Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - I've still got problems

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about having everyone in his town, from the bus boy to stray cats on the payroll, the joke Joey told that got him boo'd off stage at a benefit show for police officers, why Joey doesn't trust hypnotists, Joey makes a special announcement about his next stand up dates and more! Support the show and get 20% off your Diet Smoke order. Just press in code JOEY at https://www.dietsmoke.com The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

That's not the fucking year. Rosh Hashanah's up. You know, Stars of David, the whole fucking deal, so I don't want nobody to feel left out here. Do Christians have a holiday like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? I guess it's more Yom Kippur than Rosh Hashanah, but it's like depressing. Like we're like saying, we're like asking for forgiveness for how terrible we were. At the end of the day, all that shit's kind of like Blase, but you can roll through the punches when you're a kid, you get beat in the head. They beat you in the head?

No, I'm just saying like when I was growing up Easter, like when I was young all those years till I lived in Jersey, I think you had to turn the TV off on Thursday night. Why? TV Thursday night, no TV or radio Friday and fucking Saturday you could turn it back on then Sunday's Easter. That's the way the Cubans did it. But then I told mom, let's get a do on that shit because she would make fish soup all week and all other types of stuff. You know, everybody has a different way to look at their religious holidays.

You know, I know. Listen, I love Jews, but I heard the events are fucking boring. Some of the food's okay. Like this isn't the worst. Russia, China is pretty good. Yom Kippur is a shitty one because you have to fast all day. Yeah. Like I couldn't be Jewish because of that day. That's the day I top out.

It's off like a week later, I'm back. I would love to see, my brother's wife did it. My brother's wife converted. Like would you ever convert to Judaism? I can't. No? No, I can't. I mean, listen, Judaism is a state of mind.

You don't need to compare. Everybody makes a fucking big deal. Listen, I'd love to pray this didn't happen, but it did. When I got locked up, I read a lot. And then when I got out of there, I read a lot more. And I looked into like, I was lost. So I looked into so many fucking religions, you know? Like, and so far, like, I don't know all the basic,

basic, basic details, but the course I took and what I read about it, I've always liked Buddhism. Interesting. Okay. But I'm Catholic and I also love the Catholic religion. You know, I love a lot of Judaism stuff. It's like I like to borrow from different things and put one together. You know, you cannot narrow somebody down and they're going to say I'm a Catholic because they don't really agree with everything the Catholicism church does. You don't agree with everything the Jewish temple does.

You eat bologna sandwiches and that fucking matzah. We got to change that up. And I'm just making jokes with you here, but right. Everybody looks at their religion so much differently than I do. It's like politics. When people go, I'm a Democrat. Listen, you're a liar. You're a fucking liar because there's no way you could agree with all that stuff.

But at the same time, you like stuff that the Republicans do, or maybe you like stuff that the independents do and you just vote a different way. I don't know. I'm just assuming this. No, but that's really smart. I really hate when people fucking say I'm this. I'm a Catholic and I love being a Catholic, but I love borrowing from other religions, you know, I love it.

And that's why I hate when people step on something and commit to it 100% because you're not really 100% that. No, dude, I've never heard of anyone talk about religion like that. Like it makes sense, it makes sense and it makes sense for politics. It didn't make sense in 1798 when you came off a ship from Israel and you know whatever the fuck

chasing the Israelis then you know it doesn't make sense but once you get here you know listen you're an American you were born here I know for a fact you don't agree with everything we do yeah it's impossible no one agrees with a hundred percent of everything there's no way There's no fucking way. And then we pick and choose as Americans. I will get away with this. I'll that bomb in these guys who cares? No, no. But that you know, it's, it's really weird. You know, listen, man. Nothing bothers me more when I see labels for me, like stand up, writer, fucking podcast.

Listen, that's all included in the comedian umbrella. Right, okay. We're comedians. At the end of the day, we're fucking comedians and we could do it all. We could produce, we could direct, we could act, and we're not labeled to one thing. The main reason I love stand up is because you could do it for three months and shoot a movie for three months.

And write new material. And then you got another movie or TV show for three months. And write new material and bring it out there. You have these pauses. They don't choose to do it that way no more. There's no money in that. But these are all the things that you have to look at as an American, as a human being and go, wait a second, I don't agree with everything this motherfucker says. I like some of his policy, you know, in the beginning, and I hate to bring this up, like in the beginning fucking, I'm sure that dude that made everybody drink Kool-Aid. When you said I hate to bring it up, I have no idea where you were going with that. That dude, you know, in Guyana, Jim Jones, he, you know, he had every intention was right when

he was in San Francisco. Once he went into the jungle and started shooting, met and started fucking 20 different chicks you go somewhere else it's like giving somebody a bunch of fame you know but I bet in the beginning he was doing something right you know Waco that dude was onto something you know he was onto something no one's ever said that before you started off so like this is actually one of the smarter things that were heard and now like these cult leaders were onto something They were on the summit first. They had to be they want a bunch of retards over Seven fucking retards. I mean, you know

That coming to you guys is Sandy. I mean I What I'm saying is Will go, you know like right now tomorrow I said, you know what, Lee, fuck this shit. I'm renouncing fucking Catholicism. Right. And I'm going to start a new church. It's the church of what's happening now. What do you feel like today?

Today I feel like a Palestinian. All right. Run with it. Today I feel like I'm on. Today I feel like Israel. Today I want to be fucking you know This is why I I agree with these kids they dress up like cats I mean they're fucking you know that they've been drinking too much water with ink in it or whatever the fuck they put

plastic in it You know you want to play somebody else but there's days I wake up and I'm international. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to speak no English. Some days you're Jose, some days you're Joey. I just don't want to speak no English. Do you do that? That would be amazing to get out of stuff

you don't want to do. I do that for eight hours a day sometimes. I just talk Spanish to people. I feel like international. I tell you, I don't know what I want to do until I smoke that first joint in the morning. Once I do that third bonk it, you call me up. I'll let you know what I'm going to do all in the fucking nutshell. So explain that you like if you're just out at the mall or something, who do you talk Spanish to? Well, somebody comes up to me, you Joey Diaz. I just start

talking. Somebody comes up and they, you look like Joey Diaz. Then I just talk to them in Spanish. No, no, no, no. You know what I'm saying? There's so many people right now, like I knew that was fucking him. People walk away confused as fuck, scratching their head, telling their mother,

he looks so much like him. That's so funny. I've seen you do it at restaurants anybody and you you had a joke about it but it was just the truth i like at restaurants like the busboy or whatever you'd fucking talk to them and that was cool i'll always love that oh they loved it they always everyone no one ever got mad at you for talking to them in spanish no i got the busboys on the control at all these restaurants by my house, I give them this, I give them that, I give them a joint. There's one kid that's like 18, he got hit in the head with

a safe when he was like a kid. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he got hit in the head with a safe. That's an old expression. He was walking under a window and somebody dropped his fucking, knocked him out and he never came back. And every time he sees me, I give him something you know like a little gift and it sends him off the chain I remember one time I showed him like a picture of a of a girl in a bikini he lost his fucking money 17 anyway his face got all red and shit you could tell he had to run to the bathroom and bang that motherfucker out oh god and you have how many of these people? Like how

many restaurants do you have busboys at? Five or six. Jesus. And it's so smart because you like you probably never wait for anything. I got one, two, three, four for sure that I go in there and I mingle with the bus boys. And I'll tell you who else I mingle with. My girls at Starbucks. The young girls, you get the $5 bill, they do backflips. They don't give a fuck. I put sugar in my fucking tea for me, not sugar, but sweetener. Like if I order the tea, they're all like my nieces. They're all like my nieces.

It's insane. How long does it take for you to get so close to these people? And all different colors, white, black, Indians, Arabs, they're all in there, and I talk to all of them. I don't give a fuck. They're the nicest girls and guys in the world over my Starbucks over here. How do you do that? You do it so well. Like, how long does it take you before you're like best friend?

Oh, fucking shitty is everybody's fucking job. Yeah. Okay. For somebody to come in and speak to somebody who doesn't get spoken to all fucking day. And I do it from the heart. I could see it in the face. This sucks. They don't want to be there. They're embarrassed to be there. They don't speak the language, whatever the fuck. Those are the guys you talk to. I don't tell them nothing about comedy. They don't know a thing. Now, equal conversation. It's one fat fuck talking to an immigrant They don't know and I don't want them to know right I rather they not know

So we could just have a normal conversation You know, and I love busboys. I love waiters, you know When they're gay, I really fucking have a good time with them. I Had a gay way to Saturday And have a good time with them. I had a gay way to Saturday. And what do you do with them? You know, I was just like, what's going on with the water? You know, I tease him a little bit.

Then at the end he goes, I gave him my card. He goes, you trust me? And I said something like, you know, in that Eric Rocha type of way, like, I don't know what I, what the fuck did i say to him do i trust he said do you trust you trust me i go for certain things and when he came back he's like what do you mean and i was like i'm just joking with you i was like oh you're standing behind me you you know. Oh my God, you should have. No, I was young kid.

No, I only thought because like he would have got the joke, it sounded like he was going back and forth with it. I don't understand when I walk into your place of business and how I could, I saw it today at CBS. Lady came in with a fucking coupon. It's always an argument over saving cents You know and you sit there and go this poor Indian guy I don't even know you're talking about the guys got a wig for Christ's sake. What was the last time you?

With a fucking wig. He's getting a three dollar bill. He's just happy to be that the guy's a sweet sweetheart of a guy Sweetheart of a guy. I've seen him in there before. I like all my like my CVS. I got it under control. I Do what I want. I feed the cat in the front So I'll stop there tonight about 930 and feed the cat Do you really yeah, I gonna gonna take it home. No, it's too fucking feral that that dude's a lion Oh, okay. I think she's pregnant again, which, you know, and the boy is like her son. He's like a bigger kitten. Okay. So I just took a case of fucking fancy feast with my wife. I gotta get out of the car walk in

You know, it's late night. So there's only one person in there You know, right I gotta wait for to come to the front just for two cans of cat food It takes 20 minutes to give this fucking poor cat who's already hungry My fucking waiting out there for me since you know 10 to 9 Soon as the Sun goes up, he's out there waiting for me So I go over that dog talk to him. I make sure nobody fucks with him or him and she Eat my fucking leaf You even have the cats under your fuck on your payroll. How do you do this? It's my community you want to always be a part of your community somewhere or another in a positive or negative way

You know, I mean I smoke dope on my balcony. That's not doing something for my community. I Got no fucking big time neighbors either. By the time they smell it's three quarters cut. Oh yeah you're allowed to be you're allowed to smoke on your balcony I think no? This is central New Jersey. Right. You know there's trees that last night I saw a beautiful fox. Last night I saw something on the road and I almost hit it. You know last night I saw something on the road and I almost hit it almost I almost fucking Killed myself not to hit this thing and I don't even know what that was. It could have been a rat I almost died for a fucking rat like by hitting this fucking rat. It is fucking crazy I got I hit a deer before like it jumped out and hit me

I said it's fucking terrifying hitting that shit, but you don't think about it. You just were And you just got this car back. That would have sucked. Yeah. No, no, all that shit. But I don't know. I've been here for four years now. Right.

I've got my restaurants pretty much. I'm pretty, you know, happy with them. I got a new spot for you when you come. You like chili, chili con carne I Think so is it how is it similar to the what we have on the hot dogs or what kind chili? That's hot dog chili. This is chili red beans meat cheese sour cream Couple like switch. I've never tried that it sounds good. Whoo this place. It's fucking tremendous Tremendous I guess what else they got good cuz my daughter got it on Saturday with all

of mousse and fuck and I felt like I was 22. It got hard, my asshole fire came out of my asshole. It was fucking tremendous. Yeah, like that whip and mousse nice with a chocolate bottom on it. Oh, perfect bottom. Dog these people professional. It comes in a jar. It's got chocolate on top, little darker chocolate. Then they put a little chocolate on top a little darker chocolate Then they put a little whipped cream and a little hot I sat there for like three minutes Controlling myself is my daughter's going to town on it

All the shade all the fucking mushroom whatever the fuck she got she get the thing She inhaled it once she saw that when I saw that chocolate moose. I was like man. I wish I had more reefer in me Oh, yeah Is it is it Harvey? Like you don't really have desserts. I don't even remember you having a lot of desserts We said never think this. Listen if I do get a dessert, it's got to be three or four people Right. Okay. I'll get a spoon for four of us. Like if we go to The place where you thought your hand was the fucking crap. Oh, yeah If you don't get the bread pudding there You might say I love bread pudding. Do I ever talk about bread pudding? No, I'm I got really excited

I've been at one time my wife got I was like what and they have like a waffle with like I can't even describe it What was the last time I spoke to you by waffles? I don't know about waffles They got a dessert waffle. Yeah, dude that was It saved me when I had the crab hands You knew I was high you knew I was high and you'd be like, let's get dessert And I could I had gotten a salad and the mushrooms guys, I'm not joking. I had crab hands and I couldn't, I couldn't like, they tried to hand me a glass

and I freaked out. Like I, I, when I stepped out of that booth, dude, I didn't think, I was surprised that I stood up. Oh my God. Was your cousin there that night or like somebody like a younger kid and he had to sleep on the couch to different oh your nephew tricky, Nicky That's tonight this motherfucker. I gave my a mushroom bar one of those fun factories the chocolate, right? I just got some banana sundae from them. It's a banana sundae flavored chocolate

bar. God damn it was good and God damn it fucking picked me for a loop the other day. But the first time Nicky came down, like the third time, remember for my birthday, he ate the whole fucking bar. Oh, was that that night? Okay. He passed out. He always passes out. We give him fucking edibles, he's like 22. He came to LA during the fucking pandemic. And his uncle called me and said, you gotta meet him, he wants to see you.

He feels bad, like all right. And I brought him ABXs and fucking weed. And I'll never forget, he called me next day and goes, man, I slept in my car last night. He ate the edible like three. Okay. He ate sushi or something and he dropped his girlfriend up somewhere and he went to this parking garage and fell asleep in that motherfucker.

They thought he was dead on arrival. He walked in like an eight in the morning. I don't know what happened. Uncle Joey gave me an edible. That's what you get cocksuckers do you keep track because i can think of like three people that have like fell asleep and like like didn't tom sagura after the church once have to go park his car to ralph's and get like an uber home a bunch of people but it's water under the bridge. Fuck those cucks. I'm playing

about some guy trying to help him out. I don't think they're complaining. I just think like how many people make other people take a nap? A lot of people. You know, I got hypnotist powers. Like I got that type of fucking, the guy with the fucking watch in front of him. You know, that little fucking dude. You are getting sleepy. No, I'm not Did you ever do a show with one of those? What's that? Did you ever do a show with a hypnotist? Oh? I can't see you liking hypnotists Listen hypnotist magicians and midgets

You know, I gotta look both ways for a little while What why don't you like hypnotists? ways for a little while. Why don't you like hypnotists? Well think about it because you always look at you creepy. They look at you like a fucking dinner. What if he hypnotizes me and rapes me and then wakes me up and tells me I was on a horse when I'm sleeping? When I'm hypnotized you can talk about whatever you want. You know. So you're actually just worried about it working too well. It works but it don't half of them are charlatans, but you know I mean, how do you get the front row to fucking clap and sleep and bark like When that shit happens I get out of the room because if I go up there and stab one of those motherfuckers

They better say why you stabbed me? That's I Make sense that you didn't that you wouldn't lie. I don't think I'd do it either. Like they, I don't know if you tried it for like cigarettes ever or you just were able to quit that, not like nothing. Who me? Yeah.

Oh, I did an eight ball. After doing the eight ball all night with no cigarettes, who's going to smoke the next morning? That's how you quit smoking. I threw myself into the mouth of the fucking lion. Why not? It's really crazy, Lee, that uh, the edibles and it was fucking insane. It was insane. I don't even know Chibichus are still around. They used to be. I think I saw them somewhere recently. But I was just telling, because like when I was up doing my shows, like they like the people would ask about it. And we went through like,

I don't know, seven to 10 different edibles before we got to the stars. The cookies. Like a couple different kinds of cookies, a couple different gummies, the chibichus, the pretzels, the chocolate. Oh, the fucking sticks, more of those chocolate. When I used to switch the chibichus on you, that was the best.

For who? For everybody. Listen, it raised your tolerance, it made you a lot tougher. You know, maybe you're roofie-proof too. I roofie-proofed you. I appreciate that. Even when you go into a bar and it's kind of weird and there's guys jumping up and down, if they roofie you, you're roofie-proof because I brought you through the ranks. I probably, yeah. You know know what I never thought about it like

that. Look at it that way I built your resistance I opened up your eyes a little bit you know refo opened up my eyes sometimes you got to pass it down. Dude. I gotta help the younger generation understand the power of this shit but listen enough is enough happy Rosh Hashanah let's get this fucking show started it's a Tuesday morning October the fucking 1st mess around when it comes to relaxing you guys know me a new my new go-go to is diet smoke these guys are the real deal when it comes to premium cannabis infused gummies whether you're looking to unwind boost your mood or focus, get some stuff done, diet smoke has you covered. We're talking about a premium buzz, but not the kind that knock you out.

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They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. If Uncle Joey can do it, I can rule the world. That's what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to church! I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay.

I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm gonna say his name. Okay. I'm an email today from one of our old friends in LA Speaking of that some stuff. I'm not gonna say his name Okay fucking hilarious he

Quit comedy And he became a journalist in some state and He hasn't done comedy in eight years. I haven't heard from this guy. I don't even think you know he left I think I did some podcasts with him, but he hit me up. He's like, I don't watch podcasts no more. I don't do anything.

I just, I'm just a journalist now. And he goes, I'm trying to do a national piece to sell it to one of these, I forget the big newspaper. USA Today or something? USA Today. And I'm like, all right. He goes, yeah, I just want to ask you some questions. Number one, he asked me again,

are you a Republican or Democrat? I go, listen, I'm not going to answer that. I can't answer that. He was like, what do you mean? And I told him what I told you. I just can't answer that question. I don't have time to explain what I like and what I don't like Okay, I don't have the time So he goes can I least get you to endorse a candidate?

And I go I'm not doing that either He's like, what do you mean? He's like, what do you mean? Everybody's like, what do you mean? Everybody's doing, I go, I don't do that. I just don't do that. I go, it's such a hot fucking issue for people. You're just gonna fuck with them and they're gonna fuck with you. Right now, the next three months, two months,

this is gonna be fucking a little crazy. So, because no matter who wins, people are gonna be unhappy. No matter who wins, people are gonna be really unhappy this time So you know this why I tell people get your passports YouTube is all around the country I'll miss you but I'd rather you away living your life in Portugal selling peanuts on the corner Than over here fucking with you know whoever the fuck's gonna be president so but I just think it'll be that bad I hope it'll

be bad for a little bit but again I'm not political or anything like that but let's let's be honest this is a fun podcast I don't like talking about this shit. But right now the tanks are moving into fucking Lebanon. Okay. You know, gas is going back up. A family of four is done. There's so many things that are done. How are they going to come back? How are they ever going to come back?

Lee? I don't think anyone knows. Tonight we start a long Sherman union a long Sherman strike and nationwide I think it is not just New Jersey yet. That's the port of LA that's fucking San Francisco. No, and that and then we have the nurses are going on a strike in New Jersey at the hospitals. You know, if it was one, two, three things, we could focus on and knock them dead. It's like me and you. Debt, credit card debt and something else. Those are your main things.

All right, what are we going to take care of first? The credit card debt. 80 a week here, 60 a week here. You're going to get an extra job painting houses at night. This is how you do things. You narrow it down. We have so many things that are broken right now. The price of eggs, the price of milk, you know, Americans can't buy a house, interest rates are fucking, you know, don't get me started. Don't get me started. This is what happens when I smoke too much dope and do

edibles. I start thinking about that. I'm not thinking about it for me. I'm thinking about a family of fucking two. These kids can't do what we did. They can't go to a fucking playoff game because it's 9,000 a ticket. They can't do a thousand things because nobody controlled this. You know, go put music on. Somebody just told me they paid 700 for a country concert. Two tickets. Wild. I think I was, I don't know what podcast I was on, but I saw a clip of Ari on a podcast and he said something like, when there's inflation, it never goes back down and we just kind of get used to it and I think was part of the problem with Dave Smith but

It's it just seems like yeah, like all the prices go up, but they it never comes back down to where where it was I still remember we got the fucking luggage with the gas gas went up. We're gonna put a stipend on luggage Okay, look gas went down 80 fucking times. I still pay a yardstick and so does the rest of America for that goddamn luggage. You know, it's not going to come believe there's so many fucking things that you got to pick. There's things we can help as Americans. And you got to pick and choose what whatever each side is gonna work on We've got I don't know how many illegals in the country and they're setting up shop Jack. They're planting flags It fucking seek and destroy, you know, like any other fucking immigrant half of them go to work

But the other guys figure out a fucking loophole. That's the way it's always Let's not just blame them. I know I know countries who trade motherfuckers before they come here and they got a check and they go back to their country and a check gets sent back to their country once a fucking month yeah a lot of people do that yeah people don't understand so we have so many things that are broken. You know, the mayor of New York just got and died in that fucking knucklehead. I mean, there's just so many. Where the fuck do you start? So that's why me, I take a few edibles. I smoke some dope.

And all I can worry about is my community. The bus boys, the cat. I go to my daughter's softball games. I go to the fucking events to watch football. The young kids, I support them. I sit there with Steve. And that's it, brother. You know, that's what I do.

You can't help the world. Cannot help the world. Cannot save the fucking world. And good luck trying. You're gonna lose your mind. But you can start with your neighborhood. You can start with the people in your life. Whatever the fuck it is. I don't give a fuck.

Give them all reefer and edibles. That's why I love these fuckers. These diet smokes don't have a lot of... Once you start mixing the hemp with the fucking Delta 9 and a little bit of Edibles man and look at this pack. I was just looking at this. People are going to love this. This is straight for like moms. You open this motherfucker up, boom. You got one, two, three, four, five shots of getting your head together once your kid goes to school

right in the Manny pack and once you're finished you can put your long cigarettes in there, you know what I'm saying? That's why I got the animals close. I don't want to think of that stuff and I'm sure nobody in America wants to think of that shit right now. I haven't since the pandemic but I'm sure booze didn't come down after the pandemic. And I'm sure we're not in price, but people kept drinking that motherfucker. Yeah. And, uh, you know, people buying weed. I don't know what the Coke deal is or the meth or the heroin, but Colombians, I see them on a boat every afternoon, Viva Colombia. So they're doing something right.

You know what's crazy? I don't think I've ever seen this. I'm in Portland, Maine this week and a dispensary was closed. I don't even remember, dispensaries got shut down, but I don't remember, how can a dispensary not make money? Lee, remember we discussed this couple of weeks ago? When you're a business owner. There are so many things and I never knew this. I felt the same way you did and everybody other American.

But think of running a business today. Let me tell you something, I'm going to depress you right now. You know, when George, brother George brings the lobster tails from Rosoli's? Yeah, they're great. Richfield Park, that place has been there since Gisela, Chicago. It's going out of business in two weeks. They're closing down. They're going down to one store. When I read that, listen, I'm not the fat fuck that I was. It's not like I'm gonna go up there and buy 10 lobster tails and eat them.

The first time I had those, I was eating three of Pop. Right? I was eating two regular ones and one with the chocolate on the thing. And whatever cookies he brought, I was eating three of those. I'm not gonna lie to anybody. You come from California where you don't eat dick. You got that frozen yogurt, fucking we-ho, whatever that fucking dump was.

I used to take my daughter there because of the boredom, me and her would go there, draw on the board, fucking. Terrible. Going to Laurel Canyon? Yeah, right, the one you can walk from your house. Yeah, not Pinkberry, but one of those things, yeah. Yeah, it was one of those things.

And then you come here and George shows up with a box and he brings them everywhere. He stops in Richfield all the time. They're going out of business. Let me tell you something. If you think it's easy running a business today, you're out of your fucking mind. You know, you're out of your fucking mind.

Listen, I walk in these wheat stores and I am fucking flabbergasted. I'm sitting there going where are they getting all this money from? You and I used to go to that store in North Hollywood with the two Armenians. They were there from under 10, Edibles, Reefer, high level. You went in there, they goofed with you. They smoked with you. Those guys made like $3 million or more, four more of those.

And then they ended up selling them and they walked out of That business with a ton of money and it was towards and it was two of them and they were immigrants And they worked all fucking day. No, they didn't even hire an employee towards the end They had like a girl, but one of them was always there watching the register like you're supposed to You know, that's what people say to me. You got to come to my wheat store. It's beautiful Why? I'm not going there to see a house. I'm going there to buy weed and You better have you back because that's all I want to hear

I don't and everybody sells you know that oh my god, our store is so beautiful. You gotta check it out What's that a check out? And to me it seems like it would make them a target like the one we were talking about wasn't it wasn't gross but it was like an industrial building it looked like a small house and on the inside that AC but it was right on my corner there was three of them that there was the little house then there was the big one in the corner and then across the street was the one that was owned by the church that I went on Christmas Eve. I wanted to crack them.

They're like three different types of weed. They all had holy names and shit. You wouldn't be keeping me out on Christmas Eve for someone across the street to the fucking Russians. And they hooked me up and then the Armenians were next to them. And the Armenians made my point is they made money hand over fist. Two guys. I walk into a wheat store in Jersey.

There's 15 people working two different managers, a specialist, you know, and you can't do that. That's labor. That's labor. I, when I look at the websites for all these wheat stores, they're all having sales. Are they busy when you go in or is it usually empty? Men's are men's. The one I go to the most is busy 75%.

They always have at least 10 people on the line. I love them. I love NJ Leaf. They're solid. They're right in freehold. I get 14 minutes and I'm there. I love NJ Leaf, they're solid. They're right in freehold. I get 14 minutes and I'm there. But it's big. And every time I walk into those places,

I say a lot of square footage, a lot of $20 bags. A lot of $20 bags you gotta sell. I don't know people walking there and pop four $300 of this shot. Like in LA, I'd be next, I'd be dropping one and a quarter they'd be dropping four bills five bills you know Ralphie May was dropping 1800 every time that motherfucker went to the

wheat store think about it 18 really everyone about what would be loved his out his order be at the dispensary. It he bought everything. Like if the weed was the strongest he get, give me all of it, man. Give me all of it. He'd take three pounds of different weeds. Like he'd take a half pound to one, a quarter pound on one of the pound of the other. He always bought that Mats Oji on Mondays I would have fun. He'd give me like an ounce on the way home. I couldn't wait for that motherfucker to pick me OG on Mondays. I would have, he'd give me like an ounce on the way home.

I couldn't wait for that motherfucker to pick me up on Mondays with that envelope of cash. He would do that every Monday? Every Monday when he got off that plane, he'd come right from the airport to me. He'd tell whatever people he was busy at a meeting, no. He'd come get me, we'd run over to the corner and we'd fucking stock up. stock up he going there by brownies

Cookies, I don't want time. We went to a Dodger game we walked in there with a cake a Fucking THC cake. They knew they let him in like he was the doctor in there They have like Frosting like how big was this? He wanted there with a fucking cake and a bakery thing they let him in Jesus to we fucking a little cake under the sun Roger Clemens was pitching That's fucked up and like I know I already know kind of what you're gonna say What what it like how did he get out of like the maximum work?

Cuz we only allowed to get a certain amount every month like did he did the dispenser just not care because it was ralphie i would buy half ounces at a time okay got it so we would buy six six and he'd say he'd throw in two you know edibles loose joints. It was it was unbelievable so much we and then he'd wrap it under his fat and take it on the plane and Take it to the next city And get and every waiter in the fucking comedy club will be hopping for four days smoking gasoline with Ralphie man So I'm really proud of you. Thank you buddy. Because

You know Lee man I gotta tell you something Before I met you I didn't meet a lot of guys like you. Everybody in my life was always a grifter, a drifter. They had an idea Let's work on it Everybody in my life was always a grifter, a drifter. They had an idea, let's work on it. And then one day they just went away. Oh, I'm working on a new roller skating show.

That is my dream. And then for a time there, after I got the longest yard, I felt very guilty because I had a lot of comic friends and it was me and them I felt a little weird around them and they'd always ask me questions about the business and I would but three or four just wanted a hand up and it used to drive me crazy They wanted you to give them money. No, no, no, they wanted a handout like a man Can you take me with you here? And I'll at that time I wasn't the road or anything guys. I didn't know nothing I just popped a movie I

and Shortly after that movie about six months later. I lost three of those friends And it was because they were lazy and they pissed me the fuck off they call you with stupid questions you tell them and then a week later they're doing something else and then they blame it on you and it was just like guys I never told you to do that you know like whatever and it was just failure after failure. You know, people think I joke around when I was trying to write that book. I went through eight people.

They just gave up. They just were giving up. It was this L.A. thing that people want to do something that's so exciting. And then three weeks in, it's work. And once it becomes work, that's not what they read in books. They read that a bartender in Hollywood came in and said, you're beautiful, we'll give you an audition.

That don't work no more. So it really pissed me off. So when I met you, you were a very much go-getter. I was dealing with a lot of people, again, I hate saying this, they were waiting for a bus that never wished they showed. They were just spending their week. And I was attracted to these motherfuckers. When people would talk to me about movies, they were always $100 a day movies.

And one day I just had to put the kibosh on everybody. I was like, that's it, I'm done. I'm not doing anything. I don't want to, because everything wasn't by the way in my life. Oh, you're in that movie. It's only a hundred dollars a day. Another one?

How many of these fucking hundred dollar a day movies am I gonna do after the longest show? I don't like, this is, so these guys were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, of Showtime. I go, really? She's in programming? No, no, she's a receptionist. You're sitting

there going, these poor fucking bastards. Because when Showtime started putting specials on everybody shot specials and tried to sell them to Showtime. And everybody was fucking up at that time. I had a friend that shot one But they never turned the air conditioning off and they put the mic right under it It was one after the other one story after the other. That's why I never went independent I don't listen unless the big shots are gonna shoot it. Why waste my time? You know i'm saying at that level you could shoot these every fucking year and go broke Every fucking now even the youtube numbers are going down on these guys Let's put it on youtube youtube is sick of fucking specials

They don't want to see a half hour special release three 20 minute specials and you'll get more traction on your youtube page Release 20 minute specials and now i'm in your head three different times in a year You just sold me You're gonna put one piece of work out and expect your world of fucking change because you're that fucking special And that's what happened to specials and now they come out They just come out Nobody's watching no more You know you're not wrong Bill Burr

my buddy the genius and Jessica Kershon took their specials to Hulu Maybe that'll give it a different eyeball, you know Right you something a couple weeks ago and I still believe in a YouTube is number one You something a couple weeks ago, and I still believe in a YouTube is number one This is where everybody goes to watch it So if you're gonna spend that money and that time to shoot a special and rather you shoot 320 minute specials Edit them a little bit do a quick interview before and after do it at three different places Oh my god with a different fucking stage

Not out of town Not out of town. You could do one in the village. You could do it in Queens and you could do one in fucking the Bronx So These are the things I think where this is going into now not that I'm gonna do a fucking 20-minute special You know No We could but that This is where it's gonna go and there's all these availabilities right now on YouTube So if you put a special on YouTube, don't go for a million downloads go for what you can get

Be proud. It's gonna be on there, but I'd rather you put three 20-minute segments up. That's 60 minutes Nobody's not saying you got an hour. What is an hour gonna do for you? Everybody got an hour. If you talk to anybody, everybody got an hour. I got an hour. I got an hour. I got an, everybody got an hour.

I'd rather you do three 20s. And now you spread yourself out three times in a year to your audience. And once you build that, three specials a year, 15 minutes, same shit, in a year to your audience and once you build that three specials a year 15 minutes same shit it's unbelievable where you go people will be watching that shit all day a couple videos of interactions with your friends jumping up and down smoking reef or whatever the fuck you do you know box I don't know

fucking no what do I know no but I but I like that. It's a great idea Yeah, and I've been saying this for years that that's how I would do it. That's it fucking 20 minute specials Three of them that's people's attention span They can put it in their car while they're eating the fucking lunch in that car They can do a thousand things with it and it's not gonna step on their toes. It's 20 minutes thousand things with it and it's not going to step on their toes. It's 20 minutes. And everyone has and it's that I when I see long videos sometimes I like I don't have time for this. You don't have time. Who does? We've discussed a thousand times why do people keep going for the hour if they know even you know you have to really dig I mean Netflix

would never give you the analytics but you got to really when you watch those shows you got to find out how long people actually watching that special before they turn it off and rewatch it or sit there the whole night and watch it usually I got to watch them in two. I Really do I watch all the specials on Netflix, but I gotta watch them in two fucking pieces. So But man, it's October fucking first already Jack. It's getting cool Pretty soon. They're gonna do this fucking Monday. Oh What's wrong? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I gotta move something around cuz

You don't want me go to New York City October 7th That's a fucked up day to be walking around New York City That's like the first day I'll be home Yeah, so be careful just stay in the bunker on the fourth floor You got no reason to come down that day give your legs a reader. You know I'm saying but I was talking about opportunity before and What you become and you know People haven't you know how many times people call me and I go dog. There's a feature week

Yoda's got one they go. I'm not a feature act. Okay, then sit at home Right sit at home. The guys got 17 weeks of work when I was you know back in the early 2000s This guy had 80 weeks of work He had 10 fucking clubs You know that were a B rooms types. He brought in big names, you know, he spread it around But on top of that he had all of Michigan Half of you know how big Michigan is for comedy all those fucking lakes and shit Right. I haven't thought about that. It was at the time. There was a funny bone in Misha Walker

Right by the Indiana border by Notre Dame all that shit down there, but he controlled the rest of that fucking territory He got me a winter gig once at a country club There was four motherfuckers there at the bar and they yachted in the back like it was frozen in the water. Like some kayak, whatever, the water was so frozen. The kayak was stuck. I did a thousand rooms for him. So when I call you and I say, do you want a feature? You go, no, I'm a headliner. I'm done with you. Because if you you want a feature and you go no I'm a headliner I'm done with you because if you really want to work you took it guess who takes that work you I love feature and that's the reason you got two cancellations this year you got to fill in yeah that was really

fun think about it but if you wouldn't have been there you wouldn't have raised your hand and this is what people understand It all starts by getting off that fucking couch Nothing's gonna happen on the couch Gotta get out. You know, I was thinking about my daughter today. She gets home before you know three Mondays is 245 250 She does some homework. She's done like 430. I'm like, I got to go up there and get her something. I go, what's going on here?

You're relaxing after a long day. What long day? What long day? When I was her age, I was just getting started at 330. I was just getting after you have that afternoon snack. You know, you go home and have that little snack Yeah, always right there. There was no reason to do anything. I was that disciplined that I was going to do my homework later But I'd be out All those stories I tell you about robin trains and that's what I was doing when I was 11 and 10

With these lunatics in north bergen We were going down to to the swamps and getting those punks And then knocking on people's door and selling them for a dollar apiece because they keep away mosquitoes You know it's a different world and listen. I understand But when it's nice out you gotta get out Go throw a baseball and this neighbor. There's no kids that come up. They don't come up She's got to ring the doorbell for him and shit. And even then the kids will look out, it's sunny out there.

We'll stay in. Do you send her out to play? But there's really nobody out there. I mean, the kid goes downstairs, hits the bag a little bit, throws the ball, does some jumping jackals, and she comes back in. I don't blame her. I Don't fucking blame You said that for years they think you don't see kids playing outside anymore

You know, there's a little boy across the street he's cool I like Wesley But he stays at the camp till five or whatever. They do like after school program. The other two up the corner, who she gets along with, they go to a Catholic school. It's just very weird. But I was out. I was just getting started at three. I was going home, bringing in the mail mail Getting a fucking ham and cheese sandwich

Paying my mother wasn't home when I was 11 Right. Oh that's part of the difference When I got home, I was gone. God. There's no reason to sit this fucking mausoleum Get out there Fucking play street hockey. Whatever we played everything didn We played everything. It didn't matter whether you were good or bad. You just went out there and you tried your best. But what can I fucking tell you? It's all completely different. I'm pretty content. I was going to hold off, but next Tuesday, tickets go on sale.

It's either pre-sale for my residency at parks, casino in Philadelphia. I finally pulled the trigger. I put together four shows. Three in 2025 and one in 2024. And the date is November 22nd. It's the night before Thanksgiving. It's a great place. You can hang out at the casino. You can eat there.

You can meet us at Joey Molino's Steakhouse, Cheese Steakhouse, fucking cheese steaks afterward, whatever you guys wanna do. It's gonna be a great night. So just letting you know, Philly, I don't talk shit. I love you motherfuckers. I'll be down there for some sixer games and shit shit I am so ready for fucking six of basketball, you know And let's see if the Phillies get to the playoffs or whatever. I think playoff started today

So I don't really know what's going on, but I'm excited Lee you're on those shows Thank you, buddy. I don't know what to call them, you know, I got some people that could fly in for those You know, we're going to have a good time. We'll bring our crew in, get Eric out here, George Perez, you know. Oh, fuck yeah. And just have a good time again. You know, I don't want to get on planes. I got more announcements, but they'll come up when they fucking come up. But again Lee You're doing a great job and I'm really proud And you know You don't have that much noise in your head unless you put it in there

And that's the only problem you have you work yourself up for no fucking reason. It's just case Say la vie and how I know is because I used to work myself up At this level there was for no reason there's nothing you can do I Wish I could stop I don't know how to stop doing it You got to wait for the stars to align and then capitalize on that too and any which way you can But since you moved to New York you brought excitement back to me I feel better my future is a lot clearer I Didn't know what was gonna happen, you know I'm gonna try to get into the city this week or up to North Jersey look at some offices

So we could put this podcast in full effect That'll be fun. And that's my fucking plans. Wait, that's all that's on my mind right now I've been writing a lot lately like just Writing writing and ain't funny. I don't give a fuck. I'll find something in there, but it's from my heart And it's not shit. I got to talk about from the podcast. It's none of that shit So I'm excited. I'm gonna do some spots this week around Jersey After they announced the tickets, I can't do no shows 100 feet from 100 fucking miles from there so I'm gonna be going up to Brooklyn with you and the Bronx and something

else just to work out because what am I gonna do I ain't going to Philly if I'm not tip-top my goop I got eight weeks to train to get to Philly so seven weeks that's exciting, I'm excited for you like One of the reasons I'm excited Ford is like we did parks before it was awesome. It was a great show and It was like said you were so relaxed because it was such an all you think for you to get to It seems perfect for you. I'm home That's a 42 minute ride for me from my door. Are you fucking kidding me? It's a one-shot You'll come here in the afternoon. Meet me. We'll fucking get tuned up

Will puke and then we'll go to the show, you know like soldiers Perfect How did you feel this weekend? I felt great. It was um, it was definitely nerve-racking like it was just you know it's going from 20 to or 25 minutes tops to 50 is a lot and I said like I felt I didn't want to let Josh down and I also also, you know, I want to do well in front of the owners. Those were better than others, but like I felt really confident and I dealt with, and I dealt with things.

But yeah, and I dealt with some like, some like, you know, talkers and things like that. But like overall it went very well. Like, and it was, uh, I was, it was just fun to like, you know, almost not like bomb. I'm just so scared of bombing in that situation. And it was great that people came out. It was awesome that people came out and yeah, what I, what I really like about it is that, you know, most of the people there didn't know who I was. Like they hadn't heard of the podcast. And if I can get, I would never want to let down like a listener, but if I can get someone who has never heard of me before to laugh it's like okay this is actually funny yeah

it was just it like gave me a little bit I like these weekends because it gives me like a little glimpse into like what life could be like that I'm just like that weekend is my dream five shows Thursday through Saturday like that's if I'm headlining doing that every like 40 weeks a year that sounds fucking badass to me and you're putting smoke in your head for no reason why would you go never 40 weeks a year when you're paying all that dough for four fucking stories so I get your investment out of that too. I do want to do that. Yeah, that's great.

40 fucking weeks. I don't know. I just came up with a number. I don't know. Will you tell me what number? A number is something that you could still have a life and you still have a dose of reality and you don't burn yourself out. You know, I mean, listen, I was doing 40 weeks a year since fucking 98 to 80,000 and fucking whatever. But what I wanted to talk to you about was fear in comedy.

Okay. I had, listen, you know, people think I lied to them. I have no reason to lie. I am scared of everything. Do you understand me? Like before I have to do something, my head flips. That's a mental thing. That's a fucking retardation I have, okay? Everybody has their own little quirks. I don't know. I think other people have this quirk.

Like I don't like looking at my standup material. I don't like looking at myself. I don't like listening to myself. I just like to put it out there and let the pieces fall where they may. If I said something looking at myself. I'm like listening to myself. I just like to put it out there and let the pieces fall where they may. If I said something wrong, whatever, but I'm not gonna focus on that. I just wanna focus on doing a good job.

But we all have this natural fear as comedians, and I love it. But again, because I lived it all those years, here it is plain and simple in a nutshell. You're going to get opportunities when you're going to have a little fear. I shouldn't say this because people are going to take it the wrong way. I'm going to strangle one of these objects. People take it the wrong way, you know, and I didn't, I didn't do this, but if I could

do it over, I wouldn't have put that much pressure on myself. Like triple runs in my mind, it was Madison Square Garden. Right. Oh yeah. You know, and then you get there and you eat a bag of dicks and you can make all the excuses you want You're always going out there to hit a home run, right? You're always going out there to be the best that you can be Just a bad. I don't need a standing ovation. I don't need to make out with three chicks or have an orgy

I just want to go I just want people to say that dude is fucking funny and you have a great time. But I knew that I fucked up a lot of my good times by being scared when I'm in the back of some fucking Hillbilly bar in Craig, Colorado. Like I took those things seriously, you know, and I looked back at it and there was no reason, no reason. You know? You don't think like, I should be more like free at those shows a little more but at some time you're

gonna have to remove the safety net and be Lee Syatt and that's when I don't know I get I get strapped guarantee if I turn my phone off and got on my whoop, I have high stress right now thinking about those days. Because I'd walk into a club and then don't get me wrong, after like 2003, I was doing it 12 years, I got more looser, you know, there was more drugs. I got more looser. I was drinking whatever the fuck it was. But I didn't have that fear when I auditioned for Mitzi Shaw.

No, you weren't scared at all? No, as much as I was scared in some fucking podunk town gig. You know what I'm saying? Like I, when I walked in the store at the store, I knew I belonged there. So it was kind of like in my mind, I just had to be funny, you know, but I don't like that fear. Like I don't have it no more. The reason I didn't get on stage when I first moved here was A, COVID, and number two, people getting chopped apart for saying and doing nothing. It became open territory on people. Number one, I was burnt out to do stand up. I was nowhere in my mind.

You know, I was telling my wife, I read one of the notebooks when I first got here a couple weeks ago. I found this notebook from the first six months here. Okay. I needed psychological help. I was in that bad of shape, guys. I was in that bad of shape. I was writing in that notebook three times a day and the night stuff I read was not good, guys.

I took that notebook and ripped it up and threw it in the fucking bottom of the bag so nobody could ever find in the garbage again were you angry or something no I was confused I was very scared I was scared of the move I was scared that listen I can move anywhere call me just call me paradise really don't take me 10 minutes to get there. I've always been open-hearted like that, but this move was scary. I had two other people with me, had a young girl with me.

I didn't know what the schools were gonna be like. I didn't know what type of neighborhood this really was or what it became. I was a little burnt out from stand-up. I was a little burnt out from the whole sexual fucking people pointing their fingers when I had to tell everybody something like dick I was just burnt out but a lot of fear was there there was a lot of fear like there's no fear when I went and got my knee surgery

I don't even know how I walked into that fucking place and got knee surgery replacement. Fucking people banging on my knee and shit like that. What happened? Did you hit the fucking edible spot? Again, you know, I got a call somehow. I could tell, but it's so weird. All that has turned in my life. Like I have no, like at this point now I'm like, why? And it started with Jiu-Jitsu

when I got serious about Jiu-Jitsu was when that started that was a year ago for the first time in my life I got serious about something else except comedy and because I did that drove me to love comedy again or at least be excited about doing it and then you moving here. Now I got my buddy, it's easy to get on stage. We smoke 10 joints and we just do what we gotta do. Get in the car, eat something, giggle. It feels like going to the ice house, I'm excited.

Like just like that kind of night. You know, Lee, bro, I was coming to your house during the pandemic at about seven o'clock on the off nights and we would drink a tube of God knows what was in it. It was 200 milligrams. I forgot about those. Those are pretty good. And we do something else and something else like we need an edible and fucking smoke weed

out in front of your house. That was all day for me back then. It was not good. Everything backfired. Like everything had just fucking backfired. I'm like, God damn what happened? But, no. So I'm happy you're here.

Thank you, buddy. I'm happy to, I'm excited. I'm happy you're here. Thank you, buddy. I'm happy. Yeah, we got a show October 15th. We got a lot of stuff going on. Yeah, I put I'm putting something together for October 15th. And then pretty much after that, I got to do spots, North Jersey, or fucking in the city. So I'm excited about this league. I don't care about the car. I already crashed it. So come bitch, come one more. You know what I'm saying? I'll run you over. Well, I know now I know the capability I got in that fucking thing. If you're going to cut me off, I'm coming through you. Bum bum bum bam. It'll be like the Mexican do

with the two bumpers. I hit him in the back and both bumpers fell off. That's fucking You know, I just don't like the ferry in that because then you're always Worried about getting back Right. I can't have a good time. I gotta leave I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city

I'm gonna go to the city I'm gonna go to the city I just don't like the ferry in that because then you're always worried about getting back Right. I can't have a good I gotta leave in a rush because I gotta catch the 1010 ferry I thought the ferry would run on that but it doesn't That's crazy that they used to but no I'm excited to see Just that you're happy. like excited about standup again. Cause like that's what they, cause I tried not to push you.

I know everyone was trying to push you, but as a comedy fan, like I'm just excited that you're doing standup. And I didn't really understand when you were like, oh, like I'm not ready to do it. But like, like I'm really- I had a different perspective. Yeah.

I just watched a special recently where I know the guy and it was 50% of the old perspective. And I'm like, this is why I had to get that, you know, fingers in the ass, the monkey, the muffler. I had to get all that out of my mind. I'm 61. I can't go up there and talk about eating pussy. You know, I can't. I can't. It just makes me look weird and feel weird. So I had to change my whole approach. Do I want to go talk about my daughter up there? Fuck no. I still got problems. I have problems with people. You know, people texting me at eight o'clock at night on a Monday, all day, all day.

I've been sitting here like fucking Michael Chandler, waiting patiently. And these motherfuckers never, you know, I don't get it. I don't know. I think you might have just named your show. What? I still got problems. I do. I still got problems and they're getting even worse.

You know, I can just give you a list of the future problems I'm gonna have. Somebody's gonna get hit. Somebody with a Tesla is gonna get hit soon because they're really getting my nerve. They're really getting specifically Tesla's. Those people who drive them are irritating motherfuckers. They think they're cute. They're in that phone, spaceship. They're in there talking and dancing and yelling. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Cause if I see you trying to drive,

I'm hating you, I'm principal. The car fucked up, not me. I know what you're talking about. You were in the back talking to your friends, doing your fingernails. If I see one of those pilot cars, no pilot in the front seat, and you're sitting in the back fucking looking at your eyelashes, I'm hitting you out of principle.

Well yeah, they're sitting in the back. Do people do? I saw people as lily but I didn't see anyone sitting in the back. That's crazy. Look, that is gentile shit. Normal people don't do it. That's the gentiles that, oh my god god you have a Tesla yes oh I love mine even though it's 9,000 for the battery and I got to drive 10 hours to get a fueled all right around the corner the little Nick the Mexican over there it's like an Arab place but they got Mexicans who double up and I love them And I love them. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What are they doubling up as Arabs? They put like a little turban on sometimes and then I catch them. I know they're Mexican. I don't blow that cover. That's not right. You know what I'm saying? That ain't right. I love it.

Where you at this week, Mr. American? This weekend I am at River. It's in Weathersfield, Connecticut. It's I have on Friday and Saturday. It's River, a waterfront restaurant. What's the name of this? It's Brew Haha. Brew Haha. Brew Haha. Yeah, it's the right to name the club is at.

It's called River Waterfront Waterfront Restaurant in Weathersfield, Connecticut, Friday and Saturday. How nice. This is the club you shut down. Previously, allegedly, previously. Under a different. And that's the thing to do when you show up this week. That's how they're going to bring you out previously at the Brew Haha. Soator. And that's what they're gonna do. When you show up this week, that's how they're gonna bring you out previously

at the Brew Ha Ha's. They'll show you up there. People are talking, what's going on here? And all of a sudden, you meet today before and after. You're headlining. Yes, yep, it's my show. See what happened there.

You bombed the first time, now you're going back as a headliner. It don't matter. They liked you That is really cool. No, I'm really excited to the guy Ryan who runs the club is great and I've I've done this other clubs around there and shows and it's supposed to be a great room they just moved there of maybe a few months ago or something and It's gonna it's great to do it Especially this weekend you didn't come home with no tomato stains on your shirt. No, thank God

Nobody got you off the stage with the hook. They give you that hook to me push out Don't like a dancer comes on stage keep it going. I like a war's nightmare What's that? I get the light early Could you imagine that like I like 20 minutes you see a light flashing. It's happened. And I'm still here. No you know it did not happen to you. As a headliner. I was very aggressive in the beginning and I would book myself in places I didn't belong

to. I didn't know. Nobody knows. Who the fuck knows? Right. When I get there, they're like, these people are Mormons. You know, you're like, what the fuck? Here's my rent money. Now you're telling me they're fucking Mormons and you want me to be clean. I got a joke about an orgy with Mormons in Salt Lake. No, I didn't but you know what I'm saying Like you're like fine. There was a lot of those things. I didn't know what I was booking myself into I Had no idea. I'm a fast talker from New York. I'm doing comedy and fucking Wyoming Lee That was one place I had to be escorted out to my car I

Did a gig in New Jersey for a police department that I had to be escorted out to my car. I did a gig in New Jersey for a police department that I had to get escorted out of there. What did you say those police officers? That the undercover cops were a bunch of douchebags that they're snorting so much they arrest you. That's amazing and they didn't like that. You can see the regular cops and you can see the undercover cops. They all had beards and ponytails and they're over there drinking and smoking cigarettes. And you can see they got like fucking meth eyes. And they're the ones that snort with you.

And then they fucking arrest you. And then they get cleaned before the trial and everybody's clean. You're sitting there going, this ain't the same bearded guy. They fucking hook them up. They take them to that rehab in Florida. So what were we saying?

What was I saying? You said about the undercover cops. You got escorted out of the show. The undercover cops, bro, they gave me a light. They said, come through here. And they paid me. They said, come through here. And they, they paid me. They want to walk you to the back out like three cops. I don't walk me outside. Thank God I had friends there. Like it was open to the public and friends of mine that

I grew up with were there. And they came over, gave me a hug. And I'm like, I got to get out of here. We got to leave. And the the cop goes leave and then meet up with these guys. Don't stay around here That was That was the weekend before I got clean from cocaine Were you like fucking with him on purpose or like or what like did you think it was gonna get a laugh I was probably I was probably aggravated because I didn't have no coke and these guys pissed me off more. I had two benefits that week. I had a benefit for the police department. I'm not going to say the good people. I'm not going to say the department of the town. And I had

a benefit for my high school something. My high school was a fucking disaster because they got, they were all doing coke and got involved in the conversation. So it was a fucking disaster, but I took the money anyway. And the one the night before was a fucking disaster. I remember leaving there going, what the fuck? Like I just got escorted out of a police fucking event. And I did the Friday and then Saturday afternoon I got the call that my friend died. I did Saturday night and I got to go play on Sunday.

That was it. I was so busy I didn't do Coke and I was still giving a debate about that movie. So that was That was 17 years ago when that happened Wow, it's a long fucking time ago brother when I got booed off a stage like that I got booed off another time after that I think in Atlanta You really taking chances. I'm not like I don't really like that. That's a wild thing to say it to do a room full of cops like. I said in 2005 I got a little I bombed I did like a six city tour.

First of all, I was too drunk and too fucking addicted to coke to be on this tour by myself You know, I remember I was with that's a week I passed out in Beaumont the people had to fucking pick me up and take me to a hotel and have me there for three Days, they had me on hold out my face is off It wouldn't move So Yeah, I got booed that weekend, that whole tour I got booed. I forget where I went, but it was one disaster after another.

It wasn't good. I wasn't a real headliner. I was just drawing material together. Bye ya. Bye ya. And that wasn't a fart, that's my new puppet. This show, holy shit, that second one sounded like you shit your pants a little bit no, no, this is clean stuff this is This is a protein shake

With pineapple coconut water a little protein powder clean bobby I love it So yeah, you know, fear is good. What are you laughing about? I just love how you went right back into it. No, what do you want me to say? I farted, I took a whiff. Everything is beautiful. It's a beautiful Tuesday morning. I'm ready for the fucking world. And that's it, my brother. We'll do this again next Monday. Hopefully, uh,

yeah, we can do it live. No, no, not next Monday. Hopefully like two weeks after that, we'll start this motherfucker. Maybe take a week off, set up the studio and come out blasting. That would be great I'm excited to do in person we're gonna get fucked up again but I'm excited. That's part of the deal if worst comes to there we all go to the fourth floor you know what I'm saying? We sleep it off on the fourth floor. Oh let's see watch me get up those stairs great to see you buddy. Great to see you too I love you man congratulations for your second headlining week of the year you're a fucking animal and we'll Great to see you buddy. Great to see you too. I love you man. Congratulations for your

Second headlining week of the year. You're a fucking animal and we'll chit chat during the week It's tuesday october 1st the check-in is brought to you by Diet Smoke. Listen up cocksuckers, Uncle Joey doesn't mess around when it comes to relaxing. You guys know me. My new go-go too is Diet Smoke. These guys are the real deal when it comes to premium cannabis infused gummies. Whether you're looking to unwind, boost your mood or focus, get some stuff done, diet smoke has you covered. We're talking about a premium buzz, but not the kind that knock you out. It's the perfect balance to give you a nice mellow high. Like I told you guys,

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