11 net, you know I'm saying Tonight they're making that's what they're growing is weed. Yeah, they're up there by you Vermont and should go online Rogan even found the 9-1-1 call we track get us out, you know Oh shit, I forgot about that. Yeah

We didn't shit that buying farms all over the place the Chinese it's over It's over our fucking fruits gonna be fucked up. We're gonna eat an apple and be fucked up for two weeks That's what they're gonna do They're gonna grow high-level we with nuclear shit and then plant Chinese apples in that motherfucker for people. Next time you go to Chinatown, you leave Chinatown, you're blown in the dark and shit. You're fucking matched away from going.

It sounds like this is what you want them to do. No. You would love an apple with weed in it. Listen, let me tell you something. There's one good thing about reefing. It lets you think in the future, you know what I'm saying? And when you add a thousand milligrams, 1200 of mushrooms then,

you're way ahead of the game for a few days. You're following me, you start thinking about shit. Yeah, but you do that every day. So you're like decades ahead at this point. Nah, because I don't mind fuck myself every day with that shit, because I lose my mind. I finally figured out why everybody became a political nut Why people were throwing cans and bottles of people, you know widely why because they watched that 24 four hours shit

24-hours a day And yeah, that's programmed to make you go fucking zombo You watch that shit more than six hours hours They start putting smoke to the TV speakers. It's like pedophile smoke, but a little bit more advanced. It just makes you fucking oh Dude, it's and it's even more than 24 because at least CNN had commercials now that stuff is on social meet Like there's a lot of political stuff on social media, but no when I would go on the road Let's say you went to bed at 1. Mm-hmm. You got up at 3 in the fucking morning for you know, you can't sleep It's hot in the room You drink some water now. You can't can't fall back to sleep. You turn you turn the TV on

You know, these fucking times I turn the TV on at 435 in the morning and then before white people argue it I'm like dog Who needs to shit? Can you imagine waking up that every morning and sitting there with a cup of coffee and going? You know you leave the house all fucking you know you ready you ready to do January 6 you ready to go Jump the fence and start stabbing fucking everybody Yeah, that's what happens I Stab and fucking everybody

Yeah happens That's how they get you all crazy and shit They gave people too much information that we can't comprehend and it's all fucking wrong And then we try to make a hypothesis and that's how you lose your mind Right next thing, you know, you got a white jacket on. There's people surrounding you. They got your shoelaces off. Or you'll end up in jail. Or both. You know, it's not a good situation.

I don't wanna lose my mind. I came close. I came close. I don't ever wanna be there again, dog. Did it take you a while to come back Yeah, it did Yeah, it did It was fucking crazily

I had no memory for a while and there was a lot of things it was the Xanax the three thousand milligrams a day the anxiety The weed, you know, two podcasts a week, a theater a week, a lot of writing, a lot of process, you know, it just stacked up one day. And it was like, fuck, you saw, I couldn't, I love comedy. I just went cold for seven months. And then when I got on stage that first time

with Rich Voss and Florentine, I was like, it ain't gonna work work it wasn't ready. It wasn't even I kept getting on stage and it's just the processing was horrible It was horrible. Talk me about a year and a half Fuck I was talking about with like your ex-wife, but you think that was my ex-wife Nobody I let me tell you let's be honest with each other the ex-wife situation that anger Started in about 93

And I'm not gonna lie to you it went till about 2000 or 2001 That was part of me getting fun here was losing a little bit anger and When when were you the angriest like when were you going through the way you talked about earlier? earlier? 96 was when the bottom fell out on me. I could feel it. I could feel I was arguing. 93 hours fucking hot. In 93, I came home for maybe a year to do comedy, live with George. George was in his own world

and I got maybe into five altercations and four of them were with friends, like friends. So when I went home, I was like, something's not right. And I taught, calmed myself down. I got a job, I got into a comedy schedule and then within six months She got my blood pressure back home and that went That went from 93

Christmas of 94 Christmas of 93 was not good Christmas in 93 was not good. It was not good, Lee, but the only thing that was taking me out of that tunnel was that at that point, while I was going deep down, my comedy was going up. The only thing I could focus on at that time

was writing jokes and getting on stage. Thank God. Somebody else would have, trust me, there was a lot of nights when I said, you know what, I'm going to go home, I'm going to get a gram of coke, a bottle of fat tie, and I'm going to play Russian roulette. You know, but I couldn't, I was like, I can't let these people win. So in hindsight, that anger that I had, I fueled it it And now I could tell you I knew what I was doing. No, I didn't know it At one point all that anger. I had to do something with it. Yeah, you could hit the bag Yeah, you can lift weights, but I it became my energy for comedy

But you kind of use it now because you like to get annoyed before you go on stage But it all started then that's crazy. It was a certain night in 96 That somebody had a camera and I was like there were 16 people he put up And I was like maybe number 14. I had maybe four dollars. I started the day with like $300. Now, if you know anything about me on that time, if I had $300, that was equivalent to somebody having fucking $8,000 today.

Right. Like $300 at one time. That was huge for me. That was a gram of Coke, a a cheeseburger a new shirt, you know And I got tangled up in my girlfriend and next thing you know, I had four bucks She said I owe the 200 for a phone bill and then two hours later. She threw me out So here I am at this fucking thing. I got four dollars. I got nowhere to sleep tonight I got to ask Josh wolf if I could sleep in this fucking trailer. What are the fuck he had at that time? I got to ask Josh Wolf if I could sleep on this fucking trailer or whatever the fuck he had at that time.

And I was so hot that I went up on stage. And that's the first time I started firing. Until then I was very punchline, boom, punchline, talk to the audience. That was the first time I started firing. And when I got off, some guy came up to me and goes, I taped that. And I had it for a long time, that tape. Who knows what happened to it. And were you doing jokes or were you talking about what you were mad about? I was talking about what I was mad about.

Fuck, okay. And one of the jokes I got from that night was a really corny joke. I said, you got a bunch of dollar bill. You sit in there, you can lap dances. You're in love with her. She's in love with you. Then you run out of dollar bills. That was one of the jokes from that night, which is, you know, stupid. And there was something else I said that night that I took that.

And I said that for about a year. I said, you know, I'm going to run out of bills. I'm going to run out of bills. I'm going to run out of bills. I'm going to run out of bills. I'm going to run out of bills. That was one of the jokes from that night, which is, you know, stupid. And there was something else I said that night that I took that. And I said that for about a year. Oh, at that time. That was the first time I had ever seen a woman with a tampon. Even though I was married and I lived with a girl before, this was the first woman I dated that will walk around the apartment and I'd be

sitting there high and a little string would be walking out of a monkey. Right. And I would sit there every night. Like, what the fuck? I never had the balls to ask because I didn't want to know, you know, I was 30 at the time. What the fuck? I never had the balls to ask because I didn't want to know. You know, I was 30 at the time. Wait, you had no idea what it was? I knew what it was.

Like, I grew up on Kotex. You know, like women had Kotex, and they talked about it. Now this chick is walking around with a little sticker, a little few, and I'd sit there every night. Like, this is a joke here. and I never said it till that night I Was so hot. I go this bitch walks around the fucking apartment with that little fuse sticking out No, what a pull it or light it and then I go so I lit it Hysteric that's a great joke. That was how hot I was two of those jokes. That was Felipe as far as his

Favorite joke when I moved to LA If he get me a gig he go I'm giving you this gig fool Gotta say pull it light it Okay, and I go up there say the joke people laugh and he'd be like, yeah Yeah Come tomorrow night fool and do that joke again. You never do that joke anymore. That's a great joke. It's a 20

year old joke. Who cares? You wouldn't do a 20 year old joke. Listen, think about a 33 year old man doing that joke. A man with white hair that's losing his head that's got the fucking you can't get away with that. You don't think you could rewrite it in a different way Put it in something the anger is not there Right now I understand I like I can picture you doing that like that night But I'm just highly cuz that's crazy to think about like that's a great joke I like just that line that imagery of doing that like you don't think you could put that into another joke

It's anywhere. I would use it. It's a lie. That's how I thought back then That was the thought process back then, you know, I was more of a stoner this chick used to make me fucking laugh, you know Yeah, just fucking great. It's crazy to think that you have so much material that I'll never get seen I Got so much material that I don't remember But none of it listen none of it was exceptional at that time Even towards the end. Let's be honest. had mickey mouse material i sold it i told you how i felt i told you the story and i told you who i am today and that's what they want to hear you know at that time whatever now i go on stage i don't even remember a fucking story

did you know that the last this whole fucking time just like you were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like You were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like You were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like you were just like You were just like you were just like you were just But it just seemed like you were just flowing Was like does it take you a long time to put a story together? Testament or are you sure testicle testament? You'd ever seen me do that. Oh, yeah Every Wednesday or no bunch of you got to remember one thing testicle testament started as a Foreman show everybody does 20 minutes apiece

Okay, so you're saying that's a good thing. I'm not saying you're not doing it Wednesday or no bunch of you got to remember one thing testicle testament started as a Foreman show everybody does 20 minutes apiece Okay, so you wouldn't have that much time to get you to your story your story had to come out quickly that got me ready That year we did that in the belly room with J more Dice fucking Scott wolf. I mean I had everybody can go Glenn Plummer came through the actor from Sons of Anarchy I mean I had so many guys come through and just tell a story don't don't worry about a laugh Right. Tell me a story of what made you become a man Don't tell me that you fucked a neighbor. No, nothing sexual Tell me at what moment you knew Don't tell me that you fucked a neighbor. No, not sexual.

Tell me at what moment you knew you were a man. When your dad told you, some guy told a story that his father and him didn't talk for four years and that this graduation, his dad pulled up to him, got out of the car, gave him a hug. And he goes, you became a man. You know, like he hadn't seen him. I don't remember the story, but everybody in the room was crying. Yeah. And that's what you want.

You want to portray that to me. So that opening of your guts was exposed to me in 98, 99. Nobody was doing it. What am I going to do that joke in Jacksonville? I'm going to talk about my dad beating up some fucking guy on the street. By that time, I wasn't even focused on that Those stories would come out once in a while And what happened was I was doing a gig with this fucking hillbilly, right in 1995

This is a rough fucking story, right we got a couple minutes I'm doing this fucking show with this hillbilly. I got a call, the lady wants to use me, but I'm on condition that I drive this goo-goots. All right, he's gonna pay for the driver's license. So I'm not gonna mention his name and throw him under the bus, right? So I'm living in Seattle it's

95 we do Friday Saturday Sunday I'd love to tell you where I don't even remember it could have been the three cities the Tri-Cities they had the volcano room on Thursday Friday Saturday but it wasn't it was that's why there was a Sunday and Bob So it could have been we did like the volcano room and then we did Moscow, Idaho Okay You have a connection to Moscow, Idaho. I Do yeah What's that

What was the quarterback before Brady Let's oh where do you go to college? I've been guessing some more and I know I used to see him at the airport. I used to see him for some reason There's there was a gig there that was booked by John Fox and it was Wednesdays and Saturdays. I told you and they hold job to kill the comic to send them Tequila with Tabasco in it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good. But I fell for it one night my Then I got like a speeding ticket on the way home, I don't know what I've happened for that ticket I didn't pay it. So who the fuck anyway, allegedly, you know, you get in a car with somebody

and you're telling stories, right? Okay and This guy was a nerd whatever and we start telling stories and I'm telling him my mother's bar And I'm telling them what years they were and he goes the cops ever come by I go Yeah, there was a cop or two that came by and picked up an envelope Well, you know, I told him that like on a Thursday then Friday We were talking about something else me growing up in North Bergen or something On the way on Sunday He goes do you mind if I go to the open mic tomorrow? No, you're the headliner You can do whatever fuck you want. He goes. All right. I'll see you at the open mic. I I Drop him off. I take the car back to the rental

He pays me cash for the rental The next night the open mic this motherfucker has two beers And at one point he comes over and he's like hey, man. I Thought about your story about your mother's bar Do you think you've really proud that they paid cops off? So you're part of the fucking I mean he just got I mean, he just got Very Gentile on me, you know this guy never read a book. He never I can't even tell you where he's from because you're going Yeah, he's a fucking bumpkin So

You know he going off on me and I finally just told him shut the fuck up You know and I left I'm like this but he made me feel bad like I was he's like This is like the first time I started telling stories non-stage Just to like you they'd say where you're from North Bergen So I never see the guy again, I just moved to LA I got it I get there on a fucking Monday night I pull up on Fairfax We take showers in the fucking trail of me and my girl we get dressed up to the nines

We go to Al Capulco on sunset not the first one not Triple E's Club Right all the way around like we have to be the Silver Lake. That was the best one They had enchiladas and fucking nobody would go there They had enchiladas and fucking nobody would go there Where was I so we go down and then we go let's go to the comedy store So at that time I didn't know nobody you couldn't park in the back So we had actually the park and it's walking out Who's running out of the comedy store yelling and screaming at you?

that guy that guy He's like fuck you. I don't need this place. And Chewie threw his hat at him. Like they ain't even had a hat, like they had to push him out of there. And I'm like, what's going on? Like I had never been in the store, so I didn't say a word. And Chewie's like, get the fuck out of here.

And he's like, fuck you, I'm a national adliner. I'll never step foot in here and all this shit. So that night I go to do the comedy store. And I think I called Doug Stano when he goes, meet me at the Coaching Horses. So I go up to the Coaching Horses. You know, I get a package. This is the Coaching Horses was fucking rocking on Sunset.

And I'm with Doug and the girl and there's a bunch of other comics, David Fulton, bunch of other comics and we're laughing and shit. And all of a sudden Stan Ho is like, no guys, you can't come over to my house tonight because that comic is over there. And somebody goes, why is he over there? And he goes, I did a triple gig with him about seven years ago and said to him if he ever needed a place to stay in LA

This guy took it literally Oh no. He goes to the bathroom and showered in like three fucking days He smelled so bad and what happened was he did Judy Brown's competition And when Judy became a big shot, she was casting I think the Chess Parmentieri show. No, no, she was casting the Jenny McCarthy show. When I made the play.

She called me in to be Chas Parmentieri's driver on that. Again, she told him, he went up to her and goes, listen, if you ever need anything for this Jenny McCarthy show, call me. You don't have to pay me. That's the last thing you tell a casting director or anybody. But Judy makes him fly in on his own dime, stay at Stan Hope's house where he hasn't showered

for three days and gets him a job as an extra where he has to wear toga. But guess what? He got on the set, he didn't know how to act he started telling the director how to shoot the scene And finally something goes shut up and they gave him a stick of deodorant because he smelled so bad on the set Holy shit. Oh my god. This was like a fucking like everybody knew about this. He was so embarrassed Then they fired him from that not only did he get fired from the as an extra I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry them down the stairs and they threw his fucking stupid hat at him. That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. That's like a fucking whatever called a buzz boy telling the chef how to cook something in a restaurant. This was like six months at the Seattle incident. And everyone saw I check on this poor bastard on Facebook. Is he still alive? Oh he's alive. He's you know Bastard on Facebook is still alive. Oh, he's alive. He's he's you know a sensation on the cruise ships playing the He's got the fuck That gives me like what do they call like secondhand anxiety or something like was he was he a drunk?

No, he was just such as mental health He was just and he had a family and stuff. Yeah, and I could see what type of guy he was He probably cut coupons, you know Hey, don't don't knock it. No, no His kids to like McDonald's, but three hamburgers for free. When we were on the road those three nights, he was very cheap. He wouldn't want a tip. He was something. Oh, yeah.

Gross. And every once in a while, you see those guys, and you're like, that's not the guy I'm becoming. That's why it's good to do those gigs. Yeah. Because they'll give you a full understanding To what happens Like how to behave?

How to behave and what happens if you don't pay attention? You kind of check your ego at the door Daily and see who the fuck you really are where you stand the totem pole If I got on stage with you for the first time ever at the fourth wall, okay in I'm just being a sarcastic here. Okay. I don't even know what I'm trying to be

Let's say you and I will hit this we both met at an open mic at the fourth wall in 2014 Okay And then for a few months you saw me there once a week I Started hanging out with those dudes that shot a special for showtime, but they left the air conditioner on you know all that type of shit and then You don't see me for a while and one day You're doing a paid gig and one of the three guys in the beginning is me And I'm like hey Lee, how you doing? What's up, buddy? I'm like you showcasing too and you're like showcasing

Bitch, I'm preaching this motherfucker, you know, and I'm like, really? How'd you get that? You like I've been working. When I go mad, man, I've been working too. It's a struggle. You know, you know what? Are you at the store? And you're like, yeah. And you're like, do you think you'd give me a reference to the store so I can get in there? And all of a sudden you go, yeah. And all of a sudden I go up before you and it's not good. Oh no. And now you got to run out of there. Give them like a fake number.

You know, it's like, it's like that chick with the iPads that wants to meet up with you later on fake number. Do you have one set like regular like I could see you doing that just having the like one Number you got a thing quick. Like when can you call me? When can you get me in there? I'll talk to him and then you call him back like a week. Let me go you knew like 19 references. Oh It's so sad, you know and people go to and you're're like how can you ask me to get you in the store When you're still doing the fourth wall nine shows a night Right, and that's how crazy they get so you want to check yourself before that shit even starts going. All right i'm trying

What do you got this week? You just got that gig. I got that one gig and then May 7th I'm at Williamsburg Comedy Club at 8 o'clock May 17 back in Williamsburg. Yeah OJ's dead, and I don't feel so good myself It's 420 get your fucking freeze pipe ready to cook. You know I'm saying fuck yeah Get your fucking freeze pipe ready to cook. You don't say fuck. Yeah Well, do you have anything you are you're doing this week? No, I got rhythm showing up This week to meet up with me to drop. Give me some more fucking Queen Cola nice

And I put a little picture of me up till they hold in the stem of Queen Cola That's the weed that they don't give you loose loose they give you a stem with it in a package or envelope It comes fresh off the fucking stem like a doctor How is it an indica? No, it's a fucking yeah, it's a goddamn indica I Don't know. I got some animal crackers from rhythm. That's 34% Lee That's an animal crackers from rhythm. That's 34% Lee There's the first eight that's lasted me a couple fucking days cuz all I do is three or four bondage at a time But every time I smoke on my

Young pretty high Trust me I smoke other weeds I got everything on you know Want to just very quickly when you say bong hit do you mean a hit or do you mean a bowl? Cuz I think you mean a full bowl. No, I can't fill up my I can't fill up my freeze pipe full Fill it up powdery on the bottom and keep it light and those are the best hits I get Those are the real long fucking kickers what were were freeze by? You don't feel lots. No, it's great. Listen, let's face it. I'm going to die or some lung related one day.

I'm going to rise. Joe, listen, why? Come on, guy. I'm 61. You figure I started smoking when I'm 12. What was that? What's that? 40? No, I don't know. Forty nine. not to add to that You know you you grew up in Jersey. God knows what's in your fucking nose Then you packed cocaine in your nose for 27 years angel dust the three you got a little heroin in there

You got a couple of pubic hairs in your nose from sniffing mufflers and God knows what else You know, you don't think those help Oh, well the In your nose from sniffing mufflers and god knows what else, you know, you don't think those help No, well the Lungs and when you cough when you do a bong hit the fucking pubic hair. It's like one of those vacuum cleaners Means i'll lose speedy those smile. Oh, yeah, what things over fuck? Oh god damn it But i'm getting bro. My cardio is really building up. I'm very impressed. Yeah. Yeah

Very impressed. I'm doing the right stuff hitting the bag You know tabata's whatever fucking rogue and put me on 2025 seconds of punch in the bag then you stop first three times. I did add a rest for like two days Just 20th like when you see Mike Tyson doing all that shit. Come on. It's it's fucking powerful powerful But my brother Stay black. Love you buddy. He loves you and don't worry about nothing. All right Remember what I told you if Israel strikes tonight, right? Call me in the morning. I'll give you the number to call They'll give you instructions

Peroxidine the eyeballs the whole fucking thing a gas mask how to make a gas mask at home You started to go in and out there. I think fucking they think they're listening. What's that? I think the Internet's listening. You started to go in and out there It is listen to me. You know why the feds are on they know my connections. They know They're trying to wire tap me every other way. I hear the clicking in my phone. I hear any Bravo Yeah It's fucked up. Let's hope it doesn't happen. Have a great week. My friends stay black and beautiful. Love you, buddy 420 is almost here and I'm gonna party with the savages with my little freeze pipe. All the freeze pipe gear you need is top-notch. Ready? Just pop it into the freezer for one hour. When the

smoke passes through it, forget about it. It's like you're smoking on a cloud. Everything opens up. Even if you cough, it feels a lot better. You're not spitting up that black stuff that you usually spit by smoking that stamenky weed. You know what I'm saying? You're living like a doctor. And that's what happens with the freeze pipe me For the last four or five years. That's all I use. That's the only glass I use the freeze pipe. Why? Like I told Lee today in the podcast I'm gonna go from some type of lung thing So it don't matter if you're walking on ice you might as well dance, but with the freeze pipe. I feel a lot better

I don't wake up in the morning Like I smoked 20 joints with paper for you professionals if you understand what I'm saying to you So do yourself a favor let the freeze pipe level up your experience Visit the freeze pipe calm and check out the biggest sale of the year. Hey listen Freeze pipe wants you to have their products. You understand me whether it's the bubbler the big bong. They're all Special unique and guess what else they do. They'll rock your world Jack. So do yourself a favor visit the freeze pipe calm See something you like it's not on sale fine use code Diaz Diaz For 10% off your entire order. That's the freeze pipe calm with code Diaz Diaz for 10% off you ready American home

affordably priced and free domestic shipping if you order today Tuesday You're gonna get have a 420 that you're gonna remember. Just remember American own. Oh Beautiful for gray You're gonna have a 420 that you're gonna remember. Just remember American own Oh Beautiful for gray Listen the check-in is also brought to you by I got lost there for a second. You know saying it's Tuesday It was a long Monday night. Anyway, the check-in is brought to you by liquid IV my favorite listen You're not getting any younger put down the booze and start drinking some liquids like liquid IV This stuff keeps me going. Listen, I don't even drink a pre-energy drink before jujitsu. I drink a liquid IV

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