Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Never Forget The Mission

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about going on tour for months at a time, what being positive and having faith have in common, what it's like being on the conveyer belt, and more! Support the show and try Blue Chew for free – just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com and use promo code DIAZ The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

You know, it's like when you don't want to do something Rule number one when you don't want to do something and you're a young man Do it Because those are the days you get more out of something It happened last week. Yeah to me I went to a know I did what I was gonna go to a close open mic and I went to Boston and I got like three shows You know, it's the nights you don't want to do something in comedy that somebody calls you and go I man this guy canceled

20 minutes. I'll give you 75 bucks You are honestly as a comic thinking you were gonna take the night off You grow mad as you're getting up. We're gonna watch the show on Netflix. I just drew in a pizza. This is the comics life. So it's so weird how you have to trust everything. You have to trust the universe while you're doing the work.

If you just put pictures of you up in front of Improvs and with Russell Peters or with Joe Rogan, that's not going to help you. It's the fucking work. I've always realized no matter what I'm doing, whether I'm doing whether I'm doing an audition whether I'm Shooting something the days. I'm like fuck. How can I get out of this today is? The day I get the most out of that and you go fuck I'm happy I came today I'm really happy because what was my option? I was gonna sit at home on the computer looking at fucking sport games, whatever the fuck I do, you know Would you say you like you're more positive now than you were I don't know 20 years ago like it just in your mindset What's that brother Are you more positive than you were like 20 years ago like in your mind like how you think and how like your mindset? Well, you're always positively you were positive even stuff wasn't going well

You got to believe in something I sit here and I go what the fuck made me Go to Syracuse and and Landscape and you know, first of all comedy for me was a journey But I Don't know What was the question if you're more positive because like I think You're only that I I don't think I am positive enough. I think I'm I get negative in my head I'm very negative and I keep hearing about like, you know

How being actual positive will help you get better results? I'm trying to be more positive But like my first instinct is to always to go negative I'm really sorry to the people watching this the edible hit me Hard as the fucking show came on. I had to sit back. I Had to drink some ice tea with no sugar. Well, we haven't done the intro yet If you want to take that part out we can just no no, no, I don't give a fuck. I'm okay It's okay. You know people get hit hard from time to time That's what life is about. I just took the bag

counted six and I'm doing this and I'm doing that and finally I said, I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I said, I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I'm going to go to the dojo and I I need a little fucking breather right so my problem was a thousand by the way but going and I sit down and I'm doing this I'm doing that

finally sit down and I don't know I'm starting to get it like that feeling and my wife and she's like Joey you have the biggest way that I get and when she went to squeeze it I had to stop I'm like I'm gonna pass out The fucking edible hit me The fingers on my neck, you know You don't like the fingers on your neck. I thought you liked what you pop stuff like that No, but not when I got thousand milligrams of me and it's it's going through my body like Great train you always gotta be positive. I mean you can't look at your shit and go well this ain't gonna work I mean you and I were talking about a comedian earlier on the phone that motherfucker's positive because

he's still going and nobody's hiring him but and there's an admiration from me for that type of stuff But the admiration is stupidity on that level like that's not it's past the fucking you know nobody's hiring It's it's a win-win realistic, right? a win-win realistic right But there's always I mean when I was in that basement in Boulder I think about that basement in Boulder a lot when I think about comedy Because that's what the magic happened to me was that the rocky apartment that was the rocky apartment that year and a half in that apartment No matter how bad times were I Always knew I was going to do a spot that night

No matter it didn't matter I was broke it didn't matter I was out of coke it didn't matter I owed the coke dealer money. It didn't matter that I owed the lawyer money Nothing mattered. I had a set that night and I wasn't getting paid. Don't think I was getting paid But it was usually an open mic or what are you doing real show? No, no, these were like bar shows that my friend would have And he would hire other comics but he go I save 15 minutes for you up front Awesome. I can't pay you but you'll get a dinner or something like that At least you know, you know that shit's gonna happen tonight

Cocaine that's a different story. Maybe something you'll drop a $50 bill on the floor Maybe you'll see when that happens. Yeah, maybe somebody will leave their wall in the bathroom It's fair game in there, that's well. Hey, you know you got to control it. You know a couple weeks ago The godfather of comedy and LA passed away. We haven't spoken about it Two good things happen in comedy the last four weeks The one bad thing was Rudy Moreno passed Okay, it's all over the internet and whatnot. It took me a couple of weeks to deal with it.

You know, I called him when he was in the hospital, obviously he didn't answer and maybe a week later he passed away, but I did call him. He was a great fucking guy. He had, you know, Rudy had rooms, man. And Rudy opened his doors to young comedians like that. Like, hey, the relief, I can't pay you tonight. But it's fucking Shane Gillis and Ari, do 15 minutes.

Come down, get a cheeseburger and some nachos. You know, that's... I'll do that in a second. What's that? Yeah. And you know, I never forget moving to LA on a fucking Monday night I Went to the store and then I went to the Laugh Factory Tuesday and stood on a line outside And somebody came up to me they go man, you're Spanish contact Rudy Moreno

This how I got together with Rudy. There's someone at the line Huh? There's someone in the line Somebody in the line said just Rudy he has a lot of Latino rooms now either Moreno's ma'am about four times in two days So I hunted his number down. I knew Marilyn Martinez when I got the tab Okay, I saw Marilyn at the store that like Wednesday night. I knew Marilyn Martinez when I got the town. Okay.

I saw Marilyn at the store that like Wednesday night, I go talk to me about this Rudy character. She goes, yes, Rudy's got rooms and he will book him. He has the brave bull on the weekends. It pays 25, 40 bucks, whatever. Call him. I kept calling Rudy. Call him. Call Rudy Joe Diaz. I know Felipe called your Rudy

Marilyn Martinez Rudy Joe Diaz, I know Marilyn called you. I like three people call this motherfucker never call me back I Asked somebody it's like 35 minutes. So one Friday night. I had a late spot at the store Okay down there see this fucking Rudy character and see why he don't return my fucking numbers calls Like that's how crazy I was and I didn't go down there with anger in my heart. I was going down I go Rudy what the fuck right and I went down I go Rudy what the fuck and he goes Who are you I go Joe dears? How many times I got a fucking boy to get a spot. He's like, ah he started laughing and that night he put me up and

That became You know That was my weekly thing And you did it for a long time right he went to the brave bull from 97 To about 99 he had that every weekend plus additional stuff right? Political stuff he had fundraisers at Steve Steakhouse He had thousands of things when I got to LA you know I can't deny that and Gabriel had the fucking casino on the 710

The safari lounge or was a fucking zoo in there, you know Uh, you know all those spanish guys. I think about them willy barcena Felipe jeff garcia fly those guys had rooms and That was tuesday through fucking Thursday. It was amazing. But let's get back to Rudy. Rudy you know put me up in that room and he would always before I went up and I was going

Joey, keep it clean. Really? Yeah. And I get off stage and they go, thanks for keeping it clean. Real job. I go today laugh Rudy. Yeah, but I have a bunch of grandmother fuck them They laugh and then my counterpart Marilyn Martinez started an all All out fist fight in there from the stick She was on the stage and she said

something somebody told her to shut up and some big Mexican got up and started pounding on the other Mexican and he had cousins and it was like a ten-man fight they threw tables they ripped fucking flowers down and I talked to Marilyn like a man what happened and she was the funniest was Rudy the next morning cuz Rudy had a gig and he wasn't there. Oh, no So he called Marilyn like a 901. He's like Marilyn what happened and Marilyn told you know, I said something about a cocksucker and the guy didn't like it because his mother was there and fucking they started beating on each other and shit

Jesus, but Rudy kept having rooms and Rudy went from the brave bull to the other casino, the really nice one. Paid you a hundred bucks on Thursday. Put me in there every four Thursdays. Nice. Pick up a quick yardstick. And then he picked up a strip club, not really a strip club. He picked up an Irish bar in front of one of those

California big-time strip clubs, you know, I don't know what 21 good-looking ones and one fat one. I don't know if it was that was that the name of the strip club? No, that's this I forget they're like a chain. They were in Seattle So, uh, I Go down there one night, you know, like I just told you before in the story with faith You gotta have faith brother. I go down there one night. He calls me up the room only pays 50 bucks It's you and somebody else but it was an Irish ball and they had corned beef and cabbage

and blah blah blah. I'll never forget the corned beef was great. I ate when I got there because I was fucking that was it. I only had I had gas money and the 50 he was about to get me. All right. I'll never forget going on stage. It was maybe 31 people in the audience maybe 30 maybe 28 You know, they only sat like 50 right and some guys heck on me and he was cool

You know, he was just a fucking great white guy heck on me heck on me We get we kept going back for fuck you that the tab the audience It was a fun set. It was one of those sets where you don't even do material You just you were a joke and he said something and you just ran with it for 30 minutes But when I get off the stage, oh, no, no the guy threw his wallet at me Why I don't know at one point was you take it and I had the wallet I'm like, how am I gonna rob this guy? Have him seeing me? From stage. From stage.

And I put the wall in my back pocket, but I looked as I go, I gotta go through a bathroom. I gotta go through those little things where men and women, but it's covered. And it's like a 20, 30 second walk. If Rudy comes up to me and Rudy did come up to me, we talked and then as I was, the wallet was already in my pocket,

I opened it up and right then it was a stack of hundreds. I just took one and gained back the wall. I'll never forget that. And I drove up to the store, like nothing happened. I was happy as a pig and shit. About three days later, Rudy called me. Did you take a lot of dollars out of that man's wallet? I was like, I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna

go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna

go to the hospital and I'm gonna go to the hospital and I'm gonna Rudy Moreno good fucking dude. He's having a few benefits in California You know if I wasn't so locked down I'd shoot out there, but I don't even think I don't even have the endurance on a five and a half hour flight yet I'd have to do something horrible like terrible or fucking Grimolder pills or something. I can't survive a survive a flight that flight. I'm not used to that yet Don't the flights to Austin on the way down or four hours, right? And let me take the first two times. I wanted to jump off the plane. I start now and I let

You've been flying for so long what I didn't fly for two years close to three years. You gotta work your endurance back up. You just can't get on a 16-hour flight to Europe. Why? You're sitting down. I don't know. You just... It's too much. I had no idea. Yeah, and it's just not sitting down.

It's sitting down for you, you're Johnny mook. I Got on a plane. I got activities. I got edibles. I got you really do have activities. I got movies I got this data vape a pen. I'm hitting it for more. I'm like an octopus nicotine gum the whole fucking Tip and what? Oh and do you would you want when like cuz when we took flights together you'd walk back and say hi Well, yeah, you walk up and down the aisle every every flight every flight. I got to stretch my legs You got a burnt cow. I let the legs know not you'll walk up Next time you got a play. You gotta get on there with some guy who the Mexican guy put you on there with a wheelchair

You got to move around the plane You can't just fucking sit there. You know I try to walk once when everybody's asleep Okay, nobody goes. Hey Joey, so I walk once and then Every 35 minutes I get up make believe I'm getting my luggage. I'm that I'm just stretching I go up and down with my calves the calf is the The heart of the leg, is the bottom half. So always no idea apps on your plane. Yeah. You got to work your calves to keep the circulation going. Take an aspirin before you get on a plane. There's so much people

think you just get on a plane. And then they realize when they land somewhere I had jet lag because you didn't prepare Can't drink on a plane. You gotta drink water Take a baby aspirin. You gotta eat something healthy Like don't go to Popeyes chicken and then get on a fucking plane. You know I'm saying What will happen? What do you think happens when you eat Popeyes chicken? You're gonna have to shit that rotten bird out eventually, right? So now you got a shit on the plane with your luck and my luck and anybody who listens to this show They Popeyes chicken as soon as they sit down and put that seat belt on that fucking pigeon comes to life in their stomach. Oh

I can't I've never I don't think I've I had a one time but you do I mean, it's the most embarrassing thing in the world Because when you look at the people like when you take a shit on a plane, everybody's gonna smell it. Oh, yeah That's number one number two. You hate if there's four people waiting Because they're gonna look at you dirty the rest of the fucking flight Because they're gonna look at you dirty the rest of the fucking flight Oh, yeah, that's number one number two you hate if there's four people waiting Because they're gonna look at you dirty the rest of the fucking flight Because they're gonna nail that asshole as soon as they walk in there fresh

And it's always every time I go to the back like everyone's peed on the seat. Yeah, it's disgusting You don't want to I wash my hands before I go in when I hit that button that says flush that square thing They got a punch 18 fucking times For it. It looks like a fucking coaster for a fucking jug of beer Yeah, I wash my hands. Those things are filthy. Would you ever? Tom just posted about it I know you're not going to Abu Dhabi, but they have like first-class tickets now planes where you can take showers For like really long flights. Would you ever take a shower on a plane? It depends if my ball smelled like Abu Dhabi or whatever the fucking desert yes, I would

I would always be worried if like whatever like the water went out I Get so fucked up But if you hit a plane a building when you're taking a shot, it's a horrible way to go That's too first-class for uncle Joey. I just want to get there Three four hours. I don't need to go 16 and Abu Dhabi and eat whatever the fuck is on that flight for two days Are you fucking kidding me? Oh Yeah, you know, they have a lot of curry and hummus You got a lot of what they have a lot of curry on that on those planes

Do they I think so. Yeah, I would fuck they don't let they don't let Jews over there That's when I fucking take my sneakers and make believe there's a firecracker And this fucking thing cut fuckers greetings It's Tuesday, June the 11th. The check-in is brought to you by blue Chew listen if you want to be good in the sack you need blue chew. All right, plain and simple I promise it's gonna make your dick harder and everybody will have more fun. It's the summertime.

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turn off your TVs run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. I thought what Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to church! Oh My god good morning. Good afternoon. What up move? Good to talk to you buddy. Good to talk to you very interesting week

Interesting weekend. I didn't do dick. How about you you get some shows? I had a couple of good shows. I am I Got to go. I thought about That I did an open mic in like a and like a dugout like 1800s basement in Brookline And that was actually like one of the best open my it was just it was just in like a dark basement but it was fun that was just in like a dark basement. It was fun. That was fun. And then I've had I got to do I Went to New Hampshire for the first time and that was a lot of fun But I it's been awesome because people are coming out now and that's really cool to hear that they listen and that they're coming out Come on, brother. They know you're working hard

you're not just some fly-by-night motherfucker and That's big. That's big at this level. I have a couple supporters come out. That's big and talk to you Oh, yeah grow and then when you become Lisa I had Don't fucking say I knew that motherfucker and now you have to do that bar mitzvahs for free, you know I would do their bar mitzvahs But I was uh, because when you were talking about getting paid something that i've been thinking about is Taking like the and I i'm it's very early on but taking that part like getting paid More seriously like when I when people offer me shows, I never ask what the money is some shows you already know

You know and this is my thing if you're doing a bar show Mm-hmm, and I call you up for the bar show and you come do it and I give you $10 gas money. That's cool Yeah, but as soon as I walk in and I see $20 admission And I see 20 people not it's 400 hours You're not paying the headline or all that money. Now. Do I want all your money? Not really? We're all in this together, but $25 wouldn't make you a break you Right. Do you follow me a lot of times times you don't even know if they're charging Till you get there or to use they send you a flyer to put on your social media

so You know, these are things that you have to decide There's a lot of guys out there bookers that you know, they do it They make money and they take all the money and they drive a car They have a fucking nice car and they have the blonde girlfriend and meanwhile You have to borrow your uncle's bike to get to the fucking open mic. So at one point You got to decide What are we doing here? Am I doing this for me a fan? I'm gonna tell you another point of view on this, too

Let's say the guy has a good room and he uses you three times a month, you know? And sometimes he gives you the small 10, maybe sometimes he gives you nothing. At one point you look at it like it's a free show in front of a lot of people. In 10 years from me doing these shows I'll come back and they'll have to pay me oh and that's like I don't really care because I'm at a

point and that like $25 is not gonna break them but it's also not gonna break me that I saw you know I don't usually even ask you know, I was I don't I thought I might be good to get in the habit of it at least There was a lady who used to Book in Seattle. She passed away years ago She didn't like me She didn't like me, but I was funny. I had 25 minutes. I was starting to rock and roll. She still wouldn't book me, but I would still call her and do a guest set at two of her clubs every week to annoy her and to let her know I was better than she was.

Yeah, you didn't need to get paid for it. No. You know, so there's point of views I know all that shit, but oh it's always you're coming back to get yours Okay, I mean become where you're gonna become they're selling real estate anyway, so Who gives a fuck you know what I'm saying? that's true, but I Don't know what you say. It was it was a cool week to do You know, it's cool to go to different places and see like that. My stuff is working like especially after a couple of bombs

I start to think like it's all I'm the worst I guess all what to you turn the lights off and Right now you're not turning the lights off for anybody It's a program. It's a cycle and it it you asked me if I had confidence or no You asked me if I had what was the word positive? positive Dog I moved to LA at the six-year mark I Wasn't positive or I wasn't negative I was in the sixth year in LA at

I was divorced. I was a major debt Had already outgrown Seattle to what I was gonna outgrow it I wasn't headlining But I was a strong fucking feature. I Wasn't even in the headlining mode. I Mean I could do 40 but it wasn't being me I was I was far from being a feature when I got to LA, to be honest with you. I was a 25-minute feature in a B room, maybe a C room. You know, I'm being honest here.

Right. But I looked at where I started and I looked to where I'd gotten from. And if that doesn't make you positive, nothing will. But but more than positive it's just like a faith It becomes like a religion it becomes like a faith and once you get into the rotation You know, that's it if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll go farther in the rotation And yeah, I guess I especially Like you didn't really have like I'm lucky. I have you I have a bunch of comics I know who can put in worse or put me on shows

but like if you're struggling for 20 years like it It really is it sounds like a lot of faith to to keep going faith It's fucking faith, you know What made me go to LA was it that I was an ego guy? Not at all. I Knew who I was and I you know I heard the rumblings and people of who were the good feature acts and my name never came up in those so You know, I knew who the fuck I was, but here's a good thing.

I was, when I got that lay, I was gonna leave. Like after the CBS thing went down, if it wasn't for the store, I would have probably left. I was angry, I had beefs in fucking Colorado still And I was dying to fail to leave But it wouldn't but here's the beauty of it All those nights. I slept in a car. I already had a national commercial Under my belt and I had a film under my belt and I had a film under my belt. Before my car got towed, I had a film and a

national commercial under my belt and here I am sleeping in my car because I just couldn't get it together, the coke, you know, whatever. But little did I know that I was doing something that I had no idea I was doing until years later. What's that? I got into the rotation. Now that separated me from an open mic and a professional comic, and it also separated me from an acting class actor to a working actor. Separated me from an acting class actor to a working actor Into and and did they make it easier for you now that you had those things not at all

Not at all. I made it fucking harder now Really, but now you're in the conveyor belt. You're at that conveyor sushi place And Johnny will just put a piece of rice down now He's gonna go 30 yards until he gets the fish on top Then he goes another 30 and madam one put fucking the sauce on top and now you follow me Yeah, they about When I see somebody doing shit when I get to the comedy store it I'll say it and people go. How did you know? Because I saw them in a conveyor belt and that means that any time what was the biggest advice? I gave you when you were in LA and I got mad at you over

About planning too much No, you had a commercial audition Okay. Yes for a fat guy and you didn't go. Whether you, listen, whether you got it or not, pay 300 bucks, I stood up to your attitude, you can't just pay 300. Doesn't matter, because all I need is 10 comedy club managers to see that.

Okay. Now that separates you from every other guy in the Boston open mic scene. Not that you're going to walk around with an ego, but if they're smart, they're going to see what I see. I better be cool to this guy because he might just fucking do something Right as people book two things and don't know how to handle it What do they do? They lose their mind? They already start demanding things and throwing things and they walk into the store, you know with a scarf I'm up next and all sudden it backfires. Now, that's it Once I can name

Four people I saw him to convey about five Tiffany Haddish Okay Ari Shafir I Just had the names when I went into it, but the fucking THC edible not me or Ralphie man Wow You know, it's hard now now you put me in the spot

But it sounds like the conveyor belts like like everyone's on it, but like when they're moving really fast on it. No You're walking around Hollywood You're dressing like an actor you're acting like a comic you're getting spotted at the Daily Cafe You do the open mic at the improv You work as a waiter somewhere and you have this weird dream, you know, and I get dog I get dreams Don't fucking get me wrong at all you know, I still remember going acting class and Better yet I still remember going on a party

Up the corner from the Comedy Store and there was a bunch of young actors talking about what scenes they were doing an acting class bunch of young actors talking about what scenes they were doing an acting class. And that was the party. How lucky they were. And oh my God, you were so fortunate. That's my favorite movie. I didn't go there to do scenes and fucking acting class. Do you follow me? So everybody's perspective is different. When I heard that I go home So that's where I end up

And things don't go well Yeah, these guys will sit around for ten years. I'm an actress. I'm an actor You know getting called back shit like that, but they're not really working right? Yeah, they were an act What what have you done that I've seen? Did you see Pacific blue Yeah, it's like this guy Rest in peace. There's a kid who got killed in LA that was on a soap opera. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah recently He just did two movies. He's fucking bartending to make extra money So for all these people at home that see some in and moving go. I'm gonna go borrow 20 bucks from

Don't even think about it. There's no fucking you know it's it's a hustle, but back to what we were talking about You're in the conveyor belt and The conveyor belt does move slow at first But that is picks up momentum as you get funnier It picks up momentum. It's like a fucking choo-choo train. You know it picks up momentum as you get funnier it picks up momentum. It's like a fucking choo-choo train You know it picks up momentum, and then you Just work I worked on comedy for two years I

Disappeared once my apartment got towed I Disappeared I said what am I doing here? I'm fighting with them myself. I got snark coke in Miami I went to Miami and hosted and headlined and featured for six fucking weeks and Then I went back somewhere else. I went to Syracuse. That's why I was in Syracuse and I stayed up there doing auditions for the sopranos and fucking Landscaping and cracking jokes up there and doing the fucking club up there I mean and then I went and then I went on a road for two long runs. I went on one from like April

till November, maybe October. And how many times did you go home in LA? None. Wow. Okay. I would send clothes to Josh Wolf's house, like clothes I would buy on the road to rotate my stock. Yeah. underwear, jeans, had a little baby suitcase that somebody gave me. I think Jimmy Schubert gave me when I moved out like guys what the fuck you know and I came back in 90 no like I came back like October 99 and I did a couple shows at the store and I got high which my friend one night

Ralphie Ralphie didn't get high We were snorting coke and drinking and me and my friend were talking about maybe doing a little tour so I had El Paso I could always sign on the tour. I had like already eight or nine club is that we're on all I had to do a matter of calling me She was gonna feature So we were coming in as a feature and see fucking group Package. Oh, wow. That's how good of a relationship I had with these clubs at the time. I was gonna say And I fucking the tour started

You know Paso, Texas 2000 December 31 1999 and we kept going till fucking May And how many nights a week would you have a show Three to four But we'd always pick something up and And I'm gonna tell you something, we started with a six week run. It started from El Paso, two triple weeks,

I think a week in a club somewhere, and then two other triple weeks. Fuck you, brother. We ended up going to, I was in the tribal weeks. Fuck you, brother. We ended up going to like El Paso, Oregon, Seattle, Walton through Seattle. I didn't know about my warrant then.

We went through Idaho. We went through all that shit. And then we did a club in, fuck, Ohio, maybe. Were you driving to this shit? We drove from Oregon all the way to Ohio. Fuck. And we did Ohio and Michigan and like three nights for a Booker that we picked up on the road we ended up in Milwaukee Got a week up at the fucking club in Milwaukee and we did the college more cat You know, it was just it started with six weeks ended up in like fucking 13 or something

It was brilliant. It was just fucking brilliant. We ended up three weeks in Miami Wow And you didn't have this book you would just call people and call people along the way and then she went home and I stayed out another month You know, and she was a bigger party and I was but at that time I go for days She went she was alcohol. I was drugs So she burnt out first. She was like, I don't know how you do this. She called me like two weeks later. She's like dog

What the fuck was that? We went everywhere and everywhere we went we picked up booze drugs weed Every night was a different flavor. Like you didn't know what we were gonna do We went everywhere and everywhere we went we picked up booze drugs weed Every night was a different flavor. Like you didn't know what we were gonna do especially on the triple runs And then how would you wake up and drive like 12 hours that day? If you were so fucked up than it before I think on the nights we had the long drives We kind of kept it easy Okay, but oh one of us will go off the deep end and the other one had a cover

Right nice. We really went crazy and we had like a four-hour drive. We were trained to do that You know I sleep by that point Remember to this day she always like when I see it she'll bring up the tour. I Just spoke to her the other day because I told her to go to Austin. I go, go to Austin and do a week down there. That's a great open mic place. Plus you like Texas. You lived in Texas for 20 years.

Go to Houston, do two things, take a bus to Austin and walk up and down. I'll get you spots at Red Vans Club and then walk up and down. That's fun for somebody who's 35. I mean, she's a little older than 35, but she's single. You know, she has no kids. What the fuck? Right. But, uh, yeah, I know you said you were partying, but like, how much better did you get after like a two month fucking tour? It's not a tour, man. It's a fucking summer camp and focused comedy. All you're focused on is writing new jokes, trying them, sleeping, getting in a car

and driving to the next locale. And you know, at that point, that was one of the time, like, you know, you gotta go against your word every once in a while You got to be hypocritical. I was doing Sundays that because there was no yeah, I wasn't going back to LA What do I care Sunday's just an extra 50 75 bucks we pick up. I still remember we picked up a fucking coffee shop and They paid us like 150 bucks. We split split it like night and had like 30 people and they were all drinking tea and coffee and eating like fucking crumpets.

How do they feel about you? Oh, you know, at that time I was raw, you know, raw and uncensored. But that was a hell of a little fucking run. And she used to drink. So every night I didn't know what was going on with her. Like I go back to my room and also I get a call from the hotel manager. You know this girl, she's down here looking for you. I have to come down here. She was the other comedian.

Open up her door, put her her in there fucking close the door But I loved before it because she was free as shit Every once in a while I'd lose her and I'm not gonna door and she had a guy in there or two guys with two Chicks and they were partying and I go all right There are two guys with two chicks and they were partying and I go all right That's a long that's really awesome And we were and we wrote and we listened to seed comedy records the whole drive everybody Lenny Bruce Richard Pryor

Fucking Kathleen Madigan Ron way anybody who had a CD then, we would stop at record stores and look for Lenny Bruce. And I don't even know what happened to those CDs. I just left them in a car. Well, that's what we were doing that we would just listen to comedy CDs, making notes, asking ourselves why that was funny funny Stop that. Why is that joke funny? Right the delivery, you know We will listen to Brian Regan One of the regents it was the main way a lot of Regan a lot of Kathleen Madigan a lot of fucking Lenny Bruce

What we bought Bob Newhart Fuck Lenny Bruce What we bought Bob Newhart? Fuck That's all yeah, cuz you if you're driving from Oregon, Ohio you a lot of time. That's a lot of time No, no, no, what are we gonna go Ohio? We flew to Miami we parked the car in Chicago We parked the car when we got Miami we said what we're gonna do nothing You want to drive all the way to I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to

go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to go to the stadium and I'm going to

go to the stadium and I'm going to do it because Monday and Tuesday it was black night at the improv and I'd make it go up there. They throw chicken wings at her and shit at the ball. They were throwing chicken bro. That was the coldest room in the country. I did okay. I skated on my pants because I used to dance and act like mumbo jumbo. But one night I went out with material and ate a bag of dicks and it took me about three years to go back there

dog Because when they call that they're cold-blooded they would boo you and then start hitting the glass with spoons Fuck That's pretty intense how like how long would you have like five minutes? You had about four minutes before they made up their fucking mind with you? Oh my god, and I saw shitty comics bomb But I saw a great comics bomb in there too because they had no time for that shit

And they didn't like certain brothers if you went in there trying to be smart and stuff. Oh They would close you that year. They wanted, you know, it's fucking country. It's fucking Miami is, you know, yeah, you know, they don't want you going in there. Well, you know, black, black and half Japanese. I Like other comics have talked about like Miami being a crazy place to do stand-up It's very crazy, but enjoyable The attention that's cocaine

That means your attention span Is very minimal really is that okay? I got a blonde sitting next to me. I gave her a bump and I already see her one eye wiggling. You know what I'm saying? She's got a mini skirt on and you're time to go. It's time to go. So, I'll I'm giving you like 6 minutes or when I

finish this **** nachos with the flies on it and then I figure out what I'm gonna do butos with the flies on it, and then I figure out what I'm going to do. But those towns, man, they just go, listen, Miami, my South Beach, the company's never worked in the South Beach, even though they've tried it, investors, money, it doesn't work. Green Bay, there's so many fucking places

that it just doesn't work. But that's one of the places that you better get to it. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I meanbed every show. In fact, I worked there with a comic god rest his soul He didn't make a pass Friday night Was he headlining or featuring as liners would quit that Damn dog. That was a cold-blooded club Till this day. It's a very cold blooded club. They quit me the weekend. You better bring the fucking, you know, the Malanga juice Jack.

Fact, like it took me a long time to get to that room. The first week I did room, I did good because I had a bye because I was Cuban But that shit wore off quickly and now I had a fucking practice what I preach and that was one of the rooms that Made me better because it sucked who you are out. They don't want to hear all this fucking chitter-chatter What's with the chitter-chatter suck my dick. Well, let's get let's go back home You know, that's the idea down there. It's like I don't know the night life is like a sped up New York like it used to be but that doesn't as a comic you don't worry about that you take no You go down and go fuck it. I'm gonna come in your mouth on this fucking stage

And you try and you know what you're gonna die listen Here's the beauty about comedy. You never know when you're gonna die. It's like life Right. I know i'm gonna quit working when i'm 65 if i'm a cop if i'm a lawyer They're gonna push me out. They're gonna buy me out. Whatever but with comedy It ain't over to the fat lady fucking sinks it ain't over to the priest throws that fucking dirt on you and your grandmother starts crying he

was a good boy then it's over then it's over dog you know what I'm um, what do you say What do you want from me? I'm just trying to fucking convey the message of dog. I am as high as fuck. I Don't want you to take tonight 1200 and no much. I just went acapella tonight with the fucking thing. But hold on real quick I gotta fucking talk to these people about Honest so I'm gonna take a second here Talk to them to you guys about honor and we'll be back to close out the show. All right, I'll be back. Hey Did you miss the on it mid month sale? Is it over yet?

I think you got a couple days if not never fear uncle Joey's here You understand me on it is rocking and rolling you want to be on point in the summer alpha brain whether you take the The new one is tremendous But if you can't take the new one that powder stuff they have you mix it with water and drink it. Whoo Pure fuego like the pre-workout pure fuego Listen, I don't gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not about you know us and on it we got shroom tech shroom tech immune shroom tech sport

Listen, there's a variety of things. I can't hook you up with kettlebells Or hoops that you fly around in but as far as supplements are concerned uncle Joey's here I'm gonna get you 10% off When you press encode church CH you are CH it's that easy go to honor comm and Support the check and all right. I love you. I'm thinking about you always so take care of yourselves. It's good for the mind Getting shape do something with yourself. You can't sit there and watch podcasts all day All right, get some on it lift some weights go for a walk. You shall walk the dog Break a window. I don't know

And now back to the check-in All right, i'm back Don't forget to hit on it. They're fucking tremendous. I love the alpha brain anyway A lot of shit going on lee You know what? Oh, yeah I think in the fucking world that I want to talk to you about like this fucking everybody with the felon thing I'm seeing all these felon shirts all of a sudden you know really and uh yeah uh you know people like felon felon felon you know what the beautiful thing is

man I never thought like a felon I got in trouble. I paid my debt to society. And after that, I didn't even talk about it for years. For years, I didn't talk about it to nobody. Unless they, you know, but no, I didn't talk about it. I may believe like it never happened. I didn't sign on to felony programs. I didn't sign on to felony grants at the time. I didn't sign on to felony grants at the time. I didn't disable myself.

And that's a, that was the state of mind I took. I chose that state of mind, you know? But now, you know, everybody's calling Trump a felon. I see more boycott and more t-shirts with felon on it. And I'm like, look at Trump. He don't even give a fuck. Like people are sitting there going, how's he gonna, how's a felon the following? Listen? I'm not a politician

I'm not talking about politics. See I'm not here upset nobody on a Tuesday morning I'm just saying think about it like everybody's like he don't even they just puts that fucking Thing back and he's ready for war. He's like uncle Joey. Did you have a chance? I Want to bring this up for the younger comics and for people in general? Did you have a younger chance to watch Ari on Burke Grisha? I He's on Burt cast. Yes. I haven't yet. It's a very interesting Podcast there was a segment on it where they spoke about What's going on in the comedy world and

how We're acting as comics That includes me, you know You know with the videos and the constant touring and the sales and this and that and and the sales and this and that. He was just talking about how a lot of us have lost our minds with it. I'm happy I caught myself. I caught myself one morning when I was going out.

It was raining out, raining at seven in the morning and I wanted to go out and smoke dope in the periscope. And that's what really happened to me, Lee. It was a little bit before the pandemic, just about that like a week away, that I went back inside and I go, what are you? And all of a sudden I go, I'm really thinking that these people are at home waiting for this.

That's not good. And then a couple of weeks later, you know, when the pandemic hit, I was looking at all these videos and I'm smoking and I'm smoking and I'm smoking and they were simple videos. And that's not what Ari was talking about. Ari was talking about like, you know, what happened to us. Like we, we started taking private planes and everybody's got a watch and everybody's got 10 speed cars and it and I told Ari we spoke about after the podcast and I go to Ari I got two things

this is important for the fucking committee young comics coming up because there's so much pressure on you for social media and what to put on there and how to put it on there. And I gotta be honest with you, don't get lost in Instagram, a picture with Joe Rogan or with Shane Gillis or with Bert or with me or with anybody and don't confuse those things for working. It really bothers me that everybody wants a picture

with an improv behind them and That settles their problems You know I'm saying And it takes more than that to become a comic it takes fucking years and One day you look at that picture and go. Oh is I I stupid? I might as well put a picture me and my family Me and my dog up. Yeah, if something good happens in your life and you're selling tickets You want to publicize it? I fucking you know, you gotta take a shot on everything but Focus and I told Ari. This is it as comedians. We forgot our mission

What's the mission what's the mission what's the square root of a date Gangly a piece of ass right okay. What's the square root of becoming a comedian? Getting laughs being funny I'm not gonna laugh being funny Way before you become Eddie Murphy and way before you become a fucking influencer and way before the fuck you're doing You got to prove to these people that you know what the fuck you're talking about and that you put the work in and that you're fucking funny That's all they want to know about you. Everything else is bullshit funny That's all they want to know about you. Everything else is bullshit

these people that think because they get a tattoo on their forehead and They put a fucking hoodie on when they're smoking a cigarette That's not to make you thought funnier at all. I got shocking fucking news. That doesn't make you funnier It you're just doing what? Fucking anybody else did with a cigarette, you know So I think there's a lot of pressure on you But I always want you to remember every day and write this in your writing notebook because I did Never forget the mission of what we're doing here

It's not about fucking You know Never forget the fucking mission of what we're doing here. Now, there's a sidekick to that also. Because of the internet, the people who follow us, the people who come to our shows, the people who support us are also very vocal. It's a different type of fan Mm-hmm when I was a kid, I was a fan of Richard Pryor, but I was also a 12 11 10. I Was a fan of Richard Pryor. I had like three or four of his albums, but I couldn't go to one of his shows

So I was a fan without being a fan right, do you follow me and a fan right do you follow me and Now when you're a fan I hate that fucking word with all my heart I've always hated that fucking word When we're part of your universe and you're a part of ours It's it's it's heavy duty to be a fucking fan. You're watching videos you fucking Listen to podcasts you're buying t-shirts when I was a fan of Richard Pryde even have a website You know, I didn't know who he was. I used to have to look behind the album for fan club information

You know you send a letter of $5 his manager took that $5. I never heard nothing back from those motherfuckers So now the the person who's interested in you and we give listen I gave the world everything for me I Gave them my soul those years in the church. I told you everything you needed to fuck it now the first ten years of podcasting are out there and they're fucking great because Nobody gave a fuck Yeah Yeah, I know I like it nobody gave a fuck You know

He gives a fuck You follow me so dog, I'm really grateful to you for coming into my life at that time, because we put a fucking show together that was tremendous. Like I told Theo, it took me four, two years to get back to normal. Like it was like being on a ship for five years, fighting people in the black sea and shit, between the edibles and everything else. And just what was going on in my life my wife my child

You know a child got brought into my life in 2013 that was part of it too in the middle of everything you were right there in the yeah fucking everything My wife gets knocked up, and I'm like oh at least it was now at least it wasn't when we were living in a fucking apartment splitting cans of tuna with the cat. So I'm grateful for all that shit. But it was a different fucking time. People have no idea. When I left there, I'm like, I can never

do another three-hour podcast. We were doing seven-hour podcasts. We were getting there at 6 and leaving there at one fucked up Well, I was leaving at one you would just put a pillow and a blanket on and stay there And then I call you morning. What up? I woke up at 715 in the morning. I'm sorry. I put the duck I don't give a fuck if we did our job Jack. I Wish I brought a blanket and a pillow. I can't tell you how many nights I would wake up with the lights still on and the door was open

We wanted a good area. We were like like a scare like people could have definitely seen Killed us. Oh Yeah, now they would have fucking definitely killed this But you know and and that's what it is that I think that a Lot of people as a comedian I did for a while, but I'm happy I did the podcast I'm to this day if you want to call me a podcast comic, that's fine. I don't give a fuck I'm very grateful. I did the podcast because to me it was like when you watch a boxer On HBO and six weeks before the boxer fights

They give you a half hour with him every week and he gives you glimpses of his life Hope what he goes through you thought he was out there jumping up and down Hanging out with his buddies. Nah, this motherfucker's training. He takes his mother to dialysis Then his nephew's blind, you know, it's a whole fucking day of activities Meanwhile, you thought he was at the strip club making a rain but I Don't do you agree that like comics need something more than just stand up to like really making like or I Know some people can just just do stand-up

But like I know you said you don't want grow up. Why would you regret the podcast? the podcast no because I hear negative things about podcast comedians and I you know, I Listen, I paid my dues to store. I'm a 20-year marine over there and I'm a 20 year Marine over there. And yeah, I'm a podcast comic, but I'm happy because it would, it's the only way I would have gotten to the next level. It wouldn't have been with my standup. It would have been, I was funny.

Always remember one thing. Everybody goes for being funny. And at the end of the day, you got to realize there's 400 funny motherfuckers out there that are trained assassins and laughter. That's a big pool, but nobody's had your life. And you have to figure out how to put it out there, whether it's would stand up. Don't go out there and tell me my grandmother was born in Israel. She got bit by malaria So I mean the cheeseburger, you know saying you want to talk about bugs and shit, but you know what I'm saying

Whatever it takes for you to get your soul out there So people don't buy into the character So people don't buy into the character For me, I always felt that it wasn't a character What I talk about off stage is what I talk about on stage You know this But for some people they go up there and that's an alias Or somebody else A lot of the guys I go up there go up as themselves

But there's a lot of people who it is an act when you meet them later on they don't drink They don't do this they don't you know, so it's kind of I can never do that I can never go up in there last week when I came back No, if it didn't happen, I'm not gonna talk about it, but that's a complete different other fucking Level, you know what I'm saying motherfucker but it's true. It's like, I'm still blown away that there's people talking shit about podcast comics.

I don't know. It's never been honest to God. It's never made me come home and slam the computer. Not, not at all. Oh, I know you don't care. But the category of that was just, it was a weird thing. And whatever, whatever it takes,

it feeds my wife, it feeds me, takes care of my friends. We have a good time. The church was a different animal altogether. It was a different time. You know, we have friends of ours that keep telling us Put it back together and move to Austin and do it. It's it's just it's it was a spot in time I

Couldn't if I did one of those on Monday. I couldn't do those two weeks on Monday and Wednesday With everything, you know, there's no fucking way. I can't walk in here on a fucking With everything I you know there's no fucking way. I can't walk in here on a fucking Tuesday morning looking like Zombo like I was then she was for she didn't know a difference what I smelled like or look like Or what I was on You know But because we did it man. It was fucking great now you Weren't we fucking 44 and over last week? We only got like 12,000 views because we got that we got Yeah, again. Yeah

I don't know where we'd put the podcast because YouTube this stuff we're talking about now is so tame compared to what we were talking about I Mean I can't say what I want to say the first five minutes I can't say what I want to say the first five minutes I can't fucking you know show my if I show my nuts act now like that day when the line went down the twitch Remember we're doing the benefit and the fucking twitch went down. They were all hype on it. Yeah, twitch is doing the thing I put my nuts. I got those motherfuckers Abandoned shit and then somebody else came on I'm not going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going

to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going to be able to get a job. I'm going

to be able to get a job. I'm going to be her. Why are you excited? Who gives a fuck? What I'm talking about here is this is what's happened. Can you believe it? We started the church and we got thrown out of the office because my wife was knocked up. Yeah, almost immediately. And now. Now she's going into fucking whatever. I don't know.

Middle school. Yeah, middle school. Middle school. Middle school. Middle school. Middle school. Middle school. Middle school. Now now she's going into fucking Whatever. I don't know Whatever middle middle school. Yeah middle school middle. Yeah, listen when I was a kid eighth grade You know if you were Spanish and you couldn't fucking get it together You did left back like two times the seventh grade and they put you in a pilot program They fucking helicoptered you to the high school. They gave you basic

classes, you know, woodwork, how to paint the fence, you know, and they gave you four years and they pushed you out of there quicker than anything. They had an army recruiter talking to you every other week. They had immigration, you know,

but that's that's that's perspective. Perspective for me is this has never happened before for me. I've never had a family as long in my life. Perspective is I get to see a graduate or first level. I got two more, three more. If I make three more, I'm good. But right now I'll take the one.

You know what I'm saying? You got to take things in little fucking doses And it's great. I'm expecting a great week here. It's father's day on Sunday Thursday I go to the 25th anniversary of the Sopranos Nice city. Yeah, there's a party. I'm trying to teach you if I could take my daughter You know because we could abandon ship at 10 I'm saying I don't have to go to no'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way.

I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way.

I'm not gonna leave a 10 either way. I'm not gonna leave city about 10 15 when the slices are on fire. You know what I'm saying? But you're gonna leave a 10 either way Leave a what? He's probably that you want to leave a 10 either way. It's a sleeping pill. You know me Me me in the front daddy's gotta go to the bathroom, you know She's having a good time. We gotta go. Do you have that talk with her like hang? We I'll just give you the signal because you would have that talk With me no, I squeeze a hand I Give a look she knows

She's 11 she already knows she's already got the Diaz experience we got to take two steps to the rear and get out of here She's like dad. We don't even sit long enough. They've done it sometimes You want to talk to me talk to me in the car there's no bugs Anyway, I love you cocksucker. I love you buddy. Have a great week. We'll talk during the week. Stay black The check-in is brought to you by Blue Choo. Listen, if you want to be good in the sack, you need Blue Choo. Alright, plain and simple. I promise it's going to make your dick harder and everybody will have more fun.

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