Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Joey Diaz is going through changes

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt the difference between gettijng old and cranky vs. being sick and tired. Joey also gives Ozzy a heartfelt tribute and much more! SHOW NOTES Get 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order. Use code CHURCH at ⁠https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/CHURCH⁠

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's up, you savages? Uncle Joey here with his trusted bodyguard. Lee Syatt, direct from Israel. It's the church of what's happening now, New Testament, Tuesday, July the 29th, right? Right. All right.

What's happening? Well, I'm good, dude. I'm happy to see you. And something else is July 29th. My beautiful nephew, Nikki Porkchops, a.k.a. Nikki Hoboken, aka Nikki Jersey City, aka Nikki Elections,

aka Nikki Askley's, happy birthday to my favorite fucking nephew. The month of birthdays. The month of birthdays. Two fucking birthdays. One last week and one this week. Two weeks I got to eat cake, but today's cake was very good too.

It was a nice carvel, little one, fresh, not when, like if you don't live in Jersey in New York, you're eating that shit that's 22 days old. You know, it's like fucking paint. That top layer? The top layer where it says like happy birthday stupid, peel that off. It's like shoe fucking leather by the time we get it.

I lived in California for 23 years. I suffered like that. For years, I had to go to birthday parties and eat the Carvel, make him believe I was having a good time. But it was 20 days old as cake, and I miss Carvel that much and I would eat it. You know what? It was nice today because George,

it was like sitting out a little bit and like the top got a little soft. Like I didn't know it was ever like, it tastes almost like marshmallow, which like I didn't know. I had never, because my, like, I had ice cream cake when I was a kid, but like my introduction to like Carvel cakes was you. And, because you, dude, like, that was like one of the first rules I learned with you. It's like, if it's, if it's any sort of event, there's going to be a Carvel cake and there's not going to be any other cake.

I'm holding on to the last of my face out in fucking Studio City where people want to eat a carrot cake for your birthday. I'm not showing up with a carrot cake for your birthday. And it's got homemade cream cheese. gluten-free and there's no nuts. Get the fuck out of here. It's your birthday. If the kids eat a peanut, fuck them. It's your birthday.

It's your birthday. It's your birthday. So I, listen, man, I don't know if you call me nostalgic. I don't know what you should call me. I don't know what you should call me. But I know that you have to fucking stand up for something. And just because I lived in L.A.

And I could easily say, what's your favorite ice cream? Oh, I love Johnny's yoga, yogurt. you know, non-glutin jam in a cup. I have to agree with him for my career to get anywhere. Right. Well, for us to hit a certain spot, I didn't give a fuck about that.

I'm telling you from what I grew up. Now, I know Carvel's not the best ice cream. I'm not a fucking dummy, but it's nostalgic. Yeah. It's like the other day. You guys hear me talk about Rudy's for 20 fucking years. Rudy's one of my favorite restaurants. It's a deeper type thing, man.

I went there during a lot of tough times. I was a kid when I first had. They used to have mugs of Heineken. They served me. That's loyalty. I don't give a fuck. There's a thousand restaurants of the better. You have waiters and Chinese people

throw rest food in the air. But Doug, you're going to rooties and every time you're going to go in there, they're going to shock your fucking world. I went in an idiot on that with my daughter. They had a chicken cutlet with a barana special with peppers. It's not for me anymore.

I can't eat that shit. But I kept looking at the guy going. and holy fuck, if I would have smoked a pound of weed, I would have ate that, you know, for me. But it's not about the food. I go in there my daughter, I'm feeling good, we're going to go to the Happy Gilmore thing. And, okay, it's a guy with a banjo playing country music.

I'm sitting there at Rudy's. Okay, it's one song, you know. But then it was like a second song and a third song, and I saw the bartender put the volume up because she wanted to sing along with the songs. It's like, this is fucking cute. And after like 30 minutes of getting a headache and my food hadn't come, I called her open.

I go, where are you from? She goes, Edison. And I go, then you're not going to understand what I'm going to tell you. I go, this is fucking Hudson County. And after the Cubans and the Dominicans and the Turks and the Arabs, after they've taken everything,

the Italian, the Irish, after they've taken everything from Hudson County, you got the audacity to play country music up in this motherfucker? I got to step out. into Bergen line or whatever that is, Anderson, and I don't know what I'm going to get. It could be rigatony, that communist music.

It could be that shit. It could be any of this shit. That rap shit with the same bell. Yeah, mama. Bing, with a guy with a bell. Oh, I'm fucking impressed. It's the same shit. But you won't have the audacity

to put on cowboy music in Sinatraville. Like, you have to stand for something. As a human being, you have to stand for something. You have to stand for something. They've taken everything from me. You're not going to play country fucking music in a bar in Hudson County.

Okay, Joey, you're all fucking guard there. Rudy's is Bergen County. I don't give a fuck. It's an extension of Hutchin County. Before Fort Lee, it cuts off. Once you hit Larry Yu's Shanghai Palace, that's the end of the North Bergen. People don't know who Larry Wu's Shanghai Palace is.

It used to be across the street tickets from England and all that shit. Once you pass that, you're really in Clipside. But before that, that's still a little bit of North Burgundy, a little fair viewish, and the rules still count. So I told them, if you want to play country music, I ain't mad at you. Go down by my house. Get the truck, get the banjo.

Go to Marlboro, and you can play all the fucking country music you want. But go to a restaurant in Marlboro and see if they're playing country music. They're not. So why the fuck are you playing country music at Rudy's? I thought you said there was a guy with a banjo there. You're just saying they had country music. music on? On, yeah.

Four or five songs in a fucking row. Was anyone else upset? No, I don't give a fuck who was upset. They'd have no class. They don't have roots in the community. I don't have nothing in this world. I don't have a family. But I grew up up here, and this is all I got left.

And every time I go to Hudson County Park, I see fucking these four-foot people with bags and people eating corn. We didn't eat corn in Hudson County. I was growing up. You know what I'm saying? No. We had ice cream or hashways deli or pizza. Now they got sweet corn.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, with the little cheese on top and the, yeah, it's good. You're the fuck alone. That's good. It's called the Lote. It's called the Lote. Do they have good of Lote in the park? You don't understand where I'm coming from.

That shit is good. Not in Hudson County Park. Right. Okay. They even put a Cuban place in there. I don't want it in there because that means the food ain't going to be that good. You have to ship it from the restaurant over. They cook.

there's rats down there there's fucking seashells that's not going to work that's not going to work whatever the fuck they got down there those little pigeons and the shit down there you know I know Hudson County

for what it is man I fucking went to a basketball camp down there and I fell in love with Jersey City and I fell in love with Hoboken the benders the people who took me with my family died then the Askalises everybody I grew up with

is from Hoboken and they all stand for something they all stand for something you know and his music like a slippery slope like is that like is that just like slippery slope but at least stick to the fucking neighborhood this is sinatraville okay so if you're not playing sinatra i really don't want to fucking hear your music right because every time i step out on anderson burglar and kennedy i hear yeah yeah oh my god me and my daughter got in an uber in new york the other day what did it smell like.

Dog had to open the window. He told you, I knew it. You want air conditioning? I go, no, no, no, no, no. This is air. And he goes, why? It's hot. I go, why?

It smells like somebody fart in here for eight hours straight. Like, that's what it smelled like. Yeah. Like, if I came in here and just farted for eight hours straight. And the movie theater, I was smelling myself.

I still had to fucking fart on me. Not till I got home off the ferry. I had to stand out there, air out in that fucking Hudson County, Dead Man Water, Marco Lake. of death over there. I'm fucking getting salt war. That's how I got it out. In the

movie theater, I could still smell the fucking fart. Oh, it kills you. It was a little. Listen, it's not a fart. I don't think it's a fart. I think they haven't bathed in a long time. He had a ride from fucking Maryland to kill of the airport, and the guy didn't need a laxative. And that guy

just kept farting, and he's on the phone, because they're on the phone talking to who are they talking to all day? I don't know. For 10 hours? They're like black people in prison. You ever go to prison? On the phone all day with some chick. Yeah, I'm over here. Yeah.

How can this chick got a job? How's you going to watch the kids? How's you going to cook? You got the fucking lady on the phone all fucking day. Constantly. Constantly. If you got to walk down the street and talk to somebody, you're a little retarded. Put the fucking phone away.

Pay attention to your surrounding. You're walking through beautiful air and you're out. And then you got those idiots that put it on speaker? Speaker. Like, I want to hear that. Retard. because they want everybody here, yeah, so make it off for $80,000. I can't, Bob, you know.

I don't need it. Shut that shit up, man. It's the worst. Listen, guys, I'm going through some changes. I can see that. I really, really, really have been going through some changes lately. I have to call it be a friend of mine tomorrow and apologize for my behavior. I've told you guys for a long time.

I'm getting old. I'm not getting grumpy. I'm getting sick and tired. and people are very nice and I get it. But every once in a long, people think they're cute and they don't get it. I got in trouble when I was a kid a lot. And then I got a piece of advice one day and they said, I want you to start using your ears.

Listen to what people are saying. Really tap into what they're saying. So the next time you see them, I want you to practice and bring something up from their life. That's your homework when you talk to somebody. And they go, I got a little sister. I don't care about your little sister, but the next time I see you,

I'm going to say your little sister. You're following me? I don't even know what we're talking about here. You were talking about that you're not getting old. You're getting... Okay, I'm getting a little sick and tired. Yeah. When I tell you something one time,

it's not for you to take it and throw it away. And then fucking, you know, if you say to me, Joe, I have a business that I want you to be a part of, and I go, George, listen, I'm 62. I got a daughter. I don't want to do shit. I got to go back on Twitter

and talk about weed and shit at my age with a 12 year old daughter. So there's some things that you can't give me enough money to do. I don't want it. I don't want it. So when I tell you that one time, get the fuck out.

Like, stop. It's not going to work out for you. And people always want to push together. And then they all become like your fucking aunt at Thanksgiving. We all have that aunt that, you know, you just want something normal. Can I get mashed potatoes?

You never had my mashed potato. Like turnips and snake shit and something else and I got to be like impressed. You know what I'm saying? Right. And then even though you told them you don't like it, they still give it to you. That'll piss you off. And that's good to you about 12. And then one day you've got to ask your aunt.

Can I ask you a question? When you take it in the ass, do you mind what honey it is? You know, whatever, something to throw them off to understand what your point is. Right. Some people refuse to. So I got a call this week at nine of them. morning from somebody. I'm not awake, but he's such a dear friend of mine that I called him back out of respect. I'm headed to the dentist to take stitches out of my mouth. I answer the phone.

I love this guy. Me and this guy with criminals together, right in North Perkins, 40 fucking years ago. Just the fact that he's still alive and he's still got heart. So he says to me that he's got a studio somewhere and he wants me to dump this one and go over there because I could save money. And I'm like, I'm not interested. You know, I'm not interested. I like going on. there and he's like well why would you want to go up to that shit hole and run away you know like dog I have other reasons why I go up there well what are they none of you fucking and I just went off and hung up on them because he wouldn't stop with uh you know it's better down here they're opening up restaurants I'm sick

oh you motherfuckers telling me about what the fuck I know we just got Cuban food tonight a couple Cuban sandwiches not the best but you're not gonna get a sandwich like that in Pennsylvania or anywhere else The only place or anywhere else in this country, except Miami. If you want a sandwich like that, it's going to be Miami. Yeah, your friend has a place in Nashville, and they do Cuban food. That's garbage. That's some guy would pull pork.

He don't know about Cuban food. They eat it just to be cute. No, I want cube. You're not going to get a better sandwich. You don't have the office here because of the Cuban food. And I think... Listen, look at that fucking Greek food you took home to go that your shit is still bleeding from. Listen, that's like a fucking ice should be raiding them any day now.

What my colon? And it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. Oh, no, that place was good for midnight. This is Hudson County, motherfucker. Go up to Fort Lee and look at the cannonball. George Washington landed here. They had like a war out of here somewhere.

George Washington, Fort A. Lincoln up the corner in Fort Lee. That's why it's Fort fucking Lee. I didn't know. I don't even know why it's still Fort Lee because wasn't he a pedophile? He had like the first black son. slave. Yeah, everybody had a slave, but poor fucking Fort Lee,

whatever his fucking name is. What's the guy's name? Robert E. Lee, right? That's what I'm... No, that's in the South, I would imagine. Huh? Robert Ely is like the other war, the Civil War. Okay, I don't know.

Me either. I don't know you ain't Chinese. You know, I know fucking Port Lee is not named after a Chinese dude, maybe now, and even then it's Korean. But the guy Lee, he was blown. You could go up there. There's a cannonball. There's still a cannonball.

and it says like right here, George Washington took an app. This area has always been booming. This is number one area to see Martians. In my world, and I traveled all across this country, none of that shit with Guy Fieri because I ate food that you eat when you're fucking broke. I was a feature act, so you can't come to me with no stories.

You follow me? I ate feature act food. It wasn't, you know, Chris Wollinsky. No, it was nothing like that. It was feature act. food. So when I refer you to a place, it's Feature Act food. It's Feature Act budget. And I had one of those places across the country. And in my world, that's the restaurant you want to eat at. Oh yeah. Because they respect you for being an American. You respect them. They give you a

dollar's worth of food and you give them a dollar. And that's it. No fancy, no harpos. No, oh my God, well, Gigi goes there. I don't give a fuck what Gigi does. Especially for certain kinds of food. Yes. Mexican food. Tell these motherfuckers when I take you to Denver. How much is the tab at that place. Oh my God. Tell them what the breakfast is in there. A fucking green chili, eggs, and then green chili and everything. I had green chili on a breakfast case D on a burger. What's the price? The whole bill for both of us was like maybe 30, 40 bucks. Are you, you're fucking crazy. Really? Less? They have a special at that place. Bob's number two every morning. Joe, wait. Yeah. Yeah. Sam, Sam's. They have a special. They give you two eggs,

a bowl of chili, and something else for fucking $4.99. I don't know if it's $4.99. It's $4.99 for the breakfast and a bowl of chili, $6.99. So you're fucking crazy. Go on the fucking menu. Go on the fucking menu. Sam's number three in Denver. Sam's number three.

They probably raise the prices, but dog, those are the cheapest prices. When you walk in there, it says it. Been on fucking... Oh, it's great. It's right next to the... No, the comedy works. Nothing like it. Brother.

Downtown. That's where we go. Downtown. Yep. Right up the corner from the... I've been to... Both. That is something that I've never seen the green chili.

And they used to have another place too that had a bunch of locations in Denver. And that place was world fucking class too. All this food is dirt fucking cheap. 60 gallons of green chili. Oh, and it's good. It would be 62 of Joey and I live there. Because that, dude, that...

You have no idea. Nikki Pork Choms. If I take you there, you put green chili on everything. because it goes on everything. Eggs, a cheeseburger, fucking burritos, cereal. Like, if you're eating cornflakes, put some green chili on that motherfucker.

Oh, and how much? How much? Let's see. Bola chili still $6. Weekday early bird. I love early bird. Yeah, I'm an early bird. I'm an old man.

What's the price, brother? And look how many early bird specials they got? How many? The cheapest one is the one you're talking about, $9.99. Okay. What do they give you? They give you.

You're baking, sausage, two eggs, scrambled a regular, and toast. 999. So if you couldn't hear bacon, sausage, two eggs and toast for $9.99. That's crazy. So it's 16 with a bowl of chili. So at $32.40. Yeah, I wasn't that far off. Trust me.

I know numbers. I remember the first time I went there by myself before radio. And the tab was $8. And I gave her, obviously, a $20. Right. and I told her you just saved my fucking day. But look at those specials, guys. That's why I could send to anybody.

That's what I'm trying to say to you. I could send to anybody there and go, that's a fucking restaurant. If you don't like that place, then we don't even need to have a talk again. Because the burgers were great. I don't like burgers. They got a Mexican burger

that they put in a fucking... Tortilla? A tortilla. No, no, no, no. This place is the real shit. I went to... Well, the place I took you. that I lived and died.

I've been going there since 1984. And where? That's how loyal I've been to those motherfuckers. And when I go to San Jose, the most boring as town where hookers, hookers would come up to us as we were walking to the club in a mall with kids and shit. It's outside.

But hookah, well, every time I went there, one time during the week, a hooker would just come up, and you thought she was coming off the train. because the train runs on the street you have to cross it. Remember there's a movie theater that's what we called the hooker for you.

She didn't show up. I did make the bed. Yeah, we called them. Hurry up. We got a hooker down here. No, he called me for 18 times over two hours. He takes an hour. Where you've been?

He goes, I had to make the bed, Lee. She's a fucking hooker. Yeah, but you didn't even have. But yeah, I did even have. But, hold on. Original Joe's. Original Joe's. Yeah.

I've been going to Original Joe's, San Francisco, 1984 in the fucking tenderloin. That's what my loyalty is. Why? Because when I was flat, fucking broke, flat fucking broke, I'd go and get a bowl of pasta. They give you too low,

you know, when you're broke, you eat bread. You know what I'm saying? You milked that fucking bread and that meatball, and you get that cheese and start eating that too. And there was a waiter, Mr. Something, he's Chinese. Okay. And every time I went, he knew,

and I would bring him like cocktails, and whenever I stole and I made money, I'd give him money. Like, I'd give him for all the tips that I'd miss out on. Right. So he used to give me Nuddy Irishman, which is like Calua and... Baleigh.

No, Amaretto and... Is Bailies at all? Bailies. Amaretto and Bailies with a little whatever. And, you know, he would always give me those. You don't get drunk on those. Right. But I would sit there with my little martini glass

because they all had like fucking, they're all waiters. Suits. With black on and suits. And I would sit there like Sinatra. Here I am. 1985, San Francisco. If they could only see me now and not.

Oh. Living like a doctor in this motherfucker. And what is, what is Sam's and original Joe's have in common? Bro. They both have a bar, like either where you can just sit. What is it?

What is it called? It's not called a bar at a restaurant. It looks like a bar. Like you can just sit at one person at any restaurant. Sam's and Original Joe's has it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They have the counter. They have a counter with the spinning seats.

I love the counter. The counter is the best spot at any restaurant. Any restaurant. And over the original Joe's. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They got the fucking counter too. Original Joe's got an Italian hamburger. Look at me.

With steak fries at 11 o'clock at night. But it's good. It's a $25 burger. It's a fucking Joe famous hamburger sandwich. Unifucking believable. That's where I'm going to send you. Right.

You know, the other day again, I saw a thing on Instagram. The top Cuban restaurants in Miami. The restaurant I've been talking about since 1999 Porta Saga with the gay waiter still in the top five and you got they can't be expensive

my friend went to Gloria Stephan it was $300 to eat Cuban food you got robbed bitch I hope Gloria played the fiddle or fucking something because you got robbed I sent them to fucking that place

the next day he's like Joey 67 bucks my whole family ate and we ate like fucking you know I don't know how it is now it's down by Collins Avenue but it still made the top fucking 10 list. Dude. That's what I believe in. I'm not going to send you.

I don't want to see. Listen, anybody could send you to a, oh my God, the river palms, you know, the waiter, he rubs your phone.

Sometimes not everybody that watches this show could get their feet rubbed at a fucking restaurant. And they don't want, and like, yeah, like let's just even say like Mortons.

You're like, yeah, sometimes it'll be a good steak. You'll have a good time, but you'll drop $300. It's also great to go to original shows and spend $40 on a, like a,

like it's, You need to have, like, reasonable prices. Like, that makes a huge difference. Like, if you enjoyed it or not. You're like, yeah, I would have enjoyed it for 30. I can't refer you. Like, I can't refer people to anything anymore. Like, if you told me, like, listen, I'm so old.

I'm out of tune with life and the Metropolitan, whatever. But I can't refer you to a Yankee game or a MEC game. Because if you have two kids, that's $400 that you don't have. $400. It's conservative. I just mistaken on that because it's $160 a ticket. I was going to say.

That's two kids and your wife and you and what are you going to go? Sit there and look straight ahead and not eat hot dogs. The kids, what are you going to do? Give them fucking Chinese Yankee hats from Chinatown with the Y upside down. I mean, you know, and that's who I think about when I think about those games or a restaurant or something.

I'm like, what about the family of fucking four that have to eat? Like the other than I saw an app thing, an app and two entrees for something. one of those Australian restaurants. Outback? Yeah, you're going to shit blood. You're not even going to make it home.

You're not even going to make it home. But America has, that's a night out now in America. Oh, yeah. For a family of four. That's a sad fucking truth. Even just a single, like honestly, last night I had in my head, I wanted to go to a diner and get breakfast after my spot. I didn't go because I looked at the menu before.

I just had a feeling it was going to cost me $40 to $50. should just get eggs and bake, like, between that, a drink to sit there, a tip. And I was like, it's not worth it. I'm just not, because we've talked a lot about places being empty. And I think that's, I think people just look at it. They're like, you know, fucking, I'll just do, like, that's, like, we've had factor before. That's why those, they're huge now. It's like, I'm, why would I go?

And drop 40 when I could drink a factor or something in the morning, just to hold me over until 10 to the fucking guy comes to the office with burritos or something. Yeah. or a taco, whatever you get at 10.15 for that first break. But when I refer a restaurant, it's not going to be a high-end place. That's not my bag at all. Right. It's going to be a place where I love fucking, look at what we talk about all the time.

It's not the best restaurant in the world. It's not. Las Palmas. It's a good Cuban restaurant. It's a very good Cuban restaurant. But what do I like it the most? Because five of us could go there and we drop a buck 20. Well, like, that's what I think the difference is with that place.

And I'm not a human expert. You're not cheap. I'm happy of that. And people think they're going to go to a restaurant and pay $400. And you're sitting around a bunch. It's like Tony Montana, you're all a bunch of fucking mummies. You eat this fucking food. It's just a bunch of people being the same shit with a tuxedo on.

You know, whatever the fuck they're doing sitting there eating a meal. I can't even a meal with a suit on. Oh, you're not comfortable? That's a funeral. I got to sit there with hoop-took-d-d-d-doo shoes on. I want to sit with sweats and you got to put your balls to it. You got to be like Moses, you know. You got to part those balls.

You got to stretch out your little legs. Are you parting them now? I've always parted them. I didn't. I haven't. I just go, ah. So you have more space at the movie theater. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, my, dude, but that's like what was lost palm. They're, to me, a white dude, their quality of food would be worth more. Dog, the breakfast there? That breakfast, you're not going to eat lunch. No. Well, maybe you. Yeah. But listen, you'd be right there with me, Mr. Hash.

Like we'd be going, you never ate when we were in L.A. What do you mean? You're just saying, I'm the only one eating. I eat. You ate all the potato tacos I ate. Oh, bro. What would you do right now? What would Nick do if he tasted one of those potato tacos?

He'd moved to L.A. He'd be the mayor of L.A. in six years. The potatoes were perfect. It was like a mash mixed with fucking cheese. And that little salsa after? after. And solace. Where you, motherfucker?

Yeah. Dude, and that's, that is what's fun about going, like, any traveling or even just, dude, that's my favorite part of going anywhere. If I know I'm going to a city, I spend, like, weeks looking up places. I'm going to surprise you, motherfuckers. I just got a date in Chicago. Really? I don't know if I could take it.

It's a weird date. We're trying to get a Wednesday show. That's the type of town that you got two options. Yeah, you could call a friend. I'd say recommend me to someone. and they'll recommend you something to, oh, we'll just take a walk on the south side and take a chance.

Yeah. And then... Or both. Or we do one recommendation, one chance. We went to that place, Italian beef. Yeah. Remember you went with me? It was a...

Dude, that was a great weekend. You get out of the car there, you're looking both ways, Jack. Ooh, looted. Dude, that was my first... When you get out of the car there, you're looking both ways. You got to have a guy

with his foot on the... the pedal in case the place gets robbed when you're in there oh yeah they it's real but that italian beef and you get the beef we always get the beef with the peppers then we get the beef with the sausage in the middle yeah that blew my fat mind dude when i the first time and then first time i had it with you was in uh whatever it's called and not where you shot where you shot the special and we pulled up with one of your friends and it's a dipped beef

with a foot long saw in the same sandwich and they it's just on them it's not a secret menu it's just on the menu people are ordering it on a normal like Tuesday it's I love Chicago

oh my God they understand in Chicago I think about Chicago is my type of city because you can just go for a short walk and you'll smell something you'll smell something

and go what the fuck is that and then you'll look and you go, ew. That's the first thing that comes to your mind. You'll look at the glass and go, ooh! They haven't cleaned that glass in years, but it does smell good. Oh, yeah. And then you look at the menu and you're like, I'm going to give it a shot and you go in there. And that's where the fucking, that's where you're like, oh, I'm in Chicago.

Let me tell you what I felt in love with in Chicago. All these are going to hate me. I'm going to get a hate man. I'm walking in Chicago smoking a joint in like in a fluent neighborhood. Whatever. Yeah, it's where the Zanis downtown. Right. which I don't like that neighbor.

Too many people like people. I like the other one. Rosem. Crazy workaholics, the Polacks and shit. But they put you down there. And when I went for a walk and it's a beautiful neighborhood. And I'll tell you what I stopped for and I got hooked. What's that?

Coconut oatmeal and coconut milk with little pieces of coconut on top of that motherfucker in Chicago. Like I'm like, this is, that poisoning me. Breakfast in Chicago. This is a blue collar city. What should you get? It's fucking like, June, why should I get oatmeal? I went in there. And I took a picture of it, and I took a picture

of the thing on the menu, and I told my wife I started making coconut oatmeal every fucking morning. For like a year, I took it. I love, and when I, you know, Texas, I go to Houston because, again, it used to be the cheapest place in the city, in the cheap place in the country where people go out to dinner. That's one of my favorites.

A family of eight could go out for the small lady. I'm happy about that. Yeah, that'd be great. all those little restaurants like that. But anyway, we're going to take a breathing, then we're going to come back, we're going to talk about a couple things that happened the last few weeks, okay?

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C-H-U-R-C-H at cornbreadhem.com. We're back, Jack. So anyway, I was getting to you guys about that I went off on my friend, and I really apologize. I got to call him tomorrow and tell them I'm sorry because I don't want to go to Pennsylvania. And the reason why I was mad at him, not mad at him, but I had an undertone of anger,

was because the guy I met, and again, he offered me a weed thing. I told him no. And, you know, like when somebody tells you something, they don't want you, but they're kind of assuming you're going to go, I want in on that. And then I talk to him once, and I go, I don't want to do anything.

I'm busy with my daughter. I don't want to do anything. You know, I appreciate it. And then he did something, and I made a mistake taking it. That's where it was wrong. Because now that gives people the green light to torture you whenever the fuck they want.

And it was, you know, before I got the thing, I think I counted 27 emails, 27 emails of what's in it, who made it, who grew it. You know, guys, I'm busy. I got time to sit here and read 10 minutes of your company history.

Nor do I give a fuck. And then he started hitting my Instagram, which really started pissing me off. Because that thing vibrates. I'm getting rid of that thing. I'm in my dentist office. I'm getting drilled. And I'm getting goofy people.

And he was one of them. You know, sending me pictures of This Is Me with Nick in 1984. I don't care. I got fucking, I got my eye fucked up. They got 20 needles in my mouth. I'm thinking it's my daughter or my wife. I reach him my phone and it's this fucking jerk off shit. You know, or a meme or something like that.

which I'm not a meme guy. I'm not a meme guy. I don't laugh at those things. I've never laughed at a fucking meme. The only one was when fucking Joe Rogan interviewed Connor when he broke his leg. Then for a week, they had him interviewing people in bad spots. And when they had the one with Jesus,

when he had the latter interviewing Jesus, that was some classic fucking shit. But other than that, no means. Other than that, you know, it's got to be something outlandish. But, you know, the black guy with the big dick sitting on the bed. How many times are you going to send me that? Good in life, you know what I'm saying? The guy from the fucking Tiger Whip, you know, that show on Netflix,

that he fucked the tiger. Everybody started making memes. That's a bunch of different show, you know. I don't like that shit. Since I'm a kid, I don't like that shit. It doesn't do anything for me. So he wasn't sending me memes, but I got 20 other people. You know, I got up in the morning, I go on Facebook,

and I don't go around on the computer. I drink my coffee. I talk to my wife. I do a thousand things. I'm prepared. to go into the computer, I look at it with an open heart. First I go on Draft Kings,

because I'm doing this thing on the casino. If you hear it, you get 300 credits every day. 300 stars. So, fuck it. I go on Draft Kings, I see what the schedule is. Then I go on Facebook and all that other stupidity. And every time I open Facebook,

I don't know what I'm going to get. It's always fucking, and then it's not even Facebook that's bad. It's Messenger, right? The shit that you don't see, that people send you for years, and then you'll see, like this number

doesn't take calls. You could call me on Facebook. You can hit that number to your face turns purple. I'm never going to hear it. I don't even hear it. And every once I hear it ringing, like, well, what the fuck is that? I think the alarm's going off or I need a pill. I don't even know what the fuck it is. And there's people, there's nights I wake up

and I got missed calls from people. People get hammered or are going to kill themselves, and they want to call me on Facebook. It's like, leave me the fuck alone, man. One of those is, those are very different things. Oh my God What's that?

Getting hammered versus killing yourself You might want to pick up the killing yourself ones Guys I don't look at that I want you guys to know That when I'm in the middle of something And if that text goes off And I look at it And it's not something to do

With what is on my mind So sometimes I just erase it I don't even open it I just erase it Dude that was one of the anger year you've been at me. Like I think it was on, like, one of the first times I was on your podcast after L.A.

And I was just responding to people, like I think on Twitter, and I didn't uncheck you from the reply. I would have thought you would have turned notifications off. You've followed by like a million something people. Why do you get a notification? Dude, you call me like fucking stop replying. Because the funny thing about you is you think

I know how to turn the notification off. Ask somebody. I come to my house and act. I don't even know exist, Lee. What do you mean? I'm worried about more things, other things in life. Every time someone leaves you a fucking button, you're getting a ding? It doesn't matter.

Next time you see something, get in your fucking car, come over. I'm doing this thing on your computer. You're driving me crazy. And I'll accept it. Okay. And you'll do it for me in front of me and I'll say thank you. Okay. And on the way out, I'm like, thank God he did it because I'll never do that again.

Okay, I'll do that today. I'm not going to do it. Always remember that with me. All you fucking idiots. Joey, you're doing it. Listen, guys, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just taking a lucky fucking chance

and doing a video or whatever, and it worked out. I don't know what else is going on. I don't know about notifications. I get hit up by Instagram every day. Click on to make money. Every day, I end up some other page. I don't know what the fuck I'm going.

People think, like, you know, it's fucking insane. I don't know what I'm doing. I have been saying this for 15 years that I am an idiot savant. I know how to tell stories and I know how to go to a restaurant and order. That's it. That's it. I don't know anything else.

I know how to do laundry, but my wife won't let me put in the dryer because she says I'll blow the fucking dry her up. I cooked something the other day. I took my wife out of dinner. She was at a softball game. I was headed to the softball game. I go, honey, don't make me breakfast. I'm going to eat up the fucking thing. I put three pieces of YU on the fucking thing.

some frying pan, the potatoes. I ate them, I smoked some pot, I got in the car, I drove a half hour. Then I came back because I thought I left the oven on. And the oven was shut off. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm one of those guys. That's why I don't do that shit in the morning.

You know how many times I was already in the YMCA? Doing laps and I'm like that. I turned the candle off. God damn it! And I had to go out for Y. You think I'm kidding you. I'd walk home with the fucking pants and flip-flops and the mask on my head.

fucking cursing everybody and I go upstairs and the candle would be off that's why I don't do anything in the morning that's why I don't cook put anything in the dryer put the oven on you know put the coffee

me this fucking guy you know these people everybody's like Joey we're thinking of getting you what's that coffee machine that you gotta like no the other no Nescafe all that shit is world class George Clooney Brad Pitt that's my world

I just don't get it because I'm not a big coffee guy but when I wake up in the morning and my wife knows, just fill it up with water for me. Don't make me get up, and then I'll be water with that thing. Because I will rip it right off that fucking county, and nobody will drink coffee. Because I'm not good to anybody in the morning. It's like, if I got to get up, I told it today.

For the first time in 25 years, I swear to God, today I told, I go, do not put my coffee cup into dishwashing no more. Why? I go, why? Because you didn't make breakfast Sunday and Saturday. I got up Sunday and there was no coffee cup. I had to use a different one. And when I opened up the dishwasher, my coffee cup is in a dishwasher with my other coffee cup.

So for three days, because you didn't make breakfast, I didn't get a clean coffee shop. That's white people. Shit. Just winch my coffee shop. If not, I'll rinse it. It's that easy. Rinse it.

And you put on the thing and let it dry. But you're making me wait two days for a fucking coffee cup because you want to put it through a fucking stupid dishwasher. That's white people's shit Our parents did not use the dishwasher They wash with their fucking elbows Everybody in America and I don't even want to take a fork At people's house no more

Everything is in the dishwasher Yeah, that's fucking wash a fork with hot water That's why your mother put the gloves on Remember those fucking gloves Do you thought your mother was making meth? No, diswashers have hot water Huh? Diswashers use hot water

No, they don't. They have a temperature gauge Yeah Yeah, like 66 and they shoot steam To confuse you No That's why white people get all those diseases And they got guts and shit

Nick tell them about the white chick With the dirty feet at my daughter's softball game the other day No no no they're pinga Only in New Jersey now you want to know You want to go to South Jersey The feet on her the dirt And she was jumping up and down Doing meth

I don't even want to talk about it I had a kid softball game Yeah he's got video It's just another parent It doesn't matter Let's talk about what we're talking about What are we talking about? I uh

Oh, washing dishes by hand. Yeah, you know, why do we have to do this? Every night, every morning I get up and I see a Sunday cup and my daughter didn't rinse it. Nothing pisses me up. I don't care of you, I don't care of your dirtiest dishes. Just do me a favor. Rinse it.

So when I go to wash them the next day, I don't have to fucking get a fucking concrete thing to blow out your fucking shit. Dude, do you do the dishes? Like, you have never known? You have like so many rules about it? No, you know, I do? I just drain them.

I fucking sit. I fuck because my life she likes to put them in a dishwasher I don't believe in dishwashers no no what no no then why have a dishwasher I make a protein shake for three days I'm walking around looking for the fucking blender no you take the blender if you finish that shake as soon as you finish it you put the hot water on

you put the hot water on as you're drinking the shake the hot water's already the water's coming out and you're already getting the hot water prep so when you put that fucking shake in there it kills all that milk immediately in the ice cream and the soy milk and everything else. And then you take it and then you open up the bottom

because that's where the shit develops and you clean that out with soap and whatever the fuck and you separate it. So when you make a shake again because what gets you sick isn't you drinking out of the top like an animal like me? People go, well, you're a fucking cannibal.

You don't even put it in a milkshake. Why am I going to dirty another dish? Again, white people shit. If it's you alone, why are we doing this to dirty another dish? Fish or water. Fish are running out of water. But you're going to use another dish. There's what they tell you, but everybody thinks green.

Oh, my God, I'm so green. No, you're not. Oh, I love a paper plate. Me too. You throw it away. Yeah, it's the best. Forget about paper plates, okay? Oh, I'm sorry.

You take that thing apart. It's the black thing, the ringer, and the fucking washer. That's where the junk develops. If not, I got to wait three days, and she's not even doing that. She's just putting it in a thing, and then you wonder why your skin is turning yellow, because you're drinking homogenized fucking not milk.

You understand? There's just little things that you have to take a little bit more effort. This is the Cuban side of my house. When I grew up, you think your mother got a mop like that? Mr. Clean Ha ha ha ha ha ha Swiffer My mother would come in here

Move all this This carpet would get rolled up And this was three times a week She rolled up This is a Cuban woman's house Carpet gets rolled up All this shit gets pushed to the top She'd go in that bathroom

Fill up a cup And start fucking hitting the floors With hot water And then fucking laundry soap And then Cuban cologne To take the spirit out To put the spirit out of the house When you walked in that house

Your house smelled like fucking Jesus is lead. That's a Spanish woman's hell. That's how you fucking clean the floor. Yeah. Or white people now with the vacuum that vacuums himself. Oh yeah, that's a cool. Rumba. You don't like that?

No. Why? It does it for you. Because this is the level we're sinking to in our homes. And this is your home. This isn't your car. They're building. This is your fucking home.

This is where you eat. This is where you fucking kids are growing. This is everything. And that's the difference. I grew up in a house where it started in the fucking kitchen and it was hot water with buckets and it was like going to the hot dog factory. The meat comes out of the ceiling and it hits the floor

and you got two Puerto Ricans putting soft on the meat and you got 10 Puerto Ricans pushing it into a hole. That's how it is. You don't clean the floor with a moth. It's hot water. You can see the steam coming up as she's throwing that fucking perfume on and the, what's the yellow dishwash,

the turgene? Or Molliffe, whatever. And they put Clorox in that motherfucker to kill the fucking... On bleach. Bleach, too. That's how you clean a floor. She was just throwing bleach around your house?

Oh, yeah. I love that smell in the morning. That's when you know your house is fucking clean. Don't you want to take a shit and your house is shiny and your toilet smell? Listen, you take a shit in a medium toilet or a fucking place that, Like every night, listen, I always, my bathroom is disgusting.

Okay? But guess what? I earn that fucking right. I earned that right. For years, I shared a bathroom with 22 fucking people. All your life, you share a bathroom with 22 people. Finally, my wife gets a house. I got my own bathroom.

So that's yours. I don't put my dick in the thing. I shit high. Half the time I put my, row my knuckle in the shit. And it sticks with the paper or her towel on the bar. bottom. Yeah, she don't even put the towel every time she used her towel. It's like, for some reason my towel smells like shit, yeah,

because you put in the area where I wipe. The fuck is wrong with you. Oh my God. And then nobody's got a cool bathroom no more. When I was growing up, there was a thing with a stick. That's it, right here. At arm's distance, you pulled it. Now,

not white people have a thing that so if you pull it, the whole paw falls down. Oh, I got to make a complete fucking turn like the exorcist. to get paper out of here. It's all the way back. Go to a hotel. It's all the way creeped in like a hole back here.

I got to be the fantastic floor. Flinky. Whatever's fucking name is with a long arm. And you've got to sit there as your shit and take that nine out of ten that you use shitty toilet paper. So when it rips, now you got all this fucking paper going around

like confetti and you're wiping your ass with little pieces, big pieces. You don't even fucking know anymore. It's a nightmare hotel anymore. And then if you're a nice hotel, What happened to the fucking shower stick? What happened to the door of my shower? I got to take a shower with the fucking door wide open.

I got to sit there with a door wait for somebody to come in. I don't even have a level of fucking protection no more. 400 a night. Where's the fucking shower door? No shower door. I'm so sorry. 400 a night. They don't have a shower door.

You're in their fucking freezing. And then they give you that portable thing. The fucking stick. I don't want the stick. I want the shower in the wall connected. I don't want that. stick, that's when you really freeze. So now I'm freezing with the stick shower

and I got no fucking curtain here. I'm sorry, I got emotional about hotels anymore. I'm sick of them. Oh my God. I'm going back to the York. Dude three. Learning so many new rules about it. I didn't have no idea about dishes.

I'm looking at my bathroom. I got to turn all the way around and get toilet paper. So where's your toilet paper? I take the shit over here. So that means only this hip moves. I'm like the one golf run. Happy Madison with that slid his fucking thing. That slit his fucking thing, okay?

It's only one side. Right. The paper's right here. The paper's right here. The TV's there. You got a ball hanging out. You're scratching. You're watching the Yankees.

You're sniffing your fingers. Somebody's calling you, Nick, Coco's on the phone. I'm calling back. You don't want to be bothered. You're in your bathroom. Did you put a TV in your bathroom? Fuck, yeah. Did you really?

Not now. It's too small this bathroom. I thought you just read. did it. No. I lived in Hollywood. I had a TV. We had an old little TV. I won in a contest or something at Hollywood. I stole it from a set. And you just... Holy shit. There's nothing better on wiping your ass where you're seeing what the weather is.

You know what I'm saying? Think about it. You're wiping your ass accordingly. Ooh, it's going to be 90. I got to dig deep in there because if I don't, I'm going to have a fucking spicy asshole by 2 o'clock. You have to do the weather while you're fucking drying your ass while you're bald. How much time are you spending on the toilet? Three minutes. I'm not a long time. That's for losers. I ain't got that type of time. So you bring the TV in for three minutes?

No, I turn it on. You don't bring it in. You go, you sit down. Right. You put your, listen, when I shit, when I put my pants down and I sit, I get the first whiff of ass because I just, I don't wait until the last minute to shit. I ain't got time. I'm not going to sit there for two hours and read the paper and fucking Bitcoin report.

That's never been me, okay? When I go to the bathroom, when I sit, I'm like, oh, my God. I already sat in my ass face, okay? And it just starts pouring out, pa, pee, bah, bah, bah. And I just sit there sometimes, if I know I'm gonna be there a long time, I'll get a Kleenex fucking towel,

wipe my phone, and play fucking Domino's, whatever, not Domino's, but... Drafting. Wheel of fortune. That's the only reason I'll sit there like eight minutes, and I will let everything come out,

but it's killing me because I'm wasting my time that I should be out earning. But I'm sitting there like a fucking idiot, waiting for everything to come out of my asshole, and then I just put the game away. I wipe it again. Yeah, you're watching the weather, though, is what I was talking about.

No, the weather's on TV. I understand it's on TV, but you're... But again, if I go in there at 920, there ain't no weather. I got to wait until 940, so null the fucking weather. Then I go on the computer and I go, da-da-da-da, New Jersey, 7-8 weather. That's it. Everything is different.

We have to improvise. That's the word I'm looking for. I appreciate that. I... But yeah, you have to make your bathroom. Somewhere in this country, we decided to make the bathroom experience 40 minutes. They figured out that after like eight minutes, you're just getting hemorrhoids. Yeah, that's why I was asking how long you're sitting there for.

So you want to be in there quick. That's why at night you got to eat an apple, two cups of coffee, Rifa, all that. George made a point three or four years ago, and it is absolutely true. You can do whatever you want the night before, refa wise. You got to drink coffee, two cups, go to the bathroom, shit, and take a shower. When you come out of that shower, because of that shit, the shit blows out the T-HC and anything else that was in there. You don't do that in the morning.

You want to do it nowhere. I can't control when I shit. Well, you have to drink coffee. You have to drink juice. I don't like coffee. You get up for three hours, you don't drink anything. You know, Lee, there's health issues. You got to, this is why you're high for three fucking days.

Well, that's not why. It's not my lack of coffee. Three fucking days he was hired for. Yeah, because you got me fucked up last week. You're fuck. I've been getting you fucked up for 12 years. I know that. That's a problem.

Why do you think? I was not so fucking fat. Dude, when we were doing Sundays and Wednesdays, I would be high from Sunday to basically Tuesday afternoon, and then I would get a break until Wednesday night. Guess what? You're still here. I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining.

No one's crying. You're talking... Look, look, leave my alone. Okay. Leave me alone. You're talking about how high again. Just look at the shape of you. Yeah, what do you expect? Look at the shape of you. Your fucking eyes mix your, match your fucking shirt. Oh, yeah.

You're a fucking dick of the gay ball. For pinkies. Look at you. and then they made you serve tacos and shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? A pink shirt. I was waiting for it. That's like a fucking Mexican gay bar you worked at. Pinkies and San Diego.

Eric's the fucking DJ is some shit. That'd be a good place. Anyway, we got to talk about this, so we might as well let it out. Last week was a fucking shocker to me. Last Tuesday, I was somewhere, and driving home and Dean Delray sends me a text. And I look at it and it's RIP Ozzy and I go.

And I was like, what the fuck is that shit? And I pulled over on the 9 and I called him. I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, dude, Ozzy died. Can you believe that? 14 days after his show. I can see it happening. He waited and, you know, he yelled out.

God bless him, whatever. And I get back and I'm driving. And then I just started fucking hitting me, man. I'm like, what the fuck? how did Ozzy Osbourne die? And I'm sitting there and I always had a fear as a kid I go, I'm going to have a hard time

when Ozzy dies, Charles Bronson and the last one that's going to go that's going to kill me is Julia Serving. That's the last guy that's going to go, you know? But it didn't bother me for a little while. I was like, okay. And then I go, let me put him on his first solo album and holy fuck.

I just started crying, man. I just started fucking bawling because I remember it was just a different time in my life. It wasn't a good time in my life, and I remember that it was all that was keeping me alive at that point, was that stupid music and the camaraderie we had from listening to it, you know? Yeah. And those two albums, after he put those out,

those fucking, you know, going to the palladium and watching them at the 830 show, they did two shows, and just the whole concert vibe back then. I was thinking about that. I think one time I went over there with Kurt, to see ACDC. And that's when he told me about the fence, that there was a fence behind the palladium.

And now, you know, you went back there and you picked it open, and you went back there. And they'd be like 60 people back there. Fucking selling Coke, eating play ludes and shit. And I went back there. That's where he did Coke before ACDC.

He's looking at. Oh, we could do Coke back in. I go, where? Right behind the palladium. There was a little fucking, you just picked up the fence. You went in there, and it was just fucking people everywhere,

drinking before concert. And it was very, Very, you know. Yeah, it was a great fucking venue. I must have been like in ninth grade the first time I went there? No, yeah, ninth grade. Judas Priest, 1979, first time I went there.

And I saw some fucking fantastic high level. I went to see Left Deppin on their first album opened up for Judas Priest there. And that motherfucker came out with a motorcycle. On stage? Fuck, yeah, from the back. That's badass.

From the back of the Palladium. And he fucking, you're like, what the fuck is going on here? Every time I went there, I had a good time. But it was just, he was such a part of that creepy childhood I had. He was such a part of like, because I love Black Sabbath. But then I went to see them, and I could tell when I left there that I wasn't going to see these guys again. No? Yeah, they were terrible that night.

Van Halen opened up for them. It just wasn't, I don't know, Ozzy was, you know, now I get when you guys go, You were great. Yeah. I liked Ozzie, but the sound was off. You could see the drummer snorting coke on the fucking drums. It was tremendous. I'm sitting there going, look at this motherfucker.

In between songs, you put the drumsticks and pour fucking coke and snorted right off the drums. We're like, oh, my God. And I'm like a freshman in high school. And I'm like, wow. And then they broke up. And that's what had you confused. There was no internet.

There was no nothing. All you depended on was Cream Magazine. That's it. Nobody remembers Cream Magazine. And I still remember going on playing hooky, doing acid and going on Kennedy Boulevard. And by Leavies across the street, they had a bookstore combination magazine place.

And I went in there and I got the cream and they had a whole article that Black Sabbath had moved on without Ozzie. And I'm like, wow, it's fucking over. And then people were like, what happened to Ozzie? and all of a sudden, John Lennon got shot on a Monday night, and that Sunday I went to the,

I didn't go up to Central Park. I opted the other way. I went to bleakabobs in the village, and I was just looking through the aisle. It was an all of a sudden I saw an Ozzy Osbourne album from England. It was four songs with Rudy on the cover, and I'm like, oh shit. And I took that, and I stopped to the head shop.

No, no, no, no, in the village. In the village. It was a head shop, and I brought the cocaine things. It was a wallet with a stone, with a bottle, with a razor blade, with a spoon, with a little fucking thing that you did with the spoon on top.

I was fucking 16. Jesus. And the money, and here's the funny thing. I had just gotten money from that bank. I had $20,000 that had just gotten that Tuesday from a scam bank that we did. $20,000. My mother had just died.

I didn't even know what to do with the money. I put it in my sock drawer. And at night I would just take like $50 out. I didn't even know 100. I'm going to go to Pizza Parle. I'm going to be Johnny Gumbats. I'll take a hundred. That lasted me like three months.

You spent $20,000 and three months. Oh, like an animal. Snorting, buying clothes, eating dinners at that place on Tunnelie Avenue. It's like a stone mason. On 50th and Tunnelia Avenue, there's a place that makes stone. They've been there since they made Jesus in stone. Two doors down, stanked. Those. Wasn't it that restaurant down there?

Okay. You know which red. It's still something. It's a restaurant today. It's something else. But when we were kids, that was like a big mafia hangout. Like they didn't go up on this side. They were going on that side. There was a couple of little Italian restaurants. Every time you went in there, you see eight old guys with cigars and she, like, I know what time it is. They wouldn't eat on these on the County Boulevard once. They'd on the Tunney Avenue once. Pretty fucking interesting. What, cocksucker? What are we saying? I wish I could tell you. You don't know.

So it was just really funny that after that, after I found the album, then the hype started coming up. And I remember I used to go by the tickets where I paid for Ozzy Osbourne, like $12.50. I got them in Cliffside Park, right close to where George's business is now. It was a place when George and I were kids.

I'm talking about kids, 12. and it was there to about 10 years ago. It was called Things from England. What was that? Be there, Be there, Be There. No, what was, Be There was there was there like 78. And then Things from England came in. So it was a combination Tickertron with an album store.

And it was albums that had been imports from England. So anybody who's got an ACDC, the first album, they have an Australian. and that's what they would have. They would have UFO, but from England. They would have anything that came out here, but they would have it from England. Like they had your uncle bought Judas Priest's killing machine.

Here it's called Hell Bent for Leather or whatever that album is. But in England, it was killing machine. The cover was different. That album is in the basement. It's got to be worth millions because nobody has that album no more. It was brand fucking new. And then you'd go there to buy concert tickets. We'd buy concert tickets there.

Remember, we bought the tickets for him there, and then we went to see him again somewhere, and then the kid died. When we were seniors in high school, like in fucking April, the kid went on the plane. Randy Rhodes, his guitar play, and he fucking died. And we were fucking heartbroken. And again, Ozzy's getting sideline.

But fuck no. There was a band called Night Ranger, and they had a guitarist played Brad Willis. That was pretty fucking good. So he joined Ozzy for the Diary of a Mad Man album. That's when he had the castle on stage and people getting stabbed the concerts and shit, it was tremendous.

Like the first thing I heard about Ozzy was like the bat thing. Was that even, honestly, I don't even know. Was that real? It was real, but by that time it was great publicity. Would he do it every concert? No, no, no, no. He went to a meeting, an executive.

and he bit the head off a bat and threw the bat of them, and then he got tetanus or some shit. Oh, Jesus Christ. And they took a shit on the Alamo or a piss on the Alamo. He was on fucking fire. But the one thing about him was that most people fake the funk. That motherfucker was real. Like, that dude died a few times.

Like, that dude did a lot of fuck. His band was called the Blizzard of Oz. What the fuck does that tell you? And I made a shirt. I loved that name. His uncle worked at Levy's. It was sporting good. And you could make custom shirts in there.

He made your own shirts. We used to make our own shirts for concerts. Listen, do me a favor. Throw up. Killing yourself to live, Black Sabbath live. I'm going to show you something. I showed Lee once before. We got to go to a specific part.

So before concerts, your uncle and some of his fucking lunatic friends would make shirts for concerts. They would make the shirts they would lower that. They would make the shirts if they hated a concert. So if one of those guys had a girlfriend and she was going to see Adamant,

these North Bergen idiots would make shirts that says, Atomant sucks my dick, and go to the concert and just to annoy Adamant. Oh, my God. And they would make them at Leavis. But there's four idiots at this concert, and that was us. That was us at the Black Sabbath concert.

Because I made a shirt call suicide solution. And I walked into your grandfather's house. He would look at the shirt and go. And it was two lines of Coke. And it says suicide. You gotta be retarded. We were sophomore.

We all made hats that, because the name of the band is Judas Priest. But you could also call it, what's the opposite for Judas Priest? There's another name for, it's Judas Christ or something like that. So what do we do? We made those hats.

Your uncle. And fucking, they got in trouble for wearing those hats in school something about, because it was blasphemous or something. And one of the teachers was really religious or some shit. We used to make, anyway, getting back to that, these idiots made their own shirts. And I still remember going to a concert. That's why when people say to me,

hey, we're going to a jet game. Are you wearing your giant shirt? Fuck, no. I learned at a concert in 1980, what it is to walk home with a bunch of drunk junkies and you and three of your faggy friends have a shirt that you made it home that's kind of cool

but not really. You look like a fucking idiot but in your demented acidic mind with the weed you actually think it's fucking cool and that's what we used to do at these concerts. This is all very fun. Listen, he had the religious stuff but I never believed the devil. You know, only one time when I did some T.HC. Crystal angel dust

and I went home and put on Master Reality and the Exorcist was on. So I took the volume off the Exorcist and I left the volume on Master Reality. Dog, I thought I was gonna kill myself. It was my 16th birthday. But there's four idiots at this show that made... There they are!

There they are! That was us. That was us. Those four idiots with that shirt on. Look how crazy they go. When he stops and does the guitar chords, these four idiots turn into the biggest, fags you'll ever see. Did you do that move with the hands?

Yeah, I'm telling you that was me. That fag holding on to his face, that might be me. That, look at his haircut. That might be me. I'm telling you, when I saw that, how do you know, I know about this video? Because I'm telling you, I saw this, I can't see who's sitting next to him.

If I see your uncle or a villo, yeah, it's a black guy. He's just as confused. But look at him, watch him, watch him. Yeah, this is Cassage. But just to get back to Ozzy, and I went to see him that last time and a Black Sabbath half returns, yeah, because they were always breaking up in the 70s.

This has to be 76, 77. They were always breaking up because it was Doug Palms and whatnot. So, yeah, 75 is when this album came out, killing your Sabbath, bloody Sabbath. Or maybe 73. Who the fuck knows? But I loved all this shit.

This is what kept me alive when I was a fucking kid those years. after my mother died. It just gave me like, they had a song called Tomorrow's Dream. That was it. Tomorrow's dream was for me to wake up the next morning. And I would listen to it every night before I went to bed,

coked up after I just finished crying that I missed my mother. So this was all very, like, part of my little retardation after my mother died. Right. And, like, the thing that got me, because I didn't have any relationship with Ozzy, really. Neither did I.

I. I knew the guy. I know that. He wasn't, like, I wasn't a huge fan of him. But, like, the thing that got to me was, like, the last song that he sang at his concert was like, Mama, I'm coming home. I've been listening to that song like nonstop. It's a great song.

It's a fucked-out song. Listen, you know, this is what people don't know. When you look at Sharon Osborne, you're like Sharon Osborne's this, that, this, that bitch. Sharon Osborne shaped his career. What people don't know, the album's sabotaged. I don't like it. It's about them singing. in an album of how they got robbed.

Their management robbed them. And that was Arden's father. Damn. So Sharon Osborne's father was their ex-manager who robbed them. And he came from the same notorious hat as the Led Zeppelin manager, Peter Grant. They were mafia. They were gang members.

They were like fucking, you know, they believed in just robbing you. That's it. So when Sharon asked him, what are you going to do with Ozzie? he told her you could have him. And he was living over Gus's liquor store on the other side of Hollywood Boulevard. You know what Gus's is?

It's down by the Roxy and all that. It used to be that. It used to be, I'm sorry. Not chicken's place. It's something different there. Okay. He was living over the Guses, broke, drugged out, and she went to see him and picked them up

and cleaned them up and put a band around them. They got Randy Rhodes, and that's what that bitch did. And then from there, I mean, she even had her own festival. They even had Oz fast guys. Oh, yeah, I didn't know. New Year's Eve in that way. I mean, yeah, this is crazy. This is crazy shit.

What she did, I think the best thing they showed is his last dance with her. That made me cry. I saw her own line. After the concert, he grabbed her hand and they started dancing. Oh, that's nice. And I'm like, you know, this is what you always want at the end of your life is to have that partner that you were both eating shit.

And now they're worth, what are they worth? Half a billion fucking dollars. Yeah, I was going to say, it has to be like hundreds of millions at least. You know? Because like, even, and it's crazy. Not, like, not, like, around his music, but then his reality show was huge. Like, he was huge on the reality show. Everything he stepped on that.

She developed after that. It was fucking huge. And let me tell you stuff. His fucking reality show was one of the best of all time. Top, top five. He's a funny motherfucker that dude. He was very funny.

That's why they liked them. That's why he lasted. He was naturally funny. He naturally had chops. And you read about him how his parents grew up in a five-bed, in a two-bedroom house. His parents lived in the one bedroom

and he lived in the other bedroom with six kids. They didn't have a shower or a bathroom until he was six. 16 years old. I read that. You had to go to the bathroom outside. You know, it's not where you fucking start, man.

It's not ever where you start. You're not going to stay there if you don't want to. That guy was dead in 1980. Dead. Dead! Without Black Sabbath, nobody wanted him. He was a fucking known Coke, everything that came with all that life. He did.

And this chick took a fucking gamble on him. Then had kids. know where she got to come for MFab kids because that dude and he's been shaking for 20 years he's been shaken for 20 fucking years so you know it's so funny I'm like this what I'm writing my book about about fucking how I got fucked up because people got it wrong and you believe that I got inspired from a guy especially two weeks ago when I saw him dance with his wife at that age their last dance and you think about that guy the dream that guy the drugs he did, the stupidity he did, the trouble he got into, all that shit, which you really

never got in trouble. But all the articles and all the bats and all that shit. And that dude had a tremendous home life. The kids all came out normal. In fact, he's got a kid that don't want nothing to do with the fame. You have another daughter that nobody, you don't even know she's alive. She didn't want to be a part of it at all. So it's a very interesting story.

and it's very interesting. Look, right there. It was his last dance with her, man. That's 40 fucking years of marriage. That's all that. Do you have any fucking idea what that must feel like? You know, like, I can't believe this bitch.

She's got bad breath. But she's the one that took you to the dance. Right. Because without her, she had nothing. He had nothing, this poor bastard. Dude, I can know it's sad that he's gone. But if he had to script the end of your life, he had a pretty decent one

it seems like to have that concert and go two weeks later this guy a great fucking life and to think it all started from singing a stupid song or showing up to fucking do something you never thought you were even good at

you know you think about that like you show up and you don't even think you're going to be good at it and you just keep showing up and then you meet a girl and she has good drugs and she plays the drums and you keep singing

and all of a sudden you're in another band and that band puts out nine albums who has nine albums that you know today guys anybody Drake

nine fucking albums that they put hard and sweat into and each album is fucking great that's a difference they got eight studio albums they got one greatest hits album

how many albums are good do you think I'd love all nine of their fucking hours. Every one of the rounds is something different about each album and you're like, what the fuck is this? And then he put out two, three solo,

a bark at the moon, you know, he put out a bunch of, you know, you think that these legends are going. I'll tell you who we overlook. We overlook this bitch every fucking day. And I want all you motherfuckers to, I don't know what you got, whether it's Spotify or Apple,

put on Apple playlist and put on fucking Madonna and get back to me. When you listen to her, fucking playlist. That's another motherfucker. You got to go. You know,

Ozzie was a bad motherfucker, but Madonna opened up the door for 2,000 bitches. Listen to her album. They all sound like her.

They all sound like her. The other day, me and Mercy listened to the first one with, that's a fucking badass album. Yeah,

holiday and physical attraction and burning up. But the other one is really good. Like a virgin is fucking tremendous. Right.

It's tremendous. She has like three or four songs. Then the other one, True Blue. But look at her fucking... She has an album in 93. That's fucking brilliant. She's got the one when she came out with the quarters on the tithes.

The one when the black guy lights the balloons, deeper and deeper. These people are fucking living. Yeah, Madonna looks all fucked up now, Joey. That doesn't matter. Look at her. Look at her work. Look at her fucking working.

over the years and everybody was trying to be her. Everybody stole from Metana. I don't give a fuck when anybody told you. You know, these guys are, we're about to lose them. Errol Smith. Errol Smith is no joke. You know, these guys have been around. This ain't a fucking, listen, I love, what's her name?

Ellie, what's her name? Billy Irish. I love Billy Irish until I put on one of her concerts. What's wrong? It's a guy with a DJ boot and her lip-syncing or whatever. And these kids are paying thousands of dollars, and it's just going to a club. It's us going to the palladium in the 80s,

and somebody comes in, like some fat chick from Brooklyn comes in, and they stop, you're all coped up, and all of a sudden, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat coming to you from Brooklyn, Monet. And all of a sudden, you got a, and it's one of those songs, D-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. Sounds like everything else, and she goes up there and lip-sinks.

And you're there, thank God they had no cameras in those days with those idiots taping things and shit. But it's the same thing. It's just a chip fucking lip-sinking. It's no big deal. And then she gets off the stage and you're back to snort and coke and fucking dancing up and down.

But Madonna... It was different. You know, all these people, Aerosmith, these guys are going to go pretty soon, and we're going to be done. That's it. And I'm not talking about These guys are not like these wannabe

That these Americans These white people put up to be heroes You know Nobody put Ozzy Osbourne up to be no fucking hero They were thinking of other fucking people And look at the damage this guy did And he didn't give a fuck So

RIP Ozzy And I'm happy I got to listen to you I'm not going to sit here for two hours And give you the Joey Diaz You know Who gives a fuck He's dead And now we're going to

Then the other guy died What's his name? Hulk Hogan. They're going to keep. Jamar Warn to die last week, you know. But then there's people still walking around that. You look at them and go, Jesus, fucking Christ. When are you going to fucking get hit by a truck, you talk sucker?

What do you got this week? This week, I'm in New York locally. I don't have anything booked tonight. So Wednesday, we're at the dojo for the best of Wednesday night. Cheap tickets. And Thursday night we're at the dojo for Bucket and a Story. They're going to pass a bucket out. You're going to put a topic in there.

The comics have to go on stage and do eight minutes on the shit they pull out of the bucket. It's the first time they're going to do it, and then we're going to keep doing it like every other Wednesday. It's a great show. You see people create material. You come back and watch them, and you see from what a note in the bucket now became 10 minutes two weeks later. That's crazy.

Because 800, when you have, listen, it's tough to write when you're at a coffee shop and you put your pen in your mouth and your girlfriend's like, what are you want for dinner? You're not going to write nothing. You're not going to write nothing. The best writing you're going to do is when there's 50 people in the audience and 100 eyeballs are looking at you like your cat when they're hungry. You know what I'm saying?

You'll see how your cat won't take the eye off you. Oh, I know. They won't take them. Did you get the nip? I did. I got toys too and a laser pointer. Did she like you? She's not hitting me.

See? I just bribe her with treats. You got out-think them. I'll think of them. I'm just like, I said, do I jump up what you want? Dude. Cats, dogs you always know are there. This cat fucking moves, you don't fucking hear that thing,

and then it'll just appear on the bed. Come to the truth. One. The truth, this family. You missed mama, so you were banging one out one day in the bed, and the cat jumped on the bed next to him. Because they'll watch it, jerk off. Oh, dude.

Look at this pig motherfucker. It's the worst. Oh, yeah. Because listen, I tried to get the, to not to come in the room. I built a whole fucking wall. They love to watch for you jerk off. When you bang one off, they'll show up. I just don't want to be on the bed.

She doesn't like me. Why isn't she on the couch? I set up a little room for her on the couch with blankets and shit. She doesn't want to be on the couch. She'll just sit there and she just glares in me the whole time. They know what's going on. And they're looking and going to... No, she glares in me when...

I'm not jerking off, but yeah, I jerked off a lot. Did she catch you the cat? And it wasn't catching, but she was just like noticing the room. She's in the room. You either go or you stay. You know what I'm saying, buttercup? I'm going to bang one out whether you're in here or not. You know what I'm saying?

So you could go on your terms or you can sit here. look for me fucking make eyeballs. But it was, like, I did that. Like, it made me nervous the first couple times. I was like, if I don't want to give it, if I get, I was like, if she wax my dick, I'm going to freak out. We got to whack it with a controlled element. Don't take your balls out and sit there.

They start fucking, oh, oh, and then she starts scratching your balls with a left hook. That's a lot of explaining you got to do. You got to go to the doctor because every time a cat scratches your balls, you know that one hook's going to get caught in there. And now you can't take it out. That's too painful. because they're like a, it's like a cat's dick. You know, you ever hear cat fucking?

When a cat fucks you, his dick opens up. So when he pulls out, he shreds the woman's pussy, the cat's pussy. That's why female cats are like, ah, because it's like razor blades ripping their insides. Oh, my God. That's the same thing that happened was their claw. The end of the claw has another tip. A lot of people don't know that. So if they get you in the nutsack, you got to go to the hospital.

They got to look at the doctor and tell me you got in the nutsack. And they're going to look at you a little different. they're going to make a call too somebody's going to come in and talk to you because not for nothing we want to know why the cat squatted you in the nut sack can we go to your house and smell the cat

you know I think all right cock suckers I love you at all my heart Lee nothing this week just to open mic and fucking bucket this week I have a bunch of shows coming up

but we only talk about the week next all right my friend I'm Uncle Joey I got nothing and I'll be at the dojo next week. And again, happy birthday to my beautiful nephew. Nick Askely, he's having a party tomorrow night. I got an 8 o'clock botcha game, so I'll never make it. I can't make it up and down by both fucking situations.

So maybe if you want to do lunch in Jersey City, I'll come up, we'll hang with the sheriff, shoot some dice, you know what I'm saying? I love you. Have a great week, motherfuckers. Stay black. We love you here at the church.