Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Professional Stoner

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

Joey Diaz gives his take on Joe Rogan's live Netflix special and tells Lee what he thins about live specials, the piece of work Joey is most proud of, cutting the mental fat, what Joey would do if his flight was delayed and much more! Support the show and get 20% off your Manscaped order and free shipping. Press in code DIAZ at https://www.manscaped.com Support the show and get 20% off with code JOEY at https://www.dietsmoke.com/ The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

It's a fucking time clock, but we're just hanging in here doing the best we can What is it? Why does everyone over 50 have to talk about them dying? Every fucking time every time I talk to anyone I'm so old I feel old Listen you have to look at it for real. I can't be walking around like I'm 39 start blow Making believe I'm Johnny bananas. So you have to know- But you're not in the retirement home either. No, and I'm not planning on going to the retirement home unless you put me there.

Oh yeah, you're going there immediately. As soon as there's like anything, I'm sending you there. You know, I know dementia is coming. Oh Jesus Christ. You know, so that's the little things I do. You prepare for dementia, you have to prepare for things that you know you're gonna get I got hit

In the head I did coke I snorted at you know, it's it's endless the possibilities that lead you to dementia anxiety things yeah Having life leads you to dementia like but I don't get it dude Everyone is who they turn 50 when I do my when my parents turn 50 they each showed me where their will was like That's not even a joke. That's a real story. I ain't that fucking creepy. Oh Huh, I told my wife a couple things but I ain't that fucking creepy I'm not planning on going anywhere I got an uncle who's 85 who I'm like My other aunts and uncles. he really took care of himself.

I got an aunt that's 80. All the other ones punched the ticket when they were 60, but they were drinking with three fucking hands in Cuba. That's that fucking old vodka from 1959. That, they don't even help you at an AA meeting when you drink that shit. That's deep. So, you have to look at, unless you get hit by a car

or you fall out of a plane or something like that, you have to look at life objectively. Number one, I don't make any unnecessary trips. I've thrown enough spaghetti against the wall. People call me up to do all these things. I look at the fucking thing, the address, where, how far? Two hours. I get fucking a truck could go off the rails

And hit me in the head and the story. I'm not going I'll sit here the less moves I make the better You know I just went up to North Jersey. I got rear-ended. I rear-ended a guy He almost went through the windshield the bumper fell off. That's why when you're a schlep rock you stay home and You mind your business people go to a restaurant They sit there and enjoy I'm waiting for the first guy to take a gun out because I'm always looking back door You know I'm saying if that guy looks a little creepy. I called 9-1-1. I don't take chances no more I got a couple of years left in this in this fucking planet. I don't want to go under somebody else's terms. I Want to go on the my turn is when I'm fucking ready. I don't want to go on to somebody else's terms. I Want to go on the my terms when I'm fucking ready. I don't want to go to a concert

Anyway, that's fair now. Yeah, Tuesday. You know I'm saying Happy motherfucking Tuesday everybody out there in the real-life world. What's going on with you? Did you get the apartment? I turned it down Okay Conditioning in the window. That's what this is this oh, dude. I I would die. That's um, I've never sweat so much I've been to Mexico. I've been to Florida in the summer dog First off I've been here for four summers and I already gave up on the summer. It was always two weeks of heat This has been awesome alone. It's been It was always two weeks of heat. This has been awesome alone. It's been

9089 humid the humidity don't bother me no more, you know, I don't need to show my balls to anybody You know I'm saying when you're you really only bothers you when you're looking to get a little a little cup a little swing Yeah, I'm a mink. Yeah, you know, oh, yeah, but people must have to shower like I've showered I showered at least twice a day. How'd you like Michael? When I grew up I take three showers a day when I was 16 because you want to impress girls so you can't know think on you has got to be right your clothes have to be right and In the summers, it's three showers. I'm on the second one already today, and it's not even nighttime Cuz I got to wash the fucking Cuban grease that comes out of my pores between Because I got to wash the fucking Cuban grease that comes out of my pores between the workout and because when I got home from working out today, I sweat up a ton.

And before Ari got here, I took a quick Puerto Rican shower, wash my nutsack, put deodorant, you know, I took a shower. And I know I got to take another one tonight. Yeah, you have to. It was 92 degrees. I went to box today. You know, he had me in there for 35 minutes as fans no air you everything's coming out of everywhere. My socks were so I was gonna go to cryotherapy my socks were so drenched. My feet were still wet. I would have had to put the cryotherapy

socks on and I would have walked out of there like fucking Johnny boom with no feet fucking feet I would have I would have had whatever that shit is when your toes fall off What I like a frostbite frostbite because I was so hot today, you know But they can be at least fucking listen and I know that people gonna watch this and our people are on the real tip That watch the show this ain't no fucking you know people who drive Priuses aren't watching the show looking to save on my watch So I don't even know what I was gonna say to you. Oh, yeah People go home moved listen everybody. I talked to from la

Every other day is it's fucking been really hot here joey, but you still got those jerk-offs that go. Oh no We live by the beach and we just like you a little fan and you're like dog I've been to your house. I couldn't even eat. I was so fucking uncomfortable Mosquitoes are biting me. Oh, you know, i'm indoors here mosquitoes are biting me that bite my fucking ankles Yeah, it's hot. You know, you get that breeze. Yeah whoopie do look at the scene of the ocean list I don't give a fuck about I'd rather be in an ice box looking at a wall warning electronics than fucking look at an ocean and be sweating at this point oh you know like it's just I go to those softball games there's an umbrella we sit under the umbrella uh you know we deter the sun a little bit as much as you can, but I go out there to be in the sun. I want vitamin.

So it's always a catch-22. But no, being hot and people who let their place be hot drive me, that's why, the main reason I go to hotels, because anytime there's a window unit, that was the worst part about getting an apartment is they would tell you one AC window unit was good enough for the whole apartment. They said they never had any complaints.

I need AC in every room in the house. Me too. I like central air. Listen, man, when we lived in that broken apartment in Hollywood, first of all, let's be honest, there was no air and there was no heat in Hollywood. When they built that in the twenties or thirties, it didn't get hot in Hollywood. It was always 60.

Maybe it dropped to 40. You busted out a blanket. When I moved to the valley, the apartment had no air. And that little heater unit in the wall that had a light with the pilot light blow up every once in a while. You wake up in the morning, you had 2,000 edibles in you the night before.

You don't want to light a pilot light. You're like hundred here. I'll blow this thing up like a fucking you know so forget it I'm not gonna do that every morning when we got into the other house that had central air I don't know if it had heat that didn't have heat either Yeah, no Mm-hmm I don't know if it had heat that didn't have heat either Yeah, no That's crazy in the bathroom

And you didn't need it in the mornings freezing But I'm not complaining listen all my I remember one thing about my childhood I still remember going to say Daniel's house on the fourth floor of 148th Street and opening up that thing, I saw a kitchen, a living room, there was a couch and all the kids were on the floor with sheets. Okay.

It was one of those summers that you see summer of Sam, it's 98 and humidity all summer. I remember those summers. And I remember walking into that thing and sitting with them and thinking to myself, how can you sleep in this? And they wouldn't sleep. There was three nights in the summer when I was growing up, you just didn't sleep. Even with the air conditioner, it was so fucking humid. It was just so humid that you couldn't put a sheet on you. You couldn't

take one off. It got too cold. It got to the point where you even took the sheet off the bed to stay cool. Like, you're like, what the fuck am I gonna do? It's, so I'm in agreement with you. You need an air conditioner now. Yeah, no, so, but I, you know, like, that was a little bit of a bummer, but it's gonna be fun.

There's a million apartments in New York. There's a million apartments. Maybe you could call those Jews in Brooklyn Maybe they got an underground tunnel for you. You can I have one of those but I want one above ground to 100 a month, you know down there a little electricity. You look like Yeah, a hundred a week whatever the fuck it is. No, you take it so expensive and it's so weirdly because There was two cities that you could pull this off. I pulled off being in the city every fucking day having a boxing gym to take showers and then I

just had it so I could I could be ready anywhere I was. If you called me at one o'clock and said want to go have cocktails I could run to the boxing gym, make believe I'm shadow boxing, jump in the shower, and then fucking put a suit on. I always had a suit in there. Smart. Pants. And I would always break my day up, so I didn't have to run back to Clipside to get a new shirt, a new pair of shoes.

And in Seattle, I did that. I lived in an office apartment. And I went to, I joined a gym, I forced my hand. And I was in good shape then, but the gym made me in better shape, you know? Right. So you find all these different angles and New York's got them.

There's a lot of actors, there's a lot of people who are in our profession in New York. Part-time, great jobs in New York for actors and comics. There's a lot of shit. Oh yeah. That's what New York is to me is like opportunity. There's just like on every level,

not even just like comedy. It sounds corny, but like this is like, I've always wanted to live in New York. Like this is like, it got like emotional. Like I'm so excited and it, like for right now for one year I think I'm gonna try to live by myself and then Meet maybe a comic who I could split up place. Wait, just move to New York, right? I am I'm moving I'm moving right away. You're thinking about my life whenever I'm thinking about the next 18 years

Nice hot black chick after too much of that and she tells you move in with me and put the red You're gonna have two rents and this conversation was never covered So why think about the future at this time last year? You weren't even moving to New York You were looking on getting married and fucking having a boat. Yeah, what the fuck? You're a comic stop making fucking plans. The only plan you make is how I'm getting on stage this week. And your plan for the every three month, 90 day,

everything else is background fucking music. And when you put that away, we've had this discussion. Yeah. This is the other side of your mind, the Jewish side of your mind. And it's an important weapon that you need For comedy I don't need the other shit that goes with it right deep thought and what am I gonna do? Yeah, there's nothing to do just fucking don't worry about it

What if you there three months and you get a TV show and you have to move to fucking Oklahoma for a year? And here we are having a worthless conversation Worthless goal worthless everything I talked about that in the patreon podcast today how it's not that I Got funnier in 99. It's that I lost mental weight Losing mental weight is very important if you're gonna do anything to you. I'm not gonna do anything to you. I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you

I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you I'm not gonna do anything to you He's bleeding who gives a fuck about Johnny at the end of the week, you know, Johnny's at the bar cocktails He wants to die leave Johnny alone. You're gonna call me With this bullshit about Johnny like we have so many thoughts in our head that have nothing to do what we're doing And once you start chopping them off people get pissed off at me because of my anti-political

Fucking tirades and I'll tell you why Because it's a waste of your energy. It's dirty. Put on that CNN any time of the night when you wake up. There's people in there, and they're always flabbergasted. 3 in the morning, and you're fucking flabbergasted. They look at six. They yell at each other.

Kamala Harris, he's a Hindu. What? Are you fucking crazy? If you looked into your life this much You've been a lot better place Right or wrong I'm just that's true. That's true cut the shit out of your life You're dating a chick like I told them dog. I was in a hard relationship I was in a relationship with a fucking chick that was great people, but she like suck another dick

Every time we broke up. She already had something. You know what it fucked with my ego It fucks is your ego as a man and I had to live with her. I didn't have that was a starving comic I did have feelings for her and I knew we weren't gonna last and Finally when we broke up I had that That shit of driving whether she's gonna cheat on me again Where is she who's she hanging with that's mental fat? Is my boss gonna fire me you're a fucking comic you hope he fucking fires you Do you find all these unnecessary thoughts when I tell people I don't really give a fuck I

Really don't give a fuck You met me in the heat of the I didn't give a fuck Aaron Now I watch sports, you know, I play roulette. I fucking go to parties when you met me there was none of that there was no unnecessary fat and The result was great When I started in 2011 the result was great So I appreciate that state of mind that I don't I don't have time for this shit Like I don't have time for this unnecessary

You know how many times you go home and you're like well. I just went to lunch with a comedian And he just brings you down Brings you the fuck down. He I can't get no work People are hiring feature X anymore You know the funny bone head line me. What do you want me to do? And now you do feel bad. He's your friend You and him started together you You went on the road together and you're ahead of him in LA. And you know why? Because he had a girlfriend. He always went on vacations. You know, you know, although I'm going to San Diego to watch the charges over that. Are you fucking kidding me for the weekend? When you're in LA, weekend, you got to be doing comedy. You left

your fucking family. You left people who loved you. You left everything in your life to go dedicate yourself. You're in the major leagues and now you want to do some on a weekend. Like that was the farthest thing from my thought. I lost relationships because of it, Lee. Right. People would not tolerate that from me. Like I'm having an art exhibit I don't give open mic at a Mexican restaurant but I'd rather be at I love you love you to death but I'm not going to your fucking party I'm not going to that restaurant to sit with 40 people don't care about each other then the bill comes and they're all looking around the room like there's birds get the fuck

Out of here, you know, I'm not doing that and 40 people making believe they're friends. I'm not doing that shit I'd much rather be an open mic working on a fucking joke that's been bombing for two years Right a roll and what yeah dropping that shit people come up to me you see that episode of Seinfeld no And I don't want to see it. It's got nothing to do with me, right? Thanks and lobster. I'm over here in a basement fucking drinking fat tire and snorting coke with one nose nostril Hey, you know I'm saying like after a while you gotta go. What's it got to do with me? My man is this What were you saying brother, I'm sorry that you can't something else to say I was just gonna say like that like that's a Like the thing I'm most excited for about New York is just I can do comedy from the minute

I like five o'clock until two o'clock every night of the week Somewhere I can do comedy. I Like I like, I like- So nights a week, if you really want to be a comic, New York is your answer. You know, Austin, if you really want to be a comic, Austin is your answer. If you really want to be a comic, you've got to push.

You've got some acting under you, you want to go out to LA, LA is the place to be. Now, every other year, somebody else gives you a tax break and everybody gets excited. Oh my God, I'm buying a house in North Carolina. And then a year later, you're stuck with your house in North Carolina and you're fucking doing ads for fucking,

the local pizza shop. You're like, well, what happened? No, the businesses in those three cities, comedy mostly in Austin, but the other two Somewhere along the line somebody's gonna tap you on the shoulders and say have you ever been to an audition? Would you consider an audition for this? You know, it's just there. I Haven't even can start thinking about that, but it's it's oh thank God because that'll just bury you into a different fucking

Orgasmic leas I at home. Oh, yeah, I can't worry about that right now. I That'll just bury you into a different fucking orgasmic Lees-eye at-home. Oh yeah, I can't worry about that right now. I just think about, you know, I remember sitting in those rooms crying, snorting coke by myself, like just writing in a notebook, all the clubs I wanted to play at. Doug, I remember the mind flocks. And if I could do it all over again,

I think I would have still done coke. I mean, that was part of it for me to be a fucking junkie comic. Now they're gonna talk about comedy. But think of all that. From 92, from the minute I started comedy to 97, or 8, my life was a mess. My personal life was a complete fucking mess But what fueled it would fuel my comedy was my life My life was not as easy as yours or another open mic or I was going through a fucking divorce

I'm thinking of killing motherfuckers. I'm on probation for kidnapping. I'm snorting coke with three hands. I ain't got no money. I'm out of credit cards. This was real. I was looking at a dead end. And I was like, Kanye will get me out of it. I don't know how. But yeah, here we are.

It's crazy. It worked. I don't know about that, but all the mistakes I made was not just focusing. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I to dinner and meet you. I don't want to meet nobody I

Don't meet your creepy parents and sit there with them at some fucking shitty LA restaurant and talk about we're not going anywhere I'm not getting married. I'm already got a wife. Her name is comedy Right, not that mental attitude. It's fucking scary It scared the shit out of me because I didn't give a fuck Like you saw bigger what did you see happen like you got well better quicker I Got better quicker. I Cut down. I mean, you know, I was homeless in that way Here I am fucking taking a shower at the comedy store in the morning and I'm there that night at 12 o'clock following Paul Mooney.

So all those little things, sleeping on Ralphie's couch. You know, it's funny, one of the girls that lived in the building that took great care of me when I was coming up, when I got to LA, she was an unpaid PA on the Doug Stanhope show. Unpaid! And two years later, she was a producer on a show. Wow. A real producer. Big money. And she lived in the building with me, Ralphie, Gavin, a bunch of us, Jodie, a bunch of us.

And somewhere along the line, she got pregnant with this Cuban dude. She was a Mexican chick that could cook her ass off. She cooked for us and shit. And she had two kids. And then she married him, and they moved up to Pasadena. I loved them both. And one day they broke up, and she just went on a fucking binge

you know and She's not with us anymore. But last we got a call from her son He's a fucking set designer nice What do you mean nice? I remember when that kid was a baby, but isn't it good that he has a good job I am fucking a static about it But that's not my point. It brought all those memories from that building Well, all right, he and watching Ralphie blow up and all that shit money. But enough of this bullshit. Let's get this party started greetings from the podcast world

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that's what you got to be thinking Thank you What up MOOC hey buddy, it's Tuesday the 6th of fucking August. Where does the time go? It's crazy. The year's almost over. It's all it's gonna be quick now Quick, but it feels like that's it. It's Labor Day. They're already putting Halloween stuff out Can you believe that you go off to like CVS and there's Halloween candy out already? I'm a guy Nanny No, why would I get out even like Halloween candy anymore? There's usually a bowl at your house There's a why you have a bowl for me at least is it just for me? No, I got a bowl up there, but we buy candy on the 25th like every other normal motherfucker

I'm gonna sit here being a professional stoner with chocolate upstairs every fucking night, 11.30, when I get that sudden urge, I'd rather go upstairs and eat an apple. I don't need dog. We got stuck with 50 fucking chocolate bars in this house. How? How'd you get stuck with it? All that fucking was supposed to sell them, and my wife just gave it a small 20,

and we got stuck with them. I had to get rid of them after I ate the sixth fucking fistful. You know, so I don't want that stuff in my house. And we got stuck with them. I had to get rid of them after I ate the sixth month You know so I don't want that stuff in my house I don't blame me I can't have it in my house either a lot of stuff happened this weekend You know I know you were in the city. Mm-hmm. You looked for an apartment you found one you lost one, you know Like I told you got to kiss a lot of frogs, especially but they got a lot of apartments in New York City Oh, yeah, it's crazy. What is considered an apartment?

but like it's Dude, like I did so much. I Went to the Comedy Cellar, which was awesome. I saw like an 1130 on a Tuesday show and it was packed and it was and and dude and there were like a there was the comics and I know a few of their names other names but like There's like a level of the jokes At 11 39 Tuesdays like oh, yeah, this is definitely a step above Like it's like it cuz like that's the goal right in New York and

One of the goals not oh, but yeah, like I just like the level it was impressive You store you know you want to get in? Sometimes that ain't for you, and you don't have to lose your mind. No. There's plenty of clubs I'm not good and out so I want to do every club in the city But it was just bar mitzvahs whatever you get your hand up Oh, yeah, I would do the fucking of a bar mitzvah, but it was just like very, like inspiring. It was like, I was like so,

I was overdosing on like serotonin, I was so happy. I mean, it was, it's very exciting. Lee, it's great to see what you're doing because it lets me know how much I'm not a comic anymore. Watching you grow and watching you talk to me brings back old memories. And in other situations, it would make me get up and want to get on stage, but it's like,

you know, I'm excited about Kill Tony on Saturday night. We're going. I don't know what I'm doing. He just called me up and said, he's gonna swing by. So I might as well go by and say up and said he's going to swing by. So I might as well go by and say hello. Hopefully you'll be in the city. I went to Wildwood last weekend, New Jersey,

for the first time in 42 years. Nice. And the softball tournament didn't go our way. But it was their last weekend together as a team. Half of them are going up to 14 you now And it was just great to see these girls and I was just looking at my daughter thinking wow She's growing a lot. That's it. She's gonna be these girls in two years and These 13 year olds are just fucking it was just sad

But I had a great time with the parents and I stopped at a wheat store Like I was looking to go to this one weed store but there was two of them there was like a chain and then there was this other one Kurova I saw the Kurova one and I went in there and I didn't know what to expect I brought home three weeds all of them are fucking A pluses I mean I'm in fucking stone for two days I got some gorilla thing that you they dip the weed in like they call it something else up here like golden nuggets or something I never those things but this looks so good. I gave it a shot and boy I'm happy I did I rode the bike for 20 minutes this morning forgot ten minutes later

You know I'm saying that's how I was this morning. so you don't like see a huge difference between New Jersey and California the weed yeah I don't when I got here I listen I didn't touch New Jersey weed for three fucking years I didn't touch New Jersey weed till January okay what was falling out with the other side I was like well I better get to it night I got sick and tired of waiting on people to send me shit I can't live like that if I asked one on Monday I'm thinking you should put it in by Wednesday or Thursday When I call you two weeks later, you're like, oh, I told my assistant to do it and he forgot you just wear me out

Because I'm doing a good job on my end for. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going

to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to you about the Rogan special because I know a lot of people I've already gotten like fucking 50 things or what I thought You know you haven't had a chance to watch it not yet, but I'm excited to I Tried watching it Saturday night live When it came on but all the girls came up to the room at like 10, 15 to get fucking speakers and shit.

And I had all these kids in the room, my wife, their parents. So I shut it off and I was upset but I got to watch it last night. The whole hour relaxed the whole thing. I love the theater. I think Joe's great job. Was loved the theater. I think Joe did a great job. Was it the best special I ever saw? I don't know, but it was a good special. He made me laugh a couple times.

I could see the work, and I know the work it takes to do a special. I enjoyed it. I didn't see anything negative Sunday, but today I started reading the negatives and I'm like wow And you know, it's you're not gonna make everybody happy not anymore Not with the internet. You're not gonna make everybody happy and that's just the way the world is today You know

And what is Heather they're mad at him for some of his jokes? No, I didn't. Listen, I've been home. I was home for maybe an hour today. I left the house at 930 this morning. I came back here at 1 because Ari was going to meet me. So I wanted to run every errand I could, do a podcast. I had to do a ton of shit today. And I got back. I didn't see him when Ari was here He was checking his messages And I started looking at the computer and I asked him look at this shit All of a sudden there was nothing and it was just a thing on Twitter that was and then it disappeared

No, we didn't didn't really matter but I think he did a good job I Saw him do with our and the mothership. It was great didn't really matter. But I think he did a good job. I saw him do with our aunt the mothership. It was great. Yeah. You know, I mean, if I know him, he changed up a couple things, like we all do. But I saw bits of it at the mothership. I would always go out and somebody would talk to me.

And then, are you going up next to the other room? So you really couldn't focus. So I would go out there for bits and pieces. And I enjoyed what he was doing. And it seemed like it went great from what I've heard. What do you think about, because they've done a couple of them, like, what do you think about doing a special live? That's also a crazy aspect of it, of it being a one take.

That's intense. Guys, it's the future now You know I've always said We needed to spice up comedy a little bit and look at our e story color show Mm-hmm was a new realm for a long time. It was it it became a genre for about ten years when I capitalized on that John Yeah, you had a bunch of great stories. Now nobody's doing it anymore. So now we're looking for other avenues to draw people into standup.

Entertainment's changing. I don't know if there's gonna be three man shows in two years. I don't know what it's gonna be. Interesting, you think it could change that much? I think a lot of things could happen, mate? I think a lot of things could happen. I think a lot of things could happen. Comedy's changing, television's changing, movies are changing.

The way movies are shot are changing. The way they come out are changing. I would order a show for 12 episodes. And if it did well, I'd put an order in for 26 not anymore then they have the other deal where you shoot 10 episodes and Then you shoot a hundred Just to get syndication and you put the show out there and there's no art in that because what you're telling me is That you're shooting a hundred shows in no time to just get out there. Nobody's gonna remember that show.

Right, they just want the money. Like everybody else. Why am I surprised? But look, the stock market ate it yesterday. I heard that. A lot of things took a dive yesterday. Like I told you, we're expecting a fucking, a fucking, a war any day now, a bomb, something. Anything could happen. You could wake up tomorrow and there could be something. Or, you know,

Hurricane Betty comes and cleans off your fucking roof. You know, she's already turning into a one, but they're scaring white people. I love that people are stuck at the airports. Fuck them. I told you not to travel in the summer. It's a fucking nightmare. Traveling in the summer is a, you got lucky this weekend, but you also delayed for a little while. I was delayed for a little while.

Traveling blows, blows anymore. They can't handle it. It's been proven ever since COVID, they've on the part and every time it rains two inches The whole country shuts down now There's rain in the Midwest that they're already bailing out of Florida people were running out of Hurricane Betty, you know Give me a fucking breather You're so happy and I'm gonna have to travel. That's what I thought you meant when you said earlier like I'm not going anywhere I thought you meant like you don't want to get on a plane and I'm gonna have to travel that's what I thought you meant when you said earlier like I'm not going anywhere

I thought you meant like you don't want to get on a plane and I really know I don't Anywhere anymore like unless I'm really in the mood and my dick gets and I feel bad because I have a daughter And I should take it my hand. I got to go to certain places. I'll do that in time But right now in the summer, fuck you. Every day I get the Newark report, you know, 249 delays, 82 cancellations, you know. When is it going to be you? You know what I'm talking about? When does it happen? I don't want to take that chance. I don't have the effort anymore. If I booked your comedy club and it fucking, if I got delayed, I'm just gonna call you now. I left my luggage here, I'm not coming. Yeah, but the plane will get

in at nine, we can do three shows tomorrow, one on Sunday. Look, it's not gonna work my balloon is deflated okay it will set this up for six months you know that's it I don't have to pay or afford it to anymore I'm not waiting at the fucking airport for three hours I'm 61 I got no time go in ten minutes or I go home. It's fucking easy. I ain't got it Fault on my attention. I don't think this is fault on my anxiety I got the whoop watch it tells me when I have anxiety now when my stress level goes up When you tell me that plane is delayed, I just look at the whoop watch my stress level goes up. When you tell me that plane's delayed,

I just look at the whoop watch. My heart beat. And if it beats a certain drum, I river dirt sheet. I don't tolerate it no more. Restaurants, I just walk away. The other day I went to CVS, I got there 7.35. This fucking Guguts has a mask on. Right away, and I know COVID's going around,

but it's not enough to put a mask on right away, and I know COVID's going around but it's not enough to put a mask on Hmm I don't think somebody's ringing my door. I'll fucking stab I can't hear anything No, it sounds like somebody playing the xylophone. Oh, that's probably jeopardy and some jerk off is winning like hitting that buzzer That's what it is Talking about here I Don't remember to be honest. Well, we get your shit together. How many other bulls you can I won again? Yeah hundred No a hundred. We're still in that car

That's it. I can't wait to move for you to move to New York. The first week I'm just giving you an intravenous of that. Oh, Jesus Christ. I had some mushrooms for it. I had my last handful, but don't worry. The other ones are coming. These are even scarier.

Why are they scary? Ooh, these are called like omegas or some shit. I don't even know enigma enigma Whoo, and you're still eating them with a handful What's I eat them by the half? Well, I got my cup measured. That's why I learned that diabetic class Everything like a couple nuts. It's your little perform there. You know your little pump. It's like an ounce or two Yeah, but I'm not usually having you measure Psychedelic mushrooms who gives a fuck anybody who measures that mushroom to suck my dick just eat them

You know I'm saying I'm not gonna sit there with a scale and measure mushrooms and put honey on them Either you're fucking at the personal attack We're gonna sit there now and you know converse over the mushrooms and weigh them. Leave me the fuck alone. All right? Stick a handful in there, a stem. Get some stems, a couple of those fucking ugly caps in there and get back to me in the morning.

All right? That's really a lot. What a lot? You don't know nothing about a lot, cocksucker. The professionals and stuff. you know, yeah. They might go live, a lot of them. You know, I expect Bill Burr to shoot one. It's an interesting thing.

I expect Ali Wong to shoot one. Oh, wow. I expect a couple of comics to give me a nice fucking live special. Me, I don't even wanna, nah, I'm okay Me I don't even wanna know I'm okay. I'm okay guys. I'm okay I know my I was just wondering where your thought on the process was Always the same it's the same process, but usually I mean how many if you were gonna shoot a special How many shows would you take four?

Or two yeah two four If you were gonna shoot a special, how many shows would you tape? Four or two? Yeah, two, four. And you gotta take two of them just to have them in the can and then do the live one. Right. So you're gonna shoot two in front of an audience or one to get one in the can. Really, you think so?

I know so. You always shoot one to get one in the can. And then you're going to shoot the live one. Okay. And watch it there like fucking, you know, like waiting for somebody to say fuck you and they edit it. I don't know. Right. But there's no different process. I don't want to put this into people's minds. The

process is experience. That's what the process is. You know, I see a hard, a young comic having a hard time with this. This is a good thing for older, more established comics that they've done 50,000 shows plus. These guys, right? Where has done, you know, 30 years given the fucking live special. The control is there. The confidence is there. Everything is fucking there. You know. Do you think I wonder, I wonder if he was more nervous or if it was like, what does it feel like when you're shooting a special?

It's very scary. You're putting your soul out there and people are going to sit there and wait to fuck and criticize it You sit there like you go into a talent contest and you work hard and then you get there that night And it all changes, you know, I was never a good special comic and that's just the way it is. I'll take that I Will always take that I was way better on audio. It was just rough for me. Right.

You know, I thought it would be easier. But that's me. That's me. That's my weakness in stand-up. And I can't get out of that. I never shot a good special. And that's fine. I got the opportunities. I did my best. I put the work

in. It's not like I stayed at home and just went up there and improvised. I put my and that's all I'm happy with. And you get like I will. The CDs I think were awesome. I think like that's why I do think of you as someone who could thrive like that would like it would have been a cool live one to do or just like any sort of recording like like the first CD we did like the ADV or the priest that was just a win. That was one show. First two CDs I did with just total garbage. Anyway, the process stays the same. For me, I just, I was always buck wild as a comic. Right. And I didn't like, and I had my moments, man. I had great moments. But specials weren't one of them. I did very well on the Harry things. But specials weren't one of them. I did very well on the Harry things. Those are very well, and I'm very proud of that work.

I could show that to anybody and go run with that motherfucker. Yeah. Is it different than stand up? Or why do you think? I don't know. It was 15 minutes. I knew the stories close to my heart. It was a storytelling show.

They expect to hear a story and how it affected you. So it just worked for me. And when I'm telling the story and I know the end, I could improvise more and I could fuck around with the material more because I know it. I'm not gonna forget my place. And when I'm going into it, I'm still gonna fuck him up Right so so you have like you have the storytelling and then the comedy is gonna and then the comedy will come from the real story the story time

So it's very interesting. It's a it's a I think it's a fantastic process. I think that I wish, if I would have had more guidance as a manager early on, I would have been better at shooting special. But I'm not talking about a salesman manager. I'm talking about the manager that I always wanted. Somebody who groomed you from the beginning, picked you out of the choir, worked with you, the manager that I always wanted somebody who groomed you from the beginning picked you out of the choir worked with you and his belief inspired you to do better because he

picked you out of the choir he got you a little dough and now he's giving you some direction you're not going to agree with all of it we never are But after a while, you start seeing that the guy knows what he's doing. And once you give your heart to him, it's over what he's going to do with you. Those guys don't exist anymore. Because there's no money in that. There's no money. It's nourishment no more. It's let me see what I could do with you. Let me see what I could do with you Let me see what I could do with you quickly where I had a I didn't have him a friend of mine had a great Manager and I saw how he worked He signed him on a Tuesday and Wednesday. He was on the set as a sag extra making 250 now now Wow, you know Lee that's not what I want to do. But you don't like money, right?

That's 1200 three days a week is gonna let you stay in town Until I get you on the fucking road. So shut your mouth go down there and do it plus meet different casting directors So what you're an extra? 259 a manager is supposed to put the ball in your court and get it running immediately But what it was and what it is is two different things There's no money in me sending you out For a movie at scale For two days. Yeah, it's gonna build your resume. That's why I come in. I'd rather build your resume

These guys are like nah, we rather put him on the road, whether he's ready or not. And that's where it's failing. We've had this discussion many a time, you and I, about comedy managers and whatnot. And it's like people don't care no more. And that's in every avenue. We're very lucky we have a good podcast manager. Very good. She's always had our backs.

She's always believed in me and that's a great trait. And that's why I still do it. Because we have a great lady behind this. But you have to, it's like coaching. I saw what my daughter did the last year with this coach. I saw what she did with that schmuck that she was with the first two years fucking terrible

The guy couldn't get people to play for him And now he's lost two more stars in that team. He's down a one Because all of them said like we're not doing nothing here. This guy's making my kid worse. I'm trying to make you better This guy's making my kid worse. I'm trying to make you better It feels good to be right so I learned a lot from watching her Everybody you know nobody wants to take that time anymore with things because of our society we're all in a rush. And then when we fall on our faces, we wonder why. We wonder why. What the fuck was the rush? Understand it, that it's going to be there. It's going to be there. It's right there. It determines

how you take that fucking run, you know, right? I Didn't do the best journey. I was snorting coke most of the fucking time that journey wasn't pure But I don't know something hung me in there knowing that Mitchie Shaw was watching me made me better You know, there was just a lot of different variables. I Wasn't trying to make my uncle proud or my mother proud or my grandfather proud. They're all dead, you know Dead is fucking disco Really like the Upper West Side and that that was really good. Holy shit. I told you I love it up there That's why I got a cool area Fuck and area and I went to the little look. I don't want to mispronounce it, but look how we done. I was

Those pork chops were amazing. I made did you have the pork chops? Yeah, two of them Yeah, with garlic sauce and do I and I got the the next time he said he he would just give me more like a whole Bowl of garlic sauce that garlic sauce Oh, yeah, that garlic sauce is tremendous and I got the plantains and but I will say I felt I was trying to be cool because I was like okay it's a Cuban place and I asked for an iron beer but they don't have that. No they didn't have it there. No they don't have that. No none of that. No. They had a good coffee. I had a coffee and the flan was pretty good. It was heavy. My dog like the good by now I was full

So so but if I here's my question cuz they had something that I want to get but I think you wouldn't like It looked like they had they had something called a general gal shrimp and that's something that like I've dreamed about Yeah, okay. All right, cuz if I go with you and I get I don't think what I want to try next General it's like general tau chicken. Yeah, but Top shrimp. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Okay. I don't know sometimes Sometimes like well, but even if I don't like it just eat it as long as you're not eating tofu Subway, we're good You're eating some fruit Whatever the fuck you're eating,ell subway. We're good You're eating some fruit

Whatever the fuck you're eating, you know, we're good, you know, I'm not gonna eat fruit in front of you Now you gotta eat fucking fruit. I need salad this weekend. That was so delicious. Oh, yeah I love salads and you got a morning like now I eat fruit every fucking morning Eat it every morning with my breakfast. It just is. I usually have a Greek salad, that's what I usually go for. Listen, I don't care what kind of salad you have. Greek, mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, onion,

some fucking dressing, vinegar and oil. I'm fucking good to go. I love that shit. I'm good, and I was in a seafood town. So all we ate was seafood. And I gotta tell you, the first night the seafood was great. The second night I had the same dish at a different restaurant.

I shit blood. I took a shit Sunday morning, that when I went to flush it, the stick broke in half, and I'm like, this toilet's a goner. I flushed it again, nothing happened, I just closed the seal, and I checked out. Got the $20 tip For a little maid let her deal with that fucking shovel it had to be 24 inches

It just broke when I turned around and looked at it It was all the way to the end of the toilet and the head was like a snake in the water I'm like this is not gonna work. I left it for a little maid. I left the $20 when she opens that surprise It's not gonna be bueno Holy shit, I can't imagine what I would love to put a camera in that Wow, you know, what are you a B and B? You don't put no cameras. No way No, they're the camera show like Jesus Christ. Next thing you know, you're looking at old people washing their ass No, not for the whole time. Jesus Christ

Rose in there what are you gonna do on a camera? You're gonna bang one out You're gonna you know, you don't put a camera nobody's back No, see somebody drill a hole like the old people and fucking go in there fucking With the little telescope from Jack in the box or whatever fuck they give it to you cracker Jack. I Did take Ari to the Jewish deli today and he went what what did you guys get? I'm going to give you a telescope from Jack in the Box or whatever **** they give it to you. Cracker Jack. I did take Ari to the Jewish deli today and he went

off. What did what did you guys get? He opened up not what we got. He got the liver to open up with. Oh **** appetizer. He got the round knish and he got some **** Jewish thing that was icky. He was like, this shit is good. I'm coming back. I don't know. He was eating out of a cup. I don't know. He kept the offer. He must have 18 pickles. What pickles I don't

even know they were gone. He was eating pickles like he hadn't had a pickle 10 years. Holy shit. Yeah, that they're free Let me tell you something that place was dynamite today. I had the chicken noodle soup. I Had I only had a protein shake for breakfast and a cup of fucking fruit raspberries and blueberries When I sliced a banana only half cuz got too much sugar in it. I Was starving at three o'clock? Yeah, and I was hoping he didn't say Chinese. I was like, I don't feel like eating Chinese. And I was dying for a roast beef, the open turkey platter over there with the mashed potatoes and the gravy and the

fucking nice. When I got there, though, I looked at that menu and that menu is treacherous because you just don't have. I don't have the time or the stomach space to eat what I want in there. Like I saw this on the menu. I saw turkey and pastrami with coleslaw and Russian dressing on rye. And my dick automatically got hot. You know like Russian dressing Swiss cheese pastrami coleslaw and turkey But I was like Joey you can't do that to your body you're working out too fucking hard What about they have something on the menu called the can ish which they just take a can ish the car We that I haven't yet. I want to Ari was almost gonna get that today. That's crazy

I got a condition half and they put what man corned beef or pastrami right? I think I'm probably whatever they want. But yeah, that's a fucking heart attack But you always get the dark brown diet soda. Mmm, you feel alright, you know I'm saying you got a water healthy People they don't give you no ice. You got like What a part got the ice. I wanna part with the ice. It's like a diamond in Africa. You know what I'm saying?

No, it's like a lot of us. Yeah, but listen, before we talk about blood diamonds, I gotta take a breath and talk to you motherfuckers about Diet Smoke. I'll be right back. Hey, I wanna talk to you about Diet Smoke. If you're looking for the best little gummies around, Diet Smoke is your one stop shop. diet smoke if you're looking for the best little gummies around diet smoke is

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Leave 50 milligrams now 850 milligrams I 50 milligrams. I eat 50 milligrams. I had these leftover. I found some edibles. You know like those jelly ones when they're just hard, like they haven't had air in like a year. No, I eat my edibles. What are you talking about? Like two of them fell out of a bag and they were under something. I remember these edibles being strong like a year ago. I had held those two motherfuckers and I ate the last batch of mushrooms and there's dust in there.

And I'm saving that for you so we can smoke that. I'll thank you so much. Before Kil Tony will smoke some mushroom dust. No one's smoking mushroom dust, oh my God. Oh yeah, you don't even gonna know it. I'm gonna put it in the bong with the weed already. Well, please just told me, I'm not gonna. Trust the bong with the weed already told me I'm not gonna Trust me, you know that

No, I'm dust what we got a car to drive us into the city We got one of my friends to drive us with a warrant Car and your friend That's it and these are we drive because the car would drive like a vague safely and your friend will probably also be have Have a bonnet. Oh, he's having everything we do You just can't drink you say Why can't I drink if I'm not driving fuck you want That's what I'm saying to you. I'm not drinking. I don't drink I'm just eating mushrooms and smoking reefer and mushroom dust and anything else I get my hands That's a hallucinatic. I'm going to the garden to see if I can kill tony

Why wouldn't I take everything with sugar juice? Whatever you got I got I'm not drinking but part of his deal is he's eating shrooms He's doing the abx edibles. He's throwing mushroom dust We're going off Jack. This is an event. This is a comedy event. I'll never go to one of these things again No, you're only so fucking Tony fuck. Yeah Listen, man. I'm listen No matter what you think of the fucking kid Because I always have people make fucking stupid remarks to me about Tony

He did something fantastic He started in a 99 seat room Maybe a hundred and eight if I'm wrong and then he put it in a 450 seat room and Then it went on and I don't know what the Vulcan seats. I don't know what you know Rogan seats But then on New Year's and New Year's Eve, he took it to a major fucking arena and sold it out No matter how you feel about a person When you're a comic that makes my dick hard

Because that lets me know I could do that People want to know why do these idiots stay out in la why they Because of people like tony Because of people like burke chrysler That was the adore man At the underground or the comedy seller And I think was like the boston or something right Steve burn were they not door guys? And yeah, they barked for sure and no matter what they did

You have to respect that journey You could sit there for hours and go. I didn't like Rogan special. He talked about listen Look at the fucking inside of that For 30 years he stuck to something. You can't stick to anything for three days. I couldn't be sober for three days. These guys were sober for, they've been doing comedy for 30 years.

Doing the same shit you were doing now, only getting treated a lot shittier., these guys did it all You know So It gave me appreciation For what I did This time I sit here and I'm like I'm a bum No I'm not a bum

I'm not a bum, I did a lot of bummy things But I'm not a bum, okay I fucking Took something I believed and turn it into something else Did I predict this? No, I Just didn't give up Why give up until the dream happens, right everybody gives on and then you're the bad guy Because you stuck with your fucking dream. Fuck you man. It's fair. And then people want to raise their hand. Listen,

you know when somebody just goes out there and just calls in it. There's just some nights, I don't see Rogan calling in. I didn't see Chappelle calling in. I didn't see Chris Rock rolling in. I never saw Bill Burrow call it in. There's something to that. I've seen a lot of comics call it. I refuse. I refuse to go on the road and make people pay for me when I don't have a decent 45 minutes.

Do you think a lot of people would do that, Lee? No, I'm sure they wouldn't. They wouldn't. I could call my agent tomorrow and get a time in Atlantic City now that you're close to me and go down there and Give you more time than me Like I'll go up there and just do 30 minutes you to do 45 get Tammy Pascatelli I've been thinking about especially now that you're moving here But for me to sit down with a pen now and try to be funny, it doesn't happen anymore.

Well, I think it's happening in different ways. Oh, I know it is. I know it is because I still laugh. Right. I self-laugh and I don't give a fuck. As long as I can make myself giggle, that's all that matters to me. I have my own fun in my own little fucking world. When people go, you get high all day, you know why I do a lot of things all day.

Getting high is one of them. And I always put it to good use. I don't waste it on video games. I don't waste it on porn. Every once in a while, I'll get on Draft Kings and make a pick. Football season's starting, so I'm very happy about that. I'm happy that the fall is coming.

You know, we're a month away, but we're professionals. We already know this, you're gonna sneeze, and this month is gone, and you can't wear white no more. Till next Memorial Day, whatever the rule is. I have no idea. I also look terrible and white You look terrible and everything cocksucker anyway You gotta shave that be as he looks like faster again, maybe they'll put you on fucking

Faster because you ever see uncle faster the original you look like them you gotta shave the beard give you a light bulb So you getting ready for political season are you ready to vote Fuck no, I don't even know what's going on anymore. I just hear you don't know what's going on I know what's going on anymore I love it like I come home and I watch the news with my wife at night like CNN Just to get torture her and torture me because because I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know. I don't know. It's not good. It's not good. I just don't vote anymore. I get yelled at all the time. I gave up on that shit when I was 18. I knew that was a fucking scam. It really is me what I'm happy about man. What's that? I'm happy that

Except for comedy every the goals I had this year are all coming together I'm doing little fucking things. I got some goals for August that I'm gonna take care of I'm very proud of one thing. I'm gonna do and every day I try to That's what I've been doing lately. I'm trying to get my life together, trying to get this fucking room together in this office. I'm gonna clean up the fucking garage. I'm painting the front door. I'm doing a lot of little things like that. So this winter I'm good and I could just focus on whatever it is.

I'm really thinking of writing another book. I was gonna call tomorrow. Yeah, it's time. It's time to write a revision for this book and to start working on another book You mean you're gonna revise your first book. Yes does it take a year put like four new chapters in there and revise interesting, okay Shit that I thought about after I wrote the book that I wanted to put in there now while I was writing I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I love doing this podcast with you and everything else

But I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I'm just gonna take the summer and enjoy what's left of it. I love doing this podcast with you and everything else I'm doing. But like this Wednesday, I thought about going up to the Dojo of Comedy, because I love Mike.

I love that club. Let's see how I feel Wednesday night before I come in. There's also a no-ghee class at my school on Wednesday nights that I've been dying to go into just to try at one time. I might do that also. So I don't know. I'm living life. We finished this. Now we got, she's got CDC this week, whatever that shit is, religious instruction. I drove her this morning. They wanted me to come in.

I just took off on the building with those fake fucking nuns. And then, uh, I'm in, I just took off on the building with those fake fucking nuns and then uh Then next week she's got like some softball camp for four days And she's got a couple days off then we leave I'm pretty much podcasting the 26th and leaving I gotta go to a party the 24th And that monday i'll do the podcast with you guys. I'll probably play bocce that tuesday days And then the summer correctly I'm an old fucking man. I don't belong out there no more Telling stupid jokes my mind don't even think that like I told you about the writing, but I enjoy

writing for you Like whenever I get a great joke, I always hand it to you We laugh at each other and we laugh at each other and we laugh at each other But like I told you about the writing, but I enjoy writing for you Like whenever I get a great joke, I always hand it to you. We laughed our asses off last week at my buddy's joke about The girl we can't even say this joke. It's so fucking horrible, but we were both dying and that that's good enough for me Right. It's not the size of the audience And that's good enough for me. Right. It's not the size of the audience.

I sat there openly and watched Joe special. And there wasn't one time when I would have said, I would have said this. There was a couple of things I wouldn't have said, but everything else was great. And it was great to see him up there. Again, it's great to see one of your friends doing something like that, because that lets you know that that could be you if you really wanted it.

That's why when comics hate on other comics, you're just slowing your progress. You're just slowing your progress. That's another waste of energy. That was something I went through for six months. Why does he get a deal and I don't? Why does CAA sign him and I don't I'm for that guy can't even walk into the store Doesn't matter. It's a business Just know to cover all the spaces when you go there so you don't get bitter about this shit Nothing to be bitter. You know, I have nothing

When I started comedy, I met so many fucking guys that I was like, I never want to get to that Asian do 50 and above You get in the room with them at the end of the night and it's a horror show in a condo and some D room And the blame is also always on the faggot tree. You got to be gay to live in LA. You got to do this You got to do that. You got a kiss ass. No, you got to be funny and you got to be Just by looking at you. I could tell you're a fucking bum. You know, and you see this in people. I never wanted to be bitter at this age

about comedy at all. Like to sit there and go, oh, this guy really sucked. That's not my game. That's not my game, I'm out of it. I just wanna fucking see other people do great now. Like yourself and eric rocher And i'll tell you else is picking the momentum the agostino You three guys are fucking like keeping me alive just by watching you guys

The agostino is on the computer. He does his podcast. He just put out some dates. He's going to be in boston october I think you'll always he always calls you, you know Yeah, we talk he just put out a special. Too bad you won't be there, what's that? He just put out a special. He put out a special, these guys, all you guys are doing great. And I'm happy for you.

Not one time if I sat here and said, what's this guy doing? You and I have conversations about people who would, but again, that's what keeps comics in the game When you cheer for the comics you did that open mic with That same oh, yeah, I still remember driving to gigs with this guy That was so nice to me and he had a three cylinder justy That's way before your time. That was like

92 93 it was a three-cylinder Subaru. Okay. That people bought to save mileage, you know. Every time I got in that tin can, I thought I was gonna die. And I did. I died on stage. He would always bring me to do guest sets. And then I started getting funny with him. And we both were like 20 minute fucking comics and then I got fucking I left Denver I never talked to him again and six years later he's running a club in New Mexico and I'm in El Paso and I call him up and I go bro what's up he's like Joey how are you oh my god where are you I don't know Paso featuring he

goes you're right down the corner I go bro. Give me a feature where you go send me a tape. I Did fucking how many open mics I do with you how many fucking gigs that I do with you and you want a fucking tape and he was just And then over the years I would send messages I didn't want to work there it was a shit club But I would send messages after the longest you are like I want to come down there work and for free. He wasn't having it He just did not like it and Fucked up. Listen, that's the way it is, but he ended up fucking he's selling cars now or some shit So the least you have some shit. So the

least you have on your mind on the way up, the better. All I thought about was today and tomorrow when I did comedy. And whenever somebody called me with a gig, hey, what are you doing August 14th? Yeah, I'll do it. But everything else, I don't

know. Because in the back of my mind, Seinfeld could call me tomorrow and take me on the road for a year. Why am I talking to you? Right. As a comic, you could go into the New York Comedy Club, leave there, and the next day the New York Comedy Club, like, listen, who's your manager? We need to talk to you. Okay, what's up? Fucking Seinfeld saw you last night and he wants to take you on a world tour. And you're like, but I'm supposed to be in Poughkeepsie next weekend. You're like, no, it's not. Call Poughkeepsie next weekend. You're like, no, it's not. Go up to Poughkeepsie,

tell them you're going out with Seinfeld. All these things are what you should be thinking about, which are never gonna happen, but they will. Never gonna happen, but they will. And this is your future, Lee. So I told you a couple of weeks, so I'm just your comedy manager now I'm not taking all the clients I'm gonna teach you the right the old-school way and you you have your own manager who does great things by you

But I'm your third fucking wheel. I Appreciate everything dude in balance. Then you give me five points. Five, not even ten. And at that time, you're not even gonna give me five. You're gonna go, you deserve fifteen. Cause you're gonna see the differences. People don't. I don't wanna bother you with every decision, but I. No, I mean, listen, when you call, sometimes I answer, sometimes I call you back in 10 minutes. Yeah. You know me, dog. If I answer, I answer.

But yeah, I'm loving what you're doing. I'm very proud of you. Thank you, buddy. Guy on Patreon asked me if you want an apartment in Newark. He's got some nice apartments. A two-bedroom, I think, for $2,600, or a one-bedroom, for for 2600 or one bedroom for 2600 which is Absurd, but those are the prices in New Jersey If you want to live in Red Bank at 2700

But you spend I'm just gonna get rid of my car I'm trying to give it back to the dealership Love to see at least a car for how long I? Have like another two and a half years. Oh, no, you're in no danger So hold on to it for a year bring it down here park it and When you go on the road for those weekends you take the train down pick it up and shoot it or are you'll tell you? Where to put your car in the city cheap? Okay. All right. You don't want to be without it. What happens you gonna when you gotta go to Pennsylvania?

You're gonna ride with the feature act Right, okay, and now you gotta put up with Yeah, what are you gonna do it's all part of the journey my friend, oh, yeah thick with it But let's close this motherfucker out. It's Tuesday the 6th the check-in coming to you from these two fucking savages We'll see you next week tip top Magoo and now for a word from my motherfucking sponge Today the check-in is brought to you by FreezePipe. Listen, it's hot as hell outside. Stay cool with the FreezePipe. FreezePipe is an awesome way to see the devil.

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