Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Pilot to Bombardier

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt what he hates about texting and what makes a text worth responding to, why he never likes to judge other comic's stand up, the passing of. a childhood friend, how Joey feels when he is at The Mothership and much more! Get in on the action with DraftKings’ Pick Six. Download the app and press in code JOEY for a shot at huge cash prizes. The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

You still watch the whole news tonight every night? No, I try to do it on Monday nights to relax me a little bit before I watch this fucking before I do this with you fucking savages Just to get it's berated. You know, I like the news guys. Oh, yeah, and I didn't talk about nothing good some fucking tornado In Texas, you know people flying through the fucking That's boring Well, nah, it's it's sad. It's sad's just, you know, people flying through the fucking. That boring. Well,

it's it's sad. It's sad to me, you know. Yeah. Fucking times are rough and all of a sudden they show these people hiding in the grocery store, fucking cans were flying. Some guy had a lay on his wife. They interviewed him. He's like, you

know, I wouldn't do it all over again. I could feel the dirt on my neck and all, you know, I would go over again. I could feel the dirt on my neck, you know, you know And it's like it's in they say Texas, but it's really like in where Ralphie's from, Arkansas Okay, Texas Kentucky And you see this and part of this comical but part of it is sad. It's one of those things You know, if I have a tornado came to the destroy like an area Yeah Yeah, that's not good. But I get but it is it is funny to think not

It's just crazy to think about like having to like lay on top of somebody. Like would you what would you do if a tornado hit? I got a tornado shelter outside that you crawl into the under the stairs, you know, I try. Yeah, but I'm hiding from a tornado. I go in and I get bit by a possum. I'm not looking forward to that. Now I got to go to the hospital on the tornado. I'm going to die. I got rabies. And then what was you asked a good question? Like what would you do for tornado came? You know try to fucking hide before it hits you but you know, I went to Tennessee in December and they had just been hit for the tornado I mean a week before and I had been there in August and

It took out a house on the corner and it took out a car wash across the street My in-laws were four houses from that. I mean literally four fucking houses how their house is still there They said they felt shit hitting the house and wood was flying and trees That's gotta be a different fucking world especially for like for like you Coming from like New York and like here and I guess you've seen all the whole country now But just like as a kid for you a tornado must have felt like a mad like a magical thing. That's never gonna happen Now you never think it's gonna happen, but here's the here's the catch

How long did you live in LA for? 10 years. Okay, how did we live in LA, in earthquakeville? There are people that'll look you in the face and go, I don't know how you lived in LA for 10 years. And you're like, why? And they're like, well, because there's earthquakes. I couldn't live with earthquakes,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah, you know, it's the same shit It's like how can you live? in tornado alley Yeah, I guess but don't tornadoes like I don't know like Earthquakes don't usually seem to destroy things. They obviously there's really bad ones Not the ones you saw that one. Yeah, well, I I got that way it had just been an earthquake The Northridge one. Yeah, like it was still like I remember still going up north and seeing like people going up That was a supermarket or whatever the fuck, you know

I don't fuck no, but all that stuff is always just Like there's nowhere safe. If you move to Hawaii, you're gonna get hit with a tsunami If you move to Texas, you're gonna get with a tornado if you move to Colorado you get hit with ale You know, there's always a sacrifice that you have to live with and you take your chances I don't know if I can do tornado that would freak me the fuck out. Oh shut up. You can't do nothing I can do if I can do tornado that would freak me the fuck out. Oh shut up. You can't do nothing I can Are you supposed to I can do I take the other how many I have to do though I took two you got it. You got a shit amount and show them to me to eat them again

Like you can't shit out those things melt There would be something you made me do is take a shit and look for it and he blew they're not there and then meanwhile They're fucking gel capsules that melt immediately I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not, because that's when you get the full effect of that shit. I've smelled my shit when there's no water. Like, yeah, dad went to the little leaf field and I couldn't take it.

I just could not take it no more. I had eaten like something like a lemonade or something. Thank God this place was immaculate. The bathroom? Everything about this place. You couldn't, it was all turf. So you couldn't bring up your own food Couldn't bring anything on this there was seven eight fields

Okay, the food wasn't badly and they had lemonade and somebody's finally squoes a fucking lemon. Oh Yeah, I'll your real one freshly squeezed nice 250 and five hours for a big one. How many I got like 10 of them I got one on Saturday and two on Sunday. We were there for three games Nice, but I went to the bed like one day I went to the bathroom down there and they had like, you know It was a little league softball like a bathroom So they have little assholes or whatever the fuck the toilets are small. I took a shit It was floating out like the Titanic when I got up. I was like, what is that?

Thunk is smell and I looked down and my toilet paper was on top of the Titanic sticking upside down You know, I'm saying no anything. He said it smelled bad. Oh like that Shit smells completely different When it's laid there then when it goes in water, trust me. So there's no water at this field Now there was water but the shit there was okay water pond like the Titanic like half was out and so What am I telling you fucking?

I don't It's gonna be alright Lee keep fucking around cocksucker look I got a little tiny mushroom for you This is a much from Saturn It fucking freeze-dried it must have fallen on the floor. How do you do you buy them that like God like? Dehydrated so they're so small. I've never seen like tiny My carpet from last week of the week before when I was going in here fucking Was it rolling in your carpet or you dropped it? I didn't roll my carpet. I computer with you that means we got problems

You got other type of fucking issues that you're breathing Give us all one of those showers and they got mold in the corners like a mushroom growing No, you had mushrooms in the shower. No, no, no, no, but when I live don't say like yeah Yeah, like years ago people that showed me like the landlord didn't do this and they were gonna sue them because you can't breathe that shit Who knows? I don't know nothing. You know I'm saying all I know is it's Tuesday. Let's get this fucking party started motherfuckers It's Tuesday the 28th of may Tip top magoo the month is almost over But we're here the check-in is brought to you by on it

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You get a nice new beef for the summit don't have to stink like ten dead, you know Lizards somewhere and that's it. We got honored for you this week and we got Fuji sports Dot-com code church both of them are with the church But today it's to check in without further ado. Let's get this party started Turn off your TVs run for your lives. It's over They didn't put you on this planet just to give up if Uncle Joey could do it. I can rule the world That's what you got to be thinking I

Wallah talk suckers, we're back. You know I'm saying I'm happy to be back. It's Tuesday the 28th and Is it 28th? Yes, it really doesn't fucking matter the month is over start fucking writing the check already, but The beauty of it is it starts Tuesday the holidays behind me now There's no no other fucked up things gonna go down till 4th of July. So I got a six-week run now To do the things I want to do because really now everybody goes brain dead the week before 4th of July Right. You're the only person in this country who doesn't like holidays Like you like everyone else is looking forward to sets every retard even deeper

They get more retarded after fucking you know, yeah, we're gonna ride them. We're gonna go to the Jersey Shore and we're around in circles. You know, we're gonna go to Hawaii, whatever the fuck they're gonna do. Why am I picking on the Jersey Shore? I'm just saying that, you know, people go on vacation, they get really, it's not a two week vacation, it's a four week vacation. Mental. Oh yeah.

Because they save money. They put away money, It's special to them and I respect that 150% What I don't respect is you thinking what you're gonna wear on the third night while we're fucking getting down to work I suck that's three weeks away, right? Oh, yeah Talking about it like yeah Well, I'm gonna get a palm tree looking gonna get a palm tree in your ass If you don't fucking pay attention here because we got shit to do of people to see fourth of July is six weeks away. I think and Yeah, I can't see picturing like doing it that much. Do you do anything fun for the for like this weekend?

Do you have any barbecues or anything? Oh my god had barbecues that midget flying out of my asshole. I fireworked I didn't do shit I got off a plane on Friday. I Fucking rested from the 10 sets in Austin Saturday the game started at 330 I got to go to the gym for a little bit and just get my feet back after you've been gone for a few days And then Sunday the game started at 8 30 in the fucking morning So what did I do? What do you I'm gonna do in today's fucking you know memorial day nobody does dick another day even a Chinese

restaurant is closed you know oh no nobody wants that but I didn't I didn't crave Chinese today I could have still got shit to eat around here but I'm just saying that when I went for my morning ride I saw it was closed Now Freddie Freddie's open on Monday. I'm Freddie's always open Friday. Don't give a fuck about holidays. He closes Tuesday Which is always a good day to be closed and it's always a good day to mind your business Oh, but it doesn't piss you off though Like when you forget one of your favorite places is closed on a weird day like that and then you show up or you call And they're'm picking up That they always happens to me when I was real. I don't know man. It's so weird how you I'm gonna see who this is

And when I get out of here, I'm gonna fucking strangle you follow me Now they want to hate you and night now people's now people get mad at me. I don't even know who that is You follow wasn't me I'll tell you who sends you texts all day CVS I love CVS I got nothing but love for CVS They got a program that if you don't belong to that CVS You should smack yourself in the face that fucking whatever care package you pay whatever a month Dog, they pay you back every month you get your money back 25 percent 35 percent every time I get 3% every time they throw me a 40% I go in there by socks I don't give a fuck

You know me I got 40% off a fucking KitKat bar. You know I'm saying. Oh, yeah, they do 40% coupon. I Almost killed this motherfucker that why because I got a Big box of fucking Nickerette, which is 70 fucking dollars, right and I got a protein bar This motherfucker applied the 40% off to the protein bar That's the first time I did the diagostino Where white people go home and fill out yelp black people Could ask for the manager. That was me that day. I want to talk to the manager

Fuck yeah, you're with an 80 product this fucking twinkle toad 40 fucking percent off on a fucking protein bar, which I could give two fucks about but the pockets It's 80. He wants to charge me to full bang. Ain't that a bitch? Right. I'm gonna talk to your manager and I got fucking CBS on hold right here the corporate office Cuz when I come prize you did listen dog when it comes to my coupons, I got corporate on fucking speed up I don't use a lot of coupons. In fact, I don't use coupons at all What CBS my Nick arec CBS shit I pay for that Yeah, why the fuck you gonna be throwing me to the wolves?

What did this little CBS cash cuz I was 14. That was my first job at CBA. They gave me the date The guy was cool. Don't worry about it. We'll apply. He don't know nothing You know, he's just a kid. We're hired from three to four, right? Because he's Mexican we're trying to get the fuck and disability act with 1942 or whatever the fuck I Can't even like he doesn't know what he's doing on that thing and Didn't do it out of spite. No, I know he didn't I'm the computer just did it randomly Was it the computer was probably he's thinking of a fucking Roadwalk, what's the name of that game they play?

Roblox roblox. Yeah, he's thinking of roadblocks I can't wait to get home so I can jerk off with one hand and play roadblocks with the other way from fucking And I would do the same, too But I didn't play fucking Nintendo another shit. I had both hands on the stick Jack Anyway, you were saying when you were younger about like going to a place that was closed on a random day Yeah, but then I don't know I Don't like when you go to a place and it's closed earlier than you anticipate. Oh yeah.

That's what pisses me off. When you go to a place and you're craving it for lunch and they don't have that for lunch, only on the dinner menu. And you know, that's the shit that gets me going. There's a restaurant that I went to here for three years and I really enjoyed it in there. They were good.

You know, I don't drink. So that part of it didn't bother me. I went in there to eat. Like their food. I forgot. I forgot the time. Fuck, this animal is kicking it already. You went to a restaurant for like three years before something happened. I stopped going there for a reason

Because they did something I just didn't I don't know I didn't like I can't I can't remember now who cares Wasn't that fucking important? How was Austin? Austin was this time was an experience so weird what you know Austin was this time was an experience so weird what you know Every January I do a thing. I Read the art of war not chinzu, but the art the war of art and I gotta start reading it more in my old days because I You know, I got to the airport

Tuesday like I owned a joint, you know got through Got on the plane took a couple edibles got there. No problem checked into the room No, I didn't take edibles on the way down I'm lying to you I took something I took like a Two pieces of mushroom chocolate to relax me on the plane. All right Yeah Relaxing to go me on the plane. All right. Yeah. Sounds really relaxing to go flying through the air on mushroom chocolate. I know I did something, but I knew it wasn't edible

because I didn't want to be fucked up by the time I got to Austin like last time. Right. So I fucking just did like, it was more like three or four pieces of chocolate. I was counting. And I got down there and that night I had to go to the club. And I walked in and whatever I was feeling was gone already.

But man, fucking Rogan makes me follow Tony Hinchcliffe every time and bring him. And there's no warmup. Like there's no fucking warmup. Like seven o'clock I gotta be ready to fucking rock in that room, and he followed Theo, you know, it was one of those nights. And I gotta follow Tony.

He just got off the fucking roast. Right. People, the room blew up. And then I gotta go out there and hold my own. And, you know, the first show, I stumbled the first three minutes but then I just I just lucked out and bailed out of that motherfucking set and then I went to the bottom of the barrel and I ripped that motherfucker apart and then I

went back to the main room later on and I did fucking really good now it was it was a good night even though I fumbled those first three minutes. I knew that was gonna happen. I Knew that and have it, you know, man sometimes It's so weird how You write a good joke It's working and then I don't know where it just disappears from your repertoire and then you Go looking for it or not even looking for it you look in your notebooks and you're like where is that fucking thing where are the

notes on it I can't even find notes on it and then you're watching a bunch of comics and you fucking somebody says something you go there's three minutes that I'm missing that's why I was struggling to find for fucking 20 or something like that, you know, right it happens all the fucking time Okay, I feel better if I only got 12 minutes on the first night listen By Wednesday, I was already at 15. I'm like I gotta get off already You know, yeah And by Thursday, I'm like I didn't feel I did 15s and red bands like nothing Is it is 15 giving you like a little bit of anxiety now?

Cuz you usually yeah, my phone is shut off My phone is shut the fuck off, you know, I can I can tell there's a setting you can have Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna get rid of texting altogether again. That's what me pretty soon. It's getting out of control. I Can see these people don't know I'm not a professional extant and I do not like it. I Do not like it. I like you send me a text. I reply go away Once you press that extra, I like your message my blood pressure burns. We don't need this I don't care whether you like the message or not. Why you got a

Bing me again. I need a Bing another fucking Bing in my life No, you don't like that. No, I don't like none of that shit when they hit you back like with a thumb You already wasted my fucking time or then me have your gas here with another question They want another answer and then I just stop and I just leave them there fucking eight hours Did you ever like when you're caught like did you ever plug your phone into your car? Yes, do you ever answer your text while you're driving like have it read it to you and then you say it back to it So like the time when we went down to Austin, I made a new cocksucker. We're what all here. Oh, yeah But I forgot about that I can't imagine you doing I'm driving there's a good song on I'm not returning that fucking text

No, no, I'm not gonna stop that music Unless it's an envelope Right the envelope always gets the text. Everything else is background story. What's the name of that restaurant you talked about? Go fuck yourself. Yeah, look it up. I don't know.

Yeah, what are you going to boss me for? We're talking about a week ago. You want to ask me what restaurant? I don't even know what I was talking an hour ago. I think you can set up things on your phone like like quick responses like just like if you say something like it'll automatically do that Or you have to say one and we'll go go fuck you see not right now Go away Go away, and then the double go away

How fun is it to tell someone to go away like in a joking way? You know listen. I'm out of LA so ever since I moved here. I don't have to fucking you know you get this this type of person that can If if like you post a picture yourself up doing stand-up. This guy will call you and go, congratulations, but he's a comic. Right, OK. Congratulations on your set at the Comedy Mothers. But all along, you know what they're looking for.

Listen, I don't need to stop what I'm doing to look at a text or whatever that says, congratulate on some picture. I really don't. No. I really don't know don't know nobody does You know I'm saying like no, you don't like it's like an open mic guy calling you and Going this is great Right, I get it. I just think it's funny like so you have a rule for who you what kind of text to respond to Yeah First off the people who don't send you a name Like do you have a rule for who you what kind of text to respond to? Yeah First off the people who don't send you a name. I just erased those

They just assume that yeah, but I have a quick question is that someone maybe you've talked to a bunch of times And you know who it is well sometimes Like have you talked to this person multiple times and still don't? It's not one point. Why are we still talking? You know what I'm saying?

I know what you're looking for and you know what I'm looking for and we're not disagreeing or disagreeing. You know, I still get crazy calls. They went down a lot a lot Well, you told people to go away They got the hint. I

Think a lot of people you know, listen when I left LA how much would that phone ring Lee non-stop Immediately when I got here went to half and Then six months later went to a quarter. See, because when you're not in that line, you're not there to help people. They don't need you.

Out of sight, out of mind. When you land and you go to the Comedy Store, they all miss you. We couldn't know what to do without you. Yeah. It's the same thing over and over again.

So we're already hip to that, right? So I was still getting those type of calls and it's like listen I'm not in the neighborhood no more. You don't have to fucking tell me but that was a good joke You don't have to tell me I lost way, but I'm looking ten years younger You know, you have to tell me this shit the sorry may is the same get on stage and stop breaking the funk You know man, I would love to talk to people like that. You've actually said that to someone Like that in that vein like you've talked When I know that the charade is over, right?

And then I'm looking for the reaction after that. How they are going to. Of course. After that and not four out of 10 people will go away happy because at least now they think that you know what they're about. I don't look at it that way. I want to see the reaction of that. There was somebody I feel really bad about in LA that I knew for a long time from maybe, I've always felt very guilty about this. I apologized to him about a year, three years ago, about a year after I left Los Angeles.

I actually Facebooked him and got his phone number and explained why I said that to him. Three years ago about a year after I left Los Angeles. I actually Facebooked him and got his phone number explained why I said that to him But when I got to LA I Became friends on a guy on a commercial set and we both made a lot of money on that commercial And every time we saw each other we hugged each other. But at that time he was doing a little bit more comedy Okay, and I still love this guy till today. And I saw him for a long fucking time, my first 10 years in LA.

I saw him constantly. And then he dropped off. And then he would pop his head up for different events kind of sort of. But I overlooked that because I really loved him. You know what I'm saying? I didn't mind him because I loved him. I got where he was coming from.

People move on in their careers, but they still want to have their foot in it. So I would always throw them love always, you know but then Like I know him all that time Since we started the podcast. I've known him and he's never asked You know, I never offered but he never asked because I wouldn't see him. I didn't know what his life was about There was a time where he would have been on the podcast all the time. He's a funny guy Wow Okay, but at this time he wasn't doing stand-up or nothing

And you know like once the pandemic hit it was crazy You know the fucking YouTube video this that and one day out of nowhere He called me one day and he's like, hey man. I hope you're okay, and I'm like yeah, you know it's fucking bullshit And he goes, but I want to ask you When can I be on the podcast? and you know I Just said to him I go you know, man. I

Go at this point what you're gonna do for the both of us I Told him the truth He's not in comedy anymore Mm-hmm. I don't want him to go in there and to like I was looking out for him I just didn't say it the right way Lee. That's what it was. I would never talk to him like that But at that time I already knew the people that the church wanted to hear. Right. And I knew what comics and other people

were putting on their podcasts and who they were having success with. You always have success with a comedian that people know. Oh yeah. You're a guy to come on and tell you all the comics he did comedy with To surpass him. It doesn't make him look good. I Can I could definitely see that it's also like after like a decade of doing a podcast

Picking that moment to ask you to be on seems like a strange time, but no it was just the way I said it to him I always felt I'm not the type of person to tell somebody to get the fuck out of there. You know, that's not my call That's never been my call. I'm not gonna tell an open mic or people send me shit all the time Can you look at this? Can you I'd rather not I'd rather not be a judge and talent. I'm not the type of person to tell somebody to get the fuck out of that You know, that's not my call. That's never been my call. I'm not gonna tell an open mic or people send me shit all the time Can you look at this? Can you I'd rather not and I'll tell you why because I'd rather see you live Okay, I don't ever want you to judge me on video

Stand-up wise I Always want you to see me live and then you could say whatever you want. I don't like you stand up Joey I didn't like this Because I know you're not gonna get me on videotape, but I know this you know already So that's not my bag right I know how I felt When people would break my balls when I was coming up because they didn't understand for me. It was everything and For some of these people you're goofing on it's everything. Oh Yeah, what is a very seriously the

From year three to year six If you would have caught me on a bad day I Don't know what I would have done like if if I would have put all my eggs in a basket and Got on stage and you booed me. I don't know if I was shot myself I don't I don't know if I would have done like a one of those fucking Drive-by shootings. I don't know what I do Because I didn't have I I did have all my eggs in that basket, but I was also very smart I knew that this was a journey from day one

Right, but it's Did like was that hard for you to like make that transition like because you said like with all that anger It's like to be funny and like to take the rejection that you took was it rougher? well When you're a fucking You know three that listen your iron man. I got a lot of respect for open micers and guys that they iron men For some guys it's a place where you go drink smoke pot and

giggle like a fucking idiot. You just waiting for a bus. Right. To hit you at this point. You just don't have to go past it jump in front of it. And then you got the guys that you know, they have fucking dreams and aspirations and they're real. I'm not saying this other type of open micro doesn't have dreams and

aspiration, but by this time you already got caught in the, oh my God, I love your t-shirt. And they're real. I'm not saying this other type of open mic or doesn't that brings an aspiration? But by this time you already got caught in uh, oh my god. I love your t-shirt I love that joke ha in the back during somebody's on stage. They already fell for that trap Right, you know, we used to do that a lot when you went to San Francisco. The San Francisco comedy scene. I go there, I thought they were teaching karate. They will be yelling at the fucking place,

the place that burnt down. I fucking, I was so happy when that place burned down. I have no idea what place burned down. The punch line? It was the punch line, there was- Cobbs. Cobbs, and then there was another club. But the guy who ran it was a fucking dick.

Right, and I don't know. I just did not get along with him. Then later on when I was opening for Rogan I would have to deal with this guy. Oh No point like the first time we were alright, but after that we used to just goof on Right to his face because he didn't like me Ari and Duncan So we would just fucking abuse him, you know say shit to him. Oh The people to them Uh the people

I'm just looking it says there are uh fires at cobs and at the punch line Yeah cop one of those cops one of those had a but that old cobs Right cobs. I didn't like the attitude in there like every time you went in there dog. I had to drive 18 hours To get there, you know No, no, i'm lying to you. I don't know what it was, but it was no It was no fucking picnic to do an open mic on a monday and say just go i'm coming from seattle cuz You know with three dollars in your pocket no atm

And my eyes were wide open looking for a wallet, you know And you're gonna get there and play games with me. I'm gonna fucking never forgive you and There was a bunch and it was always San Francisco There's an interesting towards me in the beginning always the two of them Because the punchline used to have an open mic on Sundays Okay, motherfucker He okayed it. I called him a month before. Yeah, every week before that.

Am I still on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get there. This guy's like, oh, great to have you. Stand in the back. I'll let you know when you're up. I was there for two hours before this motherfucker came up and talked to me again.

Fuck. And every time he'd go, you're next, he'd come up to me 10 minutes later go no no my friends going up next You're after that I Never forgot that motherfucker, then I lit him up a year later at the lab factory, but we'll get to that later Yeah, when those guys let you up if you're a young comic when those guys insult you Those guys that don't do stand-up up and they're like the assistant club manager Just give them time just look at them nod at them and go okay

And then a year later you spit in their face when you're fucking Co headlining in their shitty fucking club across town They're like a bar back now somewhere else trying to give you and that's why you can't take none of that shit seriously Because I always thought these people trained to be fucking talent coordinators, right? How do you train what you do play with a monkey all day and see which one plays the organ which plays the flute? What what are we talking about here? so You know, I always felt like you had to go through like in my mind in my fucking stupid Cuban mind, right?

I thought that you had to go through like a training thing a comedy club sat you down. Fuck It's like hiring. It's like selling the car. You could breathe into a glass. You could do it You know who sells tickets, you know, who's yeah, you could put in the middle and you know Who isn't gonna come into the building? And there are some good ones, but yeah, it's all just a lot of personal taste in the middle and you know who isn't gonna come into the building and There are some good ones, but yeah, it's all just a lot of personal taste yeah, and you and you also have to nurture See you have to nurture them from all over I always thank Carl woman over my guy in Seattle for I thank him to the end because

He was a very very good. That's one thing. I've always you, dog, I had shitty situations, but I always had good people. In Denver, I had Matt Woods helping me. In Seattle, I had Matt Berry helping me. As soon as I got to LA, you know, after I became a regular, I was always very tight with Scott Day. The original talent coordinator was there I was always very tight with Duncan before He became the talent coordinator. I was tight with talk Cory Cuomo. I had to have a personal relationship with them I like that. I enjoyed that

You know, I hated these guys that opened up a club for investment money that bothers me right If you're gonna open up a comedy club do me a favor I want you to tell me about comedy all the way to Vaudeville And if you can tell me all the way to when the cavemen were doing it Tell me about the comedy shows that they had at the fucking pyramids You know I'm saying like if you're gonna be a comedy owner. That's all I ask. I don't ask much I don't care for you. You know the entire history of the world

What's that the entire history of the of the comedic world? I just want you to have a clue I just don't want you to be an extended agent and you're trying to and you'll bump into that once you start going to more bar rooms in Boston you'll see that some of them run for years and some of them run for 90 days if they're not profitable They get shut down. That's the bottom line. I don't care how fucking funny you are Okay, I put you in here on a Wednesday night because it's my slow night I could get fucking three gay guys with rainbows to do karaoke and pack fucking place I'm just allergic to HIV, you know, you'll hear everything

So they'll put you in on a Wednesday night and you could be the funniest person in the world If you don't deliver fucking I'm sorry the gum got stuck in my tooth and my tongue would pop it If you don't deliver it's gonna get canceled How can we do this right? And Now like that that part is gonna be interesting because I've already talked to a couple people about starting some shows and it's

Is that like you kind of turn into like a mini talent coordinator when you're putting a show together. But that's a complete different situation. All right. Don't don't that's the same thing. That's your friends and who you know, you're going to give rooms to the people that have rooms that you know, that they have something going on. You're trying to build something and then comics get the hint. Some

of them are going to get mad at you. You know, you're going to get those guys that are doing Andy Kaufman's act and every night they get everything but hit by tomatoes and they're going to tell you that they deserve to be on your show. You know, if you, but if you have a restaurant, you always have an out, the owner. Oh, okay. restaurant you always have an out the owner okay the owner doesn't like this type of comedy the owner doesn't like this I could probably use that for that again like a bar too yeah yeah that's always the out for you so you're not the bad guy you know it's it's it's a great thing to coordinate but you don't want

to do it forever no and that's what we don't want to have a big lineup That was a mistake. I mean, I'd rather host pay a headliner like a good feature and Then put two people in between that I got ten minutes and you do the rest So four or five people yeah not four or five people three or four four the most you a Guest set a strong 20 and a strong 45. Oh god. Okay, you get the fuck out of there and everybody gets love And nobody gets their feelings hurt

And you tell them I only put one newcomer every month every show seven minutes right And there's a hook on the corner of the stage So if you don't do good that hook's gonna come out and drag you by the fucking ankle. Holy shit I would love to hook some people sometimes Well, don't be you don't want to hook nobody because that means we don't want to hook you, cocksucker.

That's fair. I'd love to be able to give people the hook. But they're going to give you right now. Even them the hook. And that's a big hook. You got to have three little fidgets out there pulling you up

and a little just got off the bus from Texas. Hey, there's been times I wish I had a hook take done on me. What do you got going on this week comedy wise? This week I was actually kind of proud of myself Like I didn't have anything this week and then like last week I reached out to a couple of the shows that I've done so on Wednesday tomorrow I'm doing Capo and which is like a Wednesday so tomorrow I'm doing capo and which is like a

like a famous show around here and that like a nice Italian restaurant in selfie and Then on Thursday, I'm at the shortstop bar and grill in Westfield Thursday night in Western Mass And that's it I really enjoyed my tent spots down there. Yeah, it's who we're talking and we were asking and we were all over the place. It was great to see the evolution. It was great to, I didn't even finish about the book because I had resistance Tuesday night. Like I was like, I don't know if I wanna do this anymore.

Right before I got on the first show. Wow. I was like, why do I do this to myself? I got on the first show. Wow. Why do I do to myself? I go what do I do? You know, why do I put myself in this position? I got to follow Tony Hinchcliffe and all this shit. I could see if I was working out every night. But this is brutal when you don't do it. And then in the middle of all that I was like Joey, you still got it. because you're scared Are you really happy about it? Yeah, then I was like, okay, let them loose

And it was tough getting my footing and then once I got the footing I just took it And it was beautiful was a great night there. I Couldn't do like the fourth set on, the third set on Thursday was rough. One of the nights I did four sets and that last set was a little brutal for me. Like I felt it was the reason I didn't like doing, you know, the seven, the nine, and the midnight show.

All those feelings came, I don't know where I'm at. I don't know where the fuck I'm at. So I'm not doing that anymore. From now on, I'm just doing two shows on Tuesday, the two shows on Wednesday and two on Thursday. And I'll get the fuck out of it because that I don't like and I was thinking back to the comedy store I Was so strict about it at the comedy store that I would walk out people come up to me go Hey, we have a spot open in the belly room

And I go no, I just shot a load in the original room and I just shot a bigger load in the fucking big room Which I got an envelope for. You know, I'm tired, I'm done. I gotta go up there now and fuck around with eight people and a lesbian. I gotta sit there and play the drums and you know, I'll work out tomorrow night. There was a time.

Was there a time though that you wanted, yeah? Oh, I would do every set around the fucking block people would call me and I run to Ivar There was a club on Ivar remember Ivar and Hollywood. Yeah When I first got there some somebody a girl booked Ivar She booked the Rock Axe or something like that Okay, and dog she would call the comedy store

three times a week in 97 For my phone girl or your window, can you be at the Ivar? By 930 it pays hold on what's your pay 75 bucks for 10 minutes? Fuck yeah, I'll be at the Ivar I'll be there in five minutes I'll run something over So we would shoot to the Ivar So I would go to the comedy store to the original room

Like I know I'm lying to you all together because there was no early spot for then. I'd be at the original room if I didn't go to one of the Mexican rooms. Right. OK. But I've always only Friday, Saturdays, and Sundays at that time. So I knew the lurk by the phone. And she would call and say, I need to come in for 9.15,

one for 10.15, and one for 11.15. And I would shoot and do the 9.15. and then she would go come back for 11 15 and pick up another 75 hours And I would go do my spots at the store come back and then get back over there and this is no uber There was no fucking uber. There was no 10 speed bicycle. Oh You didn't even have a car yourself. I Had a car something nice some nights I didn't And all depend where I ended up the night before So what would you do just have someone drive you?

Yeah, it's cut somebody in for ten bucks fifteen bucks and a line of coke. Let's go I'll give you a small point. I'm picking up 75, you know Let me see if I get you five minutes and 20 bucks Do you miss any of that or like do you like like what you're doing for your four sets in them? Yeah When you're out your route, it's like if you're there for 10 hours and they offer you You might as well stay for the 14 unless your dog is dying My son speaking of your dog dying. Hold on one second I got a cut halftime here and talk to you fucking savages about draft Kings. We'll be back

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18 and over in most eligible states. Age varies by jurisdiction. Eligibility restrictions apply. Pick six not available in all states, including but not limited to Connecticut in New York For up-to-date list of states visit DK ng dot co slash pick six states void were prohibited See terms at pick six dot draft kings comm slash promos We're back bitches anyway What were you talking about

You don't even know what the fuck Before this I didn't I don't know I'm talking about? You don't even know what the fuck I have no idea what the fuck we were talking about before this I didn't I don't Talking about life. Oh I know what I got to talk to you about man was that knew how to talk to you about something So my friend picks me up Friday at the airport Okay, this is a child friend of mine. I mean this is a child that you could be He lived around the corner from young given that terrorist sabatino Okay, my man sad picks me up and we get in the fucking car with you know, listen to music cracking stupid jokes And I go to him again. Have you heard from my buddy?

And he goes no He goes he did friend me on Facebook, but he hasn't returned any of my messages And I go that's fucked up, you know, this is our friend that we pretty much grew up with and In 81 82 I lived with him for about six months and then okay. I went to Colorado that was it like our friendship kind of got weird and But there's a lot more to the story, but you know what's crazy about life man that I want to tell you guys I Haven't spoken to that guy face to face in 30 years right Jesus and

in the last five I Got him to say one thing to me on Facebook Because I kept hitting this friend of mine up for years coming. Amen Thinking about you, you know if there's anything we could do to repair this You know what needs to be done to get our friendship back. You know all of us need each other He would never reply. You know I reach out to my other other friend died from our favorite crew Nothing, you know it's just weird so

We're talking about them on the way home, and I fucking get home. I put my luggage away. I take a shower. I come down I Look on fucking Facebook, and I got a message from the sister-in-law died Thursday night. Oh No, and it's so weird like Friday morning, it didn't bother me. You know, I was with mercy and busy doing what I was doing And then Saturday at the softball game It really started to creep in on me. Like all the stories I tell on here, all the, I told, you know, and it's so weird.

I did Theo's podcast last week and I told him, I hung out with Fernie at a time when I had every reason in the world to give up on life. When we were tight from, because he slept at my mother's house before my mother died. My mother made us all breakfast and he told me that was a great falcon steak your mom made. And he always go, your mom made a good steak. So I knew Fernie maybe, oh, I knew Fernie in the eighth grade. I played basketball against Fernie.

He went to Lincoln, I went to McKinley. And then we became friendly freshman year. And then we became tight sophomore. We became tighter junior year. And by the beginning of senior year, when I quit, we were inseparable, Me, him, Glenn and Roger. That's all we were, you know, we would breathe for one another. And those were times when like I said it was the early 80s nobody was nobody had a butler in their home. You know,

everybody's father worked a lot of hours, shit like that. It wasn't like, you know, you know, you got home at three from school and your dad was outside mowing the lawn and within a good mood, you know. So it was just, but I still remember that in 82, I robbed a jewelry store and he wasn't involved by no means. He was working. But when the heat fell on me, I had a, he drove me to the airport. So the night before when we were getting the news that the cops were looking for me, we all said, look, it's better for you to take a flight.

We'll drive you in the morning. I'll never forget this. That morning we were driving to the airport. We didn't say a word to pretty much each other But the funny thing about that flight was when I got out of that car. I was no longer a kid anymore Yeah, I was like he's old and the game had ended and I came back and Gave it another Six or seven months,

but it ended. We weren't kids no more. The party was over. And him and I went all the way till April of 83. And I was 20, 21. He was 21. We were deeper than adults. We got in deeper than adults.

We got in deeper into life. There's some adults and I feel bad. But after 30 years, I didn't talk to him anything. I fucking cried. And it's like I talked to him yesterday. I had a rough day, Saturday and Sunday. Today, I'm a little better tomorrow night yet tomorrow's the wake from 5 to 8 and then

Wednesday, I can't make the funeral. Let's see what goes on here tomorrow and I'll decide tomorrow 4 o'clock I'll make a night of it. I go get a bite the heat Stop by my nieces, maybe and then go but you know, I don't think his mom is gonna be happy to see me. Oh No Now a long time ago though, right Yeah, 1983 it was 40 years ago I Think if you're going there pay your respects

Which I like you're not gonna go there and be an asshole. I think she'll be now The corner bring an envelope Go up saying our father Say I'm sorry and walk out. I mean a bunch of my friends are gonna be there I spoke him to like two or three or four of them that said they're gonna go tomorrow night Let's see what happens This shitty part about getting up I just like And it doesn't seem to get easier either

Well, once people start dying like like I said, listen when you're 50 You start thinking about God, you know, you don't think about God when you get your dick sucked You don't think about God when you're at the fucking birth Christ your constant jumping up and down, you know Nobody thinks about God the minute you turn 50 like two days later like whoa I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being right you go now. I had 50. It's time. I gotta do this I gotta push the board religion is what I'm doing. I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being right You know, I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being right I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being right

I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being right I'm not saying me. I'm just saying as a human being. You go, now I hit 50, it's time I gotta do this. I gotta push the wall, religion or by life. Man, those edibles hit me now. Oh yeah. But they hit me hard. When I first took them to the, I had to sit on the chair. What did you do the I had to But it was good

That's it. I'm ready for the week. I had no comedy this week. I don't know what I'm doing this. I'm a free agent That's awesome. But I'm ideas. So I've been writing some Joke something shit that pertains to me finally Nice. So I like like like some more stories Mm-hmm, or the jugs based on stuff going on okay based on stuff going on you know That's all I do You know the activities that I do nobody really knows about the 1200 other activities. It's funny I went to dinner. I didn't go to the dinner last night. I was hungry and I went to get a sandwich Okay, and I saw I saw a crazy guy from the area that I really like he's a fucking great guy

He's the first guy ever That's pulling me aside and didn't want a picture He came up like my life Now he's like listen. I gotta talk to you about something I'm from the neighborhood. I know the same people you know I See you I see this guy I see Joe Rogan all these are talking about edibles I buy edibles around here and they suck Is there any way you can help me out? I have money I could pay you I'll do anything you want

He gave me a business card the company owns. I Said you come back next Tuesday night. I'll bring you a little fucking present. He looked at me. I showed up with an ABX, like 15 of them, 200 milligrams. I don't even want to start them small. I want to let them know who's running things. You know what I'm saying? I gave it to him.

I just kept them on one. I go, just take one tonight, you know, ba ba ba Really? I usually three or four listen just one Just one And the next time I saw him is like man I Was fucked up for two days to listen. I see him yesterday at this place and I go you're not eating. He's like nah, I Came down to get some juice and stuff for my mom. Whatever. I go. How come you're not eating?

You're always eating he's like you don't want to know you know, also he started taking the sweatshirt off. He had fucking Needle marks like he went to the doctor. They took blood out and they couldn't find the vein and They said he's got too much sugar He had a gonna diet and I go what's going on. He goes what's going on with me is those animals you gave me? I can't stop eating that not I got no control He goes they said I got diabetes too whatever the fuck You can't just give someone a 200 oh my god I'm not gonna give up sugar. Oh, you can't just give someone

a 200. Oh my god. I had to give up sugar altogether. He goes, I'm on a new diet. I got new options. I go, listen, you didn't eat an edible. He goes, no, they got sugar in them. I go, not my edibles. They don't he goes, really? I go, no, he

goes, I got three of them left. I might go home and take one now So all this shit about eating I go listen I eat them too I eat like four or five we just looked at Yeah Yeah, yeah Every other will not working he took one and ate so much candy that he gave himself diabetes and like it sounds like under a Month no, no no no no I Every time I see him now. This has been four years Monday like in three weeks he was walking around with a sugar monitor

He's a professional from day one. I get laughing gas We exchanged chocolate mushrooms. it gives me shrooms You know how we do a player so the moral days over you can't wear boots or white no I don't even know I don't give a fuck. I wear what I wear since day one. Do you wear all white? I Have to wear all white I'm Cuban but I wear it it when I work sometimes I bust it out in the winter The problem with white shoes are people gonna step on your shoes like I would never invest in a white pair like shoes shoes And I'm not going to no Mambo contest. Why would I have white shoes on for I'm not going to Atlantic City You know I'm saying

City when I was a kid that always wear white shoes Fuck I never I could never pull that off. All right No, but I like like white shorts with white sneakers and a white t-shirt you go down the shore You're on a balcony. It's kind of cool out there. You're hitting the breeze Okay, the soul, you know I'm saying get back to nature. I know you're talking shit about it earlier But like do you miss going to the Jersey Shore like this time of year? No Nothing. No, I'm just thinking about something

The cool cooks can and got fucking white Go on The KKK got white sheets, right? Okay Who else has white sheets that are hatred? There's somebody else. I think the KKK might have that. I don't know. They have white. But maybe you have those

white parties. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bad color. You're backtracking now. I got my currency fucking, you know, I used to watch detective shows and I was a kid I took notes And I'm real detective not these half of fags now I don't I used to fucking watch a fat dude and nobody ever shot him. This guy was like 600 pounds Can it waste of a bullet? No, you could why would he was 600 pounds?

Bullets No, you could why would he was 600 pounds? So if you shot him like four times, but on TV you couldn't hit him He would always do like a little thing and the bulls will go around them and I would go that's so much bullshit. I Wish it was like that. I know Anyway, what we talking about we're talking about diddy things. But anyway, who cares about that? I was just thinking about that white. She's memorial day Yeah, I got to open up for Kim Kong Jin last week. It was awesome. What is that? It was great It was great to see her like it's just cool

She's beautiful. She is but she also grow up and It's fucking beautiful for me. Yeah, she had a little, a lot of people there. It was a really cool place. And it was just cool that she put out a special this year. So it's like, she's like a bunch ahead of me, but it's just cool to see like, oh, maybe at some point I'll be doing. Oh, she was doing that five years before you started, six years.

Yeah. And she was already at the depth at the store when you started And she's already a legend with Rose battle so yeah No, she's a she's great, and it's crying and I'm not correcting you I understand where you're coming from because you got a good heart You do have a very good heart for comedy, and that's what's gonna get you fathered anything Is that even on the phone you'd say these things to me me about Kim and how you're happy to see her because you know That's you if you keep working. Yeah

It's cool to see if you if you were coming from a different direction There's a lot of people go cheat out. I got that and those are the people that you'll never see growing comedy That's the number thing don't keep it to yourself or you have a friend because You don't ever want to think you're going crazy Is it bad for me to think like I'm not looking at it like I deserve it. I'm looking at it like I wish I wish you would have lived in LA with me when I got to 97 to call you get it night would be like Lee I just went 97, the calls you would get at night would be like,

Lee, I just went down to the store. I'm not gonna tell you the guy's name. He just walked in there with agent, manager, theatrical agent, the attorney. In other words, Jew, Jew juju and juju, you know They're back there sitting there and this guy goes up there doesn't even get a laugh Jesus one of 80 people and Fox is here and paramount. They're bidding over his fucking pilot And I can't get a fucking gig to feature Is it me Joey?

You know the sound right? Yeah That's when it fucks me up Like that's when I would call you and go. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just move on my mother I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just move on with my mother And right bagel store. I would get those all the time from people and like, you know, and I go what's up? And they're like I was at the improv tonight This fucking guy's been in three movies. He was bombing up there The only applause he got was when he walked up to the stage because he'd been in movies And here I am fucking killing it and I had to wait eight after him and by the time he got off

He walked 18 people. Is it me Joey and I don't know I Suffered with that the first two years in LA Like I'm ripping it up at this place and you guys are telling me now like what? What is going on? Oh, you look old you dirty You know But when the ticket started sound I don't look old and dirty that I got I'm like, what is going on? Oh, you look old, you're dirty, you know, but when the ticket started selling, I don't look old and dirty, did I? So, that's when you learn that it's all about tickets.

Right. You know, like the other day, but guys like you and I come from pride. I would never want to win something and to be kicked in there because I know Logically in ten years I saw it too much and I saw this in the very beginning too. I Always told people I never wanted to be a star of a TV show. I want to be part of a cast What's the difference to you I rather be number six nobody even knows I am. They're too busy looking at Brad Pitt And just get a couple of funny lines in a couple funny lines couple funny scenes in the back welding a safe And I'm picking up a check for $25,000 over you laughing me all you want bitch

And I'm going stand up on the offseason Right. Oh, yeah That's the way used to be Example what's the way used to be Example what's to show you like? When we started working Orange is the new black No, that's when you just to show your girlfriend light

the one It used to be The office right? Oh, yeah, they're rock parks and right? Okay. Yeah Parks and Rec if you look at half that Those people in that show they were all with three yards That's a man. That's a brilliant manager That's a manager who says we're gonna get you on a show. Listen Whatever two three lines a week standing there looking around for birds

It's going to give you 25 large a week If it gets picked up 32 if it gets picked up 42 If it gets picked up 60 and if it gets picked up 85 and a 15 million dollar whatever For you to do three lines. That's what people don't know at home Right. They're like he ain't no star that motherfucker. Just got three lines Think about it again It's the number one show right at parks and rec was a good show

But they had a lot of people, you know had had I think all of them are with three yards. They packaged that's called packaging. Right. That's the way you tell your clients. Everybody works at once. You write a role for everybody. You know, the head writer, the assistant to the assistant, you know, the guy who cleans the fucking toilets.

And they get a percentage from everybody on the show like A fucking doctor and it's legal as fuck every week ching ching for those five years and that syndication money ching ching and You as a comic could sit back at home Do two sets a week at the store write jokes in the dressing room while you're rehearsing, and as soon as that season ends, you go on the road. You give it whatever the fuck you give it, those six weeks, you put together a half hour,

you already had a half hour that you've written at the store, and when that show starts, either at the beginning of that show, that season two starts, release a special, or at the end of season two, just when people thought you were dead, boom, you drop a fucking special. And now the progression goes as a comic,

and you're not on the road 82 weeks of the year. So you're always fresh. And even just to get back to what you said earlier, like about like, Oh, am I doing something wrong? Like I was thinking about this. What percentage of making it like being a successful comic is comedy? It seems like there's a lot of other stuff that goes into it.

Like is comedy even 50% of's a lot of other stuff that goes into it like It's comedy even 50% of it. It goes through fads There was a time when I started when I just grew up on Joan Rivers and a bunch of men and Lucia ball But Lucia ball wasn't a stand-up Then it transitioned to you know, good-looking women and-looking men, and you had like whoopie Goldberg That did like a one-woman show and Sandra Barnhart and everything When I got to Hollywood it wasn't about that by the time I got there was about the good-looking 25 year old That's what they were looking for Okay, and they kept pushing it, but you can't find somebody seasoned at 25

as Okay, they kept pushing it but you can't find somebody seasoned at 25 As Mature to look to get what you're looking for Are you with me there? Yeah, absolutely So they tried with that and then I don't know YouTube All these things helped comics that look like me All these things helped comics that looked like me Do something people were finally listening. We didn't fit the bill for Comedy Central We didn't get that's what it was Comedy Central had an agenda and and if you've seen like all the stations down now You they really have an agenda. Oh

Yeah, we got a yes, and I'm not insulting anybody by no means. You know, you have a better chance making it as an Indian 26-year-old in Hollywood than somebody white right now, because they're going to put you on every show of your Indian now. You're going to be on every TV show. And I don't mean this despairingly at all or in a bad way. I'm just going with the odds right now.

It's them African-Americans. They sprinkle a couple of portals Desperately at all or in a bad way. I'm just going with the odds right now It's them African Americans They sprinkle a couple Puerto Ricans in there in Cuba. It's just to keep everybody happy and Mexicans Did I mean did you ever accentuate like the Diaz or like? try to get like Not like obviously you deserve your roles, but you know accentuate like you're Hispanic Obviously you deserve your roles, but like, you know accentuate like you're Hispanic Have I ever accentuated that I'm Hispanic except on the podcast no not on the podcast Has never been about no no, no, you're right. And what actor what movies gonna hire me to play Juan Carlos in

Fucking Narcos. Look at mecos look at me look at me Yeah, but they couldn't it's just good to have the name on the thing don't you think or no What now you don't know but you don't have to play a Spanish? Character you could just be a Spanish actor in in this movie Let me ask you something you put me on are you here to fucking put? Night I'm starting the week off on a good foot. I come on here once a week with you and all of a sudden you start asking me these tortures question.

Listen, Lee, 23 years, I never booked a Latin roll and the one I did, I got fired for. So what are we talking about here? I don't know, I was wondering. The other one was the Felipe one when I played the sheriff with the fake mustache and The beard was falling off, you know, it's it's it didn't fit my agenda I didn't fit their agenda for that and once I got pigeonholed into the mob

Baker Pizza maker garbage man. That was it. Nobody wants me over in the line I would love to been and like a nice Cuban movie or something right really spoke some shit on there and showed my Cuban Comedy, but that never happened. Am I bitter about it angry now? Not at all. I got everything else I wanted so I didn't get that big fucking deal. I Didn't ever know Got everything else I wanted so I didn't get that big fucking deal and you never know Listen man, I spoke to a dear friend of mine last night called out of the blue this this guy ain't working I

Ain't working he's finishing up this movie now the accountant to Okay, and after that he's got nothing for the summer and this guy doesn't get calls to work on Tuesday. People send him scripts and interview him and ask him if he wants to roll into three month process. So basically, as of last night, he was off for the fucking summer. And it does not like that.

No, he knows what's going on right now in Hollywood. It's just quiet. They're expecting a strike in July. Again? Yeah, for the stagehands. OK. So I don't know if people are not pulling the trigger because of that

or people are not pulling the trigger because they're not pulling the trigger right now. I think they're only shooting one or two pilots But yeah, but the one thing I did like about Austin again By going down there Lee. I like running in that circle Yeah well not That circle. I love running in that energy. I loved going to the Sunset Room The comics I saw there and the comics I spoke to there

were fucking great. Um, it was fun, you know? No time. But I was in and out of there. And the fucking mother, the mothership, the staff is great. Like, you feel at home, the security is great. Everything's short distance.

You know, like I said to you, I see Theo walk in and he's going up and all of a sudden Hinchcliffe is following him. And they're like, when is Joey going up? And he's like, before me, after Hinchcliffe. And I'm like, I need this. You know, I haven't been in this league for years This is Tuesday night the store and Tripoli's room all over again, right?

and I told you because I I they kept posting videos which are awesome on Instagram and When you would bring up Joe you would like like there's a good deep breath I like it like a huge breath like and I asked you about it I was like what like you just it seems so like Relaxed up there You know when the bell goes off Friday at 5 o'clock and you've been fucking Digging through fucking tunnels all week. I tell so you get that coke group go to the United States once that bell rings at 5 and I've never dug a tunnel

But I do know When you work hard and you just want to go home It's Friday at five. You could taste a beer in your mouth. It's been on your degrees all day You got dust and nails and peanuts you ate a scorpion, you know And fucking that feeling of going. I did it. I did five days this week. I didn't die in here.

And I get to go home and spend the weekend with my family. I wasn't leaving. I was just lucky I did the 15 minutes, man. But did like, you know how fortunate I feel Do you have any idea? I mean if anybody knows my demeanor more than anybody is you so you know how grateful I am How grateful I am that at 61 i'm not on a ship You know getting going through customs and I can't bring my fucking

fountain pen with me and you can't smoke a joint and accept if you go to Guadalajara. I'm very fortunate that I'm not doing, you know, the third tier comedy clubs to support my family and I'm leaving for three weeks at a time when the daughter is 14 13 when she really needs me here you know I'm very grateful for all those things and looks like I told people did I like comedy or did I like the money right in that whole thing we went through in LA I I forgot. I forgot. Guilty. If I've ever been guilty of anything, I was guilty that I just wanted to go on the road for the money. I did care about my audiences and I did go out there to be the best I could be, but that's what it became and I didn't want it to become that. I wanted myself to go down there, to get on a plane for three and a half hours

and Back once a month that meant more to me. So every time I get on that stage and get off It's big And is it like I understand that's a lot of work, but is there all like do you feel like? Satisfied after like if you're doing well, we got like you just I feel satisfied whether I bomb whether I do five or whether I do ten Because I still have that ability To call somebody I was in the trenches with and go hey, I'm coming down

And then go'm coming down. And then go, come on down. You got six shows. They feed me. They take care of me. And I get to do what I really wanted to do from the beginning of this. I'm watching it more and more.

And with comics, it's not more and more. It's not mental health anymore. It's the same thing I was going through. They forgot what they were fighting for. And it's tough, guys, it's tough, especially when you're out in LA. It's very tough to remember what you were fighting for. And this must happen in every fucking, whether you're a lawyer,

a stockbroker, you start making a little cash, people start fucking shining your shoes, everybody wants to smoke a cigarette with you, everybody wants you on their yachts, you forget what your mission was. And our mission was just to be funny number one and number two to be happy as comics That's it that's it But how can you be happy when you're a feature act in oklahoma And you get off stage And you work in a hardware store all week you get off stage and

You work in a hardware store week and You fucking do comedy on the weekends and this couple comes up to you and go. Hey, man When is your Netflix special gonna come out? How uncomfortable is that person feel that young comic he's He's stuck. He's got a family. He's got a wife. He's got a kid That guy's happy where he's got a wife. He's got a kid That guy's happy where he's at Right He's an addict where he's at

He could go home and go. Yeah for two minutes you go. I wish I didn't have that kid my fucking wife I'd be there in a minute. But as you're saying that you regret it Because you're where you want to be so what you have is make it work for you If this is the best to your ability make it work for you, and this is the best of my ability I've told you that when we started the podcast Everything in January. I do what's the best of my ability now if you're a young comic don't listen to me Your rules are completely different. You got to be out there every night mugging fucking people Right having people and getting on stage. Don't listen to me. I'm way beyond that shit

But I know and I respect it Fuck yeah, I know it and I respect it. I mean we have talks after your open mics. Oh Yeah, I was calling after my set. I don't want to talk to you I wouldn't pick up the fucking phone and ask you how to go. Right. I want you to tell me that guy farted. It wasn't the best set you ever had. You tried that joke, but it didn't work. You know, that's what it's so funny how I got a call from a friend months ago and this was a very

therapeutic call. Okay, because this was a very therapeutic call, okay Because this put a lot into you pilot the bombardier which was going on with me He contacted me one day and we're talking he goes man. Do you know anybody who's going on the road who could take me? You know when I go bro What these young guys don't understand is that it's a package deal. You follow me? Just how comedy, just how TV is a package deal, sometimes comedy is a package deal.

My manager has a comic that isn't a headliner. He is a headliner, but he's not drawing yet. Go on the road with Joey, take a thousand, two thousand dollar pay cut and draw an audience. Go out there, take pictures. Be likable. Go to restaurants. Wherever Joey goes, go. You know? And a lot of young comics don't understand that. You know, we're in LA. You see what LA's like. I'm at the Comedy Store. There's ten door guys

That are hungry and they're ready to kill somebody for you You know I'm saying it's very to give somebody an opportunity in Cincinnati not because you don't like that person Because you're sitting here with somebody who's really fucking struggling right now Because you're sitting here with somebody who's really fucking struggling right now And he's not in Cincinnati you are and you probably got a day job and you live at home with your mom So no disrespect for you at no level. I'm just saying this guy is in the bowels of fucking debt right now You saw those guys you went to the store of me 200 fucking times. Yeah No, and it's a lot of it's like who's the who you're friends with they a lot of people bring their friends on the

road with them You got a few pumped with nothing personally No personal. So when this guy asked I knew what he was looking for But I said I go I'm not doing anything. I don't know what to do blah blah blah. I go listen Because I would say this to anybody who is 50 and didn't know what to do either It's a hobby Yeah, but I really love it then go on a ship. Oh Man, I don't know then you don't really love it

Right. I can't listen. I would have gone on the ship for a week but They in the ship that's gonna let me on there. I'll walk that whole fucking ship. You know I'm saying just on principle I'll say all I gotta do is all I gotta do is sit at one of those eateries or all the fucking chubby people go with the flip-flop With the diabetic toe, and just take notes. I'll do an hour on fucking...

That's it. And they won't even know that they'll escort me out on a helicopter. They'll tell you, Oh, we don't want you back on the ship. We don't want you back where we port. We don't want you back 50 miles from our fucking neighborhood. How's that for you?

No, I couldn't do it. But a ship is listening. It's three spots a night Yeah, you want to do comedy? Yeah, okay then I'm gonna give you an opportunity to do two clean sets and one dirty or vice versa 118 and under and or one fucking spot you're up there jizzing on fucking beside that venture What do you want to do? Well? No, I want to be in clubs. I was a headliner. Well that ship sailed And like for I'm not trust me I'm not applying to be a crew on a cruise today

But for someone like a feature comic to me I know I know like the stigma that comes with the cruise ships but if I could do two to three shows a night for six months to a year if I Use the sets correctly like I could have like hours of material Hey listen after the war goes we'll get you an Israeli ship to tap dance I have your tap dancing on one end doing jokes on the other and on the bottom part you'll be hosting the banquets the Diamond the blood diamond. That's what it's called the blood diamond. It goes to like three places Jerusalem Jerusalem Alright, so where you gonna be this week tiny Tim? I'm gonna be a cop on Wednesday and Thursday I'm gonna be at the shortstop bar and grill. I gotta be honest with you. I have no idea what we discussed this whole podcast

The **** power went out. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened in the first half, volume one, volume two. It's just one of those **** Mondays. I forgot to give a chicken to the Saint to the ash. I knew I

**** up. What the **** are good? Huh? Your animals are good. What are you going to do? Listen, what do you want from me? You know I'm saying I live the lifestyle Have a good I love you On it listen supplements nutrition fitness apparel Honest got it all we got 25% off supplements 10% off fitness and 20% off nutrition now till June 2nd on its finest

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